(EAW intro plays.)
(“Money in the Grave” ft. Rick Ross by Drake begins to play as our video feed picks up, slowly reviewing the feuds that are being showcased tonight for Midsummer Massacre, the very first Free-Per-View of EAW Season 13! Yay!)
(We catch a quick recap of Lethal Consequence’s interference on an episode of Showdown last week, where he attacked Lucas Johnson and put Albert Hitchman in danger! We see security EAW officials hunting high and low for LC who is nowhere to be found–until Jenny Punks runs into him, in her own office, and demands a match at Midsummer Masscare, the show that *belongs* to him.)
(Sprinkled in are a few clips of the beautiful city of Philadelphia and a handful of notable landmarks: The Rocky statue, the art museum, University City, Pat’s & Geno’s Steaks (yuck), Lincoln Financial Field where the Eagles play :wow: )
(A recap is shown of the feud that has been boiling between The Ava-O’Hara’s and The Wildcards. A particular emphasis is placed on Jamie’s devotion to Cameron, and their unconditional love for one another which is shown in he way they come to each other’s aid time and time again. Gavipatra could never.)
(A brief replay of last week’s Showdown, where Amber Keys stripped Felix Hartley completely naked and handcuffed her, making it clear that the New Breed Championship is where Amber has set her sights.)
(A montage of the Chris Elite and Visual Prophet feud plays, beginning at the EAW Draft Show event where Viz and Chris faced each other unexpectedly and Chris Elite defeated Visual Prophet. #3-0)
(We get one final recap of the Mr. DEDEDE vs Ahren Fournier feud. We start all the way back at Kassidy Heart and Mr. DEDEDE’s “wedding,” and show Ahren criticiqing both DEDEDE and Kassidy for their holy union. Mr. DEDEDE is shown verbally shitting on Ahren on an episode of Showdown. It is followed by a clip of Ahren’s latest segment on Showdown where he feeds “GAWDVERBS” to a baby goat.)
(Immediately after the goat chews up the book, we fade to the inside of the Wells Fargo Arena where the Philadelphia crowd is completely losing their minds as the pyro around the arena pop awf and fill the entire audience with immeasurable levels of excitement for the evening’s events! “Money in the Grave” continues to play as we cut to the announce table.)
(Gavin Kirkland and Deadprez are seen applauding as the music continues to play. Gavin is seen sporting a pair of swim trunks, a wife beater, a visor around his head, a whistle around his neck, and a donut floatie around his waist. Deadprez wears his usual suit, accompanied by a glass of his numb-numb juice.)
Deadprez: Welcome everybody to MIDSUMMER MASSACRE! I’m Deadprez–
Gavin Kirkland: And I’m Gavin Kirkland! Thank you all for joining us here tonight in the CAPACITY Wells Fargo Arena in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania!
Deadprez: You look as ready for summer as anybody, Gavin.
Gavin Kirkland: Well…it is the middle of the summer! We may be closer to the end of summer and the begining of Fall–BUT SUMMER SURE AS HELL ISN’T OVER!
Deadprez: :dame: Tell ‘em, Gav.
Gavin Kirkland: And we’re going to keep our summer as hot as ever with the card we’ve got lined up for you folks here tonight–we got titles on the line, panties and bras flying everywhere, and even an elimination match for a special opportuity, Prez! IT’S LIT!
Deadprez: Lit you are, my friend. Let’s jump right into the action here, everybody, with a match that was one of the most unexpected out of all the matches on the card…
(A quick recap plays of the Showdown segment last week between the altercation of Jenny Cien and Carlos Cruz, where Jenny Cien demands that Carlos keeps his prayer to himself. The altercation results in Jenny Cien hitting herself on the head with her own baseball bat after she destroys Carlos’s bible on the table.)
(The camera transitions back to the arena as “I’m a Jesus Freak” by CJAY hits and Carlos Cruz comes from the gorilla position and makes his way to the ring slapping hands with some fans along the way seeming fired up)
Gina Romano: THE FOLLOWING CONTEST IS SET FOR ONE FALL!! INTRODUCING FIRST….FROM THE BRONX, NEW YORK……WEIGHING IN AT ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY SEVEN POUNDS….”THE JESUS FREAK”…..CCCAARRLLOOSSS CCRRUUZZZZ!!!!
Deadprez: Tonight is the Free-Per-View debut of this man. The guy has been impressive throughout July on Showdown and has shown some great glimpses of what he’s capable of–but tonight is an amazing opportunity for him in addition to all of that work so far. He has a chance in front of a global audience to win a one on one match. I can only imagine what he’s feeling right now.
Gavin Kirkland: Damn you still high on this guy?!
Deadprez: Why would I not be? He’s alented, has the right kind of attitude, never drinks or smokes, and he doesn’t degrade women for who they are. I said it once and I’ll say it again, you could really learn a lot from this man, Gavin.
Gavin Kirkland: :russwtf:
(“Jenny From The Block (Track Masters Remix)” by Jennifer Lopez, Jadakiss, and Styles P. blares the speakers as Jenny Cien walks out onto the stage with her baseball bat in hand to a HUGE ovation from the Philadelphia crowd.)
Gavin Kirkland: :dame: Have I told you yet about my new latina fetish, Deadprez?
Deadprez: Did you develop this one before or after you realized Jamie O’Hara is the man of your dreams?
Gavin Kirkland: :skip:
Gina Romano: AND HIS OPPONENT…..WEIGHING IN AT ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY FIVE POUNDS….FROM PPPHHHILLLLLADDDEELLPPHHHHIIAAAAA, PPPEENNNSSYYYLLLVVAANNNIIIAAAA……”THE BADDIE”….JJJJEEENNNNYYYY CCCIIEEENNNN!!!!
(The Philadelphia crowd shows immense love and support for Jenny Cien by cheering her on as she hops onto the apron.)
Deadprez: Hometown love tonight from Philly to this woman, who is looking to make a huge impact having only her second match since signing with the Land of Elite–and it being at MIDSUMMER MASSACRE and in front of her people, also. This lady brings something new to the product and I can’t wait to see her scrappy style in action tonight.
Gavin Kirkland: I wonder how that scrappy style will translate in the sheets. :shaq:
(Jenny Cien poses on the top rope before heading to the ring and embracing the standing ovation from her hometown crowd.)
(The camera switches over to the announce table where we see Gavin Kirkland standing and clapping aggressively with the audience.)
Deadprez: Sit your ass down.
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Deadprez: And here we go. This should be a unique matchups with two different styles. And both competitors lock up in the center of the ring and Carlos seems to have the slight advantage as he backs Jenny into the ropes and the referee tries to create separation here and Carlos steps to Jenny but Jenny back body drops Carlos over the top rope! Jenny feeds off the audience and runs to the ropes and charges…SUCIDE DIVE THROUGH THE MIDDLE ROPE TO CARLOS ON THE OUTSIDE!
Gavin Kirkland: :wow: Shit that was hot, and now look at her, she picks up Carlos and grabs him by the head but Carlos seems to have reversed control as he grabs Jenny’s head and drives her back first into the barricade behind them. Carlos slides Jenny’s body up from the barricade and leans her against the barricade and throws a right hand before picking her up in the air…and then dropping her stomach first on the barricade!! Carlos knowing he can’t waste time picks up Jenny and tosses her in the ring while he quickly climbs the turnbuckle from the outside apron and he waits for Jenny to turn around as he clutches her stomach in a bit of pain and JUMPING HURRICANRANA FROM THE TOP ROPE ON JENNY AND HE HOOKS THE LEG!!
Deadprez: Jenny still stays in this as Carlos goes to the top rope once again and now it looks like he’s setting up for maybe the Celestial Dive…the frog splash but Jenny is up to her feet quickly and launches herself on the top rope causing Carlos to lose his balance on the top rope and Carlos is sitting on the top rope holding his testicles!—And now Jenny rushes up to the top rope with Carlos and…..SUPERPLEX FROM THE TOP ROPE!!! JENNY MIGHT HAVE DONE MORE DAMAGE TO HER IN THAT ONE AS IT LOOKS LIKE SHE LANDED ON HER HEAD PRETTY HARD!!
Deadprez: Jenny taking her time getting to her feet which allows Carlos some time to recover but Jenny runs at Carlos….THE JENNY CUTTER CONNECTS!! IS THIS IT FOR CARLOS?!
Gavin Kirkland: Carlos stays in it! Jenny picks up Carlos but Carlos slaps Jenny’s hands away and hits a jumping enziguri to Jenny’s head which stuns Jenny to one knee and Carlos runs to the left side ropes and comes back and hits the DDT spiking Jenny’s head into the mat! And Carlos runs and rushes up the top rope looking to connect with the Celestial Dive this time….AND JENNY MOVES OUT OF THE WAY!! NOBODY HOME FOR CARLOS!! JENNY IS UP TO HER FEET ONCE AGAIN AND ROLLS UP CARLOS FROM THE BACKSIDE BUT CARLOS ROLLS THROUGH IT AND KICKS A SITTING JENNY IN THE SIDE OF HER HEAD!! DAMN DID YALL HEAR THAT SHOT?! AND CARLOS GOES TO THE TOP ROPE FOR THE THIRD TIME IN THIS MATCH LOOKING TO CONNECT WITH THE CELESTIAL DIVE AGAIN!! WILL THE THIRD TIME BE THE CHARM?!—IT IS!!! THE CELESTIAL DIVE FROG SPLASH CONNECTS!!!! CARLOS HOOKS THE LEG OF JENNY!!
Deadprez: JENNY WITH SOME GOOD RING AWARENESS GETS HER FOOT ON THE BOTTOM ROPE!! Carlos can’t seem to believe it but he stands up and drags Jenny’s body by her foot to the center of the ring but Jenny is kicking Carlos!! JENNY WITH A KICK RIGHT TO CARLOS’S FACE WHICH CAUSES CARLOS TO STUMBLE BACK AND JENNY TO GET TO HER KNEES BUT CARLOS CHARGES AT JENNY BUT JENNY SIDESTEPS AND THROWS HIM THROUGH THE SECOND ROPE BUT CARLOS LANDED ON HIS FEET!—CARLOS CLIMBS UP THE APRON QUICK AND WAITS FOR JENNY TO TURN AROUND AS SHE IS COMPLETELY UNAWARE CARLOS LANDED ON HIS FEET!! JENNY TURNS AROUND AND CARLOS IS FLYING THROUGH THE AIR!!—BUT JENNY MOVES OUT OF THE WAY AT THE LAST POSSIBLE SECOND BUT ONCE AGAIN CARLOS LANDS ON HIS FEET AND THE BOTH RUNS TO THE ROPES AND CARLOS GOES FOR THE CLOTHESLINE BUT JENNY DUCKS AND RUNS TO THE OPPOSITE ROPES AND SPRINGBOARDS BACK AND HITS A HURRICANRANA ON CARLOS!!
Deadprez: JENNY IS YELLING AT CARLOS TO GET TO HIS FEET NOW! SHE GOES FOR THE JENNY CUTTER AGAIN!!—BUT CARLOS PUSHES JENNY OFF SENDING JENNY TO THE ROPES AND CARLOS BENDS DOWN FOR THE BACK BODY DROP BUT JENNY KICKS HIM IN THE FACE!! JENNY NOW WITH THE SUNSET FLIP OVER CARLOS AND CARLOS ROLLS THROUGH IT AGAIN AND GOES FOR THE KICK TO JENNY’S HEAD AGAIN!—BUT JENNY DUCKS IT!! AND THEN SHE TRIPS CARLOS UP AND QUICKLY RISES TO HER FEET AND HITS THE SHINING WIZARD TO THE BACK OF CARLOS’S HEAD!! SHE COVERS!!
Gavin Kirkland: AND THE LITTLE MAN STAYS IN IT!—JENNY CAN SENSE THE END IS NEAR AND HAS VICTORY IN HER SIGHTS AS SHE HEAD UP TOP LOOKING FOR WHAT SHE CALLS THE 100% SPLASH!!—BUT CARLOS LIKE HE WAS PLAYING POSSUM RISES UP AND CLIMBS UP THE TOP ROPE AND SUPLEXES JENNY FROM THE TOP ROPE AND JENNY LANDS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE RING!! CARLOS MAY HAVE SLIPPED A BIT THERE AS HE’S TAKING A SECOND TO GET BACK UP BUT WHEN HE DOES HE RUNS AT JENNY ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE RING!!—BUT JENNY SIDESTEPS AND SENDS CARLOS SHOULDER FIRST INTO THE RING POST!! AND CARLOS BACKSTEPS FROM THE SECOND TURNBUCKLE AND JENNY SEES THIS AS AN OPPORTUNITY AS SHE RUNS TO THE ROPES AND GOES FOR DAME MAS!!—DAME MAS CONNECTS!! THE SPIKE HURRICANRANA DRIVER!! IS THAT IT AS SHE GOES FOR THE COVER?!?!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
(“Jenny From The Block (Track Masters Remix)” by Jennifer Lopez, Jadakiss, and Styles P.hits as Jenny Cien stands and gets her hand raised to a huge ovation from the Philly crowd)
Gina Romano: HERE IS YOUR WINNER……JJJJEEENNNNYYYY CCCIIIEEEENNN!!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: SLAY MY FUTURE QUEEN!! DAMN IT’S GONNA BE A PLEASURE WATCHING THIS GIRL ON SHOWDOWN!! :mjlit:
Deadprez: Also take nothing away from Carlos as he brought a great fight tonight. He still has a great future but Jenny gets the momentum building win here tonight at Midsummer Massacre in her hometown!
(The camera shows Jenny Cien celebrating in the center of the ring. Our last shot is of Carlos Cruz standing by at ringside, a look of frustration reading plain on his face. Midsummer Masscre fades to the first commercial break of the evening.)
(Commercial break — an ad for Apple Music featuring the musical stylings of Brooklyn native, Pop Smoke.)
(Camera returns to find Gina Romano inside the ring as the capacity crowd are going wild for everything that’s been going on.)
Gina Romano: Ladies and Gentlemen… the following contest is a tag team match scheduled for…
Crowd: ONE FALL!!!
Gina Romano: AND IT IS FOR THE EAW UNIFIED TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS!!!
(“Guerilla Tactics (remix)” by Josiah Williams hits as the Mechanical Animals step out onto the stage. Sabin Richards looks intense and David Gibson stretches his arm out as both stare down at the ring. Joseph Gracons steps out behind them and begins to psych them both up as they make their way down to the ring.)
Gina Romano: Introducing first, the challengers… making their way to the ring accompanied by Joseph Gracons… from Junon, Netherlands, at a combined weight of 463 pounds… the team of David Gibson and Sabin Richards… THE MECHAAAANNIIICCAALLL AANNNIIMMAALLLLSSS!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: Oh my god. I can’t believe this. It’s a travesty. How can you have three individuals all working together… AND NOT ONE SET OF BOOBS! At least the wildcards have Xander’s boobs!
Deadprez: What are you—
Gavin Kirkland: I’m not saying I want Xander Payne shirtless, but if you think hard enough you can–nevermind, I’m just saying they at least respect the need of at least one set of string mammary glands.
Deadprez: Yeah… uhh… iight then… but the Mechanical Animals have been making massive strides through Showdown’s tag team division of late and really working to make a name for themselves. And now they stand a chance tonight to become the biggest name in tag team wrestling the world over if they can win the championships!
(The three make their way down, pausing just outside the ring. Richards and Gibson fist bump and then take a running slide into the ring as Gracons watches from the outside.)
Gavin Kirkland: Imagine the belts around those waists. Disgusting. No hips or figure at all for me to look at!
Deadprez: Well it’s a real possibility. This match will determine it all!
(The lights go out in the arena, a lone spotlight shines on the entranceway as a video package of a woman in the dark sits there twirling a chain, laughing. Suddenly the sound of a lion roars as the video then shows another woman in the shadows clenching her first. “The Resistance” by Skillet begins to play as “The Gypsy Moth” Minerva comes out slowly, twirling her chain, she drops to her knees as the lights come on and the chorus to “The Resistance” hits, seeing Constance Blevins standing above Minerva looking out into the crowd as they are greeted with a big mix of cheers, a few boos. They each wear the Unified Tag Team Championships around their waists.)
Gina Romano: And Introducing the champions… making their way to the ring at a combined weight of 245 pounds… they are the EAW Unified Tag Team Champions… Minerva and Constance Blevins… HEAVENLYYYY HHHHEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: FINALLY! SOME TITS!
Deadprez: Minerva and Constance Blevins beat three of the best teams at Pain for Pride to capture the tag titles and tonight is their first defense since. They’ll be looking to make a statement tonight.
Gavin Kirkland: Goth isn’t my usual flavor but just look at these girls! Especially compared to the Mechanical Sausage Party!
(They reach the apron, Minerva slides in and kneels in the middle of the ring taking off her hood while Constance straddles the ropes, she hops on and stands behind Minerva with her arm raised, covered in camera flashes and ready for their opponents.)
Deadprez: Everyone is here and ready to go!
(The referee walks to Constance and Minerva who remove their belts and hand them to the ref. The referee shows them to Richards and Gibson before holding them up for the camera and handing them to the time keeper. He calls for he bell.)
(DING! DING! DING!)
Deadprez: Both teams take a moment and talk things over, and Minerva and Gibson take places out on the apron! Blevins and Richards will start is off! Gracons is shouting some instructions from the outside and Richards nods his head— BUT A SHOTGUN DROPKICK FROM BLEVINS! The match has already started and the champions seem to have their eyes on the prize! I love this aggression Constance has found since teaming with Minerva! But Constance knocks Richards back into his own corner as he hadn’t left it yet and now Gibson tags himself in for his stunned partner! Gracons has these two trained well to stay focused on the tag team mentality! That is one advantage that they have over the champions as Minerva and Constance began in EAW as singles stars! Gibson is in the ring and immediately moves in on Constance! He tries to use that size advantage as he tries to lock up! BUT BLEVINS QUICK TO DROP DOWN AND PICK THE LEG! Constance using that technical ability now as she climbs on the back of Gibson on the mat! Constance applying that crossface now as she tries to wear down the larger Gibson!
Gavin Kirkland: Gracons is yelling from the outside for Gibson to escape! Richards is primes back in his corner and trying to tell some advice to his partner! Gibson now rotating through and trying to find his escape but Blevins turns with him and switches to a shoulder lock! She has it locked in but Gibson still working from underneath! Gibson now— MANAGES TO ROLL OVER AND GET CONSTANCE’S SHOULDERS DOWN!
Deadprez: But Blevins kicks out! She pops back to her feet quickly— BUT IS TAKEN DOWN BY A MASSIVE CLOTHESLINE FROM GIBSON! Constance is down and Gibson drops back down on top of her! Gibson now with the headlock with one arm and clubbing blows with the other! Blevins trying to cover up but Gibson still firing away on the champion! Gibson now lifting Constance’s head as he tries to crank the hold on tighter! OH! But Constance slips her hips through and manages to get her knees underneath her! That technical capability she has really coming into play here! Blevins now driving with those legs as she tries to force her way to her feet! BUT GIBSON FLIPS HER OVER AND MAINTAINS CONTROL WITH THAT HIP TOSS! He still has that headlock locked in and grinding away at Constance’s neck!
Gavin Kirkland: he’s grinding on Constance? I mean I guess you do what you gotta—
Deadprez: Don’t finish that thought. Blevins now forcing her way up again! She has her feet underneath her and now driving with them! SHE RUNS GIBSON INTO THE TURNBUCKLES! Gibson releases the hold on impact and now Blevins throwing hands at him in the corner! A left! A right! A left! A right! Blevins unloading as the referee now begins to count them!
Ref: ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!
Gavin Kirkland: Constance backs up with her hands raised! She could just take the retention with the disqualification though…
Deadprez: Not the kind of champion she is. Blevins is backed out but now Gracons is on the apron! He’s yelling at Constance and trying to interfere! Constance tells him to get down and here comes the referee to do the same! Gracons arguing with the referee now— AND RICHARDS IS IN THE RING WITH GIBSON! THEY GRAB CONSTANCE FROM BEHIND! FINAL JUDGEMENT! AIDED DOUBLE ARM DDT! BLEVINS IS PLANTED INTO THE MAT! GRACONS DROPS OFF THE APRON AS MINERVA NOW TRIES TO GET INSIDE! BUT THE REFEREE STOPS MINERVA AS HE HASNT SEEN RICHARDS! SABIN RICHARDS NOW SLIDES OUT UNDER THE BOTTOM ROPE FOR A QUICK ESCAPE! BLEVINS IS HURTING DOWN ON THE MAT! AND NOW GIBSON MAKES THE COVER AS THE REFEREE SEES! MINERVA STILL TRYING TO GET IN THE RING TO SAVE THE MATCH!
Gavin Kirkland: KICKOUT! Blevins kicks out before Minerva can even break the pin! She’s still got fight in her! But there referee still shooting Minerva out of the ring as Gibson now drags Constance to his corner by the hair! Minerva finally relents and steps back to the apron as the tag is made in the opposite corner with Richards coming in for Gibson!
Deadprez: Richards is in now and grabs Constance by the head! He lays in a punch! And another! AND A KNEE TO THE HEAD! Constance can only take so much punishment but Richards isn’t done yet! He takes her and lifts her up! Vertical suplex position! AND DROPS HER STOMACH FIRST ON THE TOP ROPE! Blevins is now clutching at her stomach on the ring apron in the Mechanical Animals’ corner! She’s trapped as they’re now cutting the ring off! Richards reaches over the rope and grabs her by the hair! He pulls her up to a vertical base—
Gavin Kirkland: BUT BLEVINS SLAPS HIS HAND AWAY AND DRIVES A SHOULDER INTO THE CHALLENGER’S STOMACH THROUGH THE ROPES! RICHARDS IS STUNNED! BLEVINS NOW SPRINGBOARDS IN! CROSSBODY TO RICHARDS! AND SHE USES THE MOMENTUM TO FORCE HIM DOWN INTO A PIN! SHE HOOKS THE LEG!
Deadprez: Not enough as Richards is still the fresh man! But I don’t think that’s the point! Blevins now quick to her feet! She runs to the corner but Gibson now in the ring chasing her! GIBSON GRABS CONSTANCE FROM BEHIND IN A REAR WAIST LOCK! Constance was so close to making the tag there!
Gavin Kirkland: BUT BLEVINS NOW WITH BACK ELBOWS TO THE NOSE OF GIBSON! SHE BREAKS THE HOLD! CONSTANCE LEAPS FOR HER CORNER! TAG MADE! MINERVA IS IN!
Deadprez: Minerva steps through the ropes and runs in! Gibson going for a clothesline— BUT MINERVA DUCKS IT! She plants her foot and turns around— LEAPING INTO AN AERIAL ROUNDHOUSE! SHE CAUGHT DAVID GIBSON ON THE JAW AND HE DROPS DOWN! GIBSON ROLLING OUT OF THE RING! But wait! Look behind her! RICHARDS GRABS MINERVA FROM BEHIND! MASSIVE GERMAN SUPLEX!
Gavin Kirkland: BUT MINERVA FLIPS THROUGH AND LANDS ON HER FEET! Richards is trying to get back to a vertical base after putting everything into the suplex but here comes Minerva— RUNNING KNEE TO THE FACE! MINERVA RUNNING WILD! SHE DROPS DOWN FOR A LATERAL PRESS ON RICHARDS!
Deadprez: Kickout from Richards! Minerva looking to capitalize on this momentum though! She rolls him over and now trying to grab Sabin’s head and shoulder… MINERVA LOOKING FOR THE OWL OF MINERVA SUBMISSION! But Richards comes to his sense now and is resisting! He yanks his shoulder out of her grip! Richards now rising to his feet but Minerva still has an arm around his neck! She tries to lock it around tight for a choke but Richards now standing to his feet with Minerva on his back! Minerva trying to go somewhere with that choke but to no avail! Richards jumps up and executes a leaping senton with Minerva on his back! The Gypsy Moth is driven hard into the mat and Richards now the one trying to take control! Gracons is giving him more instructions from the outside and Richards nods his head! Richards grabs Minerva around the waist… gut wrench position… GUT WRENCH POWERBOMB PLANTS MINERVA HARD INTO THE MAT!
Gavin Kirkland: GIBSON IS BACK IN THE RING NOW! MINERVA IS DOWN AND HURTING! RICHARDS NOW DRAGGING MINERVA UP BY THE HAIR! GIBSON GRABS AHOLD OF MINERVA! DRAGS HER UP BY THE HAIR AS RICHARDS TAKES POSITION BEHIND HIM! GIBSON LIFTS MINERVA UP INTO FLAPJACK POSITION! STAIRWAY TO CHAOS!
Deadprez: SPEAR! SPEAR! SPEAR BY CONSTANCE BLEVINS TO SABIN RICHARDS! RICHARDS WAS ABOUT TO GO UP FOR THE REVERSE STO OFF THE FLAPJACK TO FINISH THE STAIRWAY TO CHAOS BUT BLEVINS INTERCEPTS HIM WITH THE SPEAR! BUT GIBSON STILL CONNECTS EITH THE FLAPJACK! MINERVA HIT HARD!
Gavin Kirkland: Right on those gorgeous gypsy gems on her chest too…
Gavin Kirkland: It’s allusion, Prez! Don’t hate me because I’m a master of words!
Deadprez: Its actually alliteration… Constance rolls out of the ring now as the referee confronts Gibson and forces him to get out to the apron! Both Minerva and Richards are down now! The first to their feet gains a massive upper hand here!
Gavin Kirkland: I’ve got something massive for Minerva!
Deadprez: That is such low hanging fruit.
Gavin Kirkland: You know it hangs low.
Deadprez: Minerva now trying to get to the ropes to pull herself up but Gibson just kicking her away and making a rather disturbing kissy face at her while doing so…
(Gavin stands to save Minerva from the perverted Gibson but Deadprez grabs him by the shirt collar and yanks him back into his chair.)
Deadprez: Calm the fuck down. Richards however is now grabbing the ropes where he lays in a vacant corner and is pulling himself up! Minerva is now backed away from the Mechanical Animals corner and up to her knees! Both Constance and Gibson are on the ring apron and reaching in for a tag! Minerva is to her feet! She looks to Blevins in the corner and takes off! Minerva right there! Reaches for the tag!
Gavin Kirkland: BUT GIBSON TRYING TO GET IN AND DISTRACTING THE REFEREE! AND LOOK! GRACONS JUST GRABBED CONSTANCE BY THE BOOT AND YANKED HER OFF THE APRON! CONSTANCE HITS HER HEAD ON THE RING APRON AND FALLS TO THE FLOOR! Minerva reaches her corner and has no one to tag in! LOOK OUT!
Deadprez: RUNNING SPLASH FROM RICHARDS! It connects right into Minerva in the corner! Richards now laying in with shots in the corner! Now kicking his boot right into Minerva’s abdomen! Kick after kick and the tag team champion slumps down in the corner! Richards now grabbing Minerva by the hair and dragging her over towards his own corner! Gibson reaching out and tagging Richards on the shoulder as the two lift Minerva up to the top rope! They rise up! DOUBLE SUPERPLEX DROPS MINERVA FROM THE TOP TO THE MAT! WHAT A CRASH! But The Mechanical Animals aren’t done yet! This is their chance to snag the championships! They are takin full advantage! The lift Minerva up! Have her on their shoulders! GRAN RAY CERO! MAGICK KILLER CONNECTS TO MINERVA! RICHARDS SLIDES OUT OF THE RING AS GIBSON COVERS MINERVA RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF THEIR CORNER! THIS MAY BE IT!
Gavin Kirkland: NO WAY! MECHANICAL SAUSAGE PARTY WIN!
Deadprez: NO! THEY DON’T! LOOK! The referee is pointing at Minerva’s hand on the ropes! Heavenly Hell survive! That’s the youth and arrogance of Mechanical Animals! Had they moved Minerva to the center of the ring they’d be the tag team champions now!
Gavin Kirkland: Gibson now grabbing Minerva by the shoulders! She’s barely awake after the Gran Rey Cero! Gibson has a disgusting look on his face!
David Gibson (off mic): Hey, pretty girl…
Deadprez: GIBSON PLANTS A DISGUSTING KISS ON MINERVA! COME ON MAN, THIS IS A WRESTLING MATCH! AND HES NOT LETTING HER GO EITHER! KEEPING HIS LIPS LOCKED ON MINERVA’S AS LONG AS HE CAN AND… wait…
Gavin Kirkland: Minerva wrapping her arms around Gibson… IS SHE RETURNING THE KISS?!? There’s way too much sexual energy in EAW now… not this pairing… Minerva deserves so much better and…
Deadprez: CODEBREAKER FROM MINERVA TO GIBSON! SHE KNEW HE WANTED THE KISS SO SHE PRETENDED TO RETURN IT SO HE WOULD LOOSEN HIS GRIP!
Gavin Kirkland: Yeah. Pretended. :lyin:
Deadprez: Minerva still alone though! Constance is recovering on the outside but hasn’t gotten back on the ring apron yet! Minerva needs to capitalize here! Gibson is down but starting to get back up! Here comes Richards though! He rushes in! RIGHT INTO A DROPKICK FROM MINERVA! MINERVA CONNECTS WITH THAT DROPKICK AND RICHARDS FALLS BACK AND COLLIDES WITH THE REFEREE! THE REF STUMBLES BACK HARD INTO THE CORNER! MINERVA— it looks like she just pulled some kind of capsule out of her tights and popped it in her mouth… BUT HERES GIBSON! GIBSON RUSHING IN AND LOOKING TO TAKE MINERVA DOWN ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!
Gavin Kirkland: THE DARK! MINERVA SPITS A BLACK MIST INTO GIBSON’S FACE! GIBSON IS BLINDED! HE CAN’T SEE ANYTHING! MINERVA GRABS GIBSON BY THE HEAD! PARADISE LOST! INVERTED SNAP DDT! THAT MAY BE LIGHTS OUT FOR GIBSON! MINERVA MAKES THE COVER!
Deadprez: BUT GRACONS JUST GRABBED THE REFEREE AND DRAGGED HIM OUT OF THE RING! The referee now yelling at Gracons who pretends like he’s done nothing wrong! The two arguing on the outside and Minerva is pissed off! She had the match ended but Gracons saved it for his boys!
Gavin Kirkland: HURRICANRANA FROM CONSTANCE BLEVINS SENDS GRACONS INTO THE BARRICADE! GRACONS IS DOWN! CONSTANCE BLEVINS IS BACK IN THE FIGHT THOUGH!
Deadprez: BUT LOOK BACK IN THE RING! IN ALL THE CONFUSION GIBSON WENT OVER AND TAGGED RICHARDS BACK IN! SABIN RICHARDS WITH A FOREARM TO THE BACK OF MINERVA’S HEAD! RICHARDS NOW TRYING TO TEAR INTO MINERVA WITH SOME OFFENSE AS HES THE LAST MAN STANDING FOR HIS TEAM! BUT CONSTANCE ISN’T HAVING IT ANYMORE! SHE GETS UP ON THE APRON! RICHARDS NOW CHARGES HER!
Gavin Kirkland: BUT BLEVINS CONNECTS WITH A KNEE TO THE JAW OF SABIN RICHARDS! SHE SIDE STEPPED THE SHOULDER RUSH COMING HER WAY AND LIFTED THAT KNEE WITH PERFECT EXECUTION!
Deadprez: AND MINERVA ROLLS HIM UP FROM BEHIND!
Gavin Kirkland: OH MY GOD! LAST POSSIBLE INSTANT WITH THAT KICKOUT! SABIN RICHARDS JUST BARELY MANAGED TO SURVIVE THAT! He’s scrambling to his feet now! But Constance and Minerva grab him by the shoulders! Richards is still dazed from that knee to the head! Constance and Minerva take Sabin Richards— AND RUN HIM SHOULDER FIRST THROUGH THE TURNBUCKLES OF THEIR OWN CORNER! Constance steps out to the apron and a proper tag is made! Constance is legal now and steps back in the ring! Both girls drag Richards out of the corner! Constance twists through on his arm and applies pressure to that damaged shoulder! She steps in and puts Richards in position for the Lioness Pride! Minerva runs off and it’s the ropes! FALLEN ANGEL! THE PAIGE TURNER AND MAFIA KICK COMBO CONNECTS ON SABIN RICHARDS!!
Deadprez: RICHARDS IS DOWN AND CONSTANCE MAKES THE COVER! BUT HERE COMES JOSEPH GRACONS! TRYING TO SAVE THE MATCH AGAIN AND—
Gavin Kirkland: MINERVA WITH A BASEBALL SLIDE SENDS GRACONS BACK AND TO THE FLOOR AGAIN! CONSTANCE STILL HAS THE PIN!
Deadprez: BUT GIBSON HAS WIPED THE MOST FROM HIS FACE AND IS UP ON THE APRON!
Gavin Kirkland: MINERVA WITH A SPEAR THROUGH THE ROPES! SHE AND GIBSON CRASH TO THE OUTSIDE! SACRIFICING HERSELF!
(DING! DING! DING!)
Gavin Kirkland: THEY WON! THEY WON! THEY WON!
(Constance has her hand raised as “The Resistance” picks back up and then slides out of the ring to go and check on Minerva on the outside.)
Gina Romano: Here are your winners… and… STILLLLLLL THE EAW UNIFIED TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS… HEAVENLY HELL!!!!!!!!!
(Constance helps an aching Minerva up to her feet as the referee brings them both their Tag Team Championships. The two hug in celebration and hold the titles high for everyone to see.)
