(EAW intro plays.)
(Instead of the Showdown theme, “Let It Go” by A$AP Ferg is playing throughout the speakers of the Bankers Life Fieldhouse in Indianapolis, Indiana as the camera hones in on the EAW Chairman and Answers World Champion who stands in the center of the ring. Mr. DEDEDE wears his championship around his waist, underneath his tweed Burberry suit jacket.)
Gavin Kirkland: Welcome everybody, I’m Gavin Kirkland, and I hope that I live to see another day because the AWC Champion is here and he looks pissed–just as pissed as he was the last time I saw him in that ring with a microphone and he handed my ass right to me!
Deadprez: :mjlol: And I’m Deadprez, welcome to Saturday Night Showdown everybody! Gavin is right, the Chairman of the Board is standing by, mic at the ready, preparing to address the EAW Universe–not that we weren’t expecting to see him here tonight, as he will be in our main event this evening–oh, shit, sorry, Ryan.
(The microphone picks up a quiet “shut the hell up” directed towards the commentary desk from Mr. DEDEDE, whose music has since stopped playing. He shakes his head at Gavin and Deadprez and raises the microphone to his mouth.)
Mr. DEDEDE: You’d think by now some people would have enough respect for their Answers World Champion to shut their greasy mouths when they realized it was time for him to speak. (He glares at the commentary desk once last time.) You think I want to come out here and dedicate all this time to set you people straight, or what? Contrary to your limited understanding of the way MY world works, I do not have unlimited amounts of time to come out here and verbally shit on your way of living each and every night. I can hear it already, “there he goes again! Angry as ever, for no reason at all!” just because you people don’t understand or appreciate what I do. Did you fucksup ever wonder why I am easily insulted? No, it’s not because I’m a sensitive cuck like you all and I don’t understand the importance of constructive criticism. It is because I am so obviously far beyond the criticism of infidels and mortals, because the majority of your opinions and critiques are wrong. It’s that simple. Every time I pick up the microphone I speak directly into your soul, every word I’ve written in Gawdverbs that was carefully meditated over in my ever-scrutinizing fine tooth comb, you still find it in yourselves to cover up the profound impact that my words have on you–and that alone tells me all that I need to know about the general population. I saw it in Ahren Fournier when he came out here last week and for some reason, was comfortable enough to say that he drives ratings, that I’m not what he considers “cool.” Ouch, Ahren. Y’know, what’s somewhat interesting, actually, is watching a man like Ahren come out and address the crowd as he did last week and think that there’d be no repercussions for his actions or he wouldn’t have to answer for speaking negatively of me–again, you’d think some of you would know better. No need to run out here with your tail between your hind legs and a poorly thought out apology, Ahren, because I forgive you. I know you only say these things because you’re scared. Because you know the threat that I pose to you and your career. Because you know that I am everything you ever wanted to be.
(Mr. DEDEDE lowers the mic momentarily as he stares out into the crowd, twirling the microphone in his hands for a moment as he gathers his thoughts.)
Mr. DEDEDE: As ill as you like to speak of this business, and as uncontrollable as your compulsive narcissistic personality disorder is, I know fully well that you stake your life into this business. Your pride, your personal value, is in being the so-called GOAT regardless of how facetious you are in self-ascribing such a moniker. You’re not here for any other reason other than to be the best Elitist you can possibly be. And you know, better than anybody, how pathetically low your ceiling actually is. I mean, really. It’s not like you’re here to use this business as a stepping stone despite making that claim before, which fell on deaf ears anyway because very few people give a damn what you have to say to begin with. But those who do join this sport to use it as a catapult into success in other avenues, usually actually have the raw talent to do so. That’s just a few of the many, many aspects that separate us, Ahren. And what’s interesting about you is that you talk such a big game in a stream of consciousness form of ramble, where a word salad of self gratifying sensationalist drivel just leaks out of your mouth in a long-form diatribe that very few people are even willing to sit through. It might be my favorite part about you, I find it quite intriguing if you’d allow me to say so. Hearing you talk all this shit gives me some very unique insight on the ignorance plaguing our society, learning just a little bit more about all that separates me from the rest of the common people that idolize me, and rightfully so. Face it, you’re nothing without the solid ground underneath you that I paved all of those years ago. Your moniker of being the “GOAT” means nothing if EAW doesn’t see the dollar signs in it and market it to the idiotic adolescents who will buy the t-shirts. After all, children are a hell of a market, and what better way to resonate with them than an idiotic talentless man-child who’s peaked at whatever heights Kassidy Heart could possibly carry him to. I think you know as well as I know that the only reason why your entire persona stays afloat is because I can market it with a fucking farm animal.
(Mr. DEDEDE runs a hand through his luxurious hair and shuts his eyes before speaking again, as if to calm himself down. He takes a deep breath before beginning again.)
Mr. DEDEDE: I need you to understand something, Ahren. If I haven’t already stated a million fucking times, that I am the closest thing it gets to a God in the wrestling industry, then I’ve said it a million and one times. And you’ll see it for yourself soon–no, I’m not talking about our tag-team match up later tonight, Ahren. I mean when I face you one-on-one and successfully defend my Answers World Championship at Midsummer Massacre.
(The crowd pops.)
Mr. DEDEDE: See that? I can say that with a straight face, I won’t even flinch, because I’m not intimidated by you or your incoherent ramblings, Ahren. I care so little about putting on a fantastic match and successfully defending my title, because the entire world already knows who and what I am, exactly what I am capable of–you’re the only jackass on the face of the planet who doesn’t seem able to come to terms with this. You projecting little coward, projectile vomiting the same mundane, uninspired stream of utter bile that you have for half of your career now. I’ll neuter you myself, “GOAT,” with my bare fucking hands. Test. Me. Not. It’ll be the last thing you ever do, I promise you.
(Commercial break — an advertisement for Hot Cheetos & KFC, the disgustingly delicious combination of genetically modified food items you never knew you wanted until we told you that you did. You’re welcome.)
(“Everybody Dies” by J. Cole hits and Adam Wolf comes out walking down the ramp, totally pumped up for his match this evening.)
Gina Romano: THE FOLLOWING CONTEST IS SET FOR ONE FALL!!
Crowd: ONE FALL!!!!
Gina Romano: INTRODUCING FIRST….FROM PLANTATION, FLORIDA…WEIGHING IN AT ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY POUNDS….”THE GOLDEN BOY”…..AADDAAAMMMM WWOLLFF!!!
Deadprez: This guy impressed last week in that tag match and has a chance to make an impact in his first singles match of the season. Let’s see what happens.
Gavin Kirkland: Do I have to? :noah:
(“I’m a Jesus Freak” by CJAY hits as Carlos Cruz comes from behind the curtain with a lot of energy pumping up the crowd and slapping fans hands on the way to the ring)
Gina Romano: AND HIS OPPONENT…FROM THE BRONX, NEW YORK…..WEIGHING IN AT ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY SEVEN POUNDS……CCCAAAARRRLLOOSSS CCRRUUZZZ!!!!
Deadprez: Another youngster here and he’s making his debut tonight–man does he look focused. I can’t wait to see what he brings to the table!
Gavin Kirkland: WAIT! This a midget vs midget match?! This might lowkey be match of the year!!
Deadprez: Did Mr. DEDEDE slap you a lil too hard last week or what?
Gavin Kirkland: :kellycry:
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Deadprez: Both try to test their strength and Adam seems to have gotten the advantage as Adam has Carlos in a side headlock and now Carlos runs Adam to the rope and Adam comes charging back and slides underneath Carlos legs and is facing Carlos’s back and but Carlos sees this throws his elbow into the face of Adam and Carlos runs and hits a hurricanrana DDT!!
Gavin Kirkland: Adam might be out of this already as he looks pretty dizzy from getting his head spiked on the mat like that. AND CARLOS WAITS FOR ADAM TO GET TO BOTH KNEES BEFORE HITTING A KICK RIGHT TO THE SIDE OF THE HEAD OF ADAM WOLF!!! CARLOS CAN FEEL IT ALREADY!!! CARLOS GOES TO THE TOP ROPE….THE CELESTIAL DIVE!!! THE FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH CONNECTS!! IS THIS IT ALREADY IN THE MATCH!?!? :damn:
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
(“I’m a Jesus Freak” by CJAY hits as Carlos Cruz stands and gets his hand raised high in victory seeming not too surprised on how quickly he won.)
Gavin Kirkland: Well…..shit. :picard: I don’t even know how to follow that up, Prez.
Deadprez: What a way to introduce yourself to the EAW fans and locker room! I can’t wait to see more out of this guy, welcome to Showdown, Carlos!
( Ɔoɯɯǝɹɔᴉɐl qɹǝɐʞ — ɐu ɐp ɟoɹ Nǝʇɟlᴉx,s ,,Sʇɹɐuƃǝɹ ʇɥᴉuƃs Ɛ˙,, )
(The camera transitions into the arena as “Wolves ov Siberia” by Behemoth blares the speakers and Shane Gates emerges slowly from behind the curtain to a chorus of boos accompanied by his girlfriend and manager, Angela Grant)
Gina Romano: THE FOLLOWING CONTEST IS A TRIPLE THREAT MATCH SET FOR ONE FALL!! INTRODUCING FIRST….FROM HUNTINGTON BEACH CALIFORNIA…..WEIGHING IN AT TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTEEN POUNDS….ACCOMPANIED BY ANGELA GRANT….”THE FUCKING DYNASTY”….SSHHHAANNNEEE GGGATTEESSS!!!!
Deadprez: Shane is a Showdown original from last season and last week came up short in getting his season started off on the right foot in that tag match. But the good news for Shane is he has all the potential and all it takes is just 1 win..and it could happen tonight.
Gavin Kirkland: But I’m still wondering who the fuck is that girl with him and where has she been all last season?! I NEED ANSWERS!! :eyes:
(“Wolves ov Sibveria fades as “I Love It Loud” by Kiss hits and Shaker Jones comes out to some cheers from the crowd)
Gina Romano: AND MAKING HIS WAY TO THE RING…FROM INGLIS, MANITOBA, CANADA….WEIGHING IN AT TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY POUNDS…..”THE HARDCORE HERO”……SSSHHHAAKKKERRR JJOONNEESS!!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: Damn Shaker grew some serious facial hair I see. :notbad:
Deadprez: Indeed so, Shaker rockin’ a different look these days, looking for a fresh start I bet here on the blue brand after a decent run on Dynasty last season. Let’s see what stops he’s willing to pull out to get the victory.
(“Young and Bitter” by Hot Tag Media hits and Lucas Johnson walks out with Albert Hitchman to a chorus of boos from the crowd)
Gina Romano: AND FROM ATLANTA, GEORGIA….ACCOMPANIED BY ALBERT HITCHMAN….WEIGHING IN AT TWO HUNDRED AND FIVE POUNDS…..”THE WRESTLING MACHINE”……LLLUCCCAASSS JJOHHNNSSOONN!!!!!!
Deadprez: Another guy new to Saturday nights looking to gain some momentum tonight after losing last week to the hands of Ryan Wilson. Lucas is another guy with all kinds of potential but has just had a string of bad luck, don’t you think Gavin?
Gavin Kirkland: All I see is the same loser he’s always been. And definitely always will be.
(Lucas Johnson steps in the ring and “Young and Bitter” fades away as all 3 men stare across the ring from each other before Lucas bends down to listen to something Albert is telling him)
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Deadprez: AND THIS ONE IS UNDERWAY AS WOAH…..SHAKER RUNS AND PICKS UP AND DRIVES SHANE GATES TO THE CORNER AND IS HITTING SEVERAL SHOULDER THRUSTS!! SHAKER FIRING RIGHT OUT OF THE GATE HERE! AND LOOK!!
(Lucas Johnson lowkey slides out of the ring before hiding beneath the apron and peeking above into the ring)
Gavin Kirkland: Ima make an obvious guess and say this was part of that Lucas and Walrus exchange just a second ago right?
Deadprez: It had to be! This is genius to be honest and Shaker has no idea as he’s still focused on Shane in the corner! And now Shaker tries to lift Shane on the top rope but Shane is refusing it hammering his elbow into the back of Shaker causing Shaker to retaliate for a moment and Shane now runs at Shaker…..and runs right into a big boot causing Shane to fall right back into the corner he was just in!! And now Shaker hits splash in the corner and now Shaker is successful in lifting Shane to the top rope….and Shaker now goes up top with him and throws a few right hands at Shane before now attempting a superplex!! SHAKER IS GOING FOR THE SUPERPLEX HERE BUT SHANE IS FIGHTING IT WITH EVERYTHING HE’S GOT!!! SHANE DESPERATELY TRYING TO GET SHAKER TO RELEASE HIS GRIP AND WOAH SHAKER GRABS HIS EYES!! WAS THAT AN EYE RAKE THE REF DIDN’T SEE?! SHANE NOW PUSHES SHAKER FRONT HE TOP ROPE TO THE CANVAS!!! AND SHANE NOW GOES FOR A FROG SPLASH JUST BECAUSE HE’S IN THE PERFECT SPOT!!! BUT SHAKER MOVES OUT OF THE WAY!!
Gavin Kirkland: AND SHAKER IS UP TO HIS FEET WAITING FOR SHANE TO TURN AROUND AND SHANE TURNS AROUND HOLDING HIS STOMACH IN PAIN AND A CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL FROM SHAKER!! DID YOU FUCKIN HEAR THAT?! BUT WAIT LOOK!!!
Deadprez: AND LUCAS LIKE A SHARK SMELLING BLOOD IN THE WATER….NO PUN INTENDED….ROLLS UP SHAKER FROM BEHIND!!!!
Deadprez: AND SHAKER GETS OUT OF IT AND BOTH MEN ARE UP TO THEIR FEET AND SHAKER RUNS AT LUCAS BUT LUCAS SIDESTEPS IT AND SENDS SHAKER OUT OF THE RING!! LUCAS TURNS HIS ATTENTION TO THE DOWNED SHANE GATES ON THE MAT AND PICKS UP SHANE BUT SHANE OUT OF NOWHERE SWATS LUCAS’S HANDS AWAY AND THROWS HEADBUTT INTO LUCAS!! LUCAS STUMBLES AGAINST THE ROPE! SHANE TRIES TO SHAKE THE COBWEBS FROM THAT CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL!! AND NOW LUCAS WALKS RIGHT INTO A SPINEBUSTER FROM SHANE!!! SHANE DON’T MAKE THE COVER THOUGH AS HE’S BACK TO HIS FEET LOOKING TO ANGELA AT RINGSIDE THINKING MAYBE IT’S TIME TO PUT THIS MATCH AWAY!!
(Angela Grant is yelling at Shane to end the match)
Gavin Kirkland: Damn even her voice is hot. :noah:
Deadprez: SHANE LOOKING FOR CALIFORNIAN DESTRUCTION!! BUT SHAKER IS BACK IN THE RING AND TURNS AROUND SHANE AND THROWS A HARD UPPERCUT TO THE THROAT OF SHANE AND SHAKER GRABS SHANE AND THROWS HIM SHOULDER FIRST INTO THE RING POST THROUGH THE MIDDLE TURNBUCKLE!! AND BEFORE SHAKER CAN BACK SHANE OUT OF THE CORNER LUCAS FROM OUT OF NOWHERE HITS THE SKULL CRUSHING FINALE ON SHAKER!!! LUCAS COVERS!!!
Deadprez: AND SHAKER GETS THE SHOULDER UP AT THE LAST POSSIBLE SECOND!! LUCAS CAN’T BELIEVE IT AS HE THOUGHT HE HAD IT WON!
Gavin Kirkland: AND NOW LUCAS SLOWLY GETS TO HIS FEET AND GRABS SHAKER’S HEAD ON THE GROUND TO BEGIN PICKING HIM UP BUT SHANE FROM LUCAS’S SIDE HITS A SPINNING HEEL KICK TO LUCAS’S FACE!! LUCAS DIDN’T SEE HIM AND LUCAS IS DOWN HOLDING HIS FACE IN PAIN!! SHANE IS LOOKING AT BOTH SHAKER AND LUCAS ON THE GROUND TRYING TO CHOOSE WHO TO GO AFTER AND HE EVENTUALLY CHOOSES SHAKER AS HE PICKS UP SHAKER AND PLACES HIM ON HIS SHOULDERS…WHAT’S SHANE PLANNING HERE?! BUT SHAKER IS SHOWING FIGHT!! SHAKER SLIPS OUT AND IS FACING THE BACK OF SHANE AND SHAKER RUNS TO THE ROPES AND SHANE TURNS AROUND TO RUNS INTO GIVE EM THE KNEE FROM SHAKER!!!! THE RUNNING KICK TO THE FACE!! BUT BEFORE SHAKER CAN MAKE THE COVER LUCAS IS BACK UP AND HE STEPS TO SHAKER AND IS TRYING TO SET UP ANOTHER SKULL CRUSHING FINALE BUT SHAKER IS FIGHTING AND AND SHAKER DROPS DOWN AND CAUSES LUCAS TO DO A FRONT FLIP FORWARD AND BOTH MEN ARE TO THEIR FEET AND SHAKER RUNS TO LUCAS AND RUNS RIGHT INTO FEEL THE PAIN FROM LUCAS!! THE RKO!! IS THIS ENOUGH FOR THE WIN FOR LUCAS?!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
(“Young and Bitter” by Hot Tag Media hits as Lucas Johnson rises to his feet to get his hand raised by the referee and then by Albert Hitchman afterwards)
Gina Romano: HERE IS YOUR WINNER……LLUCCCAASSSSS JJOOHHNNSOOONN!!!!!
