(EAW Intro Plays)
(“Dynasty Intro” by Jay-Z instrumental plays.)
(The camera opens as a recap of last season plays. Highlights featuring former Dynasty stars such as Mark Michaels, Ms. Extreme, Theron Nikolas, Shaker Jones, Jamie O’Hara, The FloBros, and everyone no longer on the show as a beautiful recap of some of their highs and lows is shown. We then see the screen go black before the face of Impact with the EAW World Heavyweight title on his shoulder is shown. Following that is Kassidy Heart kissing the Universal Women’s title and right after that is Jack Ripley raising his National Elite championship high in the air as the screen goes to black again.)
Crowd: DY-NA-STY! DY-NA-STY DY-NA-STY!
(The instrumental fades out. “Eagle Birds” by The Black Keys Plays.)
(Next, quick cuts of Serena Bennett moments after winning Grand Rampage, Remi Skyfire hitting a stiff kick on someone, Darkane hitting the Devil May Cry to a nobody, and Cage with the stiffest lariat seen on television. We see Lethal Consequences looking incredulous but determined directly into the camera. Next we are shown Sosa Henderson, Drake King with Jake Smith, Jason Mckormick whilst he points his finger guns at the camera, Fatal Destiny standing back to back with their fists balled up, TLA in his lowrider making it bounce as the crowd goes wild, and Damon Diesel rubbing his fist over his jaw as his mouthpiece is exposed.)
(The music changes. Suddenly, “Hate Me” by Ellie Goulding and Juice WRLD plays.)
(The video flashes. We see newer stars like Vic Venom hitting his immaculate cutter on Noah Reigner at the draft, Ronan Malosi stomping and roaring like a beast, Osamu Arcichida posing on the turnbuckles, Darcy May Morgan posing with her back to the camera and turning her head to reveal her face. Rey Brujo Jr, Raybao, and Eric Havoc are seen and the video begins to fade until El Landerson is shown on camera, standing in front of a crowd of people all wearing red chanting the same thing over and over.)
Crowd: DY-NA-STY! DY-NA-STY! DY-NA-STY!
(Landerson is seen in a red mask with his thumbs up to the camera. One last set of cuts flash as Serena Bennett, Kassidy Heart, Lethal Consequences, Darkane, Jack Ripley, Sosa Henderson, Drake King, Cage, TLA, and Impact are shown before we cut back to Landerson standing in front of a glorious crowd of ravenous Friday Night Dynasty fans.)
El Landerson: Friday Night Dynasty! Here comes the boom!
“FRIDAY NIGHT DYNASTY SEASON 13 BEGINS TONIGHT”
(BANG! BOOM! POW! BLAOW! WOOSH! Pyro goes off over and over again as we cut to the inside of the Target Center in Minneapolis, Minnesota. The fans are losing their minds as the camera scours the audience for notable fans. We see various signs in the building such as “LANDERSON IS GOAT”, “We wanted Joshua Nicholls”, “Remi and Damon share mouthpieces”, and “GO F*CK YOUR ASS” with an image of Impact with clown makeup on by a very handsome young man and his beautiful latino girlfriend. We cut to the ringside as we see two familiar faces and one we hadn’t seen in a while.)
Stew-O: Ladies and Gentlemen…WELCOME TO FRIDAAAAAAY NIGHT DYNASTY!!
Flannery McCoy: Fired up are we?!
Stew-O: Why wouldn’t I be? Post the greatest show in Elite Answers Wrestling history, Pain for Pride XII, post an explosive and incredible Draft that saw stars from the now defunct Empire, Showdown, Voltage, and Dynasty move around, post Dedede kidnapping and marrying Kassidy Heart, classic Draft day matches involving TLA and Vic Venom, great showing from National Elite champion Jack Ripley, and so much going down…I must say Dynasty is ready for season 13!
Flannery McCoy: I can’t temper my excitement at all as we retain a hand full of talent but are bringing in so many fresh faces and match ups here. The World Heavyweight Champion, Womens Universal Champ, and National Elite champ are here! Tonight we have a champion vs champion match between two of these title holders in the first main event of Season 13!
Stew-O: That’s right! Impact vs Jack Ripley! That’s not all! We have plenty of fresh matchups tonight and we aren’t just introducing fresh wrestlers to this roster!
Flannery McCoy: That’s right Stew! Joining us on the commentary team this upcoming season is a former commentator who is making is return to the booth here on the first episode of this season…Jake Mercer ladies and gentlemen!
(We cut to the side and see Jake Mercer, wearing a vintage Black Keys shirt and his hair in a man bun.)
Jake Mercer: I’m not gonna lie…it feels good to be back!
Stew-O: Welcome back, Jake!
Flannery McCoy: Yes, welcome! You know, after dealing with Gavin Kirkland during the draft, I realized just how much I missed you Stew-O. As for Jake, It’s been a while since we last…
Jake Mercer: I’m so excited to bring back legitimacy to Dynasty’s commentary team!
Flannery McCoy: Oh, ok. But yes, how has life been since…
Jake Mercer: I must say quickly, you guys are a talented duo!
Stew-O: Why thank you Ja-
Jake Mercer: But, it’s time we bring back a REAL wrestling fan who knows what’s REALLY going on to give input to Friday nights! Plus, the green they offered me to return was too good to turn down! Pockets with more green then a bag of Kale, amirite!?
Flannery McCoy: Um…ok.
Jake Mercer: I’ve spent a lot of time on the internet, been running around the world of professional wrestling and staying glued to the essence that sometimes gets lost in the big arenas, pyrotechnical displays, and the big budgets that are here in EAW! Not for nothing, you two might be a little too bougie to understand what I’m saying…
Flannery McCoy: Wait, huh?
Jake Mercer: But don’t worry your little heads, Jake Mercer is here to school you two and all these fans at home on who the mainstream fans are ignoring! Flannery, I’ll send you a link to my Tumblr page full of gifs of guys and girls who will be in EAW soon and should be shoe ins for world title reigns. And Stew-O, maybe I can bring you some sic merch back from Japan when I take my trips out there on my off days!
Stew-O: This sounds like a match made in heaven, huh? Well, we’re not going to waste any time getting started tonight. Dynasty General Manager, StarrStan, is in the ring!
(The camera switches to the ring, where StarrStan has been standing this entire time. Starrstan is smiling and holding a microphone as the crowd quiets and waits to hear him speak.)
StarrStan: :wow: Pain for Pride was off the charts, and I could not be happier with how the Dynasty roster performed at the biggest show of the year. The Answers World Championship match between Theron Nikolas, Darkane, Mr. DEDEDE, and Jamie O’Hara is definitely the Match of the Year so far. While three of those four men, and the Answers World Championship itself, have changed homes, the men and women who now call Dynasty home will no doubt bring the same fight, fire, and quality to this brand.
StarrStan: Change is fun, and I’m excited for the potential match-ups we have this season! The dissolvement of Empire has added an extra element of excitement, and given us so many dream match scenarios! I mean, who wouldn’t want to see Darkane versus…
StarrStan: SERENA BENNETT!!!!!!
(The crowd pops huge over the possibility of that incredible match.)
StarrStan: How about the National Elite Championship changing homes? Jack Ripley is back on Friday nights!
Crowd: YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!
StarrStan: Jack Ripley’s growth as a man and as a wrestler is nothing short of impressive, and on a personal note, I look forward to having him back on Friday nights. Friday night is also the home of the new Universal Women’s Champion… KASSIDY HEART!!!!
StarrStan: :whoa: Don’t worry guys. Kassidy is okay.
StarrStan: TLA IS BACK ON DYNASTY!!!!
Crowd: TLA! TLA! TLA! TLA! TLA! TLA! TLA! TLA! TLA! TLA! TLA! TLA!
StarrStan: FUTURE CHAMPIONS SUCH AS DRAKE KING AND JAKE SMITH ARE ON DYNASTY!!!!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
StarrStan: You boo them, and I don’t blame you, but you can’t deny that King and Smith are the future of this sport.
StarrStan: Also joining us on Friday Night Dynasty, is the man who defeated Rex McAllister AND Noah Reigner in one of the most intriguing Pain for Pride main events I have ever seen. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN… PLEASE WELCOME THE NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION… IMPACT!!!!
(“Can I Live” by Jay-Z begins to play and the fans start to boo. Several seconds pass and the camera cuts to a puzzled StarrStan. The boos turn into a mixed reaction.)
Stew-O: That is not Impact…
Jake Mercer: Thank you, Captain Obvious. Of course that’s not Impact.
Flannery McCoy: That’s another one of Dynasty’s big acquisitions… Lethal Consequences!
(LC has a microphone in his hand and the music immediately dies down.)
Lethal Consequences: For a second there I thought I was on Voltage, because already I’m being shown a severe lack of respect from the person who was placed in charge of this brand. Did you forget who you drafted, Stanley?
StarrStan (sighing): No one is forgetting about you, LC.
Lethal Consequences: I’ll hold you to that, Stanley, because I’m not about to deal with another year of being stuck in limbo, fighting the same people, proving myself over and over again, and have the World Heavyweight Championship STOLEN from me. I was about to win it back at Grand Rampage, in case you have all forgotten that fact. I hate, and trust me when I say HATE, repeating myself. But here we are. Impact, the man I beat just a couple of months ago at Fighting Spirit, is the World Heavyweight Champion, and I still haven’t been given my rightful match for that championship. I look at this roster, and see these fresh faces, and my eyes go right back to Impact, because he is holding the prize that was unfairly kept from me last season by YOUR friend, Captain Charisma.
StarrStan: Listen –
Lethal Consequences: :Dave: I’m tired of listening. I’ve done nothing but listen. I have been listening for ages now, and I’m ready for someone… ANYONE… to finally take action and do the right thing. The title was taken from me at Grand Rampage due to a technicality. I hold a victory over the current champion. I defeated Scott Diamond, a man plucked out of retirement just to end me, and I defeated him in front of the world to see at Pain for Pride. I have done nothing but do my job and do it better than most people, and again, Stanley, I’m not having a repeat of last season. I don’t have a piece of paper that allows me to play ‘Gawd’ and make my own matches, so what you need to do, is do the right thing and give me the World Heavyweight Championship match I have more than earned.
(StarrStan and LC look at one another, and it takes a moment for StarrStan to reply. The crowd is quiet, because every member of the EAW Universe is more than aware of LC’s story with the World Heavyweight Championship.)
StarrStan: I’m not just going to hand you a championship shot, LC. Things don’t work that way on Dynasty, and they shouldn’t work like that on any brand. I understand how you feel, and I have no problem letting you earn a chance at Impact and the title.
(LC scoffs and shakes his head.)
Lethal Consequences: Impact never EARNED his spot at Pain for Pride. Impact shouldn’t even be the champion right now. I have done EVERYTHING I can already to EARN my shot at the gold. You telling me I can continue to EARN it is a little insulting to me. I’m not going to play second fiddle to whatever darling you want to push, and I’m not going to sit back and let other people get a shot at the World Heavyweight Championship before I do. I know there are former world champions on this roster; people I’m sure you would LOVE to see in the main event of Operation Doomsday. I also know there are people on this roster who are being looked at as future world champions, and what’s that saying? The future is now?
(LC shakes his head.)
Lethal Consequences: Not on my watch. Now I could stand up here, and I could call out Karlisle Jeremiah, and I could demand that he faces me, but we both know he’s not going to drag his ass out here before he absolutely has too. He’s probably propped up in a skybox somewhere, looking down at all of us, secure in the knowledge that even if he did give me what I’m rightfully owed, and I did what I did the last time we faced one another, and beat him, he could just snap his fingers and have another match for the championship. *sarcastically* #GawdContract. However, that’s a chance I’m willing to take because I know my worth. I know the value I bring to whatever brand I’m on. I’m not just going to take things in stride this season, because you’re going to do the right thing. You’re not going to make the same mistakes Captain Charisma did, and I’m not going to let you.
StarrStan: Wait. Are you threatening me?
Lethal Consequences: I don’t have to make threats, Stanley. Just do the right thing. Get your lazy champion to defend his belt against me, and give me what I’m owed.
(LC lowers the microphone and his own theme music hits this time.)
Stew-O: Starting off this season with a bang, huh? Literally and figuratively! Looks like Lethal Consequences is making himself known as the guy looking to challenge our World Heavyweight Champion!
Flannery McCoy: He says he isn’t going to be ignored and doesn’t care about Imp or his GAWD contract. Lethal also says the future isn’t getting in the way with his present, he wants to be the one to dethrone Impact and end his reign as champ!
Jake Mercer: Big words, very big words from Lethal Consequences! But, he is wrong about one thing! It is time for the future, guys! We need new blood in this World title scene! Lethal, Impact, I feel like we’re watching Pain for Pride IV all that’s missing is Ashten freakin’ Cross!
(The show fades out and goes to a commercial break. We see an ad for
Stephie Love: The following contest is a triple threat match, and is set for one fall! Introducing first…
(“Birdz” by Denzel Curry ft. Rick Ross blasts through the speakers as the stage gets filled with smoke and the lights play around in synchron with the music. The crowd erupts in a mixed reaction as they don’t know whether to cheer or boo. Damon comes out slowly with his hair all over his face while his face faces down and makes his way through the stage.)
Stew-O: Making his Dynasty debut here tonight is Damon Diesel, a competitor who has impressed many backstage with his work last season on Showdown. Looking to kick Season thirteen off right, Damon has a look of determination on his face!
Stephie Love: Introducing first, from Orlando Florida, and weighing in at 223 pounds…Unstable, Damon Diesel! Introducing his opponent…
(‘Armageddon (Enthropy Remix)’ by Blue Stahli plays as Ronan Malosi stalks onto the stage, eyeing Damon like a predator stalking its prey.)
Flannery McCoy: Ronan ended up staying with us here on Dynasty this season, last season he made quite the splash and looks to make sure both his opponents here tonight recognize that they’re in his domain.
Stephie Love: Next, hailing from Cape Town, South Africa, weighing in 230 pounds…the King of the Night, Ronan Malosi! Introducing their opponent…
(‘How Bad Do You Want It?’ by Sevyn Streeter plays as Darcy May Morgan makes her way to the ring.)
Jake Mercer: Little known fact, Darcy Morgan got her nickname, The Leading Lady, from a part she played on the UK version of Law and Order. She played an Australian shoplifter and won a daytime Emmy for the role.
Flannery McCoy: Well, that’s odd because the UK doesn’t have Daytime Emmys…
Jake Mercer: I KNOW! That’s how good she is, the American entertainment industry recognized her!
Stephie Love: Introducing the final contender…from Kent, in the United Kingdom, The Leading Lady…Darcy May Morgan!
(With all three competitors in the ring, Stephie exits and the official starts the match.)
(DING DING DING!)
Flannery McCoy: There’s the bell signalling the start of the first match of Season 13 for Dynasty! I, for one, am very excited for this match, Damon and Darcy are fresh faces looking to mix things up here and Ronan is looking to assert his dominance, the future of Dynasty is in the ring tonight! Things start off with Damon running straight at Ronan who attempts to counter with a big boot, but Diesel ducks under, and in a single motion pops up behind the Juggernaut , cinching in a waistlock and delivering a brutal German Suplex! Ronan rolls over onto his stomach, holding the back of his head in pain! Meanwhile, Darcy isn’t wasting any time, and delivers a great looking dropkick, connecting flush with the jaw of Damon as he regains his footing!
Jake Mercer: Funny enough, Darcy was called the ‘Dropkick Darling’ early on in her career…
Stew-O: When was that, it’s not in my notes…
Jake Mercer: Oh, you know, it was an indie promotion in the UK, the tape traders out there know exactly what I’m talking about. Maybe don’t rely on mainstream research next time, Stew! The Dropkick Darling now catching Damon with a headlock takedown, and applies a rear chinlock, torquing the neck and head of Diesel in a nasty fashion! Ronan breaks the hold before the official can check on Damon though! Malosi pulls Darcy to her feet by her hair and just flings her with a beal, sending her across the mat crashing in a heap! The Juggernaut turns his attention back to Damon, but is caught with a jawbreaker, leaving him again flat on his back!
Stew-O: Ronan needs to get something going here, or Damon and Darcy are going to roll over him! Darcy is pulling herself up in the corner as Damon is raining down blows on the head and shoulders of Malosi, doing his best to keep a dominant position. Taking Ronan’s arm, Damon whips ROnan to the ropes…drops down for Malosi to pass over…LOOK OUT! DARCY WITH A RUNNING KNEE LIFT! Ronan was blindsided by Morgan, and is left once again laying on the mat! Darcy turns her attention to Damon and locks in a collar and elbow tie up, but Diesel, having a hundred pounds on Morgan, is able to power her to the corner and delivers a hard chop across her chest! Morgan fires back with a forearm shot, really putting her weight behind it, and manages to stun Damon long enough to change positions with him, escaping the corner and keeping herself alive in this match!
