Matthew Graham
(EAW intro plays.)
(A recap of last week’s episode of Dynasty is shown as The Liquid Swordz kick off the show talking about their Grand Prix opposition at Road To Redemption. Mr. DEDEDE places himself in the Extreme Elimination Chamber for the World Heavyweight Championship yet before he’s able to put Impact into the Chamber as well, Chris Elite as he doesn’t hesitate in immediately putting himself into the last spot in the Extreme Elimination Chamber over Impact at Road To Redemption. Dirk Kane gets the win over Dr. Thomas in a well needed victory. Veena Adams conducts an interview between The Realm and Chained Fury before their Unified Tag Title matchup where, throwing away all the questions, all four of them engage in a back and forth as Veena eggs them on. Before anything physical happens Chained Fury leaves the ring escaping harm as The Realm make themselves known in the ring. Speaking of Veena Adams she gets a well needed win against The Fallen Angel to get herself back on track in her in-ring career. Andre Walker cuts a promo in the ring to take shots at his Road To Redemption opponent for the New Breed Championship before his opponent, Donovan Duke attacks him and leaves Andre laid out on the ground as he comes out on top in the altercation. The World Heavyweight Champion, The Visual Prophet engages in a Verzuz battle with one of the Chamber participants Lethal Consequences as it ends with LC low blows him leaving him knocked down to the ground as Komatsu Ogawa comes in to sprinkle salt on his wounds as he insults the Champion before leaving as well. Limmy Monaghan gives an update on Mason Massacre saying that he’s out indefinitely and that because of that he’s going to take away two things personal to the two competitors he’s facing at Road To Redemption for the PURE Championship, Dray his title, and Adam his last chance at getting one. Dray Fontana and Adam Lucas get the win over MITSUBACHI and Komatsu Ogawa before Limmy Monaghan takes them both out in frustration sending them both a message that they’ll remember. Vic Vendetta talks about his legacy and how because of that Jake Smith doesn’t know a thing about what he’s getting into heading into their match at Road To Redemption and how he should take him seriously because of his status compared to him on the totem pole. Meanwhile Jake Smith gets a big win over Chris Elite and a well needed momentum boost heading into his match at Road To Redemption. While Serena Bennett, rather two of her past selves, Brown and Pink-Haired Serena banter with one another and talk about their match at Road To Redemption and how they have to win against Ms. Extreme before being shunned away from the current Serena Bennett who takes off her blue wig for the first time in her EAW career and absolutely tears into Ms. Extreme in the process. While in the main event, The Visual Prophet and Xander Payne fight to a no contest as the rest of the Extreme Elimination Chamber competitors come out and spark a brawl which is forced to be separated by security as from there the recap ends)
(The camera cuts to ringside where Veena Adams and the traditional board-room table and chairs set up are arranged in the center of the ring for the contract signing to be held between Ms. Extreme and Serena Bennett for their heavily anticipated Universal Women’s Championship match at Road to Redemption. Veena is not alone, however: the ring is currently surrounded by about two dozen members of Theatre security, presumably a preventive measure put forth by Dynasty’s co-GM to prevent these women from turning into even more of a liability for her brand as they’ve already become the last few weeks. Veena stands at the head of the table, seemingly much more interested in her manicure than she is the contract she holds in her hand as “ME!” by Taylor Swift ft. Brendon Urie fills the World 1 Theatre.)
Stew-O: And instead of jumping straight into the action here tonight on Dynasty this week, Veena Adams is hosting a contract signing between Serena Bennett and her challenger for the Universal Women’s Title, Ms. Extreme.
Flannery McCoy: I might argue that these two women have had PLENTY of action the last few weeks, as they’ve been at each other’s throats since the moment this match had been announced! With the back and forth clashes and attacks on Dynasty and Voltage, with one on Dynasty having been blown so far out of proportion that it required ample security to tear those two women apart, it’s no secret that these two women are itching to get their hands on one another, regardless of who or what is at expense!
Jake Mercer: That’s exactly why Veena was smart enough to bring out some security with her as a preemptive measure, especially given her own personal history with Ms. Extreme. And it’s probably the same reason why StarrStan didn’t want to be out here tonight. It’s been one heated exchange after another with these two, and I’m certain their match at Road to Redemption will be just as HOT! Not hotter than Serena’s HOT ONES interview last month, where she damn near tap, tap, tapped out from eating spicy wings, I tell ya, that Chipotle eXpress sauce will be SURE to get your heart rate up. But not as high as it gets whenever I see Serena do that OTHER thing with her mouth on her undercover OnlyFa–
Veena Adams: Hi.
(As “ME!” dies down and Veena lifts her microphone to speak, the virtual audience erupts into a violent series of boos directed at the co-GM of Dynasty. She allows them some time to get their rocks off on hating her before continuing, looking around the World 1 Theatre with a smug smile on her flawless face.)
Veena Adams: Okay okay, so I KNOW you guys are looking forward to this contract signing tonight, but–I need to get something off my chest first.
(She lowers the microphone a moment, turning her eyes up towards the ceiling. She lets out a puff of air dramatically as she raises her microphone back to her mouth, refusing to make eye contact with any camera.)
Veena Adams: Serena Bennett. I owe you an…an apology.
(The virtual crowd’s boos subside for a moment as they try their hardest to process the last few words that have come out of Veena’s mouth.)
Veena Adams: I hadn’t had much of an opportunity to discuss my feelings regarding this Women’s Title match, y’know. It’s not like anybody asked me how I felt about Captain Charisma doing what Captain Charisma does the worst and throw a World Title shot at the most undeserving, self-righteous cunt on his roster. I might not like Slutrena–sorry, my anger got the better of me that time, Serena–but she IS still one of my champions, you know. And as one of the interbranded championships that Dynasty has secured under MY watch as co-General Manager, I think the bi–sorry, the cu–ugh, the woman deserves a much more sensible competitor, someone who can actually pose as a challenge in the ring instead of causing some mind numbing ruckus and refusing to take ANY sort of accountability for the chaotic and reckless behavior she exhibits weekly. Serena can do better, but of course, StarrStan went and made his own stupid decision without me being there to prevent it or enhance this match at all. Like we don’t already know the only thing Camille’s family has EVER been good for is for taking that big fat L in championship matches. I’m one-half of your general managerial team, and I let you down in a big way by not stopping this match from happening the very moment it had been announced, Serena. Not like it matters THAT much to me, ‘cause I know you’re gunna win anyway. At least you better, because I fucking hate Cumille Jane Ava with every fiber of my flawless being. Take that fake ass ginger bitch and rip her limb from limb, and that’s an order from your bos–
(“Gangsta” by New Years Day begins to play throughout the speakers of the World 1 Theatre, the virtual audience bursting into a positive reaction for the number one contender to the Universal Women’s Championship. She steps out onto the stage purposefully, wasting no time as she struts down the ramp, keeping a close eye on the members of security that line the ring apron.)
Stew-O: It’s funny you mentioned it, Jake, the history that Veena and Ms. Extreme shared with one another, back with Veena was working under Captain Charisma on Voltage. Veena is not at all shy by letting this EAW Universe know EXACTLY how she feels about Ms. Extreme. Clearly, it hasn’t changed one bit since last season.
Jake Mercer: I call bias. I guess Candice was onto something when she spilled the tea about that board conspiracy. If Serena manages to walk away with a victory, I’m going to have to report to HR with a few concerns :mjpls: !!!
(Ms. Extreme makes herself comfortable in one of the leather seats, keeping a close eye on Veena who glares as “Gangsta” dies down.)
Veena Adams: Um, I didn’t call for you yet, Cumille. Take your fatass head backstage until I’m ready for you, you insubordinate twat.
(Ms. Extreme flashes a surprisingly sweet smile in Veena’s direction before grabbing a mic to speak.)
Ms. Extreme: It’s actually good to see you managed to land a job after all that time spent in the unemployment line. Proud of you, even after all you tried to put me through. But really, Veena. This has nothing to do with you and your one-sided hatred directed towards me. There are far more important matters at hand–like the way I get to call myself the next Universal Women’s Champion after Road to Redemption. You muthafuckers aren’t ready for this yet, I’m more than prepared to bring this division a champion they can FINALLY be proud of. But go right on ahead. Root for Serena just like every other idiot who lacks enough sense to see through her facade resulting from her insecurities. I could care less. I won’t have much to say about it after I snatch the one thing she cherishes the most about this business right out of her grubby paws except from, “I told you so.”
Veena Adams: And when she reveals that yet again, the entire stupid ass family of Avas are no good cumdumpsters after she beats you?
Ms. Extreme: Ain’t a chance in hell, Whoredams. I’m giving that bitch the fight of her life, and only because I’m as generous as I am. ‘Tis the season, after all. But I’m going to do it by making sure Serena will be far too embarrassed after Road to Redemption to show her face around here again after I finish the job Sienna Jade was too daft to see all the way through. Won’t be any hiatus, no injury leave, none of that. I’m forcing that jealous broad right into retirement and you’ll finally have Camille Jane Ava to thank for freeing the EAW Women’s Division over the chokehold Serena has unrightfully held this industry in for months. That bitch is moments away from signing her LIFE away. Biggest mistake of her fucking life was messing with me. She’s going to regret every minute of this, and for ever deciding to mess with me. I’m the best in this business, I’m the best at what I do. Losing’s not an option for me. I promise, the bozo is going to get exactly what she deser–
(“Surfin’ [ft. Pharrel Williams]” by Kid Cudi starts to play throughout the World 1 Theatre PA system, the virtual audience in attendance bursting into cheers once again, this time, for the reigning Universal Women’s Champion. With the title worn over her shoulder, she steps out onto the stage and without pausing, immediately treks down to the ring. As Serena gets closer to the ring, the security surrounding the ring straightens up noticeably, bracing themselves for any sort of altercation that might unfold.)
Flannery McCoy: Um, is it just me, or did you guys catch that as well?
Stew-O: No, Flan, it’s not just you. All members of security around the ring have taken a step backward, tightening the perimeter of their protective human barricade. I guess they’re anticipating another collision between the champion and her Road to Redemption opponent when they step inside of that ring together.
Jake Mercer: How long until you think Serena pulls the “racial profiling” card?
(As Serena reaches ringside, she gives a few security guards a stank look before they make room for her, very much annoyed with their presence as she walks up the steel steps and enters the ring. The camera cuts quickly to Ms. Extreme, who’s previously playful demeanor when addressing Veena Adams has been washed away completely and replaced with a venomous glower directed towards the champion. She now stands against her edge of the table and Serena mirrors her stance, slowly placing the Universal Women’s Championship down on the table in front of her. “Surfin’” comes to a halt, the audience enthusiastically cheering as the women stare one another down.)
Veena Adams: Ooookaaay. Dramatic much? Can you both just sign this stupid ass contract so I can go home?
(Veena lays the portfolio holding the contract out on the table, pushing it towards the Universal Women’s Champion first with a pen. Serena takes the pen and without taking her eyes off Ms. Extreme, leans down and signs her name across the bottom of the page. She lazily flicks the pen in Ms. Extreme’s direction; Camille lets out a cheeky puff of air as it lands in front of her. She snatches the edge of the portfolio and quickly signs her name along the dotted line, slamming the portfolio shut as she straightens herself back up. Veena slowly reaches forward, eyes darting back and forth between both women as she carefully grabs the signed contract, as though in dire fear of setting off explosives.)
Serena Bennett: (off-mic) I never got to thank you for the Grand Prix semi-finals.
(Without saying another word, Serena reaches over and slaps Ms. Extreme directly across the face, with an impact heard around the World 1 Theatre. That’s all it takes for Ms. Extreme to dart over the table and charge directly at Serena, both women falling to the ground as they exchange shot after shot, tumbling around the ring Veena was quick to dart out of, security even quicker to charge into.)
Jake Mercer: MS. EXTREME JUST TOOK DOWN SERENA AFTER JUMPING OVER THAT TABLE–AND NOW THEY’RE BRAWLING IN THE RING!!! ROLLING AROUND, PUNCH AFTER PUNCH, STRIKE AFTER STRIKE–SERENA WITH A HEADBUTT! AND MS. EXTREME WITH A HARD ELBOW!
Flannery McCoy: A GREAT call from Veena bringing security out here but–I don’t think they’re going to make much of a difference here! Serena and Ms. Extreme do NOT want to wait until Road to Redemption to go at it, and this crowd is LOVING every second of it!
Stew-O: We have twelve, fifteen, TWENTY members of Theatre security trying to pull these two women apart! BUT THEY’RE NOT LETTING UP! NOT FOR ANYTHING! SERENA PULLING ONTO CAMILLE’S HAIR!
Jake Mercer: CAMILLE LOOKS LIKE SHE GOT SERENA RIGHT IN THE EYE! OH GOD, IT’S JUST LIKE LAST YEAR!
Flannery McCoy: Members of security now SWARMING the inside of the ring–we can hardly get a good look at them now, they’ve lodged themselves into a turnbuckle corner! There’s no way this is saf–LOOK! DOWN THE RAMP!
(Much to the surprise of the virtual audience, just about every member of the Dynasty locker room begins to run down the ramp and into the ring, attempting to assist security in separating Serena and Camille and putting an end to their brawl.)
Stew-O: THE DYNASTY LOCKER ROOM IS SPILLING INTO THE RING HERE NOW AS WELL! Giving their best efforts to try and pull Serena and Camille away from one another as they get lost in this SEA of humanity here at ringside!
Jake Mercer: That’s damn near EVERY man and woman in the locker room now who have come out to the ring to put a stop to all this chaos–I THINK they finally did it?! Camille has been lifted up, pulled to an opposite corner, with Elitists and security BOTH working to keep Ms. Extreme far back, and an equal number stopping Serena from charging after–
Flannery McCoy: :damn: !!! NOT QUITE! MS. EXTREME BURSTS THROUGH–CAMILLE AGAIN GOING AFTER SERENA! THIS IS ABSOLUTE MADNESS! These women want NOTHING more than to tear each other’s throats out–I’VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS FROM OUR WOMEN IN EAW!
(The camera cuts to a close up shot of Serena, who has now been backed into a turnbuckle corner by security as well as various EAW Elitists. Practically foaming at the mouth with a smile, she peaks her head past someone’s shoulder long enough to spit a mouthful of blood at Ms. Extreme’s direction, who has also been busted open right above the eye. A trickle of blood falls down Ms. Extreme’s cheek as she tries to break free from security and her fellow Elitists as well, but to no avail.)
Jake Mercer: It has taken an INHUMANE amount of man power to separate these two women, I CANNOT fucking believe the CHAOS that is unfolding here on Dynasty! This match is going to–WHAT?! SERENA BREAKS THROUGH, SHE CHARGES AFTER MS. EXTREME! SHE GETS A HOLD OF HER! THEY’RE AT IT AGAIN!
Flannery McCoy: SERENA’S ON TOP OF HER! SECURITY AND ELITISTS ARE TRYING TO REIN BOTH WOMEN IN, BUT IT’S NO USE!
Stew-O: A member of security has actually grabbed hold of Ms. Extreme, they’ve got her by the shoulders at ringside–and they pull her out of the ring! Elitists and security moving quickly to push her up against the barricade, stopping her from reentering as BADLY as I bet she wants to right now!
Flannery McCoy: THEY NEED TO GET CAMILLE THE HELL OUT OF HERE! I guaranTEE she wants more, but they’re not letting her loose again, good riddance!
Jake Mercer: So, who can I talk to about feeling like my workplace is an unsafe environment?! This is absolute FUCKING MAYHEM out here and I’ve never seen anything like it before in my life!
Stew-O: What a way to kick off Dynasty! :whew: I guess these women are going to be forced to wait until ROAD TO REDEMPTION to continue right where they left off! With ample security measures put in place, HOPEFULLY. It’s clearly much needed as the disdain these two have for one another is absolutely beyond anyone’s control, no way to contain it after tonight, not at all!
(As the virtual crowd loses their minds from the comfort of their homes, the camera gives us one last shot of Ms. Extreme yelling in the face of security and other Elitists. Serena is then shown with a wide smirk on her face, despite her mouth having been busted open, being held against the turnbuckle by four other Elitists.)
Jake Mercer: Quick, cut to commercial before either one of them starts feeling bold again–
(A commercial for EAW’s new Quick Facts! Learn new things about your favorite EAW Elitists, like how Adriana Landerson is the girlfriend of Myles, don’t tell him we added that)
(Dynasty fades back from commercial break, a shot of Stephie love in the ring is shown.)
