(EAW Intro Plays)
(The camera rolls as the show begins. A recap plays of the previous episode. Kassidy Heart standing among the raucous crowd with her EAW Universal Women’s Championship is visible, The Black Sheep Logan Burgess debuts, The Round Table standing off with Ronan Malosi and Jason McKormick, Malosi and McKormick destroying Damon Diesel and Osamu spraying mist in to his eyes after the match are shown. We see a shot of the crowd briefly as the fans are going nuts per usual. We flash back again to the last airing of FND as Provencal and El Landerson both beat RAYBAO followed by the revelation that Ravage La Corte was actually Eric Havoc making his return and him obliterating RAYBAO in front of StarrStan and his index finger pointed at him letting everyone know that he was “The One”.)
(We see Vic Venom, Darcy May Morgan, and Remi Skyfire give Fatal Destiny a beating with Celes Dumont possibly sustaining a concussion. Next we see Drake King get a win over TLA, an incredible tag team match featuring Jack Ripley and Lethal Consequences defeating Jake Smith and Impact but ending with The National Elite Champion and World Heavyweight Champion standing tall. Lastly, we see Darkane defeat Cage as Drake King got another chance to disrespect Cage as Drake slapped him in the face for a second week in a row. We then see the video package end. Pyro goes off as the show begins officially and we pan the crowd to see signs for various EAW elitists. “#KNEEL” sign is seen held by a young man in a Paramore t-shirt, “TLA + Thong = Muy Bueno” is seen raised by a chubby asian man, and a “Dropkick Darling” bootleg tee on a young lady are displayed. We finally show the ringside area as the three person team on commentary are seen.)
Stew-O: Welcome each and everyone of you to this week’s Friday Night Dynasty! We are here live in the U.S. Bank arena in Cincinnati, Ohio! You can feel the electricity in the building tonight, right Flannery?
Flannery McCoy: Right Stew-O! Last week was jam packed and this one should be even bigger, my goodness have you guys seen this card?
Stew-O: Have we? The crowd’s reaction should let you know that regardless of what we think, some blockbuster match ups are going down tonight! I’m Stew-O here with me as always is Flannery McCoy and our third wheel as Flannery likes to call him is
Jake Mercer: Jake Mercer, wrestling extraordinaire. Handsome, debonair, suave, man of the people who used to go to OnlineWorldofWrestling.com in the mid 2000s to find out who wrestled where and how tall Hades The Hellraiser REALLY was, you know? It’s Lit!
Flannery McCoy: It’s a cringe…
Stew-O: C’mon now guys, let’s be civil!
Jake Mercer: Run it back, turbo
Flannery McCoy: Run away, Jake Mercer.
Jake Mercer: Im a thot, get me lit!
Flannery McCoy: :snoop:
Stew-O: Anywho, Serena Bennett goes one on one with Remi Skyfire in a highly contested match up tonight! We also are expected to hear from EAW World Heavyweight Champion Impact addressing his match up at Operation: Doomsday and tonight’s main event sees EAW Universal Women’s Champion Kassidy Heart face off with one of the rising stars of Dynasty, Darcy May Morgan!
Jake Mercer: THE DROP KICK DARLING!
Flannery McCoy: We also have TLA inviting a special guest in to the Poon Palace! Who could it be? Osamu Arcichida faces Miho Li in a match where the Fatal Destiny looks for revenge on the man that has been spitting poison mist in faces. The Round Table takes on the undefeated tag team of Malosi and McKormick and so much more!
EAW Dynasty returns with Rumpke already in the ring, ready to go. “Architects” by Rise Against hits and “The One” Eric Havoc charges down the ramp and into the ring.
Stew-O: Wow! Eric Havoc is not messing around tonight. He is on a mission!
DING! DING! DING!
Flannery McCoy: There’s the bell and Eric Havoc is already going to work on newcomer Rumpke!
Jake Mercer: My boy Eric Havoc taking it right to this rookie! Eric Havoc throws Rumpke into the ropes… LEAP OF FAITH! That is a textbook Spanish Fly if I ever saw one.
Stew-O: Eric Havoc is having none of Rumpke tonight, he’s already calling for the end!
Flannery McCoy: Kick to the mid-section, he’s setting up for The Desecration!
Jake Mercer: THE DESECRATION! Wow. That had some muscle on it. It’s over!
Stew-O: Wait, Eric Havoc isn’t done. What is he doing? He could have gone for the cover and ended this right there.
Jake Mercer: Eric Havoc is making a clear point to all of the other talentless losers out there that want to step into an EAW ring. This is no place for them.
Flannery McCoy: Eric is setting him up in the corner. Eric Havoc is putting Rumpke onto this shoulders… FROM THE TOP ROPE! OH MY GOD! CHAOS DRIVER!
Stew-O: ERIC HAVOC JUST ABSOLUTELY DESTROYED RUMPKE! HE GOES FOR THE ONE HANDED COVER.
(DING! DING! DING!)
Stephie Love: Here is your winner…ERIC HAAAAAVOC!!!
(Eric literally kicks Rumpke out of the ring as his music plays and the crowd is astonished at his quickness to destroy someone.)
Jake Mercer: And THAT is how you make a statement. The rest of the wannabes out there better take notice. EAW is where the big boys play.
Stew-O: That was one of the most dominant performances I have ever seen. Eric Havoc backs up his words from last week as Friday Night Dynasty starts off hot tonight.
(We cut to commercial with a close up of Eric Havoc’s face looking unsatisfied. An ad for “Face App” plays but many can’t understand it because the language spoken is Russian. Nina D is seen using the app to go from young to old and idiots voluntarily give their information to some unknown entity to access their contacts, photos, and information. Yay. We return to the show as “Smells Like teen Spirit” by Nirvana blasts and the crowd goes wild. Out comes Cage, looking not in a good mood as he walks down the ramp.)
Stew-O: Last time we saw Cage was in the main event last week where he took a loss to Darkane. After the match, out came a young man Cage defeated on the debut episode of this season of Friday Night Dynasty and former Interwire Champion Drake King came down to pick up the scraps metaphorically speaking.
Jake Mercer: Wasn’t a metaphor, it was a literal picking apart as Drake grabbed Cage and slapped him in the face for the second week in a row and disrespected the former World champion in front of everyone.
Flannery McCoy: Cage has been dwelling on that slap for some time now and now? Now he’s looking like a man with something to say.
(Cage rolls in the ring, snatches a mic from Stephie Love, and began pacing in the ring. He cranks his neck as his music ends and then lowers his head to speak.)
Cage: At Pain for Pride, I found myself a loser as I came up short in a match with a man who earned my respect by the name of TLA.
Crowd: TLA! TLA! TLA!
Cage: Me and TLA had one of the best professional wrestling matches of my career that night. He brought a fight out of me and I begged him to do it. I needed him to go after me like he never went after anyone before. I encouraged TLA to fight me, I demanded him to bring every piece of aggression his mexican ass could muster and it worked out for him as he got the job done and won that match. For me, it did what I needed. It brought the fight out of me, it made me feel alive. The blood in my mouth, that’s a sensation I live for. That’s the desire I have in this business; to dish out pain and be served just as much back to me. That wasn’t the first time I was defeated nor the last. Hell, Darkane beat the dog shit out of me last week in the main event. Did I complain? No. I wanted it. I needed it. A straight up fight. Darkane brought that. I loved it, I was thrilled and ecstatic from bell to bell but afterwards….afterwards, you…Drake King…you did it again.
(Cage licked his lips.)
Cage: You slapped me in my damn face. You slapped me in my face, you disrespected me in front of the world, you tried to embarrass me in front of the world’s view. Here’s the thing, kid. Yeah you slapped me two weeks ago after I beat you in the middle of this ring, why? Because you didn’t want me to raise your hand? Because you lost? I beat you with an eye poke and a lariat and you couldn’t handle that? You couldn’t live with that? Like I said, I’ve won plenty and lost more matches than you ever wrestled. You just got one year here in EAW and yet you still stomp and pout like a rookie. Crying over a loss to me. So, you decided to slap me in the face afterwards and run away. Then, you sneak out at the end of the last Friday Night Dynasty and slapped me again when I was done and out. You put blood in my mouth, you tried to embarrass me in front of everyone. Yeah, here’s the thing about that. You didn’t embarrass me or humiliate me, Drake. Infact, you woke me up. You slapped me and gave me exactly what I wanted. You see, yeah…I beat your ass in this ring and won that match and gave you the ultimate embarrassment. You could have extended a hand and we could have gone our separate ways, the crowd cheering you on, and the respect of me with you. Instead? Now you gave an addict his fix.
(The crowd cheers as Cage starts snarling.)
Cage: See, King, you clearly didn’t know me as well as you thought. Utter fucking chaos, that’s what you can expect, don’t expect anything but heads to roll wherever I go. And it just so happens it’s Dynasty, I’m in a particularly bad mood, I am not everyone’s favorite wrestler, I could care less about who thinks my promo is matching anyone else’s. At the end of the day, all EAW is and always will be is a massive dick swinging contest with a bunch of pussies. And you can ask what makes me different, and you’ll first target the blood, thumbtacks, the weapons, my poor kid street fighting style. But compared to anyone else, who is still standing?
(Cage points to himself.)
Cage: Exactly. You look at my era, when I was in Turbo being fed shit and learning to enjoy it, while your projected favorites was walking around here eating caviar. Who is still standing? ME, because I’m built for this shit and I am this business. So you know what my personal hopes I have for this season? To get the shit kicked out of me, to bleed and everytime I step into this ring that it either ends with me being carried out or the person who I am in here with being carried out. That is my fucking wish, I have an addiction, I use to think my addiction was the EAW Championship and for awhile it is, but being in the ring with TLA. And literally encouraging him to match my energy, made me realize, I like to feel the taste of my own warm blood coming in my mouth and popping out of my head. I love to get dropped on my head, and I like to feel like I’m in a FIGHT. Drake you gave me a match two weeks ago but with the way you keep slapping me, clearly you want a fight. So fuck it, let’s have a fight. Operation: Doomsday. Me vs you. Slaps, fists, kicks, biting, thumb tacks, tables, chairs, ladders, whatever we can get out hands on. Drake King vs Cage, a straight up street fight!
(The crowd is going insane as Cage looks in to the camera.)
Cage: Slapping is for pussies, come fight me you bitch!
Stew-O: Huge challenge thrown down by Cage to Drake King for Operation: Doomsday!
Flannery McCoy: King and Smith have a tag team match tonight, but that street fight between them at Doomsday is one I REALLY want to see.
(Cage’s theme plays as he leaves and we cut to a commercial break for Cheerios staring Remy Skyfire. It’s funny because she tries to eat cereal with her mouthpiece in. It’s wild. We come back to see Stephie Love in the ring.)
Stephie Love: THE FOLLOWING CONTEST IS SCHEDULED FOR ONE FALL!
( “Ransom” by Lil Tecca starts up drawing the jeers of the crowd.)
Stephie Love: Introducing first, from Rio Grande, Puerto Rico, Weighing In at 192 pounds… REY BRUJO JJJJJJUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNIIIIIOOOOORRRRRRRRR!!!!
(Brujo Jr. steps out past the curtain, arrogance just dripping with every step as he points out the words “Next up” on his T-Shirt.)
Stew- O: There is not a lack of confidence on the part of this man tonight after picking up his first win not only of the season but of his EAW career last week.
Jake Mercer: yes and he did so in grand fashion.
Flannery McCoy: yeah by stealing a pin after Logan Burgess had done the heavy lifting.
Jake Mercer: Hey a win is a win, it doesn’t matter how all that matters is getting that W.
Stew: Well let’s see if he can steal a win here tonight as he goes one on one with The Black Sheep tonight.
(Rey hops up the apron and into the ring. A few moments pass with him hurling insults at the crowd before his music fades out and is replaced with “Venom” by Eminem.)
Stephie Love: and his opponent, from San Diego, California, Weighing In at 190 pounds, THE BLACK SHEEP…. LLLLLOOOOOOOGGGGGGAAAAANNNNN BBBBBYUUUURRRRRGGGGGGEEEEESSSSSSS!!!!!
(Burgess steps out onto the stage with an incredible look off of focus and intensity, his eyes never wavering from Rey Brujo Jr. )
Stew-O: As we mentioned before it seemed as if Logan Burgess had the victory signed sealed and delivered that triple threat match, only for The victory to snatched right out of his hands. Tonight Burgess looks to use his strikes and strength to bounce back and pick up some momentum early in this season.
Jake: And with a guy like Burgess you never really know which side of him you’re gonna get, which makes preparing for him a bit tougher than your average opponent. The way I see it the best thing for Rey Brujo to do In this match is to ground the man and keep out of the range of those strikes.
Flannery: That May be easier said than done especially if Logan is as switched on as he appears to be. A man with an extensive background in Muay Thai he’s learned how to close the distance and how to get in close to land those powerful blows.
(Burgess steps through the ropes and enters the ring.)
Stew: There’s the bell this one is underway! Logan coming straight forward, Brujo trying to back away and keep his distance, Rey running out of real estate here as he finds himself in a corner, Logan winding up for an overhand strike… but Brujo sticks his upper body between the ropes and outside the ring. The referee standing between Burgess and Brujo, Logan trying to push past him but the referee forcing him to break and allow Rey to reenter the ring.
Jake: that’s some smart strategy right there by Brujo jr. To slow down thing and not fight Logan’s fight.
Flannery: Brujo isn’t fighting at all he’s running scared if you ask me! Brujo cautiously getting bringing the rest of his body back into the ring, again now these two circle around each other looking for an angle to attack, they go to lock up, BUT BRUJO WITH A TOE KICK TO THE GUT! LOGAN CATCHES IT, AND COUNTERS WITH A SEATBELT TOSS THAT SENDS HIM FLYING!
Stew: Brujo lands hard from that one, but he’s up rather quickly and rushes right at Logan trying to catch him off guard, Burgess is waiting however and connects with a clothesline! Rey back up again, and Logan lands another clothesline! Logan waiting for Brujo to stand back up, Rey reaching his feet, Logan charging for another clothesline, but Brujo drops down to the mat and rolls out of the ring under the bottom rope!
Jake: another smart move here not to allow Burgess to build up a whole lot of momentum.
Ref: 1! 2! 3!
Jake: Rey doing a good job here slowing down the momentum and-LOOK OUT!!!
Flannery: SUICIDE DIVE!!!! BURGESS CRASHING DOWN ONTO REY BRUJO ON THE OUTSIDE!!!
Crowd: HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
(a replay of Logan’s leap to the outside airs quickly, when we come back to live action both men are rising to their feet.).
Flannery: Logan rolling Brujo into the ring and following in close behind! Brujo throws a right hand, Burgess blocks it and Answers back with a kick to the gut! SLICE OF HELL!!! WHAT A DEVASTATING POWER BOMB!!! Burgess quickly going for the cover!
Referee: OOOONNNNNEEEEE!!! TTTTTWWWWOOOOO!!! KICKOUT!!
