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EAW Superlative Awards 2019

Alright so the year end awards came out on Christmas… CHRISTMAS!! And as GOAT as they all were, we here at Fight Grid KNOW that the members of the EAW Universe have been waiting for the REST/BEST of the year end awards to come out. For whatever reason, these special awards just never seem to make the final cut and it’s absolutely mind-blowing to each of us here on the staff! It’s shameful to be honest, but that’s why we here at Fight Grid leave no stone left unturned! We have the rest of the awards, and oh man. They are doozies!

It goes without saying, that this year has been nothing short of special in Elite Answers Wrestling with all kinds of feel good moments, and some rather interesting ones as well. So without wasting anymore time, let’s go ahead and honor even more men and women who willingly bleed and sacrifice their lives so the rest of us can drag them like the Internet trolls we really are.

DRUMROLL PLEASE!!!!!!

 Best Beard
 Charlie Marr
Why: There is nothing sexier than a man with a Taliban looking beard and crystal clear, serial killer like blue eyes that show he is dead inside. Charlie Marr is by far a sex symbol here in EAW and we are so proud to give him the Best Beard award for the second straight year.

 Most Likely to Start a Cult
Jesse Barlow
Why: The biggest similarities that Jesse Barlow has with cult leaders is charisma and how he’s able to convince people to believe in his followings. On Voltage, Jesse has tried on numerous occasions to get fellow members of the roster to join him in his quest to punish the scum of the earth and make Voltage a better place. So far, he has Hannah Marin by his side, but what’s stopping him from adding more people into his cult? It’s already looking like one so far.

Feminist of the Year
 Charlie Marr
Why: In 2019 alone, no one has done more for women’s rights than “The Conscience of EAW,” Charlie Marr. He has managed to push women such as The Beating Hearts of Voltage to heights that must never believed was possible. He was able to do the unthinkable and get all of the women together and fight for the common cause. If he was able to get The Beating Hearts to get together and be united, can you imagine what he can do for the rest of the women in EAW? A true feminist for sure. :wow:

Bromance of the Year
 The Visual Prophet & Drake King
Why: Okay seriously, we all saw how they died at Road to Redemption ‘Romeo and Juliet’ style and there is not a single moment that happened this year that is more romantic than that. Their ‘will they’ or ‘won’t they’ back and forth is the stuff that bromances are made of, and we here at Fight Grid DEMAND that Drake and Viz team up in 2020 and dominant all of EAW.

 Most Likely to End Up on ‘Snapped’
Charlie Marr and Jordie Ripley
Why: There is nothing healthy about this relationship at all, and these two are one fight away from ending up on the hit crime show, ‘Snapped.’ Which of them snaps, we don’t know, but considering how heinous both of them are, we kinda sorta don’t care. We just want to see this relationship explode in the new year and if they end up dead, oh well! Does that make us bad people? :lupe:

Pimp of the Year
TLA
Why: There was no other man who should be given this award than TLA. He has bitches on bitches on bitches and makes sure that they are able to be provided with everything that their hearts desire. We on Fight Grid recognize all the work that he has done. Not only in EAW, but in his endeavors in the Poon Palace. We love a man who can tackle on more than one project.

 Most Likely to Get Cucked by Their Best Friend
 Jake Smith
Why: It makes us sad to give Jake this award, but the second he decided to scorn Sierra’s decision to become a professional wrestler, we knew that any hope Jake had of winning over his longtime best friend was gone. It shocks absolutely NO ONE that Sierra would pursue her crush on the Dynasty cutie while Jake was left out in the cold, forced to watch this flirtmance from the sidelines. Hopefully Jake can rebound from getting cucked in 2020, and who knows? Maybe those therapy sessions with Dr. Bethany Blue will help Jake bounce back!

Cutest Couple That Never Was (YET)
 Drake King and Sierra Bradford
Why: So because we spoke Rex and Raven into existence last year and totally take credit for their engagement (CONGRATS BY THE WAY! WE ARE WAITING FOR OUR INVITE!), we are going to go ahead and swoon over the cuteness that is Drake and Sierra. The fact he sent her flowers… YELLOW FLOWERS! How did Drake know that’s Sierra’s favorite? We stan a caring king who listens and takes notes, and we fully expect these two to become the world’s cutest couple in 2020.

 Most Likely to Abuse the Gawd Contract in 2020
 Chris Elite
Why: Okay, he’s been quite guilty of using that Gawd Contract this year. However, we don’t believe that Chris Elite is through with abusing the power of the Gawd Contract. At Road to Redemption, he used the contract to get himself and Ahren Fournier a shot at the Unified Tag Team Champions, make it a Tables, Ladders and Chairs Match as well as inserting himself in the Extreme Elimination Chamber for the Answers World Championship. Due to his failed attempt at Road to Redemption, what’s stopping him from wanting to Gawd Contract another title shot? Honestly, nothing and we expect for Chris to utilize the contract to the best of  his abilities. 

Most Likely to Become the President of the United States of America
 The Woogieman
Why: Honestly, we thought about giving this award to Landerson, but since he knows how to get his hands on explosives we don’t feel he would be the best fit for our country. However, The Woogieman’s popularity goes without saying. There is no Elitist who gets the crowd more hyped than Woogie. Women faint. Men cheer. Children are filled with joy. The Woogieman is the greatest thing to ever happen to this world and he’s the type of person we need to lead us into the new decade.