Deadprez: Damn nice win for Lucas here! Take nothing away from Shane and Shaker also. Lucas really needed this and I can’t wait to see what else he’s gonna do on team blue!
(Showdown cuts to the backstage area where Amber Keys is seen leaning against a wall, dressed in street clothes, and examining her nail polish. The Dirti Diva looks bored, and she’s conveniently positioned herself right outside the door of General Manager, Jenny Punk’s, office. It’s unknown how long Amber has been there, but when the door opens suddenly, she immediately perks up.)
(Jenny Punk exits her office, checking her phone. She is unaware of Amber’s presence as Amber quietly falls in step behind her. The two women make their way down the hallway and round the corner, and that’s when Amber quickens her pace, and reaches out to tap Jenny on the shoulder.)
Amber Keys: Excuse me, Jennifer.
(Jenny stops in her tracks and whirls around, a bemused smile crossing her face. She pockets her phone while Amber flashes her a rather sarcastic smile in return and folds her arms across her chest.)
Jenny Punk: Hi, DD. I mean, um… What can I do for you, Amber?
Amber Keys: Well, for starters you can explain to me why this is the second week in a row I’m not booked in a match. I mean, I hate to keep bringing this up…(Amber grins)…actually no I don’t. It wasn’t even a month ago that Amber Keys made her Pain for Pride debut and ended the career of the quote “legendary” Cleopatra. I had the entire audience in the palm of my hand that night, Jennifer. They all sat there, with bated breath, as I systematically picked apart the Vixen that is considered the greatest to ever live. In one night, I erased everything Cleopatra has ever done in this sport and exposed her for what she really is, which is nothing more than someone who could never hack it in a competitive era. I, on the other hand, have proven myself time and time inside that ring since my return, even after the powers that be forced me to compete on some pathetic little show known as Battleground. Not being showcased on the longest running episodic show in professional wrestling history is a slap in the face to me, someone who should already be a Hall of Famer.
(Jenny looks into Amber eyes and sees how serious the Dirti Diva is, and finally lets out a sigh.)
Jenny Punk: Look around at the roster, Amber. This is the most competitive Showdown has been in a long time. I don’t have to stand here and tell you about who is standing at the top of this brand, and about the list of people who want a crack at the Answers World Championship, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg this season. We have the perfect mix of established Elitists, men and women on the cusp of breaking out, and rookies who are already making waves and looking to make a name for themselves. If you want to get inside the ring and shine, you need to find a way to make yourself stand out. You need to dig deep and figure out how you’re going to separate yourself from the pack.
(Amber can’t help but look insulted by the words Jenny has just spoken to her.)
Amber Keys: Make myself stand out? You’re kidding me, right? I’m not following you right now, nor do I really appreciate the way you’re speaking down to me. I am one of the best wrestlers in the world. The things I have accomplished in this sport speak for themselves. Without me, there would be no women’s division… no Universal Women’s Championship to fight for, let alone multiple female exclusive titles. You seem to have me confused with no name rookies, who barely have had time to let the ink dry on their contracts.
Jenny Punk: If you’re being honest with yourself, Amber, you are a rookie here in EAW.
Amber Keys: I’m what?
Jenny Punk: You’re considered a rookie here in Elite Answers Wrestling as far as I’m concerned.
Amber Keys: I beg your pardon, but you are completely off base.
Jenny Punk: Am I? You’ve not been back a year, and thus far, you’ve done nothing to really separate yourself from the pack. Your victory at Pain for Pain over Cleopatra was impressive, but we already know you’re an amazing wrestler, Amber. That has never been in question, but since you’ve returned, you’ve done nothing but run in a pack, and waste your time with other people. I’m not going to get personal with you, because that’s no longer the relationship we have, but I will say this. You are better than that. The Queen’s Court was a botched experiment, and while things could have gone differently with Cleopatra, you wanted to stand on your own and took the necessary steps to do just that. This is your chance to continue doing that, Amber. It’s a brand new season and everyone is hungry. Everyone wants to make an impact and earn themselves championship opportunities, but here’s the thing. Everyone on this roster is also an incredible wrestler.
Amber Keys: That’s not exactly true and I will be damned if you try and tell me that some of the scrubs on Showdown could even remotely try and stand toe-to-toe in the ring with me.
Jenny Punk (shrugging): I look at Showdown and I see men and women who want to grab the brass ring, and make a name for themselves this season. Everyone is fighting to make it to the top, and you have to do the same. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done in the past, because this is a whole new ballgame.
Amber Keys: This is ridiculous.
Jenny Punk: Just reach for the brass ring, Amber. Make yourself stand out. You wanted to be on your own, and forge your own path, and you know that I’m not going to hand anything to you. It’s like I told you last week, earn it. I know you can do it.
(Amber rolls her eyes.)
Amber Keys: This is beneath me, Jennifer. The very notion that I’m being looked at as a rookie is absurd. I deserve better than this and you know it. I’ve definitely proven th-
(Amber stops mid-sentence as a thoughtful look comes across her face. Jenny’s own expression switches to a puzzled one, as she eyes Amber carefully.)
Jenny Punk: ???
(A sweet smile crosses Amber’s face.)
Amber Keys: You know what? I appreciate this conversation, Jennifer. If you want me to grab the brass ring and make myself stand out, then you know what? I will do just that. Thank you.
(Jenny goes to reply, but Amber has already spun around and started walking back down the hallway with a purpose. The scene fades out.)
(Commercial break — an ad for Ruffles potato chips. Goes great when paired with Lays’ French Onion dip.)
(“Addiction” by Dope plays through the PA. Out comes Mammoth, who looks intimidating as always. The crowd is giving him a negative reception, but he looks too focused to pay attention to them!)
Gina Romano: THE FOLLOWING MATCH IS SCHEDULED FOR ONE FALL—
Crowd: ONE FALL!!!
Gina Romano: Introducing first…from Toronto, Ontario, Canada…weighing in 276 pounds.. he is “The Beast”…. MAAAAMMMMOOOOOTTTTHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Deadprez: He started off as an Amateur wrestling, but made the transition to professional wrestling back in 2017! He had decent enough performance in the 24/7 Battle Royal at Pain for Pride! It took two men to get rid of eliminate him! He is as tough as they come! Being part of the winning team tonight could put him closer into consideration for title matches! But, he is going to need to put in the work for sure!
(“Old Town Road” (Remix) by Lil Nas X ft. Billy Ray Cyrus replaces “Addiction” as Lance Blackfyre comes out. He has a serious look on his face as the crowd gives him a negative reception as well. He doesn’t mind them as he is focused on destroying his opponent.)
Gina Romano: Introducing his partner…from Chicago, Illinois…weighing in 365 pounds…he is the “Omen of Destruction”…LAAAAAANNNNNCCCCCEEEEEEEEE BLLLAAAACCCCKKKKKFYYYYRRRRREEEEEEEE!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: I think I just pissed myself looking at this man! This is one man that you do not want to make angry, Deadprez! He gets off on intimidating his opponents! He doesn’t back down from a challenge and he will not stop until he is one of the most feared men in the company! He’s already accomplished that with me. :lupe: he is going to be someone that everyone is going to need to be on a lookout for in this match!
(“War” by Dance With The Dead replaces “Old Town Road” as Santo Muerte walks from the back. He maintains a cold stare in his eyes. He has no intentions of playing nice in this match and that is something most people should be worried about.)
Gina Romano: Introducing their opponents…first…from Death Valley, California…weighing in 200 pounds…he is “The Saint of Death”…SAAAAANNNNNNNTTTTOOOOOOOOOO MUUUEEERRRRRRTTTTE!!!!!
Deadprez: If feel like as each man walks down the ramp, they get more intimidating. There is not much to know about this man, but he and his family have a strong belief of Santa Muerte who is a folk saint who is the personification of death. Just as the Spanish culture could not be any more messed up. :lupe:
Gavin Kirkland: They have such a beautiful language. :wow:
(“Bullet” by Hyro The Hero plays through the speakers. The crowd gives a mixed reaction for the only female in this match. Io Ishimori comes out with Yoshi San in her grasp. She looks at the intimidating men already in the ring as she is ready to take them on in this match.)
Gina Romano: Introducing his partner…from Osaka, Japan…she is “The Winter”…IOOOOOOOOOOOO ISSSSSHHHHIIIIIIMOOOOORRRRRIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: Io Ishimori’s goal each time she competes is to prove that she is the most skilled person in the match! She is like everyone else and wants to prove that she is the best! For those that watched Empire, you were familiar with the competition Io Ishimori is and if you turn your back on this woman, it will be your biggest mistake. Santo Muerte is going to need to keep his eye on her! :lupe:
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Deadprez: The first tag team match of the night is underway! Io Ishimori and Santo Muerte versus Mammoth and Lance Blackfyre! Each team consists of two freaks in Santo Muerte and Lance Blackfyre, but Io Ishimori and Mammoth should not be taken lightly! I think this is going to be an interesting scenario as it seems like Io is going to start the match for her team? Look at this, Gavin! It seems like Lance is going to start things off for his team! This may not look so good for Io, but it seems like Io doesn’t plan to back down! :lupe:
(As the camera pulls back, you can see the size difference between the two competitors. Lance Blackfyre stands at 6’11 while Io stands at 5’1. Each competitor is not breaking up their glare at one another.)
Gavin Kirkland: Io Ishimori with a punch to Lance Blackfyre’s stomach! But, that doesn’t even stagger the bigger man! I’m kind of scared, Deadprez! Io connects with another punch! Once again, that does not stagger Lance! Lance maintains that cold and evil glare! Io Ishimori goes for the third punch. This time, she aims the punch a bit higher —
— BUT, LANCE BLACKFYRE MANAGES TO CATCH HER PUNCH BEFORE IT CONNECTED ENTIRELY! LANCE GETS IO BY HER ARM BEFORE CONNECTING WITH AN ARM DRAG TAKEDOWN! IO LANDS IN A SEATED POSITION, BUT LANCE GETS A HANDFUL OF IO’S HAIR! THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE PRETTY AT ALL! LANCE JUST THREW IO ACROSS THE RING LIKE A RAG DOLL! :damn: Someone stop this man! Io Ishimori wobbly gets back to a vertical base! She is stumbling back to the ropes, but Lance does not waste any time as he races towards her, connecting with a giant ass clothesline to poor Io at the corner! Io collapses to her back! Her head is resting against the bottom row of the corner! LANCE GETS HIS FOOT AND PRESSES IT AGAINST THE THROAT OF IO! HE IS GOING TO CHOKE THE LIVING HELL OUT OF HER! SOMEONE STOP THIS MAN!
Referee: ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! LET GO, LANCE!
Deadprez: Lance Blackfyre just gave the ugliest glare on our official of the match! It even made the official hold his hands up and step away from him! The official was just trying to do his job, but with two different monsters in this match, it may be difficult to do that! Lance gets his foot off Io’s throat and gets the woman back to a vertical base, but Io is having a hard time standing! Lance gets Io off her feet and hoists her up in the air! Just look of the strength of this monster, Gavin! He connects with a military press! He throws Io behind him! Io falls onto her stomach! For the first time in this match, you could hear the cries of pain from her! With Io on her back, Lance gets her foot and puts it against her stomach. I’m guessing, he’s going for a cover there?
Gavin Kirkland: Io Ishimori gets a shoulder up! Lance Blackfyre gets Io by hair up as she goes back to her feet! Lance delivers one mean chop to Io’s chest! Instantly, Io falls back to the ropes, clutching her chest! Lance goes right after her with another chop as she drops down! Her grasp to the ropes is gone! Lance gets his boot and begins to stomp the hell out of Io! This man is relentless! I don’t believe that Io has gotten any offense in this match at all! Lance Blackfyre is just too strong! Io rolls herself out of the ring and drops ringside! I don’t blame the poor girl. I wouldn’t want to be in the same ring as that man! Lance looks back to Mammoth, who wants part of this match as well! At least, Mammoth seems to be the lesser of two evils in that particular team! Will Lance agree to let Mammoth in the match?
Deadprez: It seems like he is, Gavin! Mammoth is the legal man in this match as he exits the ring and gets Io Ishimori! He stops himself as he is gesturing for Io to get back to her feet! How in the hell is she supposed to get up? She just spent a majority of the match getting beat up by Lance Blackfyre! THE FACT THAT IO IS STILL FINDING SOME STRENGTH TO RISE UP TO HER FEET IS AMAZING! MAMMOTH GOES RIGHT AFTER IO WITH A POWERFUL CLOTHESLINE, BUT IO MANAGES TO DUCK AND CONNECT WITH A DROP TOE HOLD ON THE BIGGER MAN! MAMMOTH’S FACE COLLIDES WITH THE STEEL STEPS! IO ISHIMORI JUST FOUND HER OPENING IN THIS MATCH! IO GETS ON THE APRON AS SHE SLOWLY SEES MAMMOTH GETTING TO HIS FEET! IO FLIES FROM THE TOP OF THE APRON! TORNADO DDT PLANS THE BEAST TO THE GROUND! Io gets Mammoth by his hair and somehow rolls him back to the ring! She reaches over to her corner and it seems like she is going to tag in Santo Muerte! It looks like things are going to get pretty interesting now!
Gavin Kirkland: Santo Muerte connects with an elbow drop on Mammoth! He is going to continue on the punishment, which was begun by Io Ishimori! Santo gets Mammoth and applies a side headlock on the bigger man! The headlock isn’t enough as Mammoth manages to push Santo off of him! He breaks free of the headlock in the process, but Santo launches towards him with a forearm, but Mammoth ducks — he gets Santo in position before connecting with a butterfly suplex! Mammoth goes for the cover!
Deadprez: Santo Muerte is able to kick out at two! Mammoth gets Santo back to a vertical base before getting a grasp of his arm — Irish whip to the corner! Santo’s back goes crashing against the corner! Mammoth with a running clothesline, but Santo manages to sit on the top turnbuckle and gets Mammoth and connects with a Tornado DDT! Mammoth’s head crashes against the canvas! Mammoth gets on his knees as Santo Muerte runs towards Mammoth with a dropkick! He gets on top of Mammoth before mounting a series of stiff punches onto The Beast! Santo is not holding back whatsoever! Santo gets Mammoth’s left arm before slamming it against the mat! Mammoth felt that for sure! It seems like Santo is trying to soften up Mammoth for The Offering — THE GROUNDED HAMMERLOCK AND INVERTED ARMBAR! IF HE GETS YOU IN POSITION FOR THAT ARMBAR, IT COULD SNAP YOUR ARM IN HALF! HE GETS MAMMOTH’S LEFT ARM FOR AN ARM DDT! MAMMOTH IS SHAKING HIS HEAD NO, BUT SANTO MUERTE WITH AN ARM DDT ON MAMMOTH! YOU COULD HEAR HIS CRIES OF PAIN, GAVIN! SANTO COULD PROBABLY END THIS MATCH IF HE WANTED TOO!
Gavin Kirkland: One of the things that Mammoth needs to do is to tag in his freak of nature tag team partner, Lance Blackfyre! The bigger man has been quiet for some time, but the moment he enters this match, it’s downhill for their opponents! Mammoth is trying to reach for a tag to his partner, but Santo Muerte is pulling back Mammoth! Santo seems like he is doing to do what he needs to do to hold back Mammoth and prevent him from making a tag! IT SEEMS LIKE SANTO IS APPLYING THE CHAINS OF WOE — THE CROSS-LEGGED TOMBSTONE STRETCH! THIS IS NOT GOING TO LOOK QUITE PRETTY AT ALL! HE HAS THE MOVE ON, DEADPREZ! HE HAS THE MOVE ON! MAMMOTH IS IN A STATE OF TROUBLE AT THE MOMENT, BUT HE IS REFUSING TO QUIT! HE IS REFUSING TO TAP OUT! MAMMOTH NEEDS TO LOOK FOR A WAY TO SHIFT THIS MATCH TO HIS FAVOR! LANCE BLACKFYRE STEPS INSIDE THE RING AS THE REFEREE GOES TO DEAL WITH LANCE, BUT THAT MAY BE A BIG MISTAKE ON HIS PART. :lupe:
Deadprez: Santo Muerte releases his hold on Mammoth as he is slowly trying to recover! It seems like Io Ishimori is going to use the distraction provided for her! Io is on the top rope as she is waiting for Mammoth to get back to his feet, but Io gets tired of waiting before she connects with a meteora on the bigger man! The meteora on Mammoth as that takes him down once again! Lance turns the official around, but it seems like Io Ishimori made it back to her apron on time! She has her hands up in defense, letting the official know that she has nothing going on! Io extends her hand out as she demands for Santo Muerte to allow her in the match! He shrugs his shoulders as he tags in Io into the match! This is Io’s second appearance in this match! Mammoth is on all fours, BUT IO RUSHES TOWARDS HIM TO CONNECT WITH A DROPKICK TO THE SIDE OF HIS HEAD! IO BEGINS TO POUND AWAY WITH SOME PUNCHES! IT SEEMS LIKE SHE IS A NEW WOMAN IN THE MATCH! SHE NEEDED THE OPPORTUNITY TO REST FOR THE TIME BEING! IO GETS MAMMOTH BY HIS ARM AND WHIPS HIM TO THE CORNER! MAMMOTH CRASHES SAFETY TO THE CORNER, BUT THE WINTER RUNS TOWARDS HER OPPONENT WITH RUNNING BICYCLE KNEE STRIKE TO THE CORNER! THAT KNEE BASHES AGAINST MAMMOTH’S SKULL AS HE COLLAPSES IN FRONT OF HER! HE ROLLS ONTO HIS BACK AS IO GETS ON THE TOP TURNBUCKLE AND FOLLOWS THAT WITH A MOONSAULT! IO STAYS THERE FOR THE COVER! THIS COULD BE OVER!
