Anna C. Flowers
(EAW Intro Plays)
( Friday Night Dynasty’s theme music plays as the show begins with pure excitement from everyone in attendance. Camera shots open to the crowd as fans of EAW are cheering their asses off. The Dynasty graphics pop up on the screen briefly as we see entire families turning up. The T-Mobile Arena in Las Vegas, Nevada is going nuts as they are looking ready for Pain for Pride season. The camera motions around a bit and in the crowd are signs saying various stuff like “RONAN IS A MONSTER”, “MS EXTREME IS PURE”’, “BRO BRO BRO!”, “NEVER GONNA KNEEL”. We see the two Dynasty announcers as the show begins.)
Flannery McCoy: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN WELCOME YOU ALL TO THE FINAL FRIDAY NIGHT DYNASTY OF THIS SEASON! We are one week away from Pain for Pride XII in Atlanta, Georgia but tonight! Tonight we are live in Las Vegas, Nevada where we have a great go home show for all of the EAW faithful! I’m Flannery McCoy and with me is Stew-O!
Stew-O: This will be the last stop before PAIN FOR PRIDE, Flannery! The last chance we will see everyone on Dynasty before the season ends! We have two matches left on this show but they are both a doozy!
Flannery McCoy: Ronan Malosi going one on one with Jesse Barlow in a match that can give either fellow even more spotlight before Pain for Pride!
Stew-O: Later on tonight we have GAWD himself Mr. DEDEDE going one on one with Mark Michaels!
Flannery McCoy: Stay tuned in, folks!
(“I Love It Loud” by KISS hits the PA system and the crowd inside the T-Mobile Arena quickly jump to their feet. They start screaming as the former Big Bhaker Bhampion and PURE Championship contender, Shaker Jones, begins to make his way to the ring.)
Stephie Love: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN… PLEASE WELCOME THE PUNK ROCK COUNTRY BOY… SHAKER JONES!!!
Flannery McCoy: So there have been rumors swirling around all day about what Shaker’s Pain for Pride proposition could possibly be, Stew!
Stew-O: I have some ideas, but I’m not one to speculate. Last week, Ryan Wilson tried to humiliate Shaker on the Ryan Wilson Show, and ended up putting Shaker through a desk. You know that has to annoy the hell out of the Punk Rock Country Boy.
Flannery McCoy: Yeah, but Ryan had some help last week from Sylvain Primeau and Brujah St-Michel. They definitely inserted themselves into this rivalry, and gave Ryan the advantage he needed over Shaker.
(Shaker slides into the ring and poses for the fans, before asking Stephie if he can borrow the microphone. The beautiful ring announcer obliges the legend and takes her leave, which gives Shaker the spotlight.)
Shaker Jones: Disgusted, angry, and pissed off are three ways that accurately sum up my feelings as they relate to Ryan Wilson and everything he stands for. When we formed The Score along with Jason McKormick, the sky was the limit for us. I really believe we could have taken down anyone who came our way as long as we stayed true to ourselves and to one another. Loyalty is so important in this business but unfortunately, it’s something most Elitists don’t believe in and Ryan happens to be one of them. Nothing worth having is ever easy, and Ryan just wasn’t willing to try and work through all the setbacks. Instead of dealing with problems the way a team should deal with them, Ryan wanted to make it about himself and he split up The Score. He took it out on me, and this has been going on ever since. Betrayal is not something I take lightly. I have never taken pleasure or gotten any satisfaction out of beating the hell out of someone, but at Pain for Pride, I’m going to make an exception for Ryan.
(The crowd pops huge for this because they hate Ryan just as much as Shaker does! Shaker turns around and looks directly into the camera now.)
Shaker Jones: Ryan, I have already beaten you once and it’s going to give me great pleasure to do it again on the grandest stage of them all. You were always jealous of me and the fact that I’m a better wrestler than you, and I backed that up when I beat you on Dynasty to earn the PURE Championship contendership. Believe me when I say that I’m going to beat you again, and there’s nothing you, nor your two bitch boys can do about that. Last week, Sylvain and Brujah stuck their nose where it doesn’t belong, but I can’t be surprised. You’re nothing but a pussy and you know that the only way you can get one over on me is if you have the numbers advantage. If you were the type of man you claim to be, which in your pea-sized brain is one of the best ever, you would bring your ass out here right now, by yourself, and prove to me and the EAW Universe that you don’t need your stupid family to back you up come Pain for Pride. Where ya at, Ryan?!
(Shaker lowers the microphone and throws his hands up in the air.)
Flannery McCoy: Shaker Jones just called out Ryan Wilson, Stew!
Stew-O: Do you think Ryan is going to come out or just wait until Pain for Pride to face off against Shaker?
Flannery McCoy: I think Ryan has one of the biggest egos I have ever seen in my life. There’s no doubt he is going to make his way out here.
(Flannery is right. “My Way” by Limp Bizkit begins to play which causes the crowd to boo. Those boos just get louder as Ryan Wilson makes his way through the guerilla curtains and onto the stage. Ryan is holding a microphone.)
Ryan Wilson: First of all, I don’t have anything to prove, and I’m definitely not jealous of you. You’re the one who can’t let any of this go, despite the fact you did beat me weeks ago. You’re going to continue to remain irrelevant and rot in the personal Hell you’ve created for yourself because you refuse to just move on and let bygones be bygones. The beating I’m going to give you at Pain for Pride is going to be the best thing that’s ever happened to you, Shaker, because maybe it will knock some sense into you.
Shaker Jones: The only person who’s getting a beating next weekend is you. You have pushed me past my limit, and last week was the final straw.
(Ryan rolls his eyes.)
Ryan Wilson: Because I defended myself? I was having fun last week and for whatever reason you took it personally and tried to run down here and attack me with a chair. Why was that the final straw for you, Shaker? Is it because the stuff I was saying had truth to it? You are a drunk, aren’t you?
(Shaker clenches his fist and shakes his head.)
Shaker Jones: You would have had that chair wrapped around your skull too if your two goons hadn’t cut me off before I could get to the ring.
Ryan Wilson (shrugging): They did their job.
Shaker Jones: If you’re such a tough guy and think you are so much better than me, why don’t you prove it?
Ryan Wilson: What do you mean?
Shaker Jones: At Pain for Pride it needs to be just you and me. No outside interference, no tomfoolery, nothing like that.
(Ryan appears to think this over for a moment.)
Ryan Wilson: Nah. Where I go, Sylvain and Brujah go.
(Before Shaker can reply, he is tackled from behind!)
Ryan Wilson: See?
Stew-O: SYLVAIN AND BRUJAH JUST RAN FROM THE CROWD AND BRUJAH TOOK SHAKER DOWN! BOTH MEN ARE WAILING AWAY ON SHAKER AND THIS IS NOT FAIR!!!
(Sylvain and Brujah continue to beat down Shaker until Sylvain stands up and screams at Brujah to lift up Shaker.)
Flannery McCoy: BRUJAH HAS SHAKER BY THE HAIR AND SYLVAIN RUSHES TOWARDS THE ROPES! SYLVAIN WITH THE BIG BOOT!
Stew-O: BUT HE HITS BRUJAH! SHAKER KICKED HIS LEG BACK AT THE LAST SECOND AND NAILED BRUJAH IN THE NUTS! SHAKER SPRINGS FORWARD AND TAKES SYLVAIN DOWN WITH A CLOTHESLINE! SHAKER JONES IS PUTTING THE BOOTS TO SYLVAIN! HE GRABS SYLVAIN UP AND NAILS HIM WITH AN UPPERCUT! BRUJAH IS BACK TO HIS FEET AND HE TRIES TO HELP OUT SYLVAIN BUT SHAKER CATCHES HIM WITH A KICK TO THE STOMACH! SHAKER TAKES SYLVAIN AND BRUJAH AND SMASHES THEIR HEADS TOGETHER! SHAKER GETS OUT OF THE RING AND HE IS GRABBING A CHAIR! HE SLIDES BACK IN AND BEGINS BEATING THE HELL OUT OF RYAN WILSON’S FAMILY!!!
