( EAW Intro plays )
( Dreamy, violin-backed music plays in the background. Video package opens up to footage of a burning candle light. )
Narrator: True love is a flame that cannot be extinguished.
( We see footage from Mr. DEDEDE and Carmen Ava passionately gazing into each others eyes while in front of her house. )
Narrator: It is a flame that burns unlike any other, so intense that those who fall in it are held captive to their desires.
( We get more footage of DDD and Carmen making out backstage, along with footage of them walking through the streets of Los Angeles holding hands, and laying on the grass of Central Park fondling and caressing each other. )
Narrator: Sometimes this raging inferno of wild, unbridled passion of true love can spiral out of control, and burn the ones who we hold near and close.
( We see footage of Cameron Ella Ava slapping DDD around, and footage of DDD accidentally spearing Carmen off of the apron at Wicked Games. It then transitions to Cameron being blindsided by DDD while she’s tending to her mother on the stretcher, and DDD following up with an MK Driver to Cameron. )
Narrator: However true love is made evident not through times of peace and tranquility, but through times of hardship and tribulation
( It follows up with footage of DDD limping up the ramp while Carmen Ava is being stretchered out at Wicked Games, and DDD holds Carmen’s hands while taking her out of the arena with the medics. )
Narrator: Join us tonight as we celebrate a love that ignites us all…
( We see footage of DDD performing for Carmen Ava with a live band, playing the acoustic guitar and singing love songs. We then see him propose to his wheelchair bound lover, and subsequently make out with her much to the disgust of the crowd. )
Narrator: Two soulmates become one, as we celebrate the eternal union of Carmen Estefanía Mercedes Ava, and Mr. DEDEDE…
( The dreamlike music comes to an end, and the candlelight flame goes out, leaving behind smoke and an eerie sound before the video package finally fades to black. )
( Camera opens up to the Allstate Arena in Chicago, Illinois, where the Dynasty set-up is completely revamped for the wedding of Mr. DEDEDE and Carmen Ava. We see a giant, heart-shaped LED covered arc hanging above the stage, and the stage redesigned and redecorated with all white pillars, ice sculptures, a violinist, a harp player, and a live jazz band playing wedding tunes. There is floral decor ridden throughout the arena as well as the backstage area.)
Crowd: FUCK THIS SHIT! FUCK THIS SHIT! FUCK THIS SHIT! FUCK THIS SHIT! FUCK THIS SHIT!
Talib Bari: Hello everybody and welcome to tonight’s episode of Friday Night Dynasty, where we fight on Friday Nights! It’s ya boy Talib Bari alongside my faithful, disgruntled broadcast partner Stew-O; and your eyes do not deceive you, no need to adjust your monitors, what you’re seeing are the fixin’s for the wedding of AGES! My partner’s got a crab up his butt so he don’t see what I see out of this occasion, which is a) witnessing two betrothed lovebirds come together under the powerful magnetic force called love, and b) the opportunity at picking up one of the bridesmaids! I wonder if one of the Ava sisters wanna holla at ya boy.
Stew: We expect to see the forthcoming nuptials between DEDEDE and Carmen take place before the end of the night, but since this is an actual wrestling show we can also expect some wrestling taking place, you know the thing this brand is SUPPOSED to be centered around, featuring the Answers World Champion Theron Nikolas take on the returning Hades the Hellraiser!
Talib: SHH quiet Stew I think they’re playing Stevie!
( The live band gets into a performance of “Signed, Sealed, Delivered (I’m Yours)” by Stevie Wonder. Some of the fans get into the music, but most of the fans are uncultured smarks and would rather see flips and acrobats from men in their underwear. )
( SUDDENLY — “The Sound of Silence” by Necroblaspheme replaces the previous song, and the crowd gives a big ovation as Soothsayer Hamasa and APOCALYPSE make their way out. We open up to the ring where Stephie Love is standing by in her expensive, Marchesa evening gown. )
( DING! DING! DING! )
Stephie Love: Ladies and gentlemen, the following is an Extreme Elimination Chamber preview match and it’s taking place inside a STEEL CAGE!!!! Introducing first, being accompanied to the ring by Soothsayer Hamasa… weighing in at 375 pounds… APPOOOCCCCAAAALLLLYYYYYPPPPSSSEEEE!!!
Talib: Oh man, I was just getting into the festivities Stew! I can’t believe we’re going to open up with a slaughter! Honestly, Lucas Johnson is fucked. I’m not even going to apologize for my language because there’s literally no other way for me to describe this situation.
Stew: I… yeah. Who in their right might mind wants to be locked inside a steel cage with APOCALYPSE? I’m afraid that this extreme elimination chamber preview match is going to result in us losing one of our competitors here on Dynasty. I don’t even know if I can watch this, this whole night is going to be unbearable for me, but this match, if you can even call it that, WILL be ugly.
( Stephie Love quickly exits the ring as APOCALYPSE enters it, and he pacers around ramping up the Chicago crowd who are inspired by all of the testosterone emanating from APOCALYPSE’s pores. )
(“Young and Bitter” by Hot Tag Media begins to play and Lucas Johnson and Albert Hitchman make their way on stage.)
Stephie Love: From Atlanta, Georgia… being accompanied to the ring by Albert Hitchman… weighing in at 205 pounds… LUUUCCCCAAAAASSSSS JOOHHHNNNNSSSSSOOOOONNNNNN!
(Lucas and Hitchman stop in front of the ring and after getting some last minute instructions, Lucas bravely climbs inside the ring. He knows he has a tall task ahead of him tonight.)
( The referee holds APOCALYPSE back from immediately attacking Johnson, and soon ominous music begins to play as the steel cage slowly descends around the ring. Once it is completed, the official calls for the bell. )
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Talib: Oh man.
Stew: I don’t know why Lucas Johnson is circling APOCALYPSE right now. It’s not like he’s actually going to wrestle this thing. APOCALYPSE is literally licking his lips right now. Bruh. Did Lucas really just ask for a test of strength? He’s holding his hand up, Talib.
(APOCALYPSE glares down at Lucas but he does hold his hand up. He holds it all the way above his head.)
Talib: Well I’m not sure if Lucas can reach that high but the former New Breed Champion is certainly trying.
Stew: APOCALYPSE doesn’t seem impressed with Lucas’ valiant effort and he BOOTS the young man right in the face! Lucas flies across the ring and slams into the ropes, dropping face first onto the mat. He should probably just stay down to be honest.
Talib: Well unfortunately that’s not Lucas’ nature. He’s a very determined person and he picks himself right back up. Lucas flies at APOCALYPSE, looking to hit a Shining Wizard, but APOCALYPSE simply steps to the side and turns around. Lucas puts on the breaks, jumps off the ropes, and looks to hit a SPRINGBOARD BACK ELBOW! OH NO!!!!!
