(EAW intro plays.)
(“DNA” by Kendrick Lamar starts up, marking the beginning of another episode of Saturday Night Showdown! As the music plays throughout the speaker system of the Nationwide Arena, the camera pans over the giddy and enthusiastic fans in the audience, filling the arena to capacity. As the camera collects it’s last few shots of the crowd from different angles, we transition to the commentary desk where Deadprez and Gavin Kirkland are each holding up small glasses with a dark brown liquid. Gavin is seen lifting his glass to take a sip, Deadprez watching onward as Gavin’s lip pucker.)
Gavin Kirkland: Welcome everyone to Saturday Night Showdown! I’m the Voice of Empire, Gavin Kirkland!
Deadprez: And I’m Deadprez, the Voice of uhhh…nah, doesn’t work as well for me. Thanks for joining us here tonight for another episode of Saturday Night Showdown!
Gavin Kirkland: The last episode of Showdown, in fact, before Midsummer Massacre! The very first free-per-view of Season 13. It’s only right for Showdown to kick the FPVs off for the season, don’t you think?!
Deadprez: Oh, most definitely. Team Blue is here to set the standard for all the rest of them bozos and whatever mess of a show they decide to put on. :dame: Tell ‘em what we got so far, Gavin!
Gavin Kirkland: Right! First off, our main event–Mr. DEDEDE defending his Answers World Championship against Ahren Fournier! BAAAAAAAA!
Deadprez: Don’t let the chairman hear you, Gavin. I also heard from the GM just this morning that we got a special opportunity available for one of five competitors in an elimination match. :wow:
Gavin Kirkland: How about them special opportunities, eh? Oh oh oh, what about Mark Michaels vs Ryan Wilson for the PURE Championship?!
Deadprez: :oh: They made that official, did they? I doubt that’s gonna be all we have to offer tho, Gavin. I know for a fact that Jenny Punk is doing all that she can in order to put together a groundbreaking card for the event–but more on that later, we got our first competitors on their way out to the ring for some good ol’ fashioned no DQ competition!
Gavin Kirkland: Yawn.
(“Addiction” by Dope plays through the speakers. The crowd gives a mixed reception as The Beast, Mammoth, steps on the ramp. Mammoth is pumping himself up as he is paying no attention to how the fans are responding to him. He is focused on this match and beating Lucas Johnson.)
Gina Romano: THE FOLLOWING MATCH IS NO DISQUALIFICATION MATCH AND IT’S SCHEDULED FOR ONE FALL —
Crowd: ONE FALL!!!
Gina Romano: Introducing first…from Toronto, Ontario, Canada…weighing in 276 pounds…he is “The Beast”…MAAAAMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: Last week, Mammoth found himself on the losing end of the match. He teamed with Lance Blackfyre to face Santo Muerte and Io Ishimori! An argument between Mammoth and Lance resulted in Lance abandoning Mammoth, leaving the man to fend for himself and fall to the number’s game!
Deadprez: It’s safe to say that the reason for Mammoth losing wasn’t his fault! My blame will go to Lance Blackfyre and having his ego get the best of him. But, Mammoth is looking to add a win to his collection going up against the Wrestling Machine himself, Lucas Johnson!
(Mammoth is already in the ring, warming up. “Addiction” dies down as “Young and Bitter” by Hot Media Tag begins to blast through the speakers. Lucas Johnson comes out with a small and white towel wrapped around his neck. His advocate, Albert Hitchman, stands next to him. Albert is clapping and gassing up his client as Lucas has all the confidence in the world on his face.)
Gina Romano: Introducing his opponent…being accompanied to the ring by Albert Hitchman…from Atlanta, Georgia…weighing in 205 pounds…he the “Wrestling Machine”…LUUUUCCCCCCCCAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSS JOOOOHHHHHNNNNNNNNSSSSSOOOOOOONNNNNNNNN!!!!
Deadprez: Lucas Johnson walks his way to the ring with his advocate, Albert Hitchman. Those two have been known to be such a sneaky duo in the past. With Albert’s presence ringside, I can see him being a determining factor in this match! He is more than willing to do what he needs to do to help Lucas win!
Gavin Kirkland: If you got someone like Albert Hitchman at your corner, utilize him! No need to waste your energy at trying to end your opponent! If you have someone who is more than willing to cause a distraction and risk his own well being to help you, then that’s great! Lucas can be ruthless at times! He may not look like it, but this is someone that the Showdown locker room could keep an eye on this season! Sure, the only memory I have of him is Baby Shark Do Do Do, but a victory over here could put Lucas in the right path to being a champion!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Deadprez: Lucas Johnson versus Mammoth; No Disqualification! This is going to be a good one, Gavin! Both men could be itching to find themselves in championship contention this season on Showdown! The two competitors get to the center of the ring! Shockingly enough, there is no height advantage with these two men. I’m surprised to see Lucas being the taller man by an inch. Meanwhile, you see Mammoth with a size advantage! Lucas has been in matches such as like these before. Can’t recall Lucas ever being successful in this hardcore stipulations, but he’s got experience in being part of these matches! But, Mammoth looks like he is more than ready to get this match started!
Gavin Kirkland: But, you see Lucas Johnson looking over to his advocate, Albert Hitchman! Lucas takes his focus off of Mammoth for the time being! The official is halting Mammoth for the time being as Lucas and Albert are talking with one another. It seems like the audio can’t seem to pick up the conversation! It could have been something simple and beneficial for Mammoth to know. Albert Hitchman is always scheming and trying to help Lucas in any way. Lucas with a nod towards Albert and it seems like he’s ready to get this match underway! The two men go for the basic lock up, but Mammoth shows his strength advantage by pushing the former New Breed Champion up against the ropes! Mammoth backs up before the official can count to five! Lucas is trying to adjust to the situation before he launches himself towards Mammoth to go for another lock up, but he manages to shock Lucas away from him! Lucas rolls himself to a seated position! MAMMOTH GOES RIGHT AFTER THE WRESTLING MACHINE WITH A SLIDING FOREARM! HE STAYS ON THIS MOMENTUM WITH WITH STIFF PUNCHES ONTO HIS OPPONENT! LUCAS JOHNSON IS BEING MET WITH THESE STIFF FISTS AS HE IS TRYING TO ROLL HIMSELF OUT OF THE WAY, BUT MAMMOTH PINS LUCAS’ SHOULDERS ONTO THE MAT AND GOES FOR THE COVER!
Deadprez: Lucas Johnson manages to get out of the pin attempt! This match is still young and anything can happen! Lucas manages to get to a vertical base, but Mammoth gets Lucas and connects with a hip toss! Lucas falls into a seated position before Mammoth connects with a big boot to a seated Lucas! Mammoth gets Lucas by his head before applying a headlock! Lucas is using all of his might to push himself out of this position! Mammoth manages to shift his body as he applies a front headlock on Lucas! Lucas is trying to get himself back to a vertical base, but Mammoth is doing a great job with maintaining this front headlock, but Lucas pops himself out of the move and goes for a punch that staggers the bigger man back a bit! BUT, MAMMOTH TAKES BACK CONTROL WITH A KNEE TO THE FORMER NEW BREED CHAMPION’S STOMACH! MAMMOTH PICKS UP LUCAS AND CONNECTS WITH AN EXPLODER SUPLEX! LUCAS FALLS BACK AS HE IS CLUTCHING HIS BACK IN PAIN! HE SOMEHOW MAKES IT BACK TO HIS FEET, BUT MAMMOTH GOES RIGHT AFTER THE SMALLER MAN IN WEIGHT BY CONNECTING WITH A CLOTHESLINE! LUCAS FALLS OVER THE TOP ROPE!
Gavin Kirkland: But, Lucas Johnson manages to catch himself on the apron! Mammoth realizes that as he runs towards Lucas! He knocks Lucas off the apron, but Lucas manages to jump off the apron! Lucas is demanding for the official to hold Mammoth back! That was smart of Lucas, Deadprez! It seems like he is going to buy himself some time! It’s No Disqualification! Lucas is calling Albert Hitchman over! It seems like the approach Lucas has had in this match is not working in his favor! Albert whispers something into Lucas’ ear! He has that same smirk on his face that I do when I whisper naughty things to Cleopatra! Lucas has that huge grin on his face, but it seems like Lucas is not returning to the ring! Mammoth is yelling at the official! Mammoth knows that this is all nothing, but a waste of his time and it seems like he is exiting the ring in order to resume this match! As soon as Lucas seems Mammoth on the outside, he rolls himself back inside the ring! Lucas is gesturing for Mammoth to come at him! Mammoth returns to the ring and Lucas begins to stomp on the back of The Beast right away! Lucas is not giving this bigger man anytime to get back to his feet! Lucas takes a couple steps back before running towards the bigger man and connecting with a dropkick to the side of Mammoth’s skull! He knocks Mammoth down once again!
Deadprez: Lucas Johnson gets Mammoth back to his feet, but Mammoth connects with an uppercut out of nowhere! Lucas stumbles back as he looks to be in shock! Even though Lucas got a bit of offense into this match, he cannot believe that Mammoth isn’t being affected by any of the blows! Lucas goes right after Mammoth, but connects with a big boot as Lucas falls to his back instantly! It’s terrifying to see the match go from Lucas’ for the taking one minute to Mammoth going back to destroying Lucas the next minute! Mammoth is not planning for Lucas to get a hit in! Mammoth gets Lucas by his head and with his shoulder battery rams Lucas back to the corner! Mammoth connecting with a series of shoulder thrusts onto The Wrestling Machine! Each one of them gets painful! Mammoth gets Lucas and connects with a typical suplex! Lucas is on his back and it seems like Mammoth is going for a cover!
Gavin Kirkland A shoulder up by Lucas Johnson! He is difficult to keep down, Deadprez! HE MAY BE MORE OF A COCKROACH THAN A SHARK BECAUSE IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT YOU DO TO KEEP THIS MAN DOWN, HE NEVER DIES! WE SHOULD KNOW BY NOW! NOAH REIGNER TRIED KILLING HIM LAST SEASON AND HE STILL WON’T GO DOWN! HADES TRIED TO BURY THE POOR MAN ALIVE, BUT HE STILL ROSE UP! Mammoth is getting up the former New Breed Champion to his feet! It seems like Mammoth is going for another suplex! Mammoth with a suplex! But, Lucas manages to land on his feet! He landed on his feet almost with an ease! Mammoth turns himself around and goes right after Lucas! Lucas rolls underneath the bottom rope again! Lucas collapse ringside! He is showing the impact that Mammoth has had on his body in the match! Once again, he is calling over his advocate! I’m sensing these are some mind games from Lucas and Albert Hitchman! It’s almost kind of smart! Let the bigger man get angry! He’ll make a mistake at some point and Lucas will find a way to capitalize and win the match! Albert is also showing some signs of his concern! He can’t let his client get hurt!
Deadprez: You said it, Gavin. This is all mind games from Lucas Johnson and Albert Hitchman! This is nothing more than them trying to get Mammoth angry! It seems like Mammoth could see what is going on as he exits the ring! Mammoth is standing behind Albert Hitchman! This doesn’t look good at all. :lupe: Albert can sense that someone is behind him as he turns himself around to be met with Mammoth! Albert looks like he just shit himself more than you did in the ring against Mr. DEDEDE, Gavin!
Gavin Kirkland: Don’t remind me. :mjcry:
Deadprez: Albert Hitchman has his arms up in defense! It seems like he is trying to talk Mammoth into showing him some mercy! Albert doesn’t have an issue with Mammoth! He is only checking on his client! But, who in the hell is going to believe that? I don’t believe that whatsoever. But, Mammoth gets his hands on Albert Hitchman and shoves him to the side —
Gavin Kirkland: LUCAS JOHNSON WITH A LED PIPE IN HIS HAND AS HE HITS MAMMOTH BETWEEN THE LEGS! :damn: :damn: :damn: WHY DID LUCAS GOT TO HURT THE MAN THERE? I THINK EVERY MAN ON THE SHOWDOWN LOCKER ROOM FELT THAT! MAMMOTH COLLAPSES TO HIS KNEES AS HE IS CLUTCHING TO HIS BEAST BALLS! LUCAS GETS THE LED PIPE AGAIN AND SMASHES IT AGAINST MAMMOTH’S FACE! OH DEAR GAWD, YOU CAN SEE A BIT OF BLOOD TRICKLING DOWN MAMMOTH’S FOREHEAD AS HE FALLS BACK! THAT LED PIPE AND LUCAS JOHNSON ARE A DEADLY COMBINATION RIGHT NOW AND IT SEEMS LIKE LUCAS IS TO GOING TO HOLD BACK WHATSOEVER! LUCAS HITS MAMMOTH IN THE STOMACH! THE BIGGER MAN IS CLUTCHING IN PAIN! MAMMOTH TURNS HIMSELF AROUND TO BLOCK LUCAS FROM HITTING HIS STOMACH! LUCAS PROCEEDS TO HIT MAMMOTH ON HIS BACK AS THE BIGGER MAN GOES DOWN! ONE LAST SWING OF THE LED PIPE AS MAMMOTH CRIES OUT IN PAIN! THIS MUST BE ONE OF THE FIRST TIMES IN THIS MATCH THAT I HAVE SEEN MAMMOTH CRY OUT IN PAIN! BUT, LUCAS HAS SUCH A WICKED SWING. :wow:
Deadprez: It seems like Lucas Johnson is done with the led pipe and throws it to the side! Mammoth is down for the moment as Lucas lifts up the ring skirt! It seems like the former New Breed Champion is looking to bring some more weapons into this match! Really? There’s a stop sign underneath that ring? Lucas is going to introduce a stop sign into this match?
Gavin Kirkland: We don’t see much stop signs in this match, Deadprez! Lucas can probably take the littlest of weapons and make them into something deadly! Lucas situates the stop sign underneath Mammoth! It seems like Lucas is trying to pick up The Beast to a vertical base! I am not quite sure how smart of a decision this is, but I’m excited to see what happens here! THE WRESTLING MACHINE HAS MAMMOTH IN POSITION FOR THAT SKULL CRUSHING FINALE — THE FULL NELSON LEGSWEEP FACEBUSTER! HE JUST NAILS MAMMOTH WITH THE SKULL CRUSHING FINALE ON TOP OF THAT STOP SIGN! MAMMOTH IS DOWN, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! LUCAS HAS A HUGE GRIN ON HIS FACE AND HE ROLLS MAMMOTH BACK INTO THE RING! LUCAS ROLLS UNDERNEATH THE BOTTOM ROPE SOON AFTER! LUCAS GOES FOR THE COVER! THIS COULD BE ALL OVER!
Deadprez: Not exactly, Gavin! Mammoth manages to lift Lucas off of him as he gets out of the pin attempt! But, that is not stopping Lucas whatsoever! It seems like Lucas is going for some basic wrestling moves! Lucas manages to keep the bigger man down with a headlock takedown! He transitions that headlock takedown with a side headlock! He is wrenching in that headlock! Mammoth is down for the time being, but he is going to need to figure out some way to get out of this move and make a comeback in this match! It seems like Lucas is trying to shift his body! It seems like he is going for another move! HE IS TRYING TO APPLY THAT THE MACHINE BREAK — THE KIMURA LOCK! THIS COULD MEAN TROUBLE FOR MAMMOTH! BUT, WE SEEM MAMMOTH TRYING TO SCRAMBLE OUT OF THE MOVE, BUT LUCAS IS DOING EVERYTHING IN HIS POWER TO MAKE SURE THAT MAMMOTH IS LOCKED IN THIS MOVE! BUT, MAMMOTH MANAGES TO ROLL HIMSELF OVER AND CONNECTS WITH A SERIES OF PUNCHES TO THE FORMER NEW BREED CHAMPION’S FACE! LUCAS WAS GOING TO HAVE TROUBLE APPLYING THIS MOVE ON THE BIGGER MAN FROM THE GET-GO, BUT IT WAS AN AMAZING EFFORT!
Gavin Kirkland: Both competitors are down! It seems like Mammoth is trying to show some sights of life! Meanwhile, Lucas is trying to recover from those punches from Mammoth! Both men making it back to a vertical base! Mammoth seems to be quicker on his feet as he runs towards Lucas to connect with a giant clothesline! Lucas falls onto his back! Mammoth gets Lucas back to his feet before getting him in position for the powerslam! Mammoth runs and connects with a running power slam on Lucas Johnson! Lucas is down, but it seems like Mammoth is not going for a cover here! Mammoth is determined to inflict as much punishment as possible on Lucas! It seems like Mammoth is getting on top of the turnbuckle! Mammoth is patting his elbow! He’s going for that diving elbow drop! If Mammoth manages to miss this move! This could be all over for him! Mammoth from the top rope! Elbow drop on Lucas Johnson! Even though Lucas took most of that elbow drop, Mammoth seem to have landed harshly on the process! The best thing for Mammoth to do is go for the cover, but it seems like he is struggling to do that! Lucas is rolling over to his side and clutches onto that bottom rope! What in the hell does Albert Hitchman want?
Deadprez: It seems like Albert Hitchman is handing Lucas Johnson a pair of brass knuckles! However, Albert is being very secretive about them! Almost like he wants to tell Lucas to knock out Mammoth with them when he’s not expecting it! Lucas slides the brass knuckles into his hands! Mammoth is the first man to get to a vertical base! LUCAS IS HAVING A MORE DIFFICULT TIME GETTING BACK TO HIS FEET! MAMMOTH TAKES A COUPLE STEPS BACK! HE’S GOING FOR THE GORE, GAVIN! THIS IS NOT A PRETTY MOVE TO BE ON THE RECEIVING END! MEANWHILE, LUCAS IS SLOWLY MAKING IT BACK TO HIS FEET AS HE TURNS HIMSELF AROUND! THE GORE FROM MAMMOTH!
Gavin Kirkland: LUCAS JOHNSON WITH A BRASS KNUCKLE FOREARM AS HE KNOCKS THE LIGHTS OUT OF MAMMOTH AS HE WAS GOING FOR THAT GORE! NIGHT, NIGHT FOR MAMMOTH! BUT, IT SEEMED LIKE THAT TOOK SOME ENERGY OUT OF LUCAS JOHNSON! LUCAS NEEDS TO GO FOR A COVER HERE!
Deadprez: ACID REIGN ON LUCAS JOHNSON! WHAT IN THE HELL?
