(Fight Grid intro plays.)
(An obviously thrown-together-at-the-last-possible-minute graphic design disaster of a “Hot Takes” logo flashes on the screen as the opening guitar riff for “Come On” by Waterproof Blonde begins to play. The logo sweeps away and the viewing audience is now able to see a slightly upgraded version of Ronan Malosi’s trademark Hot Takes set up inside of an EAW studio–he has a single wooden desk with a dehydrated, browning, wilted plant on top; three metal folding chairs, one of which is dented and bent completely out of shape; a red shag carpet; an antique model Sony television on a rolling cart; and a small flag of South Africa sitting on top of the desk.)
(Ronan Malosi steps out onto the Hot Takes set from behind a curtain, while a single, loud cheer echoes throughout the studio. The camera cuts to a shot of one (1) fan wearing a homemade Hot Takes t-shirt, standing and applauding in an area where a much larger crowd would typically be housed. The fan begins to “bow down” to Ronan, in absolute awe of his presence. The feed cuts back to Ronan who is seen holding a hand to his heart and smiling proudly, thankful for the great turnout for his special episode of Hot Takes.)
(Ronan grabs a microphone off one of the metal folding chairs and takes a seat behind his wooden desk. “Come On” begins to die down, the enthusiastic applause from the individual fan comes to a slow halt, and Ronan starts off the show.)
Ronan Malosi: Welcome ladies and gentlemen to a VERY special edition of Ronan Malosi’s HOT TAKES! I–as you know–am RONAN MALOSI and I’m very excited to share with you guys a unique selection of Hot Takes that I’ve put together with a special theme in mind: PAIN FOR PRIDE! Yep, Pain for Pride 13 will be coming to you LIVE from Philadelphia in only TEN DAYS! So, in light of the season, I’m sharing some of my HOTTEST Takes on a select few controversial, transcendent, game-changing, earth-shattering revolutionary Pain for Pride moments!
Fan: Woo! Yeah!
Ronan Malosi: And because these Hot Takes are so damn hot, I’ve recruited the help of some other well-versed EAW historians to explain exactly what makes these HOT TAKES so damn spicy. 🥵 Ladies and gents, please welcome to the set, four time, record setting champion, former Voltage commentator, my first guest, KAWWWAAAAJAAAIIIII!
(EAW Legend and former commentator, Kawajai, steps out from behind the guerilla curtain and joins Ronan Malosi on stage while royalty-free elevator music begins to play. He sits on one of Ronan’s metal chairs, quite uncomfortably.)
Ronan Malosi: Kawajai! Thanks for joining me.
Kawajai: Happy to be here, Ronan. Can’t anything stop me from taking any opportunity to be a part of the magic that makes Pain for Pride. Appreciate you reaching out to ask for my help, means a lot that an up-and-comer like you respects my opinion so much–
(Suddenly, one of the light fixtures held above the set falls to the ground with a crash, missing Kawajai’s head by mere inches.)
Kawajai: oh, it’s that kind of show, huh?
Ronan Malosi: Yes, an incredibly prestigious one, with a highly coveted time slot! Also joining me, we will also have EAW’s Fight Grid Interviewer and dedicated long time EAW fangirl….ANNAAAA C. FLLLOOOWERS!!
(Anna struts out from behind the curtain as the elevator music starts back up, initially smiling widely and excited to join the Hot Takes set. However, her smile immediately turns to a disgusted frown upon taking a closer look at Ronan’s Hot Takes set up. She pulls a wet wipe from out of her shirt and wipes down her steel chair before sitting down. The flimsy chair wobbles slightly as she puts her weight on it. She chuckles nervously as Ronan welcomes her to the show.)
Fan: An-na! An-na! An-na! An-na!
Ronan Malosi: Anna! Always a pleasure. Welcome to Hot Takes!
Anna C. Flowers: Um, yes. I appreciate the offer to join you, Ronan. You’re right, Hot Takes sure is a, um, very exclusive segment on Dynasty. It’s great you managed to secure some time for us over here on Fight Grid! And I love that we’re getting a chance to cover some Pain for Pride moments. Nobody’s more excited for Pain for Pride than I am right now! Goosebumps all over!