Stew: Logan dragging Brujo up by his head, OH AND BRUJO WITH AN EYE POKE! LOGAN BLINDED AND WILDLY SWINGING AS BRUJO SMOOTHERS HIM WITH A FLURRY OF RABBIT PUNCHES TO THE BACK OF THE NECK!!! The referee forcing Brujo to break, but he’s not listening! Instead he takes a hold of Burgess’ head and drives him shoulder first into the ring post! The referee scolding Rey Brujo jr. who protests his innocence, meanwhile Logan Burgess a little slow getting out of that corner, and Brujo all over him now with several hard kicks to the midsection! Brujo dragging Logan out of the corner, sets him up, and takes him over hard with a textbook snap Suplex!
Jake Mercer: and very wisely now he immediately gets a rear chinlock, keeping Burgess grounded and making him fight to get up off the mat! Burgess fighting to his feet, Brujo grabbing a hold of Logan’s arm and gets an arm wringer!
Flannery: and remember that was the shoulder that get smashed into the post!
Jake Mercer: You’re damn right it is! Look at how Rey Brujo jr. Is really putting a lot of torque on that arm and shoulder, he smells a bit of blood in the water and he is gonna test that kink in the armor of Logan Burgess!
Stew: look out Burgess able to reverse and gets an arm wringer of his own! Burgess backing Brujo into the ropes and shoots him off with an Irish whip, Brujo off the rebound, Logan with a clothesline, Rey ducking underneath, AND HE PLANTS BURGESS HEAD FIRST INTO THE CANVAS WITH AN INVERTED FRANKENSTEINER! Brujo with a cover, leg is hooked!
Ref: OOOONNNNNEEEEE!!! TTTTTWWWWOOOOOOO!!! KICKOUT!!!
Jake: Brujo staying on the attack after that kick out as he drags Logan up off the canvas! Rey hooking Burgess by the head, and lightning quick spikes his head off the canvas with the snap DDT! That one may well have given a mild concussion to Logan judging by that look in his eyes!
Flannery: well whether Logan is concussed or not Brujo must think he’s still too strong to put away because instead of a cover he’s climbing up the turnbuckles! Brujo perched up on top, Logan making his way to his feet, OH MY WHAT A DIVING LEG DROP RIGHT TO THE BACK OF BURGESS’ HEAD!!! Rey with the cover now!
Ref: OOOONNNNNEEEEE!!! TTTTWWWWWOOOOO!!!! TTT-
Stew: Brujo looking upset that Burgess kicked out of that one! Rey grabbing a waistlock and raising Burgess to his feet, German Suplex!! No wait Logan countering with a back elbow! Rey catching the point of the elbow to the mouth yet he still somehow has his grip, again he attempts that German Suplex! And again he eats an elbow right to the chops!Logan with a third elbow and that one breaks Logan free as Brujo stumbles a bit in a daze! Burgess sprinting towards the ropes, coming off the rebound, running kn-STANDING DROPKICK! Brujo playing a bit of possum there!
Jake: and look here as Rey climbs up the turnbuckles, what’s he think of as he measures?! DIVING ELBOW DROP RIGHT INTO THE HEART!!! That’s it it’s gotta be over done finished!!!
Flannery: except it isn’t because Brujo hasn’t gone for the cover yet! Instead he just spit at Logan Burgess as he lays motionless in the middle of the ring! What a despicable and disgusting insult! Brujo now wasting little time here as he once again climbs the turnbuckles! He leaps… SWANTON BOMB!!! LOGAN GETS THE KNEES UP!!!! Brujo’s back a source of agony as he came down across the knees of Logan Burgess!
Jake: both of these guys are using the ropes to pull themselves up, Brujo up just before Burgess, Rey with a lariat, Logan Ducks under it, oh and connects with the Lumbar check! Rey in a tremendous amount of pain from the backbreaker, you can tell just from the look in his eyes! Both men back to their feet, Burgess with a school boy! Brujo rolling through to his knees, but look out Logan rolled to his feet, SUPERKICK!!! That one sounding like a damn gunshot!
Stew: Logan still not done as he drags Brujo back to his feet, and lifts him onto his shoulders… LAST SENTENCE!!! THE ONE WINGED ANGEL PLANTING BRUJO INTO THE MAT!!! BURGESS HOOKS THE LEG!
Ref: OOOONNNNNEEEEE!!! TTTTTTWWWWWOOOOOOO!!!! TTTTTHHHHRRRRREEEEEEEEE-
Stew: AND SOMEHOW BRUJO KICKS OUT OF THAT ONE! I don’t think anyone thought he’d get that shoulder up, but somehow he did just before the three! However it may have only delayed the inevitable because Logan is back up and waiting, Rey slowly makes it to his feet, Brujo turning… CCCCCUUUUTTTT TTTTHHHHRRRROOOOAAATTTT!!! MISSES!!! BRUJO DUCKING BELOW THAT BLACK MASS KICK, AND COUNTERS WITH A FLOAT OVER DDT!!!!
Jake: beautiful, just beautiful, Rey Brujo in control here now and I think he’s ready to finish this one off right now! Rey waiting for Burgess to stand, telling him what a great competitor he’s been the whole time, what a great sport!
Flannery: are you kidding me?! He just called his mother an ugly dog and his father a limp dick bastard! What kind of sport is that?!
Jake: SHHHHH! LOGAN BACK TO HIS FEET… AND WOW WHAT A STANDING ENZIGURI!!! THAT ONE LANDED FLUSH WITH THE BACK OF LOGAN’S HEAD!! BURGESS WOBBLING ON HIS FEET STILL STANDING AS BRUJO SETS HIM UP…. BRUJO DRIVER!!!
Stew: LOGAN COUNTERING WITH A BACK BODY DROP! Rey clutching his back as he gets to his feet, Burgess sprinting off the ropes… BBBBBBLLLLLLLLAAAAAAACCCCCCKKKKKKKK RRRRRRAAAAAAIIIIINNNNNN!!!!! THE V TRIGGER CONNECTS AND BRUJO IS DOWN! HERES THE COVER!!
Ref: OOOONNNNNEEEEE!!! TTTTWWWWWOOOOOO!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
(DING DING DING!!!)
Flannery McCoy: IT’S…Oh god no. It’s Eric Havoc! He’s back and HE JUST BASHED LOGAN IN THE HEAD!
Jake Mercer: HE’S CREATING HAVOC! Look at him go!
Stew-O: Eric Havoc is wielding a sledgehammer! God no!
Stew-O: Eric Havoc just hit The Black Sheep again with that sledgehammer! AND AGAIN! NOW HE’S HITTING REY BRUJO! He is bashing and beating both of these two newcomers bloody! Their faces are pouring red and Havoc just wont stop! Security is rushing the ring, Wait, StarrStan is on the stage now!
StarrStan: Eric, what the hell is your problem? What are you doing? You nearly killed these new guys? Are you insane? I had to deal with one anti-EAW lunatic attacking people now I have you doing the same thing? What am I doing wrong?
(Security snatches Eric Havoc up as he struggles and fights. At least 7 men are trying to subdue him but he isn’t going without a fight.)
Stew-O: StarrStan is approaching the ring. He’s walking up the steel stairs, and he has entered the fray!
StarrStan: Like, you know we have to pay for the medical expenses and bills for these guys right? Plus their families are watching you come out here for the second time in two weeks and dismantle some fellas! Was it not enough what you did to Rumpke? Huh? That’s four men you have attacked and likely ended their careers in two weeks! For what? Huh?
Flannery McCoy: Eric is screaming as StarrStan points the microphone in his face and the security guards finally grab him and keep him from hurting anyone else.
Eric Havoc: Gr…ugh! Fuck you StarrStan! Fuck…you!
StarrStan: Seriously, come on now. Kid, what did I do to you?
Eric Havoc: You are ruining this show! Nobody wants to see jobbers like these two or rumpke or RAYBAO wasting everyone’s time!
(The crowd cheers a bit as, in hindsight, the performances those four men showed was really poor.)
Eric Havoc: I am not going to allow you to ruin Dynasty with untalented men like these losers! These guys don’t belong here and if you keep putting scrubs like these on the show…I will make sure of it you no longer belong here either!
StarrStan: Wait now…is that…a threat? Kid, if I wasn’t retired I’d
Eric Havoc: You’d what?! I’d kill you in this ring, old man!
StarrStan: …Take this kid and escort him out of this building, I don’t want to see him here anymore! Good bye, Justicar Eric Ravage La Corte Havoc or whatever new name you come up with in one month! Next week, you better get your act together or else!
(The security guards drag Eric out of the ring and up the ramp as he continues going nuts. StarrStan ends the scene shaking his head disgusted at this problem he has to deal with. The show cuts to a commercial for Jason McKormick’s stove top dressing. “Dressing so good, it’ll make you a Lunatic.” We return from the break to see a completely cartoon scene. We see a sponge wearing pants of the box variety next to a purple starfish underwater.)
Spongey Steve Box Jorts: OMG, CLIFT
Clifton Star: Yes, Spongey Steve?
Spongey Steve Box Jorts: Did you hear? Did you hear?
Clifton Star: Hear what?
Spongey Steve Box Jorts: You don’t know?
Clifton Star: Know what? That we are talking fish? That we are wearing human clothes? That we likely will get sued for copyright infringement if we don’t end this soon?
Spongey Steve Box Jorts: No, silly! Our favorite professional wrestler is back!
Clifton Star: HBG?
Spongey Steve Box Jorts: No!
Spongey Steve Box Jorts: Cloud Mat-
Clifton Star: No, you fucking idiot! Look! There he is!
(We pivot a bit and in the distance we see a young black man with a beautiful head of hair. Using cartoon physics, this fellow’s legs turn in to a Sonic the Hedgehog circle and he sprints in lightning speed until a cloud of smoke covers the Steve and Clifton. As the smoke disappears, standing in between the cartoon characters is the one and only)
Spongey Steve Box Jorts and Clifton Star: ARCHIMEDES J. MANSON!
Clifton Star: I wish it was HBG
Archimedes J. Manson: Greetings and salutations! Tis is I! The hilarious one! Here with an announcement for all of you to digest, dissect, and discover as I am here and ready to give Friday Night Dynasty a taste of something delicious!
Spongey Steve Box Jorts: OMG, Archimedes is cooking up something delicious for us! Is it a Clappy Patty?
Clifton Star: Yeah, we getting sued.
Archimedes J. Manson: Maybe not a patty, no. I’m talking about a taste of humor. Some Good Humor. No, not Good Humor Ice Cream. But, I’m bringing hilarity to Friday Nights! Since I debuted in EAW, I have promised to bring funny back and now that I am on Dynasty it is up to me to bring my hilarious sense of comedy to all of you guys each and every week. It isn’t my job, it is my duty. The EAW needs a lot more fun and excitement! It needs a lot less of… big strong burly dudes that want to come in and ‘wreck everything’ or ‘destroy everyone’ or ‘change their name to havoc and let slip of the hot dogs of war’. From where I’m standing, y’know on the Stage of Greatness, there needs to be a lot less of that whole thing. Everyone’s a beast. Everyone’s a monster. Everyone can beat your ass.” Every week, we see a bunch of…
(Manson wipes his face and appearing on it is a bunch of emo makeup similar to what Ronan Malosi usually has around his face.)
Archimedes J. Manson: BROODING, angry, aggressive, tough guys who end up blowing their wad and disappearing soon after. What do you guys think about a team like Jason McKormick and Ronan Malosi?
Spongey Steve Box Jorts and Clifton Star: BORING!
Archimedes J. Manson: What about that crazy kid Eric Havoc?
Spongey Steve Box Jorts and Clifton Star: BORING!
Clifton Star: So boring.
Archimedes J. Manson: What about team karate chop, Fatal Destiny?
Spongey Steve Box Jorts and Clifton Star: BORING!
Archimedes J. Manson: What about Osamu Arcichida?
Spongey Steve Box Jorts and Clifton Star: BORING!
Archimedes J. Manson: That’s why I am here. Yes, that’s why you all have me. The Animaniac! The Sultan of Shenanigans! God’s Gag Gift to Sports Entertainment! I’m here to prove to everyone that entertainment value trumps angry and stupid every time. I started on Showdown but now I am on Dynasty. I have one question for everyone on Dynasty…who will get…
(Archimedes gets the camera to zoom super close to his face.)
Archimedes J. Manson: The Last Laugh? Ha-ha-ha-ha-hoo-ha-ha!
(Archimedes and his animated friends laugh hysterically as the segment ends and we return ringside.)
Stew-O: Looks like Archimedes is ready to get back into the thick of things here in EAW post being drafted to Dynasty.
Flannery McCoy: I thought Jake was the most cringeworthy man in EAW.
Jake Mercer: What? I’m funny and so is Archimedes. This guy is a hoot. You should see his old Vine compilations. Very underrated, very underrated guy.
(We cut to the inside of the ring as Stephie Love begins to speak.)
Stephie Love: The following contest is set for one fall! Introducing first…
(“Birdz” by Denzel Curry ft. Rick Ross blasts through the speakers as the stage gets filled with smoke and the lights play around in synchron with the music. The crowd erupts in a mixed reaction as they don’t know whether to cheer or boo. Damon comes out slowly with his hair all over his face while his face faces down and makes his way through the stage.)
Stew-O: Damon Diesel was at one time considered the future of EAW, but his career has been something of a roller coaster. We’ll see if tonight will be a high or low for him!
Stephie Love: From Orlando Florida, weighing in at 235 pounds, The Unstable, Damon Diesel! Introducing his opponent…
(‘Siren Assassin’ by Kristine Erezaj plays as Karina-Ann walks confidently onto the stage followed by Celes Dumont. The two pose for a moment, then make their way down the ramp.)
Flannery McCoy: Karina accompanied by her partner Celes, who has not been cleared for in ring action after her concussion at the hands of Vic Venom, Darcy Morgan, and Remi Skyfire last week. Still, Fatal Destiny being out in force has to be intimidating to Damon.
Stephie Love: From Montreal, Canada, weighing in at 120 pounds, the Siren Assassin, Karina-Ann!
(As the pre match checks finish, the referee calls for the bell.)
(DING DING DING!)
Jake Mercer: Karina, being a Canadian, has a huge advantage in this match..
Flannery McCoy: How does she being Canadian give her an advantage?
Jake Mercer: JESUS! Flannery, do you even watch wrestling?! Canadians are just flat out better when it comes to wrestling! She was probably born in a wrestling ring for Christsake!
Stew-O: Speaking of wrestling, there is a competition going on right now, Damon Diesel and Karina are circling each other in the ring, each looking for an opening in the other’s defense. Karina shoots in, grabbing at the ankle of Damon! Diesel kicks his foot free, and rolls around behind Karina, grabbing her in a waist lock. She struggles, but Damon is able to secure his grip and pops his hips, delivering a nasty looking German suplex! Karina looks to have been folded in half!
Celes (Off-Mic): C’mon, Karina! Don’t let him push you around!
Stew-O: Damon goes for an elbow drop…NO! Karina moved! Damon drove the point of his elbow hard into the mat! Karina drives kick into the side of Damon, then backs away as he tries to regain his feet…she’s setting him up here…
Jake Mercer: SUPERKICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! See?! I told you, it’s the Canadian genes in her!
