Anna C. Flowers
(EAW intro plays.)
(“Girl Gang” by Leikeli47 begins to play throughout the arena speakers as the camera pans over the capacity crowd in Indira Gandhi Indoor Stadium in New Delhi, India. The fans in attendance cheer wildly for the beginning of another exciting episode of Thursday Night Empire.)
CJ Hana: Hello everyone and thank you for joining us for another episode of Thursday Night Empire! I’m CJ Hana!
Gavin Kirkland: And I’m Gavin Kirkland, and we’re here, coming in red hot after a show as mediocre and disappointing as the Grand Rampage was!
CJ Hana: GAVIN! How could you say something like that?
Gavin Kirkland: The blondes lost and Serena won. That’s about as bad as it gets for me.
CJ Hana: While Gavin copes with his loss, it’s time for our first contest of the evening!
(“I Will Not Bow” by Breaking Benjamin plays as Cassidy Kane comes from behind the curtains to a mixed crowd reaction)
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Maria Del Rey: This match is a tag-team contest and it’s scheduled for ONE FALL! Introducing first from Fort Worth, Texas, and weighing in at 135 POUNDS…CASSIDY KANNNNEEEEEEE!!!
Gavin Kirkland: Cassidy Kane will be looking to avenge her loss on Fight Grid and what an opportunity it would be here on Empire.
CJ Hana: Considering this is her debut match on Empire, she’s going to feel determined to pick up a victory here. This should be a good one for one of our younger Elitists on Empire.
(“Moonlight” by moumoon plays as Moonlight comes from behind the curtain to a quiet reaction from the crowd)
Maria Del Rey: And her partner, from Toronto, Canada and weighing in at 115 Pounds… MOOOONNNNLLLIGGGHHHHHTTTTTT!!!
(“Hyro The Hero” by Bullet plays as Io Ishimori steps on stage with a black plush cat on her shoulders to a mixed reaction from the crowd. As she steps into the ring and stands on top of the turnbuckle, Io removes her mask and makes a cut-throat gesture)
Maria Del Rey: Introducing their opponent, from Osaka, Japan and weighing in at 119 POUNDS… SHE IS THE ICE GODDESS IOOOOOOO IIISSSHHHHIIIIMMMMOOOORRRRIIIIII!!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: Why the hell does she bring a toy cat out to the ring?
CJ Hana: Respect the cat, Gavin… It has a name and it’s called Yoshi San!
Gavin Kirkland: I wonder if Cleo’s cat has a name…
CJ Hana: Oh, boy…
(“Feel Invincible” by Skillet plays as Miho Li comes from behind the curtain to a loud pop from the crowd. She slides into the ring focused and determined while posing on each turnbuckle inside the ring.)
Maria Del Rey: And her partner, from Riverside, California and weighing in at 120 POOOUNNDDSSS… MIHOOOOO LLLLLLLIIIIII!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: Miho Li is looking to bounce back after being the first eliminated out of the Women’s Grand Rampage. I’m sure she’s going to be on fire tonight!
CJ Hana: It seems so, Gavin… Miho Li is going to be the real deal around here. She’ll definitely step it up for the victory!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Gavin Kirkland: And this match is underway! There are no more cats in the ring and we’re about to start! Miho Li is looking to start off with Cassidy Kane as both competitors square up and Miho Li goes for a takedown on Cassidy! But Cassidy blocks the takedown and grabs Miho then throws her by the turnbuckle next to her partner, Io!
CJ Hana: And now a blind tag by Io! She tags her way into the match as Miho looks surprised and IO charges at Cassidy but she’s met with a powerslam! Cassidy drops down for the quick cover!
Referee: ONE! TWO!
Gavin Kirkland: Kickout at two by Io! Cassidy is in full control and grabs IO by the hair then swings her into the ring ropes but now Miho Li with the blind tag on IO! Cassidy is unaware of it as IO counters a clothesline by Cassidy and now Cassidy is met with a Roundhouse kick by Miho Li! And it drops Cassidy onto the canvas! Great teamwork by Miho Li and Io Ishimori!
CJ Hana: Miho Li now bounces off the ring ropes and goes for a spinning wheel kick as Cassidy gets back onto her feet and it connects! Cassidy stumbles backward and almost outside of the ring! But she catches herself on the ring ropes as Miho Li sprints toward her again and this time Miho goes for a spear!! BUT CASSIDY DODGES THE SPEAR AND MIHO ENDS UP HITTING MOONLIGHT AND MOONLIGHT FLIES OUTSIDE OF THE RING!
Gavin Kirkland: The 18-year-old Miho Li just speared the hell out of Moonlight as Cassidy pulls Miho Li by her hair and she’s going for a suplex! BUT MIHO COUNTERS IT INTO A SUPLEX OF HER OWN AND GOES FOR THE COVER!
Referee: ONE! TWO!
CJ Hana: Kickout at two by Cassidy Kane! She’s desperately trying to keep her team alive from this great tag team of Io and Miho Li… And now Miho Li grabs Cassidy Kane by the hair and tags in Io! The freshly talented IO whips Cassidy into the turnbuckle and charges at her but CASSIDY MOVES OUT OF THE WAY! Io goes crashing into the turnbuckle then turns around into a superkick from Cassidy Kane!
Gavin Kirkland: Cassidy is looking to make the tag to her partner but Moonlight is still holding her stomach outside of the ring. Miho Li really did a number on her as Cassidy has no choice but to fight this match on her own for now! Cassidy is sizing up Io as she goes another clothesline! BUT IO DUCKS UNDER IT THE BOUNCES OFF THE ROPES FOR A CLOTHESLINE OF HER OWN BUT CASSIDY WITH A BACKFLIP KICK! THAT KICK LANDS ON TOP OF IO’S HEAD AS SHE DROPS ONTO THE MAT!
CJ Hana: Cassidy is still looking for the tag but Moonlight is still suffering outside of the ring! Cassidy is looking frustrated now but she’s continuing to will herself in this match against two hungry young competitors. Cassidy is back on her feet again as Io is starting to shake off the backflip kick… Cassidy CHARGES! BUT SHE’S MET WITH A DROPKICK FROM IO ISHIMORI! BUT CASSIDY GETS BACK UP AGAIN AND GOES FOR A DROPKICK OF HER OWN! IO DROPS DOWN ON THE CANVAS AND NOW CASSIDY WITH ANOTHER ONE!
Gavin Kirkland: IO DROPS AGAIN! NOW MIHO LI STEPS INSIDE THE RING AND BAMMM!! SUPERKICK TO THE JAW OF CASSIDY KANE! Miho Li just stepped in to save her partner from more dropkicks! And now Cassidy is laid out as the referee is trying to tell Miho to go back to her corner.
CJ Hana: LOOK IT’S MOONLIGHT! SHE’S BACK IN THE MATCH AS SHE STEPS INSIDE THE MATCH AND CHARGES FOR IO!!! BUT IO MOVES OUT OF THE WAY AS MOONLIGHT ACCIDENTALLY SPEARS CASSIDY KANE ONTO THE MAT! OUCH!
Gavin Kirkland: Moonlight has certainly become a liability for her team… Moonlight looks shocked as she looks down at the fallen Cassidy Kane but she better watch out! IO IS BACK UP AND SHE HITS A PALM UPPERCUT TO MOONLIGHT! MOONLIGHT FALLS BACK INTO HER CORNER!
CJ Hana: The referee has finally turned his attention back into the match as IO goes for a running knee strike to Moonlight! BUT CASSIDY KANE ENDS UP CUTTING IO OFF WITH A BIG BOOT TO THE FACE!! AND IO IS DOWN AND OUT! MIHO LI TRIES TO STEP BACK INSIDE THE RING BUT THE REFEREE CUTS HER OFF!
Gavin Kirkland: AND WAIT FOR A SECOND! CASSIDY KANE WITH A ROLL UP ON IO ISHIMORI!!! AND SHE HAS THE TIGHTS!! SHE HAS THE TIGHTS!!! THE REFEREE TURNS BACK AROUND QUICKLY!!
Referee: ONE! TWO! THREEEE–
CJ Hana: MIHO LI WITH THE SAVE AT THE LAST SECOND!! MIHO LI HAS NOW BECOME ASSERTIVE IN THIS MATCH AS SHE GRABS CASSIDY KANE FOR A EUROPEAN UPPERCUT! IT KNOCKS CASSIDY KANE BACK INTO THE TURNBUCKLE!!
Gavin Kirkland: Moonlight tags her way in the match, finally! Hopefully, Moonlight can help as Cassidy has carried the load for their team thus far! MOONLIGHT COMES IN THE MATCH CHARGED UP! SHE HOPS ON THE TURNBUCKLE FOR A MOONSAULT! BUT MIHO LI WITH THE BULLET TIMER!! THE BULLET TIMER!! MIHO JUST STEPS ON THE TURNBUCKLES AND KICKS MOONLIGHT IN THE FACE!! MOONLIGHT GOES CRASHING DOWN ON THE CANVAS!!
CJ Hana: Cassidy Kane is back inside the ring! She goes after Miho Li! BUT MIHO LI WITH A HARD CLOTHESLINE KNOCKING THE TWO OUTSIDE OF THE RING! Now the legal women are inside as Moonlight is the first one back onto her feet and she sprints toward IO AGAIN FOR ANOTHER SPEA–BUT NO!!! SHE’S MET WITH A BLADE RUNNER BY IO ISHIMORI!!! INVIERNO CONNECTS!!! AND THE COVER BY IO!!
Referee: ONE!! TWOOOO!!! THREEEEEEE!!!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
(“Hyro The Hero” by Bullet is played as IO lifts herself off the fallen Moonlight and raises her hand in victory! Meanwhile, Miho Li joins in on the celebration after pushing Cassidy Kane into the barricade. Both women celebrate their well-earned victory)
Maria Del Rey: Here’s your winners of the match…the team of MIHOOO LIIIIII ANDDDD IOOOOO ISSSHHHHIIIMMMMOORRIIIII!!!
Gavin Kirkland: A great win from the young ladies! This should become a great start from future champions if they remain positive and consistent!
CJ Hana: A great win, indeed! But don’t take away the effort from Cassidy Kane. She showed up and she was ready! Hopefully next time she’ll have a partner with the same mindset. Regardless, Io and Miho Li pulled this one off with great chemistry and determination! You both deserve it, ladies!
(The last scene before commercial break is of Io and Miho celebrating their victory as Empire fades away.)
(Commercial for Essentia Water Alkaline 9.5 pH Ionized Water featuring EAW Elitist, Malcolm Jones.)
(“Surfin’” by Kid Cudi plays throughout the arena speakers as Serena Bennett makes her entrance down the Blue Carpet, smiling wide and slapping hands with fans along the way.)
Maria Del Rey: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome…the winner of the twenty-ninety women’s Grand Rampage–SERRRREEEEEENAAAAAA BENNNNEEETTTTTTTTTTT!
Gavin Kirkland: Alright, CJ, I’m out of here. I’ll see you when this traitorous bitch leaves the arena. I can’t believe we have to put up with this hoax of a celebration, all because this hoodrat managed to STEAL a victory from Felix Hartley!
CJ Hana: You’re out of your mind! We were both there. Serena Bennett performed amazingly at the Women’s Grand Rampage. To enter a match like that at number one, and then to walk out victorious–it doesn’t get any bigger than this right here. Serena absolutely earned the right to main event Pain for Pride!
Gavin Kirkland: All I’m saying is Felix Hartley was robbed.
(Serena enters the ring and poses at the ropes while the fans continue to cheer her on. She is clearly overwhelmed as “Surfin’” dies down and the sounds of the cheering and screaming fans fill the arena. A “you deserve it” chant begins somewhere in the stadium and carries all the way to Serena’s ears, her eyes watering slightly as she embraces the love from the crowd. Serena reaches behind her, picks up a microphone from one of her blue velvet chairs, and raises the mic to her mouth.)
Serena Bennett: Thank you, New Delhi!
(The crowd cheers some more.)
Serena Bennett: I appreciate the love. I appreciate all of the congratulations, the kind words, and the support over the past few months–but ‘specially recently. I can’t tell y’all enough how much it all means to me to know that so many people all over the world are as proud of me as the EAW Universe is right now after winning the Grand Rampage.
(More cheers.)
Serena Bennett: Didn’t I tell y’all? Didn’t I say I was gon’ be at the top of this brand real soon? Now look at me! Finna main event Pain for Pride 12 and snatch the title off Sienna Jade, in no time. And some of y’all will hate to see it. But I don’t give a fuck, I don’t give a shit ‘bout however many of y’all in that locker room believe that it shoulda been you to have your hand raised in victory, how you should be the one to receive a Women’s World Title shot. Nah, was there ever a doubt in anyone’s mind that it was gon’ be me next up for a shot? Since I freed myself of that itty bitty Specialists’ Championship, there ain’t nothin’ holdin’ me back from playin’ with the big kids now. And to hell with whatever Visual Prophet says, SERENA BENNETT is the face of Empire as far as I can see. Ain’t a single bitch in that locker room that can hang with me, I’m untouchable. And I’ma force y’all to feel me, get y’al to finally understand who the fuck it is you been dealin’ with. Ain’t nobody better than me. You’d be out of your damn mind to ever think so. But whatever, I’ve had enough of shittin’ on y’all, I don’t wanna talk about you bitches no more, this is supposed to be all about me. This is my celebration, you heard me? And I’ma make sure we do this right. And for that to happen, I went ahead and invited someone out here to New Delhi with me that knows how to turn up–so ladies and gentlemen, please help me welcome my honorary guest for the evening and a very good friend of mine–SNOOOOOOP DOGGGGG!