(APOCALYPSE lifts his mighty leg in the air and boots Lucas Johnson into the side of the cage. Lucas hits the hardest part of the ring with a thud.)
Talib: APOCALYPSE lumbers towards Lucas and looks to pick him up, but Lucas slips under the ropes and darts between APOCALYPSE’S legs! APOCALYPSE reaches down and catches a hold of Lucas’ ankle, but Lucas kicks at his hand and the monster loses his grip. Lucas quickly dives at the knee of APOCALYPSE and clips the back of it! APOCALYPSE stumbles into the ropes and, DAMN! How did those ropes not break?! Lucas catches The Monstrous Man again in the knee and APOCALYPSE falls into the ropes again!!!
Stew: I bet they reinforced those ropes specifically for this match, Talib.
Talib: APOCALYPSE finally turns around and Lucas hits him with a drop kick! Lucas gets right back up and tries again, and APOCALYPSE manages to take a step forward!!! Lucas sees that he is not going to get this man off of his feet so he rushes to the other side of the ring, climbs to the top rope, and flies off!!!
Stew: FLYING DROPKICK!!!
Talib: APOCALYPSE MOVES!!!
Stew: Poor Lucas hits the ground without hitting his target! APOCALYPSE reaches down and uses both hands to pull Lucas Johnson up by the neck and he is holding him high in the air above his head! On the outside of the ring, Albert Hitchman can’t even watch. He’s got his eyes closed! APOCALYPSE walks around with Lucas before throwing him up in the air!
Talib: Lucas lands across the ropes and bounces back into the ring, and APOCALYPSE reaches down and jerks him back up by the hair!
Stew: Lucas throws a few punches to APOCALYPSE’S gut but for christ’s sake. That is not going to be an effective strategy.
Talib: Like honestly. Lucas is better off throwing punches at a tree trunk because he has a better chance at hurting that then he does APOCALYPSE.
Stew: APOCALYPSE throws Lucas into the corner and barrels towards him with an absolutely incredible burst of speed! He SLAMS INTO LUCAS AND CRUSHES HIM!
Talib: Lucas slumps down like a rag doll but APOCALYPSE doesn’t allow him to stay down! He grabs Lucas up by the hair, nearly ripping those blonde locks from Lucas’ scalp! He presses Lucas back against the turnbuckles and holds him in place by the neck until the referee is forced to step in! Yes this is a steel cage match, but APOCALYPSE is capable of snapping a man’s neck by just gripping it and this not Empire. We don’t condone neck breaking here. Instead of getting Lucas out of the corner, APOCALYPSE forces Lucas back even further, bending him over the top turnbuckle!!!
Stew: APOCALYPSE raises his mighty hand high in the air and brings it down right on Lucas’s chest!!!
Talib: Dear Gawd DDD Almighty. The sound of that chop was so loud that I’m sure it just registered on the Richter scale! Lucas surely has a broken chest at this point! Albert Hitchman needs to step in and do something for his client right now. This mess has gone on long enough. Lucas Johnson has an opportunity to win the Answers World Championship at Road to Redemption!
Stew: Does that even matter?! APOCALYPSE is going to destroy everyone in that match. That beast is going to be our new champion!
(It was hard to argue with Stew. APOCALYPSE picks up Lucas and presses him high in the air.)
Talib: Wait a second! Albert Hitchman is screaming at the referee! The referee turns his attention to Hitchman, and now Hitchman is trying to unlock the cage! APOCALYPSE drops Lucas like a sack of potatoes and turns his attention to the commotion at the door!!! Hamasa is also making her way over there!
Stew: Hitchman stops in his tracks as soon as Hamasa catches his eyes! He seems shook! Like literally he’s just staring into her cold, cruel, and beautiful eyes and he’s mesmerized! I have never see Hitchman so completely at a loss before!
Talib: I mean if Hamasa decided to stare into my eyes like that I would have a similar erection.
Stew: You mean reaction?
Talib: That too.
(Unbeknownst to APOCALYPSE, Lucas has managed to gather his bearings. The former New Breed Champion has been unlacing his wrestling boot, and once he gets it off far enough, he pulls out a small object!)
Stew: LUCAS HAS BRASS KNUCKLES!!
Talib: YES! We should have known Hitchman would have some kind of plan for Lucas! He just needed to set up a distraction so Lucas could execute it! Brilliant!
(Lucas slips the brass knux across his hand and quickly laces his boot back up. He pushes himself to his feet and heads for the corner.)
Stew: Hamasa breaks her weirdly sexual staredown with Albert Hitchman and shouts at APOCALYPSE!
Talib: APOCALYPSE turns around right as Lucas flies!!!
Stew: FLYING SUPERMAN STYLE PUNCH WITH THAT LOADED FIST!
Talib: APOCALYPSE STAGGERS BACK!!!
Stew: LUCAS GOES BACK UP TOP!!!
Talib: ANOTHER FLYING SUPERMAN STYLE PUNCH! I LOVE THIS! COULD THOSE BRASS KNUCKLES BE THE WEAPON LUCAS BRINGS INTO THE EXTREME ELIMINATION CHAMBER?!
Stew: APOCALYPSE DROPS DOWN TO ONE KNEE AND LUCAS POUNCES!!! HE BEGINS SLAMMING HIS FIST INTO APOCALYPSE’S FACE OVER AND OVER!!! APOCALYPSE ISN’T KNOCKED OUT YET BUT LUCAS HAS MANAGED TO BUST THE MONSTER’S NOSE OPEN!!! BLOOD IS POURING ONTO THE CANVAS AND APOCALYPSE SEEMS A LITTLE DISTRESSED!!! LUCAS BRAVELY GOES TO THE TOP ROPE AGAIN AS APOCALYPSE TRIES TO GET BACK TO HIS FEET!!!
Talib: LUCAS TAKES TO THE SKIES AND THIS TIME HE GETS APOCALYPSE DOWN!!! LUCAS MOUNTS THE MONSTROUS MAN AND BEGINS WAILING AWAY!!! HOW THE HELL APOCALYPSE IS STILL AWAKE IS BEYOND ME! ITS MIND BOGGLING!!! LUCAS JOHNSON HAS DRAWN BLOOD FROM APOCALYPSE!
Stew: Lucas just needs to thank whatever deity he believes in that he took APOCALYPSE off his feet and now he needs to get the hell out of the cage and run to the back.
Talib: I think Lucas lowkey agrees because Hitchman is screaming at him to get the heck out of there!! The referee on the outside of the ring is fumbling with the key and that’s because Hamasa is all over him, practically breathing down his neck! Lucas turns and dashes to the other side of the ring and begins climbing up the cage!