Flannery McCoy: Ronan is back to his feet and rushes forward to attack Darcy, but Morgan has excellent ring awareness and ducks the running big boot from Malosi who instead drives his heel into Damon’s face! Darcy with the school boy off on Malosi…
Referee: ONE! TWO!
Flannery McCoy: Ronan kicks out with authority! Darcy was looking for a surprise victory here, but it wasn’t there for her yet, as Ronan manages to finally take hold of Darcy and shoved her back toward the ropes…ABSOLUTELY BRUTAL CLOTHESLINE OFF THE REBOUND! Darcy is folded nearly in half after that! Damon comes firing out of the corner, though, blindsiding Ronan with a forearm shot, and following that up with a headbutt to the face, sending Malosi reeling! Damon follows up quickly, and hooks the tights of Malosi…OPEN MINDED! Damon delivers the brainbuster to the knee, dropping Ronan in a heap to the mat!
Jake Mercer: Keep your eyes on the Dropkick Darling though! She’s making her way to the top rope as Damon is focused on Ronan…TORNADO DDT…NO! Damon moved out of the way! Darcy crashes to the mat! Diesel turns his focus back to Ronan who is pulling himself up after the Open Minded brainbuster, Damon is ready though…BANG BANG! The V-Trigger connects and Ronan is out! Damon goes for the pin!
Referee: ONE! TWO! THREE!
Flannery McCoy: NO! Darcy broke the pin at the last possible moment! Damon, annoyed look on his face, rises to face Darcy…he goes for a clubbing forearm, but NO! Darcy slips under…TTYN! The knockout punch! Damon is stunned, and staggers back from Darcy, still on his feet…FACE ACHE! The superkick floors Damon! Darcy has an opening here and needs to capitalize on it! Damon starts to rise as Darcy hits the ropes…DDD, DON’T DISS DARCY! The running knee strike seems to have done it, can she get the pin?!
Referee: ONE! TWO! THREE!
Flannery McCoy: NO! Ronan breaks it up by tossing Darcy off Damon Diesel! Damon rolls out of the way as Ronan lifts Darcy up from the ground by her waist and carries her on his shoulders like a sack of potatoes!
Ronan Malosi: RAAAAAAWR!!!
Stew-O: Ronan is in control! He’s got her up and WAIT! DARCY SLIPS OUT OF THE HOLD AND IS BEHIND RONAN! SHE TWISTS HIS BODY AND ROLLS HIM UP AS SHE PUTS ALL HER WEIGHT IN TO THE PIN! DIESEL IS TRYING TO GET UP!
Ref: ONE! TWO! THREE!
(DING DING DING!)
Stew-O: Damon rushes in but is too late! Darcy picks up the win!
(“How Bad Do You Want it?” By Sevyn Streeter plays as Darcy rises to her feet to a loud ovation from the fans. Darcy stands and gets her hand raises by the referee.)
Flannery McCoy: Damon smacks the mat as Ronan gets up arguing with the referee as he’s so shocked that he got beat in such a way!
Jake Mercer: What a victory here tonight for the Dropkick Darling! I don’t know about you guys, but her in ring awareness and composure under fire has me thinking she should be on the fast track to a title shot here on Dynasty!
Flannery McCoy: Well, maybe let’s pump the brakes a bit on that, regardless it was an impressive win here tonight! Darcy should be proud of winning the first match of what is sure to be a great season for both her and Dynasty!
(A commercial break plays starring Lethal Consequences and Dave Chappelle. They are advertising e-cigarettes as Lethal and the stand up comedian trade jokes about smoking being good for you. We return to see Stephie Love in the ring looking amazing.)
Stephie Love: Ladies and gentlemen our next match is scheduled for
Crowd: ONE FALL!!!
(“Sensai” by Datsik plays as out steps Osamu Arcichida to a chorus of boos as he raises his arms and basks in the disdain of the local fans. Osamu pulls out and reveals a baton, as he begins to pretend to play the booing crowd like an orchestra. Osamu poses briefly on the top of the stage before making his way down the ramp.)
Stephie Love: On his way to the ring…from Osaka, Japan…weighing in at 235 pounds…THE ORCHESTRATOR…OSAMU ARCICHIDA!!!
Flannery McCoy: This man is a former National Elite champion who lost his opportunity to recapture that title when he was defeated by Jack Ripley at Pain for Pride XII!
Stew-O: It was a tough lost for Osamu but this young man still has a lot to look forward to this season if he decides to stay committed and focused on the year to come!
Jake Mercer: I am a big, big fan of this kid! He’s not quite his dad…he’s BETTER! THE ORCHESTRATOR DESERVES ANOTHER CRACK AT JACK RIPLEY! I used to watch Osamu in New Progress Japan where he was the greatest Heavyweight champion in their history!
Flannery McCoy: New Progress Japan? Huh? This is EAW, Jake! Osamu had some success here last year but it’s up to him to get back to even a level worthy of a National Elite title shot!
(Osamu rolls in to the ring and smirks as his music fades to black. The lights go completely out, only to be replaced with purple flickering trippy fast strobe lights. The heavy mix of guitar and drum beats of “Trouble Seeker” by Cypress Hill featuring Daron Malakian queues up over the stereo system A lone single circling laser spotlight hovers directly over a single spot on the stage. A trap door opens as Miho Li accompanied by Celes Dumont rises from the bottom up onto the stage to loud, mix of boos and cheers-mainly from the various children in attendance from the crowd.She is wearing her wrestling ring gear and a long vinyl black sleeveless hoodie and sunglasses over her head. She moves in sync with the music, jogging down the aisle to the ring.)
Stephie Love: And his opponent…accompanied by Celes Dumont…from Riverside, California…weighing 120 pounds…she is THE INVINCIBLE…MIHOOOOO LI!!!!
Stew-O: One half of Fatal Destiny alongside her partner accompanying her, Miho Li had a solid first year as a member of Empire last season. She has been in the tag team division with Celes Dumont and briefly with her former partner Io Ishimori but tonight she takes on Osamu in a big match here on Dynasty!.
Flannery McCoy: Yeah, I have had my eye on this young lady for some time! Celes Dumont, Miho Li, two women who have potential to be future tag team champions or maybe even Universal Women’s champions someday!
Jake Mercer: I say give Miho Li at least a shot at Felix Hartley right now! Maybe Osamu can get one as well? These two could be main eventing the Tokyo dome right now! Miho Li’s sub-Reddit is lit lit!
(She moves in sync with the music, jogging down the aisle to the ring. She slides into the ring and poses then runs to each of the four turnbuckles soaking in the boos from the crowd feeling their emotion drawn to her. Celes stands ringside nodding as her friend moves around the ring. Osamu stands opposite every turnbuckle as Miho Li poses on and on. On the final turnbuckle, she flips backwards off and lands on her feet. She removes her coat and glasses then ties her hair up into a ponytail and then perches herself on top a turnbuckle as “Trouble Seeker” gradually fades out.)
(DING! DING! DING!)
Stew-O: And we are off! Miho Li And Osamu playing the cautious route as they circle the ring. One stands at 6’2 and the other is 5’2, this size disparity is incredible!
Jake Mercer: This ain’t nothing! In GCWCW I watched 4’11 Row Boat Barry face AND beat Giant Jolly who was 6’11! He his the most incredible top rope piledriver I ever saw. He should have got a call up to EAW, if you ask me!
Flannery McCoy: Sure he did…Anyway! Let’s focus on the two in the ring as Osamu attacks Miho with a solid shoulder block that sends her flying across the ring. Osamu reaches down to grab her but she slides around and avoids his clutches. Miho gets to her hands and knees and then her feet as Osamu charges. BASEMENT KNEE DROPKICK-
Stew-O: NO! MIHO JUMPS AS HIGH AS SHE CAN AS OSAMU MISSES AND LANDS UNDER HER! MIHO FLOATS IN THE AIR FOR A SECOND LIKE MICHAEL JORDAN!
Flannery McCoy: DOUBLE FOOT STOMP TO THE GUT OF THE ORCHESTRATOR! Miho mounts the bigger foe and begins socking him repeatedly as the ref warns her about those closed fists!
Jake Mercer: Miho May be small but you can’t stare at the height and assume anything in wrestling. It’s like the great poet laureate Terrance Howard said in Hustle and Flow! “It’s not about the size of the dog in the fight, it’s about the size of the fight in the dog” and Miho has a lot of fight in her!
Stew-O: That’s actually not a bad quote.
Flannery McCoy: Yeah, Mark Twain said it first but whatever! Miho is shoved off Osamu as Osamu gets his bearings together. Miho and Osamu stand opposite as Miho charges and leaps! CROSS BODY BLOCK…BLOCKED! Miho made a mistake as Osamu easily catches her mid air. Celes Dumont slams the mat ring side demanding her to be careful as Osamu carries her around the ring. RIB BREAKER AS OSAMU SLAMS MIHO OVER HIS KNEE! Osamu lifts her up and toss her a bit in the air! Miho lands on her feet it Osamu snatched her back up! BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX AS MIHO flies ACROSS THE RING!
Stew-O: Textbook belly to belly as Osamu gets up and goes after Miho some more! Miho is brought to her feet and Osamu stands her straight up. KNIFE EDGE CHOP! Miho’s chest sounds like a frying pan smacking human flesh! Osamu grabs her by the wrist and Irish whips her across the ring. Miho bounces off and comes back. STANDING DROPKICK AS SHE RUNS BACK IN TO HIM AS OSAMU KNOCKS HER DOWN AGAIN! Osamu pounces and goes for the cover!
Flannery McCoy: Celes screams as Miho kicks out of that pin fall. It’s all Osamu right now guys, can Miho survive being ten inches shorter and beat this former National Elite champion?
Jake Mercer: I think Miho needs to take a play out of Lebron’s book: PASS THE BALL!
Stew-O: Jake this is wrestling tho…
Jake Mercer: By pass the ball, I mean…GET HELP! Celes is right there! Use your partner and help take Osamu down together!
Flannery McCoy: Well that’s cheating…
Jake Mercer: You don’t know what cheating is :troll:
Stew-O: Anywho, Osamu drags up Miho by the hair and is trying to put her away quickly. Dumont is ring side barking orders but Miho isn’t in the position to follow them just yet! Osamu stands her up again…KNIFE EDGE CHOP! Slicing her chest again! Osamu takes a step back. DROPKICK TO THE KNEE! Miho lands on her stomach as Osamu gets back up. Osamu lifts her back up again!
Flannery McCoy: Osamu hooks her leg…her head under his arms…THE BEST NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX IN THE BUSINESS!
Jake Mercer: CONNECTS! PERFECTLY EXECUTED AS HE BRIDGES IT FOR A PIN!
Stew-O: MIHO KICKS OUT AT THE LAST SECOND! SUCH FIRE IN HER! Osamu rolls out the way as Miho clutches her back on the mat. Osamu looks surprised that she kicked out of that move but he’s back to his feet ready to go some more. Miho stumbles to her feet, Osamu backs up to the ropes. WAIT, CELES DUMONT REACHES IN AND GRABS HIS ANKLE! OSAMU TURNS TO SEE CELES BACKING AWAY WITH HER HANDS IN THE AIR AS IF SHE DIDN’T DO ANYTHING! The ref looks over as he and Osamu point at Celes! Celes says she is innocent but we all saw some foul play there! Miho Li is on one knee on the other side of the ring. The ref and Osamu turn and
Flannery McCoy: DEADLY LITTLE MIHO TO THE FACE!!! NOOOOOOOO! Osamu blocks the knee! WAIT! HE CATCHES HER KNEW! HE SCOOPS THE SMALLER COMPETITOR UP ON TO HIS SHOULDERS! CLASSIVE AGGRESSIVE HITS! THE MUSCLE BUSTER FOLDS MIHO UP AND OSAMU GOES FOR THE PIN!
(DING! DING! DING!)
Stephie Love: Here is your winner…OSAMU ARCICHIDA!!!
Stew-O: I guess Jake’s strategy of using your teammate didn’t work this time!
(Osamu is ready to celebrate as his music hits but then.)
Stew-O: WAIT! CELES JUST STORMED THE RING! ELBOW TO THE BACK OF OSAMU’S HEAD AS SHE RUSHES THE ORCHESTRATOR! CELES STOMPS AWAY AT HIS HEAD AS HE LAYS ON THE MAT WONDERING WHAT’S HAPPENING! Celes motions for Miho who gets up groggy but ready for action again! They both proceed to put the boots to Osamu as he lays flat on the mat!
Flannery McCoy: I am not liking this attitude from these two at all!
(Celes turns and her Li finally stop attacking Osamu. Celes asks Stephie Love for a mic and walks back to the center of the ring with Miho as Osamu sits in a corner holding the back of his head staring at his attackers..)
Celes Dumont: HEY! Don’t be mad because we did what we had to do, ok?! This business isn’t just about honor anymore! Throughout season 12 we watched guys and girls go through life and death situations just for glory and that’s why we stay watching each other’s backs! But, there was a third member of this team who may or may not be apart of it anymore. So…Osamu, we are sorry but not sorry that we did what we did to you! But, now that we are off Empire and free to take over here on Dynasty…why don’t you put this match behind all of us…and we join forces and make Fatal Destiny stronger for next season!
(Celes Dumont stands with the microphone as Miho Li walks over shrugging her shoulders, reaching her hand out to help Osamu up. Osamu looks unsure as the fans beg him not to join these two women. Osamu takes her hand and is helped to his feet as Miho puts her hand on his shoulder and walks with him to the center of the ring. Osamu looks at Celes who speaks to him softly as the fans chant for him to deny her. Celes and Miho put their hands in the center of the ring as Osamu looks at it for a second.)
Flannery McCoy: IS OSAMU JOINING FATAL DESTINY?!
Stew-O: HE IS STICKING HIS FIST OUT AND…HE BRUSHES PAST BOTH WOMEN AND MAKES HIS WAY OUT THE RING! IT LOOKS LIKE OSAMU ISN’T INTERESTED IN FATAL DESTINY! Celes and Miho look a little pissed off but they can’t be too angry with this! Why would he join a group that just attacked him for winning fair and square?!
Flannery McCoy: Plus, Celes has a big match later against Jake Smith she has to get ready for!
(The match finishes as we transition elsewhere. The lonely stairwell was barely illuminated by a flickering lightbulb located in the bowels of The Target Center, but through the flashes of light Darkane sat somberly on the stairs, stoic as ever, shielded by his patented midnight black leather jacket, an unlit smoke in hand; with faded tic-tac-toe scratches and scars smothering his rugged unkempt face. He eyed the floor with little emotion before lighting his cigarette up with a match, while flakey amber embers fluttered into the darkness as he brushed his hair back. The aroma he gave off was that of pure filth; an acrid mix of rotting eggs and booze-soaked clothes.)
“It’s been a minute.”
(Darkane sighs through a deep exhalation of cigarette smoke.)
Darkane: Now normally I don’t find silver linings in defeat. I never have. I refuse to believe that I should find any sort of solace in giving the old college try; it’s like giving a participation trophy to a spastic bubble blower with a mouthful of braces and rubber bands, donned in oddly colored sweat pants and burdened but not broken by a severe upper lip cleft palate only to come in last place in the annual autistic triathlon. While a loss may overshadow everything that transpired at Pain for Pride, I brutalized three individuals almost to the point of no return.
(He cocks his neck to the side.)
Darkane: The old adage of close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades might suffice here, but not a single soul can dispute the unequivocal fact that I Darkane, swept through that ring like a fucking F-5 tornado and laid waste to every last dickless ingrate in my trajectory, but low and behold; I still sit here empty handed. I’m stuck in a grey area, drifting astray like debris in the middle of the sea without a sense of direction now that my one shot at glory was fucking pissed down the drain. As much as I’d like to drag Mr. DEDEDE through the mud, I gotta give the crafty son of a bitch credit where credit is due. The guy dined on the Equalizer; the same instrument of destruction that put men like me and Jamie O’Hara on the shelf for months on end. Mr. DEDEDE has such a rare if not insatiable thirst to succeed and when his mind is made up there’s no room for error. As for Jamie O’Hara, he can shut the fuck up as far as I’m concerned. His piss and moan sob story in regards to his ‘apparent’ victory carpet being ripped right out from under his feet is like clawing a blackboard; he needs to keep in mind that in multi-man matches you need eyes wide open in the back of your fucking head and you have nobody to blame but yourself for your lack of awareness. Mr. DEDEDE did what anybody would have done in his situation and if you weren’t toying around with Theron’s head on a fucking swivel you would have walked out the champion, but that’s neither here or there. What’s done is done.
