(The camera cuts to Maria Del Rey, who is standing in the ring holding a microphone.)
Maria Del Rey: THE FOLLOWING CONTEST IS SCHEDULED FOR…
Crowd: ONE FALL!!!
Maria Del Rey: Introducing first!!!
(“Styles Clash” by Yonosuke Kitamura hits to a silent reaction that indicates most of the crowd may not have even noticed the entrance.)
Maria Del Rey: From Hangzhou, Zhejiang, China weighing in at 185 pounds… RAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYBAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
(RAYBAO makes his way out to the ring silently as he enters the ring, doing nothing of importance or worth describing here.)
Clark Ruggerio: I have a strange feeling this guy isn’t going to win this match.
Ben Knight: Why would you say that Clark?
Clark Ruggerio: Well you see I’ve been thinking… This guy didn’t say anything before the match. When people don’t say anything before the match it seems like they frequently lose. Have you noticed that?
Ben Knight: No and you should probably be a little more positive about this man’s chances.
Clark Ruggerio: I mean it’s kind of strange isn’t it? That somehow not talking at all before your match causes you to lose it? It doesn’t make sense to me yet nine times out of ten it happens.
Ben Knight: I’m not listening to this! Stop filling my head with your nonsense! He’s from China he probably doesn’t even know how to speak English.
Clark Ruggerio: Oh yeah you are probably right.
(‘Headache”‘ by Dark Lotus hits to boos from the crowd, startling RAYBAO who thought he was invisible for a second there.)
Maria Del Rey: And introducing second! From Columbus, Ohio weighing in at 247 pounds… BIGGGGGGGGGG PAULLLLIEEEEEEEEEE JOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHUA!!!!
(Big Paulie Joshua makes his way down to the ring looking big.)
Ben Knight: God damn it’s a tough biker dude!
Clark Ruggerio: I bet this guy gives no fucks. He keeps his women in line and listens to death metal.
Ben Knight: We can only hope.
Clark Ruggerio: This guy told me backstage he is a former 3 time World Champion! We are witnessing a legend!
Ben Knight: Isn’t this his first match?
Clark Ruggerio: Don’t disrespect the champ Ben! He’s won more than half the roster before his first match and that’s not his fault! Don’t hate on his success!!! There are other places to compete out there.
Ben Knight: :whoa: the fuck you mean other places besides EAW exist?!
(“Old Town Road” (Remix) by Lil Nas X ft. Billy Ray Cyrus hits as Lance Blackfyre comes riding out to the ring on a horse.)
Clark Ruggerio: Yeehaw!
Ben Knight: …
Clark Ruggerio: Giddy up cowboy!
Ben Knight: …!
(RAYBAO looks a little confused at the appearance of the horse, climbing out of the ring to confront Lance about it.)
Clark Ruggerio: :lupe: RAYBAO is about to do something!
Ben Knight: :lupe:
(Lance Blackfyre and RAYBAO stare at one another and it’s very intense. Lance slides off his horse and just rears back, knocking RAYBAO completely out with his fist!)
Clark Ruggerio: GOD DAMN! DOWN GOES RAYBAO!
(DING! DING! DING!)
Ben Knight: It appears that the referee is starting this match without even checking to see if RAYBAO is alright. Lance Blackfyre easily lifts him up tossing him into the ring where Big Paulie Joshua quickly goes for a cover as Lance is still getting in the ring.
Referee: ONE! TWO! NO!
Clark Ruggerio: Big Paulie lumbered into the ring and hit a Running Splash on the back of Lance Blackfyre to break up the pin! Bah gawd he just sandwiched that poor man! Paulie palms the head of Lance as he yanks him back him. He roughly drags the face of his opponent across the ropes before slamming him hard into the turnbuckle padding repeatedly. Like five times or something I don’t know I didn’t count.
Ben Knight: More like you never learned to. Go back to school buddy. Paulie grabs the arm of Lance and whips it over the ropes shaking it. But Lance bounces off hitting Paulie with a shoulder thrust! To no effect! Paulie screams in rage as he lifts Lance up and drops him neck first over the ropes. Paulie turns to the camera as he begins to scream about how worthless his opponent is. Lance back up now but Paulie immediately takes him down with a well placed right hand to the side of his face! And he grabs Lance by the tights dragging him back up…
Clark Ruggerio: LANCE GRABS THE ARM OF PAULIE YANKING HIM DOWN! SMALL PACKAGE!!!
Referee: ONE! TWO! NO!
