(EAW intro plays.)
(A quick recap of the EAW draft show begins to play immediately after the EAW intro, reminding the viewers watching at home of the changes made to the Showdown roster this season.)
(“DNA” by Kendrick Lamar begins to play and we transition to a shot of the pyrotechnics blasting off in the Cellular Center in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. The fans in the arena are bursting with excitement and energy for the Showdown Season 13 premier. After panning over the crowd, the camera cuts to the commentary table where Deadprez sits alone with an empty chair beside him.)
Deadprez: Welcome everybody, I’m Deadprez! Here with–
(Deadprez waits for a few seconds for a response from his commentary partner, only to remember that he does not have one.)
Deadprez: Shit, nevermind, forgot that Eve ain’t here no more, my fault. But ye, welcome to Showdown! We’re coming to you all LIVE from Cedar Rapids, Iowa where the crowd is absolutely electrifying tonight, you hear that, Prez?! Yes, Deadprez, I sure do, not to mention we got a magnificent card for you all here tonight, can’t wait to get into the action. But ladies and gentlemen, before we get on with the show–there is someone we need to introduce, hell, someone who hardly even needs an introduction at all. You all know him, you all love him. And he’s my new commentary partner! Cut to that girl Gina, let her tell you who it is.
(The camera transitions to Gina Romano in the center of the ring with a microphone at the ready.)
( Gina Romano is in the middle of the ring before the sold out Cedar Rapids audience in the US Cellular Center. )
Gina Romano: Ladies and Gentlemen please welcome EAW Showdown’s newest commentary extraordinaire… GAVIN KIRKLAND!!!!!!
( “Where Everybody Knows Your Name” by Gary Portnoy plays, and the audience goes into a frenzy as Gavin Kirkland rushes out to the stage with a big cheesy grin. He waves to the audience with both hands, feeding off of the energy of the EAW Universe who have grown fond of Gavin’s eclectic, quirky personality heard on the airwaves every Thursday night on Empire. They welcome him with open arms. )
Deadprez: Hahahaaa! Listen to these people! Cedar Rapids is on fire right now for my man Gavin!
( Gavin is touched by the love of the audience. He wipes the tears away from his eyes, and he slaps hands with the fans at ramp side before jogging up the ring steps and embracing the audience in the ring. Shortly after, Gavin is handed a microphone by Gina Romano. She turns to leave the ring, and he gives her a pat on the rear end as she exits. The music dies down, and Deadprez joins Gavin in the ring with a microphone of his own. )
Deadprez: Ladies and Gentlemen, make some more noise for my newest broadcast partner, the immortal GAVIN KIRKLAND EVERYBODY
( The crowd gives a thunderous pop. Deadprez tells Gavin it’s his time to shine before sitting back down on commentary. )
Crowd: GAVIN! GAVIN! GAVIN! GAVIN! GAVIN! GAVIN! GAVIN! GAVIN! GAVIN!
Gavin Kirkland: I am beyond emotional right now.. the feeling I have is one that I can’t even describe :mjcry: MAN DOES IT FEEL GOOD TO BE EMPLOYED! I am so humbled and blessed to be able to come into a workplace every day that provides as much smoking hot eye candy as EAW does. Truly, I’ve worked at the finest establishments before. Even during my time as an intern at Fox News it was nothing but smoking hot leggy blondes and big tittied harlots left and right. But it pales in comparison to the beauty that I’m privileged to behold in Elite Answers Wrestling. Thank you all so much!
Without all of your support I wouldn’t have been given the opportunity at continuing my broadcast career here in EAW. The prospects of Saturday Night Showdown are truly exciting. Showdown is not only EAW’s longest running brand, but it has been EAW’s flagship show for the past 12 years counting and it is showing no signs of falling off! Showdown has historically been the biggest EAW brand that casuals gravitate to because of name recognition – and you wanna know a prominent feature in the “casual wrestling fanbase?” HOT CHICKS!!!
( Pop from the crowd, mixed in with laughter. )
Gavin Kirkland: It’s true!!!! Why do you think I pitched so hard to come here? Chess not checkers mates! Give me the stunning roadies who fancy themselves an evening of Saturday Night Showdown over the wildebeests who watch Dynasty and Voltage religiously 10 times out of 10! Do you think all of the basic thotties are going to a wrestling event on Friday nights? :hhh: Hell no, they’re at the movies with their boyfriends, or the local club getting smashed! What about Sundays? Do you know where the hoes are on Sunday nights? They’re in church that’s where! Praying to the lord almighty for forgiveness for their hoeing, for they knoweth not what they do! They’re not watching VOLTAGE! I’m just here to maximize on my celebrity. Call it superficial, but it’s the best effort I can give to fill the hole in my heart left by the absence of the love of my life, and the inheritor of my seed, Cleopatra.
I need a moment….
( Gavin palms his own face, repressing his sobs, and the fans begin cheering “GAVINPATRA!” )
Gavin Kirkland: Keep the dream alive-
( “Let It Go” by A$AP Ferg plays. )
( Gavin turns to the stage in shock, and the audience jumps out of their seats with a thunderous mixed response as Mr. DEDEDE walks out to the stage wearing a Gawdzilla Pro tracksuit with the Answers World Championship around his waist. He makes his usual entrance, stopping mid-way at the ramp before throwing up the double corna hand sign prompting fireworks to rocket up from the stage. He then continues to the ring, and is eventually handed a microphone by a stagehand before slowly pacing around the ring with the Answers World Championship held up high to the audience. “Let It Go” eventually dies down, and Gavin stands there awestruck in DDD’s presence. The thunderous conflicting cheers, boos, and noise from the audience creates a chaotic scene in the US Cellular Center. )
Gavin Kirkland: Mr. DEDEDE! Sir! Wh-what a surprise!
( DDD continues to survey the audience, not yet acknowledging Gavin’s existence. )
Gavin Kirkland: What an honor to share the ring with you sir! By all means, the floor is yours.
( A timid Gavin turns to exit for the ring. )
Mr. DEDEDE: Stop.
( Gavin is stopped in his tracks. DDD’s attention is now on him. )
Mr. DEDEDE: Come here.
( Gavin turns around and timidly approaches the EAW Chairman and Answers World Champion. DDD rests one hand on his shoulder, while he keeps a microphone held up to his mouth with the other hand. )
Mr. DEDEDE: Do you know where we are?
Gavin Kirkland: The beautiful Cedar Rapids, Iowa??? *nervous laugh*
( Big pop from the crowd. DDD grins. )
Mr. DEDEDE: Cheap pop. Cute stuff. Yeah, I guess Cedar Rapids is a nice place, isn’t it?
( DDD grabs Gavin by the collar. Gavin turns pearl white, now locked in the sights of Gawdzilla. )
Mr. DEDEDE: Now stop fucking playing around with me. You know where we are. We’re on Showdown Gavin. The brand that has ruled Saturday nights for over 11 years. But most importantly, the brand that I created with my own two hands. The creation I built through bloodshed and backbreaking labor, in the cold winter months of 2008. Where I trailblazed as the Undisputed Hardcore Champion, and firmly established the beginning of an unprecedented run as the number one wrestling television program in the history of the planet. To sum it all up, we’re in Gawd’s house.
( DDD pulls Gavin closer. )
Mr. DEDEDE: And that doesn’t only apply to Showdown. That goes for Dynasty, Voltage, EAW as a whole; every wrestling federation in the industry, and every contest of athletics conceptualized on the planet, in the history of the world. I am the planet’s perennial athlete. I am the number one athlete to ever breathe air. From the modern era, to the neolithic era, to the prehistoric era – and everything in between. From the dawn of humanity until now, there has never been a man more complete than me. THIS –
( DDD rips the AWC title from his waist and holds it up in Gavin’s face. )
Mr. DEDEDE: THIS is the latest of endless examples that validate such an unmistakable, axiomatic truth. I cannot be questioned. I cannot be challenged. I am beyond criticism. I am more physically and mentally capable than any human being alive that you have ever laid eyes upon. Name a single world leader. I would crush them in physical combat. Name a single pro athlete. I’m more valuable than every one of them. Name a scholar alive, I would humble them with my mental acuity. And you have the NERVE, THE GALL, TO TALK OUT OF TURN ABOUT ME? TO SAY THAT YOU PREFER HRDO OVER ME? TO LUMP ME IN THE SAME CATEGORY AS RONN BANKS? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND?
( DDD slaps Gavin across the face, and then grabs him by his collar again. The sniveling, downtrodden Gavin is beet red in the face, and he is helpless in DDD’s grasp. )
Mr. DEDEDE: This isn’t a fucking game. You come to The Gawds house, bullshitting, wasting my time. Basking in the validation of these fickle motherfuckers. Half of them upset that I’m the World Champion and also the EAW Chairman. Crying about how “unfair” it is. Like I haven’t turned down 100 opportunities at being World Champion over the years just to focus on running this fucking place. Like I’m supposed to step down from my seat and let this company go to hell in a handbasket just to appease them. When I’m better, more driven, more ruthless, more relentless than everybody they live vicariously through. Fat motherfucking chance. I don’t heed the nonsensical musings of capricious morons. These people’s opinions don’t matter. Your opinion of me doesn’t fucking matter. The freedom of speech doesn’t apply here. If you’re going to work here you’d better understand that this is not a democracy. Democracies are for companies ran by weaklings, federations dead as fuck in a matter of a few months time. This is a dictatorship. This throne is mine by divine right. You WILL understand that.
Gavin Kirkland: I’m sorry Gawd :mjcry:
Mr. DEDEDE: You’re sorry?
( DDD throws Gavin to the floor. While Gavin is on all fours, he stomps Gavin in the ribs, causing him to roll around in pain. )
Mr. DEDEDE: You’re right. You are sorry. You’re a sorry, pathetic dog like the majority of these people. Out of touch with reality. You need to be reminded of your place. Why don’t you carry out your true calling on this earth, and crawl over here and kiss The Gawd’s feet. Since that’s the best you and these overweight heavy breathing backseat critics on the internet will ever be good for in your life. Go ahead.
( A whimpering Gavin crawls over to DDD’s feet. The audience is chanting “NO”. )
Mr. DEDEDE: *TO THE AUDIENCE* SHUT UP. Hurry up you dog, I’ve got a flight to catch. Hurry and kiss The Gawd’s feet, before I really lose my fucking patience.
( The crowd boos heavily. Gavin succumbs to the pressure from the chairman, and slowly plants a kiss on the Nike KD 12s on DDD’s feet. )
Mr. DEDEDE: Now get the fuck out of my ring.
( Gavin nods, gets up and quickly exits the ring – completely humiliated. He takes a slow walk of shame to the commentary table, where Deadprez is biting his nails in nervousness the entire time. )
Mr. DEDEDE: (to the crowd) “NO! NO! NO! NO!” Look where that got you cocksuckers. The only place you’ve ever been in life – absolutely nowhere. Another one of your favorites, humbled. It’s Pain for Pride all over again. When will you understand that accosting me, and bitching, and moaning, and bitching, and moaning, and whining, and complaining, and groaning will never do anything for you EVER? Then again this crowd shouldn’t surprise me. It’s fucking Iowa for gods sake. The state that was dead last in the country for purchases of my New York Times Best Selling book, “GAWDVERBS”, in stores and available on Amazon and Kindle today.
( The crowd gives a thunderous boos to the cheap plug. )
Mr. DEDEDE: It shouldn’t shock me how inept most of you are. Allow me to make something very clear to you all, because it’s obvious the majority of you are completely ignorant of what Showdown was like the last time Mr. DEDEDE ruled this brand as its World Champion.
In 2008, quite simply put, it was my way or the highway. That went for every aspect of this show – not just the main event. I didn’t spare the rod, I didn’t show any mercy, I didn’t allow people whether it’s backstage or in the stands to form the misconception in their heads that their opinions actually mean something. And if I didn’t get what I wanted, when I wanted it, I would even go as far as to shutting this entire show down and call it a fucking week. That was before I had even a fraction of the amount of power that I do now.
But you see, after I left Showdown that year I slowly but surely became softer over the years. I allowed all of you shit for brains morons to get your opinions off about me and in plenty of instances I allowed you all to avoid the repercussions you deserved. Well fortunately for nobody other than me of course, with the new season comes change. And I think it’s about time to stop being so goddamn nice.
Mr. DEDEDE: At Pain for Pride I dragged myself from the rubble, I EMERGED FROM THE ASHES. I TOOK THE FULL FORCE OF MY OWN EQUALIZER TO THE HEAD AND I LEFT THE MECCA OF ELITE AS YOUR GAWD, INSHALLAH, AS YOUR WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION. I’m more of a man than your fathers, your policemen, your politicians, than your military. None of them would have survived the things I’ve survived. You take geeks who were picked on in their formative years and give them a badge and a gun, and they suddenly become tough guys. You drag these 18 year old fucks into the Military, trot them out to the battlefield and they come back with PTSD like weak bitches. These are who you sacks of shit call “heroes.” I’ve been in wars all over the world since the age of 18. Look in this eyes, do you see trauma? Hell no you don’t. You see an angry, fire breathing dragon – and the smoldering hot furnace inside of me burns hotter than ever. For the first time in 11 years, the gloves are off. The fangs are out. The furnace is lit. And it doesn’t matter if you’re on the internet, in the stands or you’re in the back, you will all come to experience the Fear of Gawd. Welcome to the party.
( DDD drops his microphone, and “Let It Go” comes back on the sound system. DDD slowly exits the ring. )
Deadprez: …. Fam, if Season 12 was DDD being “nice”, what the hell are we going to see in Season 13.
Gavin Kirkland: I’ve soiled myself twice just thinking about it. :krabs: Perhaps I should find an extra means of making it up to the boss for insulting him the way I did. Do you know if there’s anywhere else besides his feet he likes to be kissed?
Deadprez: Ayo. :dame:
Gavin Kirkland: Oh Christ I didn’t mean it like that! :noah: Anyways, don’t go anywhere we’ll be right back after a message from our sponsors!
(Commercial break — an ad for Hennsey featuring Gavin Kirkland. “Yay! I’m still here! And I still got to keep my sponsorship deal! Celebrate with me with a nice glass of Henny. Numb numb juice not included.”)
(Showdown comes back on air as it goes back to the commentary booth)
Gavin Kirkland: Welcome back to Showdown! Just a few moments ago we were graced by the unexpected presence of our chairman and Answers World Champion, Mr. DEDEDE. We didn’t get off on the right foot, no pun intended but we’re moving on and making the best of the situation going forward. I won’t let a little toe jam get in the way of my joy to still be employed! Y’know, Prez, I’m way more excited to be here than I thought. Sure, there’s not as much eye candy for me to oogle at, but at least we got the Henny on deck. And Felix Hartley is here, too, isn’t she? I can smell her. Speaking of smells, the catering?! Heavenly! Those girls on Empire hardly ate a thing, we had nothing but salads without croutons and rotten grapes or weeks at a time! And look, the crowd loves me! (He waves at some fans sitting behind him.) Can you believe they used to hate me on Empire?!
Deadprez: :dame: No kidding?
Gavin Kirkland: No, really! Unreal, man. Said I was sexist and offensive. That I treated women like objects–like there was any other way to treat them. Said I didn’t have a single decent bone in my body! Pfft! I shudder at the thought. Tell you what though, I don’t want a “bone” in my body anyway, you know what I’m saying?! Just imagine. Me? With someone else’s bone in my body? What do I look like, Chr–
Deadprez: Well, it sure is good to have you, Gavin. Glad you like it here so far. Looking forward to calling matches with you, like the one we got coming up next, a tag team match featuring a few of EAW’s up and coming stars,
(Camera transitions to the ramp before “Wolves ov Siberia” by Behemoth blares the speakers and Shane Gates emerges slowly from behind the curtain to a a chorus of boos accompanied by his girlfriend and manager Angela Grant)
Gina Romano: THE FOLLOWING CONTEST IS A TAG TEAM MATCH SET FOR ONE FALL!!
Crowd: ONE FALL!!
Gina Romano: INTRODUCING FIRST…FROM HUNTINGTON BEACH CALIFORNIA…..WEIGHING IN AT TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTEEN POUNDS….ACCOMPANIED BY ANGELA GRANT….”THE FUCKING DYNASTY”….SSHHHAANNNEEE GGGATTEESSS!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: The Dynasty eh? Is that what he’s calling himself now? I guess he didn’t get the memo that this isn’t a shitheap ran by StarrStan.
Deadprez: It looks like it. I can dig this new attitude of Shane. I was here and saw every second of what he did last season on the blue brand and I’m glad he’s still team blue and am for sure looking forward to what he can do this season. He has a huge chance to make an impact tonight!
Gavin Kirkland: Who’s that girl with him tho?! :noah:
(Shane Gates steps in the ring and soaks in the negative reaction from the crowd as he looks down at Angela and his theme dies down as “Everybody Dies” by J. Cole hits and Adam Wolf comes out walking down the ramp feeling pumped up)
Gina Romano: AND HIS TAG TEAM PARTNER….FROM PLANTATION, FLORIDA…WEIGHING IN AT ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY POUNDS….”THE GOLDEN BOY”…..AADDAAAMMMM WWOLLFF!!!