Gavin Kirkland: THAT’S LETHAL CONSEQUENCES? WHAT IS HE DOING ON SHOWDOWN? HE JUST NAILED LUCAS JOHNSON WITH AN ACID REIGN AND IT SEEMS LIKE HE IS NOT STOPPING! LC BEGINS TO PUNCH AWAY ON LUCAS! WHAT IN THE HELL DID HE DO TO DESERVE THIS? LETHAL CONSEQUENCES JUST ROBBED LUCAS OF A WELL-NEEDED VICTORY! LC GETS TO HIS FEET AND HE IS SLIDING SOMETHING IN HIS FINGERS, DEADPREZ!
Deadprez: THOSE BEAUTIFUL HALL OF FAME RINGS THAT LC IS ALWAYS BRAGGING ABOUT! ALBERT HITCHMAN IS BEGGING FOR LUCAS TO WATCH OUT, BUT LC IS STALKING LUCAS BACK TO HIS FEET BEFORE DELIVERING A HARSH KNOCK OUT PUNCH! LUCAS’ FACE IS BASHED WITH THOSE HALL OF FAME RINGS! THE WRESTLING MACHINE IS DOWN! LC GETS LUCAS AND THROWS HIM THROUGH THE MIDDLE RIPE AND OUT OF THE RING! LUCAS LANDS ON ALBERT HITCHMAN! MEANWHILE, YOU SEE MAMMOTH GETTING BACK TO HIS FEET! HE IS STALKING LC AS HE TURNS AROUND! THE GORE FROM MAMMOTH!!!
Gavin Kirkland: NOT EXACTLY, DEADPREZ! LETHAL CONSEQUENCES MANAGES TO DUCK OUT OF THE WAY! ACID REIGN ON MAMMOTH! HE PLANTS THE BIGGER MAN DOWN! LC ROLLS HIM OUT OF THE RING! LC IS EXITING THE RING AS HE GOES NEAR THE TIMEKEEPER’S AREA AND SLAMS A STEEL CHAIR SHOT! WHAT IN THE WORLD IS HE GOING TO DO? HE JUST HIT MAMMOTH WITH A STEEL CHAIR SHOT TO THE BACK! MAMMOTH IS ROLLING HIMSELF TO HIS BACK, BUT LC IS NOT STOPPING THERE! LC IS GETTING THE EDGE OF THE STEEL CHAIR BEFORE JAMMING IT AGAINST THE THROAT OF THE BEAST!
(The crowd begins to get antsy as we see a group of officials making it to the ring. They’re checking on Mammoth, Lucas Johnson and Albert Hitchman. There’s an official that is making their way towards Lethal Consequences ringside!)
Deadprez: It seems like the official is going to order Lethal Consequences to get out of the arena! This isn’t his show! This isn’t his brand to be apart of! LC is having his hands up in defense! It seems like he is going to not cause any more trouble!
Gavin Kirkland: LETHAL CONSEQUENCES DROPS THE OFFICIAL WITH AN ACID REIGN! LIGHTS OUT FOR THE OFFICIAL AS WELL! IT SEEMS LIKE LETHAL CONSEQUENCES IS DEMANDING FOR A MIC! PERHAPS, WE’LL GET AN EXPLANATION FOR ALL OF THIS!
Lethal Consequences: Did you really think that I would miss this event? You really thought that you were going to have Midsummer Massacre without Lethal Consequences?! What kind of fucking concept is that? I took part of the first Midsummer Massacre back in 2008. I made my debut at Midsummer Massacre. I have taken part in almost every Midsummer Massacre. I am Midsummer Massacre. Midsummer Massacre is me. This has always been my show. It doesn’t change when I’m on Dynasty. It didn’t make a difference when I was on Voltage being fucked over by Captain Charisma. Any show that I step on is my show. I was going to get on this card no matter what I did. Being on a different brand doesn’t mean anything to me. I can step onto any show that I want. I don’t need the red carpet rolled out for me, I’ll make myself welcomed. There’s no fucking way that I am missing this event. Not in a million years. I’m getting on that Midsummer Massacre card because Showdown has no choice. And I’m opening a challenge to any one in the Showdown locker room not booked in a match. You don’t need to respond to me right away because getting inside the ring with me and having your death wish is something that requires time to think about. I mean, did you just see what I just did to not only two of Showdown’s Elitists, but that sad excuse of an official? I’ll be waiting for anyone to have a set to stand up to me. But, time is ticking —
(The crowd gets antsy once again as officials are coming from the back. Right behind him are some security guards as Lethal Consequences stops talking. He realizes what is going on.)
Referee #1: LC, don’t make things harder than it needs to be. The security is going to detain you and escort you out of the arena.
Security #1: Let’s go, Mr. Consequences.
Deadprez: It seems like LC is going to comply with all of them and it seems like we’re making their way up the ramp!
Gavin Kirkland: LETHAL CONSEQUENCES JUST DROPPED ON OF THE SECURITY GUARDS WITH AN ACID REIGN! A BUNCH OF THE SECURITY IS GOING AFTER LC, BUT LC IS NOT GIVING UP WITHOUT A FIGHT! THE OFFICIALS ARE TRYING TO TACKLE LC, BUT LC IS THROWING PUNCHES AT ALL OF THEM AS THEY COME AFTER HIM ONE BY ONE! IS THIS HOW YOU WELCOME A GUEST? LC JUST WANTED TO BE PART OF THE MIDSUMMER MASSACRE CARD! THE SECURITY IS TRYING TO GET RESTRAIN HIM BY HIS ARMS, BUT LC HEADBUTTS ONE OF THE SECURITY GUARDS AS THEY GO DOWN INSTANTLY! THE OTHER SECURITY GUARDS ARE LOOKING TO RETAIN THEM, BUT LC SEES THAT THIS BATTLE ISN’T WORTH FIGHTING AS HE HOPS OVER THE BARRICADE! HE’S ESCAPING! ARE WE GOING TO BE ON AN EPISODE OF COPS? THEY HAVE SUCH A GREAT THEME SONG!
(Lethal Consequences is running away from the security guards. The security guards are actually doing their job as they go after LC! We see the last glimpse of LC running and the security chasing after him as Showdown fades to commercial.)
(Commercial break — a trailer for Disney’s live action/animated/watered down/mediocre/underwhelming new feature: The Lion King! Where Timón’s voice actor steals the whole movie and Beyoncé’s performance is out of place as fuck, don’t @ me.)
(Showdown returns from commercial break where Jenny Punk is rushing down the busy and crowded arena hallway, presumably seeking some retribution for the actions of a Dynasty star who ruined the opening match of the evening. She wears a determined stare on her face as she approaches a group of miscellaneous EAW officials, hopeful that they can provide her with some good news.)
Jenny Punk: Where the hell is he?
Referee: We aren’t sure, Jenny, he darted off the minute all those security went after him–
Security Guard: Not to worry, because we have several units patrolling the arena now trying to locate him at this very moment–
(Jenny lets out an annoyed sigh and rubs her temple.)
Jenny Punk: It is literally only a 684,000 square foot building, ONE building, ONE man, and you can’t find him?! Jesus, what are you people even good for?
Production Assistant: Well, ma’am, when you think about it, that’s quite a lot of square footage–
Jenny Punk: Nevermind all that! I need eyes on him. Now! How is it that a man who can barely maintain a steady, brisk run manages to slip through everyone’s fingers this easily?! The week before my very first EAW Free-Per-View as GM and I’m forced now to worry about this instead of, I dunno, something that actually freakin’ matters?! This fucking psycho really just invaded Showdown like Territorial Invasion isn’t for a few months. God, Ahren’s gonna be sooo goddamn pissed at me if I can’t get those animals to him in time…
Security Guard: No need to stress yourself out. We’re on the case, Jenny. We’ll keep you notified should we have an update for you.
(Jenny rolls her eyes and turns on her Chuck Taylors, walking away from the apparently useless group of men who took no burden off her shoulders whatsoever. We fade back to ringside where Gina Romano stands at the ready with a microphone in her hand.)
Gina Romano: THE FOLLOWING CONTEST IS A TRIPLE THREAT MATCH SCHEDULED FOOOOR…
Crowd: ONE FALL!!!
(“I’m a Jesus Freak” by CJAY hits as Carlos Cruz emerges from behind the curtain, slapping hands with fans on his way to the ring.)
Gina Romano: INTRODUCING FIRST….FROM THE BRONX, NEW YORK…..WEIGHING IN AT ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY SEVEN POUNDS……CCCAAAARRRLLOOSSS CCRRUUZZZ!!!!
Deadprez: What a way to kick of Showdown, huh, Gavin?
Gavin Kirkland: This is not a safe space. There is a madman on the goddamn loose. :lupe:
Deadprez: Nevermind LC, breh, let’s talk about Carlos Cruz! Carlos Cruz made a damn good first impression last week dismantling Adam Wolf in, like, under a minute. Let’s see what he’s got in store tonight! I can already tell homie’s got potential for sure by the way he pulled that off in his first match.
Gavin Kirkland: He still short as hell tho.
Deadprez: You could learn a thing or two from this man, Gavin. Doesn’t drink, respects women, a family man of sorts. Pay close attention to this fella, do something good for yourself.
Gavin Kirkland: :skip:
(“Wolves ov Siberia” by Behemoth blares the speakers and Shane Gates emerges slowly from behind the curtain to a chorus of boos before soaking in the negative reaction accompanied by his girlfriend and manager, Angela Grant.)
Gina Romano: INTRODUCING NEXT….FROM HUNTINGTON BEACH CALIFORNIA…..WEIGHING IN AT TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTEEN POUNDS….ACCOMPANIED BY ANGELA GRANT….”THE FUCKING DYNASTY”….SSHHHAANNNEEE GGGATTEESSS!!!!
Deadprez: Shane Gates, a Showdown alum from last season who, unfortunately, hasn’t gotten off to the best of starts in Season 13. I saw everything he did last season here on the blue brand for myself, though, and I know that if anyone can get out of this rut, this guy can. The talent’s there and he’s just gotta get the win tonight!
Gavin Kirkland: Angela looking stunning as always :eyes: How does a guy like Shane get a girl like her?! :noah:
(“War” by Dance with the Dead blares the speakers and Santo Muerte walks out from behind the curtain and looks around the crowd before slowly walking to the ring having an evil look on his face.)
Gina Romano: AND FROM DEATH VALLEY…..WEIGHING IN AT AN EVEN TWO HUNDRED POUNDS….”THE SAINT OF DEATH”……SSSAAANNTTTOOOO MMMUUERRRTTEEE!!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: Still not much info on this fella…..but he can sure damn compete in that ring. Great performance last week getting the win with Mammoth and the future looks quite bright for this scary man. I can’t wait to see him in this matchup tonight!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Deadprez: And here we go! All three men are circling the ring waiting for one another to make the first move and WOAH OH MY SHANE OUT OF THE GATE RUNS AND HITS SANTO RIGHT OUT OF THE RING AS SANTO FALLS THROUGH THE MIDDLE ROPE OT THE FLOOR! And now Carlos looks to take advantage here as he kicks Shane in his right knee as Shane’s back is momentarily turned! And Shane now trying to escape by walking fast the other way but Carlos is on his tail before Shane backs himself into a corner and now Carlos grabs Shane and tries to irish whip him across to the opposite corner but Shane reverses it and now Shane charges at Carlos in the corner but Carlos gets his legs up on Shane’s head….HURRICANRANA!!
Gavin Kirkland: And Shane very wisely rolls out of the ring as Carlos is trying to stop Shane but WOAHHH……SANTO FROM BEHIND CARLOS CONNECTS WITH A GERMAN SUPLEX!! Santo now looking down as the weakened Carlos as Carlos tries to pull himself up with the ropes and Santo knees Carlos in his ribcage causing Carlos to fall back to the ground! Santo now picks up Santo Carlos and has him in a bearhug position….Santo drives Carlos with full force into the corner and now Santo hits a shoulder thrust to the midsection of Carlos!! And another one! AND ANOTHER ONE!!
Referee: ONE…TWO…THREE….FOUR…FIV– COME ON BACK IT UP!!
Deadprez: Santo now backs up a few steps raising his hands up before going right back on the attack on Carlos but Carlos hits a dropkick to the front of Santo’s knee!! AND NOW CARLOS HITS A KICK RIGHT TO THE SIDE OF THE HEAD TO SANTO!! Santo is sitting in the corner now and Carlos runs to the opposite corner and charges at Santo…..DROPKICK TO THE CHEST OF THE SEATED SANTO!! CARLOS GOES FOR THE COVER BUT OH MY GOD SANTO GETS HIS SHOULDER UP IMMEDIATELY! Carlos had to have known that wasn’t going to be enough.
Deadprez: Carlos now is up to his feet and stands up Santo from the back side and is looking for maybe a back suplex here but Santo throws a hard right elbow to the face of Carlos causing Carlos to release his grip and now Santo charges and clotheslines Carlos over the top rope..but Carlos hung on and is dangling on the apron and now Santo notices it and tries to throw a right hand but Carlos blocks it and throws one of his own…..and now Carlos from the outside apron runs and Santo attempts a clothesline but Santo ducks underneath and Santo turns around and THIS TIME CONNECTS WITH A CLOTHESLINE TURNING CARLOS INSIDE OUT AS CARLOS LANDS HARD ON THE OUTSIDE FLOOR!! GOD DID YOU HEAR THAT?!
(An instant replay plays of the clothesline that caused Carlos Cruz to fall from the outside apron to the floor with a flip.)
Gavin Kirkland: And now Santo is taunting the crowd here and the crowd is not liking it! Santo now is stepping to the outside of the ring BUT WAIT LOOK BEHIND SANTO…SHANE GATES IS BACK IN THE RING AND HITS SANTO IN THE ABCK OF THE HEAD CAUSING SANTO TO FALL FORWARD ON THE ROPES AND NOW SHANE IS TRYING TO END THIS AS HE BRINGS SANTO TO THE MIDDLE OF THE RING AND NOW SHANE LIFTS HIM UP!!! DEAD MAN!! THE SITOUT POWERSLAM!!! AND SHANE MAKES THE COVER!!
Deadprez: BUT OH MY GOD!!!!! FROM OUT OF VIEW CARLOS SPLASHES ON THE BACK OF SHANE GATES!!!! CARLOS PUSHES SHANE’S BODY OUT OF THE WAY AND COVERS SANTO!!!!
Deadprez: AND SANTO GETS HIS SHOULDER UP!! WOW! Carlos can’t believe it here as he looks around on what to do next and now Carlos gets to his feet and awaits for Santo to rise but he sees out of the corner of his eye Shane Gates is up and he dropkicks Shane through the middle rope to the outside floor! And now Carlos turns his attention back to Santo and Santo is stumbling up on his feet and turns around….THE DIVINE SUPERKICK!!!! BUT NO SANTO CAUGHT IT!! AND SANTO PULLS THE FOOT FORWARD TO CONNECT WITH A CLOTHESLINE!! SANTO IS NOW PICKING UP CARLOS NOT WASTING ANY TIME HERE….SANTO HAS CARLOS HIGH IN THE AIR IN A SUPLEX POSITION…BUT CARLOS IS TRYING TO FIGHT OUT OF IT WITH EVERYTHING HE’S GOT!!! CARLOS WITH A KNEE TO SANTO’S HEAD AND NOW CARLOS SLIPS FROM BEHIND FACING SANTO’S BACK AND CONNECTS WITH A JUMPING NECKBREAKER!!! AND SANTO IS UP TO HIS FEET QUICK AND SUPERKICKS SANTO IN THE BACK OF HIS HEAD!!!! SANTO DOESN’T HAVE A CLUE WHERE HE IS AS HE TURNS AROUND AND RUNS INTO ANOTHER SUPERKICK!!! AND NOW CARLOS IS ON THE TOP ROPE LOOKING FOR THE CELESTIAL DIVE FROG SPLASH!!! CARLOS IS TAKING HIS TIME HERE SOAKING INT HE CROWD CHEERING FOR HIM!!! AND HE FLIES THROUGH THE AIR–
Gavin Kirkland: :lupe: OHHH SHIITTT!!!! SANTO MOVES OF THE LAST MILLISECOND!!! CARLOS TOOK WAY TOO LONG TO GO FOR THE SPLASH!! AND CARLOS IS UP TO HIS FEET QUICK HOLDING HIS STOMACH IN PAIN AND SHANE GATES IS BACK INA ND CLOTHESLINES CARLOS OVER THE TOP ROPE TO THE FLOOR!! SHANE TURNS HIS ATTENTION TO SANTO ON THE GROUND AND PICKS UP SANTO LOOKING FOR CALIFORNIA DESTRUCTION!!! BUT SANTO TWIRLS OUT OF IT AND HITS A DEADLY HEADBUTT TO SHANE!!! AND NOW….DEATH NOTE!!!! THE PUMPHANDLE HALF NELSON DRIVER CONNECTS!!! IS THIS IT?!?! ANGELA IS SCREAMING ON THE OUTSIDE FOR SHANE TO KICK OUT!!!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
(Santo rolls off Shane and gets to his feet as the referee raises his hand and Carlos Cruz looks on disappointed from the outside. The referee raises Santo Muerte’s hand in the air.)
Gina Romano: HERE IS YOUR WINNER……..SSSAANNTTTOOOO MMMUUUEERRRTTTEEEEE!!!!!
Deadprez: Wow! What a win for Santo, that guy continues to impress winning for his second straight week. But still, let’s take nothing away from the other two in this match, this performance is definitely one to separate Showdown this season from the rest of EAW!
(The camera fades from the ring and to the general locker room area where the Mechanical Animals are seen preparing for their matchup tonight. Sabin is focusing intently on his warm-up stretching ritual, while Chris is seen munching on a strawberry frosted donut on a nearby bench.)
David Gibson: (With a mouthful of donut.) Gawd, I luh’ chea’ day.
Sabin Richards: (He sighs.) Except…you treat everyday like cheat day, David. And for christs sake, don’t talk with your mouthful, you bloody animal.
(David swallows what was remaining of his snack. He pulls his phone out of his pocket and swipes through his notifications, half reading what he’s missed since he last checked his phone, half watching in puzzlement as Sabin transitions to forward hand stretch.)
David Gibson: What are you even doing?
Sabin Richards: Well, I thought it couldn’t hurt if at least one of us was thoroughly prepared for our match–we’re up next, you know.
David Gibson: (He scoffs.) You know as well as I do that Shaker and Io don’t stand a chance against two of the most gifted technical wrestlers in this business. I’ve got nothing to worry about, nor do you. It’ll only take a second, maybe less, for us to those two out for the count. You should have more faith in us, brudda. Now sit down and relax. You’re gonna need your rest when it comes to Heavenly Hell.
(Sabin changes positions once again, now performing a standing hamstring stretch. He talks to David upside down and between his legs.)