OOOOOOOOOOOOONE!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! TH—
Gavin Kirkland: Mammoth with a kick out at two in a half! He just saved his time right there! Mammoth is going to need to tag in Lance Blackfyre if he wants any chance of winning this match! We saw how that man basically dominated Io Ishimori earlier in this match up! Io gets on top of Mammoth and IT SEEMS LIKE SHE IS GOING TO GO FOR THAT INDIAN DEATHLOCK ON MAMMOTH, BUT SHE IS STRUGGLING AT THE MOMENT! MAMMOTH IS BIGGER THAN HER, BUT IT SEEMS LIKE IO IS NOT GOING TO STOP TRYING TO APPLY THE SUBMISSION HOLD ON HIM! WITH SOME EFFORT, SHE MANAGES TO APPLY THE DEATH LOCK ON MAMMOTH! MAMMOTH IS REFUSING TO QUIT! THERE’S NO WAY THAT HE SEES HIMSELF SUBMITTING HERE! HE SEEMS TO HAVE SO MUCH FIGHT IN HIM LEFT! MAMMOTH BEGINS TO DRAG HIMSELF TO THE BOTTOM ROPE! HE MAKES IT AS HE CLUTCHES ONTO THE BOTTOM ROPE! IO NEEDS TO RELEASE THE HOLD! BUT, SHE’S BEING A BIT STUBBORN AT THE MOMENT!
Referee: ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! LET’S GO, IO!
Deadprez: Io Ishimori releases the hold! She is seeing arguing with the official for a bit, but it seems like an argument that she can’t win at all! She gets Mammoth by his leg, but it seems like he still has some use of his legs as he tries to push Io away from him, but Io gets his legs and stomps him in the chest! Io manages to pull Mammoth away from the ropes as it seems like she is going to go for that Indian Deathlock again, but Mammoth is not allowing her to connect with that move whatsoever! Both competitors make it back to their feet! IO TRIES TO GO FOR THAT RUNNING BICYCLE KNEE STRIKE, BUT MAMMOTH MANAGES TO DUCK THE MOVE! HE GETS IO BY HER WAIST AND CONNECTS WITH THE TRIPLE GERMAN SUPLEX! AFTER THE THIRD ONE, HE HAS A BRIDGE AS IT SEEMS LIKE HE IS GOING FOR A COVER ATTEMPT RIGHT THERE!
Gavin Kirkland: Io Ishimori gets out of the pin attempt as she holds onto her ribs as she quickly gets back to her feet — The Gore! Mammoth just nailed Io with The Gore! Almost cuts the poor woman in half!
Deadprez: It seems like Lance Blackfyre just tagged himself into the match! Mammoth and Lance exchanged some glares at one another! I don’t think that Mammoth appreciated that! It seemed like he was closing in on a victory! Lance is waiting for Io to get back to a vertical base? What in the hell is he going to do to that woman? Io has no idea what to expect from her opponent! Io stated a few days ago about how Lance disgusted her! Losing to him would disgust her for sure! IO GETS HERSELF TO A VERTICAL BASE, BUT LANCE GETS HIS HAND AND WRAPS IT AROUND HER NECK! IO IS GASPING FOR AIR AS LANCE LIFTS HER UP—TITANIC PLUNGE— ONE HANDED CHOKESLAM AND IT SEEMS LIKE LANCE IS GOING FOR THE COVER THERE! I THINK HE JUST KILLED IO! :lupe:
OOOOOOOOOOONE!! TWOOOOOOOOOOO!! THR—
Gavin Kirkland: Io Ishimori gets a shoulder up! How in the hell is Io still in this match? The fighting spirt of this woman! However, I think that she just made Lance even angrier by kicking out! Lance gets back to his feet! He is in no mood to be playing games! Io, just think about your safety! The longer this match goes for, the more likely you are going to die! LANCE IS STALKING HIS OPPONENT BACK TO HER FEET AS HE RUNS TOWARDS HER — SHATTERED JOY! THE BICYCLE KICK ON THE WINTER! LANCE GIVES OUT A BATTLECRY!
Deadprez: Mammoth just tagged himself back into this match! Meanwhile, Santo Muerte just pulled Io Ishimori closer to him! It seems like Io is out for the night! Santo is trying to get the attention of the official before tagging himself into the match! The referee sees the tag as it seems like Mammoth and Lance Blackfyre have broken out to an argument! Come on, boys! You are close to winning this match! Omen of Doomsday — the superman punch on Mammoth as that takes him out! It seems like Lance Blackfyre is making his way to the back! He is leaving his partner to fend for himself! Santo Muerte gets Mammoth in position before connecting with a DEATH VALLEY DESTROYER — THE FRONT FLIP PILEDRIVER AS HE NAILS MAMMOTH ON THE TOP OF HIS HEAD! BUT, IT SEEMS LIKE HE IS NOT DONE THERE! HE GETS MAMMOTH IN A GROUNDED HAMMERLOCK! HE THEN GOES FOR THE INVERTED ARMBREAKER — THE OFFERING ON MAMMOTH! HE JUST SNAPPED MAMMOTH’S ARM! IO IS DEMANDING FOR A TAG RIGHT NOW. SHOCKINGLY ENOUGH, SANTO MUERTE TAGS IN IO BACK INTO THE MATCH! IT SEEMS LIKE HE GOT THE BROKEN ARM THAT HE WANTED! IO GETS INTO THE RING AND CONNECTS WITH CHAOS ON MAMMOTH — THE SOMERSAULT REVERSE DDT! IO GOES FOR THE COVER! LANCE BLACKFYRE IS ON THE RAMP AS HE LOOKS BACK ON HIS DOWN PARTNER!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
(“Bullet” plays again as Io Ishimori has a huge grin on her face! Meanwhile, Santo Muerte returns to the ring as he looks at Mammoth, still clutching his arm from The Offering by Santo Muerte. The two partners get their arms raised by the official.)
Gina Romano: THE WINNERS OF THIS MATCH…SANTO MUERTE AND IOOOOOOOOOOO ISSSSSHHHHHIIIIIIMOOOOORRRRRIIIIIIIIIII!!!
Gavin Kirkland: It seems like things bit Mammoth in the ass in the end! The last thing that he needed to do was make sure that Lance Blackfyre was out of the ring! His size and strength could have been enough to make him win the team!
Deadprez: I agree with you, Gavin! These two should have learned to cooperate! Io Ishimori and Santo Muerte took advantage of the dysfunction of the other team! Santo and Io didn’t need to be on the same page, but they understood that they needed to take advantage of the circumstances placed in front of them! Man, I would hate to be on the receiving side of The Offering. :lupe:
Gavin Kirkland: That move doesn’t look pretty, but the sight of victory does! :wow:
(Mammoth is out of the ring clutching his arm. Meanwhile, Lance Blackfyre is on top of the ramp. His arms crossed against his chest as he looks on Mammoth causing their team to lose. Lance heads towards the back as Io and Santo and celebrating in the ring.)
(The camera opens up backstage where we can make out the silhouette of the Visual Prophet laid across a purple velvet chair, shrouded behind a cloud of purple smoke. Kimmy the tiger’s purrs are picked up by the microphone, along with the sweet sounds of soft jazz music playing in the background. The camera zooms in slowly on Viz, who we can see is popping some juicy red grapes into his mouth, one by one, smiling each time the juices of the grapes are released in his mouth.)
Visual Prophet: Rawr. Thank you for joining me, everyone, for this intimate lil’ moment where I speak directly to Big Bhris Elite.
(The Visual Prophet grabs a handful of his seedless grapes and tosses them to Kimmy, who lays comfortably on the same chair, along the left side of the Visual Prophet, his tail perking up and curling itself back around the Visual Prophet’s mid-section after he catches a few grapes in his mouth and rests his head. Visual Prophet then turns his attention to the camera and winks.)
Visual Prophet: Oh, my bad, I’m sorry, was that a little too gay for you, Bhristopher? (VIsual Prophet scoffs.) I’d hate to make you uncomfortable, son, you know that. And I know you can hardly bare the sight of a man living as carefree as I do. Imagine living in a world that’s so far removed from reality and peacefulness where to be as comfortable with your sexuality as I am is a setback, is harmful, is something I should be ashamed of. (Visual Prophet kisses his teeth.) Shame for me to say that’s the world that Bhrissy lives in, y’all. A world where he is only held back, damn near crippled by his own fragile masculinity to the point that he obviously has to overcompensate as much as he does like we don’t all already know the beautiful truth about our precious Bhristina. It’s 2019, love, sexuality is fluid now. Nobody’s gonna clown you for all that booty poppin’ and finger blastin’ forreal, babe! Free yourself, why don’t you. You know what happened when they tried that mess with me, don’t you? In one ear and out the other, has no effect on me, can’t nobody tell me nothing about myself ‘cause I’m not afraid of the opinions that belong to people lesser than me, sweetheart.
(Visual Prophet pops one last grape in his mouth, shivering as the sour juice runs down his chin, and sits up in his chair. Kimmy is slightly startled as Visual Prophet lets out another cute “rawr” and adjusts his three-eyed glasses. He crosses one leg over the other, the camera focusing in on his face as both the smoke and the jazz continue to fill the room.)
Visual Prophet: All these jokes about how I belong in the “Vixens” division, disrespect sprinkled all over Detroit, proclaiming that I’m the “symbol of Pride month.” (Visual Prophet lets out a sassy sigh as he rubbed his temple.) Yes, all of this “evidence” against me, and yet, I’m still climbing to the mountain summit as your peak has passed you and your career starts to plummet. You should be looking up to me now. Instead of judging the blouses and slinging the tranny jokes, you should see the deeper meaning behind every decision I make. You just can’t keep up with me, can you? No, you can’t, ‘cause I’m on another level, sweets, periodt. That’s why it doesn’t bother me when you try and throw your half-baked, childish, insults from circa-2005 my way, I’m far, far above you, babe. You think I have time to be as bothered by your dickeating claims like I’m not the most talked about superstar to ever walk in to this company? I am so ahead of my time that my last name is a fucking double entendre. But enough about me, this is about you, Bhrissy, and your new defense mechanism of the week, I mean, gimmick. (Visual Prophet scoffs.) It’s pathetic watching you and your lil’ band of merry men do all that you can to try and tear me down…what is it that they say? Sticks and stones, right? But it’s gonna be more than a few words to get under my skin, babe, I’m gonna do more damage to you the next time I see you in that ring tonight. And that’s what got you running scared, love. You know you won’t ever get that lucky again like you did at the Draft show. You’re only a pinfall or two away from hitting true rock bottom–shit, you might already be there, Bhrissy, I feel sorry for you! That’s why you need juice to numb yourself, isn’t it? Oh, honey, I know. You hide who is inside because of your fear of being hated. Not the cool “I GOT NIGGAS HATIN’ ON ME!” hip hop bravado bullshit either. Like real hate. In the end, you do all that hippity hoppity shit to appeal to people. Acting like you’d be in a good spot should you walk out those company doors right now, I know damn well you need EAW more than it needs you. You want to act like you don’t care, but it’s always the standoffish guys who are hurting the most. Meanwhile, I am free and I do whatever the fuck I want. I am now in a position where my antics have me straddling a fence of being loved and being hated, while you’re only in a position where you allow yourself to be straddled by Big Mike week after week like the power bottom I know you to be, you hate to hear it, don’t you!?
Visual Prophet: Oh, Bhristopher, dear. I can’t wait to get my hands on you and give you the kiss to the head you deserve. The greatest kiss to the head EVER, sweetums, even Big Mike ain’t kiss you like this before. You ain’t seen nothin’ yet, baby. You in for a real treat tonight. Whew! I hope you’re ready.
(Visual Prophet slowly reclines back in his comfortable chair, petting the top of a happy Kimmy’s head. He hums along to the smooth jazz that plays as the camera zooms out slowly, allowing Visual Prophet and Kimmy to be completely covered in the purple smoke that fills the dark room before we slowly fade to black.)
(Commercial break — an advertisement for Midsummer Massacre in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The promotional video features Jamie O’Hara and Cameron Ella Ava at Dorney Park, an amusement park in Pennsylvania where many Philadelphians go have fun lil’ cute dates and shit.)
(Showdown cuts backstage where Showdown interviewer, Kyra Phillips, is standing by. She gets her cue and flashes a smile at the camera.)
Kyra Phillips: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my guest at this time… Ryan Wilson!
(The shot widens to show Ryan Wilson stepping into the picture. He’s riding solo tonight and doesn’t bother returning Kyra’s friendly smile.)
Kyra Phillips: Ryan, last week on Showdown you kicked your season off with a win over Lucas Johnson. How does it feel to be on the blue brand and have a new home here in EAW?
Ryan Wilson: Honestly, I said I didn’t care where I ended up. Red, blue, or yellow… a brand is a brand, and The Ryan Wilson Show will bring ratings anywhere it airs. Things are going to pick up pretty quickly, Kyra, because last week was just the beginning.
Kyra Phillips: The beginning of what?
Ryan Wilson: The beginning of my path to championship glory, and I’ll tell you this. I am dead set on achieving my goals this season.
Kyra Phillips: You have set your sights on the PURE Champion, Mark Michaels, is that correct?
(An arrogant little grin crosses Ryan’s face.)
Ryan Wilson: Of course I have. I’ve been chasing the PURE Championship for awhile now, and it was a beautiful twist of fate that landed both of us on the same brand. I want nothing more than to be the PURE Champion because the person who’s currently in possession of that championship is the last person who needs to be holding it. Mark Michaels preaches about how much he hates EAW and how he wants to destroy it, and that’s not someone who needs to be holding championship gold; the championship that I want. Mark has this delusional vision of destruction that will never come to pass because he’s not bigger than EAW. No one, not even Mr. DEDEDE, is bigger than EAW.
Kyra Phillips: Why the PURE Championship? If you’re throwing your name into a hat for a future championship shot, why not just go straight for the Answers World Championship?
Ryan Wilson: Because every brand has a world championship, Kyra. Dynasty has the World Heavyweight Championship. Voltage has the EAW World Championship. Obviously, Showdown has the Answers World Championship. I’m of the school of thought that there’s nothing special about any of those championships. But do you know what’s special? The PURE Championship is special. That title is exclusive only to Showdown, and it embodies everything that is great about this sport with its own set of rules. So while Mark Michaels continues his stupid crusade to destroy everything in EAW, I’m going to wait for the perfect time and strike, and I will take that championship away from him. I have plans for the PURE Championship, and those plans will see it become elevated to a much higher status than Mr. DEDEDE-Heart’s Answers World Championship strap. I’ve won several world championships on the independent circuit and I want to elevate the PURE Championship to be even bigger than any world championship. That’s something a bloke like Mark Michaels could never achieve.
Kyra Phillips: Well that’s definitely an ambitious goal, Ryan, and not something most people would say.
Ryan Wilson: I’m not most people. I want nothing more than to be a champion here in EAW, and I’m making sure that no one denies me of that this season. I will not sit on the sidelines and let opportunities pass me by because I deserve much better than what I’ve been given so far. I have no problem setting such a goal for this season, because I know that I’m going to achieve it.
(Kyra starts to reply, but her attention is diverted to someone approaching them. Ryan also turns around, and immediately he tenses up. The PURE Champion himself, Mark Michaels, strolls into the scene.)
Mark Michaels: :mjlol:
(Mark brushes past Ryan and takes a spot opposite of the man who was calling him out. He arrogantly looks at his championship and pats it, before turning his attention to Ryan.)
Mark Michaels: There are a lot of stupid people who work for this company, but you might be one of the biggest offenders. Here’s the thing, Ryan. My agenda to tear EAW down brick by brick starts with this PURE Championship, and my agenda is actually greater than anything else in this company right now. Everything about this place disgusts me, and now that I hold some kind of power within these walls, the powers-that-be can’t ignore me. As long as one of their pieces of tin championship belts rests on my shoulder, they have to listen to me. They have to cater to me. They have to take me seriously. Ms. Extreme was their golden girl, and I ended her record breaking championship reign in gory fashion back at Pain for Pride. If I’m willing to do what I did to her in order to win, imagine what I’ll do to keep this championship.
(Mark pauses for a moment as a smile slides across his face, memories of Pain for Pride dancing in his head.)
Mark Michaels: You know damn well that someone like you will never be on a world championship level here in EAW. It makes me sick to even utter this man’s name in a somewhat positive light, but you could never defeat DEDEDE for the Answers World Championship. Of course you’re going to come out here and challenge for a championship you deem lower, making absolutely idiotic statements about raising the belt up and making it higher than a world championship. All you are is desperate to win a belt, and you don’t care what it is. You’d take a crack at the New Breed Championship if it were presented to you, because you’ve already had Felix Hartley’s name in your mouth.
Ryan Wilson: The PURE Championship has always been my goal so we’re not going to stand here and act like this is something new.
Mark Michaels: Here’s the thing, though. It’s fine and dandy for you to make it your goal, but not every goal is meant to be reached. And I’m telling you right now, as long as I have the PURE Championship in my hands, it’s something you’re never going to be able to obtain. I just won this belt, and I’m not about to let it go.
(Ryan shakes his head.)