Deadprez: A hard fought first defense for the Unified Tag Team Champions! And you’re right, Gavin! The winners are Heavenly Hel—
Gavin Kirkland: TEAM TITTIES WON!!!
Deadprez: … you know what… yes they did, Gavin. Yes they did.
(Final shot shows Minerva and Constance clutching the titles tight and sharing one more embrace before making their way back up the ramp.)
(Commercial for Erectile Dysfunction medication featuring the Operation: Doomsday main event – Lethal Consequences and Impact! It can happen to all of us as we get older.)
(“Young and Bitter” by Hot Tag Media Lucas Johnson walks down to the ring wearing his Beats by DRE headphones that was given to him by his manager Albert Hitchman as he blasts music with an intense look on his face. When Lucas reaches the ring apron his manager Hitchman gives him one last prep talk as he gives the middle finger to his doubters as he enters his yard.)
Gina Romano: THE FOLLOWING CONTEST IS SCHEDULED FOR ONE Fall!
Crowd: ONE FALL!
Gina Romano: INTRODUCING FIRST, already in the ring, accompanied by his manager, ALBERT HITCHMAN! He hails from Atlanta, Georgia. Weighing in at 205 lbs., he is the “THE WRESTLING MACHINE” LUCAS JOHNSON!!!
(The crowd boo, some cheer)
Deadprez: Lucas is looking ready to make a big impact here against the veteran and a mainstay in EAW and the Showdown brand now, the VERY dangerous, Lethal Consequences.
Gavin Kirkland: With a name like that, how can you NOT be a badass? I like this Lucas guy, he’s hip, he’s strong and a win here will catapult him right into the thick of things in Showdown though again, this is a sausage fest.
Deadprez: Playa, you do know that this isn’t Empire anymore.
Gavin Kirkland: Call me optimistic, I get to see Amber Keys and Felix Hartley in a Bra and Panties barbwire match.
(“Friend vs. Friend” by Company Flow plays throughout the arena. Lethal Consequences walks out intent and ready for his challenge, keeping his eyes on his opponent. He slowly walks toward the ring…)
Gina Roman: HIS OPPONENT! From Oakland, CA.! Weighing in at 230 lbs.! Representing the Dynasty Brand, he is “THE INEVITABLE” LETHAL CONSEQUENCES!
(The crowd mostly cheers, some boo but look to be siding with Consequences on this one. He stops and listens to their reaction, slowly climbing to the apron and raising his arms up in the air.)
Deadprez: There he is play, Lethal Consequences and talk about a man on a mission. This is a match that will make a career. Lethal is already a man with the respect of the locker room, Lucas wants it bad, daddy and in one night he could get that all.”
Gavin Kirkland: “Yes, he can, that I can agree with but what Lucas needs to do is…. HOLY SHIT! LUCAS ATTACKS CONSEQUENCES FROM BEHIND KNOCKING HIM OF THE APRON AND HITTING THE STEEL STEPS!
Deadprez: He ain’t waiting! That’s exactly what I said he should do! Make a name for yourself, we know he’s a great athlete, we know he can win big matches! This is it kid!
(The referee tries to hold Lucas back but he pushes him out of the way and rolls to the outside…)
Deadprez: The match hasn’t even started, and Lucas is out of the ring! He picks up Lethal and THROWS HIM INTO THE BARRICADE! Lucas starts kicking him! He’s stomping a mudhole in his ass!
Gavin Kirkland: WHAT THE HELL HAS GOTTEN INTO LUCAS JOHNSON! ALBERT IS PLEASED! HE HAS A SMILE WIDER THAN A VIRGIN AT A PRISON RODEO! HE CONTINUES TO STOMP ON HIM! THE REFEREE HASN’T EVEN RANG THE BELL!
Deadprez: HE JUST SLAMMED LETHAL’S HEAD INTO THE BARRICADE! WAIT… HE’S CUT! WE GOT A BLEEDER ALREADY PLAYA!
Gavin Kirkland: THIS IS A MUGGING!
(The referee finally gets Lucas back, he checks on Lethal who pushes the referee back and gets up to the delight of the fans as they roar in cheers)
Deadprez: That man is a machine! I cannot believe that he is ready to jump back into that match!?”
Gavin Kirkland: Lucas came with a plan! He wanted to soften Lethal Consequences up, Johnson doesn’t work by the hour! Good! The faster we get to Felix Hartley, bra and panties, my God! THANK YOU!
(Lethal Consequences finally rolls into the ring, the referee checks on him, he nods and the official calls for the bell…)
DING! DING! DING!
Gavin Kirkland: “The Match is official! We have a bell! Wait, Lucas wastes no time and grabs Consequences, he’s dazed… WATCH OUT! LUCAS HITS FEEL THE PAIN! WE COUL:D HAVE A WINNER IN RECORD TIME!
Deadprez: CUTTER OUTTA NOWHERE! HE’S DONE! REFEREE IS DROPPING FOR THE COVER!
Deadprez: TELL ME I JUST DIDN’T SEE THAT! LETHAL KICKS OUT! SON OF A BITCH KICKED OUT! LUCAS CAN’T BELIEVE IT!
Gavin Kirkland: Lucas is besides himself! I can’t believe it! Lucas is arguing with the referee! Albert has climbed up on the apron, he is giving the official is two cents too! This is bad strategy! All they are doing is letting Lethal Consequences regain his composure! Turn around you idiots!
(The Crowd roars at the sight of Lethal Consequences standing up…)
Deadprez: Lethal is getting to his feet! Lucas better turn around!”
Gavin Kirkland: Lucas turns right into a BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX! LETHAL IS LIKE A MAN POSSESSED! He grabs Lucas by the hair and starts throwing some stiff rights! Jesus… you can here the flesh smack from here… it’s like me and Cleopatra on a Saturday Night after Netflixing and Chilling…..if you know what I mean Prez.
Deadprez: Man, whatcha ya know about Netflix and chilling especially with the Queen?
Gavin Kirkland: “Well… I….
Deadprez: We got a damn match to call!
Gavin Kirkland: Oh right….. so like I was saying… Lethal is unloading on Lucas, this dude has no idea where he is right now and had he just stayed on Lethal, we would be one match closer to Felix… BRA AND PANTIES! LETHAL END THIS!
Deadprez: Lethal has Lucas in the corner, still unloading. Lucas is dazed, he’s hurt! My God! He is hurt! Lethal whips him into the opposite turnbuckle, follows with a clothesline and bulldog combo! He’s going for a pinfall!
Gavin Kirkland: KICKOUT BY LUCAS JOHNSON! That blood must be Affecting Lethal, look at his face!
Deadprez: It’s a crimson mask!
Gavin Kirkland: Looks like a cut right above his eye! This is going to affect him, losing blood, not able to see. If Lucas can regain and take advantage the attack right before the bell paid it’s dividends! Lethal picks up Lucas and whips him against the ropes again, he bends down, wait, Lucas catches him with a stalling spin around suplex! Lethal lands hard! Lucas bounces off the ropes with a devastating knee to the face! The chain wrestling that Lucas is showing is top notch, this guy gets better with each AND EVERY match!
Deadprez: He does, that’s why I think he has a huge future Ahead of himself, O can see this kid a singles Champion very soon in the Showdown brand! Lucas ain’t done. He picks up Lethal by the hair, wow, the sounds of those European forearms he is laying on Lethal, you can hear it from here! He is not wasting time. Throwing him into the turnbuckle, charging in with a vicious splash and then a Belly to Back suplex on to the mats! Those are devastating movers, the impact ALONE is deafening!
(The Crowd starts to chant…. LET’S GO LETHAL! LUCAS J! LET’S GO LETHAL! LUCAS J!)
Deadprez: “The crowd is really into this match. Lucas is looking over at Albert Hitchman, he is instructing Lucas to finish this now! What a huge win this would be for the kid!
(Lucas nods, he turns to the referee and starts to argue with him opening up Hitchman to start choking Lethal on the apron, the crowd erupts in boos)
Gavin Kirkland: Hitchman choking out Lethal! The referee’s back is turned, he doesn’t see anything! Brilliant strategy by Lucas and his manager! They are trying any avenue to get the job done, love it!
Deadprez: Turn around referee! I want to see this kid succeed but come on man, not like this! The referee finally turned around, Hitchman broke the choke, the official is talking to him, looks like he is warning Hitchman who is backing up acting all innocent and shit!
Gavin Kirkland: He did the damage! Lucas is capitalizing, he rolls Lethal over, wrenching his neck back in a Damascus Crab! MY GOD! HE IS STRETCHING BACK SOP MUCH HE MIGHT BREAK HIM IN HALF! Lethal has nowhere to go, he might as well tap! Just tap and get this over with!
Deadprez: That man is stretching him the way the body doesn’t contort! He really wants to break his back in half! The referee has to stop this, damn it stop this!
(The crowd starts to chant for Lethal Consequences who fights the pain of the hold and slowly starts to crawl toward the ropes, The fans continue to cheer…)
Deadprez: Lethal Consequences is using all his strength to get to the ropes! The mettle of this man, playa! He has a no die attitude! HE is not stopping until he gets there! HE’S GETTING CLOSER! LISTEN TO THESE FANS!
Gavin Kirkland: IT SHOWS HOW STRONG LETHAL IS! HE IS BASICALLY CARRYING LUCAS ON HIS BACK! HE IS ALMOST TO THE ROPES! CLOSER.. CLOSER….. CLOSER….. HE REACHES……
Deadprez: HE GETS TO THE ROPES! HE REACHED THE ROPES! The referee is asking for the break but Lucas won’t break the hold! He’s getting a count!
Gavin Kirkland: LUCAS BREAKS THE HOLD! Now he’s arguing with the referee again but the damage is done! It’s done! He is hurt and I don’t think there is anything that he can do to get back in this match!”
Deadprez: How many times have we seen Lethal Consequences in these types of predicaments!? A Thousand! This man can come back from this. Lucas Johnson has been all over him from start to finish, give him all the credit in the world, there is no denying, this kid came to wrestle tonight and win! Lucas is grabbing Lethal by the ankles and dragging him to the middle of the ring but LETHAL KICKS OFF! He kicked Lucas right off, who bounced off the ropes and a monkey flip! Lucas got all air! He flew almost ten feet in the air! Lethal is getting back up…. Lucas turns into THE ROWS PEDAL! LUCAS TOOK IT ALL! THIS ONE IS OVER!
Gavin Kirkland: HE TOOK IT ALL! HE TOOK THAT ENTIRE HIT! THE REFEREE IS DOWN FOR THE COUNT!
Deadprez: LUCAS JOHNSON KICKED OUT! THE KID WAS ABLE TO GET HIS SHOULDER UP! LETHAL LOOKS AT THE REFEREE HOLDING UP TWO FINGERS, wow, I thought that was a three for sure! The resilience on Lucas Johnson is on full display tonight! But the toughness, the grit, the veteran, Lethal Consequences is showing why he is a premiere athlete in the EAW!
Gavin Kirkland: “No doubt, both of these men are putting it all on the line but again, I will play devil’s advocate, how much longer can Lethal Consequences take!? The blood loss, the vision. He is beat up right now and is fighting on pure adrenaline. He is trying to pick up Lucas top no avail, wait Lucas with a small package!
Deadprez: NO! Just in the nick of time! Lethal Consequences kicks out! I thought that was three! That could have easily finished this contest! Lethal gets right up, so does Lucas, they start trading blows!
Crowd: YES …. NO….. YES…… NO……. YES…….
(The Crowd chanting as both men trade blows on each other…)
Gavin Kirkland: THIS HAS BECOME A BOXING MATCH! THE BLOOD POURING DOWN LETHAL’S FACE AND CHEST! It is not stopping but the referee will want to stop this match quickly if it continues! Lucas gets the upper hand, he backs Lethal into the corner! Thrusting his shoulder into the stomach of Lethal over and over before dropping some vicious forearms! This needs to stop now it’s like Drago and Apollo Creed!
Deadprez: We are in Philly! Maybe there is some Rocky left in Lethal but he seems to be fading fast! Stumbling out of the corner, LUCAS HITS A SWAGGER BOMB! LETHAL IS SPRAWLED OUT ON THE MATS! WAIT, WHAT IS LUCAS DOING!? HE’S CLIMBING THE TOP ROPE!
Gavin Kirkland: HIGH RISK AND HIGH REWARD! WATI…. LETHAL ISN’T MOVING! LUCAS IS PERCHED UP TO THE TOP… SHOOTING STAR PRESS!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE HIT IT! THIS ONE IS ACADEMIC!
Deadprez: STICK A FORK IN LETHAL, HE’S DONE!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: HOLY SHIT! LETHAL CONSEQUENCES KICKED OUT!!!!
(The Crowd roars…)
Deadprez: I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! HE KICKED OUT! HE KICKED OUT! LUCAS IS BESIDE HIMSELF! THE REFEREE IS SIGNALING THE SHOULDER WAS UP AT THE LAST SECOND! WOW! LETHAL CONSEQUENCES BLOODY AND ALL IS FIGHTING TO THE END! TO THE VERY END!
Gavin: LUCAS NEEDS TO STAY ON HIM! HE NEEDS TO FORGET THIS AND FINISH IT! WAIT….. WHAT IS HE DOING!? HE PICKS UP LETHAL CONSEQUENCES… HE’s GOING FOR THE SKULL CRUSHIN FINALE! HE HAS HIM HOOKED…. NO! LETHAL WITH A RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP! THAT WAS OUT OF DESPERATION! PURE DESPERATION!
Deadprez: I gotta agree! It was instinct! Albert is back on the apron! Hitchman is livid! He is upset about the count and is making it known! Lethal is starting to get up….. how the hell is this man still up!? How the hell is this guy still in the match playa!?
Gavin Kirkland: He’s not human! He’s a machine! Sorry, more Rocky stuff, had too.
Deadprez: Lethal is walking up to Hitchman and screaming at him! Lethal has his back on Lucas who is recovering! Again another mistake and this time on Lethal! Turn around! LETHAL TAKES A SWING AT HITCHMAN WHO FALLS ON THE APRON! LUCAS COMES IN AND HITS A GERMAN SUPLEX PIN COMBO! THIS ONE IS OVER!
Deadprez: DID HE JUST KICK OUT!? TELL ME HE DIDN’T JUST KICK OUT!?
Gavin Kirkland: HE KICKED OUT! THERE, I TOLD YOU! LUCAS IS ON THE MAT STARING AT THE LIGHTS! HE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO!? HE HAS GIVEN LETHAL ALMOST EVERYTHING AND CAN’T PUT HIM AWAY! WAIT…. IS HE TRYING THE SKULL CRASHING FINALE AGAIN!?
Deadprez: “YES HE IS! HE HAS LETHAL PICKED UP OPFF THE MAT AND HOOKED! THIS IS OVER IF HE HOTS IT! NO! LETHAL CONSEQUENCES COUNTERED WITH THE ACID REIGN!
Gavin Kirkland: ACID REIGN!!! THE COVER!
Deadprez: HE KICKED OUT!? LUCAS JOHNSON WAS ABLE TO GET HIS SHOULDER UP!
Gavin Kirkland: LUCAS JOHNSON MADE HIMSELF TONIGHT AND LETHAL CONSEQUENCES IS IN SHOCK! HE’S NOT STOPPING! HE PICKS UP LUCAS JOHNSON AND SETS HIM UP FOR THE GTJ! HE GOES BUT NO! LUCAS BLOCKS IT! HE GOES FOR THE SKULL CRUSHING FINALE, LETHAL PUSHES HIM OFF! LUCAS TURNS AROUND….. BLACK REIGN AGAIN! BLACK REIGN AGAIN!
Deadprez: ALBERT HITCHMAN IS BESIDE HIMSELF! LETHAL CRAWLS OVER AND LAYS AN ARM ON LUCAS! MY GOD WHAT A MATCH! THE CROWD IS ON THEIR FEET! THE REFEREE IN FOR THE COUNT!
DING! DING! DING!
(The Crowed ROARS and claps as Albert Hitchman slams the apron)
Gina Romano: THE WINNER FO THE MATCH….. LETHAL CONSEQUENCESSSSSSSSS!!!!
(“Friend vs. Friend” by Company Flow plays throughout the arena as Lethal Consequences can barely get to his feet. Lucas Johnson slowly rolls out helped by Albert Hitchman as Lethal raises his hands up in victory….
Deadprez: Huge win for Dynasty and Lethal Consequences, wow, what a match and Lucas Johnson came to play but TWO Acid Reign’s were too much for the kid that had a MAKE OR BREAK NIGHT TONIGHT AND HE MADE IT!
Gavin Kirkland: I totally agree with you and what a match it was. Lucas Johnson came in and attacked Lethal before the bell sounded, it gave him the advantage but in the end it was the veteran who pulled it off.
Deadprez: Huge win and wait a second…..
(Lethal Consequences is slowly getting up, the referee raises his hand when suddenly out of nowhere a figure slides into the ring while Lucas and Albert are heading to the back….)
Gavin Kirkland: IMPACT HAS JUST ATTACKED LETHAL CONSEQUENCES!? WHAT THE FUCK!?
Deadprez: IMPACT ALL OVER LEYTHAL CONSEQUENCES! HE TOOK HIM DOWN WITH A CLOTHESLINE! MY GOD! HE IS PUNCHING HIM IN THAT CUT! MORE BLOOD COMING OUT SOMEBODY STOP THIS! WHAT THE HELL IS IMPACT DOING!?
Gavin Kirkland: OFFICIALS ARE COMING OUT! IMPACT JUST PICKED UP LETHAL AND PILE DROVE HIM! THAT MAN JUST WRESTLED A GRUESOME MATCH!
(Finally officials run out and try to get Impact out as he stares down at the prone Lethal Consequences who just wrestled a hell of a match. The crowd boos, Impact spits on Consequences before stepping out of the ring and heading to the back. Officials and medical personal check on Lethal who starts to stir…)
Gavin: Somebody help that man!
Deadprez: Uncalled for…. We’ll be right back.
(Commercial break — an ad for Activia yogurt, featuring Amber Keys.)
(“Castle” by Halsey plays through the speakers as the crowd gives an ovation for Harlow Reichert comes out from the back. She has a confident and determined look on her face as she poses on top of the ramp.)
Gina Romano: THE FOLLOWING MATCH IS AN EIGHT WAY ELIMINATION MATCH…
…AND, IT’S FOR A SPECIAL OPPORTUNITY! INTRODUCING FIRST…FROM CHRISTCHURCH, NEW ZEALAND… SHE IS “MISS NO FUCKS GIVEN”… HARRRRRRRLLOOOOOOOOWWWWWW REEEEIIICCCHHHEEEERRRRRRRRTTTTT!!!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: THHHHHHIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCCC!!!!!
Deadprez: That’s really the first thing that you’re going to say in this match?
Gavin Kirkland: What? I was hired because I’m the most over commentator in this company! People love me for my comments! If you want me to be serious and boring, I’ll admit from my time during Empire, I became somewhat attracted to her…body…but, that’s still something right!
Deadprez: :unamused: Harlow Reichert was someone who wasn’t expecting to team with her polar opposite ex-boyfriend Thadd Blazevich a couple weeks ago on Showdown against the Mechanical Animals in order who would face Heavenly Hell tonight, but Thadd ended up suffering the pin. Harlow now turns her eyes on a special opportunity? For someone who has struggled, but impressed as much as Harlow, she should be a favorite going into this match!
(“Addiction” by Dope plays as Mammoth comes out with an intimidating look on his face. He looks around the crowd in the Wells Fargo Center, not really caring about how they react to him.)
Gina Romano: INTRODUCING HER OPPONENTS…FIRST …FROM TORONTO, ONTARIO, CANADA…WEIGHING IN 276 POUNDS…HE IS “THE BEAST”… MAAAAMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Deadprez: A victory for Mammoth tonight would get him back on track. He found himself eating the pin from Io Ishimori during a tag team match a few weeks ago on Showdown! That was all because Lance Blackfyre left him there to fend for himself! He has the opportunity to right those two wrongs by clashing with either of those competitors!
Gavin Kirkland: Watch out for The Gore! That’s all I’m going to say on this topic! That’s a move that can hit any competitor in the match out of nowhere and get them eliminated!
(“Repentless” by Slayer blasts through the speakers as Shane Gates walks out to a negative reception from the crowd. Next to him is his girlfriend and manager, Angela Grant, but Shane whispers something to his ear as Angela makes her way to the back.)
Gina Romano: INTRODUCING NEXT…FROM HUNTINGTON BEACH, CALIFORNIA…WEIGHING IN 213 POUNDS…HE IS “THE FUCKING DYNASTY”…SHAAAAAANNNNNNEEEEEEEEEE GAAAATTTTTEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: He sent Crimson Chin to the back? It may have been the best thing that he could have done, but the dumbest at the same time! Angela Grant could have caused distractions and gotten physical on the competition, but perhaps, Shane won’t need her at all!
Deadprez: At least, he can say that he won this match and relied on no one to get the job done! I’m excited to see how he approaches this match! Perhaps, the chaotic environment will shift this match into his favor!
(“I Love It Loud” by Kiss plays through the speakers as the crowd gives a positive reaction to Shaker Jones, who walks out nodding his head and approving of the crowd. He looks pretty confident in this match. He’s prepared for the environment he will be getting himself in.)
Gina Romano: FROM INGLIS, MANATOBA, CANADA…WEIGHING IN 250 POUNDS…”THE PUNK ROCK COUNTRY BOY”…SHHHHHAAAAAKKKKKKEEEEERRRRRRRRRR JOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNEEEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: GET READY TO SHAKE N BAKE, DEADPREZ! This is one of the underdogs in this match up! Shaker Jones has had one title shot and that was at Grand Rampage last season! For me, that was the best we ever saw Shaker. Could tonight be another time? Winning this match would mean the world to him! He needs to prove that he can go hard for something and win!
Deadprez: Not many people are expecting for Shaker to win, but he will thrive on the possibility of him shocking everyone in this arena and winning! I wouldn’t be opposed to Shaker winning, but the competitors in this match is no laughing matter! They will eat him alive if he’s not careful!
(“Old Town Road (Remix)” by Lil Nas X featuring Billy Ray Cyrus hits the speakers. Instantly, the crowd boos Lance Blackfyre the moment he steps onto the ramp. Lance is looking around the place. He doesn’t give a damn about the crowd’s reception of him. All he is looking as the competition he is going to destroy.)
Gina Romano: FROM CHICAGO, ILLINOIS…WEIGHING IN 365 POUNDS… HE IS THE “OMEN OF DESTRUCTION”… LAAAANNNNNNNCCCEEE BLLLAAACCCCKKKKKFFYYYYRRRRRREEEEEEEE!!!!
Deadprez: If there is a man to bet on as the winner, you’re looking at him. Lance Blackfyre is 6’11 and 365 pounds! He is going to be the most difficult competitor to keep down, but it’s not impossible. If there is anyone that they need to be eliminating from this match as soon as possible, it needs to be Lance Blackfyre!
Gavin Kirkland: Just looking at this man scares the shit out of me! I don’t want any smoke from him, but I agree with the approach that you said all these competitors have when it comes to him — eliminate him as soon as possible. The longer he is in this match, the worse things will love for everyone else in the ring!
(“War” by Dance With The Dead plays through the speakers as the crowd gives a mixed reception for Santo Muerte. He has a serious and intimidating look on his face and stands on the ramp for a moment before making his way down. There is nothing much to him, but he looks like he just wants this match to begin.)
Gina Romano: FROM DEATH VALLEY, CALIFORNIA…WEIGHING IN 200 POUNDS… “THE SAINT OF DEATH”… SAAAAANNNNNNNTTTTOOOOOOOOOO MUUUEEERRRRTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: Protect your arms everyone because Santo Muerte won’t think twice but to snap it in half. He’s managed to make an impression on the Showdown locker room. But, I just feel like he needs to do more. He needs to do something that’s going to impress me. He’s got a cool mask and scary move to break your arm, but he needs to want to win this match!
Deadprez: I feel if he can snap anyone’s arm, that would satisfy him, but a special opportunity would be amazing for him! He is someone that you’re going to need to look out for in this match!
(“Hey Man Nice Shot” by Filter plays through the speakers. Viktor Stone gets a decent reaction from the crowd, but doesn’t seem to pay attention to it. His focus is on his competitors in the ring. He knows that he is going to need to make an impression and this match may be it for him.)
Gina Romano: FROM LAS VEGAS, NEVADA…WEIGHING IN 225 POUNDS…”THE KING OF SUPLEXES”….VIIIIKKKKKKTOOOOOORRRRRR STTTOOOOOOOOONNNNNNEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
Deadprez: Not much can be said with this man, but he wants to prove to everyone that he is one of the best wrestlers in the world. If not, the best, Gavin! He is known for having quite an attitude, but he has been able to back it up in the previous promotions that he has been a part of!
Gavin Kirkland: There’s many men that want to be the best in the world, but he is stepping into the ring with talent who have been in this company a bit longer. How is Viktor Stone going to compare to them, but I’m looking for him to back up his claims in EAW! That is where it’s going to matter!
(“Confident” by Demi Lovato plays through the speakers as Io Ishimori comes out from the back. The crowd is giving her a mixed reception, but she looks hungry and ready to get this match underway. In her possession now and always is her Yoshi San.)
Gina Romano: LAST…FROM OSAKA, JAPAN… SHE IS THE “ICE GODDESS”… IOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ISSSSSHHHHIIIIIIMOOOOOORRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: Io Ishimori is not afraid to hurt anyone in this match to get what she wants! She wants to prove to everyone that there is no one that matches her skills in the ring! There is on one better than her on Showdown!
Deadprez: She managed to get an impressive victory over Mammoth a couple weeks ago! But, she needs to do way more if she wants to be the last woman standing in this match! There is talk about how this special opportunity can be career changing and someone who will utilize it and propel herself to different heights is Io Ishimori! But, who is going to win this match! Let’s get this match going!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Deadprez: THIS EIGHT-PERSON ELIMINATION MATCH IS UNDERWAY! SHANE GATES GOES AFTER HARLOW REICHERT! MAMMOTH GOES AFTER LANCE BLACKFYRE! SHAKER JONES GOES AFTER VIKTOR STONE! IO ISHIMORI GOES AFTER SANTO MUERTE! THIS IS GOING TO BE A GOOD ONE, GAVIN! Mammoth battery rams Lance Blackfyre to the corner, but Lance manages to retaliate by sending some big punches onto Mammoth’s back! This takes down Mammoth down to his knees! Mammoth tries to distance himself from Lance, but Lance goes right after him with a giant boot that takes The Beast down! As you look at the other corner, you see Santo Muerte and Io Ishimori going up against each other! These two were tag team partners a few weeks ago on Showdown! They got the victory over the team of Mammoth and Lance Blackfyre! Now, they find themselves as opponents as they fight for a “Special Opportunity”! Io Ishimori goes to rebound Santo Muerte to the ropes, but Santo counters that whip as Io rebounds off the ropes and she connects with a tilt-a-whirl headscissors takedown! Santo is wobbly for the time being, but Io makes sure to take advantage of that before connecting with a low dropkick! Io races for the cover!
Gavin Kirkland: Santo Muerte manages to get his shoulder up at the one count! Meanwhile, let’s shift our attention towards Shaker Jones and Viktor Stone who find themselves on the apron! This is a dangerous situation to find themselves in, but with this special opportunity on the line! All of these men and women should be ready to risk it for the biscuit! SHAKER GOES TO THROW A PUNCH, BUT VIKTOR MANAGES TO CATCH SHAKER’S PUNCH BEFORE IT HIT! VIKTOR KICKS SHAKER IN THE STOMACH BEFORE GETTING HIM IN POSITION FOR THE BRAINBUSTER! HE CALLS IT THE IT’ A R.A.P.! BUT, SHAKER WITH A BACK BODY DROP ON VIKTOR! VIKTOR JUST LANDED IN A HARD PART OF THE APRON! VIKTOR IS CLUTCHING ON HIS LOWER BACK AS HE MAKES HIS WAY UP HIS FEET! SHAKER IS GESTURING FOR VIKTOR TO COME AT HIM! VIKTOR DOES THAT —
Deadprez: — SHAKER JONES GETS VIKTOR AND GETS HIM IN POSITION — MANITOBA MADNESS!! THE FRONT FLIP PILEDRIVER ON THE APRON! BOTH MEN GO CRASHING AS THEY ROLL OFF THE APRON! THAT HAD TO BE PAINFUL, GAVIN! We shift our attention once again (it seems like we’re going to be doing that a lot for this match) and Shane Gates and Harlow Reichert in the ring! Shane tries to swing at Harlow with a punch, but Harlow manages to duck that punch and springboard off the ropes — ATONEMENT — THE BACKFLIP DDT ON THE FUCKING DYNASTY OF SHOWDOWN! HARLOW MANAGES TO TAKE SHANE DOWN AS SHE FEELS A SENSE OF CONFIDENCE IN HER! SHE IS HYPING HERSELF UP, BUT SHE TURNS HERSELF AROUND —
Gavin Kirkland: Thicclow manages to find herself as the victim of The Gore! Mammoth manages to take down Harlow! That move might as well have been enough to knock most of the air in her! Mammoth goes for the cover! This could have been enough to get our first elimination in the match!
Deadprez: WHAT IN THE HELL? LANCE BLACKFYRE JUST GRABBED MAMMOTH BY HIS HEAD AND YANKED HIM OFF OF HARLOW REICHERT! WHY WOULD BE DO THAT? THE PURPOSE OF THE ELIMINATION MATCH IS TO MAKE SURE THAT PEOPLE GET ELIMINATED? ELIMINATING HARLOW FROM THIS MATCH WOULD BE GETTING RID OF A SERIOUS THREAT IN THE MATCH? FOR LANCE, HARLOW SHOULD BE THE ONE TO DEFEAT IN THIS MATCH! HARLOW ROLLS HERSELF OUT OF THE RING, CLUTCHING ONTO HER STOMACH AS SHE FALLS DOWN! Meanwhile with Lance and Mammoth, Lance gets Mammoth on one of his shoulders before connecting with a running power slam! Mammoth is taken down with almost an ease! This is one intimidating man, Gavin! If there is anyone that needs to be eliminated in this match, you’re looking at him! By just looking at the size of this man, there’s a clear winner in him!
Gavin Kirkland: With Lance Blackfyre trying to get himself back to a vertical base, HE IS MET WITH A DOUBLE SUPERKICK BY IO ISHIMORI AND SHAKER JONES! IT SEEMS LIKE WE’RE GOING TO SEE AN ALLIANCE BETWEEN THESE TWO! BUT, LOOK AT THIS? THE DOUBLE SUPERKICK DOESN’T KNOCK THE BIGGER MAN DOWN COMPLETELY! LANCE STILL FINDS HIMSELF IN THE SEATED POSITION! HE WASN’T PHASED BY THE SUPERKICK AT ALL! SHAKER GOES AT LANCE WITH ANOTHER SUPERKICK, BUT LANCE MANAGES TO CATCH SHAKER BY HIS BOOT! IO GOES RIGHT AFTER LANCE, BUT LANCE GRABS IO BY HER THROAT! :lupe: This is not going to be pretty at all, but Lance is getting to his feet — TITANIC PLUNGE ON IO ISHIMORI AND THEN LANCE MANAGES TO SHIFT HIS ATTENTION TOWARDS SHAKER JONES BEFORE CONNECTING WITH DRAGON SCREW LEG WHIP! HE JUST THREW SHAKER ACROSS THE RING WITH THAT MOVE! LANCE IS DOMINATING THIS MATCH SO FAR! I’M BEGINNING TO WONDER WHAT IS GOING TO TAKE TO GET THIS MAN DOWN!
Deadprez: YAKUZA KICK FROM VIKTOR STONE TO LANCE BLACKFYRE, BUT THIS ONLY STAGGERS LANCE BACK! VIKTOR FOLLOWS THAT WITH A VICIOUS KNEE STRIKE TO LANCE’S SKULL! VIKTOR REBOUNDS OFF THE ROPES! LANCE MANAGES TO USE ALL OF HIS STRENGTH AND PUSH VIKTOR TO A SEATED POSITION! LANCE MANAGES TO GET HIMSELF TO HIS FEET AND PROCEEDS TO UNLEASH HIS ASSAULT ON VIKTOR STONE! Lance throws Viktor out of the ring as he exits the ring himself as well! Let’s shift our attention elsewhere, shall we? We focus back on Shane Gates and Harlow Reichert! Shane manages to catch Harlow with a pele kick that staggers Miss No Fucks Given back! Shane gets back to a vertical base, but Harlow goes right after Shane, who catches her with a dropkick! Harlow is taken down! Harlow bounces onto the ropes! Shane goes right after the woman before connecting with a spinning heel kick! Harlow loses grasp of the ropes as Shane pulls her closer! IT SEEMS LIKE SHANE IS LOOKING TO END THIS MATCH AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! HE HAS HARLOW REICHERT IN POSITION FOR THE CALIFORNIAN DESTRUCTION — THE CROSS LEG SAMOAN DROP ON HARLOW!
Gavin Kirkland: Thicclow Reichert manages to get herself out of position for the Californian Destruction! She gets behind Shane Gates, who turns himself around and is met with a flying knee strike underneath his chin! Harlow follows that up with a Twister — a jiu-jitsu submission move! The combination is called Les Misérables! My French is on point! :whew: BUT, SHE HAS SHANE TRAPPED IN THE SUBMISSION MOVE! HE IS TRYING TO FIND SOME WAY OUT OF THIS MOVE, BUT THICCLOW HAS THIS MOVE LOCKED IN REAL TIGHT, WHICH IS ANY MAN WOULD LOVE! SHANE IS TRYING HIS BEST TO NOT SUBMIT TO THIS MOVE! THERE IS NO ONE THAT IS GOING TO STOP THIS MOVE FROM BEING INFLICTED MORE THAN IT IS AT THE MOMENT! YOU’RE TRAPPED, SHANE? I MEAN, WHAT ELSE CAN I SAY?