Ben Knight: Kickout by Big Paulie Joshua! A big kickout! Hard elbow from Paulie sending Lance back but Lance crawls back up on his opponent and begins to pummel him! Hard shots but Lance is fighting back as well and throws Paulie off! Lance back up… NO! Paulie grabbed his leg and flipped him over! And an elbow drop onto the leg for good measure from Paulie to Lance! And he has a leglock locked in on the leg! But Lance is trying to break free! WAIT WHO IS THAT?!?!? OFF THE TOP ROPE!!!
Clark Ruggerio: It’s RAYBAO! Nobody even noticed him climbing to the top rope! It’s like he’s invisible! A flying Body Splash off the top rope landing on both men!!!
Ben Knight: NO! Nobody home! Big Paulie moved out the way! RAYBAO came crashing down onto Lance who holds his midsection coughing and rolls out of the ring. Hard kick to the stomach of RAYBAO by Big Paulie! And he runs off the ropes… BOOTHENASIA CONNECTS!!! RAYBAO TURNED INSIDE OUT! BUT PAULIE IS NOT FINISHED! HE CLIMBS TO THE TOP ROPE… WHAT DOES HE HAVE PLANNED HERE? THAT’S NOT A SAFE PLACE FOR THE BIG MAN!
Clark Ruggerio: FLYING MOONSAULT! HOLY SHIT HOW CAN HE EVEN DO THAT?!?!? IT CONNECTS!!! THE COVER!!!
Referee: ONE! TWO! THREE!
Ben Knight: NO! Lance Blackfyre just charged back into the ring and kicked Paulie off RAYBAO with authority! Paulie back up…LANCE WITH THE SHATTERED JOY! IT CONNECTS TO THE HEAD OF PAULIE! DOWN HE GOES! AND THE COVER ON RAYBAO!!!
Referee: ONE! TWOOO!!!
Clark Ruggerio: LANCE JUST LIFTED RAYBAO UP!!! LANCE IS NOT DONE WITH HIM! THIS IS HIS EAW DEBUT AND HE WANTS TO IMPRESS EVERYONE!!!! LANCE ROLLS BIG PAULIE OUT OF THE RING WHICH LEAVES HIM ALONE WITH RAYBAO!!! HE PULLS RAYBAO UP AND WHIPS HIM ACROSS THE RING! RAYBAO COMES REBOUNDING OFF AND LANCE TAKES HIM DOWN WITH A CLOTHESLINE! LANCE PUTTING THE BOOTS TO RAYBAO NOW! HE IS STOMPING THE SHIT OUTTA HIM!!!
Ben Knight: LANCE PICKS UP RAYBAO AND HE HITS HIM WITH THE MOST DEVASTATING TILT-A-WHIRL BACKBREAKER EVER! I THINK RAYBAO’S BACK IS BROKEN! BUT LANCE IS FAR FROM DONE! LANCE SCOOPS UP RAYBAO AND HE PULLS HIM INTO A BEAR HUG! NOT ONLY IS THIS CRUSHING THE RIBS OF RAYBAO, BUT IT’S HURTING HIS BACK AS WELL! LANCE BLACKFYRE IS DOMINATING THIS MATCH NOW!!!
Clarke Ruggerio: BUT BIG PAULIE IS BACK UP NOW! HE IS CLIMBING ON THE APRON! LANCE DROPS RAYBAO AND HE CHARGES TOWARDS THE ROPES!!!
Ben Knight: OMEN OF DOOMSDAY!
Clarke Ruggerio: SUPERMAN PUNCH CONNECTS ON BIG PAULIE JOSHUA! PAULIE HITS THE FLOOR AND HE IS OUT COLD!!!
Ben Knight: LANCE TURNS HIS ATTENTION BACK TO RAYBAO!!! POOR RAYBAO!!! HE DOESN’T STAND A CHANCE RIGHT NOW! LANCE SCOOPS HIM UP AND PLANTS HIM WITH THE TITANIC PLUNGE!!! THE ONE-HANDED CHOKESLAM PUT RAYBAO FLAT ON HIS BACK!!! LANCE CAN END THIS MATCH RIGHT NOW BUT IT DOESN’T LOOK LIKE HE WANTS TOO!!! HE IS GOING TO KILL RAYBAO!!!!
Clarke Ruggerio: LANCE DRAGS RAYBAO OVER TO THE ROPES AND HE CLIMBS UP TOP! I SWEAR I THINK HE IS GOING TO BREAK THE RING! LANCE HAS RAYBAO IN POSITION FOR HIS VERSION OF THE BATISTA BOMB AND THIS IS IT!!! THIS IS THE END FOR RAYBAO!!!
Ben Knight: BAH GAWD! FEARS ORIGIN FROM THE TOP ROPE!!!! RAYBAO WAS NEARLY PUT RIGHT THROUGH THE RING! LANCE BLACKFYRE STANDS UP AND HE PLACES HIS FOOT ON RAYBAO’S CHEST!!!!