Ryan Wilson: You won’t really have a choice in the matter, because I stand by everything I have already said. I will take that title from you, Mark, should the opportunity come my way, and I will elevate it to heights this company has never before seen. It will become the premiere title here on Showdown, and no one is going to care about the Answers World Championship and who’s holding it.
Mark Michaels: You really are a dumb fuck. That goes without saying. This also goes without saying, so listen carefully, Ryan. I can be the most ruthless, relentless, and sadistic son of a bitch waking God’s green Earth, so consider this fair warning to not annoy me any further. It took me years of blood and sweat to win this title, and do you honestly think I’ll let someone like you take it from me? Try me, and see what happens. We do things my way now, and that’s not something you’re even remotely prepared to deal with. Remember, I turned Camille Jane Ava into a true ‘Red Queen’ with my own bare hands back at Pain for Pride, and that’s something you couldn’t come close to doing.
(Mark holds the PURE Championship up, and Ryan looks up at it.)
Mark Michaels: Do yourself a favor and don’t pick a fight you have no chance at winning, because whoever gets in my way this season, and tries to ruin my championship reign, is going to suffer the same fate as our precious Camille Jane Ava.
(Ryan narrows his eyes, as a nervous Kyra Phillips clears her throat. She steps between the two men, and anxiously looks into the camera.)
Kyra Phillips: Gentlemen… thank you both for your time.
(Mark shoots a final glare at Ryan before exiting the scene. The camera zooms in on Ryan Wilson’s determined face before fading elsewhere.)
(Camera cuts to Gina Romano inside the ring.)
Gina Romano: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for…
Crowd: ONE FALL!!
(“It Follows” by Cane Hill hits the speaker system to a roar of boos as Xander Payne walks out onto the stage with his chest puffed out and a cocky grin on his face.)
Gina Romano: Introducing first, making his way to the ring from Brampton, Canada, weighing in at… 240 pounds? :usure: … XANNNDDDEEERRRR PPPPAAAAAYYYYNNNEEEE!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: DISGUSTING! WHY DID EMPIRE HAVE TO DIE BUT THIS ENDOMORPH GETS PROMINENT PLACEMENT?!?
Deadprez: Xander Payne is very accomplished for his short stint in EAW. New Breed Champion, Tag Team Champion, many see him as a future World Championship Contender.
Gavin Kirkland: Well I don’t know if he’s gonna be taking on Mr. DEDEDE anytime soon. Maybe Joey Chestnut at next year’s hotdog eating contest.
(Xander climbs up and into the ring as his musi fades and is replaced by “ULTRAnumb” by Blue Stahli as Cameron Ella Ava comes out, giving a bit of a hip dance to her cheering fans as she tosses her sparkly SnapBack to the crowd.)
Gina Romano: And his opponent, making her way to the ring from Los Angeles, California, weighing in at 130 pounds… CAMMMEERRROONNNN EEELLLLLAAAAA AAAAAVVVVVAAAA!!!
Deadprez: Xander has a tall task tonight though. Cameron Ella Ava is no slouch and will be more than willing to bring an absolute war to Payne. A Hall of Famer and probably the most decorated female athlete in—
Gavin Kirkland: TITTIES!!!!!!
Deadprez: I mean yeah. But Cameron has accomplished so much in her career. Of her many accomplishments maybe the greatest—
Gavin Kirkland: WAS WHEN SHE GOT BIGGER BOOBS A FEW YEARS BACK! WOOOOOOOO!!!
(Cameron slides into the ring and poses in the corner. Almost as if she has a sixth sense, she raises an eyebrow and looks at Gavin in disgust. Gavin simply has his jaw open and on the desk. She hops down and readies herself as the ref calls for the bell.)
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Deadprez: Here we go! No love lost between these two especially after their interaction last week! Xander told Cameron clearly that he felt he and the male roster stood above Cameron and the other women. Cameron made it clear that no one stands above a Goddess. And now they lock up!!
Gavin Kirkland: EEEEWWWWWWW! Please don’t ruin Cameron for me like this! It’s like the world’s flabbiest porno! It’s like anytime they force a hot girl to kiss Seth Rogen!
Deadprez: Dude… chill… Both are locked up and Xander now trying to use his size to power Cameron into the corner— BUT CAMERON SLIDES UNDERNEATH BETWEEN XANDER’S LEGS AND USES THE MOMENTUM TO SEND XANDER FACE FIRST INTO THE TURNBUCKLE! Xander bounces off and shakes his head, looking pissed. He looks back at Cameron who grins and just wags a finger at him. Can’t take the Hall of Famer too lightly, she’s been successful at this level for a long time and for a reason. And Xander now standing out of the corner as he charges Cameron! Big lariat— BUT CAM DUCKS IT! CAMERON DUCKS THE LARIAT AND FOLLOWS UP WITH A ROUNDHOUSE TO THE JAW! Xander is stunned and now here comes Cameron unloading with forearms to the face of Payne!
Gavin Kirkland: The PayneKiller is gonna need a pain killer.
Deadprez: But Xander manages to shove Cameron away as he walks to the ropes to collect himself! But Cameron isn’t going to let him breathe! She keeps the pace up high and rushes right back at Payne! BUT PAYNE LIFTS HER UP AND OVER THE TOP ROPE! BUT CAMERON LANDS ON HER FEET! XANDER DOESN’T SEE! Xander now turns around— AND CAM HANGS HIM UP ON THE TOP ROPE! Xander clutching at his throat as Cameron slides back into the ring now! Cameron rushes in from behind— RIGHT INTO A BACK ELBOW FROM XANDER!
Gavin Kirkland: NO! Keep that sentient booger away from that beautiful Ava face! Cameron staggers back a second, clutching at her mouth and now Xander rushes in and tackles her down to the ground! Xander bearing the shit outta Cameron as he drops hammerfists into her face and upper body! Xander now screaming at Ava out of frustration!
Deadprez: Xander now grabbing Cameron by the head and pulls her up to her knees! Xander hits the ropes and comes back with a running dropkick to the face of Cameron! Cameron is knocked back to the mat! Xander now looking up to the sky as he is about to try and finish this early! He pulls himself up to the top rope now! Looking around with a twisted smile! He lines up! HE LEAPS! 450 SPLASH!!!
Gavin Kirkland: BUT CAMERON ROLLED OUT OF THE WAY! CAMERON MOVED AND XANDER CRASHED FLAT INTO THE MAT! I JUST FELT AN EARTHQUAKE THAT RIVALED THE CALIFORNIA QUAKES NOT TOO LONG AGO! AND CAMERON THROWS HERSELF ON TOP OF PAYNE AND GOES FOR A COVER!
Ref: ONEEEEEEEEEE! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Deadprez: XANDER KICKED OUT! Xander kicks out after a nearly fatal mistake! Cameron still looking to take advantage however! She leaps up and drops the double knee right into the sternum of Payne! Xander now gasping for air! Cameron now tries to mount on top to continue the punishment but Xander wants no part of it! He shoves her away and rolls himself out of the ring! Xander now trying to catch his breath but— TOPE CON HILO FROM AVA! BUT XANDER SIDE STEPS AND CAMERON CRASHES TO THE OUTSIDE FLOOR! XANDER GRABS THE HALL OF FAMER AND SCOOPS HER UP! HE RUNS HER SPINE FIRST INTO THE BARRICADE! HE HOOKS HER KNEES AROUND THE TOP OF RHE BARRICADE AND LEAVES HER THERE LIKE A TREE OF WOE! XANDER NOW KICKING THE SHIT OUT OF CAMERON ON THE OUTSIDE! CAMERON TAKING A LOT OF UNPROTECTED PUNISHMENT! SHE HAS TO FIND A WAY OUT OF THIS PREDICAMENT!
Gavin Kirkland: But Xander isn’t going to just keep kicking! He’s stopped and takes a step back! The referee is telling him to get Cameron inside the ring but he’s ignoring! Xander takes off running! CANNONBALL! Right into Cameron’s unprotected torso! God I hope nothing busts…
Deadprez: Cameron drops to the floor as Xander now sits there, looking proud of what he’s done. But the referee has had enough. Here’s the count!
Deadprez: Cameron clutching at her stomach as she tries to pull herself up to her feet by the barricade. But Xander has that sick smile still. He rises to his feet and walks over, shoving Cameron back to the ground with his boot!
Deadprez: Cameron trying to crawl away and create some space but she’s hurting. Xander is no small man and he’s thrown his body weight around in this match! Cameron now trying again to stand, but Xander grabs her by the head and bounces her skull off the apron!
Gavin Kirkland: Xander has his hands, still fresh with grease from those McDonalds French fries, holding Cameron up by the head! She’s swinging but she’s had a lot taken out of her here in this fight! Xander now goes to throw Cameron’s head against the barricade again— WAIT!
Deadprez: CAMERON JUST ROTATED AND YANKED XANDER BY THE ARM WHILE PLACING HER FOOT DIRECTLY BELOW XANDER’S KNEE! SHE WAS PLAYING POSSUM AND NOW XANDER IS TRIPPED AND HIS FOREHEAD JUST CONNECTED WITH THE BARRICADE!
Gavin Kirkland: Cameron trying to get back on the offensive! Xander is down and leaned against the barricade face first! Here comes Cameron! KNOCK BITCHES OUT! THE FOREARM SMASH TO THE BACK OF PAYNE’S HEAD!
Deadprez: Xander drops all the way to the floor and Cameron now trying to pull him up! That’s a lot of weight to drag back into the ring but Cameron is giving it all she has!
Gavin Kirkland: Cameron should just take the countout win! It’s all the same!
Deadprez: Not to Cameron! Xander is big but she has faced bigger! She pulls and drags, inching him closer and closer to the ring! She has him to the apron now!
Gavin Kirkland: The count is almost over! Cameron now trying to get Xander up to his knees! Xander is beginning to stir but he’s still got no clue where he is! Cameron pulls and the half-conscious blob gets up to his feet now! Unknowingly helping her!
Deadprez: Cameron rolls Xander into the ring now! Cameron slides right in behind him but Xander is already trying to pull up to his feet! He’s had time to recover now! Cameron rushes— right past him?
Gavin Kirkland: SHE JUMPS INTO THE ROPS AND LEAPS BACK! SPRINGBOARD ROUNDHOUSE KICK! SHE JUST PLANTED THAT RIGHT INTO PAYNE’S TEMPLE! PAYNE IS DOWN! AVA WITH THE PIN!
Ref: ONEEEEEEEEEE! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE—
Deadprez: BUT PAYNE GETS A SHOULDER UP! LAST POSSIBLE SECOND! Cameron can’t believe it! She stands to her feet and now tries to grab Xander by the arm to pull him back up and continue the offense! But Xander ties his other arm in the rope and the referee forces her to separate! Cam backs away with her hands up and Xander now rises to his feet, pulling himself rope by rope! Xander is panting heavily as a trickle of blood now flows from his nose, Cameron looks on, preparing herself for another flurry. Xander is up on both feet and raises his fists, ready to fight! Cameron moves in, her guards up! Xander swings a massive punch! But Cameron ducks it and plants a jab in Xander’s ribs! Xander swings again but Cameron side steps and brings a body kick right into Payne’s solar plexus! Cam is nothing if not skilled! Xander brings that brute force and aggression but Cameron has the ring presence of a master! She won’t let Xander get her bothered!
Gavin Kirkland: Interesting because she gets me hot and bothered!
Deadprez: Breh, what about Cleo?
Gavin Kirkland: :lupe:
Deadprez: Cameron now with a flurry of punches to Xander! Xander backs himself into the corner! Cameron continues the punches but the referee is quick to break it up out of the corner! Cameron backs away again, looking annoyed— BUT XANDER WITH A THUMB TO THE EYE OVER THE REFEREES SHOULDER! Cameron is blinded! And Xander rushes in and throws her into the ropes! POP UP POWERBOMB! XANDER PLANTS CAMERON INTO THE MAT! PAYNE MAKING THE COVER OFF THE DIRTY TACTICS!
Ref: ONEEEEEEEEEE! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Gavin Kirkland: THANK SILICONE! CAM KICKS OUT JUST BEFORE THE REF GOT TO THREE! XANDER IS LOSING HIS MIND! THAT WAS HIS BEST SHOT! CAMERON STILL SURVIVES! SHE HAS THE HEART OF A CHAMPION AND XANDER CANNOT BELIEVE THAT HE STILL HASN’T PUT CAMERON AWAY! He grabs her up by the head and now screams at her again!
Xander Payne (off-mic): I HAVE A PENIS! YOU WILL RESPECT ME!
Gavin Kirkland: Well… I just lost my erection.
Deadprez: Cameron trying to shake herself awake as Xander now yanks her to her feet! He whips her to the ropes, NO! He twists under the arm and yanks her back! ANOTHER POP UP POWER BOMB!
Gavin Kirkland: NOT SO FAST! HE POPPED CAMERON UP ONTO HIS SHOULDERS FOR THE POWER BOMB BUT SHE WRAPPED HER LEGS AROUND HIS NECK! XANDER IS TRAPPED IN A TRIANGLE CHOKE WITH CAMERON UP HIGH! SHE HAS IT LOCKED IN TIGHT! HIS FACE IS TURNING COMPLETELY RED! XANDER WONT LAST LONG IN THIS CHOKE!
Deadprez: Xander looking for a way out but can’t see with Cameron on him like this! He moves around and reaches with his hand! He’s feeling around! And he’s found a ring rope! He feels that ring rope! And now he takes off running! XANDER PLANTING CAMERON BACK FIRST INTO THE TURNBUCKLES! SHE WAS HELD TO TIGHT IN THE TRIANGLE AND IT BECAME ALMOST A MODIFIED TURNBUCKLE BOMB! Xander trying to catch his breath as he sees Cameron down in the corner, clutching at her spine! Cameron is down… AND XANDER TAKES OFF! RUNNING CANONBALL!
Gavin Kirkland: BUT CAMERON MOVES OUT THE WAY! SHE SLIDES TO THE ROPES AS XANDER CRASHES INTO THE CORNER! Xander is down and hurting… BUT CAMERON TAKES ADVANTAGE! SHE YANKS HIM OUT OF THE CORNER AND TWISTS HIM UP! THE AVA LOCK IS APPLIED! MODIFIED INVERTED STF! ITS LOCKED IN AND ITS LOCKED IN TIGHT! XANDER CANT HAVE MUCH LEFT AFTER THAT TRIANGLE CHOKE! HES GONNA FADE QUICK! HES FLAILING! HES DESPERATE FOR AN ESCAPE AS THE HOLD KEEPS HIM IN PAIN! XANDER LOOKING AROUND! HES NOWHERE NEAR THE ROPES!
Deadprez: The referee asking if Xander wants to give up and he may not have a choice! The referee in Xander’s face! Asking! Asking! Asking!
Gavin Kirkland: XANDER GRABBED THE REF BY THE FACE AND SHOVED HIM BACK! THE REFEREE STUMBLES AND FALL OUT OF THE RING! THERES NO OFFICIAL HERE IN THIS MATCH! XANDER TAPS! HES TAPPING TO THE AVA LOCK! CAMERON RELEASES THE HOMD AFTER THE TAP OUT! BUT SHE LOOKS AROUND IN CONFUSION BECAUSE THERES NO BELL! SHE SEES THE REFEREE ON THE OUTSIDE!
Deadprez: The ref is barely awake, trying to get to his feet and shake himself clear. I think he landed on his head. BUT LOOK! XANDER IS UP BEHIND AVA! HE PULLS SOMETHING OUT OF HIS POCKET! THAT LOOKS LIKE A ROLL OF QUARTERS!
Gavin Kirkland: Oh! Is that what was in his pants? I just thought he was REALLY happy to be fighting Cameron.
Deadprez: Cameron turns around— AND XANDER BLASTS HER WITH THAT LOADED FIST! CAM DROPS TO THE GROUND! SHES OUT COLD! XANDER TOSSES THE ROLL OF QUARTERS OUT OF THE RING! HE GRABS CAMERON UP! PAYNEKILLER! THE PACKAGE PILEDRIVER PLANTS THE GODDESS! XANDER ROLLS OVER AND HOOKS THE LEG! THE REFEREE IS BACK! NOT LIKE THIS!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Gavin Kirkland: I cant believe he’d hurt those beautiful boobs!
Deadprez: Is that all she—
Gavin Kirkland: Are you really going to ask?
(Xander stands as “It Follows” plays and he has his hand raised. He looks around with a sadistic smile, proud of himself. Cameron is shown unmoving on the ground.)
Deadprez: This is a massive win for Xander Payne, no matter how it comes. He knocks off a Hall of Famer here on Showdown. This is surely to send him places.
Gavin Kirkland: Hopefully it sends him to the gym.
(Cameron is just waking up, clutching at her cheek where Xander hit her. Payne has slid out of the ring and makes his way up the ramp, grinning as the crowd boos him.)
(Commercial for Netflix featuring the Visual Prophet.)
(The lights go out in the arena, a lone spotlight shines on the entranceway as a video package of a woman in the dark sits there twirling a chain, laughing. Suddenly the sound of a lion roars as the video then shows another woman in the shadows clenching her first. “The Resistance” begins to play as “The Gypsy Moth” Minerva comes out slowly, twirling her chain, she drops to her knees as the lights come on and the chorus to “The Resistance” hits, seeing Constance Blevins standing above Minerva looking out into the crowd as they are greeted with a big mix of cheers, a few boos.)
Gina Romano: “Introducing the Unified Tag Team Champions, “The Lioness” Constance Blevins and “The Gypsy Moth” Minerva…. Heavenly Hell!”