(Darkane takes another puff of his cigarette.)
Darkane: Most men would dwell if they were in my shoes – but I’m not here to make up excuses. Granted, initially it felt like a massive gut punch; like everything I worked so hard for was snatched from me in the blink of an eye, but unlike some people, I’m not at the end of my rope. My career is still in its relative infancy and I still have a metric shit ton of fuel left in my tank. Some might say that over time, the beatings that I’ve endured whether on the giving or receiving end will eventually take their toll. They’ll say my style is absurdly reckless to the point where I throw caution in the wind more often than not, but I’ve journeyed this far with quite a few accolades attributed to my name and they certainly weren’t handouts. I earned every single thing I’ve accomplished thus far and not even Mr. DEDEDE can erase those memories but some will try. Oh, some will try. There will always be detractors. That’s the name of the game and it doesn’t start and stop with me, this goes for everybody in EAW. Usually, I don’t give my naysayers the time of day because they know that if they were in earshot of me they’d be a flailing carcass, but since I’m down in a hole as Layne Staley once belted out – I’m willing to take on any and all adversaries. I have my eye on a few choice cuts anyway, like the World Champion Impact, like the dogged Diamond Cage, like the oil-headed Mexican’t TLA, like the newlywed harlot, Kassidy Adams, like the wannabe Chris Elite female equivalent hoodrat who writes her initials-in-graffiti, Serena Bennett. Young guns like Vic Venom and future stars like Drake King loom on the horizon too, fuck, maybe I’ll even humiliate Jack Ripley once again, just for shits and giggles. Come one, come all. Anybody can get it. I’m not that hard to find.
(For the first time Darkane eyed the camera, intensifying the atmosphere.)
Darkane: But when you do eventually find me or vice versa, you best come prepared. Dynasty is still my playing ground and to every single fresh face on Dynasty, you can consider me the welcoming committee. What I see with these new faces on Dynasty is handpicked raw meat chopped up and served on a fucking platter and even though Impact is the World Champion, that doesn’t mean that people will answer to his bell. As far as I’m concerned he’s on borrowed time anyway. All he did was prove that Noah Reigner was a fraudulent paper champion at best who rode the wave of his early successes only to crash and burn to cap off a mediocre reign. With shitbags like Lethal Consequences serving themselves up as championship contender filler, it’s only a matter of time until I get my filthy fucking skeletal claws on you Impact, but for now, I have smaller fish to fry. I need to get back on that saddle and trample over the newbies that have been plucked off of the other brands and dropped into my fucking lair. One by one, I will take each and every one of you fuckers down. The only question that remains is who’s first? I guess it doesn’t really matter in the big picture the result stays the same. I got time. Maybe too much time, but I’m not going to waste it week by week in desolate stairwells. I prefer to be in my ring, doing what I do best but until then I’ll bide my time by wondering who in the fuck in this crop of pussies can actually put up a fight worth my while?
(Darkane scoffs at the camera and flips it off, putting his cig out on the stairway rail as Dynasty transitions elsewhere. We open back up ringside to see Stephie Love holding a microphone.)
Stephie Love: Our next match is scheduled for
Crowd: ONE FALLLLL!!!!
(“Ronin” by Within The Ruins blasts out the speakers as out walks Vic Venom to a solid reaction. Fans begin cheering him on as he makes his way on to the stage and stands there surveying the crowd. Vic raises his fist in the air and then begins to make his way down the ramp.)
Stephie Love: On his way to the ring…hailing from Oslo, Norway…weighing in at 225 pounds…he is THE MORNINGSTAR…VIC VENOM!!!!!
Flannery McCoy: I know losing to Noah Reigner was tough but nobody can say they don’t see a future for this guy in EAW. He took the former World champion to the edge of defeat several times in their match, displayed some amazing technical ability, craftiness, and overall skill despite being beaten on Draft Day. I see Vic Venom as a guy to watch for this season!
Jake Mercer: Beyond that, Vic Venom was robbed!
Jake Mercer: He should have beat Noah Reigner! I mean, yeah…Noah hit him with back to back Killshots. Yeah, Noah is a former world champ…but, Vic Venom is the son of Scott Venom! He’s the next generation of this company!
Flannery McCoy: Well, we can agree on that but he has to keep pushing forward in my opinion. This guy clearly is talented but tonight he has a challenge to deal with in Jason McKormick!
(Vic Venom climbs the apron, flips in to the ring, rolls on the mat, and finds himself sitting indian style in the middle of the ring. He looks around as the music plays and he nods a bit to it. As his theme fades, “Devil” by Shinedown plays as out steps Jason McKormick. He points finger guns towards the ring as Vic sits with his back towards him, unimpressed. Jason begins to walk down the ramp.)
Stephie Love: AND HIS OPPONENT…from Jackson, Michigan…weighing 235 pounds…he is THE LUNATIC…JASON MCKORMICK!!!
Stew-O: A veteran in EAW, I know you said before he could be a star himself if he takes this possible gift of staying on Dynasty and showing everyone how good he really is!
Flannery McCoy: This man was a consistent contender for Ms. Extreme when she was Pure champion, could he possibly become a threat from one of the new champions on Dynasty? Could Jason show everyone how great he is?
(Jason walks up the steel stairs, looking confused at Vic who is still in the middle of the ring seated. Jason looks around and stares at his opponent who sits waiting. Jason goes to his corner as the referee motions to Vic Venom. Vic takes a deep breath, begins to get to his feet, and walk to his own corner. Jason’s music fades as the referee calls for the bell.)
Stew-O: Jake casually walks to the center of the ring as Jason McKormick meets him there. Jason dares Vic Venom to start the match and he does! Vic charges the big man and throws a lariat but Jason ducks!
Flannery McCoy: EUROPEAN UPPERCUT! Jason cracks Vic right in the chin as his head snaps back! McKormick latches onto Vic and kicks him in the gut. He hooks him and SPIKE DDT! LAYING THE MORNING STAR FLAT ON HIS HEAD EARLY! JASON ROLLS HIM OVER FOR A QUICK COVER!
Stew-O: Vic kicks right out but he was clearly caught off guard by that offense right there! Jason looks eager to end this early, maybe make a statement by beating Vic Venom as quickly as possible here tonight!
Flannery McCoy: People have been downplaying Jason and his career for some time now! He’s a constant title contender and has won his fair share of matches in EAW, guys!
Jake Mercer: But he has yet to face a phenom like Vic Venom. This Norwegian Star reminds me of another famous Norwegian athlete! Emil Weber Meek!
Flannery McCoy: Here he goes making up things again!
Stew-O: Wait *Stew-O uses his phone and googles that name and an actual person pops up* Maybe he isn’t lying this time.
Flannery McCoy: Look at that, I guess he isn’t!
Jake Mercer: Look at that, you realize that I’m the real deal and just a better analyst for once! Anyway, Jason drags Vic to his feet and cracks him with a forearm to the side of the head before running to the ropes, returning, and BAM JUMPING CLOTHESLINE TO VENOM! But, yeah! Vic is getting worked right now but just like his Norwegian brother, he can find a way to deliver a kick or so and end this all in the blink of an eye! Speaking of eyes, Jason mounts Vic and is bashing him in the face with mounted punches!
Stew-O: You are right about that as well but if Jason doesn’t stop punching him in his eye he may never get a chance! The ref demands Jason to stop using closed fists and he does so while getting up of Venom. BAM! HE IS UP AND STOMPS RIGHT ON THE GUT OF VIC, WHO CURLS UP FROM THAT SMASH! VIC ROLLS OVER AND JASON STOMPS ON HIM AGAIN! Vic is crawling to the ropes as the referee sees him grab the bottom one. The ref demands Jason to back up as Venom pulls himself off the mat. Jason sees Vic get up to off his knees and to his feet as he bends forward and charges. KNEE TO THE GUT! Vic is in trouble!
Flannery McCoy: Venom is still holding that middle rope until jason stomps on him back to the ground. McKormick is stomping Venom right out of the ring as he rolls on to the apron. Jason is dominating and he turns, spreading his arms, and letting these fans know it! Vic is dragging himself to his feet on the apron until he finally gets up and Jason returns for more. BAM! Vic tags Jason with a STIFF elbow to the chin as Jason staggers nut comes back and BAM! Another elbow from Vic! Jason’s head snaps back but he tries once more to attack and BAM! VIC HITS A CUTTER FROM THE RING APRON TO MCKORMICK WHOSE NECK IS GUILLOTINED ON TO THAT TOP ROPE! JASON STAGGERS BACK MORE and Vic sees his chance. Vic gets to his feet on the apron as Jason is now nearly in the center of the ring! SPRINGBOARD OFF THE TOP ROPE…DIVING CLOTHESLINE!
Jake Mercer: SPEAR OUT OF MIDAIR FROM JASON MCKORMICK! MY GOD WHAT A SPEAR! VIC IS BROKEN IN HALF AS HIS ATTEMPT AT THAT BEAUTIFUL CLOTHESLINE IS STOPPED AND VENOM CURLS HIM UP FOR A PIN!
Stew-O: WOAH! VIC KICKED OUT OF THAT SPEAR?! THE DETERMINATION TO FIGHT OUT OF A MOVE THAT DEADLY IS EVIDENT AS JASON LOOKS ON SHOCKED! Jason backs away from Vic, and finds himself in the corner of the ring as the referee checks on Venom who is on the mat rolling and clutching those ribs! Last week it was two kill shots to the jaw that stung him and this week this spear from Jason might have cracked a rib!
Flannery McCoy: Vic is rolling and trying to get back up as Jason crouches in a corner waiting! Biding his time! Begging the newcomer to get to his feet!
Stew-O: Vic gets to his knee.
Flannery McCoy: Venom is up! He is holding his ribs as he turns searching for Jason. JASON CHARGES AND TAKES AIM! THE LEGACY!!!
Jake Mercer: WHAT!
Stew-O: JASON ATTEMPTS HIS SUPERKICK MOVE AND VIC DUCKS IT! VIC WAITS FOR JASON TO TURN AROUND! THE MORNINGSTAR! THE CODEBREAKER FACE BUSTER BY VIC VENOM CONNECTS AND DROPS JASON ON HIS BACK RIGHT AFTER! VENOM IS ON HIS BACK AS WELL…WAIT …HE KIPS UP AND LANDS BACK ON HIS FEET AS THE CROWD GOES WILD! A look of sternly places focus washes over his face as he briefly reaches for his ribs. Venom gets to his stance as Jason slowly gets to his feet, wobbly, stumbling. McKormick does a 180 and turns-
Flannery McCoy: THE LEGACY!!! THE BLACK MASS SPINNING KICK LANDS AND JASON MCKORMICK IS OUT LIKE A LIGHT! Vic drops down and hooks his legs!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Stephie Love: HERE IS YOUR WINNER…VIC VENOM!
(“Ronin” by Within the Ruins blasts as the fans go wild. Vic gets to his feet, hand raised by the ref, as he nods and breathes heavily.)
Stew-O: Great offense by Jason but like our colleague Jake said, Vic pulls out that Legacy kick and it’s almost a given he’s ending the match!
Flannery McCoy: Yeah but Jason isn’t just some scrub. This is a veteran here in EAW and he held his own throughout this match!
(Vic Venom celebrates a bit but not for long.)
Jake Mercer: THE LEGACY! THE SUPER KICK FROM JASON DROPS VIC AND VENOM ROLLS OUT OF THE RING! Side note: both men have finished moves called the Legacy?!
Flannery McCoy: Looks like the know it all doesn’t exactly know it all!
Jake Mercer: Jason stands tall as fans begin booing him for that but who are they to judge?
Flannery McCoy: Looks like Jason is being a sore loser, that is why he is being heckled!
(Vic gets to a seated position ringside, looking absolutely pissed as he clutched his chin and stares back in to the ring where we see Jason looking equally pissed. Mckormick leans through the middle ropes as a demented smile emerges on his face.)
Jason Mckormick: HA-HA…Welcome to Dynasty, Vic! Let’s see if you can outlast THE LUNATIC!
Stew-O: A big win for Venom but a prime example of the type of unhinged individual Jason Mckormick as Dynasty season 13 is off to an explosive start!
(We transition backstage where we see Starr Stan in his office with a bunch of papers on his desk as someone barges into the room. He turns and sees El Landerson as the entire arena goes ballistic.)
Crowd: LAN-DER-SON!!! LAN-DER-SON!!! LAN-DER-SON!!!
Starr Stan: Ah, Landerson!
(Starr Stan is interrupted as the crowd is still going crazy.)
Crowd: LAN-DER-SON!!! LAN-DER-SON!!! LAN-DER-SON!!!
Starr Stan: Welcome! What can I do for you, pal?
El Landerson: Why didn’t I get a match this week?
Starr Stan: Oh, I’m sorry man! You see, I already had a card made up and with you basically being the face of Dynasty’s Season 13 debut video I thought maybe we could push your first match of this season to next week!
El Landerson: No.
Starr Stan: No? What do you mean N-
(As Landerson stands there, another person barges in. It is Provencal, he also looks unhappy.)
Starr Stan: Oh my, Provencal! Let me guess…
Provencal: Woogieman kicked my children…I want a match to take the frustration out. Why am I not in a match this week?!
Starr Stan: I’m so sorry guys but, the card is already stacked and adding you guys would just be giving the fans so much that I don’t know if the Target center could handle it!
(The fans immediately begin booing Starr Stan who realizes the heat he has to face.)
Starr Stan: Ok, I’m sorry to you both, really I am! I know you two would love to be on the opening show of this season but there is only so many people I can fit on one show! How about this, next week…I will find a match for you two!
El Landerson: How about I face him right now?
(Landerson points at Provencal as the crowd erupts.)
Provencal: You want me? You want to destroy La Provencal? Right here? Right now?
Crowd: FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
El Landerson: I fight anyone if they want to fight we fight!
Provencal: I facing the legendary El Landerson right here right now? Starr Stan says we do it and we do it!
El Landerson: Here comes the
Starr Stan: WOAH THERE GUYS! Like I said, we can’t just have this epic match up right here, right now! How about this, next week I will give you two matches and I expect big things from both of you this season, ok?
El Landerson: So, no boom?
Provencal: Next week I guess the boom comes.
El Landerson: Next week?
Start Stan: Yes, next week.
El Landerson: Next week the boom?
Provencal: Boom for week after this?
El Landerson: Next week I boom Impact for World title?
Provencal: I beat Jack Ripley for Elite Nationale?
El Landerson: I face Woogieman for BBB belt?
Provencal: I get rematch against Woogieman for title again? Yes?
El Landerson: You come out of retirement and face me Starr Stan? Here comes the
Starr Stan: HOLD UP! Me vs Landerson?! No thanks I don’t want those problems, man! Nah, maybe not that type of boom but a big match for you both next week!
El Landerson: Ok, Ok!
(Landerson And Provencal begin to leave as Starr Stan goes back to what he was doing for a few seconds. Until…)
???: What about me? I’m ready for my retu- I MEAN MY Debut!!!
Starr Stan: Well who are you exact-!
(Starr turns to see a man in a full suit with French flag colored tights and Mexican flag top hat covers his entire body and a full mask over his head so all we can see is his eyes. The mask is split down the middle with a Mexican flag color motif on the left and French flag color motif on the right.)
Starr Stan: Um, and who are you exactly?!
???: How do you not know who I am? I am a man of many names, a man here to raise hell and prove myself worthy of a world title of my own…but you can call me RAVAGE LA CORTE!!!
Starr Stan: Ravage La Corte?
Ravage La Corte: Yes, Ravage La Corte! I am half French, Half Mexican, Luchadore, lutteur elitist! How could you forget about me?
Starr Stan: This is honestly the first time I have heard of you, pal! You weren’t in the draft! I didn’t sign anybody by the name nor have I heard of anybody coming in to EAW with a name like that?
Ravage La Corte: Oh I was in the draft…
Start Stan: I must be losing mY memory! BUT, I’m sorry I need to see your paperwork before I just book you in a match, pal! Maybe after next week we can find a spot on the card for you if everything checks out!
Ravage La Corte: I want a match like Landerson and Provencal! I want my chance to show the world how good I am! I want to bring an extreme style to Dynasty that no one else can match!
Start Stan: First off, we still have Darkane and he’s quite possibly one of the most extreme talents in the history of professional wrestling! The guy had thumbtacks poured in his mouth and was super kicked in said mouth right after and he still is alive fighting to this day. As for you, I still don’t even know who you are or even how you got so far back here tonight. Well, if you are officially on this roster I will figure out exactly what to do with you! But you aren’t getting booked tonight or next week so you might as well see your way out like those two and I’ll make sure I lock that door before someone else runs in here and demands something I can’t give them right now! I will see you around Ravage La Quarter…did I say it right?