(Shaker is going absolutely nuts on Sylvain and Brujah, while Ryan watches from the stage. Shaker finally lays the chair out and grabs Sylvain, planting him on the chair with the Rockandrolla! The lifting spinning DDT connects and Sylvain is out. Shaker kicks him out of the ring and grabs Brujah! Brujah also finds himself destroyed thanks to a Rockandrolla onto the chair! The crowd is chanting Shaker’s name as he throws Brujah out of the ring and grabs the microphone.)
Shaker Jones: Good luck getting them to Pain for Pride now. I’ll see you next weekend.
(Shaker drops the mic and throws his hands up. The crowd roars as “I Love It Loud” begins to play. The camera cuts to a shocked Ryan Wilson watching as the scene fades out. We see an add for Talib Bari’s Rib Party. Look, everybody’s got ads now smh. Returning to the program we see Stephie Love looking great.)
Stephie Love: The following contest is set for one fall!!
(“Fatality” By OCTiv” hits as Ronan Malsoi begins to make his entrance to the ring to a displeasure from the audience)
Stephie: Introducing first, from Cape town, South Africa! Weighing in at 230 Pounds!! RONAAAANNNNNNNN MAAAALLLSOIIIIII…!!
(‘The Hounds of Anubis’ by The Word Alive begins to play as Jesse Barlow enters the arena and struts his way down to the ring as he locks eyes with his opponent)
Stephie: Introducing his opponent, from Hoboken, New Jersey! Weighing in at 210 Pounds!! JESSSEEEEEEE BARRRLOWWWWW!!!
(DING! DING! DING!)
Stew-O: There’s the signal for the bell as we are underway with this action! Jesse and Ronan meet in the ring and collide for a collar and elbow tie up! Standing switch out of the collar and elbow tie up transition to a side headlock by Jesse! He begins trying tighten the hold! Applying pressure in the headlock to slow down Ronan! Ronan with the power advantage between these two as he backs himself up into the ropes! And pushes Jesse off as Jesse runs into the ropes and the momentum sends him back.. AND RONAN RUNS AND KNOCKS HIM DOWN WITH A BIG SHOULDER TACKLE! Jesse rocked after that but rises up but he’s met with a knee to the mid-section by Ronan! Ronan then hooks him by his head and delivers a big european uppercut as he knocks Jesse into the corner! Ronan backing himself up AND HE RUNS FOR A SHOULDER THRUST!! AND HE CONNECTS!! RUNNING SHOULDER THRUST INTO THE CORNER!
Flannery: Ronan backing himself up once again, AND RUNS AGAIN FOR ANOTHER RUNNING SHOULDER THRUST! But Jesse gets his knee up as Ronan runs head first into the knee of Jesse! JESSE RUNS!! SLING BLADE OUT OF THE CORNER AS HE PLANTS RONAN INTO THE CANVAS! Ronan dropped for a moment but begins pulling himself up to his feet, and Jesse follows it up running to him with a big forearm smash to the face of Ronan! And Ronan returns the fight with a SLAP ACROSS THE CHEST OF JESSE! That can be heard all throughout this arena! Ronan grabbing Jesse between his legs before lifting him high in the air! HE’S LOOKING FOR A POWERBOMB!! But Jesse begins raining down big right hands as Ronan drops him! AND JESSE RUNS!! NEVERMORE!! V TRIGGER!! Ronan avoids it! AND HE TURNS JESSE INSIDE OUT WITH A DECAPITATING LARIAT!!! FOLDING HIM LIKE LAUNDRY! Ronan rising up to his feet as he has the upperhand right now!
Stew-O: Ronan pulling Jesse up! And switches for a go behind! Hands locked around the waist of Jesse! AND HE PLANTS HIM WITH A GERMAN SUPLEX! He still has his hands around the waist of Jesse! And he begins rising up with him once again! AND HE PLANTS HIM ON THE BACK OF HIS HEAD WITH ANOTHER GERMAN SUPLEX!! Ronan is administrating punishment right now and Jesse is on the receiving end of it! Ronan isn’t done as he rises again! AND HE LIFTS JESSE FOR ANOTHER GERMAN SUPLEX! JESSE QUICKLY SWITCHES FOR A WAIST LOCK OF HIS OWN! AND INSTEAD! FULL NELSON’S THE ARMS OF RONAN!!! DRAGON SUPLEX!! DROPPING RONAN ONTO THE BACK OF HIS HEAD! Jesse rising slowly holding the back of his head as Ronan is on all floors! AND JESSE!!! RUNS!!! CURB STOMP!!! NO!!!RONAN POPS UP AND CATCHES JESSE AND PLANTS HIM INTO THE CANVAS WITH A SITOUT POWERBOMB!! AND RONAN HOOKS THE LEG!!
Referee: ONNNEEEEEEEEEE…TWOOOOOOOOOO…
Flannery: KICKOUT! Jesse manages to pop his shoulder off the canvas! Ronan shocked as he thought he had him right there! He instantly rises to his feet as he’s looking to put this match away right here! He’s setting up in the corner as he’s waiting for Jesse to rise to his feet! HE’S POUNDING HIS CHEST! SETTING UP FOR LISA!! THAT DEVASTATING BOOT!! JESSE STIRRING!! HIS HEAD IS ABOUT TO BE KICKED OFF HIS BODY!!! HE TURNS!!! LISA!!!! JESSE DUCKS!!! SHORT SUPERKICK TO THE MID-SECTION! AND JESSE RUNS!!! CURB STOMP PLANTING THE HEAD OF RONAN INTO THE CANVAS!!! BUT BEFORE JESSE CAN GO FOR THE PIN!!! RONAN ROLLS HIMSELF TO THE OUTSIDE FLOOR! BAD BREAK FOR JESSE!! He’s frustrated! He can’t believe he, he thought he had the match right there in his hands!
Stew-O Jesse making his way to the outside as he’s going to try to muscle 230 Pounds of dead weight inside the ring! He pulls him by his hair! BUT RONAN PLAYING POSSUM RUNS THE LOWER BACK OF JESSE INTO THE APRON! HE SLAMS HIS HEAD OFF THE APRON! AND ROLLS HIM INSIDE RING! Ronan inside… AND HE RUNS FOR THE CLAYMORE KICK!!! JESSE DUCKS! NEVERMORE!!! V TRIGGER KNEE STRIKE!!! JESSE CONNECTS! AND RONAN DROPS TO HIS KNEES!!! JESSE ISN’T DONE!!! NEVERMORE KNEE STRIKE ONCE AGAIN!!! CONNECTING TO THE BACK OF THE NECK OF RONAN!!!! AND HE HOOKS THE LEG!!
Referee: ONNNEEEEEEEE…TWOOOOOOOOOOOO….
Flannery: HE KICKS OUT!!! HE MANAGES TO KICKOUT AND JESSE IS SHOCKED!! BUT HE WASTE NO TIME, JESSE CLIMBING THE TOP!!! HE’S PERCHED!!! AND HE FLIES!! FEAR OF GOD!! 650 SPLASH!!!! AND HE GOT ALL OF IT!!! JESSE HOOKS THE LEG!!
Referee: ONNNEEEEEEE…TWOOOOOOOOOO….THRRRRREEEEEEEEEE..!!
(DING! DING! DING!)
(‘The Hounds of Anubis’ by The Word Alive begins to play as Jesse Barlow is helped up to his feet and has his hand raised)
Stephie Love: HERE IS YOUR WINNER…… JESSEEEEEEEE BARRRLOWWWWWWWW…!!!!