(Minerva looks up at Constance who nods as the young Gypsy stands up and starts to walk down the aisle with Constance behind, both women look determined and have purpose. They reach the announce booth with Deadprez and Gavin Kirkland, Minerva snuggles next to Kirkland while Constance sits next to Deadprez)
Deadprez: It is our lucky night! We are being joined right now by these two beauties, Constance and Minerva, Heavenly Hell.
Constance Blevins: Hi Deadprez.
Minerva: Hi Gavin.
Gavin Kirkland: Don’t talk to me.
Minerva: We don’t have to talk, we can snuggle.
(Minerva snuggles closer, making Gavin tighten up and squirm a little, she places her hand on his crotch as he jumps.)
Gavin Kirkland: Do not touch those jewels, they belong to Cleopatra!
Minerva: I’m a jewel thief.
Gavin Kirkland: Can we get this match started, please!?
(The lights dim as “Firing Squad” by No Name Tim and Kashis Keyz plays throughout the arena. Sabin Richards and David Gibson walk out accompanied by their manager, Joseph Gracons. They start making their way toward the ring.)
Gina Romano: “The following contest is a Number One Contender’s Unified Tag Team match and it is scheduled for ONE Fall!”
Crowd: ONE FALL!
Gina Romano: “Introducing first from The Netherlands, weighing at a total combined weight of 463 pounds. Accompanied to the ring by their manager, Joseph Garcons! Here are David Gibson and Sabin Richards… THE MECHANICAL ANIMALS!”
(Both men stand in the middle of the ring and raise their arms up in the air. Garcons is proud to show them off as the crowd boos.)
Gavin Kirkland: You could be looking at the next Unified Tag Team Champions, what do you think about that Constance?
Minerva: Call me Constance again and I’ll bite your dick off.
Gavin Kirkland: Did I say Constance? I meant Minerva.
Constance Blevins: I’ll answer since you asked me technically even if facetious, we look forward to the challenge but we have come to far to let it slip already.
Deadprez: Well, they were supposed to go up against the FloBros, Saturday Nights were obviously not for the bad boys, Minerva showed us that, what do you think of this duo? Harlow Reichert and Thadd Blazevich!
Minerva: They are in for a devilish good time.
(“Gangsta’s Paradise” by Coolio as Thadd just walks to the ring, fist bumping his Bros and Bras, grinning from ear-to-ear. He stops and looks behind him as Harlow Reichert walks out, “Miss No Fucks Given” beelines past him and makes her way toward the ring, he nods and smiles going right after her. She slides in and glares over at the Mechanical Animals, when Thadd gets into the ring, he kicks his flops off and drops down, doing his trademark pose.)
Gina Romano: And their opponents, at a total combined weight of 355 pounds! From New Zealand, “Miss No Fucks Given” HARLOW REICHERT and from New Jersey, “RADD” THADD BLAZEVICH!
(The crowd roars, Thadd looks out and smiles as he talks with Harlow who is more focused on the task at hand. They talk strategy as the referee checks both parties)
Deadprez: And this will determine the next contenders for the Heavenly Hell, the two beauties sitting with us right now watching and who do you have?
Constance Blevins: I couldn’t tell you but the advantage certainly goes to The Mechanical Animals. They have been teaming longer.
Minerva: I could care less.
Gavin Kirkland: I agree with Cons…. I mean Minerva. Do you really need to sit that close to me?
Minerva: Uh huh.
Gavin Kirkland: Referee ring the damn bell! Please!?”
(The referee looks around before finally nodding and calling for the start of the match and the bell.)
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Deadprez: Here we go and Thadd quickly starts off with Gibson, the stronger of the two, they lock up but Gibson wants no part of that throwing Thadd across the ring! Thadd looks a bit out of his element, playa, the Mechanical Animals we have seen at times completely dominate the competition, one thing you two ladies who are much smaller than them need to contend with!
Minerva: We are ready, the bigger they are….
Gavin Kirkland: … yeah yeah the harder they… eeek!
(Minerva grabs his crotch again)
Minerva: No, the more there is to play with.
Deadprez: While Gavin is busy, Thadd tried to lock up with Gibson again, this time he goes behind, tries to bring him down in a schoolboy but Gibson manages to hold on, he stomps Thadd in the chest numerous times before picking him up. Those kicks had a lot of force behind them. Gibson picks up Thadd, whips him into the turnbuckle, he charges in AND MISSED! Thadd out of the way! He hops on the second rope and HITS A BLOCKBUSTER! Right out of the gates on Gibson, this could be over!
Gavin Kirkland: “Kick out by Gibson! That could have been quick! Thadd drags Gibson to his corner, smart wrestling here and tags in the beautiful red head! My heart is fluttering! Harlow is in and look at her grace! See if you can do that Constanc…. Shit….. I meant….
Deadprez: Harlow a house of fire with a senton from the middle rope and then a basement dropkick just as Gibson tried to get up! Harlow and Thadd are working together the best they can right now! She is hopping on the top rope, wait, Sabin is trying to distract her, she dropkicks Sabin off the apron! Harlow, she needs to watch Gibson…. He Clotheslines her out of her boots! He hit her so hard I thought I saw nail polish fly too!
Minerva: That was deliciously vicious.
Gavin Kirkland: Sabin getting back to the apron and Gibson tags! Sabin picks up Harlow, both men lock her up into a double suplex! Sabin rolls over for the pin!
Deadrez: Harlow kicked out with authority! She is nowhere near done yet! Still early in the match and Thadd trying to get in the ring to help his partner! He jumps in but the referee stops him!
Constance Blevins: Big mistake, all he is doing is opening his partner to more abuse by the Animals.
Gavin Kirkland: I agree Miner…. Damn it. Just help my girl here, okay!?
Deadprez: Thadd is opening up the opportunity for his partner, Harlow to take a beating! The Mechanical Animals have her in the corner CHOKING HER OUT WITH THE TAG ROPE! Come one referee! They are taking advantage of this! The Animals are showing why they want this so bad!
Gavin Kirkland: The referee finally turns around! Damage is done already! Harlow is in trouble. Sabin drags her out of the corner, lifting her up GIBSON CLOTHESLINE HER AGAIN WITH SABIN HITTING A RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP! They are abusing her now! Sabin goes for the cover….
Deadprez: Harlow kicks out!? SHE KICKED OUT! THADD IS SHOCKED! Sabin grabs her by the hair and whips her into the turnbuckle, he follows through but Harlow moves out of the way! Sabin stumbles back, Harlow locks him up…. ATONEMENT! BACK FLIP DDT! SABIN’S HEAD JUST BOUNCED OFF THE MATS BY GOD! HOLY SHIT! WE COULD HAVE NEW CONTENDERS RIGHT HERE!
(The crowd cheers)
Minerva: Pin him…
Gavin Kirkland: For once we agree! Harlow goes for the pin!
Gavin Kirkland: NO! GIBSON IN WITH THE BREAK! He stopped the count and probably saved this match! Harlowe needs to tag Thadd Blazevich! She is crawling, a huge move that opened it up for her and the Bro! She has to tag or the Animals can rip her apart and we don’t want that!
(Sabin rolls over and tags Gibson who rushes in, Harlow dives and tags Thadd, the crowd explodes in cheers.)
Deadprez: Tag made! THADD BLAZEVICH WITH A FURY OF KICKS TO GIBSON, BACKING HIM INTO THE CORNER! IRISH WHIPS, A BELLY TO BELLY ON GIBSON! HE GOT AIR PLAYA! Gibson is down and the Bro is now climbing the top rope!
Gavin Kirkland: The no rent district here!
Constance Blevins: This could be a huge mistake.
Deadprez: THADD WITH A HIGH CROSS BODY ON GIBSON! The crowd is deafening in here! He goes for the cover!
Gavin Kirland: NO! Shoulder up at the last second! Gibson was able to get that shoulder up when Thadd had the match won! Harlow is finally recovering on the apron, Thadd picks up Gibson and takes him to the corner, he tags Harlow who climbs the top rope, she waits a second before Thadd picks him up for a back body drop and HARLOW COMES DOWN WITH A DOUBLE KNEE RIGHT TO THE CHEST! Gibson is down! Harlow sees Sabin coming, she ducks, and he runs right into a Thadd Enzinguiri! Sabin stumbles! Wait… she’s not going for a pinfall! She is climbing the top rope again….
Minerva: Wuthering Heights….
Deadprez: If she lands this on Gibson, Minerva and Constance there are your number one contenders! She is climbing and Minerva is right, she is going for Wuthering Heights! No! Joseph Garcons is on the apron. Harlow looks at him before turning back to Gibson, wait… she just HURRICARANA GARCONS ON THE MATS BELOW! GARCONS JUST FLIPPED OVER AND HARLOW STANDS UP SCREAMING AS THE CROWD IS CLEARLY BEHIND THESE TWO!
Constance Blevins: Most impressive indeed.
Deadprez: Harlow slides back in and goes to grab Gibson, he rolls her into a small package….
Gavin Kirkland: Kick out by Harlow Reichert! Gibson stands up and starts kicking her but she blocks them, she then whips him into the ropes, goes for a clothesline but he ducks, she turns and runs at Gibson.. NO! Sabin was there on the apron with a guillotine choke on the top rope! Harlow hit all of that Deadprez!
Deadprez: She’s in trouble for sure! Gibson tags Sabin, these two are in a war! They looks like they are setting up Harlow! The Speed of Pain! They have her hoisted up bit Thadd breaks it up! The referee is losing all handle of this match! Gibson is clotheslined over the top rope! Sabin knees Thadd, then grabs Harlow, no, she spin kicks him! He stumbles back as Thadd is in the corner again Harlow sees the opening and goes for Les Miserables but Thadd blindly tags in! Harlow stops and looks confused? Wait… here comes Sabin and he pushes Thadd into Harlow! They HIT HEAD! OH THE THUMP!
Gavin Kirkland: HARLOW MIGHT NEED HELP! SHE HIT HARD! DAMN IT! SHE IS OUT OF THE RING, THADD IS ALONE! HERE COMES GIBSON! THEY SET HIM UP AND HIT THE STAIRWAY TO CHAOS!!!!
Minerva: Stick a fork in him, Thadd is done.
Deadprez: THE ANIMALS TOOK ADVANTAGE AND NOW THEY GO FOR THE COVER!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
(Gibson rolls off and Sabin helps him up, they see Joseph Garcons on the outside getting back up as Thadd stirs in the ring. Harlowe is on the mats outside holding her head as the referee raises their hands in victory.)
Gina Romano: THE WINNERS OF THE MATCH AND THE NUMBER ONE CONTENDERS TO THE UNIFIED TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS…… THE MECHANICAL ANIMALS!
(“Firing Squad” plays throughout the arena as they stand tall in the ring. Minerva and Constance stand up, both look at one another, nod and slide into the ring, holding up their belts and standing face to face with them in a staredown.)
Deadprez: Animals the winners tonight in a great match but what we have here is a statement by the champs that they will not back down from any fight!
Gavin Kirkland: At least she’s not holding my crotch anymore! I’ll give the devil their due, they are fighting champions and went back down! Someone check on Harlowe!
(Heavenly Hell and the Mechanical Animals continue the staredown before Joseph Garcons finally starts to pull their men away and out of the ring, slowly walking up the rampway, Thadd is now checking on Harlow outside while Constance and Minerva stand in the ring holding up their belts high.)
(Commercial break — an ad for McDonald’s featuring Xander Payne. “Wanna know how I got this body?”)
(“Chun Li” by Nicki Minaj begins to blare throughout the speakers of the arena, the crowd erupting into violent boos and jeers as they prepare to welcome Felix Hartley to the ring. The commentary microphone picks up an alarming amount of shuffling from the table as Felix steps out from behind the curtain wearing a tropical bikini top, denim daisy dukes, her New Breed Championship, and a pair of Gucci slides. In her free hand, she holds a Nerf brand Super Soaker water blaster that she uses to spray water at fans in the arena.)
Deadprez: Gavin, what the hell are you doing?
Gavin Kirkland: Oh–um–I–sorry, I can’t find my–my lotion–
Deadprez: :dahell: Lotion?! Boy, you must be crazy.
Gavin Kirkland: I can’t believe I don’t have it with me tonight! Felix is out here in a goddamn swimsuit and my dick can’t even reap the rewards. God DAMMIT! I bet you CJ took it with her when she left…
Deadprez: Gavin, I swear on everything–
Gavin Kirkland: SHHH! I’m going to need to pay close attention to this one if I’m going to remember what she has to say for later, y’know, when I actually have my lotion…
(The shuffling continues as Gavin continues to look for his lotion. Felix Hartley steps onto the ring apron and holds her New Breed Championship in the air, seemingly enjoying the negative crowd reception as she shoots some of her water blaster load into the crowd. She shoots some more water at the camera directly beneath her, drops the water blaster, and then steps in between the ring ropes, slowly bending over so that the camera may catch a blurry glimpse of some booty cheeks before she grabs a microphone from the timekeeper’s area.)
Gavin Kirkland: What. A. TEASE!
(Felix waits for “Chun Li” to come to a full stop before raising the microphone to her mouth to speak.)
Felix Hartley: I’m living my BEST life right now, folks. There isn’t a person in the world that could ever take this feeling away from me. It’s all eyes on me right now, and I swear to you, all this energy, all this attention is making me feel young. Who needs beauty sleep, collagen masks, or botox injections when I look THIS good, just from feeding right off the life force y’all are giving me. And it’s only going to get worse from now on–worse for the rest of Showdown, anyway, and much much muuuuch better for me. And Season 13 just began. You wanna know how I plan to do it Nevermind the fact that I was made to do this shit, I’m dedicating more time to my art than I ever have before thanks to this title. Real hot girl shit. And my hot girl summer begins right now! I’m gonna keep it simple: this summer is about being a bad bitch. Nothing more, nothing less. If y’all got tired of me already, I feel sorry for you. There isn’t a single thing that’s going to stop me from redirecting everyone’s attention when it matters back to the person that runs this brand–oop, yes, that’s me. I’m doing all that I can to maintain this energy, and if you can’t match this vibe, then there’s nothing here for you. Periodt. And the reason I’m able to have a summer like this is thanks to this beauty right here.
(The camera zooms in as Felix taps her New Breed Championship with her fingertips.)
Felix Hartley: I couldn’t be more proud to hold this Championship. And no, I’m not afraid to admit that I don’t show it the same way half of you annoying ass neckbeard motherfuckers do. I’m not about to go on long-winded rants about how I deserved this because I’ve given my bLoOd, SwEaT AnD TeArS for this business. Ugh. But that doesn’t mean that I haven’t worked as hard–no, THRICE as hard as everyone else who has. Because let me tell you, I’ve been grinding. I’ve been training my ass off behind the scenes when nobody’s watching, doing things for me and not for social media because I’m genuinely focused on improving myself. Focused on being on par with the competition in EAW and then surpassing it–and obviously I’ve accomplished that or I wouldn’t even be holding the New Breed Championship, duh. I know what my job title is; I know what my job description is. It’s pretty fucking obvious what I have to do if I want to get better at this and I do it, every day and every night. And I don’t give a fuck what you people think about me, I’m worried about Felix and Felix alone–
Deadprez: :damn: GAVIN, WHO IS THAT?! WHO JUST ATTACKED FELIX?!
Gavin Kirkland: Oh my GOD! I know who that is! :noah: I’d recognize those wrinkles anywhere! This crowd is going completely berserk because AMBER KEYS JUST JUMPED INSIDE THE RING, OUT OF THE CROWD, OVER THE BARRICADE, AND ATTACKED FELIX HARTLEY FROM BEHIND!
Deadprez: THE NEW BREED STALLION IS DOWN–SEEM LIKE AMBER THINKS THAT A HOT GIRL SUMMER IS GONNA HAVE TO WAIT A LITTLE BIT LONGER TO GET STARTED! WHAT DID SHE HIT HER WITH?!
Gavin Kirkland: Those goddamn brass knuckles got Felix Hartley in the back of the skull. Goodness me, I hoped on everything I’d never have to see this bitch in person again after what she did to my Cleopatra at Pain for Pride! :mjcry:
(Amber stands over Felix who has since tried to stand up several times, only to be shoved back down to the ground by strikes from Amber and the brass knuckles. Amber now grabs the New Breed Championship belt and beats Felix across the back with the title, smirking with each whip as Felix winces. The crowd in the arena is showing all of their hate and disgust for Amber by their negative reactions and boos.)
Deadprez: I don’t understand. What’s Amber’s reason for this?! What has Felix done to prompt Amber to initiate an attack?!
Gavin Kirkland: Well, let’s get one thing straight, Prez–don’t try to find an explanation for this on your own. Amber Keys is not a woman who does things with any sense of rhyme or reason. At least not usually. But if I had to guess…I’d say that Amber’s conversation with the GM earlier about reaching for the “brass ring” set the light bulb off in Amber’s head–she was told to make a statement to stand out on Showdown, and here it is!
Deadprez: :oh: You’re absolutely right, Gavin. We heard Jenny, she said Amber Keys is a rookie, right? That must mean…Amber qualifies for the New Breed Title, doesn’t she?!
Gavin Kirkland: :scusthov: I’m afraid she does, Prez. Fuck, man. How many times is Amber going to set her sights on the women that I love?! I’m starting to take this personally, I am being victimized by Amber Keys.
Deadprez: Breh, you are not the victim here. Just look at those fucking welts on Felix’s back, thank goodness Amber has finally decided to slow down with those strikes–
(Amber tosses the New Breed Championship aside, admiring the damage she’s done to Felix Hartley who has yet to fully stand up. Amber smiles and backs away into a turnbuckle corner, waiting for Felix to pull herself up to her feet and setting up for a– )
Gavin Kirkland: FUCK! FUCK! AMBER ALERT FROM AMBER KEYS! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!