Deadprez: SHANE GATES TAPS! HE’S HAD NO OTHER CHOICE, BUT TO TAP! HE’S OUT OF HERE!
Gina Romano: SHANE GATES HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: Shane Gates put on an amazing effort in this match. But, Thicclow too strong. :wow: If my numbers are correct, seven competitors remain in this match! Harlow with the first elimination in this match! Io Ishimori goes after the other women! Empire! Empire! Empire! I mean, these two weren’t the best things on Empire, but they weren’t the worst either (hi, Serena!) Io gets Harlow up by her hair and throws her against the corner! Harlow faces Io on the corner, but Io begins to stomp on Harlow’s stomach! IO TAKES A COUPLE STEPS BACK BEFORE RUNNING TOWARDS THICCLOW AND CONNECTING WITH A METEORA AT THE CORNER, BUT IO MANAGES TO CATCH HERSELF AS SHE JUMPS ON THE TOP TURNBUCKLE! IT SEEMS LIKE HARLOW IS TRYING TO SHIFT HER BODY IN A POWERBOMB POSITION, BUT IO COUNTERS WITH A REVERSE FRANKENSTEINER! THE CROWD IS ON THEIR FEET FOR THAT MOVE! BOTH OF THESE FORMER EMPIRE ELITISTS ARE JUST SHOWING HOW MUCH THIS SPECIAL OPPORTUNITY MEANS FOR THEM! MEANWHILE, WE SHIFT OUR FOCUS SANTO MUERTE WHO HAS DECIDED TO CLASH WITH VIKTOR STONE RINGSIDE! SANTO TAKES DOWN THE OTHER MAN WITH WITH AN INVERTED GORY SPECIAL! SANTO CALLS THAT THE HEADHUNTER AS VIKTOR CRASHES ONTO THE STEEL STEPS! :damn: :damn: :damn:
Deadprez: Santo Muerte goes over to the timekeeper’s area and retrieves a steel chair! Santo slams the steel chair closed before going over to Viktor Stone and slamming the steel chair onto his back! Santo gets the edge of the steel chair and rams it to the back of Viktor! The look on Viktor’s face tells the entire story! Gavin, Shaker Jones from behind —
Gavin Kirkland: SANTO MUERTE JUST SENSED THAT SHAKER JONES WAS BEHIND HIM AND RAMS THE EDGE OF THE STEEL CHAIR AGAINST HIS STOMACH! SHAKER BENDS HIS STOMACH IN RESPONSE AS SANTO SLAMS THE STEEL CHAIR ONTO HIS BACK! SANTO POSITIONS THE CHAIR AS HE GETS SHAKER IN POSITION — DEATH NOTE — THE PUMPHANDLE HALF NELSON DRIVER TO SHAKER ON THE STEEL CHAIR! SANTO ROLLS SHAKER BACK INTO THE RING! HE ROLLS HIMSELF INTO THE RING AFTER AND IT SEEMS LIKE SANTO IS GOING TO GO FOR THE COVER HERE!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
Deadprez: SHAKER JONES GETS A SHOULDER UP IN THE TWO COUNT! SANTO MUERTE IS LOOKING AT REFEREE WITH A CONFUSED LOOK ON HIS FACE? HOW IN THE WORLD WAS SHAKER ABLE TO GET A SHOULDER UP?
Gavin Kirkland: We know we’ve been going on about how much this special opportunity would mean to people, but could you imagine what it would do for someone like Shaker Jones? This opportunity could be career changing for him! SANTO MUERTE IS GOING TO GO FOR THE ONE MOVE, HE KNOWS IS GOING TO WORK! THE OFFERING IS ONE MOVE THAT NO ONE WANTS TO BE ON THE RECEIVING END OF! THE MOMENT HE BENDS YOUR ARM BACK, YOU’RE FUCKED! THERE IS NO NICER WAY TO PUT IT! SANTO CONNECTS WITH THE GROUNDED HAMMERLOCK AND TRANSITIONS THAT INTO POSITION FOR THE INVERTED ARM BREAKER! :lupe: This is going to be terrifying! I’m scared for Shaker at the time being! Shaker is shaking his head no! It wouldn’t be the first time that he’s submitted, but he doesn’t plan to submit here! It was nice knowing you, Shaker! :mjcry:
Deadprez: The Gore! The Gore on Santo Muerte! Mammoth may have just saved Shaker Jones right there! If Santo Muerte would have connected with that inverted armbreaker, it would have been the end of Shaker’s run in the match! Santo rolls himself out of the ring for the time being! It would have been perfect for Mammoth to get another elimination, but his opponents have managed to roll themselves out of the ring when they need it the most! Mammoth is looking at Santo Muerte ringside now, but he is oblivious to Lance Blackfyre standing behind him! Lance has that intimidating look on his face as Mammoth turns himself around —
Gavin Kirkland: OMEN OF DOOMSDAY ON MAMMOTH! THE SUPERMAN PUNCH TAKES DOWN THE BEAST! BUT, IT SEEMS LIKE LANCE BLACKFYRE IS NOT DONE HERE! HE HAS SOME ISSUES WITH MAMMOTH AND HOW THEIR TAG TEAM MATCH WENT A COUPLE WEEKS AGO! THE MISCOMMUNICATION WITH THE TEAM LED TO LANCE WALKING OUT ON MAMMOTH! LANCE TAKES MAMMOTH TO THE TOP TURNBUCKLE! I AM NOT GOING TO LIKE WHAT IS GOING TO COME OF THIS, DEADPREZ! :lupe: LANCE GETS MAMMOTH IN A POWERBOMB POSITION FROM THE TOP ROPE! FEARS ORIGIN! POWERBOMB FROM THE TOP ROPE! HOW IN THE WORLD DID MAMMOTH NOT GO THROUGH THE RING? LANCE DOESN’T CARE AS HE GOES FOR THE COVER!
OOOOOOOOOOOONE!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
Gina Romano: MAMMOTH HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!!!!
Deadprez: Mammoth had his moments in the match! Managed to nail two Gores on his opponents out of nowhere and could have gotten eliminations there if the opportunity struck! But, it would be Lance Blackfyre who would end up getting a bit of revenge from Mammoth! Lance Blackfyre rises back to his feet as he is staring across from Io Ishimori! These two got themselves in a bit of an altercation earlier in this match! Io thinks Lance is disgusting and vulgar! To be honest, I don’t blame her whatsoever! I kind of agree with her in a way! He kind of disturbs me, but something tells me that Lance is not here to gain the approval of Io Ishimori! You can see the size advantage between these two competitors as Io slaps the chest of Lance Blackfyre, but that chest seemed like it did nothing at all! Io goes for another slap to Lance’s chest, but once again it seems like it does nothing at all! Io begins to rapidly slap the chest of Lance, but it does nothing at all!
Gavin Kirkland: Lance Blackfyre pushes Io Ishimori away from him by her head! Io doesn’t like that, but she responds with a punch, but Lance manages to stop the punch and goes right after the Ice Goddess and a clothesline from hell! Io felt that for sure as she is taken down instantly! Meanwhile, we shift our focus to Viktor Stone and Harlow Reichert ringside! Viktor connects with a kick to Harlow’s midsection before following that up with a knee trust to the head — THE VIOLENT PARTY IS EXECUTED WITH SUCH PERFECTION AS HARLOW IS TAKEN BACK TO A SEATED POSITION! VIKTOR GOES RIGHT AFTER HER AND CONNECTS WITH A RUNNING KNEE THAT TAKES HARLOW TO HER BACK! VIKTOR GETS HARLOW TO HER TWO FEET! IT SEEMS LIKE AFTER THAT KNEE, HARLOW IS HAVING A TOUGH TIME WITH KEEPING HER BALANCE! VIKTOR IS GOING AFTER HARLOW WITH A PUNCH OF KICKS TO HARLOW’S SIDE! HARLOW IS HAVING A BIT OF A STRUGGLE WITH BLOCKING THESE SHOTS, BUT PULLS HARLOW IN TO CONNECT WITH A RIPCORD KNEE STRIKE! HARLOW IS ON HER KNEES AS VIKTOR GOES RIGHT AFTER HER AND CONNECTS WITH A YAKUZA KICK AS THAT TAKES HARLOW DOWN ONCE AGAIN! VIKTOR GETS HARLOW IN POSITION! ROLL THE DICE — ROLLING GERMAN SUPLEX ON HARLOW REICHERT, BUT SHE LANDS NECK FIRST AGAINST THE APRON! DEADPREZ, FROM THE APRON! SHAKER JONES FROM THE APRON! HE JUMPS TOWARDS VIKTOR STONE!
Deadprez: THE BRANCHES OF SINS — THE DIAMOND CUTTER CONNECTS ON SHAKER JONES! VIKTOR STONE JUST DROPPED SHAKER! I’M NOT SURE HOW VIKTOR WAS ABLE TO GET IN POSITION FOR THE BRANCHES OF SIN, BUT THAT WAS A BEAUTIFUL SPOT RIGHT THERE! It may have not felt too good for Shaker, but this could have meant the beginning of the end of Shaker! Viktor rolls Shaker inside the ring! Viktor rolls himself inside the ring after! Shaker is down, but Viktor is not going for the cover there! There’s that possibility that Shaker would have kicked out somehow! Viktor is talking Shaker back up to his feet! Shaker is slowly getting back to his feet —
Gavin Kirkland: VIKTOR STONE PLANTS SHAKER JONES WITH A SECOND BRANCHES OF SIN! THE DIAMOND CUTTER CONNECTS AGAIN AS VIKTOR GOES FOR THE COVER! WE COULD HAVE ANOTHER ELIMINATION HERE!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
Gina Romano: SHAKER JONES HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!!!
Deadprez: Shaker Jones fought with his entire heart tonight. It took two Branches of Sins to keep Shaker down! Even before that, Shaker managed to kick out of Death Note by Santo Muerte! No one can deny that Shaker gave everything that he had to offer in this match, but the element of surprise is what cost him in the end!
Gavin Kirkland: It was a great effort form the Shake Master. :wow: But, three eliminations are down! Five competitors remain in this match! Viktor Stone, Lance Blackfyre, Io Ishimori, Harlow Reichert and Santo Muerte! Speaking of Santo Muerte, he manages to run towards Viktor with a clothesline, but Viktor ducks the clothesline, but Santo with a back kick to Viktor’s stomach! Santo gets Viktor in position before connecting with a release German suplex! Viktor manages to land on his feet as Santo turns himself around! Viktor runs towards The Saint of Death with a clothesline of his own, but Santo manages to catch Viktor and connect with a flatliner! Dropkick by Harlow Reichert takes Santo Muerte down! It seems like Harlow recovered from Roll the Dice onto the edge of the ramp by Viktor Stone! If I was betting on guts, determination and all that jazz, Harlow would be my winner! Santo gets back to a vertical base as Harlow continues to go after Santo with another dropkick as that sends him towards the corner! Harlow goes right him by connecting with corner forearm smash onto Santo Muerte! Harlow follows that with a running face breaker onto the knee!
Deadprez: Santo Muerte finds himself in some trouble as Harlow Reichert finds herself situated on the top turnbuckle! From the top rope, the diving double foot stomp on the top rope! Santo Muerte tries to get himself up to his feet, but Harlow manages to connecting with the foot stomp, which makes the bigger man crash down again! Harlow connects with another standing double foot stomp onto the back of Santo’s head! Harlow now goes for the cover! We could have another elimination here, Gavin!
Gavin Kirkland: Santo Muerte kicks out at the two count! There is still fight in him, but it seems like Harlow Reichert is getting Santo back to his feet! What in the world is Thicclow going to do? The Divine Comedy! Santo Muerte is about fifty pounds heavier than her and she is a woman at the same time? If Thicclow can connect with the butterfly piledriver, I am going to be shocked! Harlow is strong, but is she that strong? :lupe:
Deadprez: It seems like we’re still going to be wondering about that question as Santo Muerte is prevent Harlow Reichert from getting him in position for The Divine Comedy! There is still a ton of fight in Santo and that is something that Harlow is going to need to keep an eye on! Santo kicks Harlow in the stomach and it seems like he is getting Miss No Fucks Given in position the Death Valley Destroyer! The front flip piledriver on Harlow!
Gavin Kirkland: But, Harlow Reichert manages to roll herself out of the move! She delivers a superkick onto Santo Muerte, which staggers the bigger man! Harlow rebounds the ropes! NO! SHE SPRINGBOARDS OFF THE ROPES AND CONNECTS WITH ATONEMENT! THE BACKFLIP DDT ON SANTO MUERTE! HE IS DOWN FOR THE MOMENT AS HARLOW GETS ON THE TOP TURNBUCKLE! HARLOW FROM THE TOP ROPE! GREAT EXPECTATIONS — THE CORKSCREW SHOOTING STAR PRESS ONTO SANTO MUERTE! IT LANDS BEAUTIFUL AS HARLOW STAYS THERE FOR THE COVER!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
Gina Romano: SANTO MUERTE HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!!!
Deadprez: On paper, it seemed like Santo Muerte could have won this special opportunity! But, he had some cool moments in this match! At one point, he was dominated the likes of Shaker Jones and Viktor Stone! He was also so close with connecting with The Offering on Shaker! His presence was felt in his match for sure. :wow:
Gavin Kirkland: At least, no broken arms came out of this! But, we’re down to four competitors — Harlow Reichert, Io Ishimori, Viktor Stone and Lance Blackfyre! The four competitors in the match all rise up to their feet! Each competitor has taken over a corner! One of these four will walk out of Philadelphia with this “Special Opportunity”. All four of them are wondering what to do at this moment! They are all looking at each other to see who makes the first move!
Deadprez: VIKTOR STONE KICKS LANCE BLACKFYRE WHERE IT WILL REALLY HURT! FOR ONE OF THE FIRST TIMES IN THIS MATCH, WE ARE SEEING LANCE GET DOWN HIS KNEES AS HE IS HOLDING ONTO HIS UNMENTIONABLES! IO ISHIMORI BLASTS LANCE WITH A RUNNING BICYCLE KNEE TRIKE TO LANCE’S SKULL! HARLOW REICHERT FOLLOWS THAT UP WITH A DROPKICK THAT TAKES LANCE TO HIS BACK! HARLOW GOES FOR THE COVER! IT SEEMS LIKE THE THREE OTHER COMPETITORS ARE LOOKING TO GET RID OF THE BIGGEST THREAT IN THIS MATCH!
Gavin Kirkland: Lance Blackfyre lifts Harlow Reichert up and throws her behind him! The strength of this freak of nature! A kick to the groin, bicycle knee strike and dropkick all back-to-back-to-back was not enough to take him down! Io Ishimori runs towards Lance before he can get himself to his feet and kicks him in the stomach! It seems like Io is looking to suplex the bigger man! What makes her believe that she’ll be able to suplex this man with ease? Look at this, Deadprez! It seems like Viktor Stone is helping Io with trying to lift Lance up for the suplex! A bit better, but it seems like they could use one last person to execute this move! THICCLOW REICHERT FINDS HERSELF BACK INTO THIS MATCH AS SHE HELPS VIKTOR AND IO! WITH THE POWER OF THESE THREE, THEY MANAGE TO CONNECT WITH A SUPLEX ON LANCE BLACKFYRE! HARLOW CONNECTS WITH A DOUBLE FOOT STOMP ONTO LANCE’S STOMACH! IO CONNECTS WITH THE OLD SCHOOL — THE RUNNING BICYCLE KNEE STRIKE AND FOLLOWS THAT UP WITH A MOONSAULT! Meanwhile, Viktor is instructing Harlow and Io to each get a good hold of Lance’s hands! THIS IS A MUGGING, BUT SUCH A SMART STRATEGY AT THE SAME TIME! GET RID OF THE BIGGER MAN AND THEN HAVE IT BE EVERY MAN AND WOMAN FOR THEMSELVES! VIKTOR CALLS THIS MOVE: WHY SO SERIOUS? THE SURFBOARD CURB STOMP ON LANCE BLACKFYRE’S SKULL! VIKTOR HIT THAT MOVE WITH EVERYTHING IN HIM! THAT MUST HAVE KNOCKED SOME ENERGY OUT OF HIM!
Deadprez: IO ISHIMORI TURNS VIKTOR STONE TO HER SIDE AND KICKS HIM IN THE STOMACH! THE SOMERSAULT REVERSE DDT — BLACK LOTUS ON VIKTOR STONE! IO ISHIMORI GOES FOR THE COVER!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
Gina Romano: VIKTOR STONE HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!!!
Gavin Kirkland: WHAT IN THE HELL DID IO ISHIMORI DO? COULDN’T SHE WAIT TO ELIMINATE LANCE BLACKFYRE BEFORE GETTING RID OF VIKTOR STONE OUT OF THE EQUATION! He came into this match as one of the lesser known names in this match, but he managed to make an impression! He even eliminated Shaker Jones! But, three competitors remaining in this Elimination Match for a Special Opportunity! But, Io has a grin on her face! It seems like her strategy came into place! SHE KNEW THAT EVERYONE WAS GOING TO BE TARGETING LANCE BLACKFYRE THAT VIKTOR STONE WOULDN’T SEE HIS ELIMINATION COMING AT ALL! HARLOW IS LOOKING AT IO, CONFUSED! IT SEEMS LIKE HARLOW IS LIKE EVERYONE ELSE AT HOME, WONDERING WHY NOT GET RID OF LANCE BLACKFYRE THEN THE THREE OF THEM FIGHT IT OUT! IO WOULD LOVE NOTHING MORE THAN TO WIN THIS MATCH! IT COULD BE MONUMENTAL FOR HER! Io connects with a huge slap across Harlow’s cheek! Io gets Harlow by her arm and whips her to the ropes! Harlow rebounds off those ropes without a problem at all, but Io manages to stop her by connecting with a dropkick that takes the New Zealander down! Io begins to stomp on Harlow’s arms rapidly! Io is showing that ruthless side of her’s at the moment! There is nothing that can stop her at the moment!
Deadprez: Io Ishimori bends Harlow Reichert’s arm back before stomping on it! Instantly, Harlow jumps in pain! She is using her other arm to clutch onto the one that Io just stomped on! Io manages to kick Harlow’s other hand, which releases the arm that she had just stomped on! Io manages to get a good hold of Harlow’s fingers! Io shushes the crowd! I think we all know what is going to come of this!
Gavin Kirkland: IO JUST SNAPPED THE FINGERS OF HARLOW! ONCE AGAIN, HARLOW CRIES OUT IN PAIN! I WOULD HAVE TO BE ONE THE RECEIVING END OF THOSE FINGER BREAKS! I CANNOT IMAGINE WHAT HARLOW IS FEELING AT THE MOMENT, BUT IO GETS THOSE SAME FINGERS AND PLACES THEM AGAINST THE MAT! IO DROPS HER KNEE ONTO THOSE SET OF FINGERS AS HARLOW ONCE AGAIN CRIES OUT IN PAIN! I DON’T LIKE THIS AT ALL, DEADPREZ! I say just put Harlow out of her misery! Io has Harlow where she wants her at! She could go for that elimination whenever she wants too! IO GETS HARLOW TO HER TWO FEET! IT SEEMS LIKE IO HAS HARLOW IN POSITION FOR THE LAST DAY — THE REVERSE STO ON MISS NO FUCKS GIVEN! LAST DAY CONNECTS AS IO IS NOT DONE THERE! SHE WANTS TO MAKE SURE THAT HARLOW IS OUT FOR THE NIGHT! SHE WANTS TO MAKE SURE THAT SHE ELIMINATES HARLOW WITH THIS NEXT MOVE! IO GETS HARLOW UP! SHE IS GOING FOR THE MOVE THAT SHE ELIMINATED VIKTOR STONE WITH! BLACK LOTUS ON HARLOW!
Deadprez: SHATTERED JOY! THE BICYCLE KICK OUT OF NOWHERE BY LANCE BLACKFYRE ONTO IO ISHIMORI! IO JUST DROPS ON HER BACK INSTANTLY AS LANCE GETS HIS FOOT AND PRESSES ONTO HER STOMACH! THERE’S A COVER ATTEMPT RIGHT THERE!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
Gina Romano: IO ISHIMORI HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!!!
Gavin Kirkland: AND THEN THERE WERE TWO! LANCE BLACKFYRE AND HARLOW REICHERT! ONE OUT OF THESE TWO COMPETITORS WILL WALK OUT WITH THIS SPECIAL OPPORTUNITY! HARLOW IS ON HER KNEES AS SHE IS TRYING TO GET SOME FEELING BACK TO HER FINGERS THAT WERE SNAPPED BY IO ISHIMORI! Io Ishimori did well for herself going into match! She got an elimination thanks to Viktor Stone and displayed her ruthless side going to the end of the match! Sadly, it was that Shattered Joy out of nowhere that happened to be her downfall! I wouldn’t understand how anyone would have been able to kick out of that move? Lance is looking down on Harlow! You can see the size advantage of theses two, but Harlow is not going to give up this match without a fight! She’s a fighter! She’s fought for everything that has earned! But, she seems to find herself in a disadvantage going into this match! Lance is stronger and bigger than her. As much as I would love to see Harlow pull off this win, I don’t see that happening at all.
Deadprez: HARLOW REICHERT IS GETTING BACK TO HER FEET! THIS IS ONE INTIMIDATING FORCE THAT SHE IS LOOKING AT! LANCE BLACKFYRE GETS HARLOW BY HER SHOULDERS AND THROWS HER ACROSS THE RING! HARLOW MANAGES TO SLIDE INTO A SEATED POSITION! LANCE IS TAKING A STEP BACK AS HARLOW SEEMS TO BE A BIT TAKEN BACK ABOUT LANCE’S STRENGTH! HARLOW MAKES HER WAY BACK UP TO HER FEET AS SHE GOES RIGHT AFTER LANCE, BUT LANCE MANAGES TO GET HIS GIANT HAND AND PRESSES IT IN FRONT OF HARLOW’S FACE BEFORE PUSHING HER AWAY! THERE, YOU CAN SEE THAT HARLOW’S GETTING A BIT IRRITATED, BUT SHE DOESN’T GIVE UP THERE! SHE GOES RIGHT AFTER LANCE WITH A FOREARM SMASH —
Gavin Kirkland: BUT, LANCE BLACKFYRE MANAGES TO BLOCK THAT FOREARM SMASH! HE PULLS HARLOW REICHERT CLOSER TO HIM BEFORE CONNECTING WITH A BEAR HUG! HE IS REALLY HOLDING HARLOW TIGHT! HARLOW IS USING EVERYTHING IN HER POWER TO GET OUT OF THIS MOVE, BUT LANCE WRENCHES IN THAT BEAR HUG! HE IS NOT PLANNING TO LET HARLOW GO AT ALL! HARLOW IS TRYING TO WIGGLE HERSELF OUT OF THE MOVE, BUT LANCE’S GRASP ON HER IS SO STRONG! THE OFFICIAL IS LOOKING AROUND HARLOW TO SEE IF SHE WANTS TO QUIT THIS MATCH, BUT HARLOW IS SHAKING HER HEAD NO! SHE STILL HAS SOME FIGHT IN HER! COME ON, HARLOW!
Deadprez: Lance Blackfyre saw that he wasn’t going to get Harlow Reichert to submit there! He just drops Harlow as she collapses to a seated position. Harlow looks up at the stronger man and gestures for him to give her everything that he has! Is Harlow crazy? The harder Lance hits her, the worse she is going to be left! Harlow is beginning to get back to a vertical base, LANCE GOES RIGHT AFTER MISS NO FUCKS GIVEN — OMEN OF DOOMSDAY — THE SUPERMAN PUNCH DROPS HARLOW, BUT IT SEEMS LIKE LANCE DOES NOT WANT TO GO FOR THE COVER THERE! HE PROBABLY COULD HAVE WENT FOR THE COVER THERE AND WON THE MATCH, BUT HE FEELS LIKE HE NEEDS TO PUT DOWN HARLOW FOR GOOD! LANCE GETS HARLOW BY HER ARM AND WHIPS HER TO THE CORNER! HARLOW LANDS HARSHLY ONTO THE CORNER, BUT LANCE GOES RIGHT AFTER HER LIKE A FREIGHT TRAIN!
Gavin Kirkland: HARLOW REICHERT MANAGES TO JUMP TO THE TURNBUCKLE AS LANCE BLACKFYRE GETS HIMSELF ENTANGLED BY THE ROPES! HARLOW CONNECTS WITH DOUBLE STOMP ONTO LANCE’S BACK! LANCE COLLAPSES TO THE GROUND, BUT HARLOW GETS ONE OF LANCE’S ARMS AND ENTANGLES IT WITHIN THE ROPES! THIS IS BRILLIANT, DEADPREZ! Harlow gets Lance’s other arm before entangling within the ropes! By doing this, Lance is limited with what he can do in this match! Harlow exits the ring and looks underneath the ring! Harlow has never been the one to resort to weapons, but it seems like she may have no other option if she wants to keep this freak of nature down! I wonder what she’s going to get?
Deadprez: Harlow pulls out some rope! It may not be the weapon that everyone has in mind going into the match, but I’m curious to see what Harlow does with it! Perhaps, she’s going to tie up Lance? Harlow gets Lance by his legs and proceeds to tie them up! She is eliminating another part of his body that Lance could be using other than his hand!
(Harlow Reichert proceeds to tie Lance Blackfyre’s legs in a series of complicated knots. She wants to make sure that all of her knots are secure before moving onto her next move!)
Gavin Kirkland: Harlow gets inside the ring once again before taking a few steps back — THE FLYING KNEE TO LANCE’S CHIN! BUT, THAT DOESN’T SEEM TO BE ENOUGH TO BRING THE BIG MAN DOWN! HARLOW TAKES ANOTHER STEP BACK BEFORE CONNECTING WITH ANOTHER FLYING KNEE TO LANCE’S CHIN! HARLOW THEN CONNECTS WITH ANOTHER ONE! AND ANOTHER ONE! AND ANOTHER ONE! AND ANOTHER ONE! AND ANOTHER ONE! AND ANOTHER ONE! LANCE BLACKFYRE WAS BLAST WITH EIGHT FLYING KNEES TO THE CHIN! Harlow untangles Lance’s arms from the ropes! Harlow manages to jump on Lance’s back before locking in Les Misérables! Harlow has that twister locked in! It’s what she used to submit Shane Gates in the beginning of this match! It seems like Harlow is struggling to warp her arms around his frame!
Deadprez: Lance Blackfyre is trying to fight himself out of this move! He refuses to let this match slip by! This man has been hit with eight flying knees to the chin and there’s still fight in him? That’s insane to even talk about! Harlow is doing everything in her power to wrench in that choke that she has on Lance! STILL, LANCE IS LOOKING FOR SOME SORT OF WAY TO GET OUT OF THIS HOLD! BUT, HARLOW IS NOT LETTING GO OF THIS MOVE!
Gavin Kirkland: Slowly, you can see Lance Blackfyre’s eyes closing! It seems like he is trying to fight himself with passing out! HE DOESN’T WANT TO DO IT, BUT HE CANNOT CONTROL HIM! HE NEEDS TO STAY AWAY AND FIGHT THIS MOVE! HARLOW IS BEGGING FOR HIM TO SUBMIT! HARLOW CAN SMELL VICTORY COMING TO HER! SHE NEEDS TO NOT LET THIS MOVE GO! SHE CANNOT LET THIS MATCH CONTINUE ANY LONGER THAN IT HAS! If Lance manages to get back up, she knows this match is over! There’s no coming back from this mess!
Deadprez: LANCE BLACKFYRE PASSES OUT! HE COULDN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE! HARLOW REICHERT WINS!!!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
(“Castle” plays up again as Harlow Reichert refuses to let go of the move. The official literally needs to get her to release the hold. After a bit of a struggle, Harlow releases the hold as she gets on her knees! A wave of emotion is racing through her. She had over lasted seven other competitors to win this special opportunity. It was a struggle to get to this point, but she wouldn’t change it at all.)
Gina Romano: THE WINNER OF THIS MATCH…HARRRRRLLLLLOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW REEEEIIIICCCHHHHEEEERRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTT!!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: Harlow Reichert won! She was one of my favorites going into the match, but I thought the power of Lance Blackfyre was going to take her down in the end! Lance is a freak of nature who made his presence known in this match. He managed to get two eliminations down and become the biggest threat in the match. Almost every competitor wanted to take this man down, but their greeds to win this match got the best out of them! Harlow displayed a ton of heart and determination! She wanted to win this match more than anyone and she got that!
Deadprez: You know that this victory means a lot to her. It makes me wonder what her special opportunity is? This woman has had her share of struggles and there were times where she wondered if she truly belonged! Despite the nickname, she showed that she gave a fuck about winning this match and she did!
Gavin Kirkland: Congratulations to Harlow Reichert!
(Harlow Reichert is shown getting to a vertical base. The emotion is still rushing through her. Meanwhile, Lance Blackfyre is still out cold from the submission move and officials are trying to get the ropes untied from his legs. The last shot is Harlow celebrating in the ring.)
(Commercial break — an ad for Planet Fitness featuring Xander Payne, who is seen eating a slice of pizza and a donut, one of the many perks of being a member of a Planet Fitness gym. “Look at these arms. I’ve never felt so buff.”)
(We return from commercial break to see Ahren Founier flexing in the mirror of the men’s locker room, puckering hips lips and showing himself love and praise, because who’s gonna love you any better than yourself? :wow: This goes on for quite a few moments, the crowd in the arena booing at the sight of Ahren on the jumbotron.)
(Suddenly, Ahren is interrupted and startled as the locker room door bursts open…)
???: BITCH I’M A THOT, GET ME LIT!
(Ahren turns his head over his shoulders and the camera follows. We spot Chris Elite and a select few members of the Bozo Victims Unit bombaring the locker room. The beautiful sound of Pop Smoke fills the area. Ahren, first prepares himself to shoo the BVU out of the room. Instead he raises his eyebrows and shrugs, as he can’t deny the music is actually quite good and doesn’t actually disturb him as much as he thinks it would.)
Chris Elite: GLLTTT!
(Detective Asston begins to twerk on Detective Biggums, Chris Elite pouring his bottle of Hennessy down her back. Being the nosy little fucker that he is, Ahren naturally leans closer to get a better look of Detective Asston.)
Ahren: (He squints.) No, it can’t be…
(He stares on for a few more seconds and eventually relaxes. He lets out a sigh of relief once he realizes that it’s not the woman he thinks it is.)
Chris Elite: :dahell: What you lookin at, bro? Damn.
Ahren Fournier: Oh, me? Nothing, I just thought I saw someone I knew–that girl with you, she looks oddly familiar…but that’s a different dumb thot, not the one I thought it was.
Chris Elite: Damn, don’t go disrespecting my detective that way, bro–but I’ll let it slide cause she really is a dumb thot. Plus it almost sounds like the thot in question might’ve been nothing but a DICKEATER. She probably deserves the hate you was ready to give her.
Ahren Fournier: Oh, she eats dick, all right, I’m sure of it. :mjpls: It’s just almost too bad it wasn’t mine–but I’m relieved, actually, for all I know, I could’ve caught something, y’know? Better off without her.
Chris Elite: I hear you. But a dickeater is still a dickeater, my friend. You can’t let those people continue to affect you like this.
Ahren Fournier: What do you mean?
Chris Elite: Man, I saw the way you looked at Asston. Like you was ready to murder that bitch. That kind of anger and hatred is something you need to learn to let go. Kassidy Heart isn’t worth the trouble.
Ahren Fourner: :oh: How did you know I was talking about Kassidy?!
Chris Elite: I didn’t, you just told me. :mjgrin: But anyways, bro, I saw all that shit unfold last season. It’s a damn shame, no man deserves that kind of treatment. We all about #MensRights in the BVU. I’d hate to see you find yourself in a situation like that one ever again–and my unit, we just happen to be experts in investigating and preventing that kind of dickeating behavior. We can spot it from miles away.
Ahren Fournier: Interesting…very interesting…what exactly do you guys do to dickeaters anyway? (Ahren rubs his hands together in a mischievous, menacing way.)
Chris Elite: Stay tuned later tonight and you’ll see. Here. In case you ever find yourself in need of our services.
(Chris Elite offers Ahren Fournier a BVU business card. Ahren stares down at the card for a moment, unsure of whether or not he should accept…but then suddenly takes it from Chris’ hand and shoves it in his pocket.)
Ahren Fournier: Damn, you got business cards?! Thanks, Chris, I–
Chris Elite: GLLLLTTTT!
(Pop Smoke continues to play as the Bozo Victims Unit exits the locker room, leaving Ahren alone once more. He turns back to the mirror and starts to pose once again as the music fades out in the distance and the camera fades back to the ring.)
(TWO WEEKS AGO: Ryan Wilson makes his intentions clear in an interview that he’s coming after Mark Michaels and the PURE Championship)
(LAST SATURDAY: Mark Michaels costs Ryan Wilson his match against Lance Blackfyre. Mark Michaels smiling on the top of the stage is shown before switching back into the Wells Fargo Center)
Gina Romano: THE FOLLOWING CONTEST IS SET FOR ONE FALL!!
Crowd: ONE FALL!!
Gina Romano: AND IT IS FOR THE EAW PURE CHAMPIONSHIP!!
