(Camera opens up to the Barclays Center where WWEFan is seen standing in the middle of the ring with the World Heavyweight Championship in his right hand and a microphone in his left)
WWEFan: Ladies and gentlemen, tonight you will witness the fantastic, brutal, hard-hitting, and SHOCKING matches that only Showdown can deliver! Championships will be contended for, beliefs will be challenged, and grudges will be given a definitive end here tonight in Brooklyn, New York!
Crowd: SHOWDOWN! SHOWDOWN! SHOWDOWN!
WWEFan: In order to make sure things don’t get too out of hand tonight, I will be right there at my former position on commentary to watch over everything, but let’s get down to the bigger announcement at hand… Ahem… As most of you know, many things transpired within the past week and the short story of it all happens to be that the current reigning World Heavyweight Champion, Brian Daniels, has decided to leave Extreme Answers Wrestling. The main point being that Showdown has now been left without a World Heavyweight Champion when one is absolutely needed. EAW has been victim to many tough situations and even one such as this occurred just recently on the Dynasty brand. Nonetheless, things will be handled a bit differently here. I’m here to try to make the right decision for not just mine or the Board’s, but EVERYBODY’S best interest. Some of you may be alright with it… Some of you may not like it… But it’s what I felt in my heart was right. The fact of the matter is that there needs to be a World Heavyweight Champion… So please let me introduce to you that man…
(“Bad Man” by Bobaflex plays all throughout the arena as a confident Kevin Devastation makes his way out to the stage dressed in street clothes and followed by Damien Murrow)
Mak: Are you serious? What the Hell is going on here? I’m gonna fucking deck Pornfan as soon as he steps over to MY announce table!
Crowd: BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT!
(Kevin Devastation and Damien Murrow enter the ring and Kevin is handed a microphone as “Bad Man” fades out)
Kevin: Woah, woah, woah… C’mon everybody, what’s with all the hate for Fan here? He made the best decision that could be made for not just this brand, but for this COMPANY! You know what though? That’s alright, go ahead and boo all you’d like. Keep on voicing your biased opinions loud and clear for everyone to hear, because if one thing is for certain, it’s that YOU people don’t know what’s best for business! You people don’t know what it takes to make things right! In this life, you either have to make a decision for the people… Or you make the RIGHT decision! This man…
(Kevin pats WWEFan’s shoulder)
Kevin: This man made a very tough decision tonight and it’s the one he’ll least regret, I guarantee you that. I’m not the ideal man in the eyes of you people in this arena and probably not the ideal man of the millions watching at home, but what I am is THE man to beat! I took this company by the balls and I refused to let go until I was given what I rightfully deserve! I beat little Brian Daniels to bad that he gave up! He took his ball and he ran home! It’s time to stop letting boys do a man’s job. You don’t have to like this… BUT YOU BETTER LEARN TO LOVE IT, CAUSE IT’S THE BEST THING GOIN’ TODAY! Say hello to your NEW Heavyweight Champion of the World!
(Kevin holds his hand out for the World Title)
WWEFan: … Are you finished?
Kevin: Huh? Oh, yeah… Now if you’ll just hand over–
WWEFan: Well, nobody can say I didn’t give you a chance to plead your case.
(A large team of security quickly surrounds the ring as Kevin and Damien look around)
Kevin: Woah, woah, what do you think you’re doing?
WWEFan: You honestly think I was going to just hand this World Heavyweight Championship over to YOU? Are you serious?
Kevin: I’m the number one contender for the World Heavyweight Championship! I’ve got a legal right to that Title!
WWEFan: No, you HAD a legal right to fight challenge Brian Daniels for HIS World Heavyweight Championship at Shock Value. As you can see, there is no Brian Daniels here. His World Heavyweight Championship has been vacated and his contract terminated for nearly a week. I don’t know if you know this, but I have lawyers too and they’d be more than happy to oblige to taking this to court, if you’d like.
Kevin: This is bullshit! Damien! Damien, say something!
(Kevin hands the microphone over to Damien)
Damien: So… Allow me to get this right, Mr. Fan… Brian Daniels is gone from EAW?
WWEFan: That’s right.
Damien: He’s no longer World Heavyweight Champion?
Damien: I’m still employed here?
WWEFan: Correct. Oh, and I almost forgot to mention… As an apology for the cancelled World Championship match, Kevin’s idea won’t go to waste. I’ve decided to make “The Legendary” Sekaiichi versus Cy Henderson a one on one Four-Corner Shock Match.
(The crowd erupts with cheers as Kevin looks on in confusion at Damien)
Damien: I see… Whelp, see you around, Mr. Devastation.
(Damien hands Kevin back the microphone and exits the ring as Kevin looks on in shock)
Kevin: NO! GET BACK HERE! What the Hell do you think you’re doing?! You’re my lawyer! DAMIEN!
WWEFan: Now back to the matter of you, Kevin. Don’t worry, you’re still very much under contract as well, but you’ll still be punished.
Kevin: …. You know what? I don’t give a shit. You think these guys are gonna stop me? You think some rent-a-cop assholes like your security team can stop ME? I don’t give a DAMN if you think you can boss me around and take what belongs to me! I’ll just take it for myself! Go ahead and throw me out! I’ll be back!
WWEFan: Right… Well, I was hoping you’d say that.
(Several police officers make their way down the ramp and to the ring)
Kevin: What’s this?
WWEFan: Like I said, Kevin, you’re still under contract, but you’ll be punished. You stole the World Heavyweight Championship and conspired against me with Damien and then blackmailed me into bringing you back, so you know what? I think you’re going to spend tonight in a cozy Brooklyn jail cell, just to ensure we don’t have any problems from you tonight.
Mak: Did I say I’m gonna deck him? I meant to say high-fucking-five!
(A livid Kevin Devastation stares down with WWEFan and shakes his head as the police officers begin to handcuff him and take him away)
Kevin (without a microphone): I’LL GET YOU! I’LL GET YOU AND DAMIEN! I’LL BE BACK! YOU HEAR ME?! I’LL TAKE WHAT’S MINE!
(Kevin is forced backstage by the police officers as WWEFan continues to speak)
WWEFan: Now that we’ve taken care of that, I’d like to announce that we will crown a brand new World Heavyweight Champion inside an Extreme Elimination Chamber match at THE SEVENTH-ANNUAL ROAD TO REDEMPTION EVENT! NOW WITHOUT FURTHER ADIEU…. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN…. WELCOME TO THE FIRST EVER SHOCK VALUE!!!
(WWEFan drops the microphone and makes his way over to the commentary table as the camera transitions to a graphic of the EAW Shock Value logo being struck with a bolt of lightning)
“IT’S ALIVE! IT’S ALIVE!!”
(Camera cuts to a collection of clips of electrocutions and lightning spliced with images of Cameron Ella Ava and Cassandra Lyndivia fighting)
Narrator: A NEW FORM OF PUNISHMENT….
(The images change to GI Styles, Killswitch, Devan Dubian, and TMT fighting)
Narrator: A NEW WAY OF INFLICTING DAMAGE…
(The images change to “The Legendary” Sekaiichi and Cy Henderson fighting)
Narrator: A NEW MEANS TO AN END….
(The images cut off as Mr. DEDEDE is seen viciously stabbing Tyler Parker with a pen and signing his contract in blood before standing over his body)
Narrator: A NEW ELEMENT OF PAIN!
(The graphic cuts back to the Shock Value logo surrounded by electricity)
Narrator: EXTREME ANSWERS WRESTLING’S LONGEST RUNNING WEEKLY EPISODIC SERIES, SHOWDOWN, PRESENTS… SHOCK VALUE!!!
(Camera cuts to the Barclays Center in Brooklyn, New York as the stage is shown in the form of a classic laboratory with electricity pulsing all throughout it as lighting strikes the stage to trigger pyro to explode all across it; capping off with a grand explosion as the arena fills with the erupting cheers of the crowd and “Safe to Say I’ve Had Enough” by Seether playing all throughout the arena)
WWEFan: IT’S GOOD TO BE BACK, IF ONLY JUST FOR ONE NIGHT, SO LET ME BE THE ONE TO ONCE AGAIN WELCOME YOU TO THE FIRST EVER SHOCK VALUE EVENT TONIGHT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!
(Camera cuts to WWEFan and Mak at the commentary table)
Mak: That’s right, this asshole demoted Flashback back to backstage interviews just to fuck with him and just to be in the presence of commentary greatness again! I’m Mak and this is Pornfan and of course it’s going to be a great show tonight! This is the A-Brand, baby! This is the promise land! Hey now, hey now, this is what dreams are made of!
WWEFan: Isn’t that from that Lizzie McGuire movie?
Mak: Well, you would know..
WWEFan: Touche. Nonetheless, this will certainly be one ELECTRIC show! We’ve got an ELECTRIC crowd here tonight! You can just feel the ELECTRICITY in the air!
Mak: Jesus Christ, someone cut off his headset and start the first match already!
(“Rumors” by Lindsay Lohan plays all throughout the arena as Cameron Ella Ava confidently makes her way out to the stage in blue attire)
Announcer: The following contest is match FIVE out of a Best of Five Series and is an Electric Ropes Match AND IS FOR THE E-A-W VIXENS CHAMPIONSHIP…. First, the challenger!…. Making her way to the ring…. From Los Angeles, California!…. Weighing in at 125 pounds!…. SHE IS THE “GODDESS SENT BY THE GODS”…. CAMERON! ELLA!! AAAAAAAVVVVVVVVAAAAAA!!!…..
(“Helena” by The Misfits plays all throughout the arena as Cassandra Lyndivia makes her way out to the stage with the EAW Vixens Championship around her waist, followed by Vanessa Lyndivia)
Announcer: And her opponent!…. Making her way to the ring, accompanied by Vanessa Lyndivia!…. From Savannah, Georgia!…. Weighing in at 130 pounds!…. SHE IS THE REIGNING AND DEFENDING E-A-W VIXENS CHAMPION…. CASSANDRA LYYYYYYYNNNNNDDDDIIIIVVVIIIIAAAA!!!….
(DING! DING! DING!)
WWEFan: And they’re off as both of these Vixens lock up in the middle of the ring… Both struggling for power as we get just a taste of what’s to come as far as electrified environments go in this Electric Ropes match as a part of this best of five series… It seems as though Cameron is overpowering her opponent here…. Cassandra breaks through the lock up! She immediately catches Cameron in a side headlock! Cameron sends her off and into the ropes–No! Cassandra hangs on tight! She’s not breaking the headlock! She’s slowly but surely tightening this headlock on her opponent… Slowly bringing Cameron down to the canvas… Cameron’s fighting back! Sending shots into the back of her opponent, Cameron’s slowly pushing herself back to her feet… SHE SLIPS OUT OF THE HEADLOCK AND CATCHES CASSANDRA! BELLY TO BACK SUPLEX CONNECTS! Both women now in a race to get to their feet… Both going at about the same pace.. They’re up! CAMERON SENDS A HIGH KICK INTO THE SKULL OF CASSANDRA! She spins Cassandra around SHE DROPS CASSANDRA INTO HER KNEE WITH A NECKBREAKER VARIATION! CAMERON QUICKLY COVERS HER OPPONENT!!
Mak: CAMERON’S PULLED OFF AS VANESSA GRABBED HER BOOT AND YANKED HER OFF OF THE COVER! Vanessa’s already proving to be a problem in this contest regardless of the electrified ropes! Cameron looks annoyed, but there’s not much she can do here as she goes back to the attack on her opponent… Mounting the chest of Cassandra and immediately laying into her with a series of hard lefts and rights! Cassandra turns it around as she rolls Cameron over onto her back! Cassandra immediately, repeatedly sending Cameron’s head hard into the canvas over and over! Cassandra slowly pulls Cameron up with her by her hair… Cassandra sends Cameron colliding hard into the nearest corner with a big irish whip! The hard impact of that caused Cameron to drop to her knees in pain before she could be potentially caught with those electrified ropes… CASSANDRA CHARGES! ENZUIGIRI TAKES CAMERON DOWN!! Cassandra quickly rolls Cameron over… AND HOOKS BOTH LEGS! THIS IS IT!
Referee: ONE!!!!!!!…… TWO!!!
WWEFan: Cameron kicks out of it! It’ll take more than that to keep the former two-time Vixens Champion down! Cassandra immediately grabs a hold of Cameron… Dragging her over to the ropes… CASSANDRA GRINDING CAMERON’S HEAD ALONG THOSE ELECTRIFIED ROPES AS CAMERON WRITHES IN PAIN!! CAMERON’S STRUGGLING TO GET AWAY FROM THIS AS THOSE ROPES BEGIN SINGING HER HAIR!! SHE NAILS CASSANDRA WITH A BIG RIGHT HAND! Cassandra was caught off-guard by that as she scrambles to get to her feet… Cameron’s not far behind her as she may have caught her second wind in this contest… Cassandra rushes in.. She’s stopped dead in her tracks with a European uppercut from Cameron! Cameron immediately sends a spinning kick right into the gut of Cassandra! JUMPING KICK TO THE FACE SENDS CASSANDRA REELING INTO THE ROPES!! SHE’S ZAPPED ON THOSE ELECTRIFIED ROPES AS SHE DROPS DOWN IN PAIN!
Mak: Cameron seems nowhere near finished as she leaps onto the body of Cassandra, immediately driving multiple knees right into her skull… Cameron slowly pulling Cassandra up with her… SETTING HER UP! TWIST OF FATE CONNECTS AS CASSANDRA IS DRIVEN INTO THE CANVAS!! CAMERON WASTES NO TIME ROLLING CASSANDRA OVER… AND HOOKING HER LEG FOR THE COVER!!
Referee: ONE!!!!!!…… TWO!!!!!!!!!…….
WWEFan: CAMERON IS ONCE AGAIN YANKED OFF BY VANESSA ON THE OUTSIDE! C’MON, REF! THE REFEREE SEEMS TO HAVE HAD ENOUGH! HE’S DEMANDING SHE LEAVE RINGSIDE IMMEDIATELY! Vanessa refuses! THE REF IS THREATENING TO AWARD THIS MATCH TO CAMERON IF VANESSA DOES NOT LEAVE!
Mak: WHAT?! Can he do that?!
WWEFan: I told the Referee to do whatever was necessary to ensure that this match doesn’t get tainted by Cassandra’s sister and that’s exactly what he’s doing here as Vanessa is forced to make her way to the backstage area while Cameron looks to go back to work on Cassandra… Cameron pulling Cassandra up… Cassandra slips out of Cameron’s grip and immediately wrenches her arm… She quickly pulls Cameron in! NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX CONNECTS!!! SHE BRIDGES FOR THE COVER!
Referee: ONE!!!!!!!…….. TWO!!!!!
Mak: CAMERON KICKS OUT! Cassandra showing great flexibility as she pulls herself over, keeping Cameron in position as she pulls her up to her feet… LOOKING FOR A SECOND NORTHERN LIGHTS! No–Cameron’s fighting back as she sends multiple clubbing blows to the back of Cassandra! Cameron sends a knee into the gut of Cassandra Another knee! BIG DDT CONNECTS AS CASSANDRA IS DRIVEN RIGHT INTO THE CANVAS LIKE A DAMN LAWNDART!! Cameron doesn’t look finished yet! She’s pulling Cassandra slowly up… Getting her in position.. GODDESS’ TOUCH!!!! It misses as Cassandra ducks! Cameron quickly rushes to get to her feet as Cassandra takes a moment to recuperate… Cameron up! CASSANDRA WITH A BIG DROPKICK AS CAMERON IS SENT RIGHT INTO THOSE ELECTRIC ROPES!! A damaged Cameron stumbles forward! Cassandra catches her with a kick to the gut! TORNADO DDT!!! No–Cameron stops it before it can connect! She slips out of it and nails Cassandra with a kick to the gut! CAMERON PICKS HER UP! FRONT SUPLEX RIGHT ONTO THE TOP ROPE!!
