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Showdown 12/1/2018

Caged Chaos

 

(EAW Intro plays)

(Camera opens to see Diamond Cage walking up to the Key Arena in Seattle, Washington in his leather jacket and jeans with a barbed wire 2X4 over his shoulder.)

(He walks up and passes by a “Showdown” branded production truck with faces of various elitists including Malcolm Jones, Chris Elite, Ahren Fournier, Cody Marshall, and TLA)

(A moment passes and Cage lets out a visceral grunt as he swings the barbed wire 2X4 into the painted face of Ahren Fournier. He then slowly pulls it along the van and off as the scraping noise cuts through the air, leaving Ahren’s face in shreds. Cage continues towards the building as the camera remains on the damage he caused)

(“Misanthrope” By Local H hits as the Showdown intro plays for the television broadcast before we cut to the sold out crowd in Seattle, panning over the packed house before we finally cut to Pierre Mcguire and Deadprez at the commentators table)

Pierre: WELCOME! TO ANOTHER EXCITING EDITION OF EAW SHOWDOWN!! WE ARE LIVE HERE IN SEATTLE, WASHINGTON AND WE HAVE A STACKED SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT FOLKS!

Deadprez: Yes we do! Tonight we are going to crown a new number one contender to the New Breed Championship as the long brewing animosity between the former NEO Syndicate members, Shane Gates and Damon Diesel, has finally reached a boil!

Pierre: Not only that! But Drake King will finally settle his differences with Xander Payne right here in a Showdown ring! And in our main event, the Heart Break Boy, Ahren Fournier, and Chris Elite will all be facing off in a triple threat match as a preview for the upcoming Extreme Elimination Chamber at Road to Redemption! All of this and so much more as we get things started! Let’s go to Aaron Fitzpatrick in the ring for our opening contest of the night!

Fitzpatrick: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall!

Crowd: ONE FALL!!

(“Revolution” by the Beatles hits as Jack Haze comes out, slight trails of smoke coming from the curtain behind him)

Fitzpatrick: Introducing first, making his way to the ring from Queens, New York by way of Santa Monica, California, weighing in at 211 pounds… JJAAAAAACCCCCCCKK HHHHAAAAAAAAZZZZZEEEEEE!!!!

Pierre: Jack Haze came up just a bit short last week but he hopes to get an impressive first win here tonight!

Deadprez: Well he’s got a big challenge in front of him… emphasis on big.

(“Can’t be Touched” by Roy Jones Jr. hits as Terry Chambers makes his entrance, looking laser focused at the ring)

Fitzpatrick: And his opponent, making his way to the ring from Detroit, Michigan, weighing in at 287 pounds… TERRRRRRRRRYYYYYYY CCCHHHAAAMMMBBBEEEEERRRRSSSSS!!!!

Deadprez: Terry came damn close to submitting the Heart Break Boy last week to get into the Extreme Elimination Chamber and he’s looking for retribution here tonight.

Pierre: Well he’s got an interesting challenge in the form of the up and coming Jack Haze who managed to get himself called up early to Showdown from Battleground. Let’s see who’s gonna take it.

(Ding! Ding! Ding!)

Pierre: And we are underway as both men move to the center, Terry looking to lock up but Jack looking to play a bit more cautious with the bigger man. Terry moves forward and tries to grab him, but Jack delivers a swift kick to the knee! Trying to chop down the big tree! Terry moves in… AND ANOTHER KICK TO THE KNEE! Jack being wise! Hits his mark and moves out the way! Terry looks annoyed and tries to circle back around! BUT ANOTHER KICK TO THE SAME KNEE FROM HAZE! Terry’s knee is already beginning to swell and that’s going to hinder his movement significantly! Terry snarls in anger but he takes a breath for himself and takes a step back.

Deadprez: Jack looks like he’s gonna move in! Looks for another kick! BUT TERRY TEPS OVER THE LOW KICK! The momentum of the kick turns Jack around! TERRY FROM BEHIND WITH AN EXPLODER SUPLEX! AND IT CRASHES JACK INTO THE TURNBUCKLES!! Jack hit hard and Terry drags him outta the corner! Quick cover! Looks for the early finish!

ONEEEEE! TWWOOOOOOO!

But Jack kicks out! Terry doesn’t look bothered though! He turns around and goes to grab Jack by the head! He’s pulling him up to his feet…

Pierre: BUT JACK JUMPS UP AND THROWS HIS SKULL INTO TERRY’S JAW!!!! Terry stumbles back and Jack gets his feet under him and shakes the cobwebs out of his head! He runs in and BIG FOREARM TO TERRY’S FACE! AND A BIG KICK TO THE HURT KNEE! Terry is down to one knee and Jack comes in! STIFF ROUNDHOUSE TO TERRY’S SKULL! Terry drops down and Jack covers! Hooks the bad leg!

ONEEEEEE! TWOOOOOO! THR—

TERRY KICKED OUT! Just at the last moment he powered out with the hurt leg! But now he’s gripping his knee! That Kickout took a lot outta him!

Deadprez: But Jack doesn’t look done! He’s lined up in position! Terry climbing slowly to his feet! Jack goes! VIOLATOR!!!!

Pierre: NO! TERRY SIPPED TO THE SIDE AND GRABS HIM FROM BEHIND! NIGHT NIGHT! THE COQUINA CLUTCH IS IN! TERRY DROPS BACKWARDS AND ROLLS TO THE SIDE! JACK IS FLAILING! HES TRYING TO FIND A WAY OUT! BUT TERRY HAS HIM LOCKED IN TIGHT! JACK IS FADING! THE REFEREE CHECKS!

(Ding! Ding! Ding!)

Fitzpatrick: Here is your winner by submission… TERRRRYYY CCCHAAAAMMMBEEERRRSSSS!!!!

Pierre: Terry kept his wits about him and managed to get the victory!

(Terry stands, limping on his knee. The ref raises his hand and he walks up the ramp as Jack is waking back up)

Deadprez: Good win here for Terry! Good start to building his momentum back up!