(Barlow stands on the turnbuckle and celebrates proudly at this huge win as we go to a commercial break. An ad for “Eggs Benedict by Serena Bennett” is shown as she whips up eggs in the kitchen. I guess her name rhymes with Benedict kind of idk it’s a commercial. You Dynasty opens back up to the T-Mobile Arena where “Just Cos’ You Got The Power” by Motorhead can be heard playing over the sound system, all the while Mark Michaels is in the ring dressed in his ring attire with his bulletproof vest on and a microphone in his hand. )
( SCREEN BAR — Mark Michaels. )
Stew-O: We’re back live on the season finale of Friday Night Dynasty, just seven days away from the showcase of the immortals when we touch down at The Mecca of The Culture, Pain for Pride 12 in Atlanta! Of course at the annual megaevent it’ll be this man in the ring right now Mark Michaels competing for the PURE Championship in, no question, the biggest match of his career thus far.
Flannery McCoy: Tonight however Mark Michaels doesn’t appear to have his priorities set on Pain for Pride.
Stew-O: Pretty much Flannery, at the very least he’s placed his Pain for Pride intentions to the backburner for tonight because Michaels has promised us that he’ll “expose the truth about EAW” live here in Las Vegas.
Flannery McCoy: Whatever that means, the floor is his to clarify!
( “Just Cos’ You Got The Power” by Motorhead fades out, and the crowd gives a negative reaction while Michaels slowly paces around the ring with a stern expression on his face. )
Mark Michaels: June 11th, 2015. Four years and two days ago, Mark Michaels signed his name on the devil’s contract. Yes you heard me correctly, that is the day that I officially signed my first contract to compete as a part of Elite Answers Wrestling. But despite the Faustian deal I may or may not have made in order to partake in a company that’s supposed to be the “incomparable empire” of the wrestling industry, believe me, the last thing EAW owns is my soul. That isn’t for sale. Never was, never will be.
They always had this saying in Hollywood, “The camera snaps and it takes a piece of your soul with it.” You would think that with the bright lights and the hundreds of cameras EAW sticks in your face, that I would walk around completely devoid of a soul but I still have just as much heart now as I did four years ago and that’s because I am better than these shills and stooges who form cliques and cling to corrupt tyrants like DDD like bloodsucking leeches. The spotlight, the cameras, they haven’t taken away my integrity, but what they HAVE taken away from me is my love and my faith in this business.
( Crowd boos. )
Mark Michaels: I have come to despise so much of what had previously drawn me to this profession. It’s sort of like when you watch how the hotdog is being made, the more familiar I’ve become with this business the more disgusted I am with it at its very core. So many young, hopeful, naive simpletons walk through these doors thinking they’re going to get a fair shake at success. They were promised that this sport was the number one meritocracy still left on the planet, that was the allure wasn’t it? That you could prove your worthiness in this ring with your ACTIONS. But the truth is often disappointing, especially when it goes against all convention. The truth in the case of EAW is that you are PUNISHED for loving this business. You are PERSECUTED for wanting to earn things with merit. This company has single handedly sabotaged the entire profession to its core,EAW is the death of professional wrestling as we know it.
Four years, four long years, and I haven’t been given one real opportunity despite my efforts. Every single bit of leverage that I’ve gotten, I’ve had to TAKE. I’ve had to stop at nothing just to get the opportunity at the PURE Championship. I’m not one of the Avas who can waltz in from any company, and walk onto any brand, and get major opportunities thrown at them. I’m not an Ava, an Adams, or an asskisser, which is why I don’t get to succeed around here. If you don’t have the right supplicating asskissing groveling nature, or the right last name to benefit from nepotism, you are S.O.L. FOUR YEARS OF MY CAREER, I GAVE YOU FOUR YEARS OF MY DAMNED CAREER, AND WHAT DO I GET BACK? How many world title opportunities have I gotten? ZERO. How many Pain for Pride singles matches have I gotten? ZERO. How many contendership matches FOR world title opportunities have I gotten? You guessed it, ZERO. That’s what happens when you don’t become a groveling incestuous brown nose sycophant, you get shunned. That’s all you’re promised in EAW! Not the best of the best. Let’s face it, a lot of the best talent this place had to offer up and quit a year ago! All thanks to the unchecked ego of a brazen megalomaniac who I’m going to put down tonight! Now all that are left behind following what should have been a crippling exodus, are young and malleable untalented brats who sheepishly carry out whatever agenda the board wants of them because they’re just happy to be here! And you stupid sacks of shit in the crowd are somehow OBLIVIOUS to this because you still keep feeding this shitty fucking company all of your money!!!!
( The crowd LOSES it with boos. )
Mark Michaels: Yeah you heard me! You–
( “Gangsta” by New Years Day plays, and the incensed audience quickly changes their tune as they roar in applause. She has the PURE Championship around her waist and a microphone in her hand, and cuts her own music off on her way to the ring. )
Flannery McCoy: HALLELUJAH!
Ms. Extreme: Waaah, waaaah, waaaah, waaaaah. You absolute pathetic bitch.
Mark Michaels: Stay the hell out of my business Camille, this doesn’t have anything to do with you!
Ms. Extreme: Oh how I wish that were truly the case. But unfortunately you’re the sad sack of shit who I have the displeasure of defending my PURE Title against at Pain for Pride.
Mark Michaels: Oh , it’ll be a displeasure alright, because I’m going to be the one who takes that title from you! Now go the hell away, I wasn’t finished with what I had to say!
Ms. Extreme: Mark please PLEEEASE do us all a favor and shut the fuck up.
( Crowd pops. Ms. Extreme steps up to the apron. )
Ms. Extreme: Seriously don’t you have a freaking match to prepare for? Quit whining like a bitch and take all of that frustration out on that pencil necked gook for a chairman and maybe just maybe I’ll be impressed.
( Ms. Extreme steps through the ropes and enters the ring, now standing across from an incredulous Mark Michaels. )
Ms. Extreme: Listen sister just because you’re pissed off about the lack of results you’ve accomplished around here doesn’t mean you need to rake me or my family’s name through the mud. I’ve got news for you buddy, your boss is an asshole. People get unfair advantages. Nepotism is running wild. That’s called LIFE. I’m not saying it’s fucking right, but the conditions you’re describing sound like every job I’ve had since I worked at the In-N-Out on West Venice Blvd as a fry cook back when I was a teenager still living in LA. In fact I knew you looked familiar I may or may not have spit in your fries once :patrice: Either way for the love of Christ why dont you get a fucking grip already man and just accept that it’s not going to be an easy ride to the top, and maybe just maybe accept that you just can’t hack it. Because come Pain for Pride I’m going to leave no shadow of a doubt.
Mark Michaels: HA! Big words from a big mouthed talentless bitch with nothing but a terrible dye job and a famous last name. Easy for you to say other people can’t hack it when the only reason you’re in an EAW ring is because Cameron Ella Ava is your big sister.
Ms. Extreme: :mjlol: This guy with the jokes. It just goes to show that you know absolutely fuck all about me, and that you’re really only running your mouth so you can hear yourself talk. I’ve got newsfor you jackass, I was considered ‘damaged goods’ long before I ever got the opportunity to lay a hand on this title. The first time I got a real opportunity here on Dynasty I had to bring the chairman of the company to his knees, and if you think it’s been all roses and sunshine to get to where I’m standing then you’ve got your head buried further up your ass than I thought.
Mark Michaels: What the fuck ever moron. Your sisters reputation is your safety net Camille, that’s just a bitter pill you’re goign to have to swallow at Pain for Pride. It’s all fine and dandy talking down on me now, it’s not going to be so fun when you get humbled by the same man who’s about to humble the so-called “Gawd” himself. You know, the guy you claim you brought to his knees? The guy who brought your mother to her knees while you were powerless to do anything about it?
