(EAW intro plays.)
(“P.A.T.” by Denzel Curry begins to play throughout the speakers of the Van Andel Arena, marking the beginning of another episode of Friday Night Dynasty! The camera pans over the capacity crowd, cheering and screaming in anticipation for the second to last episode of Dynasty of the season.)
Stew-O: Welcome everybody to FRIDAY NIGHT DYNASTY, where we fight on Friday Nights! I’m Stew-O—
Flannery McCoy: And I’m Flannery McCoy, coming to you straight from the Van Andel Arena in Grand Rapids Michigan where we have a mind blowing card lined up for you all here tonight—personally, I’m the most excited for our MAIN EVENT of the evening, Jamie O’Hara and our EAW Unified tag Team Champions, The Wildcards teaming up against the chairman, Mr. DEDEDE and The Flo Bros!
Stew-O: You’re right, Flan, quite an incredible main event we’ve got later tonight, but you can’t ignore our loaded Cash In The Vault Qualifying match to determine the final Dynasty rep heading into Pain for Pride for a chance at that heavily coveted briefcase! The possibilities are endless! Who could it be?!
Flannery McCoy: We’ll have to wait and see, Stew, but in just a moment because I have word that the Chairman is backstage, right now!
( Camera opens up backstage to the Dynasty interview area, where Kyra Phillips is standing by with a microphone in hand. )
Kyra Phillips: Ladies and Gentlemen it is an honor and a privilege to introduce my guest at this time, he is the EAW Chairman of the Board, EAW Hall of Famer and 6 time World Champion, as well as the author of the book “GAWDVERBS” available for pre-order right now on Amazon and Kindle… please welcome THE GAWD, MR. DEDEDE!!!
( The arena instantly erupts with thunderous boos as Mr. DEDEDE is also seen in the frame, wearing a Gawdzilla Pro tracksuit and dark shades. A faint sound of “Your Body’s Calling” by R Kelly can be heard from his headphones, which he removes from his ears in order to engage in the conversation. )
Mr. DEDEDE: Thank you Kayla. What a lovely introduction.
Kyra Phillips: You’re welcome sir! And actually, it’s Kyra*.
Mr. DEDEDE: OK.
Kyra Phillips: In just a brief moment we’re going to take a look at the visual presentation you have in store for your new book that will be in stores June 15th titled “GAWDVERBS”, but I wanted to get a word with you just as a prequel to what we’re about to see, pretty much just a summary in your words of the kind of impact you expect Gawdverbs to have.
Mr. DEDEDE: You know I still can’t get past you correcting me in the manner that you did. I’d have most women punished unmercifully for daring to correct me. On most circumstances, if I say your name is “mud” it is now mud, because defiance in any way shape or form is intolerable especially coming from a woman. But I’m willing to let it slide since you smell… so enchanting…
( DDD lifts up some of Kyra’s brown locks and takes a whiff. )
Kyra Phillips :lupe:
Mr. DEDEDE: I’ve got to know, what do you use for your conditioner… it is absolutely exquisite, sort of like you.
Kyra Phillips: I’m flattered sir but – but this isn’t about me :lupe:
( DDD towers over her, and gets uncomfortably close. )
Mr. DEDEDE: Then let’s make it about you :shaq: Where are you from? You look like one of the bad little boricuas that belong on my ranch down in Santo Domingo.
Kyra Phillips: Sir please :lupe: don’t get me wrong I’m flattered but I have a boyfriend.
Mr. DEDEDE: Really? Is his name Ryan Adams? That’s a bad motherfucker right there. You wanted to talk to me about me right? Well here I am in the flesh.
( DDD brushes Kyra’s hair back and puts his hands on her waist. She puts her hands over his own hands, hoping to restrain him, but he’s paper-close to her. )
Mr. DEDEDE: As far as your request goes I don’t really got nothing to say that my visual isn’t going to show you. How about you keep your eyes glued to the screen and I’ll try to keep my eyes off of you. Consider this our first of what may, keyword may, be many shared experiences, Kayla.
Kyra Phillips: It’s Kyr-
Mr. DEDEDE: Shhh… it’s okay luv, enjoy…
( DDD “cuddles” himself up to a helpless Kyra Phillips and they both turn to the 4K screen behind them as the feed transitions into the following: )
Narrator: A master class athlete.
( We see highlights of Mr. DEDEDE’s biggest victories in his wrestling career, with him holding up championships from multiple wrestling federations including world championships in EAW. )
Narrator: A gentlemanly scholar.
( We see DDD doing speaking engagements and college tours, shaking hands with Deans and taking pictures with students. )
Narrator: A wealthy tycoon able to navigate the waters of corporate sharks.
( We see DDD in meetings and conference calls, shaking hands with board members of media conglomerates as well as politicians and foreign head of states, including Arab princes. )
Narrator: An inspirational world changing philanthropist by day.
( We see DDD at charity events dressed in the finest suits, having gymnasiums, town parks, streets and the like being named after him by the mayor of cities across America, statues erected of him in multiple cities and countries, and it shows DDD performing “wish” visits for Make-A-Wish children. )
Narrator: A heart-throb sex symbol by night.
( We see DDD on a private jet with Dan Bilzerian surrounded by dozens of adoring models, in Jacuzzis with Russian supermodels sticking their feet in his face, and running back and forth on white sand beaches frolicking with topless Brazilian dime-pieces. )
Narrator: Over the last 15 years Ryan Montgomery Adams has single handedly made the world into his oyster. And after many years of reaping the benefits to his own greatness, finally he’s giving back. For the first time EVER…
Narrator: The chance to become a wealthy and powerful God-incarnate is available to the public come June 15th, as our humble and gracious Gawd releases the #NewHolyBible also known as GAWDVERBS: A MACHIAVELLIAN’S GUIDE TO UN-FUCKING YOURSELF!
( Mr. DEDEDE can be seen in a confessional. )
Mr. DEDEDE: A lot of people ask me “Gawd, why are are you doing this? Why release the keys to success, wealth and fulfillment to the public?” Alas young padawan, I’m doing it for my country.
( Trumpets of “America The Beautiful” are playing, and we see Mr. DEDEDE dressed as George Washington – gray wig and all – looking out into the distance as the background changes into a waving american flag. )
( Camera cuts to DDD on the deck of his Yacht, the S.S. Adams, as it coasts through the Caribbean sea, with dancehall music blaring from the speakers behind him. )
Mr. DEDEDE: I have gotten a chance to live the so-called ‘American Dream’, I have reached levels of fulfillment that most human beings will never come to know EVER. But I’ve come to understand that most human beings just aren’t bred to win in life, most aren’t even compelled to fight for their keep in this world let alone be a winner. And many of those who are actually willing to compete wouldn’t know where to start in the first place.
( We get a visual of two overweight Americans entering a fast food restaurant, with three undisciplined spoiled children running around behind them. )
Mr. DEDEDE voiceover: Take Grant for example, a 44 year old overweight simp with a menial job taking his fat wife and his shitty kids to ANOTHER outing at McDonalds, since of course that’s all he can afford. His destiny is to be nagged into an early grave via coronary heart disease triggered by stress and a general sense of hopelessness in his life. If he really wanted to be happy he’d leave his slave driving bitch and those rotten kids, move countries, lose weight, earn a trade and pull home a few young foreign thotties looking for a Westen Union Papi.
( Return to DDD who is in his Hawaiian shirt on the S.S. Adams. )
Mr. DEDEDE: Want to know what Grants problem is? He’s a spineless loser who cares too much about everything except winning. Don’t be like grant, don’t be a loser. Buy my book.
( We get a visual of a girl wearing a Subway t-shirt, fixing up sandwiches for customers who treat her with disrespect, insult her and hurl attitude in her direction. )
Mr. DEDEDE voiceover: Despite my reputation as a “misogynist”, GAWDVERBS is beneficial to both men and women alike. Meet Susie, a 26 year old college graduate with an MBA in Gender Studies, a delusional liberal moron like most women in this society who was enabled by weak ass parents that allowed her to walk all over them. She’s got abortions out the wazoo, and a worthless degree that won’t amount to a promotion at her job as a Subway Sandwich artist.
( In this visual, Mr. DEDEDE walks into the restaurant, does the “come hither” motion to Susie, and she rips off her Subway hat and t-shirt and jumps into the arms of The Gawd. We return to the S.S. Adams, where Susie is bikini-clad and standing next to DDD, planting him a kiss on the cheek. )
Mr. DEDEDE: The difference between a failure like Susie and a failure like Grant, is that Susie is a woman, meaning she has a vagina. The majority of women fail to realize that you can escape just about any terrible situation in this world, so long as you have a decent body and know how to use it. Most of you ladies look down on girls like Susie as though she’s lesser than you, but while she’s living her best life on instagream, you slave away in corporate America working for employers who don’t respect you. GAWDVERBS will give you the courage you need to emancipate you from pesky things like “standards” and “gender equality.”
Now I know what you’re thinking… “But Gawd!!!!” …Yes, you idiotic dingbat :unamused: …. “bUt My MeNtAl PrObLeMs!!!!” “How can your book help me with that?”
( Next visual begins showing a Anthony Bourdain lookalike shuffling into a Therapist’s office, taking a seat on the couch and babbling on about his internal anguish. An office chair swings around in front of the desk, showing Mr. DEDEDE dressed up as a Therapist, kicking his feet up on the table and speaking to the camera. )
Therapist DDD: Good question young padawan, GAWDVERBS is here to prove to you that your mental problems are irrelevant. Now more than ever people are excusing “weakness” for “mental disorders” such as “depression and anxiety”, and a load of other fictitious bogus buzzwords designed to keep you weak and downtrodden. Believe it or not this doesn’t just affect regular people as well, even other celebrities are feeding into the nonsense!
Look no further than Anthony Bourdain, a 58 year old man-child who met his demise over some pussy. If Anthony Bourdain’s therapist cared about him more than whatever cut he gets from pharmaceutical companies, chances are he’d still be alive right now. If I WERE Anthony Bourdains therapist I’d tell him grow up, stop being a fucking baby, find yourself an 18 year old girlfriend to screw for the remainder of your days on a private island somewhere and get the hell out of my office. And I GUARANTEE YOU he would still be alive to this day.
( Cut back to DDD on the S.S. Adams, puffing on a cigar standing with the Anthony Bourdain look alike with his young girlfriend to his right, and Deontay Wilder (the actual Deontay Wilder) to his left. )
Deontay Wilder: TO THIS DAY!!!
( We see a video collage of young people piling into fast food establishments, movie theaters, Gamestops and etc. )
Mr. DEDEDE voiceover: The youth today are being handed into the proverbial woodchipper by their failures for parents, and are being brainwashed into accepting a standard of morals and way of living that will GUARANTEE their demise. We are in the most technologically advanced, leisurous time in history, yet morale in today’s society is the lowest it has ever been. Meanwhile the corporations selling you antidepressants, fast food, booze and coping mechanisms. Oh you know, your “Marvel” and your “Star Wars”. All of these aforementioned industries have become the richest they have ever been at your expense, and you don’t see the correlation. Your suffering is the world’s greatest industry, and you aren’t even aware of it. Morons I know yes all of you are. Shhh there there that’s okay. Gawd will fix it.