Ravage La Corte: Cette bague en laiton! Si! ese latón rin sera mio.
Starr Stan: Um, ok!
(Ravage La Corte gives a nod and puts up a finger before leaving the room. Starr Stan immediately locks the door behind him as we hit a commercial break. We see Damon Diesel in a gas station promoting “Damon Diesel: Diesel!” Damon is shown filling up his beautiful vehicle with gas before speeding off into the night. We return back to Dynasty as the scene transitions to the ring.)
(The camera cuts to Stephie Love in the ring.)
Stephie Love: The following contest is scheduled for one fall!!!
Crowd: ONE FALL!!!
(“Malevolence” by New Years Day hits to cheers from the crowd.)
Stephie Love: Introducing first from Boston, Massachusetts being accompanied by Miho Li weighing in at 150 pounds she is one half of FATAL DESTINY… CELES DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMONT!!!!
(Celes Dumont comes out looking tough as she is backed up by Miho Li looking hurt from her earlier match with Osamu Arcichida.)
Flannery McCoy: I feel bad for Miho. Apparently Osamu Arcichida doesn’t even want to join Fatal Destiny! And she’s hurt! Protect my waifu!
Stew-O: Well she is cute but she is a fighter Flannery. She will be alright. I respect her strength in coming out here to support her partner in spite of the hard loss she took earlier tonight.
Jake Mercer: Well I’ve watched a lot of Japanese wrestling and honestly Americans just can’t compare to the sheer five star technical mastery displayed in that ring. I doubt that this match will compare in any way to what we saw earlier. However, if that match had been in the Tokyo Dome I probably would have rated it even higher. Good thing I have my all organic salad still fresh and uneaten because this match will probably be a good time to focus on that.
(Loud crunching vegetable noises can be heard before boos fill the arena. “Cunning Not Convincing” by Get Scared hits as the boos only grow louder.)
Stephie Love: And her opponent residing in Atlantic City, New Jersey weighing in at 210 pounds… “The Better One” JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE SMITH!!!
(Jake Smith comes out alone looking serious as he keeps looking behind him and shrugging.)
Flannery McCoy: Well conspicuous by his absence is Joshua Nicholls and if you are aware of what went down just recently Drake King as well. It is rare to see Jake Smith on his own and I have to wonder why Drake would not be backing up his partner here tonight.
Stew-O: Well he does have a big match tonight but still you would think he would be right by his associate’s side. As for Joshua Nicholls… well we all saw what happened. He was kicked out of the group. He is gone. Done. I really want to stress that for all the conspiracy theorists online… I know you are one of them Jake… who seem to think this is all some sort of master scheme. I really really doubt it. Joshua Nicholls has been kicked out of the group and he is not coming back. Ever.
Jake Mercer: As a victim of oppression myself I understand that there are some times in life you just have to go it on your own. There are rites of passage and trials of the streets that you simply must overcome in life. Honestly I can’t feel bad for Jake because he is coming in here and facing Celes Dumont with the entire societal oppressive force of male privilege on his side. I for one will be supporting Celes especially with a superior Japanese wrestling master by her side. You go girl!
(Loud squirting noises can be heard as Jake Mercer unloads onto his salad. Salad dressing that is. The referee calls for the bell.)
(DING! DING! DING!)
Flannery McCoy: Well we are underway as Jake Smith still keeps looking up towards the entrance as if he is confused why Jake Smith is not joining him. Speaking of Drake what he pulled with that branding iron was some truly sick shit! I honestly hope this isn’t what we have to look forward to on Dynasty this season…
Stew-O: Anyway… this match is underway as Celes Dumont steps up to Jake Smith who smirks at her and pats her on the head. He motions towards the entrance ramp offering her to leave. She turns and looks like she is going to go… before hauling off with a hard slap to Jake’s face! The smirk is erased as Jake looks big mad! He swings at her! But Celes ducks! Now the hard kicks to the legs of Jake from Celes practically dancing around him. Jake can’t keep up with her! Oh shit!
Jake Mercer: Ah yes quite a decent calculated maneuver from Jake. Celes believed that he had him off guard but then he delivered a hard elbow strike to the side of her head when she least expected it. Exactly what I would expect from a professional like Jake. I’ve always been a fan since his independent days but I wouldn’t expect you to be familiar with any of that. It is quite rare after all.
Flannery McCoy: Weren’t you just supporting Celes earlier?
Jake Mercer: Well she’s clearly not her superior Japanese partner so…
Stew-O: Anyway… Jake Smith hauling off with a hard elbow drop to the face of Celes. Looks like he has taken control as he presses the weight advantage on his opponent. He grabs her by the arms and pins her down. He is straight up manhandling her!
Referee: ONE!!!! TWOOOOOO!!!!
Flannery McCoy: NO! The kick out by Celes! Impressive strength but to be fair Jake isn’t really that big of a guy.
Jake Mercer: Well there is a Jake who is pretty big where it counts. Believe me.
Flannery McCoy: …
Stew-O: Anyway… Celes now grappling Jake back up to her knees as both wrestlers are fighting for position slowly rising up from the mat. Jake breaks free of the grapple as he forces his hands right into the face and eyes of Celes.
Referee: AY AY AY NOT ALLOWED! NO ME GUSTA!
Flannery McCoy: Jake quickly takes his fingers out of the eye sockets of Celes as he keeps the facelock applied. Celes grimacing in pain as he rises back to her feet. Jake shoves Celes by the face! She falls backwards against the ropes and fires back… but Jake catches her with a hard Shoulder Block taking her right back down! Jake backs up as he rolls down a knee pad. Jake looking to do some damage! HE CHARGES IN! WAIT NO!
Stew-O: MIHO LI GRABS THE ROLLED DOWN KNEE PAD OF JAKE! HE TRIPS AND STUMBLES INTO THE RING! THE REFEREE DIDN’T SEE ANYTHING HE WAS STILL ANGRY WITH JAKE FROM BEFORE AND FUMING SILENTLY IN THE CORNER! GET THAT REF BACK IN POSITION! JAKE STUMBLES FORWARD! CELES WITH A HARD SUPERKICK TO THE FACE OF JAKE SMITH! THE COVER!
Referee: ONE! TWO!
Flannery McCoy: Kickout!
Jake Mercer: Wow Miho Li got involved in this match. She is really bringing it Tokyo Dome style! I almost spit out my fresh organic lettuce all over the commentary table. I was going to give this match one star at best but I may have to raise my rating to two stars. Possibly more if Miho keeps getting involved!
Flannery McCoy: Both competitors backup… Celes with a perfectly placed Dropkick to the chest of Jake Smith taking him right back down! Jake tries to roll away out of the ring… but he sees Miho out there and thinks better of it. Celes catches him on the ropes driving him neck first into the middle rope and pounds with her fists on the back of his head. Celes Dumont with a full hand of hair as she yanks Jake upwards and bashes him head first across the turnbuckle padding! Jake out of it in the corner as Celes backs up… She charges in… Stinger Splash connects!!! Jake falls forward… BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX BY CELES DUMONT!!!
(Miho Li is shown jumping for joy and clapping outside the ring.)
Stew-O: This match has devolved into a two on one affair! Unfortunately this crowd has essentially no sympathy for Jake Smith. Aka the guy who has consistently had interference in all his matches for months from the likes of Drake King and Joshua Nicholls. Seriously where is Drake? This is a rare occasion where his presence would actually be useful and welcome. It’s like he left Jake forever alone.
Jake Mercer: I can’t relate. Check how many followers I have on social stream. J-Merc is never alone because my wrestling opinions are what people come to see!
Flannery McCoy: Well maybe you should actually give your opinion on this match.
Jake Mercer: <says something that can’t be understood due to his mouth full of salad>
Flannery McCoy: Great commentary buddy.
Stew-O: Anyway… Celes has kept Jake grounded with a modified Sleeper Hold in the middle of the ring. Jake appears to be fading but he is struggling back to his feet. He falls! The referee grabs his arm and raises it high in the air… It falls!!! The referee raises it again… It falls again! One more time and this match is OVER! The referee raises the arm…
Flannery McCoy: And Jake’s arm goes up with authority! Jake’s arm goes up so hard and so fast he punches the referee in the face! THE REFEREE IS DOWN AND OUT!!! Jake Smith powering back up to his feet as he throws Celes off of him. Jake punches her hard in the jaw and down she goes! Jake shakes off his fist from that hard jaw shot as he grabs her by the hair.
Jake Smith: You stupid little BI-
Jake Mercer: OH MY GOD! IT’S MY PERFECT WAIFU MIHO LI! OFF THE TOP ROPE! HURRICANRANA TO JAKE SMITH! HE GOES FLYING! WHAT PERFECT FORM! WHAT TECHNIQUE! IF ONLY THIS WAS THE DOME! IF ONLY SHE WOULD GIVE ME DOME!
Flannery McCoy: Oh now you are interested in this match.
Jake Mercer: Well it’s not like you are going to give me any d-
Stew-O: ANYWAY… This match has completely devolved as now Miho Li and Celes Dumont are stomping away at Jake Smith on the ground! Jake is completely helpless as Fatal Destiny is beating the hell out of him! Miho raises up Jake’s face… Celes slaps him hard across it as he falls nose first onto the mat! Celes laughs as she wipes her boots off on Jake’s hair and high fives Miho who jumps excitedly! Now the forearms! Celes raining down hard MMA-like forearms onto the back of Jake’s head and I think I see some red in that mess of his hair! He may have a cut back there from these hard and precise blows!
Jake Mercer: That’s not the only thing that’s hard right now Stew!
Flannery McCoy: Yeah the other thing that is hard is commentary for you because this ain’t it chief.
(“Sensei” by Datsik hits as Jake Mercer is shown falling out of his chair at the commentary table from excitement.)
Stew-O: Could it be?
Flannery McCoy: It is! Osamu Arcichida is rushing down to the ring to boos from the crowd.
Jake Mercer: WHAT? NO! NO BOOS! RESPECT THIS LEGEND! THREE STAR MATCH NOW! NO WAIT FOUR!!! OH MY GOD THIS IS SO LIT!
Flannery McCoy: Osamu Arcichida is cleaning house as he hammers into both Miho Li and Celes Dumont in the ring! Osamu throws Miho up and over the top rope out of the ring!
Jake Mercer: Japanese on Japanese violence? You hate to see it!
Stew-O: But Celes from behind a hard forearm! But it had no visible effect on Osamu! Osamu turns around with a sick look on his face as Celes backs away in disgust! HE THROWS HIS HEAD BACK…
Flannery McCoy: BLACK MYST! HE SPRAYS THAT DISGUSTING BLACK MYST RIGHT INTO THE FACE OF CELES! SHE IS SCREAMING AND CRYING!
Celes Dumont: WHERE AM I? I CAN’T SEE! AHHHH!!!
Jake Mercer: You see… the legendary Asian mist has different effects depending on the color. Black as you can see blinds people. But there is also green, blue, yellow, and…
Flannery McCoy: Yeah nobody cares. Go to the library if you want to be a nerd.
Stew-O: Osamu is laughing as Celes stumbles around the ring scratching at her eyes trying to see! She trips backwards over Jake Smith who is rising to his feet! Jake grabs her by the hair as he looks on in confusion at Osamu who is now leaving ringside. Jake pulls Celes towards him… BROKEN WINGS CONNECTS!!! THE REFEREE IS STILL DOWN! NO WAIT! THE REFEREE SLOWLY CRAWLING TO MAKE THE COUNT!!!
Referee: ONEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
(DING! DING! DING!)
Stephie Love: Here is your winner. JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE SMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(“Cunning Not Convincing” – Get Scared hits as the crowd boos loudly in disapproval of the shenanigans which have just occurred here tonight.)
Jake Mercer: Well I am not shocked that it took some superior Japanese intelligence and classic technical wrestling mastery to get Jake Smith a win here tonight. I have to say I am disappointed that Osamu and Miho didn’t end up making sweet love here tonight but stay tuned after the show on my blog because my fanfic will have you covered!
Flannery McCoy: I don’t even want to know…
Stew-O: Well it is shocking but I think Jake Smith lucked out here tonight. He didn’t have any backup at least as far as I think he knew. But by coincidence he ended up with help from an enemy of his enemy. Which is as good as a friend as the old saying goes. Congratulations to Jake Smith on the victory here tonight as unfortunate as the circumstances were!!!
(Miho Li is shown crying over Celes Dumont and wiping away the black myst from her eyes with a rag. Miho lets out a primal scream of rage as she looks up towards the entrance with contempt.)
Flannery McCoy: You know what they say! Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned! And in this case it’s two women because as soon as she can see again I bet Celes Dumont is going to be just as pissed off as Miho Li is right now! Osamu Arcichida… I hope you know what you are getting yourself into!
(The camera cuts to a commercial featuring a large crowd of middle-aged fat white women with dyed blue hair standing outside EAW headquarters protesting the recent marriage segments between Mr. DEDEDE and Kassidy Heart. They are offended and they won’t stop until EAW is taken off the air! We transition backstage as we turn to see Impact sitting in a folded chair with his belt around his waist looking bored and incredibly annoyed. Michael Belfort appears and walks up to the champ.)
Michael Belfort: Hey there Imp, I don’t mean to disturb you as you are here preparing for your main event match against Jack Ripley but, I have a few questions for you and your reaction to Lethal Consequences tonight? Lethal has made it clear he doesn’t think this rivalry is done between you two and that you holding that World Heavyweight title is invalid since you made your return and cost him a title shot against former Champ Noah Reigner at Grand Rampage. What do you say to that?
Impact: I said more by not walking down to that ring and acknowledging that bastard then I could ever speak right here right now. But, I know the game and I know how things go so I guess I have to explain myself, huh? I have my own questions, Mikey. Maybe I can ask you and you can help me answer these questions and gain some clarity as I enter season 13 as a member of Friday Night Dynasty, as I begin yet another incredible title reign that should be seeing me face fresh faces and worthy opponents. Can you help me, Mikey B?
Mike Belfort: um, I will try I guess!
Impact: Question one, Why is Lethal Consequences assuming he deserves a title shot?
Michael Belfort: Well he-
Impact: Don’t answer that. I know why, I heard him explain himself candidly. The guy is a two time hall of famer, a ruthless guy, yadda yadda. Yeah, he beat Scott Diamond at Pain for Pride XII, cool. Here’s another question for you Michael Belfort. While Lethal was having his squabble with Scott, what was I doing?
Michael Belfort: Well, Imp, you were
Impact: Don’t answer that neither. We know what the answer to that is! I was busy beating Rex McAllister and Noah Reigner and getting back to exactly where I belong; the top of this industry. Here is another question, what happened when the last time I wrestles Lethal?
Michael Belfort: Well he actually won that ma-
Impact: Don’t answer that. We know what happened when we wrestled, he got a measly win but ended up running away like a squirrel with a little nut in his mouth but while he was hiding high in his tree so happy k get that win, where was I again? That’s right, I was main eventing Pain for Pride and closing the chapter of the Rex McAllister and Noah Reigner World Heavyweight title saga that plagued Sunday Night Voltage! Now, look where I find myself. Dynasty…look who thinks he deserves a title shot against me, Lethal Consequences.
Impact: Things keep repeating but the only constant is that I am the best to ever do this and he’s just a has been living off crumbs and boasting as if he will ever be World Heavyweight champion again. A notion I don’t even have to question the validity of because we all know the answer. I’m looking forward to new challenges, new competition, and new talent to come up and take their shots at me. I would love nothing more than kick the same old shit bags out of my life but here they are, right back here in my face telling the world they deserve this chance. Is Lethal Consequence going to be the next challenger to my championship? Regardless of the answer to that question, we all know his chances of beating me with this title on the line are a hard zero. No chance in hell Lethal Consequences is taking this reign from me!
Impact: Jack Ripley likes to shoot his mouth off but when I get a hold of him tonight in the main event, I’ll be the one gunning him down in the middle of that ring! All these egos, all this privilege, the audacity! All these kids, they are all my children at the end of the day. The little trinkets they celebrate like Jack’s National Elite title reign? I did that years ago. Back when Ripley was, believe it or not, just a pee-shooter…I was blasting any and everybody this company thought was on my level. But I’m up here.
(Impact points high to the ceiling.)
Impact: Ripley is like…’bout…right…hea’
(Impact places his hand around his knees, as he remains seated.)
Impact: And Lethal is…
(Imp proceeds to point to the bathroom as fans begin to laugh.)
Impact: Lethal is in there swimming in the porcelain bowl his parents gave birth to him in. One last question, what do you think I’m going to do if this shit head keeps fucking with me? I’m going to flush his old ass down the toilet and end his entire career once in for all! Everyone floats, even little shits like him. But, no matter what…I somehow, some way…stay above it all!