Talib: APOCALYPSE JUST SAT UP AND HE TOUCHES HIS FACE!!! THE SIGHT OF HIS OWN BLOOD IS MAKING HIM SMILE MANIACALLY!!! APOCALYPSE KIPS UP LIKE HE’S HBB CIRCA 1985 DURING HBB’S PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING DEBUT!!! Holy mother of Gawd. APOCALYPSE nearly broke the ring in half as he landed on his feet!!! The vibrations of his landing made the cage shake and Lucas’ foot just slipped!!! Lucas has lost his footing and APOCALYPSE rushes towards him!!! Lucas is holding on to the top of the cage for dear life but APOCALYPSE pries him off the cage with literal ease!!!
Stew: APOCALYPSE WRAPS LUCAS IN A BEAR HUG AND I HOPE IT DOESN’T CRUSH THIS YOUNG MAN’S RIBS!!!!! LUCAS IS TRYING TO FIGHT HIS WAY OUT BUT APOCALYPSE IS SHAKING HIM LIKE A RAG DOLL!! APOCALYPSE IS NOW TAKING LUCAS AND HE PRESSES HIM HIGH ABOVE HIS HEAD!!! WITH ABSOLUTELY NO REGARD FOR LUCAS’ HOPES AND DREAMS, APOCALYPSE HURLS LUCAS ACROSS THE RING!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!
(Everyone inside the arena holds their breath as if they’re watching this terrible scene play out in slow motion! Lucas Johnson flies through the air! Albert Hitchman lets out a terrified cry! Hamasa almost smiles! The fans gasp as Lucas literally flies through the side of the steel cage!! The side of the cage collapses from the force of APOCALYPSE’S throw and Lucas’ body weight and Lucas hits the ground outside of the ring with a thud! The side of the cage falls on top of him and for a few precious seconds no one knows how to react.)
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Stephie Love: Ladies and gentlemen, Lucas Johnson’s feet have hit the floor. Therefore your winner of this match… LLLLLUUUUUCCCCCAAAASSSSS JJJJOOOHHHNNNSSSSSOOOONNNNN!!
Talib and Stew: WHAT?!
(“Young and Bitter” by Hot Tag Media begins to blare across the PA system and the audience erupts in shocked cheers and applause.)
Stew: Albert Hitchman is dragging Lucas out from underneath the side of the cage and the referee is raising the former New Breed Champion’s hand!!!
Talib: Of all the ways this could have gone…
(Hitchman pulls a dazed Lucas to his feet and after a few moments, it seems to click inside Lucas’ brain as to what just happened. Lucas throws his hands up in the air in celebratory fashion… wincing as he does so. He walks away a winner tonight and neither Hamasa nor APOCALYPSE are happy about it.)
Stew: I’ve been calling the action here on Friday Night Dynasty for five straight years and of all the results I’ve seen take place here, this is up there as one of the more bizarre turnouts. We’ll be right back.
( COMMERCIAL BREAK — featuring the Jaded Wolfe Hearts promoting the new Huda Beauty power bullet lipsticks. Tyler Wolfe is wearing the red glitter shade ‘NYE.’ Sienna Jade wears the purple glitter shade ‘After Party.’ Kassidy Heart wears the pink glitter shade ‘Cake Day.’ Available now at Sephora.com for $21.00 each. )
( Camera returns to Dynasty and we head backstage to see Erebus Jennings in a dark, poorly lit section of the backstage area with production crates, a leaky faucet sink and a chair sitting by with the EAW PURE Championship sitting on it. Erebus is finishing the rest of his facepaint application, looking in a damaged mirror above the sink, when Michael Belfort approaches him. )
Michael Belfort: Excuse me Erebus, a minute of your time?
Erebus Jennings: A minute is all you have.
Belfort: You are known for being very elusive — for example I haven’t been able to get a chance to ask you about your PURE Championship victory, or your thoughts on the landscape of the Extreme Elimination Chamber. However despite this it appears you have developed some pretty crucial alliances with your fellow EEC participants, Hades the Hellraiser and Devan Dubian. Would you be able to expound more on your feelings for these two men, particularly the latter in Devan Dubian who you’re facing tonight in a Road to Redemption preview match?
Erebus: I have respect for Hades and I have respect for Devan Dubian, however neither of them are allies. The only man who I view to be an ally on Dynasty is my brother in arms, Darkane, who I can say with complete confidence WILL make his return sooner rather than later.
Belfort: What is it that you respect about Devan and Hades, despite them being potentially the only thing stopping you from becoming a double champion here on Dynasty?
Erebus: When you speak about Hades and Devan you are speaking about two EAW Hall of Famers, two of the greatest Elitists of all time. In the case of Devan Dubian he has shown no fear in the face of The 1% despite the existential threat they pose to each and every single person’s career here on Dynasty. I would also venture to think that Devan is one who has respect for the craft that we are all in, and I know he will be a formidable opponent tonight not because of the numbers odds, or for his penchant for in-ring malpractice, but because he is reliant on his abilities. Hades is a man who I also have history with, and while I will never consider myself a “friend” to Hades, our similarities clearly outweigh our differences. It will be a pleasure to fight alongside Hades, and an even greater honor to fight against him in the Extreme Elimination Chamber.
Belfort: Thank you Erebus.
( Erebus nods and picks up his PURE Championship from the chair sitting by him. He picks back up the small utensil and continues to finish the lining on his face paint. Camera transitions elsewhere. )
( We get a view of the busy backstage area, where catering seemingly lines up and down the backstage hallways in the Allstate Arena. There are wedding decor all over the place, and chefs tending to each different section of food with representation from different cultures. EAW Elitists from all four brands show up dressed in three piece suits, beautiful gowns and all the like, conversing amongst themselves and engaging in the wedding festivities. )
( We, in particular, see Cameron Ella Ava, Consuela Rose Ava and Candice Blair Ava wearing beautiful dresses. Consuela is dressed in all red and applying red lipstick whilst walking with her sisters. Candice is to her left dressed in brighter colors, greeting people as they walk by. Cameron Ella Ava is in an all black dress like it were a funeral, with the demeanor to match it. )
Consuela Rose Ava: Cam can you at least try to act like you’re at a wedding? You’re already completely out of style, there’s no need to give off such shitty energy all night too.
Cameron Ella Ava: Believe me it could be a lot worse.
Candice Blair Ava: You’ve got to admit Cammy, DDD really went all out for all of this. Look at all of this freaking food! Did you guys try the carne asada?
Consuela: Mmmm I did, it was so good.
Cameron: Isn’t the reception supposed to be after the actual wedding part? Not that I exactly planned on staying for the reception anyways..
Consuela: Speaking of which where the heck is Camille?
Candice: Probably running on Camille time. Here, I’ll ask.
( Candice approaches a wedding attendant standing by a set of double doors. He greets her with a cheeky smile. )
Candice: Hi I just want to know if there’s someone on the guestlist who’s arrived? She’s the bride’s daughter, Camille Ava?
Attendant: Certainly! Let me check…
( The attendant pulls up his iPad and scrolls through the guest list for a seemingly long time. When that doesn’t work he types a few buttons to search her name. )
Attendant: Uh oh, looks like she’s not on the guest list. Next to her name is reads “DO NOT ENTER.”