Sabin Richards: I’m not worried about that just yet, David. I’m focused on the here, and the now. And right now, it’s about putting Io Ishmori and Shaker Jones to the task–god, David, could you at least say excuse me?
David Gibson: What did I do now?
Sabin Richards: What? What wasn’t you?
David Gibson: :dahell: What are you talking about?
Sabin Richards: You mean…you don’t smell that?!
David Gibson: Smell what?
Sabin Richards: It smells like… (He sniffs the air.) Like rotten eggs…
(David is seen lifting his arm up in the air to get a good whiff of his armpits. He shrugs and lowers his arms as Sabin stands up straight, attempting to investigate the source of the smell. Suddenly, the lights in the locker room shut off completely, cloaking the duo in complete darkness.)
David Gibson: Oh, what a load of shit, hold on–let me get my flashlight–
Sabin Richards: Quick, let’s get out of here.
(David turns on the flashlight feature on his phone to lead both him and his partner to the door of the locker room. As David places his hand on the handle of the locker room door, the handle completely detaches from the door. David raises the door handle up to Sabin’s face, who is now seen biting his fingernails. David shrugs.)
David Gibson: Meh. I’ve seen stranger things.
(A disembodied cackle suddenly fills the room. A soft whine escapes David Gibson’s lips.)
???: It’s gold…and it’s mine…it’s MINE ALL MINE!
Sabin Richards: David…
David Gibson: :lupe: Yes?
Sabin Richards: Please tell me that was you. :kellycry:
???: The miser, the greedy…will soon become the needy…comfort and gold you may yearn for…but neither of those will you have…
(Sabin and David stand back to back in the center of the locker room, each partner turning their head around the dark room trying to find the source of the disembodied voice that chants to them. The chanting continues and slowly grows louder as The Mechanical Animals are seen gripping tightly onto one another, in fear of what might happen to them.)
???: Times of plenty are over…material wealth taken away…greedy…to needy…greedy…to needy…GREEDY TO NEEDY…GREEDY! TO NEEDY!
(As the incantation continues, David and Sabin yell loudly, blindly throwing fists and feet in the air in hopes that they will accidentally catch the person who has apparently invaded their locker room. A few seconds pass and the locker room door bursts open, a tall, dark figure now standing still in the doorway. David and Sabin, now frozen, stare forward at the figure, while the sound of feminine laughter continues to pierce their ears. The arm of the dark figure extends outward and grabs a hold of the wall next to the doorway.)
???: Oh, no…Minerva? Not again…
(The light switches back on. The crowd in the arena bursts into laughter as Constance Blevins stands in the doorway and crosses her arms over her chest, staring directly at Minerva who sits in the corner of the room with a small microphone connected to a speaker in her hand. Minerva giggles and stands to her feet. She begins to sprinkle what appears to be shredded wheat around the room.)
David Gibson: What the–what just happened?!
Sabin Richards: I think she…I think she just cast one of her gypsy spells on us…oh shit…oh no…all that talk about gold–and us being greedy–
David Gibson: You two are trying to–trying to ruin our match at Midsummer Massacre, aren’t you?! Put a hex on us so that we couldn’t compete, to stop us from beating them. Unbelievable, how the hell doesn’t this qualify as cheating?!
Constance Blevins: Guys. Please calm down, both of you. Minerva’s only playing around…that wasn’t a real spell.
Minerva: Or was it? :troll:
Constance Blevins: :whoa: I can assure you, she was only having a bit of fun, trying to mess with you–
(Sabin and David both dart out of the locker room, in a great hurry to get away from Minerva who now stands near the doorway. Upon exiting, Minerva turns back to Constance. The Gypsy Moth gives her tag team partner an innocent shrug and smile as she sets down her bowl of shredded wheat.)
Constance Blevins: You really need to quit messing with that kind of stuff. I don’t like it too much myself. The bible warns us of the dangers of witchcraft…
Minerva: No worries, Constance, relax. It’s all just fun and games. It really shouldn’t do anything to them.
Constance Blevins: (She points to the bowl of shredded wheat.) Then what was that for? You sure it wasn’t an ingredient or something?
Minerva: No. I just needed something to snack on while I waited for the perfect moment to scare them.
(Constance shakes her head, but can’t help but laugh along with her tag team partner. The Heavenly Hell duo walk out of the men’s locker room as the camera fades to black.)
(Commercial break — an advertisement for pet hair lint rollers featuring a cute lil’ furry pussycat named Riley.)
(Showdown returns from commercial break and opens up to Gina Romano who stands at the center of the ring.)
Gina Romano: THE FOLLOWING CONTEST IS A TAG TEAM CONTEST SET FOR ONE FALL!!
Crowd: ONE FALL!
(“I Love It Loud” by Kiss hits and Shaker Jones comes out with an intense look on his face, raising his hands in the air to pump up the crowd.)
Gina Romano: INTRODUCING FIRST… FROM INGLIS, MANITOBA, CANADA….WEIGHING IN AT TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY POUNDS…..”THE HARDCORE HERO”……SSSHHHAAKKKERRR JJOONNEESS!!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: Well, the new and improved Shaker Jones came up short last week in an opportunity to shine in a triple threat match. He’s obviously looking to get it done here tonight.
(The lights go black and “Bullet” by Hyro the Hero begins to play on the PA system before the lights suddenly turn on again to reveal Io Ishimori. The crowd gives a mixed reaction.)
Gina Romano: Introducing his partner…from Osaka, Japan…she is “The Winter”…IOOOOOOOOOOOO ISSSSSHHHHIIIIIIMOOOOORRRRRIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: Last week, we saw Io was successful in a tag team match partnering with Santo Murete. We’ll have to see if she can achieve the same success with Shaker Jones. This girl is certainly no stranger to tag team competition, even tough it didn’t work out so well for her on Empire, she’s still willing to put up a fight for the sake of her teammates!
Deadprez: It will be arguably a lot more tough tonight as they’re facing two men definitely on the same page and current #1 contenders for the Unified Tag Team Championships. The–
(The lights dim as “Firing Squad” by No Name Tim and Kashis Keyz plays throughout the arena. Sabin Richards and David Gibson walk out accompanied by their manager, Joseph Gracons. They start making their way toward the ring but their manager, Joseph Gracons, is feverishly scratching both mens backs as they are occupied scratching their heads.)
Gavin Kirkland: I KNEW it was a real hex! Those two witches Heavenly Hell — Minerva and Constance — have put some kind of goddamn curse on the Mechanical Animals! Look at them, they look like they just took a hit of crack!
Deadprez: I’m a little bit in shock here, but it does appear some adverse effects are occurring with the Mechanical Animals after what we witnessed earlier. What in the… ?
(Sabin Richards climbs on the announce table and lays on it, using it to apparently scratch the itch on his back.)
Gina Romano: AND THEIR OPPONENTS… from The Netherlands, weighing at a total combined weight of 463 pounds. Accompanied to the ring by their manager, Joseph Garcons! Here are David Gibson and Sabin Richards… THE MECHANICAL ANIMALS!
Deadprez: Well the crowd is loving this as they boo the Mechanical Animals. I’m not sure these two will even be able to function, let alone perform in this match against Io and Shaker Jones.
(The referee signals one of the Mechanical Animals to get into the ring. Joseph Garcons is attempting to get one of the men to go inside the ring. David Gibson points to the referee and shakes his head while Garcons tries to reassure him that the referee isn’t “a puppet of Minerva.” Meanwhile, Sabin Richards is using the turnbuckle to try and itch his back.)
Deadprez: This is absolutely asinine!
Gavin Kirkland: What?! Blame those two witches of the west for what you’re seeing, Prez, these men are feeling the effects of REAL black magic!
Gavin Kirkland: Oh… now Shaker Jones is taking advantage, I guess he doesn’t care that we’re witnessing a supernatural event — he’s pulling Sabin Richards into this match by his hair! THE REF IS RINGING THE BELL!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Deadprez: Shaker Jones is throwing rights and lefts, connecting to the jaw of Sabin Richards! On the outside, David Gibson is still trying to gain his composure, seemingly terrified of the referee for whatever reason. Shaker Jones now, Irish whips Sabin toward the ropes — Sabin bounces back — and Jones connects with a HUGE lariat that turns Sabin inside out. The ref’s in position!
Gavin Kirkland: Sabin kicks out easily! This is clearly an unfair advantage for Io and Shaker considering that the Mechanical Animals have been injected with what I’m beginning to believe is deadly black magic! Watch out now, Shaker Jones picks up Sabin…. AND SLAMS HIM RIGHT BACK TO THE MAT WITH A HUGE POWERSLAM! He covers him once again!
Gavin Kirkland: Another quick kickout but it appears Sabin kicked out because of that incessant itching being caused by this black magic. Look at him, he’s spazzing out! This is demonic shit! WAIT, DAVID GIBSON WAS SENT TO THE RING BY GARCONS! HE SUPERKICKS SHAKER JONES AS HE WAS GETTING TO HIS FEET!
Deadprez: Jones is down but Gibson saw the referee coming to reprimand him and he ran back to the floor with his manager, for some reason the referee is scaring the hell out of David Gibson. And now Sabin has gotten back to his feet after receiving most of the punishment early on. Look out, here comes Io off the apron!
Gavin Kirkland: IO SPRINGBOARDS OFF THE APRON! AND SHE CONNECTS WITH A HURRICANRANA TO SABIN! Sabin bounces back to his feet now but Io isn’t done! Sabin runs towards Io and she drops down. Sabin bounces back off the ropes once again, but Io leapfrogs! LOOK OUT!
Deadprez: The legal man, Shaker Jones, just absolutely took Sabin’s head off with a huge bicycle kick to the back of Sabin’s neck and now he is once again taking control of this match. Io Ishimori has climbed to the top rope… Shaker Jones is standing Sabin up, it looks like these two are working together well and are looking to connect with something big here. WAIT, DAVID GIBNSON HAS CLIMBED BACK ON TO THE APRON! As he itches himself, Gibson runs towards Ishimori to knock her off that turnbuckle. NO! OH MY GOD! IO ISHIMORI JUST JUMPED AND CONNECTED WITH A FRANKENSTEINER TO DAVID GIBSON, CRASHING HIS HEAD ON TO THE HARDEST PART OF THE RING, AND SENDING HIM CRASHING TO THE OUTSIDE FLOOR!
Gavin Kirkland: And inside the ring, Prez, Shaker is looking to capitalize. Jones has put Sabin in the power bomb position and he’s signaling to the crowd, who are cheering approvingly, that he wants to put this match away. I can’t help but say this has been an absolutely one-sided affair and it is completely thanks to those…
Deadprez: :woah: You better think twice about what you say if you truly believe their BLACK MAGIC is causing this bizarre in-ring performance we’re seeing from the Mechanical Animals tonight, after just witnessing them become #1 contenders on last week’s Dynas- SHAKER JONES JUST CONNECTED WITH A HUGE POWERBOMB! BUT HE LIFTS HIM UP AGAIN! SHAKER RUNS TOWARDS THE TURNBUCKLE… AND POWERBOMBS SABIN ONTO IT! MY GOD!
Gavin Kirkland: And we see now that Io is back on the apron but David Gibson is crawling around on the outside, still shaken from that frankensteiner, but he just looks lost right now, Prez! Totally out of it!
Deadprez: Shaker Jones has tagged in Io Ishimori. But she doesn’t go into the ring, she looks towards the crowd and points to the air. The crowd cheer her on and Io is looking to fly! On the outside, Garcons is lifting Gibson to his feet and yelling at him, pointing toward the ring. Gibson looks at Io and gets a shocked look on his face.
David Gibson: (off mic) BIRDS!!!
Deadprez: What’d he just say?! Io Ishimori is preparing to jump, but she’s taking far too long, soaking in the energy of this crowd and standing carefully to catch her balance. David Gibson is running around the ring, to that corner of Shaker and Io. Look at this! Gibson pulls Shaker Jones off the apron and he catches his head, hitting the ring. Gibson climbs to the apron, Io notices him and kicks him in the face! Gibson tries to shake it off.
Gavin Kirkland: Sabin is up in the ring! He sees Io Ishimori on top of the turnbuckle! Sabin runs toward the turnbuckle, no, up the turnbuckle! BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX TO IO ISHIMORI BY SABIN WITH FATAL AGILITY!
David Gibson: (off mic) KILL THE BIRD!!!!
Deadprez: I have no clue what the hell he is talking about, but Sabin Richards is, I believe, looking for the cover here. He gets on top of Io Ishimori, sitting on her!
Gavin Kirkland: SHAKER JONES SAVES THE PIN! Shaker entered the ring and just booted Sabin Richards right in his face and off of his tag team partner Io Ishimori. On the outside, Garcons looks absolutely gobsmacked. He’s in full panic mode and I can’t say I blame him. David Gibson is on the outside, pounding on the mat and screaming for Sabin to kill the bird, apparently referring to Io. But Shaker Jones is pissed off and looking to finish this match as quickly as possible.
Deadprez: Shaker Jones waits for Sabin to reach his feet. He’s signaling for him to get up. And he does… SHAKER JONES CHARGES! SABIN DUCKS! Shaker Jones went for another massive boot to the face of Sabin, but Sabin ducked, and Jone’s leg went right over the top rope. Shaker Jones is now vulnerable, with one leg in the ring and one over the top rope on the apron. But… Sabin is using the ropes to… itch his back?
Gavin Kirkland: Well, it’s inadvertently causing Shaker Jones to bounce up and down on the rope as Sabin uses it to relieve that itch caused from-
Deadprez: Enough about the damn curse, Gavin! Io Ishimori has just reentered the picture. She runs towards Sabin, still itching his back on the ropes, and dropkicks him right over the top! Gibson climbs on top of the apron, but she dropkicks him right off the apron and back to the outside floor as well. This momentum causes Shaker Jones to fall off the top rope he was bouncing on and to the floor. Three competitors are now on the outside and Io Ishimori is in the ring alone. She looks around at this packed stadium and looks for their approval. It looks like ‘the bird’ is going to fly, Gavin!
Gavin Kirkland: That’s not funny, Prez. These men are being targeted by som—
Deadprez: IO ISHIMORI SUICIDE DIVE’S OVER THE TOP ROPE! BUT WAIT! NO! DAVID GIBSON CAUGHT HER IN MID-AIR! GIBSON FLINGS ISHIMORI BACKWARDS AND OH MY GOD SHE COMES CRASHING INTO THE SPANISH ANNOUNCE TABLE, LANDING IN THE LAP OF THE SPANISH ANNOUNCERS!
Spanish Announcers: (off mic) Ay dios, mio!
Deadprez: Io Ishimori was just tossed backwards by David Gibson and she crashed right into the announce table after that attempted high-risk maneuver. The referee is checking on her now, but Shaker Jones is in the face of Sabin Richards. Jones grabs Sabin by the throat! No, look out, from behind! A LOW BLOW! GARCONS JUST HIT SHAKER JONES RIGHT IN THE SWEET SPOT AS THE REFEREE IS DISTRACTED, CHECKING ON IO ISHIMORI.
David Gibson: (off mic) KILL. THAT. FUCKING. BIRD.
Gavin Kirkland: It looks like Sabin Richards and David Gibson have finally found some purpose here, albeit one that is making no sense. Gibson is now dragging Ishimori back into the ring as Sabin climbs o to the apron. David Gibson lifts Ishimoir… oh no, he has her in position for a tombstone!
Deadprez: OH GOD! DEATH SENTENCE TO ISHIMORI! AND BOTH MEN LAY ON TOP OF ISHIMORI.
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Gina Romano: HERE ARE YOUR WINNERS, DAVID GIBSON AND SABIN RICHARDS, THE MECHANICALLLLLLLLLLL ANIIIIIMAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLSSSS!!!!!!!
Deadprez: These two are STILL completely out of it, itching themselves and apparently hallucinating. As are you, Gavin.
Gavin Kirkland: Well frankly, Prez, I’m just in shock that these two men were able to pull out the win despite being afflicted with a supernatural curse by black magic, beyond the comprehension of modern science and technology.
Deadprez: :wtf: Ladies and gentleman, Ishimori and Jones look absolutely appalled at the result of this match. But the Mechanical Animals were able to get the job done despite whatever it was we just saw. Don’t go away as still tonight we have a special reading from #Gawdverbs as well as Visual Prophet against Felix Hartley. STICK WITH US!
(The camera feed transitions backstage where we see Jenny Punk approaching her office in retreat. The disgruntled look on her face indicating to the audience that she has yet to locate LC inside of the Nationwide Arena, leaving him without having to face any consequences for his actions. She grabs a hold of the office door handle and pushes the door open.)
(The camera follows her inside. Only the back of her blonde head is visible as an audible gasp escapes Jenny’s mouth. The camera zooms in on Lethal Consequences, who sits at Jenny’s desk. His feet are resting at the top of her “Midsummer Massacre” paperwork, and arms folded behind his head as he leans back in her hot pink ergonomic gaming chair. A sly grin grows across his face as the crowd in the arena is head booing, as they aren’t very welcoming of this particular member of Team Red.)
Jenny Punk: What the hell are you doing in here, how did you–
Lethal Consequences: Jenny! It’s nice to see you. I heard you were looking for me, so I figured, fuck it, why not just meet you in here instead of the both of us running around friviously trying to catch each other. I hate when that happens, don’t you?
Jenny Punk: Get your disgusting little boots off of my desk, shithead.
Lethal Consequences: Hey! (He frowns and puts his feet back on the ground.) My feet aren’t little.
Jenny Punk: Alright, enough beating around the bush–
Lethal Consequences: Oh, I’ll beat around your bush, alright. :mjlit:
Jenny Punk: WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE–
Lethal Consequences: Calm down, b. You probably want me out of here just as much as I want to walk right out of them arena doors, I don’t even wanna be here right now. But I didn’t do all this for nothing, sure as hell didn’t go through all this just to get myself an audience with YOU.
Jenny Punk: Well, who then?
Lethal Consequences: Anybdoy who’s dumb enough to get in the ring with me will do. Y’know, Jenny, this draft situation got me all fucked up. Granted, I’ve already admitted that I’m very glad to be on team red, but at the same time, now that you have Midsummer Massacre coming up, I just can’t help but to be reminded of how all the bullshit I’ve been through the past year. I’ve been thinking about how hard I’ve been fighting and what I’ve been campaigning for since last year’s Midsummer Massacre. Yeah, MSM, don’t gimmie that look. It’s MY show, remember? You heard me out there, I’m sure of it. It’s the show I debuted on in 2008 and changed EAW’s landscape forever. The show I still made an appearance on last year, despite being a member of the Yellow brand, and when I allowed The Enterprise to expand its horizon even further with a huge victory over Devan Dubian. This is all about getting what I deserve. Getting what I earned. And above deserving, above earning–getting what I want. By any means necessary.