WWEFan: YOU CAN JUST IMAGINE THE PAIN FROM THAT AS CASSANDRA DROPS DOWN TO THE CANVAS IN GREAT PAIN! YOU CAN SEE THE SINGE MARKS ON HER STOMACH!! Cameron rises to her feet, looking to end this contest as she stalks her opponent… Cassandra is in a great amount of pain here… She may not have enough left in the tank as she slowly climbs back to her feet… Cameron’s ready to end it! CASSANDRA’S UP! GODDESS’ TOUCH!!! IT MISSES AS CASSANDRA DUCKS! CAMERON SCRAMBLES TO HER FEET! TRAGIC EXPRESSION CONNECTS!!!! CASSANDRA NAILED CAMERON WITH A MASSIVE SPEARS AS SHE QUICKLY HOOKS BOTH LEGS TIGHTLY!!
Referee: ONE!!!!!!!……. TWO!!!!!!!!!……… THREE!!!!!!!!!
(DING! DING! DING!)
(“Helena” by The Misfits plays all throughout the arena as the Referee hands Cassandra Lyndivia her Vixens Championship)
Announcer: The Winner of this contest by pinfall!!….. AND STTTTIIIIIIILLLLLL VIXENS CHAMPION…. CASSANDRA LYNDIVIAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
WWEFan: Well a really unfortunate loss for Cameron Ella Ava tonight, now having no way of competing for the Vixens Championship again so long as Cassandra remains Champion, but she gave this match and every match in the best of five series her best effort and that’s all you could hope to ask for. Congratulations to Cassandra..
Mak: Cassandra was simply the better woman tonight and that’s all there is to it. She didn’t need her sister’s help and she proved that beyond a shadow of a doubt tonight. Cameron made her bed by putting so much on the line and now she’s got no choice but to lie in it!
(Camera cuts to a pitch-black room as only the squeaking sound of a rocking chair can be heard as it goes back and forth)
Cy: So many walls have been torn down by my worn hands… Do you truly believe another will make any difference? It ain’t nothin’ to Ol’ Cy anymore, to be forced to take on a barrier such as this. What the terms are… The circumstances… The stipulations… The venue… It makes no difference to my crusade. I feel like one that has lived for thousands of years because I have stood in place and watched as this environment changed around me more and more until it was almost unrecognizable. Not even I have remained the same. I am a victim to time just as we all are, but I will not allow everything to be swallowed by the past. When a Prince abandons his castle, it’s not right for it to be simply dismantled in favor of such poorly-built replicas. I may not be a Prince nowadays, but I know what belongs to me. I will take back my land. I will take back my Kingdom. I will fulfill my goal and I will do it whether or not others want me to. Damien, don’t fool yourself into believing this is the last you’ll see of Ol’ Cy. He’s gotten this close to you, so what’s a little longer gonna change? I’ve made a fool of your dog once before and tonight, I’m gonna make a fool of both of you when I take that dog’s leash and choke the life of it him with it. Do yourself a favor, Damien, don’t show your face tonight. I can wait for what I’ll do to you, but I simply don’t know if I can control myself if you give me the chance to do it tonight… Tonight, I kill a false God and display his disembodied head for the World to see as proof.
(A match is lit to show a sliver of light as part of Cy Henderson’s face is illuminated while he quietly laughs to himself while rocking back and forth in his chair)
(Camera cuts back to the ring)
(“Warriors of Time” by Black Tide plays all throughout the arena as a confident Devan Dubian makes his way out to the stage with the Elite Championship around his waist)
Announcer: The following contest is scheduled for ONE fall and is for the Elite Championship!!…. First, making his way to the ring…. From Dubai, United Arab Emirates!…. Weighing in at 226 pounds!…. HE IS THE REIGNING AND DEFENDING E-A-W ELITE CHAMPION…. DEVAN DUUUUUBBBBIIIIAAAAANNNN!!!….
Mak: Well this should be interesting and all, but didn’t TMNT shred his own contract earlier this week?
WWEFan: I took care of it.
Mak: What’s that supposed to mean?
(“Neenah Menasha” by Sponge plays all throughout the arena as TMT is lifted out to the stage by security while he struggles)
Announcer: And his opponent, the challenger!…. Making his way to the ring…. T! M!! T!!!….
TMT (without a microphone): STOP IT! YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME! I SAID I QUIT! I QUIT!!! LET ME GO! I DON’T HAVE TO COMPETE! YOU CAN’T MAKE ME!! JUST GIVE HIM THE WIN!! STOP THIS!!
Mak: Ah, I see…
WWEFan: It turns out you can’t simply breach your contract by tearing up a copy of it… Go figure. I should be a lawyer someday.
(TMT is rolled into the ring as security surrounds it to keep him in)
(DING! DING! DING!)
WWEFan: Here we go as TMT reluctantly gets back to his feet as he looks around at the security making sure he doesn’t go anywhere… Devan charges in! TMT immediately backs up into the nearest corner, feigning an injury to his knee as he asks the Referee to check it… TMT PUSHES THE REF OUT OF THE WAY AND CHARGES FOR DEVAN! KICK TO THE FACE FROM DEVAN!! HE’S QUICKLY PULLED IN!! LOOK OUT! BRAINBUSTER CONNECTS!!!! DEVAN HOOKS BOTH LEGS OF TMT!!
Referee: ONE!!!!!!…….. TWO!!!!!!!!!!…….. THREE!!!!!!!!!
(DING! DING! DING!)
(“Warriors of Time” by Black Tide plays all throughout the arena as Devan Dubian is handed his Elite Championship by the Referee while TMT rolls to the outside)
Announcer: The Winner of this contest by pinfall!!…. AND STTTTIIIILLLLLL ELITE CHAMPION!!….. DEVAN DDUUUUUBBBBBIIIIAAAANNNN!!!!
TMT: NO! NO! THIS IS NOT HOW I’M GOING OUT!
(“Warriors of Time” fades out as Devan makes his way backstage while TMT grabs a microphone)
TMT: I REFUSE TO GO OUT THIS WAY! I HAD IT ALL PERFECTLY PLANNED! I WAS GOING TO SIMPLY NOT COMPETE TONIGHT AND RIP UP MY CONTRACT! ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS GIVE DEVAN A BYE! I’m not going to be abused by your power like this!
(WWEFan stands up and grabs a microphone)
WWEFan: Alright… What do you want?
TMT: Fire me! If you won’t let me quit, then just FIRE ME! C’MON! DO IT!
WWEFan: Alright, have it your–
(Mak stands up and whispers something to WWEFan)
WWEFan: Hmm… You’re right… I’m sorry, TMT, but I’m afraid that’s not going to happen.
WWEFan: It’s not going to happen because there is a fate much worse than death itself that I have for you. You don’t deserve to be fired and you don’t deserve to be allowed to quit. Tomi Venus, welcome to your glorious new life… As a backstage interviewer!
(TMT stops ranting and takes a moment to think)
TMT: ….. You know… Maybe we got off on the wrong foot. I feel like we can work this whole quitting thing out like professionals.
WWEFan: I’m sorry, Tomi, but this is non negotiable.
TMT: … C’mon, seriously… I apologize. Let’s just not overdo it here. I feel–
WWEFan: See ya on Showdown.
(Security begins to pull Tomi away)
Tomi: NO! NO, PLEASE, GOD NO! ANYTHING BUT THIS! PLEASE! I BEG OF YOU! I BEG OF YOU!
(Tomi is dragged to the backstage area as he continues to scream in despair)
(Camera cuts backstage to Zack Crash in his ring attire, taping up his wrists in his locker room)
???: Zack…. ZACK…
(Jacob Senn walks up behind Zack with an annoyed expression on his face)
Jacob: Do I really have to ask–
Zack: Are you ready for our match tonight?
Jacob: I told you I’d be ready. I’m not gonna ruin this Tag Team Championship reign for anything, even if it means teaming with you.
Zack: Glad to hear that. That’s all that really matters then, right? I’ll see you out there. I’m gonna go get something to drink.
(Zack finishes taping his wrists and begins to leave, but is stopped by Jacob)
Jacob: I’m not going to keep repeating myself, Zack. Are you going to answer me or not?
Zack: Answer you?
Jacob: My challenge! You and me at Road To Redemption! Don’t screw with me!
Zack: Hey, hey, calm down… You’re way too fixated with this thing between you and I. You want the short story? I’m over it. Alright?
(Zack attempts to leave again, but it stopped by Jacob once again)
Jacob: Give me… An answer.
Zack: You want an answer? You want us to keep wasting our time with this pissing contest between you and over that began over something as insane as me winning a match? You want me to waste all of the effort we’ve put in to being even somewhat successful as a Tag Team? You want me to beat you to a bloody pulp and vice versa for the sake of making you feel better about something that doesn’t matter anymore? You know why I asked for us to team? I wanted to put all of this bullshit behind, because it got to the point where I was ranting like a lunatic and you were snapping my Goddamn arm! I’ll give you an answer, Jacob. How about no. No. Now are you going to linger on that and ruin this for us both or are WE going to go out there and retain OUR Tag Team Championships?
Jacob: …. I said I’m going to be there and I’m going to defend our Titles.
Zack: Then like I said, that’s all that matters.
(Zack walks past Jacob and exits the locker room)
(Camera cuts back to the ring)
(“Winter’s House” by Giles Corey plays all throughout the arena as the lights darken and Cy Henderson makes his way out to the stage with a lantern in hand)
Announcer: The following contest is a Four-Corner Shock Match!…. First, making his way to the ring…. From Manhattan, New York!…. Weighing in at 295 pounds!…. “FABLED”…. CY HEEEEEENNNNNDDDDEEERRRSSSOOOONN!!!….
(“Grain” by Kunaiki Haishima plays all throughout the arena as “The Legendary” Sekaiichi makes his way out to the stage with a black bag in hand)
Announcer: And his opponent!…. Making his way to the ring…. From Las Vegas, Nevada!…. Weighing in at 237 pounds!…. “THE LEGENDARY” SEK-AI-IIIIIIICCCCCCCCHHHHHIIIIIII!!!….
(DING! DING! DING!)
WWEFan: The bell for this contest has begun as the shock collars have been latched around the neck of both competitors… To remind you, you simply win this contest by touching all four top turnbuckle in succession with an added twist that when one man touches a turnbuckle, it will give his opponent a jolt of electricity… Both men’s shock collars are connected to one another, so it’s safe to say there’ll be no running away in this contest, though you wouldn’t expect that from these two monsters… Both men immediately charge into one another as the fists go flying all over the place! Sekaiichi seems to be taking control as both men are trading blows… Sekaiichi backing Cy up against the ropes… He sends him off–HE PULLS CY BACK AND CONNECTS WITH A BIG SPINEBUSTER! Sekaiichi’s already using that cable connected to both men’s shock collars to his advantage in this contest.. Sekaiichi looking to utilize it again as he grabs the cable and wraps it around the throat of Cy! Sekaiichi looking to choke the life out of his opponent! Cy’s looking to power out of it as he slowly fights back to his feet.. Cy drives a big elbow into the ribs of Sekaiichi! Another big elbow connects! CY IMMEDIATELY NAILS SEKAIICHI WITH A CLOTHESLINE AS BOTH MEN GO PLUMMETING OVER THE ROPES AND CRASHING TO THE OUTSIDE! It didn’t take long at all for this match to spill to the outside! Both men racing to get to their feet here…
Mak: Looks like they both make it to a vertical base at about the same time as Sekaiichi makes his way over to Cy.. Cy pulls Sekaiichi in with that cable and connects with a knee to the mid-section! Another powerful knee to the gut! Sekaiichi’s gotta be in pain as Cy pushes him back.. HE PULLS HIM BACK IN AND CONNECTS WITH A BIG BACK BODY DROP! Sekaiichi’s body just flops hard onto the mat! Neither one of these men have yet to actually go for the win as of yet, but I don’t give a damn as long as they beat each other to a pulp! Cy dragging Sekaiichi back to his feet now by that cable… Sekaiichi pulled up to one knee as Cy clocks him with a big right hand! Cy now unloading into a kneeling Sekaiichi! Cy slowly pulls Sekaiichi up to his feet.. AND SENDS HIM FLIPPING FORWARD AND CRASHING WAIST-FIRST INTO THE EDGE OF OUR TABLE! Cy is showing absolutely no mercy in this contest! Cy now just literally dragging Sekaiichi around here on the outside by his throat! He’s learned to use that cable connected to their shock collars and he’s loving it! Sekaiichi seems to be looking to get back to a vertical base as Cy continues to drag him… Cy puts a stop to it and instead focuses on something else as Sekaiichi slowly makes it back up! CY CHARGES! SEKAIICHI CATCHES HIM WITH HIP TOSS RIGHT INTO THE BARRICADE!
WWEFan: Sekaiichi doesn’t seem finished right there.. HE RUSHES IN WITH A DROPKICK INTO THE FACE OF CY HENDERSON! Sekaiichi now pulling Cy up by his shock collar… He pulls Cy up into a big forearm to the face! Another big forearm! ANOTHER! Sekaiichi pulls Cy all the way up and picks him up.. Dropping him groin-first into the barricade! That’s gotta hurt! Sekaiichi immediately nails Cy with a echoing knife-edge chop! Sekaiichi backing up now.. CYCLONE KILL KICK CONNECTS RIGHT TO THE FACE OF CY HENDERSON (NO PUN INTENDED)!! Cy is sent dropping into the front row of the audience as Sekaiichi seems nowhere near finished! Sekaiichi now using that cable to his advantage once again as he looks to be choking the life out of Cy from the other side of that barricade! Cy’s doing all he can to fight back or escape this!