(“Drop It Like It’s Hot” by Snoop Dogg begins to play throughout the arena, the fans in attendance cheering wildly for Serena’s special guest announcement.)
Gavin Kirkland: Oh great, CJ. This is just about the last thing we need–more of these people in our arena. Can’t I ever catch a break?
CJ Hana: Careful, Gavin, your racist is showing.
Gavin Kirkland: Racist?! What?! All I meant was that we didn’t have enough blue eye, blonde hair dames! Except, we have another man!
CJ Hana: A multi-platinum recording artist of a man! Check out his low rider!
(Snoop Dogg pulls up on the stage in a blue lowrider with several of Poons presumably belonging to TLA riding inside of the car with him. He steps out in a navy blue and bedazzled robe, extending his arms outward so that a Poon can latch onto him. He walks arm in arm with the Poons down the Blue Carpeted ramp and towards the ring, basking in the crowd reception. One of the Poons leaves his arm and walks up the steel steps to hold the ropes open for him as Snoop Dogg enters the ring.)
(The ring is now filled with Snoop Dogg’s Poons as “Drop it Like It’s Hot” dies down and Serena applauds for her guest.)
Serena Bennett: Snoop! Thank you so much for joinin’ me tonight. It means a lot for me to know that I can call upon a friend like you.
Snoop Dogg: It’s no problem, baby. I been watchin’ you girl, I’m so proud of what you’ve accomplished in such a short amount of time–all in the name of Compton too, no doubt. It’s amazing watchin’ you do what you do. I wouldn’t miss this celebration for nothin’.
Serena Bennett: Y’all see this?! Y’all see this love and support!? I’m so thankful for all the friends I made along the way. It means even more that someone as inspirational as Snoop Dogg was for me and my city, someone who showed me that there was much more to life so long as you trust the process and always keep your end goals in mind.
Snoop Dogg: Fo’shizzle, Serena. Now where them bottles at? We ‘bout to get it crackin’ up in here.
(A Poon reaches for a bottle of champagne for Serena and Snoop to share. She opens the bottle and begins to poor it into a glass as “Chun Li” by Nicki Minaj begins to play, much to everyone’s surprise. Serena turns her head slowly towards the stage, a disgusted and deeply offended look on her face.)
Gavin Kirkland: :blessed: HERE WE GO! THERE IT IS! COME TO DADDY, FELIX!
CJ Hana: Felix Hartley might be making a grave mistake here interrupting Serena’s celebration this evening, Gavin. Remember, it was Felix and Serena who were the final two participants of the Women’s Grand Rampage–Felix was the last woman standing in Serena’s way, and Serena stopped Felix’s dreams of main eventing at Pain for Pride!
Gavin Kirkland: She was robbed, I tell you. And I know exactly what’ll make her feel better–some long, deep strokes–
CJ Hana: THROW THAT GODDAMN BOTTLE OF LOTION AWAY!
(Felix reaches the ring and steps between the ropes, nonchalantly grabbing a microphone as she brushes past Snoop Dogg and Serena. She flips her bright red hair, standing in the center of the ring as her music dies down.)
Felix Hartley: I’m sorry to interrupt, Serena–well. Not really, actually. I just thought if you were looking for a party, Snoop, you’d be interested in some finer entertainment than whatever this chick set you up with.
(The camera cuts to Snoop Dogg who wears a huge grin on his face as he admires Felix Hartley.)
Serena Bennett: Bye, Felicia. When you gon’ learn your place around here? Or do I need to beat the dog shit out you again? Steppin’ into my ring again like I ain’t already tell you that you ain’t belong in here.
Felix Hartley: Girl, please. First of all, I was speaking to Snoop, not you. And secondly, I’m doing your ass a favor by evening showing up out here. It’s about time you move over, Serena. Your fifteen minutes of fame are just about done. It’s no wonder you had to bring a last-gen celebrity like Snoop Dogg out here to help your little show’s “ratings,” cause this shit is tired. Can’t relate, I’ve never had to rely on anybody for my success. Only myself, unlike you who needs all the help you can muster up to maintain your relevancy. Take comfort in the fact that I’m probably the only bitch not scared of you, as much as you want so badly to believe the rest of the locker room is intimidated by your little ass and whatever laughable influence you think you have right now.
Serena Bennett: Please sit the fuck down, cheeto face. You think I have zero influence? I just won a twenty woman Grand Rampage. But I guess that wasn’t enough, y’all still want more. Okay then. I guess I really gotta show y’all what the fuck is up. Bitches like you, Felix, hatin’ on me really be upset, but for what? Fuck I look like lettin’ your opinions get the better of me? Ain’t no way in hell any of you gon’ hold me back from gettin’ what I want and walkin’ away with championship gold at Pain for Pride. It’s my time to succeed, my time to be where I belong, as the face of Empire. I’ma keep on grindin’, keep on shinin’, keep on winnin’ ’til my heart fuckin’ stops. And that ain’t no time soon, cuz. Y’all are quick to undermine the influence I’ve had in such a short time–and that ain’t no problem, ‘cause I know the truth. The truth is that I been changing the game all for the better. I’m the future of this business, like it or not, and I know you new around here, sis, but you better learn quick.
Felix Hartley: I need to learn? From you? Don’t make me laugh. I’m the one that needs to teach YOU a thing or two, “sis.” Watch and learn.
(Felix drops the microphone and turns her attention to Snoop Dogg who still has yet to remove his eyes from Felix Hartley. She flips her hair again and grabs him by the neck, pulling him closer to her as she slowly licks his cheek. She places a hand on his belt buckle and pushes him away from her slightly. She backs away towards the ropes, making a “come here” motion with her fingers as she exits the ring. “Chun Li” picks back up as Snoop Dogg leaves Serena and his Poons behind, following Felix Hartley out of the ring and up the ramp. He catches up to Felix who smiles wide and talks smack off-mic to Serena as Snoop Dogg throws his arm around her.)
CJ Hana: I don’t know what to make of this, Gavin. Just when I thought these two already said all they could say to each other, they make things all the more interesting! Felix has made it a mission to just about out-do Serena Bennett in everything that she does.
Gavin Kirkland: :mjcry: What does Snoop Dogg have that I don’t?
(Serena watches onward from the middle of the ring, shaking her head, and clearly agitated that Felix Hartley interrupted the celebration of her Grand Rampage victory.)
(Commercial break featuring an ad for Bob’s Discount Furniture featuring The Round Table.)
(Empire returns from commercial break and cuts to the ringside area. Several chairs have been scattered around, indicating what’s about to happen next. The feed switches to Maria, who is standing in the middle of the ring. Several chairs have been scattered around inside the ring as well.)
Maria Del Rey: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN… THE FOLLOWING CONTEST IS SCHEDULED FOR…
Crowd: ONE FALL!
Maria Del Rey: AND IT’S A CHAIRS MATCH!
(The excited crowd inside the Indira Gandhi Indoor Stadium erupt at the announcement of the match stipulation. The arena goes dark, and the sounds of “Big Bad Wolf” by In This Moment plays. A video package shows the silhouette of a woman walking down a dark alley before she suddenly appears as the rift of the song begins to play. Minerva is on the stage, kneeling and licking her lips. She slowly looks around with a smile on her face before crawling a little and slowly standing on her two feet.)
Maria Del Rey: INTRODUCING FIRST… FROM COYOTE FLATS, TEXAS… WEIGHING IN AT 125 POUNDS… SHE IS THE GYPSY MOTH… MINERVA!!!!
(Minerva is greeted with a mixed reaction, but all she does is laugh as she makes her way to the ring. Minvera stops and turns to the rampway where she points to the ceiling, her eyes roll to the back of her head, not moving, making the signal of the cross.)
Gavin Kirkland: Jesus loves you, Constance.
CJ Hana: … that is not Constance Blevins.
Gavin Kirkland: Then why did she just bless herself?
(Minerva gets into the ring and stands in the middle, looking around one more time before she heads to her corner. Her music fades out and is soon replaced by “Ten Thousand Fists” by Disturbed. A few seconds later, Celes Dumont emerges, and she wears a confident smirk across her face.)
Gavin Kirkland: Where’s Karyl?
CJ Hana: Who?
Gavin Kirkland: Karina.
CJ Hana: ….
Gavin Kirkland (sighing): Nevermind.
(Celes makes her way to the ring, and the entire time she is walking, her eyes never leave Minerva. It’s plain as day that Celes is ready for this match, and she fully intends to make the most of the opportunity presented to her. Celes slips inside the ring, taunts the crowd, and sheds her ring jacket. Minerva pushes herself off the turnbuckles and casually strolls to the center of the ring to greet Celes. The referee quickly explains the rules of the match, and once both women nod their heads, showing they understand how this works, the bell rings.)
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Gavin Kirkland: And we’re off for what I’m sure is going to be a rather barbaric and completely uninteresting match featuring the thing and Constance Blevins. It still blows my mind that women think they can be wrestlers, let alone hardcore wrestlers but I digress. Neither of these bitches do anything for FOX and the Empire brand as a whole, so I guess if we have to throw two of them out there to kill each other, these are good choices. I shudder every time I see Celes anyway, and I’m sick of Constance’s obsession with the mother of my future children, Cleopatra.
CJ Hana: THAT. IS. MINERVA.
Gavin Kirkland: Ehhh. All brunette bitches look the same, and could never get this dick, CJ. And at the end of the day, it’s about who makes Gavin Kirkland hard that really matters when it comes to Empire and these matches.
CJ Hana: ….
Gavin Kirkland: Constance circles the thing and is licking her lips, which honestly is kind of disturbing. There’s absolutely nothing about Celes that screams ‘lick me’, and it would probably take an act of beastiality for her to actually get laid. But Jesus’ cock suck-
CJ Hana: That is Minerva for the last fucking time and I’m about to have your headset cut off. Either shut the fuck up or call the match like a normal person.
Gavin Kirkland: Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine. Celes grabs Minerva and places her in a side headlock. Minerva works her way out of that and sends Celes into the ropes. Celes ducks a clothesline, and comes back at Minerva, taking her down with a shoulder block! There are chairs placed inside the ring, and around the ringside area, but Celes drops down and begins unleashing rights and lefts to Minerva’s face! Minerva fends her off, but Celes grabs The Gypsy Moth by the hair and tosses her into the corner! Celes charges forward and Minerva eats a corner clothesline! Celes immediately starts putting the boots to Minerva, and stomps her into a sitting position. Celes follows that up with a series of knee strikes now, and Minerva has taken quite a bit of punishment here in the opening minutes of the match. Celes drags her opponent out of the corner and tosses her to the outside of the ring.
CJ Hana: Minerva gets back to her feet…. BUT THERE GOES CELES! SUICIDE DIVE TO THE OUTSIDE AND SHE TAKES DOWN MINERVA! CELES IS THROWING RIGHTS AND LEFTS AGAIN AND HAS TAKEN FULL CONTROL OF THIS MATCH! CELES PICKS UP MINERVA AND THROWS HER INTO THE STEEL RING STEPS! SHE PICKS UP A CHAIR, TAPS IT ON THE GROUND, AND SCREAMS AT MINERVA TO GET UP! MINERVA PULLS HERSELF UP AND CELES SWINGS THE CHAIR! MINERVA DUCKS AND CELES HITS THE RING POST! MINERVA TAKES ADVANTAGE OF THE SITUATION AND GRABS CELES FROM BEHIND! MINERVA LOOKS TO SEND CELES INTO THE BARRICADES, BUT CELES IS ABLE TO REVERSE!!!! MINERVA TRIES TO FIGHT HER WAY OUT OF CELES’ CLUTCHES, BUT CELES SLAMS HER FIST INTO MINERVA’S FACE AND TOSSES MINERVA INTO THE GUARDRAILS! CELES GRABS THE CHAIR AGAIN AND SHE STALKS TOWARDS MINERVA! I THINK CELES CAME INTO THIS MATCH LOOKING TO PROVE A POINT!
Gavin Kirkland: That she’s not a ‘thing’ and wants to be treated like a real girl? Pffff.
CJ Hana: I fucking hate you.
Gavin Kirkland: Celes takes the chair and brings it down across Minerva’s back! She grabs Minerva by the hair and drags her back towards the ring! Celes throws Minerva inside and slips back in, chair in hand. Minerva is clutching her lower back and Celes stalks her prey. She looks down at Minerva, and she’s smiling, which is quite frankly more terrifying than the chair in her hands consider her grill is busted AF. She waits for Minerva to get back to her knees before she takes the chair and slams it right into Minerva’s face! Celes drops down and goes for the cover!
OOONNNEEE!!!
TTTTWWWWOOOO!!!!
CJ Hana: MINERVA KICKS OUT!
Gavin Kirkland: Celes mounts Minerva which would be moderately hot if it were anyone other than Celes Dumont. Minerva might be brunette, and not my type, and would probably never get the D from me, but I could certainly watch lesbian porn, or maybe a fetish film invo-
CJ Hana: ANYWAYS!!! Celes hammers away on Minerva! Minerva has got to do something to subdue Celes’ offense, because since the bell rang, it has been all Celes. Every single week we see Celes Dumont come out and fight with passion and purpose, and tonight is no different.