Stephie Love: LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, THE FOLLOWING CONTEST IS A SINGLES MATCH, SCHEDULED FOR ONE FALL!
(‘Demi Gods’ by Lab Rats and Slim-Jim begins to reverberate throughout the Performance Center as The Fallen Angel makes his way onto the stage)
Stephie Love: INTRODUCING FIRST, WRESTLING OUT OF DETROIT, MICHIGAAANNNNNNNN! WEIGHING IN AT 240 POOOUUUNNDDSSSSSS! THEEEEEE FALLLLLLLLLLLLEEENNNNNNNNN ANNNGGGEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!
Flannery McCoy: The Fallen Angel is here to make a statement tonight. After suffering his first defeat last week, he’s been eager to get back into the ring and get his momentum back on track. The Fallen Angel is undoubtedly one of Dynasty’s brightest young lions and he’ll have big chances at gold rolling his way with a few more big victories, and it all starts tonight! He wants to put an exclamation point on what has been a primarily uphill ride thus far!
(The lights in the arena dim and focus on the entrance ramp as ‘The Invisible Wall’ by The GazzetE begins to ring throughout the arena. Komatsu Ogawa begins to make his way onto the entrance ramp.)
Stephie Love: AND HIS OPPONENT, WRESTLING OUT OF KABUKICHO, TOKYO, JAPPPPANNNNNNNNN!!!! WEIGHING IN AT 251 POUUNNNDSSS, KOMMMMMMMAAATTTSSSSUUUUUU “THHEEEEEEEEEEE STARRRRDDDUUUSSSSTTT DEVVVIIILLLLLLL” OGGAAAAAWWWWAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Jake Mercer: Komatsu Ogawa’s Dynasty career hasn’t been that of which he’d hoped it would be. A Bumpy road of losses and wins has set Komatsu reeling for answers, but he can find resolve tonight with a dominant performance over The Fallen Angel. But that’s easier said than done, so let’s see what the will and drive of Komatsu is truly made of!
(Komatsu rolls into the ring, throws his hat and shirt to the outside of the ring, and readies himself.)
(DING! DING! DING!)
Jake Mercer: And here we go! The battle is on! Komatsu Ogawa with pressure right off the bat, he looks to be the aggressor in this match. Shoving The Fallen Angel back into the turnbuckles, Komatsu Ogawa with a forearm driving into the throat of The Fallen Angel. Using all of his five count is Ogawa, trying a slap to The Fallen Angel! But he had it telegraphed, The Fallen Angel ducks under it, and fires back with a slap to the face of Komatsu! A taste of his own medicine before he could even deliver the toxins! What a move from The Fallen Angel!
Flannery McCoy: The Fallen Angel is now the hunter, Ogawa trying to avoid the fury of chops being thrown by The Fallen Angel! Chop after chop, nasty welts are forming on the chest of Komatsu Ogawa! Komatsu now the one being backed into the turnbuckles! The Fallen Angel searching for a big headbutt!! But Ogawa rolls out of the ring before certain doom! Avoiding peril, The Fallen Angel calls for Komatsu to come back into the ring. The Fallen Angel has learned his lessons and won’t be caught with the same tricks twice, he won’t, play this game of cat and mouse with Komatsu Ogawa! He wants to keep this match on his own terms!
Stew-O: Komatsu sliding back into the ring, The Fallen Angel allowing him time to get to his feet, but Komatsu won’t show him the same honor! Komatsu Ogawa stuck a thumb in the eye of The Fallen Angel, the referee didn’t see it! Now Komatsu Ogawa comes off the ropes with a chop-block to the knee of The Fallen Angel! He took out the knee after that cheap shot, now Komatsu Ogawa is looking for a discus elbow strike! The Fallen Angel just barely manages to avoid it, though Komatsu buries a boot in his midsection, and now a wristlock lariat drops ‘The Fallen One’! Komatsu Ogawa is as ruthless as ever tonight, he wants to make a statement! The Fallen Angel is one of EAW’s newest star prospects, Komatsu’s clearly trying to derail the momentum of this bright pupil!
Flannery McCoy: If there’s anything The Fallen Angel has taught us about himself, it’s that he doesn’t go out without a fight! Komatsu Ogawa is now looking for a double underhook piledriver, this could be more fight than The Fallen One was looking for! HE’S GOT THE FALLEN ANGEL IN THE AIR, HE WANTS TO PLANT HIS HEAD INTO THE CANVAS! ‘The Fallen One’ just barely manages to fight his way out, now stunning Komatsu Ogawa with a roundhouse kick to the skull! Komatsu dropped to a knee, The Fallen Angel goes for a step-up knee strike! BUT KOMATSU CAUGHT IT AND TRANSITIONED INTO A FOLDING POWERBOMB! WOW! WHAT A COUNTER FROM KOMATSU OGAWA! HE MANAGED TO DRIVE THE FALLEN ANGEL INTO THE GROUND WITH THAT POWERBOMB, BUT THE FALLEN ANGEL ROLLS OUT OF THE RING TO AVOID ANY FURTHER ONSLAUGHT!
Stew-O: Komatsu Ogawa not interested in high-risk offense, he’ll continue on this methodical dissection of The Fallen Angel. Following him to the outside, The Fallen Angel fires off an enziguri, but Komatsu evades it, then launches The Fallen Angel with a german suplex on the floor! Lord almighty, Komatsu is looking to take years off the career of The Fallen Angel! Ogawa now, what the hell…OH, NO!! HE’S LOCKED IN THE INDIAN DEATHLOCK ON THE OUTSIDE, HE’S NOT EVEN LOOKING TO END THE MATCH, HE JUST WANTS TO INFLICT AS MUCH WHITE HOT PAIN AS HE CAN, ABSOLUTELY VILE! THE FALLEN ANGEL WITH LITERALLY NO OPTIONS, HE’S GOT NOWHERE TO GO! KOMATSU OGAWA, PURELY MERCILESS! RELEASING THE HOLD AND NOW ROLLING THE FALLEN ANGEL BACK INTO THE RING, NOW HE’S GOT THE SWIFT BLOW OF DOOM IN HIS SIGHTS! HE DRAGS THE FALLEN ANGEL UP TO HIS FEET, SAYING IT’S THE END! OFF THE ROPES GOES KOMATSU, “NOCTURNALLLLLLLL R-” NO, BANG! ‘REALIGNER’ OUT OF NOWHERE, A GIANT SUPERKICK TO THE FACE FROM OUT OF ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE BY THE FALLEN ANGEL, HOW DID HE HAVE THE STRENGTH?!?!
Flannery McCoy: HE JUST BUCKLED THE LEGS OF KOMATSU OGAWA OUT OF MID-AIR! WHAT A COUNTER FROM THE FALLEN ANGEL!! BUT HE’S IN SO MUCH PAIN HIMSELF, HE CAN’T CAPITALIZE, HE CAN BARELY EVEN STAY ON HIS FEET! MANAGING TO HOIST KOMATSU ONTO HIS SHOULDERS, COULD THE ‘ROARING CANNON’ BE IN OGAWA’S NEAR FUTURE?!? NO, KOMATSU OGAWA ESCAPES OUT THE BACKDOOR, DROPPING THE FALLEN ANGEL WITH A JUMPING NECKBREAKER! NOW IT’S KOMATSU OGAWA HEADING UP THE TOP ROPE, HE WANTS TO SILENCE ANY DOUBT AROUND WHO THE BETTER MAN IS! THAT CORKSCREW MOONSAULT IS WHAT KOMATSU IS HOPIN- HOLY HELL, NOW IT’S THE FALLEN ANGEL WHO SPRINGS UP TO THE TOP ROPE, DID YOU SEE THAT?!? HE JUST BOX JUMPED ONTO THE TOP TURNBUCKLE, HOLDING ONTO KOMATSU, THE FALLEN ANGEL, HERE HE GOES!!!!! ‘NEURAAALLLLLLL COLLAPPPPSSSEEEEEEEE’ OFF THE TOP ROPE, ALL THE WAY TO THE GROUND!!!! THEY JUST SOARED THROUGH THE SKIES, AND THE FALLEN ANGEL DRILLED THE SKULL OF KOMATSU INTO THE CANVAS! SURELY THIS IS IT, THE FALLEN ANGEL BARELY MANAGES TO THROW AN ARM AROUND KOMATSU FOR THE COVER!
(ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!)
(TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!)
(TTTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-)
Jake Mercer: KOMATSU OGAWA GOT A FOOT ON THE BOTTOM ROPE, IT’S NOT OVER! IT’S NOT OVER! IT’S NOT OVER! KOMATSU OGAWA IS STILL IN THIS! Komatsu Ogawa is absolutely out of it, but he still managed to summon the wherewithal to get his foot on the bottom rope, The Fallen Angel looks stunned! He can’t believe this match isn’t over, but he knows he can’t lose his killer instinct now! He has to keep pushing! He’s got Ogawa on the ropes! The Fallen Angel dragging Komatsu to his feet, shoving him back into the turnbuckles, and nailing a flying step-up knee to the face of Komatsu! Now HE TRIES FOR THE ‘COLLAPSING STAR’! BUT KOMATSU THROWS HIM OFF, COMING OFF THE ROPES WITH A HUGE DISCUS ELBOW TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD IS KOMATSU! HOW IS HE STILL FIGHTING, HE STUNS THE FALLEN ANGEL! NOW A JUMPING DOUBLE KNEE FACEBREAKER, PUTTING THE FALLEN ANGEL DOWN TO THE CANVAS! NOW KOMATSU SEARCHING FOR ‘REALITY’S END’ ONE MORE TIME! THE FALLEN ANGEL ISN’T GETTING UP THIS TIME! KOMATSU OGAWA LUCNHES HIMSEEELLFFFFFFFF- AND HE HITS THE MAT HARD AS THE FALLEN ANGEL ROLLED OUT OF THE WAY!!! NO WATER IN THE POOL FOR KOMATSU! HE VIRTUALLY JUST TOOK HIMSELF OUT OF THIS MATCH!
Stew-O: IT’S THE FALLEN ANGEL’S TIME! IT’S HIS MOMENT, HE SEES HIS WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY AND HE IS GONNA TAKE IT! HE POSITIONS KOMATSU ON HIS KNEES, NOW A ‘REALIGNER’ TO THE FACE! A SUPERKICK TO THE FACE, AND AGAIN!!!! TWO REALIGNERS TO THE FACE OF OGAWA!! NOW A SUPERKICK TO THE BACK OF THE SKULL FROM THE FALLEN ANGEL! THREE ‘REALIGNERS’ TO KOMATSU OGAWA, WHO’S AS LIFELESS AS LIFELESS GETS! DRAGGING THE BODY OF KOMATSU ONTO HIS SHOULDERS IS THE FALLEN ANGEL, HE’S HEADING UP TO THE SECOND ROPE! STANDING ON THE SECOND TURNBUCKLE WITH KOMATSU OGAWA ON HIS SHOULDERS, HERE IT COMMMESSSSS!!!! ‘ROARING CANON’ ALL THE WAY TO THE CANVASSSSSS! ‘ROARING CANON’ OFF THE SECOND ROPE AD KNOATSU OGAWA IS DONE, THE FALLEN ANGEL SCRAMBLES INTO THE COVER!
(ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!)
(TWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!)
(TTTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
(DING! DING! DING!)
Flannery McCoy: THE FALLEN ANGEL DOES IT, HE GETS THE JOB DONE AGAINST KOMATSU OGAWA TONIGHT!
Stephie Love: LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, HERE IS YOUR WINNER, THEEEE FALLENNNNNNN ANGGEELLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!
Flannery McCoy: There’s no doubt about this young mans position in this company, he’s meant to be here, and he can hang with some of the most dangerous competitors on the roster! What a match this was between two warriors, but in the end it’s ‘The Fallen One’ who comes out on top!
Stew-O: After suffering a defeat last week, he came back the best way possible! A definitive victory against a lethal competitor in Komatsu Ogawa! He made the most of a great opportunity tonight, but the question is also begged, what’s next for the loser, Komatsu Ogawa?!
Jake Mercer: The Fallen Angel will certainly have a storm of opportunities rolling his way, but for now, he can celebrate a valiant effort and success in an epic match! Congratulations, The Fallen Angel, and thank you all for sticking with us! Dynasty will return with more action shortly!
(Dynasty fades to commercial break as a shot of The Fallen Angel’s hand raised in victory is shown.)
(A commercial for grandson’s recently released debut album Death of an Optimist is shown, no misses)
(Dynasty comes back from commercial break as the camera pans around the World 1 Theatre for a moment before focusing on Stew-O in the ring. He has a smile on his face as he looks to the titantron for a moment before looking to the camera that’s directed towards him as he begins to speak)
Stew-O: Ladies and gentlemen welcome back to Dynasty where I have before me now three participants in the PURE Championship match at Road To Redemption in undisclosed areas backstage to prevent any sort of boiling animosity. Please welcome first at this time, the current PURE Champion, Dray Fontana.
(The crowd would give a mixed reaction as Dray Fontana would be seen seated in front of a red sequin background as he would have the PURE Championship around his shoulder as well. He would look towards it as he got introduced before back to the camera as he slightly tilted his head and crossed his arms as he leaned back in his chair)
Stew-O: Now I’m going to individually ask you three the same question, starting with Dray. How do you feel heading into Road To Redemption?
Dray Fontana: Well that shouldn’t be a question should it? Let’s not forget my place on the hierarchy compared to those inbreds and I’m going to make that clear, I am going to shout that from the rooftops. I am not like them, not some may say that’s a bit arrogant of me, I can’t deny that. I’m putting myself over someone else, but why is that? Well, it’s simple, there’s one thing that the two competitors across from me lack dearly, and that’s validity. Sure they may have an ounce, and this is me being generous here, an ounce of weight to their name, but none compared to me. Compare Adam Lucas to me, compare Limmy Monaghan to me, who’s the one with the title? I’ll let you answer that for yourself.
Stew-O: Now introducing next, the challengers, first, Adam Lucas.
(The titantron screen would transition from Dray to Adam Lucas as he’s leaned forward with his hands clasped together as he looks to the ground. He would look up towards the camera as he would nod with a determined look on his face as he did so. The intensity in his eyes is vivid despite his neutral look as he takes a deep breath before beginning to speak)
Adam Lucas: How do I feel? I’m not going to pull my punches when I say it but I feel like the next PURE Champion, don’t I? Dray, I can give you the benefit of knowing that you have the PURE Championship, congratulations, give yourself a pat on the back and a smile on your face knowing that you have that over me. But there’s a saying in professional wrestling that goes as follows, the Champion makes the Championship, wouldn’t you think? If not that then it’s just a dude with a belt. I’ve had the benefit of being acquainted with you Dray for these past few weeks ever since it was announced that this match would be happening and I can say for certain, that you aren’t a Champion. Now I know that might rattle you, but all the signs lead to that. I feel like the EAW Universe that watches this deserves a Champion that deserves the mantle that they place on themselves, that they earned. Let that be me, I’ll show you exactly why when we cross paths again in just a week, God won’t help you, the other person in the match won’t help you, and the title you hold close to your chest, I’m pretty sure won’t help you either. Me though? I’d recommend counting your days.
Stew-O: And lastly, Limmy Monaghan.
(It goes from Adam to Limmy Monaghan who, unlike the others, has a smug look on his face which just oozes of confidence at the seam as he looks towards the camera. He leans backward and relaxes himself in his seat as he brings his hands behind his head and brings his head upwards keeping the look on his face as he speaks with a calm aura surrounding him)
Limmy Monaghan: I feel like I don’t need to be as descriptive or sweaty as you two are being right now so let me make this as brief as I can. You two have been rambling on for the longest time in my ear and allow me to say it has made me sick. Your false beliefs that you actually have somewhat of a sliver of a chance to come out victorious, just makes me shake my head in disbelief, makes me wonder what Earth I stumbled on where this would pass as truth. Is this the reality that you want? A reality where two know-it-all unprepared, naive disgraces of humans as Champion? Is this really what you want? I’ve had the benefit of making my own path for myself to greener pastures and for once in my life, I’ve felt free. I’m ready to take that next step that you two are too foolish enough to take, and that’s to solidify my legacy. What better to do so huh? Shock the world because they’ve seemed to turn my backs on me and do what once seemed impossible.