Mak: Sekaiichi pulls Cy up–BIG ELBOW TO THE BACK OF THE SKULL! It drops Cy down into the chairs! Sekaiichi now climbing up to the top of that barricade! LOOK OUT! CY YANKS ON THE CABLE AND SENDS SEKAIICHI CRASHING AND BURNING INTO A MOB OF STEEL CHAIRS!! Cy may have just found himself a golden opportunity with that! Both men now racing to get to their feet.. Both men lock eyes with one another as they make it up to their knees! Cy goes in with a headbutt to the face of Sekaiichi! Sekaiichi fires back with a European uppercut! Cy grabs the cable and pulls Sekaiichi in with a BIG headbutt to the skull! Cy now climbing back to his feet! Sekaiichi may be too out of it to follow suite! CY GRABS A NEARBY CHAIR! HE SWINGS IT RIGHT INTO THE SIDE OF SEKAIICHI’S SKULL!! Sekaiichi’s still up! He’s still on his knees! CY SENDS THAT CHAIR DIRECTLY INTO THE TOP OF SEKAIICHI’S SKULL! A THIRD CHAIR SHOT CONNECTS RIGHT INTO THE FACE OF SEKAIICHI!! Sekaiichi’s still not going down as blood begins to pour down his face! Cy drops the chair and could be looking for something big as he pulls Sekaiichi up.. SEKAIICHI SPRINGS UP! BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX RIGHT INTO A DOZEN STEEL CHAIRS FROM SEKAIICHI!! What a move that was! Cy could be broken in half after that one! The only one showing signs of life now is Sekaiichi…
WWEFan: Sekaiichi pulling himself back to his feet and grabbing a chair on his way up as he stumbles over to a downed Cy Henderson.. He drives the edge of that chair into the body of Cy! He sends that chair into the body of Cy again! AGAIN! Sekaiichi smacks the chair loudly off the spine of Cy Henderson before dragging him up to a vertical base by his hair… Sekaiichi now navigating Cy over to the steps of the aisle as the crowd chants around both of these beasts! Cy slides out of Sekaiichi’s grip! Sekaiichi turns around to meet a headbutt to the solar plexus! Cy follows up with a discus forearm to the face of Sekaiichi! Sekaiichi’s still up! CY GOES FOR A SECOND DISCUS! HE’S MET WITH A BOOT TO THE FACE FROM SEKAIICHI! Sekaiichi sends Cy dropping down onto the steps as he drags him by the cable… Sekaiichi looking to completely drag Cy Henderson up the aisle stairs!! No! Cy’s not letting it happen as he pulls back on the cord! Cy getting back to his feet as both of these men seem to be in a tug-of-war with that cable! CY PULLS SEKAIICHI OFF HIS FEET AND INTO HIM!! BLACK HOLE SLAM CONNECTS ONTO THOSE STEPS!!! Cy Henderson’s got a wicked look upon his face; one that looks as though he’s already won! Cy now grabbing a hold of Sekaiichi and pulling him up to his feet.. HE STARTS PICKING UP MOMENTUM AS HE DRIVES SEKAIICHI HARD INTO THE BARRICADE!! Cy quickly climbs back to his feet and sends several unforgiving boots into the body of Sekaiichi! Cy now placing a boot against the skull of Sekaiichi up against that barricade!! He seems to be trying to crush his damn skull!
Mak: Cy seems to have switched to something else as he slowly drags Sekaiichi back up… Cy eagerly taunting Sekaiichi verbally to his face as he drags him up.. HE WRAPS A HAND AROUND SEKAIICHI’S THROAT! CAN HE DO IT?! CHOKESLAM ONTO THE TOP OF THE BARRICADE CONNECTS!!! Sekaiichi is left caught on that barricade as Cy laughs loudly and proudly! Cy now grabbing a steel chair and climbs over the barricade… Setting up that chair… Cy climbs back onto the top of the barricade as he wraps his hand around the throat of Sekaiichi again.. Slowly pulling him up… LOOK OUT! CHOKESLAM CONNECTS OFF THE BARRICADE AND INTO THAT STEEL CHAIR!!! THAT CHAIR COMPLETELY BENDS AS SEKAIICHI’S BODY CRASHES INTO IT!! Cy Henderson looks as though he’s just slain his opponent! He could deliver Sekaiichi his first lost since he became Sekaiichi! Cy drops down and slowly drags Sekaiichi up… Sekaiichi hardly even moving as Cy sends him rolling back into the ring…. Cy slides in after him, once again getting in the face of his opponent!
Cy (without a microphone): YOU AIN’T NO GOD OF MINE, BOY! YOU’RE JUST A DOG! YOU HEAR ME?
WWEFan: Cy gets back to his feet and slaps the nearest top turnbuckle!! A strong jolt of electricity surges through the body of Sekaiichi! Cy now making his way over to the next turnbuckle… He successfully makes contact with it as Sekaiichi writhes in pain from the electricity once again inflicting damage upon him! Cy now looking to go for thirds! He’s there–NO! He’s just a few inches away from it as Sekaiichi seems to have stuck right where he is, not budging! Sekaiichi on one knee as Cy turns to him! Both men staring down.. CY CHARGES!! SEKAIICHI SPRINGS TO HIS FEET, PICKING CY HENDERSON UP! Cy immediately sends a flurry of elbows into the side of Sekaiichi’s skull! Cy escapes off the back of Sekaiichi! CY TURNS HIM AROUND AND SETS HIM UP! RISING TIDE!!!! NO–SEKAIICHI SENDS MULTIPLE FOREARMS TO THE FACE! Sekaiichi slips out of it, but he’s quickly pushed off and into the ropes by Cy! SEKAIICHI OFF THE ROPES! CY HAS IT SCOUTED AS HE SWINGS! Sekaiichi ducks it as he catches Cy from behind! HE BRINGS CY UP AND DROPS HIM DOWN INTO A ROLLING GTS!! CY’S LOOKING DAZED! HE’S STILL ON HIS FEET AS HE’S MET WITH A HARD KICK TO THE GUT! AXE KICK CONNECTS OFF THE BACK OF CY’S SKULL AS CY BENDS DOWN! ANOTHER AXE KICK TO THE BACK OF THE SKULL AS CY DROPS TO ONE KNEE! SEKAIICHI SWINGS WITH A THIRD CONSECUTIVE AXE KICK–CY’S GOT HIM CAUGHT!
Mak: EXPLODER SUPLEX OVER THE ROPES!! SEKAIICHI LANDS SPINE-FIRST ONTO THE RING APRON ON HIS WAY DOWN! Hold on! Sekaiichi’s still on his feet! SEKAIICHI IMMEDIATELY PULLING ON THAT CABLE AS HARD AS HE CAN–CHOKING CY HENDERSON FROM THE RING!! Cy’s found himself in a bad spot here! He’s slowly having the life choked out of him! He may not last much longer if this keeps up! Cy slowly climbing over the ropes and onto the apron to avoid being completely choked out as Sekaiichi turns around.. He’s caught with a boot to the face from Cy! Sekaiichi yanks Cy off of the apron and RIGHT into a knee to the ribs! SEKAIICHI PULLS CY UP! HE’S UP… JACKHAMMER CONNECTS STRAIGHT THROUGH THE SPANISH ANNOUNCE TABLE!!! Sekaiichi just sent both men crashing through the announce table! Sekaiichi doesn’t seem through yet as he’s already looking to get back to his feet..
WWEFan: Sekaiichi pulling a damaged Cy Henderson with him… Navigating his opponent over to the ring and sends him rolling in as he slides in behind him.. Sekaiichi doesn’t seem to be looking to end this just yet as he instead opts to pull Cy up… PULLING HIM IN… HE’S GOT HIM UP!! SAKUJO SCREWDRIVER!!!! Cy slides off the back of Sekaiichi and immediately turns him around! HE’S GOT HIM! CLIPPED WINGS CONNECTS!! Cy just dropped Sekaiichi with that big double underhook facebuster! Cy might be the one looking to end it here now… Laying into Sekaiichi with multiple hard stomps to the body… Cy dragging Sekaiichi up to a vertical base.. HE’S GOT HIM! RISING TIDE CONNECTS AS SEKAIICHI IS DRILLED INTO THE CANVAS!!!! Sekaiichi could be out cold! HE’S SETTING HIM UP FOR SOMETHING BIG… BERSERKER!!!! CY HENDERSON LOCKS IN THE BERSERKER SUBMISSION ON “THE LEGENDARY” SEKAIICHI!!! THIS GOGOPLATA IS LOCKED IN TIGHT!! SEKAIICHI HAS NOWHERE TO GO AND NO WAY OUT OF IT!! ALL HE CAN DO IS EITHER ESCAPE OR BE TRAPPED IN THIS AS LONG AS CY HENDERSON WANTS HIM TO BE!! CY’S EYES TELL THE WHOLE STORY; THAT IS A DERANGED MAN THAT IS WILLING TO DESTROY ANYTHING IN HIS WAY!! SEKAIICHI IS FIGHTING IT, BUT IT MAY BE TO NO AVAIL!! CY IS PROVING TO BE TOO MUCH! SEKAIICHI’S FADING… HE…. HE SEEMS TO BE OUT!
Mak: Cy lets go of that devastating submission as Sekaiichi drops; potentially unconscious! Cy’s got a look of immense satisfaction on his face as he looks down at Sekaiichi… This could be all she wrote as he makes his way over to the nearest corner… And slaps the top turnbuckle as a jolt of electricity shocked the body of Sekaiichi, but he seems to remain downed! Cy now dragging Sekaiichi over… And touches the next turnbuckle! The shock seems to once again do nothing! Sekaiichi still seems lifeless! Cy dragging the deadweight of Sekaiichi over… He’s made it to the third turnbuckle!! The shock seems to have still unaffected Sekaiichi! This is it! Cy’s dragging him over! LOOK OUT FROM BEHIND! DAMIEN MURROW LATCHES ONTO THE BACK AND AROUND THE HEAD OF CY HENDERSON OUT OF NOWHERE!! CY’S TRYING TO GET HIM OFF! DAMIEN REFUSES TO LET GO! CY FLIPS DAMIEN OFF OF HIM AND DOWN TO THE CANVAS! Cy’s got a deranged look in his eyes again as a hurt Damien gets back up.. DISCUS CLOTHESLINE TURNS DAMIEN INSIDE OUT!!! Time seems to have expired for Cy to make all four turnbuckles, but he doesn’t seem to give a damn as he looks to destroy Damien just as he promised he would! Cy grabs a hold of Damien… Dragging him over to the ropes… He’s got his tie! CY’S WRAPPING DAMIEN’S TIE AROUND INTO A KNOT ON THE BOTTOM ROPE! HE’S ABOUT TO TORTURE THIS MAN!! KATAHAJIME!!!! SEKAIICHI CATCHES CY IN THE KATAHAJIME OUT OF NOWHERE!!! CY’S STRUGGLING!! NO–SEKAIICHI’S NAVIGATING HIM! HE THROWS HIMSELF INTO THE NEAREST TOP TURNBUCKLE!!
WWEFan: SEKAIICHI CONTINUES TO SHOCK THE LIFE OUT OF CY AS BOTH MEN GO CHARGING OVER INTO THE NEXT CORNER AS SEKAIICHI’S BACK TOUCHES THE NEXT TURNBUCKLE!! The shock is pulsing through the body of Cy Henderson, but it seems to have no effect! Cy’s only looking to get his hands on Murrow! SEKAIICHI CONTINUES DRAINING THE LIFE OUT OF CY AS HE LOOKS FOR THE THIRD TURNBUCKLE… HE MAKES IT TO THE THIRD TOP TURNBUCKLE WITH CY STILL IN THAT HOLD!! THE SHOCK SEEMS TO BE FINALLY TAKING ITS TOLL ON CY! BOTH MEN NOW BEING BROUGHT OVER TO THE NEXT CORNER… CY’S FIGHTING IT! SEKAIICHI CONNECTS WITH A SUPLEX WHILE KEEPING IN THAT KATAHAJIME INTO THE CORNER!!! SEKAIICHI’S REACHING FOR THE LAST TURNBUCKLE AS CY STRUGGLES! HE GRASPS IT!! That’s it!
(DING! DING! DING!)
Mak: CY’S CRAWLING OVER TO DAMIEN WHILE STILL CAUGHT IN THIS KATAHAJIME!! SEKAIICHI’S NOT LETTING UP!! DAMIEN LOOKS FEARFUL FOR HIS LIFE!! CY’S SLOWLY DRAGGING HIS BODY OVER TO HIM!! DAMIEN HAS NOWHERE TO GO!! CY REACHES OUT!! HE CAN’T MAKE IT! CY’S FADING!! THE KATAHAJIME’S MAKING HIM BLACK OUT AS SEKAIICHI CONTINUES TO APPLY PRESSURE! CY’S OUT!! Damien is yelling for somebody to get him out of this precarious position as Sekaiichi lets go of the Katahajime as it seems he’s won this contest!
(“Grain” by Kunaiki Haishima plays all throughout the arena as Sekaiichi rises to his feet and looks down at the potentially unconscious Cy Henderson)
Announcer: The Winner of this match….. “THE LEGENDARY” SEK-AI-IIIIIICCCCCHHHHHIIIIIII!!!!
WWEFan: What a brutal contest between these two men, but it seems as though Sekaiichi was able to capture the win here tonight in this contest! Cy got a couple good shots in on Damien, but I’m afraid it seems he didn’t get all that he wanted as it was cut short courtesy of his opponent… Damien continues to yell for somebody to get him out off that position of being tied up to the bottom rope as Sekaiichi takes his leave.. Looks like he’s not very concerned with Murrow’s problem..
Mak: Now that’s what I call a monster mash! That was great! Those two beat the shit out of each other! Hold on… Sekaiichi grabs that bag of his that he came out with… What’s he… HE PULLS OUT THE EAW CHAMPIONSHIP!! That’s the EAW Championship he’s got! What’s he think he’s doing with that?! Sekaiichi’s raising the EAW Championship high into the air like he’s just won it! This guy’s delusional!
WWEFan: I’m not exactly sure what Sekaiichi has in mind with the EAW Championship as he walks off with it in hand… Whatever he’s thinking, I’m sure it’s something heinous..
(Camera cuts backstage to a smiling Flashback, dressed in a suit and a microphone in hand)
Flashback: It’s been one – pardon my language – HECK of a show so far tonight at Shock Value and maybe it couldn’t possibly get weirder, but these two men here with me are certainly going to give it their best shot! They are a team that was, well, unexpected to say the least and have since made quite an impact by quickly gaining an opportunity at the EAW Unified Tag team Championships right here tonight in a triple threat tag team contest! They’re an unlikely duo and certainly a wild card in their upcoming contest… Please welcome my guests, Superior Quality 85 y Drastiko!!
(Camera pans over to Superior Quality 85 trying to ignore Drastiko trying to figure out how to eat a grilled tortilla with a mask on)
Flashback: Well… I think this image sort of says all that needs to be said. I suppose I’ll start with Drastiko… Ahem… Drastiko…. HOW…. HAS…. YOUR…. STAY…. BEEN… HERE…. IN…. AMERICA?
(Drastiko continues to be fixated with his fried tortilla, ignoring the question)
SQ: Don’t bother, mate…
Flashback: No, no, please. I’ve studied the Spanish language for years. Ahem.. EL HOW ES YOURA STAY ES BEENA–
(Drastiko drops his fried tortilla and tries to attack Flashback as Superior Quality holds him back)
Flashback: I’m sorry… Was it something I said?
SQ: No, no, it’s just a misunderstanding. He thought you said something else.
Flashback: What do you mean?
SQ: He, uh, he doesn’t speak English… He thought you said… (SQ whispers something into Flashback’s ear as Flashback’s expression turns to surprise)
Flashback: BEANER?! He thought I said BEANER? I’ll have you know my mother taught me better than to offend the Hispanic people! She taught me all the bad ones NOT to say like Bean Bandit, Car Thief, Cheap Labor, Chili-Shitter, Cholo, Gardner, Housekeeping, Hispandex, Spic, Wet-Back, and of course, Border Ni–
(Drastiko tackles Flashback, attempting to strangle him as Superior Quality pulls him off)
SQ: Alright, that’s enough! We’ll have to continue this interview AFTER we win the Tag Team Championships tonight! Hades, Nick Angel, Zack, Jacob, we’ll see you tonight in the ring! Calm down, you wannabe Mexican!