(Commercial for Sephora featuring Ahren Fournier. “I’m pretty sure you want the other one”)

(Camera opens to see the commentary desk)

Pierre: For the past couple of weeks, Openweight Champion, TLA, has been demanding to know his first defense. He’s eager to begin the process towards cashing the title in for a world title opportunity.

Deadprez: Last week, my man learned exactly who is opponent will be. Consuela Rose Ava of Empire has stepped up to the plate and will challenge TLA at Road to Redemption. TLA had this to say, earlier today.

(Camera opens to see the Poon Palace in Seattle. TLA walks out of the front door and up to the camera with his arms open wide)

TLA: Hola! Bienvenidos! Welcome to Poon Palace, Seattle! Hey! Listen! I know I got my girl, Consuela, coming hard at me at RTR! I know this! Girl wants my gold and I respect that desire! TLA had mad desire to get the gold and now he got that mad desire to keep it! But! I gotta say, there’s a whole other offer I can make on top of everything, mami!

(TLA motions and the camera’s follow him inside. As he walks in the front door, we see the Openweight Championship in a locked case hanging over the main room with 47 different locks on it)

TLA: Ain’t nobody gonna steal my treasure from me. But past this match, what treasure is there for Consuela? That’s what we’re here for! The Poon Palace is a place of opportunities! And I wanna offer my girl the opportunity of a lifetime! Consuela, I know you got dat sweet culo! Sweet titties like you just had a damn baby! So I got something for you, girl!

(TLA motions to a room over to the side and opens the door. Inside is a purple painted room with a pink light overhead. A mannequin with a skimpy French maid outfit on. A wall of various feather dusters and cooking and cleaning equipment all circled around an oval water bed)

TLA: Check this shit out! I got only the finest equipment for our girl! We all know the maid still lives on inside of Consuela and she just needs the outlet to let her back out! Got new feather dusters, sexy ass uniform, all the cleaning and cooking shit you can want!

(TLA motions around and has a giant smile on his face)

TLA: Imma make you my top poon around here! Got you a whole room around the sexy maid gimmick! And a while building for you to cook and clean when you ain’t doing yo poon shit and making dat dinero. Plus this room right next to Michelle McGillislutty so you two can even have some sleepover fun and all that sexy shit. She can show you how to do that good poon shit that the customers want!

(TLA closes the door and looks to the camera with warm and inviting smile)

TLA: This is a formal offer! Invitation only to Consuela Rose Ava! It’s on the table, Mami! Just come on down!

(Camera opens back up on the commentary desk)

Deadprez (clapping): My man, TLA, going after it! That’s a smart business man.

Pierre (rolling his eyes): Well. Of all the things I’ve seen… that was… definitely the most recent. But anyway, we do have competition here for you folks. Drake King and Xander Payne have had a crossbrand feud that has gone on for months now!

Deadprez: That’s right. Xander was the reigning New Breed Champion over on Voltage going into Territorial Invasion, and had long since been trading barbs with Drake King here on Showdown! Drake finally got a shot at Payne and the title at Territorial Invasion but was shocked to later learn that Raven Roberts and Andy Lush would be added to the match!

Pierre: Raven would go on to win and take the championship, but the fire between Xander and Drake remained. So tonight, exclusively on Showdown, we get their first one on one encounter!

(Camera pans over the crowd as “Revolution” by Pennywise hits and the crowd cheers and Drake King emerges from the curtain)

(Crowd chants OK! OK! OK! while Drake makes his way to the ring)

Aaron Fitzpatrick: THE FOLLOWING CONTEST IS SET FOR ONE FALL! INTRODUCING FIRST….FROM BROOKLYN, NEW YORK….WEIGHING IN AT TWO HUNDRED AND TWENTY POUNDS….THE OKAYYY….DRRRAAKKKEEEE KKIINNGGG!!!

Deadprez: Drake has been on a bit of a struggle as of late and has just been trying to get some momentum going for himself. He had a great start last week picking up the victory against upstart Jack Haze and now let;s see if he can keep it rolling tonight!

(Drake slides in the ring and poses on the top rope as his theme fades and “It Follows” by Cane Hill blares the speakers and Xander walks out to a chorus of boos)

Aaron Fitzpatrick: AND HIS OPPONENT…FROM BRAMPTON, CANADA…WEIGHING IN AT TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY FIVE POUNDS….THE PAYNEKILLER….XXAANNDDERRRR PPAYYYYNNEEE!!!

Pierre: Xander is visiting from the Voltage brand tonight. He has also been on quite the losing streak and I think it might be getting to him a bit. These two guys have had a war of words over their rivalry….who’s gonna get the much needed win?

(Xander walks up the steps and in the ring as his theme dies down and both start warming up in their respective corners)

DING! DING! DING!

Pierre: And here we go! Both men now are circling the ring and both raise their hand and try to test each others strength and WOAH Xander out of nowhere with a kick right to the midsection of Drake. Xander now repeatedly pounding at the back of Drake and now he grabs Drake and is attempting to throw him shoulder first into the ring post but Drake slides out of the ring now staring a hole through Xander.

(Crowd starts chanting OK! OK! OK!)

Deadprez: Drake is trying to find a way back in the ring but Xander is standing guard. Drake now slowly…and Xander stomps on Drake’s hand! But NO!! Drake knew it was coming and moved his hand out of the way and pulls Xander of of the ring and bounces Xander’s head right off the ring apron!

Pierre: Xander bounces back to the announce table from the impact and now Drake does the same thing…he slams Xander’s head on the announce table and Xander bounces back and is on one knee….meanwhile Drake rolls quickly in the ring and out to break the count and UH OH… He;s waiting for Xander to turn around…Drake charges at Xander!! BUT XANDER SIDESTEPS AND DRAKE GOES FACE FIRST TO THE OUTSIDE RING POST!!

Deadprez: Xander checks his face for blood before picking up Drake and placing him in the ring and Xander now taking his time getting int he ring but LOOK Drake rises to his feet and delivers a dropkick to Xander! AND ANOTHER!! Drake now irish whips Xander to the ring ropes but Xander reverses it and looks for the back body drop….but Drake with a LOUD kick to Xander’s face! DID YOU HEAR THAT?!