(Impact shrugs his shoulders as he remains seated and begins to shoo Michael Belfort to exit the scene.)
Stew-O: Strong words from our World Heavyweight champion!
Jake Mercer: Man, he’s severely underestimating Lethal Consequences!
Flannery McCoy: For once we may be agreeing on something!
(We go from the backstage area to a brief intermission as we see an ad for Jake Smith’s knee pads! For all you kneelers out there! Dynasty fades into the ring area, where Stephie is shown in the middle of the ring. She is ready to announce the competitors for the next match.)
Stephie Love: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN… THE FOLLOWING CONTEST IS SCHEDULED FOR…
Crowd: ONE FALL!!!
(“Space Lord” by Monster Magnet begins to blast across the PA system, and the fans inside the Target Center rise to their feet. The returning Remi Skyfire walks onto the stage and the crowd greets her with a mixed reaction.)
Stephie Love: INTRODUCING FIRST… FROM SOMERSET, KENTUCKY… WEIGHING IN AT 150 POUNDS… SHE IS ‘THE KILLER’ REMI SKYFIRE!!!
Flannery McCoy: I’ll be honest with you guys. When the card came out, this match immediately caught my attention. I know Remi Skyfire very well thanks to our time together on Empire, and I’ve seen every struggle and triumph this woman has gone through. Remi was down and out for the longest time, and I wasn’t sure if we would ever see her in an EAW ring again.
Stew-O: I agree. Remi had an incredible opportunity at back at the Iconic Cup, but lost that match, and was injured shortly after that after failing to capture the Specialists Championship, which was held by Serena Bennett at the time.
Jake Mercer: Remi is not someone that should be counted out, to be honest. She’s comeback from multiple injuries, on several different occasions. Remi has been overcoming the odds her entire life. She even managed to survive abortion. Did you know that?
Stew-O: Oh gosh!
Flannery McCoy: Here we go.
(Remi climbs into the ring and gets set for the match, while her music fades out. “Ambitionz az a Ridah” by Tupac begins to play and the crowd goes absolutely crazy!)
Stephie Love: AND HER OPPONENT… FROM THE POON PALACE IN MIAMI, FLORIDA… WEIGHING IN AT 210 POUNDS… HE IS ‘LA PANTERA SEXUAL’ TLA!!!!
Stew-O: Listen at this reaction! These fans seem more than happy to welcome TLA back to Friday Night Dynasty!
Jake Mercer: We stan a universe that celebrates a sex trafficker.
Flannery McCoy: The Glam Squad must have pulled your man bun too tight earlier when you were getting ready for TV.
Jake Mercer: Can you really tell me I’m wrong when TLA openly promotes his ‘club’ and routinely sexualizes his employees, having walked them down to the ring on chains before?
Flannery McCoy: :lupe:
Jake Mercer: Point proven.
(TLA climbs into the ring and gives Remi a smirk. The two competitors are definitely ready for the match and the referee calls for the bell.)
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Flannery McCoy: And this match is underway! TLA and Remi lock up and both start jostling back and forth for positioning! It’s TLA who gains control early and he gets behind Remi, locking his arms around her waist! TLA is unable to go for the takedown though, because Remi reverses, and now she’s the one in the dominant position! TLA reverses! Both are trading waist locks right now! TLA is behind Remi again, but Remi reaches up and brings him down to the mat with a snapmare! She quickly follows it up with a headlock, but TLA powers them both back up to a vertical base!
Stew-O: Both competitors continue to fight for positioning, and TLA locks Remi in a standing side headlock! Remi slams her elbow into TLA’s gut, which forces him to loosen his grip! Remi is able to grab TLA in a wristlock, but she’s unsuccessful in her attempts to bring him to the mat! TLA is able grab Remi by the wrist and he does bring her to the mat! TLA forces Remi’s shoulders flat and the referee drops down!
Jake Mercer: Remi gets the shoulder up, and honestly that’s great. I find it hard to wrap my head around the fact someone like TLA is so ‘over’ in 2019. There’s something wrong with this country and this fanbase if they put their belief in someone who runs a brothel as a side business. I just don’t see how this could be so widely accepted in this day and age, especially when TLA is in the ring with someone as accomplished as Remi Skyfire. Did you know that while Remi was receiving stem cell therapy in Germany, she was working to get back into ring shape by chasing the beautiful chamois through the various mountain regions of Germany, and mimicking their impeccable ability to leap into the air? Chamois are able to leap up to 19 feet in the air and Remi can do 20. That’s impressive AF.
Flannery McCoy: …. I don’t believe you.
Stew-O: TLA brings Remi back up to her feet, and he wraps her in another side headlock! Once again, Remi uses her elbow strikes to fighting her way out and she forces TLA back against the ropes! TLA breaks without being told, and Remi whips him across the ring! TLA ducks a clothesline attempt and leaps on the ropes!
Flannery McCoy: SPRINGBOARD MOONSAULT! TLA CLIPS REMI AND REMI GOES DOWN! TLA WITH THE COVER!!!!
Jake Mercer: Remi gets the shoulder up once again! TLA is quick to jerk Remi up and now it’s TLA who sends Remi into the ropes. Remi rebounds back, but TLA with a shoulder block, that sends Remi to the mat.
Flannery McCoy: TLA backs off and gives Remi a little bit of space, and look at the smile that crosses the face of the former Specialists Champion. Remi climbs back to her feet and both competitors start circling one another! TLA offers Remi a test of strength but Remi shows off her aggressiveness and kicks his hand away! Remi charges forward and catches TLA with a stiff knee to the face! She drives her shoulder into his gut and forces TLA back into the corner! Remi with a series of shoulder thrusts now, and TLA is doubled over! Remi drives her knee into TLA’s face once again, connecting with his nose, and she starts unleashing those impressive kicks and strikes of hers! TLA is eating this punishment! Remi is not letting up! Palm strikes over and over to TLA’s face, and he’s got blood coming out of his nose! Remi grabs TLA and runs him to the center of the ring, driving him right into the mat with a bulldog!!! Remi with a standing moonsault onto TLA!!! Remi with her first cover of the match!!!
Stew-O: TLA gets the shoulder up!
Jake Mercer: Of course these sheep pop for that. It would be considered pretty taboo for a strong, intelligent woman who is a member of the LGBTQ community to defeat a man who prides himself on being an illegal perpetrator of prostitution but I digress. Remi looks to keep this match on the ground and she wraps TLA up in a single leg crab. Remi is a submission specialist. I have it on good authority that she is the reigning and defending All MMA Kentucky Submission Champion. I see why, too. She has TLA positioned perfectly right now, and he is trying to fight his way to the ropes. However Remi is deceptively strong and she is able to keep TLA centered, while maintaining control of this hold. TLA is trying to dig in, and he’s trying to get to those ropes but Remi slams TLA’s knee into the mat, and she quickly switches to a camel clutch submission!
Stew-O: That might have been a mistake but TLA has wrapped his arm around Remi’s leg and is trying to overpower her!
Flannery McCoy: Remi is not letting up though! She starts dropping those elbows down on TLA’s skull! TLA has no choice but to roll towards the ropes! The referee forces Remi to back off for the time being, and TLA is trying to shake the cobwebs out right now. Remi Skyfire has come into this match looking to make a statement at TLA’s expense, and it doesn’t look like she’s going to let anything stand in her way tonight!
Stew-O: But TLA has a lot of momentum right now. His win over Cage at Pain for Pride was nothing short of incredible, and he followed that up with probably the match of the week at the Draft Show against Cepheus St. Claire. TLA no doubt wants to capture championship gold this season and we know he always rises to the occasion.
Jake Mercer: TLA uses the ropes to pull himself up and he wipes the blood from his nose. He shakes his head, and Remi comes flying at him, looking to clothesline TLA right over the top rope! TLA wisely ducks and he lifts Remi up and sends her flying over the top rope! Remi hits the ground and that’s given TLA an opening in this match!
Flannery McCoy: TLA climbs to the top rope!!! 420!!! 420!!!! SHOOTING STAR PRESS FROM THE TOP ROPE TO THE OUTSIDE! TLA LANDS ON TOP OF REMI!!!! THAT WAS AMAZING!! THIS CROWD IS ON THEIR FEET APPLAUDING THE HIGH FLYING LUCHA STYLE OF LA PANTERA SEXUAL!!!!
Jake Mercer: They’re just applauding stupidity. It was an unnecessary risk and done too early in this match.
Stew-O: Well, you’re right, Jake. It was a high risk move, but TLA is up now and he is looking to take advantage of the situation! He grabs Remi up, and drives her head first into the barricades! Remi collapses to the ground and TLA is putting the boots to her! He stomps away on Remi and pulls her up by the braids! TLA grips the hair and uses Remi’s hair to sling her into the barricades! HE DOES IT AGAIN GUYS!!! TLA IS RELENTLESS RIGHT NOW!!!
Flannery McCoy: The referee is yelling at TLA to bring the match back into the ring, and TLA starts dragging Remi towards the ring. He pulled her up and slammed her face into the ringpost! Now TLA bounces Remi’s face off the apron! He rolls her back into the ring and climbs to the top once again! TLA WITH A MOONSAULT FROM THE TOP ROPE! HE CONNECTS AND HE HOOKS THE LEGS FOR THE COVER!!!
Stew-O: REMI KICKS OUT!!!
Flannery McCoy: TLA mounts Remi and begins unloading those devastating rights and lefts on Remi! Those are closed-fisted punches, and he’s nailed Remi right in the eye! TLA is not trying to hold anything back tonight, and he gets up. He grabs Remi by the hair again and he unloads a ‘Swag Shot’ right across her kisser! That pimp slap left a handprint across Remi’s face, and it looks like her left eye is swollen from where TLA punched the shit out of her. This match has broken down in a fight, and something tells me these two are more than fine with that! TLA pulls Remi back to a vertical base and tosses her into the corner. He charges, looking to connect with a crossbody! Remi moves! TLA slams into the turnbuckles! Remi goes for a roll-up, but TLA rolls through! Both get back to their feet!
Jake Mercer: Remi and TLA lock up again, and TLA takes Remi down with a side slam! TLA goes for a front facelock, but Remi is able to slip out and grab TLA in a grounded sleeper! Remi showing why she is the MMA Submission Specialist Champion of the World!
Stew-O: :skip: I thought she was the All MMA Kentucky Submission Champion??
Jake Mercer: God, Stew. She’s both. A person can hold more than one championship at any given time. Don’t you know anything?
Jake Mercer: THE ALL AMERICAN COLLEGIATE WRESTLER REMI SKYFIRE IS SHOWING OFF HER MAT SKILLS RIGHT NOW! SHE IS TRYING TO PUT TLA TO SLEEP! BUT WAIT! TLA WITH A HEADSCISSORS!!! TLA FORCES REMI BACK AND HER SHOULDERS TO THE MAT! BUT REMI KICKS HER LEGS UP AND OVER, AND SHE STANDS UP, SLIPPING OUT OF THE HEADSCISSORS! REMI WITH A DROPKICK THAT CONNECTS WITH TLA’S FACE! TLA SITS UP AND REMI QUICKLY GRABS TLA’S ARM AND SHE IS LOOKING TO FINISH THIS MATCH OFF WITH ‘MINES OF MORIA’!!!!
Flannery McCoy: TLA REACHES UP AND SNATCHES REMI BY THE HAIR! JAWBREAKER!!! REMI’S JAW CONNECTS WITH TLA’S SHOULDER!!!
Stew-O: This has been a great back and forth match between these two former champions. TLA gets up and he grabs Remi, whipping her into the ropes! He catches Remi on the rebound and slams her down back first across his knee! TLA nearly broke Remi in half with that backbreaker, and now he’s bending Remi’s head and legs back!
Jake Mercer: Because Remi is so impressive she has a high threshold for pain. One time, Remi was in an ‘I Quit’ match against an actual grizzly bear, and apparently the bear completely mauled her face. But did Remi quit in that match? Absolutely not. Even with her face ripped off, she kept going, and she broke that bear’s knee cap, and eventually broke his neck. The bear died after that, and honestly, that’s one of the most impressive things I have ever seen in my life.
Flannery McCoy: Why are you lying? You have done nothing but lie tonight.
Jake Mercer: How am I lying? I saw the match. I was there. It happened in the Amazon Rainforest back in 2013.
Stew-O: Pictures and video, or it didn’t happen.
Jake Mercer: Clearly we all know cameras don’t work in the rainforest.
Flannery McCoy and Stew-O: :skip:!!!
Jake Mercer: TLA forces Remi’s head to touch her feet and she is bent around his thigh like a pretzel! TLA screams at Remi to give up, but she’s not about to give up now! TLA releases Remi and she attempts to crawl towards the ropes! TLA is up pretty quickly, and he stomps on Remi’s lower back! Remi clutches her back and TLA drops down! He shoves his knee into her spine and wraps her in a chinlock! TLA pulls back, and with his knee planted where it is, that is causing Remi some major distress right now!
Stew-O: Remi reaches for the ropes, and TLA lets go! Remi’s face slams into the mat and he clubs her in the back of the head! TLA with an elbow drop to the lower back now! TLA goes for the cover!!!
Flannery McCoy: Remi gets her shoulder up!
Stew-O: And she manages to fire off a punch that connects with TLA’s chest! Remi always brings the fight to her matches, TLA fires back with a punch that connects with Remi’s jaw! Remi sits up and fires off another right hand that catches TLA in the chest! TLA pulls Remi up and attempts to throw her into the corner, but Remi plants her feet! TLA tries again, but Remi nails him in the jaw with a massive forearm shot! Remi fires off another one! And another! And another! Remi is just destroying TLA with those forearm shots now! And she backs him up into the corner! Remi is now putting the boots to TLA, but he manages to force her back!
Flannery McCoy: ‘CARTEL KICK’!!!
Jake Mercer: NO!!!
Stew-O: Remi ducked the Pele Kick! TLA is back up but Remi takes him down with a clothesline! Remi scrambles to the second rope!!! SCREW ATTACK! SHE LANDED THE CANNONBALL SENTON! REMI HOOKS TLA’S LEGS!!!!
Flannery McCoy: TLA KICKS OUT!!!! Remi grabs TLA up by the hair and she attempts to throw him into the corner! TLA is able to block and he whips Remi into the corner! She stops herself from colliding chest first with those turnbuckles! TLA sees this and charges forward! Remi leaps up and TLA catches her legs! But Remi drives him forward and TLA eats a face full of turnbuckle padding! Remi calls that move the ‘Sky Driver’ and it allows her to regain control of this match!
Jake Mercer: Remi drags TLA out of the corner and lifts him up in the air! Snap suplex! She begins dropping those knees down onto TLA’s head! Remi Skyfire really wants this win tonight, and she is going to do whatever it takes to make that happen! These people are booing her, but that honestly doesn’t make any sense to me!
Stew-O: TLA rolls onto his stomach and forces himself onto his knees! Remi rushes the ropes and comes flying at TLA! She hits a kneeling TLA with a basement style dropkick! Remi grabs TLA by the arms and I think she’s trying to set up for ‘The Devil Knee’! TLA nails her with a right hand to the stomach, but Remi drives catches him in the nose with her foot! That nose is bleeding again, guys! Remi grabs TLA by the arms and there it is!!! THE KAMIGOYE CONNECTS!!!!
Jake Mercer: THAT’S HOW REMI DEFEATED NOVAK HURKACZ IN THE SECOND ROUND OF THE 2007 OHIO VALLEY ALLSTAR WRESTLING CLASSIC!!!!!
Flannery McCoy: STOP!
Stew-O: REMI WITH THE COVER!!!!
Jake Mercer: TLA’S FOOT IS ON THE ROPES!!!! REMI DID NOT HOOK THE LEGS!!!!
Flannery McCoy: REMI THINKS SHE WON THE MATCH! THE REFEREE IS SHOWING HER TLA’S FOOT! REMI IS IN DISBELIEF BECAUSE SHE LITERALLY HAD THIS MATCH WON!!!!
Stew-O: TLA IS STIRRING TOO! REMI NEEDS TO PAY ATTENTION TO HER OPPONENT AND STOP WORRYING ABOUT THE COULDA WOULDA SHOULDA! REMI GRABS TLA AND SHE HITS ANOTHER ‘DEVIL KNEE’!!! SHE GRABS BOTH LEGS THIS TIME AND ROLLS ALL HER WEIGHT ONTO TLA’S SHOULDERS!!!!