( Screen returns to Mr. DEDEDE in the confessional holding a copy of “GAWDVERBS.” )
Mr. DEDEDE: Your feeble condition is not by mistake, that is most certainly by design. Being the merciful Gawd that I am, I am here to obscund you from the clutches of weakness and subservience, and bring forward the tools to becoming a world dominating supreme genius – similar to that of myself. For the same price as an XBOX One, I hand you the remote controls to the game of life itself. Become better than great. Become a fucking Gawd. Buy my book.
( DDD vanishes from the screen and the cover of “GAWDVERBS” is the final image. )
( END TRAILER. )
( Return to the interview area; Mr. DEDEDE is clapping up a storm, with a face that is proud of what he just presented to the world. )
Mr. DEDEDE: I swear I even impress myself. What a feeling it is to be humbled in your own grace. (to Kyra) And if my book weren’t already on the fast track to becoming a bestseller, just imagine the numbers it’s going to do after Pain for Pride when I dominate the headline match and take home my SEVENTH world championship title. Most of what is sold to the masses every single day is an illusion, GAWDVERBS is one of the only things in this life that is real and is quantifiable and measurable by the results that I produce daily. And at Pain for Pride I will leave the most resounding example as to why everything in my book, is as tantamount to law as every word that leaves my mouth. Every seed I sow eventually bears the fruits of my labor, and every endeavor in which I embark is destined to be fruitful. THAT’S GOD.
( DDD exits the interview area. )
(Camera transitions to the ring)
Stephie Love: The following triple threat match is set for one fall! Introducing first…
(‘All my Life’ by the Foo Fighters plays as Frank Grayson makes his way to the ring.)
Flannery McCoy: Holding a victory over one half of the FloBros, Thadd Blazevich, Frank is a formidable opponent that we’ll need to keep an eye on here tonight!
Stephie Love: Weighing in at 194 pounds, from Cambridge Massachusetts, Frank Grayson! Introducing next…
(‘OCTiV’ by Fatality begins playing as Ronan Malosi meanaces onto the stage. He ignores the crowd as he makes his way to the ring.)
Stew-O: Talk about formidable! Malosi is a monster and has left opponents laying for months!
Stephie Love: From Cape Town, South Africa, weighing in at 230 pounds….’The Cut Throat’ Ronan Malosi! Introducing their opponent…
(‘Outlier’ by 65daysofstatic begins as Brandon Washngton enters the arena.
Stew-O: Here now is our final competitor, Brandon Washington has a technical based skill set and will need to use it to it’s potential here in this triple threat!
Stephie Love: weighing in at 238 pounds, from Chicago Illinois, ‘Guruhi’ Brandon Washington!
(Stephie exits the ring as the official calls for the bell beginning the match.)
Stew-O: Here we go with the triple threat! Ronan eyes both men…lookout! Frank comes running at Ronan, but is met with a big boot, flattening Grayson! Washington sees the opening and runs forward, ducking around Ronan for a rear waist lock! Malosi grabs the hands of Washington, trying to break the hold he has around his waist, and Brandon’s grip is starting to weaken. Brandon tries to lift Malosi off his feet, but it’s blocked, and Ronan slips free, transitioning into an irish whip…big sidewalk slam from Ronan…NO! Reversal by Washington into a headscissors! Ronan is sent sprawling!
Flannery McCoy: Frank is back to his feet and lands a double axe handle on Brandon as he stands! Collar and elbow tieup from Grayson, but Brandon lands an arm drag, then a hiptoss, but is met with a dropkick from Grayson. Frank hooks the tights and lands a snap suplex. Ronan comes roaring back with a big forearm, knocking Grayson flat! Pulling Brandon to his feet, Ronan lands a big short arm clothesline!
Stew-O: Everything that guy does is big!
Flannery: Indeed! He’s dominating this match tonight, but can’t rest on his laurels, or he’ll be overtaken quickly! Grayson lands a big running dropkick to Ronan’s knee and drops the big man! He immediately follows up with a headlock. Grinning maliciously, Frank pulls back on Ronan’s head and cracks his across the bridge of the nose!
Stew-O: Ronan might have a broken nose! Frank is particularly nasty in the ring, and that just shows it! Brandon is back on his feet…he lands a superkick! Frank drops to the mat stunned! Washington moves quickly for the pin!
Referee: ONE! TWO!
Stew-O: Ronan breaks the pin up! Brandon is pulled to his feet and driven to the mat by Ronan after a big powerbomb! Ronan turns his attention to Frank, who is shaking the cobwebs from that superkick only for a massive leg to be dropped across his chest by Ronan. Malosi rolls Frank to the apron and exits the ring, I wonder what he could be thinking here…CHOKESLAM! Ronan chokeslammed Grayson on to the apron!
Flannery: Frank is done, look at him quivering on the mat! Back in the ring Brandon is on his feet…suicide dive! RONAN CAUGHT HIM! Malosi walks around, holding Brandon like a child! Ronan rushes forward and drives Brandon spine first into the ring post! Rolling his opponent back into the ring, Ronan slowly follows, seemingly stalking his prey! Brandon is stumbling to his feet…ICE PICK! Ronan lands the Bullhammer! Washington is out, and Ronan is looking to end things! He reaches down and grabs his prey by the neck…DEATH RO! The Chokeslam Backbreaker! Brandon Washington is out! Ronan hooks the leg for the pin!
Referee: ONE! TWO! THREE!
(DING DING DING!)
Stephie Love: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner by pinall, The JuggerNaunt…RRRRRROOOOOOOONNNNNAAAAAANNNNNNN MMMMAAAAAALLLLLOOOOOSSSSSIIIIIII!!!!!!!
(‘OCTiV’ begins playing as Ronan raises his arms in victory.)
Stew-O: The hot streak continues to roll on for Ronan, can anybody stop him?
Flannery McCoy: More victories keep piling up for the upstart! Congrats to Ronan.
(Commercial break — an ad for the final episode of Empire, live from the home of EAW headquarters, the Prudential Center in Newark, New Jersey. See Serena Bennett take on Cameron Ella Ava in her return match on Empire! Also see Miho Li finally take on Io Ishimori in a No DQ match! Only on FOX, but not for much longer!)
(Dynasty comes back on air as Stephie Love is in the ring)
Stephie Love: The following contest is set for one fall!! AND IT IS A CASH IN THE VAULT QUALIFYING MATCH!!
(“Party Poison” By My Chemical Romance hits as Connor Hunt begins to make his way down to the ring)
Stephie: Introducing first, from Melbourne, Australia! Weighing in at 225 Pounds!!! CONNNOOORRRRRRRR HUNNTTTTTT…!!!
(“Hungry Like A Wolf” By Duran Duran hits as Bowen Castillo begins to make his way down the ramp and to the ring)
Stephie: Introducing the competitors first, From Clemson, South Carolina! Weighing in at 197 Pounds!! BOWEENNNNN CASSSSTILLLOOOOOOO…!!
(“Halo” By Machine Head begins to play throughout the arena as Vic Venom makes his way out with a stoic expression on his face)
Stephie: Introducing next, From Oslo, Norway! Weighing in at 225 Pounds! VICCCCC VEEENOMMMMMM….!!!
( ‘Bullet’ By Hyro The Hero begins to play as Io Ishimori begins to make her way down to the ring)
Stephie: Lastly! From Oaska, Japan! Weighting in at 119 Pounds!! IO ISHIIMORRRIIII…!!!!
(DING! DING! DING!)
Stew-O: An opportunity to find yourself onto the card of one of the greatest shows on earth is hanging in the balance between these four talented competitors! Nobody makes a move just yet as the referee signals for the bell! AND THE FIGHT STARTS! CONNOR HUNT IMMEDIATELY GOING AFTER VIC VENOM!!! AND IO AND BOWEN BEGIN FIGHTING IN THE OPPOSITE CORNER! Connor hunt connects with a big european uppercut to Venom! Before grabbing him and sending him outside of the ring hard! And he turns his attention as Io side steps Bowen in the corner! AND SHE BEGINS DELIVERING BIG SHOOT KICKS TO THE CHEST! REPEATEDLY KICKING AT HIM!! Connor Hunt joining her as they begin double teaming with repeated kicks to the chest of Bowen! KICK BY CONNOR!! AND A KICK BY IO! AND A KICK BY CONNOR! Almost like they are trying to see who can kick Bowen harder! Io ending his temporary alliance as she FIRES A BIG FOREARM SMASH TO THE FACE OF CONNOR HUNT!
Flannery: Hunt backs up from that shot as Io quickly sends a inside leg kick dropping Hunt to his knees! Io gaining momentum as she quickly delivers a well placed kick to the mid-section! SHE BACKS UP! AND CONNECTS WITH A RUNNING ENZIGURI TO THE FACE OF CONNOR HUNT KNOCKING HIM DOWN! BUT HERE COMES VIC VENOM RUNNING IN! ISHIMORI TURNS!! AND RUNS AS VENOM JUMPS!! DOUBLE FOOT STOMP TO THE CHEST!!! DRIVING HER RIGHT INTO THE CANVAS! Venom making his presence known in this match as Io rolls herself to the outside floor avoiding being pinned but Connor hunt begins rising himself up to his feet! AND VIC CONNECTS WITH A BIG FOREARM TO THE FACE! Connor knocked into the ropes, but he quickly comes back and delivers a MASSIVE RIGHT HAND TO THE FACE OF VENOM! Venom quickly with a fury as he delivers quick left and rights and spins for a spinning back kick into the mid-section of Connor Hunt! Vic running off the ropes! BUT CONNOR RUNS!! RUNNING DROP KICK INTO THE LEG OF VIC VENOM AS HE WAS COMING FORWARD OFF RUNNING THE ROPES!!
Stew-O: Venom holding his leg! As Connor quickly notices it as Venom hobbles up to his feet! Connor quickly picking his leg! AND HE CONNECTS WITH A DRAGON SCREW!!! AND HE QUICKLY BEGINS APPLYING A TEXAS CLOVERLEAF!! HE’S TRYING TO RIP HIS LEG APART AND THAT IS THE SUBMISSION HOLD TO DO SO!! Bowen though, underneath the ring, AND HE PULLS OUT A LADDER!! BOWEN WITH A LADDER IN HAND!! AND HE SENDS IT INSIDE OF THE RING AND ENTERS!! AND HE GRABS THE LADDER!! AND HE RUNS THE LADDER OVER THE BACK OF THE HEAD OF CONNOR HUNT!!! MY GOD!! Cash in the vault has come early! Bowen with the ladder still in hand as Vic is gingerly making his way up!AND BOWEN DRIVES THE LADDER INTO THE MID-SECTION OF VIC VENOM AS HE DROPS! Bowen dropping the ladder as he grabs Vic Venom up quickly and applies a front facelock! AND HE DELIVERS A SNAP SUPLEX AS VIC VENOM’S LOWER BACK GOES COLLIDING WITH THE LADDER!!