Stew-O: Well then, you’ve made your intentions clear, tell me do any of you see any of the people in this match as competent challenges to step up to the plate and possibly cost any of your chances?
(Before long all three of them begin to show up in a split-screen at once on the titantron)
Dray Fontana: Not really, I’m a Champion for a reason, contrary to belief apparently, I’ve proven myself. So the littlest of specks shouldn’t really phase me should they? I don’t see the result being any different when I look at the other two mumbling asshats that I’ll be meeting in the ring in a weeks time, I still win, and I will still be your PURE Champion.
Adam Lucas: Over the course of these few weeks the two competitors that I’m facing have shown their true colors and I won’t be shy when I say that it hasn’t looked so good for them. So I think that just says it for itself, they can continue speaking in a condescending tone to me, I guess it’ll just be all the shocking when it happens.
Limmy Monaghan: Christ what do I need to prove that I haven’t already done before? Were the Unified Tag Team Championships not enough for you guys? Damn alright… I don’t need to conform to a standard, let it be known that I am the standard, you guys just don’t see it yet and you don’t want to believe it, and I only have to say one thing to that. You idiots…
Dray Fontana: Oh really? For someone who once again, can’t really compare to me when it comes to in-ring competition, you sure do talk a lot of talk Limmy, don’t you? Even if you did have more accomplishments and substantial significance in your name if time has shown something, if House of Glass showed something, that it didn’t really matter, to begin with, but let’s go back to the point that you have nothing compared to me.
Limmy Monaghan: You didn’t even win at House of Glass it was a no contest.
Adam Lucas: But I did! Against your tag partner too, remember him? Well whatever medical infirmary he may be in, your luck with tag partners just isn’t so sharp, is it?
Limmy Monaghan: Yeah whatever but like they show anything to my in-ring skills, do they? I don’t really think so because with or without them I still did this on my own accord and got to this point on my own, you got a problem with that?
Adam Lucas: Hell yeah I do because to begin with someone like you whos a half-assed ignoramus believes that he has something over me when he’s barely scratched the surface and really can’t prove it when it counts.
Dray Fontana: Ironic…
Stew-O: Now let’s not get out of hand this is meant to be a formal interview…
Limmy Monaghan: Shut up Stew. You think you can take me down a notch? When the plenty that have tried clearly failed because here I still stand!
Adam Lucas: Your delusions of grandeur are going to have to be halted because you’re just not prepared for whatever is coming your way. I see it, you’re afraid. Afraid of what’s going to happen.
Dray Fontana: Can you guys shut up… actually, don’t. You’re proving my point, just showing how senseless you both are. Let it all out, let that anger control you and blur your righteousness in a situation like this, I’ll be here! Laughing it off.
Limmy Monaghan: Oh really am I afraid? Where the hell are you right now.
Adam Lucas: East hall.
Stew-O: :whoa:!!!
Limmy Monaghan: See you there.
(Limmy drops everything he has and kicks himself off of his chair and quickly leaves the room that he’s in. Adam with a smile on his face looks to the camera for a moment before getting up to his feet as well and leaving the room. Meanwhile, the PURE Champion simply stays in his place as he crosses his arms before chuckling his head and standing up as he makes his way outside of the room he’s in with his title in hand)
Dray Fontana: This should be rich…
(Before long the camera transitions to the backstage area as Limmy and Adam begin to encounter one another as they yell insults at one another as they get closer)
Stew-O: Whew… I’m back.
Flannery McCoy: WELL YOU’RE NOT GETTING A BREAK JUST YET AS LIMMY JUST THREW A RIGHT HAND TOWARDS THE FACE OF ADAM! THEY’RE BOTH TEEING OFF ON ONE ANOTHER JUST TRADING PUNCHES!
(Security quickly floods the area as they attempt to separate the two competitors but not before Adam launches himself towards Limmy and takes him down to the ground)
Jake Mercer: LIMMY IS DOWN AS ADAM IS JUST SLAMMING PUNCHES DOWN ONTO HIS FACE WITH NO INTENTION OF STOPPING WHATSOEVER!
Stew-O: Limmy pushing away as he’s attempting to catch his breath as he’s retreating over to the parking lot hoping to create some sort of distance right now so he can get back on track.
Flannery McCoy: BUT ADAM RUNNING UP AS HE GRABS HIM AND RAMS HIM INTO THE DRIVER’S SEAT OF A CAR BEHIND THE TWO OF THEM!
Jake Mercer: LIMMY IS JUST SCREAMING IN PAIN AS BOTH OF THEM ARE CONTINUING TO TRADE PUNCHES WITH ONE ANOTHER NOT SEEMING TO GIVE IN! BUT IT’S LIMMY WITH A KNEE TOWARDS THE GUT OF ADAM!
Stew-O: Limmy finally able to get the best of Adam as he grabs him by the head, AND SLAMS HIM ONTO THE HOOD OF THE CAR! Adam is taken back as he tries to make his way around the car to move away from Limmy, but Limmy grabs him by his hair and throws him back onto the hood of the car as both of them are in dangerous territory at the moment!
Flannery McCoy: ADAM TRYING TO GRAB HIM AS HE’S GOING FOR A SPINEBUSTER ON THE HOOD OF THE CAR! BUT LIMMY WITH A ELBOW TO THE SIDE OF HIS HEAD AS HE GRABS ADAM AND LIFTS HIM UP! PLEASE NO!
Jake Mercer: NO!
CRASH!
Stew-O: THE CROWNING! SPIKE SWINGING COMPLETE SHOT SLAMS ADAM LUCAS’ ENTIRE BODY THROUGH THE GLASS OF THE CAR!
(The sound of the car alarm fills the air as Limmy Monaghan tumbles down to the ground in pain. Adam Lucas is despondent as he was driven through the car window as immediately medical personnel quickly run to him and begin to check on him to see if he’s ok, clearly not though as Limmy grabs the hood of the car and groans as he pulls himself towards his feet. He looks to the front of him to see Dray Fontana with a smirk on his face. He has the PURE Championship around his shoulder as he pats it before walking away as Limmy groans and falls back to the ground as personnel begin to check on him as well)
Flannery McCoy: What a scene… Limmy Monaghan has definitely made his statement tonight, as for Adam Lucas, do we even know if he’s going to make it to Road To Redemption?
Jake Mercer: That is something I don’t even know myself and I hope we’ll find that out sooner or later. But for now, I’m afraid we have to move on, if we can we’ll make sure to give you an update on Adam Lucas although the chances do look grim for him, and what the future entails for the PURE Championship match at Road To Redemption.
(The camera cuts to Stephie Love in the ring.)
Stephie Love: The following contest is scheduled for…
Virtual Crowd: ONE FALLLLLL!!!!
(“Brotherhood of Man” by Motorhead blasts across the speakers with intensity.)
Stephie Love: Introducing first from an undisclosed location weighing in at 255 pounds he is “Captain Dirk” DIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRK KANEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
(Dirk Kane makes his way to the ring counting his cash as he smiles condescendingly to the poor people of the EAW audience and enters the ring with his massive wads of money.)
Flannery McCoy: Honestly getting real sick and tired of this man’s arrogance. Who the hell does he think he is!
Jake Mercer: He is Dirk Kane Flan! He’s a very rich man who runs casinos and shit. You could literally never!
Stew-O: Well this week Dirk Kane argued that it is a good thing that Japanese porn blocks out all genitalia. Personally I disagree. Everytime I go online and want to see the goods I never can. I mean I’m not even sure what a nude Japanese woman even looks like at this point. Does it look the same as any other woman or is it different? I need to find out and Japan is not making it easy for me to do so.
(“Black Honey” by Thrice blasts across the speakers as a loud buzzing noise can be heard.)
Stephie Love: And his opponent from Soka, Saitama, Japan weighing in at 187 pounds he is “The Silent Killer” MITSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUBACHI!!!!
(MITSUBACHI makes his way to the ring with a massive cape designed in the patterns of butterfly wings. He flaps his “wings” as he runs around the ring to simulate flying.)
Flannery McCoy: This week MITSUBACHI claimed that beating him won’t matter because everyone has already beaten him. I feel bad for him that he has no confidence in his abilities he really needs a win under his belt because he is actually a really talented guy.
Jake Mercer: Finally you take notice Flan. MITSUBACHI has been an exceptional talent ever since he wrestled Antonio Inoki in a 70 minute Ganryujima Island Deathmatch in 1987. Yet people like you have doubted on him so much that he has even begun to doubt on himself. You hate to see it.
Stew-O: Well MITSUBACHI seems determined to prove he can get the job done and is even coming out here alone without his partner so we will see if he can show the world that MITSUBACHI actually can defeat Dirk Kane and it is in fact not EVERYONE who has already defeated him. Remember folks you are only truly defeated when you give up and clearly MITSUBACHI hasn’t done that yet.
(DING! DING! DING!)
Flannery McCoy: Dirk Kane and MITSUBACHI now in the ring circling as they look to get started before they lock up. Dirk quickly goes behind MITSUBACHI who elbows Dirk hard in the head and turns around him taking him down with a Snapmare takedown into a headlock. Dirk pushing his arms down hard into the face of Bachi who is pushed onto his shoulders but immediately lifts them to avoid the cover. Dirk transitions back into a headlock as he hangs on while Bachi returns to his feet. Bachi twisting around and shoving Dirk back into the ropes the moment he regains his footing. He throws Dirk off him with the momentum but Dirk comes back crashing hard into Bachi with a Running Shoulder Thrust. Dirk with a cocky smirk in the ring before he charges back into the ropes running across. But Bachi flips onto his stomach to avoid it as Bachi runs over him. Bachi back up and catches Dirk as he returns from the opposite side of the ring ropes with a Standing Dropkick!
Jake Mercer: Perfect form! MITSUBACHI back up as Dirk Kane gets him into a headlock this time. Dirk really wrenching on that headlock taking Bachi down to his knees. No! Bachi regains his footing as Dirk takes a knee to increase the pressure on the hold. But Bachi uses this as an opportunity to move behind Dirk and lift him up. Back Body Drop connects! No! Dirk landed on his feet and ran off the ropes! Clothesline to the back of the head on Bachi! But Bachi ducks beneath it! Bachi off the ropes charging in to assault Dirk… LARIATOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bachi now taking down Dirk who is back up only to get hit with a hard Axe handle to the chest! Dirk down as Bachi locks him another headlock of his own but Dirk has no time for it as he immediately powers back up to his feet. Enough rest holds already!
Stew-O: There is no time for rest this is Voltage we are as fast as lightning! Dirk Kane back up on his feet as he twists out of MITSUBACHI’s headlock grabbing the arm and taking his opponent down to the mat! Dirk yanks hard on the arm nearly tearing it out the socket but Bachi uses the momentum to flip back up to his feet! Dirk still holding on to the arm as Bachi runs the ropes leaping up to the middle rope and falling backwards with an Elbow Strike to the skull! Dirk pulls himself back up in the corner as Bachi charges in with a Running Elbow Strike to the side of his head! But Dirk moves out of the way! Dirk runs off the ropes… Running Shou- NO! A Flying Shoulder Tackle from MITSUBACHI cuts Dirk off in mid-hustle! Bachi hops up to the middle turnbuckle as he measures Dirk… FLYING YAKUZA KICK CONNECTS! The cover!
Referee: ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Flannery McCoy: Kickout by Dirk Kane! MITSUBACHI back on his feet as he immediately drops down on the sternum of Dirk with a Running Double Foot Stomp. Bachi stomping his feet repeatedly into the chest of Dirk as he is clearly trying to crush his lungs with his boots. Bachi falls back of Dirk who tries to trip him but Bachi manages to stay up on his feet. Dirk now regaining his breath as Bachi moves in on him in the corner with a series of hard back chops to the chest. Bachi with another chop and another lighting up his opponent in the ring. Bachi backs up for a second… before he hauls off with a hard tomahawk chop right to the chest of Dirk who falls forward in the ring holding his chest in pain. But Bachi is not finished as he stalks Dirk across the ring and drops his knee down hard across the head of his opponent. Bachi kicks Dirk hard in the skull sending Dirk rolling across the ring under the bottom rope.
Jake Mercer: Dirk Kane pulls himself on the apron using the bottom rope but MITSUBACHI is waiting for him with a Running Clothesline to the side knocking him down on the apron. Bachi grabs the leg of Dirk and drags him back into the ring. Dirk kicks Bachi away sending him back into the ropes but Bachi cartwheels over Dirk who makes his way back up. Dirk tries to grab the leg of Bachi but misses and Bachi lands on the middle rope climbing up to the top! Moonsault off the top! No! Dirk moves out of the way and Bachi lands chest first in the ring. Dirk capitalizing now by going in and going for a cover!
Referee: ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stew-O: Kickout by MITSUBACHI!!! But Dirk Kane maintains his hold of Bachi and rolls up to his feet holding him horizontally! Dirk falls back tossing Bachi back with a fallaway slam! Bachi down as Dirk dances around him mocking his fallen prey. Dirk with some theatrics here before he drops a hard elbow to the chest of Bachi. Dirk kips back up to his feet and climbs to the top rope taking in all the glory for himself. Arms in the air as he leaps to the sky! FLYING ELBOW SMASH FROM THE TOP ROPE! DIRK CONNECTS WITH IT! HE GETS ALL OF IT! THE COVER!!!
Referee: ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Flannery McCoy: The kickout by MITSUBACHI. Dirk Kane got all of it but he did not get all of that count! Dirk is furious as he yanks MITSUBACHI up by the hair and yanks him around by it tearing strands out of his skull. But Bachi bites into Dirk’s hand! Dirk lets go as MITSUBACHI lands on his feet! YAKUZA KICK TO THE FACE!!!
Jake Mercer: NO! Dirk Kane dodged it and MITSUBACHI just took out the referee with that sudden Yakuza Kick! The referee is down and Bachi is shook! He turns around… Dirk Kane with the ANIMUS!!! DOUBLE UNDERHOOK FACEBUSTER OUT OF NOWHERE! BACHI IS DOWN AND DIRK IS PINNING HIM!!!
Referee: …
Stew-O: But the referee is still down! Dirk Kane now going to revive the referee.
Referee: No let me sleep. Damn I don’t want to go to work today mommy.
Flannery McCoy: But Dirk is literally dragging the referee over as he pins MITSUBACHI and grabs the hand of the referee to make the count himself!
Referee/Dirk: ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-
Jake Mercer: WAIT WHAT THE HELL?!?!?
Stew-O: IT’S KOMATSU OGAWA OFF THE TOP ROPE WITH THE REALITY’S END!!!
Flannery McCoy: CORKSCREW MOONSAULT CONNECTS BREAKING UP THE PIN!!!
Jake Mercer: Komatsu Ogawa interfering in this match to save his partner as he pulls Dirk Kane up and lifts him up into a Fireman’s Carry position… IVORRRRRRRRRRRY DIABLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! CONNECTS!!! Ogawa throws MITSUBACHI on to the cover as the referee is finally coming to!
Flannery McCoy: NOT THIS WAI!!!!!!!!!!!!
Referee: ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
…
Referee: TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
…..
Referee: THRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-
……………….
Referee: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(DING! DING! DING!)
Stephie Love: Here is your winner… MITSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUBACHI!!!!!
(“Black Honey” by Thrice hits as Komatsu Ogawa pulls MITSUBACHI up and raises his arm in victory.)
Flannery McCoy: MITSUBACHI has won this match but I’m not sure he even realizes it! Komatsu Ogawa has stolen this one for his partner!
Jake Mercer: Dirk Kane severely underestimated what a man with friends can do! MITSUBACHI did a perfect job all week playing it up like everyone could defeat him so Dirk got complacent. He never anticipated that Bachi had a secret weapon in the tank all along!
Stew-O: But doesn’t this just go to show that MITSUBACHI actually can’t get the win on his own? He sure seemed like he was about to take the L before his partner came out!
Flannery McCoy: We deserve good clean wrestling with no interference and cheating. That is what Voltage is all about.
Jake Mercer: Well Flannery is delusional because we all know she needs my help to get this commentary job done and this match is no different. Friendship is magic Flan!
Flannery McCoy: But I feel like I could do a much better job without you tbh.
Jake Mercer: :whoa:
(The camera cuts to a commercial featuring EAW wrestlers debating which Spider-Man is the best. Everyone knows it is Miles tho tbqh.)