Flannery McCoy: Right…the kick did land flush on the jaw of Damon, though.It was certainly a solid hit that has Damon reeling, but still on his feet. Karina to the ropes…running headscissors! Wait! Damon cartwheels out! He rushes forward but Karina is just quicker, dropping into a drop toe hold, leaving Damon on his knees! She hits the ropes and comes running back at Diesel…big shining wizard! Damon is down! Karina goes for the early pin!
Referee: ONE! TWO!
Stew-O: Big kick out! Damon is just too big and too fresh to be kept down by Karina! She’s doing what she needs to, though, and isn’t letting up on her opponent. Karina lays in a stiff looking forearm to the side of Damon’s jaw, the same side that she kicked a few moments ago, then runs to the corner, she needs to be careful here, otherwise this could backfire! Karina on the top rope as Damon returns to his feet…Karina with the meteora! She hooks the leg!
Referee: ONE! TWO!
Flannery McCoy: Another kick out! Damon was a little slower that time, though. Karina still is carrying herself with confidence, though, and whips Damon to the ropes…she ducks down on the rebound and meets him with a back body drop! Karina got low under Damon to make up for the size difference! She goes to pull Damon up by the hair…NO! Jawbreaker from Diesel! Karina never saw it coming! Damon, looking to take control, immediately pulls her to her feet and hooks her tights delivering a snap suplex! Karina hit hard there! Damn looks to pull Karina up by her hair…HEADKICK! Karina landed a hard kick to the temple of Damon, sending him falling backwards!
Stew-O: Damon stumbles back and that gives Karina enough room to make it to her feet…recovering, Damon rushes forward…ROUNDHOUSE FROM KARINA! She likes to use that as a setup for her finish! Damon is on the mat looking like he’s a little lost, this could be it for him! Karina is stalking him as he gets back to his feet…THE MONEY SHOT! Karina lands the snap DDT! Damon’s eyes are glazed over as Karina goes for the pin!
Referee: ONE! TWO! THREE!
(DING DING DING!)
Jake Mercer: SHE DID IT! Karind beat Damon!
Stephie Love: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the bout by pinfall…The Siren Assassin…Karina-Ann!
(‘Siren Assassin’ plays as Celes enters the ring and celebrates with Karina. The official checks on Damon who pulls away in anger and rolls out of the ring, clearly frustrated.)
Stew-O: I think Damon is going through something, this is another big loss for The Machine.
Flannery McCoy: Such a promising career being wasted but congratulations to Karina-Ann and Fatal Destiny. Big win for them, they needed this and hopefully Miho-Li is able to pull out a win tonight against the man that has disrespected them for the past few weeks later on when she faces Arcichida one on one tonight.
(We cut backstage to see Miho-Li standing alone by herself, watching Karina-Ann and Celes Dumont pick up that in.)
Miho-Li: Yes Karina, yes cousin. Big win, finally. My turn is coming up and I won’t let you two or my family down.
???: That concussion isn’t looking so bad now, huh?
(Over walks Darcy May Morgan as Miho turns and gets her hands up as if she is ready for a fight.)
???: Yeah, is it me or is she faking some of this concussion crap?
(To the other side of Miho walks Remi Skyfire.)
Miho-Li: What do you two thugs want? It wasn’t enough that you two and Vic Venom beat us, you just had to give my cousin Celes Dumont a concussion too?
Darcy May Morgan: Look, not for nothing, but you three were talking really crazy last week. Threatening us as if we were just some amateurs and not three of the best talents on Dynasty or something. I may be new around here but, seeing as I have a one on one match with the EAW Universal champion, I’d say you got off lucky.
Miho-Li: Got off lucky?
Remi Skyfire: Yeah, cause you and Karina could be walking around on the injured reversed list with your cousin had we decided to drop you guys on your heads as well. I’d say, a thanks is in order, don’t you Darcy?
Darcy May Morgan: I wouldn’t go that far.
Miho-Li: First, I have to deal with that Jake Mercer freak festishizing everything I do like some weebo pervert. Second, I got you two loud mouths bragging about hurting my cousin. Third, you two have the audacity to make fun of her concussion as if she was lying or something? I should take you both out right here, right now, and ruin the rest of this show myself.
???: Hold up, aye!
(In walks Vic Venom, still in street clothes, rubbing his pockets.)
Vic Venom: I know now is the time where everybody gets to act tough and stuff and we get to brag about nearly killing this chick’s cousin but…have any of you two seen StarrStan because he promised me something special for pinning this chick’s leader last week. Also, I think my cell phone is missing. I got to the building, put my duffle bag down in the locker-room, ran in to some janitor, came this way, and I can’t find it.
Remi Skyfire: Uh oh.
Darcy May Morgan: Uh oh?
Vic Venom: What?
Remi Skyfire: What did this janitor look like?
Vic Venom: I mean, I don’t know. Dude had like…janitor clothes on. Overalls, a hat, you know. He had a broom in his hand and what not.
Remi Skyfire: I hate to ask this…
Darcy May Morgan: Hate to ask what?
Vic Venom: Yeah, ask what?
Remi Skyfire: Was…was the guy black?
Vic Venom: UM! I guess…wait, yeah. He was black.
Darcy May Morgan: Woah, Remi.
Miho-Li: Racist, MUCH!
Remi Skyfire: Wait, listen…that’s not what I meant.
Vic Venom: Man, forget it. It’s just a phone. I can get another. Let me go find StarrStan. I’ll see you guys around, sorry for concussing your cousin Lilo-Mi!
Miho-Li: IT’S MIHO-LI, grr. I don’t have time for you three and this foolishness. I got a match to prepare for. Then, after I beat Osamu…me and the rest of Fatal Destiny will sit back, relax, and watch you two CHOKE against Kassidy Heart and Serena Bennett.
(Vic Venom leaves, Miho does as well. We see Darcy and Remi standing next to each other laughing a little.)
Darcy May Morgan: She’s just hating. Let’s shock the world tonight. You beat the challenger.
Remi Skyfire: You pin the champ.
Darcy May Morgan: Then we can help Vic find his cell phone maybe.
Remi Skyfire: I think I know who has his phone. I also think I know what this special thing StarrStan has for Vic is.
Darcy May Morgan: Really? You not gonna tell him.
Remi Skyfire: Nah, it’s more fun if he finds out himself. Let’s just say, I think my opponent tonight is going to love it! 😉
(The scene ends as we cut back to the ring.)
(The camera cuts to Stephie Love in the ring.)
Stephie Love: The following contest is scheduled for one fall!
Crowd: ONE FALL!!!
(Sensei – Datsik hits as the crowd goes wild. Wild with anger that is.)
Stephie Love: Introducing first from Osaka, Japan weighing in at 235 pounds… “The Orchestrator of Violence” OSAMUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU ARCICHIDA!!!!!
(Osamu Arcichida makes his way to the ring yelling at the fans in Japanese.)
Jake Mercer: This is my guy right here.
Stew-O: He seems slightly unhinged.
Flannery McCoy: He’s just pumped up and ready for action.
Jake Mercer: He gets to lay hands on a woman and not get arrested for once! This is literally my dream job!
(“Trouble Seeker” by Cypress Hill feat. Daron Malakian hits to boos from the crowd.)
Stephie Love: And his opponent from Riverside, California weighing in at 120 pounds she is “The Invincible” MIHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LI!!!!
Flannery McCoy: Don’t disrespect Cypress Hill. They are trailblazers! :wow:
Stew-O: Well I don’t know about that but it looks like Miho is invincible tonight! Accompanied by her best friend forever Celes Dumont it looks like she has the backup she needs if Osamu decides to pull any tricks.
Jake Mercer: Personally I prefer generic rock music for my wrestlers so that you never know who’s music it is when it hits. But for my perfect waifu Miho Li I am willing to let it go.
Flannery McCoy: Celes still looks dazed tho. She took a hard blow to the head recently. She might need Miho’s help more than Miho needs mine.
(DING! DING! DING!)
Flannery McCoy: So Jake who are you rooting for in this match?
Jake Mercer: :noah:
Flannery McCoy: That’s what I thought.
Jake Mercer: Well you see Flannery a man of strong opinions like myself has to evaluate things like this to determine the appropriate outcome. For example both competitors in this match are Japanese so therefore both are far more skilled wrestlers than someone like Celes Dumont for example. However, this match is not taking place in the Tokyo Dome so I can’t say how that will affect my overall rating. Likewise Miho Li is a small woman. As any true fan of puroresu can tell you I love big strong sweaty men and I will tell you why. Just looking at their…
Stew-O: Please stop. I don’t want to hear this.
Jake Mercer: Perhaps a visual aid…
Flannery McCoy: Anyway this match has already started while we were chatting and not calling the action. We missed several moves so if you aren’t actually watching the show and simply listening to our commentary I am afraid to inform you that you will never know what those moves were. The first move that I will inform you of is Miho Li coming off the top rope with a Flying Hurricanrana onto a dazed Osamu Arcichida. How she got up there or how Osamu was dazed will be left to your imagination.
Jake Mercer: WAIFU YAS QWEEN!
Stew-O: Osamu seems completely unprepared for this match as Miho has already taken him off his feet. And he continues to take damage as Miho rushes in with some hard kicks.
Jake Mercer: That’s not all that’s ha-
Flannery McCoy: No! Osamu catches the leg!
Jake Mercer: No! Miho uses her other beautiful leg to kick upwards and takes Osamu down with an Enzuigiri type kick! Down goes Osamu and up goes my star rating!
Stew-O: Miho Li grabs the leg of Osamu wrenching it back at a severe angle. Osamu screams in pain as he tries to grab at the ropes but Miho just wrenches the leg back harder with determination. You can see the raw determination on the face of Miho as she determinedly determines to also hook the other leg and transitions into a modified Boston Crab!
Jake Mercer: At this time I would like to send my personal condolences to the families of those who lost their lives in the Kyoto Anime studio fire. You brought so much joy to my cold soulless existence.
Flannery McCoy: Osamu struggling and using all his strength… He manages to toss Miho off him! And she goes flying between the ropes! Miho crashes and burns on the outside! Miho pulls herself up but wait… its Celes! Celes helping her partner up! What great friendship!
Jake Mercer: I’d help her up anyday!
Stew-O: Then why didn’t you? Always making a woman do the work I see. Wait Osamu now over the top rope! SOMERSAULTS HIMSELF OVER THE ROPES AND CRASHES DOWN ON MIHO!!!!
Jake Mercer: NO! TAKE ME INSTEAD!
Flannery McCoy: But Celes Dumont moves herself in the way! She took the full force of that dive for her best friend Miho Li!!!
(A replay is shown where Celes is shown falling back after being hit by Osamu and hitting her head on the commentary table.)
Stew-O: Now it’s Miho’s chance to take advantage of the situation! Miho Li pummeling Osamu with all the kicks she’s got! She rakes his back with those long fingernails and slams his face into the ring post! Miho tosses him back into the ring as she pulls herself onto the apron. She leaps up onto the ropes… Springboard Forearm connects just as Osamu was pulling himself back up! The cover!!!
Referee: ONE! TWO! KICKOUT!
Jake Mercer: What? Miho didn’t win? This is not how my fanfiction went at all. Although to be fair I did make a few adjustments looks-wise too for Miho. Do you want to see Miho’s enhancements Flannery?
Flannery McCoy: I most certainly do not.
Jake Mercer: Your loss. How about you Stew?
Flannery McCoy: Don’t you dare look at it.
Stew-O: … Wait what is that! Miho Li grabs the arm of Osamu but he pulls her down into a Crossface! Out of nowhere that brutal submission locked in! Will Miho Li tap!
Jake Mercer: NO! MIHO IS BRAVE AND STRONG! SHE CAN SURVIVE THIS!
Flannery McCoy: I hate to say it but Jake might be right! Miho dragging herself across the ring trying to get to the ropes! She’s so close… she reaches out…
Stew-O: GOT EM!!! MIHO WITH A HANDFUL OF ROPES!!!
Jake Mercer: This is just like in my Miho Li anime film when she grabs the tentacle and…
Flannery McCoy: OSAMU GRABS MIHO AND THAT’S WHAT’S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW! PULLS HER UP BY THE HAIR AND SIGNALS FOR THE END!
(DING! DING! DING!)
Stephie Love: Here is your winner by disqualification… OSAMU ARRRRRRCICHIDA!!!!!
(Sensei – Datsik hits as the crowd looks shocked.)
Jake Mercer: Are you deadass?
Flannery McCoy: CELES DUMONT JUST HOPPED IN THE RING AND TOOK OSAMU’S HEAD OFF WITH THAT CHAIR!!!
(Miho Li pulls herself up as she notices Celes slamming the chair into Osamu repeatedly.)
Miho Li: What are you doing omg stop!
(Miho Li takes the chair away from Celes who hugs her.)
Celes Dumont: I SAVED YOU! I SAVED YOU! YOU WERE ABOUT TO LOSE BUT I SAVED YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE MY FRIEND!
Jake Mercer: Wow… I’m honestly touched by this display of friendship. Not much makes me cry but…
Stew-O: Miho doesn’t look very happy. She still seems to have a lot of fight in her and I’m not sure if Osamu actually had her beaten bad enough to finish things. Celes may have accidentally cost Miho a win here tonight.
Flannery McCoy: It’s hard to say but I always love it when my queens stay united! You go girls!!!
(The camera cuts to a commercial for the El Chapo Innocence Organization. Grab a shovel and start digging today! Free this innocent hombre! Next, we cut backstage again as we see Vic Venom looking around a bit.)
Vic Venom: Man, what is going on? This is ridiculous.
StarrStan: Just the man I’ve been wanting to see.
Vic Venom: What’s up a man, you alright?
StarrStan: I’ve been better. Got concussed talent attacking people, Eric Havoc doing whatever he sees fit, and Cage challenging people to street fights. Things could be worse.
Vic Venom: Tell me about it. I lost my cell phone earlier and now, my wallet is missing! This is crazy. Hey, have you seen a janitor? You know like wearing…overalls or something, a broom in his hand, he was around here earlier.
StarrStan: No…wait…yes. Yes I did!
Vic Venom: Really? Good cause I just want to ask him if he’s seen my stuff. I don’t want to accuse a guy, especially a black guy of stealing but
StarrStan: I think he’s heading to the ring…
Vic Venom: A janitor? To the ring?
StarrStan: Vic…that guy wasn’t a janitor.
Vic Venom: …excuse me?
StarrStan: Yeah, that’s your special surprise!
Vic Venom: StarrStan, what are you talking about. Seriously.
StarrStan: Look, you said you wanted more. You said that you felt like you needed something substantial. So, I made a call and I’ve brought in something very special for you. Why don’t you find a monitor and check out that “Janitor”. Ok?
Vic Venom: …
(We cut to ring side as the fans were rocking and hot. A small chant is started, a familiar name could be heard. The crowd knows who is coming but they aren’t sure until they appear. The lights go completely off. Everything is pitch black until, the stage is illuminated and out comes…)
Stew-O: Is…that the janitor Vic Venom was talking about?
Jake Mercer: That’s El Janitor Janitor from Mexico Championship Federation! He’s a luca libre legend, Stew!