Flannery: Bowen may have found his ticket to Pain for Pride with that ladder as he grabs it back up and places it in the corner! Ishimori makes her way back inside the ring with a running knee to the back of Bowen as he runs head first into the ladder set up in the corner! AND SHE BEGINS DELIVERING OPEN HANDED CHOPS TO THE CHEST OF BOWEN! REPEATED CHOPS!! AND SHE BACKS UP!!! RUNNING DROPKICK TO THE CORNER DRIVING BOWEN HEAD AND NECK FIRST INTO THE LADDER! She isn’t done as she backs up! FOR ANOTHER RUNNING DROPKICK INTO THAT LADDER AS BOWEN DROPS! Io begins grabbing the arm of Bowen and bends it backwards on the canvas! AND SHE JUMPS!!! AND STOMPS!! OH MY!! THE ARM BENDING IN AN ANGLE IT’S NOT SUPPOSE TO AS BOWEN BEGINS ROLLING AROUND IN PAIN!!! On the apron Vic Venom is pulling himself up! ISHIMORI SPOTS!!! AND SHE RUNS!! V- TRIGGER KNEE STRIKEE!!!!! KNOCKING VIC VENOM OFF THE APRON AND ISHIMORI IS IN FULL CONTROL OF THIS MATCH UP RIGHT HERE!! Vic Venom is down on the outside floor! As Ishimori climbs the top turnbuckle! You have to wonder what she’s setting up for here! SHE’S PERCHED!!! AND SHE FLIES!! HIGH FLY FLOW OUTSIDE OF THE RING!! FROG SPLASH CONNECTING TO VIC VENOM ON THE OUTSIDE FLOOR!!!!! WHAT A MOVE!
Stew-O: She rises up holding her mid-section and that high risk move surely took a lot out of her! She rises up to her feet, and rolls back inside the ring as Vic Venom is coughing up a lung out here! She spots Bowen holding his arm! And she sends a SHOOT KICK TO THE BAD ARM OF BOWEN! AND A FOREARM TO HIS FACE! Bowen backs into the ropes, BUT COMES FORWARD WITH A RUNNING LARIAT!! ALMOST FOLDING ISHIMORI!!! HE CALLS THAT HANSEN AND IT SURE DID ALMOST TAKE HER HEAD COMPLETELY OFF HER BODY!!! Bowen with an intense look on his face, he grabs the arm of the downed Ishimori!! AND HE LOCKS IN A BRIDGING FUJIWARA ARMBAR!!! BRIDGING FUJIWARA ARMBAR IS LOCKED IN!!! HE’S GOING TO PULL HER ARM RIGHT OUT OF IT’S SOCKET!!! THE REFEREE ASKING IF SHE WANTS TO GIVE UP BUT SHE’S REFUSING TO TAP OUT!! Connor Hunt, IMMEDIATELY STOMPS ON THE MID-SECTION BREAKING THE HOLD! And he pulls Bowen up to his feet and sends him crashing outside of the ring to the floor! And he grabs Ishimori! AND HE SENDS HER CRASHING TO THE OUTSIDE FLOOR!! Connor in the ring all alone! As he waits! AND HE SPOTS VIC VENOM PULLING HIMSELF UP WITH USE FROM THE BARRICADE!! AND HE RUNS!!! SUICIDE DIVE THROUGH THE ROPES INTO VIC VENOM!!! And he runs back inside the ring as Bowen just rises to his feet, AND HE RUNS!!! SUICIDE DIVE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ARENA INTO BOWEN CASTILLO!!!!!!
Flannery: Ishimori rising as Connor runs back in the ring full speed ahead, AND RUNS!!! SUICIDE DIVE INTO ISHIMORI!!! HIGH OCTANE FAST PACED ACTION!!! As Connor is fired up! And he grabs Ishimori and sends her inside the ring! Connor following as he looks at that ladder, and he begins setting that ladder up! This isn’t good! Ishimori trying to recover in the meantime as Connor finishes placing the ladder where he wants it and makes his way over to Io WHO FIRES A BIG BODY SHOT TO CONNOR! AND ANOTHER! BUT CONNOR WITH A CLUBBING SHOT TO THE BACK OF IO! AND ANOTHER! AND HE LIFTS ISHIMORI UP HIGH!!! LAST RIDE SIT OUT POWERBOMB!!! HE PLANTS HER INTO THE CANVAS!! AND HE HOOKS THE LEG!!
Stew-O: SHE POPS HER SHOULDERS OFF THE CANVAS!! Connor not wasting anytime! He looks up at that ladder…And makes his way up to his feet! AND HE BEGINS CLIMBING THE LADDER! RUNG! BY RUNG! HE’S CLIMBING UP THIS 15 FOOT HIGH LADDER!!! AND HE’S PERCHED HIGH!!! HE GETS HIS BALANCE!!! AND HE BACKFLIPS OFF THE LADDER!!! SKY HIGH!!! MOONSAULT!!! OH MY GOD!!! IT CONNECTS!! HE CRASHES RIGHT INTO THE BODY OF ISHIMORI!!!! OH MY!!! THE SACRIFICE!!! THE LACK OF REGARD FOR YOUR OWN BODY TO TRY SOMETHING LIKE THAT!! ALL FOR A CHANCE TO DO IT ON THE BIG STAGE!!! HE’S FEELING THE EFFECTS OF IT HIMSELF!!! BUT BEFORE HE CAN COVER!!! BOWEN!! RUNS!! BENNIE CONNECTS!!!! V TRIGGER STRIKE OF HIS OWN TO CONNOR HUNT!!! AND HE HOOKS THE LEG!!
Flannery: VIC VENOM!!! RUNS AND JUMPS FOR A DOUBLE FOOT STOMP TO THE BACK OF THE NECK OF BOWEN!! AND HE GRABS BOWEN UP TO HIS FEET!!! AND HE SPINS!! THE LEGACY!! HE KICKS BOWEN’S HEAD DAMN NEAR OFF HIS SHOULDERS AND HE HOOKS THE LEG!!
(DING! DING! DING!)
(“Halo” By Machine Head begins to play as Vic Venom has his hand raised in victory)
Stephie Love: HEREE IS YOUR WINNER.. QUALIFYING FOR THE CASH IN THE VAULT LADDER MATCH!!!! VICCCCCC VEEEENOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM..!!!
Flannery McCoy: Vic bounces back from a loss against the EAW Champion last week and finds himself with an opportunity to maybe one day call HIMSELF a world champion! What a great display, he’s officially punched in his ticket to Pain for Pride!
(Dynasty fades from commercial and returns to a pre-taped promotional video. It’s night time and the sound of soft waves can be heard kissing the sandy shore of one of the many beaches around Lake Michigan. The moonlight casts a rather eerie glow on the scene, and the camera catches sight of a pair of scruffy, second-hand combat boots that have seen better days walking into the scene. It’s almost picturesque except this particular beach isn’t so clean and beautiful. Even in the moonlight, empty beer cans and broken glass are seen scattered across the sand. Cigarette buds litter the ground and so do several hypodermic needles used for shooting up gawd knows what. Empty food bags, styrofoam cups, and other paraphernalia cover the area as well. The camera pans up and the EAW Universe is treated with an image of Darkane smoking a cigarette. Darkane walks towards the water and stares out across it.)
Darkane: Theron Nikolas.
(Darkane spits out the name of the Answers World Champion and takes a drag of his cig.)
Darkane: Jamie O’Hara.
(There’s an equal amount of disdain in the Grave Worm’s voice as he speaks Jamie’s name and takes another drag.)
(Darkane shakes his head in disgust. He takes the cigarette and tosses it into the water before turning to face the cameras.)
Darkane: There’s one thing that the three of them have in common and it’s the fact they all stand in the way of me becoming a two-time Answers World Champion. Last week’s Dynasty gave the world a taste of the pain and the horror that’s to come in two weeks at Pain for Pride. The stakes have never been my higher and my thirst for inflicting punishment on all three of those sanctimonious, self-righteous pieces of flaming dog shit has never been greater. There’s nothing I want more than to wrap my hands around the scrawny little neck of Theron Nikolas, dig my dirt and feces encrusted fingernails into his flesh, and squeeze every last breath from his body. The man deserves to die a slow, painful, and honestly a rather gruesome death. There’s nothing stopping that from happening either because in a situation like this, anything goes. There’s no low that any of us won’t stoop too. So really, the idea of Theron Nikolas being snuffed out and eradicated from this company isn’t implausible. If there’s one thing I would bet on going into this match, it’s that ugly Hawk faced cunt’s title reign FINALLY coming to an end. Thank whatever deity you believe in for that. That resourceful fucking weasel has lost everyone who’s ever backed him, and there aren’t anymore dark paths to venture down. One of the most pathetic, lazy, and downright shameful world title reigns is going to go up in smoke on the grandest stage of them all, and it’s going to end with Theron Nikolas laying in a pile of his own blood, shit, piss, and sweat.
(An actual hint of a smile touches Darkane’s face as he gets a visual of the Answers World Champion in that particular situation. The EAW Universe smiles as well.)
Darkane: But who ends that wretched title reign and drives the final stake through Theron’s heart?
(Darkane rakes his hair back from his face.)
Darkane: The world would love for it to be Jamie O’Hara, and for the hero to complete the comeback story that should have concluded at King of Elite. But somehow the ‘almighty’ Jamie O’Hara ended up bowing to that sorry excuse of a champion, and now he’s getting his second chance thanks his miserable win at Grand Rampage. Unfortunately, the hero doesn’t always win in the end as we have seen time and again here, and for the second time since his flop of a return, Jamie won’t be winning this battle either. The hero is going to run into one of the most ruthless, cold-blooded, and heartless villain he’s ever encountered. I can’t wait to spend the week of Pain for Pride listening to Jamie’s asinine drivel, and his shitty little comparisons that delude people into believing he’s better at this than he actually is. Anyone can mask their weaknesses and insecurities with eloquent words and long-winded speeches that have no bearing on what actually goes on in the real world, and in this company. But when I speak, I tell it exactly how it fucking is. There’s no pussyfooting around shit and trying to make it sound like anything other than what it is. Whenever I speak AND when I step inside the ring I just knock people the fuck down and there’s no inbetween. This isn’t ballet not that I wouldn’t enjoy bending over one of those tutu clad bitches and fucking them straight up their snobby, little virgin asshole, and shooting my shit all over their back, but this is a combat sport. It’s not fucking pretty. There is NOTHING I won’t do to stop Jamie O’Hara and his half-assed conspiracy theories and mind-games. There’s just no fucking way he’s going to ever get the privilege of being the man to slay Theron’s fucking reign, not when I have a fucking say so in the matter.
(Darkane pauses to allow his words to hang in the air.)