Kawajai: Out of excitement or fear?
Ronan Malosi: Might have to disagree with you there, Anna. I’ve spent so much time collecting these BLISTERING HOT Pain for Pride moments, that I can’t wait to see what happens at this year’s event! :whew: But enough chatter, let’s get started, without further ado, please direct your attention to the Malosi-tron for a quick trip down memory lane!
(Ronan hastily gets up from his seat and pushes his creaky rolling cart a bit closer to where Anna and Kawajai are seated so that they may get a better look at the Pain for Pride footage. He pulls out a set of flashcards from his back pocket full of notes. Both of his guests lean forward so they can read the words on the antique Sony television. As each screenbar pops up, some select footage from each mentioned Pain for Pride match is shown on the Malosi-tron.)
CHAINSTEIN VERSUS CUCK U FENA, PAIN FOR PRIDE
Kawajai: Oh my god. Way to bring up some repressed memories, Ronan. These were some dark days for EAW.
Anna C. Flowers: Dark days indeed, Kawa. I’ll never forget watching this matchup as a child, I was scarred for a few days. I’m actually surprised EAW hadn’t pulled this one off the EAW Network. Chainstein literally had been SHOT by Cuck U. Fena, and that’s what allowed Fena to walk away with the victory that night.
Ronan Malosi: !!! Both of you are crazy, this moment is an absolute CLASSIC. A high point in Pain for Pride history! PFP wouldn’t be the show that it is today if it weren’t for moments like this one. HOT TAKE: Cuck U. Fena using a gun at ringside was a turning point for EAW. We haven’t even seen anything like this in EAW since then!
Anna C. Flowers: And I am sure as hell thankful that we haven’t!
Kawajai: A turning point?! In what direction? Cuck U. Fena wasn’t even charged, was he? The man should have been facing assault charges, but instead–
Ronan Malosi: NEXT UP!
SCOTT OASIS VERSUS LUCIAN BLACK FOR EAW WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP, PAIN FOR PRIDE 9
Anna C. Flowers: To this day, I don’t understand why either one of these men were in a main event scene.
Ronan Malosi: Um, Hot Take, Anna, but I think that was one of the best world title matches I’ve ever seen at a Pain for Pride. Lucian Black is an amazing competitor, and this match was a PERFECT example as to why! Plus, I actually see a lot of myself in Scott Oasis.
Kawajai: This was by far one of the worst Pain for Pride main events of all time, Ronan. Not to mention that Lucian was a failed world champ at the end of the day, and Scott Oasis wasn’t a much better option, either, come to think of it. Just think about some of the other talent in EAW at the time: TLA, Jamie O’Hara, Rex McAllister, hello?
Anna C. Flowers: All three Hall of Famers who would have gotten some recognition much sooner if it hadn’t been for wastes of time like Oasis or Black. Literally anybody else but Lucian would have made a fine champion at the time.
Ronan Malosi: Well, nobody said either one of your Hot Takes had to be good, so I guess I’ll take it for what it is. NEXT!
LIAM CATERSON VERSUS JOHNNY VENTURA IN A WINNER TAKE ALL FOR THE ANSWERS WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP AND INTERWIRE CHAMPIONSHIP, PAIN FOR PRIDE 6
Ronan Malosi: HOT TAKE: Liam Caterson was the greatest double champion in all of EAW History. Drizzy 2 Belts has nothing on this man.
Kawajai: And I thought Scott versus Lucian was bad. Nah, this one is by far the worst Pain for Pride main event in EAW history. Shitty match, shitty booking, and happened far too early before either one of these men got a chance to hone their craft. I’m embarrassed to say that the match I put on the year before had to be followed by some amateur nonsense like this! Where they hell did these guys even come from, anyway?
Anna C. Flowers: I’m with you, Kawa. Neither of these two men belonged anywhere near a Pain for Pride main event. As a matter of fact, in 2012, the year before Pain for Pride VI took place, neither one of these men had any sort of hold in EAW, basically considered non-factors just to all of a sudden get thrown into a title scene seemingly overnight.