Flannery McCoy: No it is not, you are a liar. Wait, he’s throwing his broom down, he’s throwing his hat into the crowd and the light just went back down.
(“Faneto” by Chief Keef blasts as the entire building loses its mind.)
Flannery McCoy: WAIT A MINUTE!
Jake Mercer: IS IT?
(Sosa Henderson appears on stage, removing the overalls and the cleaning attire to show off his signature clothes. The pop of excitement becomes a mixture of boos as Sosa smiles and shakes his hair on stage before walking down the ramp.)
Stew-O: Ladies and gentlemen…Sosa Henderson is here! Sosa Henderson is back! Sosa Henderson is on Friday Night Dynasty!
Flannery McCoy: The former New Breed champion is here in Cincinnati, Ohio! Live and in the flesh, guys.
Jake Mercer: I was just bumping “The Art of Hustle” on the way here! A mixtape legend if you ask me! I heard he did a show last weekend with Popsmoke in Brooklyn! Welcome to the party! Bitch, I’m a thot, get me lit! Yeah!
Flannery McCoy: :smh:
(Sosa climbs the apron, hops in the ring, and bounces around a bit before grabbing a microphone and telling the producers to cut his new theme song.)
Sosa Henderson: Guess who’s back?
(A loud section begins to boo Sosa while a lot of ladies inside the building cheer.)
Sosa Henderson: Oh, y’all didn’t miss me? Really?
Sosa Henderson: I wasn’t talking to the fat cacs stuffing their mouths with soggy nachos, I was talking to the ladies. How y’all doing tonight?
(The women cheer again as the males boo even harder.)
Sosa Henderson: My bad, you all know these bitches love Sosa! Anyway, it’s been a minute. Felt like forever since I’ve been inside an EAW ring. Previously, I was on Showdown setting up shop and running through those clowns week by week. Prior to Pain for Pride I also held championship gold as your one and only New Breed Royalty. I lost that at PFPXII and then I end up getting drafted to this show, Friday Night Dynasty. I found myself in a bit of a situation. While it’s cool I’m on a show with my baby Serena Bennett, traveling with my baby, sharing hotels, going to painting with a twist and what not…I’ve been allowed the chance to sit back and take a small break courtesy of that bald head man running the show by the name of StarrStan. Then, while I happened to find myself in between giving the next EAW Universal Women’s champion some good dick and linking up with Metro Boomin on maybe doing another mixtape for the streets…StarrStan hits my phone and says he has a challenge for me. One that would be something I could sink my teeth in to.
Sosa Henderson: StarrStan says that there is this new guy, some fresh face, tattoo wearing, wannabe Anderson Silva on Friday Night Dynasty that thinks he’s ready for the big dogs in this business. Some kid who’s daddy used to wrestle that thinks he’s going to make a longer lasting legacy and a bigger impact than his old man I don’t know or give a damn about. Some kid demanding more and more and more and more and whatever! Some Norwegian nobody that has been kicking the shit out of other nobodies but thinks he’s ready for some bigger names. I said first off, StarrStan…don’t call me whenever YOU feel like it. My hours are from 9-5. Feel me?
Sosa Henderson: Secondly, I said fuck it. I wasn’t doing much other than trying to put Serena Bennett on IR with a serious case of pregnancy. But, I’ve been biding my time, waiting for my moment, my chance to remind all of you just who the hell I am. Watching this kid get sonned by Noah Reigner gave me flashbacks of our little feud, so I hopped out of that wet, compton pussy, left the hotel, found that janitor’s disguise…
(Sosa reaches into his pants, in to his underwear, and reveals a wallet.)
Sosa Henderson: Found this idiot, took his wallet…
(Sosa reaches in to his underwear again, pulling out a cell phone.)
Sosa Henderson: Took his cell phone. Made the most fire return in EAW history…and I’m here to let Victoria Venom know that if he wants his shit back…
(Sosa cocks back and flings both Vic’s wallet and his cellphone into the crowd as the fans go in a frenzy trying to take home them as a souvenir.)
Sosa Henderson: And if you want me…
(Out comes rushing Vic Venom, furious, sprinting towards the ring.)
Sosa Henderson: Come get me, bitch!
(Sosa rolls out of the ring, hops the barricade, and flees as Vic slides in the ring and stares him down as Sosa makes his escape. Venom picks up the microphone Sosa dropped and begins breathing heavily.)
Vic Venom: Yo, are you out of your mind? Huh? I’m going to get my hands on you, do you not realize that? Huh? I’m going to kick every strand of hair out your damn hand, you got me? You mess with me? Huh? Ok! We’ll see about…
(Venom throws the mic down and leaves the ring.)
Stew-O: Vic Venom just hopped the barricade too! He’s chasing after Sosa! This is madness!
Flannery McCoy: This is what Sosa does. If Vic wasn’t familiar, he should ask Noah Reigner what it’s like to go at it with “Bulletproof” Sosa.
Jake Mercer: Yeah, don’t forget that Sosa stealing Noah’s CITV didn’t exactly work out perfectly for him, now did it?
Stew-O: One thing is for certain, Sosa Henderson is back and it looks like StarrStan gave Vic Venom something very special to handle.
(The scene ends as we don’t see Vic catch Sosa and we cut to an ad for Serena Bennett and Snoop Dogg’s Blue Carpet: The Album. Featuring songs by Kid Cudi, Wiz Khalifa, Curren$y and all your favorite potheads. We return to Friday Night Dynasty as we see Stephie Love in the ring.)
Stephie Love: Our next match is scheduled for
Crowd: ONE FALL!
Stephie Love: And it is a tag team match!
(“Devil” by Shinedown plays out walks Jason McKormick. Jason looks insane as he points a finger gun to the ring before making his way down the ramp.)
Stephie Love: Making his way to the ring first…from Jackson, Michigan… weighing 235 pounds…THE LUNATIC…JAAAAASOOON MCKOOOOORMIIIICK!!
Flannery McCoy: Lunatic is right! This is the man that kicked Vic Venom in the face following their match weeks ago here on Dynasty.
Jake Mercer: Jason and Ronan made a successful tag team pairing last week despite not even liking each other all that much. Like Shaq and Kobe at the tail end of their run minus the championships and the hall of fame coaching. Maybe they will let me manage them and be their Phil Jackson?
(Jason enters the ring as his theme ends and “Armageddon (Entropy Remix) by Blue Stahli plays. Out stomps Ronan Malosi, who looks pumped up for this match.)
Stephie Love: and his partner…from Cape Town, South Africa…weighing 230 pounds…
(Ronan roars as he slides under the bottom rope.)
Stephie Love: HE IS THE JUGGERNAUT…ROOOONAAAAN MALOOOOSI!
Stew-O: This young man is beyond intense. The way he dismantled Damon Diesel last week, that’s possibly one of the moments we started to see Damon was heading for a hiatus.
Flannery McCoy: Add that Karina-Ann beat him earlier, it looks like he may be done. Ronan hitting that DDT though was brutal to watch.
(Ronan and Jason make side eyes at each other as the song fades out.)
Stephie Love: And their opponents…
(“Resistance” by Skillet plays and out walks Drake King and Jake Smith side by side as fans begin to boo.)
Stephie Love: At a combined weight of …from … and from … Jake Smith and Drake King…THE ROOOOOUND TAAAAABLE!!!
Stew-O: These two have cut the dead weight over the past month or so and stand together as close as they can be. One man is looking like the number one contender to Jack Ripley’s National Elite title and the other…
Jake Mercer: The other has a pissed off and vicious psychopath by the name of Cage that wants a street fight with him. Round Table has their plates full tonight though!
(Jake and Drake walk up the steel stairs in to the ring as Drake himself enters first and waits for Ronan and McKormick to pick who starts for their team. It is indeed Jason McKormick who starts things off along with Drake as the match begins.)
Stew-O: Drake and McKormick lock up as Jason side steps him and grabs him by the waist. Jason scoops Drake from behind but Drake fights out of it and hops away. He turns around and is met with a solid kick to the midsection as Jason hooks him up and BAM! Snap suplex sends King to the ground. McKormick gets to his feet, stomps away at the ribs of Drake King…
Jake Mercer: Hey, this is the same setup Malosi and McKormick took to defeat Osamu and Diesel last week.
Stew-O: Looks that way. Jason drops a solid elbow to the ribs of King and then gets back up to his feet. King tries to get up by is hammered with an ace handle by Jason who drops Drake face first to the mat. Jason gets back up, runs to the ring ropes, bounces, comes back, ELBOW DROP AGAIN THIS TIME TO DRAKE’S BACK!
Flannery McCoy: King is rolling in pain as Jason gets to his feet once again. McKormick grabs Drake by the feet and drags him to his corner. Drake is clawing and scratching the mat as Jason makes the tag and here enters Ronan Malosi!
Stew-O: Ronan keeps the assault going and KNEE DROP to the back on Drake King as King rolls around in agony again. Jake Smith is screaming for Drake to tag him in but he is so very far away. Ronan lifts Drake to his feet, scoops him up on his right shoulder, and charges towards the corner. BAM! Spinebuster into the turnbuckle as Drake King is pressed against the corner by Ronan Malosi. Ronan steps back, steps back some more, he sprints, RUNNING KNEE STRIKE TO THE CHEST OF DRAKE! King collapses in their corner as Ronan tags Jason back in and he goes for the cover!
Ref: ONE! TWO! NO!
Flannery McCoy: Solid kick out by Drake as Jason isn’t mad at it at all. The Lunatic looks excited that he can inflict more pain on Drake. McKormick picks Drake up, grabs him by his hair, and pulls him to his corner once again. He goes to tag Ronan but NO! Drake blocks the tag by kicking Ronan in the face off the apron! Jason is still holding his hair until King slaps his hands away. ROUNDHOUSE KICK DROPS JASON MCKORMICK DOWN TO
Jake Smith: KNEEL!!!!!
Flannery McCoy: To one knee! Drake King steps back, sees Jason get off his knee and on to his feet. SUPERKICK TO THE GUT! Jason is bent over forward, Drake lines him up. He has him in position, he puts his head between his legs, lifts him up…BUCKLE BOMB IN TO HIS OWN CORNER! Ronan Malosi looks from outside the ring as Drake gets to his feet. Malosi climbs the apron and throws a wild punch at Drake that misses. King lays a solid forearm on him and backs away a bit. Drake charges…BICYCLE KNEE! Ronan falls off the apron again as Drake gets back to his feet. He turns, JUMPING KNEE SMASH! JASON MCKORMICK GOT UP DURING THE COMMOTION BETWEEN RONAN AND DRAKE AND CLICKS KINGS TEETH TOGETHER WITH THAT ATTACK! Drake is woozy as Jason sees his chance…
Stew-O: NO! The superkick misses! Drake ducks it as Jason turns inside and out and back towards Drake. SPINNING BACK FIST! KICK TO THE GUT! SUPERKICK! ALL THREE IN A ROW BY DRAKE DROPS JASON AS DRAKE SEES RONAN GETTING BACK AGAIN ON THE APRON. Drake turns and sees Jake Smith fresh and waiting and he runs to his partner! TAG! Jake Smith enters the ring as…wait…Drake hasn’t left the ring either! Ronan sees this and he enters the ring as the referee demands some order be restored! Ronan charges Jake Smith and goes for a spear…NO! Jake hops over him as Ronan ends up face to face with Drake King…THE GUILLOTINE!
Flannery McCoy: Drake hits a beautiful sick kick that makes Ronan fall backwards and roll out of the ring! Jason McKormick is up, he didn’t see the tag, he charges Drake and JUMPING CLOTHESLINE! He drops Drake King who is rolling out of the ring! Jason gets up, laughing sadistically at himself!
Jake Mercer: WAIT! BEHIND HIM! JAKE SMITH IS STANDING, WATCHING! HE’S BEGGING HIM TO TURN AROUND! Jason turns, DOUBLE MIDDLE FINGERS BY JAKE TO JASON!
Flannery McCoy: Jake nearly breaks the ring driving Jason in to the mat with that spinebuster! Jake gets up, hes jacked up and WAIT Ronan has slid back in the ring! He’s behind Jake! Jake turns…KICK TO THE GUT…
Stew-O: NO! DRAKE KING DRAGS RONAN OUT OF THE RING! Drake and Ronan are brawling at ringside. Drake shoves Ronan against the barricade as Malosi’s spine bounces off of it. Drake charges, BICYCLE KNEE…NO! Malosi moves as Drake’s knee bounces off the barricade hard. Drake turns around…FEAR FACTOR ON DRAKE KING RINGSIDE! Drake’s head bounces off the arena floor and he looks out of it! Malosi looks so happy but my god is Drake Ok?
Jake Mercer: I don’t know but Jason and Jake are back on their feet…Jason throws a forearm but Jake ducks it. Kick to the gut from Smith.
Flannery McCoy: It hits! Cover!
Ref: ONE! TWO! THREE!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Stephie Love: HERE ARE YOUR WINNERS! JAKE SMITH AND DRAKE KING, THE ROUND TABLE!
Stew-O: Ronan just realized his team lost as Drake King is outside the ring starting to come to! Ronan enters the ring and is yelling at Jake Smith as the referee tries to raise his hand. Jake and Ronan begin to shove each other as Drake King climbs up off the arena floor using the ring apron to get to his feet.
Flannery McCoy: Big win tonight for TheRound Table as
Stew-O: OH MY! LOOK! HOPPING THE BARRICADE!
Jake Mercer: ITS CAGE! BEHIND YOU DRAKE!
Stew-O: The wrist locked lariat nearly flips Drake King around and on to the back of his head and neck! Jake Smith sees this and slides out of the ring as Cage begins walking up the ramp backwards, staring at what he has done!
Flannery McCoy: I knew that challenge wasn’t going to be the last time we saw Cage tonight but my god what a lariat he just delivered to Drake King right here tonight!
Stew-O: Drake King slapped this man in the face two weeks in a row, well, looks like Cage got a bit of revenge right here tonight!
Flannery McCoy: Tell me about it!
Jake Mercer: I haven’t seen a lariat that stiff since I was in Japan scouting for EAW last year! You guys know I discovered Osamu Arcichida right?
(Jake Smith checks on his partner as Ronan shakes his head at his partner and Cage slithers away up the ramp as the show cuts to a commercial break for a new Animated series starring Archimedes J. Manson on Cartoon Network. We return backstage as we see National Elite Champion Jack Ripley walking down a hallway with his title on his shoulder.)
Jack Ripley: So, that was the guy they think deserves a shot at this National Elite championship? Not Drake King, Cage, Ronan, or Jason. Nope. The long hair having, Theron Nikolas catch phrase stealing kid who failed every single chance he could take those World Tag Team titles home when he teamed with his sister Joshua Nicholls. Wow. Ok. First off, I don’t have any idea how or why he even warrants being on my radar. The guy barely beats a Fatal Destiny member, gets pinned by Lethal Consequences last week, and pins the almighty Jason McKormick in a tag match? So? You know what…it’s whatever. I see all the talent that is in EAW, I’m just thrown off at Jake Smith, the biggest joke in wrestling…wants to come this way, come after me and the National Elite championship. I have no problem with defending my title against any and everyone who finds their way in my way. That’s not the problem. My problem is, after Jake loses another title shot, after I shoot his dreams of being champion right out of the sky, what is next for him? Huh? What’s left?