Stew-O: TLA KICKS OUT!! TLA KICKS OUT!! REMI IS FURIOUS! REMI SITS UP, BACK FACING TLA! SHE IS STARING RIGHT AT THE REFEREE WONDERING HOW HE KICKED OUT! SHE SLAPS HER HAND THREE TIMES SHOWING HIM HIT TO COUNT A OIN FALL! SHE MUST BELIEVE HE WENT TOO SLOW FOR HER LIKE-WAIT!!!
Flannery McCoy: CRUCIFIX ROLL UP! TLA ROLLS HER UP ON THE MAT! THE REF SLIDES DOWN AND COUNTS!!!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Stephie Love: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN… HERE IS YOUR WINNER… TLA!!!!
(Remi rises to her feet and is livid, showing off her mouthguard as the referee raises TLA’s hand in victory whilst he lays on his back on the mat.“Ambitionz az a Ridah” by Tupac blasts as the fans stand on their feet and cheer both competitors on.)
Flannery McCoy: Wow! Remi ha: TLA DEAD TO RIGHTS! She hit him with some of her biggest moves but that man TLA found the inner strength to not only kick out but sneak a pinfall on to Skyfire when her back was turned and steal this win!
Stew-O: Jesus, what a match! Remi was seconds away from winning and beating a potential world champion but TLA proved that Remi was indeed a little ring rusty due to her time away! Nevertheless, Remi Skyfire showed me a lot in this match and even in defeat it’s clear she is back to being a big force in EAW and a big name here on Friday Night Dynasty!
Jake Mercer: The wrong person won. That’s all I have to say.
(Remi rolls out of the ring and begins to make her way to the back as TLA is helped to his feet by the ref surprised as well that he pulled that win out. Dynasty fades elsewhere. We are seen backstage as Michael Belfort stands next to a crate in the hallways of the Target center.)
Michael Belfort: Ladies and gentlemen, The National Elite Champion…Mr Jack Ripley!
(Over walks Jack Ripley with his flag adorned National Elite title around his waist. Jack hops right on to the crate and relaxes as Belfort holds the microphone.)
Michael Belfort: First off, welcome!
Jack Ripley: Welcome? You say that like I haven’t been on every brand in EAW! You say welcome as if I wasn’t once a member of this very brand not too long ago! But, thank you…I appreciate the welcome, Mike!
Michael Belfort: First things first, congratulations on being drafted to Dynasty and congrats on retaining that National Elite title at Pain for Pride! How does it feel to walk in to season 13 with gold around your waist and challengers new and old in your sights?
Jack Ripley: Well, I must say being back on Dynasty affords me a chance at a fresh start. A chance to bring this National Elite title with me on this journey to immortality!
Michael Belfort: Immortality?
Jack Ripley: A legacy that will last forever, Mike! Ever since Road to Redemption I’ve been on my own actual road to redemption. My legacy was dead and gone not that long ago. I was out of a job wondering what to do with my life! I went from being a member of the 1% to what? Exactly! I was nothing! I had nothing! Was I even really apart of that group? I was every bit as qualified as everyone else but it never felt like the right fit. So I went from that to out the door. Gone. Until I wasn’t…
Michael Belfort: You had a good run there on Voltage near the end of Season 12! Do you feel like you will miss Voltage?
Jack Ripley: Sure. Maybe. I don’t know. It was a second chance for me, one I needed. But I can’t fix everything unless I come “home”…and home is Dynasty! Home is where we are now and I’m going to make this run the greatest in my career! I’ll start by taking Impact and pinning him right there in the middle of the ring. Shutting his entitled mouth in front of everyone and starting this redo on Dynasty off right off the bat!
Michael Belfort: Now that sounds like a shot!
Jack Ripley: Did it? Can you look me in the eyes and say I’m lying? Impact has been on cruise control with no checks or balances for his reckless behavior for years! The only reason he even has 9 reigns to brag about because his ass has been here 9000 years! Mike, if we keep it 100 percent real, how many of those reigns do you even remember? He is an all time great but his time is up! Impact may be world champ but after tonight…
(Ripley taps his belt as Michael Belfort stares at it.)
Jack Ripley: THIS champ is going to put one right between his eyes and put THIS championship in the air for all to see! There is no 1% here, no one to save him, his GAWD contract, or his #999reignz! Just me and him from bell to bell! I’m going to leave my own impact on Impact tonight in the main event!
Michael Belfort: What about that National Elite title? Are there any challengers you see that may be lurking that you feel could be worthy of a title shot in the near future?
Jack Ripley: Man, I looked up and down this roster briefly and I saw a few names that stand out. Many people see Kassidy Heart and Imp and their titles as if they have higher status than this belt but I disagree. This National Elite Championship is one with prestige and history and just as Ms Extreme was dominating as Pure champ here, I will be dominating with this title as only a real champion can or would do! As for challengers? I think I see a potential one right now!
(As Jack hops off the equipment we see him and Michael Belfort turning and staring at Drake King and Jake Smith staring right at Jack Ripley.)
Jake Smith: At ease, Ripley! It’s not like we can come and beat you up right here right now and take that belt and make it official!
Drake King: Yeah, plus I have a match coming up next with that psycho Cage. But, don’t be too comfortable with that title! You and Impact may be having a champion vs champion match in the main event here tonight…but it will be your last if I get a title shot at that belt!
Jake Smith: …Or if I myself get a shot at the title! I’ve been waiting for my chance to put gold around my waist and with Joshua Nicholas no longer dragging me to the bottom every big match, I wouldn’t mind snagging that championship for myself either! I would love nothing more than to make Jack Ripley kneel before finishing you in that ring and taking that National Elite Championship off your waist for myself!
Jack Ripley: How about you snag a win against some credible opponents first, Jake!
(The crowd groans as Jake instantly turns from snarky and arrogant to pissed off. Drake King puts his hand on Jake’s chest to relax his partner.)
Jack Ripley: As for you Drake. Maybe you should cut the dead weight like Jake did and leave this scrub behind! Jake was smart to dump Joshua but when are you going to be smart and realize with this chump by your side, you will never be anything greater than just…ok! From INTERWIRE KANG to…rich man’s Joshua Nicholls!
Drake King: HEY! You watch your mouth, before we…
???: Before what?
(The camera swivels again as behind Jack Ripley appears Cage.)
Crowd: CAGE! CAGE! CAGE!
Cage: Drake King, shouldn’t you be stretching? Maybe getting ready? Instead I find you way over here concerned with Jack Ripley and that pretty little belt when it should be me all your focus is drawn to! Happy one year anniversary, by the way! I remember my first year…been a few since then and unlike you, the Interwire title wasn’t my peak! Tonight, you go one on one with a violent storm and not even your boyfriend over there can save you from me, Drake! I’ve been hearing about guys ending my career for a while now, let’s see if you can be the one to do it!
Jake Smith: Wha-boyfriend!? Huh bu- GRR! Whatever! Hey, forget this! Drake, let’s go! You have a match to win! Let’s go get you ready for your match, man! THEN after you beat “Edgecrusherl here, we can see about talking to Starr Stan about one of us earning that National Elite title shot at Operation: Doomsday!
Drake King: I will win, Mark my words! You talk a lot for a guy that just came back after hiding and running away like a scared little man! But tonight, you can’t run from me! I will see you in that ring, Cage!
Jake Smith: You will kneel to us!
(Drake and Jake leave as Cage and Jack Ripley stand next to each other watching them exit the scene. Ripley keeps staring as Cage tough demeanor changes and he himself slyly stares at the National Elite title around Ripley’s waist.)
Jack Ripley: What you lookin’ at, man?
Cage: Nothing…nothing at all.
(Jack Ripley looks down at his belt then back up at Cage and shakes his head as he leaves. Cage shrugs his shoulders as the crowd laughs and the scene transitions to the ring side area.)
(Camera opens to find Stephie Love inside the ring.)
Stephie Love: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for…
Crowd: ONE FALL!!
(“Ready for War” by Adelita’s Way hits the speakers as the words I AM THE KING appear on the tron screen. Drake King walks out onto the stage to massive boos. He looks around to the crowd with a grin at their hatred before making his way down the ramp.)
Stephie Love: Introducing first, making his way to the ring from Brooklyn, New York by way of Charlotte, North Carolina… weighing in at 220 pounds… he is THE KING… DRAAAAAAAKKEEE KIIIIIIIIINNNGGGGGG!!!!!
Jake Mercer: OH MY GOD! HE’S REALLY HERE! I’M MARKING OUT, BRO!
Flannery McCoy: Ok, strong reaction there Mercer. But Drake King is looking to show that this new season will be his time to rise to the very top of the company! And he has a major opportunity tonight as he takes on one of the very best to ever step inside the ring!
Stew-O: Not to mention the message he and Jake Smith sent by branding and humiliating Joshua Nicholls at the draft show.
(Drake slides into the ring, that same dickish smirk in his face as he poses in the corner. “Smells Like Teen Spirit” by Nirvana then hits as EXPLICIT CONTENT appears on the screen before Diamond Cage walks out onto the stage to a big mixed reaction.)
Stephie Love: And his opponent, making his way to the ring from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, weighing in at 227 pounds… EAW Hall of Famer… DIIIIIAAAMMMOONNNDDDD CCCAAAAGGGEEEEEE!!!!
Flannery McCoy: Its… *ahem* it’s always good to see Cage ready for a fight.
Jake Mercer: Is that because you tried to get some of his rock hard Diamond back at Road to Redemption?
Flannery McCoy: …
Stew-O: Anyway… Cage is one of the most unpredictable elitists in this company and one who isn’t afraid to go against the grain. He’s exactly the kind of guy we love here on Dynasty and exactly the kind of guy I have to think will be favored in this match against Drake King. King is vicious and conniving but Cage is a wildcard. Not someone you can really plan for.
(Cage slides into the ring and looks at Drake King with a snarl before raising a fist and standing on the center of the second rope for the camera. He turns back stares a laser through his opponent as the Referee calls for the bell)
(DING! DING! DING!)
Stew-O: And we are underway as Cage comes out the gate looking to take the fight right to King! Cage moves in and meets Drake two thirds of the way across the ring for a lock up but quickly shoves Drake back into the corner! Cage now firing away with body shots to the former Interwire Champion, laying in and trying to take away the core strength and the breathing of the self-proclaimed King of EAW! Cage continues to fire away with those shots and here comes the referee to break things up— BUT DRAKE WITH A THUMB TO THE EYES OVER THE REFEREES SHOULDER! Cage is momentarily blinded and Drake rushes out of the corner with a chop block to the back of the Hall of Famer’s knee! Cage down on one leg and Drake comes from behind! Leaps over with the Sliced Bread maneuver and plants Cage face first into the mat! Drake going for an early cover— BUT AN INSTANT KICKOUT FROM CAGE! Drake doesn’t look very pleased with that as he slides in behind cage and applies a rear chin lock! Drake now cranking at that neck! Trying to wear away the strength of Cage by disaligning that spinal column! Effects the operation of every nerve and muscle in the body!
Flannery McCoy: BUT LOOK AT CAGE!
Jake Mercer: You’d like that, wouldn’t you?
Flannery McCoy: Shut the fuck up, damn. Let a girl live. But Cage is forcing his way up to his feet! He’s managed to get to his knees and now throws back elbows into the gut of King! And another! And another! And King finally releases the hold! Cage grabs him by the arm… MURDER! DEATH! KILL! The short arm ripcord lariat from Cage!
Jake Mercer: BUT KING DUCKS UNDERNEATH! PRAISE BE TO THE ALL MIGHTY ONLINE FORUMS!
Flannery McCoy: The wha—? Any way… Drake King manages to dodge the lariat that could’ve put him away in this one! He takes a sprint and throws himself into the ropes! King bounces back and rushes in with a shotgun dropkick to the chest of Cage! Cage is knocked backwards to the mat and rolls out underneath the ropes! These two have been in a ring together before but Drake King has come miles since that last happened! Cage looks caught off guard and Drake stands in the ring, motioning for Cage to come back and get to the action! Cage looks in disbelief at the fight shown by the often backhanded King here in the early stages of the match!
Jake Mercer: Why is everyone in such shock that Drake King is one of the best around?
Stew-O: Mercer, you seem to be a big fan of King, what’s up with that?
Jake Mercer: I saw him wrestle as The CrossFit Jesus in the Brooklyn Brawling Organization where he won a 47 person Last Man Standing match. Changed my life, bro. Changed my life.
Stew-O: Well Cage is now sliding back into the ring to take it to King once again! They both lock up once more! Cage now using his power to drive King backwards… BUT KING SLIDES DOWN FOR A MONKEY FLIP AND TOSSES CAGE BACK INTO THE TURNBUCKLES! DRAKE KING PUTTING ON A CLINIC HERE NOW! King now grabbing Cage by the head and dragging him out of the corner! Has Cage up to his knees— BUT CAGE DRIVES STRAIGHT UP AND CONNECTS WITH A HEADBUTT TO THE CHIN OF DRAKE KING! Cage now trying to shake his head clear as Drake King… OUCH! Looks like that may have caused him to bite his tongue because Drake is now bleeding from the mouth! Drake is staggered but spits out a mouthful of blood and steps in—
Flannery McCoy: RIGHT INTO A BACKHAND SLAP FROM CAGE! AND ANOTHER BACKHAND SLAP! AND ANOTHER! AND A DECAPITATING DISCUS LARIAT TO FINISH THE DIAMOND SAINT SPECIAL! Cage has dropped King to the mat and now grabs him by the wrist! Cage pulling Drake up, twists the arm underneath, CAGE RUNNING HIS FINGER ACROSS HIS THROAT! HE SAYS IT’S OVER! MURDER! DEATH! KILL! IT CONNECTS THIS TIME! CAGE CONNECTS AND TURNS DRAKE INSIDE OUT WITH THE RIPCORD LARIAT! CAGE DROPS DOWN! HOOKS THE LEG!
Ref: ONEEEEEEEEEE! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Jake Mercer: DRAKE SURVIVED! HE KICKED OUT AT THE LAST SECOND! IN THE NAME OF THE TOKYO DOME, DRAKE KING FIGHTS ON!
Flannery McCoy: Cage is enraged now that Drake survives that! But if Drake takes another shot like that then it’s going to be over! I wouldn’t be shocked if we don’t see Jake Smith striding out here soon. He and Drake are the only remaining members of what was once the Round Table and you have to believe they’re looking to prove that they’re a force to be reckoned with now that they’re on Dynasty.
Jake Mercer: It shouldn’t shock any of you that they work together. Both were members of the Court of Owls at one point or another in Southern Wrestling Pro!
Stew-O: ‘Kay. But Cage now dragging King up to his knees! Cage placing a boot on the back of King’s head— IDIOT STAMPEDE! CAGE WITH REPEATED CURB STOMPS TO DRAKE KING AND SHOUTING AT HIM WITH EACH ONE!
Diamond Cage (off-mic): IDIOT! IDIOT! IDIOT!
Stew-O: CAGE PLANTING KING DOWN WITH FORCE AND DRAKE’S MOUTH IS POURING BLOOD ALL OVER THE CANVAS NOW! Cage now like an animal, he sees the blood and he wants to take advantage! Going to be targeting that wound now! Cage dragging King up again… PULLS HIM INTO POSITION! HOOKS BOTH ARMS! LOOKING FOR THE DEATH ROW!
Flannery McCoy: BUT KING FREED HIS ARM AND ROLLED BACK! KING WITH THE SMALL PACKAGE! HES GOT THE TIGHTS!
Jake Mercer: It’s not that small, I’ve seen the pictures.
Ref: ONEEEEEEEEEE! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THREEEEEEEEE—
Flannery McCoy: Cage just escapes the surprise dirty pin attempt! Both men quick to their feet and Cage comes in with a massive right hand, BUT KING CATCHES IT AND RETURNS WITH A FOREARM! KING NOW UNLOADING ON THE FORMER EAW CHAMPION! CAGE IS STUMBLED! DRAKE WITH THESE FOREARMS! HE STEPS BACK AND DELIVERS A LEAPING KNEE STRIKE RIGHT BETWEEN THE EYES OF CAGE! CAGE IS KNOCKED BACK INTO THE ROPES AND KING GOES TO CONTINUE TO ONSLAUGHT—
Stew-O: BUT CAGE LIFTS HIM WITH A SHOULDER AND DUMPS KING TO THE OUTSIDE! KING CRASHES TO THE FLOOR AND DIAMOND LOOKS ABSOLUTELY PISSED OFF NOW! CAGE TAKES OFF! HITS THE ROPES! SUICIDE DIVE! BOTH MEN CRASH HARD INTO THE BARRICADE! BUT CAGE ALREADY DRAGGING HIMSELF UP TO HIS FEET AND STOMPING A HOLE INTO KING! CAGE TRYING TO BEAT THE HELL OUT OF DRAKE AS HE LOOKS SLOWLY MORE UNHINGED WITH EVERY AMOUNT OF PUNISHMENT HE TAKES AND DELIVERS!