Deadprez: One of the many new kids on the block making their debut to kick off the season. This guy has the look to be a star and I can’t wait to see what he has in store to show the world tonight.
Gavin Kirkland: Damn…he small.
(Adam Wolf hops in the ring and nods at Shane before warming up in a corner as “Everybody Dies” fades and “Old Town Road” (Remix) by Lil Nas X ft. Billy Ray Cyrus hits and Lance Blackfyre walks out to boos from the crowd)
Gina Romano: AND INTRODUCING THEIR OPPONENTS…FIRST FROM CHICAGO, ILLINOIS…WEIGHING IN AT THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY FIVE POUNDS…..”THE OMEN OF DESTRUCTION”…..LLLAANNNCCCEEE BBLLAACCKKFFYYRREEEE!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: HOLY FUCK I LOVE THIS SONG! :singing:
Deadprez: Indeed! This guy is huuuge and he made a huge but interesting debut in his Fight Grid debut match last week. Didn’t he ride in on a horse?
Gavin Kirkland: :singing:
Deadprez: ….Well anyways….he got the victory and now he’s a part of Showdown. Let’s see what he’s got here tonight, he’s already got a huge advantage over the others and that’s the size mismatch.
(Lance steps on the apron and steps over the top rope and stares at Shane and Adam across the ring and his theme song dies down and “Addiction” by Dope hits as Mammoth walks out to the crowd booing him)
Gina Romano: AND HIS PARTNER….FROM TORONTO, ONTARIO, CANADA…WEIGHING IN AT TWO HUNDRED AND SEVENTY SIX POUNDS….”THE BEAST”…MMMMAAMMOOOTTTHHH!!!!
Deadprez: Another one of Showdown’s elitists from last season returning. I for sure can’t wait to see what he’s gonna bring to the table this year. He had ups and downs. We didn’t see much of him but saw enough to think there’s some potential with this guy, especially with that win over Kevin Hawkins which was his first win.
Gavin Kirkland: :usure:
Deadprez: Absolutely, you weren’t here last season.
Gavin Kirkland: Dude look at his partner and their opponents tonight….
Deadprez: I mean you know what they say, it’s not about the size of the dog in the fight, I guess we’ll see what happens.
(Mammoth slides in the ring and also stares at Adam and Shane across the ring as “Addiction” fades and the referee calls for the bell and Mammoth and Shane Gates both step on the apron)
(DING! DING! DING!)
Deadprez: It looks like Lance and Adam Wolf will be starting this out…..damn look at the size mismatch here. AND ADAM WOLF CHARGES AT LANCE!!! LANCE LIFTS HIM HIGH IN THE AIR AND SLAMS HIM RIGHT DOWN!!!
Gavin Kirkland: HOLY SHIT!!
Deadprez: Lance now lifts up Adam and seems to be laughing……and now Lance with a big right hand to Adam causing Adam to stumble back into the corner and Lance now runs and charges looking for a splash in the corner to Adam…..BUT NOBODY HOME!!! Lance now turns around and Adam dropkicks Lance in his knee causing Lance to fall to one knee and Adam runs to the ropes and is looking for a bulldog….and it connects!! Adam is feeling it here!!! Adam is waiting for Lance to rise to his feet and……he runs at Lance but Lance clotheslines him straight to hell!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: DAMN LANCE NOT HAVIN IT!!!
(Lance checks his lip for blood)
Deadprez: Lance now takes a glance at Shane in the corner before picking up Adam and irish whipping him hard into the corner and now Lance….LANCE BACKTRACKS TO THE OPPOSITE CORNER AND CHARGES LOOKING FOR THE SPLASH IN THE CORNER!!! BUT NOBODY HOME AS ADAM AVOIDS DISASTER!! ADAM NOW DOING WHAT HE CAN THROWING KICKS THROWING RIGHT HANDS AT LANCE AND LANCE IS TRYING TO COVER UP BEFORE SHOVING ADAM BACK BEFORE WALKIGN INTO A DROPKICK TO THE KNEE OF LANCE!! ADAM NOW WITH A ENZIGURI TO THE BACK OF LANCE’S HEAD!! ADAM NOW GOES FOR THE COVER BUT LANCE THROWS HIM OFF BEFORE THE REFEREE CAN EVEN GET DOWN FOR THE COUNT!! GOOD LORD! AND NOW ADAM WITH HIS SHOCKED FACE RUNS AT LANCE BUT RUNS INTO A BIG BOOT FROM LANCE!! WHAT IMPACT!!
Gavin Kirkland: Lance now picks up Adam seeming to have been angered and puts him in a powerslam position……LANCE HITS THE RUNNING POWERSLAM!!! GOOD-FUCKING-NIGHT!!!! HE COVERS HIM!!
Deadprez: AND SHANE RUNS IN AND STOMPS ON THE BACK OF LANCE BREAKING UP THE COUNT!! Lance looks at Shane annoyed as Shane gets back in his corner and he picks up what seems to be the lifeless body of Adam Wolf and puts him on his shoulder again….SHANE IS TRYING WITH ALL HIS WILL TO GET ADAM BACK IN IT AS LANCE STARES A HOLE THROUGH SHANE!!! AND ADAM WOLF ALL OF SUDDEN SLIPS OUT FROM BEHIND LANCE AND LANCE TURNS AROUND AND ADAM SLIDES UNDERNEATH LANCE’S LEGS TO MAKE THE TAG TO SHANE GATES!!! SHANE COMES IN AND LANCE ATTEMPTS A CLOTHESLINE BUT SHANE DUCKS AND RUNS TO THE ROPES AND WITH FULL HEAD OF STEAM HITS A RUNNING DROPKICK TO LANCE STUMBLING TO HIS CORNER WHICH CAUSES MAMMOTH TO TAG HIMSELF IN!!
Gavin Kirkland: MAMMOTH TAGGED HIMSELF IN AND RIGHT AWAY RUNS TRYING TO SPEAR SHANE!! BUT SHANE SIDESTEPS IT AND MAMMOTH GOES SHOULDER FIRST INTO THE RING POST!!! SHANE NOW ROLLS UP MAMMOTH!!!
Deadprez: AND MAMMOTH GETS OUT OF IT!!! AND SHANE IS UP TO HIS FEET A TAD BIT QUICKER THAN MAMMOTH AND IS LOOKING TO CONNECTS WITH A KICK TO MAMMOTH’S HEAD!! BUT MAMMOTH CAUGHT THE KICK!!! MAMMOTH NOW RISES TO HIS FEET HOLDING THE LEG OF SHANE AND NOW LIFTS HIM IN A POWERBOMB POSITION!!! A POWERBOMB ON TO THE TURNBUCKLE PAD!!! JESUS CHRIST!!! AND NOW SHANE WALKS INTO A SPINEBUSTER FROM MAMMOTH!!!! AND MAMMOTH GOES FOR THE COVER BUT ADAM WON’T LET IT HAPPEN AS HE STEPS IN THE RING AND STOMPS ON MAMMOTH BUT LANCE BLACKFYRE LOOKS TO PUT A STOP TO ADAM AS HE CHARGES AT ADAM BUT ADAM PULLS THE TOP ROPE DOWN CAUSING LANCE TO FREEFALL OVER THE TOP ROPE!! ADAM NOW LOOKING FOR THE CROSSBODY ON LANCE BUT LANCE CATCHES HIM!!! LANCE NOW RUNS ADAM BACK FIRST INTO THE RING POST!! AND NOW LANCE LIFTS ADAM AS HIGH AS HE CAN IN THE AIR….AND DROPS HIM STOMACH FIRST ON THE BARRICADE!! OUCH!
Gavin Kirkland: JESUS! BUT HOLT SHIT!!! SHANE JUMPS THROUGH THE MIDDLE ROPE AND LANDS ON LANCE CAUSING LANCE TO STUMBLE BACKWARDS INTO THE SPANISH ANNOUNCE TABLE!! WHAT A MADMAN!! AND HE GOES BACK IN THE RING LOOKING TO FINISH THIS MATCH BUT BOTH MEN CONNECT WITH A DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE!! EVERYBODY IS OUT HERE!!
Deadprez: IT’S A RACE TO SEE WHO GETS UP FIRST HERE AND SHANE SEEMS TO HAVE A TAD QUICKER AS HE RUSHES TO MAMMOTH TO TRY TO END THIS AND HAS HIM IN THE END NIGHT POSITION!!! BUT MAMMOTH TWIRLS OUT OF IT AND SHOVES SHANE TO THE ROPES AND SHANE BOUNCES OFF AND RUNS IN THE GORE!!!! MAMMOTH COVERS!!!! IS THIS IT?!?!
(DING! DING! DING!)
(“Addiction” by Dope hits as Mammoth stands and has his hand raised and Lance Blackfyre raises his fist on the outside while Adam Wolf looks on disappointed sitting on the floor leaning against the barricade)
Gina Romano: HERE IS YOUR WINNERS…..LLLAAANNCCEEE BBLLACCKKFFYYRREEE AND MMMAMMOOTTHH!!!!
Deadprez: What a win and what a way to get season 13 started for Lance and Mammoth! Take nothing away from Adam and Shane though.
Gavin Kirkland: We really surprised though? Look at the size of these Neanderthals compared to their opponents…..
(The camera transitions to an undisclosed area backstage, where a photoshoot is going on. One of Showdown’s newest Elitists, Cash in the Vault competitor, Harlow Reichert, is seen in her ring gear, having new promotional shots taken.)
(Watching the photoshoot is another new Showdown Elitist, Thadd Blazevich. He’s standing off to the side, just chillin with some random intern. Thadd is admiring Harlow, because he can’t really help himself. The Bro has a wandering eye and Harlow is a woman he knows pretty well.)
Thadd Blazevich: Yo, so check it. The cakery this season is out of this world, bro. FUCK! I’m on the same brand as goth hotties, a fine ass Asian, Felix Hartley, and that one right there. :noah:
(Thadd gives Harlow an appreciative look and rakes a hand through his hair.)
Thadd Blazevich: That’s my ex, man, and she’s still thicc as hell. Not gunna lie, dude. Being around her on a weekly basis is gonna to be distracting AF.
Random Intern: Isn’t that the chick that’s banging Xavier Williams?
Thadd Blazevich (shrugging): Never stopped me before.
Random Intern: :wow:
(The EAW photographer calls for a wrap on the shoot and as Harlow walks off the set, she notices Thadd. Instantly, a scowl crosses her face.)
Thadd Blazevich: Hi.
(Harlow can’t ignore the fact he has just walked up to her, and she lets out an exasperated sigh.)
Harlow Reichert: Thaddeus.
(The Bro grins and holds his arms out, expecting Harlow to step right into them and give him a hug. She raises a perfectly arched eyebrow, because she’s clearly not about to step into his embrace. Thadd hugs himself instead and shakes his head.)
Thadd Blazevich: Still the GOAT hugger, but you already knew that, didn’t you?
Harlow Reichert: What do you want, Thadd?
Thadd Blazevich: Well, we didn’t really cross paths during Pain for Pride since we both had pretty sick matches to compete in. But lowkey, I wanted to tell you that I’m stoked as fuck to see you getting all these amazing chances, and shining.
Harlow Reichert: Chances are great, but if you can’t capitalize on them, what’s the point? We can talk all day about using it as a learning experience, but there comes a point where something’s got to give to give. You either go into the ring, seize the moment, and get that big win, or you don’t. And it’s exhausting to constantly come up short when it matters. I knew Cash in the Vault was going to be the biggest challenge of my career, and I’m happy that Raven ultimately won the match. I let myself get overwhelmed by the moment, just like I did at Grand Rampage, and that’s something I’m going to have to figure out going forward.
(Harlow’s logical approach to everything is something Thadd never really understood. They were polar opposites, which is probably why their relationship didn’t last long at all. However, Thadd nods his head thoughtfully.)
Thadd Blazevich: But babe, you gotta look at the positives and take that shit away from the match. You had one hell of a moment, and in a lot of ways, you dictated the outcome of that match. Had you not sacrificed yourself for the greater good and sent that ugly bearded bozo through a flaming table, who knows if Raven woulda pulled that case down? Viz and Bharlie could have double teamed her, and the match would have looked a lot different. Dude, you know there’s a bigger picture to everything. You gotta see that. Plus, seeing you send a man through a flaming table was hot as AF.
Harlow Reichert: Well don’t get too excited because I still don’t see the point in a person putting their bodies through that on a daily basis. It’s still asinine to me.
Thadd Blaze: :whoa: We’re not gunna stand here and put down the Bro’s background.
(A rare smile crosses Harlow’s face. They would never agree on what real professional wrestling is, but it was one thing both of them had long accepted from one another.)
Harlow Reichert: Deathmatch trash. But don’t forget, I’m the person who picked glass and thumbtacks out of your back after you did stupid things.
Thadd Blazevich: How could I forget? Pretty sure you purposely pushed the glass into my back further just so you could torture me a little bit more.
Harlow Reichert: You do dumb stuff. You deserved it.
(Thadd’s smile turns a little serious, which prompts Harlow to give him a weird look.)
Harlow Reichert: Uh oh. What just crossed your mind?
Thadd Blazevich: Well, uhhh… I never really got a chance to explain to you what happened, and why I never told you I had a girlfriend…
(Harlow holds her hands up.)
Harlow Reichert: Lets not. I’m not about to go down this road with you because I’ve moved on and I don’t really care about what happened like a year ago or whatever. We’re going to be seeing one another a lot now, so lets not make it weird and reopen old wounds.
Thadd Blazevich: Alright, fair ‘nuff. But I’m not gunna front. Being around you is gunna be fun AF, and distracting as shit. I was never able to focus when you were around me, and you’re still hot.
(Harlow can help but roll her eyes. She’s about to reply when they’re interrupted.)
???: This is exactly what’s wrong with professional wrestling. People running around and acting like this is Tinder, and hooking up. Disgusting.
(The shot widens and one of EAW’s newest tag teams, The Mechanical Animals, have approached Thadd and Harlow. David Gibson and Sabin Richards are joined by their manager, Joseph Gracons. He’s the one who had spoken to Thadd and Harlow.)
Joseph Garcons: David, Sabin, and myself haven’t been here that long, but we’ve been here long enough to observe the rather odd behavior that the men and women of this company display on a weekly basis. People such as you two seem more interested in their personal lives and the glamorous side of this business, rather than doing the job they were hired to do, and that’s wrestle.
(Harlow and Thadd exchange looks, like they can’t believe this man is actually serious.)
Joseph Garçons: We have a saying; Die Matte ist heilig. The mat is sacred. Wrestling inside a ring is a privilege that many people get, and not a lot of people deserve. The people who like to get pampered and coddled, and dolled up for photoshoots and press events clearly are in this business for fame. They just want the glitz and glamour this business allows them to have and they push constant improvement and winning championships to the background.
Thadd Blazevich: Seriously, dude? You must not know anything about ‘Lo. She’s one of the most disciplined athletes here in EAW, and doesn’t care about photoshoots or anything like that. But that’s part of the job, man.
(David and Sabin scoff at Thadd.)
Sabin Richards: You are hardly one to talk. The entire world watched you humiliate yourself at Pain for Pride, and cost your team the Unified Tag Team Championships. Your lack of focus and effort got you put through a LEGO table of all the stupid things in this world. The Bros were heavily favored to win that match but both of you pissed away an opportunity that real wrestlers such as David and myself would have been better suited for.
David Gibson: Showdown is now the primary home of the Unified Tag Team Championships and you can bet that The Mechanical Animals have their sights set on those belts. If we do nothing else this season, we’ll make sure a team like the FloBros never get close to touching those belts. You two don’t belong in this company, because you don’t take it seriously.
Harlow Reichert: Literally the last thing I ever expected to do today is defend Thadd, but you three are being pretty delusional right now. Thadd and Crosby both grew up wanting to be professional wrestlers, and even though they came up short at Pain for Pride, their quest for championship gold is far from over. Whenever they’re in the ring, they always give it their best effort, and they work their asses off for every single opportunity. They had to earn their place on the Pain for Pride card, and speaking of that show, didn’t you two fail in your quest to win the 24/7 Battle Royal? Either one of you could have won and gotten that contract, and used it to get yourselves a Unified Tag Team Championship shot.
Joseph Garcon: Pain for Pride might not have gone The Mechanical Animals’ way, but that’s not something David and Sabin will be remembered for. They came into this company as a tag team, with one goal in mind and that was to win the Unified Tag Team Championships. No team works harder, pushes themselves further, and wants success as badly as The Mechanical Animals. They will not be denied this season, or any other season going forward. I would bet everything I have on that. They are the real deal, and the absolute essence of what a tag team should be. The sky’s the limit for the two of them, and Showdown certainly hit the jackpot when they drafted my clients.
Thadd Blazevich: Cool story, bro. So prove it.
Joseph Garcons: Pardon?
Thadd Blazevich: Step inside the ring with your bro and his favorite bra next week, and we’ll show you just how serious we take this business.
Harlow Reichert: Now hold on a second. I don’t want to team with you…
(There was no mistaking the tension in Harlow’s voice, which causes Joseph to smirk.)
Joseph Garcons: Deal.
(David and Sabin nod their consent and Thadd’s face breaks into a huge smile.)
Thadd Blazevich: It’s fuckin’ lit, man. May the best team win.