(Ripley turns a corner as the camera continues following him.)
Jack Ripley: No need to answer, it doesn’t matter. What matters is, whats next for me? What’s next for Jack Ripley after I kick Jake Smith’s teeth down his throat? I continue my reign as National Elite champion and stomp my way into the history books as the longest reigning champion to ever hold this belt. If any other man held this belt, maybe this would be a lofty goal. But for me…it’s a sure shot. See you at Doomsday, Jakey!
Stew-O: Jack Ripley isn’t impressed with his challenger it seems.
Flannery McCoy: I hope he isn’t making a mistake being overconfident. Jake may not have ever won a title here in EAW but Smith showed tonight that one move can change the outcome of any match.
(We cut from backstage. We are shown the ring. On second thought, nope. It’s not the ring anymore.)
Jake Mercer: Oh baby. We have left Friday Night Dynasty and have entered the POON PALACE!
Flannery McCoy: Look at the ring and ringside area! There are women in cages dancing, the entire crowd is dancing, Steroid Dawg is patrolling the ring, and what is that I hear?
(“Ambitionz az a Ridah” by Tupac plays as out rolls TLA in his classic Low Rider. TLA bounces the switches on the car a bit at the crowd goes crazy.)
Stew-O: One of the most beloved elitists going today, La Pantera Sexual is here and he has brought us all to the Poon Palace tonight!
(TLA exits the card, dancing his way down the ramp, he blows kisses to the women in the cages twerking, entering the ring afterwards. He pets Steroid Dawg a bit before grabbing a microphone and sitting down in front of a makeshift bar inside the ring.)
TLA: Si Si! Yes, we are no longer in Connecticut. No, No, No. We are now in the Poon Palace, vato! I am TLA and
Crowd: TLA! TLA! TLA!
TLA: Gracias, and I am here to interview a very special guest. He reluctantly has agreed to come out here and be asked a few questions by me and I am excited to interview this hombre. Ladies and Gentlemen…
(TLA turns to the entrance ramp.)
(“My own Summer” by The Deftones plays as outcomes, to the surprise of everyone, Darkane.)
Flannery McCoy: Wow! He’s going to interview Darkane? Why would Darkane want to be interviewed by TLA?
Jake Mercer: Maybe he’s a fan of his lifestyle and business savvy! You do realize the Poon Palace generates millions of dollars. Maybe Darkane wants to invest in one.
Stew-O: Darkane stops midway on the ramp, looking freaked out at Steroid Dawg humping the ring ropes and shakes his head. Wait! Darkane throws his hands up and turns around. He’s leaving!
TLA: Woah now! Slow it up, vato! Is…is it a lil’ too much for you? This a little, a little…a lot of energy for you? How about this…
(TLA pulls out some mascara and puts it in his eyes.)
TLA: Look, I’m emo too! Look! Wait…how about…
(TLA snaps his fingers and then 30 Seconds to Mars begins to play as the fans laugh out loud. Darkane stands on the entrance ramp, back to TLA, sighing. Darkane turns around, unamused, and reconsiders it.)
Flannery McCoy: He’s coming back!
Stew-O: Darkane is now walking to the ring, rolling under the bottom ropes, and is now standing as TLA sits in his chair, rocking mascara, and Steroid Dawg sits at his feet.
TLA: What’s up, hombre!? Why the long face? Hades The Hellraiser and Erebus won’t show you how to shoot heroin between ya’ toes, or something?
(Darkane stares at TLA unamused.)
TLA: Look, aye, I got a machete under the ring just for you! If you for any reason you feel the need to cut your wrists, I’ll have Steroid Dawg here fetch it for you. That’s love, vato! Aye!
(Darkane sighs, moving the hair from his face.)
TLA: Nice hair, playah. I know you had some cute stuff to say about my hair, maybe you can give me some hair styling tips. Like, do you just stick your head in a dumpster and just nod aggressively? No?
Darkane: Do you have any motivation to cut to the point of all this foolishness and explain why you begged me to come to this pathetic, buffoonery you call a “Palace”?
TLA: Oh, so you are ready for a cut. Well, let me cut…to the point of all this. What’s up with you taking shots at me, homes? “Mexcrement” what type of mess is that? You talking shit about me getting fired, aren’t you supposed to be a rebel yourself? Smoking alchoholic psychotic pendejo out here hating on me cause I got fired, fuck outta here. I should have Steroid Dawg bite ya nuts off but nah. I want to settle the beef, ya’ know? Tranquilo lifestyle, feel me? How about I offer you a peace offering?
Darkane: A peace offering?
TLA: Yeah, see…I got a girl, bitch named Michelle McGillislutty…I want to present her to you Darkane. From La Pantera Sexual to Earthworm Grim…some Goth Poon.
(From the stage appears Michelle McGillislutty, dressed head to toe like Darkane. Darkane turns and is visibly depressed at what he’s seeing. She stands ringside, doing Darkane’s poses, as TLA smiles at the genuine happiness appears on his face.)
(Darkane exits the ring as fans begin to boo him. Darkane walks up to Michelle as she spanks her ass and blows him kisses. TLA is enjoying himself.)
TLA: AYE! I give you the discount, too! But before I do that, I got one more question…Why they call you Grave Worm, homes? It’s because your dick covered in dirt and hasn’t seen a Vagina since you dug up Princess Diana and dry humped her?
(Darkane turns around and stares at TLA. Darkane turns back around and walks towards Michelle.)
Stew-O: DARKANE JUST HEAD BUTT MICHELLE MCGILLISLUTTY IN THE SKULL! SHE DROPPED LIKE A SACK OF POTATOES AS TLA AND EVEN STEROID DAWG CRINGED AT THAT HIT!
(Darkane is still holding the microphone as he turns sideways and stares down TLA.)
Darkane: You will be finding out soon enough for yourself, TLA! Until then…
Jake Mercer: Darkane drags Michelle to her feet…
ENTER THE GRAVE!
Stew-O: DDT TO MICHELLE AS HER HEAD BOUNTS OFF THE EDGE OF THAT RAMP!
Flannery McCoy: Steroid Dawg and TLA hop out the ring, checking on Michelle as Darkane slowly walks up the ramp looking as if he wished he never even came out here! Michelle needs help, guys!
Jake Mercer: I can’t believe Darkane!
Stew-O: Me neither Jake!
Jake Mercer: Just wasted some discounted Emo, Goth Poon like that. Wait until I tell Gavin Kirkland what is going on over here on Dynasty!
(The scene ends with TLA and Steroid Dawg trying to revive Michelle as we see a commercial break for Arizona iced tea. “1.29? But the price is on the can, though!” is shown before we return to the program.)
(Camera opens to Stephie Love inside the ring, the fans are cheering and a sign that reads “I’D LET DRAKE KING FRICK ME” can be seen on camera.)
Stephie Love: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for…
Crowd: ONE FALL!!!
(“Space Lord” by Monster Magnet hits as Remi Skyfire makes her way out onto the stage, her mouthpiece in hand. She looks around and smirks before putting her mouthpiece in and beginning to make her way down the ramp.)
Stephie Love: Introducing first, making her way to the ring from Somerset, Kentucky, weighing in at 150 pounds… REEEMMMIIIII SSSKKYYYFFFIIIRRRREEEEEEE!!!
Flannery McCoy: Two Empire originals are about to go at it! Two former Specialists champions as well! I’ve seen the entirety of Remi’s career from her debut on Empire to today. Can’t wait to see what she accomplishes on Dynasty especially coming off a big win last week!
Jake Mercer: You act so proud. Didn’t she drive a forklift through a wall right in front of you?
Flannery McCoy: …Things weren’t always perfect.
Stew-O: Well lets see if she can execute perfectly against a big challenge here tonight!
(Remi slides into the ring, ignoring anything outside of it as she begins to shadow box in her corner. Her music fades and is replaced by “Surfin (feat. Pharrell Williams)” as Serena Bennett walks out with a confident look on her face.)
Stephie Love: and her opponent, making her way to the ring from Compton, California, weighing in at 114 pounds… SSSEREEEEENNNAAA BBEEEENNNNEETTTT!!!
Stew-O: Serena looking to get a statement win tonight as she looks to continue her path towards Operation Doomsday where she will challenge Kassidy Heart for the EAW Universal Womens Championship.
Flannery McCoy: Well she has beaten Remi before so if she manages to do it again here tonight, it will certainly have her on the road to success with big momentum.
Jake Mercer: Pffft. She’s just a fucking secretary from Fox. When has she ever performed in the Dome?
Flannery McCoy: I mean Empire was in Japan last season.
(Serena climbs into the ring, posing for the camera for a moment before stepping down and looking at Remi. The referee calls for the bell.)
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Stew-O: And here we go! Both women making their way to the center of the ring! But Serena now saying something to Remi! Looks like she’s trash talking, maybe trying to get inside of Skyfire’s head and… SERENA JUST SLAPPED REMI ACROSS THE FACE!
Flannery McCoy: Remi now, touching her fingers to her lips and checking for blood, sees that there is none now. She looks up at Serena and just grins. BIG RIGHT CROSS TO THE TEETH FROM REMI TO SERENA! BENNETT IS KNOCKED BACK AND REMI SKYFIRE IS ON THE ATTACK! SERENA IS ON HER HEELS AND REMI COMES IN WITH A LEG KICK TO THE SIDE OF THE KNEE! BODY KICK TO THE RIBS! RUSHES IN WITH A CUTTING ELBOW TO JUST RIGHT OF THE NOSE! REMI MAKING FULL USE OF THAT MUAY THAI TRAINING AS WELL AS THAT SIZE AND STRENGTH ADVANTAGE SHE HAS NOW AS SHE HAS SERENA BACKED INTO THE CORNER! REMI NOW UNLOADING WITH STRIKES! FISTS TO THE HEAD AND THE RIBS AS SERENA TRIES TO COVER UP! KICKS TO THE SHIN FROM SKYFIRE! SHOT AFTER SHOT AS SKYFIRE IS COMING OUT THE GATE FIRING ON ALL CYLINDERS! THE REFEREE NOW TRYING TO PULL REMI OUT OF THE CORNER BUT FAILING TO DO SO! STARTING THE COUNT HERE!
Ref: ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR—
Jake Mercer: REMI LANDS ONE MORE STIFF KICK TO THE SIDE OF SERENA’S KNEE BEFORE BACKING AWAY WITH HER HANDS UP! THOSE KICKS SERVED HER WELL BACK IN SOUTHERN COMBAT WRESTLING!
Stew-O: The referee now checking on Serena— BUT SKYFIRE RUSHES IN WITH A LIFTING KNEE TO THE JAW! GRABS SERENA! EXPLODER SUPLEX THROWS BENNETT OUT OF THE CORNER! REMI SCRAMBLES OVER AND HOOKS THE LEGS FOR THE PIN!
Ref: ONEEEEEEEEEE! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOO—
Stew-O: Kickout from the former Universal Womens Champion! But what a flurry here from Remi Skyfire to open this contest! Serena Bennett was not expecting that and has been put on her heels early by the striking specialist! Skyfire is back to her feet and pounding her chest! She’s calling for Serena to bring it on! She wants a war here in this Empire rematch! Serena is up to a knee and is looking at Remi with shock in her face. She didn’t expect this kind of explosiveness from Remi after having won their prior match! That time away seemed to do some wonders for Skyfire as she refocused herself and rebuilt her game! Serena now back to her feet, moving with caution as she steps towards Skyfire with her guard up! Both women moving towards each other again and now we get a lock up! But Remi now driving knees up and into the stomach of Bennett, now driving he back into the corner again! Remi runs Serena back and knocks her against the turnbuckles as hard as she can! OH! AND REMI DRIVING HER OWN KNEE INTO THE SERENA’S! THE SAME ONE SHE LAID INTO EARLIER! Remi now pulling Serena out and twisting her around into a rear wristlock! Remi kicks the back of Serena’s damaged knee and knocks her to one leg, using it as leverage to crank that lock in even tighter, twisting the wrist and pulling back on that shoulder! Serena’s face reads pure frustration! She hasn’t mounted any offense yet and needs to change that fact to get a win on her way to Operation Doomsday!
Jake Mercer: Lets be honest, Remi should really be the one going for he title! She was the longest reigning champion in Rascal Flatts Pro Wrestling history!
Flannery McCoy: SPOKE TO SOON! Serena rocks back to her back and uses a reverse somersault to relieve the pressure on her arm! She picks the leg of Remi and twists for a scissor hold to bring Remi to the mat! Serena rolls over and now applying a side headlock on Skyfire! Serena trying to keep that hold locked in, but reaching down and trying to check on that knee! Looks like it’s already starting to swell underneath her knee pads! That’s going to make continuing this match very difficult, but Bennett isn’t one to give in easily! Bennett now trying to walk her legs over, using that leverage to sink the headlock in tighter! She does so but now Remi trying to push up to her knees! Serena doing what she can to wear the larger woman down but Remi now up to one foot— SIDE HEADLOCK TAKEDOWN FROM BENNETT! What control from the former champion! And now Bennett pops her hips and rotates over, sliding one leg over Skyfire into a mounted position as Serena now drops hammerfists down into Remi’s face and chest! Remi trying to cover up from the blows but they’re getting through! Bennett finally mounting a proper offense in this matchup! Serene continuing to drop shots into Remi! OH! BUT SHE SCOOTS HER KNEES UP AND USES THEM TO PRESS REMI’S SHOULDERS DOWN! REF MAKES THE COUNT!
Ref: ONEEEEEEEEEE! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Stew-O: KICKOUT! Skyfire refusing to stay down, but it looks like she’s busted a lip from those hammerfists! Bennett making her presence known as the submission specialist now continues to go to work! She twists around and wraps her legs around the left arm of Remi and begins to yank back! Bennett… YES! SHES LOOKING TO APPLY THE CROSS ARMBREAKER! SEE HOW SHE LINKS HER HANDS TOGETHER AND USES HER BODY WEIGHT TO PULL BACK AT AN ANGLE TO GAIN CONTROL OF THE ARM? Mastery of her craft! AND SHE HAS IT! SERENA HAS THE CROSS ARMBREAKER LOCKED IN! SHE HAS REMI’S ARM EXTENDED AND LIFTING HER HIPS TO HYPEREXTEND THAT ELBOW! REMI IN SERIOUS PAIN NOW! REMI REACHING! TRYING TO FIND THOSE ROPES! BUT THEY’RE NOWHERE NEARBY! REMI GOING TO HAVE TO DIG DEEP! BUT SHE MAY NOT HAVE IT IN HER! SHE MAY HAVE TO TAP OUT!
Flannery McCoy: You’re awfully quiet there Mercer.