Flannery McCoy: Cage taking King up by the skull— HAS HIM IN POSITION AGAIN FOR THE DEATH ROW! BUT KING DRIVES WITH HIS FEET AND RUNS CAGE BACKWARDS INTO THE RING APRON! BUT DRAKE RUNS HIS OWN HEAD INTO THE APRON TO DO IT! DRAKE DOING WHATEVER HE HAS TO IN ORDER TO SURVIVE BUT THE COST MAY HE TOO GREAT AS BOTH MEN ARE SLUMPED AGAINST THE RING NOW! THE REFEREE ISN’T GOING TO WAIT ANY LONGER!
Stew-O: Drake clutches at his skull as Cage now rolls over, feeling the pain in his back! First man to make it to his feet gains the advantage but that’s only if they manage to break the count!
Flannery McCoy: Drake King now trying to get to his feet as he spits out a fresh mouthful of blood! Drake manages now to stand as Cage is just up to his knees and clutching at his spine! DRAKE KING WITH A RUNNING PENALTY KICK RIGHT BETWEEN CAGE’S SHOULDER BLADES!
Jake Mercer: Cage drops back to the floor in pain but Drake not wasting any time! He wraps an arm around Cage’s shoulder and pulls him up to a vertical base! Drake now looking to roll Cage into the ring!
Flannery McCoy: BUT CAGE CATCHES HIMSELF BY PUTTING HIS FOOT ON THE APRON! BACK ELBOW TO THE TEETH OF KING! DRAKE IS KNOCKED BACK BUT CAGE NOW GRABS HIM BY THE BACK OF THE HEAD AND RUNS HIM FACE FIRST INTO THE STEEL POST!
Stew-O: Drake bounces off hard and he looks like he may be out on his feet! Cage now scoops King up onto his shoulder! RUNNING POWER SLAM ONTO THE STEEL STEPS! DRAKE KING IS BEING PICKED APART HERE AT RINGSIDE!
Flannery McCoy: Cage now pulling King off the steps and pushes him down into position! Cage now lifting King up into powerbomb position! DRAKE KING THOUGH IS NOW FIRING SHOTS INTO THE FACE OF DIAMOND CAGE!
Jake Mercer: DRAKE MANAGES TO ESCAPE THE POWERBOMB POSITION! HE STAGGERS CAGE WITH THESE PUNCHES BEFORE SHOVING HIS WAY OFF OF HIS SHOULDERS! DRAKE KING NOW ON HIS FEET! HE GRABS CAGE AND NOW RUNS HIM SHOULDER FIRST INTO THE STEPS!
Stew-O: Drake now grabs Cage and rolls him back into the ring! Drake ignoring the count though! He’s looking under the ring apron!
Flannery McCoy: DRAKE KING HAS A KENDO STICK! He’s sliding into the ring now and breaking the count but the referee can’t let that Kendo Stick come into play! The referee grabs the weapon from King and goes to toss it out of the ring! Drake now approaches Cage who has just gotten to his feet— DRAKE WITH A KICK BETWEEN THE LEGS! HE KICKS CAGE RIGHT IN THE GROIN WHILE THE REF HAD HIS BACK TURNED TO GET RID OF THE WEAPON! DRAKE GRABS CAGE BY THE HEAD AND PULLS HIM INTO PILEDRIVER POSITION! HOOKS BOTH ARMS WITH A DISGUSTING SMIRK ON HIS FACE! DRAKE CONNECTS WITH THE MILLER LIGHT! THE PEDIGREE PLANTS CAGE FACE FIRST I TO THE MAT AND DRAKE ROLLS HIM OVER AND MAKES THE COVER! NOT LIKE THIS!
Ref: ONEEEEEEEEEE! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Stew-O: NOOOOOO! OH MY GOD! CAGE GETS THE SHOULDER UP AT THE LAST INSTANT! THE ABSOLUTE FIGHTING SPIRIT, THE WILL TO WIN OF DIAMOND CAGE! HE WON’T STOP AND DRAKE KING IS IN DISBELIEF! HE THOUGHT THAT WAS IT FOR SURE! BUT THE HALL OF FAMER WILL FIGHT ON!
Flannery McCoy: CAGE LIVES AS DRAKE IS LOOKING BESIDES HIMSELF! DRAKE GETS TO HIS FEET AND SLIDES HIS THUMB ACROSS HIS THROAT! HE RAISES TWO FINGERS IN THE AIR! HE IS GOING FOR ANOTHER MILLER LIGHT! HE GRABS CAGE BY THE WRIST AS HE DESPERATELY DRAGS CAGE UP TO HIS
Jake Mercer: WAIT!!!
Stew-O: CAGE GETS UP AND SLAPS DRAKE KING’S GRIP AWAY! DRAKE THROWS A CLOTHESLINE AND CAGE DUCKS! CAGE GOES UNDER DRAKE’S ARM BUT…HE GRABS AHOLD OF KING’S WRIST! POKE TO THE EYES! DRAKE IS BLINDED BY CAGE WHO TOOK THE CHEAP ROUTE! DRAKE IS SPUN AROUND RIGHT AFTER AS CAGE MAKES HIS WAY BACK TO HIS FRONT! CAGE JERKS DRAKE’S WRIST AND…
Stew-O: DRAKE IS FLIPPED INSIDE OUT FROM THAT NASTY, STIFF LARIAT BY CAGE! CAGE COLLAPSES ON TOP OF DRAKE AND LAYS BACK TO CHEST ON DRAKE AND PUTS HIS ENTIRE WEIGHT ON HIM AS THE REF BEGINS TO COUNT!
Ref: ONEEEEEEEEEE! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
(“Smells like Teen Spirit” blasts as the entire crowd is on their feet after that hellacious match.)
Stephie Love: Here is your winner…CAGE!
Stew-O: Drake King brought the fight to Cage tonight! This young man held nothing back, nearly defeating Cage and shocking everyone here with the biggest upset of the night! So close, so very close but in the end…Cage clawed and found a way to get the win here tonight!
Flannery McCoy: He literally called Drake in the eyes in the end before hitting that lariat! Cage has been in this business and EAW for a while. Drake King May have just reached one full year with the company but I can’t say I have ever seen him perform better than he did right here tonight! This entire crowd is going crazy!
Crowd: FIGHT FOREVER! *clap clap clap* FIGHT FOREVER! *clap clap clap* FIGHT FOREVER! *clap clap clap*
Jake Mercer: Great match, would be a six star one in the Tokyo dome tho!
(Cage is brought to his feet, hand raised by the ref but he snatches it away. He turns, searching, he sees Drake King with his head on the mat as he is seated on his knees very visibly angry at the results. Cage, he walks over and grabs the young man by the wrist and yanks him up to his feet. Drake is shocked as he now stands face to face with the man that just beat him.)
Jake Mercer: WHAT’S about to happen?!
Cage: Good fucking fight man! Seriously! You brought it and laid it out here tonight.
(Cage grabs Drake’s wrist and raises his hand high as the crowd cheers them both on. Drake looks shocked as Cage passes on some respect to the younger star.)
Flannery McCoy: You know you are doing right in this business if you are respected by a guy like Cage! Drake must feel like
Stew-O: WAIT A MINUTE!
Jake Mercer: Drake just snatched his hand away! Cage turns
Flannery McCoy: Drake just slapped the spit out of Cage’s mouth! Cage’s head turns completely left as a shocked look appears on his face! Drake King is in the ring shaking his head as this entire arena has been thrown off and have shocked looks all over them as well! DRAKE SPITS RIGHT ON THE GROUND IN FRONT OF CAGE AND…DRAKE ROLLS OUT THE RING AND LEAVES!
Jake Mercer: I can’t say I blame this future GOAT one bit! He wasn’t satisfied just coming close to beating Cage! It’s win or bust for Drake King and that slap was him showing Cage that second place isn’t where he wants to be!
(The scene transitions away as last we see Drake King walking up the ramp with his back to Cage as Cage still tries to process what just happened. We see a small commercial break for Jake Mercer’s Reddit page. Come check it out so you can find out whose up and coming in the wrestling world before losers like Flannery McCoy find out! We return to the ring after the break as “Surfin’” by Kid Cudi feat. Pharrell plays. The entire audiences gets on their feet. Serena Bennett walks on to the stage with her signature colorful hair and all her jewelry.)
Stew-O: Listen to this reaction!
Flannery McCoy: Can you blame them?!
Crowd: SERENA! SERENA! SERENA!
(Serena walks down the ramp, smiles ear to ear, slapping hands with fans, and walking up the steel stairs. She stands in the middle of the Dynasty ring as she looks around to the entire building cheering her on.)
Stew-O: The winner of last year’s Women’s Grand Rampage is here on Dynasty! One of the greatest talents to perform on Empire, you can’t look at this woman and not see greatness!
Flannery McCoy: That’s right, she went toe to toe with Sienna Jade and beat her at Pain for Pride XII for that Universal Women’s Championship but did not leave with it. It was Kassidy Heart who used her Iconic Cup opportunity and cashed it in for her title shot and she left PFP XII with that title in her possession. At the Draft show, Serena made it abundantly clear that she wanted her rematch and her title was going to be back in her hands if she got it!
Serena Bennett: Dynasty, What up?
Crowd: SERENA! SERENA! SERENA!
Serena Bennett: Yea, aight! Welp, I’m fresh off Empire. Fresh off the draft, Pain for Pride, and one hell of a season 12 run. I ran through obstacles, overcame adversity, shattered expectations, and did it while looking like the baddest bitch in EAW! But, now that I am here on Dynasty…now that I am here in this ring, I have something eating away inside of me. I posed a question Draft night to a certain someone who conveniently decided showing up to the first episode of Dynasty wasn’t in her plans! Yeah, last we saw Kassidy “BIG LIPS” Heart she was getting knocked out and whisked away by Ryan and taken off to do god knows what to that girl. But, I still haven’t got the answer I was looking for. While I was standing in this ring the last time y’all saw me, she was off getting dragged away like a bimbo carcass by a psychopath and I am just yawning as I play that entire debacle back in my head. I’m sorry if I’m not more sympathetic but is it just me or is the current Universal Women’s Champion always conveniently playing the victim role and being rag dolled around by any man with a half decent beard? I know, I know, there are some sick men in this world. Things happen! Couldn’t be me tho’!
(Serena laughs and shrugs her shoulders.)
Serena Bennett: What could be me you may ask yourself? The next Universal Women’s champion! If it wasn’t for that Iconic Cup Cash in, I would STILL be champ as well! But, I refused to be a victim like the current bitch rocking my strap! Kass, you can keep playing the victim like you always do but at some point in your career you are going to have to put all those little girl fears and “woe is me” insecurities to the side and face those problems face to face. I’m not talking about Ryan, Big Mike, or Ahren. I’m talking about Serena Bennett! Ryan may have put a nice rock on that finger but I plan on putting a knot right over that eye! Sienna is gone, Ahren is out of the picture, and you still found a new way to be a victim, huh? Well how about we push everybody out of the picture for once and me and you settle this at Operation: Doomsday? You and me, one on one, EAW Universal Women’s Championship on the line and we see if you can leave with that title at Operation: Doomsday after facing me fresh and not after I just got done wiping my feet all over Sienna Jade’s face!
(The crowd roars as this matchup is clearly one they are excited for.)
Serena Bennett: A little girl from Compton, I came from nothing like The Big Bang theory and I went from that to World champion! I beat a hall of famer for her title and everybody saw that as my moment!
Serena Bennett: I beat Sienna Jade in the middle of that ring and of course you pick THAT moment, MY MOMENT, to cash in your Iconic Cup opportunity and ruined that for me. So, how about I cash in my “Whoop a blonde bitch” coupon and help make you the most ICONIC transition champion in EAW history, huh? Sorry ass bitch! The same way 50 Cent wants his money, I want MY title! You gone wish you had never cashed in that Iconic Cup chance, Kass. You gone wish your biggest issues were Ahren or Big Mike. Because at Operation: Doomsday, I’ll be all over that ass like white on rice! See you next week or whenever you wake up from that chloroform coma!
Flannery McCoy: Serena Bennett is not playing around guys! She isn’t waiting for Kass to decide if she is going to get a rematch, she is saying she wants that rematch at Operation: Doomsday!
(Serena drops the mic as “Surfin” plays again. The crowd is going wild as she stands on the turnbuckle and blows a kiss to everybody and smiles her beautiful smile for the cameras.)
Jake Mercer: Is Kass even going to be here next week? I sure hope so!
Stew-O: One thing we know for sure, she has a determined challenger who wants her and that belt badly!
(We transition from ring side to backstage where we see the World Champion Impact sitting backstage with his belt over his shoulder. He checks his watch and cracks his neck before standing up and headed out his locker room.)
Stew-O: Looks like it’s time for the main event!!!
(We return back to the ring as Stephie Love is in the center of it with a microphone in hand. )
Stephie Love: The following contest is the Friday Night Dynasty main event of the evening, scheduled for ONE FALL!!!!
Crowd: ONE FALL!!!!
Stephie Love: And it is a CHAMPION vs CHAMPION match!
( “Stitch” by Wage War hits, and Jack Ripley makes his way out to the stage with a lot of energy, proudly wearing his National Elite Championship around his waist and underneath his vest. A look of determination is on his face, with the implications of a victory tonight on his mind. )
Stephie Love: Introducing first, from Las Vegas, Nevada weighing in at 202 POUNDS!!!! HE IS THE NATIONAL ELITE CHAMPIOOONNNN… JAAAACCKKKKKKK RRRRIIPPPLEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!!
( “Can I Live” by Jay-Z hits. The LED lights all across the arena become white hot and blinding as Impact emerges from the back with the World Heavyweight Championship in one of his hands. He maintains a cool demeanor, and continues to the ring not acknowledging the crowd around him and fully fixated on the upcoming task at hand. )
Stephie Love: His opponent, from Seattle, Washignton weighing in at 240 POUNDS… HE IS THE EAW WOOOORLLLLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIOOOOOOON!!!!! IIIIIIIIMMMMMMMPAAAAAAAAAAAAAACT!!!!!!
( DING! DING! DING! )
Stew-O: The two champions of Friday Night Dynasty set to lock horns tonight as the official calls for the bell just now to begin the contest. Collar & elbow tie up pitting both Elitists in a test of strength.
Flannery McCoy: I’ve got to tell you I have been looking forward to this match all week, it’s a big fight feel for obvious reasons but these are two of the most talented athletes in the entire world! In Impact’s case we are looking at unquestionably one of the greatest to ever lace a pair of boots,
Stew-O: And that fact Flannery is what incentivizes Jack Ripley more than anything to show up and show out here, especially on the main event of the first Dynasty of the season. Ripley manages to catch Impact in a headlock, Impact trying as he might to turn his body out of it, and he manages to apply a wrist lock behind the back. Ripley reaching back with his left arm, looking for a handful of Imps hair, but Impact with a shoulder thrust into the right bicep of Ripley brings him down to a knee. Maintaining the rear wristlock, he flattens Ripley on the mat and goes for a handstand knee drop! But Ripley turns over and reels him in for a small package!
Ref: OOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!! TWO-
Jake Mercer: Kick out by Oldpact, and the grubby old coot rushes up to his feet, somehow managing not to break a hip. Now the Rip-daddy takes him over with an armdrag! Oldpact recovers, ANOTHER ARMDRAG – no the geezer stops in his tracks, and he dog piles atop of Ripley with a gator roll! Oldpact struggling to take Ripley up from the ground however, Ripley not making it easy. Oldpact having to convert into a side headlock instead.
Stew-O: Uh Jake, it’s not ‘Oldpact’, it’s Impact.
Jake Mercer: It’s also 2019 Stew, but somehow we’ve got this old bag as the World Heavyweight Champion!
Stew-O: You could at least try to call the match in an objective manner.
Jake Mercer: And EAW could at least try to promote the younger talent, but apparently it’s asking for too much now isn’t it?! Nooo instead we get this broken down shell in the main event for the upteenth time!
Flannery McCoy: Well I’m no fan of the antics Imp employs half of the time either, but the fact of the matter is Impact won the World Heavyweight Championship at Pain for Pride by merit. You could argue Impact is the most skilled that he has ever been in his career thus far, and he’s putting that skill to good use, kicking out the legs of Ripley from behind to bring the NE Champion to his knees, and taking him up and OVER WITH A SURFBOARD STRETCH!!! NOT SO FAST! RIPLEY BACKFLIPS OUT OF IT, WRENCHES THE LEFT ARM, AND COUNTERS WITH A CROSS ARMBREAKER OUT OF THE SURFBOARD STRETCH! INTUITIVE AND TIMELY COUNTER FROM THE NATIONAL ELITE CHAMPION, AND THAT’S GOT IMP DRAGGING HIMSELF OVER TO THE BOTTOM RING ROPES FOR REPRIEVE!