Ronan Malosi: Nonsense! The both of you are out of your damn minds, there’s a difference between Hot Takes and straight up disillusion based in mental illness!
Kawajai: Tell me about it.
Anna C. Flowers:
24/7 BATTLE ROYAL, PAIN FOR PRIDE 10
Ronan Malosi: !!! What a phenomenal matchup! This 24/7 Battle Royal was the greatest I’ve ever seen, no other battle royal in EAW could ever compare! Hell, forget just battle royals, this match is even better than ANY EAW Grand Rampage, especially this past year’s Grand Rampage. Like, c’mon 40 competitors? Get real! That’s way too many!
Anna C. Flowers: Was this not the Battle Royal with 34 Elitists!?
Kawajai: Right you are, Anna. That match dragged on way, waaaay too damn long. I’m pretty sure it holds the record for the longest piss break matchup on EAW television.
Ronan Malosi: AND LA DIVA THO?!
Anna C. Flowers: Okay, now I know you must be joking. I hear that fans are STILL petitioning to request refunds for the percentage of what time that same match took away from an enjoyable Pain for Pride X experience–and yes, that especially includes the unnecessary bit involving La Diva and “La Ladder” taking place AFTER she had already been eliminated!
Kawajai: Probably the satiest arena I’d ever been in. Wouldn’t wish that energy on anybody else.
Ronan Malosi: Get out of here! She was the star of that matchup, anyone who thinks otherwise is out of their minds! La Diva still has yet to receive her flowers, EAW owes her so much more for her contributions to women’s wrestling? Cameron Ella WHO?! Kendra WHAT?! SHAMES, THAT’S WHAT!
JACOB SENN VERSUS LETHAL CONSEQUENCES IN LC’S WORLD, PAIN FOR PRIDE 7
Ronan Malosi: Um, HOT TAKE: Jacob Senn–following me, Ronan Malosi–is THE MOST underrated Elitist. Never got the credit he deserved from the EAW Universe, until he earned that victory over Lethal Consequences. Perfect way to propel his career forward!
Anna C. Flowers: Legend says that the old EAW regime successfully screwed LC out of a victory this year…
Kawajai: Shat all over that man’s career for no reason, they did. Thankfully that manufactured legacy didn’t last a second longer than it did.
Ronan Malosi: Look, nobody screwed anybody! If anything, LC screwed LC for going up against a competitor like Senn in the first place, it was only a matter of time before Jacob found himself in the Main Event scene anyways, right?!
Anna C. Flowers: Is that why he had to sneak back in EAW with a lucha gimmick?
IMPACT VERSUS LETHAL CONSEQUENCES IN HAIR VS HAIR, PAIN FOR PRIDE 2
Ronan Malosi: The amount of times this classic gets overlooked and forgotten is beyond me! HOT TAKE: this matchup was underrated AF. Possibly the highlight of both Impact and LC’s EAW careers, amiright?!
Anna C. Flowers: Impact in Season 2 was almost as inefficient and unreliable as Impact in Season 12.
Kawajai: Gotta say that I agree with Anna, Ronan. Both of these men were inconsistent performers to say the very least. That’s probably exactly why the two of them were thrown into a wacky ass matchup like this one, completely random, and irrelevant to either one of their progression as Elitists.
Anna C. Flowers: It’s cute, ‘cause neither one of these men have much hair left after all this time.
Ronan Malosi: You wouldn’t know fine art if it bit you on the ass.
Ronan Malosi: My god. I really wanted to choose one of my favorite Cash in the Vault victories, but it was so hard to choose between these two underrated goats! Pain for Pride 5’s Cash in the Vault winner Eddie Mack is a man who was forgotten far too soon, deserved way more than being blacklisted by EAW–
Anna C. Flowers: He was a pedophile. What the hell do you expect?
Ronan Malosi: Pedophile, shmedophile! Has anyone ever checked the validity of those claims?! Huh?! Probably some jealous exes trying to tear the man down while he’s out here making a name for himself in the industry!
Anna C. Flowers: Making a name for himself? Oh, sure, must be precisely why he dropped the ball at King of Elite and the Grand Rampage that same year. What the hell makes this man even worth mentioning?