Darkane: As far as the final piece of this puzzle goes, DEDEDE is a weakling. He continues to dig an even deeper grave for himself, and his warped perception of what reality actually is will be his undoing come Pain for Pride. He can’t threaten referees and he can’t lord his stupid fucking power over any of us that are inside that ring. I wipe my ass with the pages of Gawdverbs and enjoy the feeling I get from knowing that I continue to shit on everything DEDEDE does here in Elite Answers Wrestling. The second the two of us clash, blood will get spilled. What happened on Dynasty last week is nothing compared the carnage the two of us are going to cause once that bell rings. The whole fucking universe is going to be beatin’ their meat to the four of us doing everything in our fucking power to dismember each other. Sick fucks and I’m the sickest. The fucking hell I’m willing to go through to make sure I right every goddamn injustice done to me this season is indescribable. I like to paint a colorful picture of destruction at the best of times but for right now, I’m just going to let the world wonder. I’m going to let them think about how truly gory this match is going to get. I’m going to the let the men who are stepping inside the ring with me ponder their next words and their next actions carefully because the clock is ticking. With each passing minute I grow more and more restless. When I held that Answers World Championship above my head last week, that woke something up in me. I don’t need any more incentive or motivation than I already have, that’s for damn sure, but fuck. That title in my hands again felt fan-fucking-tastic. It felt more than great. It was a euphoric fucking high that drugs, pointless sex, and every other dirty disgusting thing considered a pleasure in this world can’t compare too. It took a fucking trio of stooges to take that belt from me back in October. It took an egomaniacal, misguided ball-less mother fucker to keep that title off of me back at Gateway Glory. At Pain for Pride, all games stop. All words become meaningless. I’m going to finish what the 1% started with me months ago, and I’m going to enjoy beating the stupid and the delusional out of the so-called ‘Ace’ as well. My season is going to end the same fucking way it started and that’s as the Answers World Champion. That’s not god, either.
Darkane: That’s Darkane.
(Darkane turns away from the camera and stares back out at the water. The video fades out and Dynasty cuts to commercial.)
(Commercial break — an ad for Taco Bell’s nacho fries. When the hell are they bringing those back?)
(An ad for Tide laundry detergent airs, featuring Darkane.)
(Dynasty comes back on air to a shot of the ring and ‘My Way’ by Limp Bizkit is blasting throughout the sold-out Van Andel Arena. The ring has been transformed into the set of the Ryan Wilson Show. It contains a late night talk show host style desk, and Ryan Wilson is sitting in a comfortable leather chair behind it. Outside of the ring, Sylvain Primeau and Brujah St-Michel are hanging out wearing official ‘Ryan Wilson Show’ t-shirts and jeans. Ryan waits for his music to fade out and for the jeers to die down before he begins to speak into the microphone he’s holding in his hand.)
Ryan Wilson: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN… EAW UNIVERSE! WELCOME TO ANOTHER AWARD-WINNING EDITION OF THE RYAN WILSON SHOW! STARRING YOURS TRULY… ME! RYAN WILSON!
(The shit-eating grin across Ryan’s face really annoys the crowd and they start booing again.)
Ryan Wilson: Now I’m going to warn you guys ahead of time that tonight is probably going to be the lowest rated episode of the Ryan Wilson Show in the history of the world, but with Pain for Pride just a couple of weeks away I thought I would seize this opportunity to have a little sit down with my opponent for the biggest event of the year!
Crowd: SHAKER! SHAKER! SHAKER! SHAKER! SHAKER! SHAKER!
Ryan Wilson: Shaker Jones will be joining us tonight, yes. Now before we bring Shaker out, I want to take a little trip down memory lane. When The Score first broke up, I remember Shaker being a sad sight to behold. He was soooo butthurt, and that was honestly hilarious to me. The Score was never going to amount to anything with Shaker as one of the members, and I did what I needed to do in order to ensure my survival in this company. I don’t have time for freeloaders, and that pretty much sums up Shaker Jones in a nutshell.
Crowd: YOU GOT BEAT! YOU GOT BEAT! YOU GOT BEAT! YOU GOT BEAT! YOU GOT BEAT! YOU GOT BEAT!
(Ryan rolls his eyes.)
Ryan Wilson: Shaker’s fluke victory over me on an obscure episode of Dynasty means very little in the grand scheme of things. He was humiliated at Grand Rampage by Camille and exposed for the half-wit and half-assed competitor that he really is. I honestly didn’t have to lift a finger. That being said, come Pain for Pride, I’m going to bury Shaker Jones and make sure he never shows his face in this company again. I regret I didn’t do it the first time around, but knowing that the entire wrestling and entertainment universe is going to be tuned in to Pain for Pride and millions of people are going to see this beatdown of epic proportions? That’s fine with me. I’m going to have some malicious fun. I am aiming to hurt Shaker Jones because I want too. I’m going to make a statement in Hotlanta, and finally, this chapter of my career will be put to bed. My eyes are set on championship gold in Season 13, and it’s going to be real nice to not have anything holding me back.
(A sly smile crosses Ryan’s face.)
Ryan Wilson: So with that being said, lets see if Shaker Jones has anything to say! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN… PLEASE WELCOME THE ‘PUNK ROCK COUNTRY BOY’ SHAKER JONES!!!
(‘I Love It Loud’ by Kiss begins to play and the crowd pops huge for Shaker Jones! A few seconds pass, and the camera remains on the entrance ramp. Shaker does not appear. The crowd grows a little restless and inside the ring, Ryan Wilson is laughing. He reaches under his desk and pulls out a crumbled up, ratchet looking piece of cardboard. As he unfolds it, it’s revealed to be a cardboard cutout of Shaker Jones. The crowd has noticed this now and they’re booing. Ryan is standing up now and he sits the cardboard cutout on the small couch beside the desk. The cutout immediately falls over and hits the mat. Ryan shakes his head as Shaker’s music fades.)
Ryan Wilson: Shaker, come on man. We still have two weeks until Pain for Pride. Don’t completely embarrass yourself now.
(Ryan steps out from behind the desk and kicks at the cardboard Shaker with his foot.)
Ryan Wilson: This was your chance to come out and speak your mind to a world wide audience, and prove to all of us that you aren’t the sorry excuse for a human being that we all think you are. You have been labeled so many things throughout your time here in EAW; a joke, a loser, deadweight, useless, drunk. Yeah, you’re a drunk. Are you drunk right now? Is that why you fell over as soon as you took your seat?
(Ryan kicks at the cardboard cutout once again and bends down.)
Ryan Wilson: Is this what you’ve been doing since Grand Rampage? Drinking your life away? Since you tapped out in the middle of the ring? You haven’t exactly been the most vocal Elitist of late, Shaker. Is reality finally sinking in for you? Have you finally come to the realization that the only thing that people will ever remember about you is that you were once a Big Bhaker Bhampion who lost that belt last year to the Woogieman? Remember how you crumbled under that Pain for Pride pressure last year and squandered your bhampionship? Remember how Grand Rampage proved to be to much for you and even though you gave it your all, it wasn’t good enough?! Remember all of that?! I remember. These people remember. And trust me, you piece of shit, if you think those losses hurt, and that they broke you, what I’m going to do to you at Pain for Pride is going to be ten times worse!
(All of a sudden, the crowd erupts and Ryan abruptly drops the microphone and scrambles up to his feet!)
Flannery McCoy: SHAKER JONES IS RUNNING DOWN THE RAMP WITH A CHAIR!
Stew-O: SYLVAIN AND BRUJAH ARE THERE TO GREET HIM AS HE TRIES TO GET INTO THE RING! RYAN WILSON IS BARKING ORDERS AND BOTH SYLVAIN AND BRUJAH ARE BEATING UP ON SHAKER JONES!
Flannery McCoy: BUT SHAKER IS FIGHTING BACK! HE TAKES THE END OF THE CHAIR AND CATCHES SYLVAIN IN THE GUT! THAT ALLOWS HIM TO SWEEP BRUJAH’S FEET OUT FROM UNDERNEATH OF HIM! SHAKER CRACKS THE CHAIR ACROSS THE BACK OF SYLVAIN! BRUJAH IS BACK UP BUT SHAKER SLAMS THE CHAIR ACROSS HIS FACE! SHAKER IS GOING NUTS RIGHT NOW! HE IS ALTERNATING SHOTS ON SYLVAIN AND BRUJAH AND BOTH MEMBERS OF RYAN’S ENTOURAGE ARE DOWN!
(Shaker looks up and into the ring. He points the chair at Ryan!)
Stew-O: SHAKER SLIDES INTO THE RING BUT RYAN GREETS HIM WITH A SERIES OF FOOT STOMPS TO THE BACK! RYAN IS KICKING AWAY AT SHAKER BUT SHAKER MUST BE RUNNING OFF OF ADRENALINE RIGHT NOW! SHAKER IS SOMEHOW BACK TO HIS FEET AND HE STILL HAS CONTROL OF THE CHAIR! SHAKER IS SCREAMING AT RYAN AND ALL THE FRUSTRATION SHAKER HAS BEEN FEELING IS COMING OUT NOW!
Flannery McCoy: SHAKER SWINGS THE CHAIR BUT RYAN DUCKS IT! SHAKER CAN’T BELIEVE HE MISSED! RYAN WITH A DROPKICK AND THAT KNOCKS THE CHAIR FROM SHAKER’S HANDS! SHAKER LUNGES FOR RYAN, BUT RYAN IS ABLE TO GRAB HIM AND PLANT HIM INTO THE MAT WITH A DDT! RYAN IS BACK TO HIS FEET AND HE GRABS SHAKER, THROWING HIM ON TOP OF THE DESK!!!!
Stew-O: RYAN CLIMBS UP ON THE DESK AND GRABS SHAKER! MIC DROP! MIC DROP! PACKAGE PILEDRIVER THROUGH THE DESK!
(A sick smile has crossed the face of Ryan Wilson as he climbs out of the rubble and gets back to his feet.)
Flannery McCoy: Wow. That was quite the statement made by Ryan Wilson, Stew.
Stew-O: Indeed. There’s no respect between these two men and absolutely no love lost.
(‘My Way’ by Limp Bizkit begins to play across the speakers again, as Ryan spits on the fallen body of Shaker Jones. Dynasty fades to commercial break.)
(Commercial break — an ad for Apple Bottom Jeans featuring Harlow Reichert.)
(The camera pan to Stephie Love in the ring)
Stephie Love: This following contest is scheduled for one fall!
(“Young and Bitter” by Hot Tag Media starts to play through the arena as Lucas Johnson walks down to the ring wearing his Beats by DRE headphones that was given to him by his manager Albert Hitchman as he blasts music with an intense look on his face., Feral Khan also follows behind.)
Stephie Love: Introducing first, from Atlanta, GA. Weighing in at 205 Lbs., accompanied to the ring by his manager, Albert Hitchman and Feral Khan, “The Wrestling Machine”, Lucas Johnson!
(When Lucas reaches the ring apron his manager Hitchman gives him one last prep talk as he gives the middle finger to his doubters as he enters his yard.)
Flannery McCoy: And Lucas Johnson is letting the fans know exactly what he thinks of them all. A talented young man with a bad attitude.
Stew-O: Can’t say he’s not being honest and let’s face it, you need an edge, an attitude to survive in Dynasty.
(Lucas continues to look out at the crowd for a moment then focusing on the entranceway.)
Stephie Love: His opponent, from Hoboken, NJ., weighing in at 210 lbs. “The Virtuous” Jesse Barlow!
(‘The Hounds of Anubis’ by The Word Alive plays throughout the arena as Jesse Barlow starts to make his way down to the ring. He keeps his eyes right on Lucas, not even turning to the crowd and acknowledging them.)