Pierre: Drake charges again and…THE TORNADO DDT CONNECTS!! THE COVER!!

ONE…
TWO..

Deadprez: NO! Xander powers out of it! Drake now not wasting any time here as he lifts Xander up off the canvas and tries to place Xander on his shoulders….what’s he trying to do?! Xander has the weight advantage. Xander slides down to the backside of Drake and pushes him from the back forward and Drake turns around and runs right into SEEING RED!! IS THIS IT?!?

ONE…
TWO….
THR…

Pierre: DRAKE KICKS OUT!! Xander looks a bit annoyed here and he gets to his feet and picks up Drake’s almost dead weight body up and DRAKE WAKES UP!! DRAKE CONNECTS WITH A HARD ELBOW TO THE FACE!! I THINK DRAKE WAS PLAYING POSSUM…AND DRAKE NOW RUNS TO THE ROPES AND BOTH CONNECTS WITH A DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE!! BOTH MEN ARE DOWN NOW!! BOTH MEN ARE ON OPPOSITE SIDES OF THE RING STIRRING AND TRYING TO PULL THEMSELVES UP WITH THE ROPES!!

Deadprez: These two truly hate each other! You can practically see the steam coming out of their ears every time they see one another! And now here we go! Both men back to their feet and charge at one another again! TRADING BLOWS LEFT AND RIGHT! Xander with a forearm! Drake with a leg kick! Xander swings a palm strike! Drake ducks underneath and follows with an uppercut! Xander stumbles back from the blow and Drake looks to follow! OH! But Xander with a back elbow right on Drakes cheek! Now Xander comes and grabs Drake as he was stunned! BIG BACK BODY DROP! Now Xander stomping into Drake! And he pauses to grab Drake up by the hair… XANDER SPITS IN DRAKE’S FACE! The disrespect is unreal between these two!

Pierre: I wish I could say I’m surprised but this isn’t a wrestling match. This is a fight! And Drake wipes at his face to remove the spit from Xander but Xander grabs him up into a bear hug and tries to wear Drake down! Xander squeezes and Drake is groaning in pain!

Deadprez: You mean Payne?

Pierre: That’s what I said. Pain. Drake is in a bad way… XANDER RUNS TOWARDS THE CORNER AND SMASHES DRAKE BACK FIRST INTO THE TURNBUCKLE! Xander pulls back and Drake is struggling… XANDER CRASHES HIM INTO ANOTHER TURNBUCKLE! The referee asking Drake if he wants to submit but King refuses! PAYNE SMASHES HIM INTO ANOTHER TURNBUCKLE!!!! Drake desperate and hurting here! Look! He’s driving elbows now into the to of Xander’s skull! I think he… HE DID! DRAKE HAS OPENED XANDER UP AND HES BLEEDING FROM THE FOREHEAD! XANDER RUSHES FOR THE NEXT TURNBUCKLE BUT DRAKE STILL FIGHTING!

Deadprez: XANDER CRASHES CHEST AND FACE FIRST INTO THE TURNBUCKLE! DRAKE KEPT DRIVING THISE ELBOWS AND BROKE FREE AT THE LAST SECOND! Drake is down clutching his back and Xander is on his knees clutching his face!

Pierre: But look! Drake King is back up! Still clutching his back but he sees Xander down! DRAKE CHARGES! THE GUILLOTINE!!!!!!!

Deadprez: PAYNE DUCKED UNDERNEATH!!!! DRAKE TRIES TO TURN BACK AROUND BUT XANDER GRABS HIM FROM BEHIND! RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX! DRAKE CRASHES HARD ON HIS NECK AND ROLLS OUT OF THE RING! Xander turns around and looks now to go for a pin but he only just sees Drake on the outside! Xander looks frustrated with his mistake and goes to grab Drake from the outside! He climbs through the ropes… AND DRAKE YANKS XANDER’S FOOT OFF THE APRON AND XANDER CRASHES SPINE FIRST INTO THE EDGE OF THE RING! Drake steps back and lines up! Drake charges and looks to drive Xander further into the apron!

Pierre: BUT PAYNE NOW DODGES OUT OF THE WAY AND DRAKE CRASHES WITH HIS SHOULDER INTO THE RING APRON! The referee is shouting at the two to get back in the ring! Xander is getting up but struggling now with his back! He grabs Drake who is slumped over and pulls him up! The referee is threatening to count but there’s no point as Payne now rolls Drake back in! Xander moves in to follow and tries to go for a pin again but Drake keeps rolling over to the apron on the other side!

Deadprez: Drake trying to play it smart and recover! He could have broken his clavicle with the way he crashed a moment ago! Xander up and walking over to Drake! He reaches down and grabs Drake by the beard and pulls him to his feet!

Xander (off-mic): JUST DIE ALREA—

Pierre: DRAKE JUST SLAPPED THE TASTE OUT OF PAYNE’S MOUTH!!! Xander is stumbling back and now tries to return… BUT DRAKE WITH THE STEP UP ENZIGURI!!! Payne steps back stunned and off balance!! DRAKE SPRINGBOARDS UP!!!! FLYING DROPKICK!!

Deadprez: INTO A POP UP POWERBOMB!!!!!! Xander Payne crashes Drake King down to the mat!!! Xander makes the cover!!!

ONE!!
TWO!!
THREE!!

(Ding! Ding! Ding!)

Aaron Fitzpatrick: Here is your winner by pinfall… XAANNNDDEER PAAYYYYNNNEEE!!!

(Xander stands, clutching the back of his neck as his hand is raised. He grins down at Drake he is just now pulling himself up)

Deadprez: Drake threw everything he had at Xander but he got himself caught at the end. Nothing you can do about that.

(Xander rolls out of the ring and mocks the Showdown fans as he leaves. The fans begin to chant)

Crowd: ITS OK! ITS OK! ITS OK!

Pierre: This is a tough loss for Drake King. A match he has fought and clamored to get for quite a while. But he comes just that short.