Gavin Kirkland: Everyone fights with passion and purpose, so we’re not gunna sit here and act like that actually makes Celes a good competitor. Give me a fucking break. Celes grabs Minerva up and brings her to her knees… :oh:
CJ Hana: BUT MINERVA JUST PUNCHED CELES!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: SHE CUNT PUNCHED HER! CALL THE ACTION RIGHT AND TELL THE AUDIENCE WHAT IS REALLY GOING ON! CELES JUST GOT PUNCHED IN THE CUNT AND MINERVA JUST DID IT AGAIN! AND AGAIN! CELES DROPS TO HER KNEES AND MINERVA SLAMS HER FOREARM INTO CELES’ FACE! MINERVA IS NOW GETTING HER BEARINGS AND SHE LOOKS AROUND THE RING! A TWISTED LITTLE SMILE CROSSES HER FACE AS SHE CRAWLS ON TOP OF CELES AND WRAPS HER HANDS AROUND CELES’ NECK! MINERVA DIGS HER CLAWS INTO CELES’ FLESH AND BEGINS CHOKING THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF THE THING! CELES IS GASPING FOR AIR AND HER FACE IS TURNING PURPLE! MINERVA IS NOW SLAMMING THE BACK OF CELES’ HEAD INTO THE MAT! YAAAAASSS PRINCESS KILLER! CONCUSS THAT BITCH! MINERVA GRABS CELES UP BY THE HAIR AND THROWS HER INTO THE CORNER! SHE GRABS A CHAIR AND THROWS IT RIGHT AT CELES! CELES CATCHES THE CHAIR BUT MINERVA HITS A DROP KICK, AND THAT CHAIR SLAMS RIGHT INTO CELES FACE! MINERVA TAKES THE CHAIR AND NOW SHE IS JUST BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF CELES WITH IT! AND THIS IS GREAT! THIS IS FANTASTIC! THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I NEED TO SEE! BEAT THE UGLY OUT OF HER, MINERVA! I’M ACTUALLY SAYING YOUR NAME RIGHT!!!!!
CJ Hana: MINERVA TAKES CELES AND TOSSES HER OUTSIDE THE RING! SHE FOLLOWS HER OUT AND GRABS THE GYPSY CHAIN SHE BROUGHT TO THE RING WITH HER! MINERVA WRAPS THAT WEAPON AROUND CELES NECK AND BEGINS CHOKING HER SOME MORE! CELES FIGHTS WITH EVERYTHING SHE HAS IN HER BUT MINERVA IS RELENTLESS! SHE SWINGS CELES INTO THE SIDE OF THE RING, BUT MAINTAINS CONTROL OF THE CHOKE! CELES CONTINUES TO FIGHT SO MINERVA SLAMS HER INTO THE RING AGAIN!
Gavin Kirkland: MINERVA SLAMS CELES INTO THE RING AGAIN AND LETS GO OF THE CHOKE! SHE’S USING THE CHAIN TO BEAT CELES NOW! SHE WHIPS HER ACROSS THE STOMACH! THE FACE! THE CHEST! MINERVA WRAPS IT AROUND HER FIST AND DROPS DOWN, PUNCHING CELES IN THE MOUTH!!! OVER AND OVER SHE SLAMS HER FIST INTO CELES’ FACE AND CELES’ FACE IS NOW A CRIMSON MASK! FUCK YES! MINERVA LOOKS PROUD OF HER WORK AND SHE LETS GO OF THE CHAIN! NOW SHE’S DIGGING HER FINGERNAILS INTO THOSE OPEN WOUNDS OF CELES AND MAKING THE BLEEDING WORSE! MINERVA WIPES CELES’ BLOOD ACROSS HER OWN CHEST, AND STARTS TO LAUGH!
CJ Hana: :damn:
Gavin Kirkland: That’s weirdly erotic…
CJ Hana: MINERVA SCOOPS UP CELES AND THROWS HER BACK INSIDE THE RING!!! MINERVA GETS INSIDE AS WELL AND GRABS A CHAIR! SHE PLACES IT ACROSS CELES’ FACE AND RUNS THE ROPES!! MINERVA WITH HELL’S BELLS!!! SHE LANDS THE SPLIT-LEGGED MOONSAULT ON TOP OF THE CHAIR AND CRUSHES CELES’ FACE IN THE PROCESS!!! MINERVA HOOKS THE LEG!!!
OOONNNEEE!!!
TTTTWWWWOOOO!!!!
TTTTTHHHHHRRRRREEEEE—
Gavin Kirkland: THE SWAMP MONSTER KICKS OUT!!!
CJ Hana: GAVIN PLEASE!
Gavin Kirkland: SHUT THE FUCK UP CJ AND LET ME LIVE MY LIFE!! AT LEAST I’M ENJOYING THIS MATCH NOW!!!
CJ Hana: MINERVA LOOKS DOWN AT CELES AND SHE’S…. she’s caressing Celes’ face?!
Gavin Kirkland: Minerva throws the chair to the side and grabs Celes, almost cradling her against her chest! Well this is a rather bizarre turn of events but alright…
CJ Hana: Is it though? Neither of these women are what you’d call stable, functioning members of society…
Gavin Kirkland: Minerva is finally getting back up and she’s pulling Celes up as well. Minerva gently places her hands on Celes’ face and looks deep into her eyes. Celes is groggy and covered in blood, and honestly that’s kind of an improvement…
CJ Hana: MINERVA JUST SLAPPED THE SHIT OUT OF CELES!!!
Gavin Kirkland: WELP! That seemed to wake Celes the fuck up because look at her eyes CJ! She’s about to start wildin!
CJ Hana: CELES JUST SLAPPED MINERVA BACK!
Gavin Kirkland: MINERVA LIKED IT!!!
CJ Hana: MINERVA SLAPS CELES! CELES SLAPS HER BACK!! MINERVA WITH ANOTHER SLAP TO CELES’ FACE!!! CELES!!!! MINERVA!!!!! CELES!!!!!! MINERVA!!!!!!! CELES!!!!!!!! CELES!!!!!!!! CELES!!!!!!!! CELES DUMONT DROPS MINERVA TO THE MAT AND IS WAILING AWAY ON HER!!!!!! MINERVA REVERSES AND NOW SHE’S ON TOP!!!!! IT IS MINERVA WHO IS STRIKING CELES WITH BRUTAL FOREARM SHOTS NOW!!! CELES THROWS HER OFF AND SCRAMBLES TO HER FEET! SHE GRABS FOR A CHAIR AND RUSHES TOWARDS MINERVA!!! SHE JAMS THE CHAIR INTO MINERVA’S GUT AND THAT CAUSES THE GYPSY MOTH TO DOUBLE OVER!!! CELES SLAMS THE CHAIR INTO MINERVA’S BACK AND DROPS HER TO THE MAT!!!! CELES BEGINS STOMPING ON MINERVA’S BACK NOW!! CELES HAS LOST IT! SHE RAISES THE CHAIR ABOVE HER HEAD AND JUST BEATS MINERVA WITH IT! CELES BEATING MINERVA AND NOW SHE’S TAKING THE CHAIR AND KICKING MINERVA ONTO HER BACK!!! CELES RAISES THE CHAIR AND SHE SLAMS IT INTO MINERVA’S FACE!!! SURELY MINERVA’S FACE JUST GOT BROKEN!!! CELES SLIPS OUT OF THE RING AND SHE’S LIFTING UP THE SKIRT!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE LOOKING FOR???
Gavin Kirkland: CELES JUST PULLED OUT A CHAIR THAT IS COVERED IN NAILS!!!
CJ Hana: CELES GETS BACK IN THE RING AND SHE RAISES THAT CHAIR ABOVE HER HEAD!!!
Gavin Kirkland: MINERVA ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY! THE CHAIR SLAMS INTO THE MAT AND THE GYPSY MOTH QUICKLY SWIPES CELES’ FEET OUT FROM UNDERNEATH OF HER! MINERVA WRESTLES THE NAIL CHAIR FROM CELES AND SLAMS IT INTO CELES’ STOMACH!!! THOSE NAILS JUST PUNCTURED CELES’ FLESH AND SHE’S BLEEDING FROM THE ABDOMEN NOW!!! MINERVA GETS UP AND RAISES THE CHAIR UP!! SHE’S AIMING FOR CELES’ FACE NOW!!!!
CJ Hana: CELES GETS HER ARMS UP AND SAVES HERSELF!!! THE CHAIR STRIKES CELES IN THE ARMS AND THE TWISTED SISTER OF THE DOMINION LITERALLY JUST SAVED HER OWN FACE!!!
Gavin Kirkland: MINERVA RIPS THE CHAIR FROM CELES’ ARMS AND TRIES TO SLAM IT INTO CELES’ FACE AGAIN! BUT CELES ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY AND DROPS DOWN TO THE GROUND!! CELES IS GROSS BUT I’LL GIVE HER CREDIT AT THE MOMENT. SHE IS TOUGH AF AND SHOWING A LOT OF RESILIENCE.
(Meanwhile in Hell, The Devil grabs his jacket because it just froze over.)
CJ Hana: CELES IS REACHING FOR THE NEAREST CHAIR BUT MINERVA IS STALKING HER! MINERVA HAS THE NAIL CHAIR STILL IN HER HANDS AND CELES MANAGES TO GRAB ONE RIGHT AS MINERVA TAKES A WILD SWING! CELES THROWS THE CHAIR AND HITS MINERVA’S AND MINERVA LOSES HER GRIP ON IT! CELES FORCES HERSELF UP TO HER FEET AND SHE SPEARS MINERVA!!! THEY BOTH GO CRASHING THROUGH THE GUARDRAILS AND THE FIGHT IS NOW IN THE CROWD!!! SECURITY IS MOVING FANS OUT OF THE WAY AS BOTH MINERVA AND CELES ARE GETTING BACK TO THEIR FEET NOW!! BOTH OF THEM TAKE A MOMENT TO TAKE IN THEIR SURROUNDINGS AND BOTH OF THEM LOOK AT ONE ANOTHER AND SMILE!! CELES GRABS A CHAIR! MINERVA GRABS A CHAIR! CELES SWINGS FIRST! SHE HITS MINERVA IN THE SIDE WITH THE CHAIR! MINERVA EATS THE CHAIR SHOT AND SWINGS HERS!!! SHE CONNECTS WITH CELES’ SIDE!! CELES REMAINS STANDING!!! AND HERE THEY FUCKING GO!!! BOTH WOMEN ARE JUST BEATING ONE ANOTHER WITH THEIR CHAIRS NOW!!!
Gavin Kirkland: JESUS ALLAH BUDDHA OR WHATEVER THE FUCK THEY WORSHIP HERE IN INDIA!! MY DICK IS ERECT AND I’M NOT EVEN REMOTELY ASHAMED THAT IT’S PARTIALLY DUE TO THE THING!!! :wow: FUCK ME RIGHT NOW CJ!!!
CJ Hana: :whoa:
Gavin Kirkland: MINERVA HITS CELES! CELES HITS MINERVA! MINERVA! CELES! MINERVA! CELES! MINERVA JUST CRACKED CELES UPSIDE THE HEAD WITH THE CHAIR AND THAT DROPS CELES TO HER KNEES!! MINERVA SLAMS THE CHAIR DOWN ON TOP OF CELES’ HEAD AND CELES IS DOWN!!! MINERVA GRABS SOMEONE’S KNOCK OFF HANDBAG AND RIPS THE PURSE STRAP!!! SHE WRAPS THAT PLEATHER AROUND CELES’ NECK AND DRAGS HER THROUGH THE CROWD!! CELES IS CLAWING AT THAT STRAP AND MINERVA USES IT TO LIFT CELES UP BY THE NECK!!! MINERVA SLINGS CELES AND LETS GO!! CELES JUST WENT FLYING INTO A GROUP OF CHAIRS!! THIS MATCH IS ABOUT TO GET US BANNED FROM INDIA AND I THOUGHT ONLY THOSE IDIOTS WHO WORKED ON VOLTAGE WERE CAPABLE OF GETTING US KICKED OUT OF OTHER COUNTRIES!!!
CJ Hana: MINERVA WIPES THE BLOOD FROM HER FACE AND STALKS TOWARDS CELES! EVERYONE IN THE CROWD IS GETTING THE HELL OUT OF HER WAY AND I DON’T BLAME THEM! MINERVA IS FINALLY SHOWING THE EAW UNIVERSE WHAT SHE’S REALLY CAPABLE OF TONIGHT!!!
Gavin Kirkland: BUT SO IS THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON!!! IT’S BACK UP AND IT LOOKS ANGRY!!! CELES IS FOAMING AT THE MOUTH AND SHE LETS OUT A ROAR!!! CELES GRABS A CHAIR AND FLIES TOWARDS MINERVA!!! MINERVA GETS HER FOOT UP AND CELES TAKES ANOTHER CHAIR TO THE FACE!!! MINERVA GRABS CELES BY THE HAIR AND THROWS HER BACK IN THE DIRECTION OF THE RING! CELES CRAWLS TOWARDS THE RING AND EVEN THOUGH SHE’S DOWN, SHE IS NOT OUT!!! SHE PULLS OUT A KENDO STICK AND RIGHT AS MINERVA GOES TO GRAB HER… CELES CATCHES MINERVA WITH THE KENDO STICK! MINERVA STUMBLES BACK! CELES SOMEHOW FORCES HERSELF BACK UP TO HER FEET!! CELES TAKES THE KENDO STICK AND WHIPS IT ACROSS MINERVA’S FACE! MINERVA HITS THE GROUND AND CELES DROPS THE KENDO STICK!!! SHE STARTS RIPPING UP THAT PADDING, EXPOSING THE CONCRETE FLOOR, AND THIS IS NOT GOOD FOR MINERVA! THIS ISN’T GOOD AT ALL!!!