( Mark Michaels pretends to make a ‘shocked’ face. )
( Ms. Extreme drops the microphone and gets into Mark Michaels’ face. )
Ms. Extreme: (off-mic) Listen motherfucker that’ll be the last time you bring up my family in your motherfucking life, do you understand me? No, I said —
Flannery McCoy: OH!!!! A SLAP TO THE FACE FROM MS. EXTREME!!!! MARK HOLDING HIS FACE IN SHOCK!
Ms. Extreme (off-mic): I said do you FUCKING understand me????
Stew-O: MS. EXTREME ATTACKING HIM, MARK MICHAELS FIGHTING BACK, AND A REFEREE IMMEDIATELY JUMPS IN BETWEEN THEM PRIMARILY HOLDING MS. EXTREME BACK, AFTER BEING FIRED UP BY THOSE INCENDIARY REMARKS FROM MARK MICHAELS!
Flannery McCoy: Mark pressed a nerve with that last comment and Camille just wasn’t having it! Now–
( “Talk Up” by Drake hits. The audience jumps up to give a massive mixed reaction with the boos being equally as loud as the cheers, and Mr. DEDEDE walks out to the stage wearing a Gawdzilla Pro© tearaway tracksuit and dark shades. )
( DING! DING! DING! )
Stephie Love: The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL!!! Making his way to the ring, residing in Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic weighing in at 222 POUNDS!!!! “THE GAWD”, MISTEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR DEEEEEEEEEEEEE DEEEEEEEEEEEE DEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
( DDD lifts the double cornas at the center of the ramp and pyro rockets up from the stage before he continues to the ring. )
Stew-O: Well coming right after the break Mark Michaels is going to get the opportunity at exacting revenge on a man he feels has wronged him! Just a week before the biggest entertainment spectacle on the entire planet, he gets his opportunity at knocking off arguably the greatest to ever do it LIVE on Dynasty as he goes one on one against The Gawd! That’s next!
(Mr DEDEDE has a new book and you should buy it. GAWDVERBS: A MACHIAVELLIAN GUIDE TO UN-FUCKING YOURSELF available on all platforms. )
(DING DING DING!)
Stew-O: DEDEDE and Michaels eye each other as they circle the ring, neither seeming to want to take the first step in case a mistake is made. Mark raises his hand tentatively, looking for a Greco Roman knuckle lock, DEDEDE responds in kind, and the two lock up! Michaels is looking to over power his opponent here, and seems to be succeeding! Mark pushes forward, slamming into DEDEDE shoulder first, and gains the upper hand, flinging his opponent to the ropes with an Irish whip! On the return Mark Michaels catches DEDEDE and lands a big hip toss! Mark hits the ropes…basement dropkick to Gawdzilla, and Public Enemy Number One is taking charge early in this match! DEDEDE manages to move out of the way just as Mark drops an elbow! Michaels recovers quickly, though, catches a headlock takedown as DEDEDE charges him.
Flannery: Michaels locks in a rear chin lock, and positions the point of his knee right in the spine of DEDEDE, grinding what must be an excruciating spike directly into the nervous system! The official checks on the Gawd, but no way is he going to surrender to a rear chin lock. He stretches his foot and manages to catch the bottom rope, and the official calls for a break! Mark cranks back hard on the chinlock once before releasing it and delivering a quick stomp to DEDEDE’s midsection. DEDEDE starts coughing from the blow as Michaels rears back to deliver another kick…DEDEDE CAUGHT IT! Witha twist of his hands, DEDEDE sends Mark Michaels spiraling to the mat! Michaels scrambles away from DEDEDE as the Master Builder moves forward, looking to return some punishment to him. Michales is on his feet, as is DEDEDE and the two move toward each other…Collar and elbow tie up, Mark trying to use his weight advantage to again overpower DEDEDE, but this time it fails and Mr. DEDEDE whips Mark to the ropes…drop down from DEDEDE as Mark runs past, then he meets Michaels with a shoulder block that knocks his opponent flat! DEDEDE to the ropes…running senton, but no one is home! Mark is back on his feet and hooks DEDEDE’s tights…snap suples, but wait! He’s held on and rolls to his feet, looking to land another!
Stew-O: DEDEDE laces his leg inside Mark’s, and blocks the second attempt! He counters with an inside cradle! DEDEDE looking to take an early win!
Referee: ONE! TWO!
Stew-O: Kickout by Mark Michaels, though it was a smart tactical move, DEDEDE took his opponent’s momentum and used it against him! Mark Michaels catches a quick kick to the gut followed up by a slap across the face! Such Disrespect from DEDEDE! Whip to the ropes from DEDEDE…COUNTERED BY MICHAELS INTO A HEADSCISSORS! Mark Michaels has been in command for much of this match! DEDEDE back to his feet, though, but Mark catches him with a single knee face breaker! Pulling DEDEDE back to his feet, Mark hooks DEDEDE and lands a t-bone suplex, sending the Gawd sprawling. Quickly making his way to the turnbuckle, Mark leaps off the middle rope and lands a huge leg drop across the throat of DEDEDE! Mark pulls him to his feet and lands a bodyslam, feeling firmly in control of the match now…Wait a Minute! What’s going on at the entrance ramp?!
(Ms. Extreme, who has been sitting ringside the whole time stands up. Mark, once again noticing his enemy, is briefly distracted, giving DEDEDE a moment’s reprieve.)
Flannery: Ms. Extreme is playing mindgames! LOOK OUT! Demolition from DEDEDE! The Diamond Cutter may have just equalized this match! DEDEDE and Mark are both laying on the mat recovering! DEDEDE, having taken the brunt of the punishment so far, is moving a bit more slowly as Mark pulls himself to the corner using the ring ropes, and props himself up on his elbows. DEDEDE lays on his back, staring at the roof of the arena, gasping for air the whole time. Michaels is on his feet now as Ms. Extreme makes her way down the ramp to ringside, and stumbles over to his opponent. Grabbing DEDEDE by the hair, he pulls them both to a standing position and goes to hook the leg, maybe looking for the Snap Shot here…ANOTHER DECIMATION! DEDEDE COUNTERS THE SNAP SHOT WITH ANOTHER CUTTER! DEDEDE reaches down deep to halt Mark Michaels’ momentum! Shaking his head clear, DEDEDE pulls Mark Michaels to his feet and pushes him back into the corner before falling back to the center of the ring…RAPTURE! The Helluva Kick leaves Mark Michaels on the mat! DEDEDE took advantage of Ms. Extreme’s distraction, inadvertent or no, and is now stalking Mark…MK DRIVER! Mark Michaels is out! Mr. DEDEDE makes the pin!
Referee: ONE! TWO! THREE!
(DING DING DING!)
(‘Talk Up’ Begins playing as Mr. DEDEDE raises his arms in victory and Ms. Extreme makes her way back up the ramp.)
Stew-O: Mr. DEDEDE picking up the win here tonight, but Mark Michaels just as easily could have been the victor, until Ms. Extreme distracted him he looked to have the match firmly in hand!
Stephie: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner by pinfall…GGGGGAAAAAWWWWDDDDZZZZIIIILLLLLAAAAAAAAA…MR. DEDEDE!
(GAWD looks proud over the win before we cut from the ring to a commercial break. An ad for Reese’s featuring Ronan devouring the chocolate in one swallow and finishing with a loud roar is seen. He clearly loves it. Commercial break ends right after that. The scene opens up outside the T-Mobile Arena. Thadd Blazevich, Crosby Carter, and Carsyn Carter are seen standing around. Crosby stands against the building, smoking a cigarette, while Thadd just casually drinks a beer. Carsyn is pacing around in front of them. It looks like a typical Friday night for this trio. Carsyn finally stops pacing and looks into the camera. A smirk spreads across her beautiful face and she just shakes her head.)