Crowd: ITS OK! ITS OK! ITS OK!

(Drake King is on his knees with his head in his hands. He looks like he’s saying something to himself. Louder and louder each time)

Pierre: What’s going on…?

Drake (off-mic): …Ok…

Crowd: ITS OK!

Drake (off-mic): …not ok…

Crowd: ITS OK!

Drake (off mic): ITS NOT OK!!!!!

Deadprez: This loss is getting to Drake in a bad way…

(Drake rolls out of the ring and begins to walk up the ramp, clutching his hands over his ears and trying not to hear the crowd)

Crowd: ITS OK!

Drake (off-mic): ITS NOT OK!

Pierre: A big loss can really affect you. Drake has only recently reached this level after a long career elsewhere. So a loss like this must be particularly devastating.

Crowd: ITS OK!

Drake (off-mic): ITS NOT! ITS NOT OK!

(Drake finally reaches the top of the ramp and moves to the curtain)

Crowd: ITS OK!

Drake (off-mic): ITS NOT! ITS… I’m… not… ok…

(Drake disappears behind the curtain)

(Commercial for documentary special: “The AWF Files: The Amber Keys Story”)

(Camera opens from commercial to show the commentary desk)

Pierre: As we said earlier, Raven Roberts won the New Breed Championship back at Territorial Invasion. She has gone on to defend it several times, including against Showdown’s own Drake King, who we just saw before the break.

Deadprez: But Showdown don’t stay down, baby. We’re ready to crown a new contender to go bird hunting! And we got two hungry competitors in Shane Gates and Damon Diesel looking to stake their claim here tonight!

Pierre: Damon and Shane actually began as a tag team under Michael Bishop as part of the NEO Syndicate and even competed alongside Diamond Cage as Showdown’s representatives in the War Games match only a couple months ago. But frustrations have reached a peak between them and now they are looking to settle things in a ladder match! And the winner gets to face the New Breed Champion at a later date!

(The camera cuts to Aaron Fitzpatrick in the ring which is surrounded by dozens of shiny metal ladders as well as a dirty rusty looking one on the side because EAW believes in diversity.)

Aaron Fitzpatrick: The following contest is scheduled for NO FALLS!!!

Crowd: ONE F- WAIT…

Aaron Fitzpatrick: Damn almost got y’all.

Crowd: :ufdup:

Aaron Fitzpatrick: The following contest is a Ladder Match! And it is to determine the #1 Contender to the EAW New Breed Championship!!!

(“You Only Live Once (Instrumental)” by Suicide Silence hits to cheers from the crowd!!!)

Aaron Fitzpatrick: Introducing first from Orlando, Florida he is “The Wrestling Machine” DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMON DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESEL!!!!

(Damon Diesel makes his way to the ring as the referee slides to the outside due to his PTSD that Damon might fake punch him again. Damon invites the referee back into the ring and hugs him instead making up for their past beef together ending the long running feud.)

Deadprez: Did you ever realize that Damon Diesel and Lucas Johnson have the same nickname?

Pierre: I did notice that Dead cuz I watch all the EAW brands every week.

Deadprez: Do you feel like there might be a secret connection there behind the scenes? Possibly some sort of secret Illuminati type conspiracy to take over EAW? I mean I’ve seen a ton of movies about evil cyborgs taking over and trying to replace humans. These people are called Wrestling Machines… what if their nickname is literally what they are?!?

Pierre: 😮

Deadprez: I’m going to resupply my underground bunker after this show tonight that’s for sure.

Pierre: Anyway Damon Diesel and Shane Gates got mad history. Gatesy baby has cost Damon multiple matches and they used to be friends. It is sad that things have come to this point but tonight they will face their personal issues head on as Damon looks to get revenge for all these weeks of abuse.

Deadprez: And the winner gets to challenge for the New Breed Championship also! That’s the real prize!

(“All Out Life” by Slipknot hits to a mixed reaction from the crowd!!!)

Aaron Fitzpatrick: And his opponent from Huntington Beach, California he is “The Devil From Japan” SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATES!!!

(Shane Gates makes his way out to the ring and enters the ring stretching to warm up.)

Deadprez: Damn he doesn’t even look Japanese to me.

Pierre: Racist af Dead wtf. He is called that cuz he is an icon in Japan he wrestled there for many years before he made it to EAW honing his craft under the great Handa Seishisai.

Deadprez: Damn my bad. Do you think that the fact that these two men used to be homies will have anything to do with how this match goes down?

Pierre: I have no idea Dead but Shane Gates has beaten Diamond Cage before! He should be the EAW Champion right now if that had been a title match!

Deadprez: Well it wasn’t so he is competing for a shot at the New Breed Title instead which is just as good. Shane Gates was massively triggered by Damon Diesel referring to this match as a “warm up match”. He has threatened to take Damon to paintown!

Pierre: Damn not paintown… Fuck…

(DING! DING! DING!)

Deadprez: Both men enter the ring as Damon Diesel tears off his t-shirt to reveal special ring gear with the NEO logo on it! Shane Gates looks enraged!

Pierre: But then Shane smiles as he rips off his own t-shirt to reveal ring gear with the Japanese flag on it! Damn Shane with no loyalty to NEO or to ‘Murica!!! This crowd of Seattle hipsters actually supporting Shane Gates as a “Death to America” chant begins. Well we just lost half our audience folks hopefully some people stayed to tune in to this intensely competitive Ladder Match!

Deadprez: We are officially underway as both men quickly lock up in the ring fighting for position. Damon tries to shove Shane off him but Shane moves around behind Damon only for Damon to fall down face first on the mat and slide backwards beneath the legs of Shane! Damon grabs the leg of Shane from behind twisting the ankle taking him down but Shane breaks free and rolls backwards back up to his feet. Both men pace around the ring plotting their next move before they lock up again!

Pierre: But Shane Gates dodges the lock up instead grabbing the head of Damon Diesel and wrenching his opponent into a headlock! Damon pushes back up on it pushing Shane into the ropes but it doesn’t matter! The referee betraying Damon Diesel here tonight as he doesn’t make the five count!