Cameron: How the hell do you just ban someone from their own mother’s wedding?
Consuela: Oh my God Cam can you stop, you didn’t even want this thing to happen. Besides, we all know Camille was only going to cause trouble.
Candice: True, I wouldn’t be shocked if she showed up wasted like she did at Uncle Fernando’s wedding.
Consuela: The one when he married Auntie Gina or the one to his other ex-wife Valerie?
( The two sisters share a laugh, and Cameron rolls her eyes. )
Cameron: Glad you guys are enjoying yourselves, I’m gonna go see if I can find mom.
( Cameron walks off, and the two remaining sisters look at each other and shrug. Camera transitions back to ringside for more action. )
(“The Sky is a Neighborhood” — Foo Fighters blasts through the speakers as the crowd gives a standing ovation to Devan Dubian, who walks out with a smirk and confidence look on his face.)
Stephie Love: The following match is an Extreme Elimination Chamber Preview and it’s scheduled for ONE FALL—
Crowd: ONE FALL!!
Stephie Love: Introducing first, from Leicester, England, he is “The Amazing Emir”, DEEEEEEEVAAAAAANNNNNN DUUUUBIIIIAAAAAANNNNNNNN!!
Talib Bari: Here is a man, who has had his issues with Answers World Champion, Theron Nikolas ever since he arrived on Dynasty! He had an opportunity at the Answers World Championship at Wicked Games, but came short of claiming the title! He defeated Mr. DEDEDE on the Dynasty after Wicked Games to take part of the Extreme Elimination Chamber Match at Road to Redemption!
Stew-O: Out of every man in this match, I would be worried about Devan Dubian because he is calculating. He is not afraid to do what he needs to in order to win the match! He, along with Devan’s opportunity tonight are some of the men that Theron Nikolas should be worried about!
(“Indestructible” — Disturbed begins playing through the speakers as the crowd maintains their positive reaction as Erebus Jennings walks out with the PURE Championship on his waist! He looks around the sea of Dynasty fans before making his way down the ramp.)
Stephie Love: Introducing his opponent, from Parts Unknown, he is the PURE Champion, “The Forthcoming of Darkness”, ERRRREEEEEEBUUUUUUSSSSSS JENNNNINNNNNGSSSSSS!!
Stew-O: Erebus Jennings was the man, who took away the gold that belonged to the One Percent! He managed to take the title from Jack Ripley and now, he has the opportunity to become a double champion at Road to Redemption! Can you imagine Erebus being the man that takes all the One Percent’s gold?
Talib Bari: Are we telling scary stories, Stew? Because that is a thought that I don’t even want to consider! Theron Nikolas will somehow overcome this! Let’s not double the Answers World Champion just yet!
(Ding Ding! Ding!)
Stew-O: Another Extreme Elimination Chamber Preview is underway as Devan Dubian takes on the PURE Champion, Erebus Jennings! The two men circle around among each other before locking up! Erebus gets Devan by his left arm before twisting it around! Erebus is standing behind Devan! Devan manages to move himself out of the way — BLEEDING EDGE! NO! EREBUS MANAGES TO MOVE OUT OF THE WAY! DEVAN WAS LOOKING TO GO FOR THE BLEEDING EDGE QUICK INTO THIS MATCH UP! EREBUS WAS FORTUNATE ENOUGH TO PREVENT THAT MOVE FROM CONNECTING! The two men exchange a look with each other! Devan has a smirk on his face while Erebus is looking a little more serious! The two men circle around each other before locking up again! Devan now twists Erebus arm around! No! Erebus twists himself out of the way! Erebus has Devan by his right arm before twisting it around and stomping! In the process, Devan mutters in pain, but it does not phase him for too long! Devan manages to get Erebus around and connect with a headlock takedown! Devan goes from a takedown to an ordinary headlock! To add on to the pressure, Devan gets on one knee as he wrenches in the headlock!
Talib Bari: Devan Dubian has taken control of this match up for the time being — wait, I spoke too soon as Erebus manages to push himself out of the headlock. At the same time, Erebus punches Devan before he bounces from the ropes! Devan pounces on Erebus before firing away with some mean looking punches! Devan Dubian is not letting Erebus get any time to breath! Devan rises back to his feet and gets Erebus up by one of his arms and whips him to the corner! Erebus is holding on to the corner as Devan goes racing! Devan with a flying forearm to Erebus’ face! Erebus stumbles forward as Devan connects with the scoop slam on Erebus! Devan stays there as he goes for the cover!
Stew-O: Erebus gets a shoulder up! Devan gets Erebus up, but he is still seated! Devan applies a chin lock to Erebus Jennings! Devan has his knee pressed up against the spin of Erebus as he maintains the chin lock! Erebus is using his hands to try to grasp the ropes, but the distance between him and the ropes seems so far away! Devan sees that Erebus is attempting to reach for the ropes and pulls him back for the chin lock! Slowly, Devan transitions the chin lock and goes for a sleeper hold with body scissors! Erebus is trapped! Erebus is for sure not going to submit to Devan! He needs to have a good showing going towards Road to Redemption! Erebus tries to lay down a little more as he pins Devan’s shoulder’s down!
Talib Bari: Devan Dubian gets his shoulders off the mat! There was no we he was going to get a victory! IT SEEMS LIKE EREBUS JENNINGS IS GOING TO FIND A NEW WAY TO GET OUT OF THIS SLEEPER HOLD! LOOK AT HERE, STEW! EREBUS IS TRYING TO ROLL TO HIS SIDE! DEVAN STILL HAS THAT SLEEPER HOLD STITCHED IN AS EREBUS MANAGES TO TURN HIMSELF AROUND! EREBUS GETS ON AN ALL FOURS POSITION! DEVAN IS NOT RELEASING THAT SLEEPER HOLD! EREBUS IS SLOWLY RISING BACK TO HIS FEET! HOW IN THE WORLD IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE! EREBUS IS WOBBLY ON HIS LEGS! DEVAN STILL HAS THAT SLEEPER HOLD LOCKED IN! EREBUS RUNS BACKWARDS AND COLLIDES WITH THE CORNER! DEVAN STILL HAS THE SLEEPER HOLD LOCKED ON EREBUS! EREBUS GOES FORWARD AND RUNS BACK AS DEVAN’S BACK COLLIDES WITH THE CORNER! DEVAN REFUSES TO LET GO OF THAT SLEEPER HOLD! FOR THE THIRD TIME, EREBUS RUNS BACK TO THE ROPES! THIS TIME, EREBUS MAKES SURE THAT DEVAN’S BACK COLLIDES WITH THE CORNER IN THE HARSHEST WAY POSSIBLE! THIS WAS ENOUGH TO GET DEVAN OFF HIS BACK! Devan is at the corner as he is trying to recover for the time being! Erebus Jennings races towards Devan and connects with a running high knee to Devan Dubian’s jaw! Devan’s jaw goes up as Erebus manages to stand on the second turnbuckle! Erebus is firing away with some shots of his own!