Carsyn Carter: Next week, the Bros and I will be heading to our first ever Pain for Pride and as the true number one contenders for the Unified Tag Team Championships no less. No matter what happens next weekend in Atlanta, the world is going to have no choice but to recognize Crosby Carter and Thadd Blazevich. No matter who wins the match next weekend, these two men behind me are going to be making history for themselves and no one can take that away from them. These two have always maintained the same positive outlook on life and this is the coolest thing that’s ever happened to any of us. Competing at Pain for Pride is their dream and I could not be more proud of them.
(Carsyn looks back at her boys and smiles at them.)
Carsyn Carter: A lot of people look at the Bros and scoff. They mistake their kindness for weakness, and assume that they don’t have the killer instinct needed to go full throttle here and become champions. The Bros have always marched to the beat of their own drum and if it’s not broke, don’t fix it right? Their approach to this business has gotten them this far and if anyone makes the mistake of underestimating them at Pain for Pride then that’s on them. If you want my opinion, I look at Crosby and Thadd and I see two people who would happily give their lives for this sport and for the right to be called a champion. That’s not something you can teach. You are either born with that champion’s mentality or you’re not. They may be happy to be here but make no mistake about it. They are just as hungry as the other three teams in this match, and they will do whatever it takes it win.
(Crosby and Thadd walk up to Carsyn and stand one either side of her.)
Carsyn Carter: Last week, the stakes of this match got even higher when the goth queen herself Minerva earned herself and Constance Blevins a spot in the match. The Unified Tag Team Championships were already a big enough prize, but to be able to call yourself the final ever set of Empire Tag Team Champions? Crosby and Thadd would kill for that right. When it comes to wrestling, we don’t see gender. We’ll square up with anyone and compete for any championship belt. Minerva and Constance? No sweat. The more people to fight with, the happier my boys get. When I see Crosby and Thadd, I can’t help but shake my head in amazement. A year ago, this would never have been possible. Most people wouldn’t give them a fighting chance going into this match at Pain for Pride, but I give them the best chance. Why not the two of them? Stranger things have happened. I mean, no one ever thought the literal paper tag team of Myles and Xander could defeat the well oiled machine that were the Jaded Hearts. But somehow the two former enemies managed to find common ground and bond over their need for championship gold and at Grand Rampage they did the unthinkable. It was impressive but their title reign is going to be short lived. Last week, the Wildcards had a chance to pin a Bro and send a message to them before Pain for Pride. The six-man tag team match that also featured Jamie and Mr. DEDEDE was the main event of Dynasty. Myles and Xander could have waltzed onto our turf and gained momentum, but neither one of them were able to put away Crosby or Thadd. Sure, it’ll go down in the record books as a win for their team, but we know it was Jamie who did the work and scored the victory.
(Carsyn shrugged.)
Carsyn Carter: A couple of nights later on Voltage, Xander got another opportunity. Was he able to put Thadd away and keep Minerva out of the match? Not a chance, because The Wildcards just don’t have what it takes to defeat Crosby Carter and Thadd Blazevich.
(Thadd and Crosby looked at one another and grinned.)
Carsyn Carter: As far as The Revolution go, well I suppose we should all give you our thanks. If not for Josh Nicholls doing what he does best and that is absolutely sucking, then Minerva might not have found her way into this match. We might not be fighting for two sets of championships. This wouldn’t be called ‘Winners Take All.’ At Pain for Pride, Crosby and Thadd are going to shock the world and show that two backyard wrestlers from New Jersey can shine under the brightest of lights. They are going to waltz into Atlanta as the underdogs and walk away as the brand new Unified AND Empire Tag Team Champions.
(Carsyn licks her bright pink lips and looks up at Crosby. He tosses his cigarette to the ground and the two start to make out. Thadd makes a title motion with his hands, gesturing towards his waist.)
Thadd Blazevich: Bro 2 Belts, man.
(The scene fades to another scene with a backstage worker knocks on the door of a backstage dressing room wearing a headset waiting for a response but you see the door flew open as you see the facial expression of the backstage worker change as Feral Khan grabs him by the throat and holds him in the air as Albert Hitchman appears and peaks his head out of the private dressing room…)
Hitchman: Do we have a problem here, sir?
Backstage attendant: Sir…your client Lucas Johnson has his requested time to address the Dynasty world coming up next….
Hitchman: Mr. Khan you may put him down, LUCAS we are up next!
(Feral Khan releases the backstage workers as they both go back into the private dressing room….)
Stew-O: Lucas Johnson and Albert Hitchman will be out here to address his opponents for the upcoming Cash in the Vault Ladder Match and that is next!
(“Young and Bitter” by Hot Tag Media starts to play through the arena as Lucas Johnson walks down to the ring wearing his Beats by DRE headphones that was given to him by his manager Albert Hitchman as he blasts music with an intense look on his face., Feral Khan also follows behind.)
McCoy: Look at the intense look in The Wrestling Machines’ eyes, does he look ready for Pain for Pride 12 or what?
(A graphic shows up on the screen of the Cash in the Vault Ladder Match upcoming at this years Pain for Pride..)
Stew-O: We are one week away from the biggest show of the year – Pain for Pride 12 and the second time be the charm for Lucas Johnson? Because in his hometown of Atlanta, Georgia, The Wrestling Machine will try to capture The Cash in the Vault briefcase after just coming up short last year in Las Vegas falling to current World Champion – Noah Reigner.
McCoy: Last year Lucas Johnson was one of the brave soldiers that sacrificed not only his wrestling career but also his life crashing through multiple flaming tables, Lucas looks to avoid disaster this year and cash in his guarantee in becoming World Champion.
(As Lucas Johnson and Albert Hitchman get in the ring you see Feral Khan look under the ring to grab a big ladder and drags it into the ring. Lucas Johnson helps Mr. Khan placing that ladder in the middle of the ring where the Cash in the Vault briefcase currently hangs high above the ring.)
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
McCoy: Not a warm reception here in Las Vegas for the former New Breed Champion.
Hitchman: We love you too, Las Vegas! Ladies and gentleman, this time last year the man standing to my right was yet to be signed to Albert Hitchman Enterprises. This evening my client Lucas Johnson is getting flashbacks to the horrific events at last years Pain for Pride here in Las Vegas and quite frankly my client has been getting sick all day just thinking about this trash city that are full of degenerate gamblers!
Crowd: YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!
(Albert Hitchman points to the titantron screen showing last years Pain for Pride event where Lucas Johnson’s World Championship dreams were put on hold where crashed through burning tables in the Cash in the Vault Ladder Match.)
Stew-O: LUCIAN NOW TIPPING THE LADDER OVER!!!!!!! NOAH AND LUCAS ARE HEADED STRAIGHT FOR THAT BURNING TABLE! OH MY LOOOOOOOOORD!!!! THERE THEY GO! INTO THE FLAMING TABLE! THEY BOTH GO CRASHING THROUGH! OH GOD! POOR POOR LUCAS JOHNSON! HE GOT THE BRUNT OF IT! OH NO! LUCAS IS STILL IN THE FLAMES! HES ENGULFED! SOMEONE HELP THAT MAN OUT! HE’S ROLLING AROUND PUTTING THE FLAMES OUT!!!!! HOPEFULLY THE BURNS AREN’T TERRIBLY BAD! OH GOD! LUCIAN IS A SICK BASTARD! GOOD THING NOAH HAD A LUCAS JOHNSON TO BREAK HIS FALL.. BUT STILL A TRAUMATIC SITUATION FOR BOTH COMBATANTS!