Deadprez: That’s because this is a Ladder Match dumbass. There are no rope breaks. Damon has to rely on himself which is exactly what he is doing as he shoves Shane off him across the ring. Shane bounces off the ropes coming back towards Damon who quickly takes Shane down with a picture perfect Missile Dropkick! Shane tries to escape under the bottom rope but Damon grabs him forcing him down to the mat and dragging him back to the center of the ring. Damon pulls Shane back up but Shane hammers him in the gut with punches and kicks sending Damon back into the corner. Irish Whip… No Damon reverses it! Shane Gates comes off the ropes as Damon tosses him up and over with a Back Body Drop! No! Shane lands on top of Damon as he throws him across the ring with a Spinning Headscissors!

Pierre: Damon Diesel not expecting that as he staggers back to his feet against the ropes and Shane Gates charges in taking him to the outside with a Clothesline! Damon flips to the outside crashing and burning on the barricade as Shane rolls out to the other side of the ring to grab a ladder. Looks like he is taking one of the shiny ladders not the rusty one. Very unfortunate. But wait! Damon Diesel has already charged back into the ring and he slides under the bottom rope! Baseball Slide sending the ladder right into Shane Gates!!! Gates knocked the hell out as Damon grabs him and slams him hard on the floor on the outside! Damon climbs up to the apron… Damon with a Senton Bomb off the apron landing on Gates on the outside!!!

Deadprez: Damon grabs the ladder as he shoves it into the ring and sets it up in the middle right beneath the contract hanging high above the ring! He just gotta get that shit and he is the number one contender! Damon struggling to even lift the ladder but he’s got it up now and he climbs up! But Shane Gates climbs in the ring and takes him off of the ladder. Shane then shoves the ladder over angrily as Damon looks offended by this. So he takes Shane Gates down with a Roundhouse Kick to the head!!!

Pierre: I am surprised that both these men are allowing these things to happen to them without even trying to counter attack. Wait nevermind Shane Gates is back up and he grabs the ladder but Damon Diesel is still up as well so he tries to take the ladder from him! Gates sent back from the force of Diesel but he bounces off the ropes and Dropkicks the ladder right into Diesel! Diesel falls out of the ring where he grabs another ladder and slides back into the ring! Both men with ladders now as they are dueling with the ladders! They keep clanking them together!

Deadprez: Oh yeah baby give me some more of that hot ladder on ladder action! Aww that didn’t last long. Damon Diesel catches Shane Gates in the head with the ladder as he falls over knocked out onto his own ladder! Diesel now climbing up to the top rope… FLYING SPLASH OFF THE TOP AS HE COMES CRASHING DOWN SMASHING SHANE ONTO THE LADDER!!! That appeared to be painful! Damon back up now as he grabs the ladder and positions it in the center of the ring and begins his long journey upwards towards the contract! Can he get there in time?!?!?

Pierre: He has his hand on the contract! Holy shit he has this match won! OMG!

Deadprez: NO IT’S SHANE GATES! GRABBING DAMON DIESEL FROM BEHIND! REVERSE DDT FROM THE TOP OF THE LADDER! BOTH MEN COME CRASHING DOWN INTO THE RING SHAKING THE EQUIPMENT! GOOD GOD IT’S LIKE AN EARTHQUAKE! EAW TURNING INTO ALASKA UP IN HERE!!!

Pierre: Both men down as they try to recover from the devastation in the ring and it looks like Gates is up first as he grabs a ladder and places it on top of Damon Diesel! Gates now climbing up to the top rope… GATES OFF THE TOP ROPE WITH A MOONSAULT LANDING RIGHT ON DAMON DIESEL! HE DEAD! The ladder still setup in the ring as Gates begins to climb! But Damon Diesel is rising up! Diesel climbs the opposite side of the ladder and meets Gates up at the top! The two men trading blows on top of the ladder! This is quite a dangerous situation! OH SHIT WATCH OUT!!!

Deadprez: DAMON DIESEL GRABS SHANE GATES AS HE DROPS HIM OFF THE TOP OF THE LADDER WITH THE ROULETTE! BAH GAWD SHANE GATES IS BROKEN IN HALF!!!

Pierre: Both men down now as the ladder falls over but Damon begins to pull himself back up! Damonlooks a little bit out of it from that fall as he crawls across the ring reaching for the ladder. But he looks a little too tired to pick it up as he instead reaches to the ropes to get back to his feet. And Damon lunges with a Leg Drop across the throat of Gates! Looks like Damon may have hurt himself on that move but Gates is completely out of it! Damon gaining momentum as he grabs the ladder and is able to pull it up as he sets it up in the middle of the ring!

Deadprez: But Shane Gates is up and he has another ladder! Gates hits Damon hard across the back with the ladder and sets it up next to Damon’s ladder! But Damon doesn’t fall off! Shane Gates now climbing up the ladder as he swats Shane’s hand away as he reaches for the contract…

Pierre: DAMON DIESEL SUPERKICKS THE LADDER! THE LADDER GOES FLYING OUT FROM UNDER SHANE GATES AS HE FALLS FLIPPING DOWN AND LANDING HARD ON HIS SIDE RIGHT ON HIS OWN LADDER! I HOPE HE DIDN’T BREAK A RIB! I AM JUST SPECULATING THO I AM NOT IN FACT CONFIRMING THAT SHANE GATES ACTUALLY BROKE A RIB OR ANY OTHER BONES I AM JUST SAYING THAT HAD TO HURT LIKE HELL!!

Deadprez: It sure did Pierre and now Damon Diesel is left alone in the ring but I am not sure if he can reach the contract! His ladder looks a little far away after his melee with Shane Gates many feet in the air!! Damon Diesel lunges thru the air towards the contract! HOLY SHIT HE MISSED IT!!!

Pierre: NO NO HE DIDN’T! THE CONTRACT CAME LOOSE!!! DAMON DIESEL HAS RETRIEVED THE CONTRACT!!!

(DING! DING! DING!)