Referee: ONE! TWOOO!! THREEEEEEE!!!
(DING! DING! DING!)
(“Old Town Road” (Remix) by Lil Nas X ft. Billy Ray Cyrus hits as Lance Blackfyre glares at the referee daring him to even try to raise his hand.)
Ben Knight: Damn! Big Paulie Joshua started off dominating this match, but Lance Blackfyre is the man who ends up making one hell of a statement.
Clark Ruggerio: It was pretty obvious Ben. What did you think RAYBAO was going to win?
Ben Knight: I believed in him so strongly… Why RAYBAO why?
(Lance Blackfyre is shown standing dominant, as the referee checks on the wellbeing of Raybao. Paulie Joshua is backing up the ramp, holding his jaw and yelling at Lance didn’t beat him.)
Clark Ruggerio: Well depending on what goes down in the draft Lance may have some unfinished business with Big Paulie!
Ben Knight: Until after the draft Big Paulie will have to bide his time and work to kick the ass of whoever he faces next! Same goes for RAYBAO! Great effort from all involved but tonight was Lance’s night of dominance!
(The camera cuts to a commercial for the Shaker Jones shake weight. Get yours today!!! You too can be a stud just like EAW’s own Shaker Jones!!!)
(“War” by Dance With The Dead plays accompanied by loud boos as Santo Muerte comes out of the smoke that embodied the stage. He stares down at the ring and walks down the ramp with a sinister look on his face.)
Maria Del Ray: Introducing first, from Death Valley, weighing in at 200 pounds…THE SAINT OF DEATH, SANTO…MUERTE.
Clark Ruggerio: What can I say about Santo, Ben? Barely anything is known about him.
Ben Knight: Well, we do know that he’s brutal, violent, and that his only goal is to kick the living shit out of his opponents. I guess it starts here at Fight Grid!
(Santo Muerte enters the ring emotionlessly and crouches in his corner staring at the entrance ramp as the smoke disappears and “War” fades off. “Breakin’ Outta Hell” by Airbourne plays to somewhat of a mixed reaction as Shortfuse PAKA comes out to the stage! He lets out a yell before walking with a purpose to the ring.)
Maria Del Ray: And his opponent, from Mie Province, Japan, weighing in at 225 pounds… SHORTFUSE, PAKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Clark Ruggerio: Say what you want but for sure PAKA will put up a challenge for Santo Muerto.
Ben Knight: Well of course with the size advantage and all. But Santo won’t go down without a fight, don’t forget that, this is sure to be a brutal match.
(PAKA enters the ring and attempts to intimidate Santo Muerto with no success. He goes to his corner and warms up as the Ref signals for the bell)
(DING! DING! DING!)
Clark Ruggerio: Here we go as both men circle around the ring, PAKA ALREADY GOING FOR A HEADBUTT- NO SANTO COUNTERS WITH A ROUNDHOUSE KICK STRAIGHT TO THE SKULL OF PAKA! PAKA stumbles back but he’s not down yet, SANTO GOING AT HIM PUSHING HIM TO THE CORNER WITH A VICIOUS BARRAGE OF STRIKES! But PAKA pushing him away with no effort, Santo running again to PAKA. OH A KNIFE EDGE CHOP TO THE THROAT OF SANTO MUERTO! Santo falling down straight away as PAKA waste no time bringing him up! It looks like he’s going to finish this match early as he’s bringing Santo up into a fireman’s carry looking for the “Compact Driver”… BUT SANTO SLIPS OFF!! OH SANTO WITH MULTIPLE STOMPS TO THE BACK OF PAKA’S KNEES BRINGING HIM DOWN TO A KNEE, oh no, don’t do this he’s putting him into a piledriver position! OH BUT PAKA’S WEIGHT IS TOO MUCH FOR SANTO AS HE COLLAPSES UNDER PAKA! PAKA laying on Santo for the pin!
Ref: ONE! TWO!
Ben Knight: Last second kick out by Santo Muerto as this is where the size advantage comes into play in this match. PAKA bringing Santo up to his feet, Santo is attempting to fight back but I guess he’s too tired to make much of an impact on his devastating moves- OH PAKA WITH A HEADBUTT! Santo falling down, but also PAKA! That isn’t so good. Both men not showing any signs of life at the moment. BUT SANTO, he’s angered and he’s dragging himself up! How is this possible?!?!?!?! The strength of Santo managing to bring PAKA up to his feet! OH NO IT LOOKS LIKE SANTO IS LOOKING FOR THE DEATH VALLEY DESTROYER!!!! I don’t think he’s going to connect! HE’S GOT PAKA UP!!!! THE FRONT FLIP PILEDRIVER CONNECTS!!! SANTO HOOKS THE LEGS AND GOES FOR THE COVER!!!!