Ronan Malosi: The man was destined for greatness, Anna, c’mon now, HOT TAKE: he should have been given a chance to live up to all the hype that surrounded his name at the time! He was going to be a STAR!
Kawajai: So, why’d he fail his cash in?
Ronan Malosi: Full blown conspiracy if you ask me. Not unlike what happened to Lioncross, the Cash in the Vault winner at Pain for Pride 9!
Anna C. Flowers: Oh, yeah, the man with a close connection to the EAW Board of Directors in his back pocket?
Ronan Malosi: MYTH! RUMORS! SLANDER! DEFAMATION OF CHARACTER!
Kawajai: No way, Ronan. Even if you look past the hodgepodge of crooks and scammers that made up the EAW Board in 2016, Lioncross hardly put any effort leading into the matchup in the first place. It’s kind of a miracle he walked away with a victory–
Anna C. Flowers: That, or another screwjob waiting to be revealed.
Kawajai: What some of these oldheads don’t want you all to know is Lioncross was a stubborn bum who spent the better half of his early wrestling career looking down on EAW, ironically carried an elitist attitude regarding the company, alongside LEGIONS’s primary names. Stuck his nose up at us and even refused to seek out a contract like some of his colleagues asked him to–and for some reason, those blind fools loved him for it.
Ronan Malosi: Oh yeah? If he hated EAW so much, why was he so proud to be a GOAT TIER Cash in the Vault winner?!
Anna C. Flowers: Yeah, I’m not so sure he’s proud of what he did with that briefcase. He had the perfect chance to prove that his CITV win wasn’t a fluke, that it was well deserved…but he only confirmed everyone’s concerns when he flopped as badly as he did. Somebody else actually won the briefcase from him before he could ever cash it in for the coveted opportunity. Embarrassing, actually.
ROBBIE V’S CURTAIN CALL, PAIN 4 PRIDE
(As the footage of Robbie V’s untimely retirement from EAW ends, Ronan Malosi is shown wiping away tears from his eyes and cheeks as the single fan in the crowd is heard bawling and applauding. Anna and Kawajai turn to each other in disbelief.)
Ronan Malosi: Please excuse my emotions, but this moment right here is fucking beautiful. Don’t know of any other curtain calls in EAW history that have held so much influence over the EAW product to this day! Moves me to tears every single time I watch it, such a heartwarming moment shared between Robbie and DEDEDE. Yes, Robbie V won the World Heavyweight Championship at Pain 4 Pride, and left the audience in shambles after his infamous retirement speech, resulting in the title being vacated.
Kawajai: Somewhere in an alternate universe, Rated R Shaman of Sexy retained the WHC and we all would have never been subjected to this insincere, emotional pandering bullshit.
Ronan Malosi: That’s right! Mr. DEDEDE was forced to retire after losing to CM Banks, so he and Robbie V shared a touching, intimate moment together at the end of the show. It’s poetic moments like these ones that make me proud to be a member of the EAW locker room, where so much genuine love and care can be seen spread to all of its members!
Anna C. Flowers: Do you even go here, dude?
Ronan Malosi: I’m just saying, it’s great that DEDEDE was able to find comfort with the rest of his comrades after Banks and HRDO showed so much DISRESPECT for the current chairman and cared so little about his retirement! Not that he could ever fill Robbie V’s shoes, but a great man nonetheless. HOT TAKE: BANKS FEARS ROBBIE V! Robbie did more for this industry by winning and vacating the championship than Ronn Banks had EVER done!
Kawajai: I say the ref was paid off. Anybody who’s anybody had a hard time believing Robbie got an organic victory over RRSS. There’s no doubt Robbie should have lost, but he had successfully manipulated some people to make him look a lil’ better before his bumass left the company just to start a new one that of course, failed completely. Made a goddamn fool out of himself and he deserved to have his name dragged all throughout the mud.
Ronan Malosi: Robbie V’s work in World Hybrid Wrestling is what inspired me to go pro.
Kawajai: That somehow doesn’t surprise me at all.
Anna C. Flowers: Of course, after his wrestling company failed after a year, he eventually weaseled his way back into EAW’s good graces back in 2012, found himself right in the middle of the main event scene, due to his influence with the EAW board at the time.