Jake Mercer: :kellycry:
Stew-O: REMI CAN’T FIND AN ESCAPE! THIS COULD BE IT! SHE— NO! REMI NOW BRIDGES HER OWN BODY AND ROTATES! SHE DRIVES HERSELF UP AND HAS SERENA’S SHOULDERS TO THE MAT! BUT SHE DOESNT WAIT FOR THE REFEREES COUNT! SHE HAS HER FEET BENEATH HER AND DEADLIFTS BENNETT UP FROM THE GROUND! POWERBOMB POSITION! AND REMI TAKES OFF! POWERBOMB INTO THE TURNBUCKLES GETS BENNETT TO RELEASE HER GRIP! SERENA KNOCKED DIZZY AS SHE SITS AGAINST THE BOTTOM TURNBUCKLE! SKYFIRE ON HER KNEES, GRIPPING AT THAT ELBOW! SHE MANAGED TO ESCAPE BUT THE DAMAGE WAS DONE BY THAT CROSS ARMBREAKER! Skyfire now massaging at that elbow! Maybe hoping to undo some of the damage but it’s likely a placebo at best!
Flannery McCoy: Remi Skyfire is no stranger to fighting through pain. She went through some absolute wars of attrition on Empire with the Crowe’s Nest and Jaded Wolfe Hearts. She just has to find that iron will inside of herself. She stretches that arm out now, wincing a bit as she gets the blood flowing through it but has to set her sights back on Bennett. Serena is now using the ropes to help her up, keeping pressure off that knee, testing it here and there to make sure she can walk. She’s up to her feet now, giving one more test to that knee before letting go but Remi is closing in! SKYFIRE WITH A MASSIVE CLOTHESLINE! OH BUT SERENA DUCKED IT! Bennett connects with a forearm to the back of the head of Skyfire! She shoves Remi into the corner turnbuckles and comes in with a rear waist lock now! BRIDGING GERMAN SUPLEX! BENNETT SHOWING GREAT POWER AND CONTROL! SHE KEEPS THE— oh! Her knee gave out momentarily! She couldn’t keep the bridge but rolls over for the cover!
Ref: ONEEEEEEEEEE! TWOOO—
Jake Mercer: SKYFIRE WITH THE SHOULDER UP! HAHA! NOT EVEN CLOSE!
Stew-O: Well the extra time it took to make the cover certainly didn’t help. Bennett now pulling herself up I the corner as she pulls that kneepad down, trying to work some of those swollen tendons and ligaments out. Serena is going to be very limited if she can’t get her leg working! Like a wounded animal for Skyfire to hunt! Remi is trying to shake off the effects of that German suplex, it landed her right on the back of her head and she’s been concussed before. Skyfire now rolling out of the ring and clutching her head. Looks like she’s getting a breath but something may be wrong here! Bennett watches her from inside the ring as the referee now calls for Skyfire to come back! Remi holds up a finger and tells the ref to wait but Serena has a look in her eyes! NO! DONT DO THIS! YOU COULD BE HURT! SERENA RIPS THAT KNEE PAD OFF HER LEG AND TOSSES IT ASIDE! POUNDING SOME LIFE INTO THAT KNEE! THE PAIN FOR PRIDE MAIN EVENTER HAS HER EYES LOCKED ON HER TARGET AND SHE TAKES OFF! SHE LIMPS A COUPLE STEPS BUT GETS HER STRIDE AND GAINS SPEED! SERENA LAUNCHES HERSELF THROUGH THE ROPES WITH A SUICIDE DIVE! SHE CONNECTS RIGHT WITH SKYFIRE AND SENDS HER CRASHING INTO THE BARRICADE! REMI’S HEAD CONNECTS WITH THE BARRICADE AND SHES STILL CLUTCHING AT IT!
Flannery McCoy: BUT LOOK AT SERENA! She landed on her feet after the impact! She winced a little in pain but her knee is holding up now! Fighting with the heart of a champion! She grabs Remi now by the braids and yanks her away from the barricade! She cocks back a big right hand and swings!
Jake Mercer: BUT REMI CAUGHT IT! And Remi now with a right hand of her own! But Serena fires back! Both women trading! Bennett! Skyfire! Bennett! Skyfire! Bennett! Skyfire! Bennett! Skyfire! Bennett! Skyfire! Bennett! Skyfire! The referee is inside going mad at these two for staying outside! He starts the count!
Stew-O: Remi throws another haymaker and stumbles the former champion! Remi follows up now by shoving Serena back and driving her spine first against the ring apron! Skyfire trying to get a massive upset win here and showing that she can pull it off! Remi bashing some openhanded chops down now into Bennett’s body!
Flannery McCoy: Chop after chop baring down into the smaller woman as Remi tries to wear Serena down! BUT SERENA CAUGHT THAT ONE! SERENA CATCHES THE ARM OF REMI! THATS THE ONE SHE HAD IN THE SUBMISSION EARLIER AND SHE YANKS IT! REMI STAGGERS TO THE SIDE NOW CLUTCHING AT HER ELBOW! BENNETT SMELLS BLOOD!
Stew-O: Bennett now on the attack and she grabs that arm again and whips it down into the ring apron! Remi is in pain here! Serena grabs it one more time— BUT REMI TRIES TO SHOOT FOR A DOUBLE LEG TAKEDOWN! TRYING TO AVOID ANYMORE DAMAGE TO THAT ARM!
Flannery McCoy: Bennett manages to stuff the takedown! But Remi is now in a vulnerable spot as Serena takes back control on her! Serena now rearing back— OH GOD! This palm strikes being planted directly into deltoid of that injuries arm! Right where the shoulder and the arm meet! She could damage Remi’s rotator cuff like this!
Jake Mercer: I should expect nothing less dirty from the woman who instead of working the indies decided to spend her time with a clipboard sucking Stephon Hunte’s clicky pen!
Stew-O: It’s a good tactic. Nothing illegal about it! But Serena has finally managed to get a grip on Remi’s damaged arm! She pulls it out from under Skyfire and now begins to apply pressure!
Flannery McCoy: Bennett has a standing armbar applied and is trying to work that elbow joint again! Bennett now cranking back on that hold as she pulls Remi up to a standing base, using the pain to guide Skyfire up! Bennett takes her! Now forcing Remi over and uses the armbar to walk her over!
Stew-O: BENNETT RUNS SKYFIRE FACE FIRST AGAINST THE STEEL POST! She presses in, using the pressure to keep Remi’s head and body tight against the post as she cranks on that armbar! Skyfire in serious pain now! Needs to find a way out of this predicament!
Flannery McCoy: But Serena now looking up at the referee and sees there’s not much time left to get Remi back in! Serena releases the hold! She slides back into the ring and puts both hands opens and up to the referee, telling him to wait and she will get Remi back into the ring! She turns back and vaults herself over the top rope and to the apron to officially break the count! She’s gaining some confidence now with that knee! She looks over and sees Remi still leaned against the post! Her head fully exposed! Remi. In danger now! BENNETT TAKES OFF!
Stew-O: SKYFIRE MOVED OUT OF THE WAY! BENNETT CONNECTS RIGHT ON THAT INJURED AND EXPOSED KNEE AGAINST THE RINGPOST! AND SHE HAD SO MUCH MOMENTUM THAT SHE COULDN’T STOP HERSELF AND SHE CRASHES HERE ON THE OUTSIDE RIGHT IN FRONT OF US! BENNETT SCREAMING OUT AS SHE CLUTCHES AT THAT KNEE!
Jake Mercer: BUT LOOK AT SKYFIRE! REMI DROPPING DOWN NOW ONTO SERENA! SHE GRABS THAT EXPOSED AND INJURED KNEE AND DRIVES IT DOWN INTO THE RINGSIDE FLOOR! ABSOLUTELY VICIOUS FROM REMI! OHMYGOD! SHES DOING IT! I HAVENT SEEN HER USE THIS SINCE SHE WENT BY JOLENE MATHERSON IN CINCINNATI UNDERGROUND PRO!
Stew-O: REMI APPLYING A SEATED INDIAN DEATHLOCK! TWISTING BENNETT’S LEGS UP WITH HER OWN AND USING LEVERAGE TO APPLY PRESSURE! JUST BENDING THAT DAMAGED KNEE AROUND HER OWN LEG AND YOU CAN TELL ALL THOSE LIGAMENTS JUST SLOWLY BEGINNING TO TEAR! BENNETT IS STRUGGLING! SEVERE PAIN COURSING THROUGH HER BODY NOW! IT WON’T MATTER WHAT THE REF DOES NOW BECAUSE I DONT KNOW IF THE INSIDE OF HER KNEE CAN SURVIVE A TEN COUNT! BENNETT PRESSING HERSELF UP! LOOKING FOR A WAY OUT! SHRE TRIES TO CRAWL BUT REMI HAS A NEARLY FORTY POUND WEIGHT ADVANTAGE OVER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTEEN POUND BENNETT! SERENA PULLING AT HER OWN HAIR! SCREAMING IN PAIN! SHE HAS NOWHERE TO GO! THE REFEREE HASN’T EVEN STARTED THE CLUNT YET BECAUSE HES YELLING AT REMI TO BRING HER INTO THE RING NOW!
Flannery McCoy: BUT REMI JUST HOLDING UP A MIDDLE FINGER! SHE IS REFUSING TO RELEASE THE HOLD! SKYFIRE IS LIKE A RABID ANIMAL RIGHT NOW! SHE KNOWS THAT KNEE IS HURT AND IS GOING TO DO EVERYTHING SHE CAN TO BREAK IT DOWN AND PICK UP THE WIN! PRESSING INTO THAT HOLD WITH EVERYTHING SHE HAS! BENNETT CANNOT POSSIBLY HOLD ONTO THIS MUCH LONGER!
Jake Mercer: SHE TAPS! BENNETT TAPS!!
Stew-O: It’s not a tap out though! They’re on the outside! Bennett just trying to get Remi to release that hold so she can avoid an injury before Operation Doomsday or they get counted out in this matchup! It’s a smart play to try and get the hold released! But Remi is keeping the hold applied! She’s refusing to let go!
Ref: GET THE FUCK BACK INSIDE THE RING!
Flannery McCoy: The referee now out here to try and get them both back inside! Remi can’t finish the match out here and the referee looks pissed off after one count was already broken! Remi now seeing red as she releases the hold and stands to her feet!
Remi Skyfire (off-mic): SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Stew-O: Skyfire now grabbing Bennett by the hair and shoulder! Pulling Serena up to her feet! She tries to run her to the ring but obviously Serena not going anywhere on that bum leg! Remi now scooping Bennett up onto her shoulders! Inverted fireman’s carry! Remi wincing as she lifts with that injured arm! But now Remi walking the smaller woman back towards the ring and— BURNING HAMMER! REMI HITS A BURNING HAMMER TO PLANT BENNETT ONTO THE RING APRON! DID YOU SEE HOW SERENA JUST BOUNCED FROM THE IMPACT?!? THAT WOULD HURT ANYONE! Remi now pushing Serena, rolling her into the ring! Remi vaults herself over the top rope now! Splash connecting right to Bennett as Remi hooks the bad leg! This has to be it!
Ref: ONEEEEEEEEEE! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Flannery McCoy: THE ROPES! BENNETT REACHES OUT AND GRABS THE ROPES! She couldn’t power out with that damaged leg but she managed to get a grip on the ropes to survive the pinfall!
Stew-O: Remi shaking her head now. She knew better than to leave her that close to the ropes. She stands now up to her feet and begins to grab Bennett by the hair, but now she lets go. A smile growing on her face as she sees Serena is close to the turnbuckles. She goes back diagonally across the ring, kneeling in position. Whatever she has in mind it has vile design behind it! Remi now crouching, stalking Serena. Bennett is trying to get to her feet, the onslaught she has just survived has taken an absolute toll on her. But she still fights on and that’s why she was the first Universal Womens Champion. That’s why she’s facing Kassidy Heart at Operation Doomsday. Serena now pulling herself up by the ropes in the corner, even with that hurt leg, she will try to stand and continue!
Flannery McCoy: Clearly not able to put much weight on that knee at the moment! Hobbled as she leans against the corner! She turns around to brace herself… AND SKYFIRE TAKES OFF! REMI CHARGES ACROSS THE RING AT THE IMMOBILIZED BENNETT! PSYCHO CANNON!
Jake Mercer: HOW?!?
Stew-O: BENNETT YANKS HERSELF BY THE ROPES AND PULLS HERSELF OUT OF THE CORNER TO AVOID THE DOUBLE KNEE ELIJAH EXPRESS! REMI CRASHES STRAIGHT INTO THE TURNBUCKLES AND FALLS BACK! SHE LANDS BACK ON HER HEAD! HOW MANY TIMES CAN SHE HIT HER HEAD TONIGHT AND KEEP GOING? REMI TRIES TO GET BACK TO HER FEET BUT BENNETT NOW DIVES BEHIND HER WITH A ROLL UP! BENNETT PLACES THE BOOT OF HER GOOD LEG ON THE HURT ELBOW OF SKYFIRE! SERENA HOLDING IT WITH ALL SHE HAS! REFEREE MAKES THE COUNT!
Ref: ONEEEEEEEEEE! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Jake Mercer: KICKOUT!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Stew-O: Remi nearly kicked out in time but the hit to her head and pressure on that damaged arm was enough to get her off the surprise roll up! The referee says he counted three! And he calls for the bell!
(Serena rolls to the outside as “Surfin” picks back up. She pumps a fist for the fans and begins to limp back up the ramp, pausing briefly before looking back at the ring. Remi is there arguing with the referee.)
Jake Mercer: Bennett better be glad she survived. Remi came prepared tonight.
Flannery McCoy: But Serena won the match. That’s that. And she will go on to face Kassidy Heart at Operation Doomsday, hopefully keeping this momentum alive!
(Remi is pissed off and she steps over to the ropes, putting her her index finger and thumb close together to tell Serena she was that close. Serena just shakes her head, still in somewhat disbelief at the war she just went through. She takes a breath before turning and raising her arms in the air as she links her way back up the ramp towards the curtain.)
(Commercial for your local HVAC associates. God bless them and the work they do. We return from the break as the scene opens abruptly. We cut to a cement wall as we see the one and only Elite Answers Wrestling World Heavyweight Champion leaning and staring into a mirror next to him. Imp is fixated with his image as he adjusts his title and continues looking at himself.)
Impact: I’ve been in this game for a long time. I’ve been in this business for a long time. I have been at war with the pillars of this industry for as long as I can remember but this one pillar, this one pegged leg being dragged along every step I take has become more of a nagging presence in my life that I no longer want to be involved with. This persistent little parasight has had me in his sights for so many years now that the few grey hairs in my head didn’t even exist back when we first met.
(Imp rubs any smudges off the name plate of his title as he continues.)
Impact: Through the turmoil, the trials, the back and forths, the bloodshed, the consistent attacks, the matches, the fights…I look back and see this stupid idiot littering the historic career I have carved out for myself like trash on the side of the freeway. It’s time I clean this mess up once in for all.
(Imp begins to do a slight pose before forgoing it and just staring deeper in to the reflection he sees before him.)