Crowd: ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! SIX—
(Devan Dubian manages to get Erebus Jennings in a powerbomb position.)
Crowd: —SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE! TEN!
Stew-O: DEVAN DUBIAN WITH A POWERBOMB ON EREBUS JENNINGS — NO EREBUS MANAGES TO DROP HIMSELF AS HE LANDS ON HIS FEET BEHIND DEVAN! DEVAN TURNS HIMSELF AROUND! EREBUS WITH A SPINNING FOREARM SPLASH RIGHT ON DEVAN’S LIP! Devan stumbles back as he is checking his lip to see if he’s bleeding, but no blood by the looks of things! Erebus pulls Devan in and it looks like he was planning to go for a ddt, but Devan manages to twist himself around and kick Erebus in the stomach! Devan pulls Erebus in and connects with a snap ddt! Erebus is on the mat as Devan goes for the cover!
Talib Bari: Erebus Jennings kicks out at two! Devan Dubian does to seem phased at all as he picks up Erebus! DEVAN GETS EREBUS BY HIS HEAD BEFORE RUNNING AND SLAMMING HIS HEAD AGAINST THE TURNBUCKLE! EREBUS TURNS HIMSELF AROUND AS DEVAN CONNECTS WITH A SERIES OF STOMPS ONTO EREBUS’ STOMACH! ONE! TWO! THREE FOUR! FIVE! THE OFFICIAL OF THE MATCH GETS DEVAN AWAY FROM EREBUS! THE OFFICIAL IS HAVING A WORD WITH DEVAN! DEVAN CANNOT RISK A DISQUALIFICATION! AFTER THE OFFICIAL IS THROUGH WITH DEVAN, DEVAN GOES BACK TO EREBUS AT THE CORNER! DEVAN IS THROWING SOME FOREARMS TO EREBUS’ FACE! THE MORE FOREARMS DEVAN THROWS, THE FASTER THEY BECOME! Once again, the official is needing to back away Devan from Erebus! It seems like this is providing Erebus to recover for a moment! That is the last thing that should happen for Devan! As soon as Devan is done talking with the official, Erebus goes right at him, but Devan gets Erebus in and connects with a scoop slam! “The Amazing Emir” gets “The Forthcoming of Darkness” where he wants him to be! Devan is sulking down as he begins to pound his fists against the mat! Devan believes it is time for Bleeding Edge! Erebus is slowly rising to his feet while Devan Dubian is rising back to his feet as well! Devan pulls Erebus in—BLEEDING EDGE—
Stew-O: EREBUS JENNINGS SLIDES OUT OF THE BLEEDING EDGE! EREBUS WITH A SPINNING FOREARM SMASH! DEVAN DUBIAN GOES BACK! EREBUS GETS DEVAN AND CONNECTS WITH A RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP! DEVAN IS HOLDING HIS NECK IN PAIN! EREBUS GETS UP RIGHT AWAY AS DEVAN DOES THE SAME SHORTLY AFTER! EREBUS GETS DEVAN UP AS HE CONNECTS WITH A SITOUT SPINEBUSTER! EREBUS STAYS THERE AS HE GOES FOR THE COVER!
Talib Bari: Devan Dubian manages to kick out a two and a half! Erebus picks up Devan before whipping him to the ropes! EREBUS RUNS AND CONNECTS WITH A STINGER SPLASH! DEVAN STUMBLES FORWARD BEFORE EREBUS PULLS HIM IN FOR A FLOAT OVER DDT! DEVAN IS DOWN AS EREBUS JENNINGS RISES BACK TO HIS FEET! EREBUS RISES BACK TO HIS FEET BEFORE GETTING DEVAN IN FOR A HEADLOCK! EREBUS GOES FROM THE STANDARD HEADLOCK TO A HEADLOCK TAKEDOWN! WAIT—DEVAN MANAGES TO GET EREBUS IN A BACKSLIDE PIN!
Stew-O: Erebus Jennings manages to get out of the pin! Erebus is the first to get back to his feet! Devan Dubian is slowly rising back to his feet! Erebus goes for a kick at Devan’s stomach! No! Devan manages to catch Erebus’ foot before spinning it around! Devan connects with a leg ddt on Erebus’ right leg! Erebus is clutching to his right leg as Devan rises back to his feet! Erebus begins to rise back to his feet, but he is seen favoring his right leg! Devan goes to the rope as he connects with a Pendulum Lariat on Erebus! Erebus falls to the mat as Devan Dubian is standing tall at the moment! Devan gets Erebus back to his feet! The two of them approach the ropes as Devan gets Erebus’ feet hanging on the second row of ropes! Devan is going for that rope-hung ddt!
Talib Bari: THE ROPE-HUNG DDT CONNECTS! EREBUS IS FLAT ON THE MAT! HE IS NOT MOVING AS DEVAN DUBIAN DROPS DOWN TO A VERTICAL POSITION BEFORE STOMPING HIS FISTS ON THE MAT! HE IS GOING FOR THAT BLEEDING EDGE, STEW! THE LOOK ON DEVAN’S FACE IS SOMETHING THAT THE REST OF THE COMPETITION IN THE EXTREME ELIMINATION CHAMBER MATCH NEED TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT! EREBUS IS BEGINNING TO GET UP! DEVAN IS GETTING UP AS WELL—BLEEDING EDGE TO EREBUS JENNINGS! NO! EREBUS MANAGES TO PUSH DEVAN AWAY! EREBUS QUICKLY BOUNCES OFF THE ROPES AND CONNECTS WITH A FLYING CLOTHESLINE! DEVAN GOES DOWN AND EREBUS UP TO HIS FEET AS HE QUICKLY GESTURES FOR DEVAN TO GET UP! DEVAN SLOWLY RISES BACK TO HIS FEET AS EREBUS WITH A KICK TO DEVAN’S STOMACH! EREBUS GETS DEVAN IN POSITION FOR THE PITCH BLACK, THE SCORPION DEATH DROP! NO! DEVAN MANAGES TO GET OUT OF THE WAY! DEVAN WITH AN EUROPEAN UPPERCUT! EREBUS GOES BACK AGAINST THE ROPES AS DEVAN GETS EREBUS BY THE ARM AND WHIPS HIM TOWARDS THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROPES!