Jenny Punk: I imagine there’s a point to be made in there somewhere?
Lethal Consequences: The point is, girly, that I’m not gonna sit back and allow myself to be tossed aside any longer. I’m taking what’s mine, and I’m not gonna sit back and twiddle my thumbs, retracting, protesting, none of that. I have a championship match coming up, sis, I’m looking to make an impact before I tear down Impact. No more withdrawals. No more quiet. No more taking punches. No more taking it in stride. Y’all going on MY stride. You hear me? Y’all taking my slaps. And god help you if you want to try to stop my downstroke. StarrStan already figured out what it was, it’s time that you do, too.
Jenny Punk: So, let me make sure I’m following this correctly.
Lethal Consequences: Please do.
Jenny Punk: You wanted a match on the Midsummer Massacre card–
Lethal Consequences: Correct.
Jenny Punk: And took it upon yourself to interfere in a match that I, the general manager, booked for tonight–
Lethal Consequences: Yes.
Jenny Punk: To cause as much trouble as possible for my brand, my roster, my security…instead of just asking me? :oh:
(Lethal Consequences blinks up at her.)
Lethal Consequences: Oh, you make it sound like it would have been so easy–
Jenny Punk: I’ve no problem giving you the match up you want, LC. At this rate, after the trouble you’ve caused me, I’ll take what I can get when it comes to putting my card together, and to make the blue brand look even stronger as we take on a challenger from the other brands. As a matter of fact, I think I already have the perfect person in mind to get the job done.
Lethal Consequences: Lay it on me.
Jenny Punk: Someone you might regret taking on before your title match, as I’m sure he’s more than capable of tiring you out and putting all you Dynasty anarchists back in their place. The very same man you put your hands on this evening, the man who’s manager you had the distastefulness to put in harm’s way tonight, a man as young and as bitter as his theme song suggests, the man who I can already tell has some pent up aggression left over from a season full of setbacks and shortcomings–Lucas Johnson.
(The crowd in the arena collectively groans.)
Lethal Consequences: :mjlol: Forreal?! That’s it?! Damn, Jenny, say no more, I’m sold, where do I sign? Real nice doing business with you.
Jenny Punk: Whatever, sure, fine. Now please get out of my chair. Send StarrStan my regards. I’ll be sure to send him a gift basket as an apology after I end up destroying his #1 contender for the World Title.
(Lethal Consequences steps up from behind Jenny’s desk and whistles happily as he walks out of the general manager’s office, leaving Jenny to pull out a container of lemon scented Lysol wipes to clean off her desk and chair. The camera transitions back to the inside of the Nationwide arena.)
(We transition back to the commentary table with Deadprez speaking into the camera as “Just Cos You Got The Power” by Motorhead is playing in the background.)
Deadprez: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome our guesting joining us for this match, the reigning PURE Champion….Mark Michaels!
(The camera zooms away to see Mark, Deadprez, and Gavin sitting at the announce desk with Mark Michaels wearing a T-Shirt with the EAW logo scratched out as the PURE Championship sits on the announce desk facing the ring. Mark Michaels pats his championship a few times.)
Gavin Kirkland: Ayy, welcome champ, how’s it going?!
Mark Michaels: You all disgust me.
Gavin Kikrland: :picard: Nevermind then, damn.
(“Old Town Road” (Remix) by Lil Nas X ft. Billy Ray Cyrus begins to play as Lance Blackfyre walks to the ring slowly soaking in the negative reaction from the crowd.)
Gina Romano: THE FOLLOWING CONTEST IS SET FOR ONE FALL!!
Crowd: ONE FALL!
Gina Romano: INTRODUCING FIRST….FROM CHICAGO, ILLINOIS….WEIGHING IN AT THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY FIVE POUNDS….”THE OMEN OF DESTRUCTION”…..LLLAANNNCCEEE BBLLLACCCKKFFYYRREEE!!!!
Deadprez: Jesus, this man has been on a mission since arriving on the scene in EAW and has left a path of wreckage in his path! He’s got a test tonight against the Agent of Chaos…he does have a lot of advantages though with strength and the weight. You better hope he’s not aiming for you Mark. This guy can literally intimidate ANYBODY.
Mark Michaels: Even if he was, nobody competing in this match tonight really deserves a shot at my championship…especially not this damn Neanderthal.
(“My Way” by Limp Bizkit replaces “Old Town Road” as Ryan quickly makes his way onto the stage walking quickly to the ring.)
Gina Romano: AND HIS OPPONENT….FROM MONTREAL, QUEBEC, CANADA…WEIGHING IN AT TWO HUNDRED AND TWELVE POUNDS…..”THE AGENT OF CHAOS”…RRYYYAANNNNN WWIILLLLSSOOOONNN!!!!!
Deadprez: And here he is! The guy who made is clear last week he’s gunning for you, Mark–and that PURE Championship. And now you got a front row seat to watch his match tonight. You looking forward to defending your title at Midsummer Massacre this year, Mark? What made you change your mind, I thought Ryan Wilson didn’t deserve the title shot?
Mark Michaels: I said it last week to him and I’ll say it again now, this guy is damn IDIOT! He thinks he can just waltz in, demand a title shot, and be successful against me? It’ll be too damn easy, Prez, I’m excited to win my first successful title defense. What has he done lately, anyway? Beat Shaker Jones on the Pain for Pride kickoff and hosting his little Wilson show? :mjlol: I saw through his phoniness last week when he was giving this speech about how wanting to be PURE Champion was his dream…come on, really? The guy is just looking for a way to stay afloat in relevancy and I’m gonna show him that I’m NOT going to be the guy to keep his dead weight above water. The guy even put the PURE Championship over all the World Titles here in this dumpster fire of a company known as EAW….like that’s even more proof of his idiocy, like, are you high? I’ve worked too hard for too long to get this championship and I won’t let it go to some fake sleazy lazy ass punk like him. Like I said, winning this championship was only the first step into burning this company into the ground and I won’t let it go…I REFUSE to let my goals die anytime soon. Ryan can just keep dreaming about wanting to be PURE Champion because that’s the only place it will ever happen–in his fucking dreams.
Gavin Kirkland: Oh, so you’re not out here to get some insight on your competition?
Mark Michaels: I’m only out here because I can’t wait to see this guy get his head ripped off by this big boy.
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Deadprez: And now both men are staring a hole through each other here as Ryan is trying to figure out a strategy to get a head start on the big Lance. And both men lock up in the center of the ring! This obviously won’t go well for Ryan as Lance immediately backs Ryan into a corner and won’t let go and now grabs Ryan by the throat and is choking the life out of Ryan in the corner and the referee begins his count.
Referee: ONE…TWO…THREE…FOUR….BACK IT UP NOW!!
Mark Michaels: Choke his dumbass out.
Deadprez: And the referee creates separation but only for a second as Lance walks back to Ryan but Ryan throws a kick to the midsection of Lance! And now Ryan throws another one this time to the face of Lance! And Lance backpedals to the middle of the ring holding his face and RYAN CHARGES….BUT LANCE GRABS HIM BY THE HEAD!!! LANCE THROWS RYAN HALFWAY ACROSS THE RING LIKE A DAMN RAG DOLL!!
Gavin Kirkland: HOLY FUCK MAN!!! :lupe: BIG BAD LANCE AIN’T MESSIN AROUND TONIGHT AS HE NOW PICKS UP RYAN AND PUTS HIM AGAINST THE ROPE AND NOW SLAPS RYAN RIGHT ACROSS THE CHEST!!! JESUS DID YALL HEAR THAT?! And now Lance positions Ryan on the rope again and now goes for the irish whip and Ryan bounces off the ropes but slides underneath Lance’s legs and Lance turns around to be greeted to a dropkick to the knee from Ryan and now Lance is down to one knee! And now Ryan Wilson runs to the ropes and hits another dropkick to the face of Lance but Lance still hasn’t gone down but is woozy….AND RYAN SPIKES LANCE’S HEAD INTO THE MAT WITH A DDT!! RYAN GOES FOR THE COVER!!
Deadprez: HOLY HELL! LANCE JUST LEAPED RYAN IN THE AIR BUT RYAN JUST LANDED ON HIS FEET…HUH?! AND NOW RYAN WITH A KICK TO THE SIDE OF THE HEAD OF LANCE!!! LANCE IS ON BOTH KNEES BUT RISES TO HIS FEET EVENTUALLY AS RYAN PUSHES LANCE FROM THE BACK THROUGH THE MIDDLE ROPE AND LANCE IS ON THE OUTSIDE FACING THE RAMPWAY…AND RYAN RUNS TO THE ROPES AND CHARGES FULL STEAM…..SUICIDE DIVE TO LANCE ON THE OUTSIDE–
Gavin Kirkland: BUT OH NO!!! LANCE CAUGHT RYAN!! AND NOW LANCE LIFTS RYAN AS HIGH AS HE POSSIBLY CAN IN THE AIR…..AND LANCE DROPS RYAN STOMACH FIRST ON THE BARRICADE!! RYAN IS SCREAMING IN PAIN HOLDING HIS STOMACH AS HE IS HANGING IN THE BARRICADE AND OH GOD LANCE WITH A BIG BOOT TO THE FACT OF THE DANGLING RYAN FROM THE BARRICADE AND RYAN FALLS TO THE FLOOR!
Mark Michaels: Damn, I bet that had to hurt. But not as much as when you hurt his feelings though.
Deadprez: And now Lance Blackfyre lifts up Ryan Wilson and slowly tosses him in the ring before climbing up to the apron and steps over the top rope and now is looking for another big boot…and it connects! Lance Blackfyre can taste victory here and now he picks up Ryan again and places him in the corner and irish whips Ryan as hard as he can to the opposite corner and LANCE NOW CHARGES LOOKING FOR THE SPLASH!!!! BUT NOBODY HOME!!! RYAN AVOIDS DISASTER!! Ryan still holding his stomach in pain from being dropped on the barricade but knows he has to do something while Lance is weakened even just for a second……RYAN CONNECTS WITH A JUMPING NECKBREAKER!!! And Ryan is right back to his feet not going for the cover as I think he feels that wouldn’t be enough to end this match and now goes to the top rope….ELBOW DROP CONNECTS!!! HE’S PULLING OUT ALL THE STOPS HERE TO GET THE WIN OVER THE BIG MAN LANCE!! HE COVERS!!
Gavin Kirkland: AH DAMN!! LANCE KICKS OUT OF IT!!
(Ryan Wilson points at Mark Michaels at the commentary table.)
Mark Michaels: PATHETIC…..PATHETIC!
Deadprez: Lance is now up to his feet and Ryan charges at him but runs into another big boot!! Lance seems to be a bit angry now as he lifts up the body of Ryan and drives him into the corner and hitting shoulder thrust after shoulder thrust before lifting Ryan up to the top rope and now Lance is going up there with him….RYAN IS TRYING TO FIGHT OUT OF THIS WITH EVERYTHING HE’S GOT HERE!!! LANCE THROWS RYAN’S AROUND OVER HIS SHOULDER GOING FOR A SUPLERPLEX!! BUT RYAN CONTINUES TO FIGHT IT NOW THROWING REPETITIVE RIGHTS TO THE MIDSECTION OF LANCE AND WOAHHHH LANCE JUST DROPPED TO THE CANVAS AND IS HOLDING HIS EYES! DID RYAN JUST GET AWAY WITH AN EYE RAKE?!?! IT LOOKS LIKE IT AND NOW RYAN FROM THE SECOND ROPE NOW…..TORNADO DDT OF DEATH!!!! AND LANCE IS UP QUITE QUICKLY ON ONE KNEE DAZED AND RYAN RUNS AND…SUPERMAN PUNCH FROM RYAN TO LANCE!!! IS RYAN GONNA DO IT?!?!
Mark Michaels: KICK OUT YOU DAMN FOOL!!!!
Deadprez: LANCE GETS THE SHOULDER UP!!!! ANOTHER NEAR FALL FOR RYAN IN THIS MATCH!!! RYAN LOOKS A BIT FRUSTRATED HERE AS HE DON’T KNOW WHERE TO GO FROM HERE! Ryan is trying with everything in his power to lift up Lance but Lance wakes up and pushes Ryan to the rope but Ryan bounces off the ropes and Lance goes for the clothesline but Ryan ducks underneath it and runs and bounces off the opposite ropes and leaps at Lance but Lance catches him in mid air!!! LANCE READJUSTS RYAN UP HIGH AND IS GOING FOR THE POWERSLAM!!! HE’S RUNNING…..BUT RYAN SLIPS OUT FROM BEHIND AND HITS THE CHOP BLOCK TO THE BACK OF LANCE’S KNEE AND RUNS AND HITS A BULLDOG!!! RYAN LOOKS DOWN AT LANCE AND THEN UP AGAIN AND RUNS AND LEAPS OFF THE SECOND ROPE…..LIONSAULT CONNECTS!!!!! THE COVER FROM RYAN AGAIN!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: :lupe:
Mark Michaels: NO!!!
Deadprez: LANCE KICKS OUT AGAIN!!! RYAN IS POUNDING THE MAT IN FRUSTRATION!! RYAN DOESN’T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO TO KEEP THIS BIG BOY DOWN. AND NOW RYAN IS BACK TO HIS FEET AND WAITING FOR LANCE TO GET UP AND LANCE IS STIRRING….LANCE IS FINALLY UP TO HIS FEET STILL DAZED AND RYAN WILSON IS SETTING UP FOR WHAT HE CALLS THE RKO AS HE’S TRYING TO PUMP UP THE AUDIENCE!!!
Mark Michaels: ALRIGHT THAT’S IT!!
Gavin Kirkland: WHERE IN THE HELL IS HE GOING!?!?
Deadprez: :damn: MARK MICHAELS IS ON THE APRON!!! HE’S YELLING OVER AT RYAN WILSON, AND THE REF TRIES TO GET HIM OUT OF THE WAY! RYAN WON’T LET MARK GET A SUCCESSFUL DISTRATION HERE, THOUGH, AS RYAN THROWS A HARD RIGHT TO THE FACE OF MARK!!! RYAN IS TALKING DOWN TO MARK ON THE FLOOR ON THE OUTSIDE AND–DAMN! RYAN WAS DISTRACTED! LANCE FROM BEHIND SMASHES RYAN FROM BEHIND CRUSHING HIM!! AND NOW LANCE POSITIONS RYAN QUICKLY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING BETWEEN HIS LEGS AND LIFTS HIM HIGH UP IN THE AIR……FEAR’S ORIGIN!! THE POWER BOMB CONNECTS!!! THIS IS GOTTA BE OVER AFTER THAT AS LANCE COVERS RYAN!!!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
(“Old Town Road” hits as Lance stands and gets his hand raised in victory as he stands above Ryan Wilson)
Gina Romano: HERE IS YOUR WINNER………LLLAAANNCCCEEE BBLLACCKFYYYRREEE!!!
Gavin Kirkland: What a performance from Lance Blackfyre! :whew:
Deadprez: Lance sure was impressive tonight, but he’s gotta thank Mark Michaels for the assist on that one! Even if it did cost the PURE champ a punch in the face.
Gavin Kirkland: A win is a win my friend, it doesn’t matter how you get it, it’s in the record books forever now. Ryan may have fought back a little bit there, but that just shows how distracted Ryan Wilson really can get in that ring–Mark knows that, it’s why he accepted the challenge, and I can tell he’s planning on expoiting Ryan’s weakness next weekend at Midsummer Massacre for the PURE Championship!
(The camera cuts to the top of the ramp where we see Mark Michaels holding his PURE Championship on his shoulder as he holds his face from the punch he took from Ryan. Mark is smiling from ear to ear before the camera fades to a frustrated and wiley Ryan Wilson in the center of the ring, arguing with the referee about the decision of the matchup. “Old Town Road” continues to play as we fade to commercial break.)
(Commercial break — an advertisement for the Bozos Victim Unit. “Got a dickeater problem? BVU is here to help. GLLTT.”)
(Showdown returns from commercial and immediately cuts to the ring. The lovable and wonderful Gavin Kirkland is standing in the middle of the ring, behind a table that’s been set up for the arm wrestling contest between Detective Biggums of the Bozos Victim Unit and Nina Dobrev, The Visual Prophet’s assistant. The two competitors for tonight’s event are already in the ring, while Chris Elite and the rest of the BVU are ringside. Standing across from them on the opposite side of the ring is The Visual Prophet, stroking the soft fur of his tiger, Kimmy.)
Gavin Kirkland: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN… THE FOLLOW MATCH IS AN ARM WRESTLING CONTEST!!!!
(The crowd pops.)
Gavin Kirkland: So the object of this match is basically see who the stronger man is!
Nina Dobrev: !!!!
(She looks a little insulted and Gavin looks her up and down, before he cringes.)
Gavin Kirkland: I stand by what I said.
(Nina narrows her eyes and takes a step in his direction, and that causes Gavin to back and slip behind Detective Biggums, aka Big Mike.)
Detective Biggums (Off Mic): Stay in your lane or I’ll slap the shit out of you.
(Nina smirks, pointing at her kisser, and letting Big Mike know that she would like it like that.)
Detective Biggums: :whoa:
Gavin Kirkland (clearing his throat): Ahem. INTRODUCING FIRST… REPRESENTING THE BOZO VICTIMS UNIT… DETECTIVE BIGGUMS!!!!
(Detective Ty and Detective Asson cheer, while Chris Elite stares a hole across the ring at Viz and Kimmy.)
Gavin Kirkland: AND HIS OPPONENT… REPRESENTING THE TRANSGENDER COMMUNITY AND BIG BEAUTIFUL WOMEN EVERYWHERE… FROM KIEV, UKRAINE… NINA DOBREV!!!!
Nina Dobrev (Off Mic): I’M FROM RUSSIA!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: Either way, you’re still illegal!!!
(Nina whirls around and looks down at Viz, who flashes her his million dollar smile.)
The Visual Prophet (Off Mic): You’re as legal as Kimmy, Nina. Don’t worry. Just focus on the task at hand.
Nina Dobrev (Off Mic): Of course bae.
(Nina looks at Detective Biggums and flexes her muscles, and honestly her physique is pretty impressive. Gavin looks at her completely disgusted.)
Gavin Kirkland: Yucky. I don’t want my woman to have the strength to bench press me.
Detective Biggums (Off Mic): Your guns ain’t that impressive you stupid slut. If you want to see muscles, take a look at this!