(The spear lays Felix Hartley out flat on her back. Amber cackles and falls to her knees, grabbing the microphone that Felix has dropped. She breathes heavily into the microphone as she slowly crawls over to Felix’s lifeless body.)
Amber Keys: Ten….years…
(Amber lowers herself and positions herself merely inches away from Felix’s face.)
Amber Keys: I know you can’t really hear me right now, darling. But I’m almost sorry to say that I’m going to have to take something of yours very very soon. Please don’t take it personally. But something needs to be done. I have to–have to “prove” myself to the decision makers in this place because apparently, my service to this industry doesn’t hold up well enough when it comes to deciding who fucking matters on this brand. All because of an absence I had no control over. And really, when did absence become a good reason to diminish the hard work and effort of one of the very women who started it all? No matter. Irrelevant now. I’ve made up my mind, and I’m going to start my resurgence, my redemption by feasting on you, and by crowning myself the New Breed Champion.
(The crowd in the arena bursts with excitement at Amber’s challenge. Amber strokes Felix’s cheek with her free hand, smiling down on her before suddenly mounting Felix, positioning both legs at Felix’s sides as Felix begins to stir.)
Amber Keys: It’s a shame that it’ll have to happen at your expense, Felix. You pretty little piece of flesh, you. You have a bright future ahead of you, I can sense it already. But you’ll eventually come to regret the moment you decided to start taking wrestling seriously, as many other women of your kind eventually did when I focused my attention on them. And no matter how much you claim you love the spotlight and praise, my attention just might be the last fucking thing you want, Felix. I’m not a woman you want to cross paths with, not an individual to take lightly because there is nothing that will ever hold me back from getting what it is that I want. I’ve done so much for this industry, so much for you, even, and you can’t even comprehend it, Felix–you don’t know it yet, but you basically owe me this opportunity, you should hand that belt over to me right now as a payment for all my sacrifice over the years. That, or I could always just take it from you. Forcefully. (Amber grins.) I don’t mind either one, but if I had a preference…I hear you’re the kind of girl who kinda likes it a little rough, aren’t you?
(Amber allows the microphone to fall out of her hands and onto the ringmat with a staticky pop as she lowers herself completely, planting a soft kiss on Felix’s lips. “All It Takes For Your Dreams to Come True” by A Skylit Drive begins to play throughout the arena speakers as Amber lifts herself up and smiles down at Felix before exiting the ring.)
Deadprez: Uhhhh, Gavin? You okay?
Gavin Kirkland: Cut to commercial. Immediately.
Deadprez: :dahell: Fuck you mean–
Gavin Kirkland: I. NEED. A MINUTE.
(Commercial break — an ad for Jergens lotion featuring Gavin Kirkland.)
( “Enemy Strike’ by Yuki Hayashi hits, and Myles walks out to the ring alone, receiving a nice ovation from the Bankers Life Fieldhouse. )
Gina Romano: The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL! Introducing first, on his way to the ring, from Melbourne, Australia weighing in at 208 POUUUNNDSSS.. “THE SOLDIER”, MMMMYYYYYLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!
Gavin Kirkland: Holy mother of god I am starting to question my sexuality! Because this may be the most excited I have ever been to watch two men with their shirts off dry hump each other – EVER!
Deadprez: Uhhh.. I think I see your point? EAW.com recently put out a poll asking fans what are some of the match ups they would like to see for Season 13, and to no one’s surprise, the one we’re about to get right now was pretty damned high on the list!
Gavin Kirkland: Absent is Myles’ partner in crime, Xander Payne, which really shows the personal stock Myles is putting into his match against The Ace of Elite Answers Wrestling. Can’t really blame him either Deadprez, a clean win against Jamie O’Hara in a singles match setting would be the most validating victory in his career so far! And we all know how high Myles’ ceiling truly is!
( “Ultimate Battle” by ZENTA [EAW Edit] hits, and Jamie O’Hara walks out to the stage – taking a gander at the over-capacity crowd before continuing with determination on his face. )
Gina Romano: And his opponent… residing in Los Angeles, California by way of Melbourne, Australia, weighing in at 190 POOOUNNNDSS… “THE ASCENDED MASTER”, JAAAAAAMMMMIIEEEEEEEEE OOOOOO’HHHHARRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
Deadprez: No doubt fam we do know how hungry of a competitor Myles is, but there are a rare contingent of Elitists Gavin who stake the same amount of importance in every single match they compete in. Jamie O’Hara is one of those men! That’s why no matter what brand he’s on or what era of EAW he’s a part of he’s consistently been a top star, really from the beginning of his career until now!
Gavin Kirkland: That mentality of always giving it your all is important! Especially when you consider coming off of the heels of what was, in his mind, a must-win match at Pain for Pride in a losing effort. You know that eats at him, and you know who else it eats at? His big tittied beauty of a wife Cameron Ella Ava! I’m sure the last thing Jamie wants is for his beau to start getting a wandering eye! Who knows, she may just end up throwing the kitty in Myles’ direction should he knock off Jamie O’Hara!
Deadprez: :mjlol: You kill me Gavin. Not gonna lie you make a good point though. A woman like Cameron Ella Ava doesn’t settle for losers! Otherwise she’d still be with her ex who shall not be named!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Deadprez: Two of Australia’s native sons circling the ring right now. One of them possessing all of the tools to become one of the front runners for this entire company. The other has already reached that destination, and is no question in my mind Gavin, the face of his generation. Myles and O’Hara finally locking horns now, collar and elbow tie up has em’ both entering a test of strength. Setting it off… Myles catches O’Hara in a side headlock, but Jamie standing his ground, grabbing a hold of both wrists to try and pry the headlock apart. He takes Myles into the ropes along with his own self, and Jamie overpowers Myles looking for a headlock takedown of his own! Myles holds his own, refusing to be taken down, Jamie drops to the floor and rushes back up. Taken off his feet with a stiff running shoulder block! Myles sprawls down over Jamie’s shoulders, spinners down his back and races him up to his feet with the rear waistlock! Standing switch from O’Hara! Brings him to the floor with an O’Connor roll!! Myles shoots the half while Jamie is on the ground for the lateral press! Not even a one count as the ref slides down to the mat! Jamie sits up quickly, and Myles catches him with a ROLLING BODY-SCISSORS TAKEOVER PIN! JAMIE STACKED UPSIDE DOWN ON HIS SHOULDERS!
Gavin Kirkland: O’Hara kicking out right as the referee’s hand hits the mat for “Two”. BUT WOULD YOU LOOK AT THIS??? O’HARA RUSHES UP AS QUICKLY AS MYLES DOES! AND FROM BEHIND HE APPLIES THE DOUBLE WRIST LOCK!!!! STARDUST BREAKER COULD BE ON ITS WAY??
Deadprez: Not quite! Myles brilliantly clipping the leg, much like you would do to prevent a German suplex, but it’s just as effective a counter against the Stardust Breaker! O’Hara can barely turn Myles around, and Myles counters with a drop toe hold into a CROSSFACE!!! JAMIE O’HARA RUSHES UP TO A VERTICAL BASE IN A PANIC! Myles definitely trying to fight O’Hara back to the floor right now, but Jamie’s got too much leverage, Myles decides to counter with a school boy roll up! JAMIE ROLLS THROUGH! ROLLING GAMENGIRI! NOBODY HOME, MYLES DUCKS IT! COUNTERS WITH A JUMPING DOUBLE FOOT STOMP! MYLES DEADLIFTS O’HARA UP FROM THE FLOOR! DEADLIFT BRIDGING GERMAN SUPLEX BRINGS JAMIE O’HARA DOWN ONTO THE BACK OF HIS NECK, MYLES HOLDING IN A PIN.
Ref: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!! TWWWWWWWW-
Gavin Kirkland: Jamie O’Hara pops his shoulders up from the mat with a kick out! Myles wasting very little time here, now attempting to drag O’Hara back up from the floor and up to his shoulders with a powerbomb! The perfect shredded physique of Myles to accompany his stamina and agility, giving way to the raw power that is on display! O’Hara is making it difficult for Myles to execute on the powerbomb… Myles opts out of it, running backwards and PLANTING O’HARA FACE FIRST ON THE TURNBUCKLE WITH A REVERSE POWERBOMB, ALMOST LIKE A MODIFIED SNAKE EYES INTO THE CORNER! Myles jogging across the ring now, rebound off the ropes with a RUNNING JUMPING FOREARM TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD! No! O’Hara baseball slides underneath Myles with an evasive dodge! Myles ends up saddling the middle turnbuckle! And O’Hara going to work now with rapid-fire forearms to the back of the neck! Myles swinging back with elbows of his own, but O’Hara blocks them and follows up with a wicked loud shoot kick to the spine! Poor Myles is hanging upside down. O’Hara backs up into the perpendicular turnbuckle… and takes off with a RUNNING JOHN WOO DROPKICK PLANTED FIRMLY INTO MYLES’ CHEST, AS HE’S HUNG UPSIDE DOWN! THIS SENDS MYLES FLYING UNDERNEATH THE ROPES AND OUT OF THE RING!
Deadprez: O’Hara watching Myles quickly drag himself up down below at ringside. AND O’HARA TAKES HIM BACK WITH WITH A SLINGSHOT SENTON TO THE OUTSIDE! O’HARA IS WASTING NO TIME NOW, RUSHING BACK INTO THE RING WHILE MYLES GETS BACK UP TO HIS FEET! O’HARA RUNS OFF THE ROPES AGAIN AND COMES FULL SPEED BACK ACROSS THE RING WITH A TOPE CON HILO!!!! BEAUTIFULLY CLEARING THE ROPES AND TAKING MYLES BACK DOWN WITH FAR MORE IMPACT!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: BUT IT LOOKS LIKE THE OLDER AUSSIE BLOKE’S LANDED AWKWARDLY PREZ! O’HARA HOLDING HIS RIGHT ARM IN PAIN, HIS ELBOW CRASHED AGAINST THE FLOOR HARD AS HELL ON THE WAY DOWN!
Deadprez: I noticed that myself Gavin! Jamie’s favoring the elbow, but it doesn’t look like he’s going to allow it to hinder him so much. Jamie takes Myles back into the ring, Myles might have been sandbagging because it took a little bit longer than expected. O’Hara follows him in and Myles exits the ring from the opposite side right in front of us. Jamie coming right after Myles with a LOW-PE SUICIDA!!!! NOT SO FAST! MYLES CAUGHT HIM WITH A JUMPING KNEE STRIKE, RIGHT TO THE CROWN, NEARLY SCALPING THE MAN! MYLES FOLLOWS UP WITH A RUNNING UPPERCUT! JAMIE SLUMPED OVER THAT BOTTOM ROPE, AND MYLES SHAKING OFF THE COBWEBS A LITTLE BIT AFTER THAT DOPE ASS COUNTER. RUNNING NECKBREAKER ON THE DRAPED OVER JAMIE NOW! SENDING JAMIE’S NECK SNAPPING AGAINST THE BOTTOM ROPE! That was a damn good comeback from Myles, and he pushes Jamie back into the ring and away from the ropes, before covering him with a lateral press.
Ref: OOOOOONNNNNEEEEE!!!! TWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOO-
Gavin Kirkland: Jamie O’Hara with the left shoulder up! Big Money Myles knows exactly how valuable a win here tonight would be. It seriously doesn’t get any bigger than defeating Jamie O’Hara in singles competition. For all intents and purposes this man Jamie has been the symbol of excellence over the last five years, and Myles, delivering a few well placed stomps, is not giving his fellow Aussie any quarter! Myles saddles O’Hara while he’s on all fours, and applies a BODY-SCISSORS SLEEPER HOLD SUBMISSION RIGHT ON TOP OF JAMIE! Jamie O’Hara collapses from his all fours position, he’s fighting back up to the position he was at just a moment ago, but Myles refusing to make it easy! He’s essentially pulled a double whammy on O’Hara, not only with the brilliantly applied sleeper hold, but applying pressure on Jamie’s ribs and limiting the amount of breath he can even bring into his body by wrapping the legs tightly around the midsection!
Deadprez: No doubt about that! He’s trying to take away the mobility of O’Hara’s which is a huge staple in his game. Let’s remember now Myles has spent his young adult life watching O’Hara, his fellow countryman. He’s more than likely studied him, just as he has many of the greats, which is why he’s had The Ace so well scouted. O’Hara having to dig into his core now, somehow finding the will inside of him to bring himself back up to all fours. LOOK AT MYLES! SNATCHING THE RIGHT ARM! THE LIMB WHERE HE TWEAKED HIS ELBOW! I THINK JAMIE TRIED TO HIDE THE DAMAGE, BUT MYLES IS REARING BACK ON ARMBAR WHILE MAINTAINING THE BODY-SCISSORS ALL AT THE SAME TIME! JAMIE DESPERATELY TRYING TO KICK IT INTO THE NEXT GEAR, YOU CAN TELL BY THE ANGUISH ALL OVER HIS FACE THAT MYLES IS TARGETING A SENSITIVE AREA!
Gavin Kirkland: Impressively enough O’Hara has pulled enough from within to fight his way back to one knee. Myles switches courses now, and HOISTS O’HARA WITH A CANADIAN RACK!!!! INTO THE DDT!!!!! Not yet not yet not yet! O’Hara struggling while Myles runs into the center of the ring, and he escapes at the very last second behind Myles! O’Hara jogs to the corner, Myles runs after him! O’Hara with a SPRINGBOARD REVERSE FRANKENSTEINER OFF THE MIDDLE TURNBUCKLE!!!! SPIKING MYLES RIGHT INTO THE RING!!! MYLES RUSHES BACK UP PURELY OFF OF MOMENTUM, AND O’HARA RICOCHETS OFF THE ROPES! TAKES MYLES BACK DOWN WITH A SLINGBLADE!!! Myles rolls halfway across the ring and onto the apron holding the back of his head! You can tell he got rocked by the frankensteiner, O’Hara meanwhile visibly favoring that arm, but the injury isn’t getting to him mentally, he knows he’s got to keep on pressing! Jamie hops over the ropes and onto the apron where Myles is seated! SPRINTS ACROSS!!!! PENALTY KICK AGAINST THE SKULL OF MYLES!!!!
Deadprez: NOBODY HOME, MYLES WITH A TIGER FEINT KICK EVASION, SLIDING INTO THE RING, OUT OF THE WAY OF JAMIE’S BOOT, AND BACK ONTO THE APRON BEFORE RUSHING UP BEHIND JAMIE! RUNNING BICYCLE KICK TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD! THAT SENDS JAMIE FLYING AND LANDING HUNG OVER THE TOP TURNBUCKLE FROM THE APRON! Myles climbing up the very same turnbuckle now, and drags O’Hara up to his shoulders with everything that he’s got! TOP ROPE DROP DOWN! SENDING JAMIE LANDING ON THE TOP TURNBUCKLE WITH A THUD STERNUM FIRST! AND COLLAPSING INTO THE RING! MYLES DRAGGING HIMSELF OVER JAMIE FOR THE COVER……. BUT JAMIE ROLLS OUT OF THE RING IN TIME! Normally we see Myles execute that from the second rope, so you know that maneuver was even more effective being that it was delivered from the very top! Good on Jamie for getting the hell out of dodge when he needed to, it’s the little things like that that’ll save you a whole match!
Gavin Kirkland: Look at you with your vast wrestling psychology expertise! One day I’ll be just as knowledgeable as you senpai.
Deadprez: Aw shucks.
Gavin Kirkland: Myles drags himself out of the ring while O’Hara is recovering right in front of us. Myles straightens The Ace up and delivers multiple closed fist jabs to the face! O’Hara covering up as well as he can, Myles with a knee now! Sending Jamie pedaling backwards and seated on our table! ROLLING BACKHAND FROM MYLES laying Jamie out right in front of us! Hey wait a minute gentlemen, watch out!
Ref: ONE! TWO!
Deadprez: Myles climbing right up on our desk, without even the decency to take the lid off of it. The referee’s count is now at “three”, Myles delivering a few forearms to the barely covered up face of O’Hara, before hoisting him up and THIS TIME LOOKING FOR THE CANADIAN RACK INTO THE DDT RIGHT ON OUR TABLE!!!!!!! JAMIE SLIPS OUT AGAIN AT THE LAST SECOND!!!! AT THE LAST SECOND HE SLIPS OUT! PELE KICK!!!! MYLES FALLS OFF OUR ANNOUNCE DESK LIKE A TON OF BRICKS, AND JAMIE SPRINGS OFF!!! GENKI CANNON FROM OUR ANNOUNCE DESK, BOTH BOOTS PLANTED FIRMLY INTO THE CHEST!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE THE HOPS FROM JAMIE O’HARA?!
Ref: FIVE! SIX!
Gavin Kirkland: THAT WAS A TIMELY SAVE FROM THE ACE, AND HE GARNERED INCREDIBLE HEIGHT BEHIND THE GENKI CANNON! O’HARA SCRAPES MYLES OFF OF THE FLOOR IN A HURRIED PACE, CLEARLY INCENTIVIZED BY THE OPPORTUNITY HE HAS! EVERY SECOND THAT TICKS AWAY DECREASES HIS CHANCES AT FINISHING THIS! O’HARA SENDS MYLES BACK INTO THE RING, DIVES IN AS THE REFEREE’S COUNT IS AT “EIGHT”, AND COVERS!