Harlow Reichert: I never agreed to anything!
(The Mechanical Animals and Joseph Garcons make their way out of the scene, and Harlow shoots Thadd a murderous glare. The Bro shrugs, pretty pleased with himself for stacking the situation in his favor and giving him a chance to spend some time with Harlow. Harlow shakes her and storms out of the picture, and Showdown fades back to the ring with Gina Romano ringside.)
(“Young and Bitter” by Hot Tag Media Lucas Johnson walks down to the ring wearing his Beats by DRE headphones that was given to him by his manager Albert Hitchman as he blasts music with an intense look on his face. When Lucas reaches the ring apron his manager Hitchman gives him one last prep talk as he gives the middle finger to his doubters as he enters his yard.)
Gina Romano: THE FOLLOWING CONTEST IS SCHEDULED FOR ONE Fall!
Crowd: ONE FALL!
Gina Romano: INTRODUCING FIRST, already in the ring, accompanied by his manager, ALBERT HITCHMAN! He hails from Atlanta, Georgia. Weighing in at 205 lbs., he is the “THE WRESTLING MACHINE” LUCAS JOHNSON!!!
Deadprez: Lucas is looking ready to make a big impact here and I know you’re new to Showdown, Gavin, after being surrounded by all those beautiful women on Empire, what do you think about this match, playa?
Gavin Kirkland: This is a damn sausage party! Where are all the babes!? All I have seen is a bunch of sweaty dudes in the ring, where are my blondes!? Where are the ladies, period!
Deadprez: They will come layer in the card though I have to agree, I’m excited to see the female talent, gimme something good to look at.
(My Way by Limp Bizkit plays loudly over the PA system as Ryan Wilson steps through the curtain leading up to the stage right under the titantron carrying a hockey stick which rests on his right shoulder.)
Gina Romano: HIS OPPONENT! Making his way down to ringside, Hailing from Montreal, Quebec! Weighing in a 212 lbs., accompanied to the ring by SYLVAIN PRIMEAU and BRUJAH ST-MICHEL, he is the “AGENT OF CHAOS” RYAN WILSON!!!
(He is followed by a stoic looking Sylvain Primeau and the towering Brujah St-Michel who cracks his knuckles with a bestial smirk on his face walking behind the Canadian Studmuffin. Wilson takes lead walking slowly towards the ring looking at the crowd frowning at some of them until he makes his way inside the ring and goes to one of the turnbuckles climbing with agility up top and raises his hockey stick high above his head and yells. Doing this on another turnbuckle he then tosses the stick to Sylvain and stands in the middle of the ring.)
Deadprez: Two contrasting styles, a prize fighter, a wrestler, this is gonna be good!
Gavin Kirkland: Yeah, great. So, Lucas Johnson has the power in this, Ryan Wilson is going to have to counter it his smarts. He wants to create Chaos with these two Beef Pies, he better be ready for this one as the referee is calling for the bell and the match to start.
(DING! DING! DING!)
Deadprez: Maybe there will be a feeling out process, both men want to impress here tonight, so much at stake and you have a big mouth Canadian in one and Eminem with a mustache wearing headsets, hip hopping down to the ring on the other. White people can’t dance.
Gavin Kirkland: I am actually a very good dancer and HOLY SHIT!!! LUCAS JOHNSON CAME OUT OF NOWHERE AND CLOTHESLINED RYAN WILSON!
Deadprez: He caught him good! Ryan wasn’t expecting that! Lucas isn’t letting up! He’s kicking the hell out of him! Albert Hitchman is screaming orders! Lucas picks up Wilson with bad intentions here! He has a front facelock, going for a thunderous suplex here… NO! RYAN WILSON FLIPS OVER ROLLLING LUCAS UP FOR A BRIDGING PIN!
Gavin Kirkland: Lucas kicks out! These two started fast and now Wilson is using his manly parts to get back in the match!
Deadprez: You haven’t called too many of these matches lately, have you?
Gavin Kirkland: No… I WANT THE WOMEN! And Ryan Wilson this time forearms Lucas, he does it again, they are stiff like when I watch one of my blondes wres…. Never mind! Wilson forearms him again, this time Lucas is a little dazed, here is an Irish Whip to the other corner of the ropes, Wilson follows though with a clothesline and bulldog combo! A little chain wrestling there, Deadprez.
Deadprez: Indeed. Wilson is not going for the cover, instead he locks in a Grapevine STF! Smart move by Ryan Wilson to slow down the pace of the match and take some of the energy out of Lucas Johnson! HE HAS IT LOCKED IN! It’s early in the match but this was smart by Wilson!
Gavin Kirkland: Of course, it was! Grounds Johnson and now puts Ryan Wilson in control! Lucas though is not staying down, the referee is asking him if he wants to quit, I give it to the Big Johnson, he is taking this move full tilt!
Deadprez: Big Johnson?
Gavin Kirkland: I’m hurting my man…. I miss Empire!
Deadprez: Did Empire have a Lucas Johnson that is not making his way to the ropes! Ryan Wilson can’t believe it, the POWER OF JOHNSON! Albert Hitchman is encouraging his client! Lucas with a scream! He is almost at the ropes!
(As Albert Hitchman slams the apron, the crowd claps, many boo)
Gavin Kirkland: “Can he make it….. YES HE DID! Lucas grabs the ropes but Ryan Wilson refuses to let go of the hold! He is shaking his head! Nope he says! The referee with the count!
Deadprez: Ryan Wilson finally breaks the count! The referee backs him up as Lucas gets to his feet, that did some damage, his back is hurting. Wilson steps past the referee and grabs Lucas by the hair, jaw jacking with him and LUCAS JOHNSON RESPONDS WITH A BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX! That shook the ring!
Gavin Kirkland: Lucas might have left an indention on the mat with Wilson’s ass! He is not going for the cover, instead he picks up Wilson by the hair and whips him into the turnbuckle following through with a clothesline! HE WHIPS HIM INTO THE TURNBUCKLE AGAIN WITH ANOTHER CLOTHESLINE! AND HOLY SHIT! HE WHIPS HIM INTO THE TURNBUCKLE ACROSS FOR THE THIRD TIME WITH A CLOTHESLINE, SHOVING HIM TO THE MATS! WILSON IS DOWN! Deadprez… what is Johnson doing?
(The Crowd Cheers)
Deadprez: He’s gonna fly, playa! He has him primed and LUCAS JOHNSON WITH A SHOOT STAR PRESS!!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: NO! WILSON WITH THE KNEES UP AT THE LAST SPLIT SECOND!!! Had Lucas hit that it would have been over! Wilson is getting back up slowly, Johnson getting to his feet, he turns RIGHT INTO A MAFIA KICK BY WILSON! LUCAS IS DOWN! WILSON WITH THE COVER!!!!
Deadprez: How in the Hell did he get his shoulder up!? Lucas Johnson ain’t done yet! Wilson is beside himself! Holding three fingers up and the referee only showing two! He might as well just given him the one!
Gavin Kirkland: I am impressed, both of these men are putting everything on the line!
Deadprez: Reminds you of Empire, right!?
Gavin: Kirkland: Let’s not get carried away here, Deadprez. Looks like Ryan Wilson is going to pick up Lucas Johnson but NO! SMALL PACKAGE, THIS COULD BE IT!
Deadprez: WILSON KICKED OUT! RYAN GETS RIGHT BACK UP AND LUCAS HITS A HURRICARANA! RYAN WILSON GETS UP STAGGERING! LUCAS LOCKS HIM IN FOR THE SKULL CRUSHING FINAL!
Gavin Kirkland: This one over and… NO! RYAN WILSON COUNTERS WITH THE CHAOS THEORY OUT OF NOWHERE!
Deadprez: IT’S ON LIKE A POT OF NECK BONES!
Gavin Kirkland: WHATEVER THAT IS SOUNDS DISGUCTING! RYAN WILSON COVERS LUCAS JOHNSON! HOOKING THE LEGS!
(DING DING DING)
Gina Romano: THE WINNER FO THE MATCH….. RYAN WIIIIIIILSSSSSOOOOON!!!!
(My Way by Limp Bizkit plays throughout the arena as the referee raises the hand of Ryan Wilson)
Deadprez: What a match that came to an end suddenly. Ryan Wilson already rolled out of the ring with his arms raised high, the entourage of Beef with him!
Gavin Kirkland: Give it to both competitors, they brought it! Albert is checking on Lucas who is stirring, slowly sitting up, he doesn’t look happy, the same face I make watching a Heavenly Hell match! Big Win for Ryan Wilson and a chance to impress Showdown… now bring me the damn ladies!
Deadprez: You’re too much.
(Scene cuts as Ryan Wilson head to the back in celebration as Albert Hitchman checks on his client, Lucas Johnson, arguing with the referee)
(Commercial break — “GAWDVERBS. If you don’t have a copy yet, buy one. And at this point, if you don’t know where to retrieve a copy, then you’re far too fucked to be unfucked, so go fuck yourself.”)
(Showdown returns as the scene opens up to the backstage area of the US Cellular Center. Amber Keys is seen strolling down the hallway, heading towards the office belonging to the Showdown Commissioner, Hurricane Hawk. After ending Cleopatra’s illustrious career back at Pain for Pride, ‘The Dirti Diva’ is full of confidence and ready to leave her mark on the new season. She finds the office, sees the door shut, and doesn’t bother to knock.)
Amber Keys (to herself): After all, I am Amber Keys.
(It’s a pretty valid explanation and Amber barges in, finding herself facing the back of a big leather chair. A smirk crosses Amber’s face and she places her hands on her hips. She clears her throat and waits to be acknowledged.)
(Amber frowns, clears her throat again, except this time she’s a little louder. Her presence is still ignored.)
Amber Keys: Ummm, hello? Hello? Anybody home? Amber Keys, one of Showdown’s biggest acquisitions, is standing in the room.
(If there’s someone sitting in the chair, they continue to ignore Amber. Amber folds her arms across her chest and taps her foot against the floor. This continues for several seconds before Amber purses her lips and lets out a haughty sigh.)
Amber Keys: HELLO?? I’m speaking! If I were you, I would turn that chair right around, acknowledge me, and thank the heavens that you have someone like Amber Keys blessing your roster, Hurricane Hawk. A couple of weeks ago, I ended the sham of a career of Cleopatra and I fully intend to do more of the same to whomever gets put in my way this season. I have a lot of time to make up for, and I have a lot of things I want to do, and you’re going to respect that, and most of all you’re going to respect me.
(After a few seconds, the chair finally turns around. The arrogant smile that is on Amber’s face quickly dissolves when she sees that it isn’t Hurricane Hawk who’s sitting behind the desk. In fact, it’s a face that is a little too familiar.)
Amber Keys: What fresh hell is this?
(The shot zooms out and we see Jenny Punk sitting behind Commissioner Hawk’s desk. The pink and blonde haired bombshell flashes her now FORMER BFF, Amber, a dazzling smile. Jenny clasps her hands together and leans on the desk.)
Jenny Punk: I knew we’d be seeing each other again!
Amber Keys: :skip:
Jenny Punk: Let formally welcome you to Saturday Night Showdown, Amber.
Amber Keys: Where’s Hurricane Hawk?
Jenny Punk: Well, Hurricane Hawk is not here tonight, and I’m just going to be blunt with you. He’s not going to be back any time soon.
Amber Keys: What’s that supposed to mean?
Jenny Punk: It means that the board decided to shake things up a little bit and I was offered the job of General Manager here on Showdown.
(Amber stares blankly at Jenny for a few seconds, before laughing.)
Amber Keys: You can’t be serious. Hurricane Hawk was just promoted to commissioner. Why would anyone give you a GM job? What qualifications do you have? You’re the head trainer down at Performance Center. Doesn’t that job keep you busy?
(Jenny smiles sweetly.)
Jenny Punk: I bring a lot of things to the table, Amber, including my experience as a wrestler and as a head trainer. I was always going to end up transitioning into a bigger role, and I accepted this job without hesitation. There’s a lot of things I want to see happen in Elite Answers Wrestling, and I have a lot of ideas I want to see come to fruition. I fully plan on making Showdown the premiere show in EAW once again, because this is the flagship program. This roster is stacked with the best talent, and that does include yourself.
Amber Keys (scoffing): I mean that’s obvious. Amber Keys is a once in a generation talent, and someone who has withstood the test of time. Someone who should already be in the Hall of Fame, and have multiple championships to her name. I should be respected, and adored, and celebrated, just like you are. In fact, if things had been different, I bet it would be behind that desk right now and not you. It’s funny how life works out, but I’m going to tell you this right now, Jennifer. I’ve spent my entire career saddled to ingrates and people who never appreciated what I bring to the table; people who rode my coattails and used me to further their own selfish agendas. I’m not going to let someone from my past… someone like you… have control over my career every again, so you need to make sure you don’t overstep and become a determinant to me ever again.
(Jenny stands up from behind her desk and slips her hands into the back pockets of her ripped, black and red plaid skinny pants.)
Jenny Punk: I want everyone on Showdown to flourish, and to reach their full potential. The possibilities are endless, especially for women right now, and that’s something we both care about. But if you want opportunity, then you are going to have to bust your ass just like everyone else. You need to do the work, and you need to make yourself stand out. I don’t care what weight your name carries, or anyone else’s for that matter, because as far as I’m concerned, this is an even playing for everybody. You’re going to need to earn your keep on Showdown, just like the rest of the roster, Amber.
(Amber can’t help but be a little insulted and she just shakes her head.)
Amber Keys: First day on the job and already making a grave error. Treating Amber Keys like everyone else and telling her she needs to her keep. I have never heard anything so completely ridiculous. Let me tell you so-
Jenny Punk (interrupting): You did enough talking back at Pain for Pride, and I know exactly how you feel now. I’m not going to hold that against you, because I take my role as general manager very seriously. So consider that water under the bridge. That being said, you’re going to respect the fact that I’m in charge of this brand, and respect the fact that I’m your boss. You’ve said your peace, and now I’ve said mine. So I’m going to ask that you see yourself out now, Amber.
(Jenny raises an eyebrow and gestures towards the door. Amber purses her lips, a million and one things rushing through her mind right now. The tension in the air between the two women is thick, but Amber finally steps back, and heads for the door.)
Amber Keys: This isn’t over.
Jenny Punk: Goodnight, Amber.
(After a minute, Amber exits and slams the door behind her. Jenny shakes her and looks down at her desk, and the scene fades out.)
(The camera cuts to Gina Romano in the middle of the ring)
Gina Romano: Ladies and gentlemen the following contest is scheduled for…
Crowd: ONE FALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(“Big Bad Wolf” by In This Moment plays to loud cheers from the crowd as Miverva followed by Constance Blevins come out onto the stage with the Unified Tag Team championships with them, Minerva slowly makes her way down to the ring, as Constance Blevins follows from behind)
Gina Romano: Introducing first accompanied by, CONSTANCE BLEVINS! Weighing in at 125 pounds…THE GYPSY MOTH, MINERVA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Deadprez: Minerva is coming off a major win at Pain For Pride winning the Unified Tag Team Championships, but can she keep that momentum up as she faces someone who was also in that match, Crosby Carter.
Gavin Kirkland: We can’t forget that it was Crosby’s partner Thadd Blazevich, who will be accompanying him to the ring tonight was the one who took the pin at Pain for Pride. So I’d like to see how Crosby takes this match.
(Minerva enters the ring and takes off her hood before raising the Unified Tag Team Championships in the air and crouching in her corner. “Big Bad Wolf” fades off as Minerva warms up. Abruptly the camera cuts backstage, Thadd Blazevich is seen laid out on the ground as referees, Harlow Reichert, Crosby Carter and Carsyn Carter are seen tending to him)
Crosby Carter: How the hell did this happen?
Harlow Reichert: Does it look like I know?
Carsyn Carter: Well were you not with him the whole fucking time?!
Harlow Reichert: Look, he’s been wandering around backstage all night I spoke to him earlier but I’m not attached to the guy, that’s supposed to be your job. I’m trying to figure out who’s responsible for this just as much as you guys are.
Crosby Carter: FUCK! Look, Carsyn do me this favor, examine the area and look for any trace of who the hell is responsible for this shit. Harlow, stay your ass here and get my dude some fucking help! I have to go wrestle my match but I’ll be right back..
Carsyn Carter: But who is going to be on your side?
Crosby Carter: Look, don’t worry about me. Just help Thadd.
(Crosby Carter quickly walks out of the scene “All I Do Is Win” by DJ Khaled ft. Ludacris, Rick Ross, T-Pain & Snoop Dogg plays to a somewhat silent reaction as the crowd is still confused on what is going on. Crosby Carter comes out like nothing happened but doubt is on his face)
Gina Romano: And her opponent, from Woodbridge New Jersey, weighing in at 199 pounds…representing the FLO BROS, CROSBY…CARTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Deadprez: Shocking, Crosby Carter is forced to come alone in this match as Thadd was attacked backstage?
Gavin Kirkland: Well yeah, but surely Crosby has more on his mind then this match at this moment, let’s just see shall we?
(Crosby Carter enters the ring and raises both his hands to cheers from the crowd. Both competitors are dead set on each other as the Ref signals for the bell)
(DING! DING! DING!)