CJ Hana: CELES WALKS BACK OVER TO MINERVA AND SHE DEADLIFTS HER UP AND OFF THE GROUND! GERMAN SUPLEX TO THE EXPOSED FLOOR!!! MINERVA’S HEAD JUST BOUNCED OFF THE CONCRETE!!! CELES GRABS THE PRINCESS KILLER AND THROWS HER BACK INSIDE THE RING! CELES CAN SMELL THE VICTORY NOW! SHE’S GOT MINERVA!!! SHE LIFTS MINERVA UP!!! ‘FEAR EFFECT!’ CELES JUST HIT MINERVA WITH ‘FEAR EFFECT’!! OVERHEAD GUTWRENCH BACKBREAKER RACK DROPPED INTO A MODIFIED FACEBUSTER!! CELES GOES FOR THE COVER!!!
OOONNNEEE!!!
TTTTWWWWOOOO!!!!
TTTTTHHHHHRRRRREEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: :damn:
CJ Hana: SHE FUCKING KICKED OUT!!!
Gavin Kirkland: THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS HER!!
CJ Hana: WRONG FUCKING WRESTLER!!!
Gavin Kirkland: CELES IS SHOOK! SHE CAN NOT BELIEVE SHE DIDN’T WIN THE MATCH!!! She’s getting back to her feet now and she’s looking around the ring! Celes walks over to the corner and she places a chair between the ropes and turnbuckles! Celes walks back over to Minerva and she scoops her up! Celes grabs Minerva and rams her head first into that chair! Celes grabs the chair and she slams it down on Minerva! She does it again! AND AGAIN!!! CELES TURNS THE CHAIR UPSIDE DOWN AND DRIVES IT INTO MINERVA’S MIDSECTION!!! CELES UNFOLDS THE CHAIR AND SLAMS IT DOWN INTO THE MAT! CELES GRABS ANOTHER CHAIR, UNFOLDS IT, AND SLAMS IT DOWN INTO THE MAT! CELES PULLS MINERVA UP BY THE HAIR AND SHE SITS HER DOWN! WUT?
CJ Hana: Celes takes the seat across from Minerva and places her hands on her thighs. She’s just staring at Minerva and what the fuck?
Celes Dumont (Off Mic): COME ON BITCH. HIT ME!
Gavin Kirkland: Celes slaps Minerva right across the face, and :damn:!!!!! Minerva’s blue eyes just flew open! Ohmygawd… Minerva’s face right now! I’m fucking shook!
CJ Hana: MINERVA WITH A STRAIGHT RIGHT HAND TO CELES’ JAW! CELES’ HEAD SNAPS BACK! BUT CELES FIRES BACK WITH A STRAIGHT RIGHT OF HER OWN! MINERVA WITH A RIGHT HAND! CELES WITH A RIGHT! MINERVA! CELES! MINERVA! CELES! THIS HAS BEEN THE STORY OF THE ENTIRE MATCH! BACK AND FORTH… THESE WOMEN HAVE TAKEN ONE ANOTHER TO HELL AND BACK! MINERVA FIRES OFF A FOREARM! CELES DOES THE SAME! MINERVA! CELES! MINERVA! CELES! GAVIN THEY’RE GOING TO KILL ONE ANOTHER! THEY’RE STILL EXCHANGING FOREARMS AND BOTH WOMEN GET BACK TO THEIR FEET! MINERVA HEADBUTTS CELES! CELES HEADBUTTS MINERVA! THEY’RE EXCHANGING HEADBUTTS NOW AND BOTH WOMEN ARE ON SPAGHETTI LEGS! BOTH OF THEM STEP BACK FROM ONE ANOTHER AND BOTH OF THEM GRAB THE CHAIRS THEY WERE SITTING IN! CELES AND MINERVA SWING AT ONE ANOTHER AND BOTH OF THEM HIT ONE ANOTHER UPSIDE THE HEAD! CELES AND MINERVA BOTH GO DOWN! I THINK THEY’RE DONE!
(The entire time that exchange had been going on, the crowd had gotten to their feet. They were cheering both women on, and completing eating up the sheer brutality Minerva and Celes were dishing out to one another.)
Gavin Kirkland: The referee is down and checking on both girls, but they’re not moving. I think exhaustion has settled over both of them!
CJ Hana: The referee looks confused! She can’t just call for the bell!
(With no other option, the referee starts to count!)
1…
2…
(Neither woman moves.)
3…
4…
(Minerva’s arms start to move.)
5…
6…
(Celes’ arms start to move.)
7…
8…
Gavin Kirkland: IT’S MINERVA WHO MAKES IT UP TO HER KNEES! SHE CRAWLS OVER TO CELES AND GOES FOR THE COVER!!!!
OOONNNEEE!!!
TTTTWWWWOOOO!!!!
TTTTTHHHHHRRRRREEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
CJ Hana: CELES! KICKED!! OUT!!!
Gavin Kirkland: MINERVA LETS OUT A FRUSTRATED CRY AND SHE JERKS CELES UP BY THE HAIR! CELES FIGHTS BACK WITH A SERIES OF RIGHTS AND LEFTS… BUT DAMN! MINERVA JUST SPIT THAT BLACK MIST INTO CELES’ FACE! CELES IS BLINDED! MINERVA GRABS CELES AND SHE IS GOING FOR TPK!!!!!
CJ Hana: TPK CONNECTS! CELES IS OUT THANKS TO THAT PACKAGE PILEDRIVER!!! MINERVA THROWS HER BODY ACROSS CELES’!!!!
OOONNNEEE!!!
TTTTWWWWOOOO!!!!
TTTTTHHHHHRRRRREEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Maria Del Rey: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN… HERE IS YOUR WINNER… MINERVA!!!!
(Minerva’s theme song begins to play, and an exhausted, bloodied, and battered Minerva rolls off top of Celes. She sits up, barely alive, and pushes her raven-colored locks out of her face. She looks at the carnage and then back at her fallen opponent, and a sinister little smirk crossed her lovely face.)
CJ Hana: Minerva just won a fucking war, Gavin!
Gavin Kirkland: That match was ridiculous. I think I ejaculated when the two of them started headbutting one another.
CJ Hana: Minerva wins a huge match here on Empire, and my God. This woman is deadly. If there was anyone left on Empire who still doubted her after her performance in Grand Rampage, I think she erased those doubts tonight.
(Minerva staggers to her feet and allows the referee to raise her hand. The camera takes another shot of a victorious Minerva before she slowly exits the ring.)
(“Big Bad Wolf” dies down as Celes is seen sitting up in the ring, tugging at her hair and visibly frustrated with herself. She crawls over to the timekeeper’s area and grabs a microphone. She sits crossed legged in the center of the ring as she prepares to address the fans in attendance.)
Celes Dumont: I am–no, WE–are so sick and tired of being treated like some sort of–some sort of joke! Not to be taken seriously! Despite how much I constantly strive to prove myself to you people and everyone in that locker room. If the Grand Rampage wasn’t enough, I’ve lost to a damn gypsy! No. No, I know that when the right opportunity comes, when I’m faced with an ACTUAL challenge, that I will succeed. We will rise to the task at hand. That’s what we need, I need a huge opportunity–and I’m going to take one if Empire management won’t give it to me!
Gavin Kirkland: Here we go again…another “Fuck Empire” crusade, or at least this is what it’s starting to look like. Wake me when it’s over–
Celes Dumont: CONSUELA! ROSE! AVA!
Gavin Kirkland & CJ Hana: :krabs:
(The crowd in the stadium begins to stir with excitement as Celes mentions the reigning Specialists Champion.)
Celes Dumont: Yes, Consuela, we’re calling you out. Show your face to me. Grace the EAW Universe with your presence.
(Celes lowers the microphone for a moment as she turns to the stage, awaiting for Consuela Rose Ava to accept her challenge. A few moments pass and “We Appreciate Power” begins to play throughout the stadium speakers and a wide smile grows across Celes’ face. Consuela steps out onto the stage with a microphone in hand and her Specialists Championship over her shoulder. Her music dies down quickly and Celes begins to speak again.)
Celes Dumont: Consuela, I hope you’re the fighting champion that I know you are. Give me what I want! An opportunity to shine in this ring, and finally receive recognition for all the work I’ve been putting in since my arrival. Accept our challenge, put your title on the line–I’m looking for a fight, Consuela. Do you think you’re up to it? You weren’t even in the Grand Rampage match, after all, how much fight do you really have in you?
(Consuela seems to consider Celes’ offer for a moment, looking around at the crowd in the arena who cheer in hopes that they will encourage Consuela to accept Celes’ challenge.)
Consuela Rose Ava: If you think you deserve a title shot, despite your shortcomings over the months, If you’re so desperate for my attention, then fine. I’ll make you famous after I make an example out of you. Next week, I’ll show you exactly why I deserve to be the Specialists Champion.
(Consuela drops the microphone with a pop and raises her title in the air. “We Appreciate Power” picks back up as Celes is shown licking her lips and motioning for a title around her waist. As Celes is seen looking pleased with herself, Empire fades to commercial break.)
(Commercial break featuring a sponsored ad by the ASPCA – cats are pets, not footballs.)
(We open up from commercial break to find Io Ishimori and her plush cat, Yoshi San, seated comfortably in the locker room backstage. She pets Yoshi San slowly and gently. She begins to talk to Yoshi, listening intently to whatever she believes she is hearing.)
Io Ishimori: Yes, Yoshi, I know…I heard you the first time!…and no, I don’t care to be her friend. We have nothing in common…what? Don’t be ridiculous…
(Miho suddenly steps through the door, shaking her head disappointedly as she sees Io Ishimori sitting on the floor with Yoshi San. She shuts the door behind her and approaches Io purposefully, hands on her hips.)
Miho Li: Io, I have to ask, why on earth are you still fooling around with this cat?
Io Ishimori: Mind your business. Don’t worry about Yoshi.
Miho Li: Well, don’t you think he’ll distract you from achieving your goals? You’re far too old for these kind of activities. You need to redirect your focus if the rest of the roster is going to take us seriously as a tag team. And I’m the one you think is a big kid?
Io Ishimori: I don’t care what you say, Miho. We aren’t even friends, so I’m not so sure why you seek to invest so much of your time into figuring out what I’m doing. Besides, I think he brings me good luck, and gives me great advice. You saw how well we did out there. If they weren’t taking us seriously before, they definitely will be now. Not like I care, but y’know. We made a great showing out there, Miho. You don’t need to be worried about Yoshi San of all things. Trust that as long as we keep teaming up together that I’ll always deliver.
Miho Li: I just want you to make sure you keep your head in the game. It’s a big responsibility to partner up with someone in this way and have them to fall back on. At least it is to me. You might not love the idea of us working together, but you can’t deny our chemistry. I need us to continue to get better and better as a team, and who knows–maybe we can earn ourselves a right to become Empire Tag Team Champions as The Invincible Winter! Just picture it. It’s us two against the world right now, Io, and I am honored to be teaming with you–even if it does involve that stupid plush and your bad attitude.
Io Ishimori: He heard that.
Miho Li: (Miho sighs.) All I’m saying is, it’s clear that you’ve got my back, and I have yours. It’s only right. I’m here with a purpose to fulfill. And it seems we’re on the same page, for the most part. I’m loyal, Io, you should know that.
Io Ishimori: Sure. Whatever you say. Now, if you’ll excuse me, Yoshi and I were in the middle of a conversation…
(Miho shakes her head, frustratedly, and turns her back to Io. She exits the locker room and leaves Io and Yoshi to finish their “conversation.”
(We cut to the ring where “Mona Lisa” by Lil Wayne has started to play throughout the arena speakers. Cleopatra steps out onto the stage, surprisingly without her tag team partner.)
Maria Del Rey: The following contest is a singles match scheduled for–
Crowd: ONE FALL!
Maria Del Rey: Introducing first, from Toronto, Ontario, Canada, weighing in at 126 pounds, she is THE QUEEN OF THE NILE….CLLLLLLEEEEEEOOOOOPAAAAATRRRRRAAAAAAAAA!!!
CJ Hana: I wonder how you’re going to handle yourself for this one, Gavin.
Gavin Kirkland: ….
CJ Hana: Well?
Gavin Kirkland: I don’t know what to say. Just know that my dick is incredibly happy at the moment and that probably won’t change anytime soon.
(As Cleopatra enters the ring, “Mona Lisa” is replaced by “Chun Li” by Nicki Minaj as Felix Hartley walks out onto the ramp, dawned in a full length red fur coat as she’s met with a mix of cheers and boo’s.)
Maria Del Rey: And her opponent, from Las Vegas, Nevada, weighing in at 114 pounds, FEEEEEELLLIIIIIIXXXXX HAAAAARRRRTTTLLLLLEEEYYYYYYYY!!!