(“My Way” by Limp Bizkit plays as Ryan Wilson walks out from behind the curtain and stops at the top of the ramp and scans around the Wells Fargo Center before slowly making his way to the ring)
Gina Romano: INTRODUCING FIRST THE CHALLENGER…FROM MONTREAL, QUEBEC, CANADA….WEIGHING IN AT TWO HUNDRED AND TWELVE POUNDS….HE IS “THE AGENT OF CHAOS”…..RRRYYYAAANNNN WWWIIILLSSSOOONNN!!!
Deadprez: You can just read the determination from Ryan Wilson like a book. That man is ready tonight and he’s ready to capture what he has been chasing for a long time which is that PURE Championship. I know for a fact he felt disrespected by Mark’s comments the past few weeks and he’s gonna use that for extra motive to get the job done tonight, what an opportunity for him tonight at Midsummer Massacre! He has to put everything together and throw everything he has and if he does that, I wouldn’t be shocked at all if we crown a new PURE Champion tonight!
Gavin Kirkland: :stopitslime: You sound just as delusional as he does.
Deadprez: I mean he isn’t called the Agent of Chaos for nothing and he will do whatever he has to do to win his first championship tonight. Let’s see if he’s got it in him.
(“My Way fades out as Ryan is warming up in his corner eagerly awaiting his opponent)
(“Just Cos You Got The Power” by Motörhead blares the speakers as the lights go out and Mark Michaels makes his way to the top of the stage wearing the PURE Championship around his waist before unhooking it and posing with it on the top of the ramp. Mark then places the championship on his shoulder and begins walking to the ring with both him and Ryan not taking their eyes off each other)
Gina Romano: AND HIS OPPONENT…..FROM MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA…WEIGHING IN AT TWO HUNDRED AND FORTY POUNDS…HE IS THE REIGNING PURE CHAMPION…..PUBLIC ENEMY NUMBER ONE…MAAAAAARK MIIIIIICHAAAAELS!!!
Deadprez: And here comes the champion. He made it clear to Ryan that he will stop at nothing to retain his championship tonight because he didn’t work this hard for a guy like Ryan to take it all away from him. The two have been in a battle of words all week long and I can’t wait to see what they can do together.
Gavin Kirkland: Oh yes, the guy who is trying to get us all out of a job here, when I JUST got another one here.
Deadprez: :skip: True true but you can’t deny his talents in the ring. Don’t forget how he won the title back at Pain For Pride when he turned the Red Queen into a literal red queen. That was just what he was willing to do to win the PURE Title, what will he do in order to keep it?
(Mark Michaels steps in the ring and goes face to face with Ryan holding his PURE Championship in Ryan Wilson’s face)
Gavin Kirkland: Damn you can feel the tension between these two from over here.
(Mark Michaels hands the PURE Championship to the referee and both men back into their respective corners)
(PURE Championship graphic flashes across the screen really quickly)
(The referee holds the PURE Championship high in the air, and then calls for the bell)
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Deadprez: AND HERE WE GO! This PURE Championship match is underway here as both men are circling the ring keeping their eyes locked on one another. Ryan and Mark both now holding out their arm to try to test each other strength..and WOAH Mark with a quick kick to the midsection to Ryan. Mark now hammering at the back of Ryan causing Ryan to drop to one knee and now Mark lifts up Ryan back to both feet and now drives Ryan into the corner throwing several shoulder thrusts into the midsection of Ryan and now he’s choking Ryan!! The referee begins the count!
Referee: ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIV- BACK IT UP!!
Deadprez: Mark raises his hands and now backs up a step…AND OH MY GOD MARK JUST SLAPPED THE LIFE OUT OF RYAN!!
Gavin Kirkland: :woah:
Mark Michaels (Without mic): YOU DON’T DESERVE TO BE HERE YOU PIECE OF—
Deadprez: And uh oh that seemed to have angered Ryan as Ryan lifts Mark and slams him into into the ground now throwing several shots at the head and body area! And Mark is trying to cover up as much as he possibly can and now the referee creates a bit of separation here and Mark uses this to his advantage as he quickly rolls out of the ring. Mark quickly checks his lip for blood looking a bit annoyed. Mark slowly climbs up the apron being very cautious here. Ryan Wilson is screaming for Mark to get back in the ring!
Mark Michaels: TELL HIM TO BACK UP!!
(Ryan Wilson demands a microphone)
Ryan Wilson: Ay Mark, you gonna get in here and be who you say you are now or are you gonna keep standing out there and being the pussy you’ve always been?!
Deadprez: :damn: And Mark is angry now as he sprints in the ring and charges at Ryan BUT RYAN CATCHES HIM IN A SMALL PACKAGE!!!
Deadprez: MARK KICKS OUT AT THE LAST SECOND!! Mark just saw his championship reign flash before his eyes and now both men are up and Ryan connects with a calf kick to the face of Mark!! Mark rolls out of the ring once again holding his face. And now look Ryan’s holding the ropes open for Mark. Mark once again taking his time to get back in the ring.
Gavin Kirkland: And now three centuries later Mark is back in the ring. We’re back at square one here as both men lock up in the center of the ring and now Mark has Ryan in a side headlock but Ryan runs and pushes Mark off him and Mark runs to the ropes and bounces back off them and charges at Ryan but Ryan drops to the ground causing Mark to step over and run off the opposite ropes and Mark runs right into a dropkick to the face from Ryan! Ryan now not wasting any time here as Mark is up to his feet quickly and backs into a corner and Ryan now throwing a right hand at Mark in the corner…and another! Ryan irish whips Mark to the opposite corner but Mark counters it and Mark now charges at Ryan but Ryan gets his foot up and stops Mark in his tracks! RYAN NOW CHARGES AT MARK FROM THE CORNER—BUT MARK CATCHES HIM AND TURNS IT INTO A SPINEBUSTER!! Mark likely knows that won’t put it away as he doesn’t go for the cover as he stands up and picks up Ryan immediately and is setting up for Snap Shot!
Deadprez: And Ryan is fighting it with all his will! Ryan is refusing to let Mark get a proper hold and now Ryan with the back body drop to Mark! Ryan knows the door is open for him and now Mark is to his feet again holding his back and now Ryan connects with a clothesline and then another one! And now Mark goes for a clothesline of his own but Ryan ducks underneath it and grabs the head of Mark—INVERTED HEADLOCK BACKBREAKER!! Ryan goes for the cover!!
Gavin Kirkland: Ryan should have known that wouldn’t be enough and it seems he knows it now as he’s measuring Mark waiting for Mark to get to his feet and now Mark turn around—RYAN LEAPS AT MARK BUT MARK CATCHES HIM IN MID AIR!! WE DON’T KNOW WHAT RYAN WAS ATTEMPTING TO DO…AND NOW MARK WALKS OVER TO THE ROPE AND THROWS RYAN WILSON OVER THE TOP ROPE TO THE OUTSIDE FLOOR!!
Deadprez: And it looks like Ryan may have hurt his knee on his landing as he’s holding his knee in pain. :lupe: Mark is taking his time in the ring trying to recover and now he rolls out of the ring and now he looks down at Ryan holding his knee in pain.
(Mark Michaels lets out a sadistic smile)
Gavin Kirkland: The fuck does he got in mind?! :lupe:
Deadprez: AND OH NO!! MARK LIFTS RYAN’S RIGHT LEG OFF THE ENTRANCE WAY AND HOOKS IT BETWEEN HIS ARM….NO!! HE JUST DROVE RYAN’S LEG RIGHT ONTO THE STEEL!!! IS THAT EVEN LEGAL IN PURE RULES?!
Gavin Kirkland: I mean it looks like it, the referee ain’t doing fucking jack shit bout it. But now he begins his count! And Mark gets in the ring and out to break the count before stalking Ryan ahain at the end of the entrance way by the ring.
Deadprez: MARK NOW REPEATEDLY DRIVING ELBOWS INTO THE INJURED KNEE OF RYAN WILSON!! RYAN’S SCREAMING IN AGONY AS MARK CONTINUES SMILING DELIVERING THIS ASSAULT!! MARK IS SMELLING BLOOD HERE!! Mark now lifts up Ryan and slowly puts him in the ring and now drags him by the leg while he’s on the outside of the ring to the ring post….OH COME ON NOW!! MARK NOW SLAMS RYAN’S INJURED KNEE INTO THE RING POST!! AND MARK DOES IT NOW REPEATEDLY!! COME ON REF STOP THIS!! THIS SHOULDN’T BE LEGAL!! Mark continues to laugh as Ryan is riving in pain. And now Mark slides back in the ring and is soaking in the extremely negative reaction from the crowd! And now he grabs the leg of Ryan and tries exiting the ring again but the referee is stepping in here—
Referee: YOU KNOW THIS IS A PURE WRESTLING MATCH!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?! THAT’S IT I’M CALLING FOR A—
Deadprez: AND OH MY GOD!!! RYAN WILSON JUST ROLLED UP MARK!!!
Gavin Kirkland: MARK GETS OUT IF IT!! HOLY SHIT!! AND MARK IS UP TO HIS FEET FAR QUICKER THAN RYAN AND HE JUST KICKED THE RIGHT KNEE OF RYAN!! COME ON NOW!! And Mark now looks seriously angry. If I were him I’d watch myself because he was just about to be disqualified from what it looked like a second ago before the rollup from Ryan. And Mark now picks up Ryan from off the mat and walks him to the corner and places him on the top rope—AND MARK GOES UP WITH HIM HERE LOOKING FOR A SUPERPLEX!!!! BUT RYAN IS BLOCKING IT!! RYAN IS THROWING BODY SHOTS TO MARK WHICH FORCES MARK TO LET GO AND NOW RYAN THROWS A RIGHT HAND—BUT MARK STAYS STEADY ON THE TOP ROPE AND NOW RYAN WILSON THROWING HEADBUTTS REPEATEDLY CAUSING MARK TO FALL DOWN TO THE MAT!! WHAT’S RYAN DOING HERE?! RYAN IS TRYING TO PULL OUT ALL THE STOPS HERE…..SWANTON BOMB!!!! BUT MARK GOT HIS KNEES UP!!!—AND HE TRANSITIONS NOW INTO THE LIBERATION HAS BEGUN!!! THE LEBELL LOCK IS LOCKED IN ON RYAN!!! IS RYAN GOING TO TAP HERE!? RYAN IS CLOSE ENOUGH TO THE ROPE AND HE KNOWS IT BECAUSE OF THE FAILED SWANTON BUT I DON’T KNOW IF HE HAS ENOUGH TO REACH IT ESPECIALLY WITH HIS BAD KNEE!!!
Mark Michaels: FUCKING TAP!!!
Deadprez: MARK HAS THE HOLD ON TIGHT AND RYAN SEEMS TO BE FADING HERE!!! AND RYAN HAS HIS HAND UP HIGH AS IF HE’S GONNA TAP OUT!!—BUT OUT OF PURE DESPERATION RYAN TAKES ONE GIANT LEAP AND REACHES THE ROPES AND NOW MARK’S FORCED TO BREAK THE HOLD!!
Deadprez: Mark now stands up and is thinking of what to do next and it looks like he knows what he’s gonna do next as he is awaiting for Ryan to get to his feet and now Ryan turns around hobbling and Mark grabs him—BUT RYAN THROWS A UPPERCUT TO THE FACE OF MARK!! CAUSING MARK TO STUMBLE BACK A BIT! MARK NOW WALKS RIGHT INTO A SUPERKICK FROM RYAN AND MARK IS DAZED HERE!!!—OHHHH MY GOD RYAN JUST GAVE MARK THE MIDDLE FINGER AND NOW HITS THE CHAOS THEORY!!! THE RKO CONNECTS BEAUTIFULLY!! AND NOW RYAN COVERS MARK!!! IT’S OVER!!!
Gavin Kirkland: RYAN WILSON HAS WON HIS FIRST CHAMPIONSHIP IN EAW!!!
Deadprez: MARK MICHAELS GETS THE SHOULDER UP AT THE VERY LAST POSSIBLE SECOND!!!! RYAN CAN’T BELIEVE IT!!—Ryan now looks around wondering what to do to win the PURE Championship and now he uses the ropes to help pull himself up and now is hobbling with his bad knee and he picks up what seems to be the dead weight of Mark Michaels and is setting up for another CHAOS THEORY!!!! BUT MARK COUNTERS IT PUSHING RYAN FORWARD AND NOW WHEN RYAN TURNS AROUND MARK CHOP BLOCKS THE INJURED KNEE OF RYAN!!! RYAN IS DOWN ON ALL FOURS HERE IN PAIN…AND MARK MICHAELS RUNS TO THE ROPES!!!—DOWNFALL!!!! THE CURBSTOMP CONNECTS!!! MARK COVERS RYAN!!!
Deadprez: RYAN KICKS OUT!!!!—AND MARK IS BESIDE HIMSELF HERE!!! MARK IS POUNDING THE MAT IN FRUSTRATION QUESTIONING THE REFEREE! MARK WASTES NO TIME HERE AS HE GOES FOR ANOTHER DOWNFALL!!—BUT RYAN GETS OUT OF THE WAY AND CATCHES MARK WITH A SUPERMAN PUNCH!!!! RYAN’S GOT THIS!!!—BUT MARK OUT OF PURE LUCK STUMBLES BACKWARDS AND ROLLS OUT OF THE RING!!
Gavin Kirkland: Jesus you talk about fate there and Ryan Wilson is looking down at Mark now and exits the ring to grab Mark and he places Mark in the ring and Ryan from the outside climbs up the apron and to the top rope and he steps down one turnbuckle as he awaits for Mark to get to his feet…..MARK TURNS AROUND!!—RYAN LEAPS….TORNADO DDT OF DEATH!!!—BUT MARK CAUGHT RYAN IN THE AIR AND SLAMS RYAN DOWN STOMACH FIRST ON THE MAT!!—AND NOW MARK TAKES A FEW STEPS BACK AND CONNECTS WITH DOWNFALL AGAIN!!!—BUT RYAN MOVES OUT OF THE WAY AGAIN!!—RYAN TRIES TO GET TO HIS FEET BUT HIS BAD KNEE DELAYS HIM AND MARK TAKES ADVANTAGE BY DELIVERING A DEVASTATING KNEE TO THE DOWNED RYAN WILSON!! DID YOU HEAR THAT?!?! AND MARK GOES FOR DOWNFALL AGAIN….AND IT CONNECTS!!!! IS THIS IT AS MARK SLOWLY COVERS RYAN?!?!?
Gavin Kirkland: :lupe:
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
(“Just Cos You Got The Power” by Motörhead hits as Mark Michaels rolls off Ryan and sits in the corner and is handed his PURE Championship at the same time as getting his hand raised sitting down)
Gina Romano: HERE IS YOUR WINNER……AND SSSTTTTIILLLLLL THE EAW PURE CHAMPION……MMMAAARRRKKK MMMICCCHHAAEELLLLLSS!!!!
Deadprez: Dammit man. In all honesty Mark should have been disqualified like three different times in that match but he didn’t, and he got the job done tonight and retained his PURE Championship!! He can also thank luck because he looked done after that Superman Punch. Take absolutely nothing away from Ryan, he should have won the championship on several occasions but fell short with a hurt knee. He for sure will be a future champion in this company if he can keep up these type of performances.
(The scene switches to Mark Michaels on the stage looking exhausted holding his PURE Championship while Ryan regains consciousness in the ring and looks on disappointed)
(Commercial break — an ad for Delta Airlines featuring Shane Gates. “Book your next vacation the right way, and make sure your destination has wifi by using the Delta app before you decide to go anywhere.”)
(“Enemy Strike” by Yuki Hayashi hits the speakers as Myles comes out in his signature ring gear. He seems to have a careless look on his face, almost like he just wants to get this match over with. It hasn’t been a secret that there has been tension between him and Xander Payne, but he is willing to put it aside in order to win this match.)
Deadprez: It doesn’t seem like Myles is all looking forward to this tag team match —
Gavin Kirkland: More like he doesn’t want to carry his fat ass partner tonight! I don’t blame Myles at all, but there is no denying how impressive this man is. He’s been dubbed the future and all that stuff. He managed to take Jamie O’Hara and put on the best match of his career. But, it wasn’t enough. He also got himself involved in Xander’s match with Jamie on Showdown last week!
Deadprez: It seems like he has no issues with either Jamie or Cameron, but has been wrapped in this situation that begun thanks to Xander Payne! Myles could have went on without worrying about this, but his loyalty towards his partner is what is keeping him involved in this situation!
(“Enemy Strike” dies down as “It Follows” by Cane Hill takes over. The boos begin to take over the Wells Fargo Center as Xander Payne walks out from the back. He stands next to his partner as he embraces the negative reception from the crowd.)
Gina Romano: THE FOLLOWING TAG TEAM MATCH IS SCHEDULED FOR ONE FALL —
Crowd: ONE FALL!!!!
Gina Romano: INTRODUCING FIRST…WEIGHING IN THE COMBINED WEIGHT OF…448 pounds…THEY ARE THE TEAM OF “THE SOLDIER”, MYLES AND “PAYNEKILLER”, XANDER PAYNE…THEEEEEEEE WIIIILLLLLLLLDDDDDDDCAAAARRRRRRRRDDDDDSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: I think I just felt this arena shake a bit. Not sure if that’s because of the sound of boos or Xander Payne just step foot into the arena. :lupe:
Deadprez: Are we beginning the fat jokes right now?
Gavin Kirkland: I can begin my jokes whenever I please. It must be one of the things that my Cleopatra loves about me the most! She normally tells me to shut up afterwards, but it must be because I’m so funny and she needs the time to laugh! But, here comes Myles’ lesser Australian tag team partner! He is probably the main reason why the Ava-O’Hara household hates him so much! I mean, who can blame them? He’s called Cameron Ella Ava a slut, not a real threat and berated her because she’s a woman. He’s constantly been calling Jamie O’Hara soft and not the way he once was! Xander’s managed to get a victory over Cameron, but he hasn’t defeated Jamie which is something that Myles can relate too.
Deadprez: How do you think The Wildcards are going to work with each other in this match?
Gavin Kirkland: As long as Xander gets out of Myles way, which seems impossible because…well…you know…but, I do see them standing a chance! These two are former Unified Tag Team Champions! Xander is one of the few men in this company that has been able to pin Kassidy Heart. Some people have stated that their loss at Pain for Pride should have been the end of The Wildcards. Winning this match could be proving a lot of people wrong!
(“It Follows” fades as “ULTRAnumb” by Blue Stahli blasts through the speakers. The crowd erupts as Cameron Ella Ava comes out in her signature ring attire, but with Midsummer Massacre colors. She does her signature twirl before having her arms out in confidence as she takes in the reception of the crowd.)
Gina Romano: INTRODUCING THEIR OPPONENTS…FIRST…FROM LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA…SHE IS “THE GODDESS”… CAAAMMMMEEERRRRROOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNN ELLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAA AAAAAAVVVAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: A woman. I stan. 😍😍 If Jamie O’Hara loses tonight, at least, he wins at life! But, Mrs. Jamie O’Hara refuses to let her hubby down! Like it was mentioned a bit with Xander, but Cameron has had the concept of her being a woman into question! Like, is it supposed to be a crime that Cameron can out wrestle most of the Showdown locker room? Is it supposed to be a crime that she looks beautiful as she does that? We need more beautiful women. We need more blondes and less Serena Bennetts.
Deadprez: Cameron Ella Ava found herself on the losing end of her match against Xander Payne two ago weeks on Showdown, which was met with some controversy! It seems like Cameron was a chance to redeem herself. Despite that victory Xander still has over here, Cameron doesn’t look at Xander as a threat. The feeling is the same with Jamie O’Hara. But, it could be that underestimating that costs this married duo to lose this match!
(“ULTRAnumb” dies down as “Ultimate Battle” by ZENTA plays through the speakers. The crowd maintains the energy as Jamie O’Hara walks out in his signature black leather jacket as he pops up the collar. He stands nice to Cameron Ella Ava as he takes in the scenery of the Wells Fargo Arena.)
Gina Romano: …AND INTRODUCING HER TAG TEAM PARTNER…FROM MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA…WEIGHING IN 190 POUNDS…HE IS “THE ACE OF ELITE ANSWERS WRESTLING”…JAAAAAMMMMMIIIIEEEEEEEEE OOOOOOOOOOO’HAAARRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: Is there any other couple that is as gorgeous as them? No homo, but Jamie O’Hara is the most handsome man in this match! Not only that, but he is one of the most talented wrestlers in this company. If it wasn’t for Mr. DEDEDE, he would be Answers World Champion. But, at least, Mr. DEDEDE has the title, so that no other bozo takes it from him..right? Mr. DEDEDE is watching this match..right? :lupe:
Deadprez: Better to be safe than sorry, but Jamie O’Hara seemed to play a similar role that Myles does for Xander Payne. Jamie really doesn’t have much of a role in this match, but he is being a good husband and sticking with his wife. But, that didn’t stop him from getting himself involved in the situation. He has been called “soft”, he has had his abilities in the ring questioned and its kind of irritated Jamie in the way. All of these claims, but Xander hasn’t been able to back them up. Instead, be just insults Jamie even more.
Gavin Kirkland: Honestly, it’s about damn time someone knock Xander Payne like twenty steps! Anything to get fatso to shut up would make my entire night! I want Jamie to knee him to the gym or something!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Deadprez: One out of the two tag team matches at Midsummer Massacre has begun! Jamie O’Hara and Cameron Ella Ava are deciding amongst themselves on who will begin the match for their opposition. The Wildcards are doing the exact same thing. It seems like Jamie and Cameron have agreed one the person to begin the match for their team — Cameron, of course. On the other hand, it seems like Xander Payne and Myles are still deciding on who will begin the match and face Cameron. Xander is raising his voice at his partner, insisting that he begin this match! “I got this match! I’ll win the match for us! You don’t have to lift a finger! I insist” is what Xander is telling Myles. That if they want to end as soon as possible, that Xander should be the one in the ring! In some weird way, I think Xander does have a fair shot of ending this match as soon as possible, Gavin!
Gavin Kirkland: HOW THE FUCK IS THIS FAIR? IT’S LIKE A 3-ON-1 HANDICAP MATCH RIGHT NOW! JAMIE AND CAMERON COUNT AS ONE PERSON AND XANDER COUNTS AS THREE PEOPLE. Also, I just realize that Myles is in this match. That’s how forgettable he is at the moment. How does make anything fair at all? Now, you’re expecting to Cameron to face this man who threw a roll of quarters like she was Felix Hartley in a strip club? Oh, no, no, no, I am looking forward to seeing Cameron get her revenge on that fat piece of shit. At the same time, I’m also scared for this woman. Can we get #PrayForCameron trending at the moment? All Xander needs to do is trip and fall on top of her and 2019 would have taken another soul.
Deadprez: No matter if you like it or not, Gavin; Xander Payne and Cameron Ella Ava are starting things off! It seems like they’re planning to resume where they left things off in their confrontation on Showdown two weeks ago! The two competitors meet up in the middle of the ring as Xander is sizing up his opponent. From their interactions, I don’t think Xander takes Cameron seriously at all as a competitor or as a woman. I mean, how many times has he insulted her in the past few weeks?
Gavin Kirkland: How dare he treat women the way he has? You could never see me treat a woman like that. :wow:
(The camera puts focus on Xander Payne and Cameron Ella Ava standing toe-to-toe in the center of the ring. Both of these competitors have not laid a hand one another. But, we see that Xander has begun his trash talking early. Xander seems to be trash talking, but Cameron doesn’t looked phased by his belittling insults.)
Xander Payne (off-mic): You’re nothing compared to me, Cameron! I’m going to give you the opportunity to tag in your husband into the match! Be a good little slut and make your way to the back. I can assure you what happens next is not going to be pretty. Be smart for once and tag him in!
Cameron Ella Ava (off-mic): Call me a slut one more time. I dare you.
Xander Payne (off-mic): Is that supposed to scare me? You don’t scare me…
Gavin Kirkland: CAMERON ELLA AVA LAUNCHES TOWARDS XANDER PAYNE — KNOCK BITCHES OUT — THE WICKED FOREARM SMASH ONTO XANDER PAYNE’S FACE! THIS MATCH IS FINALLY ROLLING AS XANDER FALLS BACK ONTO THE ROPES. CAMERON DOES NOT STOP THERE AS SHE IS THROWING SOME RAPID AND FIERY FISTS ON XANDER! There is nothing else in this world right now that is giving me as much delight than watching Cameron just beat the hell out of this fat ass. It’s what he deserves, Deadprez! All of these aggressive punches are bringing Xander down to an all fours position! Cameron runs towards Xander and delivers a low dropkick to the side of Xander’s skull! Xander falls to his side in response to that move! Cameron gets back to a vertical base as she is demanding for Xander to get back to his feet! When he shows signs of doing that, Cameron takes him down with a superkick, but only manages to bring Xander down to his knees! Cameron with a shoot kick to the face of Xander! Xander’s body goes back, but Xander manages to regain his balance as Cameron spins herself around and connects with another shoot kick!
Xander does the same thing as he did last time with his body going back! Before it can manage to regain his balance, she launches at him with sliding an axe handle clothesline! He is down as it seems like Cameron is going for the cover there, but Xander manages to lift Cameron off of him before the official can get in position for the count! Right away, Cameron gets back to her feet as Xander gets to his feet soon after. Cameron connects with a calf kick to his stomach! Xander staggers a bit back as Cameron springboards from the ropes and connects with the springboard roundhouse kick, but Xander manages to duck out of the way! Cameron stumbles on her way down and XANDER TAKES ADVANTAGE OF THAT! XANDER GETS HER IN GOOD POSITION BEFORE CONNECTING WITH A RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX, BUT THE FORMER OPENWEIGHT CHAMPION MANAGES TO CATCH HERSELF ON HER FEET! XANDER TURNS HIMSELF AROUND! CAMERON BOLTS AFTER HIM WITH A KNEE STRIKE TO THE SKULL OF XANDER PAYNE!
Deadprez: Xander Payne had no time to respond to that move at all as he gets knocked on his back! Cameron Ella Ava rebounds from the rope and connects with a knee drop on Xander! The nasty knee lands on face! Cameron goes for the quick cover! It seems like she is looking to end things here!
Deadprez: XANDER PAYNE LIFTS THE GODDESS UP AND THROWS HER OFF OF HIM! OUT OF THE FOUR COMPETITORS IN THE MATCH, XANDER HAS TO BE THE STRONGEST!
Gavin Kirkland: He is the biggest.
Deadprez: Cameron Ella Ava is down as Xander Payne makes his way back to his feet! Xander gets her up as he gets a good hold of her arm! Xander delivers an Irish whip as Cameron goes flying to the corner! Cameron cushions the collision to the corner! She manages to catch herself and prevent herself from crashing onto the corner harshly! Xander goes right after the woman with a clothesline, but Cameron manages to jump up as Xander runs shoulder first against the ring post! XANDER IS IN POSITION AS CAMERON GETS ON THE TOP TURNBUCKLE BEFORE CONNECTING WITH A DOUBLE FOOT STOMP ON XANDER PAYNE! THE IMPACT OF THE MOVE ALLOWS FOR XANDER TO GET OUT OF THE MOVE, BUT IT SEEMS LIKE CAMERON IS NOT DONE HERE! SHE IS GOING TO MAKE SURE THAT XANDER GETS WHAT IS COMING TO HIM! CAMERON EXITS THE RING AS SHE MAINTAINS HOLD OF ONE OF XANDER’S LEGS AND GOES NEAR THE RING POST! CAMERON GETS XANDER’S LEG AS SHE POSITIONS THEM IN FRONT OF THE RING POST! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHERE THINGS ARE GOING, GAVIN? :lupe:
Gavin Kirkland: They hurt just thinking about this move! :lupe: Xander Payne is shaking his head no! It seems like he’s almost pleading with Cameron Ella Ava not to do this move, BUT CAMERON HAS SUCH A SINISTER GRIN ON HER FACE BEFORE NOT EVEN GIVING A SECOND THOUGHT BEFORE PULLING XANDER TOWARDS THE RING POST WITH SUCH FORCE! :damn: :damn: :damn: THE LOOK ON THAT FAT FUCK’S FACE SAYS EVERYTHING THAT YOU NEED TO KNOW, DEADPREZ! THE LOOK OF PAIN ON XANDER PAYNE’S FACE AS HE GIVES OUT THE BIGGEST CRY OUT PAIN THAT WE HAVE SEEN TONIGHT SO FAR! HE IS CLUTCHING TO HIS FRONT AS I THINK EVERY MAN IN THAT RING MUST HAVE CRINGED OF THE PAIN AS WELL! I’M JUST CRINGING OF THE PAIN JUST THINKING ABOUT IT. However, I think that our beloved chairman has a thing for torturing his balls — but, I’m not sure if anyone knows that. Cameron rolls herself back inside the ring as Xander is on his knees, still clutching onto his body parts, backing away to his corner! He turns to look at Myles, who looks pretty amused with what had just happened! But, at the same time, he’s trying to feel his partner’s pain!
Myles (off-mic): You still think you can end this match by yourself? :eyes:
Xander Payne (off-mic): You wanna help so badly?
Xander Payne (off-mic): There! She’s your problem to deal with!
Deadprez: It seems like Xander Payne (and his little Paynes) have had enough with Cameron Ella Ava at the moment! Myles inserts himself into the match as he is looking to step toe-to-toe with The Goddess. The two Elitists get themselves in position for the collar-and-elbow tie up! The two competitors are trying to push the other towards the ropes, but both of them are not moving an inch! But, as you look closer towards Cameron Ella Ava, you could see the struggle on her face as Myles’ strength was enough to push her towards the vertical ropes! Myles holds her there for a second — but, CAMERON MANAGES TO MOVE HERSELF OUT OF THE CORNER AND PROCEEDS TO CHOP MYLES INTO THE CHEST! THOSE CHOPS DON’T LOOK PLEASANT AT ALL, GAVIN! CAMERON WITH ANOTHER CHOP TO MYLES’ CHEST BEFORE BACKING AWAY AND RUNNING TOWARDS THE FORMER UNIFIED TAG TEAM CHAMPION AND CONNECTING WITH A DROPKICK THAT TAKES MYLES DOWN TO HIS KNEES!
Cameron rushes over and goes to connect with shoot kick, but Myles is able to grab her by the leg turns herself around and connect with a hair pull takedown on the woman! Cameron tries to make it to her feet, but Myles beats her to the punch before connecting with a knee strike that takes The Goddess down to her knees! Myles gets her up before whipping her to the corner! Myles charges towards her and connects with a big boot to the corner! Cameron stumbles forward as Myles rebounds from the horizontal ropes to connect with a kitchen sink! Cameron flips herself around to a seated position! Myles is not stopping as he connects with a basement dropkick that drops Cameron to her back! The Soldier goes for the cover!
Gavin Kirkland: Mrs. Jamie O’Hara manages to power out at two! Myles looks to continue to shift this match to his team’s favor by applying a headlock on Cameron Ella Ava! He manages to maintain the headlock on Cameron as he drops to one knee! Cameron is trying to push herself out of the headlock, but Myles continues to wrench in the headlock! Myles releases the headlock before rebounding off the ropes and connecting with a shoulder block on Cameron! Myles follows that up by connecting with a vertical suplex on her! Cameron tries to make it to a vertical base, but Myles connects with a calf kick that takes The Goddess down to one knee! Myles follows that with a sliding and running forearm! Myles gets Cameron by her arm and whips her to the corner! He runs towards the beautiful woman connecting with an enziguri to her at the corner before getting her by the head and connecting with a rolling snapmare, but Myles is able to prevent herself from being rolled! Cameron has her feet planted firmly on the ground as she pushes Myles forward before delving a powerful kick to his back! Cameron with a dropkick to the back of Myles as he falls down to his knees! Cameron with a knee to the back of Myles’ head as The Soldier falls! Cameron gets Myles to his feet and twists his arm before making her way to the corner to that beautiful husband of hers!
Deadprez: Jamie O’Hara makes his first appearance in the match as Cameron Ella Ava makes his way to their corner! Jamie gets a good hold of Myles — DEATH, DECAY AND WINDY DAYS — THE SPINNING FISHERMAN’S BUSTER! MYLES IS DOWN, BUT JAMIE’S WORK HAS JUST BEGUN! MYLES GETS TO HIS FEET, BUT JAMIE GETS MYLES IN POSITION BEFORE CONNECTING WITH A SNAP SUPLEX! MYLES COLLIDES WITH THE CORNER! JAMIE TAKES A COUPLE STEPS BACK AS MYLES CLUTCHES TO HIS BACK AND RISES BACK TO HIS FEET! MYLES GRASPS ONTO THAT CORNER! THE FORMER WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION RUSHES TOWARDS THE SOLDIER, BUT MYLES DELIVERS A KICK THAT STAGGERS JAMIE BACK! MYLES GETS ON THE TOP ROPE — CORNER SPRINGBOARD BACK ELBOW ONTO JAMIE O’HARA!
Gavin Kirkland: No! But, Jamie manages to catch Myles and flips him over the top of his head. Myles manages to land on his feet as Jamie turns himself around! Myles kicks Jamie in the stomach before pulling him in with a DDT! Myles manages to get Jamie to his knees before getting The Ace by his arms! Myles pulls in Jamie, connecting with a grounded knee lift! Jamie falls forward as Myles connects with a switchblade kick as that keeps Jamie down! Myles goes to his corner and tags in Xander Payne into this match! FUCK! CAN HE NOT STEP INTO THE RING? I SWEAR, IF XANDER IS EVER IN CALIFORNIA, THAT’S WHEN CALIFORNIA WILL EXPERIENCE THE BIG ONE! XANDER JUST NEEDS TO STEP FOOT INTO THAT HUMID AS FUCK CALIFORNIA SOIL AND SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA WILL BE IN THE SEA! MYLES HAS JAMIE O’HARA ON HIS SHOULDERS, BUT CHUBB CHUBB MCGEE MANAGES TO DROP JAMIE WITH A POWERBOMB! THIS IS WHAT THEY CALL THE TOSS POWERBOMB AS XANDER STAYS THERE FOR THE COVER! KICK OUT, JAMIE! COME ON!