Deadprez: Here we go as this match is underway right now, OH CROSBY CARTER OUT OF THE GATE WITH A BICYCLE KICK SENDING MINERVA BACK! Crosby is going all at it laying a bunch of punches Minerva’s way, but Mineva pulling herself out of the ring, Crosby isn’t waiting as he follows, OH MINERVA SWIPING THE LEGS OF CROSBY CARTER ON THE APRON BRINGING HIM DOWN! Minerva grabbing Crosby, OH CROSBY THROWN BACK FIRST INTO THE BARRICADE! Crosby trying to figure out where he is, he’s thrown right back into the ring as Minerva is following close behind. Minerva getting Crosby up once again- OH CROSBY PUNCHING MINERVA RIGHT IN THE GUT, Minerva fighting back now landing punches down on Crosby to retaliate. OH CROSBY GOING UNDER, HE’S GOT MINERVA UP, DEATH VALLEY DRIVER! THE JERSEY DRIVER CONNECTS, Crosby going for the pin!
Ref: ONE! TWO!
Gavin Kirkland: KICK OUT BY MINERVA! Crosby slamming his fist down on the mat as Minerva struggles to get back up to her feet. Crosby OH HE DROPS HIS KNEE DOWN ON MINERVA! Crosby trying to transition into a grounded headlock but Minerva is too quick as she quickly kips up with the help of the ropes. Crosby taking a dash at Minerva, OH MINERVA WITH A POWERFULLY SCOOP SLAM TO CROSBY! Crosby pulling himself away but Minerva is on a roll as Crosby is being brought up again, Inverted facelock, OH PARADISE LOST! Minerva connects as she goes for the easy pin, Crosby is out for sure.
Ref: ONE! TWO! THREE!
(DING! DING! DING!)
(“Big Bad Wolf” plays to the shock of the crowd as Minerva gets up to her feet as Constance comes into the ring as well to congratulate her)
Gina Romano: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN YOUR WINNER, MINERVA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Deadprez: I am absolutely shocked. Crosby Carter beat in record time by Minerva. But you can’t fault him for this, his head wasn’t in the game with Thadd being laid out backstage, you can’t help but wonder who is behind this and what for?
Gavin Kirkland: Look I’m not the biggest fan of the Constance twins but at the end of the day Crosby was still physically capable! I don’t wanna hear any excuses about his mental! This certainly shows Heavenly Hell’s win at PFP wasn’t a fluke, but it might also show that the Flo Bros actually might not be ready for the tag team titles-
???: GET HIM, FINISH HIM!
Deadprez: What- ITS THE MECHANICAL ANIMALS! THEY’VE SHOVED THE REF AWAY AND GOT CROSBY UP TO HIS FEET OH A PUNCH TO THE GUT, both men looking to pull something off here, Sabin Richards on the apron as David Gibson lifts Crosby up, THE SPEED OF PAIN! Crosby nailed down on the ground as he’s certainly out cold for sure!
Gavin Kirkland: Well I think we may have just gotten our answer on who might be to blame for Thadd’s attack backstage..
Deadprez: The Mechanical Animals mean business in this division and are clearly gunning for the titles, if it means taking out any potential contenders along the way then it seems like that’s what they will do.
(The last shot is of Joseph Gracons raising both Richard and Gibsons hands as his foot is on Crosby Carter “Cathedral” plays and the camera fades out)
(Commercial for Jackson Blayde’s brand new home spray tanning kit! Get the orange and gold glow you want at the pace you desire! Only $999,999.99 per kit!)
Voiceover: In the briminal justice system, dickeating based offenses are considered especially heinous in Elite Answers Wrestling, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are known as an elite squad known as the Bozo Victims Unit. These are their stories.
“Ya reign on top was short like leprechaun”
(The scene opens up with Detective SKabler, Detective Biggums, Detective Asson and Detective Ty sitting in a dark room and seated around a table with a bunch of “Evidence” they’ve collected to incriminate a certain dickeating Elitist in EAW. There is a single spotlight shining over their table.)
(Detective Biggums shakes his head, repulsed by the evidence laid out in front of him.)
Detective Biggums: This outrageous B, the dickeating records go all the way back to when the man first debuted. He’s called you a criminal, a fraud, and a bunch of other stuff.
Detective SKabler: The nerve, the audacity…Sigh how can he even fix his lips to call me all that, yet he stole Jerry Springer’s car…
Detective Ty: That was actually Seinfeld…
(Detective SKabler turns to Detective Ty, disgusted.)
Detective SKabler: Bitch, did I give you permission to speak? I don’t give a fuck what Jerry it was. The cat, Springer, regardless of whichever Jerry, he has no right. Also to call me a fraud? Don’t we have pictures of this clown wearing MAGA merchandise?
Detective Assums: Yes but he’s already defended himself from those accusations long ago.
Detective Biggums: Yeah TRIED to defend himself, but we have too much evidence on the clown. I mean it literally speaks for itself. MAGA merchandise aside, he calls Veena a vanilla goddess, yet tears down a black queen Serena Bennet.
Detective SKabler: Now it’s a lot of dickeaters in EAW: Theron, my opponent tonight, Cam, and so on and so forth but I’ve never witnessed someone like this man here. He eats them literally and figuratively and it’s time, this unit does something about it! He claims I’m the bitch when I defend myself—no you fucking bozo you the bitch. You did EVERYTHING to get my attention you said ANYTHING to get my attention. You made a bunch of finger jokes no one fucking understood to do it, you claim to have “Slaughtered” me verbally but couldn’t do the same in the ring. You cling onto the Vixens Grand Rampage and eliminating one person like muthafuckas is supposed to care. Cling onto beating Rex with the help of LC and ALMOST doing shit. I told you once you split up with that little blonde bitch it was over for you—and now look, it’s time to prove my point. I remember that picture you photoshopped, calling me a bitch but at the draft show? It was a whole different narrative, wasn’t it, you were laying up under me like a bitch. The Bozo Victims Unit was created just for bozos like you—shit, you are our first suspect and we are going to make a fine example out of you. You talked all that shit now it’s time to back it up. You are going to feel what Rex felt and anyone else who you’ve beat with the help of someone else felt. The draft was just a preview of what’s to come for you, Viz. Your next Netflix special is gonna be the rise and fall of EAW’s drag queen.
Detective Biggums: And that’s a fact B, son talks about Brooklyn but is deadass from Detroit of all places where your rap GOAT is Eminem, where the sports teams haven’t been good since who the fuck knows when, B. You deadass a clown you make gay jokes but walk around looking like the walking sybol for pride month. Yet got the nerve to call us gay.
Detective SKabler: Exactly, he’s nothing but a clown ass dude—but it’s okay I beat you once without really trying so I know I can do it again. It’s gonna be a surgical summer for you, Viz, and as I said the draft was just a preview of what’s to come. You are alone on this brand, you have absolutely nobody anymore, and I’d think you’d be smart to start wanting to make some friends. We can drop all this right now and give you an honorary spot in the force. Mainly because the LGBTQ community won’t get off our backs since they think we’re out to get the gays but that’s beside the point. If not though, that’s on you. You’ll eventually get tired of getting your ass beat by all of us. We’ll see you very soon…
(The spotlight that once illuminated the Bozo Victims Unit’s table shuts off, shrouding the detectives in darkness, preparing for the camera to fade elsewhere.)
(Camera transitions into the arena as “Enemy Strike” by Yuki Hayashi hits and Myles makes his way out onto the stage receiving a mixed reaction accompanied by Xander Payne by his side giving him a pep talk while walking to the ring)
Gina Romano: THE FOLLOWING CONTEST IS SET FOR ONE FALL!!! INTRODUCING FIRST…FROM MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA…WEIGHING IN AT TWO HUNDRED AND EIGHT POUNDS….ACCOMPANIED BY XANDER PAYNE…..HE REPRESENTS ONE HALF OF THE WILDCARDS….”THE SOLDIER”…MMMYYLLLLEESSS!!!!!
Deadprez: Wildcards on Showdown? I can give this a shot. They are former tag team champions for a reason. I’m looking forward to see what Myles can do tonight in singles competition.
Gavin Kirkland: Payne for Pride 2 got cancelled for them eh?
Deadprez: Ay that’s in the past now and these two are looking to the future and the first step is tonight!
(Myles walks up the steps and steps foot in the ring as Xander walks around the ring and gets on the apron whispering more things in Myles ear as “Enemy Strike” dies down and ‘War’ by Dance With The Dead blares the speakers and Santo Muerte makes his way out.)
Gina Romano: AND HIS OPPONENT….FROM DEATH VALLEY, CALIFORNIA…WEIGHING IN AT AN EVEN TWO HUNDRED POUNDS…HE IS MAKING HIS MAIN ROSTER DEBUT…..”THE SAINT OF DEATH”…..SSAAANNTTOOOO MMMUEERRRTTEEE!!!!!
Deadprez: Well, this man is making his main roster debut tonight. And that’s all I can really say about him. There ain’t much information about this guy.
Gavin Kirkland: OOOO SPOOKY!
Deadprez: He lets his in ring talents do the talking, enough said. He’s got a tough test tonight but let’s see what he’s got in store.
(Santo hops in the ring as his theme song fades down and Xander Payne hops down from the apron)
Xander Payne: YOU CAN DO IT!!
(DING! DING! DING!)
Deadprez: And this one is off! Both men now circling the ring and holding up their arm locking their hands trying to test each others strength here…and WOAH!! Myles with a kick to the midsection of Santo! Myles now hammering at the back Santo before irish whipping him into the corner but Santo counters whipping Myles into the corner and now Santo charges at Myles but Myles elbows Santo in his mouth! Myles now leaps on the second rope and hits a leaping elbow from the second rope on Santo!!
Deadprez: Santo now crawls to a corner trying to escape Myles for the moment but Myles is right on him as Myles now presses his foot against the throat of Santo!! The referee forces a break here as Myles takes a few steps back before walking to Santo again but Santo is trying to fight back here! Santo throws a right hand into the midsection of Myles and now hits a throat uppercut to the bent down Myles causing Myles to draw back for a few second before walking back to Santo and Santo has him in a hurricanrana position….HURRICANRANA FROM SANTO!! SANTO IS FEELING IT HERE AS MYLES GETS TO HIS FEET AND SANTO HITS A DROPKICK…AND ANOTHER ONE!!! AND SANTO IS SETTING UP FOR SOMETHING AS HE IS LIFTING UP MYLES FROM THE BACK BUT MYLES COUNTER IT INTO A ROLLUP!!
Gavin Kirkland: NO!! SANTO KICKS OUT AS BOTH MEN ARE TO THEIR FEET QUICKLY AND BOTH MEN ARE UP AND MYLES THROWS A RIGHT HAND AT SANTO BUT SANTO THROWS ONE RIGHT BACK! SANTO SEEMS TO BE GETTING CONTROL BACK HERE AS HE THROWS REPETITIVE RIGHTS TO MYLES AND SANTO RUNS TO THE ROPES BUT MYLES GETS HIS RIGHT KNEE UP FLI;PPING SANTO ONTO THE MAT SLOWING DOWN SANTO’S MOMENTUM!! Myles takes a second to talk to his partner Xander on the outside while recovering.
Xander Payne: GO FOR IT!!
Gavin Kirkland: And Myles now waiting for Santo to rise to his feet….I think Myles is looking to put an end to this match early here….he grabs the back of Santo but Santo throws a hard right elbow to the face of Myles causing Myles to stumble back a foot or two before running at Santo again and Santo sidesteps Myles tossing him over the top rope and now….A CROSSBODY OVER THE TOP ROPE TO MYLES!!
(Xander Payne tries sneaking up on Santo)
Referee: HEY! YOU STAY BACK!!
Xander Payne: AY I HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING!
Deadprez: Santo is trying be aware of his surrounding now as he lifts up Myles and OH MY MYLES DRIVES SANTO BACK FIRST IN THE APRON!! I think that distraction from Xander gave Myles just enough time to recover. Myles now relentlessly throwing hard rights into the skull of Santo before tossing him back in the ring and Myles gets on the apron going to the top rope…WHAT’S HE GONNA DO HERE?!?! FROG SPLASH!! IT CONNECTS!! MYLES COVERS!!!
Deadprez: BUT SANTO STAYS IN IT!! XANDER IS TELLING MYLES NOT TO GET FRUSTRATED AND TO FINISH IT!! MYLES NOW LIFTING UP WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE DEAD WEIGHT OF SANTO AS MYLES IS STRUGGLING TO…….WOAH I THINK SANTO MAY HAVE BEEN PLAYING POSSUM THERE AS HE HITS A ENZIGURI RIGHT TO MYLES HEAD!! MYLES MIGHT NOT HAVE A CLUE WHERE HE IS!! SANTO NOW CHARGES AND IS LOOKING FOR A JUMPING DDT AND WOAHHHHH MYLES IS HOLDING SANTO HIGH IN THE AIR HERE……AND SANTO SPIKES HIS HEAD RIGHT INTO THE MAT!!! MYLES MIGHT BE CONCUSSED FROM THAT! SANTO AIN’T GOING FOR THE COVER HERE THOUGH…..I THINK HE FEELS HE KNOWS THAT WON’T BE ENOUGH AS HE CRAWLS TO A CORNER AND RISES TO HIS FEET WAITING FOR MYLES TO GET TO HIS KNEES….SUPERKICK!!! BUT NO!!!!! MYLES BLOCKS IT!!! MYLES CATCHES THE FOOT OF SANTO AND FLIPS HIS BACK AND RISES UP TO HIS FEET AND RUNS AND HITS A SPLAHS IN THE CORNER ON SANTO!! AND NOW THE BULLDOG!! THE SPALSH AND BULLDOG COMBO!!
Gavin Kirkland: Damn this punk really struggling with a rookie.
Deadprez: AND NOW MYLES NOT WASTING ANY TIME LIFTS SANTO UP AND HAS HIM IN THE PUMPHANDLE POSITION LOOKING FOR DE FACTO….HE LFITS HIM UP!!! BUTH SANTO COUNTERS IT AGAIN INTO A HURRICANRANA!!! AND MYLES IS TO HIS FEET QUICK AND RUSHES TO SANTO RUNNING INTO A SUPERKICK!!! IT CONNECTS THIS TIME FROM SANTO!!! IS THIS IT?!?!
(Xander Payne places Myles foot on the nearby rope before pointing it out)
Gavin Kirkland: HAH!! GENIUS!
Deadprez: DAMN! WE’LL NEVER KNOW IF SANTO HAD THIS MATCH WON OR NOT BUT HE CAN’T TAKE HIS EYE OFF THE BALL AS HE IS LOOKING DOWN AS XANDER BEFORE REFOCUSING ON MYLES! BUT MYLES CHOP BLOCKS THE FRONT OF SANTO CAUSING SANTO TO DROP TO ONE KNEE AND MYLES RUNS OFF THE ROPES AND HITS HIGH KNEE TO THE FACE OF SANTO!!! DID YOU HEAR THAT?!?! XANDER SCREAMING FOR MYLES OT END IT AS MYLES LIFTS UP SANTO……DE FACTO!!! THE COVER!!!
(DING! DING! DING!)
(“Enemy Strike” by Yuki Hayashi hits as Myles stands and gets his hand raised first by the referee and then by his tag partner Xander Payne)
Gina Romano: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN THE WINNER OF THIS MATCH….MMMYYLLEESS!!!!
Deadprez: Good win for the Wildcard to get their momentum back on track after losing their tag titles. Let’s see if Xander can keep up the momentum in just a few moments against the New Breed Stallion Felix Hartley!
Gavin Kirkland: :wow: Felix! But anyways, don’t take anything away from that Santo fella. That boy took a former tag team champion to the limit…he has a bright future if he stays consistent.
Deadprez: Well from one Wildcard match to the other, Xander Payne takes on Felix Hartley as the former New Breed God takes on the New Breed Stallion in just moments!
(Highlights of the SOSA Henderson vs Felix Hartley match at Pain for Pride airs before coming back to the ring as “It Follows” by Cane Hill blasts through the speakers with Xander already standing in the middle of the ring waiting for his opponent, next to him is his partner, Myles. Xander is trying to hype himself up. Xander is embracing the crowd’s hatred of him as Myles tries to talk some sense into him.)
Gina Romano: THE FOLLOWING MATCH IS SCHEDULED FOR ONE FALL —
Crowd: ONE FALL!!!!
Gina Romano: Introducing first… already in the ring accompanied by Myles…from Brampton, Canada…weighing in 240 pounds…he is the “Paynekiller”…XAAAANNNNNDDDDDEEEEEERRRRRRRR PAAAAAAYYYYYYYNNNNNNNNNNEEEE!!
Deadprez: It seems like Payne for Pride 2 featuring Myles did not go the way that Xander Payne could have wanted! Heavenly Hell managed to walk away with all the gold, but it seems like Xander took it quite hard! :lupe:
Gavin Kirkland: Not only did he lose the Tag Team Championships, but that one poker game with TLA! I know how he feels, Deadprez! To have been left with nothing. To have nothing to rely on. It’s what I felt after Tyler Wolfe vs. Kendra Shamez. :wow: But, at least, we’re all here now.
(“Chun-Li” by Nicki Minaj replaces “It Follows” as Felix Hartley comes out to a mixed reception of the crowd. Felix does her typical entrance as she gets some whistles from the men in the crowd, but Feli pays no attention to them.)