(Detective Biggums rips his shirt off and starts flexing his pecs. On the outside, Detective Asson licks her ruby red lips and makes a dick sucking gesture.)
Gavin Kirkland: Damn breh. You ripped AF.
Nina Dobrev (Off Mic): You look like pussy.
(Nina steps up to the table, grips the table with one hand, and puts her free arm in position for the match. Detective Biggums flexes one more time before getting himself set as well. The two lock hands and stare into one another’s eyes, and Gavin signals for the timekeeper to ring the bell!)
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Gavin Kirkland: AND THIS MATCH IS UND- WHAT?!
(Nina quickly slams Detective Biggums hand to the table!)
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Detective Biggums (Off Mic): WAIT! NO! I WASN’T READY!
Gavin Kirkland: …..
(Nina is celebrating her victory, while the BVU are shook on the outside. They are literally outraged and Detective Biggums pleads with Gavin to restart the match. Detective Ty slips inside the ring.)
Detective Ty (Off Mic): Lemme put this bitch in her place.
(Detective Biggums and Detective Ty turn their backs to have a private discussion, while Nina is leaning through the ropes, having a conversation with The Visual Prophet. The two detectives turn to Gavin and whisper something to him.)
Gavin Kirkland: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN… DETECTIVE TY IS OFFICIALLY CHALLENGING NINA DOBREV TO AN ARM WRESTLING CONTEST!!!!
(Nina gives Kimmy’s head a pet and straightens herself back up.)
Nina Dobrev (Off Mic): You want challenge? I got this.
(Nina steps back up to the table and gets herself in position, and Detective Biggums gives Detective Ty some last minute instructions. After a moment, Ty is ready to go, and he and Nina lock their hands together, both of them with highly competitive looks on their faces. Gavin calls for the bell.)
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Gavin Kirkland: AND THIS MAT- WHAT?!
(It takes Nina even less time to slam Detective Ty’s arm down!)
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Detective Ty (Off Mic): FUCK OUTTA HERE! THAT MAN-LADY CHEATED!
(Viz is laughing hysterically at the moment, unable to help himself.)
Chris Elite (Off Mic): Yeah you weren’t laughing when I pinned you for a second time.
(Detective Asson has slipped into the ring now and Gavin is giving her a once over. He seems mildly interested in her to be honest.)
Detective Asson (Off Mic): My turn.
Gavin Kirkland: Maybe lose the shirt you’re wearing. It’ll free your arm up better.
(Asson rolls her eyes and motions for Nina to get back to the table. Nina looks at Viz, and he nods his head in approval. Nina smirks and shrugs, stepping back for the next challenge. Detective Asson locks hands with Nina, trash talking her a bit, and Gavin takes a moment to admire her ass before snapping out of it and calling for the bell.)
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Gavin Kirkland: AN- AHHH FUCK!!!
(Nina slams Detective Asson’s arm down in like a nanosecond!)
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Detective Asson (Off Mic): YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! CLEARLY SHE IS TAKING STEROIDS!!! I’M GIVING HER A CITATION FOR THIS!!!
(The Bozos are arguing amongst themselves, and this entire time Chris has been watching Viz laugh and just enjoy what’s going on. The former champion is annoyed at this whole situation, and clearly pissed off the Bozos have made asses of themselves. He slides inside the ring and yells at the rest of the BVU.)
Chris Elite (Off Mic): Get the fuck out of the ring. You all need a citation for this fuckery. Let me show you how this shit is supposed to work.
(Viz’s smile has faded just a little bit, but Nina seems fine with it. The BVU are all at ringside now, and Nina doesn’t show any fear as she steps up to Big Bhris Elite.)
Gavin Kirkland: Are you two really gunna do this?
(Chris Elite nods. Nina nods.)
(Gavin shrugs and motions for the bell.)
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Gavin Kirkland: AND THIS ARM WRESTLING MATCH IS UNDERWAY!!!
(Chris and Nina go back and forth for a few seconds with Chris getting the better of Nina. Nina fights back to keep her arm from being slammed down into the table, and her refusal to back off just seems to infuriate Chris! Nina gathers all her strength and starts to get the match in her favor!)
Chris Elite (Off Mic): Nah, sis. This ain’t happening!
(Elite slams his forearm into Nina’s face and sends her sprawling to the mat!)
Gavin Kirkland: SHIT!!
(The voice of Deadprez comes through now.)
Deadprez: SHIT! KIMMY JUST LEAPED OUT OF VIZ’S ARMS AND NOW THE VISUAL PROPHET IS ON THE APRON! HE TRYNA TO COME TO NINA’S DEFENSE BUT THE REST OF THESE FUCKING BOZOS HAVE COME RUNNING! THEY HIT VIZ FROM BOTH SIDES OF THE RING, AND IT’S ASSON WHO JERKS VIZ FROM THE APRON! BIG MIKE AND TY ARE STOMPING AWAY AT PROPHET NOW, AND KIMMY IS GROWLING AT THEM!
(The sound of a headset coming on is heard.)
Gavin Kirkland: DAMN THAT ESCALATED!
Deadprez: CHRIS ELITE HAS NINA AND HE JUST HIT HER WITH THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT! THE GERMAN SUPLEX ROLLED INTO A ONE WINGED ANGEL JUST TOOK OUT NINA DOBREV!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: TY AND ASSON HAVE VIZ IN THEIR CLUTCHES AND BIG MIKE IS LOOKING FOR RICKYYY!! HE GOES FOR THAT BICYCLE KICK BUT THERE’S KIMMY! KIMMY JUST LEAPT AT BIG MIKE!!!!
Deadprez: BIG MIKE JUST PUNTED THE FUCK OUTTA THAT KITTY!
(The crowd gasps as Kimmy lets out a wounded yelp. He limps off, rushing to the back.)
Gavin Kirkland: FUCK! ISN’T PETA HERE TONIGHT?! SOMEONE HELP THAT WOUNDED ANIMAL!
(Security comes rushing down to the ring area and they tackle Big Mike before he can do anymore damage. Viz has fought off Asson and Ty, but he’s in the ring checking on Nina. Chris Elite is halfway up the ramp, a smirk etched on his face. Viz is furious to say the least.)
(Suddenly, “Lonely Girl” by Tonight Alive begins to play, and out comes the Showdown General Manager, Jenny Punk, with a microphone in her hand. We can tell that she’s pissed as hell, as she’s had a very hectic night this Saturday evening. :[ )
Jenny Punk: CUT THE DAMN MUSIC!
(The music in the arena stops abruptly as Jenny energetically stands at the top of the ramp, right next to Chris Elite. At ringside, the rest of the BVU begin to stir while security positions themselves along the apron, inside the ring, and up the ramp to prevent another brawl from starting.)
Jenny Punk: Look, I’ve just about had it up to here–(Jenny is seen raising a petite hand over her blonde and highlighted head)–with you IRRESPONSIBLE BOZOS!
Chris Elite: :skip:
Visual Prophet: :skip:
Gavin Kirkland: But she was the one who let us hold the arm wrestling contest?! :skip:
Jenny Punk: You guys want at each other that badly, then fine. I don’t care. I really don’t. But it won’t happen here tonight, hell no. Nor do I think you guys would abide to any rules that kept you to the confines of that ring–therefore…I’m officially announcing that at Midsummer Massacre, Chris Elite will take on The Visual Prophet…
Big Mike: :lupe:
Detective Asson: :lupe:
Jenny Punk: And FALLS…will COUNT…ANYWHERE!
(The crowd in the arena pops as “Lonely Girl” picks back up. Jenny, just about completely out of patience due to the evening’s events, drops her microphone with a pop. She begins to shout and snap at security who have begun to detain the BVU as they attempt to go after Viz once more. Chris Elite watches onward with his arms folded over his chest, Viz glaring at him from the ring.)
Deadprez: :whew: The situation between these two just escalated to a whole other level. And now, all the build up and dickeating over the past month will finally be worth something, as we look to put an end to the heated feud between these two competitors!
Gavin Kirkland: Dude, Chris Elite killed Nina, and that tiger probably has some kind of internal injury. I don’t want to know what happens when they get themselves involved in a Falls Count Anywhere situation.
(Security is pulling the BVU away, and Viz is standing on the ropes now, shouting at Chris. The two jaw back and forth, and Showdown fades to commercial.)
(Commercial break — an ad for the Showdown exclusive Free-Per-View, Midsummer Massacre! LIVE from the Wells Fargo Center in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania on July 27!)
(“ULTRAnumb” by Blue Stahli plays over the Nationwide Arena sound system. Cameron Ella Ava makes her entrance to the ring.)
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Gina Romano: The following match is scheduled for ONE FALL!!! Introducing first, residing in Los Angeles, California, “THE GODDESS OF EAW”, CAMEROOONNN ELLAAAAA AVVVAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
Deadprez: Out comes the Goddess of EAW with a real tenacious air about her coming into tonight.
Gavin Kirkland: You DO see what Cameron’s got on tonight don’t you? Lordt, It’s only appropriate we’re in the Nationwide Arena during a Nationwide heat wave, ’cause Cammmy Cam Cam is absolutely SCORCHING today! Sheesh!
Deadprez: Well she sure as hell is fired up, Imma stay on my best behaviour though since I’m on thin ice after the whole Kissgate incident with me and Eve. :lupe: But nah forreal, this young lady is coming in right now with a fire lit under her, especially after the brawl last week that took place between her and her husband against The Wildcards. She doesn’t look like she’s in the mood to play no games, that’s for sure.
Gavin Kirkland: Well thanks to her I’m in the mood to play with myself.
(“Rise” by Skillet replaces “ULTRANumb”, and Constance Blevins walks out to the ring all smiles, and lovingly engaging with the fans on the way.)
Gina Romano: And her opponent, from Baltimore, Maryland, “THE LIONESS” CONSTAAANNNCEEEE BLLLEEVVINNNS!!!
Deadprez: Looks like Connie’s in a good mood tonight. I wonder why?
Gavin Kirkland: What’s there not to be happy about when you’re in the profession of your dreams I suppose? I’m just glad Minerva isn’t back out here to sexually molest me again!
Deadprez: You know you liked it tho. That girl can get it I ain’t gon hold you.
Gavin Kirkland: If by “get it” you mean the electric chair, then I’m in agreeance with you dear partner. Don’t get me wrong, she’s definitely got that kink factor going for her, but you underestimate the power of her vice-like death grip around my man parts! Her hand around my sausage felt like the same force as the jaws of life! That chick has problems I tell you, she’s another Lorena Bobbitt in the making!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Deadprez: Cameron Ella Ava and Constance Blevins run right into a collar & elbow tie up, locking horns and jockeying for position. A lot of aggression coming from Blevins, kind of throwing Ava off guard I can tell, after all she was all smiles just a minute ago – but Constance Blevins has that ability to know how to separate, she’s a genuinely nice girl, a real approachable lady, but in the ring she’s a straight up warrior. She’s called The Lioness for a reason. Blevins shoves Ava back into the ropes, Ava stumbles forward and Blevins takes her down with a shoulder block! Cam looking up at her opponent, winding her shoulder before rushing right up and back into the collar & elbow. Again they’re both really going at it, Blevins clearly in more control, and she drops to her back and takes Ava over with a leapfrog! Rolls over into a mounting lateral press!
Gavin Kirkland: Mmmm mount her Constance, show her that naughty side!
Deadprez: Ava slings Blevins right off of her as the ref slides to the mat to count, and mounts over Blevins her own self before dragging her back up. These ladies going at it here with the constant grapple, and Ava shifts behind Blevins, looking for a back suplex! Blevins cuts her off with a mule kick right into that rib cage! Now a lifting boot the face of Ava, sending her down! Ava rushing back up, RUNNING BICYCLE KICK taking Ava back down! Ava recovering quickly, Blevins grabs her by the head and brings Ava back to her knees with a headbutt! Pulls Ava back up, another headbutt! Sending Ava stumbling back into a seated position in the corner. Blevins following up with some CORNER TURNBUCKLE STOMPS! STOMPING A MUDHOLE INTO THE FACE AND THE CHEST OF THE GODDESS!
Gavin Kirkland: Watch those stops! I don’t want you popping one of The Goddess’ succulent milk bags! Those are a commodity around here you know! They put asses in the seats, including mine! Blevins backs away and hypes up the crowd a little bit before jogging back at Ava who’s pulled herself up to her feet! Ava uses the ropes to aid herself in springing over Blevins and ends up behind her! HOOKS BOTH ARMS, LOOKING FOR TIGER SUPLEX PERHAPS??? Not quite! Not yet! Blevins breaks the hook of one arm and slams an elbow directly into the jaw! She performs a standing switch now and shoves Cameron into the ropes – BUT CAMERON SPRINGBOARDS OFF THE ROPES FOR THE SPRINGBOARD ROUNDHOUSE KICK! THAT CAUGHT HER! And Ava climbs over to Blevins as she’s rolling away, looking for a cover.
Ref: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!! TWOOOOOO-
Deadprez: Shoulder up from Blevins. Ava brushes back her hair, pulls Blevins back up and sends a stiff forearm shot into the small of her back! Blevins stumbles forward into the ropes, and Ava charges at her to hit a RUNNING FOREARM SMASH, WELL PLACED INTO THAT SAME AREA! Blevins drops down to the middle rope, and slithers down to the mat before rolling away. Ava’s right on her tail though, she hoists Blevins up from the mat looking for MAYBE A DEADLIFT GERMAN SUPLEX NOW??? But Blevins gets out of that with a standing switch into a roll up! Ava rolls through the roll up! ROUNDHOUSE KICK TO THE SIDE OF AVA’S HEAD! NO AVA CATCHES THE ONCOMING LEG UNDER HER ARM! She strands back up and spins Blevins around before HOISTING HER ON HER SHOULDERS, BREAKING BARRIERS TIME???
Gavin Kirkland: I don’t know about that! Blevins making it a struggle after being hoisted off her feet! And she manages to counter out of that into an armdrag, sending The Goddess flying! Ava gets back up favoring her shoulder, and is knocked RIGHT BACK DOWN WITH A RUNNING LARIAT FROM BLEVINS! Blevins stumbles over to the corner, holding the small of her back and trying to loosen up some of the cobwebs there. BEFORE SHE KNOWS IT AVA IS BACK UP AND CHARGES AT HER WITH A CLOTHESLINE! Blevins side steps it, and counters with a flurry of consecutive short arm clotheslines into her cornered opponent! The audience counting along!
Crowd: ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! SEVEN!
(Ava stumbles out of the corner and drops down to all fours, and Blevins lets out a primal yell which gets the crowd going.)
Deadprez: Blevins heads over to the apron where Ava has found a place of temporary refuge, but it’s starting to look fleeting Gavin! Blevins drags Ava halfway back into the ring by an arm, and fires off with a flurry of knees to the side of the head! The referee counting away!
Referee: 1! 2! 3! 4!
Deadprez: Blevins holds her hands up and backs away, and goes right back to Ava, grabbing the arm – but Ava counters with a shoulder thrust into the midsection! Now she springs OVER THE ROPES, ROLLING DOWN THE BACK OF A DOUBLED OVER BLEVINS! Sprints across the ring, Blevins turns around, and is TAKEN DOWN BY RUNNING DOUBLE AXE HANDLES! Blevins shoots back up to her feet, ANOTHER DOUBLE AXE HANDLE! Ava drags Blevins up from the mat and sends her into the ropes, and Ava catches her coming back with a ROLLING WHEEL KICK! BUT BLEVINS DODGES UNDERNEATH IT WITH A BASEBALL SLIDE! AVA RUSHES RIGHT UP! OHHH DAMN, SATELLITE DDT!!! AROUND AND AROUND SHE WENT, AND DOWN AVA GOES, SPIKED RIGHT ON HER HEAD! BLEVINS ROLLS OVER AND HOOKS THE LEG BY THE KNEE PAD!
Ref: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Gavin Kirkland: Kick out by The Goddess! Damn I got to admit that was actually really good! Like, perfect form and everything! I must admit, I came for the tits and ass, but I might just stick around for the actual wrestling! Blevins is not pleased by the two count, but she blames herself more than she does the official. Blevins drags herself up, taking Ava along with her, and Ava instinctively fires off a right hand to the gut! Blevins strikes right back with a closed fist of her own! She pulls Ava up from her knees, a position I love seeing her in, and strikes back with another right hand! Another! Another! And a last haymaker for good measure, taking Ava back down to the mat. Blevins dragging The Goddess up again, AND NOW SHE WANTS TO END THIS! BLEVINS IS THINKING LIONESS PRIDE!!! CRADLE DDT TO FLATTEN CAMMY’S BRAIN INTO PANCAKES! BUT AVA IS FIGHTING OUT OF IT, AND OUT OF DESPERATION, SHE DRIVES HERSELF AND BLEVINS THROUGH THE ROPES, COMING TUMBLING DOWN RIGHT TO THE RINGSIDE FLOOR!
Deadprez: Cam didn’t land all that comfortably, that left shoulder of hers ain’t looking too hot, but it got the job done – probably saved her the match if nothing else. Both of these girls recovering at the same time, and Blevins has recovered quicker, which allows her to scoop Ava up into her arms. FALLAWAY SLAM INTO THE BARRICADE BEHIND HER!!! But at the last second, Cam fires off some elbows right into the neck and the side of the face in succession, and she escapes Blevins’ grip before taking her by the wrist, and SENDING HER WITH AN IRISH WHIP. WITH ALL SHE’S GOT, INTO THE STEEL STAIRS! NO BLEVINS COUNTERS WITH THE REVERSE WHIP! BUT CAM DOESN’T HIT THE STAIRS, SHE JUMPS UP ONTO THE STEEL STEPS AND SPRINGBOARDS OFF OF IT WITH ANOTHER SPRINGBOARD ROUNDHOUSE!!! DOESN’T HIT IT’S MARK! DUCKED UNDERNEATH BY BLEVINS! BLEVINS WITH THE BICYCLE KNEE! CAMERON CATCHES THE LEG OVER A SHOULDER, AND COUNTERS BY POPPING BLEVINS UP ONTO HER SHOULDERS… AND SENDING HER SMACKING INTO THE BARRICADE WITH THE ALABAMA SLAM!!!! WHAT A DAMN IMPACT, WHAT A SICKENING THUD!
Gavin Kirkland: YOUCH! That was just straight up rugged! Poor Connie’s got to be feeling the wear and tear on her back! Meanwhile the referee’s been counting away at both of these ladies, and his count is now up to “six”. Cameron Ella Ava is aware of this and is making the effort to climb up to the apron and back into the ring……. I stand corrected! She’s actually not going into the ring! She’s climbing up the nearest turnbuckle! Don’t be stupid Cam! You’ve basically got this match won! Just slide back into the ring and let Blevins take the count out!