Impact: Lethal Consequences wants a shot at my World Heavyweight Championship, that’s fine with me. Does he deserve one? Who am I to judge? A lot of people say I didn’t deserve this shot I got that afforded me this reign. A lot of people would be wrong. I earned this reign years ago, the day I got that GAWD contract. Ever since then, I do what I want when I want it. I am the ocean and all of you should be grateful to even make a splash near me. I’ve kicked his ass once and I will gladly do it again with my title on the line. But, after this one? He’s done. I’m done with him. I don’t want to end his career, or whatever he calls this crusade he’s been on these past few years. No, I want to end this quest he thinks he’s on. To reclaim a spot he never really owned. To become what he never deserves to be again. After I beat you at Operation: Doomsday, Lethal…
(Impact begins adjusting his scarf now.)
Impact: That’s it. No more chances. No more random attacks and somehow doing as I do and getting yourself unlimited bites at the apple. This is your last bite. This is your last taste of glory. After I beat you, you are not allowed to challenge me for this World Heavyweight title again. This reign will never end, I am sure of it. No cash in the vault bird brain cunts or skinny little runts are coming in and impeding on my success this time. You take your ass back down to that lower tier you belong, Lethal. After I beat you, I don’t even want to hear that stupid name again. I’ve had enough of you. I’ve had enough of your stupid guitars. I’ve had enough of that :dave: face you make every fucking week. Most of all, I’m tired of having to kick your ass and after this last time, you are going to be out of my hair. For good.
(Impact finally turns to the camera.)
Impact: For any of you that have a problem with that, I have two words for you; GAWD Contract. Period. I beat Lethal Consequences and he is banned from challenging me as long as I am the World Heavyweight champion. This is his last crack at his superior, last bite at the apple. He better make this one a good one.
(Imp gives the mirror a tap and leaves as the scene ends.)
Stew-O: If Lethal Consequences doesn’t win the EAW World Heavyweight Championship at Operation: Doomsday…Impact says he’s not allowed any more World Heavyweight title shots!
Jake Mercer: I don’t know who to root for! The World champ as he continues his reign? Or LC as he maybe getting his last chance at the big gold belt? I am so conflicted!
(Broadcast returns to the U.S. Bank Arena where the sold out Cincinnati crowd is waiting in anticipation of the main event. Stephie Love is standing by at the center of the ring, wearing a big smile on her face. )
Stephie Love: The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL!
Crowd: ONE FALL!!!
Stephie Love: And is our FRIDAY NIGHT DYNASTY MAIN EVENT OF THE EVENING!!!
(Sevyn Streeter – “How Bad Do You Want It” plays on the sound system, and Darcy May Morgan struts out to the stage wearing dark shades and dressed to compete. She exudes an air of confidence, looking around the audience and nodding to herself before continuing to the ring. )
Stephie Love: Introducing first, hailing from Kent, United Kingdom, “THE LEADING LADY”, DARRRCYYYY MAAAYYY MOORRGAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!
Jake Mercer: The main event of Friday Night Dynasty is a fitting place for a woman cut from the cloth of the smash mouth, hard nosed style of the British wrestling scene! Her ex boyfriend Oliver Hayden was – and still is – one of the most astute in-ring technicians in all of Europe! And if Morgan has picked up one thing from Hayden in the years that she’s spent with him down in South East London, it’s the uncanny mastery of psychology inside the squared circle – being able to manipulate your opponent mentally as much as you can physically!
Stew-O: I’m impressed Jake, I’ve always been the one to have to give the history lessons, but you’ve got Morgan’s background spot on! The young lady from Kent, England has talked a big, big game in the week leading up to this contest.
Flannery McCoy: But talk is cheap on Friday nights, Stew! Darcy is a stellar athlete with a naturally high in-ring IQ, but tonight is going to be the most exposure she has had in her young career so far. Let’s see if she makes the most of it!
( “Put Em Up” by Lupe Fiasco hits, and Kassidy Heart makes her entrance out to the ring dressed to compete with the Universal Women’s Championship around her waist. )
Stephie Love: And her opponent, from Melbourne, Australia, she is the EAW UNIVERSAL WOMEN’S CHAMPIOOOONNNNN!!!! “THE MAULER”, KASSIIIDDDYYYYYYYYYY HHEEEAAAAAAAAAAARTTT!!!!
Stew-O: HERE COMES THE MAULER!
Flannery McCoy: I cannot tell you what a treat it is to have the Universal Women’s Champion back on Dynasty in her first singles match since that instant classic she had against Mr. DEDEDE back in December.
Stew-O: And she returns as arguably the face of his brand, the leading individual setting an example for just about every woman and man in the Dynasty dressing room. We saw an incredible performance the last time she competed in singles action, and to think we’re probably looking at a far better version of Ms. Heart than even before.
Jake Mercer: This is her first World Championship reign, but you’re right Stew, we’re looking at a more battle tested version of Kassidy Heart than the one who took Mr. DEDEDE to his limit. But unlike Darcy, Kassidy wasn’t naturally gifted, wrestling didn’t simply come to her – I know better than anybody, I’ve watched the old footage! But she is the definition of a student of the game, even to this very day, and she is determined to show the world tonight that the student is also the master!
( DING! DING! DING! )
Stew-O: Kassidy Heart cracks her knuckles and closes in forward, inching towards an opponent you can tell, despite the rough words exchanged between the two over the course of this week, she respects. At the very least in-ring wise. Darcy May Morgan showing the exact same respect in the form of her body language, going for a few swipes, being evaded each time by Kassidy. Both ladies airing on the side of caution, which tells you exactly what they think about each other. The two circle the ring, playing a full blown match of chess against each other in their heads, before it’s Morgan who swoops in with the leg, looking for leg control in the early going. Heart creates distance as quickly as she can, swings for a kick, narrowly missing Morgan. Morgan lunges for the wrist on several instances, Kassidy smacking away her hand each time. AND MORGAN LETS OFF A THUNDEROUS LEFT HAND, KNOCKING THE UNIVERSAL WOMEN’S CHAMPION OFF OF HER FEET!
( Darcy shows off, and Kassidy sits on the canvas with her hand covering her jaw, looking up at her opponent with an analyzing glare. )
Jake Mercer: Holy hell what a shot! Kassidy didn’t see that one coming, you can tell by the look on her face that she was caught off guard! Kassidy gets back up, dusting herself off, and Darcy is rubbing that one in. Darcy May Morgan is a taunting, scrappy individual who plays the game of inches well and loves to get under her opponents skin. The two Elitists close in and get into a collar & elbow tie up, Kassidy transitions into a reverse chinlock. Darcy turns her body and lunges for the legs of her opponent again, Kass frees up her right leg and Darcy has full control of Kass’ left. Kassidy hobbling on one foot, Darcy looking for a DRAGONSCREW perhaps?! Kassidy hobbles backwards, slides to the ground, sending Darcy up and over with a MONKEY FLIP COUNTER! Darcy lands on her feet! She rebounds off of the ropes, jumps over the Kassidy who’s dropped down laterally on the mat, careens off of the opposite ropes, Kassidy leap frogs over the oncoming Darcy! Rushes right after her! KASS CATCHES HER WITH A RUNNING EUROPEAN UPPERCUT BEFORE SHE CAN RICOCHET RIGHT OFF THE ROPES AGAIN.
Stew-O: Morgan nearly falls right out of the ring! She’s seated on the middle rope, holding herself in the ring with the top rope, and Heart snatches the wrist to take Morgan DOWN TO THE MAT FACE FIRST, LOOKING FOR THE KNEELING HAND-CONNECTED OMOPLATA! MORGAN TURNS AND TRANSITIONS OUT OF IT WITH A CRUCIFIX BACKSLIDE! HEART’S SHOULDERS ON THE MAT!
Flannery McCoy: Not so fast! Heart slips out of it, saddles on top of Darcy’s back, and IS WORKING HER LEGS THROUGH THE ARMS OF DARCY MAY MORGAN PROBABLY ALREADY LOOKING FOR THE DOUBLE ARM LEG SCISSORS!!!! But too much leverage from Morgan! Morgan manages to turn her body enough to bring Kassidy flat on her back, and untraps the arms from her legs, straightening herself up, and delivering a knee drop to Kassidy’s right thigh! Kass sits up yelping in pain, kick to the side of the face by Morgan! Drags Kassidy by the right leg, stomping right into the hamstring multiple times! Kassidy trying to fight her away using the left boot, but Morgan delivers a ROLLING FRONTWARD SNAP OF THE RIGHT LEG! CAUSING KASSIDY TO SIT UP AND ROLL AWAY HOLDING THAT HAMSTRING! Kassidy Heart is up to her feet, favoring the right leg for obvious reasons – MORGAN WITH A CHOP BLOCK!
Stew-O: KASS JUMPS OVER IT AND MORGAN FALLS FLAT ON HER FACE! KASSIDY COUNTERS WITH A BEAUTIFUL CROSSFACE TRANSITION!!! Not enough! Morgan is fighting up to her knees as quickly as possible! Heart fires off a flurry of left shots to the back of the head while coasting off of the little bit of vertical leverage that she has over Morgan, and she STOMPS right on the bent right arm of Darcy May Morgan! Kassidy showing a scintilla of sensitivity in that right leg, but she’s not quite at the level of a torn hamstring. Kassidy goes right after Morgan who’s clutching at her elbow, she delivers some stiff brutal stomps to the temple! Flattens the right arm of Darcy May Morgan! And delivers a HANDSTAND KNEE DROP STRAIGHT INTO THE LIMB!!! CAUSING DARCY TO CRY OUT IN PAIN! DARCY MAY MORGAN WANTS TO ROLL OUT OF THE RING, AND KASSIDY KEEPS A FIRM HOLD OF THE WRIST, SHAKING HER HEAD AS IF TO SAY “NOT SO FAST”, AND SHE PLANTS A KNEE INTO THE ARM… REACHES OVER, FIGHTING FOR ONE OF DARCY’S LEGS, AND FOLDS HER UP LIKE AN ACCORDION WITH ALMOST A HIGH ANGLED BOSTON CRAB, WITH THE LEG DRAPED OVER HER NECK!!!!
Jake Mercer: THAT’S CALLED THE KNEELING STRETCH MUFFLER STEW, GET IT RIGHT! JESUS CHRIST I HAVEN’T SEEN THAT MOVE SINCE THE YOUNG CANUCKS FACED THE BACKYARDY BOYZ IN NORTH EAST WRESTLING BACK IN 2014! I WAS THERE STEW! AND YOU’D BETTER BELIEVE THAT HIGH SCHOOL GYM IN MERIDEN, CONNECTICUT WAS COMPLETELY PACKED ALL THE WAY TO THE GILLS THAT NIGHT!
Stew-O: Darcy is fighting desperately while Kassidy is rearing back! She’s putting up as much of a fight as she can despite being hung up to dry by that excruciating looking submission hold! Morgan uses her free foot to hit a couple of heel kicks to the side of Kassidy’s neck, which ends up paying dividends, mercifully freeing her from the hold. For a young lady who hasn’t been in this level of competition for very long, that was a resourceful counter – one that most people with her age and experience level wouldn’t have enough of a level head to conjure up. Morgan again wants to crawl out from underneath the ropes, but KASSIDY RUSHES UP BEHIND HER! KASSPLODER PLEX!!! GERMAN SUPLEX, ROLLING THROUGH IT! ANOTHER KASSPLODER PLEX!!! WITH THE PINNING BRIDGE!
Ref: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOO-
Flannery McCoy: Morgan with the shoulder up! Kassidy Heart rolls through it again! Fighting Morgan up to her feet once more! But now Darcy’s ripping at the knuckles of Heart, banging her fists into the locked together hangs, and she BANGS THE BACK OF HER HEAD STRAIGHT INTO THE EYE SOCKET OF THE UNIVERSAL WOMEN’S CHAMPION! GHEESH YOU COULD HEAR THAT KNOCKING OF SKULL INTO FACIAL BONE! DARCY COMING UP RIGHT BEHIND HEART FOR THE IM-PRETTIER! But Heart fighting it, refusing to be turns around! Morgan rips Kassidy to the floor using a fist full of her locks, and batters a flurry of punches into the eye socket of Heart again! Morgan rushes to Kass’ legs, propping them up! Kassidy trying to fight out of it! A FLURRY OF STOMPS, YET AGAIN, TO THE RIGHT HAMSTRING! And an even MEANER stomp to the lower midsection of the champion! Morgan dragging her opponent away from the nearest ropes…. NOW DARCY MAY MORGAN LOOKS LIKE SHE’S SETTING UP FOR THE FIGURE FOUR LEGLOCK!!!! I DON’T BELIEVE I’VE SEEN MORGAN APPLY THIS SUBMISSION HOLD!
Stew-O: BUT HEART REELS MORGAN IN AT THE LAST SECOND FOR A SMALL PACKAGE PIN!
Jake Mercer: MORGAN ROLLS THROUGH! SMALL PACKAGE OF HER OWN!
Ref: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!! TWO-
Stew-O: KICK OUT by the Universal Women’s Champion! Morgan RACES up to her feet! BICYCLE KNEE TO THE SIDE OF THE HEAD OF A RECOVERING KASSIDY HEART, GIVING HER NO ROOM TO BREATHE!!! WHAT A SICKENING COLLISION BY MORGAN! THAT MIGHT HAVE PUT THE CHAMPION’S LIGHTS OUT JUST NOW! MORGAN TURNS HEART OVER AND HOOKS BOTH LEGS AGAIN FOR THE COVER!
Ref: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-
Flannery McCoy: KASSIDY HEART WITH A DEFIANT SHOULDER UP! Morgan sits up, bickering with the official, and Kassidy Heart drags herself out to the ring apron for reprieve. It doesn’t seem like Heart is going to get much of that however, before you know it Morgan is already on her way towards the ropes, and is stomping away at the midsection of the champion while she’s down on the apron! Morgan drags Kassidy slightly back in the ring, but isolates the right leg while she’s on her back, and she contorts Kassidy’s right leg around the bottom rope… BEFORE STANDING ON THAT CONTORTED LEG WITH ALL OF HER OWN BODY WEIGHT, AND USING THE TOP ROPE AS LEVERAGE!!!! KASSIDY HOLLERING IN PAIN HERE AND THE OFFICIAL COUNTING AWAY AT THIS ABUSE OF THE RING ROPES!
Ref: 1! 2! 3! 4!
Jake Mercer: Morgan jumps off of the leg right before “five”, and Kassidy sits up holding her right hamstring area before Morgan CLOBBERS A STIFF KNEE RIGHT INTO THE SPINE OF HEART! SENDING HER ROLLING UNDER THE ROPES AND BACK ONTO THE APRON! Kassidy using the ropes to drag herself up as best as she possibly can. Darcy May Morgan showing off to the audience yet again, blowing a kiss to the fans before turning back to her opponent with a scowl. Almost eerie how quickly she can flip the switch, and there’s a HANDSPRING JUMPING ELBOW TO KNOCK KASSIDY RIGHT OFF OF THE APRON AND CRASH DOWN TO THE RINGSIDE FLOOR HARD!