Gina Romano: Introducing his opponent…from Las Vegas, Nevada…she is the New Breed Champion… “Ass, Class & Sass”…FEEEEEELLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXXXXXX HAAAARRRRRTTTTLLLLEEEEEEEYYYYYYYY!!!
Gavin Kirkland: MY MISTRESS! ?? SHE IS ONE OF THE POSITIVES OF NOT BEING ON A BRAND WITH ONE SINGLE BLONDE! When I look at her, all of my problems go away! She is someone who managed to take that New Breed Champion from that thug SOSA Henderson at Pain for Pride! He hasn’t been seen ever since! Coward!
Deadprez: Felix Hartley surprised a lot of us at Pain for Pride. But, she is stepping into the ring against a former Unified Tag Team Champion and New Breed Champion! He weighs a lot more than her and could probably throw her out of the ring with ease! I’m kind of worried to see how Felix does in this match, but it should be fun to see!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Gavin Kirkland: Deadprez, I’m actually really scared right now! :lupe: Like, how can you expect for my mistress, Felix Hartley to not get squashed by fat slob? Who’s idea was to put this poor woman against that? This is punishment!
(Xander Payne and Felix Hartley meet in the middle of the ring. Both of them are giving intense glares to each other. As the camera pulls back a bit, you can see the height difference between the two competitors. Xander stands at 6’ while Felix stands at 5’9. Felix is doing her best to match Xander’s glare with as much intensity, but Xander has kept that same scary facial on his face from the moment the bell rung.)
Deadprez: FELIX HARTLEY CONNECTS WITH A SLAP ACROSS XANDER PAYNE’S CHEEK! YET, THAT WAS NOT ENOUGH TO GAIN ANY MOVEMENT FROM THE FORMER UNIFIED TAG TEAM CHAMPION! JUST LOOKING AT XANDER’S FACE, FELIX SHOULD BE FEELING REGRET ABOUT SLAPPING THE BIGGER COMPETITOR! Xander launches towards her, but Felix backs away towards the ropes! Felix sticks her head to the outside as she is demanding for the official to back away Xander! Felix is the type of opponent to make the first move, but back away once they have the guts to retaliate! With Myles being ringside, I would not surprise him about being so factor in the match! As the official manages to back away Xander, Felix feels more comfortable about sticking her head back inside the ring! Felix and Xander circle around each other before locking up! Instantly, you can see the strength advantage as Xander manages to push Ass Class & Sass to the corner!
Referee: ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! LET GO, XANDER!
Gavin Kirkland: GET OFF OF HER, YOU SLOB! I WOULD DO ANYTHING TO HELP HER, DEADPREZ! BUT, SHE’S A STRONG AND INDEPENDENT WOMAN! SHE DOESN’T NEED ME TO FIGHT FOR HER HONOR! :wow: Xander Payne manages to back away from Felix Hartley! Xander has his hands up where the official and everyone else can see it! MEANWHILE, FELIX IS TRYING TO PROCESS HERSELF AS SHE KNOWS THAT IT MAY BE DIFFICULT TO PUT XANDER AWAY! JUST GIVE HIM A COUPLE HOT DOGS AND SODA — IT SHOULDN’T BE DIFFICULT AT ALL! GIVE HIM A FOOD COMA AND BEAT HIM LIKE THAT, EZPZ! LISTEN, I’VE DEALT WITH FAT ASSES BEFORE! I should know this stuff! Xander is gesturing the New Breed Champion to approach her! Felix does so as well as it seemed like the two competitors are going for another lock up, but Felix manages to get a good hold of Xander’s head! Felix with a headlock as she tries to wrench it on; however, Xander puts a stop to that as he gets Felix off her feet! But Felix manages to get her feet touching the floor as she wrenches in that headlock! But, Xander manages to push away our purple hair goddess as he frees himself from her beautiful headlock! Felix turns herself to face Xander, but Xander pushes Felix against the ropes! Felix rebounds off those ropes —
Deadprez: Xander Payne connects with a shoulder tackle! Felix Hartley gets knocked down to her back instantly! XANDER WITH AN ELBOW DROP TO THE CHEST OF FELIX! FELIX IS CLUTCHING HER CHEST! IF SHE DIDN’T POP AN IMPLANT THERE, THEN I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S GOING TO POP IT! Xander goes for a cover there, but Felix manages to get out of the cover attempt before the official can get in position for his count! Xander is gets Felix by her hair as she elevates her to her feet! She is trying to rip her hair away from Xander’s grasp — HEADBUTT BY THE FORMER TAG TEAM CHAMPION! FELIX IS KNOCKED TO HER KNEES INSTANTLY AS XANDER TAKES A COUPLE STEPS BACK BEFORE CONNECTING WITH A SUPERKICK THAT TAKES THE NEW BREED CHAMPION DOWN! XANDER APPROACHES THE ROPES, REBOUNDS OFF OF THEM BEFORE CONNECTING WITH A LEG DROP ON FELIX HARTLEY! XANDER STAYS THERE FOR THE COVER!
Gavin Kirkland: My beautiful purple haired goddess manages to kick out at two! Come on, Felix! He weights like 600 pounds, but you can handle him! You can handle whatever guy is in front of you! Xander Payne gets a few punches into Felix’s gorgeous face! I can assume that EAW will pay for any readjustments that she wishes on her face if Xander decides to be a heathen and rearranges it! Xander applies a headlock takedown on the beautiful woman! Felix is doing everything in her power for Xander to release that hold, but she finds herself in trouble at the moment! Myles is ringside trying to talk his partner on what to do and be as supportive as possible, which is shocking for two men who couldn’t originally get along. Xander begins to pound some stiff forearms onto Felix’s skull! You monster! It seems like Xander is now trying to position his body so he can lock a crossface on Felix Hartley! Felix is doing what she can to end this match as soon as he can! My poor Felix doesn’t deserve any of this stuff! Xander is trying everything to lock in that crossface, but Felix is refusing for herself to get in position for the submission move!
Deadprez: FELIX HARTLEY BITS XANDER PAYNE’S HAND AS HE RELEASES WHATEVER GRASP HE HAD ON THAT CROSSFACE! :damn: :damn: :damn:
Gavin Kirkland: She’s a biter. I stan. ? I mean… that must have hurt for Xander Payne. Felix bit him harder than Xander does a Big Mac at McDonalds. But, Felix Hartley saw her opening right there as she rolls herself underneath the ring! This may have been the only opportunity that the New Breed Champion has to herself! Felix turns around as she is looks at Myles, but Myles wants no part of his match! He is trying to make sure that Xander wins this match without any of his help! FELIX SHIFTS HER ATTENTION TOWARDS XANDER! XANDER THROUGH THE ROPES AS HE CONNECTS WITH SUICIDE DIVE! HOW IN THE HELL IS THAT FATSO ABLE CONNECT WITH SUICIDE DIVES? BUT, FELIX HARTLEY SAW THAT COMING AS SHE MANAGES TO MOVE TO THE SIDE! OH MY GOD, DEADPREZ! I THINK WE’RE HAVING AN EARTHQUAKE HERE! :damn: Oh wait… it’s just Xander’s entire weight colliding with our announcer’s table! We’re going to be fine, but California is fucked. Xander’s entire 600 pound life is on our table! Felix ducking out of the way was one of the best moves that she would think out of. Felix gets Xander by his arm and gets him off our table! I love a saint! Felix gets Xander before whipping him against the edge of the apron!
Deadprez: Felix Hartley runs towards Xander Payne with a hesitation dropkick! Xander’s head goes bouncing off that edge of the apron! It seems like the official is going into the match a little more lenient on the two opponents! Felix backs herself before running towards Xander and connecting with another hesitation dropkick! FELIX GETS XANDER IN A HEADLOCK POSITION BEFORE SPRING BOARDING OFF THE EDGE OF THE APRON AND CONNECTING WITH THE DOGGY STYLE (I KNOW THAT GAVIN LOVES THAT MOVE) — THE SPRINGBOARD BULLDOG ON! IT SEEMS LIKE FELIX LOOKS LIKE SHE WANTS TO END THE MATCH HERE. IT’S OBVIOUS THAT SHE IS IN A SIZE ADVANTAGE, BUT PUTTING DOWN XANDER WOULD BE IMPRESSIVE FOR HERSELF! FELIX RUNS TOWARDS XANDER — ASS, CLASS & SASS — TILT-A-WHIRL SCISSORS TAKEDOWN! FELIX DRIVES XANDER’S SKULL TO THE STEEL STEPS! Xander has to be out of it! Felix seems like someone who will take any victory! She wants to prove that she can defeat Xander Payne! Felix gets Xander by his skull as she rolls him back into the ring! Felix slides underneath the bottom ropes before going for a cover!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! THR—
Gavin Kirkland: How in the hell did Chubb McGee kick out of that? How in the hell is Xander Payne still in this match? Felix Hartley looks shocked as hell, but that’s just the level of competition that she’s going to be getting on Showdown! Xander is a former Tag Team Champion as well as a New Breed Champion! He knows how to dig deep enough and win the match! For all the shit I’ve been giving Xander, I am not going to take away with how good he can be when he puts his mind into it. But, enough with that — KILL HIM, FELIX! Before Xander can get to a vertical base, he finds himself in all fours, but Felix rebounds off the ropes to connect with a cartwheel kick! Wasn’t that a thing of beauty? I’m not talking about Felix this time, but I thought that was a pretty good cartwheel kick. :notbad: XANDER IS ALREADY DOWN, BUT IT SEEMS LIKE FELIX IS GOING TO SHOW THE WORLD WHAT KIND OF SUBMISSION MOVES SHE KNOWS! SHE GETS XANDER IN A CATTLE MUTILATION! SHE’S STRUGGLING WITH KEEPING THE MOVE UP, BUT SHE HAS XANDER TRAPPED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING! THERE’S NO SHAME TO LOSING TO A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN LIKE FELIX! JUST TAP OUT, XANDER! OH GOD, HIS KANGAROO LOVING PARTNER IS TRYING TO RALLY HIM BACK INTO THIS MATCH! DON’T MAKE THINGS WORSE, MYLES!
Deadprez: For Felix to get a victory over submission would be impressive! This woman is destined for amazing things! You can talk shit about her background! You can slut shame her, but you cannot deny her abilities! If she wants to win, she’ll bring everything she can to make things happen! But, it seems like Xander is refusing to submit! He is doing what he can to make sure that he at least makes it to that bottom rope! Look at this, Gavin! Xander manages to roll himself back to his knees! Felix Hartley still has grasp of Xander Payne from that cattle multination, but she is not letting go of the move! It seems like we’re going to go with a move that she’s put away a few of her opponents in the past — THE ME TOO MOVEMENT — THE CANADIAN DESTROYER! SHE GETS XANDER OFF HER FEET, BUT HE IS REFUSING TO LET FELIX CONNECT WITH THIS MOVE! HE MANAGES TO GET FELIX OFF HER FEET AND FLIPS HER OVER HIS BACK! NO! FELIX MANAGES TO SIT ON XANDER’S BACK — SUNSET FLIP ON XANDER PAYNE! FELIX HOLDS IT THERE FOR THE COVER!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! THR—
Gavin Kirkland: Xander Payne is still in this match! I cannot believe it still! Felix connected with a sunset flip over someone who weighs 800 pounds. I love a strong woman. :whew: Felix looks a tad worried about what she is going to need to do in order to end this match! It seems like this woman is going to need to dig a bit deeper if she wants to stand tall in the end! Felix rises back to her feet as Xander is having a bit of trouble getting back to his feet — it’s called losing a couple pounds, he should try it! FELIX IS SCREAMING AND GESTURING FOR XANDER TO GET TO HIS FEET! FELIX IS MORE THAN READY TO HIT THIS NEXT MOVE AS SHE RUNS TOWARDS THE FORMER NEW BREED CHAMPION — BUSAIKU KNEE STRIKE TOWARDS XANDER PAYNE!
Deadprez: Xander Payne gets Felix Hartley’s knee! Felix is shaking her head no as Xander rises back to his feet! In the process, he gets a good grasp of her leg! You can see a huge grin on his face before connecting with a dragon screw leg whip! Felix is clutching to her right leg in pain! It seems like Xander has found an opening to go with in this match! Myles is ringside trying his best to root for his partner and close this match! Xander gets back to a vertical base as Felix slowly gets back to a vertical base as well! Xander connects with a black kick as that gets the New Breed Champion to one knee! Xander gets Felix into position before connecting with a Falgoroshi! That beautiful falcon arrow to a knee! Felix is clutching her lower back in response to that move! XANDER GETS TO HIS FEET AS HE IS GESTURING FOR FELIX HARTLEY TO GET BACK TO HER FEET! XANDER GETS FELIX BEFORE WHIPPING HER TO THE ROPES! FELIX REBOUNDS IN RESPONSE AS XANDER GETS THE NEW BREED CHAMPION — POP UP POWERBOMB!
NO! FELIX HARTLEY IS HIGH IN THE AIR, BUT IT SEEMS LIKE SHE JUST RAKED HER THUMBS AGAINST XANDER PAYNE’S EYES! FELIX DROPS HERSELF DOWN GENTLELY! I DON’T THINK THE OFFICIAL SAW FELIX DOING THAT, BUT SHE GETS XANDER IN A HEADLOCK BEFORE CONNECTING WITH THAT SPRINGBOARD BULLDOG — DOGGY STYLE CONNECTS!
Gavin Kirkland: FELIX IS GESTURING FOR XANDER TO GET BACK TO HIS FEET! HE IS TRYING TO REGAIN SOME VISION IN HIS EYES! FELIX RUNS TOWARDS XANDER PAYNE — ASS, CLASS & SASS — THE TILT-A-WHIRL HEADSCISSORS TAKEDOWN ON XANDER PAYNE! XANDER LANDS ON THE TOP OF HIS HEAD! THAT IS ALL SHE WROTE, DEADPREZ!
OOOOOOOOOOONE!! TWOOOOOOOOOOO!! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
(“Chun-Li” plays once again as Felix Hartley is on her knees with an evil smirk on her face. She just walked away with another victory. The official gives Felix her New Breed Champion before raising her hand in victory.)
Gina Romano: THE WINNER OF THIS MATCH … THE NEW BREED CHAMPION … FEEEEEELLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXX HAAAARRRRRTTTLLLEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYY!!
Deadprez: Felix Hartley continues her winning streak in one-on-one matches! The New Breed Champion picks up a victory against a former Unified Tag Team Champion in Xander Payne. I can’t help, but look at how Felix executed that victory —
Gavin Kirkland: My mistress pinned Xander Payne in the middle of the ring! Who cares about what she did in order to get that victory! She saw herself in a disadvantage! Xander is a freak of nature! He should be caged! The thought that he’s allowed to wrestle is wrong on many levels! Felix did what she needed to do to win!
(Felix is shown celebrating her victory in the ring holding her championship high in the air while Xander is fuming on the outside throwing a tantrum, Myles is trying to calm him down to no avail)
(Commercial break — an advertisement featuring the Flo Bros for the popular educational software called “FLOCABULARY.” Keep your kids on track this summer with the most engaging way to learn by using the educational raps and hip hop songs in the Flocabulary library. Be sure to check out the Flo Bros in the music video for their lesson on fractions: “How much is a half a gram, Crosby?” “Uhhh…that’s more than a dime bag, right?”)
(Camera opens up to the backstage area in one of the talent locker rooms. Io Ishimori sits on a bench next to her suitcase holding her toy cat, Yoshi-San.)
Io Ishimori: You know what, Yoshi-San? Showdown is very different than Empire was. It’s very lonely here. But there’s so much opportunity. It’s a bigger roster now after the rosters blended. And maybe we can really show everyone what we can do!
(Io seems to hear something and holds Yoshi-San up to her ear.)
Io Ishimori: Oh! Yoshi-San you’re so sweet! You’re right. I’m never really alone with you here. That’s why you’re my best friend. You’ve seen me through thick and thin! And you know what? We are gonna do exactly that! This is where we will win our first championship and where we show everyone how strong we are together.
(Io smiles and gives Yoshi-San a hug when suddenly a big commotion is heard. Someone speaking very loudly until Felix Hartley walks in with her brand new, flawless purple hair. The New Breed Championship around her waist with a stage hand carrying her suitcase in. She’s talking on her cell phone.)
Felix Hartley: Look, Rhi-rhi… honey, I’m just saying that I have some recommendations that could help Fenty. There’s no need to get all defensive……………. YOU LISTEN TO ME BEFORE I COME OUT THERE AND GIVE YOU FLASHBACKS TO CHRIS! ITS NOT MY FAULT YOUR NEW LINE IS SHIT! I… I’m going to call you back…
(Felix looks around at the locker room and hangs up her phone. She raises her free hand up in disgust before putting a single finger on the chest of the stage hand.)
Felix Hartley: You. Go find me a private room. This is NOT going to do for me. Absolutely not. It’s that or get the fucking nerd out of here.
(The stage hand looks afraid and rushes out the door. Felix then looks over at Io and begins to wave her hand for her to leave.)
Felix Hartley: Shoo. Go away.
(Io stands and steps up to Felix, annoyed that Felix would try to have her removed.)