Aaron Fitzpatrick: Here is your winner… and the NEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW number one contender to the EAW New Breed Championship… DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMON DIESELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!

(Damon Diesel is shown celebrating with the contract as the referee raises his arm in victory. “You Only Live Once (Instrumental)” by Suicide Silence hits as Damon Diesel makes his way backstage.)

Deadprez: Congratulations on Damon Diesel defeating his former NEO Syndicate teammate and bringing honor to the NEO peoples. Now if he is able to capture that championship he will really be able to rub it in Shane’s face that he is the future of this company and the best thing to come out of their faction! Shane Gates would just be a forgotten nobody and Damon can be the real star!!!

Pierre: Are you trying to start even more drama? I would say that this match definitely settled things tonight but who knows where it will go from here. Shane Gates can only answer that question himself. As for Damon Diesel we know exactly where he goes from here. Raven Roberts better watch the fuck out!!! She about to encounter a Wrestling Machine!!!

Deadprez: :lupe: Stop scaring me Pierre. I want our coming machine overlords to spare us loyal humans like myself.

(The camera cuts to a commercial for the EAW Kwanzaa special hosted by Hall of Famer Y2Impact.)

(Commercial for smooth peanut butter, and now featuring crunchy)

(Camera opens to see Malcolm Jones moving through backstage with the Interwire Championship over his shoulder. He walks up and begins speaking to the various producers)

MJ: Hey man, where’s Hawk?

(The producer shrugs and Malcolm moves on)

MJ: Ay bruh! You seen Hawk anywhere? What kinda fucking General Manager can’t make himself available to a champion?

(Malcolm turns a corner and sees Hurricane Hawk walking up the hallway with a cup of coffee in his hand)

MJ: What the fuck, Hawk? I been calling you, you ain’t at your office. What’s the goddamn Interwire Champion gotta do to get a sit down with the General Manager? And you blowing me off to get some damn coffee?

(Hawk takes a sip)

Hawk: Half-caf mocha latte with cinnamon actually. It’s not bad. Cute little barista recommended it.

(Malcolm just stares at him for a brief moment)

MJ: Imma pretend you ain’t just say that. But what do I gotta do to meet with you? I’m already holdin’ gold! Am I not important or some shit?

Hawk: Man, Malcolm, I was gone for ten minutes. We’re in Seattle of all places, so yeah I stepped out for some coffee in one of the biggest coffee cities in the country. My bad. What can I do for you?

(Malcolm shakes his head)

MJ: Mexican Samurai, Tyler Parker, Amadeus, Drastik, Scott Diamond, TLA, Kawajai, even Mr. DEDEDE himself. I already know I’m a better Interwire Champion than any of them. And still I’m gettin’ tone from you, Hawk. I ain’t done a damn thing to earn any disrespect from you.

(Hawk starts to talk but Malcolm waves it off and continues)

MJ: Look. All I’m tryna do, is present to you the fact that in my short time as your Interwire Champion, I won the title off the Heart Break Boy and I whipped Impact’s wrinkly ass at Wicked Games! I’m a proven commodity and I want new challenges! I ain’t trying to lose my title or nothing, but I want the chance to show what I can really do, ya dig?

(Hawk takes a deep breath before speaking)

Hawk: Malcolm, we’ve known each other for a bit now. You know I am well aware of you and your potential within this company and I would never deny it. But you only just won the title back at No Regards! It’s been maybe a month? You gotta cool out a bit. You wanna step up to bigger things you gotta maybe actually defend the title or something.

(Malcolm adjusts the title on his shoulder and looks frustrated)

MJ: Defend the title? Against who, exactly? Who is my contender? Who do you have lined up and are so pumped to give a shot to that you can’t acknowledge me out here trying to elevate myself and grab the damn brass ring? Who’s gonna compete on my level? Terry Chambers? Drake King? That smelly-ass white boy that just washed up from Battleground? What’s stopping you from giving me something that I’ll consider a real challenge?

(Hawk shakes his head and looks irritated)

Hawk: Fine. I’ll take what you’ve said into consideration but there’s just nothing for me to give you at the moment. You’re gonna have to be patient.

MJ: The fuck you mean? There’s still an open chamber spot!

Hawk: There’s already competitors lined up for that. I’m sorry, man.

(Malcolm has a sour face but nods his head)

MJ: Aight, then.

(Malcolm goes to walk away and Hawk sighs before taking a sip of his coffee)

MJ: Oh! One more thing!

(Malcolm steps back into frame with a smirk. He grabs Hawk’s coffee cup out of his hand and pops the lid off with his thumb before pouring it out on the concrete floor and tossing the empty cup over his shoulder)

MJ: That shit ain’t real coffee.

(Malcolm walks away as Hawk stares at him, incredulous before a producer walks up)

Producer: Hey Hawk, I was gonna make a run, you want me to get another cup for you?

(Hawk has a dejected look and takes a deep breath)

Hawk: Nah. That one cost me more than my lunch today anyway.

(FINAL BREAK: Preview Commercial for Road to Redemption)

(Camera opens to show Aaron Fitzpatrick standing in the ring)

Fitzpatrick: Ladies and Gentlemen the following contest is a triple threat match and is scheduled for one fall!

Crowd: ONE FALL!!

(“Starboy” by The Weeknd hits as Ahren Fournier makes his way into the stage with Kassidy Heart, both wearing matching fur coats)

Fitzpatrick: Introducing first, making his way to the ring accompanied by Kassidy Heart, from Pawtucket, Rhode Island, weighing in at 210 pounds…. AAAAHHHRRREEEENN FFFOOOUURRNNIIIEEERRRR!!!!

(Camera moves briefly to the commentary desk to show Pierre, Deadprez, as well as Cody Marshall)

Pierre: Well, Ahren Fournier is responsible for a brutal assault on Diamond Cage last week, aided by the distraction from Kassidy Heart. But let me also take a moment to point out our guest commentator for this match, Cody Marshall!

Deadprez: Cody! My man! Welcome!