(We return to the live shot inside the T-Mobile Arena in Las Vegas where Lucas Johnson cannot stand still reliving the events of last years big event he gets angry as he begins to pace around the ring…)
Hitchman: Last year my client went from moments away becoming the uncrowned World Heavyweight Champion to The Biggest Loser feeling the burn wounds all over his chest and back and suffering the consequences of risking his life and career at the showcase of the immortals. But this year the second time will be the charm for The Wrestling Machine. At the beginning of Season 12 when Lucas Johnson signed on the dotted line I promised to the entire and made a million dollar guarantee that he will become World Champion at Pain for Pride 12 in Atlanta, Georgia everything changes because the future of the entire company is standing right in front of your very eyes. If I was in charge of the EAW Draft I would want my number one draft pick to be the future and the future is The Shark in the Vault. Albert Hitchman Enterprises plans on taking over Atlanta, Georgia because The One Man Wrecking Crew Feral Khan is going to win the 24/7 Over the Top Rope Battle Royal and The Great White Shark is ready to take ou-
(Albert Hitchman’s mic was cut off by Lucas Johnson as he grabs the microphone out of his managers hands and begins to climb up the tall ladder that is set up in the middle of the ring and gets closer to the Cash in the Vault briefcase as he finally reaches the top…)
Lucas Johnson: For once in my life, can I just ask for pure silence? For once in my life can the entire city of Las Vegas please shut the (EXPLICIT) up?!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Stew-O: This is live television people, Lucas Johnson is obviously not in the best of moods here tonight.
Lucas Johnson: Let me get a spotlight on me, boys in the truck! Do your job correctly for once!
(A spotlight shines on Lucas Johnson sitting on top of the ladder as he begins to take a deep breath ready to address his future with a week ahead before the big ladder match…)
Johnson: You know what I am tired of? I am tired of everyone’s crap around here, last year when I was at Pain for Pride I thought I was on top of the world ready to cash in the biggest check possible and cash in a World Championship Match anytime I want and before I knew it my world was turned upside down. Once the EAW Draft rolled around I felt like a worthless piece of garbage and just wanted to start fresh and focus on my craft and that is becoming the best wrestler in the world and that’s where an amazing friend came into play and his name is Albert Hitchman. A famous wrestling manager who has managed the best like Scott Diamond, Xavier Williams just to name a few. But this entire Season has just been about blocking everyone out and focusing on becoming a champion but each and every week all of you pieces of trash continue to hate on the future of Dynasty. This whole season I have proved to the entire world why I am the box office draw of Dynasty just look at the big matches I have been in. I carried the legacy of bringing back the Pure Championship against Jack Ripley, I made Dynasty must see when we had the best Extreme Elimination Chamber Match ever and even went toe to toe with the legendary Hades the Hellraiser! But what do I get this entire season for carrying Dynasty on my back? Nothing because we have a horrible World Champion in Theron Nikolas who doesn’t even want to defend his title like a man. Hey cameraman do me a favor and get a close up shot in my eyes, look in my cold eyes cameraman. The EAW Universe. The City of Las Vegas do me a favor, look into my eyes what do you see? Do you see a man that is scared? Do you see a man that is concerned that he is stepping in the ring with the best talent each brand has to offer? Do you think I am concerned facing off against Raven Roberts again? Do you think I am concerned of going against The Visual Prophet? Simple answer for you idiots, HELL NO! I don’t care who stands in my way, I don’t care who I have to go through, if you step in my way you are feeling the pain of suffering when I lay down the pain I did last year when my World Championship dreams were put on hold. This year will be my year at Pain for Pride and there is no one at the top of this ladder that will stop me. I don’t care who you are, don’t bet against the man that is the box office draw, don’t bet against the man that signed the biggest sponsorship deal in Nike history. Most importantly don’t bet against The True Ace of Dynasty!
(Lucas Johnson grabs the Cash in the Vault briefcase and un hooks it as “Young and Bitter” by Hot Tag Media plays over the loudspeaker as Feral Khan and Albert Hitchman applaud The Wrestling Machine walking down the ladder…)
McCoy: Could this be a preview of Pain for Pride? Can we be looking at our next Mr. Cash in the Vault?
Stew-O: That is our next Mr. Shark in the Vault, McCoy! Say what you want about Albert Hitchman or even Feral Khan, but look at the eyes of Lucas Johnson – his eyes tell the story as a man focused on becoming World Champion.
McCoy: Lucas has said several times, three straight losses at Pain for Pride has been eating him alive his entire EAW career and next week in Atlanta, Georgia, The Wrestling Machine looks to cash in on Albert Hitchman’s million dollar guarantee by becoming a future World Champion.
Stew-O: A man who has been passed aside by being overlooked looks to be the center of attention in his hometown at the showcase of the immortals and no bigger way to make your dreams possible by becoming Mr. Cash in the Vault!
(Commercial break begins for Goldfish crackers starring Lucas Johnson. A shark eating goldfish sells itself!)
( “P.A.T.” by Denzel Curry can be heard playing in the T-Mobile Arena speakers as Stew-O stands by in the center of the ring with a microphone in hand. The floor of the ring is covered in carpet and four mic’d up podiums have been placed in the ring with the Pain for Pride 12 symbol on it. An additional camera crew is stationed ringside prepared for the photo op following the press conference, and Dynasty’s theme music dies down. )
Stew-O: Good evening Las Vegas, my name is Stew-O! Wow, what an ending to a spectacular season of Friday Night Dynasty we’ve had huh! HOW MANY OF YOU ARE READY FOR PAIN FOR PRIDE???
( The crowd gives everything they’ve got, letting out a deafening pop. Stew-O smiles and nods his head at the excitement before he continues. )
Stew-O: Excellent! This city was so wonderful to us when we had the big event here last year and while I’m far from the top brass around here, I can certainly say Vegas is one of the top contenders for housing another Pain for Pride event in the future years to come. But we’re looking forward not backwards, and it’s only fitting that we’re in such a wonderful city to host the final Dynasty of Season 12, because in just a few short moments the four men who will be going on to main event Pain for Pride and compete for the coveted Answers World Championship, will be out here to make their leading remarks heading into what could very well be the most star studded main event of Pain for Pride in history!
But before we bring these four gentlemen out here, I think it’s important that we reflect on the history that exists between the four competitors in this contest. In this retrospective clip we’re about to show you, it is very clear that Season 12 has pit Jamie O’Hara, Mr. DEDEDE, Darkane and Theron Nikolas in bouts of warfare, bloodshed, spite, hatred, lust for gold and betrayal. Let’s take a look.
( Stew turns to the titantron where the lights of the arena dim. Broadcast focuses on the following clip: )
( We get a video package of the history between the AWC match competitors starting with Mr. DEDEDE establishing his alliance with Theron Nikolas at Pain for Pride. We see the formation of The 1% at The EAW Draft, with an onslaught unleashed on Cameron Ella Ava and especially Jamie O’Hara that resulted in DDD blasting his weapon, The Equalizer, over Jamie’s head and putting him out of action indefinitely. Highlights of the reign of terror courtesy of The 1% running roughshod over Dynasty and EAW follow suit, with the emphatic point being Operation: Doomsday where Theron Nikolas, courtesy of assistance from DDD and the 1%, screwed Darkane out of the Answers World Championship and Theron superkicked thumbtacks down Darkane’s throat. We see DEDEDE also take Darkane out at the end of a tag team match, smashing The Equalizer over Darkane’s skull. Jamie O’Hara’s return is highlighted as well as the Syncon campaign leading up to the big reveal, with him laying Theron Nikolas out at the end of his title retention at Road to Redemption. We view highlights of the showdown between Theron and O’Hara, with Theron coming out victorious by the skin of his teeth. We also see Darkane’s return, with him and Erebus dealing with DDD’s hired guns in The DDD Task Force, and also dealing with Monster & The Devil. The decline of The 1% is depicted through showing moments of disagreement between DDD and Theron, which led the way to Theron and Queens Court to turn on DEDEDE at the end of the Ides of March Supershow. Highlights of Jamie O’Hara’s performance at the Grand Rampage are shown with him winning the Grand Rampage and earning a second opportunity at facing Theron for the Answers World Championship. We then see Darkane get his opportunity at an Answers World Championship at the Gateway to Glory FPV, and on the brink of a victory by Darkane Mr. DEDEDE would emerge and simultaneously cost Darkane the championship, and follow up with an attack on Theron thanks to an assist from Amber Keys. The video package ends with the announcement of the fatal four way match, and covers the anticipation of the match before ending. )
( Return to the ring. )
Stew-O: Let’s not waste any more time, let’s get all four of these gentlemen out here! Introducing first, two time World Champion, former Mr. CITV, the longest reigning World Champion in the history of EAW, the longest reigning New Breed Champion in the history of EAW, the 2017 Elitist of the Year, EAW Hall of Famer class of 2018, and of course the 2019 Grand Rampage winner… JAMIE O’HARA!!!!!!!!
