BREAKING NEWS: Major Announcement From Chris Elite Regarding EAW’s Asia Tour

(The scene opens up to a view of the New York City skyline and as the camera continues to zoom out it shows that the view was through the lens of a window, the window being a part of a luxurious NYC penthouse suite and then the camera navigates through the huge property showing various pieces of expensive art and home decor before finally settling on a Versace couch where you can see the back of a man’s bald head, finally that man turns around and it turns out to be none other than Chris Elite)

Chris Elite(fake shocked): Hi how are ya? Wasn’t expecting you guys early as you can see I’m in the confines of my own property, doing what I’m supposed to be doing which is social distancing because unlike some bozos I actually give a shit about my health. But shit since y’all here already and I got your attention, fuck it lets do what I do best and shake the table. Speaking of giving a shit about people’s health, it’s clear that this damn company doesn’t give a shit about it. Now as you know I been making the impossible possible, doing whatever I want because I got a Gawd Contract and ain’t shit nobody can do about it. If I wanna put a dickeater in a match against another dickeater then dammit ima do it! If I wanna cancel a tour then dammit ima do it! ….Which brings me to what I wanted to get across.

(Chris Elite takes a deep breath before continuing)

Chris Elite: If you think I’M bout to go to Corona-Central for Gateway to Glory or any of these other damn events you are out of your rabbit ass mind! Shittin me? You smoking dicks if you think I’m about to let this go down. Not only am EYE not hopping on a plane and going to that place in the middle of a fucking pandemic, I’m damn sure not letting anybody else in EAW do it either. Not that I give a shit about whether you bozos live or die because to be honest a lot of y’all deserve to catch it, BUT I still gotta share the hallways and shit with y’all so I ain’t risking it, for my own sake. Not to mention you got weirdos out there like Xander’s fatass who probably gonna try eating a bat his damn self and come back with a whole new virus because he couldn’t suppress his cravings, I’m good luv. So you’re welcome.

Chris Elite: With that being said, the EAW Asia tour for May is officially CANCELED. The events can still go down but if you think I’m bout to leave this damn country ESPECIALLY to go to Asia you must be smoking that shit Windgate is on. Now where these events gonna take place? Beats me.. Fighting Spirit: Osaka can become Fighting Spirit: Omaha for all I care. If anybody on the EAW board got a problem with it, come see me, Bhris out. Now get the fuck outta my crib.

(Chris Elite waves off the camera man as it slowly fades away)

(EAW Logo Buzzes)

Written by Fight Grid

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