Stew-O: The artists formerly known as Giovanni Luciano now is Jesse Barlow and looks ready. Doesn’t matter what his name is, Lucas better be ready for a fight.
Flannery McCoy: Both of these men are not crowd favorites, Lucas has the advantage with Feral Khan and Albert Hitchman at ringside. Will that play a part?
Stew-O: It sure will though neither one of these guys are against breaking the rules.
(Jesse reaches the ring, he slides in and takes off his jacket, hopping to the second rope as the crowd boos. He hops down as the Referee checks them both, Stephie Love gets out of the ring as the referee then calls for the bell.)
(DING! DING! DING!)
Flannery McCoy: And here we go, both men circle the ring and lock up, Lucas has the advantage in strength pushing Jesse to the ropes, NO CLEAN BREAK! Lucas starts unloading with some stiff rights into the midsection of Jesse, Irish Whipping him to the opposite ropes, going for a backdrop but Jesse rolls him up in a small package!
Stew-O: Lucas kicks out! That match was almost over quickly, and Jesse now is on the offense, EUROPEN UPPERCUT! After UPPERCUT! ONE MORE for good measure, Flannery! Jesse is now unloading with a fury of Uppercuts and not allowing Lucas to get in any offense! Maybe the name change made him a bit more ruthless! Jesse is trying to whip him into the turnbuckle, Lucas holds on though, he is so strong! Whipping Jesse back into him with a BIG CLOTHESLINE! MY GOD HE ALMOST TOOK HIS HEAD OFF!
Flannery McCoy: Jesse is in a lot of trouble as Lucas looks ready to put this away early! Grabbing Jesse by the hair and picking him up from the mats, he lifts Jesse over on his shoulders! What is he going to do!? Wait he shifts him into a huge sitting POWER BOMB! HE BROKE HIM IN HALF! JESSE IS DONE! Here is the referee with the count!
Stew-O: JESSE KICKED OUT! HOW THE HELL DID HE KICK OUT!? Lucas can’t believe it; he has three fingers up to the referee but he’s only holding up two! Albert is beside himself right now!
Flannery McCoy: Doesn’t matter what his name is now, it’s the same fighting spirit, love or hate him! He’s in a lot of trouble though! Lucas picks him up, locks in the front face lock…. He is going for a DDT, but Jesse is able to turn that into a NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX! He caught Lucas napping; this could be it!
Stew-O: No! Lucas kicks out with force! He goes right after Jesse! Belting him with those massive forearms on his back, he is leaving welts on him! Picking him up, throwing a straight hand but Jesse blocks it! They are throwing haymakers at each other, Jesse kicks Lucas in the gut and 4runs against the ropes, wait…. ABOLISHER! HE CAUGHT LUCAS IN THE SPEAR AND THIS ONE IS OVER!
Flannery McCoy: HE GOT IT ALL TOO! LUCAS MAYBE DONE! HERE IS THE REFEREE FOR THE COVER!
Flannery McCoy: LUCAS KICKS OUT AT THE LAST POSSIBLE SECOND! Jesse is stunned but he is not stopping! He is climbing the ropes! Lucas is dazed! Albert is screaming at him…. Wait Feral Khan is distracting Jesse! Watch out, Lucas gets to Jesse! HE hits him in the guts with some powerful punches! What is he doing!? He is climbing up to the top rope! Nothing good is going to come from this Stew-O!
Stew-O: Lucas is looking to get a Belly to Belly off the top rope! BOTH MEN ARE TRYING TO GET THE ADVANTAGE! LUCAS HAS HIM LOCKED BUT JESSE HEADBUTTS HIM! That stuns Lucas! He is teetering! He is ….. LUCAS FELL ON THE MATS!
Flannery McCoy: JESSE SMELLS BLOOD! The crowd erupts…. Is he…. FEAR OF GOD! HE HIT THE FEAR OF GOD 650 SPLASH!
Stew-O: The CROWD ERUPTS! JESSE COVERS LUCAS FOR THE PINFALL!
(DING! DING! DING!)
(‘The Hounds of Anubis’ by The Word Alive plays throughout the arena, Jesse quickly rolls out of the ring as Albert and Feral quickly slide in to check on Lucas who is holding his chest and wincing in pain. Jesse has his arm raised by the referee as he slowly walks up the ramp.)
Stephie Love: THE WINNER OF THE MATCH…… JESSE BARLOW!
(He cracks a smirk, holding the back of his head, wincing in pain as well while Lucas sits up, staring daggers into him, being checked on by his manager.)
Flannery McCoy: Another huge win for the now Jesse Barlow, Giovanni Luciano maybe gone but Jesse Barlow is here now!
Stew-O: Could have gone back and forth! What a great match and will love to see these two battles again! Big win for Jesse Barlow!
(Highlights of last weeks confrontation between Mark Michaels and Ms. Extreme airs)
(“Gangsta” — New Years Day begins to play through the PA. A moment passes before Ms. Extreme walks out from the back. The PURE Championship is resting nicely on her left shoulder as the crowd gives an extreme ovation for Ms. Extreme.)
Stephie Love: Ladies and gentlemen … please welcome at this time… the PURE CHAMPION… MSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. EXXXXXXXXTRRRREEEEEEEEMMMMMMEEEEEEEE!!
Flannery McCoy: Here is our PURE Champion! She will be competing shortly as she teams with Darkane to take on Mark Michaels and Answers World Champion, Theron Nikolas. However, Ms. Extreme has requested some time to speak about her challenger at Pain for Pride! Last week on Dynasty, she found herself in a heated confrontation with Mark Michaels and it seems like she is going to have quite a few things to say!
Stew-O: What we’ve been seeing from Mark Michaels is terrifying, Flannery! This isn’t the same Mark that we saw before Gateway to Glory! This isn’t the same Mark that we saw at Ides of March a few months ago! This is a man, who is so determined to capture this championship, it is going to probably destroy him if he doesn’t defeat Ms. Extreme at Pain for Pride! I’m kind of afraid for Ms. Extreme at the moment!
(“Gangsta” dies down. The crowd continues on to cheer and show their support for the redhead. Ms. Extreme takes a few moments to think about what she is going to say, while waiting for the crowd’s support to die down, so that she could speak. However, it brings a small smile on the corner of her lip to see this crowd so behind her.)
Ms. Extreme: Hey, Mark. You’re a bitch.
(The crowd cheers at that proclamation.)
Ms. Extreme: For the past few weeks, you have been bitching to everyone who has the displeasure of being in the same room as your sorry ass about what you “want”. When Starr Stan handed you another shot at the PURE Champion, I thought he hit the nail in the head about what you want. You wanted another opportunity to show that you can defeat me again. We’re not going to talk about that bogus victory that you got before Ides of March. That shouldn’t even be a factor in your discussion towards me. We’re going to talk about Ides of March — where you failed to capture the title. Where you failed to defeat me. It seems like that victory drove you a little insane because you thought that night was going to be the night where Mark Michaels proved all the naysayers, doubters and those lovely people, who told him that he would never amount to anything in EAW, wrong. Mark, you were so determined to be the one to take this championship away from me. You were so sure that you were going to be the one, who does the unthinkable. In reality, you ended up being another victim in my history championship reign. That must have driven you crazy, Mark. That must have made you quite angry. The fact that you needed to take a back seat to Ryan Wilson. The fact that you needed to change the course of your direction because I was the woman, who crushed your dreams that night, brings a smile to my face.
I was more than honored to be the woman, who crushed your dreams of winning the PURE Championship. At Ides of March, you weren’t good enough. At Gateway to Glory, you weren’t good enough as Jamie kneed the fuck out of you. If you couldn’t take down the beloved champion, might as well go after The Ace right? That’s kind of why you went after Jamie, right? By just doing that, that’s how we all know that you completely lost it. Another thing would be to want to piss me off. This isn’t what you want, Mark. You do want this anger from me. You don’t want whatever I am going to dish out at Pain for Pride. Hell, you don’t even want whatever I plan to do to you in this match. No, Mark. You think you want this side from me. You think you want that from me? You’ll get that fire from me, but you won’t drive me insane. You’ll get that anger from me, but I won’t be in rage. Nah, I got you to be in rage. I got you to be insane. I got you to hype this match up while I take a back seat for the time being. I will always be how I am. Calm, cool and collected. I’m not going to give you the satisfaction of dethroning me after just making history. I am not going to let you have this championship for you to use as a middle finger to EAW. Nah, EAW doesn’t owe you shit, Mark Michaels! You don’t deserve shit! The only thing you deserve is the ass beating I am going to give you at Pain for Pride!
(The crowd cheers because of the last sentence. With that, Ms. Extreme is done as she drops the mic. “Gangsta” plays back up again as she raises the PURE Championship proudly high in the air. The beautiful championship glistens underneath the spotlight. This is supposed to remind Mark Michaels of what he is fighting form. This is supposed to be the vision of what he should be expecting after it’s all said and done.)
(Commercial break — an ad for Cameron Ella Ava’s catering service. Now specializing in Chocolate Covered Pretzels and Smoothies!)
(Dynasty comes back on air as Ms. Extreme is already in the ring awaiting with a ref nearby)
Stephie Love: The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall!
Crowd: ONE FALL!
Stephie Love: Introducing first, from Calabasas, California, weight in at one hundred and thirty-five pounds, she is the EAW PURE Champion, Miss EXTREME!”
Flannery McCoy: We just heard from the PURE Champion and now we’re about to see her in action! She looks ready to go tonight. There’s a little extra something in her step.
Stew-O: Well, Pain for Pride is right around the corner and she clearly wants to enjoy her time with the title while she can because Mark Michael will be taking it from her real soon.
Stephie Love: And her partner, from New Orleans, Louisiana, weighing in at two hundred and thirty-four pounds, DARKANE!
(“Wizard in Black” by Electric Wizard hits and Darkane appears on the ramp. He spreads his arms out in a crucifix pose before making his way down the ramp and joining Ms. Extreme in the ring. The two exchange a look and a nod as “I Hope You Suffer” by AFI blasts over the sound system. Stew-O talks over Stephie Love.)
Stew-O: And here comes Theron Nikolas! One of the greatest Elitre Answers champions that we’ve ever had the pleasure of witnessing. Darkane doesn’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell of taking that belt away from Theron at Pain for Pride.
(Theron walks to the end of the ramp and removes the AWC belt from around his waist as “Just Cos’ You Got The Power” by Motorhead plays.)
Stephie Love: And his partner, from Minneapolis, Minnesota, weighing in at two hundred and forty pounds, MARK MICHAELS!
Stew-O: The man that is going to take the PURE title away from Ms. Extreme, Mark Michaels! This is going to be one hell of a tag match heading into Pain for Pride. Darkane and Ms. Extreme get to have a small preview of just how bad they’re going to get beat.
Flannery McCoy: Looks like Theron is going to start things off quickly here! He just blindsided Darkane as he and Ms. Extreme tried to work out a strategy for this match.
(DING! DING! DING!)
Stew-O: Never turn your back on Theron!
Flannery McCoy: Theron grabs a handful of Darkane’s hair and hits him with hard rights. Irish whip to the opposite corner. Theron follows up with a running closeline. Look at him taunt Darkane in the corner. He’s definitely fired up for Pain for Pride.