Deadprez: Jamie rolls out of the pin fall attempt! But, that doesn’t seem to faze the former New Breed God! Xander picks up Jamie by his shoulder and rams him to the corner! Xander connects with a series of turnbuckle thrusts onto Jamie’s ribs! After the last turnbuckle thrust, Jamie drops down to a seated position as Xander has an evil smirk on his face before backing up! I’m looking over towards you, Gavin! I think you know what we should be expecting! Xander runs towards Jamie to connect with a cannonball senton!
Gavin Kirkland: OH MY GAWD, THAT FAT FUCK JUST KILLED THE ACE! HOW DARE HE KILL THIS BEAUTIFUL SPECIMEN WE CALL JAMIE O’HARA? HOW DARE HE LEAVE CAMERON ELLA AVA A WIDOW! IF I WASN’T ALREADY COMMITTED TO MY LOVELY CLEOPATRA, I WOULD BE THERE TO COMFORT CAMERON, BUT CAMERON IS A STRONG AND INDEPENDENT WOMAN. SHE DOESN’T NEED ANYONE’S HELP. :wow:
o…so Jamie’s flattened like a pancake! I just hope Xander doesn’t feel tempted to eat Jamie right now! :lupe: Xander rolls back to his feet as he gets Jamie! Xander gets Jamie in position for a powerbomb! Xander is looking towards the corner before he throws Jamie towards the corner! A turnbuckle powerbomb on Jamie! Jamie stumbles forward, but Xander connects with spinebuster on Jamie! I would not be shocked if Jamie ends up with back problems by the end of this match! Xander does that with a majority of the people who carry him through these matches!
Xander gets Jamie by his head and proceeds to headbutt the living hell out of him! He is looking to concussion Jamie as well? Why does he hate my baby boy Jamie? What did he ever do to deserve any of this? Xander stops headbutting Jamie, but Jamie out of nowhere counters with a headbutt of his own! But, Xander manages to shift this match back into his favor with a giant headbutt of his own! Xander is not going to waste any time by getting Jamie back to his feet! XANDER WHIPS JAMIE TOWARDS THE ROPES! XANDER CONNECTS WITH A HIP TOSS ON JAMIE! JAMIE FALLS ONTO A SEATED POSITION AS XANDER JUMPS OVER HIM, REBOUNDS OFF THE ROPES TO CONNECT WITH A BASEMENT DROPKICK ON HIM! I’M SURPRISED THAT XANDER COULD EXECUTE A DROP KICK! :notbad:
Deadprez: There is a ton of people who hate how Xander Payne carries himself, but you got to give him credit where it’s due! He has proven to be more athletic than people would think of him being! Xander gets a hold of Jamie O’Hara by his his leg! Xander is going for a Boston crab on Jamie! This is a trouble position to be in! Xander is someone how would take a submission victory over Jamie! I don’t think there is anyone in the locker room that can say that they’ve made Jamie submit at all! Is there anyone that can say that they did that? Xander has Jamie trapped in the center of the ring! I cannot imagine Xander’s entire weight being pressed onto Jamie’s back! Jamie is extending his arms for that bottom rope, but it seems too far from him in the end! Jamie has three options at the moment: get to the bottom rope, counter this move or submit and there’s no way that Jamie is going to do the last option! BUT, IT DOES SEEM LIKE JAMIE IS GOING TO TRY HIS LUCK WITH TRYING TO ROLL HIMSELF OUT OF THE BOSTON CRAB, BUT THAT’S NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM TO ACCOMPLISH! IN THE PROCESS, IT SEEMS LIKE XANDER IS STRUGGLING TO KEEP THIS SUBMISSION MOVE LOCKED IN! JAMIE IS GETTING XANDER BY HIS LEFT LEG AS HE IS USING IT TO HELP HIM TWIST HIMSELF OUT OF THE BOSTON CRAB! BUT, XANDER GETS HIS KNEE AND PRESSES IT AGAINST JAMIE’S SKULL!
Gavin Kirkland: Xander Payne is happy about what he is doing to Jamie O’Hara, Deadprez! He doesn’t give a damn if he murders this man! He doesn’t care about what he needs to do to get The Wildcards a victory! But, look at this! — JAMIE IS TRYING TO TWIST HIMSELF OUT OF THE BOSTON CRAP! JAMIE IS GOING TO NEED ALL THE STRENGTH IN THE WORLD TO GET OUT OF THE BOSTON CRAB — BUT JAMIE MANAGES TO TWIST HIMSELF OUT OF THE SUBMISSION HOLD! At the same time, Jamie twists the Paynekiller away from him! For the moment, it seems like Jamie is on noodle legs! Tagging in his fresher partner in Cameron Ella Ava would be a great way to get this match back to his favor! Xander runs towards Jamie, but Jamie connects with a slingblade that takes down the former New Breed Champion! That move was enough to take each man down! Jamie O’Hara gets to his feet as he gets Xander back to his feet, but Xander manages to push Jamie away from him for the time being! But, JAMIE GOES RIGHT AFTER THE FATTER MAN WITH SUPERKICK THAT STAGGERS XANDER BACK! JAMIE REBOUNDS FROM THE ROPES AND FOLLOWS UP THAT SUPERKICK WITH A KNEE STRIKE TO XANDER’S SKULL! THAT SKULL TAKES THE BIGGER MAN DOWN! IT SEEMS LIKE JAMIE IS LOOKING TO WRAP UP THIS MATCH RIGHT NOW AS HE GETS HIMSELF ON THE TOP ROPE!
Deadprez: This match isn’t going to wrap up if Myles has anything to do about it! Cameron Ella Ava races to the ring and knocks Myles down with an axe handle! Myles rolls himself out of the ring as he regains his balance! Cameron launches onto Myles through the middle rope and connects with a suicide dive! Cameron and Myles fall ringside, bUT CAMERON GETS BACK TO HER FEET AND MAKES HER WAY BACK TO THE CORNER! MEANWHILE WITH THE DISTRACTION, XANDER PAYNE MANAGES TO PUSH JAMIE O’HARA WHO WAS SITUATED ON THAT TOP ROPE! JAMIE CRASHES IN AN UNCOMFORTABLE POSITION ON THE TOP TURNBUCKLE!
Gavin Kirkland: Cameron Ella Ava makes a tag to Jamie’s shoulder that was seen by the official, BUT I DON’T THINK THAT XANDER PAYNE IS AWARE OF WHAT IS HAPPENING AT THE MOMENT! XANDER HAS JAMIE O’HARA IN POSITION FOR THE PAYNEKILLER — THE PACKAGE PILEDRIVER ON THE FORMER WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION! OH MY GAWD, THIS IS WHERE JAMIE REALLY DIES? :lupe: THE PAYNEKILLER CONNECTS ON JAMIE! THE ACE GOES CRASHING DOWN!
Deadprez: GLASS CEILING ON XANDER PAYNE! THE TOP ROPE STUNNER THROWS XANDER BACK! CAMERON GETS DOWN TO GET THE COVER ON XANDER! THIS MAY BE OVER, GAVIN!
Gavin Kirkland: Myles manages to get Xander Payne and rolls him out of the ring! Once again, it seems like Myles is there to make sure that Xander doesn’t cost his team the match! Cameron could have been seconds away from a victory there, Deadprez! BUT, IT SEEMS LIKE CAMERON IS NOT GOING TO GIVE XANDER A CHANCE TO BREATHE! CAMERON FLIPS HERSELF OUTSIDE OF THE RING! TOPE CON HILO ON XANDER PAYNE!
Deadprez: XANDER PAYNE MANAGES TO CATCH CAMERON ELLA AVA FROM MID AIR AND THROWS HER ENTIRE WEIGHT TO OUR ANNOUNCER’S TABLE! CAMERON JUST BARELY LANDED ON YOU, GAVIN! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?
Gavin Kirkland: I told you I have women constantly throwing themselves at me. :wow:
Deadprez: :unamused: …XANDER PAYNE TURNS HIMSELF AROUND AS HE IS MET WITH A TOPE CON HILO BY JAMIE O’HARA! XANDER MANAGES TO FIND HIMSELF ON THE RECEIVING END OF THE MOVE AS THAT TAKES HIM OUT OF THE MATCH FOR THE TIME BEING! Meanwhile, Myles comes to the aid of his tag team partner, but Jamie manages to connect with a knee to Myles’ stomach! Jamie gets Myles by his arm and connects with a hip toss on top of Xander! Jamie gets Myles back to his feet as getting him by the arm and whipping him towards the barricade! Myles’ back is met with the barricade as Jamie runs towards Myles! Myles gets his foot up and kicks Jamie away from him, but Jamie manages to get Myles by his leg before connecting with a dragon screw leg whip on The Soldier! Myles is clutching to his right leg and it seems like Jamie is doing a fantastic job with taking care of both members of The Wildcards! Xander goes running towards Jamie, but Jamie connects with a back kick on Xander, which stops him in his tracks! Jamie gets on top of the barricade as he is stalking Xander back to his feet! Jamie jumps from the barricade—
Gavin Kirkland: XANDER PAYNE JUST CAUGHT JAMIE O’HARA WITH A BLOODY NOSE FROM MID-AIR! HOW IN THE HELL WAS FAT ASS PAYNE ABLE TO DO THAT? HE JUST NAILED THE ACE WITH ONE OF THE BIGGEST BLOODY NOSES THAT XANDER HAS PROBABLY EVER THROWN! JAMIE DROPS DOWN! OH GAWD, JAMIE IS BLEEDING FROM HIS NOSE. MYLES MAKES IT BACK TO HIS FEET AS XANDER GETS MYLES AND HE BODY SLAMS MYLES ONTO JAMIE! THE WILDCARDS ARE IN CONTROL OF THIS MATCH! XANDER GETS JAMIE BY HIS HEAD! XANDER THROWS JAMIE HEAD FIRST AGAINST THE RING POST! :damn: Did you hear that nose, Deadprez? Not the sound of my heartbreaking, but the sound of Jamie’s skill slamming onto that metal! For the first time in this match, I can fully say that Jamie is down and out! I think The Wildcards were able to get Jamie out of the equation! Now, they have one person to worry about… :lupe:
Deadprez: CAMERON ELLA AVA JUMPS ONTO XANDER PAYNE’S BACK! IT SEEMS LIKE CAMERON IS TRYING TO LOCK IN A SLEEPER HOLD ON THE PAYNEKILLER!
Gavin Kirkland: XANDER PAYNE JUST FLIPPED CAMERON ELLA AVA OVER HIM WITH AN EASE! CAMERON’S BACK COLLIDES WITH THE EDGE OF THE APRON! :damn: THAT MUST HAVE HURT LIKE A SERENA BENNETT! CAMERON MUSTERS UP SOME STRENGTH TO ROLL BACK INTO THE RING! XANDER IS FOLLOWING THE GODDESS INSIDE THE RING! XANDER GETS CAMERON UP TO HER FEET — OVERDOSE! THE CANADIAN RACK DROPPED ONTO A KNEE CONNECTS AS XANDER GOES FOR THE COVER! COME ON, CAM! KICK OUT! YOU CAN’T LET HIM WIN!
Deadprez: Cameron Ella Ava kicks out at two! Cameron is still in this match for her team! Xander Payne is doing everything in his power not to get frustrated. He goes over to his corner and tags in Myles into the match! It seems like both members of The Wildcards are looking forward to breaking down Cameron Ella Ava! Jamie O’Hara is out of the equation for the time being. Who knows if he’ll somehow get up from his head colliding with the ring post? Myles gets Xander Payne and body slams him on top of Cameron Ella Ava! That must have not been pleasant at all! Xander falls onto of Cameron’s stomach! Xander gets back to his apron as he leaves Myles to continue inflicting as much punishment on Cameron as possible! MYLES GETS HIS KNEE AND BEGINS TO SLAM IT AGAINST THE SIDE OF CAMERON’S SKULL! MYLES’ STRIKES ARE SOMETHING THAT PEOPLE NEED TO BE WORRIED ABOUT IN THIS MATCH! MYLES HAS A STANDING ARMBAR APPLIED ON CAMERON! MYLES PULLS BACK HER ARM AS CAMERON BEGINS TO CRY OUT IN PAIN! MYLES TRANSITIONS THE STANDING ARMBAR TO THE STANDARD ARMBAR! CAMERON IS TRAPPED IN THE CENTER OF THE RING! SHE HAS NO WHERE TO GO! JAMIE IS STILL LYING DOWN OUT COLD RINGSIDE! CAMERON IS TRYING TO DRAG HER BODY TO THE BOTTOM ROPE! SHE BEGINS TO MOVE, BUT MYLES MANAGES TO PULL HER BACK IN. HE STILL HAS THE ARMBAR ON HER! THINGS ARE NOT LOOKING SO GOOD FOR HER, GAVIN!
Gavin Kirkland: Jamie, please rise back from the dead. :mjcry: Myles begins to slam his foot against Cameron Ella Ava’s head! Cameron should quit here, but women are so fucking stubborn! I should know, Deadprez! Cleopatra is one of the most stubborn bitches I know.
Deadprez: Isn’t she watching this match right now? 🤔
Gavin Kirkland: o … I mean, ily, Cleo. ❤️
Deadprez: Nice save there, pal. Myles unapplies the armbar on Cameron Ella Ava! Cameron was not going to submit there! But, it seems like Cameron is a bit dazed for the time being! Cameron goes right after Myles, but Myles stops her with a strike combination — he connects with some chest strikes, then a spin kick to Cameron’s stomach — which drops her to her knees— before following all of that up with knee strike that takes Cameron to her back! Myles runs over to the former Women’s World Champion and goes for the cover!
Gavin Kirkland: Cameron gets a shoulder up at two! The fact that Cameron Ella Ava has been able to stay in this match for as long as she has shown her determination. It shows that nothing is going to keep her down! But, by the look on The Soldier’s face, he wants to wrap this match up! He has Cameron where he wants her as he has her up — DE FACTO ON THE GODDESS! THE SPINNING PUMP HANDLE SAMOAN DROP ON CAMERON ELLA AVA AS HE GOES FOR THE COVER! JAMIE IS STILL DOWN FROM THE BRUTAL ATTACK FROM THE WILDCARDS!
Deadprez: JAMIE O’HARA SPRINGS BACK TO LIFE AS HE SLIDES UNDERNEATH THE BOTTOM ROPE! JAMIE RACES FOR THE COVER!
Gavin Kirkland: THAT FAT BIH XANDER PAYNE MANAGES TO GET JAMIE O’HARA BY HIS FEET! HE IS HOLDING HIM BACK! JAMIE CAN’T BREAK UP THE COVER!
Deadprez: — JAMIE O’HARA MANAGES TO GET MYLES BY HIS FOOT AND PULLS HIM OFF THE COVER ON CAMERON ELLA AVA! JAMIE JUST BARELY SAVED THE MATCH FOR HIS TEAM RIGHT THERE! MYLES ROLLS ONTO HIS SIDE TO RECOVER, BUT JAMIE MANAGES TO KICK XANDER AWAY FROM HIM! XANDER IS NOT LETTING GO OF JAMIE O’HARA, BUT JAMIE DELIVERS ONE LAST KICK THAT KNOCKS XANDER TO A SEATED POSITION AT RINGSIDE! IT SEEMS LIKE SOME NEW LIFE HAS APPEARED WITHIN JAMIE! JAMIE GETS TO HIS CORNER AS HE IS EXTENDING HIS HAND OUT FOR CAMERON TO TAG IN! XANDER IS DEMANDING FOR MYLES TO TAG HIM BACK INTO THE MATCH!
Gavin Kirkland: Myles did the worst thing that he could do in this match — he tags in that dweeb of a partner of his! Meanwhile, Cameron is trying to drag herself to her corner to tag in her handsome husband of her’s, but Xander manages to get Cameron Ella Ava by her leg and pulls her away from Jamie! What a fucking cock blocker. I can’t stand people like that! Cameron is still trying to extend her hand out to Jamie, but Xander is going to do everything in his power to keep Cameron away from Jamie! The moment Jamie enters this match, it’s over for The Wildcards! Cameron counters with an enziguri as that staggers Xander a bit before falling to his knees! Cameron has her opening as she jumps towards Jamie O’Hara!
Deadprez: The Ace of Elite Answers Wrestling is in the match!
Gavin Kirkland: :blessed: :blessed: :blessed: !!!!!
Deadprez: Xander Payne goes right after Jamie O’Hara with a clothesline, but Jamie connects with a dropkick to Xander’s feet that drops him down to his knees! Jamie goes rushing towards Myles at his corner and dropkicks him off the apron! Jamie shifts his attention back to Xander, who is slowly getting back to his feet, but Jamie slides towards him and connects with a grounded running uppercut on Xander! Xander pops back in response as Jamie follows that up with running knee that takes Xander to the ropes! Jamie gets Xander in position before using all of his strength and connecting with a snap dragon suplex! Xander falls to a seated position as Jamie follows that up with a superkick! Xander falls as Myles with the missile dropkick onto Jamie O’Hara out of nowhere! Myles just took down The Ace! Jamie somehow makes it back to his feet, but Myles runs towards the former World Heavyweight Champion and driving a knee against his nose! You can see a bit of Jamie’s nose trickling down with blood! It seems like Xander began the process with the Bloody Nose earlier in the match!
Gavin Kirkland: GODDESS’ TOUCH BY CAMERON ELLA AVA TAKES MYLES DOWN! BUT, XANDER PAYNE MANAGES TO PUSH CAMERON ONTO THE ROPES — POP UP POWERBOMB ON CAMERON! THAT TAKES HER OUT OF THE EQUATION AS SHE ROLLS HERSELF OUTSIDE THE RING! NOW, THE GIANT BLOB IS LEFT IN THE RING WITH JAMIE O’HARA! THERE IS NOTHING STOPPING HIM FROM CAPITALIZING ON THIS VICTORY! XANDER GETS JAMIE UP! PAYNEKILLER — PACKAGE PILEDRIVER ON JAMIE! JAMIE IS DROPPED ON THE TOP OF HIS HEAD AS XANDER HOLDS HIM THERE FOR THE COVER! THIS IS OVER, DEADPREZ! :sob: :sob: :sob:
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! THR—
Deadprez: BUT, WAIT!
Gavin Kirkland: THERE’S MORE?!??! Jamie O’Hara manages to kick out at the last second! Xander Payne is in shock at the moment! Jamie has been through so much assault in this match, but he still has a ton of fight in him! Xander is trying to tell our official that it was a three count! The Wildcards should be declared the winner of this match! Meanwhile at ringside, you have Cameron Ella Ava and Myles recovering after being hit with finishers! This is all Xander and Jamie at this point! Xander gets Jamie back to his feet! It seems like he’s going for a second Paynekiller on Jamie O’Hara! If Xander manages to hit this move again, it’s all over! The idea that someone was able to kick out of the move once was mind blowing, but twice? That’s crazy talk over there!
Deadprez: Jamie O’Hara is not letting Xander Payne connect with the Paynekiller for a second time! He is refusing for himself to get in position for the hold!
Gavin Kirkland: JAMIE WITH A BACK BODY DROP AS XANDER GOES CRASHING BEHIND HIM! JAMIE WITH A SLING BLADE RIGHT AT XANDER! THAT TAKES THE BIGGER MAN DOWN! JAMIE GETS CHUB CHUB AND WHIPS HIM TO THE CORNER! JAMIE WITH THE JOHN WOO DROPKICK TO XANDER AT THE CORNER! BUT, THAT DOESN’T SEEM TO TAKE XANDER DOWN ENOUGH, SO JAMIE CONNECTS WITH ANOTHER JOHN WOO DROPKICK! THAT STAGGERS XANDER DOWN TO HIS KNEES —
Deadprez: IN EXCELSIS! THE RUNNING BICYCLE KNEE STRIKE TO THE SKULL OF XANDER PAYNE, BUT XANDER PAYNE IS GOING DOWN! HE IS DONE FOR THE NIGHT! BUT, BY THE EVIL GRIN ON JAMIE’S FACE, IT SEEMS LIKE HE IS NOT DONE HERE YET! JAMIE O’HARA RUNS TOWARDS XANDER AGAIN WITH ANOTHER IN EXCELSIS! XANDER IS GOING DOWN! AT THIS POINT, IT SEEMS LIKE JAMIE IS JUST TOYING WITH HIM! JAMIE IS GESTURING FOR XANDER TO GET TO HIS FEET, BUT I DON’T THINK THAT XANDER HAS ANY ENERGY TO CONTINUE THIS MATCH. JAMIE GOES FOR A THIRD IN EXCELSIS!
Gavin Kirkland: CAMERON ELLA AVA BLASTS XANDER PAYNE WITH A THIRD IN EXCELSIS TO THE BACK OF HIS SKULL! CAMERON WANTED TO GET HER OWN PIECE OF REVENGE FROM XANDER! THAT CAME OUT OF NOWHERE, BUT IT WAS ENOUGH TO GET XANDER DOWN! JAMIE GOES FOR THE COVER!
Deadprez: BUT, MYLES IS TRYING TO GET HIMSELF BACK INTO THE RING, BUT CAMERON DELIVERS A BASEBALL SLIDE DROPKICK ONTO MYLES, WHICH DROPPED HIM FROM THE APRON!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
(“Ultimate Battle” plays through the speakers as Jamie O’Hara is on his knees after the battle that he went through. Cameron Ella Ava rolls back into the ring to help her husband back to her feet.)
Gina Romano: THE WINNERS OF THIS MATCH …. THE TEAM OF CAMERON ELLA AVA AND JAAAAAAMMMMMMIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE OOOOOOOOOO’HAAAAARRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: Yes! The right team won! There were a few occasions in this match where The Wildcards could have won this team! If these two managed to show the unison throughout the entire match, they could have stood a chance at defeating Jamie and Cameron. Myles may have hyped about him being great individual competitors. So are Jamie and Cameron, but they can also work well as a team.
Deadprez: Credit to The Wildcards. I mean, it took three In Excelsis to take Xander Payne down!
Gavin Kirkland: Deadprez, please. Xander was out from the first In Excelsis. It was obvious from the look on his face. Jamie just showing the world why he is a giant cunt. But, we knew that already. :wow: Meanwhile, Cameron just felt petty as fuck, but can’t all women sometimes?
Deadprez: Congratulations to Cameron Ella Ava and Jamie O’Hara from getting the victory! These two went to war, but they didn’t give up!
(Cameron Ella Ava helps roll Jamie O’Hara out of the ring. He ends up stumbling down, but Cameron manages to pick him up. At the same time, it seems like Jamie is checking on her to see she is alright, but she gives him a reassuring smile before she helps her husband up the ramp. Meanwhile, Xander Payne is somehow making it back to his feet. Myles rolls back into the ring with an upset look on his face. He looks at Xander with an angry and disappointed look on his face. Xander feels disappointed about the loss as well. The camera shifts to the married couple on top of the ramp soaking in the victory as they make their way to the back. Meanwhile, “Ultimate Battle” dies down as The Wildcards are left in the ring.)
(Both Xander Payne and Myles are looking around the Wells Fargo Center in frustration. Both men gave it their all in this match and it wasn’t enough to capture the victory.)
Myles (off-mic): You see what happens when I’m not there to clean your messes? You end up not only costing yourself the match, but for The Wildcards as well.
Xander Payne (off-mic): Where were you when I was being attacked by them? I could have used your help right there?
Myles (off-mic): You want my help now? The last time I tried to save your ass from suffering a loss, I get you begging me not to do anything about it. I apologize for not getting to the ring on time, but you need to remember that I had just ate a giant enziguri.
Xander Payne (off-mic): Didn’t stop Cam from getting back to the ring?
Myles (off-mic): Well, it seems like she wanted to win this match more than me. I stated that I didn’t care about this match at all, but I tried my best to play my part and help get the victory. Originally, you have brought me into a battle that I had no role in. I had no issues with Cameron or Jamie, but you still involved me in your business.
Xander Payne (off-mic): We’re a team. We’re supposed to handle these problems together. What is my problem is yours. That’s what a team is all about, but it seems like we’re not a team anymore.
Myles (off-mic): Seems like it. I’m done with you, Xander.
Xander Payne (off-mic): I’m done as well.
Deadprez: XANDER PAYNE JUST STRIKE MYLES WITH A BLOODY NOSE OUT! HE TAKES MYLES DOWN WITH A CLOTHESLINE! WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON? THEY MAY BE DONE, BUT THEY COULD HAVE LEFT IT ON THAT! XANDER DOESN’T NEED TO DO ANY OF THIS!
Gavin Kirkland: XANDER PAYNE PUSHES MYLES TOWARDS THE ROPES — POP UP POWERBOMB ON MYLES! MYLES GOES DOWN! MYLES FOR SURE FELT THAT, BUT AT LEAST, HE DOESN’T NEED TO CARRY AROUND XANDER’S FAT ASS ANYMORE! MYLES CAN FLY AND BE THE BREAKOUT STAR THAT HE WAS ALWAYS MEANT TO BE! :wow:
(The crowd begins to boo Xander Payne who is looking down on his former tag team partner. Myles is down from the Pop Up Powerbomb. That was a clear sign that The Wildcards are done. Xander dusts his hands off before exiting the ring. He walks backwards up the ramp as the sound of the crowd booing gets louder. Meanwhile, Myles begins to pick himself into a seated position. He looks back at his *former* tag team partner with a steamed look on his face. The scene ends there.)
(10 MINUTE INTERMISSION)
(Midsummer Massacre returns from the intermission, where all fans in attendance received a Blu-Ray copy Rex McAllister and Raven Roberts’ marriage proposal and cuts to the ring. Gina Romano is standing by on the outside, and all ring ropes have been removed and replaced by barbed wire.)
Gina Romano: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN… THE FOLLOWING CONTEST IS A BARBED WIRE BRA AND PANTIES MATCH FOR THE EAW NEW BREED CHAMPIONSHIP!!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: DEAR GAWD! THIS IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR SINCE IT WAS ANNOUNCED!!!!
(The sound of a belt unbuckling can be heard.)
Deadprez: :whoa:!!! This motherfucka just pulled out a bottle of lotion.
Gavin Kirkland: You’re goddamn right I did. Put the children to bed because this match ain’t about to be rated ‘PG’.
Deadprez: Drake King prolly better off tuning out too. A good Christian boy probably doesn’t need to see the fuckery that’s about to happen in this.
Gina Romano: THE RULES OF THIS MATCH ARE SIMPLE. YOU CAN ONLY GO FOR A PINFALL OR SUBMISSION AFTER STRIPPING YOUR OPPONENT DOWN TO THEIR BRA AND PANTIES!
(“All It Takes For Your Dreams to Come True” by A Skylit Drive begins to play throughout the building. The fans climb to their feet and erupt in jeers as Amber Keys walks onto the stage full of energy, aggression, and more importantly, confidence.)
Gina Romano: INTRODUCING FIRST… SHE IS THE CHALLENGER… FROM THE BRONX, NEW YORK… WEIGHING IN AT 135 POUNDS… SHE’S THE DIRTI DIVA… AMBER KEYS!!!
Gavin Kirkland: I think the whole world knows exactly how I feel about Amber Keys. Every part of my body hates the bitch except for my dick, but there’s no denying how motivated and determined Amber is to regain her former glory and make a mark on this business again.
Deadprez: She went above and beyond to embarrass the New Breed Champion last week on Showdown and I don’t doubt for a second that Felix is going to have her hands full here tonight. Amber Keys is just cut from a different cloth and I know she wants to send a message to everyone here tonight who doubts that she’s the OG of the women’s division and one of the best wrestlers in the world.
(Amber carefully slides inside the ring and takes a corner, nothing but focus and determination on her face tonight.)
(“Chun-Li” by Nicki Minaj begins to play, and the crowd greets Felix Hartley with a mixed reaction. She pays them no mind and holds her New Breed Championship high in the air, allowing people to take pictures of her before making her way to the ring.)
Gina Romano: AND HER OPPONENT… FROM LAS VEGAS, NEVADA… WEIGHING IN AT 114 POUNDS… SHE IS THE NEW BREED CHAMPION… FELIX HARTLEY!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: :blessed: HERE COMES THE NEW BREED STALLION, DEADPREZ! Felix Hartley is defending her championship tonight for the first time after winning it back at Pain for Pride against SOSA Henderson. Oh man, I want Felix to win, don’t get me wrong, but I sure as hell hope she’s the first woman stripped tonight!
Deadprez: I can’t wait to see how Felix reacts to Amber. Since arriving in EAW, ‘Ass, Class, and Ass’ has been surprisingly resourceful inside the ring and always seems to find a way to get the job done. Tonight, anything goes, and there aren’t really any rules, so if Felix does manage to defend her title here tonight, no one is going to be able to question her tactics.
(Felix is also careful getting inside the ring, and she poses with her championship, making sure to do it right in front of Amber. Amber simply smirks at her, and once Felix’s music fades out, the champ hands the referee her belt. Both women meet in the middle of the ring and the referee holds up the New Breed Championship before passing it off.)
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Deadprez: Bruh. Do you have your hands down your boxers right now?
Gavin Kirkland: :ahh:
Gavin Kirkland: LET ME LIVE MY LIFE DEADPREZ. THIS IS BARBED WIRE BRA AND PANTIES WHICH MEANS THERE WILL PROBABLY BE NUDITY AS THE BARBED WIRE TEARS INTO THEIR DELICATE LINGERIE AND RIPS IT FROM THEIR SUPPLE BODIES.
(There’s a pause in the commentary as the match gets underway with Felix and Amber immediately going after one another and exchanging several stiff forearm shots.)
Deadprez: Nah for real tho. You prolly right.
Gavin Kirkland: BITCH I KNOW I’M RIGHT!
Deadprez: Amber muscles Felix back into the corner and looks to connect with a running corner clothesline! Felix dives to the side, somehow avoiding the barbed wire ropes, but Amber is quick to hit the breaks! Felix with a roll up from behind, but Amber rolls through! Both women are back to their feet and they simultaneously leap in the air! DROPKICKS OFFSET ONE ANOTHER! AMBER AND FELIX BACK UP, AND LOCKING UP! IT’S FELIX WHO GRABS AMBER IN A SIDE HEADLOCK AND FLIPS HER DOWN ONTO THE GROUND! FELIX WITH A HUGE KICK TO AMBER’S BACK AND IMMEDIATELY SHE GOES FOR AMBER’S TOP!
Gavin Kirkland: AMBER IS RUDELY FENDING OFF FELIX, NOT ALLOWING THE NEW BREED STALLION TO REMOVE HER TOP! Honestly, I’m fucking insulted by that because who the fuck is Amber Keys to not let another woman strip her her down to her bra??
Deadprez: Felix is stomping away on Amber now, as the Dirti Diva tries to get back to her feet. Amber is back up now, but Felix continues to kick her! She grabs Amber by the hair, HEADBUTTS HER, AND WHIPS HER INTO THE ROPES! AMBER LANDS BACK FIRST IN THE BARBED WIRE AND FELIX WITH THE CARTWHEEL KICK NOW! SHE CONNECTS WITH AMBER AND NOW SHE’S GRABBING HER! FELIX HAS AMBER… BULLDOG! AMBER IS PLANTED IN THE MAT WITH A BULLDOG AND FELIX GRABS AMBER’S TOP AND RIPS IT OFF!
Gavin Kirkland: AMBER KEYS IN THE VICTORIA’S SECRET BLUE, BLACK, AND SILVER TARTAN PRINT BRA THAT WAS PART OF THE 2018 VICTORIA’S SECRET FASHION SHOW COLLECTION! I WONDER IF SHE’S WEARING THE MATCHING BIKINI STYLE PANTIES THAT ARE TRIMMED WITH BLACK LACE?! :ahh: I HATE AMBER KEYS BUT IF SHE IS GOING FOR THE NAUGHTY SCHOOL GIRL TEASE TONIGHT AND GIVING ME FANTASIES ABOUT BENDING HER OVER MY HEADMASTER’S DESK AND SPANKING THAT ASS WITH A PADDLE THEN I AM FUCKING HERE FOR IT!
Gavin Kirkland: FELIX HAS AMBER’S TOP AND SHE IS CHOKING AMBER WITH IT! FELIX HARTLEY DID NOT COME TO PLAY TONIGHT! SHE IS CHOKING AMBER WITH THAT TOP AND NOW SHE’S DRAGGING HER OVER TO THE BARBED WIRE ROPES! FELIX PULLS AMBER UP AND HOISTS HER IN THE AIR!
Deadprez: BUT AMBER FIGHTS HER WAY BACK DOWN AND LANDS ON HER FEET! AMBER WITH A THUMB TO THE EYE! SHE FOLLOWS IT UP WITH A KICK TO THE GUT AND PLANTS FELIX WITH A DDT! AMBER DROPS TO HER KNEES, GRABS THE NEW BREED CHAMPION BY THE HAIR, AND SHE FORCES FELIX’S FACE INTO THE BARBED WIRE ROPES!
Gavin Kirkland: OMG NO! SHE’S GOTTA SELFIE LATER!