Ref: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Deadprez: KICK OUT BY MYLES! I think O’Hara knew he had Myles down for the count out here at ringside. Had he delivered that in an environment where he could drop down and cover him, this match would be as good as over! Jamie looks visibly frustrated at himself for the time it took him, or maybe it’s frustration for allowing Myles to have the kind of match he’s had, because it’s been a nearly perfect performance from The Soldier so far! Myles and O’Hara recover relatively at the same speed. Jamie is up first of course but Myles isn’t too far behind. Jamie straightens Myles up – SHOTS TO THE CHEST FROM MYLES! RAPID FIRE BLOWS TO THE BODY! FOLLOWED BY A SPIN KICK TO THE MIDSECTION! O’HARA DOWN TO A KNEE! LIFTING KNEE STRIKE FROM MYLES! NOBODY HOME, O’Hara side steps it! Myles turns around! JUMPING FOREARM FROM O’HARA! Both men scramble up to their feet! ROUNDHOUSE FROM MYLES! DUCKED BY O’HARA! MACHINE GUN BACKHAND CHOPS LIGHTING UP THE CHEST OF MYLES! YOU CAN HEAR THE SOUND OF EACH CHOP FROM THE CONCESSION STANDS! O’Hara Irish whips Myles into the corner. FOLLOWS UP WITH A RUNNING CORKSCREW EUROPEAN UPPERCUT INTO THE CORNERED MYLES!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? MYLES WITH A SHOULDER THRUST INTO JAMIE’S RIBS IN MIDAIR! NOW HE CATCHES JAMIE O’HARA RIGHT IN HIS ARMS! TAKING HIM OUT OF THE CORNER! “DE FACTO”!!!!!!!!!! SPINNING PUMPHANDLE SAMOAN DROP!!!!!!!
Deadprez: NOT YET! O’HARA LANDS BEHIND MYLES BEFORE THE DROP! DOUBLE WRIST LOCK FROM BEHIND!!! STARDUST BREAKER!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: WHEELBARROW COUNTER!!! BUT NOT INTO A PIN, INTO A CROSS ARMBREAKER!!! FIRM SUBMISSION HOLD INTO THE RIGHT ARM OF JAMIE!!! AND JAMIE O’HARA IS SQUIRMING FOR HIS LIFE, SCREAMING IN PAIN, KICKING HIS REMAINING THREE LIMBS AND FLAILING THEM IN DESPERATION! Both men’s eyes have veered over to the nearby ropes at the same time! Jamie is attempting to turn his lower body to the ropes after the initial panic, and Myles takes the proactive approach, clasping on to the damaged right arm with both of his own arms and using his legs to drag both himself and his opponent away from the ropes! However that gives Jamie enough quarter to arch his body backwards and STACK MYLES ONTO HIS SHOULDERS!
Ref: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!!! TWO-
Deadprez: MYLES ROLLS OUT OF THE PIN AND TRANSITIONS INTO THE SEATED FUJIWARA ARMBAR!!!!!!! BUT JAMIE HAS TOO MUCH LEVERAGE, HE’S UP TO BOTH KNEES, JAMIE O’HARA POWERING! POWERING HIMSELF AND MYLES UP! HE’S GOT MYLES SEATED ON HIS SHOULDERS! JAMIE RISING SOMEHOW WITH MYLES SITTING ON HIS SHOULDERS, IN ELECTRIC CHAIR DROP POSITION!!!! POP-UP GERMAN SUPLEX SENDS MYLES RIGHT ONTO THE BACK OF HIS NECK!!!!
( Jamie O’Hara and Myles are laid out in the ring. Jamie O’Hara slowly drags himself over to Myles, and O’Hara wraps his arms around Myles’ torso from behind, and wrestles him up from the floor, into his grasp. )
Gavin Kirkland: JAMIE WANTS TO SEAL THIS WITH THE STARDUST BREAKER! THIRD ATTEMPT, BUT THIRD TIME MAY BE THE CHARM! MYLES HOWEVER PREVENTS FULL WRIST CONTROL, HE TRAPS THE INJURED RIGHT ARM OF O’HARA, AND THAT PREVENTS JAMIE’S ABILITY TO SO MUCH AS TURN MYLES AROUND! JAMIE FIRING OFF WITH ELBOWS TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD USING HIS LEFT ARM! ABSOLUTELY REMORSELESS ELBOWS, BATTERING THE BACK OF MYLES’ HEAD!!! MYLES COLLAPSES TO HIS KNEES, O’HARA GARNERS FULL DOUBLE WRIST CONTROL! WRESTLES HIM BACK UP TO HIS FEET! BANG!!!!!!!! STARDUST BREAKERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! WHU-WHU-WHU-WHU-WASTED!!!!!!! O’HARA COLLAPSING OVER MYLES!
Ref: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
( “Ultimate Battle” by ZENTA plays, and Jamie O’Hara slowly rises with a limp arm to celebrate. The referee raises his left arm in victory, and Jamie goes back to favoring his right arm. )
Gina Romano: Here is your winner… JAAAMMIEEEEEEE OOO’HAARRRAAAAAAA!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: :dame: I’m a Jamie O’Hara fanboy, confirmed.
Deadprez: Does that mean you’re gay now?
Gavin Kirkland: Man, look, if recognizing and appreciating the immense level of talent that flows through Jamie O’Hara’s veins makes me gay then–then–
Gavin Kirkland: :whew:
Deadprez: :notbad: Can’t say that I blame you. An incredible performance here for BOTH competitors here tonight–but something also tells me that this might not be the last encounter between these two–wait, what? Who’s that fat piece of lard rolling down the ring?!
Gavin Kirkland: Looks like Xander Payne! Awwww, what a good partner! He’s making sure that Myles is okay!
(The camera hones in on Xander Payne who struggles to slide beneath the bottom rope in order to get to his tag team partner. The camera is able to pick up the sound of Myles attempting to reassure Xander that he is okay, but Xander’s face tells a different story.)
Deadprez: Yikes. Xander now slowly approaching Jamie O’Hara, who just put his body through hell in that match–FUCK! XANDER WITH A SWIFT STOMP TO JAMIE’S INJURED ELBOW! ANOTHER–HE GOES FOR A THIRD, BUT–
Gavin Kirkland: JAMIE ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY THIS TIME! :whew: :whew: :whew: AND HE PULLS XANDER OFF HIS FEET! XANDER PAYNE ON THE GROUND AND–JAMIE TAKING IT STRAIGHT TO XANDER PAYNE! FIST AFTER FIST! What an exchange between these two–wait a second–A WOMAN! THERE’S A WOMAN OUT HERE, THANK GOD, SOME TITTIES!
Deadprez: Not just any woman, Gavin, that’s Cameron Ella Ava! Who just faced Xander Payne earlier tonight–the numbers game not playing in Xander’s favor right now, ‘cause Cam and Jamie are looking to double team Xander… and I think he’s finally realized he’s bitten off more than he can chew! :lupe:
Gavin Kirkland: :lupe: And that’s rare for Xander, that little fucker sure loves to eat–BUT I DON’T THINK HE LIKES THE TASTE OF THAT STOMP FROM CAMERON ELLA AVA, RIGHT IN THE RIBS! Wait, what’s the crowd getting excited about? :krabs:
Deadprez: They’re happy to see that MYLES IS BACK UP ON HIS FEET! MYLES IS ONCE AGAIN FORCED TO STEP IN HERE AND HELP HIS PARTNER! He’s cursing about it, but he grabs Cameron by the waist, and throws her right through the ring ropes with ease! Cameron landing flat on her not-so-flat ass out here at ringside, and now he turns his attention back to Jamie, who’s still grabbing onto that right arm–
Gavin Kirkland: Don’t count Cameron out yet, I still think she’s a bit upset about that loss she took earlier–SHE SLIDES BACK INTO THE RING! AND MYLES AND XANDER DON’T LOOK LIKE THEY WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT! Good on Cameron for sticking up for her man and preventing an unfair attack here on my baby boy Jamie here tonight!
Deadprez: Your who?
Gavin Kirkland: :eyes: A beautiful sight! Jamie and Cameron standing together in the ring while Myles and Xander are forced to retreat backstage!
Deadprez: Don’t make me ask again, I need you to run that by me again, Gavin.
Gavin Kirkland: *ahem* Now would be a perfect time for a commercial brea–
(Final commercial break — an advertisement for that new Harry Potter game everyone’s playing on their mobile phones. I don’t know anything about it, so don’t ask me.)
(Showdown comes back on the air as The Wildcards are shown rushing to the backstage area immediately following the brawl they were just engaged in as Xander and Myles are having a back and forth shouting contest)
Myles: I told you to stay your ass back there no matter what and what did you do? You took it upon yourself to make more problems where there didn’t need to be! Why do you constantly put us in these fucking situations?
Xander Payne: You obviously needed me out there seeing as how you couldn’t get the job done on your own Myles! Only ONE of us won our match tonight and it wasn’t you. Maybe if you listened to ME more often we would be in a better position.
Myles: Is that right? Just follow along behind you being your little yes-man while you burn every bridge possible and cause issues with multiple time world champions because you have your head stuck so far up your ass that you can smell those cheeseburger you ate. Listen, if The Wildcards are going to continue, we are going to have to function as a UNIT. That means you don’t make any wild decisions unless we both agree on it and it will be the same on my end. So when we agree that we don’t come out tonight for one anothers matches, I expect that to be honored.
Xander Payne: Well technically I didn’t come out during your match, I just came out to help you to the back but that idiot Jamie just had to gloat and escalate things and I wasn’t going to let that slide. You may disagree with it but at the end of the day we’ve gotten us into this situation together and we’re going to have to fight ourselves out of it together.
(Myles looks perplexed)
Myles: WE? No Xander, it was you. It was your mouth. Your enormous ego that rivals your body weight. Your constant need to be the center of attention and your immense insecurity at the potential of womens wrestlers taking the spotlight in EAW. You got us both in this situation and unfortunately I have to deal with it, but nonetheless I’m going to do what I have to do for my team. Once again I’m going to clean up your mess for the sake of The Wildcards, because whether I agree with how you go about things or not you’re still my partner and nobody shows us up. So I hope you’re ready to backup your words and get ready to go to war, because after tonight I’m sure Jamie and Cam will want nothing more than to continue where we left off. Quite frankly, I’m ready to settle the score against Jamie.
Xander Payne: That’s the spirit! That’s the Myles I agreed to team up with. Now you saw how I made quick work of that plastic slut earlier tonight? She’s the one who actually wears the pants in her relationship so there’s no reason I can’t do the same to Jamie. Just follow my lead and you’ll be kicking that old mans ass in no time. We got a marriage to ruin!
Myles: Yeah, whatever. Don’t take this as a free invitation to take advantage of my loyalty. Next time I’m not cleaning up your mess so make better decisions, or you will regret them.
(“Starboy” by The Weeknd begins to play through the PA. Out comes Ahren Fournier in his trademark fur coat, shades and black umbrella. The crowd in the Bankers Life Fieldhouse makes sure that they voice their displeasure for The GOAT.)
Gina Romano: THE FOLLOWING MATCH IS A TAG TEAM MATCH AND IT’S SCHEDULED FOR ONE FALL —
Crowd: ONE FALL!!!!
Gina Romano: Introducing first… from Pawtucket, Rhode Island…weighing in 210 pounds…he is “The GOAT”….AHHHHHHHHHRRRRREEEEEENNNNNNNN FOOOUUURRRNNNNNIEEEEERRRRRRRRRR!!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: The GOAT is in the building, Deadprez! He claims that this season is going to be easy and breezy! He’s not afraid of the competition of this brand! I mean, why would he be afraid of thing? Besides, our Chairman, Ahren Fournier can take on any of these men and women on the brand with no problem at all!
(“Another One Bites The Dust” by Queen replaces “Starboy” as The Visual Prophet comes out with his assistant, Nina Dobrev. Like always, Nina is hyping Viz up and letting the world know of his greatness. The energy of the crowd is maintained, but Viz is embracing them, which is making the crowd boo him even more.)
Gina Romano: Introducing his partner…being accompanied by the ring by Nina Dobrev…from Detroit, Michigan…weighing in 230 pounds…he calls himself “Baethoven”….THEEEEEEE VIIISSSSSSUUUUAAAAALLLLLLLLL PRRRROOOOOPPPPHHHHHHHEEEEEEETTTTT!!!!
Deadprez: Here is the man, who managed to pick up an impressive victory against PURE Champion Mark Michaels on Showdown last week! But, it seems like his attention is elsewhere and he is the reason why Chris Elite lost last week! It took Viz one night to have a target on his back! It’s a fact that Chris is going to be looking to get some revenge on him!
(“Odee” by A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie replaces “Another One Bites The Dust” as Chris Elite walks out. Right behind him are the members of the Bozo Victims Unit and it seems like Detective Biggums is already handing out citations.)
Gina Romano: Introducing their opponents…first…being accompanied by the Bozo Victims Unit…from Brooklyn, New York…weighing in 210 pounds…he is “Dectective SKabler” …. CHHHHRRRIIIIISSSSSSSSSS ELLLLIIIIITTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: Dectective Biggums is already handing out the citations for dickeating! They just barely got out there! But, Chris Elite is looking forward to getting his revenge on The Visual Prophet from last week! He was possibly in the middle of putting away Cameron Ella Ava before the distraction by The Visual Prophet, which caused him to lose the match in the end! But, with a tag team partner like Chris has tonight, I think the other team should just give up! :lupe:
(“Let It Go” by A$AP Ferg replaces “Odee” as the crowd reigns in the boos as the Answers World Champion and Chairman of the Board, Mr. DEDEDE walks out with the Answers World Championship on his waist. He has a shit-eating grin on his face, which angers the fans even more. He does his usual entrance.)
Gina Romano: Introducing his partner…residing in The Ryan Adams Estate of Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic…weighing in 227 pounds…he is the EAW Answers World Champion… “Gawdzilla”…MIIIIISSSSSSSTTTTEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRR DEEEEEEEEDDDDDDEEEEEEEEEDDDDDEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Deadprez: Man, do they hate this guy?
Gavin Kirkland: Boos? I don’t hear them! All I am hearing is this crowd’s adoration for Mr. DEDEDE! I mean, who can forget that he managed to bring the Answers World Championship where it belonged at Pain for Pride! I mean, can you imagine if Jamie O’Hara actually won at Pain for Pride? We would have an angry Gawd and no one likes it when Gawd is angry. :lupe:
Deadprez: He must have scarred you for life last week.
Gavin Kirkland: I don’t even know what you’re talking about! ?
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Deadprez: The GOAT Ahren Fournier and Chris Elite are going to start things off for their respective teams! The two Elitists meet each other in the middle of the ring! Despite all the battles these men have gone through with each other, it seems like they have found some respect for one another! It’s kinda strange to explain it, but we could potentially see these men have a better understanding of one another! But, seeing these men deliver less than 100% is unheard of!
Gavin Kirkland: Ahren Fournier smacks the taste out of Chris Elite’s mouth! That slap takes the former World HeavyweiGHT CHAMPION BACK A BIT! CHRIS RETURNS THE FAVOR WITH A I’LL SMACK THE SHIT OUTTA YOU — THAT NASTY LOOKING BITCHMAKER CATCHES THE FORMER EAW CHAMPION OFF GUARD! Ahren goes for a leg sweep as he tries to take Chris off his feet, but Chris manages to jump up and launches towards Ahren! Chris wraps his arms around Ahren’s waist — German suplex, but Ahren manages to land on his feet! Ahren runs towards Chris with a clothesline, but Chris manages to catch Ahren with the arm he was supposed to connect with a clothesline as Chris connects with a hiptoss! Chris rebounds from the ropes and goes for the WHO SHOT YA — PENALTY KICK! THE MOVE CONNECTS AS THE GOAT IS DOWN FOR THE MOMENT! WE HAVE A DOWN GOAT, DEADPREZ! CHRIS ELITE WITH A STANDING SHOOTING STAR PRESS ON AHREN FOURNIER! CHRIS HOOKS AHREN’S LEG FOR THE COVER!
Deadprez: A kick out at two by the former EAW Champion! Chris Elite gets Ahren Fournier and applies a headlock on him! Chris gets to one knee as he tightens the headlock a bit more! However, it seems like the headlock isn’t enough to keep Ahren down! Ahren manages to push Chris to the ropes! Chris rebounds from the ropes as he runs towards Ahren! Chris with a headscissors takedown as he manages to twist and turn Ahren like a top! Ahren rolls back to his corner as he tags in The Visual Prophet by the shoulder! Ahren is pointing at Chris, almost like instructing Viz to go after Chris Elite! It seems like Viz was caught off guard with that tag, but he enters the ring as Ahren takes his spot on the apron!
Gavin Kirkland: Chris Elite is gesturing for The Visual Prophet to go after him, but I do not think that Viz takes instructions from anyone, but himself! Instead, it seems like Chris is going after the former New Breed Champion! Chris with a roundhouse kick on Viz, but Viz manages to duck as he connects with a dropkick to Chris’ feet! Chris collapses to his knees as Viz goes right after Gawd Given Greatness with running knee strike! Shit, you could almost hear the sound of Viz’ knee colliding with Chris’ skull! Chris falls to the ground as Viz shifts his attention towards the Answers World Champion, Mr. DEDEDE, who is on the apron!
(The Visual Prophet points at Mr. DEDEDE as he begins to gyrate his hips. This gets a mixed reception from the crowd as DEDEDE doesn’t know how to respond to the situation.)