Stew-O: The larger, 240 pound frame of Impact compared to Ripley’s 202 gives him the advantage in scenarios like this. Ripley reluctantly releases the cross armbreaker, and Imp uses the ropes to pull himself up. Ripley fires off with shoot kicks to the leg! Now the sides! Imp fires back with a forearm and hobbles away after eating some ferocious kicks! Ripely charges at him perhaps looking for DAYLIGHT SLAYING TIME! Nobody home Imp side steps it and sends Ripley running into the corner with his own momentum. Ripley hits the turnbuckle and bounces off of it, Imp’s already rebounded off the ropes and takes Ripley BACK DOWN WITH A ONE HANDED BULLDOG! IMP JOGS OVER TO THE ROPES! FLIGHT SIGHTS!!!! PATENTED LIONSAULT OFF THE MIDDLE ROPE! NOBODY HOME! RIPLEY BACK-ROLLS OUT OF IT, LIFTING HIS UPPER BODY! Imp pops back up holding his midsection in pain! TAKEN DOWN WITH A METEORA FROM RIPLEY, DOUBLE KNEES TO THE HEAD AND HOOK OF BOTH LEGS.
Ref: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!! TWOOOOOOOOO-
Flannery McCoy: Imp kicks out of that. Ripley hyping up the audience a little bit, getting them on his side before turning back to his recovering opponent. He’s got a lawn dart throw in his mind, and Ripley scoops Impact up to his shoulders, carrying the heavier opponent with relative ease despite the 38 lbs differential, and goes CHARGING INTO THE CORNER! IMP SLIPS OFF OF HIS SHOULDER AT THE LAST SECOND, SCHOOL BOY ROLL UP FROM BEHIND! But by the time the referee can slide to the mat Ripley rolls out of the roll up. AND IMP CATCHES HIM! BOTH LEGS HOOKED UNDER THE ARM! WALLS OF IMPACT COULD BE ON ITS WAY! But Ripley is fighting out of it, not making it easy by any means, and he sends Imp flying out of the ring through the ropes using impressive leg strength! Impact lands at ringside relatively safely, albeit a little shaken, and he climbs back up to the apron — WATCH OUT!!!!
Jake Mercer: SLINGSHOT DDT FROM RIPLEY!!!!!!
Flannery McCoy: IMP HOLDS HIS GROUND! IMP USES THE ROPES MID-DDT, AND COUNTERS WITH A NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX ON THE APRON!!!
( Impact and Ripley collapse to the ringside floor. )
Jake Mercer: God damn! Ripley is in excruciating pain! And I’ll humor him enough, IMPACT is now back up to a knee after a pretty awesome counter, just sending Ripley spine first into the apron where there is absolutely no give. Imp ripping the National Elite Champion up from the ringside mat, and he sends his body CRASHING RIGHT INTO THE BARRICADE with a ridiculous thud! And he follows up with some ruthless mudhole stomps, keeping the pressure on high.
Stew-O: The referee starts up his count after urging Impact to bring Jack Ripley back into the ring. Imp drags Ripley up from the floor again and, at first, appears to be following the orders of the official. But it looks like he’s changed his mind, because now he’s got Ripley by the wrist and sends him FULL STRENGTH ACROSS RINGSIDE WITH AN IRISH WHIP DIRECTLY INTO THE STEEL STAIRS!!!!!!!
Ref: 3! 4!
Flannery McCoy: RIPLEY CLEARS THE STEPS IN A SINGLE BOUND! Fantastic save for Jack Ripley, averting a car crash-like disaster! But by the time he’s turned around, Impact springs off of those same steps for a diving ax handle clubbing blow to the head!
Flannery McCoy: Impact raising both fists to the audience, points down at Ripley and flat out calls him a piece of trash! Well you certainly don’t get 9 World Championship reigns just by being a nice guy. Imp finally chucks Ripley into the ring. Not so fast! Ripley slides RIGHT BACK OUT with a tiger feint kick, and BEGINS LIGHTING IMP UP WITH A FLURRY OF FOREARMS TO THE HEAD! I DOUBT IMP SAW THAT COMING! HE’S CAUGHT OFF GUARD AND HARDLY KNOWS HOW TO RESPOND! The referee’s count reaches 8 and Impact bolts into the ring in retreat. Ripley is right on his tail, Imp taken down with a jumping clothesline! He recovers, Ripley takes him back down with another jumping clothesline! Ripley helps Imp back up, and is looking for a BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX! IMP RESPONDS WITH A MONGOLIAN CHOP BEFORE THE LIFT! Followed by a headbutt, cutting Ripley off! But Ripley fires back with a PALM CHOP TO THE CHEST! That may have only angered the WHC! Imp responds with a FEROCIOUS knife edge chop taking Ripley to the mat, hovers over him and rains down with a flurry of punches! The official getting involved!
Ref: 1! 2! 3! 4!
Flannery McCoy: And Imp follows up with a seated senton right into the chest, and the hook of both legs!
Ref: OOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOO-
Jake Mercer: Yes! Jack gets the shoulder up. Ripley trying to crawl away, showing some champion’s instinct by creating necessary separation. Every inch in a match like this against a veteran is tantamount to a mile. Impact is right on his heels, literally, grabbing Ripley by his ankles and turning him over LOOKING FOR THE WALLS OF IMPACT AGAIN! JACK IS TOSSING AND TURNING AGAIN HOWEVER, NOT GOING OUT WITHOUT A FIGHT! Impact with a brutal stomp to the upper pelvic area, and he sends Ripley up and over into the corner with a big time slingshot! Ripley smacks face first into the top turnbuckle and Imp takes him back onto his shoulders again with a school boy roll up, this time propping his feet up on the middle ropes for support!
Ref: OOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-
Stew-O: JACK RIPLEY ROLLS OUT OF THAT AND CATCHES IMPACT IN A CROSSFACE SIMULTANEOUSLY!!! BRILLIANT COUNTER FROM THE NATIONAL ELITE CHAMPION, I DON’T THINK I’VE SEEN RIPLEY APPLY A CROSSFACE BEFORE EITHER, CHANCES ARE HE PULLED THAT OFF ON THE FLY! Impact digging in deep inside of him to once again crawl over towards the ropes! Jack Ripley doing whatever he can to win!
Jake Mercer: The thing is Imp had more in the tank earlier in the match to get out of that cross armbreaker; but you can just see it in his face, in his pained expression, the more this match progresses the more energy and endurance it is going to take out of the World Heavyweight Champion! He’s already a portly old curmudgeon as it is, now he has to practically DUMP his energy on dragging the body weight of his opponent in the middle of a submission!
Stew-O: Well say what you want about Impact, but if there’s anything that separates him from every other Elitist in the game it is his seemingly limitless reserves of endurance and fortitude! And he uses just that to FINALLY, MERCIFULLY lay a hand around the bottom rope! Ripley does NOT want to let that hold go!
Ref: 1! 2! 3! 4!
Stew-O: RIPLEY USES HIS OWN LEGS AND KICKS THEM OFF THE BOTTOM ROPE, BRINGING THE SUBMISSION BACK CLOSER TO THE MIDDLE OF THE RING!!! BUT IMPACT HAS ENOUGH LEVERAGE TO SPRING UP TO A KNEE! NOW UP TO BOTH FEET! AND DROPS RIPLEY ON THE BACK OF HIS HEAD WITH A THUNDEROUS BACK SUPLEX! Imp breathing heavily, nostrils flaring, psyching himself back up to his feet before charging into the ropes – LOOKING FOR FLIGHT SIGHTS AGAIN! RIPLEY CHARGES TO HIS FEET AT THE SAME TIME!!! AND BEFORE IMP LEAVES THE MIDDLE ROPE, RIPLEY DELIVERS A DOUBLE KNEE BACKBREAKER!!!! EXTRAORDINARY COUNTER!!! RIPLEY FOLLOWS UP, ROLLING IMPACT THROUGH AND BACK UP TO HIS FEET AND PLANTING HIM WITH A REVERSE VERTICAL SUPLEX, GUTBUSTER OVER THE ROPES! IMPACT WITH A LOUD GROAN IN PAIN, AND HE DROPS DOWN TO THE APRON AGAIN! DRAGGING HIMSELF UP! BAM!!!! SLINGSHOT DDT INTO THE APRON!!!! THAT SPIKES THE HALL OF FAMER RIGHT ON HIS HEAD! RIPLEY SHOVES IMPS BODY BACK INTO THE RING AND CRAWLS OVER HIM WITH VICTORY IN SIGHT!
Ref: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!! TWWWWWWWWWWWWWW-
Flannery McCoy: KICK OUT BY THE WORLD CHAMPION! You can tell the adrenaline is kicking in for Ripley! He’s nodding his head, looking around at the audience who is very much into this contest, and he hoists the World Heavyweight Champion up to his shoulder again… sights aimed at the turnbuckle yet again! Is he gonna get it? Is he gonna deliver it? THERE IT IS!!! LAWN DART THROW!!!! IMPACT HEAVED INTO THE CORNER! FACE BOUNCING OFF THE TOP TURNBUCKLE AND SENDING HIS BRAINS SCRAMBLING!! IMP HAS NO IDEA WHERE HE IS, HE STAGGERS AROUND THE RING, RIPLEY RUNNING THE ROPES TO GARNER MOMENTUM, AND NEARLY DECAPITATES THE WORLD CHAMPION WITH DAYLIGHT SLAYING TIME!!!!! EXPLOSIVE RUNNING KNEE TO THE HEAD, TURNING THE 9 TIME WORLD CHAMPION INSIDE OUT!!! AND RIPLEY LEAPS OVER IMPACT WITH THE HOOK OF BOTH LEGS!
Ref: OOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Stew-O: KICK OUT BY IMPACT AGAIN!
Jake Mercer: WHAT?! YOU MUST BE JOKING! THAT SHOULD HAVE TAKEN HIS HEAD CLEAN OFF!
Stew-O: And that’s got Ripley highly upset, after a remarkably close near fall. You figure Impact, despite how resourceful and resilient he is, doesn’t have too much left to bear following that! Ripley stands by over at the corner, glaring over at his opponent who is on the ground right now and only just starting to stir… NOW HE’S STOMPING AWAY, TUNING UP THE BAND.
Jake Mercer: No Ripley no! Don’t tune up the band! It almost never works! Why do you think they never do it in the indies?
Flannery McCoy: Ripley has his sights set! Imp looks like he doesn’t know where he is! He is sluggish upon his return to his feet!
Jake Mercer: He’s old! He’s always sluggish! That doesn’t mean he can’t avoid a superkick! No Jack, no!
Stew-O: BANG!!!! YOU’LL FLOAT TOO!!!!!!!
Flannery McCoy: NOBODY HOME! IMP WITH THE STANDING LEG TRIP, TAKING RIPLEY OFF HIS FEET! AND TURNS HIM OVER INTO THE WALLS OF IMPACT!!!! HE GOT IT THIS TIME! I GUESS YOU WERE RIGHT THIS TIME JAKE, IMP HAD THAT SUPERKICK SCOUTED AND JACK RIPLEY IS PAYING FOR IT BIG TIME! RIPLEY ALLOWED IMP TOO MUCH TIME TO COME TO HIS GOOD SENSES AND GET HIS WITS ABOUT HIM, AND NOW HE IS ENDURING THE EXCRUCIATING SUBMISSION THAT HAS PUT AWAY MANY HIGH LEVEL MATCHES AGAINST HIGH PROFILE ELITISTS DURING HIS STORIED CAREER! RIPLEY HAS A HAND EXTENDED….COMING SO CLOSE, DANGEROUSLY CLOSE TO THE BRINK! IMPACT REARING BACK, MAKING IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR RIPLEY TO LUG HIMSELF AND HIS OPPONENT ACROSS THE RING, NOT WITH THE FATIGUE THAT’S COME INTO PLAY! THERE MAY NOT BE ANY OTHER CHOICE BUT FOR HIM TO SUBMIT, STEW!
Stew-O: IT MAY NOT BE OVER YET HOWEVER PARTNER! RIPLEY REACHES BACK WITH BOTH HANDS… AND HE GRABS IMPACT BY THE LONG HAIR! AND JACK RIPLEY YANKS IMP BY THE HAIR, FORCING HIM TO RELEASE THE WALLS OF IMPACT! Impact rolls through! Both men scramble to their feet, and IMP CAUGHT RIPLEY SPAGHETTI-LEGGED WITH A STEP-UP ENZUIGIRI!!! RIPLEY FALLS TO HIS BACK! IMP SPRINGS OFF THE NEAREST ROPES!!! FLIGHT SIGHTS!!! RIPLEY TWIRLS OUT OF THE WAY YET AGAIN!!! BUT THIS TIME IMPACT STICKS THE LANDING, AND STUMBLES OVER TO THE ROPES! ONLY TO BE MET WITH A HURRICANRANA FROM JACK RIPLEY!
Flannery McCoy: IMP HOLDS HIS GROUND USING THE SUPPORT OF THE ROPES! RIPLEY FLIPS OFF OF IMPACT’S SHOULDERS TO HIS FEET! EVISCERATION!!!!!
Stew-O: IMPACT NAILS HIM WITH THE CODEBREAKER!!!! AND SLOWLY BUT SURELY CRAWLS OVER RIPLEY, LAYING ON HIS CHEST AND HOOKING THE LEG!
Ref: OOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
( DING! DING! DING! )
( “Can I Live” by Jay-Z hits, and Impact sits up holding up a celebratory fist. )
Stephie Love: Here is your winner… IMPACT!!!!
Flannery McCoy: A big victory, an emphatic victory, and a well deserved one for the World Heavyweight Champion.
Stew-O: There’s not a man in the business who has held more EAW World Championship gold than he has, and tonight is just another shining example of why. Credit to Ripley for putting on one heck of an effort, not many people in the industry are even capable of putting Impact on the ropes quite like he did throughout multiple instances in this match. But I believe we saw the difference in experience level come into play, as great as Ripley is, Impact’s in ring prowess remains immaculate as ever.
Jake Mercer: I have a few thoughts. Gonna save them for the people who agree with me online. :Dave:
Flannery McCoy: Is somebody mad?
Jake Mercer: Steaming mad.
Flannery McCoy: Don’t be steaming mad, be glad! You just witnessed a quality main event-
Stew-O: HANG ON A MINUTE! THE OFFICIAL IS AT RINGSIDE GOING OVER TO GRAB THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP FROM THE TIMEKEEPER, BUT LETHAL CONSEQUENCES JUMPS OUT OF THE CROWD AND GRABS THE TITLE FIRST! LC SLIDES INTO THE RING!
Flannery McCoy: IMPACT COMPLETELY UNAWARE!
Stew-O: AND LC BASHES IMPACT OVER THE HEAD WITH THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE! WHAT IN THE WORLD?
( Impact rolls around the mat completely rattled, and blood slowly begins to stream from the back of Impacts head. The fans respond with a major big reaction, some excited while others disapproving of the nefarious tactics. )
Jake Mercer: WE WERE ALREADY AWARE OF LC’S WORLD TITLE ASPIRATIONS, HE DIDN’T GET THE ANSWER HE WANTED FROM THE GENERAL MANAGER OF DYNASTY, AND NOW HE’S TAKING MATTERS INTO HIS OWN HANDS!
Stew-O: IMPACT BACK UP TO HIS FEET, AGAIN!!!! LETHAL CONSEQUENCE BASHES THE SOLID GOLD FACE OF THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP DIRECTLY OVER THE SKULL OF THE CHAMPION! WITH A MORE VICIOUS COLLISION THAN BEFORE!
Flannery McCoy: COME ON!
( Impact is completely laid out, and Lethal Consequences pats the face of the championship belt and mouths off to the audience. )
Jake Mercer: Well I think I speak for everyone under 35 when I say that Lethal Consequences has no freaking business in the World Title picture in 2019! But I must be honest with you, he has spent all of Season 12 proving that he is much more than a nostalgia act, and in life nobody – and I mean nobody – simply gives you what you want! If you want something bad enough in life, you’re going to have to take it!
Stew-O: And let’s factor in the history between both of these men. Both two-time Hall of Famers, former allies, they’ve co-existed in this business for well over a decade. LC knows Impact well enough to know exactly how to take what is his! How will Imp respond? How will Dynasty General Manager Starr respond? Find out next week when we return in Milwaukee!
( The final shot of the scene shows Lethal Consequences holding up Impact’s World Heavyweight Championship as if it were his. The camera then fades to black. )
( EAW logo buzzes )