Stew-O: As he should be! He’s a true champion after all, Flannery. Choke in the corner.
Flannery McCoy: The referee breaks it up but Mark Michaels gets in a few shots behind the refs back! These two men have no respect for the rules.
Stew-O: Why should they?! It’s all legal if you don’t get caught. Quick tag and Michaels is in. Michaels puts the boots to Darkane who’s completely cut off from the soon-to-be ex-PURE champion, Ms. Extreme.
Flannery McCoy: Michaels pulls Darkane out of the corner by the hair and oh my! A quick discus forearm from Darkane sends Michaels to the mat. Ms. Extreme is begging Darkane for the tag!
Stew-O: But she’s not going to get it! Michaels is up and grabs Darkane by the waist before he can make the tag! A perfectly executed German suplex sends Darkane back into the opposite corner from Ms. Extreme.
Flannery McCoy: And now Michaels is waving a Ms. Extreme, taunting her. This man is a coward and I hope he gets exactly what’s coming to him at Pain for Pride.
Stew-O: Oh, he’ll get the PURE Championship already. DDT on Darkane and a quick tag to Theron. Theron is in and once again puts the boots to Darkane.
Flannery McCoy: He goes for one more stomp but Darkane rolls out of the way! He tries to make it to his corner but Theron puts a stop to that with a sharp missile dropkick to the back of the head! Darkane is taking a lot of punishment here and Ms. Extreme has been rendered completely useless here.
Stew-O: Theron picks up Darkane again and calls for the King’s Requiem! He’s ready to end this early!
Flannery McCoy: Darkane reverses it into Calling in the Coroner! What a desperation move! Both men are down and Ms. Extreme is reaching out as far as she get to will Darkane into making a tag!
Stew-O: Mark Michaels is also reaching out for the tag!
Flannery McCoy: Ms. Extreme is banging on that top turnbuckle and this crowd is clapping and stomping in time with her! Darkane rolls towards his corner and… gets the tag! Theron tags in Michaels at the same time and here we go! Pain for Pride preview! Wait, Michaels rolls to the outside. He wants nothing to do with Ms. Extreme!
Stew-O: He’s a smart man, Flannery. He’s trying to take the wind out of Ms. Extreme’s sails and it’s working.
Flannery McCoy: Well the crowd seems to think he’s an asshole, Stew-O
Stew-O: What do these idiots know?
Flannery McCoy: Wait! Ms. Extreme slides to the outside but Michaels is too busy harassing the fans to realize it!
Stew-O: What a coward! She just attacked Michaels from behind! Michaels is down! We need some help!
Flannery McCoy: Ms. Extreme means business. Stiff kicks to the head of Michaels before tossing him back into the ring. Ms. Extreme follows him in, but Michaels is up quick! Ms. Extreme ducks under a closeline attempt and runs at the opposite ropes. He comes back with a massive cross body that sends Michaels crashing to the mat! Michaels rolls to his corner and quickly tags Theron on the shoulder.
Stew-O: Keeping the fresh man in. it’s Tag Team 101, Flannery.
Flannery McCoy: Well Theron doesn’t seem impressed with Michaels or that tag. Wait, Darkane is calling for Ms. Extreme. Tag made and Darkane is in. Darkane and Theron lock up in the centre of the ring. Theron grabs Darkane’s arm and whips him into the ropes. SUPERKICK! Theron goes for a quick cover.
Flannery McCoy: Darkane gets the shoulder up and wisely gets up to a knee. Theron again grabs the hair and hits Darkane with a right hand. Irish whip to the ropes, Darkane slides under the bicycle attempt from Theron. Theron turns around and OH MY! Knife edge chop from Darkane! And another! AND ANOTHER! Darkane is turning Theron’s chest a deep crimson with those vicious chops. Darkane goes for a fourth but eats a European uppercut for his troubles. Darkane is backed into the corner.
Stew-O: A few chops aren’t going to stop a true champion like Theron!
Flannery McCoy: Theron is quick to follow Darkane to the corner, but gets a kick to the stomach for his troubles. Darkane spins Theron around and into the corner. Lefts and rights from Darkane has this crowd on their feet! Darkane backs up to the opposite corner and charges at Theron, but Theron gets the boot up. Darkane is staggered but makes the tag to Ms. Extreme.
Stew-O: Now she can get a taste of what it’s like to be in the ring with a real champion!
Flannery McCoy: Theron charges Ms. Extreme… SPINNING HEEL KICK! Ms. Extreme takes Theron down and back to his corner. Theron is reaching up for a tag but, what a surprise, Mark Michaels is back on the floor and no in position to receive a tag. Ms. Extreme looks at Michaels, who’s back is again turned to the ring as he yells at the fans. She runs hard into the ropes and OH MY! SUICIDE DIVE! She takes out Michaels and both are sprawled out on the floor!
Stew-O: Another cowardly attack! His back was turned, damnit! How can he properly defend himself?!
Flannery McCoy: Darkane is in and charges Theron. Both men are brawling inside the ring as Ms. Extreme gets to her feet. The referee is telling Ms. Extreme to get in the ring, his back is turned to the two men inside the ring beating the hell out of each other! Looks like Darkane is getting the upper hand but Theron kicks him low and tosses him out of the ring! How’s that for sportsmanship!
Stew-O: He’s using his head, Flannery. I told you, if the referee doesn’t see it then anything goes!
Flannery McCoy: Ms. Extreme clips back onto the apron, but Michaels pulls her feet out from under her! Her face just slammed right into the ring! Oh, of course, NOW he wants a tag from Theron. Tag made and Michaels jumps back off the apron and onto the floor.
Stew-O: Time to send a clear message to the champion! Pain for Pride is coming and Michaels is coming for her title whether she likes it or not!
Flannery McCoy: Michaels kicks Ms. Extreme in the ribs then grabs her by the hair and tosses her back into the ring. Michaels slides in after her and pokes her in the head with the toe of his boot. Big man now that she’s down on the mat.
Stew-O: She brought this on herself when she callously attack him on the outside! He wasn’t even the legal man.
Flannery McCoy: Michaels stomps Ms. Extreme a few more times and grabs her left arm.
Stew-O: It’s over. The Liberation Has Begun!
Flannery McCoy: He’s got it locked in, but Ms. Extreme isn’t tapping!
Stew-O: She won’t last long, nobody does!
Flannery McCoy: Wait! Darkane in for the save! He turns quickly and knocks Theron off the apron then grabs the head of Michaels as he stands. ENTER THE GRAVE! Darkane just drove Michaels head hard into the mat. Darkane drags Ms. Extreme to his corner before stepping back out onto the apron.
Stew-O: Is that even legal?!
Flannery McCoy: Tag made! Michaels also manages to tag in Theron! Darkane and Theron collide in the center of the ring. Both men thinking closeline and both men going down hard. Theron is up first! Darkane staggers to his feet and gets hit with a vicious Touch of Heroine lariat! Theron covers!
Flannery McCoy: Darkane Kicks out!
Stew-O: What?! HOW?!
Flannery McCoy: It looks like Theron is calling for the King’s Requiem again and Darkane looks out of it. Theron is going to win this here if he hits it! WAIT! Darkane reverses it AGAIN! And shoves Theron chest first into the corner. Theron staggers… DEVIL MAY CRY! What a spear to the back of Theron! Darkane covers.
Flannery McCoy: THERON KICKS OUT!
Stew-O: A TRUE champion! How many times do I have to tell you?! That’s not going to stop Theron Nikolas! Wait a minute, what’s Darkane doing?!
Flannery McCoy: Darkane sets Theron up for a powerbomb… NO IT’S NOT A POWERBOMB! SIX FEET UNDER! SIX FEET UNDER! Ms. Extreme charges out of her corner to knock Michaels off the apron as Darkane covers!
Flannery McCoy: Darkane and Ms. Extreme have done it!
Stephie Love: Here are you winners, Darkane and Ms. EXTREEEEME!
Stew-O: Pure fluke, that’s not going to happen a Pain for Pride!
Flannery McCoy: Darkane just pinned the champion, I’d say all the momentum is on his side! It looks like Ms. Extreme isn’t done with Mark Michaels either. The two are brawling on the outside now! The match is over! Michaels just shoved Ms. Extreme hard into the ring post and high tailed it out of here through the crowd! What a coward!
Stew-O: He’s saving it for the match, Flannery! Mind games, mind games! Ms. Extreme doesn’t stand a chance against the cerebral Mark Michaels!
(Darkane rolls out of the ring and grabs the Answers World Championship belt off of the time keepers table. He stares at it for a bit before slapping it down on the laid out Theron.)
Stew-O: What the hell does he think he’s doing with that?! Why is he going back into the ring with it?! He better not lay another finger on Theron! The match is over damnit!
Flannery McCoy: A message was sent Stew, and I’m sure Theron got the message loud and clear. Speaking of the AWC picture, let’s direct our attention over to another one of their opponents…
( Screen caption reads “earlier today” and the camera opens up to Jamie O’Hara who is standing in front of an undisclosed body of water wearing dark shades and a black hoodie. )
( SCREEN BAR — Norton Shores )
Jamie O’Hara: Cheers everyone, it is I, your friendly neighborhood Jamie O’Hara, reporting to you just west of Grand Rapids soaking up some of that good old sun and catching a delightful view of none other than Michigan Lake. Not much on the agenda as of late, just looking forward to two weeks from now when I get the opportunity to dropkick a few cunts into the fucking sea and claim the only World Championship that I haven’t held in this company yet, that being the Answers World Championship.
I figured I’d spend this uneventful Friday afternoon, with zero plans for the evening at all, on a peaceful stroll by my lonesome just to soak in some of the serenity of beautiful Grand Rapids… however on my serene expedition, I just so happened to have stumbled upon something of interest that I found it incumbent upon myself to examine with all of you…
( Camera pans back, and it shows the coffin laid out on a gurney that Theron Nikolas put on exhibition from last week’s in-ring segment on Dynasty. The coffin has flowers over it, and The 1% logo painted on top of it. )
Jamie O’Hara: Quite a specimen, seems as though some bloke’s already got his dirty pudgy hands on it, but it’s piqued my interest. I wonder what lies inside.
( O’Hara opens the lid of the casket, and first pulls out a book with the cover of “GAWDVERBS: A Machiavellian’s Guide To Un-Fucking Yourself” )
Jamie O’Hara: Lookie here, I got me an early copy of some snake oil sales pitch that absolutely no one in their right mind could ever be fucked to waste their money on! I suppose it belongs in this here coffin considering it’s exactly where that soon-to-be flop of a scam is going to end up anyways, but I’m thinking there’s a much better final resting place for this pile of bullshit.
( Jamie O’Hara turns around and chucks “GAWDVERBS” into the water behind him. )
Jamie O’Hara: That’s done.. aha! Now here’s something that belongs on the bookshelves.
( Jamie holds up the following: )
Jamie O’Hara: Here you go Mr. Camera man, treat this with pride and with dignity.