Gavin Kirkland: Ass, Class, and Sass–right here. In the flesh. Standing directly across from the mother of my children. I’m torn between my mistress and my wife right now, CJ. I’m not sure what to do.
CJ Hana: And you think I can help you with this how? All I can say is Felix Hartley, despite coming up short in the Women’s Grand Rampage, has been a phenomenal showing since her arrival to Empire.
Gavin Kirkland: She sure has. I see she left Snoop Dogg behind, as well. Maybe I can slide in those DMs before this gets started…
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
CJ Hana: We’re starting this match off properly, both women begin circling each other. Felix Hartley has been making big waves since joining EAW two months ago and has a few big wins under her belt. Tonight, however, she’s in there with arguably one of the greatest EAW talents to ever step in the ring and
Gavin Kirkland: I think I need to change my pants.
CJ Hana: Five minutes, I just want five minutes of meaningful commentary out of you!
Gavin Kirkland: My one true love vs my little Hot Cheetos haired bombshell! Cleo will always have my heart but this Felix Hartley might be able to borrow it for a day!
CJ Hana: Whatever, both women lock up! Cleo twists Felix’s arm and begins to slowly spin her in a circle as she wrenches it a bit. Felix reaches and grabs a handful of hair as Cleo lets go of her arm and clocks her with a forearm to the face!
Gavin Kirkland: Faces these beautiful being subjected to such brutality is cruel in itself. But, I will set aside my throbbing and pulsating erection and be as professional as I can. Deal?
CJ Hana: Whatever you say, Gavin. Felix rubs her chin as she shakes her head. Cleopatra gets lower as the heigh advantage Felix exhibits is clear. Cleo rushes Felix’s legs and attempts a takedown and manages to grab hold of her left ankle. Hartley hops away and scrambles free as Cleo smiles. Cleo charges again, this time the right leg and gets to her feet with Felix caught and hopping on one leg trying to get away. Cleo hits a solid Dragon Screw Leg Whip as Felix is flipped inside out!
Gavin Kirkland: Hartley is tough, she felt that move but manages to roll back to her feet! Cleo sees this as she gets to her feet first and rushes her with a dropkick and down goes Felix again! Cleo gets to her feet as Hartley tries to get back up once again and BAM she is met with stiff clothesline and Hartley rolls on the mat as Cleo turns and continues her attack!
CJ Hana: Cleo helps drag Felix to her feet…ROLL UP! HARTLEY CATCHES CLEOPATRA OFF GUARD!
Ref: ONE!
TWO!!
NO!!!
CJ Hana: Cleo is no rookie and she powers out of the roll up attempt! Cleo quickly gets to her feet as Felix backs away and finds her self in front of the ropes facing the crowd. She spreads her arms a wide and smirks with a cocky grin. Cleo hit her with a quick onslaught but Felix is letting everyone known she didn’t come here to just throw hands. She wants to win and pinning the hall of fame legend is her goal!
Gavin Kirkland: Felix turns and smiles as Cleo raises her eyebrows and nods briefly before going back to the middle of the ring and motioning for her opponent to meet her there. Felix struts a bit and begins to walk towards the middle of the ring…
CJ Hana: But she backs away. She is smiling, she’s taking her time. Cleo has her hands on her hips as Felix showboats some more around the ring. Cleo watches as Felix mocking the fans and waves as if she was royalty. Cleo looks annoyed and waves Hartley to bring the fight to her in the middle of the ring as Felix smile fades and she grows a look of determination.
Gavin Kirkland: Felix looks ready now as she
CJ Hana: NOPE! She walks right past Cleo and begins showboating once again as the fans begin to boo this display! She twirls a bit, her red hair flowing as
Gavin Kirkland: CLEO HAS HAD ENOUGH! SHE GRABS FELIX BY THE HAIR AND DRAGS HER TO THE MIDDLE OF THE RING!
(Cleo cracks Felix with a few forearms to the face as Felix eats them over and over.)
CJ Hana: Cleopatra grapples a bit and she hooks Felix’s head…SUPLEX POWER-SLAM as Hartley crashes to the mat! Cleo goes for the cover!
Ref: ONE!
TWO!!
THR-NO!!!
Gavin Kirkland: Hartley kicks out right before the ref taps the mat again! Hartley rolls to her knees as Cleo backs away and gets to her feet!
CJ Hana: Now Cleopatra spreads her arms and does the same taunt Felix is known for! Hartley looks perturbed as Cleopatra enjoys besting Felix in that exchange. Hartley looks pissed as she hops to her feet and charges Cleo who ducks a clothesline attempt and counters Felix with a kick to the gut. Cleo goes for another suplex but Felix fights out of the hold with several punches to the gut to Cleo! Felix breaks the grapple and grabs Cleo in a hold of her own.
Gavin Kirkland: STEP UP ENZIGURI! Hartley cracks the side of Cleo’s head with that kick as Cleo falls flat to the mat. Cleo tries to get up but Felix gets up and lands an elbow drop to the back of Cleo’s head! Hartley continues to target her head as she attacks the back of her skull with stomps looking to maybe disorient my beautiful blonde delight!
CJ Hana: Maybe she’s going to try and give Cleo a concussion? Either way, Felix has the upper-hand as she grabs Cleopatra by the hair and gets her back to her feet.
Gavin Kirkland: Cleo looks to be in some trouble as Felix Irish whips the first ever Empire general manager and hops in the air as Cleo returns towards her. TORNADO DDT! Another head aimed move as Felix drives cleo’s head right into the mat! Felix smiles as she is clearly taking care of business and goes to end it her with a pinning attempt!
Ref: ONE!
TWO!!
THREE!!!
NO!
CJ Hana: Last second, Felix is shoved off and Cleo gets her shoulder off of the mat! Cleo tries to regain her bearings but Hartley is still in control. Hartley gets Cleo to her feet but suddenly, Cleo uppercuts Felix and lifts her a few inches off the ground with this haymaker as Felix clutches her jaw. Cleo shakes off the damage and hoists Felix on to her shoulders. Cleo looks to be going for maybe a fireman’s carry?
Gavin Kirkland: Won’t happen this time as Felix cracks Cleo in the side of her head with her free elbow! She’s hitting her over and over until Felix manages to escape the maneuver. Felix hops behind Cleo and hooks her head under her arms and charges towards the turnbuckle. Felix runs up the turnbuckle and DOGGYSTYLE! Felix’s hits the elevated bulldog as another head aimed move sends Cleo back to the mat! Felix is sticking to her game plan of targeting Cleo’s head!
CJ Hana: Cleo looks hurt as Felix goes for another pin!
Ref: ONE!
TWO!!
THREE!!!
…
NO!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: MY SWEET BABY ANGEL OF MY LIFE KICKS OUT! DONT COUNT OUT THE GREATEST VIXEN TO EVER LIVE, CJ!
CJ Hana: Cleo, with the heart of a champion, fights out of that pin attempt as Felix looks a little thrown off. Her Doggystyle move has been able to end matches at different promotions but she’s going to need more than that for The Queen of the Nile!
Gavin Kirkland: I’d love for her to finish me with some Doggystyle!
CJ Hana: That wasn’t five minutes, Gavin!
Gavin Kirkland: 5:07 I WAS COUNTING! Anyway, Felix tries to get back focused and she wraps Cleo in a chin lock as Cleo is stuck in a seated position with the referee checking to see how much more she may be able to take! Hartley chokes away at Cleo as the fans begin to stir with excitement hoping to see this match continue on!
CJ Hana: We all hope Cleo can keep fighting but Felix’s head oriented attacks can leave any man or woman down for the count if she keeps things up like she is doing right here! Cleo is reaching, trying to escape as Felix is continuing to try and wear down her opponent! The former World champion has a lot left as she grabs that bright red hair with one hand and punches away at Felix with her other hand! Felix keeps her choke hold applied as it looks like Cleo may be fading a bit. Her punches look less powerful and she altogether just lets go of Hartley’s hair!
Gavin Kirkland: I think she’s losing oxygen!
CJ Hana: The ref sees Cleo’s face begin to turn pale as he quickly grabs her wrist and begins the count!
(The Referee lifts Cleo’s hand and lets it drop down to her thigh without any resistance.)
Ref: ONE!!!
(The Referee lifts Cleo’s hand once and again as he drops it, the hand smacks the mat as the ref raises two fingers.)
Ref: TWO!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: NOT THIS WAY CLEO!
(Gavin raises from the commentary desk and raises his hands in the sky.)
CJ Hana: What are you doing?
Gavin Kirkland: Giving her my energy! Haven’t you seen Dragon Ball Z? She’s going to need a spirit bomb to survive this!
(The Ref holds Cleo’s hand high for one more try and as he lets go, it doesn’t hit past her chest!)
Ref: NO!!!!!
CJ Hana: She’s still in this fight!
Gavin Kirkland: OH THANK FUCKING GOD!
CJ Hana: Cleo powers up and gets to her knees as Felix holds on for dear life to that chokehold. Cleo gets to her feet and Felix hops on her back, trying to put pressure on the choke even more. Felix shakes her head, screaming for Cleo to give up as Cleo uses the last bit of energy she has to leap in the air!
Gavin Kirkland: BAM! SHE LANDS FLAT ON HER BACK AND ON TOP OF FELIX WHO FINALLY LETS GO OF THE HOLD! THE CROWD IS GOING CRAZY AS CLEO GETS TO HER KNEES AND GETS AS MUCH AIR AS SHE CAN!
CJ Hana: Hartley favors her spine as Cleo slowly gets to her feet. Felix rolls to her feet but is met with a running HURRICANRANA! As they both flip over, CLEO HOOKS FELIX’S LEGS FOR THE COVER!
Ref: ONE!
TWO!!
NO!!!
CJ Hana: Cleo rolls out of the pin as Felix kicks out! Felix Hartley goes to get back up but as she is bending over, Cleo charges again!
Gavin Kirkland: SUNSEX FLIP!
CJ Hana: Do…do you mean SunSET Flip?
Gavin Kirkland: NO TIME FOR CORRECTIONS! SHE FLIPS FELIX BACK ON TO THE MAT AND GOES FOR ANOTHER PIN!!!
Ref: ONE!!!
TWO!!!
TH-NO!!!!
CJ Hana: Another close call as Cleo takes back over this match!
Gavin Kirkland: Cleo and Felix both get to their feet. Cleo kicks Felix in the gut and looks to be going for another slam! BRIDGING FISHERMAN SUPLEX! HARLEY IS HOOKED FOR THE THIRD STRAIGHT PIN ATTEMPT BY CLEO!
Ref: ONE!
TWO!!
THREE!!!
…NO!!!!!!
CJ Hana: Hartley survives another pin attempt by breaking out of the bridging fisherman Suplex! Cleo drags Hartley by the hair and gets behind her as they both are now standing up. She wraps her arms across her own chest, looks like this may be it!
Gavin Kirkland: CLEO LOCK!!!!!
CJ Hana:…NO!!!! HEADBUTT!! Gavin, did you just see that? Felix blocks the straightjacket backbreaker that has won Cleo millions of matches with a head butt that breaks the finishing move up! Hartley turns around to see the stunned Cleo. Hartley sets her up…LOCK JAW! ANOTHER BLOW TO THE HEAD OF CLEO AS SHE DROPS LIKE A SACK OF POTATOES!
Gavin Kirkland: CMON MY HONEY DEW DROP!
CJ Hana: Felix doesn’t go for the cover! She has Cleo down and out! She most definitely has a concussion now if she didn’t have one before!
Gavin Kirkland: Cleo is the toughest wrestlers we’ve ever seen! But Felix isn’t a slouch by any means!
CJ Hana: Felix rises to her feet and begins showboating again! She spreads her arms and switches her hips left and right as fans begin booing her vehemently!
(“Surfin” by Kid Cudi feat. Pharrell interrupts everything as the fans become unglued.)
Gavin Kirkland: LOOK! Serena Bennett! SHE’S CHARGING THE STAGE AND DOWN THE RAMP! Felix stops celebrating as she turns her attention to inaugural Women’s Grand Rampage winner! Bennett is about to kill Felix!
CJ Hana: WAIT! She stops right as she touches the ring apron! She smirks, matching Felix’s signature cocky grin as she then spreads her arms wide like Hartley tends to do!
Gavin Kirkland: Hartley looks pissed off but Serena looks to be in no hurry to run in that ring as…
CJ Hana: OH! BEHIND HARTLEY! CLEO IS UP!!
Gavin Kirkland: Cleo rushes Felix and clobbers her in the back of the head with a elbow. Serena backs away from ringside and watches as Cleo gets Felix to her feet. Cleo puts Felix head between her legs and is she? BRUTALITY!
CJ Hana: NO!!!! Felix blocks the Canadian destroyer by flipping Cleo on to her own head! Cleo looks out of it but she staggers to her feet! Felix goes bouncing off the ropes and right at Cleo! ASS, CLASS, AND SASS!! THE TILT-A-WHIRL HEADSCISSORS FLIPS CLEO UPSIDE DOWN!!! FELIX GOES FOR THE COVER!!!
Ref: ONE!
TWO!!
THREE!!!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Maria Del Rey: HERE IS YOUR WINNER! FELIX HARTLEY!!!