Kawajai: Not many people understand that it was the bootlicking which took place during these years and the several years that would follow that gave rise to REVOLT! Pro Combat. Those behind the scenes understood EAW was not of the quality it should have been. Not sure where we would have been if we didn’t acquire REVOLT!
Ronan Malosi: Hot Take? REVOLT! and everyone who came from that broke ass federation are some of the messiest, overrated, oversold competitors out there.
KD GETTING KD’D, PAIN FOR PRIDE 5
Anna C. Flowers: Oh, this is actually some good stuff, Ronan! Kevin Devastation versus James Johnson, where Johnson embarrassed KD by defeating him in SIX SECONDS!
Kawajai: Yeah, I guess that’s what you get for following after a crook like Robbie V to sign a contract with World Hybrid Wrestling. Poor thing came back crawling, begging to re-sign with EAW and this is what he’s met with, the realization that there will never be a place for anyone who can’t handle the levels of competition in EAW.
Anna C. Flowers:
Ronan Malosi: 😐
Anna C. Flowers: What exactly is the Hot Take here, Ronan? I think we can all agree this is a great moment in EAW history, we loved seeing Kevin getting humbled.
Kawajai: Humbled puts it lightly, Anna, that man was completely shitted on. Wasn’t he barred from the company immediately following this performance?
Ronan Malosi: JUSTICE FOR KEVIN DEVASTATION WHO WAS MISTREATED AND UNDERAPPRECIATED BY EAW! Whole thing was a setup, I swear to it, he could have EASILY bodied Johnson!
Kawajai: …he tapped to a single leg Boston crab, how is that anyone else’s fault but his own?
Ronan Malosi: Look, I don’t know, but this was a disgraceful moment in EAW, the company should be embarrassed for acknowledging it as a part of their history! Take the match down! Remove all record of it from the Network! KEVIN DESERVES BETTER!
Anna C. Flowers: Some people just need to learn that kissing ass isn’t guaranteed to get you anywhere far. KD should have thought about that before he tried to come crawling back to EAW after talking down on our level of competition the way he did.
Kawajai: He had it coming to him. No sympathy for his bitchass.
Kawajai: Why are you booing me? I’m right!
(Ronan stands up from his chair and slaps his flashcards down on the table.)
Ronan Malosi: Disappointing. Uncultured. Shameful. I should have never asked you guys to come partake in these HOT TAKES with me! You keep on trying to discredit the greats like this, you won’t have a career in EAW for much longer!
Anna C. Flowers:
Kawajai: This was actually a lot of run, Ronan, despite the ridiculous takes you may have had. It’s always good to remember how far we’ve come as a company. Makes me proud to be a part of all the success EAW has seen over the years, despite moments like these that try to take away from it.
Anna C. Flowers: Beautifully said, Kawa! I’m sure that this year’s Pain for Pride will be filled with nothing but some feel good moments that we can all appreciate years from now. Looking forward to seeing what our Elitists bring to the table!
Ronan Malosi: HOT TAKE: it would be a much better show if my name were on the damn card next to a title opportunity!
Anna C. Flowers: There’s always next year, right?
Kawajai: Assuming you last that long.
(Suddenly, the elevator music begins to start back up, much to Ronan’s disapproval. He moves from behind his desk and looks around angrily.)
Ronan Malosi: Hey, hey, hey, HEY! WHAT ABOUT MY CUE?! I DIDN’T CLOSE THE SHOW YET–CUT THE MUSIC!
(The elevator music progressively grows louder as the volume on Ronan’s microphone goes down as he continues to complain. He continues to shout off-mic.)
Kawajai: Well, he was Ronan Malosi, I’m Kawajai, she’s Anna C., and THANK YOU for joining us Ronan Malosi’s HOT TAKES!
Anna C. Flowers: Be sure to catch Pain for Pride 13, LIVE on Free-Per-View starting on June 26th!
(Anna and Kawajai break out into conversation as the elevator music continues to play. Ronan is seen storming across his set, eventually making his way back behind the curtain as the screen fades to black.)
(EAW logo buzzes.)