( Jamie hands the book to the camera person off-camera. He digs back into the coffin, and pulls up the ripped 1% shirt that was torn off of Theron’s body last week. )
Jamie O’Hara: What have we here… more rubbish. However there’s substantial meaning behind this rubbish, because what has become of this emblem branded on this piece of cloth, this symbol representing The 1%, also represents an entire season utterly derailed as the legacy of the Answers World Championship itself continued to be defiled. It represents the every whim of a sorry good-for-nothing chickenshit paper champion being catered to by an old buggy eyed curmudgeon too entranced with the prostitutes he rents from foreign countries to even be fucked at being competent at his job as Chairman of the Board. Executive powers hurled left and right at Theron’s favor, meritocracy be damned.
It gives me pains in the pit of my stomach when I assess the state of not only Friday Night Dynasty, but the entire company in a nutshell which has suffered due to the insufferable example shown by this absolute catastrophe that was The 1%. This company just a year ago staked so much pride on reforming itself from the regressive culture of old that permeated throughout EAW; only to find itself reinforcing many of the same regressive patterns that fucked this place in the first fucking place. Undeserving cunt flogs use their authority, and nepotism, and and suited up contracts to land themselves into high profile matches because of who their friends are and who views them favorably, while the hardest workers are repeatedly overlooked and – if anything – punished for caring too much.
It’s not like me to get on my soap box and vent frustrations, I’m simply calling out the bullshit like I see it. It’s bullshit that Cameron Ella Ava has to struggle the way she has to even find herself on the Pain for Pride card while all of DDD’s mates either have championships in their possession, or are competing in championship matches. This is the same hypocritical cunt who will sit here and take credit for “Reforming” EAW’s culture, the same ass-backwards hypocrite who justified retiring the founder of this company. Now he’s enabled his own worst mistake to run rampant unabated and desecrate that championship further. Luckily Jamie O’Hara is willing to put in the ground work to put a stop to all of the damage that has been done, and (holds up the 1% shirt) this is the cause to all of the damage thus far. FUCK this bloody t-shirt, and FUCK The 1%.
( Jamie O’Hara turns around and chucks the 1% t-shirt into the sea. )
Jamie O’Hara: Which leads me to this..
( O’Hara reaches into the coffin again and pull out Darkane’s signature spade shovel. )
Jamie O’Hara: Truly a beauty, a weapon of mass destruction. A dramatic colloquialism but a fitting one indeed, because it’s isn’t the final nail in the coffin that puts the body and the soul truly to rest, it’s the device in my hands that will put every patch of soil, and every pound of dirt over the coffin for good. At Pain for Pride, whether there is a Darkane to stick his nose in my business or not, I will do the deed that needed to be done for an entire season now. It is not enough to humble Theron, it is not enough to give Mr. DEDEDE his just desserts; I must single handedly put an end to the toxic culture that they have instilled by their actions. It’s my duty to lead EAW by example the same way I did the last time I held World Championship gold. It is my destiny, my calling, to show every forgotten and looked over EAW Elitist that the gift horse isn’t the pure bred pampered and groomed to success. The gift horse is the work horse, and things like “merit” and “work ethic” still actually matter.
( Jamie O’Hara chucks the spade into the water behind him. He digs into the casket one more time, and pulls out a framed portrait that only he can see. )
Jamie O’Hara: And unlike DDD I’m not expecting a cult of personality for my endeavors, I know my actions will set an example for those watching who have had to endure an entire season of this bullshit, and that’s all that truly matters to me. It is not enough for me to meet the same standard that I set in my historic run as the World Heavyweight Champion. To truly live up to my vision I must ascend past any level I could have hoped to have ever reached before. If my performance in the Grand Rampage was anything it was a precursor of things to come. Not quite a “spoiler” but most certainly a foreshadow. My reemergence late 2018 was not for the sake of an unfruitful nostalgia run. I have returned to be the leader this business has desperately needed. Darkane, DDD, Theron, the three of you blokes were warned. Prepare for an absolute humbling come Pain for Pride, because the Ascended Master will take his rightful throne.
( Jamie turns around the framed portrait, showing a picture of him holding up the World Heavyweight Championship to the camera which is the final shot of the scene. )
(Commercial break — a sponsored ad to celebrate Pride Month, featuring Mr. DEDEDE.)
Stephie Love: The following is a six man tag team match scheduled for one fall!
(“Enemy Strike” by Yuki Hayashi hits as The Wildcards step onto the stage. The camera gets a good shot of their belts as they pat them before continuing down the ramp)
Stephie Love: Making their way to the ring first, weighing in at a combined weight of 448 pounds… THEY ARE THE UNIFIED EAW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS… XANDER PAYNE AND MYLES!!… THE WILDDDDCARRRRRDDDSSSSS!!
Stew: Main event time… and there’s SO much on the line tonight. As we inch closer and closer to Pain For Pride, momentum becomes so much more important. Getting a one up on your opponents before the Show of Shows? It goes a long way.
(“Ultimate Battle” by ZENTA hits as the crowd erupts into cheers. Jamie O’Hara steps out onto the stage and takes a long look around the arena. He pops the collar on his jacket before making his way to the ring)
Stephie Love: Their partner, residing in Los Angeles, California… weighing in at 190 pounds… HE IS THE WINNER OF THE 2019 GRAND RAMPAGE… JAMIEEEEEEE O’HAAAARRRRAAAAAAAA!!
Stephie Love: I definitely agree with you there Stew, when we reach a point like this, it’s not just a cliché saying, you WANT to stand tall at the end of the night, just weeks out from Pain For Pride!
(“I Don’t Fuck With You” by Big Sean feat. E40 hits as The FloBros make saunter down to the ring with big grins on their faces. As they enter the ring, they both take long looks at the Tag Titles around the waists of The Wildcards)
Stephie Love: And their opponents, first… at a combined weight of 419 pounds… THEEEEEE FLOOOOOOOOBRROOOOOOOSSSSS!!
Stew: And if we’re gonna keep with the theme, I think it’s EXTRA important for these two tonight. Of course a much smaller stage than Pain For Pride, but the main event of Dynasty is nothing to scoff at! Especially when you have…
(“Talk Up” by Drake feat. Jay-Z hits as the stage glows in white and purple lights. Smoke pours in through the curtain until the entire stage is covered in smoke. Mr. DEDEDE trolls out with confidence)
Stew: THIS MAN AS YOUR PARTNER!!
Stephie Love: And their partner, currently residing in The Dominican Republic… weighing in at 222 pounds… MISTERRRR DEEEEDEEEEEDEEEEEE!!
(DING! DING! DING!)
Stew: The bell sounds… Myles stays in the ring as Jamie O’Hara and Xander Payne head onto the apron. Meanwhile in the opposite corner, there seems to be a bit of a disagreement over who’s going to start this one off! Thadd Blazevich and Crosby Carter are nodding back and forth, seemingly leaving DEDEDE out of the conversation! DEDEDE finally leaves the ring, as does Crosby Carter… Thadd and Myles meet in the middle of the ring, Myles looks to make the first move but Thadd sidesteps it… UPPERCUT TO THE JAW OF MYLES WHO STAGGERS BACK INTO THE CORNER!!
Flannery: Thadd wags his finger at Myles… MYLES EXPLODES OUT OF THE CORNER, BUT AGAIN IT’S SIDESTEPPED BY THADD!!… MYLES DAMN NEAR FLYING INTO THE OTHER CORNER!! NOW THADD COMES RUNNING… AND CONNECTS WITH A KNEE RIGHT TO THE ABDOMEN!! Myles drops to his knees but not for long… he’s back up… AND AGAIN COMES CHARGING AT THADD… BUT THADD APPEARS TO BE UNTOUCHABLE HERE TONIGHT, HE EVADES THE ATTACK AGAIN AND THIS TIME MYLES GOES TUMBLING OVER THE ROPES AND LANDS HARD ON THE OUTSIDE!! Thadd grins as he takes a stroll around the ring… AND DEDEDE TAGS HIMSELF IN!!
Stew: That quickly wipes the grin off of Thadd’s face! DEDEDE enters the ring as Thadd stares him down… AND NOW AN INCENSED MYLES RE-ENTERS THE RING AND TACKLES DEDEDE, PUSHING HIM BACK INTO THE TURNBUCKLE!! HE’S GOING CRAZY ON DEDEDE!! THROWING RIGHTS AND LEFTS INTO THE MID-SECTION, NOW GOING HIGHER… LANDING A FEW ON THE CHEST… BEFORE GOING TO THE JAW AND FACE!! ALL THIS RAGE THAT MYLES BUILT UP WHEN HE WAS UNABLE TO GET HIS HANDS ON THADD, HE’S NOW LETTING IT ALL GO ON DEDEDE!! MYLES GRABS DEDEDE BY THE ARM AND WHIPS HIM OFF THE ROPES… DEDEDE COMES REBOUNDING… INTO A CROSSBODY BY MYLES!!
Flannery: Myles looking impressive against the former multiple time World Champion, he drags DEDEDE over to his corner and tags in Xander Payne who enters the ring… AND DELIVERS A STOMP TO THE CHEST OF DEDEDE!! XANDER LIFTS HIS FOOT UP FOR A SECOND STOMP… BUT THIS TIME DEDEDE CATCHES THE FOOT OF XANDER PAYNE!! ALL THAT DOES HOWEVER IS PROVIDE LEVERAGE FOR XANDER TO LIFT HIS OTHER FOOT UP AND USE IT TO STOMP IN THE FACE OF DEDEDE!! Xander grabs a fist full of hair as he pulls DEDEDE back to his feet… AND UNLOADS WITH A BACKHAND CHOP!!
Stew: DEDEDE’s chest lights up as Xander lands another one… FOLLOWED BY A THIRD!! Xander now again grabbing DEDEDE bu the hair and pulling him into the center of the ring, applying a front facelock and lifting him up!!… LOOKING FOR A VERTICAL SUPLEX… AND IT CONNECTS!! The Wildcards, Xander Payne and Myles have managed to ground DEDEDE and now they control the pace here! Xander Payne methodical as he now delivers even more stomps into DEDEDE, targeting all limbs here! It might not be the most exciting offense folks, but it certainly is effective! AND NOW A KNEE DROP TO THE SIDE OF DEDEDE’S SKULL!!
Flannery: Xander pulls DEDEDE over and tags in Myles… XANDER PULLS DEDEDE UP TO HIS FEET AND MYLES CONNECTS WITH AN ELBOW TO THE HEAD!! DEDEDE like a sack of potatoes collapses to the canvas… Myles sets himself up in the corner, waiting for DEDEDE to make it back to his feet! DEDEDE on his knees now, crawling over to the ropes and using them to get to his feet… Myles and Xander haven’t been specific in targeting a specific body part of DEDEDE, they’ve worked over his entire body… every bit of him is feeling some degree of pain right now! DEDEDE is up to his feet as Myles comes charging!!
Stew: BUT DEDEDE MEETS HIM WITH A KICK TO THE HEAD, NOW QUICKLY GRABBING HIM AND PULLING HIM IN… THE IMPALER!! DRIVING MYLES DOWN, HEAD FIRST INTO THE CANVAS!! THAT’S CERTAINLY A WAY TO GET BACK INTO THIS MATCH!! AND NOW DEDEDE WITH NEW LIFE!! AND OH LOOK HERE FLANNERY!! HE’S SETTING UP!! YOU KNOW WHAT’S ON HIS MIND HERE!!