(We open up backstage as we see Universal Women’s champion Serena Bennett getting situated as she drops her travel bag on the floor and looks around the area. She has a confused look on her face as she looks up and sees a bountiful amount of powder blue roses and a basket of fruits in her actual locker.)
Serena Bennett: Wut…the…
(Serena reaches in and finds a large card inside the basket and opens it to read.)
Serena Bennett: “blue hair, blue gear, blue influence in every aspect you display. Serena you are what I dream about every night and every day.”
(Serena is puzzled as she keeps reading what the card says.)
Serena Bennett: “Just thinking about you! XOXO…from your one and only…” Why is the name scratched out?!
(Serena reaches inside the basket and snatches the grape from the basket.)
Serena Bennett: Don’t tell me I’ve got a secret admirer around here. Who think they cute enough to swoon me?
(Serena turns and…)
Visual Prophet: Hi.
Serena Bennett: Oh god! Viz, you scared me! Creeping up like TLC.
Visual Prophet: Yeah, the BBC can be intimidating. EAW’s Big Black Champion is a whole lot to take in.
Serena Bennett: So that explains the flowers. Thanks by the way, they are lovely and the fruit is delicious.
Visual Prophet: Yea, that’s not from me sweetheart.
Serena Bennett: Really? Who would go through all the trouble setting this up for me and why?
Visual Prophet: I don’t know, Cam Newton might want that old thang back. Fuck em, love should be the last thing on both our minds right now.
Serena Bennett: You’re right, we both have huge title matches to prepare for.
Visual Prophet: Well, not to brag, but I think I have more to prepare for then you. No offense, you’ve got it made compared to The Visual Prophet at Road to Redemption. You don’t have to overthinking stepping in the ring with Ms. Extreme at all. While I have to defend my World Heavyweight Championship against five other men who ALL believe they will be the one that ends this never ending cycle, you just have to take that lonely Ava sister and beat her until she can’t move. You are and always have been the best women’s wrestler in the world and now that you have your belt back and are as focused as ever, I doubt Camille can stop you. You’ve come too far to just have come this far. It’s history in the making every time you step in that ring. Serena Bennett is becoming the first Serena that pops up when you google that name. Used to be Serena Williams but you are proving yourself to be even more dominant. It’s your time and it’s never not gonna be that. While you dog walk Ms. Extreme, I’ll be domesticating my five opponents.
Serena Bennett: Don’t be modest, Viz. While I fasho believe Camille will be light work, you are also the favorite in your extreme elimination chamber match. Mr. DEDEDE went one on one with you and nearly got his stupid ass killed. Brought out meat hooks yet you were the one hooking his leg for the finish. Chris Elite has been your son since Midsummer Massacre a year ago. This will be no different. MISTUBACHI can’t see you at all.
Visual Prophet: Cause his tiny eyes. Racist but appropriate. I feel it.
Serena Bennett: I meant because he ain’t on yo’ level but whateva’. Lethal Consequences has choked away every single World title shot he done had since forever. You’ve beaten him more times than I can even remember. And Xander Payne is a tub of lard with no chance of stopping you. You almost beat him a week ago with ease had the sushi boys not rolled up. I believe if even all five of these scrub ass bums teamed up they cant stop you. You are too pretty, too strong, and too determined to lose it all against any of them. Hearing us both talk about it, it looks like nobody is in better position to leave Road to Redemption with championship gold. You and I may have failed at winning the Grand Prix and that sucks but look at us. We are still the top two in this company. We are both the faces of the men’s and women’s division. Every thing we do is fucking big and we are about to explode on these lame ass punks and walk into RTR the same way we are gonna walk out of it. Dripping in gold.
???: What abouts me?!? I like to drip drop in gold!
(Suddenly, both Serena and Viz turn to see Nina Bravo. Serena’s shoulders hunch up as she turns to Viz.)
Visual Prophet: Ya’ll know I love ‘em light skinned.
Serena Bennett: You are silly and on that note, I’m taking off. Neither one of ya’ll touch my flowers, my fruits, and I know my underwear better still be there when I get back!
Visual Prophet: Yeah, yeah…
(Serena leaves as Viz steps up to Nina Bravo.)
Visual Prophet: Nina…make sure you snatch me one of those thongs of hers before the nights over. I wanna make a mask out of it.
Nina Bravo: Bae, I overhearing you two talking about your odds and chances at winning big matches at Road to Redemption. You and Serena Bennett are already World Champions and have unlocked confidence in one another since becoming Shea Butter Baby tag team. Though you no win Grand Prix, Nina see the talent exploding from you two and Nina need help from Bae too. Nina Bravo set to face five other women in her own Extreme Elimination Chamber match up with Nina given shot to become new Specialist Champion. What say you about Russian Doll’s chances?
Visual Prophet: Zero…
Nina Bravo: Zero?!? Nina have Zero chance of winning?!
Visual Prophet: No. Zero is how many times you’ve lost on big shows in your short career. Zero is how much preparation you will need to defeat those five other ladies. A talented bunch maybe but nobody is as talented as you Nina. Nobody has been put through the life you’ve lived and made it this far. From Russia through a life of destitution and disaster. Unwed mother. Working out of brothels and bathhouses. Blossoming into a budding superstar. Your story is magnificent and compared to the others you are one of a kind.
Nina Bravo: You really believe that, Bae?
Visual Prophet: I wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true.
Nina Bravo: Nina go hard against these Americans and these wannabe American influenced women. From Lisa to Candice, they all one in the same. I squash them like little insects under my boots as I turn the extreme elimination chamber into gulag.
Visual Prophet: Send they ass to the Gulag!
Nina Bravo: They ass have one way ticket to said Gulag.
Visual Prophet: I’ve taught you a lot but you’ve learned even more on your own. You will not disappoint me, Russia, or yourself.
Nina Bravo: I will conquer that chamber and bring those women to their knees!
Visual Prophet: At a girl!
(Viz pats Nina on her back as he is seen snatching a grape from Serena’s basket before exiting the locker-room.)
Stew-O: Talk about some worthy tips by a real valuable source. The Visual Prophet and Serena Bennett both shared championship knowledge and motivation with one another and Viz even gave some parting words to Nina in passing.
Jake Mercer: I am fine believing Serena and Viz are considerable favorites in their respective matches but I don’t see a world where Nina is the proverbial favorite in hers. It’s Kasey’s to lose in my eyes.
Flannery McCoy: I mean it is literally Kasey Kaos’ title to lose seeing as she is the Specialist Champion. Thing is, Nina wouldn’t be a shocker as the next Specialist Champion but she does have an uphill battle entering that chamber for the first time of her career.
(A commercial for Amazon where they show their discounts on flags where Ronan Malosi tries to look for the “Azrael” flag but accidentally ends up buying the flag for Cambodia instead)
(The camera cuts to Stephie Love in the ring.)
Stephie Love: The following contest is scheduled for one fall!
Crowd: ONEEEE FALLLL!!!!
(Andre Walker is shown sitting ringside on a chair with his arms folded as he awaits the arrival of the competitors for this contest.)
(“Ain’t No Grave” by Johnny Cash plays ominously across the speakers as an elaborate music video plays featuring a man in a trench coat digging with a shovel.)
Stephie Love: Introducing first from Parts Unknown weighing in at 240 pounds he is DOCTORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR THOMAS!!!
(Doctor Thomas makes his way to the ring carrying a large bone which he snaps in half with his bare hands as he menacingly makes his way down to the ring.)
Flannery McCoy: We have not even heard from the mysterious Doctor Thomas for some time so we really have no idea what he is planning to do tonight.
Jake Mercer: He is just trying to get into his opponent’s head. He is a devious man. I am almost afraid to see what he is going to do.
Stew-O: Well maybe he is the one who is afraid. Because he did not open his mouth all week. I suppose we are about to find out.
Andre Walker: Oh so my entrance wasn’t even broadcast on the show? I see how it is.
Jake Mercer: Should have waited until we were back from commercial “champ”.
Andre Walker: Nah I don’t care at all about this guy Doctor Thomas. I am pretty sure he is not even a real doctor.
(“The Phoenix” by Fall Out Boy blasts across the speakers causing time to speed up with the tempo of the song.)
Stephie Love: And his opponent from Stillwater, Oklahoma weighing in at 215 pounds he is “The Oklahoma Gentleman” DONOVANNNNNNNNNN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUKE!!!!
(Donovan Duke makes his way to the ring accompanied by hot Las Vegas dancers who accompany him to the ring wearing feather boas before making their way backstage.)
Flannery McCoy: Donovan Duke says that he is a man on a mission. He doesn’t care about what happened last week he is looking on to the future. I feel like that is a very healthy attitude to have.
Jake Mercer: I disagree Flan. You should always look back and focus on your failures and let them define you. Every second of your life should be spent overcompensating for a past mistake to make sure you don’t make it again. Otherwise you will just continue to be an oblivious failure!
Stew-O: Well that explains a lot about Jake but I am more interested in learning more about Donovan Duke. Duke is determined to become the New Breed Champion and at Road to Redemption he intends to make that happen.
Andre Walker: It won’t happen tho! Not in my lifetime!
(DING! DING! DING!)
Flannery McCoy: Donovan Duke immediately with a Drop Toe Hold taking down Dr. Thomas and then dropping an elbow hard down on his opponent’s back. Duke immediately downing his opponent in the opening of this match. He palms the face of Thomas and scratches it against the ring mat and I can assure you that does not feel very nice. Thomas shoves Duke away from him shoving him off as he rolls away into the ropes using them to pull himself back up. But Duke now taking a three point stance stalking his opponent waiting for him to get back up which he does using the ropes. He waits for it as Thomas pulls himself up in the corner… but Duke with a Flying Bodypress into the corner! But Thomas moves out of the way! Duke collides chest first landing on the top rope!
Jake Mercer: Doctor Thomas charges in with a kick to the gut sending Donovan Duke flying up in the air off the ropes! But Duke in midair grabs the head of Doctor Thomas spinning around and planting him vertically onto his head with a Tornado DDT! Duke goes for the cover!
Referee: ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stew-O: Kickout by Doctor Thomas! Thomas immediately pulled up to his feet by Donovan Duke who lifts him up and drops him with an elevated Back Drop. Duke runs the ropes and comes back across the ring dropping a fist right in to the face of Thomas. Thomas back up as Duke catches him and throws him over the top ropes and crashing to the outside right in front of us!
Andre Walker: DAMN!
Flannery McCoy: But Duke Donovan rolls out of the ring to meet Dr. Thomas and throw fists back and forth as Thomas retreats back into the ring. Duke follows him in and takes Thomas down with a Running Spear right in the center of the ring. Duke slams the back of Thomas’ head into the ring mat. Thomas desperately trying to escape as both men roll to the side and under the bottom rope. But Duke transitions in midair catching Thomas up on his shoulders… and he pulls him under the bottom rope… SIT DOWN POWERBOMB ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE RING!!! Thomas obliterated as Duke grabs him and tosses him back into the ring to go for the pin.
Referee: ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jake Mercer: Kickout by Doctor Thomas. Back up now as Duke Donovan runs off the ropes… but a Clothesline catches Duke from Thomas! No! Duke ducks beneath and runs off the ropes. Duke leaps off the middle rope… SPRINGBOARD HURRICANRANA!!! Thomas goes flying across the ring and lands hard on his back. Thomas being destroyed here tonight as Duke measures Thomas as he slowly regains his footing. DEALER’S CHOICE!!!!!!!!!!!! Spinning Back Fist catches Doctor Thomas on the side of the head and he goes down with a thud. Donovan Duke stands in the middle of the ring smiling with his hands on his hips as he is just messing with his opponent now! Duke now taking his time as he climbs up to the top rope.
Flannery McCoy: BLAZE OF GLORY!!! 450 SPLASH OFF THE TOP ROPE CONNECTS ON DOCTOR THOMAS! THIS ONE IS OVER!!!
Referee: ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stew-O: No! Donovan Duke lifts up Doctor Thomas’ shoulder himself! He’s not done and he wants to inflict more pain on his helpless opponent! The crowd is not pleased with the overwhelming arrogance of this man! Duke wiping his boots off on the back of Thomas. He reaches down and grabs Thomas’ arm an-
Jake Mercer: DOCTOR THOMAS PULLS DONOVAN DUKE DOWN INTO A SMALL PACKAGE!!!
Referee: ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! THRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Flannery McCoy: Donovan Duke kicks out at the last millisecond! Doctor Thomas nearly stealing it right there! Duke gets up and drops Thomas immediately with a Curb Stomp. Duke is pissed now. He has been toying with his opponent all night and he almost lost the match right there. He is not pleased whatsoever! Duke takes out his anger repeatedly stomping on the back of Thomas’ head. Thomas looks to be rendered unconscious as Duke picks up his ragdoll opponent and drapes him over his shoulder. SIT DOWN PILEDRIVER CONNECTS! Duke nearly breaking the neck of his opponent right there!
Andre Walker: You hate to see it. Could never be me tho.
Donovan Duke: Watch this Andre! This is what is going to happen to you at Road to Redemption! Your championship is mine!
Andre Walker: Nah.
Stew-O: Donovan Duke yanks up Doctor Thomas by the hair as he pulls up his opponent to his feet. Duke pulls Thomas in getting him in position…
Flannery McCoy: ROYAL FLUSH! THE MICHINOKU DRIVER CONNECTS AS DUKE GOES FOR THE COVER!!!
Referee: ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(DING! DING! DING!)
Stephie Love: Here is your winner… DONOVANNNNNNNNNN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUKE!!!!!!
(‘The Phoenix’ by Fall Out Boy hits as Donovan Duke rolls out of the ring to collect the EAW New Breed Championship sitting on the commentary table and raises it high in the air.)
Andre Walker: Ay yo that’s not yours bruh. I’m going to beat the shit out of you.
Donovan Duke: It will be soon enough! Enjoy it while it lasts! Enjoy these final days before I make you my bitch!
(Donovan Duke throws the title at Andre Walker nailing him hard in the forehead but Andre manages to catch it. Duke rolls back in the ring to have his arm raised in victory by the referee.)
Jake Mercer: OH MY GOD WHAT A STATEMENT BY DONOVAN DUKE! HE IS SHOWING WHAT A REAL CHAMPION IS MADE OF! HOLY SHIT HE IS SO COOL AND JUST COMPLETELY OWNED ANDRE!!!
Andre Walker: You know I still have my commentary headphones on right?
Jake Mercer: :whoa: !!!!!!!!!!!
Flannery McCoy: Well what Jake was trying to say is that was a very impressive win here tonight from Donovan Duke who is showing that he is definitely ready for Road to Redemption. We wish you all the best of luck Andre but it is clear you are going to have one hell of a fight on your hands.
Andre Walker: I can handle it.
Stew-O: Good luck to you champ. You are gonna need it.
Andre Walker: Nah.
Jake Mercer (after Andre has left the table): Yah.
(The camera cuts to a commercial featuring EAW wrestlers taking their driving tests to earn licenses. Surprisingly only a few people are run over.)
(Camera pans to Stew-O who is standing in the middle of the ring holding a microphone)
Stew-O: With Road To Redemption just next week, the anticipation is mounting. We have a ton of matches to look forward to, but one that has gotten certainly especially heated. The return of Vic Vendetta has seemed to ruffle some feathers around here, especially that of Jake Smith. Who has seemingly taken umbrage with the fact that Vic Vendetta has even returned to EAW. Sounds like they have a lot to get off their chests so without further adieu, let’s get them out here.
(‘Glock In My Lap’ by 21 Savage plays throughout the arena as Vic Vendetta comes out with a smile on his face as he walks down the ramp. He runs up the ring steps, gets in the ring, and tries to shake Stew-O’s hand, but is greeted with an elbow bump instead because Stew-O is sanitary. Almost immediately after Vic’s entrance theme cuts off, ‘War’ by Grandson starts and a smug Jake Smith comes walking out. Wet hair to mat down the frizzy disaster that it can be. He walks down the ramp, and into the ring ignoring everyone that exists.)
Stew-O: So now that we’re all here; we can commence. Jacob I would like to start with you..
(Jake cuts Stew-O off)
Jake Smith: It’s Jake..
Stew-O: Ok.. “Jake” with Vic Vendetta returning, you seemed to get quite upset with him just being here, what’s that about?