Stew-O: Devan Dubian races back as he tries to connect with a clothesline as he sees Erebus Jennings coming after him! No! Erebus runs to Devan! He connects with a float over ddt on Devan! Devan is down for the time being as he picks up Devan! Erebus with a snap ddt! Erebus gets on top of Devan and begins to mount some punches on Devan’s face! You can tell that Erebus wants to win this match! He is stopping at nothing to make sure that he has some momentum going for him as he approaches Road to Redemption in two weeks! After a few more punches, Erebus gets Devan up to his feet and begins to connect with a series of knife edge chops! Devan is backed away to the corner as Erebus begins to connect with the knife edge chops more rapidly! Devan’s chest is getting red due to the chops! Erebus Jennings backs away! Erebus runs towards Devan with a clothesline! Devan finds himself getting into a seated position before Erebus pulls Devan closer and connects with a snap ddt! Erebus quickly goes for the cover! This can be over, Talib!
OOOOOOOONE!! TWOOOOOOOOO!! TH—
Talib Bari: How in the world is Devan Dubian still in this thing? This is one of the more recent and competitive matches that we have had on Dynasty! These two men have been putting the effort and making sure that they do whatever it takes to be the winner! YOU CAN TELL THAT EREBUS JENNINGS IS GETTING A LITTLE FRUSTRATED, ALMOST LIKE HIS READY TO KILL DEVAN IF IT MEANS TO WIN THE MATCH! EREBUS GETS DEVAN UP BY HIS ARM BEFORE BENDING HIM BACKWARDS! EREBUS IS GOING FOR THAT PITCH BLACK! IF HE CONNECTS WITH THIS MOVE! THIS MATCH IS OVER FOR SURE! NO! DEVAN MANAGES TO GET OUT OF THE WAY! HE BOUNCES FROM THE ROPES AND CONNECTS WITH A SHOULDER BLOCK AS THAT GETS EREBUS! NO! EREBUS GETS DEVAN UP! HE COUNTERS WITH A GATES OF TARTARUS, THE BLACK HOLE SLAM! NO! DEVAN DUBIAN MANAGES TO GET OUT OF THE MOVE! HE POKES EREBUS JENNINGS IN THE EYE! Devan with a Bleeding Edge! Devan goes for the cover!
OOOOOOOONE!! TWOOOOOOOOOO!! THREEEEEEEEE!!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
(“The Sky is a Neighborhood” plays again as Devan Dubian slowly rises back to his feet as the official raises his hand in victory.)
Stephie Love: The winner of this match, DEEEEEVAAAAAANNNN DUUUBIIIAAAAANNNNNNNNN!!
Stew-O: What a match! It seemed like Erebus Jennings was going to successfully connect with the Gates of Tartarus, but Devan manages to get out of the move and win the match! There was a little controversy with that victory, Talib! Devan did go for the eye poke and followed that up with a Bleeding Edge! I’m a little surprised by that ending to tell you the truth..
Talib Bari: Devan Dubian was a smart man in this match! He did whatever it took to win the match! He saw himself almost lose and he thought quick on his feet and it gave him the desired result! I got no complaints about how he won the match!
Stew-O: I don’t know, one would think that Devan had a little bit more respect for Erebus than that, but as history would indicate, there are truly no friends in the Extreme Elimination Chamber.
( Camera heads backstage to Dynasty General Manager Starr Stan’s office, where he’s dressed in a three piece suit due to the wedding. He is behind his desk, standing over it and plucking away at his MacBook Air with Linux installed into it, while a Computer Expert is standing behind him. )
Starr Stan: I got to admit I’m a little slow with this new “Kali Linux” thing but once I get into the browser here it feels natural from that point. I haven’t had any trouble using this thing at all man!
Computer Expert: That’s the goal! Linux is one of the most secure Operating Systems you can think of, especially Kali. This stuff is made for hackers and pentesters to do what they do without fear of getting their information completely compromised, so imagine what it’ll do for you. Plus after I imaged the system I configured the batch files to execute only upon–
Starr: Yeah yeah spare me the jargon I don’t need to know the details, all I know is this damn thing works great! And how about my phone?
( The computer expert opens up the desk drawer and pulls out a OnePlus 6T. He hands it to Starr. )
Starr: Aw yeah, sexy thing right here.
Computer Expert: And because of its open source format, I was able to make the necessary modifications and apply some really secure apps developed by my team over at NTTData in New Jersey. Long story short, this thing packs a punch in efficiency and your security is guaranteed. Plus the camera is the best in the game.
Starr: Yeah? Let’s put this baby to the test then.
( Starr holds up the phone and takes a selfie with the computer expert. )
Starr: Damn you can see every liver spot on my forehead. Maybe this quality’s a little too good..but hey, if it keeps away assholes like “Syncon” then I’m good.
( Starr’s facial expression changes, and Jack Ripley is seen standing in front of Starr’s desk dressed in a 1% t-shirt over his ring gear. )
Starr: *sigh* Too bad it doesn’t keep away all the assholes. (to the computer expert) Will you excuse us?
( The computer expert nods and walks out of the room. )
Jack Ripley: //giphy.com/gifs/4NnTap3gOhhlik1YEw
Starr: Waiting for exactly what?
Jack: Starr I will slap the absolute crap out of you if you don’t get on with it.
Starr: Alright look, I know I promised you an answer as far as your direction here on Dynasty, and it took a lot longer than I expected with all of this crap I’ve had to deal with from Syncon, but thanks to the good folks over at NTTData I’ve been able to focus on my job and my roster and I’ve been able to come up with the perfect solution to your problems.
Jack: Lay it on me then. Pause.
Starr: I’ll be happy to, but I feel this is an announcement worthy of a ‘bigger’ setting, so I’m going to announce my plans for your future out in the ring in front of the whole world, next!
( Ripley looks baffled, and Starr walks out of the room while Ripley watches him go with a quizzical look on his face. )
( COMMERCIAL BREAK — including a recap for last night’s edition of Empire! )
( Dynasty returns backstage, and it opens up to Mr. DEDEDE in his trailer as the audience immediately gives off THUNDEROUS boos upon his presence. DEDEDE is wearing an all white suit, with white dress shoes and perfectly combed flowing blond hair. His face is fresh and full of cheer, his eyes smiling, and he’s dancing in front of the mirror to the music playing from his Beats Pill speaker. )
Mr. DEDEDE: So gimme that TOOT TOOT, and lemme give you that BEEP BEEP,
Running her hands through my fro
bouncing on 24s
IT’S THE REMIX TO IGNITION
HOT N FRESH OUT DA KITCHEN
MAMA ROLLIN THAT BODY GOT EVERY MAN IN HERE WISHIN
SIPPIN ON COKE N’ RUM :mjsmile:
I’M LIKE SO WHAT I’M DRUNK :singing:
IT’S THE FREAKIN WEEKEND BABY I’M BOUT TO HAVE ME SOME–
( A knock is heard on the door, DDD yells “come in”. After that, CIC and MVM walk in the room. )
DDD: Ah shit the OGs are here!
Jeluis: What’s good dad!
( DDD daps them both up. )
DDD: Good man your boy’s about to tie the knot! Wild stuff.