Deadprez: AMBER DRAGS FELIX’S FACE ACROSS THE ROPES AND ‘ASS, CLASS, AND SASS’ FINDS HER FOREHEAD SPLIT OPEN! FELIX HARTLEY IS BLEEDING PRETTY BADLY RIGHT NOW AND AMBER SEEMS PRETTY DAMN PLEASED WITH HERSELF!
Gavin Kirkland: SMFH! Amber pulls Felix away from the ropes, nails her with an uppercut, and drops her with clothesline! Amber reaches down AND GAWD YES! SHE JUST RIPPED FELIX’S TOP OFF! OMG DEADPREZ! FELIX IS WEARING THE LA PERLA PETIT JARDIN MESH BALCONETTE BRA! :ahh: THE SCALLOP EDGING. THE WHITE MESH THAT GIVES YOU JUST A TEASE OF WHAT’S UNDERNEATH! THE DELICATE VINE PRINT EMBROIDERY! FUCK!
Gavin Kirkland (softly rapping): Cause I’m a pump you up, cold split your clit… then let you cum in my mouth while you suck my dick… then Ima turn you over, belly up bitch… and lick that ass right where you shit… haaaayyyyy
Deadprez: :dahell: You realize that’s from a song called ‘Two Minute Brother’ right?!
Gavin Kirkland: :skip: Look. I googled ‘sexual rap lyrics’ to help me with my preparation for calling this match tonight. I needed to find various ways to express myself during this. LET ME LIVE DEADPREZ AND MY BABY CLEOPATRA CAN CONFIRM I CAN GO FOR LONGER THAN TWO MINUTES!
Deadprez: Amber has turned Felix over and locked her in a modified version of the camel clutch. Remember, you can’t officially win the match until you have stripped your opponent down to their bra and panties. Right now, both women have lost their tops, and Amber seems content with just torturing Felix at the moment. Jenny Punk told the Dirti Diva to reach for the brass ring and make herself stand out, and Amber certainly looks like she is ready to win the New Breed Championship here tonight.
Gavin Kirkland: Amber lets go of the camel clutch and slams Felix’s face into the mat! My poor purple-haired goddess. She doesn’t deserve this. Amber is stomping away on the back of Felix’s head now, and wait a second… what is Amber doing? Amber is reaching into her wrestling boot and she… SHE HAS A FORK!
Deadprez: AMBER JUST FORKED FELIX IN THE FOREHEAD! THE NEW BREED CHAMPION WAS ALREADY BLEEDING! NOW AMBER IS DIGGING THAT FORK INTO FELIX’S WOUNDS AND CAUSING FURTHER DAMAGE!
Gavin Kirkland: Now hang on a second my guy… someone needs to get that fork away from Amber! This is completely uncalled for!
Deadprez: Amber Keys is stabbing Felix over and over in the head! The New Breed Champion is in a lot of trouble right now and Amber is laughing! This woman has a screw loose. Amber tosses the fork aside and begins stomping away on Felix again! She snatches her up by the hair and goes for an Irish whip!
Gavin Kirkland: BUT FELIX WITH A KNEE TO AMBER’S STOMACH! AND ANOTHER! DESPITE THE PUNISHMENT SHE’S TAKEN IN THE LAST COUPLE OF MINUTES, FELIX HARTLEY IS KNEEING AMBER REPEATEDLY IN THE STOMACH AND SHE GETS AMBER DOWN TO HER KNEES! FELIX CRACKS HER IN THE FACE WITH ANOTHER KNEE STRIKE! AND ANOTHER! THIS AGGRESSIVE SIDE OF FELIX IS HAWT! NOW IT’S FELIX WHO SNATCHES AMBER UP AND SHE THROWS HER INTO THE CORNER! AMBER SLAMS INTO THE TURNBUCKLES BUT SHE COMES STUMBLING OUT!
Deadprez: BUSAIKU KNEE FROM FELIX THOUGH! AMBER IS DOWN! FELIX LOOKS AROUND THE RING AND LOOK, GAV! SHE’S SMILING!
Gavin Kirkland: :mjlit: SHE SURE IS! LOOK AT THAT BLOOD SOAKED QUEEN! SHE’S GRABBING THE FORK! FELIX HAS THE FORK! FELIX TAKES THAT THING AND SHE JUST STABBED AMBER IN THE FACE WITH IT! FELIX IS DRAGGING THAT FORK ACROSS AMBER’S CHEEK, DRAWING BLOOD, AND SENDING A MESSAGE THAT AMBER KEYS ISN’T THE ONLY WOMAN IN THIS MATCH WHO HAS A SADISTIC SIDE! FELIX STABS AMBER IN THE TITTY A FEW TIMES WITH THE FORK AND NOW SHE’S DRAGGING HER OVER TO THE BARBED WIRE! FELIX THROWS AMBER INTO THE ROPES AND WITH LITTLE REGARD FOR HER OWN WELL BEING BECAUSE WE LOVE A FEARLESS QUEEN, FELIX IS USING HER OWN HANDS TO TIE AMBER UP! SHE HAS AMBER LOCKED IN THE BARBED WIRE BY THE ARMS AND AMBER IS TRYING TO FIGHT HER WAY OUT!
Deadprez: Felix has stepped back down and she’s laughing as Amber is ripping open her own flesh trying to free herself! The New Breed Champion blows a kiss to her challenger and does a little twirl, teasing this crowd and my broadcast colleague! Felix toys with the waistband of her gear and shimmies her bottoms down her hips. She twirls a strand of hair around her finger and saunters over to Amber! Felix turns around and she sticks her ass right in Amber’s face forcing her to kiss it!!!
(A thud is heard and the camera quickly switches over to Gavin, who passed out on the floor. His bottle of Jergins has spilled beside him and Deadprez just shakes his head.)
Deadprez: I knew this match was going to be too much for him to handle.
(The camera cuts back to the ring where Felix has pulled her bottoms back up and has triumphantly removed Amber’s pants, leaving the Dirti Diva in just her bra and panties.)
Deadprez: Damn. Sis really is wearing the matching panties Gavin was hoping she’d wear. Felix tosses Amber’s pants into the crowd and starts kicking her in the stomach! The New Breed Champion is showing a lot of aggression here tonight and rightfully so. Amber attempted to humiliate her last week on Showdown, and this is Felix’s first title defense. There’s not a single champion in this company who wants to fail their first defense and Felix is no different. She unhooks Amber now and drags her by the hair into the center of the ring. Felix hooks Amber… HEY! THAT’S THE DEVIL DRIVER! THAT DOUBLE UNDERHOOK PILEDRIVER IS ONE OF LEXI SHECKLER’S SIGNATURE MOVES AND FELIX IS GOING FOR THE COVER ON AMBER NOW!
Deadprez: AMBER KICKS OUT!
(The sound of a headset being put on is heard.)
Gavin Kirkland: WHAT DID I MISS?!
Deadprez: :wow: Just Felix Hartley dominating Amber Keys for the time being.
Gavin Kirkland: :noah: Fucking queen.
Deadprez: Felix takes Amber and whips her right back into that barbed wire! She rushes forward BUT AMBER GETS THE FOOT UP! AMBER CATCHES FELIX IN THE JAW AND SHE FORCES HERSELF FORWARD LOOKING FOR A CLOTHESLINE! FELIX SHOWING HER FLEXIBILITY AND GOES INTO A BACKBEND! SHE KICKS HER LEGS UP AND CATCHES AMBER IN THE HEAD! FELIX IS UPRIGHT AGAIN AND SHE LOOKS TO TAKE AMBER DOWN, BUT AMBER CATCHES HER WITH A STIFF KICK RIGHT TO THE THIGH! FELIX UNLEASHES A STIFF KICK OF HER OWN! AND NOW BOTH OF THESE WOMEN ARE EXCHANGING KICKS! BACK AND FORTH, AND FINALLY IT’S AMBER WHO SWITCHES THINGS UP AND KICKS FELIX RIGHT IN THE CUNT!
Gavin Kirkland: :whoa:!!! NOT COOL AMBER! LEAVE THE STALLION’S CROWN JEWELS ALONE UNLESS YOU GUNNA STRIP HER AGAIN AND SHOW THEM TO US!
Deadprez: TORNADO DDT FROM AMBER! FELIX IS OUT AND AMBER IS GOING FOR THE NEW BREED CHAMPION’S BOTTOMS!
Gavin Kirkland: FELIX WITH THE MATCHING LA PERLA PANTIES! FLIP HER OVER AMBER SO WE CAN SEE THE MESH THAT’S COVERING HER CRACK!
Deadprez: AMBER’S GOING FOR THE COVER INSTEAD!
Gavin Kirkland: :blessed: FELIX THE STALLION WITH THE KICK OUT!
Deadprez: Amber doesn’t waste any time though! She pulls Felix up, grabs a handful of hair, and backhands Felix across the face! Amber does this several more times! Amber now grabbing Felix from behind… RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX! FELIX LANDS IN THE ROPES!
Gavin Kirkland: Amber Keys is unlacing her own wrestling boot right now and she slams it right into Felix’s face! Amber is quickly pulling the laces out right now and I know what she’s about to do. She’s going to choke Felix with the laces!
Deadprez: Sure enough! Amber is choking Felix and the champ is clawing at Amber right now, trying to break this choke! Amber is relentless though and she’s tightening the grip she has on Felix!!!
Gavin Kirkland: FELIX IS FADING AND THE REFEREE IS GOES TO CHECK ON HER! BITCH! DON’T LET AMBER WIN THIS MATCH! COME ON FELIX!
Deadprez: Amber forces Felix on her back and straddles her, going for a rather erotic pin.
Gavin Kirkland: FELIX LIVES! SHE’S ALIVE!
Deadprez: Amber’s not impressed and she grabs Felix up. Amber wraps her arms around Felix’s neck… :damn:
Gavin Kirkland: IS THAT SOME KIND OF MODIFIED VERSION OF THE AIRPLANE SPIN TOSS?!
(Amber has Felix by the neck and is spinning her around, and after a few seconds of this she lets go, which sends Felix flying into the ropes!)
Deadprez: :wow: Amber Keys is pretty ruthless tonight.
Gavin Kirkland: The old bitch wants to win a championship, and she’s up against one of the best and brightest newcomers here in EAW. She has no choice but to be because Felix has basically been perfect here in EAW.
Deadprez: Amber with another cover on Felix now!
Gavin Kirkland: ANOTHER KICKOUT BY FELIX!
Deadprez: Amber looks a little frustrated but she’s getting up now, and walking over to the corner. She’s working to unlace those turnbuckle pads, but while she’s doing that, Felix is sitting up. The New Breed Champion is trying to gather her bearings and she sees Amber’s discarded boot. Felix crawls over to it and snatches it up, and forces herself back up to her feet.
Gavin Kirkland: Amber has exposed two of the three turnbuckles now… BUT FELIX JUST SLAMMED HER IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH THE BOOT! AMBER’S FACE CONNECTS WITH THE EXPOSED TURNBUCKLE AND FELIX ROLLS HER UP!!!!
Deadprez: AMBER KEYS KICKED OUT!
Gavin Kirkland: FUCK!
Deadprez: Felix looks a little surprised, but she doesn’t bother arguing! She grabs Amber and hooks her… SPINNING FISHERMAN’S SUPLEX INTO A PIN! WOW!
Gavin Kirkland: The Dirti Cunt gets her shoulder up!
Gavin Kirkland: Felix pulls Amber up and throws her into the corner! Amber’s back collides with those exposed turnbuckles and Felix is over there immediately, using her foot to choke Amber! Felix is now stomping at Amber’s face, making sure the back of Amber’s head hits the steel turnbuckles, and that’s so smart on Felix’s part! Felix takes Amber and grabs her up… SHE’S GOT THE DIRTI WHORE IN THE AIR… STALLING VERTICAL SUPLEX?? NO! SHE DRAPES AMBER TORSO FIRST ACROSS THE BARBED WIRE ROPES!!!
Deadprez: FELIX RUSHES TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE RING, GAINING MOMENTUM… RUNNING KNEE STRIKE! AMBER KEYS HITS THE GROUND! FELIX CAREFULLY ROLLS UNDERNEATH THE BOTTOM ROPE AND SHE’S ON THE GROUND NOW AS WELL! SHE GRABS AMBER… BUT AMBER JUST CAUGHT FELIX WITH A RIGHT HAND TO THE GUT!
Gavin Kirkland: FELIX REPLIES WITH A KNEE TO AMBER’S FACE AND SHE GRABS HER, THROWING HER INTO THE RING STEPS! AMBER LANDS HARD, BUT SHE STILL MANAGES TO SOMEHOW PICK HERSELF BACK UP! FELIX WITH A BEAUTIFUL CARTWHEEL KIC- NO! AMBER MOVES! FELIX TURNS AROUND AND AMBER WITH A DROP KICK! FELIX SLAMS INTO THE STEPS NOW!
Deadprez: AMBER HAS GOT ANOTHER OPENING IN THIS MATCH AND SHE’S REACHING UNDER THE RING! THE DIRTI DIVA HAS PULLED OUT A CHAIN! AMBER WRAPS THE CHAIN AROUND HER FIST AND SHE GRABS FELIX! AMBER IS USING HER LOADED FIST TO PUNCH FELIX IN THE FACE NOW AND THAT HAS REOPENED THOSE WOUNDS FROM EARLIER! FRESH BLOOD IS POURING DOWN THE FACE OF THE NEW BREED CHAMPION!!! AMBER TAKES THE CHAIN AND WRAPS IT AROUND FELIX’S NECK AND NOW SHE’S USING IT TO DRAG FELIX BACK TOWARDS THE RING! AMBER SLIPS INSIDE AND GIVES THE CHAIN A TUG, AND SHE IS LITERALLY PULLING FELIX HARTLEY BACK INTO THE RING BY HER NECK NOW!
Gavin Kirkland: :mjcry: This is not good.
Deadprez: FELIX IS CAUGHT ON THE BARBED WIRE NOW BUT THAT DOESN’T SEEM TO BOTHER AMBER! SHE PULLS EVEN HARDER AND FELIX IS NOW BACK INSIDE THE RING! AMBER WRAPS THE CHAIN AROUND HER ARM, CLOSING THE DISTANCE BETWEEN THE TWO WOMEN, AND SHE FORCES FELIX ONTO ALL FOURS.
Amber Keys (off-microphone): Doggie style bitch.
Gavin Kirkland: AMBER KEYS KICKS FELIX RIGHT BETWEEN THE LEGS AND FELIX FALLS TO THE SIDE! AMBER KICKS FELIX OVER ON HER BACK, LETS GO OF THE CHAIN, AND IMMEDIATELY GOES FOR THE TOP! AMBER LAUNCHES HERSELF OFF!!! DIRTI DIVE! DIRTI DIVE!
Deadprez: AMBER’S VERSION OF THE FROG SPLASH CONNE-
Gavin Kirkland: NO!!!! FELIX GOT HER KNEES UP! FELIX GOT HER KNEES UP! AMBER FALLS TO THE SIDE AND THE NEW BREED STALLION ROLLS OVER AND GOES FOR THE COVER!!!
Deadprez: NO! AMBER KICKED OUT!
Gavin Kirkland: Felix is somehow forcing herself back up and she unwraps the chain from around her neck! She looks down at Amber… and then back at the chain in her hand!!! FELIX DOUBLES PART OF THE CHAIN IN HALF AND SHE RAISES IF ABOVE HER HEAD! SHE’S WHIPPING AMBER WITH THE CHAIN NOW! GAWD YES! PLEASE MISTRESS!!!! CAN YOUR LITTLE WHORE AMBER HAVE ANOTHER?!
Gavin Kirkland: FELIX IS WHIPPING AMBER KEYS RAW RIGHT NOW! THAT CHAIN IS LEAVING SOME NASTY LOOKING MARKS AND AMBER IS SCRAMBLING BUT THERE’S NOT MANY PLACES SHE CAN GO! SHE LATCHES ON TO THE BARBED WIRE AND TRIES TO PULL HERSELF UP, BUT FELIX WHIPS HER RIGHT BETWEEN THE SHOULDER BLADES! AMBER CRUMBLES TO THE MAT AND FELIX HARLETY HAS SNAPPED! SHE CONTINUES WHIPPING AMBER AND THE NEW BREED CHALLENGER IS A BLOODY MESS RIGHT NOW! FELIX FINALLY STOPS AND LETS THE CHAIN DROP AND SHE LOOKS DOWN AT THE DAMAGE SHE’S DONE TO THE DIRTI DIVA! A BRILLIANT SMILE CROSSES HER FACE AND THE CROWD IS ON THEIR FEET! THEY KNOW BOTH OF THESE WOMEN HAVE GIVEN IT THEIR ALL TONIGHT AND FELIX TAKES A LITTLE BOW! SHE PULLS AMBER UP… GETS HER IN POSITION… AND THERE IS THE ‘LOCK JAW!’ THE OVER THE SHOULDER JAWBREAKER CONNECTS BUT FELIX ISN’T GOING FOR THE COVER! SHE PULLS AMBER UP! SHE’S POSITIONING HER FOR ‘THE ME TOO MOVEMENT’!!!!
Deadprez: BUT THE VETERAN DROPS TO HER KNEES! AMBER KEYS IS NOT READY FOR THIS MATCH TO END BECAUSE SHE WANTS NOTHING MORE THAN TO CAPTURE THE NEW BREED CHAMPIONSHIP! FELIX WITH A CLUBBING BLOW TO THE BACK OF AMBER’S HEAD, BUT AMBER GRABS FELIX BY THE LEGS AND PULLS FELIX TO THE GROUND! A BLOODIED AND BEATEN AMBER KEYS CLIMBS ON TOP OF FELIX AND PUNCHES HER IN THE FACE! AMBER WITH ANOTHER RIGHT HAND! AND ANOTHER! AMBER IS DIGGING DEEP RIGHT NOW, AND SHE CONTINUES WAILING AWAY ON FELIX! BOTH OF THESE WOMEN ARE COVERED IN BLOOD, BEATEN BEYOND BELIEF, AND NEITHER ONE WANTS TO STOP! WE HAVE SEEN SO MANY ELITISTS PUT THEMSELVES THROUGH HELL JUST TO WIN A CHAMPIONSHIP AND LOVE OR HATE THESE TWO WOMEN, THEY HAVE THAT SAME DRIVE AND PASSION!
Gavin Kirkland: AMBER HITS ANOTHER RIGHT HAND BUT SHE FALLS OFF FELIX! BOTH OF THESE BITCHES ARE EXHAUSTED AT THIS POINT AND NEITHER ONE IS MOVING RIGHT NOW. THE REFEREE HAS NO CHOICE BUT TO START COUNTING, HOWEVER I KNOW THAT NEITHER FELIX NOR AMBER IS GOING TO LET THE MATCH END LIKE THAT! BOTH OF THEM ARE IN A SITTING POSITION NOW, AND BOTH OF THEM ARE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER.
Amber Keys (off-microphone): Get up.
Felix Hartley (off-microphone): Fuck you.
Deadprez: Felix and Amber force themselves up AND THEY LUNGE FOR ONE ANOTHER! COLLAR AND ELBOW TIE UP!
Gavin Kirkland: Oh fuck that. We’re not about to have actual wrestling in this.
Deadprez: OF COURSE NOT! AMBER JUST RAKED FELIX ACROSS THE FACE AND SHE’S SINKING HER TEETH INTO FELIX’S SHOULDER! AMBER JUST RIPPED FELIX’S BRA STRAP AND OH GAWD…
Gavin Kirkland: A NIP SLIP! FUCK! I CAME!
Deadprez: FELIX IS FIRING BACK WITH A SERIES OF BRUTAL FOREARMS AND SHE FORCES AMBER ALL THE WAY BACK INTO THE CORNER! FELIX TAKES AMBER BY THE ARM… #BADBITCH!
Gavin Kirkland: BUT LOOK! FELIX TRANSITIONS THAT TWISTED ARM DRAG TAKEDOWN INTO A BEAUTIFUL ARM BAR!!!!
Deadprez: BUT AMBER IS SOMEHOW ABLE TO ROLL HER SHOULDER UP, LOCK HER HANDS TOGETHER, AND FELIX DOESN’T HAVE ENOUGH STRENGTH RIGHT NOW TO TRY AND FORCE THE ISSUE!
Gavin Kirkland: AMBER GETS TO HER FEET AND DEADLIFTS FELIX UP… AND SLAMS HER BACK FIRST ONTO THE MAT! AMBER WITH A FRONT FLIP LEG DROP AND IT CONNECTS ACROSS FELIX’S THROAT!
Deadprez: FELIX KICKS OUT!
Gavin Kirkland: AMBER SLAMS HER HAND DOWN ON THE MAT IN ANGER! SHE SCREAMS AT THE REFEREE AND PULLS AT HER HAIR! SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO AT THIS POINT! AMBER KICKS FELIX A FEW TIMES BEFORE TURNING BACK TOWARDS THE ROPES! THE DIRTI DIVA IS LOOKING TO ONCE AGAIN FINISH THIS MATCH AND SHE CLIMBS TO THE TOP! AMBER IS PERCHED ON THE TOP ROPE AND SHE IS SCREAMING AT FELIX TO GET UP!
Deadprez: FELIX GRABS THE CHAIN AS SHE GETS UP AND AMBER DOESN’T SEE IT! SHE LEAPS IN THE AIR LOOKING FOR ‘MAJOR KEYS’! FELIX WHIPS THE CHAIN UP, BLOCKING AMBER FROM HITTING THE DIVING CORKSCREW STUNNER, AND THE CHAIN CATCHES AMBER RIGHT ACROSS THE FACE! AMBER CRUMBLES TO THE MAT IN A HEAP AND FELIX LETS OUT A CRY! SHE KNOWS THIS IS THE MOMENT SHE’S BEEN WAITING FOR! SHE’S GOING TO PUT AMBER AWAY AND RETAIN THE NEW BREED CHAMPIONSHIP!
Gavin Kirkland: FELIX GATHERS THE CHAIN IN A PILE AND QUICKLY GRABS AMBER! SHE HOOKS HER AND PLANTS HER WITH THE ME TOO MOVEMENT RIGHT ON TOP OF THE CHAIN!
Deadprez: BUT WAIT! WHAT’S SHE DOING NOW?!
Gavin Kirkland: FELIX ISN’T TAKING ANY CHANCES! SHE KNOWS JUST HOW HARD IT IS TO KEEP SOMEONE THE CALIBER OF AMBER KEYS DOWN! FELIX GRABS AMBER ONE MORE TIME… AND SHE SUCCESSFULLY HITS A SECOND CANADIAN DESTROYER ON AMBER! FELIX PULLS AMBER OFF THE CHAIN TO MAKE SURE HER SHOULDERS ARE FLAT AND SHE GOES FOR THE COVER!!!!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
(“Chun-Li” by Nicki Minaj begins to blast across the PA system and an exhausted, but victorious Felix Hartley rolls off of Amber Keys.)
Gina Romano: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN… HERE IS YOUR WINNER AND STILL THE EAW NEW BREED CHAMPION… FELIX HARTLEY!
(The referee has been given the New Breed Championship and he helps Felix to her feet. He passes her the belt and raises her hand, and Felix beams.)
Gavin Kirkland: I think I came six times during that match. I’m wrecked right now. I need a cigarette.
(The sound of a lighter is heard and Deadprez is heard coughing as Gavin is now smoking.)
Deadprez: Man fuck you, homie.
Gavin Kirkland: :wow:
Deadprez: That match was something. I’m not sure what the hell it was that I just watched, but I know that Felix Hartley had to work her ass off for that victory. She’s moving on to Bloodsport now where she will look to defend that New Breed Championship once again against Voltage’s Cepheus St. Claire.
(Felix has pulled away from the referee and is looking down at Amber now. An evil little smile crosses Felix’s face and she reaches down, pulling Amber’s bra from her body! The crowd erupts as Amber’s tits are exposed, and Felix twirls Amber’s bra around her finger.)
Felix Hartley (off-microphone): Do unto others, bitch, but I’m not going to completely stoop to your level.
(Felix drops Amber’s bra down beside her as the referee turns the Dirti Diva over onto her stomach to shield her from prying eyes. A blood soaked Felix rolls out of the ring and drops to the ground, raising the New Breed Championship high in the air.)
(The camera fades to the inside of the Wells Fargo Center where we see Jenny Punk strutting down the hall of the arena, clutching tightly onto her phone as she stops to read the menu of the Chickie’s & Pete’s restaurant on the inside.)
Jenny Punk: Hmmm…seasoned crab fries *do* sound really good…
(A flash of bright red hair is seen on camera. Harlow Riechert is jogging briskly from down the hall, still in her ring gear from earlier tonight where her victory now grants her with an unknown *special opportunity~.)
Harlow Reichert: Jenny! Jenny, I’ve been looking all over for you!
(Jenny Punk pulls her eyes away from the Chickie’s & Pete’s menu to greet Harlow with a wide smile as Harlow positions herself right next to the Showdown General Manager.)
Harlow Reichert: You are, like, impossible to track down.
Jenny Punk: So I’ve been told. Congratulations, by the way! Really enjoyed your match tonight–I mean, well, I did put it together, so maybe it should be congratulations to both of us! Either way, amazing performance, I’m certainly impressed. But what can I do for you, Harlow?
Harlow Reichert: That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about. Excuse my impertinence, but the excitement that I feel right now is making it *impossible* for me to wait any longer to find out–what my special opportunity is!
Jenny Punk: (She chuckles nervously.) Now, Harlow–
Harlow Reichert: No, before you tell me “just wait until Showdown to find out,” no! I don’t want to come across as the asshole here, but I’ve been waiting for months just for an opportunity like this to come to me, and here it is. I put all of myself out there tonight. You should’ve been here sooner, Jenny, if you only knew how far I came since my debut in EAW, you wouldn’t be asking me to wait. I bet you’d be dying to tell me yourself. I know I’m probably too in over my head to ask for an Answers World Championship shot, you know me. But any opportunity at all to finally get my hands on a championship by the end of the year?! I’ll take it. Hell, I’d even be cool with the chance to represent Showdown at Territorial Invasion this year, that’s not a bad one–
Jenny Punk: Harlow, what you have to understand about this opportunity–
Harlow Reichert: God, could you imagine the look on some people’s faces?! “Miss No Fucks Given” actually out there, giving a fuck on behalf of her brand, the entire Blue roster! Honestly, I don’t even think I really care what it is. I’ve been working my ass off for what feels like forever. Despite all this bad luck I’ve dealt with throughout my time in EAW, it’s finally all coming together. I’m finally getting my due diligence. I can see it now! Oh, god, I can’t hold out any longer, Jenny! Here, I’ll buy you some some fries if it’ll butter you up a little, maybe even a drink or two–
Jenny Punk: :woah: None of that is necessary. Seriously. Harlow, I’ll tell you, but–I just don’t want you to get too excited.
Harlow Reichert: How could I not?! I’m all ears, Jenny, lay it on me.
Jenny Punk: Your…*special* opportunity…
(Harlow Riechert balls her hands together in front of her, eyes widening as she stares up at Jenny, hanging on to her last word and patiently awaiting the reveal of her special opportunity!)
Jenny Punk: It’s…um…
(Jenny scratches her head and stares down at her feet. You could cut the tension between them with a knife.)
Jenny Punk: I, uh–Harlow, I’m pleased to tell you that…
(Jenny reaches for her back pocket and pulls out a folded, white envelope. A bit perplexed, Harlow stares at Jenny’s arm as she offers Harlow the envelope. Harlow takes it and begins to open it.)
Jenny Punk: You’ve been awarded with the *very* special opportunity to have free lunch with the EAW Vice President! In there, you’ll find a gift certificate with your name on it to one of the finest italian restaurants in New Jersey–
Harlow Reichert: Are you serious?
Jenny Punk: Did I mention that the lunch was free? :lupe:
(Harlow completely opens the envelope and pulls out her gift receipt. She looks up at Jenny, then back down at her certificate. She looks between the two of them for a few moments before shoving the certificate back in the envelope and shoving it in Jenny’s chest.)
Harlow Reichert: With all due respect, boss–that’s totally fucked.
Jenny Punk: :lupe: :lupe: :lupe: Harlow, I know you were hoping for more–
Harlow Reichert: No. Fuck that. Fuck that goddamn gift certificate and lunch with the Vice President, I don’t care if it was lunch on mars. Is this really how EAW treats their talent? Is that how you’re going to reward someone
Jenny Punk: Well, you said it yourself, Harlow, I thought you didn’t care–about what your opportunity was, *or* the wrestling industry.
Harlow Reichert: Oh, no, that Harlow Reichert who made a complete mockery out of this business is dead and gone–
Jenny Punk: And I don’t see the issue with an opportunity to do some networking, it’ll do you some good in this industry, trust me. The VP doesn’t just come around for anybody, let alone make time to have lunch with them–
(Jenny stops herself as she catches a glimpse of Harlow’s defeated face and body language.)
Jenny Punk: Just…take it or leave it, Harlow. I’m sorry, but it’s all I have for you right now. Maybe next year, okay?
(Jenny gives Harlow an apologetic smile and slowly backs away, giving the camera the perfect opportunity to hone in on the teary-eyed and disappointed face of Harlow Reichert before fading back to the ring.)
Gina Romano: Our next match is scheduled for…
Crowd: ONE FALL!
Gina Romano: And it is a FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE MATCH!
(“Odee” by A Boogie with the Hoodie blasts out the speakers as the entire arena goes crazy. Out walks the Supreme arm band wearing leader of the Bozo Victims Unit, Chris Elite. By his side is Detective Biggums, Detective Ty, and Detective Asson.)
Gina Romano: ON HIS WAY TO THE RING…from Brooklyn, New York…weighing in at 210 pounds…DETECTIVE SKabler…GAWD GIVEN GREATNESS…MONEY MAKIN’ BHRIS…CHRRRRRRIIIIIISSSSSSS EEEEEEEEEEELIIIIITE!!!
Gavin Kirkland: The man who has tormented the face of Empire and my favorite male Elitist, Chris Elite and his band of misfit detectives have cheated poor Nina out of an Arm Wrestling competition, kicked defenseless Kimmy, and have watched as their leader has pinned The Visual Prophet TWICE since Draft night!
DeadPrez: Hate him or love him, he pops shit and doesn’t apologize for it ever. He defeated his opponent here tonight at the Draft one on one and pinned him in a tag team match a few weeks prior to tonight also. Momentum is on Chris’s side and he’s going to need it facing Viz here in a Falls Count Anywhere match!
Gavin Kirkland: I’m a huge VP fan, as you know.
DeadPrez: Of course…
Gavin Kirkland: But, even i’m a little shook at the idea of a world where Chris Elite and his team of fake detectives go 3-0 on Baethoven and gets to brag forever and ever about it. What would Netflix do if Viz fails to win here tonight?
DeadPrez: I don’t know, maybe pay for Eddie Murphy to do a Dolemite remake?
Gavin Kirkland: They wouldn’t dare do something so stupid…would they?!
(Chris slides in the ring and poses in the center of it as the BVU patrols the ring side area with flash lights and night sticks in their hands as his music begins to fade out. As the crowd hushed, “The Pink Panther theme” begins to play and the lights go down low. A bright Spot light shows up on stage as out tip toes a burglar in classic black and white attire. As the light tries to catch him, he is caught mid tip toe on the stage with a bag over his shoulder with what looks to be…a tiger poking its cute head out of it. Flashing lights appear around him, police sirens interrupt what we are hearing, as a familiar voice over is heard over the music.)
Nina: OMG, BAE, OMG! WE ARE REALLY ABOUT TO ROB THIS YELLOW BELLY BASTARD, AIN’T WE? YAAAAS?!?!?
(The burglar takes off his mask, frees the tiger in his bag, and out runs Nina on stage as the lights go up. The hips begin gyrating and “Another one Bites the Dust” by Queen plays as the entire building goes crazy with cheers and boos at his arrival.)
Gina Romano: AND HIS OPPONENT…from Detroit, Michigan…weighing in at 230 pounds…He is BAETHOVEN…THEEEEEE VISSSSSSUAL PROOOOOOPHEEEEEET!!!
Gavin Kirkland: Prince Viz-Zy, must see tv, Vizzy Ababwa!
DeadPrez: He may be must see TV to many of the EAW faithful but the only thing that is a must for The Visual Prophet tonight is a win. He has been feuding with Chris Elite for a month now and has yet to score a pinfall against the former World Champion in any competition be it single or tag team. Now is his chance to shut up the doubters that think he just can’t beat Chris Elite.
Gavin Kirkland: If Vizzy loses here tonight, I will shave my head and tea bag a China man next week on Showdown!
DeadPrez: Be careful with crazy bets, Gavin. You don’t want to end up having to live up to them and look foolish on national television.
Gavin Kirkland: My name is Gavin “I make great bets” Kirkland, Prez. I will gladly live up to my name with that one I just made. Hear me folks, live on Showdown…I will tea bag a China man if The Visual Prophet loses here tonight!
DeadPrez: Viz, Nina, and Kimmy approach the ring. The BVU stands in front of the ring as Chris is in the ring smirking. Viz and Nina look at each other and give a head nod. They charge!
Gavin Kirkland: They are attacking the BVU! Biggums, Assidy, Ty are brawling with Nina and Viz ringside! Viz is fighting off Ty and Biggums as Nina is assaulting Assidy with her own Night stick! Chris is standing in the ring confused as he begins to climb the turnbuckle from inside. Viz, Nina, Ty, Biggums, and Assidy are in front of the ring brawling and
DeadPrez: GOTTA LOVE IT!!!! 630 MOONSAULT FROM INSIDE THE RING ON TO EVERYONE OUTSIDE OF IT! CHRIS ELITE TAKES OUT VIZ, THE BVU, AND NINA AS THE MATCH HASNT EVEN BEGUN YET! The Ref is looking around lost as the fans inside this arena are going nuts!