(Superior Quality picks a furious Drastiko up and walks off)
(House of Glass DVD ad plays)
(Camera cuts back to the ring)
(“The Collapse” by Adelitas Way plays all throughout the arena as Killswitch makes his way out to the ring)
Announcer: The following contest is scheduled for ONE fall and is for the EAW National Extreme Championship!…. First, the challenger…. Making his way to the ring…. From The Pitt!…. Weighing in at 227 pounds!…. HE IS “THE PITT DRAGON”…. KIIIIIILLLLLLLLSSSSWWWWIIITTTCCHH!!!….
(“Street Dreams” by Hollywood Undead plays all throughout the arena as GI Styles makes his way out to the stage with the National Extreme Championship around his waist)
Announcer: And his opponent!…. Making his way to the ring…. From Toronto, Ontario, Canada!…. Weighing in at 202 pounds!…. HE IS THE REIGNING AND DEFENDING E-A-W NATIONAL EXTREME CHAMPION…. G! I!! STTTTTYYYYYYYLLLLLLEEEESSSSS!!!….
(DING! DING! DING!)
WWEFan: Both men immediately lock up in the middle of the ring… Killswitch quickly turns it into a side headlock on GI… GI fires back with an elbow right into the ribs of Killswitch! Another elbow! GI escapes the headlock and immediately clocks Killswitch with a kick to the skull! Killswitch comes back with a LOUD knife-edge chop to the chest! Another knife-edge chip connects! ANOTHER! ANOTHER! GI is sent backpedaling into the nearest corner of the ring as Killswitch looks to follow up… Climbing up to the middle rope.. He sends a shot into the forehead of GI! Another shot! Another shot! GI PICKS KICK UP! HE DROPS HIM AS KILLSWITCH NAILS THE TOP OF THE RINGPOST FACE-FIRST!! GI pulls Killswitch off as blood is pouring down the face of Killswitch profusely! GI sends multiple clubbing blows into the back of Killswitch! Killswitch may be seriously concussed here! The Referee is yelling for GI to back away… Killswitch looks like he doesn’t even know where he is after that drop onto the ringpost… GI wants to keep going in this contest as the Referee once again demands he back up… Blood just keeps pouring down the crimson face of Killswitch… The Ref rings for the bell! I think that’s it!
(DING! DING! DING!)
Announcer: The Referee has ruled that Killswitch is unable to continue in this contest…. Therefore, the winner of this match and STTTTTIIIILLLLL NATIONAL EXTREME CHAMPION….. G! I!! STTTTTYYYYYYYLLLLLLEEESSSS!!!!…
(“Street Dreams” by Hollywood Undead plays all throughout the arena as GI Styles is handed his National Extreme Championship)
WWEFan: Well I certainly hope Killswitch is going to be okay. That definitely didn’t turn out the way I thought it would, but anything can happen in that ring…
Mak: I thought it was a masterpiece! Look at Killswitch! He’s covered in blood! Somebody frame a picture of that for me!
WWEFan: Well it looks as though GI Styles will meet Devan Dubian later tonight to decide who will walk out with just one Championship by the end of the night! I can’t wait!
(Dynasty vs Showdown Ad Plays)
(Camera cuts back to the ring where a small bar has been set up in the ring with a pool table and a couple illuminated sign reading “Open Bar”)
Announcer: Please welcome the Host of the Open Bar…. VEEEEEEENNNNNOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!
(“I Think Bad Thoughts” by Danko Jones plays all throughout the arena as a confident Venom makes his way out to the stage dressed in jeans, cowboy boots, and a House of Renegades official t-shirt and cowboy hat)
Mak: Oh yeah! I can’t wait for this! I had no idea we were being given such a great gift so early before Christmas! I love watching people beat the fuck out of each other and you don’t need to be a psychic to know what’s to come for this show!
(Venom grabs a microphone and rolls into the ring as “I Think Bad Thoughts” fades out)
Venom: WWWWWEEEEEEEEEELCOME ONE AND ALL TO THE GREATEST GODDAMN SHOW ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH! WELCOME TO THE MOST HARD-HITTING SHOW YOU’LL EVER SEE! WELCOME THE MAN WHO KICKS ASS FIRST AND TAKES NAMES LATER! WELCOME THE FIRST EVER YOUNG LIONS CUP HOLDER! WELCOME THE OPEN BAR AND THE MAN HIMSELF, VENOM, TO SHOCK VALUE!! What would I show be WITHOUT Venom’s Open Bar, eh? You’ve got Hades The Hellraiser and Nick Angel beating down the Mexican N Limey Connection and the Lovers Quarrel themselves, Jacob Senn and Zack Crash! You’ve got Mr. DEDEDE destroying Tyler “The Overly Attached Ex” Parker! But besides that, you’ve got nothing but absolute FILLER! Boring, boring, boring filler that nobody wants to really see! We all know the ratings have spiked like Cy Henderson’s cholesterol level when Venom’s Open Bar shows it’s beautiful face and obviously this show needs buyrates like it’s going out of style! We’ve got a runaway World Champ, a former Elite Champ committing career suicide, and a bunch of useless sons a bitches that ain’t fit to lace The House of Renegades’ boots! Let’s not forget that I’m THE most talked about young and handsome athlete to have ever graced an EAW ring! Don’t believe me? I was the first EVEEEERRR Young Lions Cup Holder on my Pain For Pride debut in a match that stole the SHOW! I have beaten Legends! I have ended careers! The very first Open Bar, I put the final nail in the coffins of both Tyson Michaels and The Deity! In the second Open Bar, I ended the career of a former World Heavyweight Champion and the main who was victorious in the first ever Pain For Pride main event!
Venom: Ain’t no one…
Venom: I SAY AIN’T NO ONE!
Venom: AIN’T NO ONE GOT THE ABILITY TO STOP ME!
Venom: You don’t believe ME? You gonna doubt the Incurable Toxin?! I’ll tell you what… Tonight… I’ll take on not one… Not two… BUT THREE PEOPLE! I CHALLENGE THREE PEOPLE TO COME OUT HERE AND TRY TO HANG WITH VENOM! C’mon! Don’t be shy!
(“Power Circle” by MMG and Kendrick Lamar plays all throughout the arena)
Mak: Huh? No way…
WWEFan: CM BANKS?!!
(A transexual resembling CM Banks makes their way out to the stage and down to the ring)
Mak: Well, this is better than I expected!
WWEFan: What in the name of… What’s this all about? Is that a woman or a man?
Mak: Safe to say it’s both… But I’m sure you’re just playing dumb, Fan, we know you’re well educated in the fine art of trannys.
(“Power Circle” fades out as Venom and the transexual stare down)
Venom: Well don’t be shy, introduce yourself.
Transexual: My name… Is CM Rhonda… I don’t drink… I don’t do drugs…. MY addiction is wrestling… And dick.
Venom: Fascinating. I’m sure you’ll be one Hell of an opponent. Now I think I’ll introduce my next of three opponents… Ahem…
(“Hats Off To The Bull” by Chevelle plays all throughout the arena)
WWEFan: Could it really be the Answers World Champion?…
(A midget resembling Y2Impact comes out, mocking his signature pose)
Venom: Ladies and gentlemen, introducing… Y-2-IMPact!
(Y-2-IMPact struggles to get into the ring before finally rolling in as “Hats Off To The Bull” fades out)
Venom: This is turning out to be quite the trio… Can I see that uncanny taunt again?
(Y-2-IMPact mocks Y2Impact’s signature taunt again as Venom begins to laugh)
Venom: Great stuff, really great. And last… But certainly not least… Please welcome… The Canadian…. The Spirit of Slumbering (With Men) himself… The Epicenter of Professional Oil Wrestling… GAYSTALKER!!…..
(Venom points to the stage as nothing happens)
Venom: I said… GAYSTALKER!!…… Cue the music! Hello?
(“Blood On The Leaves” by Kanye West plays all throughout the arena)
WWEFan: I don’t care if it’s not even the right theme, I’ve given up all hope for this…
(The Heart Break Boy makes his way out to the stage as the crowd erupts with cheers)
Mak: Woah, hold on, what’s going on? This isn’t what I was picturing Gaystalker as!
WWEFan: I don’t think this is what Venom was expecting! He looks shocked! I’m shocked just as well to see the Heart Break Boy back! We haven’t seen him since Territorial Invasion! He looks excited though! He seems to certainly be back to his old self!
(“Blood on the Leaves” fades out as Venom and HBB stare down)
Venom: Woah, hold on just a second… What the Hell do you think you’re doing here? This is MY show! Where’s Gaystalker?!
HBB (grabbing a microphone): Oh, that guy? I saw him backstage, but he was a little too friendly for my taste… I, uh.. Well, I sort of kicked him.
Venom: … Kicked him?
HBB: It was a hard kick. So… What’s this–JESUS!
(HBB jumps back as soon as he turns to sees CM Rhonda)
HBB: I’m sorry, ma’am… Sir? I–OH WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!
(HBB jumps back the other way after accidentally backing up into Y-2-IMPact)
HBB: What… What kind of show is this, exactly?
HBB: What’s this? LIQUOR? You know drinking is bad for you, right? I knew I was making the right decision in coming out here. If young guys like you are hosting an entire SHOW dedicated to drinking, then what does that say about me as a role model?
Venom: Well, if–
HBB: Aw sweet! Captain Morgan!
(HBB grabs a bottle of Captain Morgan)
HBB: You know, I haven’t drank in a long time, but I’ve always loved the catchphrase of this one.. What was it again? I’ll put a little Captain in you?
(HBB turns to CM Rhonda)
HBB: Not you.
Venom: I really–
HBB: Now listen here… I want you to stop with this liquor transexual midget fun-time talk show, alright? I’ve been down the road of being a drunk and it’ll do nothing for you. I’ve been sober for YEARS… Even despite the fact that I haven’t held a World Title since Mid-Summer Massacre of 2011… Or a Championship at all, really… I’ll probably never have a family… I’ve lost every ally I ever gained….. My own protege tried to end my career…… Oh God!
(HBB opens the bottle of Captain Morgan and starts chugging it)
Venom: SCREW THIS!
(Venom picks up a pool stick and swings it at HBB, missing as HBB drops his bottle of Captain Morgan… HBB looks at Venom with a serious expression)
HBB: You made me… Spill… My…. Drink.
Mak: VENOM SWINGS WITH THAT POOL STICK ONCE AGAIN!! IT’S DUCKED BY HBB WHO IMMEDIATELY DROPS VENOM WITH A BIG RIGHT HAND! CM RHONDA RUSHES IN–SWEET CHIN MUSIC!!!! Y-2-IMPact SWATS THE BACK OF HBB’S LEG WITH A POOL STICK! HBB doesn’t seem too fazed as he–SWEET CHIN MUSIC TAKES OUT Y-2-IMPact!! VENOM LEAPS IN FROM BEHIND WITH SEVERAL HARD FOREARMS TO THE BACK OF HBB’S HEAD! VENOM GRABS A POOL STICK AND SMACKS IT ACROSS THE BACK OF HBB! Venom now verbally assaulting HBB as he drops the pool stick and pulls him up… PARALYZER!!!! No–HBB pushes Venom off and into the ropes! SWEET CHIN MUSIC!!!! NO–VENOM BOLTS OUT OF THE RING BEFORE IT CONNECTS! Venom looks like he wants none of the Heart Break Boy as he retreats up the ramp! HBB seems to be back and more than ready for a fight as both men stare down! HBB now… He grabs another bottle, giving a “cheers” towards Venom before taking a drink! A very unorthodox manner, but it looks like the Heart Break Boy is back and he’s already made a new enemy out of Venom tonight!
(“Blood on the Leaves” picks up again as a furious Venom rushes to the backstage area as the Heart Break Boy celebrates with his drink in the ring)
WWEFan: It would seem Venom has been defeated on his own show for the first time by none other than the Heart Break Boy! A very interesting return to the ring tonight, but I’ll take it! Welcome back!
(“The Rise & Fall of LEGION” DVD Ad Plays)
(Camera cuts back to the ring)
(“Fire It Up” by Thousand Foot Krutch plays all throughout the arena as Nick Angel and Hades The Hellraiser make their way out to the stage)
Announcer: The following contest is a triple threat tag team contest and is scheduled for ONE fall and is FOR THE E-A-W UNIFIED TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS…. First, the challengers, making their way to the ring…. NICK ANGEL…. HADES THE HELLRAISER…. THE HOUSE! OF!! REEEEENNNNNEEEEGGGGAAAADDEEESSS!!!….
(Eva Marie quickly makes her way out to the stage with a microphone in hand)
Eva: La introducción de los próximos EAW Unificados Tag Team Champions!! …..
(“Gasolina” by Daddy Yankee plays all throughout the arena as Drastiko and Superior Quality 85 make their way out to the ring)
Eva: Haciendo su aparición en el ring …. El equipo de …. CALIDAD SUPERIOR OCHENTA Y CINCO …. Y LO MEJOR DEL MUNDO, DRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAASSSTTTTIIIKKKKOOOO! ….
(“Crash” by Decyfer Down plays all throughout the arena as Zack Crash and Jacob Senn make their way out to the stage with the EAW Unified Tag Team Championships around their waists)
Announcer: And lastly, making their way to the ring…. THEY ARE THE REIGNING AND DEFENDING E-A-W UNIFIED TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS…. THE TEAM OF…. JACOB SENN…. AND ZACK CRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAASSSSSHHHHHH!!!….
(DING! DING! DING!)
WWEFan: Here we go as this contest is officially underway and it looks as though it’s gonna be Zack Crash starting it off with Drastiko… Keep in mind that, pending the complete chaos that will more than likely ensue, the match is SUPPOSED to go with two legal men in the ring out of the three teams and you can either get tagged in by your partner or get tagged by an opponent, but obviously two men on the same team can’t be both legal men… Drastiko and Zack go in for a collar-and-elbow tie up in the middle of the ring… Zack quickly taking advantage as he’s forcing Drastiko into the ropes… Drastiko breaks through it and immediately slides between the legs of Zack! Zack turns around to meet a jumping spin kick to the chest! Drastiko immediately springboards off the middle rope next to Zack and catches him on his shoulders! HURRICANRANA! NO! Zack’s not letting it happen! He swings Drastiko back onto his shoulders! POWERBOMB! DRASTIKO ROLLS OFF THE BACK OF ZACK AND INTO A SUNSET FLIP PIN!!
Mak: Zack quickly kicks out of it as both men scramble to get back to their feet.. Zack swings but is immediately caught with a big armdrag from Drastiko! Zack back up again and once again is caught with the arm drag! Zack’s up for a third time as Drastiko goes for a beautiful dropkick! Zack catches Drastiko by his feet! He could be looking for a submission! Drastiko’s looking to struggle out of it… Zack changes his mind! SLINGSHOT INTO THE NEAREST CORNER!! Drastiko happened to have landed face-first into the corner of the House of Renegades as Nick tags himself in… Nick quickly enters the ring as he and Zack circle the ring.. Both men go in for a collar-and-elbow tie up! No! Nick quickly breaks out of it and catches Zack! SIDE SUPLEX CONNECTS! Great move there from the young Nick Angel as he quickly rushes up to his feet and lays into a rising Zack with several hard stomps! Nick pulls Zack up the rest of the way and sends him into the empty corner of the ring… Nick follows right behind as he connects with a big shoulder thrust! Another shoulder thrust connects! Nick following up as he drives an elbow into the jaw of Zack! Nick picking Zack up and seating him on the top turnbuckle… This is looking bad for somebody! Nick climbing up there! LOOK OUT! SUPERPLEX CONNECTS ON ZACK CRASH!! ZACK IMMEDIATELY WRITHING IN PAIN ON THE CANVAS!! Nick looks like he may have caught a bit of the damage too, but he’s crawling over for a possible pin… THERE IS IT AS HE HOOKS A LEG OF ZACK!