Jake Smith: It’s not about Vic Vendetta per se, it’s about all these older guys coming back here just for shits and giggles expecting shit just by coming back. They’re old news, Vic Vendetta is old news, and I think I speak for everyone around here in saying that no one is buying a ticket, or watching FPV’s because of Vic Vendetta. It’s because of people like Vic Vendetta that the ratings go down, because EAW loves to push the nostalgia factor. But guess what, nobody is nostalgic about some guy who’s best days weren’t even that great to begin with. No one wants to live in the past, no one wants to make believe that we’re still in 2013, because quite frankly those days weren’t that great to begin with. We are only holding this company back by having someone like Vic Vendetta just casually come back to EAW, expecting the world because of what he did almost a decade ago. Time passes, and so do Elitists. My problem with you Vic is that for some reason, you want to try to stay relevant at my expense. You want to keep every person that has put the work in to keep this company afloat, while you gave up on it. Jake Smith, 2 time PURE Champion, and destined for so much more; and you hate to see it don’t you? You hate other people making a name, creating something for themselves. In actuality you are afraid. Your hatred, your disdain for me isn’t because I called you out on the fraud you are; but because you know that I’m right. You’re afraid of being forgotten. Well I’ll tell you something right now that you might not like but it’s the truth.. You don’t have to fear being forgotten Vic, because it’s already happened. And you seem to be doing just fine. If we still had an EAW landscape cultivated by and for dinosaurs, maybe you’d be right on the top of the list; but that’s not the case. We need to be getting away from people like you; because this company needs to grow, not live off nostalgia.
Stew-O: Strong words by Mr. Smith. Mr Vendetta, how do you feel about Jake saying that you’re nothing more than a nostalgia act, and don’t actually stand a chance.
Vic Vendetta: Well I understand where Jake’s coming from; I would feel threatened too if a former World Champion, and Hall of Famer came back to EAW. Jake Smith came to me, and tried to diminish everything that I did, just because I showed up. Does that sound like a man that is secure with his spot in this company? Let’s look at the facts here; Jake Smith has potential no doubt; but potential is nothing if you don’t act upon it. We have seen people come into EAW and make a much larger impact than Jake. We have seen people run laps around Jake, and I understand winning the PURE Championship twice is no easy feat. But let’s not pretend that we haven’t seen his old friend Drake King main event PFP already. We want to act like Jake Smith has already “made it”, but the truth is he’s still trying to figure out who he even is. Meanwhile I’ve already ran the gamut here; I don’t really have anything to prove. And if you want to know the truth, everything I did was done in a much more difficult era than Jake Smith. Who is the competition here on Dynasty in terms of the PURE Championship? People that will disappear in the next few months, and will never be seen again? I can only make assumptions of course, and maybe they will prove me wrong. But the way I see it, I don’t see a DDD, I don’t see an Impact, I don’t see a Jamie O’Hara. You know why EAW wanted me to come back? Because they needed me to. Because EAW doesn’t have the star power that they used to, and they need household names to come back and save this place from people like you. Maybe you’re just not as big of a draw as you think you are. Maybe you overhype yourself to the point of massive setbacks you can’t come back from, like how you suffered that loss in your World Championship match only a few weeks ago. Now am I saying that you can’t come back from that? Only time will tell, but here you are facing me and not the World Champion in a match that houses 5 challengers for said title.
Jake Smith: And if you’re such a big ratings boost why aren’t you in that match?? Huh??
(Stew-O slowly backs away as the two start getting more heated.)
Jake Smith: You say you competed against all these big names, the hardest era of EAW or whatever.. And yet here YOU are. I’ve seen so many other guys come in and get thrown into title matches. Yet here you are with this guy you say is all talk. Doesn’t that speak on how this company views you? Sure I know I’m hot shit, and will continue to become one of the biggest successes in EAW history, but you seem to differ from that opinion. I don’t need a World Championship match every single month to know where my status is in this company. I had my chance, and I’ll have another one again. For all the claims you throw out, you’re the one that hasn’t had your name lofted around for challenging for a World Championship, even with all the success of your past. So keep trying to pretend that you’re this big deal, keep pretending that you’re here for a ratings boost, because we both know that’s not true. You’re here to boost your ego, make sure no one forgets you, and get some money that you’re severely lacking right now. I don’t need a Championship to make Jake Smith, a title needs Jake Smith so it can have some legitimacy. It will be there waiting, and ready for when I decide it’s time to take it.
Vic Vendetta: So you think.. You keep making these grand claims over things that you’ve never experienced before. You shouldn’t be taking anything for granted, that’s some advice that I’m giving you for free. You know why I don’t care whether or not I’m thrust into the main event scene or not? It’s because for as long as I’ve been away, I want to prove myself that much more. See you keep talking about what you’re going to get, and what you’re owed, and all this bullshit, but you’re not owed anything. As much as you may think this is the Jake Smith show and everything revolves around you; it doesn’t. You were literally traded off of Showdown a few months ago because they didn’t want you around anymore. Now wouldn’t you think that someone as big of a deal as you make yourself out to be, a sure fire future World Champion wouldn’t be thrown away for peanuts? Now I’m not saying Andrea Valentine is peanuts, but the point still stands. Why would they be so willing to get rid of you if you’re as big of a deal as you say? It’s because your biggest weakness is glaring, and it will only get worse the more you over expose it.
(Jake chuckles to himself)
Jake Smith: My weakness… Yeah? What would that be?
Vic Vendetta: And why would I tell you that? If I have something over you, that you don’t know about that I can use to my advantage, why would I tell you?
Jake Smith: Hmm I thought I was going up against a man next weekend, my mistake.
Vic Vendetta: You sound worried. Sounds like maybe me having information on you that you don’t know about is putting you through a tailspin..
Jake Smith: No.. Let me get something crystal clear here. You are not now, nor have you ever been, better than Jake Smith. And no matter what you think you have over me.. It’s bullshit. You can say whatever you want, you can see whatever you want, but the fact will remain the same that I am better than you. In every conceivable way. Face it, even though you were a World Champion, a Hall of famer, still no one knew who you were once you walked through those doors. EAW can pump all the automated crowd noise they want, the people at home don’t even remember you. I am the future, you are a nobody that got lucky. You will always remember Jake Smith, but the same can’t be said for you. I am going to expose you, and make sure you regret ever coming back to EAW. Those pipedreams of recapturing glory or whatever you thought would happen once coming back, will disappear. You will fizzle out without accomplishing a damn thing, and I will find great pleasure in knowing that it all started because of me. And I don’t know if you have kids… But if you do, I know for a fact they will watch the TV through watery eyes watching their decrepit old man getting beat down, and embarrassed.. You asked for it though, so don’t blame me when they see you as less of a man.
(Vic gets into the face of Jake Smith)
Vic Vendetta: You want to get personal? Fine, just adding fuel to the fire. Living in a fairy tale will only get you hurt. Saying anything about my family will get you hurt. I can see that you have nothing relevant to say, or anything of note so you’re grasping at the easy card. But, with that you have made your bed, and you will sleep in it. You may look at me and see a washed up old man, but how much worse will it look when this old man kicks your ass, and ruins the future you thought you had… All your hopes, all your dreams, everything that you banked on… Gone, in a blink of an eye. Don’t get too comfortable, you’re in for a fight come RTR..
(Jake Smith stares at Vic, before laughing it off, and walking by Vic Vendetta with a hard shoulder bump, before making his way back up the ramp. Vic Vendettas music plays, as Jake looks back at Vic)
Jake Smith: (Off-Mic) You can’t beat me Vic! RTR your return fails.
(Camera fades to black)
(A commercial for the EAW Production Crew is shown where they’re put through sweatshop like conditions to get the visual appeal to it’s max in EAW, please send help)
(Dynasty’s broadcast opens back up to the inside of the World 1 Theatre where “We Major” Kanye West ft. Nas has begun to play throughout the PA system. The virtual audience in attendance this evening explodes into boos directed straight at the finalists in the Tag Team Grand Prix: The Liquid Swordz. Mr. DEDEDE and Impact step out onto the stage, each man dressed to the nines in a hand-tailored and no doubt expensive af suit. As usual, they take ample time to soak in the negative crowd reaction before making their way down the ramp, accompanied by Dynasty’s beloved commentary team’s insights.)
Jake Mercer: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME BACK, WE ARE COMING TO YOU LIVE FROM–
Flannery McCoy: Please don’t.
Stew-O: You know he’s going to.
Jake Mercer: –THHHHEEEEEEE IMMMMPAAAACCCTTTT ZZZZOOOONNNNNEE!
Flannery McCoy: There’s really no stopping you, is there?
Jake Mercer: FUCK NO! STOP ME?! HOW COULD YOU?!?! IMPACT IS HERE, LOOKING AS GOOD AS EVER–
Stew-O: Ayo?
Jake Mercer: Oh, what now, Stew? Is it suddenly gay to show admiration for a man’s custom made, one of a kind, two-piece $7,500 Brioni suit in sharkskin weave with a notched lapel, two-button front closure, lined with Mulberry silk?!
Stew-O: A little bit. Yes.
Flannery McCoy: I’m gonna let that one sit for a moment, but while Stew tries to decipher the intent behind Jake’s obsession with Impact’s outfit choice for the evening–I would like to properly welcome our audience back to the World 1 Theatre where the Liquid Swordz have a few words to share with us here tonight before their Grand Prix finals match against the Blicky Boyz at Road to Redemption!
Stew-O: We’ve had some amazing finals matchups the last few years in the Grand Prix, but I should let you all know, on the lowest of keys, this is the matchup I was hoping I’d get to see the moment the Tag Team Grand Prix had been announced!
Jake Mercer: Was there EVER any doubt in your mind that the Liquid Swordz were going to be finalists?! C’mon now! The results of the tournament were decided at the very moment Impact and Mr. DEDEDE put their names forward and set their sights on capturing the EAW Unified Tag Team Championships for the first time TOGETHER in their careers. It’s worth noting tho that these two men are TIED for having the most tag team championship reigns as INDIVIDUALS. It was only a matter of time before they came together to assert their dominance over EAW’s Tag Team Division, rightfully so!
Flannery McCoy: No need to hype them up any more, Jake, I think we get it. :mjgrin: Both of these men’s records speak for themselves. As for me, I’m thoroughly excited for the fantastic matchup we’re expecting to see at Road To Redemption, what the Blicky Boyz will be bringing to the table, and ESPECIALLY the build-up to lead us into the match starting the next week!
(As Flannery finishes her last sentence, Impact and DEDEDE have positioned themselves at the center of the ring. They stand side by side, each with a microphone in hand, waiting for “We Major” to die down. A few moments after the music cuts, and after the virtual audience gets their last few jeers in, Impact raises his microphone to his mouth, sliding his free hand in his pocket as he takes a step forward. He stares into the hard camera disdainfully, pacing back and forth as he speaks.)
Impact: You know, it’s times like this I enjoy taking the opportunity to take some time to reflect on and relish in each and every dismissive statement that has been directed towards the Liquid Swordz since our reunion. I think as long and hard as the strokes the ravishing Sienna Jade takes from this white mamba about the pot shots our competitors threw at us week after week while they tried–and failed–to convince themselves that there was going to be any other outcome for our side of the bracket than what we have in front of you. And they have no choice but to face the repercussions of their inevitable failures and bitterly watch us do what we do better than all of you combined. They’re salty as all hell, and they’re going to take a heaping serving of it directly to each and every wound the Liquid Swordz have inflicted upon the myriad of Elitists who thought for a moment that there was ever any doubt that we were going to find ourselves in this position, one step closer to taking those titles to greater heights than any competitors in EAW history ever have before us.
(Impact removes his second hand from his pocket, quickly unbuttoning the front of his suit jacket before he continues.)
Impact: Despite all the commentary on my age, my looks, my physique, I am a far more efficient performer than virtually anyone in the history of this business, past or present. And that’s an indisputable fact. I have cut down today’s most successful contemporaries, I succeed at a supercharged rate that exceeds almost every competitor in this company. I’ve led a career where throughout every generation I’ve been in, I’ve had to prove myself again and again the game shifted due to factors outside of my own control, and thrived in environments that would have been otherwise considered a “setback” for some. I’ve started from scratch more times than I care to count. It’s exactly how and why I’ve gained such great versatility. I don’t build on a foundation set twelve years ago, no–instead, I constantly recreate the foundation and with each passing year demolish what stood previously and find a way to slick the ivory tower back up in new and inventive ways no one here possibly could have imagined, brick by brick. I’ve been a major player, not only that, but an architect at the very helm of this business for as long as I can remember, leading by example, the standard bearer, the criterion, the measuring stick, the craftsman. We have laid the foundation that you all build your fleeting careers off, DEDEDE and myself have sculpted EAW marble by marble, one pillar at a time without so much as a “thank you.” You’re welcome. But before you start throwing stones, Blicky Boyz, remember who it is that handed them to you in the first place. Remember who gave you the tools to succeed, the capacity to grow, and to move forward when you’re forced to kneel at our feet again and relive the instance where we tore you back down to reality once before. Sorry to tell you that you won’t be going any further when you come face to face with us.
(The chairman takes a step forward, placing a firm hand on Impact’s shoulder, putting a stop to the pacing. DEDEDE then repositions himself slightly in front of his tag team partner, feet firmly planted, pointing down at the ring mat as he looks around the Theatre.)
Mr. DEDEDE: Within the last decade and a half, Impact and I have spent a fair bit of our careers meticulously hand-crafting the basis, the foundation, the substructure of Elite Answers Wrestling and all that you THINK you know about this professional wrestling industry. And that’s not by circumstance or convenience, that’s intentional. Purposeful. Not a man or woman or non-binary person alive would have been able to do what we have done for the culture of this industry. The exposure, the platform, hell, even the ethers you pests froth over weekly is a direct result of our efforts, it’s our creation. It wouldn’t have even mattered if my name was written all over everything in this business or not, I didn’t need to be chairman when I designed, built, and consequently redesigned and rebuilt the pillars that support this industry, even when it stood on its very last limb, and that claim will always be mine. In both the literal and figurative sense, this company is mine. Same way that this ring, it’s mine. And each and every one of you is dying for a piece of what I have, but no matter how you slice it, the pie in its entirety is mine. That will never, ever change.
(The chairman eases up his stands and falls back in line with his tag team partner, running a hand through the front of his hair, forcing loose strands back and out of his face. The virtual audience begins murmuring in anticipation for additional comments from DEDEDE before he begins again. He turns to Imp and places another hand on his shoulder, briefly, before turning straight to the hard camera in another flush of emotion.)
Mr. DEDEDE: The reason I can admire the likes of Impact is because he’s earned my respect over the years, gracing this company with countless timeless performances, showings that exhibit more fortitude in one single night than any of these Elitists have displayed in a lifetime. And he does it every single time he steps between those ropes. Has been doing it for years, just as I have. While the years have gone by, more Elitists have come and gone in and out of these doors than I care to even remember that have attempted to tear down what it is Impact and I have built only to fail. Through it all, I have remained the constant, through what I represent, and through outlasting every single predecessor. I’m not the youngest guy on the EAW roster, but my abilities render that completely irrelevant because as you all can see, I’m the greatest wrestler of all time. No debate. And that is because I am superior, in every way imaginable. Because of the skills I built with gumption and with grit and still carry to this day. Because I built and shaped and molded this body to be first and foremost, functional above everything else. Because I made it so, by design. I am the most physically threatening specimen in this industry. I possess every genetic gift imaginable ranging from height, to physical health, to intellect. There is a reason why I’ve got a decade of dominance under my belt, there’s a method behind why I have been able to withstand and outlast over a decade of competition. It’s because form follows function. The shape and structure of who I am and what I represent must be reflective of my intended purpose. And by living my life with the purposes of becoming a billionaire big dicked emperor, I was formed, born to be superior. Made to be the greatest. I exist solely to have god status and never anything less. I was born everything needed to succeed in this world. Because that is my purpose. That is my function. In just a few days, my function will expand even further as Imp and I together take some time to remind the Blicky Boyz who their fucking makers are. Let it be known now, if there was ever any lingering confusion, that I have no intention of ever allowing any one of you to take my place in this business. It’s impossible, so don’t even try.
(Right on cue, “Blixky Gang Freestyle” by 22Gz begins to play, marking the entrance for the Liquid Swordz’s final challengers in the Grand Prix tournament: the Blicky Boyz. Malcolm Jones and Chris Elite arrive on stage with no shortage of their usual brash and fervent demeanors. The commentary team adds some narration as both men stride down the ramp to meet the Liquid Swordz in the ring.)
Jake Mercer: We were in the middle of a VERY important promo here from our future Unified Tag Team Champs. How rude.