Steve: That’s crazy son. I see you got that R Kelly playlist going. I remember we used to violate these chicks to that man’s music back when was was on the road in the independents you heard.
DDD: Hell yeah he was like the soundtrack of my sex life back in the 90s. And half of that shit was under the influence :ahh:
Jeluis: I remember those days, before the PC era, back when quaaludes had a bitch with her legs spread like land-o-lakes please believe it.
Jeluis: :mjlol: We was some fuckboys forreal. Still are quiet as kept. Anyways we not tryna hold you up too much papi I know you got mad shit to take care of with your billionaire ass, but yo here I got you a lil something.
( CIC hands DDD a gift wrapped envelope. DDD opens it. )
DDD: Weightwatchers? :skip:
Jeluis: Yeah for the ol lady know what im saying? That’s a big ass bitch you wifing up, she could stand to lose a few extra pounds.
DDD: :mjlol: !!!!! Facts though. :mjpls: Don’t worry I’ll make sure she gets it one way or another.
Steve: Shit this man wiling I like my women extra plump, they the bitches who be cooking with that extra seasoning. That die of high blood pressure seasoning. She gonna turn you the fuck out cuz.
( “Bump N’ Grind” starts coming on DDD’s playlist. )
Steve: Ah hell nah we out for real this time, I’m not listening to no pedophile ass muthafucka with two other dudes in the room.
Jeluis: Man fuck outta here, he didn’t pee on no little girl. “I DON’T SEE NOTHING WRONNNGGG :singing: ”
DDD & Jeluis: WITH A LITTLE BUMP N GRIND :singing:
( DDD and CIC start dying laughing. After they say their goodbyes CIC and MVM exit the room, and not long after DDD’s best man & Cameron Ella Ava’s father, Henrique Fernandez enters the room dressed in a suit. )
Henrique Fernandez: My brother you look excellent!
DDD: Gracias papi. No tuve tiempo de darte las gracias por ser el testigo.
Henrique: Don’t mention it mijo, it is an honor and a privilege to be your best man.
DDD: This is going to be such a special moment, including our little surprise that we have prepared for the end.
Henrique: Ryan, it shall be one of the greatest moments that I have ever been a part of. It is something I have dreamed of doing for many, many years.
DDD: Then let’s make sure we do it right.
( DDD and Henrique shake hands and smile. The camera transitions back to the ring. )
( Camera opens up to the Allstate Arena in the ring where “2nd Sucks” by A Day To Remember plays over the sound system, and Starr Stan is in the ring embracing the warm response from the crowd. )
Stephie Love: Ladies and Gentlemen please welcome your DYNASTY GENERAL MANAGER, STARRRRRR STAAAAAAAAANNNN!!!!
( The crowd gives a massive round of applause, and Starr engages the audience some more until “2nd Sucks” dies down. Starr has a microphone in his hand. )
Starr Stan: THANK YOU CHICAGO, I LOVE YOU!
( Crowd cheers. )
Starr: Despite all of the… pomp and circumstance happening around here with the big wedding tonight, I’m still honored that so many of you would come out tonight and completely fill out this building to capacity! I’m convinced that despite the occasional distractions around here, you fans tune in each and every single week and you spend your hard earned money to come out and see us, because you know that Dynasty Wrestling provides some of the greatest action not just in Elite Answers Wrestling, but in all of sports!
That being said, I’ve been talking with the other GMs as of late and we’ve been thinking a lot about ways to incentivize our roster and bring out the best in certain athletes who may be on the verge of, dare I say, complacency. One of these roster members in my case is a young man who goes by the name of Jack Ripley.
( Crowd boos. )
Starr: There is no doubt Jack Ripley is a phenomenal athlete, he has already carved out a place for himself in the EAW history books as a tag team wrestler and a singles professional wrestler. Now it’s no secret, Jack has a little bit of an attitude problem, there have been many occasions where I wanted to Olympic Slam him through my office desk and fire him on the spot. But I believe despite all of Jack’s accomplishments, he is still a diamond in the rough just waiting to properly represent the Dynasty brand the way that he should be.
Now as I said before, when the other GMs and I last spoke we were concentrated on an upcoming mega-event that I’m sure many of you are all familiar with… KING OF ELITE.
( Crowd cheers. )
Starr: The King of Elite tournament is fast approaching, and while winning the KOE crown is often recognized as an individual accomplishment for whoever captures the throne, I think it’s undersold how important it is for the brand of the person who brings home KOE as well. So to keep the competitive spirit up for our roster, we have devised a special matchup that will take place at Road to Redemption…. this match will be a FATAL FOUR WAY bout comprising of hand-selected individuals from the Showdown, Voltage, Dynasty and even Empire roster, and the winner of this fatal four way bout will BYPASS the preliminaries of the King of Elite tournament in its entirety, and will be placed straight into the King of Elite tournament finals!
( Crowd gives a massive roar of applause. )
Talib: WHAT AN ANNOUNCEMENT!
Starr: This provides incentive for all brands: Voltage, who hasn’t had a credible King of Elite winner from their brand in god knows how many years, Showdown, who want to keep their hot streak of KOE winners in tact, and Empire who — if their representative wins — will be represented in the King of Elite finals match for the first time ever! And I am pleased to announce that my pick to represent Friday Night Dynasty in this fatal four way contest will be none other than JACK RIPLEY!
( Crowd gives a mixed response. )
Starr: With that out of the way I’d like to take some time out to recognize a young man who is ready to make an impact here on Friday Night Dynasty by showcasing off his extraordinary talent, as well as his infectious charisma. I’ve gotten the chance to familiarize myself with this young man, and let me tell you he is going to take the EAW Universe by storm. He is a guy who, in my belief, will set a mighty example for the rest of our Dynasty Elitists to follow. I’d like to formally introduce you good people to the one, the only,
( “DUST” by Tremonti interrupts Starr’s introduction, and Kevin Hunter walks out to the stage incurring some deafening boos from the Chicago crowd. Hunter walks down to the ring with a look of indignation and disgust to the reaction from the audience, and as he enters the ring he picks up a microphone placed on the apron by a stagehand and waits for his music to die down. )
Kevin Hunter: Go ahead Starr continue, what was it that you were going to say? “The one, the only….KEVIN HUNTER!”
( Crowd boos, Kevin Hunter cocks his head back and holds out his arms, while Starr stands there dumbfounded. )
Starr: Um, not quite.
Kevin: Figures, why am I not at all surprised by this? It’s the same old development: Kevin Hunter gets overlooked by the powers that be.
Starr: Oh come on, I literally just had to deal with this crap from Jack Ripley, what the heck do you want me to do for you Kevin huh?
Kevin: (completely ignoring what Starr said) You know what I think overlooked is actually an understatement, because you know what I’m starting to realize? You CAN’T overlook me. You, the powers that be, and the rest of this weak ass society aren’t able to deny my talent, and you damn sure ain’t able to refute any of the things that I stand for, so instead you’re trying to play the “look the other way” game and hope you can ignore me out of existence. Well I got news for you, KEVIN HUNTER IS STILL HERE TO TORMENT EACH AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU PUSSIES!
