FIGHT GRID EXCLUSIVE: Felix Hartley Post-Match Interview

(REPLAY: Mr. DEDEDE versus Felix Hartley from Showdown. We get highlights of Felix’s shenanigans in the much such as twirling around and swinging her hips for him. Felix is showing her assets for Mr. DEDEDE, not really focusing on the match or taking it seriously. She turns herself around and gets speared by DEDEDE. DEDEDE follows that up with the MK Driver before going for the cover and ending Felix’s winning streak.)

(POST MATCH: He wraps his hand around Felix’s throat before smashing her head back against the mat as the referee tries to pull DEDEDE off of Felix. DEDEDE stands tall raising his championship over his shoulder on unconscious Felix Hartley.)

(TRANSITION: Felix Hartley is seen exiting the trainer’s room. She is still in her ring gear, but she looks a lot better than she did in the ring. Felix is still walking in the most confident way possible. Almost like she isn’t fazed by her winning streak ending. Felix pays attention to the camera, but ignores it and goes the other way.)

Interviewer behind the camera: Felix, could I get a word with you about what just happened out there?

Felix Hartley: What happened out there? Can’t a girl have a little fun out there? I was excited to go out there and have some fun with Mr. DEDEDE. However, it seems like he has a stick up his ass to pass up the opportunity to have some fun with me. So, since he decided to not give me the pleasure of what I wanted, I decided not to give him the pleasure of some amazing competitive back and forth match. He’s a married man now, but that doesn’t mean that he can’t have a little fun out there. It’s whatever though. If he wants to be a boring sack of shit, he can be that way and I’ll return that energy by sandbagging our match, he should be used to girls unresponsively laying down flat for him. I’m sure me handing him a win did a lot more for his ego than winning that world title ever could, and he still needed an extra finisher to keep me down, some man. At the end of the day, none of that shit concerns me. I don’t need to concern myself with facing people like him anyways. I’m a bigger star than he could ever dream of and I’m above facing someone like him. There is no one like me when it comes to being a star on Showdown. I am the star on the brand. The competition that everyone is talking about. It didn’t matter if I had that winning streak or not. Vanity accomplishments don’t define me whatsoever. I still have people talking about me no matter what. Regardless of win or loss, I’m still on the talk of the town like it should be around here. This match was the least of my worries, so I took the L. It doesn’t diminish my star from rising. It doesn’t mean that Felix Hartley is slowing down. It doesn’t mean I’m falling apart.

Felix Hartley: I’m constantly on the go. I am thinking about my star power and my reign as New Breed Champion. I’m thinking of my long-term plans and with this L, I am going to be that much fresher at Territorial Invasion. It’s all about self preservation and doing everything I can to make sure that I am 100% going into huge matches. Would have I loved to go out there and make Mr. DEDEDE my bitch? Of course, but that would require me using energy which could go into my championship match. While Kai Zolomon is such a freak and hardcore edgelord that he’s bound to concuss himself jumping off of a building and Archimedes will be too busy trying to prove he actually belongs in this match, I’m the one chilling making sure I’m in the best shape going into our match. That’s what makes me the champ and that’s what makes them afterthought lowcarders whose career highlights will be losing to me. I don’t want anyone out there trying to write me off as nothing now. I don’t want Kai Zolomon and Archimedes J. Manson to be looking at this match and believing that this is what I have to offer at Territorial Invasion. Their mouths must have been watering at what just happened out there. They believe that they found a crack in my armor, but I can still verbally rape those two in a heartbeat. I mean, Kai has a garbage record on Voltage. He was defeated by a man who I defeated in my last title defense. Is he supposed to intimidate me? He may have caught me off guard on a few occasions, but I always find my way to come out on top. He can hit me with that staff because that’s as close he’ll get to hitting a real woman as good looking as me. As for Archimedes, how am I supposed to take him seriously? How long until he flakes off again? Are we supposed to forget how he was the first eliminated person in the 24/7 Battle Royal at Pain for Pride? Or is the only attention going to be me and what happened out there? Kai’s a loser. Archimedes is a flake and despite this little blemish, I stand heads and shoulders above the rest of these so-called “New Breeds”. I’ll prove that at Territorial Invasion. I’ve given you enough of my time.

(Felix Hartley turns on her heels and walks away from the camera shot before it fades to black.)

Written by Fight Grid

Voltage 9/8/2019

Most Valuable Elitist #194