Io Ishimori: You can’t make us leave. This is the talent locker room. And we both were drafted here from Empire. Why can’t we both be here?
Felix Hartley: Well. You have one thing right. This is the TALENT locker room. As in you have to actually possess some talent to be here. Your greatest talent seems to be believing that your toy actually talks. You were nothing on Empire and you’re nothing here. By the time this so called “new era” is settling in place, you’re going be exactly where you were when Miho McChickenFwyeRye left you. Performing in peanut matches where your career will rot, all alone. So unless you’re here to serve as my personal attendant for the night, I’d suggest you leave the TALENT locker room before the TALENT removes you from the locker room.
Io Ishimori: You think you’re so big and—
(Felix snatches Yoshi-San from Io and throws him out into the hallway. Io looks instantly distressed and runs after her friend.)
Io Ishimori: YOSHI-SAN!
Felix Hartley: Oops.
(Felix smirks as she closes the door and looks around the now empty locker room area. She unzips her suitcase and begins to retrieve her gear when suddenly the door opens again and in walks the Visual Prophet and Nina Dobrev.)
Nina Dobrev: Vizzy Bae! This not good enough! Vizzy Bae needs private dressing room away from filthies!
Visual Prophet: I should’ve known Showdown wouldn’t give me the accommodations I demanded. These fools haven’t run a decent brand in years. *sassy sigh* If only my beloved Veena were here. This wouldn’t be an issue. Then again if she were here this brand wouldn’t be in such a dreadful state.
Felix Hartley: Yeah. Heartbreak and all that. But this is MY dressing room now. Get the fuck out. And you can tell anyone else who tries to come in that they can stay away as well.
(Felix waves her hand to shoo Viz and Nina away and out the door as she continues about her business. Viz simply looks at her with a raised eyebrow and a hand on his hip.)
Visual Prophet: Oh no no no no no. One does not shoo the Visual Prophet. You bask in the honor of being permitted in his presence.
(Felix gives a world record eye roll and stands up, getting in Viz’s face.)
Felix Hartley: I really don’t need to put up with whatever is going on with you. I went to Starbs and asked for a double half caf latte with two pumps of mocha and one shot of espresso and they gave me a regular latte with two shots of espresso and one pump of vanilla. Like, why even live if you can’t get my coffee right? So I’m not really in the mood to—
(Viz puts a single finger to Felix’s painted lips.)
Visual Prophet: You’re done talking now. You wear quite a lot of makeup. I guess that’s what happens when you aren’t as naturally beautiful as the Prophet. But where do you buy all this makeup? In a store? Have you ever wondered what’s on it? Nasty people will go to the bathroom and not cleanse their disgusting and unworthy hands. This is why I refuse to allow the public to come near me. But I understand that these filthy people test lipstick on their hands. And they get their shit on the product that you then buy and apply to your mouth daily. Is this why you disrespect me, Miss Hartley? Do you speak to the Prophet through shit lips? Please show your predecessor his due reverence. That title you hold was once mine. You may be the baddest bitch in the New Breed Division, but the baddest bitch in the whole company is the Visual Prophet.
(Felix slaps Viz’s hand away from her, he simply gives her a coy smile.)
Felix Hartley: You may have once been the Sovereign. But I’m the champion now. And I beat the man who took you to school, and I looked better than you and anyone else doing it. I’m the New Breed Stallion. And you’re just a has been, a pet who’s lost his owner.
Visual Prophet: Stallion? Well… you do look mountable.
Felix Hartley: In your dreams.
Visual Prophet: My dreams or yours? I could have whatever man or woman I wanted around here in a matter of seconds. The Visual Prophet will always remember the New Breed Division with a certain fondness, but I’m afraid I have much higher goals now than your little division. Alongside the immaculate Veena Adams, I made Voltage the single greatest show on television. And now I have to single handedly correct the dumpster fire that is Showdown. It’s the curse of a true star. The pain that I must endure is that wherever I go, I must be the one to take it on my back because I was not there before, meaning it was lacking.
(Felix goes to snap back but just then the stage hand from before opens the door and pokes his head inside.)
Stage Hand: Miss… Miss Hartley… we’ve found a room for you. It’s… umm… it’s private and you’ll be left in peace.
Felix Hartley: Ugh. About time.
(She turns back to Viz, a look of annoyance on her face.)
Felix Hartley: You may think you’re a star but Felix Hartley is the name people want to see on billboards around here. Showdown is MY brand. You just better watch your back.
(Viz and Nina watch as Felix leaves. She pauses to glance back and Viz puckers up a kiss in her direction causing Felix to leave in disgust.)
Nina Dobrev: Crazy lady have stick up ass.
(“Another One Bites The Dust” by Queen plays through the speakers. The crowd gives The Visual Prophet a mixed reception. Some people love him. Some people hate him. Right next to him is his assistant, Nina D, who is hyping up Viz to the crowd.)
Gina Romano: THE FOLLOWING MATCH IS SCHEDULED FOR ONE FALL —
Crowd: ONE FALL!!!!
Gina Romano: Introducing first…being accompanied to the ring by Nina D … from Detroit, Michigan… weighing in 220 pounds… he is “Baethoven” … THE VISUAL PROOOOOOPPPHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTT!!
Gavin Kirkland: THE FACE OF THE SHOWDOWN BRAND, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! The Visual Prophet was the same man, who carried the Empire brand on his back! He has made history by becoming the first man to participate in an all-women’s Grand Rampage Match! He is a former New Breed Champion! Future Answers World Champion! He is already a legend in the making! :wow:
Deadprez: He fell short with his match against Chris Elite at the Draft Show. A victory over the PURE Champion would be an excellent way to redeem himself! But, Mark Michaels is a scary one to face! :lupe:
(“Just ‘Cos You Got The Power” by Motörhead replaces “Another One Bites The Dust” as the crowd goes from having the mixed reaction to just booing the hell out of Mark Michaels. Mark Michaels has the PURE Championship on his waist as he is embracing the hatred of the crowd from the top of the ramp.)
Gina Romano: Introducing his opponent…from Minneapolis, Minnesota…weighing in 240 pounds… he is the PURE Champion … “Public Enemy Number One” … MARRRRRRRRKKKKKKKKKK MIIIICCCHHHHHHHAAAAAAEEEEEELLLLLLLLLSSSSSSS!!
Deadprez: The EAW Universe does not like this guy, Gavin! You can hear it by their boos! Ever since returning back in January, Mark Michaels has been on a mission to destroy EAW! He managed to shock the world at Pain for Pride by defeating Ms. Extreme and ending her five months reign as PURE Champion! From that match, you can see that this man is not afraid to kill his competition in order to retain the championship!
Gavin Kirkland: Can he not destroy this company? I just got hired and I don’t wanna be that loser collecting food stamps! Do I look like I could be homeless, Deadprez? That’s right no! I deserve the best of everything!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Deadprez: This has been a match that I’ve been excited for, Gavin! Both men just love to hear the sound of their own voices! Mark Michaels and The Visual Prophet go for a test of strength, but Viz manages to kick Mark in the stomach! Viz gets behind Mark and gets a hold of his stomach! Viz throws Mark behind him with a German suplex! Look at this! Mark manages to land on his feet! Mark rushes towards Viz with a clothesline, but Viz manages get Mark by his arm and connect with an arm DDT! You can see Mark clutching to that left arm of his early on this match! You would hope that it doesn’t play a factor when this match progresses! Viz manages to dropkick Mark’s legs! Mark collapses his knees as The Visual Prophet makes it back to a vertical base! Viz takes a couple steps back before ruining running knee strike! BUT, MARK MANAGES TO GET VIZ BY HIS KNEE AS HE PUSHES HIS KNEE AWAY A TAG BIG BEFORE CONNECTING WITH A CHOP BLOCK! VIZ LANDS ON HIS BACK AS MARK GETS ON TOP OF VIZ BEFORE CONNECTING WITH A SERIES OF VICIOUS STRIKES TO VIZ’ FACE! VIZ IS TRYING TO COVER HIS FACE FROM EACH OF THOSE SHOTS, BUT MARK IS LANDING EACH ONE WITH EASE!
Gavin Kirkland: Mark Michaels is cunning and ruthless! The former New Breed Champion continues to find himself on the back as Mark connects with a fist drop on Baethoven! Mark clutches onto Viz’ neck before applying a headlock. Slowly, Mark is getting to one knee as he wrenches in the headlock! Come on, Viz! Mark maintains the grasp of the headlock before getting his available arm and connecting with an elbow drop to the back of Viz’ neck! Viz collapses front first! Viz happens to be in perfect position as it seems like Mark is looking to end this match as soon as possible! THE LIBERATION HAS BEGIN! THAT LEBELL LOCK! QUICKLY, VIZ GETS HIS FOOT ON THE BOTTOM ROPE BEHIND OF MARK! IT SEEMS LIKE MARK SHOULD HAVE HAD BETTER AWARENESS OF WHERE TO APPLY THAT LOCK! MARK RELEASES THE HOLD! HE HAS BEEN KNOWN FOR BEING A HOT HEAD! THE LAST THING THAT HE WANTS TO DO IS SUFFER A LOSS! PERSONALLY, I DON’T MIND VIZ WINNING THIS MATCH, DEADPREZ! IT’S WHAT VIZ DESERVES! :wow: :wow: :wow:
Deadprez: Mark Michaels doesn’t want to lose this match! The Clash of Champions match didn’t go the way he wanted to last week! He would love to start his run on Showdown with a victory! A victory over a rising star like The Visual Prophet would be quite amazing! Mark has managed to surprise us in the past! Mark gets to a vertical base as he gets Viz by his head! A strong uppercut by the PURE Champion! The power of that uppercut was enough to send Viz towards the ropes! Mark gets Viz by his arm before whipping him to the other set of ropes! Viz rebounds off those ropes! Mark goes for that clothesline, but Viz ducks it! Mark turns himself around — IKE TURNER SPECIAL! THAT SPINNING BACK FIST ON PUBLIC ENEMY NUMBER ONE! VIZ GETS MARK IN A HEADLOCK POSITION BEFORE CONNECTING WITH A TORNADO DDT! MARK GOES DOWN AS VIZ RACES FOR THE COVER!
Gavin Kirkland: The PURE Champion gets a shoulder up! It is going to be difficult to keep Mark Michaels down! The Visual Prophet gets Mark to his feet! Viz delivers a mean chop to Mark’s chest! Viz connects with another one! Viz manages to back the champion to the corner before taking a few steps before running towards Mark with a flying forearm to the corner, but Mark manages to step out of the corner, but Viz manages to springboard off the ropes before connecting with crossbody on Mark Michaels! But, Mark manages to roll himself up! He lifts The Visual Prophet up before connecting with a piledriver — no! Viz manages to get himself out of position for the piledriver! He runs towards Mark — Kiss to the Head! No! Mark manages to duck the move before pulling in Viz for a kneeling facebreaker! Viz pops up in response to that one! Mark pulls the former New Breed Champion closer before connecting with a gutwrench suplex! The Visual Prophet goes down as Mark Michaels hooks the leg!
Deadprez: The Visual Prophet kicks out at two! Mark Michaels has Viz by his legs! He’s going for that Inverted Figure Four Leglock, Gavin! Viz may find himself in a bit of trouble at the moment! Viz is not letting this move connect without a fight! He is trying to use available leg to kick Mark away from him! Viz is kicking with everything in him as he manages to push Mark away from him for the time being! Viz clutches onto the bottom rope before rolling himself out of the ring! It seems like Baethoven is trying to buy himself sometime outside of the ring! Something tells me that Mark is not going to be too patient about that!
Gavin Kirkland: Who cares, Deadprez? The Visual Prophet is the man, who is making Showdown watchable! He can take all the time that he needs in the world! Ugh, it seems like Mark is going to be impatient as he launches himself out of the ring — suicide dive onto The Visual Prophet — KISS TO THE HEAD! VIZ JUST CONNECTED WITH A KISS TO THE HEAD OUT OF NOWHERE AT ALL! THIS IS ONE MOVE THAT PEOPLE ON SHOWDOWN NEED TO BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR! MARK JUST FALLS DOWN RINGSIDE! VIZ IS TAPPING THE SIDE OF HIS HEAD! WHAT A WONDERFUL PLAN FROM HIM! VIZ GETS MARK INTO A VERTICAL BASE, BUT MARK IS MOTIONLESS AT THE MOMENT! VIZ GETS MARK BY HIS HEAD BEFORE SMASHING HIS HEAD AGAINST OUR ANNOUNCER’S TABLE! VIZ STILL HAS GOOD GRASP OF MARK’S HEAD BEFORE SMASHING HIS HEAD AGAINST OUR ANNOUNCER’S TABLE ONCE AGAIN! Mark collapses to his back! It seems like that Kiss to the Head knocked him out! If I were Viz, I would get to the ring and win this match! But, that’s just me! The Visual Prophet gets Mark Michaels back to a vertical base before picking him up — spinebuster on the edge the apron! It seems like that was enough to knock some life into Mark, but it must have been painful as well! Viz gets Mark and rolls him back into the ring! Viz rolls back into the ring as well before going for the cover!
OOOOOOOOOONE!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! THR—
Deadprez: The PURE Champion kicks out just barely, Gavin! How in the world is Mark Michaels still in this match? It seems like The Visual Prophet wants to know the answer to that question! That’s just the fighting spirit of the PURE Champion! Like it was stated earlier in this match, it is difficult to keep this man down! It does not matter how many times you kill him, but he gets up each time! Viz slams his hands against the canvas before delivering a kiss to the top of Mark Michaels’ forehead! Oh boy, it seems like Viz is going to go for another Kiss to the Head! This is not going to be pretty, Gavin! The Visual Prophet gets back to his feet as he’s gesturing for Mark Michaels to get back to his feet as well! It seems like Mark has very little idea of what is going to be going on, but he should by the moment he gets back to his feet! Slowly, you can see the champion getting to his feet! Mark turns himself around — Kiss to the Head by Viz!
Gavin Kirkland: Mark Michaels manages to duck from this move! He delivers a back kick to The Visual Prophet! Jawbreaker to Viz! Viz goes jumping back as he falls against the ropes! Mark goes right after Viz by connecting with a series of knee strikes! These knee strikes are getting quit aggressive! Mark gets Viz by his neck before connecting with a snapmare! Viz is in a seated position as Mark gets in front of Viz! Mark rebounds off those ropes to connect with a dropkick! Viz falls back in response to that! Mark stands himself up before connecting with a fist drop on Viz! Mark then connects with a leg drop on Viz! Look at this, Deadprez! It seems like Mark is going for another submission hold! He wasn’t so successful in trying to apply that inverted figure four leg lock; HOWEVER, IT SEEMS LIKE HE’S GOING FOR A SLEEPERHOLD ON THE VISUAL PROPHET! MARK WRAPS THE BODYSCISSORS ON VIZ! VIZ IS TRYING TO SCRAMBLE HIMSELF OFF OF MARK! THIS IS ONE SUBMISSION MOVE THAT HE WANTS NO PART OF! VIZ IS TRYING TO ROLL HIMSELF TO AN ALL FOURS POSITION, BUT MARK IS KEEPING VIZ NEAR HIM IN ORDER TO KEEP THAT SLEEPERHOLD APPLIED! DO NOT TAP, VIZ! DO NOT TAP AT ALL! VIZ SEEMS LIKE HE’S CONFLICTED IN WHAT TO DO? COME ON, VIZ! IT’S JUST MARK MICHAELS! YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT MAN! VIZ IS STRETCHING HIS ARMS OUT! HE IS TRYING TO RIP HIMSELF OUT OF THE SLEEPERHOLD, BUT NO LUCK AT ALL! :lupe:
Deadprez: A submission victory would be amazing for Mark Michaels! If he can make The Visual Prophet tap out willingly instead of making him pass out, it would be insane for Mark! It would get a few people’s attention in the back! None of these men are quitters, Gavin! To see one of them lose this match would be horrible, but who wants to win this match more? Who is willing to go to lengths in order to win this match more? You could make a solid case for either man! Viz would need to figure out some way to get out of the sleeperhold before he passes out! By the looks of things, Viz is trying to roll himself to an all fours position! Mark still has that sleeperhold applied! There is no way that he plans to release the hold! Mark seems too stubborn to let go of moves that could weaken his opponent long enough for him to win the match! Mark manages to get Viz into position for that sleeperhold — Viz manages to get Mark’s shoulders to the mat!
Gavin Kirkland: Mark Michaels gets an abdominal stretch with bodyscissors applied! But, The Visual Prophet still has a ton of fight in him! Viz is trying to elbow Mark’s face! He is trying to elbow himself out of the situation! Mark is doing everything in his power to wrench in that stretch! If he lets Viz get some momentum in this match, it could smell trouble for him! Viz is being relentless with those elbow strikes to Mark’s face! Viz is not backing down from this match! Mark Michaels can feel his grasp slowly fading away! Viz continues to nail those shots as Mark eventually drops to his back! Viz isn’t completely back to his feet as well! Mark and Viz get back to their feet at the same time! MARK WITH A FOREARM TO VIZ! VIZ DELIVERS FOREARM BACK TO MARK! MARK WITH ANOTHER ONE TO VIZ! VIZ WITH ANOTHER ONE TO MARK! THESE TWO MEN ARE TRADING SHOTS AT EACH OTHER! NEITHER ONE OF THESE MEN WANT TO BACK DOWN FROM THE FIGHT! MARK DELIVERS A NASTY KNEE TO THE VISUAL PROPHET’S STOMACH! MARK REBOUNDS OF THE ROPES IN ORDER TO CONNECT WITH A SWINGING NECKBREAKER! Viz is clutching the back of his neck! It seems like Mark is looking to wrap up this match! It seems like he’s trying to apply The Liberation Has Begun! He tried to apply this move earlier in the match, but wasn’t successful in doing so? Will he be successful now?