Flannery McCoy: I dunno, Jake. Seems to me like the EAW Universe with us virtually tonight are happier to see the other Tag Team Grand Prix finalists than they would have been if they were to continue to listen to Impact and DEDEDE go on any longer.
Stew-O: They sure as hell had a lot to say, although noticeably very little about their Road to Redemption opponents specifically until the very end there. But something tells me that’s about to change as the Blicky Boyz stand face to face with their opponents for next weekend!
(Now in the ring and each with a microphone, Chris and Malcolm have positioned themselves across the ring from DEDEDE and Impact, eyeing their Road to Redemption opponents up and down while they wait for “Blixky Gang Freestyle” to fade out.)
Chris Elite: So…help me understand, ‘cause I might not have been following closely enough–but exactly what “function” does Imp’s rotund “form” allow him to have?
Malcolm Jones: :mjlol: It’s a miracle his heart still functions as it is. But I’m sure Ryan got the best workout of his expiring life carrying this bozo’s ass through the Grand Prix. He’s good for something, at least, if not pulling his own fucking weight or riding on another grown ass man’s coattails.
Impact: Oh, wow. Definitely haven’t heard that one before. Your spicy sense of humor certainly is refreshing, Malcolm. In stark contrast to every other comment that’s been made about my physique this year, despite me dominating in the ring over the last several months. If one thing comes out of this for either one of you besides an inevitable loss, I sure do hope it’s a sense of originality. Knowing how hard that is for Chris Elite to come by on his own, though, it’ll be a challenge, that’s for sure.
Chris Elite: Figured it out, Malc, he just gained weight after dickeating me so much, body had to take on the form to make sure he’d be able to eat more.
Mr. DEDEDE: I’m forced to ask, Chris, about what you might possibly be gaining from being so embarrassingly determined on throwing these nonsensical insults around at us. Does it help you sleep better at night? Make you feel nice and warm and fuzzy inside with every artless, childlike jab you take at us?
Malcolm Jones: Maybe while he’s answering that, you can also lend us some insights on YOUR reasons for babbling for weeks at a time about some bullshit reasonings your god complex keeps forcing you to try and hold other Elitists with potential down week after week. Roll over and die already, bro, nobody gives a fuck to see the Liquid Swordz creeping around anymore. Y’all are designed for nothing stat padding purposes–namely for Imp’s sake ‘cause it’s apparent he’s not on the same level as you, Ryan, comparing your last few individual Free-Per-View placements. Your only memorable moment as a team is when DEDEDE carried Impact to a win against myself and Chris Elite, a match that Chris admittedly could have given two fucks about considering the fact that he was weeks away from a guaranteed EAW World Heavyweight Championship win.
Chris Elite: Aye.
Malcolm Jones: That’s the accomplishment Impact hangs his hat on and tries to make it seem like he “punked” us. Other than that, what else you got? Dementia? Coronary artery disease? Erectile dysfunction? Emotional and hormonal baggage that takes the shape of two mediocre privileged blonde buttermilk bitches you’re funding the spending habits off just for a drop of coochie?
Mr. DEDEDE: My bad, MJ, I’m still caught up with your opening statement–because I thought we went through this once or twice or thrice already. You complain that I’m standing in the way of other Elitists’ chances at mediocre success, and why the hell shouldn’t I? As if I’m not the very individual who gives them these opportunities to flounder in the first place. Just like I gave you all the tools and weapons in your arsenal that turned you into the insufferable vermin you are today. I ALLOW every prominent position any EAW Elitist ever has in this company, yours included. Never forget who built this. Never forget who rules this. Never forget where it is you came from. And that is the precise lesson I intend to teach you both at Roa–I’m sorry, Pavement to Restitution since we all agreed on the importance of working together to help improve Chris Elite’s bumbling vocabulary.
Impact: Lowkey surprised he’s been able to follow along for this long–or is that why he got all quiet all of a sudden?
Chris Elite: Munch munch.
Impact: That’s okay, Chris. Take your time. I know how tricky these sort of things can be for a man like yourself. No matter how many times you try to deny it and act like your career in this business was set in stone before I launched you to the top and fathered the style you inherited, I’ll be standing right here to remind you.
Malcolm Jones: That’s the problem, right there. You ain’t father shit. You didn’t revolutionize a single thing in this industry. Matter fact, you REALLY only made it this far in the Grand Prix cause nobody else had enough heart or rigor to put you out your misery already. If only more of these modern day wrestlers were like me, then y’all could have left us alone and retired by now. If these bozos weren’t chicken shit and talentless, there wouldn’t be a need for the likes of an Impact or Mr. DEDEDE to continue to hog the spotlight in a tournament like this one and you’d have never had the chance to sign up in the first place or find yourselves in this position. I guess everybody can’t be like me though, it is what it is.
Chris Elite: Or like me. :mjpls: But you right, Malc, it is what it is. Nothing Liquid Bozoz will be able to say or do about it ‘cause it’s time we finally put an end to all the hype that’s been surrounding their cute little reunion tour. We have got your numbers, always have, and this’ll be a walk in the park for us, just like how we bulldozed through right every other team on that bracket. No problem at all. Y’all are washed. Neither one of you “invented” or “fathered” or “built” the culture of anything, let alone in EAW. People don’t look at you like the leader of the locker room and that’s why you both are the salty, senile, and bitter derlicts you are now. C’mon now, Imp, you was on the exact same time all them other bozos were when you was trying to claim that you “fathered” my style when you the one who loves my style, you been on my dick. Stop reaching.
Mr. DEDEDE: Come now, children. Daddygawd doesn’t want to have to make this harder than it needs to be, don’t waste all your laboriously copied down points at once, otherwise, there soon won’t be anything left that can be said with words before we’re instead forced to express ourselves through physical violence.
Malcolm Jones: You tried to tell me that once before and it didn’t end up the way you swore it would at all. But if you need another reminder, I got you. We both do. Few more days and this ass whooping is all yours, beloved.
(Chris and Malcolm each drop their microphones onto the ringmat with a pop just before taking steps forward to get directly into the faces of the Liquid Swordz. The Liquid Swordz maintain a firm composure, refusing to be at all intimidated by their fellow Grand Prix finalists. After a few moments of uncomfortable eye contact, “Blixky Gang Freestyle” starts up again. Malcolm Jones begins a slow nod before taking a few steps backward, Chris Elite doing the same with a confident smirk.)
Flannery McCoy: :noah: Why does Pavement to Restitution have to be an entire week away?! I wanna see the Grand Prix finals here and NOW! GO AT IT ALREADY!
Jake Mercer: Have you finally come to your senses, Flannery? Have you come to realize exactly how BEAUTIFUL of a sight it’ll be to watch live as Impact and his sidekick deliver the killing blow to these men’s hopes and dreams of achieving any tag team gold in Season 14?!
Stew-O: It’s still very much anyone’s game, Jake, despite Impact and DEDEDE proclaiming here tonight that they will walk out of RTR with the W.
Flannery McCoy: The Blicky Boyz have more than shown the past few weeks exactly how determined they are when it comes to getting a shot at the Unified Tag Team Titles–this match two of EAW’s most decorated Elitists being no different whatsoever. But you’re right, Stew, both teams are absolutely fired up! This clash between modern day goliaths will be an era-defining matchup, no doubt about it!
(The camera cuts to one last shot of the Liquid Swordz standing tall in the center of the ring before the broadcast transitions into a commercial break. Impact shakes his head disappointedly while Chris and Malcolm walk backwards up the ramp shit talking relentlessly while DEDEDE simply crosses his arms over his chest.)
(A commercial for the Bald if Badass club featuring Charlie Marr, Lethal Consequences, Jamie No’Haira, and Terry Chambers when he was bald)
(‘ME!’ by Taylor Swift featuring Brendon Urie hits, as Veena Adams steps out onto the stage. The virtual crowd boos her heavily as she raises her head high and ignores the crowd entirely. Veena makes her way down to the ring)
Stephie Love: The following contest is set for.. ONE FALL!!! Making her way to the ring! From Greenwich, Connecticut.. Weighing in at 125lbs… VEENA ADAMS!!!
Stew-O: Veena has been on a roll as of late. Other than her finals loss to Kasey Kaos for the specialists title, her last four matches resulted in wins. Her last one being a comeback victory over The Fallen Angel last week.
Flannery McCoy: Well she’s got a tough match tonight as she faces her uncle’s opponent at Road to Redemption in Chris Elite. This should be a good one!
(‘Invincible’ by Pop Smoke hits as Chris Elite steps out onto the stage and is given a loud reaction from the virtual crowd. Elite hops up and down, then focuses in on Veena Adams in the ring as he makes his way down the entrance ramp.)
Stephie Love: And her opponent.. From Brooklyn, New York.. Weighing in at 210lbs!!! He is CHRIS ELITE!!!!
Stew-O: Chris suffered a tough loss against Jake Smith last week, but surely wants to turn things around against Veena Adams here tonight. This will be a great match for Chris as Veena has learned a lot from his future opponent in Mr. DEDEDE. Someone who uses the Spear as well as she does is a great test for Chris Elite.
(DING! DING! DING!)
Stew-O: There’s the bell and this one starts off with both Elitists circling around in the center of the ring! Kick to the side of the leg by Veena! Another shot and Chris is forced to reach down to grab his leg! Meanwhile, Veena Adams with another strike! This time it’s a forearm shot to the side of the head! Chris Elite drops down to one knee, as Veena takes a step back. Elite slowly works his way up to his feet.. THEN GETS DRILLED IN THE FACE BY A JUMPING KNEE STRIKE BY VEENA ADAMS!! That shot sends Chris staggering back against the side ropes of the ring! Veena quickly runs to the ropes behind her. She rebounds and is headed for Chris!! AND DHE GOES FOR A RUNNING FOREARM SHOT TO THE HEAD!!
Flannery McCoy: NO!! Chris Elite dips his shoulder and tosses Veena Adams over the top rope!
Stew-O: But she doesn’t fall to the ringside floor as she held onto the top rope and managed to keep herself standing on the ring apron! Chris Elite turns around.. AND GETS HIT BY A RIGHT HOOK BY VEENA ADAMS!! He clutches at his jaw after that one, then responds with.. THE DICKEATERY STOPPER!! MIKE TYSON UPPERCUT BY CHRIS ELITE ONTO VEENA!! Veena nearly falls off of the apron, but instead she hangs onto the top rope as she drops down onto her knee on the other side of the ropes as Chris Elite!!
Jake Mercer: Down on her knees? He might need to change the name of that move to the Dickeatery engaged because Veena’s in perfect position to-
Flannery McCoy: STOP!
Jake Mercer: I was going to say get engaged. Propose.
Flannery McCoy: Oh okay..
Jake Mercer: After she eats his-
Stew-O: VEENA GETS BACK UP TO HER FEET BUT GETS HIT HARD BY A RIGHT HAND BY CHRIS ELITE!! Elite follows that up with a left hand!! He steps back and shoot kicks Veena right in the abdomen!! Veena clutches at her stomach with her left hand as she hangs onto the ring ropes with her right. She looks up.. BACKFIST BY CHRIS ELITE CATCHES HER RIGHT ACROSS THE FACE THROUGH THE ROPES!! Veena nearly falls off of the apron, but she manages to hang on.. She regains her balance.. BUT CHRIS ELITE WITH A LARIAT!! THE 5 BOROUGH COMBO!!!
Flannery McCoy: NO!! VEENA DROPS DOWN WHILE GRABBING THE TOP ROPE, AS CHRIS ELITE GOES FLYING OVER THE RING ROPES AND TUMBLES DOWN TO THE RINGSIDE FLOOR!! Veena looks over her shoulder at Chris Elite as he slowly works up to his hands and knees after that rough fall. Veena pulls herself back up to her feet with the assistance of the ropes. She enters back into the ring and runs to the ropes at the other end! She bounces back as Chris Elite is just now standing at ringside… AND VEENA ADAMS LEAPS INTO THE AIR TO DELIVER A SUICIDE DIVE ONTO CHRIS ELITE!!! IT CONNECTS!!
Jake Mercer: Both Veena and Chris Elite are down!
Referee: One.. Two.. Three.. Four..
Stew-O: Veena Adams has just made it up to her feet. Meanwhile, Chris Elite is still down on his hands and knees trying to work himself up. He makes it up to his knees.. BUT VEENA IS THERE TO CONNECT WITH A SCISSOR STOMP THAT STUNS ELITE AND SPRINGS HIM UP INTO A STANDING POSITION… ELBOW SMASH BY VEENA ADAMS!!!
Flannery McCoy: That elbow smash forces Chris Elite back against the ring apron! Veena takes a step back.. THEN LAUNCHES HER LEG AT CHRIS ELITE’S CHEST AS SHE NAILS HIM WITH A SHOOT KICK!! Chris Elite clutches at his chest in pain, as Veena grabs him and slides him back into the ring!! She then follows inside and goes for the pin!!
ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
TWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
THHH-
Jake Mercer: Kickout by Chris Elite!!
Stew-O: Veena Adams quickly gets up, grabs the side ropes and begins stomping down onto Elite!! She definitely doesn’t look to happy about his recent kickout and wants to keep the pressure on him as she presses her boot against his head while holding onto the ring ropes for more leverage!!
Flannery McCoy: And now here’s the referee trying to break it up!!
Referee: One.. Two.. Three.. Four.. Fiv-
Stew-O: Veena Adams releases her boot from Chris Elite’s head and backs away so that the referee doesn’t disqualify her.. BUT SHE QUICKLY CHARGES IN AND DELIVERS TWO MASSIVE STOMPS DOWN ONTO ELITE!!
Flannery McCoy: Veena Adams walks away from Chris Elite for a moment as she begins to catch her breath. She brushes her hair from off of her face, as Chris is slowly getting himself up into a seated position while clutching at his head in pain. Veena begins to make her way over to Elite as he finally stands up!! PALM STRIKE BY VEENA ADAMS FORCES CHRIS ELITE BACK!!
Jake Mercer: BUT CHRIS ELITE RESPONDS WITH AN UPPERCUT THAT CATCHES VEENA ADAMS RIGHT AT THE JAW!!
Stew-O: Veena grabs at her jaw, but then quickly strikes Chris back with another palm strike!! Veena now reaches and grabs Elite! She lifts him up onto her shoulders and drives him into the corner turnbuckles before letting hang upside down in the corner!! TREE OF WOE!!! Veena takes multiple steps back as she is almost standing in the opposite corner. Chris Elite is still hanging upside down, as Veena charges in at full speed!!! RUNNING DROPKICK INTO THE BODY OF CHRIS ELITE BY VEENA ADAMS!!!
Flannery McCoy: NO!!! CHRIS ELITE DOES A HANGING SIT UP AS HE SITS ON TOP OF THE TOP TURNBUCKLE!!! AND AS A RESULT, VEENA MISSED HER DROPKICK AND HIT THE BACK OF HER HEAD HARD ONTO THE CANVAS OF THE RING!!!
Jake Mercer: Chris Elite’s core strength on display right there! Pretty Brolic if you ask me.
Flannery McCoy: WAIT LOOK!! Elite repositions himself on the top rope as he is standing up and facing Veena Adams who is still down on the canvas clutching at the back of her head!! 450 SPLASH BY CHRIS ELITE!!! IT CONNECTS AND HE HOOKS THE LEGS!!!
ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
TWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
THHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRR-
Stew-O: VEENA KICKS OUT!!! VEENA KICKS OUT JUST IN TIME!!!
Flannery McCoy: Chris Elite thought he had it right there. He looks upset with the referee, but quickly rises up to his feet before stomping down onto Veena Adams. Veena is trying to fight her way up to her feet. She’s on her hands and knees, but Chris immediately grabs her by her hair and pulls her up to her feet! SNAP SUPLEX BY CHRIS ELITE!!! It connects! Veena pops up back to her feet from the momentum, but Chris is right there to take her down with another snap suplex!! That one smacks Veena’s back up against thee canvas hard as she slowly gets herself into a seated position and scoots herself into the nearby corner..
Stew-O: HAWK EM!!!!
Jake Mercer: IT CONNECTS!!
Stew-O: Chris Elite just blasted Veena Adams in the face with his running knee strike as Veena falls off to her side!! Chris quickly gets to his feet and reaches down to grab Adams. He lifts her up onto her feet, then raises her up onto his shoulders. What is he thinking here?