( “Ultimate Battle” by ZENTA [EAW Edit] hits, and Jamie O’Hara walks out in a pale blue tailored Armani suit. He slaps hands with the fans at the side of the ramp whilst making his way to the ring, and once he enters he plays up the roaring crowd even more who are all chanting his name. Jamie shakes hands with Stew-O before standing behind the podium at the far left side of the ring closest to the ramp. )
Stew-O: Thank you Jamie, looking sharp sir. Next on the docket, he is the only 2-time EAW Elitist of the Year award winner, 6-TIME World Champion, EAW Hall of Famer, Chairman of the Board of Elite Answers Wrestling, and holds the winningest record in the history of Pain for Pride at 8 wins and only 3 losses… “THE GAWD”, MR. DEDEDE!!!!!!!
( “Talk Up” by Drake and Jay-Z hits, and Mr. DEDEDE walks out onto the stage dressed in Ermenegildo Zegna slacks and blazer of the same brand, with no shirt underneath, hair soaking wet with Rayban Chromance Gunmetal shades on. He completely disregards the audience on his way to the ring, and he enters the ring completely brushing off a handshake attempt from Stew-O and stands in front of the podium at the far right side of the ring. )
Stew-O: Thank you, boss. Up next, he is a former Hardcore Champion, former Gold Rush winner, former Answers World Champion, the 2017 EAW Rookie of the Year and the 2018 Answers World Champion of the year… THE GRAVE WORM, DARKANE!!!!!!!!
( “Wizard in Black” by Electric Wizard hits sending the crowd into a frenzy, and Darkane strolls out to the stage dressed in his usual attire, refusing to adhere to the dress code of the press conference. He casually takes his time, keeping eye contact with his nemesis Mr. DEDEDE before entering the ring. Stew-O offers him a handshake and Darkane spits in his hand before shaking Stews, causing Stew to wipe his palm on his slacks in disgust. Darkane waves as sarcastic hello to DDD before taking the podium in the middle left side, next to Jamie. )
Stew-O: And last but not least, he is a former 24/7 contract holder, the 2018 EAW King of Elite, and the REIGNING, DEFENDING ANSWERS CHAMPION OF THE WORLD AT AN UNPRECEDENTED 237 DAYS… THERON NIKOLAS!!!!!!!!!!!
( “I Hope You Suffer” by AFI hits, and Theron Nikolas walks out to the ring dressed in a Ralph Lauren Polo Striped Wool 3 Piece Sleeveless Vest Suit, and the Answers World Championship wrapped around his waist. He sports an arrogant smile, looking around the audience with a toothy grin and soaking in all of their hatred. Theron continues to taunt the unforgiving crowd on his way down to the ring, and once he enters the ring, he unhooks the title from around his waist and holds it up to the face of Jamie O’Hara, Darkane, and Mr. DEDEDE before holding it up before the crowd. Theron walks over to his podium, standing between Mr. DEDEDE and Darkane, and despite being in enemy territory he looks as confident as ever. )
Stew-O: I’d like to thank all four of you gentlemen for being out here this evening. I realize we don’t have all the time in the world and that the four of you are busy individuals with busy schedules, but right now you four have the opportunity at saying your piece before we enter The Mecca of The Culture just seven days from tonight in Atlanta. I’d like to open the floor up to the champion, Theron –
( The crowd immediately interrupts Stew with a chorus of boos. )
Stew-O: Theron, as reported on EAW.com and on EAW’s official twitter account, you have recently become the longest reigning Answers World Champion in the history of this company. However it’s clear just looking around you in the ring that you are up against the biggest challenge not just of your reign, but you are walking into perhaps the biggest obstacle that any champion has ever had to face, with the level of competition that is gunning for your title. What will be the key factor, in your mind, that will result in you somehow walking out of the Mercedes Benz Stadium still the champion?
Theron Nikolas: I’ll have to be honest with you, Stew… for the first time ever, I don’t have a plan. I–
Crowd: YOU SCREWED BANKS! YOU SCREWED BANKS! YOU SCREWED BANKS! YOU SCREWED BANKS!
( Theron stops and allows the crowd to continue chanting until the chants die down to the point where he can actually get a word in. )
Theron Nikolas: No, you’re right. I did everything you’re accusing me of. I performed one of the most reprehensible, indefensible acts to ever take place in an EAW ring. I screwed the founding father of this company out of a spot in his own company. And perhaps I deserve to have you all giving me shit for the actions I’ve committed. But the only reason I successfully screwed Ronn Banks into retirement, with the help of the man to the left of me here, is because a plan was actually put in place. I had an agenda from the first moment I walked into this company. I had my entire career meticulously plotted, all obstacles well scouted, every road navigated and every roadblock circumvented and I reached every single destination that there was for me to reach… and now I’m lost. Now I have no plan. No direction. No idea where the next road leads to, and not a clue what obstacles will meet me in the horizon. And you want to know something? … This is good.
This is everything you could ever ask for. This is where every man with a purpose dreams of being. As of Sunday I made it official, I have entered unmarked territory. I am blazing the trail through a completely unvisited frontier and that frontier will soon be sacred ground that will bear MONUMENTS in my name! I am every conquistador, every great explorer, God-Emperor to the land of old and God the Father to the lands of new. I have no plan going into Pain for Pride, because the simple fact of the matter Stew is, I don’t need a fucking plan. I’m the greatest athlete alive. I am unquestionably the number one man in this company, and unlike egoes like Jamie O’Hara and Mr. DEDEDE who rely on the past *readjusts Answers World Championship on his shoulder* I have the tangible merits to make that claim. The difference between myself and the rest of these men is so very clear, the very picture of the four of us standing here already tells you 1000 words. I am the king in the room full of subjects. The emperor in the room full of subordinates, and there’s not a fucking thing any of these men could do over the last EIGHT MONTHS, COUNTING. There’s nothing they’ll be able to do at Pain for Pride either. I rest my case.
( Theron holds up his Answers World Championship, receiving thunderous boos from the audience. )
Jamie O’Hara: If I can retort, Stew?
Stew-O: The floor’s yours.
Jamie O’Hara: Good… Theron, take this from a man who has entered a stage such as Pain for Pride holding the biggest prize in the company long before you were so much as relevant. The pressure has only just begun. I understand it, after going so long on this reign of terror joyride of yours play pretending as a rightful champion, you feel as though you’re the Alexander the Great archetype weeping on a rock because there are no more worlds to conquer. What you’re going to understand the hard way, is that the bright lights of Pain for Pride with absolutely everything on the line is another world. More than that. It is a different universe entirely. A realm in which you know nothing about, a realm you simply haven’t been prepared for, and if there’s anyone to blame for that it’s the jackass standing to the left of you. He’s shielded and protected you long enough and allowed you to cocoon yourself from any real adversity, and it’s poetic irony that you have made him come to regret every favor he has ever done for you.