WWEFan: It’s broken up via a kick to the head of Nick from Jacob Senn! Jacob with another stiff kick to the back of Nick’s head before he drags him up… Jacob pushing Nick back up against the ropes.. And sends him off with an irish whip! Zack catches an oncoming Nick with a drop toe hold! JACOB RUSHES IN AND NAILS ANOTHER BOOT OFF THE BACK OF NICK’S SKULL! The Referee demanding Jacob get back to his team’s corner.. He complies as Zack seems to be looking for the tag to his partner now… Nick seems to be looking for the same… Both men crawling to their respective corners.. BOTH MEN LEAP INTO THE TAG TO HADES AND JACOB! Both men quickly into the ring and both men charge forward! HADES WITH A BIG BOOT! It’s missed as Jacob ducks right under it! Hades is immediately caught with a leaping Enzuigiri right off the back of the head, courtesy of Jacob! Jacob with a nice kip up!
Mak: Rolling forearm smash connects into the jaw of a now dazed Hades! He may only be on his feet for a limited time! Jacob rushes off the ropes! LOOKING FOR A BIG RUNNING CROSSBODY! HADES TURNS IT INTO A TILT-A-WHIRL BACKBREAKER!! Hades seems to have had enough of this after those shots to the skull he took from his opponent as he tags in Superior Quality 85… SQ quickly entering the ring as Jacob tries to climb back up using the ropes to aid him… SQ rushes in with a lock around the waist! BEAUTIFUL GERMAN SUPLEX CONNECTS! THERE’S A BRIDGE FOR THE COVER!
WWEFan: It’s stopped with a kick to the gut from Hades! I think he was just looking for SQ to work over Jacob, not go for the win, but that’s what you get when you put your trust in one of your opponents.. Hades drags Jacob back over to his team’s corner.. Going out to the apron and tagging himself in… Hades re-enters the ring… Hades pulling SQ back to his feet.. SQ breaks from his grip and nails him with a big European uppercut!! Another loud European uppercut connects on Hades! Drastiko’s got a foot set up on the top rope as SQ grabs a hold of Hades… And drives him right into Drastiko’s boot! SQ now locking the waist of a dazed Hades from behind! Jacob rushes in to lock the waist of SQ from behind! TRIPLE-MAN GERMAN SUPLEX CONNECTS!! Jacob seems to be the man back in control here as he climbs back to his feet.. DRASTIKO OFF THE TOP ROPE! HE’S CAUGHT JACOB! HURRICANRANA CONNECTS AS JACOB IS SENT THROUGH THE ROPES AND CRASHING HARD ONTO THE OUTSIDE!! Drastiko with a great-looking rolling kip up to his feet to celebrate! The celebration is cut short as Zack nails him with a rolling elbow right to the face! Zack immediately follows up with a snapmare takedown… BIG KICK OFF THE SPINE OF DRASTIKO! Zack quickly grabs a hold of Drastiko from behind and pulls him to his feet in a Dragon sleeper position.. Nick Angel catches Zack from behind! BIG BACKBREAKER CONNECTS!!
Mak: Nick quickly makes his way over to Jacob who now climbs back to his feet on the outside.. SLINGSHOT PLANCHA OVER THE ROPES AND CRASHING ONTO JACOB!! Nick could be looking to continue his attack here on the outside as he pulls Jacob up.. LOOK OUT! ZACK CRASH WITH A BIG SUICIDE DIVE AS HE TAKES NICK ANGEL DOWN!! All three men now brawling on the outside as the team of Zack and Jacob outnumber and seem to be easily taking control over him… Hold on! Drastiko looking to join in on the fun! HE LEAPS UP TO THE NEAREST CORNER! MARCAS DE CRISTO CONNECTS ON NICK, JACOB, AND ZACK THERE ON THE OUTSIDE AS ALL FOUR MEN ARE DOWN!! Hades looks like he may be next in line! All four men on the outside slowly climbing back to their feet… HADES CHARGES!! LOOKING FOR A PLANCHA!! SUPERIOR QUALITY RUSHES IN TO DROP HADES WITH A POWERFUL EUROPEAN UPPERCUT OUT OF NOWHERE!!
WWEFan: SQ may be looking to put this to an end and it would be a perfect time to do just that as all other competitors are down and out! SQ dragging Hades up… Picking him up a vertical suplex position! HE DROPS HADES DOWN ACROSS HIS KNEE WITH A HUGE BACK BREAKING MANEUVER! SQ doesn’t seem finished there as he presses that spine of Hades’ up against his knee! Hades cringing in pain here! Hades manages to swing a leg into the side of SQ’s skull! Hades momentarily finds a moment of relief as he rolls off the knee of SQ… SQ doesn’t look finished yet though as he climbs back to a vertical base and rushes into a kneeling Hades with a cross chop straight to the throat! SQ pulling Hades up! SQ PULLS HADES IN! QUALITY DRIVER!!! No! Hades fights out of it! HADES WRAPS A HAND AROUND THE THROAT OF SQ!! HE’S GOT HIM UP! HADES NAVIGATING SQ OVER TO THE ROPES… RIGHT OVER WHERE ALL FOUR MEN ON THE OUTSIDE ARE! LOOK OUT! HADES CHOKESLAMS SUPERIOR QUALITY ONTO DRASTIKO, JACOB, NICK, AND ZACK!!! Hades doesn’t seem finished yet! He’s awaiting for the men to get back up.. He’s ready to fly! HADES COMES CHARGING!!
Mak: LOOK OUT! HADES LEAPS OVER THE ROPES WITH A HUGE SUICIDE PLANCHA INTO ALL MEN ON THE OUTSIDE!!! WHAT A MOVE! Hades now quickly back to his feet as he pulls SQ up with him… He sends SQ rolling back into the ring as he follows behind… Hades pulling SQ in… HE’S GOT HIM UP!! LAST CALL!!!! SQ manages to slide off the back of Hades! Hades turns around to meet hard forearm to the face! FLOWING SNAP DDT CONNECTS FROM SUPERIOR QUALITY!! SQ looking for a tag to his partner as Drastiko climbs back up to the apron.. SQ inching his way over to an eager Drastiko… HE’S GOT THE TAG! DRASTIKO HOPS OVER THE ROPES AND INTO THE RING AS HADES RISES TO HIS KNEES! HE’S MET WITH A HUGE DROPKICK TO THE FACE! Hades is sent rolling back as he scrambles to get back up to his feet! Drastiko immediately leaps to the shoulders of Hades in the corner! Laying into him with shots straight to the face! Drastiko rolls off of Hades and back to his feet! JUMPING ENZUIGIRI CONNECTS!! Hades now stumbling forward! He’s looking dazed as Drastiko rolls back up to his feet! Drastiko charges as Hades swings! Drastiko catches him with a wheelbarrow… UP INTO A BULLDOG! Hades throws him off! HE’S GRASPING THE MASK OF DRASTIKO!! Drastiko rolls through it as Hades scrambles to his feet! DRASTIKO CHARGES! HADES SENDS HIM UP!! Drastiko is launched over into the corner of Jacob and Zack! HE’S CLOCKED WITH A FOREARM FROM JACOB! Jacob leaps into the ring… He drops Hades with a clothesline!
WWEFan: HOLD ON! DRASTIKO RUSHES IN WITH A SCISSORS HEADLOCK TAKEDOWN ON JACOB SENN OUT OF NOWHERE!! Zack quickly hops into the ring and drops Drastiko with a big right hand! Zack quickly pulling Drastiko up.. Drastiko reverses into a jawbreaker! Zack is sent backpedaling into the ropes… DRASTIKO CHARGES, ROLLING UP TO THE SHOULDERS OF ZACK! ZACK TURNS IT AROUND!! JACK KNIFE POWERBOMB TO THE OUTSIDE!! DRASTIKO LANDS HARD! SUPERIOR QUALITY RUSHES IN! HE’S SENT OVER TO THE OUTSIDE AS ZACK DROPS DOWN WITH THE TOP ROPE!! Zack now with Hades in his sights.. HE CHARGES! ROLLING ELBOW!! HADES DUCKS AS ZACK ACCIDENTALLY CLOCKS JACOB WITH THE ELBOW!! NICK IN FROM BEHIND! HE SENDS ZACK SHOULDER-FIRST INTO THE NEAREST RINGPOST!! Zack drops to the outside as a dazed Jacob is pulled up… HADES SENDS JACOB UP IN THE AIR! NICK BRINGS HIM DOWN WITH A HARD MID-AIR GROUND ZERO!!! HADES ROLLS JACOB OVER AND HOOKS THE LEGS!!
Referee: ONE!!!!!!!…….. TWO!!!!!!!!!………. THREE!!!!!!!!!!
(DING! DING! DING!)
(“Fire It Up” by Thousand Foot Krutch plays all throughout the arena as Hades The Hellraiser and Nick Angel are handed the Unified Tag Team Championships)
Announcer: The Winners of this contest by pinfall!!….. AND NEEEEEWWWWW E-A-W UNIFIED TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS…. HADES THE HELLRAISER AND NICK ANGEL…. THE HOUSE! OF!! REEEEENNNNEEEEGGGGAAAADDEEESSS!!!!
Mak: That match erupting into sheer chaos was expected, but these guys beat the ever-living Hell out of one another and that’s all a man can really ask for in the end!
WWEFan: It seems as though Zack Crash and Jacob Senn suffered a big miscommunication at the end there, unfortunately, and as a result, their Tag Team Championship reign was ended prematurely tonight, but nonetheless, congratulations to the team of Hades The Hellraiser and Nick Angel on their victory tonight.
(Camera cuts backstage to Flashback with a microphone in hand)
Flashback: It’s been quite a night at Shock Value thus far, but it’s certainly not over yet and nobody knows it better than my guest with me. He’s one of the two men who will be headlining tonight’s show and if you’ve been following EAW at all recently, you’ve been sure to witness just how personal this is for him. Ladies and gentlemen, Tyler Parker..
(Camera pans to the right to reveal Tyler Parker dressed in his ring attire with a “Liege of Light” t-shirt on)
Flashback: It’s no secret just how personal this match tonight is for you, Tyler. Just to recap your history with DEDEDE, you’ve both known each other for years and got more involved with one another following your World Heavyweight Championship match at Mid-Summer Massacre. You managed to beat him in the main event of Showdown and it all came crashing down as the House of Renegades stormed the ring and attacked both you and DEDEDE. This led to a match at No Regards: You and DEDEDE teaming for the first time to take on the House of Renegades, which ended in a loss on your team’s side. Next, you accepted the invitation to join DEDEDE’s team at Territorial Invasion in which you fought your heart out, but were eventually eliminated as DEDEDE and Diamond Cage ended up being the sole survivors as your team was victorious. Ever since that night, DEDEDE has made it clear he wanted nothing to do with you any further, believing you had failed him. One thing led to another and DEDEDE ended up going as far as attacking you to prove some kind of a point. You eventually retaliated when DEDEDE revealed his true intentions of having used both you and Diamond Cage and that’s what’s brought us here tonight.
Tyler: That about sums it up, yeah, but I think you forgot some very important events in there, Flashback. There was the fact that Mr. DEDEDE asked ME to team with him to take on The House of Renegades at No Regards, not the other way around. I helped him there and regardless of our loss, we fought one Hell of a battle while outnumbered. Once again, HE asked ME to help him take back control from Scott Diamond and yeah, I was eliminated and I made a big mistake there, but I still gave it my all and I’m proud that my team got the win in the end. Lastly, you leave out the fact that DEDEDE has done everything to make people’s lives a living Hell and this isn’t something just recent either, Flashback, no, no, he’s been doing it for a long time, but nobody seemed to notice. Everybody was too busy to notice just how immensely narcissistic Mr. DEDEDE is. To a point where he’ll, oh, I don’t know, steal a man’s family just to hurt him. To the point of beating a man to a bloody pulp and stabbing him OVER AND OVER AND OVER with a fucking pen!… Yeah, I think you left a few key details out, Flashback, but you had it pretty much covered. That’s about the jist of it all, but tonight isn’t something to be glanced over in the story of Mr. DEDEDE versus Tyler Parker. No, no, because tonight… Tonight is the end. Tonight is the, no pun intended, final chapter The pain and the suffering and the misunderstandings and the betrayals and the egotism… That’s all essential to the story, but what everyone truly remembers is where it all came to an end. DEDEDE, despite the delusional state he’s been in for a long, long time did have a point when he said I’m not like all of those others who have given him the fight of his life in the fact that I don’t have the accolades they do. I’m not a Hall of Famer and I’ve never been considered the face of this company, but the one thing that’s very important that he KNOWS I have and all I need to have to win tonight is the ability to kick Mr. DEDEDE’s ASS! I’ve done it before, the first time he and I met in this story we come to a close tonight and I’m going to do it tonight! Shield yourself with as many excuses of who used who and what the circumstances were, DEDEDE, because those excuses will be nowhere to be found after what I do to you tonight! This means more to me than an accolade or being in the Hall of Fame! This is a career-making performance… Beating your ass tonight isn’t a World Championship, but I’m going to treat it like one.
(Tyler storms off as Flashback looks on)
(Camera cuts back to the ring)
(“Street Dreams” by Hollywood Undead plays all throughout the arena as GI Styles makes his way out to the stage with the National Extreme Championship around his waist)
Announcer: The following contest is scheduled for ONE fall and is a Unification match for the National Extreme Championship AND Elite Championship… It will be contested under Elite Rules and there MUST be a WINNER…. First, making his way to the ring…. From Toronto, Ontario, Canada!…. Weighing in at 202 pounds!…. HE IS THE REIGNING AND DEFENDING E-A-W NATIONAL EXTREME CHAMPION…. G! I!! STTTTTTTYYYYYLLLLEEEEESSSSSSS!!!….
(“Warriors of Time” by Black Tide plays all throughout the arena as Devan Dubian makes his way out to the stage with the Elite Championship around his waist)
Announcer: And his opponent…. Making his way to the ring…. From Dubai, United Arab Emirates!…. Weighing in at 226 pounds!…. HE IS THE REIGNING AND DEFENDING E-A-W ELITE CHAMPION…. DEVAN DUUUUUUBBBBBIIIIIAAAAANNNNNN!!!….
(DING! DING! DING!)
WWEFan: Here we go as the bell has rung for this big unification match between the Elite and National Extreme Championships… To reassure everything, the losing Championship will be merged with the winning Championship, so the losing Championship will essentially just be retired… Now here we go as GI and Devan circle the ring… Both men lock up for a collar-and-elbow tie up in the middle of the ring… Devan breaks through it as he grabs the right arm of GI and weaves under it.. Wrenching that right arm as GI swings with a kick to the stomach! GI sends Devan off and into the ropes… Devan comes back as GI goes down.. Devan goes over him and comes back with even more momentum.. GI catches him with a monkey flip! GI kips up as Devan scrambles to get to his feet.. GI WITH A SUPERKICK! It’s dodged by Devan! DEVAN LOCKING THE WAIST FROM BEHIND! RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX! GI LANDS ON HIS FEET! BACKCRACKER CONNECTS ON DEVAN!! GI HOOKS BOTH LEGS AS HE COVERS DEVAN!