Cody (pulls out a Budweiser and begins to drink it): Thanks guys! Good to be here. Yeah, I’m familiar with Ahren and guys like him. Thinks he’s owed the world but ain’t willing to really go after anything unless he’s given an advantage. Standard millennial bullshit.

(“Odee” by A Boogie hits as Chris Elite comes out to the stage with Big Mike and looks over the crowd. After nodding to the fans he makes his entrance)

Fitzpatrick: And his opponents, first, making his way to the ring accompanied by Big Mike, from Brooklyn, New York, weighing in at 210 pounds… CHRRIIIIISSSSS EEEEEEELLIIIIIIIIITTTEEEE!!!!

Pierre: Chris Elite has to be considered one of the favorites to win in the chamber given his recent success only just last season, you know he’s looking to get back to those levels.

Cody: Nah, he ain’t shit. You saw how I left him clutching his micro-manhood last week. He ain’t leaving that chamber with nothing but a cracked skull.

(“Ice Tray” by Quavo hits as the Heart Break Boy comes out and poses on the stage before making his entrance)

Fitzpatrick: And their opponent, making his way to the ring from Ferguson, Missouri, weighing in at 220 pounds… THE HEAAAAARRRRTT BREEEEAAAK BOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!

Deadprez: And here comes HBB, the man responsible for taking the Interwire Championship from Ahren back at PFP!

Pierre: You know Ahren hasn’t forgotten that and will use that to fuel himself as both men look for the EAW Championship at RTR!

Cody: Yeah yeah yeah. Now let’s watch these fools soften each other up so I can finally win the title as I deserve to do!

(Ding! Ding! Ding!)

Pierre: The three all look back and forth between each other not really sure who’s gonna make— AHREN FOURNIER RUSHES HBB IN THE CORNER! Ahren lands a stiff knee to the gut and now just firing off with forearm strikes! As we thought, Ahren still hasn’t forgotten about PFP and wants to punish HBB! Chris Elite is just leaned back in the corner and letting happen! No sense in getting involved where you don’t have to! And now HBB throwing some shots to the gut of Fournier and trying to fight him off! Both men trading now… AND HBB GRABS AHREN AND SMASHES HIS FACE INTO A TURNBUCKLE!!!

Cody (after an audible drink): *BUUURRRRPPPP* Punk ass had it coming to him. He’s been HBB’s whippin’ boy for months now. And his little bimbo thinks he’s taking the damn world title at Road to Redemption? I think the damn hoe must have popped one of her implants and the chemicals got to her brain!.

Deadprez: Don’t wish such things on Kassidy and her body! HBB clubs at the back of Ahren’s head and turns around… INTO A BOX OFFICE SMASH!!!! Chris Elite with the sudden superkick and he goes for a quick cover to end things early!!!

ONEEEEE! TWOOOOO!

Pierre: BUT AHREN BOOTS CHRIS OFF AND STOMPS INTO HIM! Ahren trying to drive his boot practically through Elite! Ahren drops down and gets a side headlock on Chris and and drives punches into Elite’s forehead as he cranks back on the head lock! Big Mike on the outside is pounding his fists on the apron and trying to get Chris to escape! Elite looking over for his way out! But Ahren has it locked in tight! Ahren cranks it back harder and now he tries punch Chris in the face again! BUT ELITE USES THE BRIEF OPENING TO SLIP THROUGH! SPINS AROUN AND LOCKS A HEAD SCISSORS IN ON FOURNIER!

Deadprez: Now Elite crunches up and sticks a few elbows into Ahren from the position of strength! BUT AHREN POPS HIMSELF IVER AND BRIDGES WITH HIS FEET! CHRIS’S SHOULDERS ARE DOWN!

ONEEEEEE! TWOOOOOOOOO! THR—

Elite releases the hold and rolls to the side! Ahren Fournier pops up and flyers back on the offens— DROPKICK FROM HBB!!! Ahren drops to the mat and rolls to the ropes to pull himself up and all three men now look at each other! Ahren back to his feet! Chris now to his feet! HBB stands between the two of them… AHREN CHARGES AGAIN!!! BUT HBB GRABS HIM BY THE BACK OF THE HEAD AND RUNS HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE!

Pierre: AHREN CRASHES HARD TO THE OUTSIDE! Kassidy Heart now goes to check on Ahren—

Deadprez: Damn I wish she’d come check on me.

(Cody can be heard cracking open a fresh beer)

Pierre: As I was saying, HBB and Elite are now trading blows in the ring! Elite catches a punch and twists through into a wristlock! Elite twists through again to crank it tighter! HBB clutches at his arm and tries to look for a way o— ELITE WITH A JUMPING ROUNDHOUSE! HBB stumbles back and bounds off the ropes and here comes Chris Elite again…

Deadprez: ANOTHER BOX OFFICE SMASH!!!!

Pierre: NO! HBB CAUGHT THE LEG AND HOOKS IT! Massive exploder suplex drops Elite hard! HBB pulls Elite to the center of the ring now and ties up the legs! Rotated over… SHARPSHOOTER IS LOCKED IN!!!!! Elite is writhing in pain and you can see his back is all bent up as HBB pulls back on the legs! Elite digging and crawling! Trying to press himself up now so he can crawl his way over to the ropes! The referee asking is he wants to tap but Chris shakes his head! Chris struggling still and he’s clawing! He’s nearly at the ropes! BUT HBB WALKS HIM BACK TO THE CENTER!!!! ELITE IS STRUGGLING! HES IN SERIOUS PAIN! ELITE HAS THE HAND UP! HES THINKING ABOUT IT! HE MIGHT JUST—

Deadprez: BIG MIKE JUST PULLED THE REFEREE OUT! He didn’t wanna let Elite lose to a tap out! He’s arguing with the ref and swearing it was an accident and— KASSIDY HEART WITH A RUNNING KNEE TO THE FACE OF HBB! She shoves him back through the ropes where he collides with the referee! Kassidy turns back— BOX OFFICE SMASH! Chris Elite just superkicked Kassidy’s gorgeous head off! Big Mike grabs Kassidy by the leg and pulls her out of the ring! How dare he touch her like that! He turns back and looks to grab HBB!