However the bloke hasn’t done any favors for you at all Theron. To quote Coach Boone from ‘Remember The Titans’, he’s actually crippled you. He has crippled you for life, and the results of having essentially a sedentary reign on top from the comfort of your throne has led you to a fate in Atlanta that will be far more of a humiliation than the loss you took last week against my sister-in-law. Because for as much of a God-Emperor as you are, or a God that pistol grip chinned blowhard for a chairman thinks he is, or for as much as a psycho babbling delusional undesirable as this bloke Darkane is, the three of you cunts all have got something in common. You’re all about to experience what it is like to be trounced, unquestionably, by an Ascended Master in the flesh. Congrats on your two hundred something odd days of moral victories, ‘God-Emperor’, because your moral victories will lead to major league losses, and you are going to experience loss in spades come Pain for Pride. By my will. By my hands.
Crowd: JAMIE! JAMIE! JAMIE! JAMIE! JAMIE! JAMIE! JAMIE! JAMIE! JAMIE! JAMIE!
Stew-O: DEDEDE, what say you sir?
Mr. DEDEDE: (adjusting the microphone) Yeah… right. So,
( DDD pulls out his book, “GAWDVERBS: A Machiavellian’s Guide To Un-Fucking Yourself” )
Mr. DEDEDE: “GAWDVERBS: A Machiavellian’s Guide To Un-Fucking Yourself” will OFFICIALLY be in stores EVERYWHERE TOMORROW, NATIONWIDE IN A BOOKSTORE OR MAJOR SHOPPING CENTER NEAR YOU!
( MAJOR mixed reaction from the crowd. )
Darkane: Great I’ve been looking for something to use to chase the Mormon missionaries away. Fuckers won’t stop banging on my door man. Always wanting to talk about their “Joseph Smith” and “Jesus”, might show them a thing or two about Satan in the flesh. You hear that folks! GAWDVERBS, COMING TOMORROW IN A CLEARANCE BIN NEAR YOU.
Mr. DEDEDE: Oh I’m sorry you must have my book confused with your lackluster career. You know, the same career that I threw out like the trash that you are back in November?
Darkane: Uhhh actually my memory’s a little hazy a bit foggy, must be from the Equalizer shot I took over the head. Did that happen before or after Theron threw YOU out like the old bug-eyed pawn on his chessboard that you are?
Mr. DEDEDE: Hahahaha that’s funny. *towards the stage* Cut his mic off.
Darkane: I thought so, goes to show-
( Darkane continues speaking into the mic, but the crowd boos as he can no longer be heard. )
Mr. DEDEDE: See friends? Some of us have shitty punchlines, and some of us have actual power. That’s the difference, and you know what, that’s the only thing that matters in the world. You know what fuck this fatal four way, fuck this Pain for Pride match, we all know what’s going to become of it already, the results are obvious. I’m not here to discuss Pain for Pride, I’m here to discuss your miserable vacuous existence. And yes I am talking to you. You see a lot of you have made the mistake of idolizing shitstains like Darkane and pawns like Jamie O’Hara, you’re fooled into believing golden calfs like our Answers World Champion actually have control of their own destiny. Newsflash: they don’t.
The majority of people you idolize have a string attached to every limb. They are assets to be manipulated. The reason why the people who rule everything in this world and belong in the 1% of society alongside the likes of myself, is because they have understood very early that everyone in life is an asset. All of the people around you are either an expendable asset or a cost detrimental to you. Look no further than this simping geek Jamie O’Hara, his big mouthed bitch of a wife didn’t know how to show a Gawd the respect he fucking deserves,
Jamie O’Hara: Easy now mate, that’s the last time I’m going to warn you.
Mr. DEDEDE: Look he’s getting in his bitch ass feelings already. Jamie O’Hara like the hotheaded manservant that he is he ran head first into a war he could not win losing months of his career, of his PRIME in the process. And he nearly threw it all away over some pussy. At Pain for Pride I am going to take everything from three pathetic fools that I’ve had spun around my finger, and I’m going to show you first hand that the only way any of you will ever be successful in your lives… is by purchasing my book, on Amazon and Kindle Fire tonight at 11:59pm, and in stores everywhere tomorrow morning near you. Sick of being used and treated and pegged by the passed around whore in your life like Jamie O’Hara? Buy my fucking boo-
Flannery McCoy: LOOK OUT!!! JAMIE STORMING PAST DARKANE, AND LETS OFF WITH SOME WELL DESERVED RIGHTS ON DEDEDE! DDD DUCKS THROUGH THE ROPES AND IMMEDIATELY RETREATS TO RINGSIDE! JAMIE ABOUT TO FOLLOW HIM — BANG!!! SUPERKICK BY THERON!!!! JAMIE TOPPLES OVER ONE OF THE PODIUMS, AND THERON GOING AFTER DARKANE! SUPERKICK!!!! NOBODYp HOME! DARKANE DUCKS UNDERNEATH IT AND SENDS THERON INTO THE CORNER! DEVIL!!!!!!!!!! MAY!!!!!!!!!! CRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
( Theron Nikolas collapses to the floor after being nearly broken in half with the spear to the spine. )
Flannery McCoy: MR. DEDEDE CHARGING BACK IN THE RING WITH ONE OF THE CAMERAS FROM THE PAPARAZZI, OH MY GOD!!! HE SMASHES THE CAMERA RIGHT OVER DARKANE’S HEAD!!! AND NOW DDD STANDS OVER DARKANE AGAIN, HOISTS THE CAMERA HIGH OVER HIS HEAD, AND BRINGS IT DOWN REPEATEDLY OVER DARKANE’S SKULL UNTIL IT FALLS APART IN HIS HANDS! WHAT A BRUTAL SAVAGE ATTACK FROM GAWDZILLA!
( Crowd begins to roar in applause. )
Flannery McCoy: LOOK OUT!!! LOOK OUT!!! FROM BEHIND!!!! STARDUST BREAKER!!!!!!!! RIPCORD KNEE ACROSS THE JAW, LAYING MR. DEDEDE OUT!!!!! THERON IS ALREADY BACK UP, AND IS CHARGING AT O’HARA WITH THE ANSWERS WORLD TITLE BELT — IN EXCELSIS!!!!!!! LAYING THE CHAMPION OUT!!!
( Jamie O’Hara stands tall with the Answers World Championship at his feet. He picks the belt up from the floor, and holds it high in front of an adoring crowd that is eating out of the palm of his hands. “Ultimate Battle” comes back on, and Jamie O’Hara basks in the adoration of the audience, giving them – perhaps – a preview of things to come. )
Flannery McCoy: THE ASCENDED MASTER MAY BE ONLY SEVEN DAYS AWAY! SEVEN DAYS AWAY FROM ASCENDING TO HIS RIGHTFUL PLACE AS THE UNQUESTIONED FACE OF ELITE ANSWERS WRESTLING! WITH THE ANSWERS WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP TEMPORARILY IN HIS GRASP, ALL IT TAKES IS THIS EXACT SAME SEQUENCE PLAYING OUT AT PAIN FOR PRIDE AS WE SAW TONIGHT, AND FOR THE FIRST TIME IN OVER A YEAR THE ENTIRE LAND OF ELITE WILL ANSWER TO THE ACE! … FOR STEW-O, I’M FLANNERY MCCOY, AND WE WILL SEE YOU ALL IN ATLANTA! GOOD NIGHT!
( Jamie’s music continues to blare over the arena sound system, and Theron Nikolas is at ringside with blood dripping from his mouth, Mr. DEDEDE is completely laid out in the ring looking up at the lights, and Darkane is dragging himself towards the ropes with blood running down his face. The last visual shows O’Hara showing off the AWC to the crowd, until the camera eventually fades to black. )
( EAW logo buzzes )