Mak: Devan powers out of it just after the one count… GI looks to follow up as he grabs a hold of Devan, dragging him up with him.. Devan pushes him off and into the ropes… GI charges back–He’s caught with a forearm to the mid-section! Devan immediately springs up to his feet.. LEAPING ENZUIGIRI CONNECTS! GI is sent backpedaling into the ropes! DEVAN COMES CHARGING WITH A FULL HEAD OF STEAM!! GI is knocked directly through the ropes and drops hard onto mat on the outside! The Referee begins the count as Devan could very well unify the Titles with a simple count-out victory!
Referee: ONE!!!…… TWO!!!……. THREE!!!….
WWEFan: GI doing all he can to get back to his feet on the outside.. DEVAN COMES CHARGING! HE NAILS GI WITH A BASEBALL SLIDE, SENDING HIM FLYING BACK INTO THE BARRICADE! Devan seems to not be interested in the count out victory as he looks to follow up… DEVAN CHARGES INTO THE ROPES.. HERE HE COMES! SUICIDE DIVE!! GI CHARGES FORWARDS AND NAILS DEVAN WITH A JUMPING KICK TO THE SKULL BEFORE THE SUICIDE DIVE COULD CONNECT! Devan is left hung up on the middle rope… GI back up.. HE CATCHES DEVAN WITH A SWINGING NECKBREAKER INTO THE RING APRON!! Devan drops to the outside with GI, who now drags Devan over… Slamming the back of Devan’s head into the barricade before rolling back into the ring to restart the Official’s count… GI seems equally uninterested with getting the count out victory in this as he sizes up his opponent.. Devan doing all he can to get up to his feet using that barricade to help him.. DEVAN’S UP AS GI LEAPS TO THE TOP ROPE! SPRINGBOARD PLANCHA!!! IT SENDS BOTH MEN OVER THE BARRICADE AND INTO THE FRONT ROW AS GI CONNECTS!! These fans are on their feet for these two hard-hitting competitors and they’re proving true to that fact tonight! GI now pulling Devan up.. He sends him back over the barricade as he climbs over as well!
Mak: The Referee’s telling both men to get back into the ring and it looks like GI’s looking to do just that as he navigates Devan over.. And sends him rolling back into the ring! GI quickly slides in! HE HOOKS BOTH LEGS OF DEVAN!!
Referee: ONE!!!!!!!…… TWO!!!!!!!!!……
WWEFan: Devan kicks out of it! The Elite Champion is still in this one! GI seems to be signaling the end of this one as he climbs back to his feet… Grabbing a hold of Devan from behind! DEADLIFT SUPLEX!!!! DEVAN SENDS AN ELBOW INTO THE JAW OF GI! ANOTHER ELBOW! DEVAN COUNTERS… INTO A WHEELBARROW DDT AS GI STYLES IS DRIVEN STRAIGHT INTO THE CANVAS!! DEVAN ROLLS OVER AND COVERS GI!!
Referee: ONE!!!!!!……. TWO!!!!!!!!
Mak: GI with a kick out! Devan Dubian now the one signaling the end here as he slowly pulls himself back up to his feet… Grabbing a hold of GI… Dragging him over to the nearest corner and quickly climbs up to the top turnbuckle! He could be wasting precious time setting up for this, he better hope it doesn’t come back to bite him… DEVAN’S UP! 450 SPLASH!!!! RIGHT INTO THE KNEES OF A COUNTERING GI STYLES!! Devan’s writhing in pain here on the canvas! GI QUICKLY COVERS HIM!!
Referee: ONE!!!!!!!……. TWO!!!!!!!!…..
WWEFan: Kick out from Devan Dubian! He’s not finished yet! He’s been victim to a pinfall after a counter to that 450 many times and he refuses to let it happen again! GI grabbing a hold of Devan… Slowly pulling him up… HE’S GOT HIM UP! LOOKING FOR THAT SPIKE BRAINBUSTER!!! Devan’s fighting back! Devan sending multiple knees down into the skull of GI! Devan drops down to his feet and immediately throws several blows into the ribs of his opponent… DEVAN NOW PICKING GI UP!! LOOKING FOR A BRAINBUSTER OF HIS OWN! GI NOW WITH THE COUNTER OF KNEES!! Devan is sent backpedaling into the nearest corner as GI drops to his feet! GI now just mercilessly unloading into Devan with an onslaught of kicks all over the body! Devan fires back with a headbutt off the skull of GI! Devan jumps with a big knee to the jaw! GI is reeling… DEVAN EXPLODES OUT OF THE CORNER! GI CATCHES HIM UP ON HIS SHOULDERS!! DEATH VALLEY DRIVER CONNECTS!!! GI QUICKLY COVERS! THIS IS IT!!
Referee: ONE!!!!!!!…….. TWO!!!!!!!!!……
Mak: KICK OUT FROM THE ELITE CHAMPION!! He’s still fighting! GI thought he had it won there, but it just wasn’t enough! GI seems to have had about enough as he looks to once again go for a big ending to this contest… Locking the waist of Devan! Devan leaps up for a big elbow off the jaw of GI! Devan quickly crawls backwards between the legs of GI as he escapes his grip! Double leg takedown connects as GI drops onto his stomach! Devan catching him here as he sets him up… GI’s struggling to get out of this, but I think Devan’s got him here… DEVAN SENDS BOTH MEN BACK AND HE’S GOT IT LOCKED IN! THE SURFBOARD SUBMISSION IS LOCKED IN GI STYLES!! GI’S DOING ALL HE CAN TO GET OUT OF THIS ONE!! DEVAN’S LOOKING TO BREAK HIS OPPONENT’S BACK TO WIN THIS IF THAT’S WHAT IT TAKES!! GI IS JUST CRINGING IN PAIN HERE… HE’S… GI SHOWING A GREAT AMOUNT OF STRENGTH AS HE RAISES HIS UPPER BODY OUT OF THE HOLD!! GI gets the rest of his body out of the hold as he drops to his feet and grabs both legs of Devan… SLINGSHOT!! Devan is sent throat-first into the nearest top rope! JUMPING KICK CONNECTS TO THE BACK OF DEVAN’S SKULL FROM AN AWAITING GI STYLES!!
WWEFan: Devan is looking dazed and confused here as he drops to his knees… Devan doing all he can to keep himself in this one as he pushes himself up to just one knee… GI rushes into the ropes… LOOK OUT! SHINING WIZARD CONNECTS RIGHT INTO THE FACE OF DEVAN!! GI QUICKLY HOOKS BOTH LEGS!!
Referee: ONE!!!!!!!……. TWO!!!!!!!!……
Mak: KICK OUT FROM DEVAN!! He’s not out of this just yet! GI Styles signals yet again to for the end to this contest as he grabs a hold of Devan around his waist… PICKING HIM UP… DEADLIFT SUPLEX SUCCESSFULLY CONNECTS!!!! GI BRIDGES HIS BODY FOR THE PIN!!
Referee: ONE!!!!!!!!…… TWO!!!!!!!!…….. THREE!!!!
WWEFan: DEVAN WITH A SHOULDER UP!! This match is NOT over! GI hasn’t given up! He’s got the waist still locked as he pulls both men up… Devan sends an elbow into the jaw of GI! He’s fighting it! ANOTHER ELBOW! It misses as GI ducks! He nails Devan with a kick to the gut! PICKING HIM UP!! SPIKE BRAINBUSTER!!!! THE SPIKE BRAINBUSTER CONNECTS AS GI HOOKS BOTH LEGS!!
Referee: ONE!!!!!!!!……. TWO!!!!!!!!!……. THREE!!!!!!!!
(DING! DING! DING!)
(“Street Dreams” by Hollywood Undead plays all throughout the arena as GI Styles is handed his National Extreme Championship and Elite Championship by the Referee)
Announcer: THE WINNER OF THIS MATCH…. AND STILLLLLLL NATIONAL EXTREME CHAMPION AND NEW AND LAST ELITE CHAMPION….. G! I!! STTTTTTYYYYLLLLLEEESSSS!!!!
WWEFan: What a huge win for the reigning National Extreme Champion! He’s added yet another HUGE accolade to his resume by merging the Elite Championship with the National Extreme Championship tonight! Devan Dubian put up a good effort, but I’m afraid it wasn’t enough to capture the victory here tonight against GI.
Mak: Honestly, I was rooting for both men to lose.
WWEFan: Well alrighty then, but nonetheless, big congratulations to GI Styles tonight and an unfortunate goodbye to the Elite Championship… It had a great run here in EAW and who knows, perhaps it might someday return.
(Road To Redemption Ad Plays…. “The Road Less Traveled By”)
(Graphic for Tyler Parker versus Mr. DEDEDE is shown)
WWEFan: And now it’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for ladies and gentlemen–
Mak: Oh, we’re gonna have a World Heavyweight Champion?
WWEFan: No… It’s time for the main event of the evening! It’s time for a contest that has boiled over from a friendship into one of the most heated, bad-blooded, grudge matches we’ve seen in EAW! The phrase “No love lost” doesn’t do this justice! This is a contest between two men that will do absolutely everything in their being to defeat their opponent, even if they die trying! I hope it doesn’t come down to that, but once that cage has been lowered.. It certainly isn’t out of the realm of possibility.
(Video package for Tyler Parker and Mr. DEDEDE’s feud plays; featuring “Safe to Say I’ve Had Enough” by Seether)
(Camera cuts back to the Announcer in the middle of the ring)
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen… The following contest is the first EVER HIGH VOLTAGE MATCH!!… Once both competitors are in the ring, the electrified cage will be lowered… Making any physical contact with the cage itself will result in immediate shock of several thousand volts, with the amperage increasing the longer physical contact is maintained!… Once the bell has rung, anything goes and victory can only be obtained by pinfall or submission!…
(“On Sight” by Kanye West plays all throughout the arena as a cocky Mr. DEDEDE makes his way out to the stage in dark camouflage jeans, a House of Renegades-designed vest, and a guitar in hand; customized with barbwire strings and filled with shards of glass, thumbtacks, and nails)
Announcer: First, making his way to the ring…. From Fort Lauderdale, Florida!…. Weighing in at 240 pounds!…. REPRESENTING THE HOUSE OF RENEGADES…. HE IS THE “ULTIMATE OPPORTUNIST”…. MR. DE! DE!! DDDDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!….
Mak: The King of Overcompensation makes his appearance before us tonight with his greatest example: a sadistic piece of weaponry that he calls the “Equalizer”. No, kids, that’s not a sledgehammer, that’s very much a guitar that looks as if it’s been designed by the Manson family. Speaking of DDD lacking in size, one thing he certainly doesn’t lack in his egotism as he practically oozes confidence with that shit-eating grin of his. He looks as though he’s got this contest in the bag.
(“Lies” by Evanescence plays all throughout the arena as Tyler Parker makes his way out to the stage in a hooded trench coat with several golden mythological signs on it… He pulls off the hood to reveal his determined expression before taking off the trench coat to reveal his new white and gold attire)
Announcer: And his opponent!…. Making his way to the ring…. From Syracuse, New York!…. Weighing in at 223 pounds!…. HE IS THE “LIEGE OF LIGHT”…. TYLER PAAAAAARRRRRRKKKEEEEERRRRRRRR!!!….
WWEFan: Tyler said it best himself earlier tonight in that this may not be a World Championship, but he’s going to treat it like one! He’s got that passion burning in his eyes that makes him such a dangerous competitor, ESPECIALLY when in the ring with someone he loathes as much as DEDEDE! Both men now looking at one another from opposite corners of the ring as this sadistic High Voltage cage begins to descend…
(The roofed, doorless Cage with multiple “High Voltage” signs attached to the walls begins to lower down around the ring)
Mak: Looks like we’ve got company!
WWEFan: WHAT THE HELL?! HADES THE HELLRAISER, NICK ANGEL, AND VENOM JUST JUMPED THE BARRICADE!! THEY’VE SLID INTO THE RING JUST BEFORE THE CAGE LOWERS! NO! THIS ISN’T GONNA TO HAPPEN LIKE THAT!
Mak: DEDEDE’s got a wicked smile on his face as Tyler brawls with Hades, Nick, and Venom in the ring, but the numbers game is proving too much for him! The House of Renegades are about to put out the Liege of Light!
(WWEFan takes off his headset and rushes over to the cage)
WWEFan (without a microphone): DON’T YOU DARE RING THE BELL YET! THIS MATCH HASN’T STARTED! RAISE THE CAGE! RAISE IT!
Mak: HADES HAS A HOLD OF TYLER BY HIS THROAT! SENDS HIM UP… TYLER ESCAPES IT AS HE NAILS HADES WITH A FLURRY OF UNFORGIVING FOREARMS TO THE FACE!! HE TAKES HADES DOWN WITH A BIG DROPKICK! VENOM IN NOW! HE’S DROPPED WITH A HIP TOSS!! DDD continues to look on as Tyler gets to his feet! DDD’s got that Equalizer in hand and he’s more than ready to use it as Tyler stares down with him! TYLER CHARGES–GROUND ZERO CONNECTS!!!! NICK ANGEL LAYS TYLER OUT IN A SPLIT SECOND AS THE CAGE IS RAISED!!
WWEFan (grabbing a microphone): THIS IS NOT GONNA HAPPEN! YOU THREE ARE BANNED FROM RINGSIDE AND IF I EVEN SEE YOU AGAIN TONIGHT, YOUR CONTRACTS WILL BE TERMINATED! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!
Mak: Hades, Nick, and Venom seem to be hard of hearing as they ignore Fan’s threats and smile at a laughing DEDEDE as the rest of the Renegades exit the ring and take their leave while Fan yells in their faces… Looks like it’s not gonna do much for Tyler. I think the damage has already been done.. The cage begins to descend again around the ring as the Referee has no choice but to ring for the bell as Fan seems to be getting back to his spot on commentary..
(DING! DING! DING!)
Mak: This match is officially underway as DEDEDE almost IMMEDIATELY rushes in and rolls Tyler onto his back! PLACING A BOOT ON TYLER’S CHEST FOR THE COVER!!
Referee: ONE!!!!!!!!…….. TWO!!!!!!!!………
WWEFan: TYLER KICKS OUT! HE’S NOT GOING DOWN THAT EASILY! C’MON, TYLER! DEDEDE DROPS DOWN AND TIGHTLY AND HOOKING BOTH OF TYLER’S LEGS THIS TIME! KICK OUT OF IT, TYLER!
Mak: Tyler’s still showing that he’s in this contest as he kicks out for a second time! DDD doesn’t seem too surprised, but as they say, if you want something down right, you’ve gotta do it yourself!