Most Likely to Sing in a Choir
 Drake King
Why: With all the comments about Drake King being a choir boy due to refusal to curse. Drake is the perfect vision of innocence and most likely, he has a voice of an angel, which may or may not be useful when serenading Sierra Bradford. Not only does he listen and take notes, but he probably sings as well!!! :wow: 

Most Likely to Become a Superhero
Sarah Price
Why: Is that a bird? Is that a plane? No, it’s Sarah Price, who will most likely become a superhero in 2020 — if she isn’t already considered one right now. She always does the right thing and never believes in harming anyone. She would rather put on an amazing match and be a role model for kids all around the world. She not only does that, but she kicks the butts of any bad guy that stands in her way. She is what Voltage and the rest of EAW needs with all the bad guys around!

 Most Likely to be Adopted
Ms. Extreme
Why: Well… isn’t it obvious? The hair, skin complexion and brash attitude. Either Ms. Extreme has done her best to separate herself from her other sisters or Carmen Ava needs to begin talking because something is up and we need to find out. 

The Jeffrey Dahmer Award for Cannibal of the Year
 Kassidy Heart
Why: Who knew a perfect blonde princess would have a taste for human flesh and blood?! We were SHOOK back at Operation: Doomsday when Mrs. Ryan Adams did what she did in order to get the final advantage in her MoTY against Serena Bennett. For some ungawdly reason, we can’t help but feel fuckery like this is pretty much the norm at the Ryan Adams Estate. We all know that those kind of people feast on the flesh and blood of virgins in order to keep themselves young, not to mention whatever it is they offer up as a sacrifice to the Pagan god Pan, or whatever the hell. You know what? We are just going to stop there because we really don’t want to trigger The Mauler and have her try and bite our ear off.

 Best Body
Shortfuse PAKA
Why: The man calls himself ‘The Wrecking Ball’ and honestly, there is no better way to describe Shortfuse PAKA! The man is literally shaped like a ball and we can not wait to see him follow in Xander Payne’s footsteps and appear in ESPN Magazine’s Body Issue in 2020! 

 Best Hair
Big Mike
Why: His hair. So luscious, sexy and beautiful. Big Mike has the must have hair going into 2020 and it should be the trend that most of the men in EAW should be wanting to replicate. That’s right. If you have hair, shave it off. Long beautiful hair is soooooo yesterday. 

Sexiest Knee (strikes)
Jamie O’Hara
Why: Dem knees tho. 😍 There is no other Elitist in this company with sexier knee (strikes) than our resident Ace, Jamie O’Hara! These knees don’t discriminate as he has kneed his wife on more than one occasion and these knees are something that most of the Elitists should inspire to have one day. There is no one that can knee his opponents harder than Jamie, but those knees look so good while doing so.

 Most Likely to Start a Fight for No Reason
Andrea Valentine
Why: It’s always the quiet ones. Once you strip Andrea Valentine of the quiet demeanor, you can see that she is always trying to start fights with EVERYONE that she comes across. This woman is always ready for a fight and doesn’t care if you’re not ready to fight. She’ll be more than ready to smack a bitch across the face like in one of those housewife reality tv shows. If you were in a fight and wanted someone to fight your battles, Andrea is your girl and she’ll take care of the problem real soon.

Most Likely to Get Arrested for Public Indecency
 The Visual Prophet
Why: Okay perhaps it’s just our collective fantasy to see The Visual Prophet in all of his chocolate glory, but come on! Can you blame us?! Who has better abs than Viz?! Who teased us more than Viz did back at Road to Redemption?! We still aren’t convinced those were JUST nunchucks in his pants… :mjlit:

 EAW’s Most Beautiful Person Award
Xander Payne
Why: Xander might have lost out to Shortfuse PAKA for best body, but he is without a shadow of a doubt the most beautiful being in all of EAW. His looks! His vocabulary! The way he respects women! The fact he is an amazing husband and father to Peyton and the kids! Xander Payne is beyond anything else in this company and we could not feel more blessed than to be in his GOATly presence on a weekly basis. The EAW Universe does not deserve the beauty and grace that is Alexander Williams Tremblay aka Xander ‘The Wrestling Genius’ Payne. :wow:!!!!

Congratulations to all the winners! Granted, just like last year, there are apparently no trophies for these awards which kind of sucks, but our interns have been busy handwriting certificates for each winner because printing them out on the computer wasn’t in Mr. DEDEDE’s budget for us this year. Maybe next time!

Once again, the staff at Fight Grid want to thank the members of the EAW Universe for their support over the last 12 months. We read every email, comment, and everything else in between. We are thankful for this place, for our fans, and everyone who works here because ultimately it is a team effort. We are all in this together. To close this out, and to do so on a serious note, we want to take a moment to acknowledge the world championship victories of TLA, Cameron Ella Ava, and Andrea Valentine. All three Elitists have reputations for being hard workers, and the blood, sweat, and tears each of them have invested into EAW over the last few years (and in Cameron’s case an entire decade) is celebrated, respected, and appreciated. As sports fans, we live for the moments. We love the happy endings. We love seeing good people get what they deserve. Trusting the process is a mantra all of us try to follow, and if you ever needed proof that it pays to trust said process, look no further than the three beautiful stories we got to see come to fruition this year.

2019, thanks for the memories.

2020, the ball is in your court now.

 

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