Flannery: I certainly do! DEDEDE IS LOOKING TO END THIS QUICKLY, HE’S LOOKING FOR THE SPEAR!!
Stew: CROSBY CARTER TAGS HIMSELF IN!! CROSBY CARTER SLAPPING DEDEDE HARD ACROSS THE BACK, THAT’S A LEGAL TAG!! DEDEDE STANDS UP STRAIGHT… LOCKING EYES WITH CROSBY CARTER, CARTER NOT BOTHERED, ENTERS THE RING… BUT DEDEDE DOESN’T WANT TO GET OUT!! DEDEDE IS GOING TO GET HIS MONEY’S WORTH!! HE CHARGES AT MYLES… AND THE SPEAR CONNECTS!! SPEAR TO MYLES!! AND NOW CROSBY, ALL BUT FORCING DEDEDE OUT OF THE RING HERE, DEDEDE NEEDS TO BE OUT OF THE RING FOR CROSBY TO GET THE COVER!!
Flannery: IS THAT REALLY HOW THAT WORKS?!
Stew: I THINK SO… FINALLY DEDEDE ABIDES AND HEADS TO THE APRON, CROSBY THROWS HIMSELF INTO THE CENTER OF THE RING AND ON TOP OF MYLES… LOOKING TO PICK UP THE SCRAPS, TRYING TO GET THE COVER!!
ONEEE!!… TWOOO!!… XANDER PAYNE BREAKS IT UP!!
Flannery: Payne with a clubbing blow to the spine to break up the pin, quickly heads back to his corner. I didn’t think it was possible but Crosby Carter doesn’t actually seem chill here! He seems a bit annoyed that didn’t get the job done! Stay on the offensive though Crosby, Myles is in a bad way! Myles has managed to roll onto his stomach, he’s attempting to push himself up to his feet… BUT CROSBY CARTER LIFTS HIS FOOT AND SENDS A KICK RIGHT INTO THE RIBS OF MYLES!! MYLES FLIPS OVER, NOW INTO A SEATED POSITION AS HE GRABS HIS STOMACH!! BREATHING HEAVY!! CROSBY RUNS OFF THE ROPES… LOOKING FOR A KNEE… BUT CROSBY IS ABLE TO DODGE!! MOVING OUT OF THE WAY, AND NOW CONNECTING WITH A DROP TOE HOLD!! CROSBY CARTER HUNG UP ON THE ROPES!! THIS IS MYLES’ CHANCE!! HE NEEDS TO MAKE A TAG!! HE PULLS HIMSELF OVER TOWARDS HIS CORNER… EXTENDS HIS HAND OUT… AND TAGS IN THE 2019 GRAND RAMPAGE WINNER, JAMIE O’HARA!!
Stew: O’HARA, INSTEAD OF ENTERING THE RING RUNS THE LENGTH OF THE APRON… AND CONNECTS WITH A DROP KICK TO THE SIDE OF CROSBY’S HEAD!! IT CONNECTS AND CROSBY ROLLS INTO THE CENTER OF THE RING… O’HARA CLIMBS UP TO THE TOP ROPE AS CROSBY CARTER MAKES IT BACK TO HIS FEET… O’HARA LEAPS OFF WITH A CROSSBODY AND IT CONNECTS!! A QUICK COVER!!
ONEEE!!… TWOOO!!… NO!!
Flannery: Crosby gets the shoulder up but it doesn’t look like he wants any part of Jamie O’Hara here! He extends his arm out towards his team… AND LOOK AT DEDEDE!! DEDEDE WANTS IN!! DEDEDE WANTS IN SO BADLY!! HE WANTS TO GET HIS HANDS ON JAMIE O’HARA!! NEARLY SEETHING AT THE MOUTH!!… O’HARA GRABS THE FEET OF CROSBY, BUT CROSBY PUSHES HIM OFF, HE LEAPS FORWARD AND MAKES THE TAG… to Thadd Blazevich?! Thadd enters the ring… much to the chagrin of this crowd and to DEDEDE who looks… less than pleased to say the least!
Stew: BUT THADD IS UP TO THE CHALLENGE, HE ENTERS THE RING… MEETING O’HARA IN THE CENTER OF THE RING WHERE BOTH MEN LOCK UP, IT’S THE FIRST WE’VE SEEN OF THIS MATCH!! THADD IS ABLE TO TRANSITION INTO A WAIST LOCK FROM THE REAR… HE GOES TO LIFT HIM UP… BUT O’HARA IS ABLE TO GET HIS ARMS AROUND THE HEAD OF THADD… APPLYING THE HEADLOCK AND NOW PUSHING HIM INTO THE ROPES!!…. HE DROPS HIS HEAD AS THADD COMES REBOUNDING… THADD ROLLS OVER THE BACK OF O’HARA AND APPLIES THE WAIST LOCK AGAIN!! HE PUSHES HIM FORWARD, NOW PULLS HIM BACK… LOOKING FOR A ROLL UP!!… BUT O’HARA IS ABLE TO HANG ONTO THE ROPES!!
Flannery: THADD POPS BACK UP TO HIS FEET… BUT RUNS RIGHT INTO A FOREARM BY O’HARA IT SPINS HIM AROUND AND NOW O’HARA LIFTS HIM UP… BACK SUPLEX!! Thadd on his knees holds his back, but he makes it back to his feet rather quickly, in the corner here! O’Hara grabs his wrist and whips him into the corner hard… Thadd hits it and comes stumbling out… BUT O’HARA COMES CHARGING AND CONNECTS WITH A DROPKICK, THADD FLIES RIGHT BACK INTO THE CORNER AND HITS THE TURNBUCKLE SPINE FIRST!! Thadd drops to the floor and this time he’s much slower to his feet!
Stew: O’Hara looks to aid him the rest of his way, but Thadd is going to put up a fight! Thadd fires away with a few right hands, they catch O’Hara in the jaw and get him to back off! It allows Thadd to make it back to his feet… O’Hara looks to grab him away but Thadd continues to chip away… now sending an elbow that catches O’Hara in the side of the neck! Now Thadd is the one on the offensive, more rights, more lefts… all finding their mark! Thadd has Jamie stumbling around the ring here! THADD LUNGES FORWARD WITH A HUGE HAYMAKER… BUT JAMIE O’HARA GRABS THE ARM, SPINS AROUND AND CONNECTS WITH A DDT!! AND NOW JAMIE IS LOOKING TO PUT AN END TO THIS ONE!! HE HEADS TO THE TOP ROPE ONCE AGAIN… LOOKING FOR THE GENKI CANNON!! BUT THADD IS ABLE TO SCOUT IT EARLY AND GETS THE HELL OUT OF DODGE, IMMEDIATELY LOOKING OVER TO HIS CORNER AND LOOKING TO MAKE THE TAG!!
Flannery: He motions towards DEDEDE… BUT DEDEDE HOPS DOWN FROM THE APRON!!
Stew: YOU KNOW WHAT?! I DON’T EVEN BLAME DEDEDE!! THE FLO BRO’S HAVE WORKED AROUND DEDEDE AND TREATED HIM TERRIBLY THIS WHOLE MATCH, IT SERVES THEM RIGHT!! JAMIE O’HARA HOPS DOWN FROM THE ROPES… NOW STANDING BEHIND THADD WHO PANICS… AND TAGS IN CROSBY CARTER!! CARTER GULPS!! WIDE EYED HE ENTERS THE RING, IT’S ALL GONE TO HELL HERE FOR DEDEDE AND THE FLO BROS!!
Flannery: DEDEDE is watching everything unfold from the bottom of the ramp… AND HE’S GONNA GET AN EARFUL FROM CARSYN CARTER NOW!! I’M NOT SURE HOW SMART THAT IS!! CARSYN IS LETTING DEDEDE HAVE IT, POINTING HIS FINGER AT HIM… TELLING HIM OFF!! AND NOW THADD BLAZEVICH JOINS IN!! THADD IS NOT CHILL, HE’S NOT CHILL AT ALL!! IN FACT I’D SAY HE’S QUITE ANGRY!! CARSYN CARTER YELLING AT DEDEDE, THADD BLAZEVICH YELLING AT DEDEDE, AND DEDEDE IS JUST STANDING THERE… UNFAZED… KEEPING HIS EYES LOCKED ON ONE OF HIS THREE OPPONENTS FOR PAIN FOR PRIDE, JAMIE O’HARA!!
Stew: AND OH NO!! CARSYN PUSHES DEDEDE!! CARSYN JUST PUSHED DEDEDE AND THAT DID IT!! THAT BROKE HIM OUT OF HIS TRANCE… DEDEDE WITH BOTH HANDS GRABS EACH SIDE OF CARSYN’S SPORTS BRA AND PULLS HER IN… DEDEDE’S EXPRESSION CHANGES, HE’S ANGRY!! HE STILL HASN’T SAID A WORD, BUT YOU CAN FEEL IT, YOU CAN SENSE THE RAGE BUILDING INSIDE OF HIM… CARSYN TURNS WHITE!! FEARING FOR HER LIFE!!… AND THADD NOW, TRYING TO STEP IN-BETWEEN THE TWO!!
Flannery: OH I DON’T LIKE THIS, I DON’T LIKE ANY OF IT!! DEDEDE… WHAT’S HE GONNA DO?!?!
Stew: ALL OF THIS ACTION ON THE OUTSIDE HAS COMPLETELY DISTRACTED US FROM WHAT’S GOING ON INSIDE THE RING… AND IT LOOKS AS IF IT’S DISTRACTED CROSBY AS WELL!! HE’S IN THE RING… WITH HIS BACK TURNED AWAY FROM O’HARA… O’HARA WALKS UP TO CROSBY… HE GRABS HIM… SPINS HIM AROUND…. PULLS HIM IN… STARDUST BREAKER!! IT CONNECTS!! HE COVERS!!
ONEEE!!… TWOOO!!… THREEE!!
(DING! DING! DING!)
Stew: SPEAR!! SPEAR!! SPEAR!!
Flannery: OH MY GOD!!
Stew: SPEAR BY DEDEDE!! AS SOON AS JAMIE O’HARA MADE IT TO HIS FEET AFTER THE VICTORY, DEDEDE CONNECTED WITH A SPEAR!! AND HE DOESN’T LINGER AROUND IN THE RING, HE IMMEDIATELY ROLLS BACK OUT OF THE RING, PUSHING PAST HIS “TEAM” MEMBERS… AND BEGINS WALKING UP THE RAMP!!
(Jamie O’Hara’s music doesn’t play. Stephie Love doesn’t announce the winners of the match. The camera zooms in on him, clutching his ribs.)
(The Wildcards remain on the apron. Shots of the Flo Bros looking angry and confused are shown. Carsyn rolls into the ring to check on Crosby. Thadd follows soon behind and helps him to his feet.)
(The camera fades up the ramp, showing DEDEDE at the top. He looks back into the ring as the camera fades to black)
(EAW Logo Buzzes)