Jake Mercer: It looks like Chris wants to play a little game of darts. Veena being the dart. The turnbuckle being the bullseye!
Stew-O: That’s exactly what’s happening as Chris Elite charges at the opposite turnbuckle with Veena on his shoulder.. AND HE TOSSES HER HEAD FIRST INTO THE TOP TURNBUCKLE!!! LAWN DART!!! 44 BULLDOG CONNECTS!!!! Veena Adams has her head drilled into that turnbuckle as she snaps back groggily onto her feet. She has no idea where she’s at and may be seeing stars as she has absolutely no balance and nearly trips.. But she says standing… UNTIL CHRIS ELITE KNOCKS HER DOWN TO THE CANVAS INSTANTLY WITH THE HEAD SHOT PELE KICK!!!! Elite hooks the legs once more!!
ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
TWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
THHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-
Flannery McCoy: VEENA KICKS OUT AGAIN!!
Stew-O: Veena took an absolutely grueling shot to the head moments ago and still managed to find a way to focus enough to kick out just now. She’s breathing heavily and staring up at the ceiling as Chris Elite gets back up to his feet. Elite makes his way over to the corner where he scales up to the top rope. He’s looking down at Veena Adams as she still has yet to move since kicking out! Chris leaps into the air.. FROG SPLASH!!!!
Jake Mercer: NOBODY HOME!!! VEENA ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY AT THE LAST SECOND!!!
Stew-O: Chris Elite just ate the canvas as he crashed chest first into it just now!! Veena was playing possum and knew Chris was going to go high risk just now!! Chris is clutching at his stomach in pain and slowly working his way up to his knees. Meanwhile, Veena is also working her way up to her feet! Chris is standing! And so is Veena! Chris with a kick to the side of the leg!! Veena with a forearm strike to the head!!! Chris with a forearm strike of his own!!! Veena responds with a shoot kick across the chest!! That kick has Chris Elite staggering back… BUT HE THEN STEPS UP AND SMACKS VEENA ACROSS THE FACE WITH AN AXE KICK!!! He calls that move Dreaming!!!
Flannery McCoy: Chris quickly reaches down and grabs Veena by the wrist. He whips her to the ropes as he runs in a different direction towards the side ropes!! Veena bounces back as Chris rebounds right into her direction… DRIVE BY!!! THE POUNCE!!!!
Stew-O: NO!!! SPEAR!!! SPEAR BY VEENA ADAMS!!!! Chris Elite was just dipping his shoulder in order to knock Veena Adams down hard with his Drive by signature move, but Veena adjusted and got even lower than him and drilled him right in the midsection with that spear!!! Chris is down on the canvas and clearly in pain. He’s clutching at his stomach face down while kicking his legs up and down. Veena crawls her way over to Elite and turns him over for the pin!!
ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
TWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
THHHHHHHRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-
Jake Mercer: KICKOUT BY CHRIS ELITE!!!
Flannery McCoy: Veena Adams gets back up to her feet. She quickly makes her way over to Chris’ lower body and begins to stomp down onto his right leg!! These stomps will definitely slow down the fast paced offense of Chris Elite. But wait.. What is she… SHE’S GRABBING CHRIS BY THE LEG AND TURNING HIM OVER!!! That’s.. That’s… THE SINGLE LEG BOSTON CRAB!!! SHE HAS IT LOCKED IN THE CENTER OF THE RING!!!!
Stew-O: This is not a move that you want to be caught in! As Veena pulls back on that leg, not only is she compressing the glute and lower back of Chris Elite, but she’s also stretching the hip and quad further than what Chris’ body can comfortable hold. He is definitely in pain right now..
Flannery McCoy: Wait, she’s sitting back now.. AND BRINGING HIS LEG ALL THE WAY BACK TO HIS HEAD!!! Chris Elite is screaming in pain right now!! He may need to tap out!!!
Stew-O: No Flannery! Look, he’s desperately crawling and forcing his way over to the ring ropes!! He’s almost there.. AND HE GRABS THE ROPES!!!
Jake Mercer: But look at this! Veena is playing it smart and keeping the pressure on that leg!! She isn’t letting go until she has to!!
Referee: One.. Two.. Three.. Four.. Fi-
Stew-O: And Veena Adams releases the submission hold!
Flannery McCoy: I don’t see why Veena needs to resort to cheating in order to keep Chris Elite down.
Jake Mercer: Cheating? She’s not cheating Flannery. All she is doing is taking the rules and using them to her advantage. If she’s allowed five seconds to release the hold, then you can bet Veena is going to use 4.99 out of those 5 seconds.
Stew-O: Veena walks over to a corner as Chris Elite is down on his hands and knees off to the side by the ring ropes. Veena makes her way over to Chris Elite.. AND CLOCKS HIM IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH A CORKSCREW ELBOW DROP!! Elite is down!! Veena smirks out to the virtual crowd as it is clear that she has full control of this match now. Veena steps off to the side about 10 feet away from Elite. Chris slowly works his way back up to his hands and knees.. SKULLL FRACTURE!!! RUNNING PUNT KICK TO THE HEAD BY VEENA ADAMS!!
Flannery McCoy: NO!! CHRIS ELITE ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY AS VEENA STUMBLES ON HER FEET AND RUNS INTO THE RING ROPES!! Veena slowly turns around.. BUT GETS HIT BY A SPRINGBOARD KNEE STRIKE BY CHRIS ELITE OUT OF NOWHERE!!! Elite built up the strength to roll out of the way to evade her punt kick, but he continued up to his feet and ran to the ropes in time to catch Veena off guard with his springboard knee strike!! Veena is down!! Veena is down!!
Stew-O: Chris Elite is also down as he falls to his knee. He’s tired. He’s exhausted, but he’s still got a ways to go in order to put this one away. Veena is slowly working herself up with the assistance of the side ropes. She’s up to her feet as Chris Elite rises up to his as well!! Right hook by Elite!!! Palm strike by Veena!! DREAMING AXE KICK BY ELITE!!!
Flannery McCoy: NO!! Veena moves out of the way just in time and shoots in at his legs!!! She sweeps off to the side with the sweep single leg and trips Elite down to the canvas of the ring!! ANKLE LOCK!! VEENA HAS THE ANKLE LOCK LOCKED IN!!! Chris Elite is in serious pain right now as Veena is really wrenching on that ankle!!
Jake Mercer: And look!! Chris is trying to kick himself free from Veena’s grip, but she hangs on tightly!! She isn’t letting go!! Chris Elite begins trying to toss his body forward towards the ring ropes, but it’s no use!! He manages to get up onto his free leg however!! He’s hopping on that one leg and facing Veena Adams who still has a hold of his ankle… AND CHRIS ELITE JUMPS IN THE AIR AND DELIVERS A KICK ACROSS THE FACE OF VEENA ADAMS WITH HIS FREE LEG!!! VEENA IS DOWN!!! VEENA IS DOWN AND CHRIS ELITE GOES FOR THE PIN!!!!
ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
TWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
THHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRR-
Stew-O: KICKOUT BY VEENA ADAMS!!! Chris Elite rolls off to the side of Veena and looks up at the ceiling. He’s breathing heavily, but after moment, he plants his hand off to the side and gets himself up to a seated position before making his way up to his feet. Elite is slowly making his way over to the corner. He stumbles a bit as he can barely put his weight on his ankle after being in Veena’s ankle lock. Chris begins to scale up to the top rope. He stands on the top turnbuckle as Veena is still down on the canvas. Elite positions himself.. AIMIN FOR THE MOON!!! 630 SENTON BY CHRIS ELITE!!!
Flannery McCoy: SPEAR!!! VEENA ADAMS TIMED IT PERFECTLY AS SHE GOT UP QUICKLY AND SPEARED CHRIS ELITE IN MID AIR!!! That spear took the air completely out of Chris Elite!!! And Veena covers him for the pin!!!
ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
TWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
THHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!
Jake Mercer: VEENA DID IT!!!
Stew-O: NO!!! CHRIS ELITE GOT HIS FOOT ON THE BOTTOM ROPE!!!!
Flannery McCoy: Veena looks absolutely frustrated after that kickout!! She instantly begins firing away with MMA style strikes as she mounts on top of Chris Elite before delivering lefts and rights across his face!!! Veena stands up now and grabs Chris by the arm and leg. She drags his body towards the center of the ring and aligns him perfectly with the corner turnbuckles. Veena then makes her way over to the corner as she scales up to the top rope! She’s looking down at Chris Elite as she turns around to face the virtual arena!! Veena is about to take flight!! FATAL VOW!! MOONSAULT DOUBLE FOOTSTOMP BY VEENA ADAMS!!!!
Stew-O: NO!!! Chris Elite rolls out of the way, towards the corner, as Veena lands right behind him!! Veena stumbles on her landing as Chris Elite slowly gets up to his feet! Veena walks towards Chris.. BOX OFFICE SMASH!!! SUPERKICK OUT OF NOWHERE BY CHRIS ELITE!!! VEENA INSTANTLY DROPS DOWN TO THE CANNVAS AS CHRIS FALLS DOWN TO HIS KNEES AND COVERS VEENA!!!!
ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
TWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
THHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!
(DING! DING! DING!)
(‘Invincible’ by Pop Smoke hits, as Chris Elite rises up to his feet. The referee grabs him by the arm and raises it in the air as the crowd gives him a loud reaction)
Stephie Love: Here is your winner!!! CHRIS ELITE!!!!
Stew-O: What a match!! Veena Adams and Chris Elite went back and forth tonight and delivered a stellar performance against one another just a week before Road to Redemption.
Flannery McCoy: But in the end it was Chris Elite that managed to walk out victorious here.
Stew-O: You have to think that Chris wanted this win here tonight after losing to Jake Smith a week ago. As a participant in the Grand Prix finals, he definitely wanted to pick up the win here tonight to build some momentum. A victory over a relative of your future opponent is a nice touch too. But all in all, these two delivered!!
(The screen shows Chris Elite walking back up the ramp. He’s clutching at his chest and head as he turns and looks at Veena Adams who is just now sitting up in the center of the ring. The screen then fades out.)
(A commercial for the EAW free-per-view, Road To Redemption, where production on the show the day that it broadcasts like the lazy fucks we are :wow:)
(We open up inside the ring has been changed , configured, and adjusted so that it can fit seven chairs with a large table in the middle of it. The ring ropes have been removed and the fans are anticipating something big.)
StarrStan: Welcome everyone back to Friday Night Dynasty where I am here to bring to you all a very special moment in wrestling history. Last year, we witnessed an incredible sit down concocted by the six elitists that entered the EEC for the World Heavyweight Championship match and tonight I’ve decided to take it upon myself to deliver something similar. But first, let me bring all these worthy elitists out here to get things started. First…well, since he just had a match…Ladies and Gentlemen…CHRIS ELITE!
(“Invincible “ by Popsmoke plays as Chris Elite returns to the ring still wearing his ring gear.)
Chris Elite: YKTV.
StarrStan: Next, I welcome The Silent Killer…MITSUBACHI!
(“Black Honey” by Thrice turns up as out walks MITSUBACHI in a suit following his match earlier in the night.)
MITSUBACHI: This better not be a waste of my time, StarrStan.
StarrStan: I doubt that very much. Next up, The Inevitable one himself…Lethal Consequences!
(“Tougher, Colder, Killer” by El-P rings off as out comes Lethal Consequences with a scowl on his face, black denim jeans, and a long sleeve black t-shirt.)
Lethal Consequences: :dave: You two might be the first eyes I darken when shit pops off.
Chris Elite: You won’t lay a finger on me.
MITSUBACHI: Nobody wants anything to do with Chris Elite and fingers.
Chris Elite: Man, shut the fuck up. Damn.
StarrStan: Next…coming down is the Wrestling Genius…Xander Payne!
(“It Follows” by Cane Hill blasts as StarrStan nods his head to the music.)
Chris Elite: How about not showing bias, BOZO!
StarrStan: The song bangs. :whoa: I like his taste in music.
Lethal Consequences: His music is trash, his body is disgusting, and I’ve changed my mind; Ima knock that fat boy out first.
Xander Payne: I wish you would.
MITSUBACHI: Wish, why are you wishing? You are built like a genie yourself!
StarrStan: Next up, he is a man that alongside Chris Elite, shall be putting in double duty at Road to Redemption. Ladies and gentlemen…MR. DEDEDE!
(“Value” by A$AP Ferg plays as out steps the Gawdzilla Pro wearing second half of The Liquid Swordz tag team.)
Mr. DEDEDE: Go ahead, say something smart and stupid.
Chris Elite: You a bitch, that is all.
Xander Payne: I second that.
Lethal Consequences: Of course you can’t turn down seconds.
MITSUBACHI: It’s funny because you are very fat, Xander.
Xander Payne: Yet I was voted best body and I know the asian guy that wears pants suits to the ring could never win such an award. You dress up like Hillary Clinton and have the audacity to disrespect me? Please…
StarrStan: Finally…last but not least! The World Heavyweight Champion…THE VISUAL PROPHET!
(“Don Life” by Big Sean plays loudly as out steps The Visual Prophet. Viz has on the exact same outfit as Ving Rhames in the movie Pulp Fiction. Viz has his World Heavyweight Championship on his shoulders as he smiles at his opponents in the ring.)
Mr. DEDEDE: Didn’t Ving Rhames get raped in that movie? Of course you get inspired by that, huh?
Visual Prophet: What you gon’ do, Ryan? Huh? Rape me?
Chris Elite: Ayo. :dame:
Mr. DEDEDE: Don’t tempt me, big boy. :shaq:
Chris Elite: AYO! :dame: :dame: :dame:
Lethal Consequences: Y’all flagrant fouling.
MITSUBACHI: C’mon now!
Xander Payne: This is pathetic.
Visual Prophet: :mjlol2: We all having fun tonight, right?!
(All the participants are in the ring, seated, as the entire building gets quiet and awaits StarrStan to speak.)
StarrStan: Ok, ok, alright. Now listen, I’ve gathered you all here to have a final sit down ahead of your highly anticipated World Heavyweight Championship match. This match has all the makings of being the biggest World Championship matches in the history of EAW and easily can be more insane and competitive than the one we put forth last year at Road to Redemption. That Extreme Elimination Chamber match featured Kassidy Heart, Diamond Cage, Impact, Drake King, the man who entered and left with the gold in TLA, and the man who lost but now sits here as the current World Heavyweight champion…The Visual Prophet.
(The camera cuts to show the faces of all five combatants as we see Chris Elite in his ring gear, Xander Payne with a suit jacket with a black shirt underneath, Lethal Consequences in a long sleeve black shirt, MITSUBACHI in a suit, Mr. DEDEDE in a Gawdzilla pro tracksuit, and The Visual Prophet dressed in a yellow turtleneck, black sunglasses, and covered in gold earrings and other gold jewelry with his World Heavyweight title on the table.)
StarrStan: Now, getting all six of you in this ring took heavy work by myself. I brought you all together under the credence that tonight will NOT end in a violent brawl. Sorry to disappoint the fans but we cannot spoil a match this big tonight! Look, it took a lot of work but hopefully the threat of me removing and replacing any single one of you in that Extreme Elimination Chamber match should keep everyone from losing their cool and throwing away this ultimate opportunity has you guys on your best behavior.. Now, that I have you all here and the cameras are rolling…how do you guys feel with the chance to become or in Viz’s case…retain that covered World Heavyweight Championship?
(We see all of the EEC competitors looking at each other until one man speaks up first.)
MITSUBACHI: I’m tired of the waiting game. I’ve spent the last 8 months slowly building my name. I’ve spent every single day since I joined EAW in March building and building and maintaining a level of momentum that could catapult me to the point I’ve wanted to reach since I’ve arrived. I am finally here. To many, it’s a bit premature but to me it’s fine. MITSUBACHI is a week away from becoming your new World Heavyweight Champion. I’ve watched many of these men hold that very title and diminish the prestige that a title like that should hold. I’ve watched as Mr. DEDEDE used that belt as a prop and devalued it at the expense of making his pockets wider. I’ve watched Chris Elite be a World Champion and just like LC, the second that belt leaves their possession they flounder and prove they never were worthy to be champ in the first place. I’ve been through the mid, I’ve lost many matches, and I’ve had a change that has made me the most fearsome man in this fight and I believe-
Chris Elite: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Enough of the fucking noise. Listen here Cobra Kai, Mr. Miyagi, fuck boy. I don’t wanna hear shit about you when it comes to anything ESPECIALLY me. I’ve been putting this company on my back and i’ve been the type of World Champ that none of y’all could ever compare to. I brought the type of box office draw that belt needs, understand? While all five of you dick eaters munch and munch and chew on and on, I’ve gotten beyond tired of hearing you pussies whining. Baki Suzuki here deserves this, sausage fingers Payne deserve that, Mr. DEDEDE needs this, LC really wants that, Viz and his gay tendencies does well with this market-I DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT NONE OF THAT SHIT NO MORE! I’ve been screwed over every single time I’ve gotten close to being a champion again and this time will be different. This time I fuck y’all over. Ain’t no ways around it except the way that I want it to fucking be. Got it?