Deadprez: Blevins herself is recovering, but The Goddess has her mind made up! By the time Blevins can plant herself firmly on both feet, DOWN COMES CAMERON ELLA AVA!!! FROM THE TOP TURNBUCKLE WITH AN ASAI MOONSAULT TO THE OUTSIDE!!!! SHE STUCK THAT PERFECTLY, AND SHE QUICKLY SCRAPES BLEVINS OFF THE FLOOR BEFORE DUMPING HER BACK INTO THE RING, AND FOLLOWS UP HERSELF WITH A QUICK COVER.
Ref: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Gavin Kirkland: SHOULDER UP BY BLEVINS! I stand corrected, I was wrong, that was a brilliant move by The Goddess. Ava is starting to feel the adrenaline, that’s gotta be the result of momentum on her side! Ava is wasting no time, making no bones about it, she is in prime position for victory! Blevins is dragged up and send into the ropes with an Irish whip! AND AVA CATCHES BLEVINS WITH THE GODDESS’ TOUCH COMING BACK!!!!! NOT SO FAST, BLEVINS HOLDS HERSELF ON THE ROPES! AVA RUSHES BACK UP, CHARGES AT BLEVINS! FLAPJACK INTO THE ROPES! THAT SENDS CAM LANDING GUT-FIRST INTO THE STURDY RING ROPES, AND PLOPPING DOWN TO THE APRON IN AGONY! Blevins with a masterful save when she needed it the absolute most. Both ladies recover at relatively the same pace, and Blevins has crawled more towards the center before rising…. stalking her prey…. AND SHE TAKES OFF!!!! SPEAR!!! THROUGH THE ROPES TO THE OUTSIDE! HOLY SHIT!
Deadprez: KNOCK BITCHES OUT!!! CAUGHT HER!!! CAUGHT HER THROUGH THE ROPES, MID-SPEAR, BEFORE IT COULD CONNECT! AND BLEVINS COLLAPSES, HOLDING HER TEMPLE, EYES WIDE OPEN ALMOST SHOCKED BY WHAT HIT HER! Cameron Ella Ava is now heading back to the high ring district again, climbing up the turnbuckle from the apron after that boss ass save! Blevins is only stirring, which affords Ava enough time to drag herself up and push herself through the pain she’s in. By the time she gets to the top, Blevins is up… but SHE RUSHES TO THE CORNER AND SENDS ANOTHER CRIPPLING SHOT TO THE SENSITIVE RIBS! That’s got Cam at the top rope doubled over, almost draped over, and Blevins capitalizes by wrenching the left arm and delivering rapidfire elbow smashes, cracking against Cameron’s sore left shoulder repeatedly! Damn good ring awareness from Blevins here, and the official is actually reprimanding her for it, which I don’t get. Stop being such a damn pussy ref!
Gavin Kirkland: Cam delivers a faint right hook, and Blevins fires back with a running SHOULDER SMASH RIGHT INTO CAM’S HURT LEFT SHOULDER! You could hear that “pop” sound, that could have separated Cam’s shoulder! And now Blevins is climbing up that same turnbuckle! Joining Ava in the world renown high rent district, hey maybe I should get in there myself, I’ve always wanted to be in the mile high club!
Deadprez: Blevins pulls Ava up now by hooking Ava’s arm over her shoulders….. is the gonna get it….. is she gonna get it?!?!?
Gavin Kirkland: CONSTANCE BLEVINS DELIVERS A BEEEAUUUUUTIFUL PICTURE PERFECT DIVING SUPERPLEX!!!!! AND ROLLS THROUGH IT, MOUNTING OVER AVA IN AN UNASSUMINGLY SEXY MANNER! WOW THAT IS HOT! THE REFEREE SLIDES THROUGH, THIS THING’S GOT TO BE OVER!!!
Ref: OOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Deadprez: CAMERON ELLA AVA FIRING HER SHOULDER UP FROM THE MAT! THE GODDESS OF SHOWDOWN IS STILL IN THIS THING, MUCH TO THE SURPRISE OF CONSTANCE BLEVINS! The Lioness vs The Goddess is proving to be one hell of a contest, she is taking it to her much more experienced opponent, and even that look of shock has worn off fast. You can tell that she understands fully that she’s in the driver’s seat! Blevins drags herself up, still favoring that back, that superplex probably took a lot out of her too you know. The Lioness is eventually perched over, stalking, watching The Goddess stir and eventually come to – at least what resembles her senses. Blevins making sure to keep herself out of sight, while Ava is recuperating and, after a moment, is back on her feet! BLEVINS GRABS AHOLD OF HER FROM BEHIND! LIONESSPRIDE!!!!!!!! PAIGE TURNER ON ITS WAY!!!
Gavin Kirkland: CAMERON COUNTERS OUT OF IT WITH A SNAPMARE! BLEVINS RUSHES BACK UP — DOUBLE STRAIGHT JACKET HOLD FROM BEHIND!!!! IS SHE GONNA BREAK OUT THE STARDUST BREAKER?!?!
Deadprez: BLEVINS BREAKS OUT OF IT HERSELF, AND SLIDES BETWEEN CAM’S LEGS FOR THE ROLL UP CRADLE! CAMERON ROLLS THROUGH IT BACKWARDS, BLEVINS DARTS UP TO HER FEET! OH!!!! GODDESS’ TOUCH!!!!! BLEVINS STILL ON HER FEET, BUT THAT SHIT HIT HER SO HARD IT MAY AS WELL HAVE BROKEN HER NECK! SHE’S STUNNED! AND CAM TAKES BLEVINS UP ONTO HER SHOULDERS FROM BEHIND!! EVEN WITH THE ONE BAD SHOULDER! BREAKING BARRIERS!!!!!!!! RACK ATTACK RIGHT INTO THAT SENSITIVE BACK, SNAPPING HER VERTEBRAE INTO PIECES! AVA DROPS OVER BLEVINS! IT’S A WRAP MY FRIENDS! WE’RE GOING HOME!
Ref: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
(“ULTRANumb” by Blue Stahli hits.)
Gina Romano: Here is your winner, CAMEROOOONNN ELLLAAAA AVAAAAAAAA!!!!
(Cameron Ella Ava lets out a sigh of relief before scratching Constance Blevins on her head as a sign of respect. She rises up to her feet and has her arm raised by the referee, before going back to favoring ribs that incurred damage from the match.)
Gavin Kirkland: I don’t know what was sexier, Cameron tonight or the match that she just had! Either way, my dick is straight up diamonds!
Deadprez: Quality win against a quality opponent in a hard fought match. Blevins really brought it to her and she showed why she is an all-star talent, I think Connie’s got all the tools to becoming a perennial face around here. But Ava was able to work her own way around Constance’s strategy of targeting the shoulder area, and scrap her way through the damaged ribs and eventually get the win.
Gavin Kirkland: Hell, if Cam wasn’t so fired up, I don’t even know if she’d have won this one! You can tell Constance did her homework, but there are intangibles you just can’t teach, you know, like being smoking fucking hot! And Cameron Ella Ava is showing just that.
(Constance Blevins and Cameron Ella Ava share a handshake following the match, which draws a standing ovation from the Columbus, Ohio audience. As they release their handshake, Showdown fades into a commercial break.)
(Commercial break — an ad for JERKINS! The new formula of Jergens lotion, featuring Gavin Kirkland. Clinically proven to enhance all of your late night urges.)
(Showdown returns from commercial break where we see one of the newest members of the Showdown roster, “The Baddie”, Jenny Cien, walking down the arena hallways with her baseball bat handy, looking to help herself to some of the offerings catering may have for her. The crowd in the arena cheers at the sight of her as the camera follows her movement as she grabs a plate, loads it up quickly with some food, and goes to find a seat. As she takes a seat in the makeshift cafeteria in the arena to eat her meal, she overhears something that distracts her enough to drop a spoonful of her salad on the floor.)
(Jenny turns her head over her shoulder to see Carlos Cruz, “The Jesus Freak”, deep in prayer at a table by his lonesome, leaning over a copy of the New Testament.)
Carlos Cruz: “Dios te salve, Maria.
Llena eres de gracia:
El Seńor es contigo.
Bendita tú eres entre todas las mujeres…”
Jenny Cien: :dahell: ‘Scuse me, but you think you could keep it down by chance over there?
(Carlos opens his eyes and lifts his head, looking inquisitively at Jenny.)
Carlos Cruz: I mean no disrespect, belleza, but I was here first, wasn’t I? I didn’t think I’d be hurting anyone by simply thanking god for another great opportunity to compete in the squared circle and learn to be a better competitor. I may have lost in the ring out there, but that doesn’t make tonight any less of a successful venture…
(You could damn near hear Jenny’s eyes as they roll inside of her head.)
Jenny Cien: Primo, look, I’m just tryna eat over here in peace. Ain’t nobody wanna listen to you tryna do your lil’ rosary and shit, you don’t need to be shoving that shit down people’s throats.
Carlows Cruz: I’m not even Catholic, I don’t pray the rosary–
Jenny Cien: I DON’T GIVE A SHIT! Do that shit on your own time, at home, in your locker room, shit, just not here. Alright? Appreciate it. Damn.
(Jenny, assuming that Carlos has read her message loud and clear, turns her back to him and goes back to her food. As she loads up her fork with a few pieces of kale, she is surprised to hear that Carlos’ prayers have continued.)
Carlos Cruz: “Y bendito es el fruto de tu vientre:
Santa María, Madre de Dios,
ruega por nosotros pecadores,
ahora y en la hora de nuestra muerte…”
(Jenny, now REALLY annoyed, stands up with her baseball bat in her right hand and stomps directly over to Carlos’ table. As he continues to pray, she pushes him out of his seat, and away from the table, giving her the perfect opening to smash Carlos’ bible with her baseball bat, over and over and over again. Carlos watches onward on the floor in absolute horror as the pages of his bible are now beginning to tear. Unable to bear witness to the destruction of his holy book for any longer, he looks to stop her and scurries up off the ground.)
Carlos Cruz: Stop it! Mami–STOP IT!
(Carlos reaches for the bat as Jenny lifts it back up. However, instead of slowing her down, his interference only causes her to smack herself in the forehead with the bat. Jenny gasps and drops the bat onto the floor, reaching up to grab her forehead.)
Jenny Cien: OW, YOU FUCKING SON OF A BITCH–
Carlos Cruz: I didn’t mean to! I just wanted to try and stop you–it wasn’t on purpose, I swear–
Jenny Cien: JUST YOU WAIT, MOTHERFUCKER! I’MA FUCK YOU AAALLL THE WAY UP FOR NOT MINDING YOUR OWN GODDAMN BUSINESS–
Carlos Cruz: The last thing I want to do is cause you any trouble–let me have a look at it, see if you’re really hurt–
Jenny Cien: NAH, FUCK OUTTA HERE, DON’T TOUCH ME! You gonna regret this, dickhead, that’s a promise. Where’s that damn GM at, I need a word with her about her reckless fucking talent ‘round this place. Shit…
(Carlos, too afraid to speak another word, watches as Jenny scoops up her bat and storms off to find the General Manager of Showdown, rubbing her forehead. As he inspects his ruined bible that lies on the table, the camera feed cuts back to the ring.)
(We cut back to the ring and “It Follows” by Cane Hill begins to blast through the speakers. Instantly, the crowd responds by giving Xander Payne a heated ovation. Xander steps onto the top of the ramp with full confidence oozing out of him.He is looking to prove that he does no need Myles at all to help him win these important matches.)
Gina Romano: THE FOLLOWING MATCH IS SCHEDULED FOR ONE FALL —
Crowd: ONE FALL!!!
Gina Romano: Introducing first..from Brampton, Ontario, Canada…weighing in 240 pounds…he is the “Paynekiller” … XAAAAANNNNNNDDDDEEEERRRRRRRR PAAAAYYYYYNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEE!!!!
Deadprez: Xander Payne coming down to the ring with all the confidence in the world! It seems like he is hoping without the inclusion of Myles in this match, it provides him with an opportunity to prove he can defeat someone of Jamie O’Hara’s caliber!
Gavin Kirkland: That fat fuck is fucked. Does he have any idea of who he is facing in the ring? That’s Jamie fucking O’Hara! That is the husband of the woman that Xander beat last week. I am going to look forward to seeing Jamie beat the hell out of fatso over here!
Deadprez: Xander Payne has his size advantage in this match. Jamie is going to need to find a way to make sure that he doesn’t find himself grounded by Xander.
(“It Follows” dies down. Xander Payne has already made it to the ring as he is pacing around waiting for his opponent. “Ultimate Battle” by ZENTA plays through the speakers as the crowd gives an explosive and positive response to Jamie O’Hara. Jamie is taking the scenery in as the crowd is sold out and standing on their feet in his presence.)
Gina Romano: Introducing his opponent…from Melbourne, Australia…weighing in 190 pounds…he is “The Ace of Elite Answers Wrestling”… JAAAAAAAMMMMMIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE OOOOOOOOO’HAAAARRRRRRAAAAAAAAA!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: The most beautiful man on the Showdown brand has arrived. :wow: If there are men who aren’t gay at the moment, take one good look at this man and he can make you question your sexuality.
Deadprez: Did he make you question yours last week?
Gavin Kirkland: I am a Jamie O’Hara fanboy, but if I wasn’t straight and committed to my beautiful Cleopatra, Cameron would be in serious trouble. :wow:
Deadprez: Speaking of Cameron, she also finds herself banned from ringside in this match. If her Myles dare to take one step in that ring, their respective partners find themselves disqualified in this match!
Gavin Kirkland: Jamie doesn’t need the extra help unlike his obese opponent. He’s got this match in the bag.
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Deadprez: Jamie O’Hara versus Xander Payne is underway! Instantly, the two men lock up, but Xander manages to push Jamie against the corner! Right away, Xander is displaying that strength. It seems like that is going to be his advantage in the match.
Referee: ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! LET GO, XANDER!
Gavin Kirkland: But, Jamie O’Hara manages to slide himself out of the corner and gets Xander Payne by his waist! Oh god, the last thing that Jamie needs to do is carry Xander’s fat ass in this match! It seems like we’re going to be getting that. Jamie uses his strength — I have no fucking idea where he’s getting that strength, but I like it — and takes down the former New Breed Champion! There, Jamie gets Xander Payne in a front headlock! JAMIE GETS THE BIGGER MAN UP TO A VERTICAL BASE BEFORE CONNECTING WITH A GROUNDED RUNNING UPPERCUT! XANDER PAYNE FLIES BACK IN RESPONSE, BUT IMMEDIATELY REGAINS HIS BALANCE! JAMIE CONNECTS WITH A DROPKICK THAT SENDS XANDER BOUNCING AGAINST THE HORIZONTAL ROPES! XANDER MANAGES TO CATCH HIMSELF, BUT THE FORMER WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION BEGINS TO CLUB AWAY ON HIS OPPONENT WITH A SERIES OF FOREARMS! Xander is trying to block each shot, but Jamie is nailing him with each shot! Xander collapses down to an all fours position, before Jamie pulls him away from the ropes! Xander makes his way to his knees, but Jamie takes a few steps before connecting with running basement dropkick! Xander falls to his back as Jamie goes for the cover!
Deadprez: Xander Payne gets a shoulder up at one! Jamie O’Hara applies a chinlock on Xander! Jamie wrench Xander’s head back as he applies more pressure onto the chinlock! But, it seems like Jamie’s grasp is slipping away! Remember, Gavin: Xander has that strength advantage in this match! Jamie is going to need to rely on his agility! Somehow, Xander is able to rise back to his feet! But, Jamie is able to counter with a side headlock! Xander tries to lift Jamie off his feet, but Jamie has his feet planted firmly on the ground! Xander goes to lift Jamie off his feet, but no success! Xander goes to lift Jamie up and tosses the smaller man behind him, but Jamie manages to land on his feet! I don’t think that Xander is aware of what is going on as he turns himself around —
Gavin Kirkland: THE ACE DROPS XANDER PAYNE WITH A SUPERKICK! NO! IT SEEMS LIKE CHUB CHUB IS STAGGERING BACK, BUT THE SUPERKICK WAS NOT ENOUGH TO KNOCK HIM DOWN! XANDER IS STAGGERING BACK TO THE CORNER! BUT, THAT DOES NOT STOP MY BABY BOY JAMIE! JAMIE RUNS TOWARDS XANDER WITH A FLYING FOREARM! NOT AS GOOD AS CAMERON’S, BUT IT’S GOOD ENOUGH TO TAKE XANDER BACK! JAMIE TAKES A COUPLE STEPS BACK BEFORE RUNNING TOWARDS HIS FATTER OPPONENT AND CONNECTING WITH A HESITATION DROPKICK! Xander collapses down to a seated position! Jamie takes a few steps back before running towards the Paynekiller and connects with a running knee strike to Xander’s skull! Jesus christ, things have not been looking too hot for Xander as he falls to his side! Jamie pulls Xander by his leg — dear god, don’t hurt your back, Jamie! Lifting this man doesn’t seem to be possible for anyone! IT SEEMS LIKE JAMIE IS PLANNING TO WRAP UP THIS MATCH REAL SOON! HE POSITION HIMSELF ON THE TOP ROPE! XANDER IS ON HIS BACK, NOT MOVING A MUSCLE WHATSOEVER! JAMIE O’HARA FLIES FROM THE TOP ROPE —GENKI CANNON — DIVING DOUBLE FOOT STOMP TO XANDER PAYNE!
Deadprez: Xander Payne rolls himself outside the ring, but Jamie O’Hara manages to catch himself and prevent a terrible landing! Xander seems like he is going to buy himself sometime. Like it was mentioned, things were not looking too great for him in this match! It seems like Jamie has done everything he could to make sure that Xander has gotten little to no offense in this match! Jamie is going to need to continue what he has been doing! The Ace flies over the top rope! Topè Con Hilo on Xander Payne to the outside!