WWEFan: I can’t believe someone like DEDEDE would stoop to the lows he’s gone to lately! This is absolutely despicable and I hope he gets what’s coming to him for that! He left me in charge and as long as I’m in charge I say he better start relying on his own abilities in the ring, because the moment we see his allies in the House of Renegades again tonight will be the LAST time we see them! DEDEDE quickly mounts the chest of Tyler and shows absolutely no respect for his downed opponent as he wails on him! Tyler may be hurting after the constant attacks he’s been victim to at the hands of his opponent over the past weeks, but he knows he’s gotta do what he can to block those oncoming blows if he wants to have a chance in this match! DDD’s showing not even an ounce of mercy just as he promised as he breaks through Tyler’s defense and catches him with a big shot to the nose! DDD looking for something even more heinous as he drags Tyler back to a vertical base… HE SENDS HIM INTO THAT ELECTRIFIED CAGE WALL!! No! Tyler stops it with a boot and quickly sends an elbow back into the jaw of DDD! Tyler may have found an opportunity to get back in this as he turns around! He’s caught with a toe kick to the gut! DDD DRIVES TYLER BACKWARDS INTO THE CAGE WALL!! Tyler’s zapped immediately on impact as he drops to his knees on the canvas!
Mak: That cage is not something to be screwed around with by any means and that one blow Tyler just took from it could be all that’s needed to end this contest in favor of DDD! DDD now grabbing a hold of the kneeling Tyler Parker.. Sends a closed-fist shot to the forehead! Another! DDD rapidly unloading with those shots to the forehead, but Tyler’s refusing to go down! He’s still on his feet and whether that his will pushing him through the pain or his scrambled brain not knowing what would be best to do remains to be seen! DDD just said something to Tyler… He’s making his way over towards that Equalizer of his! This is about to get messy! I’m loving this! DDD’S GOT THAT EQUALIZER UP!! AND DOWN!! LOWBLOW! LOWBLOW TO MR. DEDEDE FROM TYLER!! That Equalizer drops to the canvas as DDD follows behind, landing on his knees in front of a determined Tyler Parker! Tyler sends a shot to the face of DDD! Another shot! A big forearm connects with a loud “thud” right into the collarbone of DDD! Tyler now using the kneeling DDD to climb back to his feet.. HE CATCHES DDD WITH A BIG DDT–DRIVING THE “ULTIMATE OPPORTUNIST” ON HIS HEAD INTO THE CANVAS!! Tyler rolls DDD over… HE’S GOT HIM COVERED!!
Referee: ONE!!!!!!……. TWO!!!!!!!
WWEFan: DDD UNFORTUNATELY KICKS OUT OF IT! Tyler may be running on fumes already in this contest, but he’s going to have to push himself to inhuman limits here just to make a comeback and MAYBE walk out of this one with a victory! Both men are feeling the effects of their opponent’s offense thus far as they race back to their feet.. DDD’s the first man to his feet as he quickly makes his way over to Parker.. Pulling him up–He’s caught with a forearm to the mid-section from Tyler! Another big right hand connects to the solar plexus as Tyler springs to his feet! DDD nails him with a shot of his own! Tyler comes back with a forearm right across the face! DDD with another hard shot! Tyler fires back with a LOUD knife-edge chop, lighting up DDD! DDD catches Tyler with a powerful knee to the gut and it seems that may be it for that struggle between these two men as DDD grabs a hold of Tyler… LOOKING FOR A BIG IRISH WHIP INTO THE CAGE!! Tyler stops himself AND PULLS DDD INTO HIM WITH A HUGE FOREARM RIGHT OFF JAW!! EUROPEAN UPPERCUT CONNECTS! ANOTHER EUROPEAN UPPERCUT CONNECTS ON DDD! DDD sends a kick straight to the bread-basket of Tyler! PULLING HIM IN!! LOOKING TO HIT THAT PATENTED DEDEDE DDT!! It’s no good as Tyler refuses to let it go through! TYLER PICKING DDD UP! INVERTED ATOMIC DROP CONNECTS! TYLER LOOKING FOR A NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX HERE… No, DDD’s not having it as he sends multiple clubbing blows into the spine of Tyler! Tyler slips out from under DDD’s arm and pushes him away…
Mak: DDD CHARGES BACK! HE’S MET WITH A DROPKICK TO THE FACE FROM TYLER! DDD IS SENT BACKPEDALING AS HIS BACK MAKES CONTACT WITH THE CAGE!! You can see the excruciating pain on DDD’s face as he stumbles forward and into Tyler! TYLER SENDS DDD UP INTO THE AIR–MASSIVE POP-UP EUROPEAN UPPERCUT CONNECTS ON DEDEDE!!! TYLER PARKER JUST TOOK A PAGE RIGHT OUT OF HIS FORMER PARTNER, “GOODLUCK” CHARLIE’S PLAYBOOK AND IT WAS A THING OF BEAUTY!! TYLER DROPS DOWN AND HOOKS A LEG!!
Referee: ONE!!!!!!!……. TWO!!!!!!!!!……
WWEFan: KICK OUT FROM DDD! It’s not enough! Tyler’s gotta do more than that if he wanna keeps this former multi-time World Champion opponent down! DDD once again showing just how resilient he is as he’s once again looking to climb back to a vertical base as Tyler does the same… Tyler makes it up first as he almost immediately drives a boot into the body of a still down DDD! Another stomp! Tyler’s doing all he can to keep his opponent down; sending these boots into DDD with all of the hate and anger he can possibly muster! Tyler seems to have got to thinking of something else to end DDD with as he stalks his opponent… DDD’s about up! TYLER SPRINGBOARDS OFF THE MIDDLE ROPE! FINAL CHAPTER!!! NO–DDD LEAPS UP FOR A BIG DROPKICK INTO THE BACK OF TYLER, SENDING HIM CRASHING INTO THAT ELECTRIFIED CAGE!! TYLER IS WRITHING IN PAIN HERE ON THE CANVAS AS A REASSURED SMILE FORMS ACROSS THE FACE OF DDD!! He knows he may have just put himself right back into the driver’s seat! That’s the second time in this contest he’s sent Tyler into that brutal High Voltage wall and each time takes more and more out of you! DDD looks more and more like a lunatic the longer a contest goes on as he becomes less uncontrollable with every passing second! DDD quickly stumbles to his feet and looks down on his damaged opponent… He drops a big elbow into the spine of Tyler!
Mak: DDD back up and immediately drops another elbow! DDD back up and goes down for a third unforgiving elbow into the spine of Tyler! DDD sees that Equalizer of his and looks to insert it back into this contest in an emphatic way as he crawls over to it… Tyler doing all he can to push himself back up.. HE’S–DDD GRABS THE GUITAR AND SWINGS IT OVER AND RIGHT ACROSS THE BACK OF TYLER PARKER!! THE BARBWIRE STRINGS JUST CLAWING AT HIS FLESH AS IT SMACKS HIM!! DDD LIFTS THE GUITAR BACK UP AS TYLER CLIMBS UP TO HIS HANDS AND KNEES… HE SWINGS THAT EQUALIZER INTO THE SPINE OF TYLER ONCE AGAIN! GOD, YOU CAN FEEL TYLER’S PAIN JUST BY WATCHING AS THE BARBWIRE RIPS AT HIS FLESH! DDD NOW GRINDING THOSE BARBWIRE STRINGS ON TYLER PARKER’S BACK!! BLOOD IS BEGINNING TO FLOW LIKE A RIVER HERE! TYLER’S BEGINNING TO LOOK LIKE HE’S BEEN MAULED BY AN ANIMAL! DDD quickly drops the Equalizer.. HE ROLLS TYLER OVER, LOOKING FOR THE WIN AS HE COVERS!!
Referee: ONE!!!!!!!……. TWO!!!!!!!!
WWEFan: TYLER SHOWS HE’S STILL IN THIS AS HE GETS A SHOULDER UP! DDD seems to not even be fazed as he rolls Tyler back onto his stomach, revealing the blood-stained canvas from Tyler’s open wounds as DDD… Grabbing that Equalizer.. HE WRAPS IT AROUND THE THROAT OF TYLER PARKER!! THE BARBWIRE AT TYLER’S THROAT AS DDD LOCKS IN A STEINER RECLINER!!! DDD LOOKS LIKE A MAD MAN! HIS TONGUE STICKING OUT AS HE SEEMS TO BE LEGITIMATELY ENJOYING THE PAIN HE’S INFLICTED ON THIS BLOODIED AND BATTERED TYLER PARKER!!! TYLER MAY HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO TAP! HE’S GOT NOWHERE TO GO!! C’MON, TYLER! C’MON! I don’t want it to have to end here, but Tyler could very well be fatally wounded by that barbwire! TYLER’S CLAWING TOWARDS THE ROPES!! HE’S PUSHING FORWARD AGAINST THAT BARBWIRE-STRINGED GUITAR!! DDD CAN’T BELIEVE IT AS HE PULLS BACK ON IT HARDER AND HARDER!! HE’S LOOKING TO DAMN-NEAR DECAPITATE TYLER!!
Mak: HOLD ON! TYLER’S FADING! THE BLOOD LOSS IS GETTING THE BETTER OF HIM… HE… TYLER’S OUT!! HIS EYES ARE CLOSED; HE COULD BE UNCONSCIOUS! The Referee quickly rushes over and grabs the right hand of Tyler… It drops to the canvas without a struggle!
WWEFan: This is not looking good at all… The right hand of Tyler raised again… And it drops to the canvas for a second time…
Mak: It looks like the end is neigh for Tyler Parker as his hand is raised up for a third and final time… TYLER’S MOVING! THE HAND OF TYLER REMAINS FIRMLY UP IN THE AIR!! LOOK AT THIS! LOOK AT THE STRENGTH OF TYLER PARKER AS HE FIGHTS BACK! HIS EYES ARE WIDE OPEN NOW AND HE SEEMS TO BE FEEDING OFF OF THE ADRENALINE CAUSED FROM THE PAIN HE’S TAKEN FROM THIS BEATING! DDD CAN’T BELIEVE IT! TYLER’S UP TO JUST ONE KNEE!! HE’S COMING BACK! DDD’S GOT THAT GUITAR, TRYING TO CHOKE THE LIFE OUT OF HIM, BUT HE’S NOT GIVING UP! TYLER MAKES IT TO HIS FEET! HE SWINGS AN ELBOW INTO THE FACE OF DDD! ANOTHER HUGE ELBOW ROCKS DDD! AS BOTH MEN ARE SENT BACKING UP INTO THE ROPES! TYLER SENDS ONE FINAL ELBOW AND IT CONNECTS AS DDD DROPS THE EQUALIZER AND THE BACK OF HIS HEAD CATCHES THAT ELECTRIFIED CAGE!! TYLER CHARGES INTO THE ADJACENT ROPES–HE’S PULLED BACK BY HIS HAIR!! DDD’S GOT HIM! BELLY TO BACK SUPLEX RIGHT INTO ONE OF THOSE STEEL “HIGH VOLTAGE” SIGNS HANGING ON THE CAGE WALL!!!
WWEFan: Tyler Parker drops forward SOMEHOW on his feet, but on spaghetti legs after the back of his skull caught that steel sign on the cage! LOOK OUT!! DDD-O-MATIC!!! THE DDD-O-MATIC DROPS TYLER RIGHT ON THAT BACK OF HIS HEAD AGAIN AS DDD GRABS HIS LEGS FOR THE COVER!!
Referee: ONE!!!!!!!…….. TWO!!!!!!!!!!………
Mak: TYLER KICKS OUT OF IT!! Tyler’s STILL in this!! He’s taken a hellacious beating, but he’s still breathing! Can you imagine how much you would have to hate a man to go to these limits just to stay alive in a match even when you’re on the wrong side of it?! Tyler has taken a fucking beating thus far and just won’t stay down! DDD can’t seem to believe it as he immediately grabs a hold of Tyler by his hair, dragging him up.. DDD’s got him set up on his knees as he looks to reenact this execution he looked for earlier on! PICKING THAT EQUALIZER BACK UP! HE CHARGES AS HE SWINGS THAT EQUALIZER RIGHT INTO THE SKULL OF TYLER!! NOBODY’S HOME AS TYLER CATCHES DDD WITH A DROP TOE HOLD OUT OF DESPERATION! DDD eats the canvas as he lands, giving Tyler even just a little bit of time to recuperate! Tyler seems to instead be looking to capitalize on catching DDD off-guard as he begins climbing back up… DDD looks furious as he scrambles up to his feet… GRABBING A HOLD OF TYLER! TYLER SPRINGS UP–HE’S GOT DDD ON HIS SHOULDERS!! HE’S GOT HIM UP!! FIREMAN’S CARRY TAKEOVER INTO A KNEE BY TYLER PARKER!! DDD’s left looking dazed and confused in a sitting up position in the middle of the ring! He’s a sitting duck! Tyler Parker quickly rushing back to his feet… HE MAKES IT AS HE CHARGES INTO DDD AND NAILS HIM WITH A LOUD BOOT SMACKING OFF THE BACK OF HIS HEAD!! DDD’s still looking out of it, but he’s not down!
WWEFan: Tyler rushes into the ropes… HE COMES BACK WITH A BIG RUNNING ELBOW RIGHT INTO THE BACK OF DDD’S SKULL!! The “Ultimate Opportunist” is still sitting up! It looks like his eyes are about to roll right into the back of his head any second now! Tyler… TYLER’S EYING THAT EQUALIZER!! HE SLOWLY PICKS IT UP AND SEEMS TO BE LOOKING AT IT WITH THE SAME LOOK DDD HAD!! THAT’S MALICIOUS INTENT IN HIS EYES! TYLER RUSHES INTO THE ROPES! LOOK OUT!! TYLER SWINGS THAT EQUALIZER INTO THE BACK OF MR. DEDEDE’S SKULL AS IT BREAKS ON IMPACT!!!! AS STEW-O WOULD SAY, BAH GAWD ALMIGHTY!!!! DDD DROPS LIKE GODDAMN CORPSE!! HE’S DOWN! HE JUST GOT HIS SKULL KNOCKED OUT OF THE PARK WITH THAT ONE AS TYLER MAY HAVE LOST HIS ENERGY AFTER THAT! Tyler down on his knees, surrounded by the shattered remains of that Equalizer with fragments of wood, barbwire strings, nails, glass, and thumbtacks everywhere! DDD’s body looks as contorted as a man that just went through a car wreck!! TYLER NEEDS TO MAKE IT TO THE COVER! Tyler wants to end this, but he HAS to cover his opponent! He’s made an unbelievable comeback in this contest, but it’ll be all for naught he if can’t accomplish gaining the victory! Tyler begins crawling his way over to DDD! He’s got this won! IT’S OVER! Wait… No! Tyler’s not going for the cover! He may end up regretting that one as he opts to mount the chest of DDD! HE SENDS A BIG RIGHT HAND INTO THE FACE OF DDD!
Mak: Tyler Parker seems to be verbally assaulting his opponent as he simultaneously drives multiple closed-fist shots straight into his face! You can see blood now pouring down from the left eyebrow area of DDD! Tyler seems to have completely snapped! I don’t think he’s even concerned with ending this match! He just wants to punish his opponent! Tyler now pulls DDD by his hair… Slowly dragging him back to a vertical base… TYLER IMMEDIATELY DRIVES DDD INTO THE HIGH VOLTAGE WALL!! DDD’S FACE PRESSED UP AGAINST THE CAGE AS ELECTRICITY COURSES THROUGH IT AND THE AMPERAGE IS ONLY GOING TO GET HIGHER AND HIGHER WITH EVERY PASSING SECOND!! TYLER JUST GRINDING THE FACE OF DEDEDE AGAINST THAT CAGE!! Tyler puts a stop to the attack as the Referee yells for him to and drops the now equally damaged Mr. DEDEDE down to the canvas… DDD rolling around in pain, favoring his face as Tyler looks down at him with nothing but hatred in his eyes… DDD may be in a lot of trouble here.. Tyler backs up into the nearest corner… He’s… He’s mimicking DEDEDE’s signature prelude to the Spear!! Tyler’s practically salivating at the mouth as he yells for DDD to get to his feet! DDD’s backed himself up into the adjacent corner, using the ropes to aid him… Tyler looks like he’s going to break DDD in half, but is he going to do it with DDD’s own finishing maneuver?! DDD’S UP! TYLER COMES CHARGING!!! SPEAR!!!! TYLER’S SENT UP BY DDD!!