Cody: Of course, Elite and Ahren both need help to get the job done.

Pierre: Big Mike rolls HBB back into the ring and Elite looks to the top rope! HBB still isn’t moving and Elite has him lined up… Elite takes off! YOU GOTTA LOVE IT!!!!

Deadprez: OHMYGAWD!!!! AHREN WITH A ROUNDHOUSE KICK TO THE HEAD OF CHRIS ELITE WHILE HE WAS MID FLIGHT OF THE 630 SENTON!!!! Elite just crashed to the mat like dead weight and Ahren now grabs him up! OHHH! AHREN DRIVING HIS KNEE STIFF INTO THE FACE OF CHRIS ELITE! AHREN TAKES ELITE NOW AND TOSSES HIM THROUGH THE SECOND AND TOP ROPES TO THE OUTSIDE! Big Mike moves over to check on Chris!

Pierre: But Ahren isn’t done in the ring now! He doesn’t see HBB standing behind him! Ahren turns… GOLDPRINT!!!

Deadprez: AHREN DUCKED IT! Kassidy Heart is back up on the outside now! SHE TOSSES AHREN AN UMBRELLA! But here comes HBB on the rebound!

*CRACK*

Pierre: AHREN JUST BENT THE UMBRELLA ACROSS HBB’S FACE!!!!! HBB drops to a knee but I don’t think Ahren is quite done! He tosses the broken umbrella to the outside and pulls HBB by the head! HBB in a bad way! Ahren lifts him up! POP UP SUPLEX! TRANSITIONS THROUGH! LULLABY IS APPLIED!!!! THE CROSSFACE CHICKENWING IS LOCKED IN!!!! Ahren is laughing almost maniacally now as he is putting punishment on HBB! Kassidy Heart is elated on the outside! But the referee is still down from earlier!

Deadprez: I don’t think Ahren cares right now! This is revenge and it always feels so good! HBB looks like he might be about to pass out—

(“Smells Like Teen Spirit” by Nirvana hits the speakers)

Pierre: CAGE! THATS CAGE’S MUSIC! THE EAW CHAMPION IS HERE! BUT I DONT SEE HIM ANYWHERE! AHREN FOURNIER AND KASSIDY HEART LOOK PANICKED AND STARE UP THE RAMP! But where is he?

Deadprez: I don’t see Cage anywhere? What’s going on?

(After a moment, Ahren waves it off and decides to continue the match)

Pierre: Maybe it’s just mind games?

(One of the cameramen moves towards Ahren as he goes to enter the ring)

Deadprez: Who the fuck is this— TAHT CAMERAMAN JUST SMASHED THAT MASSIVE BROADCAST CAMERA OVER AHREN’S HEAD!!!

Kassidy (Off-mic): WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?

Pierre: THE CAMERAMAN JUST LEVELED KASSIDY HEART WITH A MASSIVE PUNCH TO THE FACE!

(The cameraman removes his hat and pulls off a crappy fake beard to reveal Diamond Cage as the crowd goes mental)

Deadprez: ITS CAGE! ITS CAGE!

Cody: This is getting fun.

Pierre: Cage now reaching under the ring… HE PULLS OUT A CROWBAR AND LOOKS RIGHT AT AHREN! AND CAGE FIRES OFF INTO AHREN’S RIBS AND SPINE OVER AND OVER AGAIN! You said it earlier, revenge feels good! BUT HERE CHRIS ELITE! RUNS THROUGH THE RING AND MAKES A SUICIDE DIVE!!!

Deadprez: BUT CAGE CRACKS THE CROWBAR IN ELITES GUY AS HE FLIES IN! Cage is in a blind rampage now! Now swinging the crowbar into everyone around him! Shots to Chris, Ahren, and Kassidy now going but here comes Big Mike to save Chri— CROWBAR ACROSS THE JAW OF BIG MIKE NOW! And Mike crumples to the floor unconscious!

(Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!)

Pierre: The referee has finally recovered and sees the carnage! He’s calling this match off! That’s gotta be a wise— HBB! HBB CAME IN FROM BEHIND AND HAS THE REAR NAKED CHOKE ON CAGE! HBB trying to bring the EAW Champion down!

Deadprez: BUT CAGE STILL HAS THE CROWBAR AND SWINGS IT BACK BEHIND HIM AND INTO HBB’S FACE! HBB DROPS AND IS BUSTED OPEN AT THE BRIDGE OF THE NOSE! Cage laying waste to everyone now! But here comes security! They rush down and try to restrain cage but he’s swinging like a mad man at everyone! Cage refusing to go down! Cage fighting against three men now who have him from behind but he pushes backwards and runs them into the ring apron!!!

Pierre: CODY MARSHALL CLUBBING CAGE FROM BEHIND! Cody just ran from our desk and swam through the security to get to Cage! The big man looking to take advantage of the carnage and soften up the champion! Cody the only fresh man in this group! Cage turns around and Cody grabs him by the throat! Both hands! LIFTS THE EAW CHAMPION! RAPTURE!!!!!!

Deadprez: DICK KICK CITY, BITCH!!!!

Pierre: CAGE KICKED CODY RIGHT IN THE CROTCH! Cody drops Cage and clutches his groin with his eyes bulged out! Cage on his feet and grabs the crowbar— AND IT CONNECTS WITH CODY’S HEAD RIGHT NEXT TO HIS EYE SOCKET!!!! Cody drops now too and Cage stands over a pile of bodies! This is utter carnage! The EAW Champion has laid waste to everyone! The security detail, or what remains of it has backed off!

Deadprez: Cage is a one man army here tonight!

Pierre: Ladies and Gentlemen I’m sorry for the chaotic ending and the disruption of our main event but we are unfortunately out of time! Diamond Cage stands tall as we continue down our path to Road to Redemption! For Deadprez, I’m Pierre McGuire and we will see you next week on Saturday Night Showdown!!!

(EAW Network Logo Buzzes)

Dynasty 11/30/2018

Voltage 12/2/2018