Gavin Kirkland: He took out his own people just to get to Viz! Chris Elite is a wild young man, suicidal kid-like behavior by this guy I must say, Prez!
DeadPrez: SK, living up to the name with that high risk maneuver. Chris gets to his feet, charged up, as he digs through the bodies of BVU members and Nina as he reaches down and grabs Viz! Chris grabs Viz by the hair and drags him to the apron and rolls him under the bottom rope. Chris begins to slide in the ring and
Chris Elite: FUCK!!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: KIMMY!!! KIMMY JUST LEAPED IN THE AIR AND IS BITING CHRIS ELITE IN THE ASS!!!
DeadPrez: The Visual Prophet’s Siberian Tiger is latched on to the butt of Chris Elite as he spins around ringside, trying to shake loose the beast! The Tiger cub has been growing and its clear those baby teeth are becoming sharp, carnivorous fangs as he is sinking deep into Detective SKabler like it was his prey!
Chris Elite: BIGGUMS! GET THIS PUSSY OFF ME!
Gavin Kirkland: Big Mike is an expert of getting off pussy! Shout out to Kassidy Heart and those lips!
DeadPrez: Detective Biggums gets up from the ring side area and grabs the tiger and pulls with all his strength as he manages to pry it off Chris after several tugs. Chris Elite rubs his backside as tiny teeth marks can be seen in his attire. Chris finally climbs the apron and turns to the BVU and tells them to handle Nina and the tiger! The BVU are now grabbing Nina and Kimmy and heading up the ramp!
Gavin Kirkland: They are kidnapping Viz’s associate and pet! My god, call Ice T and tell him we have a situation here!
DeadPrez: Chris Elite smirks as he turns and faces inside the ring. BAM! Hard right hand from the now standing Viz! Another hard strike, this time a slap from his left hand! One more jab and now Viz has Chris hooked up. SUPLEX FROM THE RING APRON IN TO THE RING! Chris Elite is rolling around the mat as Viz is being held back by he referee! Chris Elite is slow to get up, caught off guard by that offense by The Visual Prophet. Chris makes it to his feet, favoring his backside where he took that suplex and tiger bite as the ref checks both men.
Gavin Kirkland: I just realized the match hadn’t started yet! My god! So much action in so little time and we have a whole match to get through!
DeadPrez: You are right, Gavin! The ref calls for the bell as this Falls Count Anywhere match begins! The Visual Prophet charges and lou thez presses Chris Elite back down on the mat and bashes him with punches as Chris tries to block them from his back! Chris throws a wild jab and dazes Viz before reversing positions and rolling Viz on to his back. Chris hammers Viz with hard punches before getting up and standing with Viz on his back in front of him. Chris leaps in the air…DOUBLE FOOT STOMP!
Gavin Kirkland: MISS! Viz rolls out of the way as Chris turns around and sees Prophet getting up. Chris charges…he tumbles forward as Viz is standing watching…ROLLING THUNDER DDT!
DeadPrez: NO! Viz holds on! He catches Chris midway in the air, holding him with his amazing core strength and wraps his arms around his body. Viz lowers his hips. Viz launches Elite over his head and BAM! OVER THE HEAD BELLY TO BELLY SLAM DROPS CHRIS ELITE DOWN AGAIN!
Gavin Kirkland: It’s all in the hips, Prez!
DeadPrez: Maybe, but it’s all about The Visual Prophet as the match continues! Viz turns around, grabs Chris Elite by the neck and…he begins gyrating his hips in Chris Elite’s face! My goodness, the disrespect, and…BAM! JAB TO THE GUT! Viz has to be careful with the showboating! Chris throws another punch and another punch, and begins to fight his way up to his feet. Viz blocks the third punch and throws a hook himself. Chris Elite ducks. Viz turns around and Chris throws a ROUNDHOUSE KICK! NO! VIZ DUCKS! Viz is behind Chris and wraps his arms around him..CHRIS BREAKS THE HOLD!
Gavin Kirkland: HEAD SHOT! THE PELE KICK BY BIG BHRIS ELITE CONNECTS AS VIZ CRUMBLES TO THE MAT! Chris Elite rolls Viz over on his back as the official slides over to make the count!
DeadPrez: Kick out at two! Viz isn’t coming to Midsummer Massacre to lose like this, Gavin! Chris Elite was right to try to end it early but he must know it’s going to take more than that to end this
Gavin Kirkland: WAIT! Chris was getting up, Viz rolls him back to the mat for a pin cover! VIZ MIGHT HAVE IT!
DeadPrez: Smart move by Viz as well but both men have a lot left in the tank! Viz rolls all the way out of the ring after the kick out by Chris Elite. Viz crouches down by the apron, hiding, as Chris Elite gets to his feet and looks around.
Chris Elite: Where that F*ggot go?!?
Gavin Kirkland: Harsh language! Chris is searching as Viz is lurking by the ring side ducking everytime Chris looks towards him! Chris is looking on one side of the ring as Viz, like Metal Gear Solid main character Solid Snake, tip toes and hides from him every time. Smart strategy, Viz can not be counted out seeing as this is a Falls Count Anywhere match! Chris has had enough and slides out of the ring and Viz quickly burrows under the ring and shuffles the ring apron as he does so!
DeadPrez: Chris is walking around ringside as fans are trying to tell him whats going on but like all professional wrestlers, he ignores the fans and searches on! Chris Elite makes it to the ring side and notices the apron has been messed with. He shakes his head as he begins to kneel down, slowly lifting it up to check it. Chris quickly lifts the apron and…nothing. Chris Elite doesn’t see Viz as…
Gavin Kirkland: LOOK! Viz popped up from the other side! He’s sliding in the ring as Chris is searching still under the ring for him! Chris begins to stop looking, cursing under his breath, as Viz stands in the ring begging for him to look up! Chris begins to lift his head as Viz charges. Chris Elite sees him finally! BASEBALL SLIDE!!!
DeadPrez: NO!!! CHRIS ELITE’S AMAZING REFLEXES ALLOWS HIM TO MOVE OUT OF THE WAY AS VIZ SLIDES RIGHT OUT OF THE RING AND AWKWARDLY TO THE RING MATS! Both men begin to rise to their feet as
Gavin Kirkland: INCREDIBLE KICK FROM CHRIS ELITE SMACKS VIZ IN THE HEAD AS VIZ FLIES BACKWARDS AND IS DRAPED ON THE RING BARRICADE! Viz is leaning, barely concious as Chris Elite gets to his feet once again! Chris charges…CLOTHESLINE SENDS BOTH MEN IN TO THE STANDS AS FANS ARE PUSHED BACK BY SECURITY!!!
DeadPrez: The falls count anywhere part of this match is looking like its about to come true as Viz and Chris Elite are now in the crowd here at Midsummer Massacre! Fans are going crazy as Chris Elite and Viz are being allowed to fight and security tries to keep everyone out of their way! Chris and Viz get to their feet. Jab by Bhris followed by a slap from Prophet! Another punch by Chris and then a huge chop from Viz! Another chop by Viz! Another one! And another one!
Gavin Kirkland: Another chop gone, another chop gone, another chop cracks his chest! Viz grabs Chris’s wrist and irish whips him with all his might…INTO A SECTION OF FOLDED CHAIRS AS THE MOMENTUM SEND ELITE CRASHING RIGHT IN TO THE EMPTY CHAIRS! Security managed to clear all the fans out but the damage is still done! Chris Elite lays mangled awkwardly over several folded chairs as Viz gasps for air.
DeadPrez: Viz walks over, leaning down to get Chris to his feet, as Chris is looking really bad right now and in incredible pain. Chris is now hoisted up, Viz has him in his arms, as Viz walks over to a pile over chairs that ended up flat! SCOOP SLAM!!!
Gavin Kirkland: NO!!!! CHRIS ELBOWS VIZ! ANOTHER ELBOW! ANOTHER ELBOW! Chris slips behind Viz…Viz back is to Chris…Chris charges…He wraps his arms around Viz, he turns Viz away from the pile of chairs…MY GOD!!! HE ATTEMPTS TO LIFT VIZ BUT PROPHET FIGHTS! PROPHET IS THROWING ELBOWS AS CHRIS TRIES TO SUPLEX VIZ ON TO THOSE CHAIRS! VIZ THROWS ANOTHER ELBOW..ANOTHER ELBOW…CHRIS BREAKS THE HOLD!
DeadPrez: Viz turns around…KICK TO THE GUT BY ELITE TO VIZ! Viz bends forward, Chris gets him in to a piledriver position. Chris lifts the 230 pound Baethoven and has him in a powerbomb position…Chris turns, he turns, he
SITOUT POWERBOMB ON TO THE PILE OF STEEL CHAIRS!!!
Gavin Kirkland: MY GOD! VIZ LOOKS BROKEN IN HALF! CHRIS LOOKS LIKE HE FELT THAT TOO BUT NOTHING LIKE THE AGONY ON PROPHET’S BACK AS HIS SPINE SLAMS AGAINST THOSE AWKWARD, STEEL CHAIRS!
DeadPrez: CHRIS STAYS SEATED, THE REFEREE HOPS THE BARRICADE, CHRIS GOES FOR THE COVER!!!
Gavin Kirkland: KICK OUT BY THE VISUAL PROPHET! CHRIS HAD HIM LOOKING DONE AFTER SUCH A SICK POWERBOMB!
DeadPrez: You are right as rain, Gavin. But Viz isn’t giving up and Chris has to keep fighting in order to end this match with a perfect 3-0 record against his rival! Chris slides off the graveyard of banged up and distorted steel chairs, favoring his backside and spine once again as he tries to walk off the punishment. The crowd is going crazy as Chris sees something out the corner of his eyes. Viz begins to roll off the chairs and try to stagger up from the ground before falling to his knees again. Chris snatches a cup from a fan and…
Gavin Kirkland: Chris takes a sip of the fans drink! Chris Elite takes a big gulp…and he spits it out!
Chris Elite: Bitch, this ain’t Hennessy!
DeadPrez: Chris holds the rest of the cup, turning to see Viz finally back to his feet.
Gavin Kirkland: He tosses the drink in Viz’s eyes! Viz is blinded!
The Visual Prophet: FUCK! YOU BOOTY DIVER!!! MY BEAUTIFUL EYES!
DeadPrez: Chris laughs as Viz begins to swing wildly, missing every throw as Chris clobbers him with a forearm to the back of the head! Chris grabs Viz by the hair, dragging him through the crowd, as they continue around the building! Viz is being dragged as the referee, security, and Chris are headed away from the stands and through a curtain towards the backstage area! The camera men are trying to follow them as we sit and wait for a feed to pop up…
(The camera crew shows up as Chris is dragging a depleted Viz backstage towards a bunch of cases that store equipment for the shows.)
Gavin Kirkland: Looks like we got a live feed! Chris still has Viz by the hair as…WAIT! Viz shoves Elite away! Elite runs towards a bunch of moving cases and stops himself with his hands. Chris turns and
DeadPrez: DROPKICK BY VIZZY AS CHRIS GOES FLYING BACK FIRST IN TO THE CRATES AND HIS BODY SMASHES IN TO THEM HARD! Viz and Chris both are on the ground, Chris back first and seated against those crates. Viz uses his hands to push himself up after that dropkick, getting to his feet. Chris crawls away from the crate but Viz isn’t allowing it! Viz shakes his head, stomps towards Chris, and kicks him right in the gut as he crawls away on his hands and knees! Chris takes the kick and keeps crawling, as Viz stalks him! Viz looks ahead, smiling sadistically, as he picks Chris Elite up by his shoulder and tights! He is leading Chris somewhere…he tosses him head first in to a door…Chris’s head opens the door…Chris tumbles onto the tile floor…Viz follows him in as the door closes. ITS THE LADIES ROOM!
Gavin Kirkland: The camera quickly follows them in! We see Viz hoist Chris Elite up…HEAD FIRST INTO THE TOILET! HE’S GIVING HIM A SWIRLEE!
DeadPrez: Hopefully it wasn’t a used toilet as Viz keeps Chris Elite in his arms, carrying him away!
Gavin Kirkland: He is carrying Chris Elite to a classic that’s what he is doing! Viz carries Chris to a nearby sink and…CHRIS SLIDES OFF HIS BACK! Might be because of the toilet water, I bet he’s slippery now! Chris clotheslines Vizzy and grabs him by the back of the head…BAM! HE SMASHES VIZ FACE FIRST IN TO THE BATHROOM SINK! Chris is back in control as he drags Viz out of the ladies room!
DeadPrez: Both men make their way into the hallway as Chris leads Vizzy around the backstage area again…they are headed farther and farther from ringside as they make their way to the parking lot!
Gavin Kirkland: From the ring to the crowd to the bathroom and now the parking lot. Falls do count everywhere, people! As we watch Chris Irish ship Vizzy right in to a parked Jeep and his back makes a sick thud upon impact!
DeadPrez: The Visual Prophet now writhing in pain on the ground from the impact of that Irish whip! Chris Elite taking the opportunity here to throw a few more big boots to the back of Viz who can barely stand back up now, Chris just won’t let him! Chris is looking to absolutely punish Viz right here right now–hold on–wait a minute–FUCK! IT’S THE BVU! THE BOZO VICTIMS UNIT!
Gavin Kirkland: I guess when Falls Count Anywhere, rules don’t mean a damn thing, do they!? Detective Biggums and Detective Ty have just ran inside of the parking lot here, and they’re helping Chris by doing more damage to Viz’s back! This is unbelievable! Where’s that man-lady when you need her?! Oh damn, now here goes Detective Ty, he’s pulling Viz up by the neck–he’s holding his shoulders back while Big Mike–RRRRIIIIIIIICCCCKKKKKKKKKKYYYYYY!
DeadPrez: THE BICYCLE KICK STRAIGHT TO THE VISUAL PROPHET! AND HE LANDS ON THE CONCRETE IN FRONT OF THE JEEP! FUCK! FUCK! CHRIS ELITE GOES FOR THE COVER AND THE REF MAKES THE COUNT–
Referee: OOOONE! TWWWOOOOO!
Gavin Kirkland: :damn: :damn: :damn: THE VISUAL PROPHET KICKS! OUT! HOW THE FUCK IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?! YOU’VE SEEN WHAT A RIIICCCKKKKYYY CAN DO TO PEOPLE, PREZ! THE AMOUNT OF FIGHT WE’RE SEEING IN VIZ RIGHT NOW IS UNBELIEVABLE!
Deadprez: OH NO, THE BVU–THEY’RE GRABBING SOMETHING–IS THAT–NO! A RED CANISTER OF–
Gavin Kirkland: GASOLINE!!!! :lupe:
Deadprez: AND DETECTIVE TY IS POURING THAT GASOLINE ALL OVER THE JEEP! OVER THE ENGINE, ON EVERY TIRE, INSIDE THE PASSENGER SEAT! This doesn’t look good, Gavin, I can only imagine what they’re planning to do here–
Gavin Kirkland: Have no fear, because Baethoven is back up to his feet! They’ve been so preoccupied with the gasoline, that Viz has had enough time to collect himself here and–WHAT?! THE IKE TURNER SPECIAL ONTO CHRIS ELITE, FORCING CHRIS ELITE BACK INTO THE SLIPPERY JEEP! CHRIS ELITE JUST HIT HIS HEAD ON THE WINDSHIELD–
Deadprez: BIG MIKE IS WINDING UP…OH GOD! VISUAL PROPHET DOESN’T SEE IT COMING! OH NO! ANOTHER RRRIIIIICCCCKKKKKYYY TO THE BACK OF VIZ’S SKULL–
Gavin Kirkland: NO! NO! NO! VIZZY DUCKS! HE’S SAFE! HE GETS OUT OF HARM’S WAY BUT THAT MEANS–RRRRRIIIIIICCCKKKKY STRAIGHT TO THE FACE OF CHRIS ELITE! AND THE IMPACT FROM THAT BIG BOOT IS ENOUGH TO SEND BOTH CHRIS’ HEAD AND BIG MIKE’S SKULL STRAIGHT INTO THE WINDSHIELD! GLASS IS FLYING EVERYWHERE! TY DOESN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH HIMSELF!
Deadprez: He should have thought of that before he decided he was “down.” :dame:
Gavin Kirkland: Big Mike manages to pull himself out of the dashboard, but it looks like he has glass inside of his boot! :lupe: Ouch! And Chris Elite is now bleeding from the back of his skull, watch him as he crawls across the concrete floor, trying to get back to Vizzy, who is also crawling across the concrete! Both men have given their all here tonight, and I’m not surprised at all to finally see some signs of serious fatigue showing from both men! Wait, what’s that from Chris? Some sort of hand signal?
Chris Elite: (off-mic) DO IT!
Detective Ty: (off-mic) Are you sur–
Chris Elite: I SAID DO IT! NOW!
Deadprez: :lupe: What could Chris Elite possibly be signaling for Ty to do?!
Gavin Kirkland: DETECTIVE TY JUST PULLED A LIGHTER FROM OUT OF HIS POCKET! :damn:
Deadprez: :damn: OH MY GOD! IS HE DOING WHAT I THINK HE–YES! HE IS! TY JUST THROUGH THE LIGHTER ONTO THE JEEP THAT WAS COVERED IN GASOLINE–THE JEEP IS ON FIRE! I REPEAT, THE JEEP IS ON FIRE! AND DETECTIVE TY, KNOWING WHAT’S ABOUT TO COME–HE’S RUNNING AWAY! HE’S MAKING A RUN FOR IT! THE REFEREE NEEDS TO STOP THIS ONE BEFORE SOMEONE GETS THEIR EYEBROWS CHARRED OFF–OR WORSE! Those flames have completely engulfed the Jeep, INCLUDING the engine! And Chris Elite and Visual Prophet are barely back up to their feet for this one–
Gavin Kirkland: Chris Elite goes straight after Viz, but he has to be careful now of those flames! Chris grabs a hold of Vizzy’s neck, and plants him with a quick kick to the midsection! Chris, his back to the Jeep now, tries to push Viz away from him, he’s trying to get further and further away from that Jeep, which is smart–I think he’s looking for a Box Office Smash, a superkick should get the job done–
Deadprez: KISS TO THE HEAD! KISS TO THE HEAD! VISUAL PROPHET OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE WITH THE RUNNING ELBOW TO CHRIS ELITE! AND CHRIS ELITE FALLS STRAIGHT ONTO THE ENGINE OF THE JEEP, BACK IS DEFINITELY SINGED! FUCK! I CAN FEEL THAT HEAT FROM HERE AS CHRIS IS ELITE GETS LIT ON FIRE! VIZ REALLY PULLED THAT OUT OF NOWHERE, HE POTENTIALLY KILLED THIS MAN, AND–OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! :damn: :damn: :damn:
Gavin Kirkland: :damn: THE JEEP BLEW UP! I REPEAT, THE JEEP HAS BLOWN UP! VISUAL PROPHET AND THE REFEREE ARE THROWN BACK BY THE IMPACT OF THAT EXPLOSION OF EPIC PROPORTIONS! :damn: CHRIS ELITE WAS ON THE ENGINE! THE ENGINE OF THAT CAR JUST EXPLODED, BURST INTO FLAMES, AND CHRIS ELITE WAS RIGHT ON TOP OF IT! OH MY GOD! HIS BODY WAS THROWN INTO THE AIR AND DOWN ONTO THE CONCRETE FLOOR, BARELY TWO FEET AWAY FROM THE FIERY JEEP! CHRIS ELITE’S LIFELESS BODY IS OPEN FOR THE COVER BY VIZ, AND HE RUNS STRAIGHT TOWARDS HIM! THE REF GOES FOR THE COUNT–
Referee: OOOOOOOOONE! TWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOO! THRRRRRRREEEEEEEEE!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Referee: I NEED EMT’S BACK HERE, NOW!
(“Another One Bites the Dust” begins to play throughout the arena of the Wells Fargo Center, but it can barely be heard all the way from the parking lot. The referee raises an exhausted Viz’s hand in victory before rushing over to Chris Elite, the smokey and still flaming Jeep nearby.)
Deadprez: Out of all that matches I’ve called in my day, Gavin…that one def goes down in the books as one of the nuttiest. So many factors at play here in this Falls Count Anywhere match. I almost thought it was gonna be 3-0 in favor of Chris.
Gavin Kirkland: But Vizzy pulled out another incredible victory here, despite Chris apparently having a plan from the start and trying to involve the BVU while setting that Jeep aflame! But let’s keep the spirit of Midsummer Massacre alive, eh?! Hey, Prez, you like s’mores? Got any marshmallows on you?
Deadprez: Now is not the time, Gavin. These two men damn near killed each other. The hatred I’ve seen between these two is dangerous. I hope to god it’s finally over after this. Because I don’t know if it gets much worse than having to call out a burn unit to the scene…
(The final shot is of Chris Elite being pulled onto a stretcher, singed and crisp, before cutting to commercial break.)
(Commercial break — an ad for Fenty Beauty featuring Serena Bennett & Felix Hartley.)
( VIDEO PACKAGE: Beginning with footage of Mr. DEDEDE’s triumphant victory at Pain for Pride, recapturing the Answers World Championship after three years. Mr. DEDEDE is then seen in the ring on Showdown, tormenting Gavin Kirkland and throwing down the proverbial gauntlet – making it clear he is looking to establish a stranglehold in Season 13. He declares himself to be pro-wrestling’s “Allah”, stating he is above criticism, and forbidding anyone on the roster from speaking out against him lest they incur his wrath. The very same night, Ahren Fournier verbally tears DEDEDE down. He calls DDD out for his arranged marriage to Kassidy Heart and alludes to his own desire to become champion once again. The following week Fournier and Visual Prophet met DEDEDE and Chris Elite in the main event of Showdown, where Chris Elite picked up the victory and DDD brought Ahren down with a spear. On the most recent Showdown, an unfazed Ahren did a reading, as well as dismantling, of DDD’s book “GAWDVERBS” while surrounding himself with baby goats. He would point out the hypocrisy in DDD’s agenda, and tear into the book itself before promising that at Midsummer Massacre The GOAT will vanquish ‘The Gawd’, and become the new Answers World Champion. )
( Return to the Wells Fargo Center. )
( “Starboy” by The Weeknd hits, and Ahren Fournier strolls out to the stage dressed in his ring gear and a tearaway fox fur kilt. He also wears a scarf made from the skin of baby Beavers, tinted circular spectacles, and a t-shirt that reads “FuckPeta.” Both of his wrestling boots read the words “GOATs over Gawds”. Ahren pumps himself up, receiving a major mostly-negative ovation from the audience. )
Gavin Kirkland: Deadprez you’ve watched Ahren Fournier compete here on Showdown for all of Season 12, and you’ve pretty much experienced his opponent, the Answers World Champion Mr. DEDEDE first hand from the beginning! I’m the notice here, you’re the expert! Tell us – what are we going to see, heading into “Gawd vs GOAT”?
Deadprez: Ahren is in a position I don’t think he’s ever been before Gavin! We’ve seen this man compete for championships, defend championships, of different tiers on different brands. He’s knocked off some of the best in the game, including the 2018 Elitist of the Year, to win this illustrious prize Gavin. However The GOAT’s not just battling tonight for a world title, The GOAT’s battling tonight in order to set himself apart! Whether he’s gonna admit it or not, Ahren Fournier right now is fighting to have his name included with the Jamie O’Hara’s, the Rex McAllister’s. Men who aren’t just one and done World Champions, guys who have been able to establish themselves as consistent leading faces of the company in today’s era.
Gavin Kirkland: I like that, I’m inclined to agree Prez. But the difference between Ahren’s situation, and the likes of Jamie and like Rex, is they haven’t had to earn their second World Championship reigns against Gawdzilla! If Ahren leaves tonight as the Answers World Champion it will be a quantum leap forward for him in the all time rankings! And call me naive if you want, but I think the son of a bitch has got a shot! Look at him! He’s MONEY!
( “Let It Go” by A$AP Ferg hits, and the whole stage glows in blinding Vegas gold lights with red flashes that ‘dance’ in fluctuating brightness upon the bass of the music. Mr. DEDEDE walks through the billowing smoke dressed in a Gawdzilla Pro© tearaway tracksuit, with the Answers World Championship around his waist. )
Deadprez: You asked me about DEDEDE too Gavin, and listen I can bring up our history dating back to the old territory days and the days of Sunday Night Yahoo and Answers Wrestling Federation. But that doesn’t even apply here fam, I was sitting out there with a firsthand eyewitness to Pain for Pride in Atlanta. You just had to be there at ringside to understand what the hell went down in that headline match, and to comprehend the level that this man is at right now. PFP really reminded all of us that DDD is, and always was the easy option to bet on in the big match. There really is no other clutch gene in the entire business like the one he has.
Gavin Kirkland: Well after DaddyGawd all but castrated me out in that ring on the Showdown season premiere, I know better than to criticize our Supreme Leader. However Deadprez since you’ve got the cache here, what could be a feasible weakness of DDD’s or a mistake that may allow Ahren to capitalize?
Deadprez: DDD cannot forget just how good Ahren Fournier really is. All of the banter aside, Ahren is one of the most talented Elitists in the entire game. He is straight up capable of more than the vast majority of people in our sport. If DDD doesn’t acknowledge that at all times, it’s gonna be super ugly for him. And this ain’t for the purpose of building hype, or trying to sell the match, this is facts Gavin.
Gavin Kirkland: Not gonna lie considering the involvement both of these men have had in her life, the lack of Kassidy Heart presence here tonight saddens me. What are the odds that we see a cameo???… Please??? :lupe: I’m tryna see that gorgeous ass of hers :wow:
( Deadprez shrugs and doesn’t answer his broadcast partner. Gina Romano steps forward into the center of the ring, while both DDD and Ahren take their respective corners. )
( DING! DING! DING! )
Gina Romano: This next match… is scheduled for ONE FALL!
Crowd: ONE FALL!!!!
Gina Romano: AND IS FOR THE ANNNNSWWWWWWWWWERRSSS WOOOOOOOOOORLD CHAMPIOOONSHIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!! … Introducing first, the challenger, from Pawtucket, Rhode Island, weighing in tonight at 210 POOUUNNDSSS! “THE GOAT”, “STARBOI”, AHHHHREEEENNNNNNNNNNNN FOOURRNNIEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRR!!!!
( Ahren Fournier shows off to the crowd, and continues warming up, loosening his joints and keeping his adrenaline up. )
Gina Romano: His opponent… residing in the Ryan Adams Estate in Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic, weighing in at 227 POUUNNDSS…. HE IS THE AUTHOR OF THE NEW YORK TIMES BEST SELLING BOOK “GAWDVERBS”, AND THE REIGNING!!! DEFENDING!!!! ANSWERS CHAMPION OF THE WOOOOOORLLLDD…. MMMISSTEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR DEEEEEEEEEEEEE DEEEEEEEEEEEEE DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
( An energetic Mr. DEDEDE throws up the corna horns with both hands, and rips the Answers World Championship off his waist before handing it to the referee. The official holds up the championship to the audience, and DDD rips off the tearaway tracksuit for the ring gear underneath. Ahren hands his accessories to a stagehand on the apron, and the official passes off the AWC to another stagehand who passes it to the timekeeper. The official soon after calls for the bell. )
( DING! DING! DING! )
Gavin Kirkland: The bell tolls, Mr. DEDEDE is on a stage he is more than familiar with, competing tonight in his fourth Midsummer Massacre appearance, and his third World Championship match at this event! Ahren Fournier cracking his knuckles, loosening himself up and slowly approaching the champion. You can tell he is actually taking this match VERY seriously, he knows exactly who he is in the ring with, there are no smiles on the face of The GOAT. Meanwhile The Gawd’s got sort of a smirk going there, as he closes in on Fournier. Dodges a shoot kick from Ahren, and a right swipe from the challenger as well. The Gawd swings for a right of his own, avoided by The GOAT. Another swipe, dodged by Ahren.
Deadprez: DDD lunges in for a collar & elbow tie up, but Ahren squirms out of it and steps in between the ropes, the official jumps in between DDD and Ahren just as DDD is trying to go right after him. Ahren eventually steps out of the ropes, allowing the two to circle the ring… DDD lunges forward again! Rear waistlock! Ahren slips out of it, between the legs and behind DDD. DDD turns around and charges after him with a clothesline! Ahren scrambles under it, DDD turns around and throws multiple quick strikes at the challenger! But Ahren dips under and rolls out of the ring, taking a stroll across ringside and forcing The Gawd to wait and watch him get back in.
Gavin Kirkland: Ahren slowly but surely climbs back onto the apron. DDD prepares for physical combat….. but Ahren drops down from the apron again, and decides to take another stroll. You can tell the chairman is losing his more and more of his patience by the second!
Deadprez: Just mind games from the challenger, he is attempting to build unrest, almost a little bit of anxiety in the Answers World Champion. He’s trying to remove the initial momentum from the onset of the match in order to take DDD out of his element, I’ve seen it plenty of times before. DDD combing back his hair and walks over to the ropes, lowering the middle one and “inviting” Ahren back in. Ahren wags a finger and decides to stroll back over to the side of the ring that he just walked away from. The official has already begun his count, but Ahren isn’t paying much attention to it. He slowly climbs up the ring stairs, and steps through the ropes, stopping the referee’s count. DDD walks over to him…………. and Ahren rolls under the bottom rope, back outside of the ring! He is pissing off this crowd big time!
( Ahren Fournier walks over to a pair of middle school children in the front row, both wearing “Gawdverbs” t-shirt and holding popcorn. They’re both booing him and giving him a thumbs down. )
Ahren Fournier (off-mic): Hey kids, how does it feel to be wearing the t-shirt of an incel cuck loser who’s about to be beaten tonight by the GOAT?! Bet it feels pretty shitty doesn’t it?! Well you know what else feels shitty? DIABETES! NO POPCORN FOR YOU!
( Ahren rips the bucket of popcorn away from the children, and they stand up clamoring for it back. )
Gavin Kirkland: DEDEDE TURNS AHREN AROUND! AHREN THROWS THE POPCORN IN DDD’S FACE! AND HE’S FIRING AWAY WITH PUNCHES NOW, OVER HALF A DOZEN RIGHTS AND LEFTS OFF OF THE DISTRACTION, FOLLOWED BY KNEES TO THE RIBS WHILE DDD’S DOUBLED OVER! Ahren grabs DDD by the nape of his neck and takes him right in front of our announce desk, and BASHES his head into the desk with a thud! Now Ahren locks DDD’s left arm behind DDD’s own back, and Ahren slings his own shoulder right into DDDs midsection sending DDD CRASHING SPINE AND ARM FIRST INTO THE RINGPOST! Ahren snatches the left wrist, DDD BLASTS AHREN’S JAW WITH A HARD RIGHT! AHREN WITH A RETALIATORY STOMP TO THE RIBS! WRIST LOCK IS MAINTAINED, AND AHREN SENDS DDD ACROSS THE RING WITH A HARD IRISH WHIP INTO THE STEEL STEPS!!!
Deadprez: Not yet! But DDD manages to dive into the ring before he can collide with the steel steps! Great save! Ahren spots that, and dives through the ropes and into the ring himself!
Gavin Kirkland: TOO LATE!!!! DDD’S ALREADY RECOVERED!!!! SPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEARRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!
Deadprez: BICYCLE KICK TO THE LEFT SHOULDER, STOPPING DDD IN HIS TRACKS! AHREN SPRINTING TO THE PERPENDICULAR ROPES, AND CHARGES BACK!!!! PROTECT YA NECK!!!!!!!!!!! CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: DUCKED UNDERNEATH BY DDD! DDD CHARGES AT AHREN! BODY-TRIP BY AHREN, ALMOST LIKE A CROSSBODY TO THE LEGS! AHREN SADDLING DDD’S BACK WHILE DDD IS ON ALL FOURS, LOOKING TO LOCK IN ‘CALL TO ARMS’ ON THE LEFT ARM OF THE CHAMPION! FORCING HIS WAY INTO THE CROSS ARMBREAKER! BUT DDD LOCKS HIS OWN FINGERS AND FORCES LEVERAGE, REFUSING TO GIVE AHREN FULL CONTROL OF THE ARM! AHREN IS STACKED ONTO HIS SHOULDERS!
Deadprez: Ahren twists out of that and ends up behind DDD with a rear waistlock! Maybe wanting a deadlift belly to belly from behind?! No, rolling leg trip counter from The Gawd! DDD barrel rolls to his feet to create seperation! BRUTAL LOW DROPKICK TO THE JAW OF AHREN WHILE HE’S ON ONE KNEE! That sends Ahren rolling out of the ring and landing on his feet, slumped over the ring apron. ANOTHER LOW DROPKICK CRACKING BOTH BOOTS OF THE CHAMPION, ACROSS THE JAW OF THE CHALLENGER! Ahren sent flying backwards! He’s getting back up quickly though, just based off of momentum, and DDD spots his opening! He sees it well! DDD RUNNING THE ROPES, AND COMES BARRELLING BACK ACROSS THE RING!!!!!!! “VINTAGE” DEDEDE!!!!!!!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: AHREN SPRINTS UP TO THE APRON AND CATCHES HIM WITH A DOUBLE MONGOLIAN CHOP! DDD stunned! Ahren slings DDDs left arm over the top rope! VICIOUS KICK TO THE LEFT TRICEP WHILE THE ARM’S HELD! LOUD SHOOT KICK THROUGH THE ROPES, TO THE RIBS! Ahren leaps over the ropes, back into the ring, snatches the right arm of the champion, and reels him into a spin kick to the torso! Follows up with a rolling backhand! DDD’s turned away from Ahren after being slapped across his jaw, and there’s a RIB CRUSHING KNEE TAKING HIM TO HIS KNEES! DDD willing himself back up, but Ahren’s already careened himself off the ropes, into a RUNNING KNEE RIGHT ACROSS THE FACE!!!!