Deadprez: The Visual Prophet is not going to allow the PURE Champion to lock in the move! Viz is scrambling out of this move! Viz doesn’t want this move applied to him! Viz is clutches to the ropes on his side! Mark is trying to pull Viz away from the ropes! But, it seems like Viz is not letting go! Mark begins to club away with some punches to the top of Viz’ head! That happens to be enough to get Viz’ hand off the bottom rope! The Liberation Has Begun on The Visual Prophet! Viz is in serious trouble at the moment! NO! LOOK AT THIS, GAVIN! THE VISUAL PROPHET MANAGES TO GET HIMSELF BACK TO HIS FEET! HE IS SHAKING, BUT HE IS SOMEHOW MAKING IT BACK TO A VERTICAL BASE! HE ROLLS UP MARK MICHAELS TO HIS SHOULDERS!
OOOOOOOOOONE!! TWOOOOOOOOOO!! THREEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
Gavin Kirkland: NO! MARK MICHAELS MANAGES TO ROLL HIMSELF OUT OF THAT ROLL UP IN THE LAST SECOND! MARK RISES BACK TO HIS FEET! THE VISUAL PROPHET GETS BACK TO HIS FEET AS WELL — KISS TO THE HEAD! THAT BULL HAMMER ELBOW STRIKE OUT OF NOWHERE! MARK IS DOWN! VIZ GOES FOR THE COVER!
OOOOOOOOOOOONE!!!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
(“Another One Bites The Dust” plays through the speakers against as The Visual Prophet has an evil smirk on his face. He gets off of Mark Michaels as he looks down on him. Nina D reunites with him in the ring and gets him to his feet.)
Gina Romano: THE WINNER OF THIS MATCH … THE VISUAL PROOOOOOOOPHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEETTTTTT!!
Deadprez: The Visual Prophet gets a victory over the PURE Champion! What an upset victory tonight on Showdown!
Gavin Kirkland: Upset victory? I knew that Viz would be able to get the job done! This man has proven to be the future of this company. I never doubted him for a second. :wow:
Deadprez: Mark Michaels put on an amazing performance! Man, people on Showdown need to be on a look out for The Visual Prophet and his Kiss to the Head! If you allow him to hit that move, it is the end for you, no doubt!
(Commercial break — an advertisement for Target with an emphasis on the importance of celebrating #Pride. “Wait a minute. It’s July? Fuck it, nevermind, cancel the whole thing.”)
( Showdown returns to the ring, where Ahren Fournier is standing by with a microphone in hand and “Starboy” by The Weekend is playing over the sound system. )
Deadprez: We back live on Saturday Night Showdown. Coming off the heels of a pretty rough night at Pain for Pride just two weeks ago, the man the myth and the legend himself Ahren Fournier has requested some time tonight to address his subjects in the EAW Universe, here on what he says is ‘his’ brand!
Gavin Kirkland: I for one am happy that Showdown has retained The GOAT! It would have been a terrible loss for all of us if he were drafted to another brand, and I am privileged to be able to call his matches during what may very well be his greatest season yet! BAA BAA BAA, bitch he’s the GOATY!
( “Starboy” dies down and the arena lights return to normal. )
Ahren Fournier: Hmmmmm, some draft huh? Anybody else completely not shocked whatsoever about any of the results? Good I thought it was just me. Woo yay for women though, they get to muddy up our brands now full time. Usually the meddling bitches like Kassidy Heart or Cameron Ella Ava were the only ones that bothered to bitch their way into the big boy shows. Now all of the women get to be shoved down people’s throats. Greeeat. Anywho nice to see the EAW rosters beefy and chunky, as per all post-draft rosters. Until the same losers quit and the GOAT prevails yet again. Completely unbothered and unfazed by the minimal competition that EAW provides. Thank your lucky stars ladies & gents, because Ahren Fournier is back to grace you all with another season of Saturday Night GOATDOWN!!!!
( Major mixed reaction. )
Ahren Fournier: Aww poo. Why the boos? You didn’t seriously think Trasshitty Barfs had what it took to rid EAW of the GOATs pretty face did you? Didya? Of course you didn’t, that would be completely stupid. And you good people aren’t STUPID right? Right??? Of course not. A bunch of big brains out here. Why don’t you put those big noodle noggins to use and answer this question for yourselves. WIth the new and revamped Showdown roster, how well do you think The GOATs going to fare against the current crop of competition? Sorry sorry hold up hold up lemme rephrase that question. How EASILY will The GOAT dominate the current crop of competition here in GOATdown Season 13? Prolly won’t take too long won’t it? Prolly will only take two months. Maybe three months. Then *poof* , the roster’s depleted. Everybody quits. Ahren wins. Signs in the stands saying “LOL Ahren Wins.” The GOAT gets bored. I get bored pretty easily folks. A bored GOAT is a sad GOAT. EAW would have to do an “Elitist shakeup” again like we did during the shitty Jacob Senn era of Dynasty. Remember those days? Sucked right? Sheesh! Well Dynasty still sucks. ‘Cause I’m not on it. And ’cause Trasshitty is the face of Dynasty now. Ew. Puke. Yikes. Snooze.
GOATdown will always be the home of The GOAT, this show would wither away and die without me. I bring ratings to this brand. And I don’t even try. I swear we need like, a town crier or something. It’s just like, Ahren shows up and “OMG look the ratings are coming! The ratings are coming!” I am General Cornwallis, and the ratings are like the British. The ratings are like winter in GOT Season 8. The ratings are like your gurl when I go down on her, in her wildest fantasies. Hahahaha bet you all thought I implied I ate kitty. Silly geese, GOATs don’t eat cats. We’re herbivores. #NotActuallyAVeganTho Aaanyways, it seems like a laundry list of bozos have come to GOATdown to try and make a name for themselves on my brand.
I mean sheesh who do we have now anyways? Jamie O’Hara? Snooze. Season 11 called, they want their idol back. No more Ace for you. Maybe you were once an ‘Ace’, but on GOATdown you’re a B plus player. Then we have old hags like Jamie’s wife, eugh. Oh lord, or worse, grandmas like Amber Keys. Somebody call the old folks home, I think one of their inmates have wandered out again. Not gunna like 12 years ago I would have totally went for it. But now the only things from Amber that don’t sag are the silicon cups in her chest. What else, ugh P.U. that shitter critter Mark Michaels is here too? God how many years did it take him to win a title in his career? Like 500? Pathetic. I held more titles in my rookie year than he has, basically ever. Speaking of champions, and plastic, and body odor, look no further than the jobber champion Felix Hartley. Gross, brings a new meaning to “I smell a rat.” ‘Cause she’s a ring rat. And a rat in the face. And you can smell her a mile away. W0w Felix gonna send me nudes too? Please don’t they’re not even worth the space they’d take up on my phone. Which says a lot since ya boi is a rich bish and can afford the 512 GB.
Oh jeezus and last but not least Mr. DEDEDE. The guy who dressed up like Aladdin to marry the whiny sack of silicon that I threw out like yesterday’s trash. The geriatric buggy eyed chameleon who changes personas like a girl changes clothes. Newsflash you’re not cool for making up new facades every season, you’re just a schizo. Me? I’ve been the GOAT for years now, and I’ve been actually the GOAT, not some persona like you are. You’ve had like two sex changes over the last season. Confused old ass bitch boy. Have fun with the stupid roastie thot. Hope you’re ready to rip out whatever hair you’ve have surgically attached to your scalp, oldie. That stupid bitch will drive you up the wall. Who knows maybe you’ll just snap and throw her off of a bridge. Maybe do the world a favor. You’d deserve it Trasshitty you stupid skank. You’re too much of an ungrateful ditzy clueless floozie to know what’s good for ya. You acted like being my employee was some sort of prison sentence. Hope you like being legally married to Satan himself. Guess I’m not so bad for ya after all you stupid bitch. No more GOATy to protect you from the world. No more Jaded Wolfe Hearts to do that either. You’re alone with “Gawdzilla” and no knight in shining armor to save ya. Sorry princess, hope ya like King Koopa, because Mario’s left the building. Sucks 2 suck doesn’t it. Too bad. So sad.
Anyways, GOATdown Season 13 is gonna be pretty easy and breezy from the looks of it. Who knows I’m feeling cute might just win every championship on the brand later, idk. But that’s all for tonight folks. You got more than your money’s worth don’t worry about it. And don’t worry no need to thank me, your hard earned money going into my multi-year, 8 figure salary is thanks enough! Toodles. GOATbye.
( Ahren drops the mic and “Starboy” comes back on while Ahren exits the ring. )
(Commercial break — teaser commercial for Midsummer Massacre, a Showdown exclusive Free-Per-View! Saturday July 27, 2019 from the Wells Fargo Center in Philadelphia, Pennsylvana. Tickets on sale NOW!)
(Camera opens to find Myles and Xander Payne walking together backstage. Both are talking in their usual dynamic.)
Xander Payne: Can’t believe I lost to that fucking bitch. Embarrassing. Getting pinned by some Sienna Jade wannabe sex doll. She’s probably more percent plastic than my milk bags back home.
Myles: Are you serious? She’s a tough one. She’s the New Breed Champion for a reason. I know you had the belt once but that was a long time ago now. That girl is something else.
Xander Payne: BUT SHES STILL A GIRL! I can’t be losing to sluts like her if the Wildcards are going to be taken seriously around here. I mean, fuck, you don’t see any women holding the men’s world championships do you? There’s a reason they get their own pity title. And the one holding it is the same useless bitch we beat for the tag titles. If that’s their top champion, I shouldn’t be taking flukey losses to some purple haired cock-sleeve!
Myles: Didn’t you lose your New Breed Championship to a woman? Why’re you so bent about that one detail? The girls have been really stepping up around here.
Xander Payne: BUT ARE THEY WORLD CHAMPIONS? ARE THEY REAL MAIN EVENTERS?!? THATS WHAT I AM SUPPOSED TO BE! THATS WHAT *WE* ARE SUPPOSED TO BE! The fact that Empire died and these chicks are supposed to be equal to us despite the fact that we are stronger, faster, and overall better! Look at tonight’s show! Chris Elite is an all timer but he has to waste his time facing Cameron Ella Ava because of this dumbass equality movement.
Myles: Hasn’t Cameron been fighting guys for, like, ever?
Xander Payne: SO WHAT?!? When has Cameron Ella Ava ever been seen as a real threat?!?
???: Since before you ever got your contract with this company.
(The two stop at the voice and turn to see Cameron Ella Ava standing across the hall, looking annoyed. Jamie O’Hara is there with her, he has a grin that reads “you just fucked up.”)
Cameron Ella Ava: I’m not in the main event tonight because of equality. I’m in the main event because I’m that damn good. I transcended the women’s division before you knew how to do a hip toss. I would’ve said since before you ever ran the ropes but…. *she looks Xander up and down* you don’t look like you’ve ever ran anywhere in your life.
Xander Payne: Oh hey! It’s Cumeron Ella Ava and that old dude we carried a few weeks back.
Myles: *sigh* Great… this is what I need in my life right now…
(Jamie and Cameron step up, not afraid of the two tag partners.)
Jamie O’Hara: Are you for real? You two couldn’t lace my fucking boots. I’m the Ace and not because I say I am, but because I live that fact. No one goes out there and puts it on like I do. And Cameron is a Hall of Famer all her own. She’s beaten more big names than you’ve had matches. You don’t—
(Cam puts a hand on his shoulder as her name comes out his mouth.)
Cameron Ella Ava: I love you, but I can fight my own battles. *She turns to Xander* You lost tonight because you weren’t good enough. And if you couldn’t beat Felix who just got here several months ago, what makes you think you can have my name in your mouth? You look down on me because of my gender? Why don’t you throw the fact that I got bigger boobs a few years ago into the mix? Or that I wear make up despite how long I’ve been on the “men’s” roster? Or that maybe I wear a dress sometime because oooh isn’t girly shit just so silly? You run your mouth all you want but that’s all it is. Talk. You’ve done nothing. I’ve done everything. Whenever you look at me, whether you’re a rookie or you’re a veteran, Cameron Ella Ava will always be one thing: Better than you.
Myles: Hey, Xander maybe we should—
Xander Payne: BITCH! I AM A MAN AND YOU WILL RESPECT ME AS SUCH! DON’T YOU—
(Jamie grabs Xander by the shirt and pushes him back.)
Jamie O’Hara: I’m sorry. What were you about to say?
(Xander and Jamie stare lasers into each other’s eyes for a moment before a producer comes up and speaks to Cameron.)
Producer: Cameron? Umm. You’re needed at the curtain soon. Is… everything ok?
Cameron Ella Ava: Yeah. All good here. I’m on the way.
(Jamie still has a hold on Xander as the two haven’t broken eyesight. Jamie finally lets go and steps back to follow Cameron. He doesn’t take his eyes off the Wildcards.)
Jamie O’Hara: You better watch your ass.
(Xander and Myles watch as they walk away. Myles shakes his head, but Xander opens his mouth again before walking off.)
Xander Payne: Damn. They didn’t have to be such assholes.
Myles: Wha… are you kidding me?
(The Camera fades as the two walk off, Myles scratching his head at what just happened.)
(The scene cuts to the ring, where Showdown ring announcer, Gina Romano, is standing by. She smiles into the camera and raises the microphone to her mouth.)
Gina Romano: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN… THE FOLLOWING CONTEST IS SCHEDULED FOR…
Crowd: ONE FALL!!!
Gina Romano: AND IT’S YOUR MAIN EVENT OF THE EVENING!!!
(“ULTRAnumb” by Blue Stahli begins blasting across the public address system, which makes the fans go crazy.)
Gina Romano: INTRODUCING FIRST… FROM LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA… WEIGHING IN AT 130 POUNDS… SHE IS THE GODDESS… CAMERON ELLA AVA!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: Oh man… here comes Jamie O’Hara’s bed warmer, and I gotta say… even though she’s brunette, Cam is stacked AF. Those fake ass titties bounce almost like real ones do, and that’s when you know that shit is quality, and I can only imagine the things Jamie’s does to them :wow:
Deadprez: I mean, she’s fine as hell. But Cameron’s coming into Season 13 with one thing on her mind, and that is to capture the Answers World Championship. Last season, we all watched as she continuously came up short in her quest, and she’s vowed not to let anything stand in her way this year.
Gavin Kirkland: I think that’s pretty bold, to be honest. Her husband and superior has the same dream she does, and we all know what happened the last time these two decided they wanted to get their hands on the same piece of gold. It didn’t go so well, for Cameron that is. She needs to stay in her lane, and let her man do what he wants. I think she’s kind of a cunt for not stepping back, doing her wifely duties, and letting Jamie handle things.
Deadprez: It’s going to be interesting if their paths end up crossing, especially if the Answers World Championship is involved.
(Cameron poses on the apron and tosses her Snapback to a lucky fan in the crowd, before climbing into the ring and getting set for her match.)
(Cam’s music fades and is replaced by Chris Elite’s theme, “Odee” by A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie.)
Gina Romano: AND HER OPPONENT… BEING ACCOMPANIED TO THE RING BY THE BOZO VICTIMS UNIT… FROM BROOKLYN, NEW YORK… WEIGHING IN AT 210 POUNDS… HE IS DETECTIVE SKABLER… CHRIS ELITE!!!
(The former World Heavyweight Champion and the rest of the BVU appear on stage and start making their way to the ring. Detective Asson, Detective Ty, and of course Detective Biggums are there to support their man. Detective Biggums makes sure to issue citations to the dickeaters in the crowd as they all make their way down the ramp.)
Deadprez: Yo, I don’t know really know what to make of this whole Bozo Victims Unit bullshit, but the odds are certainly stacked in Chris Elite’s favor for this match. Cameron is facing an uphill battle because we all know Big Mike won’t hesitate to get involved, and I’m sure these other two won’t either.
Gavin Kirkland: Cameron looks the type to have taken multiple men and hell, women too, at the same time. This situation is nothing new. Sure, Jamie made an honest woman out of her, but we all know that everyone’s had a piece of that ass before.
Deadprez: :whoa: Are you slut shaming?
Gavin Kirkland: I’m just saying that the Bozo Victims Unit could run a train on Cam right in the middle of the ring and wouldn’t nobody be surprised, prolly not even her old man. Jamie O’Hara has voyeuristic qualities about him anyway; sitting back and watchin’ while his wife, sister-in-law, and mother-in-law all got raped by our esteemed boss and Gawd, Mr. DEDEDE. I stan a man who takes what he wants, even if it means drugging a bitch and dragging her to the altar.
Deadprez: I really hope Cleo is watching right now.