Gavin Kirkland: XANDER PAYNE GETS JAMIE O’HARA AND COUNTERS THE TOPÈ CON HILO TO A SPINEBUSTER ON THE EDGE OF THE APRON! :damn: :damn: :damn: HE JUST KILLED JAMIE! THAT FAT BASTARD! YOU COULD SEE THAT JAMIE IS CLUTCHING ONTO HIS BACK! BUT, XANDER IS JUST GETTING THINGS STARTED! HE PICKS UP THE FORMER WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION! GERMAN SUPLEX ONTO OUR TABLE! JAMIE ROLLS OFF THE TABLE AND ONTO DEADPREZ’ LAP! DEADPREZ, YOU ARE SUCH A LUCKY BASTARD AT THE MOMENT! I WISH I WAS YOU RIGHT NOW. :wow:
(The camera focuses on Jamie O’Hara on Deadprez lap, but Xander Payne approaches them before getting Jamie back up to his feet and connecting with an uppercut.)
Deadprez: When Xander Payne is in his zone, the last thing that someone needs to do is interrupt him. He staggers Jamie O’Hara with that uppercut! Jamie is in a seated position with his back against the barricade, but Xander runs towards Jamie before connecting with a cannonball senton! Man, I think that he just flattened Jamie! I’m looking over towards you, Gavin! I think that you just died a little on the inside!
Gavin Kirkland: :mjcry:
Deadprez: Xander Payne gets his opponent and tries to get him to a vertical base! Xander gets Jamie in position and connects with a snap suplex, but Xander makes sure that Jamie lands on the apron! With Jamie on the apron, Xander gets himself on top of the apron as well! We see Xander getting Jamie in a powerbomb position! WHAT IN THE HELL IS XANDER GOING TO DO NOW? XANDER FLIPS HIMSELF OVER — CANADIAN DESTROYER ON THE THE ACE! JAMIE O’HARA CRASHES ONTO THE APRON AS XANDER CONNECTS WITH A DEVASTATING CANADIAN DESTROYER! HE MAY HAVE JUST ENDED JAMIE RIGHT THERE! I WOULD ADVISE FOR XANDER TO GET INSIDE THE RING AND END THIS MATCH IF HE STANDS ANY CHANCE OF WINNING! JAMIE ROLLS HIMSELF BACK INSIDE THE RING! XANDER ENTERS THE RING HIMSELF AS HE GOES FOR THE COVER ON JAMIE!
Gavin Kirkland: JAMIE O’HARA KICKS OUT AT TWO! :blessed: :blessed: :blessed: I never doubted this beautiful, beautiful man for a second, Deadprez! Mr. Cameron Ella Ava is one of the best on this brand! But, I get the impression that this is going to make Xander more ruthless! He is determined to put Jamie away! Xander applies a grounded chokehold on Jamie! One of the things that could work in Xander’s favor is keeping Jamie grounded! Jamie needs to figure out how the shift this match in his favor! I’m trying not to freak out Deadprez, I feel like I’m going to need something to drink as I calm down my nerves for the time being! Jamie is trying to rip Xander’s grasp away from his neck! Xander transitions that chokehold to a side headlock! He wrenches in that headlock, but Jamie sees the opportunity to push the bigger man off of him! He is successful in doing so, but Xander connects with a calf kick to Jamie’s stomach! Jamie bends forward in pain as Xander sweeps the leg of Jamie O’Hara before knocking the smaller man down to his knees! Xander gets behind of Jamie before rebounding off the ropes and connecting with a sliding forearm to the back of Jamie’s head! Jamie falls to his side in response as Xander gets Jamie by his legs! It looks like Xander is connecting with a sharpshooter! Jamie get out of this hold!
Deadprez: Xander Payne manages to lock in the sharpshooter on Jamie O’Hara! Not only is Jamie feeling the pain with his legs, but it is not doing his lower back any favors! The look of agony on Jamie’s face tells the entire story! There is no way that Jamie is going to submit here, but it seems like Xander is going to do as much damage with this one move as possible! Jamie is trying to drag his body and clutch onto that bottom rope! Unless he can find some way to counter this move, that bottom rope seems to be the best bet to get out of the move! The crowd is trying to encourage Jamie to make it to the bottom rope! Maybe, the energy of the EAW Universe will motivate The Ace! The claps are getting louder as Jamie is mustering up whatever strength he has to drag his body to the bottom rope! Meanwhile, you can see the look of concern on Xander Payne’s face! Jamie is getting close and closer to that bottom rope — he makes, it Gavin!
Referee: ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! RELEASE THE HOLD, XANDER!
Gavin Kirkland: (pours some henny to his red cup) JAMIE O’HARA JUST SAVED THE MATCH FOR HIMSELF, DEADPREZ, I GOT SOME HENNY AND XANDER IS STILL FAT! EVERYTHING IS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD! Xander Payne unhappily releases the hold! The official of the match makes sure that Xander stays a good distance away from Jamie! Our Ace is wobbly on his feet as we are witnessing the effects of the sharpshooter! Xander manages to move past the officials as soon as Jamie manages to make his way back to his feet! Jamie, out of nowhere, connects with spinning backhands as that staggers Xander Payne a couple steps! Jamie runs towards Xander! SLINGBLADE ON XANDER! NO! XANDER MANAGES TO GET JAMIE AND COUNTERS WITH MODIFIED LIFTING REVERSE STO ON JAMIE O’HARA! HE PLANTS THE FORMER WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION FACE FIRST AS HE GOES FOR THE COVER! THIS IS ALL OVER HERE! :sob: :sob: :sob:
OOOOOOOOOOOONE!! TWOOOOOOOOOOO!! TH—
Deadprez: Jamie O’Hara kicks out at the last second as Xander Payne gets to his knees and racking his head back-and-forth! To Xander, that should have been enough to put Jamie down! Xander gets Jamie back to a vertical base! Still, you can see Jamie still wobbly on his feet from the sharpshooter, but it seems like he is trying to hide it! Xander is clutching Jamie’s face as he is saying a few choice words to Jamie! The audio is failing to pick them up. But, bare with us as they pick up on some sounds!
(Xander Payne is clutching Jamie O’Hara’s face. Jamie is trying to break himself out of the hold, but it seems like Xander has a pretty good grasp on The Ace.)
Xander Payne (off-mic): YOU ARE NOTHING COMPARED TO ME, JAMIE! YOU WILL RESPECT ME!
Gavin Kirkland: XANDER PAYNE GETS JAMIE O’HARA AND CONNECTS WITH A BLOODY NOSE — THE DISCUS PALM STRIKE ON JAMIE! :damn: JAMIE STAGGERS BACK AS HE IS CLUTCHING HIS NOSE IN PAIN! OH GOD, JAMIE’S BLEEDING FROM HIS NOSE! XANDER IS NOT A SAFE WORKER TO FACE! THAT IS NO WAY TO TREAT THE ACE! MY BABY BOY JAMIE IS GOING TO MURDER THIS FAT PIECE OF GARBAGE AND I AM HERE FOR IT! JAMIE IS CHECKING HIS NOSE TO SEE IF THE AMOUNT IS BLOOD IS CONCERNING, BUT WHEN HAS A LITTLE BIT OF BLOOD STOPPED HIM? :wow:
Deadprez: Jamie O’Hara rushes towards Xander Payne and connects with forearm strike across Xander’s face! Xander stumbles back as Jamie follows that up with a harsh knee to Xander’s stomach! Jamie is repeatedly connecting with those knee strikes to his stomach! Xander pushes Jamie away from him as he gets back to a vertical base, but Jamie with the John Woo Dropkick to Xander’s chest! Xander staggers forward as Jamie rushes towards the bigger man and connects with the slingblade! XANDER IS TAKEN DOWN AS JAMIE BEGINS TO HYPE HIMSELF AND THE CROWD TO THEIR FEET! JAMIE IS GESTURING FOR XANDER TO GET BACK TO HIS FEET! XANDER IS STUMBLING BACK TO HIS TWO FEET AS JAMIE GOES RUNNING TOWARDS XANDER — IN EXCELSIS — THE RUNNING BICYCLE KNEE STRIKE TO THE SKULL OF XANDER PAYNE! XANDER IS OUT FOR IT FOR SURE!
Gavin Kirkland: WHAT’S GOING ON? LOOK AT THE RAMP, DEADPREZ!
(The camera pans to the ramp as Myles is seen walking down the ramp. This gather’s Jamie O’Hara’s attention. Not only is Myles supposed to be banned, but he is putting Xander Payne in position to be disqualified.)
Deadprez: Why is Myles out here? If he makes it to that ring, Xander Payne is disqualified. To remind everyone, Myles and Cameron Ella Ava are banned from ringside in this match! If one of them were to step in that ring, their respective partners will be disqualified.
(Xander Payne is somehow waking himself up from the knee strike from Jamie O’Hara, but the official is trying to tell Myles to head into the back. The official then goes to Xander to try to tell his partner to head to the back or else he’ll be disqualified.)
Xander Payne (off-mic): GET IN THE BACK, MYLES! YOU’RE GOING TO COST ME THIS MATCH!
(Myles continues to walk down the ramp as he stands inches away from the apron. Xander Payne is pleading for his partner to head to the back. At this point, it seems like the audio cannot pick this up. Jamie O’Hara has taken a step back as he lets the two partners talk things out.)
Gavin Kirkland: MYLES STEPS ON THE APRON! THE OFFICIAL IS CALLING FOR THE BELL!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Gina Romano: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, SINCE MYLES WAS BANNED FROM RINGSIDE AND FAILED TO COMPLY WITH THE STIPULATIONS OF THIS MATCH…HERE IS YOUR WINNER BY DISQUALIFICATION…JAAAAAMMMMMIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE OOOOOOOO’HAAAARRRRRRAAAAAAA!!!!
(Despite Jamie O’Hara winning the match by disqualification, the fans were still happy about the result of the match. Jamie shakes his head as he’s not happy with how he managed to get this victory. But, there’s nothing that he can do about it.)
Gavin Kirkland: Jamie won! Yay! That is all that matters! :blessed:
(Meanwhile inside the ring, both members of The Wildcards are arguing among themselves. You can tell that Xander Payne is not happy with the result of the match. Myles is doing everything in his power to defend himself and his actions. Meanwhile, Jamie is taking a step back as he looks at this argument.)
Xander Payne (off-mic): YOU HAD ONE JOB! STAY AWAY FROM THAT RING, THAT’S ALL YOU HAD TO DO! YOU ARE SUCH AN IDIOT!
Myles (off-mic): Yeah, because you were doing so great out there, mate. I was going out there to clean your mess…again. There’s no telling what you would have done if you lost this match. I didn’t have time for you to throw the biggest sook about this.
Xander Payne (off-mic): I DON’T KNOW THAT WORD! YOU FUCKING AUSTRALIANS AND YOUR BACKWOODS WAYS!
Jamie O’Hara: (off-mic): I resent that.
Xander Payne and Myles (off-mic): STAY OUT OF THIS!
(The crowd begins to get antsy as Cameron Ella Ava makes her way up the ramp. It’s obvious that Cameron was a good noodle in this situation and stayed in the back like she was supposed to. Both members of The Wildcards stop their arguing as Cameron makes it to the ring and stands by Jamie O’Hara’s side.)
Gavin Kirkland: It seems like Cameron Ella Ava is here to even the odds as she stands by her husband’s side! Gotta love a loyal woman. :wow:
Deadprez: At this same time, it made The Wildcards stop their bickering! The focus on both Xander Payne and Myles is to make sure that they stand as a united force against Jamie and Cameron.
(Just like last week, the four competitors stare each other down. But, Xander Payne storms out of the ring first. He is completely done with this bullshit and makes his way to the back. Myles has one last look at both Jamie O’Hara and Cameron Ella Ava before making his way to the back.)
Gavin Kirkland: How much longer can The Wildcards go? Knowing Xander Payne’s lack of stamina, I’m surprised that he has been able to go this long without wanting to rip Myles apart!
Deadprez: Woah woah, Gavin, you hear that?
Gavin Kirkland: FUCK! I’m getting word from Jenny Punk right now…blah blah, “not able to comply”…blah blah, “killing each other…” Yup! There it is! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE GENERAL MANAGER OF SHOWDOWN JUST ANNOUNCED THAT THE WILDCARDS WILL TAKE ON THE TEAM OF CAMERON ELLA AVA AND JAMIE O’HARA–AT MIDSUMMER MASSACRE!
Deadprez: :damn: JENNY GOT NO TIME FOR ANYONE’S SHIT THIS WEEK, GAVIN! I doubt we’re gonna have a roster by the end of next week! All these motherfuckers are certainly going to kill each other!
(Our final scene is of Myles standing on the stage, turning to get one last look of Jamie and Cameron in the middle of the ring before the camera transitions elsewhere.)
(Showdown cuts from ringside to the backstage area. The GOAT, Ahren Fournier, is seen in his element, in the middle of a photoshoot, surrounded by baby goats and other adorable farm animals. The former EAW Champion is dressed in a designer, fitted Armani suit, and his trademark fur coat, but what’s fun about this photoshoot is that it appears to be PETA related. The viewers are aware of this because there is a horrified PETA representative on set, wearing a PETA shirt, and she can not stop shaking her head over the fact Ahren is wearing a fur coat. The photographer snaps a few more pictures of Ahren, who is standing in the middle of a set that has been made to look like a legit animal farm, and lowers the camera.)
Photographer: Cut. Let’s reload.
(Ahren smirks and strolls offset, heading over to the full-length mirror that’s set up in the makeup and wardrobe area. The arrogant former model admires his reflection before turning and heading to his director’s chair. Sitting on the seat of the chair is a book he had been reading before the photoshoot had started. He picks it up and that allows the camera to see the title of the book for the first time.)
“#GAWDVERBS A Machiavellian’s Guide To Un-Fucking Yourself”
(Several of the animals have wandered over to Ahren and have gathered in front of him as he’s taken his seat. Ahren opens the book up to where the marker has been placed, and clears his throat. He glances at the animals.)
Ahren Fournier: So where were we?
Baby Goat: Baaa baaa baaa.
Ahren Fournier: Right. We were in the process of picking apart how completely stupid this piece of shit book actually is. Clearly it was written by a retard, and not someone who claims to be a “Gawd”. I find it awfully alarming that a man who lives in a glass house filled with lies and hypocrisy is the person who is trying to give the world advice, but I digress. That delusional, self involved cancer cluster will get what’s coming to him at Midsummer Massacre. I think it’s funny that someone who has to constantly reinvent himself in order to stay current, to keep his name in the headlines or whatever, wants to lecture all of us on how we should live our lives. Do you think anyone actually bought this crap?
Baby Goat: :wow: Baa baa baaaaaaa.
Ahren Fournier: Listen to this shit: “To get out of your miserable, unhappy, uneventful unfulfilled sorry lackadaisical shit life, you have to first admit that there is a problem. You need to look inside your soul and truly search for your purpose, and ask yourself if you are happy. Chances are, you’re not. What is happiness? It certainly isn’t leading a life of mediocrity. Think about it. Soul search. Meditate on it. Are you tired of working your shit job, making shit pay, eating the piss poor dinner that your fat, ugly, and whining bitch of a wife that you settled for made you? I bet you are, because the majority of the free world lives this life on a daily basis. How could you possibly be happy knowing that you’re going to die without having ever reached for the brass ring? Luckily for you, you’re reading this book, and I’m letting you in on the cheat codes of life. You don’t have to continue being a loser, if you simply follow my advice. I’m a billionaire, CEO and Chairman of a worldwide sports franchise, and the best athlete my sport has ever seen. I have multiple homes across the world, more money than I could ever spend. My teenage children dote on me, and constantly go above and beyond to make sure that they’re living up to my expectations.”
(Ahren stops himself for a second and looks at his audience. The baby goat is giving Ahren all his attention, but the chickens, tabby cat, and fluffy miniature cow have wandered off, and are currently trying to be corralled by their handlers.)
Baby Goat: Baaa baaa baaaaaaaaaaaaa.
Ahren Fournier: Is it just me, or is it kind of alarming that a man who coined the catchphrase, “Death, Destruction, and Rape” is raising children? How is he allowed to even have custody of his kids? I bet his daughter is some kind of whore.
Baby Goat: ……
Ahren Fournier (rolling his eyes): Can we at least agree that the wife he drugged and raped is?
Baby Goat: BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA BAAAAAAAAAAAAA BAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!
Ahren Fournier: NOW we’re back on the same page, my lil goat frand. I shall keep reading, despite the fact the fuckery in this book already drove the rest of our audience away. (He clears his throat again.) “When it comes to your family, you can’t hesitate to be firm in your dealings with them. However, if you are a broke ass failure you can’t expect the out of shape heffer you married to respect you and raise your kids the proper way. You have to give your woman a reason to respect you, and maintaining an insouciant approach to your life isn’t going to do you any favors. Despite what women say, they don’t want to be saddled to a simp, a cuck… some little pansy fuck boy who won’t put them in their place. They need a firm hand, albeit a somewhat loving one, because lets be honest. The majority of women are incapable of making their own decisions. They know men are their superiors and they look to us for our natural leadership ability because deep down, all women know that if weren’t for men, they wouldn’t even be in this world. Some say that women were made from the rib of Adam, and even if that isn’t what you believe, it is a fact that women were placed on this planet to please the warriors, the conquerors… men such as myself.”
(Ahren throws his head back and laughs, and his little baby goat frand does as well. The backstage area fills with hysterical laughter and happy baaaaaing, and Ahren rips the page he had just read from the book.)
Ahren Fournier: This coming from a man who had his balls blasted to ashes by two of three Ava sluts.
(Ahren holds the torn page out and the baby goat takes it from his hand, happily munching away on Mr. DEDEDE’s writing.)
Ahren Fournier: Since pretending to be gay, the undeserving Answers World Champion has certainly fallen on hard times. Fucking Cam’s mom, drugging my former and rather ungrateful business associate to get pussy…SAD! I guess not even the man who made up his own word, “Gawd”, in order to have something to call himself can be a stallion forever, and he’s definitely not going to be Answers World Champion for much longer. At Midsummer Massacre, the GOAT is going to slay the ‘Gawd’, and I’m going to have yet another world championship reign. My face is going to be splashed across all the promotional ads, and Mr. DEDEDE’s delusions of self grandeur will just fail him in the end. I’m going to beat him and embarrass him, and show the world why I am a much better version of him than he is.
Photographer (off-screen): Ahren! You’re needed back on set!
(Ahren stands up, tucking the book under his arm. He motions for the baby goat to follow him and together the two of them head back on set. As soon as Ahren stepped back onto the animal farm, he caught a whiff of something rather foul. Ahren looked down, seeing animal shit on the ground, and a smirk crossed his face. He took his copy of #Gawdverbs and tossed it down in the pile of feces before getting himself in position.)