(“Chun-Li” by Nicki Minaj plays as the ref helps Felix to her feet and raises her hand high to the dismay of the fans in attendance. Serena begins plotting ring side as Felix smiles confidently at this monumental victory.)
Gavin Kirkland: NOT THIS WAY!!! DAMN YOU SERENA!!! CLEO COULD HAVE WON HAD SHE NOT GOT INVOLVED!!!
CJ Hana: Speaking of Serena, as Felix celebrates and Cleo begins to roll out of the ring and get checked on for a possible concussion, Bennett rolls in under the bottom rope! Hartley doesn’t see her coming! SHE CLOBBERS FELIX WITH A RIGHT HOOK AS FELIX IS DOWN! SHE WAS CAUGHT OFF GUARD BUT SERENA ISN’T DONE!
Gavin Kirkland: TRAP QUEEN! TRAP QUEEN! FETTY WAP IS SINGING HIS ONE HIT SOMEWHERE RIGHT NOW AS SERENA LOCKS IN THAT ANACONDA VICE AS FELIX BEGINS TAPPING FURIOUSLY FOR HER FREEDOM! THE REFEREE TRIES TO PRY SERENA AWAY BUT CANT GET HER TO LET GO OF THE HOLD! SERENA FINALLY LETS GO ON HER OWN AS FELIX IS LEFT IN A FETAL POSITION WANTING NO MORE OF THAT SUBMISSION HOLD!!!
CJ Hana: Big win followed by a message sending attack by former Specialists Champion Serena Bennett! Bad blood is as vivid as Felix’s hair color and Serena is setting the tone for their rivalry tonight, making it clear that Felix’s interruptions are not at all appreciated!
(“Surfin’” by Kid Cudi begins to play throughout the arena speakers as Serena is seen standing over a downed Felix Hartley. The camera fades to commercial.)
(Commercial break for Subway — eat fresh. Try the sweet onion sauce!)
(“Needles and Pins” by Deftones begins to play throughout the arena speakers as the crowd provides a wild mixed reaction for the Empire General Manager. Kendra stands at the top of the stage, smiling wide as she waves to the fans in India. One half of the crowd begins a “Fuck You, Kendra” chant while she begins to step down the ramp, holding her head up high.)
Gavin Kirkland: Here comes the notoriously biased Empire General Manager, Kendra Shamez–wearing another pants suit. (Gavin audily sighs.) Why can’t she dress a little more like–like uh–like Felix Hartley?! Or Andrea?! What a waste of some good blonde looks with an outfit like this. Ugh. CJ, do I really have to sit through this?
CJ Hana: I think it’s important that you do, Gavin. I have it on good word that Kendra has a massive announcement to make here tonight regarding the Empire Tag Team Championships.
Gavin Kirkland: Oh, that’s right! The dykes ran off again—almost no surprise to anyone after Raven Roberts put them in their place and chased them off—and now we don’t know what to do! Shame. Why’d they come back here to begin with if that was what they were going to do all along?
CJ Hana: Beats me. But I’ve already mostly forgotten all about it.
(Kendra, now in the center of the ring, holds a microphone in her hand and waits for her music to fade out. The fans in the arena continue to cheer and boo as she raises the microphone to her lips:)
Kendra Shamez: As I am sure you all know, the Empire Tag Team Championships have since been vacated since the departure of The Crowe’s Nest this past March. I apologize that it has taken me so long to take action regarding the Tag Team Titles after The Crowe’s decision to sell the belts that have yet to be recovered. (Kendra coughs.) I take full responsibility for the fate of our belts and apologize sincerely to the women who I know put so much effort and energy forth into making those Empire Tag Titles mean something. All of your hard work, just for them to literally be thrown away by two women who care so little about our belts’ legacies, and have only ever been focused on themselves. If I could go back in time, I would have never given them a second chance on Empire. I’d take it all away, never have reached back out to them when I had the opportunity. I can admit that it was a mistake for me to allow those women to come back onto my show–our show–and disrupt all of the hard work we put into making Empire successful.
(The crowd cheers as Kendra shakes her head sadly.)
Kendra Shamez: But I can’t change the past. I can only work towards building on it and making improvements to the Empire product. I won’t let selfish actions like these like put a stop to building Empire’s highly competitive tag team division, and allowing the members of our heavily decorated roster to shine! Belts or no belts, I would like to announce that at Terminus, we are going to crown NEW Empire Tag Team Cha–
(Kendra is cut off as “Woo” by Rihanna begins to play throughout the arena sound system, the fans turning their attention to the stage to show their great disdain for their two least favorite members of The 1%, The Queen’s Court. Amber Keys and Cleopatra step out on the stage, each with a microphone in hand. They begin their walk down the ramp, seeming to enjoy the negative reaction they’re receiving.)
Gavin Kirkland: What the hell?! First of all, we don’t even have a physical set of BELTS, Kendra! How on earth is she going to crown new champions by the time Terminus comes around?!
CJ Hana: Beats me, Gavin, but it looks like the Queen’s Court has something to say about Kendra’s plans. Don’t forget that it was Amber and Cleo that the Crowe’s Nest had to defeat to earn the titles to begin with–I wonder how it makes them feel now to know that the Crowe’s have flown off?
Gavin Kirkland: An unrelated note, but Cleopatra’s tits are certainly very perky tonight.
CJ Hana: Gavin, why—
Gavin Kirkland: Just thought you should know.
(“Woo” dies down as Amber and Cleo step into the ring, Kendra Shamez visibly concerned and annoyed to have been interrupted by the Queen’s Court.)
Amber Keys: Now, now, now Kendra. Don’t tell me you’re planning what I think you were. Please don’t tell me that the next few words out of your mouth were going to include “Tag Tournament to determine the number one contenders!” I shudder at the mere thought. That’s just about the last thing you want to do–why make it so hard on yourself? Empire hardly has enough teams put together, you’d be forcing us all together just for the sake of it. Don’t make it more complicated than it needs to be.
Cleopatra: Amber, you’re absolutely right. You said it yourself, Kendra, you would completely undo all that The Crowe’s Nest has done since their return to EAW. So let’s do just that! Let’s just pretend it didn’t happen! Sounds good to me. An easy fix. Erase all memory of the Crowe’s Nest, change the history records, say that Amber Keys and Cleopatra never lost the belts to those pea brains to begin with. And hand those titles right back to us, where they rightfully belong.
Amber Keys: Let us do what we do best, Kendra, and rescue your brand from any further disruption or disappointment. We’ll do you this favor once more. Let’s save the Empire Tag Team division just as we did before. And continue to reign supreme as the rightful Queens of Empi–
(A piercing laugh is heard throughout the arena speakers. Amber drops her microphone and begins looking around fearfully as Cleopatra clings onto her arm. Kendra Shamez wears a smile on her face.)
???: Boo.
(The lights in the arena suddenly shut off.)
Gavin Kirkland: Dammit, CJ! I thought I told you to pay the light bill last week–oh. Nevermind.
(The lights cut back on, a spotlight now shining on Minerva, who stands in the middle of the crowd, the fans surrounding her in absolute shock, some screaming in fear of The Gypsy Moth who appeared almost out of nowhere. Minerva smiles as she wears both Empire Tag Team Championship belts over each shoulder. The camera cuts back to Amber and Cleo who stand in the middle of the ring with their jaws on the floor as they watch the Empire Tag Team Championships glisten.)
Gavin Kirkland: Yuck, why is Constance Blevins out here?
CJ Hana: GAVIN! THAT’S MINERVA! SHE HAS THE EMPIRE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS IN HER POSSESSION!
(As the crowd realizes that Minerva holds the Empire Tag Titles, they begin to cheer. She laughs menacingly as she begins to walk through the sea of fans, towards the barricade.)
Gavin Kirkland: My goodness, CJ, I never thought I’d see them again! How nice of Constance to bring them back to Cleopatra and Amber as an apology for what her and her twin did to them at the Grand Rampage!
(Minerva raises a microphone she held in her hand as she begins to come closer to the ring.)
Minerva: You women insist on constantly painting the same picture for us all, dribbling the same barbs and tell repetitive stories over and over and over again–and still to this day, regardless of what efforts you two have put forth to supposedly “save” this division, you let it all fall apart. Yes, you two failed when you let the Tag Team Championships fall into the hands of two women who could care so less for this industry and this division, despite their preferential treatment. And look at that–see how easy it was for me recover these titles from the trash they rested in? Yes, your Tag Team Titles were tossed aside in a dumpster, for crying out loud. That’s how little they meant to this world after you got your hands on them. I’d even go so far as to say that you don’t deserve them, despite all that you only think you’ve done for this industry. You two have only made things worse for all of Empire. You can’t blame anyone but yourselves for what will happen to this place at my hands.
(Minerva reaches the barricade and hops over. She walks up the steel steps and onto the apron as she continues to speak.)
Minerva: If my actions at the Grand Rampage said anything to the two of you, I know you heard it. And from here on out, my actions will only continue to scream my words as loud as they can. They tell you this–they tell you that I will topple the two of you over and over and over again, so long as you continue to run your mouths and ask for these beatings. I will rid Empire of you completely. The “Purge” of the Queen’s Court has begun. You will both fall at my feet, and you’ll find no mercy in me. If you want these Tag Team Championships back so badly, just try to take them from me. I dare you.
(Minerva stands in the ring now, showing off both Tag Team Title belts to Amber and Cleo, taunting them. Amber is quick to raise a fist to Minerva, knocking her back and onto the floor. Cleo joins in on the attack, and they force her into the turnbuckle corner.)
CJ Hana: KENDRA SHAMEZ DARTING OUT OF THE RING AS THE QUEEN’S COURT BEGIN AN ASSAULT ON MINERVA! DAMMIT! This isn’t right! My god, I think they’ve heard enough out of her! They’re setting to put an end to Minerva right here and right now, and after her match earlier against Celes Dumont, I don’t think she has much fight left in her! Punch after punch, straight to the skull of The Princess Killer–and she’s almost defenseless at the hands of the Queen’s Court as they do what they do best! The double team is far too much for Minerva to take on right now!
Gavin Kirkland: To be fair, she did ask for it! Oh no, they’re looking for it–the Double Power Bomb! Poor little Constance Blevins, this is just what she gets for being so disrespectful–wait a minute! WAIT A MINUTE, CJ! LOOK! I’M SEEING DOUBLE! THAT’S ACTUALLY CONSTANCE BLEVINS OUT HERE!
CJ Hana: GAVIN YOU’RE RIGHT! THE REAL CONSTANCE BLEVINS IS ON HER WAY TO THE RING, RUNNING DOWN THE RAMP AND THE CROWD IS GOING CRAZY! I THINK SHE’S JUST AS TIRED OF THE QUEEN’S COURT AS MINERVA IS! I LOVE THIS! SHE GOES STRAIGHT AFTER CLEOPATRA, AND AMBER TURNS HER BACK TO MINERVA TO CHECK ON HER TEAMMATE—ONLY TO BE MET WITH A MOVE FROM CONSTANCE! THESE TWO FINALLY EVENING THE PLAYING FIELD AND STOPPING THE QUEEN’S COURT FROM ABUSING THIS NUMBERS SITUATION AND TAKING ADVANTAGE OF AN ALREADY WEAKENED MINERVA WHO PUT HER BODY ON THE LINE IN A CHAIR MATCH THIS EVENING!
(The four women scuffle in the ring for a minute, much to the crowd’s approval, with Amber and Cleopatra sliding out of the ring as they realize Constance and Minerva aren’t letting up. Cleopatra trips and falls as she walks up the ramp, Amber reaching to pick her up as she wipes her now bloodied lip. Constance pulls Minerva to her feet as “Big Bad Wolf” by In This Moment begins to play throughout the speakers, the crowd cheering. The dopplegangers shake hands and smile at each other, and then at Kendra. Kendra Shamez watches on from ringside as she claps her hands and gives the duo a thumbs up. Minerva and Constance each pick up an Empire Tag Team Championship from the mat. They take a moment to admire the title belts before they drop them onto the floor as the Queen’s Court watches on.)
Gavin Kirkland: It looks to me, CJ, that this is the announcement Kendra Shamez wanted to make all along!
CJ Hana: You might be right about that, Gavin. I think Minerva recovered those belts and brought them back to Empire knowing she wanted to challenge for the titles! Especially after what Constance and Minerva did to take the Queen’s Court out of the Empire Grand Rampage, these two make a great team with the potential to finally put the Queen’s Court in their place. She’s looking for payback! A very smart move by Minerva, if you ask me. Probably one of the better ways to get back at the Queen’s Court after all they’ve done to her over the past few weeks!
Gavin Kirkland: And there you have it! Kendra just gave official word! Minerva and Constance Blevins versus the Queen’s Court for the vacant Empire Tag Team Championships–at Terminus!
(Minerva and Constance both pose on the top turnbuckles as “Big Bad Wolf” continues to play and Empire fades to commercial break.)
(Commercial break featuring an ad for Terminus, an Empire exclusive free-per-view. Live from Seoul, South Korea on May 16!)
(“Roll With Me” by Charli XCX blasts through the speakers. Andrea Valentine comes out with a huge smile on her face. She has her hands up in the air pointing at the crowd, who gives her such a positive reaction.)
Maria Del Rey: The following match is scheduled for ONE FALL —
Crowd: ONE FALL!!