WWEFan: NO–TYLER CATCHES HIMSELF ON THE TOP TURNBUCKLE BEFORE HE COLLIDES WITH THE CAGE!! DDD TURNS AROUND! MOONSAULT FROM TYLER!!! NOBODY’S HOME AS DDD DODGES OUT OF THE WAY! Tyler manages to land flat on his feet! DDD FROM BEHIND!! WHAT’S HE–ACROSS THE PARK!!!! DDD DROPS TYLER WITH HIS OWN FINISHING MANEUVER!! DDD CRAWLING OVER TO THE BODY OF TYLER… HE’S.. HE ROLLS HIM ONTO HIS BACK!! THAT’S A COVER AS DDD HOOKS THE LEG!!!
Referee: ONE!!!!!!!!……. TWO!!!!!!!!!!!…….. THREE!!!!
Mak: TYLER KICKS OUT OF IT!! TYLER KICKS OUT! He just BARELY saved himself from a MAJOR humiliating defeat! DDD can’t believe it! DDD is literally pulling his hair out; frustrated by the resilience of his opponent! He wants to put this contest to an end! DDD quickly climbs back to his feet using the Referee to aid him and stumbles over to Tyler! DDD unloading with several hard stomps into the body of Tyler!
DEDEDE (without a microphone): STAY DOWN! STAY DOWN!!
WWEFan: DDD tops it off with one big stomp to the face of Tyler before he backs up into the nearest corner! DDD’s got a look of determination in his eyes! He’s going to kill Tyler Parker if it means winning this match! Tyler’s beaten and battered; he may have absolutely nothing left in the tank by this point! He’s thrown everything he’s got at DDD and missed a HUGE chance to end this contest! He may have sealed his fate in this match and now it’s about to cut him in half as DDD continues to pull on his own hair while Tyler Parker climbs up.. HE’S UP ON HIS FEET! SPEAR!!!! TYLER DROPPED BEFORE IT COULD CONNECT AS HE… HE’S CLIMBING BACK UP… HE–DOUBLE-LEG ELEVATED BOSTON CRAB!!! THAT’S THE WALLS OF IMPACT!!!! TYLER’S GOT DDD TRAPPED IN THE WALLS OF IMPACT!!!! DDD’S IN PANIC MODE HERE!! HE’S DOING EVERYTHING HE POSSIBLY CAN TO GET TO THE ROPES!! DDD’S LEAVING CLAW MARKS IN THE DAMN CANVAS JUST TO GET TO THE ROPES! TYLER DRAGS HIM AWAY AND INTO THE MIDDLE OF THE RING!!!
Mak: DDD’S SEALED HIS OWN FATE BY UNDERESTIMATING TYLER PARKER! HE’S FOUND HIMSELF IN STORE FOR A HUMILIATING LOSS!! DDD KNOWS JUST MUCH HE NEEDS TO GET OUT OF THIS OR MAKE IT TO THE ROPES, BUT IT DOESN’T SEEM LIKE EITHER WILL HAPPEN! TYLER’S GOT THOSE WALLS LOCKED IN TIGHT AND IT’S CLEAR FROM HIS FACIAL EXPRESSION THAT HE DOESN’T INTEND ON LETTING GO ANYTIME SOON! DDD’S IN TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF PAIN AS HIS SPINE IS SLOWLY BEING BENT IN A DIRECTION IT ISN’T MEANT TO GO! DDD’S FOUND HIMSELF CAUGHT IN THIS HOLD MANY TIMES THROUGHOUT HIS CAREER, BUT NONE QUITE LIKE THIS!! DDD CONTINUES TO LOOK FOR THOSE ROPES AS HIS SAVING GRACE, BUT IT MAY BE TOO LATE! THE DAMAGE MAY HAVE ALREADY BEEN DONE AND I’M CERTAIN THAT THOUGH DDD’S ONLY A FEW FEET FROM MAKING IT TO THOSE ROPES, IT FEELS LIKE MILES TO HIM! DDD… DDD COULD BE FADING! Tyler continues to increase the pressure on this hold, but DDD could be losing consciousness! HOLD ON! DDD’S SUDDENLY STARTED THRASHING ABOUT LIKE A MADMAN!! HE’S LOST HIS DAMN MIND!! DDD LOOKS LIKE HE’S LITERALLY POSSESSED!! HE’S FOUND THE STRENGTH TO POTENTIALLY GET OUT OF THIS AS HE SLOWLY FINDS HIS WAY BACK ONTO HIS BACK!
WWEFan: Hold on–Tyler quickly switches plans here… HE’S GOT DDD SET UP! SLINGSHOT!!! DDD GOES FLYING FACE-FIRST INTO ONE OF THOSE STEEL SIGNS ON THE CAGE WALL!! DDD is sent dropping back flat on his back as Tyler looks to lock the Walls of Impact back in for the win! HOLD ON! DDD MUST HAVE GRABBED THAT SIGN OFF THE WALL ON HIS WAY DOWN! HE’S GOT IT IN HAND! DDD CRACKS THAT SIGN OFF THE SKULL OF TYLER! DDD NAILS TYLER IN THE SKULL A SECOND TIME! Tyler drops down as this lunatic, Mr. DEDEDE, rushes over to capitalize… HE’S LOOKING FOR SOMETHING BIG… METH-LOCK!!!! HE’S GOT THE METH-LOCK IN TIGHT ON TYLER PARKER!!! HOLD ON! TYLER’S SLIPPED OUT OF IT BEFORE IT COULD BE FULLY IN AS HE QUICKLY SWINGS AN ELBOW INTO DDD! Another elbow into the skull of DDD! Tyler’s not letting him take back control of this contest that easily as he slowly drags both men back to their feet in a neckbreaker position… TYLER SHOWING GREAT STRENGTH AS HE PICKS DDD UP ONTO HIS BACK IN A CRUCIFIX POWERBOMB POSITION!! BLACK CROWN!!! NO-DDD’S FIGHTING THE NECKBREAKER! DDD throwing some elbows of his own for once in this brutal match! DDD escapes it and drops to his feet behind Tyler! Tyler turns around AND INTO A KICK TO THE GUT!! DEDEDE DDT CONNECTS!!! DDD DRAPES AN ARM ACROSS THE CHEST OF TYLER FOR THE PIN!!
Referee: ONE!!!!!!……. TWO!!!!!!!!!!…….. THREE!!!!!!
Mak: TYLER KICKS OUT OF IT!! TYLER KICKS OUT YET AGAIN! THIS GUY IS INHUMAN! These two men are dismantling one another! What do they have to do to win?! What do they have to do just to keep the other guy down?! This is an unbelievable contest we’re seeing here tonight and both of these competitors are proving right here and now why it is they are in the headlining spot! These guys have brutalized one another and have maimed one another! Both men continue to bleed: Tyler from his back and DDD from his forehead! Neither one seems to have anything left in them, but neither will quit! Hold on! Both men finally showing signs of life… Both competitors slowly rising up onto their hands and knees.. Tyler and DDD lock eyes and immediately reflect an expression of absolute, pure, hatred! Tyler and DDD reach out for one another… Both slowly rising to their feet! They’re using each other to get back up! Both men find a way back to their feet–Tyler immediately pulls DDD in for a European uppercut! DDD connects with a European uppercut of his own as it nearly knocks Tyler off of his feet! DDD fires again, this time with an open-hand chop off the chest of Tyler! A big right hand connects to the face of Tyler from DDD! TYLER’S TIPPING! No–He grabs a hold of DDD and pulls himself in for a BRUTAL forearm right off the side of DDD’s face! That one was loud! Tyler with another forearm! Another! ANOTHER! Tyler takes a step back.. DISCUS FOREARM!! DDD DUCKS IT AND CATCHES TYLER!! GRAND SLAM!!!! NO-TYLER ELBOWS OUT OF IT! TYLER NOT LETTING UP WITH THOSE RAPID ELBOWS TO THE SIDE OF DDD’S SKULL!! Tyler breaks away from DDD and connects with a big kick to the chest!
WWEFan: Another kick connects right off the chest of DDD! This isn’t something we’re used to seeing from Tyler! Another kick connects as DDD drops down to his knees! TYLER UNLOADING WITH A FLURRY OF KICKS TO THE CHEST!! DDD’s ripe for the picking! TYLER OFF THE MIDDLE ROPE!! FINAL CHAPTER!!! SPEAR!!!! DDD CATCHES TYLER IN MID-AIR WITH A SICKENING SPEAR!!! HE’S GOTTA COVER HIM!!! TYLER LOOKS LIKE HE’S OUT COLD AFTER THAT ONE!! DDD’S CRAWLING TOWARDS HIM FOR THE PIN!! HE LEAPS OVER TO DRAPE AN ARM ACROSS THE CHEST!!!
Referee: ONE!!!!!!!……. TWO!!!!!!!!!!………. THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mak: IT’S OVER! IT’S OVER!
WWEFan: No! The Referee realizes Tyler had a foot on the bottom rope!! This is going to continue!! DDD looks up at the Official in complete and utter shock! DDD legitimately looks lost here! DDD screams out in frustration!! He can’t believe this! I can’t believe this! I don’t think anyone watching can believe just how much Tyler refuses to lose this! DDD pushes the Official away as he grabs a hold of Tyler once more and for perhaps the last time… He’s insulting him straight to his face as he drags him back to a vertical base.. He’s got him up! LOOK OUT! DIAMOND DIAMOND DEMOLITION!!!! NO–TYLER FORCES DDD OFF!! DDD QUICKLY TURNS AROUND! DISCUS FOREARM CONNECTS LOUDLY OFF THE FACE OF DEDEDE AS HE’S SENT REELING INTO THE NEAREST CORNER!! TYLER’S GOT A CHANCE TO END THIS!! TYLER RUSHES! CORNER SPLASH CONNECTS!! HE’S PICKING DDD UP! HE’S GOT HIM ON THE TOP TURNBUCKLE!! TYLER CLIMBING UP THERE WITH HIM AS HE LOOKS TO EMPHATICALLY END THIS!! DEPRAVITY FROM THE TOP!!!! NO! DDD DRIVES A KNEE INTO THE SKULL OF TYLER AND SLIPS OUT OF IT! DDD quickly slides between the legs of Tyler! HE PICKS TYLER UP IN AN ELECTRIC CHAIR DROP POSITION! TYLER’S FIGHTING BACK! DDD stumbles forward as Tyler climbs back onto the top turnbuckle with DDD in his grasp! What’s he… TYLER WITH AMAZING STRENGTH AS HE PULLS DDD UP ONTO HIS SHOULDERS WHILE ON THE TOP TURNBUCKLE!!! INCREDIBLE!! THIS ISN’T GONNA BE PRETTY!! DDD’S CLUTCHING THE CORNER OF THE CAGE!! THE SHOCK FROM THE CAGE IS GETTING TO HIM–HE MAY NOT BE ABLE TO HOLD ON!! DDD LETS GO!! SUPER LIGER BOMB!!!!! BOTH MEN CRASH THROUGH THE RING!!!! JESUS CHRIST!! BOTH OF THESE MEN JUST WENT THROUGH THE GODDAMN RING!! I CAN’T SEE EITHER OF THEM!! I DON’T SEE A SOUL!! BOTH OF THESE MEN HAVE JUST BEEN SWALLOWED BY THE RING!! THIS MATCH MAY HAVE TO BE ENDED!
Mak: As much as I’d hate to, Fan, I might just have to agree with you on that… These guys could have just sent their asses to another dimension with that! I’ve never seen two competitors take it to one another like this and they may have just paid for it in spades! No sign of life yet! E.M.T.s are rushing out here to aid them as… Hold on… HOLD ON! SOMEBODY’S MOVING! SOMEBODY’S CRAWLING OUT FROM UNDER THE APRON AND TO THE OUTSIDE! IT’S DEDEDE!!! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! DDD SEEMS TO BE THE ONLY ONE WHO SURVIVED HERE!! HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN?! DDD’S CRAWLING OUT TOWARDS THE E.M.T.S AS HE—DDD’S BEING DRAGGED BACK?!! NO WAY! DDD’S JUST BEEN TAKEN BACK THROUGH THE RING APRON!! WHAT’S GOING ON?! Hold on… Someone now… TYLER PARKER RISES FROM THAT GAPING HOLE IN THE RING!! HE’S GOT DDD!! TYLER PARKER’S GOT DDD IN HIS GRASP AS HE DRAGS BOTH MEN BACK THROUGH THAT HOLE!! DDD DOESN’T SEEM TO HAVE A PRAYER HERE! TYLER’S DRAGGING HIM BACK UP! ACROSS THE PARK!!!! TYLER DRILLS DDD INTO THE CANVAS WITH THE ACROSS THE PARK AS CRAWLS OVER TO HIS BODY… HE ROLLS HIM OVER!! THERE’S THE COVER!!!
Referee: ONE!!!!!!!!…….. TWO!!!!!!!!!!!……….. THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(DING! DING! DING!)
(“Lies” by Evanescence plays all throughout the arena as the fans erupt with cheers and the High Voltage structure is lifted)
Announcer: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE WINNER OF THIS CONTEST BY PINFALL….. TYLER PAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRKKKKKEEEEEERRRRR!!!!
WWEFan: What a match! What a match that was! That was one of the most brutal, back and forth contests I’ve ever witnessed between two men! I know this phrase is tossed around a lot, but these two men TRULY laid it all on the line tonight! They utterly destroyed one another just to win tonight! They beat one another to a bloody pulp! In the end, Tyler Parker got his revenge! Tyler Parker has defeated Mr. DEDEDE in the main event of Shock Value tonight!!
Mak: Nobody survived this match, not even the Goddamn ring… But you’re right, unfortunately. You’re very much right that these guys annihilated one another just to capture the win and walk out of this show’s main event victorious and only one man proved to be the better man and that man’s name is Tyler Parker.
WWEFan: I don’t think either of these competitors have anything left in their body to give as E.M.T.s help them both into individual stretchers… Tyler may have been victorious, but he certainly paid for it with his physical well-being. He went as far as sending DEDEDE through the ring and went even beyond that just to win and though he succeeded, you’ve gotta wonder what kind of toll it took on him.
Mak: C’mon, Andy, this is EXTREME Answers Wrestling! Who gives a shit about physical well-beings? It comes with the job!
WWEFan: I supposed you’re at least somewhat right… Nonetheless, a HUGE congratulations is in order to Tyler Parker. A HUGE congratulations to both in this contest and a HUGE congratulations to all of those who competed tonight in general at this grand Showdown exclusive event! As Interim Chairman of EAW and commentator, I’d like to thank everybody who joined us tonight! Signing off for Mak, I’m WWEFan, and this has been SHOCK VALUE! Thank you and goodnight!
(Camera shows Mr. DEDEDE and Tyler Parker are helped onto stretchers as the crowd chants Tyler’s name before fading to black)
( EAW logo buzzes )