Ahren Fournier: This is wrestling, my animal friends. I can talk anything into existence. I can make this my own fucking fantasy land. I’m standing here in the middle of Ahren’s Animal Farm, a week away from beating the shit out of Mr. DEDEDE, and taking away the championship he never should have won in the first place. Baaa baaa mother fuckers. I’m about to become the GOAT champ once again! Take my picture you lil bih of a photographer and make sure PETA puts these ads everywhere. My face is money… I’m a fuckin’ baller. I’m Ahren Fournier… one tag title away from winning a triple crown. I’m a future hall of famer. Women fuckin’ luh me. They want my GOAT milk running their throats, and I don’t have to drug anybody. That’s why I’m a champ, and while I’ll defeat that old ass motherfucker Mr. DEDEDE.
Baby Goat: Baaaa. Baaaa. Baaaa!!!!
(The photoshoot continues, as Ahren continues to praise himself and pose. Showdown fades to commercial break.)
(Final commercial break — an ad for PETA featuring Ahren Fournier and his unnamed baby goat frand.)
(We return from commercial to find Gina Romano standing inside the ring.)
Gina Romano: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for…
Crowd: ONE FALL!!
(“Another One Bites The Dust” by Queen hits as the Visual Prophet walks out, accompanied by Nina Dobrev and Kimmy the Tiger. Viz gives a twirl on the stage before beginning his strut down to the ring.)
Gina Romano: Introducing first, making his way to the ring from Detroit, Michigan, weighing in at 230 pounds… THE VISUUAAALLLLL PPPRRRROOOPPPHHHEETTTT!!!
Gavin Kirkland: AAHH!! THE FACE OF EMPIRE HIMSELF! :blessed: It’s so good to see the Visual Prophet!
Deadprez: You forgot who he’s facing? Who are you cheering for in this one?
Gavin Kirkland: …
Deadprez: Welp. Gavin’s broken. But The Visual Prophet, despite his obvious confidence, has not been without his struggles lately. Particularly against Chris Elite, it’s been a difficult time of late for the man known as the Sovereign.
(Viz gives Kimmy a kiss on the head before rolling into the ring and gyrating his hips for the crowd as his music fades and is replaced by “Chun-Li” by Nicki Minaj as Felix Hartley walks out with the New Breed Championship wrapped around her waist.)
Gina Romano: And his opponent, making her way to the ring from Las Vegas, Nevada, weighing in at 114 pounds… she is the EAW New Breed Champion… FELIXXXXX HAAARRTTTTLLEEYYY!!!
Gavin Kirkland: FELIX AND HER BOOBS ARE HERE!
Deadprez: Hey! He’s back! All it took was a pair of breasts. But Felix now comes in to face a former New Breed Champion in the Visual Prophet! These two have had their exchanges in recent times and this matchup was probably only a matter of time before it had to happen.
Gavin Kirkland: The two most beautiful members of each gender in EAW facing off for the right to be the most beautiful! I love it!
(Felix climbs up into the ring, posing and swaying her hips back and forth for the crowd before removing her championship and hopping down. She hands the title out to the timekeeper and the referee calls for the bell.)
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Deadprez: All right! This highly anticipated matchup is underway! Both competitors move towards the center of the ring! Now Viz there… Viz has an odd grin on his face… Viz now throwing his hands up on his head and gyrating his hips right at Felix! Right in front of her as he looks right in her eyes but she doesn’t look impressed.
Gavin Kirkland: Oh… oh my…yes…SHE’S GOING TO DO IT!! FELIX THROWS ONE HAND UP IN THE AIR AND ONE HAND DOWN ON HER WAIST! SHE SWAYS HER HIPS BACK AND FORTH AND GIVES A SPIN FOR THE CAMERA RIGHT IN FRONT OF VIZ! She turns back and puts her hand on her hip, looking at Viz with a confident smirk! I hate to say it but I’m glad she stopped because my heart almost stopped!
Deadprez: VIZ JUST GRABBED FELIX BY THE FACE AND PLANTED A KISS RIGHT ON HER LIPS! HE HOLDS HER THERE BEFORE RELEASING HER WITH A HUGE GRIN! BUT FELIX RETURNS WITH A RIGHT HAND TO THE JAW! BUT VIZ STILL SMILING! FELIX GOES TO TACKLE HIM BUT VIZ GRABS HER BY THE HAIR AND RUNS HER INTO THE TURNBUCKLES! I GUESS WE ARE FINALLY ABOUT TO FIGHT HERE! FELIX BOUNCES OFF THE TURNBUCKLES AND VIZ USES A ROLL UP!
Ref: ONEEEEEEEEEE! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Gavin Kirkland: KICKOUT BY HARTLEY! What a stallion she is! :wow:
Deadprez: I mean… yeah. That’s the nickname. But now Hartley rolling over and back to her feet, however Viz isn’t going to let her get to a base too quickly! VIZ NOW DROPPING THOSE ELBOWS INTO THE BACK OF FELIX’S SHOULDER! FORCING HER BACK DOWN TO THE MAT AS HE NOW SWINGS CLUBBING BLOWS DOWN INTO THE SIDE OF HER HEAD! Viz maintaining the back mount now—
Gavin Kirkland: God I’d love to mount her back…
Deadprez: Viz now grabbing her by the face and just pulling back on her head! Hooking her by the cheekbones and just yanking! Anything to apply more pressure and leverage! Felix now sighing and clawing at Viz’s hands trying to create a break but she can’t break his grip! Felix now grabbing again! She gets a grip on Viz’s middle finger… OH SHE BENDS IT ALL THE WAY BACK! AND SHE SNAPS BACK ON IT! THAT FINGER COULD BE DISLOCATED OR EVEN BROKEN! VIZ RELEASES AND CLUTCHES HIS HAND IN PAIN BUT HERE COMES HARTLEY! SHE POPS TO HER FEET AND WIPES HER FACE WITH HER HAND! SHE RUNS IN AND HITS A SHOTGUN DROPKICK TO VIZ’S CHEST! VIZ FLIES BACK AND CRASHES TO THE MAT! FELIX WASTING NO TIME BY RUNNING OVER AND JUMPING INTO THE AIR! LEAPING DOUBLE KNEES RIGHT INTO THE STERNUM OF VEENA ADAMS’S BELOVED! FELIX NOW PRESSING HER HANDS INTO THE MAT! LIFTING HER LEGS UP INTO THE AIR AND DROPPING THOSE HANDSTAND KNEES DOWN AGAIN INTO VIZ!
Gavin Kirkland: Felix has it all! Beautiful and fierce! Look at her go! She slides over to her knees and Viz tries to roll over to rotorcraft himself but she immediately yanks his arm out and locks in a Fujiwara armbar! Such grace! Such poise as she moves!
Gavin Kirkland: Damn man. I can window shop. Doesn’t mean I’m buying.
Deadprez: Felix has that armbar applied and all that torque on the shoulder of the Visual Prophet but they are close to the ropes! Viz using those long arms to reach and inching his way towards the bottom rope! Felix releases the hold and grabs Viz by the boot to try and drag him away from the rope— BUT VIZ TURNS OVER AND PULLS HER IN WITH HIS FOOT! PUTS BOTH FEET UP AND BLASTS HER IN THE STOMACH WITH A DOUBLE UP KICK! Felix is knocked backwards and near the corner! Viz pops to his feet but Hartley charges in from the corner— RIGHT INTO A BOOT FROM THE PROPHET! Felix quick to try and pop back up though, and Viz hits the ropes! BIG CLOTHESLINE! NO FELIX DUCKS IT! VIZ TURNS AROUND! MASSIVE RIGHT HAND FROM THE NEW BREED CHAMPION! BUT VIZ BLOCKS IT!
Gavin Kirkland: Viz now with a knee to the stomach! GRABS FELIX BY THE HEAD! TWISTS HER INTO POSITION! KISSES HER ON THE FOREHEAD! KISS TO THE HEAD!
Deadprez: NO! FELIX SPUN OUT OF IT! VIZ IS OFF BALANCE! STEP UP ENZIGURI FROM FELIX! VIZ IS STUNNED! FELIX HITS THE ROPES! RUNNING KNEE INTO VIZ’S FACE! VIZ IS DOWN! FELIX MAKES THE COVER!
Ref: ONEEEEEEEEEE! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOO! TH—
Deadprez: KICKOUT! The Visual Prophet is not done yet! He slides to the outside and rolls off the apron to get to his feet! Nina is there with Kimmy to check on Viz! Viz means against the broad shoulders of Dobrev as he regains himself! BUT FELIX HAS SLID OUT OF THE RING AS WELL! SHE TAKES OFF RUNNING AND CHARGES RIGHT FOR THE GROUP! But they part ways and Viz grabs Felix and throws her back first into the ring apron!
(Kimmy swipes a sassy paw in Felix’s direction. Nina pats Kimmy on the head.)
Gavin Kirkland: You know that thing is gonna be full grown one day…
Deadprez: BUT VIZ NOW LAYING INTO FELIX! FIRING AWAY WITH FOREARMS TO THE FACE! THE REFEREE STARTING THE COUNT!
Deadprez: Viz now firing those shots and connecting with those forearms! Now chops to the chest with those big hands!
Gavin Kirkland: Mmm. Getting hands on Felix’s chest… and you know what they say about big hands…
Deadprez: Viz takes her by the head and runs her shoulder first into the barricade! He now begins to stomp into the New Breed Champion! Holding nothing back now as he drives that boot over and over again into her stomach!
Gavin Kirkland: Viz now grabbing Felix by the perfect purple hair and dragging her up to her feet! Scoops her up into his shoulder! Going to roll her back into the ring! BUT FELIX COUNTERS WITH A TORNADO DDT! FELIX PLANTS THE PROPHET ON THE OUTSIDE!
Deadprez: Felix is hurting though! She rolls off and is clutching at her shoulder where she hit the barricade! Both competitors are down on the ground! The first one up gains a significant advantage!
Gavin Kirkland: Felix now trying to get up to her knees! God I love the sight of her on her knees…
Deadprez: But Nina is over there checking on Viz who is trying to use the ring skirt to pull himself up to his feet!
Deadprez: Viz now up to his knees and uses the ring skirt to get up to one leg! Felix crawling over to the barricade and trying to do the same! Nina now telling Felix to stay down as she isn’t worthy to touch the prophet! But Felix brushes her off as she gets up to her feet! Viz still on one leg as he tries to get to his feet! Both of them up now! Felix staggers as she moves towards Viz! Felix takes a big swing but Viz steps back and dodged! Viz follows with a swing of his own! But Felix dodged and slid behind him! FELIX HOPS ONTO THE PROPHET’S BACK! WRAPS HER ARM AROUND HIS THROAT! FELIX TRYING TO APPLY A CHOKE! BUT VIZ DRIVES HER BACK I TO THE STEEL POST IN THE CORNER! FELIX DROPS DOWN AND LEANS BACK AGAINST THE POST! VIZ COMES IN WITH A RUNNING SPLASH! BUT FELIX SIDE STEPS AND VIZ BOUNCES OFF THE POST HIMSELF! VIZ STUNNED AS FELIX NOW—
Gavin Kirkland: Hey, Prez.
Deadprez: What? We have a match to commentate on!
Gavin Kirkland: What happened to the Ref’s count?
Deadprez: The ref’s… OH MY GOD! LOOK IN THE RING! WE WERE DISTRACTED BY THE MATCH ON THE OUTSIDE! BUT NOW WE SEE THAT AMBER KEYS IS INSIDE THE RING–AND SHE’S BEATING DOWN THE REFEREE! VIZ AND FELIX SEE IT NOW! :lupe: WHAT THE HELL DOES SHE THINK SHE’S DOING, RUINING A MATCHUP AS MOMUMENTAL AS THIS ONE?!
Gina Romano: Ladies and Gentlemen, we’ve just received word that due to there being no official able to complete this match, it must be declared a NO CONTEST!
Gavin Kirkland: Amber looks awfully proud of herself…
Deadprez: But Felix looks pissed! She slides in the ring to confront Amber… BUT AMBER RUNS IN WITH A KNEE TO THE TEMPLE OF HARTLEY BEFORE SHE CAN GET UP! AMBER GRABS HARTLEY BY THE HEAD AND NOW RUNS HER SHOULDER FIRST THROUGH THE TURNBUCKLES AND INTO THE CORNER POST! THAT’S THE SAME SHOULDER SHE HIT ON THE BARRICADE BEFORE! HARTLEY IS HURTING! THIS IS OUR MAIN EVENT AND KEYS IS OUT HERE RUINING IT JUST FOR HER OWN PLEASURE!
(Amber turns and looks out to Viz on the outside. Viz simply puts a hand up.)
Visual Prophet (off-mic): I’m good, boo.
(Viz snaps his fingers and Nina follows him with Kimmy in her arms as they make their way up the ramp.)
Deadprez: Viz doesn’t see this as his battle to fight. Gonna take his leave now since he has no match to continue. Amber turns back now and sees Hartley nearly to her feet! KEYS HITS THE ROPES! Oh god, she’s going for it…THERE IT IS! AMBER ALERT! AMBER ALERT! HARTLEY IS DOWN AND NOT MOVING!
(Amber Keys stands over the downed Felix Hartley who has fallen victim to yet another Amber Alert. A wide smile grows across Amber’s face as she reaches for her back pocket…)
Deadprez: :damn: Amber Keys just pulled out a pair of handcuffs out of her pants pocket! What is she gonna do–oh shit, she’s got Felix by the arm, she flips her over, holding her down with a boot on her back–DAMN! SHE’S GOT FELIX HARTLEY HANDCUFFED ON HER STOMACH! FELIX WITH NOWHERE TO GO IN THE CENTER OF THE RING!
Gavin Kirkland: I ONCE LOOKED FORWARD TO THE DAY WHEN I’D GET TO SEE FELIX HARTLEY IN HANDCUFFS BUT–THIS IS WAY DIFFERENT THAN WHAT I HAD BEEN HOPING FOR! :lupe: Felix is immobilized, there is nothing stopping Amber from having her way with her right now, and dishing out some punishment that she feels Felix is deserving of! Oh, Amber, please, have mercy! :lupe: :lupe: :lupe:
(Amber, after securing the handcuffs around Felix’s wrists, tosses the keys into the raucous crowd. She flips her hair back and out of her face, reaching over to the time keeper’s area to grab a microphone. She breathes into the microphone as she crouches down in front of Felix, who is shouting a slew of curses in Amber’s general direction.)
Amber Keys: Hi, Felix, love. Forgive me for taking measures this extreme, but I wanted to make sure you’d be able to pay close attention to what I’m about to say. Because this is important. God, y’know, I’m so glad I got this chance to talk to you again before our match this Saturday…
(The crowd in the arena breaks into murmurs and mumbles in response to Amber’s suggestion about an unannounced match.)
Amber Keys: Oh, you haven’t heard yet have you? That’s okay, I’ll fill you in. See, I just spoke to my good friend, Jennifer, and she had some exciting news for us both. You and I are finally going to get to face off, Felix, you’re finally going to get to experience this artistry for yourself, when I take you on for the New Breed Championship.
(The crowd cheers as Amber confirms the New Breed Championship match we weren’t sure we were going to have! Felix is seen trying to roll over, but Amber holds her down firmly with her hand.)
Amber Keys: What, aren’t you excited!? Not bursting at the seams in anticipation to learn from me? Typical. But you don’t know any better, I get it. That’s part of the reason why I’m looking to give all you “new breeds” a lesson, Felix. Finally, after I win that championship, all the younglings in this business will have someone worth looking up to. Someone who will actually do this business some good. At first, I didn’t see the point in pursuing a title as niche as the New Breed belt, but I think that my winning this title will stand for a lot more. I’m going to serve as the perfect example for you all, show you all the righteous path, give you a champion you can finally be proud of and look up to.
Felix Hartley: (off-mic) Fuck off, you crazy bitch.
(Amber Keys lowers herself completely, now sitting cross-legged directly in front of Felix’s face.)
Amber Keys: I know just how I’m going to do it, too. A match of my own making. The first ever Barbed Wire Bra and Panties Match. :blessed:
(The crowd in the arena pops madly with cheers.)
Crowd: TAKE IT OFF! TAKE IT OFF! TAKE IT OFF! TAKE IT OFF!
Amber Keys: It’s just perfect for the both of us, no? (She smiles sweetly as the crowd continues to cheer.) What better way to pay homage to the Vixens like myself who put so much of themselves into this business by putting on a match we once used to dread participating in? And I know what it is you get off of, Felix, I know that you’re gonna enjoy this. Because you live to be sexualized, you want to be out there in your underwear, don’t you, you grimy little slut? Practically begging for it, aren’t you? Oh, don’t worry. I’ll let you have it. Just how you fucking like it. I’ll strip you all the way down, you dirty bitch, and I’ll–
Gavin Kirkland: FELIX HAS HEARD ENOUGH! AND FRANKLY, SO HAVE I! FELIX HARTLEY JUST SPIT IN THE FACE OF AMBER KEYS–
Deadprez: Oh, Amber did not like that one bit. :lupe:
(Amber drops the microphone, mounts Felix’s back, and reaches for the clasp on Felix’s brasserie. She unclips it and the crowd begins to cheer wildly as Felix wriggles on her stomach. Amber rips and tears at the fabric, and successfully pulls the brasserie out from under Felix, tossing it nonchalantly over her shoulder as she stares down at Felix’s bare back. Amber traces a finger down Felix’s spine, makes her way down and around to the waistband of Felix’s bottoms, looking out into the sea of fans as they continue to cheer for her to “TAKE IT OFF!”–Amber does just that, pulling Felix’s bottoms down over her knee pads, her boots, and finally, pulls each foot out of the leg of her trunks. The sight of Felix’s bare ass is causing a wild reaction from the Columbus crowd.)
Gavin Kirkland: :eyes: :eyes: :eyes: :eyes: Good fucking god almighty…
Deadprez: :dame: Goddamn. Amber Keys just–just ripped all of Felix’s ring gear off. :lupe: What a sick move from Amber. Is this supposed to be some kind of preview for their bra and panties match at Midsummer Massacre?!
(“All It Takes For Your Dreams To Come True” by A Skylit Drive begins to play throughout the arena as Amber stands, raising her hands in the air, welcoming a deafening chorus of boos from the crowd in attendance.)
Gavin Kirkland: If it is–then I’ve never wanted Amber Keys to win anything more than I have in my entire life. :feedme: TAKE IT OFF, AMBER!
Deadprez: I think that’s all the time we have, unfortunately–for Gavin Kirkland, I’m Deadprez. Goodnight everyone.
(Amber slides out of the ring from the bottom rope and the camera turns it attention to Felix Hartley, still handcuffed, and still fully exposed as the feed fades to black.)
(EAW logo buzzes.)