Deadprez: DDD TWIRLS OUT OF THAT! TAKES AHREN DOWN WITH AN O’CONNOR ROLL INTO A CROSS ARMBREAKER!
Gavin Kirkland: BUT AHREN ROLLS THROUGH THE ARMBREAKER ATTEMPT AND PLANTS A DOUBLE FOOT STOMP PERFECTLY INTO THE CHEST! DDD SITS UP! STIFF KICK TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD! DDD ROLLS OVER, AHREN PROPS UP THE LEFT ARM, SO THAT IT IS BENT BACKWARDS, AND HE DELIVERS A STIFF STOMP TO THE ELBOW!!! CAUSING DDD TO ROLL AWAY AND YELP IN PAIN!
Deadprez: DDD on all fours, favoring that left arm, and AHREN WITH A SCISSORS STOMP TO THE LEFT TRICEP! VICIOUS! GRUESOME! Ahren keeping that pressure applied now, placing a boot square into the left arm, digging his heel into the left tricep, and he reaches over to DDDs right arm… SLOWLY YANKING IT BACK! DDD TRYING TO FIGHT OUT OF IT, HE’S TRYING TO POWER HIS RIGHT ARM OUT OF AHREN’S GRASP, BUT THE GOAT MUSCLES DDDS ARM BACKWARDS IN AN UNNATURAL POSITION, AND IS NOW AIMING FOR THE FINGERS!!!
Gavin Kirkland: DDD TRYING TO FIGHT OUT OF THAT WITH EVERYTHING HE’S GOT, SO HE WRESTLES LEFT ARM OUT FROM UNDERNEATH THE OPPRESSIVE BOOT OF THE CHALLENGER, AND CHARGES UP TO HIS FEET, WITH AHREN SITTING ON HIS SHOULDERS! HOLDING HIM IN AN ELECTRIC CHAIR POSITION! Amazing display of strength from the Answers World Champion, but Ahren still has control of DDD’s right arm! DDD runs forward, DROPPING AHREN AND HIMSELF WITH A RING RATTLING ELECTRIC CHAIR BOMB!!!!
Deadprez:BUT AHREN COMPLETELY ABSORBS THE IMPACT, AND WORKS THROUGH IT, FOR THE CALL TO ARMS!!! CROSS ARMBREAKER FULLY APPLIED ON THE RIGHT ARM!!!!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: OUTSTANDING PERSISTENCE FROM THE GOAT! AHREN IS YANKING BACK THAT RIGHT ARM WITH EVERYTHING HE HAS! EXERTING MAXIMUM EFFORT INTO RIPPING DDD’S ARM OUT OF ITS SOCKET!!!!
Deadprez: But DEDEDE may have either pre-emptively saw this through, or perhaps he just got lucky, because he isn’t too far from the ring ropes at all! He’s adjusting his lower body now to get his feet underneath the bottom ropes, but naturally the initial panic when you’re placed into a devastating hold like that is going to take over your awareness at first. DDD scoots his legs right under the ropes, and the official rushes in, demanding that Ahren release the hold!
Ref: 1! 2! 3! 4!
Gavin Kirkland: Ahren curses the referee out, while DDD slithers out of the ring, trying to work some feeling back into.. well.. both arms. A calculated assault from The GOAT may slowly but surely be paying dividends. DDD rushing up to the apron, and JUST LIKE THAT AHREN TAKES HIM DDD DROPPING DOWN TO RINGSIDE WITH A RUNNING BICYCLE KNEE TO THE RIBS! JESUS LORD! HOW MANY BODY SHOTS HAS DDD EATEN ALREADY?! DDD collapses to his bottom on the apron and stumbles away down to the bottom of the ramp, holding his midsection in agony. Meanwhile Ahren springs over the ropes, charging up to the top turnbuckle wicked fast! DDD TURNS AROUND! DIVING AXE HANDLE FROM THE TOP TURNBUCKLE!!!! TAKING DDD DOWN AT RINGSIDE!!!!!!!!
Deadprez: OH SHIT!!! OH SHIT!!! BIG BOOT!!!!!! AHREN TURNED INSIDE OUT, BY THE BIG BOOT FROM MID AIR!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: THAT COULD HAVE DECAPITATED HIM! THAT SHOULD HAVE SENT HIS HEAD CLEAN OFF! DDD DRAGS AHREN UP FROM THE FLOOR NOW, AND EVENTUALLY ROLLS HIM BACK INTO THE RING. YOU COULD PRACTICALLY FEEL THE VELOCITY OF THAT KICK!
Deadprez: It don’t look like DDD’s finished either! Ahren is seeing stars, but DDD is climbing up to the heavens from the apron, assuming a perched position up at the top turnbuckle while Ahren recovers! Ahren turns around, on spaghetti legs! AND THE GAWD TAKES THE DIVE!!! SENTON NECKBREAKER!!! DELIVERS, FOLDING AHREN UP LIKE AN ACCORDION!!! DDD HOOKS BOTH LEGS OF THE CHALLENGER!!!
Ref: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Gavin Kirkland: Kick out by The GOAT! Can we just get a replay of that big boot counter from earlier?! Our chairman should be arrested! Because that counter sounded just like a gun shot, and looked like a straight up murder!
( REPLAY: Ahren Fournier leaps from the top turnbuckle, gaining major elevation over the ring, before falling face first nearly twelve feet into a big boot from DDD. We see Ahren’s head whiplash back, and see his body subsequently contort following the boot. )
Deadprez: DDD has turned the tide so to speak, after having to deal with an onslaught from Ahren himself. You can see the welts on his body from those ferocious kness of Fournier’s. DDD stomping away at any and every open part of the body of his challenger. He’s picking away at Ahren, chopping him down more and more with each stomp. DDD pulls Ahren up by his head… Ahren attempts a swipe! DDD dodges it, and delivers a STINGING knife edge chop! Ahren on spaghetti legs! DDD turns Ahren right back to him, and delivers precise, well measured punches to the temple! And he spits into his right palm, reminiscent of his Gawd persona, before taking Ahren back down with a CLUBBING HAYMAKER! The challenger dragging himself over to the turnbuckle, and DDD throws up both of the corna taunt signs to the audience before walking back over to Ahren who is using the corner for support. DDD firing away with some vicious stomps to the ribs of Ahren! Gawdzilla letting off a boatload of aggression, and a little bit of payback! The referee counting away at those repetitive stomps to the defenseless, cornered challenger!
Ref: 1! 2! 3! 4!
( DDD gets into the official’s face. The referee backs away in fear, and DDD walks back over to Ahren, straightening him up. )
Gavin Kirkland: AHREN WITH A SHOOT KICK! DDD catches the leg! Multiple jabs slamming into Ahren’s jaw, and one catching him in the nose! That’s got Ahren turning around and holding his nose in shock and in searing pain! DDD snatches the wrist, attempting to take Ahren out of the corner, but Ahren fires back with a European uppercut! Instinctive uppercut at that, Ahren is still for the most part stunned by the shot to the nose, leaning back against the turnbuckle and even prompting some concern from the official. DDD FIRES RIGHT BACK WITH A CLUBBING CLOTHESLINE INTO THE CORNER!!! NOW HE GRABS AHREN BY THE WRIST, HARD IRISH WHIP ACROSS THE RING!
Deadprez: AHREN REVERSES THE IRISH WHIP! DDD SPRINGS OFF THE SECOND ROPE WHILE AHREN CHARGES RIGHT AFTER HIM! CORKSCREW JUMPING BACK ELBOW TO TAKE AHREN DOWN!!! Both men scramble back up to their feet! JUMPING FOREARM SMASH FROM DDD! Ahren shooting back up to his feet! ANOTHER JUMPING FOREARM SMASH, PUTTING HIS ALL INTO THAT ONE! ……… AND DDD KIPS UP! THE GAWD WAITING, STALKING, SQUATTING OVER AHREN WHO IS MAKING HIS RECOVERY …. AND DDD TURNS AHREN AROUND!!! GRAND SLAM!!!!!!! GRAND SLAM!!!!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: WRENCH OF THE LEFT ARM BY AHREN! AND THE GRAND SLAM IS COUNTERED INTO A RIPCORD ROLLING FOREARM! AND A SCISSORS STOMP TO THE BACK OF DDDS HEAD! Ahren straightens DDD up! ROLLING BACKFIST FROM DDD!!! DUCKED UNDERNEATH BY AHREN, and another LOUD forearm shot right to the spine! Ahren rushes at DDD, catches his head under the arm, and springs off the ropes with a ROPE ASSISTED BULLDOG! DDD SHOVES AHREN OUT OF IT AT THE LAST SECOND! RUNNING CLOTHESLINE FROM DDD! DUCKED UNDER BY FOURNIER! BOTH MEN COME REBOUNDING OFF THE ROPES, CORKSCREW CROSSBODY FROM THE GAWD!!!
Deadprez: FOURNIER BASEBALL SLIDES UNDER IT, AND DEADLIFTS DDD UP WITH A REAR WAISTLOCK! INTO THE OVERHEAD BELLY TO BELLY RELEASE SUPLEX!!! SENDING DDD FAR ACROSS THE RING, LANDING RIGHT ON HIS TORSO! DDD RECOVERS, SCRAMBLING AND COLLAPSING INTO THE CORNER IN A HEAP — RUNNING KNEE TO THE SKULL BY FOURNIER!!! FOLLOWS UP WITH A RUNNING NECKBREAKER OUT OF THE CORNER! AND A LATERAL PRESS OVER THE GAWD!
Ref: OOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOO
Gavin Kirkland: DDD WITH THE SHOULDER UP! DDD and Ahren climb back up to a vertical base at the same pace, but DDD is still very much feeling the effects of the neckbreaker. Ahren delivers a kick to the temple with the very point of his boots! That’s got DDD stumbling back into the ropes, and Ahren comes right after him, delivering lefts and rights to the body while DDD is covering up his face with both arms! DDD lets his guard down to cover his battered midsection, and Ahren is teeing off strikes to the skull while DDD is collapsed on the second rope! The official has to physically get in there and pry Ahren away from his opponent who is up against the ropes. Now Ahren comes charging right at Mr. DDD
Deadprez: WOW!!! WHAT A SHOT!!!! DDD WITH A THUNDEROUS ROUNDHOUSE KICK TO THE EAR, SENDING AHREN STUMBLING AND STAGGERING TO THE CORNER! DDD STORMS OVER TO THE FARAWAY TURNBUCKLE NOW….. AND COMES CHARGING RIGHT BACK!!!!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: BANG!!!!!!! RRRAPPPPPPTUUUUUUUUREEE!!!! SENDING AHREN FLIPPING BACKWARDS, OVER THE RINGPOST, AND COLLAPSING TO THE RINGSIDE FLOOR!!!!
Deadprez: DDD STORMS RIGHT BACK ACROSS THE RING AGAIN, GNASHING HIS TEETH, WITH A FURIOUS LOOK IN HIS EYES! AHREN LOOKS LIKE A DEER IN THE HEADLIGHTS! HE’S HARDLY GOT ANY IDEA WHERE HE IS, AND HE’S ABOUT TO BECOME ROADKILL! AHREN ALMOST INSTINCTIVELY FINDS HIMSELF BACK UP TO HIS FEET!
…. YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!!!!!!! “VINTAGE” DEDEDE OVER THE CORNER!!!!! DDD COMPLETELY CLEARING THE TURNBUCKLE/RINGPOST, AND TAKING AHREN DOWN WITH THE SOMERSAULT TOPE!!!!!!
( DEDEDE and Ahren are laid out, and DDD turns over to his side, huffing and puffing, and loosening up the sore left arm and shoulder. )
Gavin Kirkland: The man never ceases to amaze me Deadprez! When he isn’t downright horrifying, he is utterly awe inspiring! But you can tell that such a dive took a lot out of him, he’s taking some time to recover, but time is certainly of the essence!
Ref: 1! ……. 2! …………. 3! ………….. 4!
Deadprez: DDD fosho taking a bit of a breather which he definitely needs after pulling such a fast and furious set of attacks from the well. DDD’s hovering over Ahren as the referee’s count reaches “five.” He’s dragging Ahren up right here at ringside, and Ahren is almost making it difficult on purpose, sandbagging himself and forcing DDD to muscle him up from the floor. Referee’s count at “six”, DDD has Ahren on his feet, hoping to drag him back over to the apron… but AHREN HOOKS THE TIGHTS, PEDALS HIMSELF AND DDD BACKWARDS, AND SENDS THE BACK OF DDDS HEAD CRASHING INTO THE BARRICADE WITH A RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP!
Gavin Kirkland: Smart counter from Ahren, who now dives back into the ring to break the ref’s count, only to hop back over the ropes and onto the ring apron. Ahren remembering of course that he cannot become Answers World Champion by way of count out. DDD wanders over to the apron, leaning over and holding the back of his neck! PENALTY KICK TO THE FACE BY AHREN!!!! BUT DDD CATCHES THE ONCOMING BOOT! HOLDING IT FIRMLY IN HIS GRASP! DDD SHAKING HIS HEAD “NO”, AND HE CLIMBS UP TO THE APRON TO JOIN AHREN! HE STILL HAS FIRM CONTROL OF THE BOOT, AHREN IS LOSING HIS BALANCE! WAVING HIS HANDS AND TRYING DESPERATELY TO CONVINCE DDD TO LET HIM DOWN! DDD YANKS AHREN IN HIS GRASP!!! GRAND SLAM!!!!!!!!!!!! GRAND SLAM!!!!!!!!!!!
Deadprez: ON TO THE GOD DAMN APRON!!!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: GOOD LORD!!!!!! HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THAT?!?
Deadprez: NEVER! ONE OF DDD’S MOST LEGENDARY MOVES EXECUTED IN ONE OF THE MOST DEVASTATING WAYS THAT I’VE EVER SEEN! AHREN IS FOLDED IN HALF! DDD SHOVES AHREN BACK INTO THE RING, BEFORE CLIMBING BACK IN AND CRAWLING OVER TO HIS CHALLENGER TO PUT HIM AWAY!
Ref: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Gavin Kirkland: AHREN WITH A SHOULDER UP!
Deadprez: DDD ISN’T WASTING A SECOND! HE KNOWS AHREN IS TOTALLY OUT OF SORTS RIGHT NOW, AND HE’S NOT GIVING HIM ENOUGH TIME TO FIND HIS BEARINGS! DDD DRAGS AHREN NEAR THE TURNBUCKLE, AND STEPS OUT TO THE APRON IN ORDER TO CLIMB UP THE TURNBUCKLE, RETURNING TO THE HIGH RENT DISTRICT YET AGAIN…. AHREN IS BARELY STIRRING, YOU CAN SEE THE AGONY HE’S IN ALL OVER HIS FACE…. THE ANSWERS WORLD CHAMPION KNOWS RED MEAT WHEN HE SEES IT! DDD STANDING OVER THE CHALLENGER, STANDING TALL!!!! THERE IT IS!!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: NORTH STAAAAAARRRR!!!!
Deadprez: SHOOTING STAR PRESS DOES NOT HIT ITS MARK!!! AHREN ROLLS BACKWARDS OUT OF THE WAY!!! BUT MIRACULOUSLY DDD STICKS THE LANDING, ROLLING THROUGH! PROTECT YA NECK!!!!!!!! CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL BY AHREN!!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: SPINNING BACKFIST COUNTER BY DDD BEFORE THE CONNECTION!!!! CAUGHT AHREN ACROSS THE FACE!!! DDD PICKS HIM UP! AND A SCOOP SLAM THROW!!!
Deadprez: AHREN LANDS ON HIS FEET OFF THE SCOOP SLAM AFTER DDD CHUCKED HIM! DDD RUSHES IN, STAR STRUCK!!! THE CHAMP STUMBLES AFTER A FAKE SUPER KICK TO THE KNEE FROM AHREN, AND IS BLASTED ACROSS THE FACE WITH A SUPERKICK BY THE CHALLENGER! AHREN DRAGS DDD UP FROM BEHIND! DEADLIFT GERMAN SUPLEX!!!! PLANTED! AHREN ROLLS THROUGH!!!! DOUBLE-TWIST WRENCH OF THE INJURED LEFT ARM! EVOKING SCREAMS OF PAIN FROM DDD!!!! THE CLIMAX!!!!! BANG!!!!!! RIPCORD KNEE STRIKE FROM FOURNIER!!!!! AND A HOOK OF BOTH LEGS FOLLOWING THAT!
Ref: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Deadprez: NO! KICK OUT! DDD STILL IN THIS!
Talk about an out of this world display! I knew it, I knew we would be seeing Ahren at his very best, but he’d better believe it’s going to take more than just his “best effort” against a man like DEDEDE, it’s going to take pulling something unprecedented out of his hat! Ahren slapping DDD across his head, berating him again, before slowly hoisting him up from the mat. and TOSSING DDD ACROSS THE RING WITH A DOUBLE CHICKENWING SIDE BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEX!!! Sending DDD rolls to the apron and looking up at the lights! Ahren is demanding that the audience embraces him, pointing out people in the crowd and trashing them for not cheering him. Ahren walks across the ring back over to The Gawd, pulling him up to a seated base by his hair, and leans through the ropes in order to hammer some closed fist shots right against the skull! Ahren steps one foot through the ropes now, and STOMPS DDD IN HIS CHEST AND IN HIS FACE REPEATEDLY, AS DDD ATTEMPTS TO COVER HIMSELF UP!
Gavin Kirkland: The GOAT is showing so much aggression, so much focus! The referee giving Ahren an ear beating after prying him away from DDD again, but Ahren’s got tunnel vision, he’s going to bend the rules as much as he can because winning is the only thing that matters to him right now! DDD is leaned against the apron at ringside, and Ahren drags DDD up to the apron by his left arm, AND SLAMMING ELBOWS INTO THE SORE LEFT SHOULDER, WHILE DDD DANGLES ABOVE THE RINGSIDE FLOOR!
Ref: 1! 2! 3! 4!
Deadprez: DDD RAKES THE EYES OF THE CHALLENGER! AND COUNTERS WITH A STUN GUN, PLANTING AHREN THROAT-FIRST AGAINST THE MIDDLE ROPE! DDD down at ringside holding his limp left arm, he’s not able to hide the damage that’s been done any longer. I had a feeling it would come to this. DDD rolls back into the ring, DDD and Ahren go right after each other, but Ahren delivers a low superkick this time! DDD down to his knees, clutching at his quad, and Ahren delivers a WRIST LOCK INTO A LOW ROUNDHOUSE!!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: DDD DIPS TO THE MAT, ROLLS AHREN UP! AHREN ROLLS THROUGH, SNATCHES DDDS WRIST! BUT DDD COUNTERS WITH A COMBAT ROLL ARMDRAG, SENDING AHREN CRASHING TO HIS SHOULDERS! DDD rushes up after Ahren, sends him across with an Irish whip, but Ahren reverses the whip for his own! DDD slides to the mat before he leaves Ahren’s grasp, and COUNTERS WITH A LIFTING KICK TO THE TOP OF AHREN’S SKULL! DDD SPINS LIKE A TOP ON HIS BACK, LOOKING FOR THE KIP UP AGAIN! BUT AHREN CATCHES BOTH OF DDDS LEGS BEFORE THE KIP UP, AND FIRES AWAY WITH REPEATED STOMPS INTO THE BRUISED UP TORSO AREA OF THE ANSWERS WORLD CHAMPION!
Deadprez: LOOK AT THIS! LOOK AT THIS! DEADLIFT POWERBOMB!!!! DELIVERS IT!!! AND AHREN HOISTS DDD UP FROM THE MAT AGAIN, THIS TIME WITH A DOUBLE UNDERHOOK, USING EVERYTHING HE HAS!!! AHREN JOGS ACROSS THE RING…. RUNNING DOUBLE UNDERHOOK TURNBUCKLE POWERBOMB!!!!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: DDD BOUNCING OFF OF THE CORNER, BACK DOWN TO ALL FOURS!!!
Deadprez: STORYBOOK ENDING!!!!!!!! AHREN CATCHES DDD WITH THE CURB STOMP, SPIKING HIM INTO THE CANVAS!!!! AND DROPS OVER DDD WITH A COVER!!!
Ref: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: KICK OUT!!! KICK OUT!!! DDD STAYING ALIVE SOMEHOW!!! WHAT GRIT! WHAT HEART! AND AHREN SITS UP TOTALLY CATATONIC!!! He looks at the official just bewildered, and looks back down to DDD in seething rage, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing either DP! Nothing activates adrenaline quite like anger, and AHREN FOURNIER IS TAKING OUT HIS ANGER IN A RATHER ‘PRODUCTIVE’ MANNER, MOUNTING OVER THE GAWD AND DELIVERING FURIOUS LEFTS AND RIGHTS IN A FLURRY! The referee again trying to get involved and get Ahren to back off of the Answers World Champion with the closed fist strikes. Ahren rises, drags DDD up, and hits, GOSH, ANOTHER KNEE, STRAIGHT INTO THE PECTORAL MUSCLE!
Deadprez: DDD FIRES BACK WITH A HEADBUTT!
Gavin Kirkland: YIKES!!! AN ANGRY RIGHT KNEE FROM AHREN, HITTING DDD DIRECTLY INTO THE HEART!!! HE MAY AS WELL HAVE LEFT IMPACT CRATERS WITH THESE KNEES! AHREN WITH CONSECUTIVE KNEES KNOW, EACH ONE CREATING GIGANTIC THUDS THAT YOU CAN HEAR FROM THE CONCESSION STANDS, TARGETING DDD RIGHT IN HIS HEART! HE IS TRYING TO KILL HIM! HE IS TRYING TO STOP HIS HEART! FULL!!! STRENGTH!!!! LEFT KNEE TO THE JAW!!!!!
( Mr. DEDEDE is on his knees, hair covering his eyes, with bloody drool dripping from his mouth to the mat. )
Deadprez: AHREN HOOKS DDD BY THE ARM, HOISTING HIM UP FROM THE MAT! POP UP VERTICAL SUPLEX, CONVERTED INTO THE CROSSFACE CHICKENWING!!!! ‘LULLABY’!!!!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: BUT DDD, WHILE CAUGHT IN THE CHICKENWING, USES EVERYTHING HE HAS TO SHOULDER ROLL HIMSELF AND AHREN! BACK UP TO HIS FEET! HE SLINGS AHREN OFF OF HIS SHOULDERS WITH ANOTHER FRONT ROLL! AHREN FLINGS OFF OF DDDS SHOULDERS AND RECOVERS! SPEEEEEEEEARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! SPEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: DEDEDE DRAG HIMSELF OVER AHREN, AND DESPERATELY HOOKS BOTH LEGS, AFTER PUTTING EVERYTHING INTO THAT SPEAR!
Ref: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Deadprez: KICK!!!! OUT!!! BY!!! AHREN!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: WOW! WOW!! WOW!!!! THE GOAT WITHSTANDS AN INCREDIBLE SPEAR! THE GOAT VS THE GAWD RAGES ON! Holy hell, to call this an exemplary showing would be the understatement of the year Deadprez! Ahren is making believers out of many here in this sold out Philadelphia crowd, as well as the millions of EAW Network subscribers watching at home! Just incredible! The wear and tear ALL OVER DDD’s body is indicative of the damage this match has done, you can see welts and bruises riddling torso, a nasty bruise right behind his ear. As he pants and huffs and puffs in exhaustion, using the ropes to recuperate slowly. Ahren on the other hand is much more worse for wear, he was broken in half and he is trying to pick up all of the pieces. LOOKS LIKE DDD PLANS ON GOING BACK TO THE WELL! CROUCHING OVER FOR ANOTHER SPEAR!!! THIS TIME TUGGING AT HIS HAIR, PSYCHING HIMSELF UP, WITH HIS EYES BULGED WIDE OPEN AND A MENACING SCOWL ACCOMPANYING THE EXPRESSION OF VENOM WRITTEN ALL OVER HIS FACE! AHREN HOLDING HIS LOWER MIDSECTION, DRAGGING HIMSELF UP TO ONE KNEE…. ALMOST BACK TO BOTH TWO …..
AND AHREN WISELY BAILS OUT OF THE RING!
Deadprez: DDD steps through the ropes and keeps himself completely hidden from sight and out of the peripheral view of Ahren Fournier, who sluggishly stumbles right near us at ringside! Ahren definitely deserves credit for keeping himself in this match following the spear, but clearly it’s rocked his world, and he is going to have to get himself back in the game-
Gavin Kirkland: WATCH YOUR BACK AHREN WATCH YOUR BACK!!! MR. DEDEDE RUNS A FULL LAP AROUND THE RING, COMPLETELY OUT OF SIGHT FROM AHREN FOURNIER!!!!!!! AND HE SHOOTS THROUGH THE TURNBUCKLE!!!!!!! SLINGSHOT SPEAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!
Deadprez: BICYCLE KNEE!!! CATCHING DDD IN MIDAIR STRAIGHT INTO THE INJURED SHOULDER!!!! CLEAN SHOT, LEAVING DDD HUNG UP TO DRY RIGHT ABOVE THE BOTTOM TURNBUCKLE IN A HEAP!
Gavin Kirkland: AHREN CLIMBS UP THE VERY SAME TURNBUCKLE NOW FROM RINGSIDE, AND DDD SLUGGISHLY ROLLS BACK INTO THE RING, NOT AWARE OF WHERE HE EVEN IS! THE HUNGRY, VICIOUS, AMBITIOUS AHREN FOURNIER STANDING RIGHT ABOVE HIM RIGHT NOW… AND LEAPS OFF! DOUBLE FOOT STOMP FROM THE TOP ROPE!!! DRILLING INTO DDDS BRUISED RIBS!!! STOMPING THE LIFE, AND THE WIND OUT OF MR. DEDEDE! AHREN DRAGS DDD UP FROM THE CANVAS, CURSING UP A STORM, PROMISING TO FINISH THIS, AND HE SENDS DDD BY THE NAPE OF HIS NECK INTO THE ROPES! DDD REBOUNDS OFF THE ROPES!!!!
Deadprez: PROTECT!!!!! YA!!!!!! NECK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Deadprez: DEDEDE TURNED INSIDE OUT WITH THE CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL!!!! AHREN COLLAPSES DESPERATELY OVER DEDEDE WITH THE COVER!!!
Ref: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
Gavin Kirkland: AHREN IS THE CHAMPION!!!! AHREN DID IT!!!
Deadprez: NO!!! FOOT! PLACED! UNDER! THE! ROPES! IT IS NOT OVER!
Gavin Kirkland: FOURNIER IS APOPLECTIC! ABSOLUTELY BOGGLED OUT OF HIS MIND! HE IS BANGING HIS FISTS INTO THE CANVAS, HE IS UNLEASHING EVERY OUNCE OF FRUSTRATION THAT HE HAS ON THE CANVAS! PUNCHING THE FLOOR IN SHEER FURY!
Gavin Kirkland: CAN YOU BLAME HIM? Oh dear! Ahren Fournier almost looks like he’s lost it, he stomps over to DDD and grabs his left arm,
Gavin Kirkland: “GET FUCKED”!!!!!!!!! SNAPPING MULTIPLE FINGERS ON MR. DEDEDE’S LEFT HAND!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUUUUUUCK!!!!
Deadprez: DDD ROLLING AROUND SCREAMING! HE MUST HAVE POPPED THOSE FINGERS RIGHT OUT OF THEIR JOINTS! AHREN AIN’T FINISHED! AHREN DRAGS DDD UP FROM THE MAT, WRENCHES THE LEFT ARM!
Gavin Kirkland: RIPCORD KNEE, INTO THE INJURED LEFT SHOULDER!!!!!! POPPING MR. DEDEDE’S SHOULDER OUT OF HIS SOCKET!!!! STOP THIS!!!! NO MORE!!! THIS CAN’T CONTINUE!
Deadprez: AHREN WRENCHES THE INJURED LEFT ARM AGAIN! CALL TO ARMS!!!! CALL TO ARMS!!!!! CROSS ARMBREAKER, WITH DDD FULLY GIVING UP THE LEFT ARM THIS TIME!!!! THIS HAS TO BE IT!
Gavin Kirkland: BUT DDD STILL HAS LEVERAGE! AHREN IS STACKED ONTO ONE OF HIS SHOULDERS! AND THE REF IS CHECKING TO MAKE SURE BOTH OF AHREN’S SHOULDERS AREN’T TOUCHING THE MAT! AHREN USING HIS BOOTS NOW, CRACKING THE HEEL OF HIS BOOTS OVER DDD’S TEMPLE REPEATEDLY! AHREN SLAMMING KICKS OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER!
Deadprez: MERCILESSLY! WITH EVERYTHING HE HAS! BUT THE RESILIENCE! THE WHEREWITHAL OF DDD KICKING IN WHEN IT’S MOST CRUCIAL! DDD HAS AHREN STACKED ONTO BOTH SHOULDERS!
Ref: OOOOOONE!!! TWOOOOOO!!!
Deadprez: AHREN SWITCHES GEARS, SPINNING DOWN DDDS BACK, AND DRAGS DDD UP FROM THE FLOOR AGAIN! “LULLABY”!!!! POP-UP SUPLEX, BUT THIS TIME WITH NO CROSSFACE CHICKENWING! DDD LANDED AWKWARDLY ON HIS DISLOCATED SHOULDER!!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: AHREN BACKS INTO THE ROPES, WHILE DDD PUSHES HIMSELF UP FAVORING HIS LIMP LEFT ARM, AND HIS DISLOCATED SHOULDER! OH MY GOD!!!!!! STORYBOOK ENDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CURB STOMP AGAIN!!!!! WHAT?!?!
( Ahren is popped up high into the air, mid-curb stomp. )
Deadprez: SPEAR!!!!!! SPEAR!!!! THE STORYBOOK ENDING INTO THE THE POP-UP SPEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO FUCKING WAY!!!!!! NO FUCKING WAY!!!!!!! HOW WAS THAT POSSIBLE?!?! WHAT THE HELL DID WE JUST SEE?!?! DDD SCRATCHING, CLAWING, WITH ONE GOOD ARM, WITH HIS FACE AGAINST THE MAT, AND WITH NOTHING BUT FUMES LEFT IN THE TANK! INTO THE COVER!
Ref: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
( DING! DING! DING! )
Gavin Kirkland: :damn: HOLY SHIT! THAT WAS FUCKING AMAZING!
( “Let It Go” by A$AP Ferg begins to blast throughout the Wells Fargo Center and an exhausted DEDEDE rolls off of Ahren. A ring crew worker passes the belt up to the referee and he hands it off to DEDEDE, who is slowly getting to his feet. )
Gina Romano: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN… HERE IS YOUR WINNER AND STILL ANSWERS WORLD CHAMPION… MR. DEDEDE!!!!
Gavin Kirkland: Gawdzilla with a fucking spear right as Ahren was about to end the match with the Storybook Ending curb stomp! I can not believe DEDEDE just popped up like that caught him coming down, spearing Ahren right to the mat!!!
Deadprez: That ending! I literally can not! :wow:
Gavin Kirkland: I thought the GOAT had it, Deadprez! He was sooooooo close to capturing his second world championship!
Deadprez: I didn’t expect this match to be this competitive. Not to rag ole dude or anything, but throughout Ahren’s entire EAW World Championship reign, he constantly relied on someone else to do the job for him. People tend to forget just how talented of a wrestler Ahren Fournier really is, and even though he came up short tonight, he definitely gave Mr. DEDEDE a run for his money.
Gavin Kirkland: I started off skeptical too Deadprez, but half way into this thing and I thought for sure that belt was changing hands! But Mr. DEDEDE does what he always does, and that is blow the collective minds of the EAW Universe. That ending is something I will never forget. It was just brilliant.
Deadprez: That’s the chairman for you though. We can question his morals, his ethics, and everything else about him, but what you can’t question is just how talented he is once he steps inside that ring. No one does it better and that’s why he is still the Answers World Champion.
( The camera cuts to DEDEDE, who is outside the ring now, clutching his championship with his one good arm, and making his way up the ramp. DEDEDE stops on the stage and raises the belt in the air, an arrogant smirk crossing his face. )
Gavin Kirkland: Holy shit what a night. If Midsummer Massacre is any indication of just how competitive and cutthroat Showdown is going to be this season, then we are in for one wild ass ride this season! It’s lit!
Deadprez: So much back and forth action, and just every single Elitist on our roster displayed their will to win tonight. Congratulations to all the winners tonight, and I can’t wait to see what happens as we make our way towards Territorial Invasion!
Gavin Kirkland: :mjlit: Alabama here we come! I can’t wait to make my way towards college girls. Southern belles and bombshells. Imma dust off my boots, drink some moonshine, and whisper in those little bitches’ ears ‘hey y’all…’
Deadprez: And on that note, I just want to thank everyone for tuning in tonight! For Gavin Kirkland, I’m Deadprez…. GOODNIGHT!
( The camera takes a final shot of DEDEDE holding the Answers World Championship in the air, as Ahren Fournier is being helped from the ring. DEDEDE lowers the belt, slings it over his shoulder, and turns his back to the camera, disappearing out of sight. )
(EAW logo buzzes.)