Gavin Kirkland: :damn:!!!! Shiiid. I don’t. :lupe:
(The members of the BVU spread out around the ring, as Chris gets inside and gets ready for his match with Cameron. The two glare at one another once Chris gets set, and the referee calls for the bell.)
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Gavin Kirkland: BIG TIT AVA! BIG BHRIS ELITE! LETS FUCKING GO!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: This match is underway and it’s starting off with Big Bhris Elite offering Cameron Ava-O’Hara a test of strength! Cam is never one to back down from any man, so obviously she takes Bhris up on his offer.
Deadprez: :damn: Motherfucker just slapped the shit out of Cam, right across her face!
Gavin Kirkland: AND CAM SHOVES HER SHOULDER INTO CHRIS’ GUT AND DRIVES HIM INTO THE CORNER! CAM WITH A SERIES OF SHOULDER THRUSTS NOW!!! CHRIS TRIES TO FEND HER OFF BUT CAMERON STARTS PUTTING THE BOOTS TO HIM! SHE BRINGS CHRIS DOWN INTO A SITTING POSITION AND IS JUST KICKING THE HELL OUT OF HIM! CHRIS GETS HIMSELF BETWEEN THE ROPES AND THE REFEREE GRABS CAMERON, FORCING HER BACK! WHAT A FEISTY LITTLE HELLCAT! I WONDER IF SHE BRINGS THAT SAME ENERGY TO BED WITH JAMIE?!
Deadprez: Cameron shoves the referee back and screams at Chris to get his ass up. Chris shakes the cobwebs out, and he looks pretty pissed with how this match has started. These two had a lot of shit to say to one another this week, and they didn’t exactly bite their tongues. That’s why this season of Showdown is gunna be lit. The personalities we have on this show? :wow:
Gavin Kirkland: Chris is back up, and he’s glaring at Cameron. The two are circling one another now and it’s Cam who swings first! Chris ducks the punch, and throws a right hand. Cam blocks and looks for a wristlock. Chris flips his way out of it, jumps in the air! He’s trying for a spinning heel kick, but Cam wisely gets out of the way. She goes for a clothesline, but Chris ducks and catches her around the waist! Cameron blocks his attempt to bring her down to the mat, and throws an elbow that catches him in the side of the head. Chris lets go, and Cameron grabs the former world champion! She looks for a snapmare, but Chris shoves her forward! Cameron is able to put the brakes on, and she whips around right as Chris attempts to clothesline her over the top rope! Cameron ducks underneath him, runs the ropes, and comes flying back at Chris!!!
Deadprez: Chris catches Cameron as she launches herself in the air for a crossbody! TILT-A-WHIRL BACKBREAKER!!! CAMERON IS DOWN!
Gavin Kirkland: She likes her back broken if you get my drift.
Gavin Kirkland: DETECTIVE SKABLER WITH THE STANDING SHOOTING STAR PRESS!!! Chris with the first cover of the match!!!
Deadprez: CAMERON KICKS OUT! Chris gets back up and jerks Cameron up. She throws a right hand that catches him in the jaw, but Chris fires back with the Mike Tyson Uppercut!!! He nearly took Cam’s head off with that!!! Cameron is down on the mat and now Chris is stomping away at her! Chris Elite just being absolutely ruthless tonight, but that’s to be expected. Chris snatches Cameron up and Irish whips her into the corner! He runs forward! SPLASH TO CAMERON! CAMERON SLUMPS TO A SITTING POSITION AND CHRIS TAKES OFF RUNNING AGAIN! 357!!! RUNNING DOUBLE KNEE FACEBUSTER! CHRIS PULLS CAM OUT OF THE CORNER AND GOES FOR THE COVER!!!
Gavin Kirkland: SHE GOT AN IMPLANT UP! BIG TITTY AVA IS STILL ALIVE IN THIS MATCH!!! LETS GO!!!! Chris grabs a handful of extensions and grins, dragging Cam over to the corner. He attempts to slam her face off the turnbuckles, but Cam gets her foot up to block that from happening! She elbows Chris in the side of the face, grabs him by the head and he’s the one who eats the turnbuckles! Chris wisely steps between the ropes, which once again forces the referee to step in and have Cameron back off.
Deadprez: Chris climbs onto the apron now, and Cameron pushes past the ref! She hops up on the second rope and grabs Chris, hooking him for a suplex and looking to bring him back inside the ring herself!
Gavin Kirkland: BUT LOOK AT ASSIDY HART! DETECTIVE ASSON GRABS ONTO CHRIS’ LEG AND SHE’S HOLDING ON! That’s what a good bitch does, Deadprez.
Deadprez: :wow: The referee steps in to chastise Detective Asson, whom I’m not really comfortable referring to as Assidy Hart. Mr. DEDEDE might be listening. :lupe:!
Gavin Kirkland: I’m sure he knows his bride is all ass and tits and not much else. Why else would he marry her?
Deadprez: ANYWAY! The distraction gives Chris another opening in this match and he dives through the ropes, catching Cam in the gut! He grabs the ropes, hops on top, grabs Cam!!! SPRINGBOARD NECK BREAKER! WHAT AN INNOVATIVE MOVE FROM CHRIS ELITE!!! CHRIS QUICKLY BACK TO THE TOP! HE GETS SET! BIONIC STOMP!!!! MOONSAULT FOOT STOMP!!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: CAMERON ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY!!!!
Deadprez: BUT CHRIS ELITE IS ON HIS FEET! CAMERON GETS UP AND CHRIS LEAPS IN THE AIR! HEAD SHOT!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: NO!!! CAMERON GOT OUT OF THE WAY OF THE PELE KICK!!! CAMERON RUNS AND LEAPS ON THE ROPES!!! SPRINGBOARD ROUNDHOUSE KICK! CAMERON O’HARA CLIPS CHRIS AND HE GOES DOWN!!! THE GODDESS GRABS CHRIS ELITE AND I THINK SHE’S LOOKING FOR ‘BREAKING BARRIERS’!!!!
Deadprez: BUT BIG MIKE IS ON THE APRON!!! BIG MIKE CATCHES CAM’S ATTENTION AND SHE DROPS CHRIS!!!! CAMERON WALKS OVER TO BIG MIKE AND THE TWO ARE JAWING BACK AND FORTH WITH ONE ANOTHER! CHRIS USES THE DISTRACTION TO HIS ADVANTAGE! HE GRABS CAMERON FROM BEHIND AND ROLLS HER UP!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: CAMERON ROLLS THROUGH AND SHE GETS UP! DROPKICK TO CHRIS ELITE!!! CAMERON GRABS CHRIS AND HITS HIM WITH A NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX!!! CAMERON WITH THE COVER!!!
Deadprez: CHRIS ELITE POWERS OUT!
Gavin Kirkland: Cameron mounts Chris and she is wailing away on him! The Goddess throwing all her weight behind those punches and they are landing right on the face of the former World Heavyweight Champion! Chris is attempting to fight off Cameron, but he’s not having any luck at the moment! Cameron with those forearms! She is really taking the fight to Chris Elite, no doubt fueled by the complete lack of respect he showed her this week. Cameron finally gets tired of being the shit out of Chris Elite and she gets back to her feet! She pulls Chris up with her and hoists him up! CAM SHOWING OFF HER STRENGTH!!! ALABAMA SLAM!!! SHE ABSOLUTELY PLANTS CHRIS WITH THE ALABAMA SLAM!!! CAMERON WITH THE COVER!!!!
Deadprez: Chris kicks out! Cameron knows she’s got to stay on the attack and she pulls Chris up, whipping him across the ring! Chris manages to hook his arms around the ropes, but that doesn’t stop Cameron! She charges forward…. LOOKING FOR IN EXCELSIS!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: BHRIS DUCKS AND HE USES CAMERON’S OWN MOMENTUM TO DUMP HER OVER THE TOP ROPE! CHRIS STUMBLES FORWARD WHICH GRABS THE REFEREE’S ATTENTION!
Deadprez: THERE GOES TY THE WHITE GUY! DETECTIVE TY SNEAKS AROUND AND LOOKS TO STRIKE CAMERON IN THE HEAD WITH A KICK, BUT CAMERON DODGES!!! THE GODDESS SPRINGS UP IN THE AIR AND SHE TAKES DOWN TY WITH A DROPKICK!!! CAMERON QUICKLY DARTS BACK IN THE RING BUT CHRIS IS THERE TO GREET HER! CHRIS IS PUTTING THE BOOTS TO CAM AND HE PICKS HER UP!!! CHRIS RAMS CAM SHOULDER FIRST INTO THE RINGPOST, HOISTS HER UP, AND DROPS HER THROAT FIRST ACROSS THE TOP ROPE! CHRIS DEADLIFTS CAMERON UP AND HE THROWS HER HALFWAY ACROSS THE RING WITH A RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX!!!
Gavin Kirkland: Cameron pulls herself up to her knees and but she doesn’t see Chris rushing towards her! He catches Cameron in the temple with a basement style dropkick, and the Detective SKabler quickly goes to the top rope! CHRIS LAUNCHES HIMSELF OFF… BIONIC STOMP!!!!!
Deadprez: HE LANDS IT AND QUICKLY THROWS HIMSELF ON TOP OF CAM!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: SHE GOT THE SHOULDER UP!!! FUCK!!!!
Deadprez: Chris slams his hand down on the mat in frustration!!! He snatches Cam up by the hair and unloads a massive knife-edge chop to her chest! Chris with another one! AND ANOTHER ONE! CHRIS IS CHOPPING CAM ALL THE WAY INTO THE CORNER!!! HE FOLLOWS IT UP WITH AN OPEN-HANDED PALM STRIKE TO CAM’S TENDER CHEST!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: :lupe: He didn’t pop Jamie’s airbags did he?
Deadprez: Chris rears back and he backhands Cam across the face!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: :damn: CAM JUST LET OUT A SCREAM AND SHOVED CHRIS BACK!!! ALL THAT DID WAS PISS HER OFF! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE WE SEEN THIS BEFORE?! THESE MEN ARE GUNNA LEARN ONLY JAMIE O’HARA CAN SLAP THE BITCH AROUND AND GET AWAY WITH IT!
Deadprez: CAM WITH A LOU THESZ PRESS!!! SHE IS UNLOADING ON CHRIS ELITE ONCE AGAIN!!! HE FENDS HER OFF AND TRIES TO GET TO HIS FEET, BUT CAM IS UP AS WELL! SHE UNLOADS FOREARM AFTER FOREARM ON CHRIS! CHRIS FIRES BACK WITH RIGHTS AND LEFTS! CAMERON STRIKES HIM IN THE NOSE WITH A PALM STRIKE! CAMERON WITH A CHOP TO THE THROAT! CAMERON WITH A KICK TO THE GUT! SHE GRABS CHRIS ELITE AND SPIKES HIM INTO THE MAT WITH A DDT! CAMERON QUICKLY GRABS CHRIS AND SHE LOCKS HIM IN THE AVA LOCK! CHRIS ELITE IS LOCKED IN THE AVA LOCK!!!
Gavin Kirkland: JAMIE O’HARA’S WIFE TAPPED OUT XAVIER WILLIAMS BACK AT PAIN FOR PRIDE AND SHE IS LOOKING TO TAP OUT THE FORMER WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION NOW!
Deadprez: CHRIS ELITE IS SO HARD TO KEEP DOWN THOUGH! HE’S DIGGING IN AND USING HIS STRENGTH ADVANTAGE TO DRAG HIMSELF AND CAMERON TO THE ROPES! HE IS EXERTING A LOT OF ENERGY IN ORDER TO DO THIS, BUT HE’S SO CLOSE! ALL HE HAS TO DO IS GET HIMSELF TO THE ROPES!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: CAM IS TRYING TO HOLD ON TO THE AVA LOCK BUT CHRIS MAKES IT!!! CAM HAS TO BREAK!!! THAT’S SOME IMPRESSIVE ENDURANCE FOR THE FORMER CHAMP BUT CAM IS NOT GIVING HIM A BREAK! SHE PULLS CHRIS BACK TO THE CENTER OF THE RING AND FLIPS HIM OVER! CHRIS USES HIS FEE TO KICK HER BACK, AND STAGGERS UP TO HIS!!! CAM SWINGS WILDLY, LOOKING TO CONNECT WITH A RIGHT HAND, BUT CHRIS BLOCKS!!! HE ATTEMPTS A CLOTHESLINE BUT CAMERON IS ABLE TO DODGE! CHRIS THROWS HIS FOOT UP NOW… JUST HOPING TO CONNECT WITH A KICK OR SOMETHING, BUT CAM SPRINGS UP AND FLOATS OVER HIM, BRINGING HIM DOWN TO THE MAT WITH A NECKBREAKER! CAM GOES FOR THE COVER!!!
Deadprez: CHRIS WITH THE SHOULDER UP! CAM QUICKLY BRINGS CHRIS UP TO HIS FEET AND SHE GETS HIM INTO POSITION FOR ANOTHER NECKBREAKER AND DRIVES HIM INTO THE MAT! CAM HANGS ON AND SHE BRINGS THEM BOTH BACK UP… A SECOND SUCCESSFUL NECKBREAKER! SHE GOES FOR THE TRIFECTA! CAM AND CHRIS ARE BOTH UP, AND SHE IS LOOKING TO TAKE CHRIS DOWN WITH A THIRD NECKBREAKER, BUT CHRIS IS ABLE TO HOOK HER ARMS!!! BACKSLIDE INTO A PIN!!!
Gavin Kirkland: Cam powers out and both competitors are back up! Cam attempts an enziguri, but Chris has it scouted! She misses, and Chris looks to take her down! Cam drops into a backbend to avoid the clothesline, and she rises back up! Jumping high kick! She catches Chris in the head! Chris Elite is down! Cam forces herself back up to her feet and Chris is using the ropes to pull himself up as well! Cam presses on, and nails Chris in the side of the face with a big boot! Chris stumbles back and Cam grabs him by the wrist! She begins torquing that limb and whips Chris into the corner! Cameron O’Hara with a running European uppercut that nearly takes Chris’ head off!!!!
Deadprez: Chris is rattled right now, and Cameron looks to hit a second one! CHRIS GETS HIS FEET UP! CAMERON STUMBLES BACK AND CHRIS HITS CAMERON WITH THE HEAD SHOT! HE NAILS THE PELE KICK THIS TIME AND CAMERON IS DOWN! CHRIS GOES FOR THE COVER AND HOOKS BOTH LEGS!!!
Gavin Kirkland: NO! THE BROAD STILL HAS SOME FIGHT LEFT IN HER! CHRIS ELITE SEEMS REALLY PISSED HE CAN NOT PUT AWAY THE SASSY AND FEISTY CAMERON JAMIE O’HARA AND HE SIGNALS THAT HE IS GOING TO END THIS MATCH!!! CHRIS ELITE STOMPS AWAY AT CAM’S HEAD AND FACE!!! AND HE PULLS HER UP! CHRIS HOISTS CAMERON IN THE AIR IN THE FIREMAN’S CARRY POSITION! HE IS GOING TO END THIS WITH A MOVE HE CALLS ‘FACE VALUE’!!!!
Deadprez: CHRIS HAS CAMERON UP IN THE AIR BUT WAIT! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!
(The crowd gasps as a beautiful, straight from North Korea, Siberian tiger struts onto the stage.)
Gavin Kirkland: THAT’S KIMMY!!! KIMMY THE SIBERIAN TIGER IS ON THE STAGE AND THERE’S NINA!!! THE ENTIRE BVU IS STARTS TO MAKE THEIR WAY UP THE RAMP, BUT KIMMY THE KITTEN DOESN’T LOOK TO BE IN THE MOOD TO PLAY!!!!
Deadprez: CHRIS ELITE HAS LET GO OF CAM AND HE’S SHOUTING AT HIS ENTOURAGE. NINA BLOWS A KISS AT CHRIS ELITE!!! CAMERON FROM BEHIND! SHE CLIPS CHRIS IN THE BACK OF THE KNEE!!! CHRIS GOES DOWN!!! CAMERON SPRINGS UP, GETTING A SECOND LIFE IN THIS MATCH! SHE HITS THE ROPES! IN EXCELSIS CONNECTS WITH THE BACK OF CHRIS ELITE’S SKULL, AND CAMERON GOES FOR THE COVER!!!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Gina Romano: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN… HERE IS YOUR WINNER… THE GODDESS… CAMERON ELLA AVA!!!!
(The BVU turn around and see Cameron getting her hand raised in victory. “ULTRAnumb” by Blue Stahli begins to play and immediately Chris’ entourage hit the ring. Cameron drops down and rolls out of the ring!! On the stage, Nina has scooped up Kimmy and is cuddling the adorable tiger in her arms.)
Gavin Kirkland: Goddamn, I love a thicc fucking blonde who loves to cause some trouble.
Deadprez: Nina and Kimmy with the distraction that allowed Cameron to capitalize and get her first win of the season!
Gavin Kirkland: :whew: What a show we had tonight!!!
Deadprez: If tonight is any indication of how this season is going to go and how Midsummer Massacre will be, then damn. It’s going to be one hell of a ride.
Gavin Kirkland: I can’t wait for next week, but as far as tonight goes, we are out of time. I’m Gavin Kirkland.
Deadprez: And I’m Deadprez. Goodnight!
(EAW logo buzzes.)