Ref: ONE! TWO!
Clark Ruggerio: SHORTFUSE PAKA KICKS OUT!!!!
Ben Knight: SANTO LOOKS ANNOYED!!!
Clark Ruggerio: He’s wearing a mask!!! How the fuck can you tell?! Talking about PAKA having the size advantage headass. Man is 5’7”…
Ben Knight: Shut the fuck up! I’m trying to make us sound as GOAT as the Voltage announce team! They all about them facts and shit.
Clark Ruggerio: Santo knows that he has to maintain control of this match! He grabs PAKA up and whips him across the ring! Santo looks for the clothesline but somehow Shortfuse PAKA has enough wits about him to duck! PAKA hits the opposite set of ropes, hooks his arms, and Santo comes barreling towards him! PAKA gets his feet up and they connect with the face of Santo! Santo stumbles back! PAKA pushes himself off the ropes and connects with a clothesline that turns Santo inside out! PAKA putting the boots to Santo now!
Ben Knight: PAKA deadlifts Santo up and he hurls him into the turnbuckles with a release german suplex! PAKA grabs Santo, pulls him to the middle of the ring, and he hooks Santo in the ‘Shortfuse Lock’!!! That modified Boston Crab is cinched in tightly and there is nowhere for Santo to go! He’s in the middle of the ring, and he is reaching for the ropes, but PAKA has him positioned perfectly!
Clark Ruggerio: Santo is doing everything in his power not to give up right now, and that’s something I respect! He doesn’t want to lose his debut match here in EAW and I don’t blame him! Both of these men are hoping to impress all the commissioners and general managers here tonight because as you all know, the draft is looming!
Ben Knight: That must be on Santo’s mind right now because he is digging deep and lifting himself up right now! PAKA is struggling to maintain control of the Boston crab, and Santo is dragging them both towards the ropes! PAKA is trying to keep things under control for himself but Santo is determined to reach the ropes and have the referee force PAKA to break this hold! Santo is literally within a fingertip of the ropes and he manages to hook his finger on the rope! Santo has his finger curled around the bottom rope and PAKA can not believe his luck! He knows he had this match nearly won but somehow, someway Santo managed to get to the ropes!!!
Clark Ruggerio: The referee doesn’t even have to get involved as PAKA breaks the hold in the spirit of fairness. This man never cheats, and that’s pretty admirable when half our roster here in EAW is shady AF. Santo pulls himself all the way into the ropes, giving himself a moment to catch his breath.
Ben Knight: The second Santo is back to his feet and away from the ropes, PAKA charges forward!!! Santo manages to move out of the way and PAKA hits the ropes! Santo drags him down from behind and goes for a roll up, but PAKA rolls through! Santo and PAKA are both back to their feet now and they both leap in the air at the same time! Both men connect with a dropkick on one another and both men are down!
Clark Ruggerio: But both men are getting back up! PAKA throws a palm strike! Santo fires back with a closed-fist punch! That angers PAKA who doesn’t believe in using a closed fist to fight! PAKA with a series of palm strikes now, but Santo gets his knee up and connects with PAKA’s gut! PAKA doubles over and Santo connects with a DDT!
Ben Knight: PAKA is down and Santo pulls him up and gets him in position for the package piledriver!! SANTO LIFTS PAKA UP IN THE AIR AND THERE IT IS!!! THE FINAL BREATH CONNECTS!!! PAKA IS DOWN! SANTO DROPS DOWN, HOOKS BOTH LEGS, AND GOES FOR THE COVER!!!
Ref: ONE! TWO!! THREE!!!
(DING! DING! DING!)
(“War” plays back up to total shock from the arena. Santo limps up to his feet as the ref raises his hand.)
Maria Del Ray: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN YOUR WINNER, SANTO MUERTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Clark Ruggerio: Santo Muerte just picked up an amazing first victory here in EAW! This mysterious man was dead in the water thanks to PAKA’s Boston crab variation, but somehow managed to dig deep and change the course of this match! I am so impressed right now.
(Santo drops down and rolls out of the ring, as the crowd greets him with boos. They were definitely rooting for Provencal’s brother-in-law here tonight. Shortfuse PAKA is sitting up in the ring, shaking his head. He doesn’t look happy at the outcome whatsoever.)
Ben Knight: This is going to be a tough loss for Shortfuse PAKA, but he definitely looked great here tonight as well. This man is already known to the EAW audience and whatever brand he ends up on, is going to have themselves a hard worker with something to prove.
Clark Ruggerio: Again, a great match here on Fight Grid between Santo Muerte and Shortfuse PAKA. I’ll be keeping my eyes on the draft and following each of these men on their respective brands this season.
(EAW logo buzzes.)