Maria Del Rey: Introducing first, from Orlando, Florida, she is “The Heart of Empire” … ANNNNDRRREEEAAAAAAAAA VALLLLEEEENNNNNNNTIIIIINNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEE!!
Gavin Kirkland: Here is my third favorite blonde on Empire. Maybe, fourth. Nah, most likely fifth! With the new blondes coming into the scene, I have been needing to shift my rankings a bit, but I still love my Andrea Valentine! Her beautiful smile! Her blonde locks! Everyone about her captures my heart!
CJ Hana: Andrea Valentine managed to make it to the final four in the Women’s Grand Rampage match before she was eliminated by Serena Bennett! Andrea managed to tie with Harlow Reichert with most eliminations! Even though Andrea failed to win, I thought she put on an amazing showing and proved that she could be a future champion on Empire and possibly redeem herself from her two short title reigns!
(“Rise” by League of Legends replaces “Roll With Me” as Raven Roberts stands on top of the ramp. She also is growing to get a positive reaction from the crowd due to her recent actions over the past few weeks.)
Maria Del Rey: And, introducing her opponent, from Las Vegas, Nevada, she is “The Bird of Prey” …RAAAAAAAVVVEEEEEEENNNNNNN ROOOOBEEEERRRRRRTTTTTSSSSSS!!
CJ Hana: Raven Roberts failed to capture the Women’s World Championship at Grand Rampage. But, Sienna Jade retained the championship via some controversy, but it’s safe to say that the two Women’s Championship matches Raven had, the champion could not put her away without controversy and cheating.
Gavin Kirkland: She still lost, CJ! It’s back of the line for Raven Roberts! Maybe, she’ll get another title shot next season! Both of these women would love nothing more than to win this match! Both of them could use this match for momentum, but only one can win!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
CJ Hana: The two women go for a lock up! Raven Roberts transitions the lock up to a waist lock around Andrea Valentine, but Andrea gets herself out of it before getting Raven in a headlock! Raven pushes Andrea to get herself out of the headlock, but Andrea rebounds herself off the rope in the process before connecting with shoulder tackle that takes the former New Breed Champion to her back! ANDREA GETS RAVEN TO A VERTICAL BASE BEFORE CONNECTING WITH AN EDGE CHOP AS RAVEN YELPS IN PAIN! ANDREA CONNECTS WITH AN EDGE JOB AGAIN AND DOES SO REPEATEDLY UNTIL WE SEE THAT RAVEN HAS HER BACK TOWARDS THE ROPES! ANDREA GETS RAVEN BY HER ARM BEFORE WHIPPING HER TO THE ROPES, BUT RAVEN COUNTERS THAT WHIP AS ANDREA REBOUNDS OFF THE ROPES! RAVEN MANAGES TO GET ANDREA BY HER ARM BEFORE CONNECTING WITH JUDO THROW AS IT TAKES THE FORMER SPECIALISTS CHAMPION TO HER BACK! It seems like Andrea fall on her back harshly, but Raven has always been known for her wicked judo throws! Raven Roberts maintains hold of Andrea Valentine’s right arm before applying a standing armbar! Andrea is rolling herself over, but Raven manages to get Andrea to stay put before applying the armbar completely!
Gavin Kirkland: Look at my poor Andrea struggling, CJ! It is so early into this match and she’s struggling, but she needs to overcome this for may sanity! Andrea Valentine is turning herself around, but Raven Roberts is doing the best she can to maintain the armbar that she has! At this moment, it seems like Andrea making it to the bottom rope seems slim, but trying to roll herself out of the armbar and possibly roll up Raven may be her best bet at the moment! Andrea is rolling herself out of the armbar, but Raven is trying to hold on for that armbar for dear life —
CJ Hana: ANDREA VALENTINE ROLLS UP RAVEN ROBERTS!
Marti Solo: ONE!
Gavin Kirkland: Raven Roberts manages to kick herself out of the roll up; however, in the process, she manages release whatever hold she had on Andrea Valentine! Andrea manages to separate herself from Raven! It seems like Raven did some damage to Andrea’s arm as you can see her clutching it! Andrea better now show how much it bothers her or Raven will find a way to exploit it! Raven goes after Andrea with a clothesline, but Andrea does some matrix eversion before connecting with a back elbow to Raven! Raven stumbles herself back as Andrea connects with a jumping snapmare on Raven Roberts! Raven lands in a seated position before Andrea gets in front of Raven! Andrea bounces from the ropes before connecting with a low dropkick as that takes Raven to her back! Andrea is still clutching the right arm of hers, but I feel like the more this match progresses, the less annoying it will be to her…I hope! Andrea gets Raven back to her two feet before whipping her to the corner! ANDREA POSES FOR THE CROWD FOR A SLIGHT MOMENT BEFORE HANDSPRING BACK ELBOW SMASH TO RAVEN AT THE CORNER! RAVEN FALLS FORWARD TO HER KNEES BEFORE ANDREA FOLLOWS UP THAT HANDSPRING BACK ELBOW SMASH WITH A VALENTINE’S MASSACRE — HANDSTAND MODIFIED HEADSCISSORS DRIVER TO A KNEELING RAVEN ROBERTS! RAVEN GOES DOWN AS ANDREA GOES FOR A COVER!
Marti Solo: OOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!! TWOO—
CJ Hana: Raven Roberts manages to get a shoulder up as Andrea Valentine continues on with this match! Andrea applies a chinlock on Raven! Andrea has her knee pressed up against the back of Raven! By the look on Raven’s face, you can tell that she would love nothing more than to get out of this hold! Look at her, Gavin! ANDREA IS APPLYING A BODYSCISSORS BEFORE APPLYING A SLEEPERHOLD ON RAVEN! THAT WAS QUITE AN INTERESTING TRANSITION THERE, BUT IT SEEMS LIKE ANDREA IS GOING TO DO HER BEST TO WEAKEN DOWN A VERY STRONG AND TALL RAVEN ROBERTS! ANDREA IS ONLY 5’4” TO RAVEN’S 5’11”! IF RAVEN WANTS TO KEEP THIS MATCH GOING, SHE IS GOING TO NEED TO FIND A WAY TO ESCAPE THIS MOVE! ANDREA IS A SMALL OPPONENT, BUT ANDREA CAN PUNCH LIKE SOME OF THE POWERHOUSES ON THIS BRAND!
One-half of the crowd: LET’S GO ANDREA!
Other-half of the crowd: LET’S GO RAVEN!
Gavin Kirkland: It seems like these Indians are torn about who they want to win! I knew this country didn’t have bright people, CJ! I mean, anyone who would rather choose Raven Roberts than Andrea Valentine couldn’t be smart! Look at Raven, CJ! Raven is trying to roll herself out of the sleeperhold that Andrea has her comfortable in! Raven knows that the more time that she spends in this hold, the less of a fight that she will put up! It may cross a point, where she will have no other choice, but to pass out! Raven rolls herself to an all fours position as Andrea maintains the hold she has on Raven! Raven is trying to fight out of this hold, but she may need to get herself on her feet in order to make some progress! RAVEN IS TRYING TO CLUTCH TO THE TOP ROPE AS SHE SLOWLY, BUT WITH THE SHAKING SENSATION ON HER FEET, RISES BACK TO HER FEET! ANDREA LOOKS LIKE THE IS PIGGYBACK RIDING RAVEN ROBERTS, WHO STUMBLES BACKWARDS TOWARDS THE CORNER! IN THE PROCESS, ANDREA RELEASES WHATEVER HOLD SHE HAD ON RAVEN INSTANTLY! ANDREA IS CLUTCHING TO THE CORNER AS SHE TRIES TO RECOVER FOR THE TIME BEING! RAVEN TURNS HERSELF AROUND BEFORE RUNNING TOWARDS ANDREA AT THE CORNER BEFORE CONNECTING WITH A BIG BOOT AS ANDREA VALENTINE STUMBLES FORWARD IN RESPONSE! RAVEN FOLLOWS UP THAT BIG BOOT WITH AN O GOSHI JUDO THROW AS THAT TAKES THE FORMER SPECIALISTS CHAMPION TO A SEATED POSITION! RAVEN RUNS THE ROPES — TALON!
CJ Hana: Not quite, Gavin! Andrea Valentine saw that Talon coming before she rolls herself out of the ring! It seems like Andrea needed to take a breather for the time being! Nothing wrong with that, but she knows the level of opponent Raven Roberts is! She knows that Raven would like to redeem herself from the loss she suffered at Grand Rampage! RAVEN ROBERTS LOOKS TOWARDS THE ROPES BEHIND HER BEFORE RUNNING AND BOUNCING OFF OF THEM BEFORE LAUNCHING HERSELF THROUGH THE MIDDLE ROPE — SUICIDE DIVE ONTO ANDREA AT THE OUTSIDE! BOTH WOMEN CRASH DOWN AS THE CROWD APPLAUDS THESE TWO WOMEN! BOTH WOMEN ARE ON THEIR BACKS AS THAT EVEN TOOK SOME OF THE ENERGY FROM RAVEN ROBERTS!
Marti Solo: ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE!
(Andrea Valentine and Raven Roberts are struggling to get to their feet. The two women know that they need to get inside the ring or be counted out. Both women cannot afford to lose this match. Both need to redeem themselves from Grand Rampage.)
Marti Solo: SIX! SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE!
Gavin Kirkland: Raven Roberts and Andrea Valentine race inside the bottom rope and into the ring! This match is still going on! Both women get back to their feet! Raven throws a forearm to Andrea! Andrea throws a forearm to Raven! Raven to Andrea! Andrea to Raven! Raven! Andrea! Raven! Andrea! Raven! Raven! Raven! Raven manages to back up Andrea against the ropes! Raven gets Andrea before connecting with a belly-to-belly suplex! Andrea grasps onto her back in pain as Raven makes it back to her feet! Raven is gesturing for Andrea to get back to her feet! SLOWLY, ANDREA IS MAKING IT BACK TO HER FEET, BUT RAVEN GOES FORWARD BEFORE CONNECTING WITH THE FACELIFT — THE SPINNING HEEL KICK TO ANDREA’S FACE! I HOPE HER FACE DID NOT TAKE SO MUCH DAMAGE! RAVEN ROBERTS POINTS TO THE TOP TURNBUCKLE! IT SEEMS LIKE THIS BIRD BRAIN IS GOING FOR THE SKY OR WHATEVER BIRD PUN YOU WANT TO INSERT INTO THIS MATCH! RAVEN SITUATES HERSELF ON THE TOP TURNBUCKLE! AT PERFECT TIMING, SHE SEES ANDREA MAKING IT TO HER FEET! ANDREA GETS TO HER FEET AS SHE RACES TOWARDS RAVEN ROBERTS AT THE TOP TURNBUCKLE! ANDREA GETS ON THE TOP TURNBUCKLE BEFORE THROWING SOME FOREARMS TO RAVEN AT THE TOP TURNBUCKLE! RAVEN THROWS SOME FOREARMS TO ANDREA AS THAT ALMOST STAGGERS HER OFF THAT TOP ROPE, BUT ANDREA IS NOT GOING TO GIVE UP ANYTIME SOON! ANDREA WITH A FOREARM! RAVEN WITH A FOREARM! THESE TWO WOMEN ARE THROWING FOREARMS AT ONE ANOTHER, TRYING TO KNOCK THE OTHER ONE OUT! ANDREA MANAGES TO HIT ONE NASTY LOOKING FORWARD BEFORE GETTING RAVEN ROBERTS IN POSITION! IS THIS WOMAN MAD? IS SHE GOING TO GO FOR A SUPERPLEX! DO NOT DO THIS, ANDREA!
CJ Hana: SUPERPLEX FROM ANDREA VALENTINE TO RAVEN ROBERTS FROM THE TOP TURNBUCKLE! BOTH THESE WOMEN GO CRASHING TO THE CANVAS! This was enough to take both of these women down! This was a wonderful opportunity to turn this match into Andrea’s favor! Andrea is trying to reach over to Raven before draping her arm over Raven!
Marti Solo: OOOOOOOOOOOOONE!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Gavin Kirkland: RAVEN ROBERTS KICKS OUT AT TWO! HOW IN THE WORLD IS SHE STILL IN THIS MATCH? HOW DO ANY OF THESE WOMEN HAVE ENERGY TO CONTINUE THIS MATCH? ANDREA VALENTINE IS THE FIRST ONE UP TO HER FEET AS RAVEN SLOWLY FOLLOWS HER BACK TO HER FEET AS WELL! ANDREA THROWS A FOREARM AT RAVEN! RAVEN THROWS A FOREARM AT ANDREA! ANDREA THROWS A FOREARM AT RAVEN, WHICH STAGGERS HER BACK, BUT RAVEN THROWS A FOREARM AT ANDREA, WHICH STAGGERS HER BACK! ANDREA! RAVEN! ANDREA! RAVEN! ANDREA! ANDREA! ANDREA! ANDREA TAKES A FEW STEPS BACK BEFORE RUNNING TOWARDS RAVEN! TILT-A-WHIRL HEADSCISSORS TAKEDOWN, BUT RAVEN CATCHES ANDREA BEFORE SHE COULD CONNECT AND COUNTERS WITH THE HUNTRESS BOMB — THE SITOUT SPINE BUSTER ON THE FORMER SPECIALISTS CHAMPION! ANDREA’S SHOULDERS ARE ON THE MAT AS RAVEN STAYS THERE FOR THE COVER!