Stew-O: It is scary how confident Darcy May Morgan is, she looks so comfortable and free flowing out there even in the main event of Friday Night Dynasty, the first womens’ exclusive main event of the season, and without question the first of many! Morgan steps out onto the apron and awaits Kassidy’s return to a vertical base. Morgan JUMPS OFF THE APRON FOR A DIVING BULLDOG! BUT NOT SO FAST! KASSIDY STANDS HER GROUND! DAMN NEAR CATCHING HER IN MID AIR!!!! RELEASE KASSPLODER PLEX, SENDING MORGAN FLYING ACROSS RINGSIDE AND TURNING HER NEARLY INSIDE OUT!!! MORGAN GAVE KASSIDY A LITTLE TOO MUCH TIME TO RECOVER ON THE FLOOR AND THAT COST HER!
Ref: 1! 2!
Jake Mercer: Despite that, Morgan and Heart recover relatively at the same time! Heart rushes over at Morgan! FACE ACHE!!!! MORGAN BLASTING HEART WITH THE SUPERKICK! NOBODY HOME, KASSIDY DUCKS UNDER IT! REAR WAISTLOCK! KASSPLODER PLEX AGAIN!!! BUT MORGAN CLUTCHING ON TO THE APRON, HANGING ON FOR DEAR LIFE! HEART REEEEARING BACK… BUT THEN DRIVES HER SHOULDER INTO MORGAN’S BACK, SENDING MORGAN GUT FIRST INTO THE SHARP EDGE OF THE RING APRON! AND BACKPEDALS WITH MORGAN IN HER ARMS, SENDING HER CRASHING HEAD FIRST AGAINST THE BARRICADE WITH A KASSPLODER PLEX!!! DARCY MAY MORGAN’S HEAD JUST WENT BANGING AGAINST THAT THINLY PROTECTED BARRIER, AND SHE IS SEEING STARS AFTER THAT ONE!
Ref: 5! 6!
Stew-O: The referee’s count up at six now, and Kassidy Heart wills herself up to her feet before charging back into the ring to save herself from the referee’s count! Darcy May Morgan barely knows where she is! She may not have enough in her to return back into the ring in time! The referee’s count at “seven!” Heart recovering in the ring, you can already see the deep welt in her back from the knee she took earlier. Morgan is sitting back against the barricade, and is trying the best that she can to get to her feet as the ref is now at “eight”. Morgan actually being willed on by some of the ringside fans who are enjoying this match, to get back into the ring and continue this! Morgan is back on her feet, dazed while the ref’s count is at “nine” — SUICIDE DIVE!!! KASSIDY HEART SHOOTING THROUGH THE ROPES, TURNING MORGAN INSIDE OUT WITH THAT THUNDEROUS COLLISION!!! KASSIDY JUMPS BACK UP SHEERLY OUT OF MOMENTUM, AFTER BREAKING THE COUNT IN THE PROCESS! I’M AMAZED HEART GOT THAT ONE OFF WITH SO MUCH VELOCITY DESPITE THE SORE RIGHT HAMSTRING! HEART TAKES MORGAN BACK INTO THE RING, AND CLIMBS ONTO THE APRON WHILE MORGAN RECOVERS.. KASSIDY TAKES HER BACK DOWN WITH A FURIOUS SPRINGBOARD FOREARM!
Flannery McCoy: NO, KASSIDY’S RIGHT LEG GIVES OUT ON HER! SHE STUMBLES AND LANDS BACK ON THE APRON, FAVORING HER RIGHT HAMSTRING! BANG!!! FACE ACHE!!!! DARCY CATCHES KASSIDY ACROSS THE JAW WITH A SUPERKICK! KASSIDY HANGING ON THE APRON BY A THREAD! DARCY KEEPS A HOLD OF HER ARM TO KEEP HER FROM FALLING OFF! WHEELBARROW ARMDRAG SENDS KASSIDY BACK INTO THE RING, AND DARCY FOLLOWS UP BEAUTIFULLY, TRANSITIONING INTO THE ROMERO SPECIAL!!! LOCKING IN BOTH LEGS, AND REACHING DOWN FOR THE ARMS, TO HOIST KASSIDY UP FROM THE MAT!
Jake Mercer: KASSIDY FIRING BACK WITH AN ELBOW! ANOTHER ELBOW! YELLING IN PAIN AT THE CONTORTION OF THE LEG, BUT FIGHTING EVER THE SAME! DARCY EATS THE SHOTS, BUT INSTEAD OF APPLYING THE ROMERO SPECIAL, SHE DOES A JUMPING DOUBLE KNEE BREAKER! CRACKING KASSIDY’S KNEES AGAINST THE CANVAS USING HER OWN VERTICAL BODY WEIGHT, AND CRUSHING HER ALREADY DAMAGED LOWER EXTREMITIES! Kassidy Heart biting her lower lip and writhing in pain of one, if not both of her legs that have been targeted and picked apart by Darcy May Morgan. Heart climbs up to her feet, really feeling the effects, and Darcy meanwhile rebounds off of the ropes behind Kassidy… AND APPLIES A TILT-A-WHIRL BODYSCISSORS DRAGON SLEEPER!!! PERFECTLY EXECUTED!!! KASSIDY CAN’T EVEN MANAGE TO REMAIN STANDING, SHE DROPS RIGHT BACK TO THE MAT, PROVIDING DARCY WITH FULL LEVERAGE! DARCY MAY MORGAN REARING BACK WITH ALLLLLLLL SHE’S GOT, HOLY CANNOLI IT’S LIKE SHE’S TRYING TO PULL KASSIDY HEART’S HEAD CLEAN OFF OF HER SHOULDERS! IF THAT WERE ME IN THERE I WOULD BE TAPPING LIKE A TOTAL BITCH! BUT KASSIDY HEART IS HANGING ON FOR DEAR LIFE, DESPITE BEING FOLDED BACKWARDS AND BENT LIKE A FREAKING SLINKY!
Stew-O: Kassidy Heart is doing an incredible job at staying in this, she’s doing everything in her power to muster up some form of leverage, despite the legs of Darcy May Morgan being wrapped tightly around her torso! Heart knows the journey to the ring ropes is far too long and arduous for her to endure, therefore she is doing everything in her power to fight herself back up to her knees! Pushing forward where many others would have previously crumbled! NOW KASSIDY POPS UP TO ALL FOURS, AND COMBAT ROLLS FORWARD WITH MORGAN ON HER BACK! THAT DISORIENTS MORGAN ENOUGH FOR KASSIDY TO SLIP OUT OF THE DRAGON SLEEPER, AND TRAP THE RIGHT ARM IN IN BETWEEN HER LEGS!!! MORGAN’S LEFT ARM UNDERNEATH HER LEGS!!! DOUBLE ARM LEG SCISSORS!!!!!!! MORGAN’S EYES POPPING OUT OF HER HEAD!!!! GUYS SHE CANNOT BELIEVE SHE WAS CAUGHT WITH THAT, KASSIDY HEART HAS SLIPPED OUT OF THE BODY-SCISSORS DRAGON SLEEPER AND COUNTERED WITH A STUPENDOUS DOUBLE ARM LEG SCISSORS, AND SHE IS USING HER LEGS TO TRY AND FORCE DARCY’S ARMS CLOSER AND CLOSER INTO EACH OTHER!!! DON’T FORGET, MORGAN IS ALREADY FEELING THE EFFECTS OF A SORE RIGHT ELBOW; IF KASSIDY CAN SNAP THAT IN FULLY, THIS MATCH IS OVER!
Flannery McCoy: BUT MORGAN IS OVERPOWERING THE RIGHT LEG OF KASSIDY’S, THE ONE THAT’S PRESSED AGAINST THE FLOOR WITH MORGAN’S BODY WEIGHT AND IS TRAPPING MORGAN’S LEFT ARM! MORGAN IS MUSTERING UP ENOUGH STRENGTH TO SIT UP, AND QUICKLY ESCAPES THE NEIMAN MARCUS OF WRESTLING MOVES BEFORE IT’S FULLY LOCKED IN! AND THERE’S AN TENDON-TEARING KNEE DROP AGAINST THE RIGHT HAMSTRING OF KASSIDY HEART! BALLISTIC FLURRY OF ELBOW SMASHES INTO THE HAMSTRING! RAPIDFIRE AX HANDLE SMASH CLUBBING BLOWS INTO THE HAMSTRING! MORGAN WITH FULL CONTROL OF BOTH OF KASSIDY’S LEGS! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? MORGAN LOCKING IN ‘XOXO KASS’, FIGURE FOUR LEGLOCK!!!! AND A BACKBEND FOR ELEVATION!!!!
Jake Mercer: THE UNIVERSAL WOMEN’S CHAMPION IS HOWLING IN PAIN, SHE IS BEING PUSHED TO THE BRINK! THE OFFICIAL ASKING HEART IF SHE’S READY TO CALL IT A MATCH! KASSIDY HEART MAY NOT BE READY TO QUIT MENTALLY, BUT PHYSICALLY SHE IS PAYING AN ENORMOUS TOLL FOR EVERY SECOND SHE ALLOWS HERSELF TO REMAIN IN THE FIGURE EIGHT!
Stew-O: KASSIDY HEART HAS NO CHOICE BUT TO BRUTE FORCE HER WAY TO THE ROPES! SHE HAS TO DIG DEEP INSIDE OF HERSELF AND CLAW TO THE ROPES, GNASHING HER TEETH AND SUMMONING WHATEVER STRENGTH SHE HAS LEFT INSIDE OF HER BODY, TO PULL HERSELF AND HER OPPONENT TO THE ROPES JUST A FEW FEET BEHIND HER! HEART TAKES ANOTHER DESPERATE DRAG, AND NOW SHE’S TOSSING AND TURNING, HOLDING HER HEAD, CLOSE TO THE BRINK OF CALLING IT QUITS………..
Flannery McCoy: ONE LAST DRAG! KASSIDY REACHING, HER FINGER TIPS BARELY BRUSHING AGAINST THE BOTTOM ROPE! THE UWC EXTENDING HER ARM BACK AS FAR AS SHE POSSIBLY CAN……. AND SHE HAS A HOLD OF THE BOTTOM ROPE! MORGAN REFUSES TO RELEASE THE FIGURE EIGHT!
Ref: COME ON DARCY BREAK THE HOLD! DON’T MAKE ME HAVE TO DISQUALIFY YOU! 1! 2! 3! 4!
Flannery McCoy: KASSIDY USES THE ROPE TO MUSCLE HERSELF OVER, AND TURN THE TIDES OF THE FIGURE FOUR LEG LOCK!!! REVERSING THE PRESSURE OF THE HOLD IMMEDIATELY! Darcy finally frees her own legs from Kassidy Heart’s legs, and she drags herself over to the nearest turnbuckle for reprieve. Holding in a submission of that calibre for that long, especially when it’s not in your usual repertoire, is going to take quite a bit out of you – but it’s still a raindrop in the ocean when you compare it to the excruciating pain that Kassidy has got to be feeling right about now.
Jake Mercer: Are you kidding?? She might need a freaking MRI on both of those legs after this is done! Morgan is huffing and puffing in the corner, sweating profusely after the absolute struggle that this match has been, and she’s watching Kassidy rise and eventually hobble up with half a good leg and a completely shot one. Morgan walks over, and delivers a stiff right hand in the spaghetti legged Universal Women’s Champion. KASSIDY FIRES BACK WITH A KNIFE EDGE CHOP! Another big jab from Morgan! Chop from Kassidy! Kick to the midsection from Morgan! Yet another jab from Morgan! A second consecutive! Third! That last shot brings Kassidy stumbling back and down to a knee. Morgan backs up into the turnbuckle and climbs up the second rope, she knows Kassidy is close to being out of it — BUT KASSIDY CHARGES OVER TO DARCY MAY MORGAN AND POUNCES!!! JUMPING BODY-SCISSORS KIMURA LOCK OUT OF NOWHERE!!!!
Stew-O: KASSIDY HEART WITH AN INEXPLICABLE SECOND WIND, HAS CAUGHT MORGAN FROM THE LAST PLACE SHE WOULD HAVE EXPECTED IT WITH THE KIMURA LOCK SUBMISSION MANEUVER!!!
Flannery McCoy: HOW DID SHE GET THE STRENGTH IN HER LEGS?! WHERE DID SHE FIND THE WHEREWITHAL??
Stew-O: AT THIS POINT IT DOESN’T MATTER WHERE SHE FOUND IT, ALL’S THAT MATTER IS THAT SHE HAS IT! HEART REARS BACK ON THE KIMURA — AND MORGAN IS RIPPED OFF OF THE SECOND ROPE, CRASHING INTO THE RING WITH THE KIMURA LOCK STILL APPLIED ON HER!!! SHE COULD HAVE COMPLETELY SEPARATED HER SHOULDER JUST WITH THAT LANDING! BUT HEART IS NOT DONE YET! KASSIDY HEART TRANSITIONS THE KIMURA INTO THE FUJIWARA ARMBAR!!!! KASSIDY COMPLETES THE TRANSITION!!!! MORGAN SHAKING HER HEAD “NO”, REFUSING TO GIVE IN, REFUSING TO GIVE UP, REFUSING TO TAP OUT!!! SO KASSIDY PUTS HER OUT!!! STOMPS TO THE HEAD REPEATEDLY!!!! DARCY MAY MORGAN’S LIGHTS ARE OUT!!! KASSIDY STOMPING AWAY, SMASHING THE HEEL OF HER BOOTS OVER AND OVER INTO THE SKULL! AND THE REFEREE CALLS FOR THE BELL! DARCY CAN’T CONTINUE!
( DING! DING! DING! )
( “Put Em Up” by Lupe Fiasco plays, and Kassidy Heart releases the hold and rolls away completely exhausted by the match. )
Stephie Love: Here is your winner…. KAASSSIIIDDDYYYYYYYYYY HHEEEEARRRRRRRRRT!!!
Stew-O: This was a classic in every sense of the word! We watched Remi Skyfire and Serena Bennett year the house down and Kassidy Heart and Darcy May Morgan May have come close top matching the intensity of that match!
Flannery McCoy: Darcy May Morgan May have come up short but my goodness did she work her ass off and take the EAW Universal Women’s Champion to her limit!
Jake Mercer: But, the Dropkick Darling didn’t finish the match and in the end-
(“Surfin’” by Kid Cudi plays as the entire building is in their feet. Out walks Serena Bennett, staring down at Kassidy who is in the ring and being handed her title by the referee.)
Stew-O: The challenger is back out here and she is staring a hole in to the champs soul right now.
Jake Mercer: Serena is clapping. She is clapping and smirking at Kassidy who just laid it all out tonight.
Flannery McCoy: Operation: Doomsday is getting closer by the week and these two are heading for a colossal collision and the winner of that explosive match will undoubtedly be the undisputed EAW Universal Women’s champion!
Stew-O: Both women showed what makes them two of the best wrestlers in the world here tonight but nothing can be taken away from Darcy May Morgan or Remi Skyfire in their performances. But, it looks like we are out of time as we end this week’s Friday Night Dynasty with two of the best matches so far this season! From Flannery McCoy, Jake Mercer, and everyone involved with this show…I am Stew-O and I can’t wait to see you guys next week!
(We see a shot of Serena mockingly clap for Kassidy while standing on the stage as her theme music continues to play. We cut to the face of Kassidy Heart, relaxed, but confidently staring back at Bennett with her World Championship high above her head as the show faded to black.)
(EAW Logo fades out.)