Xander Payne: You couldn’t beat me but you think you will survive this match? Chris, how many times has that receding hairline hit the mat? You crying about other people crying is as hypocritical as Viz making fat jokes when he’s as big as me.
Mr. DEDEDE: He’s not fat like you, though.
Xander Payne: He weighs more than me?
Mr. DEDEDE: Kayfabe wise? Sure.
Lethal Consequences: Yeah, you at least 330.
Xander Payne: You say that because when you shaved your head, you lost ten pounds you old, geriatric, geezer.
Lethal Consequences: Whatever you say, Sharknado.
Xander Payne: Sharknado?
Visual Prophet: It’s because you’re wet, make a mess everywhere you go, and because you eat everything your body touches.
Xander Payne: Fuck you, Viz. you guys wanna know how I feel? Annoyed. I’m annoyed and I’m so ready to end this undeserving piece of crap’s reign once and for all. Viz is so lucky that our match was interrupted because I was fully prepared to embarrass this man on Dynasty last week but I guess it had to be delayed. I guess proving him and every single one of you wrong will be better served on the biggest platform possible. Me eliminating you all at Road to Redemption and becoming the one true god of pro wrestling will be a sight for all to see. All eyes are on Xander Payne as I take that World Heavyweight Championship finally and headline the next Payne for Pride as the World Heavyweight God!
StarrStan: Bold stance but I guess that’s how you have to feel heading into a match this barbaric. What about you Lethal Consequences? How does LC feel ahead of this match?
(LC takes a deep sigh as everyone pays attention to him speak.)
Lethal Consequences: I feel apathetic.
Chris Elite: You look pathetic is what you mean.
Xander Payne: Old man, you should retire.
Mr. DEDEDE: :mjpls:
Lethal Consequences: Are y’all finished? Are you done? Cause I’m not and I never will be.
Visual Prophet: :dave: Speak your mind, my guy.
Lethal Consequences: You know? I know I’m only in this match because this man over here tried to show pity to me. I know that pity is outweighed by his excessive need to troll each and everyone he has ever come into contact with. From opponents to referees to even you StarrStan.
StarrStan: Don’t tell me about it. :wow:
Lethal Consequences: Lord knows I tried that way before. I was the one jacking styles off the 45th President. I was the one fighting over laptops containing music software. I was this and I was that yet I was always pushing myself away from where I really want to be. I was losing my grip on the prize I really wanted. How far did I fall? I sank deep, man. Deep waters…I was drowning yet now this clown has made the biggest mistake in his career. This guy holding that belt fucked up beyond his wildest imaginations because between all these men at this table and all the people watching at home…I’m just a stooge propped up as a body to be fed to Mr. DEDEDE or Chris Elite or Viz. Nah, that’s not how this sunsets on my backside. I’m not the ploy to play pity with. Pats on the back and imaginary accolades boasted by commentators and online fans can’t suffice what my mind is fixated on. Everyone wants to be World Champ but don’t none of you want to be World Champion more than me. Been so long I almost forget what that spot feels like but I remember enough to know that y’all gonna have to kill LC to keep him away from that there World title.
StarrStan: Wow that was
Lethal Consequences: :dave: Piff, I know.
MITSUBACHI: Oh brother.
Visual Prophet: Gone ahead, Ryan. StarrStan wants to know how you guys feel. Open your heart sweetie!
StarrStan: Yes, Mr. DEDEDE. You are no stranger to this environment and just last season you participated in your own Extreme Elimination Chamber match back on Showdown where you were the reigning Answers World Champion. What’s your feeling towards heading into this one, facing these four men, and trying to return to the top after failing to do so against Viz at House of Glass?
Visual Prophet: Yeah, talk about that. Start with the part where I beat the dog shit out of you at House of Glass and put your chances of taking this World title right in the dirt. Go head.
Mr. DEDEDE: …I’m never not in the hunt, first off. Second, yes. You got that one win. Your first time ever beating me took every single thing you could conjure up in your Magic the Gathering brain. You are a roided up, heavily marketed, MR. DEDEDE stan who got one over the real deal genuine mold and that may have satiated your desires to be on top of me…
Chris Elite: Ayo. :dame:
Mr. DEDEDE: But no man has EVER stayed on top of me.
Chris Elite: Ayo, man. :dame:
Visual Prophet: I was all over you, blondie! Frank Ocean was the only black man covered with blonde!
Chris Elite: AYO, CHILL! Pride month was months ago! :dame:
MITSUBACHI: I do not know what any of this crap even means.
Lethal Consequences: Dem boys kinda fuego.
Xander Payne: They are very gay, these are who you want representing Dynasty? Huh, Starr?
Mr. DEDEDE: It doesn’t matter what Starr wants or thinks. I’ll give Viz this, when it was announced that MITSUBACHI, LC, and Payne were his only named opponents…I doubt a single soul expected any single one of you to be a challenge for him. The bar was set higher than any of you or Chris Elite ever reached at House of Glass as Jeffery Michael Rogers here ascended from a Prince worshiper to a man that for a short period of time could hold that belt and not be laughed at and mocked and taken for the joke he sometimes is. Last week, the transfer of power began. You choke and gagged away a chance to be as legendary as you claim to be. You choked away a tag team match to The Liquid Swordz in the Grand Prix and you had the Universal Women’s Champion as your ace. The same way you stole the show at Pain for Pride by becoming World Heavyweight Champion only to choke a match away against Rex and Jamie O’Hara the very next outing. You are riding high off FINALLY defeating your idol. You stabbed god and saw blood and started twerking your ass off but you didn’t finish the fucking job. I breathe. I move. I kill. I am putting myself in the spot you proved unworthy off. I will win the Grand Prix tournament alongside Impact and I will end Road to Redemption with the belt you have made a mockery of on my shoulders once again.
(Mr. DEDEDE points right at Viz who’s joking demeanor vanishes finally.)
Mr. DEDEDE: To answer your question, I feel fantastic. Kassidy milked me for every last drop of cum inside my body and little Emogen spelled “GAWD” with her lego blocks before I left the house.
Xander Payne: That’s just too much information.
Chris Elite: Also, you not the only one pulling double duty, BOZO! Look at this dickhead talking like he the only one that can make history at Road to Redemption. First off, I beat Viz before all y’all did. Understand? MITSUBACHI and Payne never have, DEDEDE did it the first time as my partner, and LC the last one here that won a one on one match with him but he had Drake King help. I did it solo dolo and it was at the Draft show two years ago.
Visual Prophet: And then I blew you up with a Jeep and defended my title easily against you this season.
Chris Elite: Cool. I’ve beat you twice and you beat me twice. That’s cute, real cute.
Visual Prophet: You cute. :shaq:
MITSUBACHI: Ayo. :dame: Did I do it right?
Chris Elite: Ye, good job.
MITSUBACHI: Thx.
Chris Elite: No problem but Smd bozo.
MITSUBACHI: Oh.
Chris Elite: Anyway, I’m going to carry Malcolm Jones to a victory over the Liquid Bozoz and after that I’m gonna kick all y’all teeth down your throats and leave that bitch the new World Champion.
StarrStan: The confidence is wonderful but please keep the threats and animosity a little down a bit. Remember, any physicality will result in you being taken out of this high caliber match up!
Mr. DEDEDE: Yea, about that. You know you don’t control me, right? You do know who I am and what it is I do around here, right?
StarrStan: I know you very well, Ryan. I just don’t want to waste-
Mr. DEDEDE: You do know I can have you replaced by a hundred monkeys with typewriters at the drop of a literal hat? Your job isn’t to tell me what to do. I tell you want to do and you get it done. You are a middle man, a placeholder, a figurative figurehead whose perspective means jack shit to me and whatever I desire at the time of said desire. So when you threaten me with the notion you could actually control whether or not I’m in a match…I take it for you posturing with power you don’t have.
StarrStan: Look, Mr. DEDEDE, I
Lethal Consequences: Look at you, calling him mister like that’s your dad’s best friend.
Xander Payne: Aren’t you two like not that far off age wise?
MITSUBACHI: I can’t lie, you look pretty pathetic with that threat.
Mr. DEDEDE: Xander Payne can keep force feeding his fat fingers the term “God” over snd over but when anyone mentions god, I am the visage that appears in everyone’s mind. I’m god and I have a GAWD contract and regardless of what you think, know, or say…I control everything around here.
Visual Prophet: Except who is the World Champion. You didn’t have control over that this season huh, God? :sas2:
Chris Elite: Hey, I have a GAWD contract, too! Yeah, and you can’t control me either, BOZO! You and Veena Adam’s been trying to control me like I’m some pet but nah, I’m nobodies bitch.
Xander Payne: You’ve been Malcolm Jones bitch for a large portion of your career now.
MITSUBACHI: Look who’s talking? Weren’t you exclusively Myles’ BBW? You were his bitch for a while yourself!
Lethal Consequences: And you are Komatsu Ogawa’s little shrimp fried bitch. All y’all some form of bitch and I’m the only one that’s not. I’m the only one that’s standing on his own two ready to throw caution out the door and rip the souls right out of you motherfuckers.
StarrStan: Ok, guys. Maybe things are getting out of hand. Let’s get back to the chat and talk about
Chris Elite: Fuck all that. Who you pussies calling a bitch?
Mr. DEDEDE: I think we all as a group in fact consider you a bitch. Show of hands?
(All five of the other elitists raise their hands as Chris Elite stands up from the table.)
Chris Elite: I know y’all to be disrespectful but if anybody up here is a bitch it’s Viz! He got carried by Serena in the Grand Prix and couldn’t help her when she needed it.
Visual Prophet: I lost in the Grand Prix tournament, yeah yeah. I’m the only one in this ring that has been Tag Team Champion this very season.
Xander Payne: I won the Unified Tag belts way before you did!
Lethal Consequences: And your fat ass got your belts taken and lunch ate by Heavenly fucking Hell! I wish I would be so much of a bitch I lose my belt to a woman. :dave:
Mr. DEDEDE: I’m 1000 percent sure you lost the National Elite championship to my fucking wife but ok. :mjlol2:
Lethal Consequences: You laughing real hard for somebody about to lose to hairless J Boog and Raz B from B2K.
Chris Elite: Wait, did he just call me and MJ two dudes from B2K?
MITSUBACHI: Yes.
Chris Elite: And he didn’t say Omarion or Lil Fizz?
Xander Payne: He did not.
Chris Elite: So which one of us is J Boog and which one is Raz B?
Visual Prophet: Well, he said hairless so I’m to assume you are J Boog and since Raz B is the one that got touched by Chris Stokes…I guess that makes Malcolm Jones him?
Chris Elite: That’s it! :Tyson:
(Chris Elite hops up and snatches his chair up above his head as he rushes Viz.)
StarrStan: Stop! If you hit him you are out of the match!
Chris Elite: Fuck that, I have a GAWD contract! You didn’t even put me in the match, I put myself in. If you take me out, I’ll put myself back in!
StarrStan: Wait…
Mr. DEDEDE: Better yet, go ahead. Crack that man’s head with that chair. I have my own GAWD contract and I promise NOBODY is getting replaced in this match. Besides, with MITSUBACHI, LC, and Payne involved…we are already scraping the bottom of the barrel as is.
MITSUBACHI: That is it!
Stew-O: MITSUBACHI HOPS UP AND RUSHES DEDEDE! HE TACKLES GAWD OUT OF HIS CHAIR AS LC, PAYNE, VIZ, AND CHRIS ELITE RISE! THE TABLE IS FLIPPED! STARRSTAN DROPS DOWN AND QUICKLY ESCAPES AS THE FIGHT IS ON! CAUTION BE DAMNED! ROAD TO REDEMPTION CAN WAIT AS XANDER PAYNE BRAWLS WITH CHRIS ELITE! LETHAL CONSEQUENCES AND THE VISUAL PROPHET TRADE BLOWS! MR. DEDEDE TUSSLES WITH MITSUBACHI! CHAOS ENSUES!
Flannery McCoy: StarrStan must have known that putting these competitors in the ring together this early would not workout without punches being thrown.
Jake Mercer: If he did he’s a genius but if he didn’t he’s still a genius because THIS IS WHAT THE PEOPLE WANT! I DON’T CARE HOW MANY TIMES I SEE THIS, LET THE BOYS FIGHT!!!
Stew-O: Chris Elite shoves Xander Payne as Payne falls. LC throws Viz out of the ring. MITSUBACHI gets on top of DEDEDE and rises. MITSUBACHI turns and
Flannery McCoy: BOX OFFICE SMASH BY CHRIS ELITE CONNECTS TO MITSUBACHI AS MITSU FLIES BACKWARDS!
Jake Mercer: WAIT! LC STALKS CHRIS ELITE FOLLOWING THE SUPERKICK! CHRIS ELITE IS SPUN AROUND…LCR! LCR BY LC TO CHRISSY AS ELITE FLIES!
Flannery McCoy: OH LOOK! LOOK! XANDER PAYNE STANDS UP TALL AS LC GIVES A MIDDLE FINGER TO THE DOWNED CHRIS ELITE! LC TURNS AS PAYNE RUSHES HIM! KICK TO THE GUT! PAYNEKILLER!!!! XANDER PAYNE PLANTS LC RIGHT ON TOP OF HIS HEAD AS LC IS OUT COLD!
Stew-O: OH GOD…ITS GAWD! MR. DEDEDE IS IN THE CORNER CLUTCHING THE MIDDLE ROPE BEGGINS XANDER TO TURN…PAYNE MOTIONS THAT THE TITLE BELONGS TO HIM BY TAUNTING LC AS HE SLOWLY TURNS AROUND AND…SPEAR! SPEAR! SPEAR! MR. DEDEDE NEARLY TAKES XANDER OUT OF HIS DAMN BOOTS AS…
Jake Mercer: Oh god!
Flannery McCoy: Oh shit!
Stew-O: VIZ! THE VISUAL PROPHET KIPS UP! VIZ IS STALKING DEDEDE AS DEDEDE GETS UP AND TURNS AROUND…
BAM!!!!
Stew-O: KISS! TO! THE! HEAD!!! KISS TO THE HEAD AS DEDEDE FALLS FLAT ON HIS BACK FOLLOWING THE VICIOUS ELBOW BY THE CHAMPION AS VIZ HOPS UP, GRABS HIS WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP AND BEGINS GYRATING HIS HIP! VIZ STANDS ALONE IN THE RING AS HE RAISES HIS-
Jake Mercer: MITSUBACHI BYKE!!!!
Flannery McCoy: :wow: HE’S BACK UP!
Stew-O: THE DEATH OF THE BACHELOR!!!!!
Jake Mercer: KINSHASA!!!! RUNNING VICIOUS AND DEVASTATING FLYING KNEE TO THE BACK OF THE CHAMPIONS SKULL AS THE VISUAL PROPHET LANDS FACE DOWN AND IS OUT COLD LIKE EVERYONE ELSE! MITSUBACHI! HE RISES, HOLDING HIS JAW, AND STANDING ALONE AS HE LOOKS AT THE MESS LEFT IN THE RING! THE ONLY MAN HERE LEFT IS THE UNDERDOG AS HE SNATCHES THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP OFF THE GROUND AND RAISES IT HIMSELF! CAN THIS BE WHAT WE SEE AT ROAD TO REDEMPTION? IS THIS HOW IT ENDS FOR VIZ? CAN HE SURVIVE THE BEST THESE FIVE OTHER MEN HAVE? WE WILL SEE YOU AT ROAD TO REDEMPTION!!!
(MITSUBACHI is all that remains as Komatsu Ogawa runs to the ring to join him. All the other competitors are down and out of it as the show fades to black with him using both hands to raise the World Heavyweight Championship above his head as the show ends shortly thereafter.)
(EAW Logo buzzes.)