Marti Solo: OOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! THR—
CJ Hana: Andrea Valentine kicks out! The so-called “Heart of Empire” still has fight in her! Raven Roberts connects with a few rapid forearms to the skull of Andrea! Raven would love nothing more than to end this match right now! Raven gets Andrea up to a vertical base before getting a good grasp on her arm before whipping her to the ropes! Andrea bounces off the ropes! Andrea going for the tilt-a-whirl headscissors — No! Raven manages to get Andrea before she cold connect with the move, but Andrea manages to turn herself and get on Raven’s back! ANDREA VALENTINE WITH THE OCTOPUS STRETCH ON THE FORMER NEW BREED CHAMPION! RAVEN IS STUCK IN THE CENTER OF THE RING AS ANDREA SEEMS LIKE SHE IS INFLICTING AS MUCH PRESSURE AS SHE CAN! SHE WOULD ALSO LOVE TO WIN THIS MATCH AT ALL! WITH A MATCH AS COMPETITIVE AND CONSISTING OF SOME OF THE MOST TALENTED PEOPLE ON THE EMPIRE ROSTER, IT’S SUCH A SHAME THAT ONE OF THEM MUST FACE DEFEAT! BOTH OF THEM COULD USE THIS VICTORY TO REDEEM THEMSELVES FORM GRAND RAMPAGE! RAVEN IS COMPLETELY STICK IN THE CENTER OF THE RING AS SHE IS TRYING TO DRAG HER FEET TO GET TO THE ROPES! RAVEN IS REFUSING TO TAP OUT! SHE CAN’T TAP OUT AND GIVE UP THIS MATCH! IT’S NOT IN HER NATURE TO DO SUCH A THING!
Gavin Kirkland: Just tap out, Raven! Live to fight another day! Give Andrea the victory that she deserves!
CJ Hana: Look at this, Gavin! Raven Roberts is trying to drag her feet as she is slowly getting closer to the ropes! Raven is trying to muster up enough strength to release the hold; however, Andrea is not going to let go of the move whatsoever! Raven is almost there— she grasps onto the rope and Andrea must make a break!
Marti Solo: ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE!
Gavin Kirkland: Andrea Valentine releases the hold! She takes a few steps back as she gives Raven Roberts some time to breathe, but I don’t see that being a smart decision on her part. Andrea is blonde, so that is quite justified, but you don’t give a woman like Raven Roberts any time to breathe! Andrea turns herself around — Andrea with a double knee facebreaker on Raven! Raven goes springing back as she bounces on the ropes! That facebreaker was not enough to take Raven down completely, but Andrea goes right after Raven with a dropkick, but Raven manages to use the ropes to hold herself up! Andrea falls as she fails to connect with the dropkick! I think this may be the opening that Raven needs to get herself back in this match! ANDREA GETS TO HER KNEES, BUT RAVEN GOES RIGHT TO ANDREA WITH LOW DROPKICK OF HER OWN! ANDREA FALLS TO HER BACK AS RAVEN GETS ANDREA TO HER FEET BEFORE CONNECTING WITH A LOST BEAUTY, THAT VERTICAL HESITATION BRAINBUSTER CONNECTS! RAVEN DOES NOT GO FOR THE PIN HERE! SHE KNOWS THAT ANDREA WILL KICK OUT OF THIS MOVE! RAVEN WANTS TO MAKE SURE THAT ANDREA STAYS DOWN FOR THE THREE COUNT! RAVEN BACKS HERSELF AWAY AS SHE IS STALKING ANDREA VALENTINE!
(Raven Roberts continues to stalk Andrea Valentine until she makes it up to her feet before…)
CJ Hana: RAVEN ROBERTS BOUNCES FROM THE ROPES — TALON! THE CLAYMORE KICK ON ANDREA VALENTINE! ANDREA GOES DOWN AS RAVEN GOES FOR THE COVER!
Marti Solo: OOOOOOOOOOOONE!! TWOOOOOOOOOOO!! THHHHRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
(“Rise” plays once again as Raven Roberts is on her knees. Andrea Valentine is breathing heavily as she rolls herself away from Raven Roberts. Raven makes it back to her feet before getting her arm raised by the official.)
Maria Del Rey: The winner of this match… RAAAAAAAAAVVVVVVEEEEEEENNNNNNNN ROOOOOOOOBEEEEEEERRRRRRTTTTTTTSSSSSS!
Gavin Kirkland: No, Andrea! :sob:
CJ Hana: What a spectacular match between two of Empire’s shiniest talents! Either of these women could have walked away with the victory! Both showed a lot of heart and determination. Sadly for Andrea, it seemed like Raven wanted to win this match a little more! Raven was hungry to get a victory on the board!
(Andrea Valentine and Raven Roberts exchange a look with each other as Andrea gives a slight nod to Raven before making her way up the ramp. Raven Roberts continues to celebrate in the ring as we fade to our final commercial break of the evening.)
(Commercial for Ka’oir Waist Eraser series of waist trainers featuring Serena Bennett.)
(We return from commercial break where “Unfuckwithable” by Deez Nuts play throughout the PA. A few moments pass before Sienna Jade walks out with the Women’s World Championship on her shoulder. The crowd is giving her massive heat, but it does not phase these women whatsoever, but like always, Sienna does not give a damn about what the fans think of her. She knows she doesn’t need them. She knows that she is the best. She knows that she is still Women’s World Champion and that is all that matters to her.)
Maria Del Rey: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome at this time, the WOMEN’S WORLD CHAMPION…SIEEEEENNNNNNAAAAAAAA JAAAAAADDDDDDDDDEEEEEE!!
Gavin Kirkland: Sienna Jade is the cunning blonde who managed to survive Raven Roberts at Grand Rampage!
CJ Hana: Sienna Jade barely survived Grand Rampage as Women’s World Champion! All it took was her hitting Raven Roberts with the Women’s World Championship to retain the championship!
Gavin Kirkland: That’s the name of the game, CJ! Who cares if Raven Roberts were screwed out of the championship! Sienna played a smart game and she’s holding the championship right now! Sienna has her sights on Terminus and Serena Bennett at Pain for Pride!
(“Unfuckwithable” dies down as Sienna Jade has a microphone in her grasps. The crowd continues to boo the three women, but they continue not to care.)
Sienna Jade: Ladies and gentlemen… LA CAMPEONA ESTA AQUI!
(The crowd boos loudly as Sienna Jade raises the title high in the air as she crackles at the fans reaction to her.)
Sienna Jade: I know, you were expected Kassidy and Tyler out here, but Kassidy is taking some time for herself due to how things played in our Tag Team Championship Match at Grand Rampage and I told Tyler personally, I wanted to be out here alone. But, by the response, it seems like you aren’t happy to see me, but La Campeona is here. You guys are never going to hear the end of it because I’m not letting go of this championship anytime soon. I learned my lesson from the last time. It would have been so simple of me to underestimate that bird brain Raven Roberts, but I knew the level of opponent I was stepping into the ring too. There was a few instances in the match where I saw my title reign fading, but as your lovely champion, I needed to think quick on my feet. I needed to make sure that this championship stayed on my shoulder. You can call me out and say that I “cheated” to retain this championship at the Grand Rampage, but I only saved Empire from a pathetic Raven title reign.
If I never retained, you would probably hear some sappy ass story about how Raven came from nothing. A story about her pathetic parents and childhood. A story that will she will tell a billion more times until she finally gets this title, but she’s not going to happen. Not with me as the champion. You guys should be graveling on your knees thanking me. You guys should have been thanking me just like you should have thanked me when I ran Aria Jaxon out of REVOLT. You should have embraced me as the Women’s World Champion at Pain for Pride last year, but nope! You all wanted that bulldyke as your top champion and it bit you in the ass. Not only did this entire company and you losers turned on her, but you began to regret not having me take her down when I had the chance. You people have no idea what you want. You don’t understand how good you have it with me as Women’s World Champion. You finally have a Women’s World Champion that doesn’t need to hold an entire brand down. You finally have a champion who doesn’t need the protection of the board — despite what others say about me and my sisters. You losers finally have a champion that’s unfuckwithable. There is no one on this fucking brand that can hold a candle to me in the ring. Raven Roberts? Cleopatra? Nope. Nope. Andrea Valentine? Felix Hartley? Nope. Nope. No one comes close.
???: Is that true, Sienna?
(The crowd reacts as Tyler Wolfe is standing on the top of the ramp with a microphone in her hand. Sienna Jade seems a little confused over why Tyler is out there.)
Tyler Wolfe: I’ve been holding myself back because I love Kassidy to death, but I am not going to stand and put a smile on my face as I watch you ramble on about how you’re the champion and the best. Because you’re not. I am.
(The crowd reacts in a mixed way. They are not sure how to respond to any of this. Sienna Jade has a confused look on her face, but then follows it by a chuckle.)
Sienna Jade: What do you mean, Tyler?
Tyler Wolfe: You disagree with my statement, Sienna? You think that you’re better than most of these women on Empire? Because you managed to defeat Madison Kaline and Astraea Jordan? Those are not names with any merit to them. Cleopatra is a shell of her former self when you defeated her. Raven Roberts? You needed to hit her with that f*cking championship against her skull to win the match. You couldn’t beat her on your own cleanly. But, you’re still going to say that there’s no one on Empire that can hold a candle to you in the ring? You bring up these names that I don’t care about or who I have defeated in the past, but I’m not impressed. I’m not going to be like Kassidy, who worships the ground you walk on and kisses your ass. I’m not going to be around the bush as I watch you continue to prance around with the championship that I have been WAITING for my opportunity at. Sienna, if you’re so confident in your abilities, why don’t you put that title up on the line against me?
(The crowd continues to give a mixed reaction to the challenge. Sienna Jade chuckles as she cannot believe that she and Tyler are having this confrontation.)
Sienna Jade: Why would I put this title on the line against you, Tyler? You couldn’t even win the Women’s Grand Rampage Match. Not even in your home country! Talk about an embarrassment you are to Australians!
Tyler Wolfe: And, you couldn’t retain that championship with your own abilities. You had to result to dirty tricks to keep the Women’s Championship. Because you KNEW that if you were to have faced Raven Roberts without anything to rely on, you would have lost. I’ve never cheated. I’ve never done things illegal in matches. Every accomplishment and huge victory I have gotten was because I busted my ass to do so. I outworked my opponent in every single match. I outwrestled every man and woman, who has faced me in the ring. Each match I have been a part of, it has been the most talked about match of the night. My second match in the company, I managed to make it to the final three at the 24/7 Battle Royal at Pain for Pride! Not three months into my EAW career, I managed to capture the Specialists Championship a Territorial Invasion while I, unlike you, played my part in carrying Jaded Wolfe Hearts to an amazing showing at that same event! I mean, who can ever forget having to deal with your lame excuse of an ass ever since Pain for Pride because you got all upset and discouraged about Pain for Pride. I lost my championship at Road TO Redemption and I never stopped grinding. I never stopped working. Sure, I may have lost to Viz at the Iconic Cup. I may have lost at Grand Rampage, but I’m not someone who is going to get unmotivated and put on piss poor performances for months until she had the nerve to ask for a rematch SEVEN F*CKING MONTHS LATER! But, I haven’t done anything to deserve a shot at your title? Just like you didn’t do anything to justify your rematch. I didn’t know rematch clauses were a thing until you got one. But, just like Raven did for the Grand Rampage event, I’m going to make challenging you and getting my title shot any way possible a trend.
Sienna Jade: Alright, whatever.
(Sienna Jade turns her back on Tyler Wolfe …)
Gavin Kirkland: TYLER WOLFE JUST STRUCK SIENNA JADE FROM BEHIND WITH THE MICROPHONE! THE WOMEN’S WORLD CHAMPION FALLS TO HER BACK AS TYLER BEGINS TO CLUB AWAY A SERIES OF AGGRESSIVE PUNCHES ONTO SIENNA WITH THE MICROPHONE! WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON? THESE ARE TWO OUT OF THE THREE MEMBERS OF JADED WOLFE HEARTS! THEY WERE ALMOST LIKE SISTERS! WHAT THE HELL IS TYLER DOING FOR THE BEAUTIFUL AND BLONDE SIENNA JADE?? TYLER BEGINS TO MOUNT SOME ELBOWS TO THE SKULL OF SIENNA! TYLER IS GOING BALLISTIC! THERE IS NO STOPPING THIS MAD WOMAN!! TYLER CONNECTS WITH A NASTY ELBOW TO SIENNA’S MOUTH! I THINK THERE’S BLOOD COMING OUT OF SIENNA’S MOUTH A BIT! THAT END IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BLEED!
CJ Hana: Tyler Wolfe gets Sienna Jade back to her feet before throwing her to the steel ring post! The sound of the steel clashing against Sienna skull makes her stop moving! Tyler gets Sienna back to her feet before getting her on her shoulder before connecting with Bad Bitch Baptism! Tyler just laid out the Women’s World Champion!
(The crowd is getting quite rowdy. It’s unsure if they’re cheering from this or booing, but Tyler Wolfe admires her work. Sure, it could have been worse, but it hasn’t reached that point just yet. Tyler sees the Women’s World Championship next to Sienna Jade before getting it up. She admires the title before getting her foot and places it on Sienna’s chest before raising up the Women’s Championship high in the air.)
(EAW logo buzzes.)