Deadprez: I think the last thing that The Visual Prophet needs to be doing is angering the Chairman. :lupe: Viz focuses on Chris Elite, who was down due to the running knee strike! Viz gets Chris by his arm before whipping him to the ropes! Chris rebounds from the ropes, but Viz manages to use all of Chris’ momentum by connecting with a kitchen sink! Chris finds himself in a seated position as Viz runs to connect with a dropkick to Chris Elite’s back! Viz gets Chris’ arms before pulling them back! Viz has his knee and drives it to the back! The former World Heavyweight Champion is yelling in pain! I assume that Chris would love nothing more than to tag in his partner in the match! When Mr. DEDEDE is in the zone, there is no force in the world that can knock down The Gawd! Viz pulls back Chris’ arms back a little harder! You can see the look of pain on Chris’ face! Chris begins to get his foot and stomp it against the canvas! It seems like Chris is trying to get the crowd behind him as they begin to stomp their feet as well! This was something that Viz cannot let happen! The fans have at least three of the men in this match, but Chris Elite has some sort of following in the EAW Universe!
Gavin Kirkland: FUCK! This is not supposed to happen, Deadprez! It seems like the encouragement of the crowd is providing Chris Elite with the energy! The Bozo Victims Unit ringside is trying to help root Chris to take back control of this match! Chris is on his feet! Viz is doing everything in his power to keep Chris down, but Chris breaks free! Chris delivers a wicked forearm towards The Visual Prophet! Viz stumbles back to the corner! Chris runs towards Viz and connects with a shotgun dropkick! Viz crashes onto the corner! Chris gets on the top rope as he towers over The Visual Prophet! He begins to bunch the top of Viz’ head! ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE! TEN! CHRIS JUMPS OFF OF THE TOP ROPE AND AWAY FROM VIZ! HE RUNS TOWARDS VIZ AND CONNECTING WITH A RUNNING UPPERCUT ON BAETHOVEN! VIZ STUMBLES FORWARD AS CHRIS MANAGES TO PICK HIM UP AND CONNECT WITH A SNAP SUPLEX! CHRIS FLIPS HIMSELF AND CONNECTS WITH A DOUBLE FOOT STOMP ON VIZ! VIZ IS CLUTCHING HIS STOMACH IN PAIN AS CHRIS GOES FOR THE COVER! COME ON, VIZ!
Deadprez: The Visual Prophet gets a shoulder up at two! Chris Elite gets back to his feet! Viz gets back to his feet shortly after! Viz gets his shoulder and rams Chris to his corner with Mr. DEDEDE!
Gavin Kirkland: ALL HAIL THE GAWD MAKES HIS FIRST APPEARANCE IN THIS MATCH! :blessed: :blessed: :blessed: I’m not saying this shit because I’m scared of him! :lupe: I just feel like he needs a little love in this match! Our hardworking Chairman has been taking a back seat in this match! Giving charity cases like Chris Elite a moment in the spotlight! Chris looks back at Mr. DEDEDE! Even though Chris was probably going to get his ass beat in this match, he still wanted to be inside the ring! Mr. DEDEDE is giving his former rival a death glare as Chris realizes that it’s not smart to go against Gawd! Chris takes DEDEDE’s spot on the apron as DEDEDE gets into the match! It seems like The Visual Prophet is more than ready to stand toe-to-toe with The Gawd! Viz is doing the “come hither” gesture! He is welcoming Mr. DEDEDE into this battle! BUT, I DON’T THINK THAT DEDEDE WANTS VIZ’ WELCOME INTO THE MATCH! DEDEDE AND VIZ LOCK UP, BUT VIZ QUICKLY GETS DEDEDE BY HIS ARM AND TWISTS IT BACK! VIZ GETS HIS FOOT AND KICKS DEDEDE AWAY FROM HIM! DEDEDE TURNS HIMSELF AROUND AND GOES AFTER A CLOTHESLINE! VIZ DUCKS THE CLOTHESLINE AS HE REBOUNDS HIMSELF OFF THOSE ROPES! CROSSBODY ON THE ANSWERS WORLD CHAMPION!
Deadprez: But, Mr. DEDEDE manages to catch The Visual Prophet before he is able to land the crossbody! DEDEDE throws Viz behind him! Viz lands on his stomach in the process! DEDEDE gets back to a vertical base before connecting with a fist drop on the former New Breed Champion! Mr. DEDEDE applies a front headlock on Viz as he wrenches in! DEDEDE gets back to a vertical base — VIZ MANAGES TO PUSH THE CHAIRMAN AGAINST THE ROPES, BUT DEDEDE MANAGES TO SHIFT THE CONTROL OF THE MATCH BACK INTO HIS FACTOR WITH KNEELING UPPERCUT! THE VISUAL PROPHET STUMBLES BACK AS DEDEDE DELIVERS THE LOUDEST CHOP TO VIZ’ CHEST THAT I HAVE HEARD ALL NIGHT! VIZ LOOKS LIKE IN A LOT OF PAIN, BUT THAT DOES NOT STOP MR. DEDEDE FROM DELIVERING ANOTHER CHOP TO VIZ CHEST! A THIRD ONE! FOURTH! FIFTH! SIX! VIZ FINDS HIMSELF BACKED INTO THE CORNER AS MR. DEDEDE GETS A GOOD HOLD OF VIZ’ ARM BEFORE WHIPPING HIM TOWARDS THE HORIZONTAL ROPES! VIZ, BEING UNABLE TO STOP HIS MOMENTUM, GETS SHOULDER BLOCKED BY THE GAWD! VIZ TRIES TO GET HIMSELF BACK TO HIS FEET AGAIN, BUT DEDEDE CONNECTS WITH ANOTHER SHOULDER BLOCK ON HIM! VIZ TRIES TO GET BACK TO A VERTICAL BASE, BUT DEDEDE SHOULDER BLOCKS HIM FOR A THIRD TIME! Viz is down on the floor as DEDEDE is more than anxious to get the former New Breed Champion back to his feet! DEDEDE gets The Visual Prophet by his arm before whipping him to the corner!
Gavin Kirkland: But, Viz is not moving one inch! He has given Mr. DEDEDE too much of an opening! Instead, Viz manages to use all of his strength to whip DEDEDE to that corner! Viz goes right after the Chairman of the Board with a running forearm, but DEDEDE manages to turn himself around and counter with a back elbow! Viz is holding his mouth in response to that! The force was able to make him back down for the time being as DEDEDE springboards from the ropes and connects with springboard roundhouse kick! Viz gets knocked down on his knee! DEDEDE GETS VIZ IN POSITION BEFORE CONNECTING WITH THE IMPALER— THAT LIFTING IMPALER DDT ON THE VISUAL PROPHET! DEDEDE GOES FOR THE COVER! IT SEEMS LIKE HE MAY END THIS MATCH SOONER THAN WE THOUGHT. :lupe:
Deadprez: The Visual Prophet manages to kick out at two! Viz is sat down as Mr. DEDEDE begins to apply some sort of chokehold on Baethoven! DEDEDE has Viz in a troubling situation at the moment! Viz better be careful not to have this submission moved locked in for too long! It may give an opportunity for DEDEDE! It seems like Ahren Fournier is looking to get himself in the match! He’s been quiet for a long while! Ahren is begging for that tag into the match! He’s actually begging to be part of this match? This seems like something I haven’t seen before! Viz has his arms out! He is doing everything he can to extend them as part as possible, but Ahren is too far from him! Look at this, Gavin!
Gavin Kirkland: It seems like The GOAT has had it with waiting! He is getting himself inside the ring! The referee shifts his focus from Viz and DEDEDE and onto Ahren! How dare they not pay attention to The GOAT? Ahren deserves all of the attention in the world! DEDEDE RELEASES THE CHOKEHOLD FROM THE VISUAL PROPHET! HE STANDS UP AS HE GIVES THE NASTIEST GLARE AT THE FORMER EAW CHAMPION! AHREN IS MORE THAN READY TO GET HIMSELF INVOLVED IN THE MATCH! HE IS FEELING IT, DEADPREZ! THE OFFICIAL IS OCCUPIED WITH AHREN AT THE MOMENT. VIZ IS ON HIS KNEES AS HE IS STANDING BEHIND MR. DEDEDE — LOW BLOW FROM THE VISUAL PROPHET! VIZ MANAGES TO BRING THE ANSWERS WORLD CHAMPION DOWN TO HIS KNEES! :damn: :damn: :damn: It seems like DEDEDE is not going to be getting that fifth kid with Kassidy Heart anytime soon! Bah gawd, that was a devastating low blow, Ahren returns back to the ring as Chris Elite is at the apron, trying to tell the official what Viz just done! But, the official saw nothing of it! With DEDEDE down on his knees, Viz crawls over to the corner with Ahren Fournier and tags him into the match! This is Ahren’s second appearance in this match!
Deadprez: Ahren Fournier looking to continue the assault that The Visual Prophet began! Mr. DEDEDE is still on his knees as Ahren runs towards the Chairman of the Board with running knee strike! However, Mr. DEDEDE is still on his knees! He was moved a bit, but he still finds himself on his knees as he forms a cocky smirk on his face, almost telling Ahren if that was all he had for him! Ahren gets DEDEDE by his arm before pulling him for THE CLIMAX — THE RIPCORD KNEE STRIKE CONNECTS ON HIM! BUT, IT SEEMS LIKE AHREN STILL HAS A GRASP ON DEDEDE’S ARM AS HE GOES OVER TO HIS FINGERS! DEDEDE IS SHAKING HIS HEAD NO! AHREN HAS SUCH A SINISTER LOOK ON HIS FACE BEFORE —
Gavin Kirkland: GET FUCKED! THE FINGER BREAKER ON MR. DEDEDE! WHAT DID AHREN FOURNIER JUST DO? HE JUST SNAPPED THE FINGERS OF THE CHAIRMAN! THAT IS YOUR BOSS, AHREN! YOU NEED TO SHOW HIM WITH RESPECT! AHREN JUST BLASTED DEDEDE’S SKULL WITH ANOTHER RUNNING KNEE STRIKE! DEDEDE FALLS FORWARD AS HE IS IN AN ALL FOURS POSITION! AHREN TAKES A COUPLE STEPS BACK! IT SEEMS LIKE HE HAS DEDEDE WHERE HE WANTS HIM! THIS IS THE SAME MOVE THAT AHREN WON THE EAW CHAMPIONSHIP WITH BACK AT ROAD TO REDEMPTION! AHREN RUNS TOWARDS DEDEDE! STORYBOOK ENDING — THE CURB STOMP!
Deadprez: Mr. DEDEDE side steps as Ahren Fournier stumbles past him! Ahren turns himself around as Mr. DEDEDE connects with a kick to his gut! HE GETS AHREN IN POSITION BEFORE CONNECTING WITH THE EGO DEATH DRIVER — THE SITOUT VERTICAL SUPLEX ON THE FORMER EAW CHAMPION! THIS COULD BE IT, GAVIN! DEDEDE GOES FOR THE COVER!
OOOOOOOOOOOOONE!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOO!! TH—
Gavin Kirkland: Ahren Fournier manages to kick out before the three count was fully made! It seems like Mr. DEDEDE is getting in the zone! Whenever he is in the zone, there is no stopping this man! He slowly backs away to his corner! He is gesturing for Ahren to get himself up! Oh boy, I think everyone knows what is going to come out of this! Mr. DEDEDE has the best spear in this company. Change my mind.
Deadprez: What in the hell? Chris Elite just tagged Mr. DEDEDE on the shoulder! Mr. DEDEDE was seconds from putting away Ahren Fournier in this match! Chris could have cost his team the victory there! It seems like him and DEDEDE are bickering right now, but Chris needs to focus on this match! He needs to be focused on winning! Meanwhile, you see Ahren, who is getting back up to a vertical base, this was something that shouldn’t have happened at all! DEDEDE turns the former World Heavyweight Champion around —
PROTECT YA NECK — THAT DEADLY CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL ON CHRIS ELITE! CHRIS IS DOWN AND IT SEEMS LIKE AHREN FOURNIER IS TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THIS OPPORTUNITY! THE OFFICIAL GETS IN POSITION FOR THE COVER, BUT IT SEEMS LIKE MR. DEDEDE IS DOING NOTHING OF IT!
OOOOOOOOOOOONE!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
Gavin Kirkland: Chris Elite got his foot on the bottom rope! Ahren Fournier is on his knees wondering what is he going to need to do in order to put down someone, who has faced on a few occasions! If these two don’t have some respect for another, I would be quite shocked! These two should know each other quite well! Ahren gets himself back up to a vertical base as he tags in The Visual Prophet back into the match! Viz and Chris Elite clashed back in the Draft Show. It seems like Viz is not over that loss! If he manages to pin Chris here, it could get some weight off his shoulders! Viz gets his foot and kicks the side of Chris’ skull as that knocks him down! Viz begins to stomp on Gawd Given Greatness before placing his foot on Chris’ chest! He tries to get a cover there, but Chris’ shoulders are not on the mat! VIZ GETS CHRIS BACK TO A VERTICAL BASE BEFORE GETTING HIM UP ON VIZ’ SHOULDERS! PROPHET DRIVER— DEATH VALLEY DRIVER ON CHRIS ELITE! CHRIS IS ON HIS BACK AS VIZ GIVES A KISS TO CHRIS’ FOREHEAD! THIS GAY SHIT DOES NOT ROLL WITH WITH CHRIS, I HEAR! :lupe:
Deadprez: THE VISUAL PROPHET TAKES A FEW STEPS BACK AS HE WAITS FOR CHRIS ELITE TO GET TO HIS FEET! WE ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN VIZ GIVES THE KISS TO THE HEAD TAUNT! WE ALL KNOW WHAT FOLLOWS SOON AFTER! CHRIS IS SLOWLY RISING BACK TO HIS FEET! HE SHOULD KNOW WHAT HE IS EXPECTING, BUT VIZ GOES RIGHT AFTER THE FORMER WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION — KISS TO THE HEAD — THE BULL HAMMER ELBOW STRIKE!
No! Chris Elite ducks out of the way! HEADSHOT — THE PELE KICK ON THE FORMER NEW BREED CHAMPION! THE VISUAL PROPHET GETS TO A SEATED POSITION AS CHRIS DELIVERS A LOW DROPKICK THAT GETS VIZ TO HIS BACK! HE FOLLOWS THAT UP WITH A DOUBLE FOOT STOMP TO VIZ’ STOMACH! VIZ IS CLUTCHING HIS STOMACH IN PAIN! CHRIS FOLLOWS THAT UP WITH A STANDING SHOOTING STAR PRESS! WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MOVE AS HE GOES FOR THE COVER ON THE VISUAL PROPHET!
Gavin Kirkland: The Visual Prophet kicks out at two! Chris Elite can smell victory ahead! He would love nothing more than to get a victory right here! Chris takes a couple steps back as it looks like he is going to wrap up this match in a matter of moments! That wicked Box Office Smash is nothing to mess with! Chris is gesturing as for Viz to get up! Watch out, Viz! Watch out! The Visual Prophet gets back to his feet! BOX. OFFICE. SMASH! THE SUPERKICK FROM CHRIS ELITE AS VIZ FALLS BACK! CHRIS GOES FOR THE COVER! THIS COULD BE OVER, DEADPREZ!
Deadprez: AHREN FOURNIER GETS INSIDE THE RING TO BREAK UP THE COUNT!
Gavin Kirkland: SPEEEEEEAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRR!! MR. DEDEDE NAILS HIS CHALLENGER AT MIDSUMMER MASSACRE WITH A SPEAR! AHREN FOURNIER ROLLS OUT OF THE RING!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
(“Odee” plays again as Chris Elite gets back to his feet! The rest of the Bozos Victim Unit joins Chris in the ring. Mr. DEDEDE doesn’t look to be in the mood for celebrating — despite winning. He begins to walk up the ramp as he demands for his Answers World Championship. Chris rolls off of The Visual Prophet as he gets his arm raised by the official.)
Gina Romano: THE WINNERS OF THIS MATCH…THE TEAM OF CHRIS ELITE AND THE ANSWERS WORLD CHAMPION…MIIIIISSSSSSTTTEEEERRRRRRRR DEEEEEEDDDDEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDEEEEEEEE!!!
Gavin Kirkland: What a main event! What a way to conclude this episode of Showdown! This was an explosive main event! It’s amazing how that spear can just come out of nowhere and change the result of the match! If Ahren Fournier would have made it to the ring on time, he could have changed the result of the match!
(Ahren Fournier is sitting against the barricade as he is holding his ribs after being on the receiving end of the spear. He has a steamed look on his face as he is trying to not show how much in pain he is at the moment. Meanwhile, Nina Dobrev is trying to consult with The Visual Prophet about being pinned by Chris Elite near the steel steps.)
Deadprez: How do you think The Visual Prophet feels that Chris Elite has another victory over him?
Gavin Kirkland: The Visual Prophet will get his revenge! This won’t be the last time those two meet!
Deadprez: But, that is all we have for this week’s episode of Showdown! We found out that Ahren Fournier will take on Mr. DEDEDE for the Answers World Champion at Midsummer Massacre! That main event is going to be something, Gavin!
Gavin Kirkland: The GOAT vs. The Gawd. :wow: But, that concludes this episode of Showdown. Signing off for Deadprez, I am your “Girl’s Favorite Commentator” Gavin Kirkland! Goodnight, everyone!
(The last sight as of Chris Elite celebrating with the Bozo Victims Unit. Meanwhile, Mr. DEDEDE has made it to the top of the ramp as he holds the Answers World Championship proudly!)
(EAW logo buzzes.)