Starr: Kev, I’d be remiss if I ever tried to deny your talent, and while most of the things you say are disagreeable, I believe in freedom of speech around here on Dynasty, which is why you get the television time to say what you need to say. However I can’t give you a spotlight that you yourself haven’t earned. You’ve made it clear that you want to be back in the Answers World Title picture, but you haven’t been on the level you could have been ever since you lost that title just two weeks after you won it.
Kevin: Listen jackass I don’t need to be talked down to by some old retired relic! Kevin Hunter is the present and the future of this place, and I’m tearing down every institution of degeneracy along the way!
Starr: See that’s your problem right there, nobody’s talking down to you, you’re just insecure to take any legitimate criticism. But here’s the deal Kev, I in no means am trying to deplatform you, but I want you to earn everything you’re asking for, and Dynasty is the brand to provide an opportunity at just that. Which is why I want to introduce all of you to a young man who believes in EARNING his opportunities around here, ladies and gentlemen, “RADD” THADD BLAZEVICH!!!!!
( “Gangsta’s Paradise” by Coolio plays and Thadd gets a nice ovation from the fans as he strolls out to the stage dressed in a Huf plantlife snapback, a hawaiian shirt, shorts and flip flops. He slaps hands with the fans on his way to the ring, and Kevin Hunter looks on in disgust. )
Stew: Not sure if I’m familiar with this person.
Talib: That’s because you’re too stuck on these mainstream indys Stew! I know all about this kid from his days in JWA! This kid used to be all over my timeline back in like 2010 for doing crazy monkey flips off of rooftops and tope con hilos over neighbors fences!
Stew: Oh, you’re talking about Jerzey Wrestling Alliance? Sorry I’m not a fan of backyard deathmatch crap. I prefer my deathmatches to be state athletics commission sanctioned.
Talib: This guy is a superstar! He was an internet icon back when he was still in high school! He went so viral there were even JWA chants at Pain for Pride 3! No wonder why this crowd rocks with him, it’s great to see him make it to the big leagues!
( Radd Thadd enters the ring and shakes hands with Starr Stan. He gives a nod to Kevin Hunter, who glares at him in disgust, and his music dies down. )
Thadd Blazevich: Suhh dude.
( Thadd extends his hand. Kevin looks Thadd up and down, and then turns to Starr. )
Kevin: THIS is what you’re formally introducing onto Friday Night Dynasty, Starr? This degenerate?! Look at him, that’s not a star, this guy looks like something out of a shitty Kevin Smith movie! You’re seriously promoting HIM over ME?
Thadd: (chewing gum) Guess he is bruhh. Some of us just don’t have the sauce. It’s fine bro.
Kevin: What the hell do you mean by “the sauce?!”
Thadd: The saaauuce.
( Thadd gives a pearly white smile to the audience, who all laugh and cheer for him. )
Kevin: Stop with the goddamn innuendo already! You think you’re going to last on this brand? On MY brand? With your stoner culture and your Generation Z meme humor? Think again!
Thadd: I’m not here to meme bro, I’m here to do what I was put on this earth to do, which is kick ass and chew bubblegum.
Kevin: THAT’S ANOTHER MEME YOU DUMBASS! GOD WHAT IS IT WITH YOU MORONS? IT’S LIKE EVERYONE UNDER 25 IS A COMPLETE AND UTTER RETARD! WHY DON’T YOU ALL DO THE WORLD A FAVOR AND KILL YOURSELVES, PLEASE, JUST HOST MASS SUICIDES AND INSTAGRAM IT! GIVE ME SOMETHING TO FURIOUSLY MASTURBATE TO!
( Thadd laughs in Kevin Hunters face and starts blowing a bubble with his bubblegum, and Kevin Hunter SLAPS the gum out of Thadd Blazevich’s mouth. Thadd holds his face, hair covering his eyes, while Hunter continues to trash talk. )
Thadd: (off-mic) Looks like I’m all out of bubblegum.
Stew: REVERSE ROUNDHOUSE KICK!!!! KEVIN HUNTER CHOPPED DOWN WITH THAT CORKSCREW REVERSE ROUNDHOUSE TO THE TEMPLE!!!! THIS CROWD JUMPS OUT OF THEIR SEATS ROARING IN APPLAUSE, AS THADD BLAZEVICH SPRINGS OVER TO THE ARPON, RUSHES TO THE CORNER AND SPRINGS UP TO THE TOP TURNBUCKLE!
Talib: THE ALLSTATE ARENA ON THEIR FEET!!! BLAZEVICH LEAPS OFF!!! YASSSSSSS, FLOBRO 420!!!! SSP RIGHT INTO THE MIDSECTION OF KEVIN HUNTER!!! AND BLAZEVICH LEAPS UP TO HIS FEET, DOES A CARTWHEEL IN CELEBRATION, AND JUMPS AROUND TO HYPE THIS PLACE UP!
( “Gangsta’s Paradise” hits, and an amused Starr Stan claps it up for Thadd Blazevich. )
Stew: Kevin Hunter forced to eat his words after disrespecting that young man, and I think I’m starting to get the hype Bari, I’ve got to admit this guy is pretty cool!
Talib: I’m telling you bro everything he does goes viral for a reason, he’s gonna be a star here on Friday Night Dynasty, I just know it!
( Kevin Hunter rolls out of the ring holding his midsection in pain with blood dripping down his lip, and Thadd continues his celebration. )
Stew: “Infectious” is the proper word for it Bari, and we’ll see if Kevin Hunter has any response to being put in his place by Mr. Blazevich!
( Camera opens up backstage to the wedding celebrations. We see many Empire, Dynasty, Showdown and Voltage Elitists dressed their best and engaging in the festive atmosphere, with food, music and alcohol riddled throughout the backstage area. The next scene opens up to a conference/party room, where tables, a speaker and a microphone set up are arranged, and the MC is none other than….. )
Venom: (clearly drunk, talking over the music) AWRIGHT IF WE CAN GET ALL THE LADIES FROM EMPIRE TO GATHER ‘ROUND PLEASE? GO ON AND GIT CLOSE TO EACH OTHER WE’RE GONNA HAVE OURSELVES A BOUQUET TOSS! I DON’T CURR IF YOU’RE TAKEN, SINGLE, ALONE, DESTITUTE, WHUTEVER, WE’RE FINNA HAVE OURSELVES A GAME!
( Several Empire Elitists including Layla Lockhart, Andrea Valentine, Serena Bennett, Kaiva Santos, Santana Matthews and The Jaded Wolfe Hearts among other females on the roster and broadcast team are urged by their friends to stand together. Some of them don’t want to do it, others look gung ho. )
Venom: (hiccup) NOW IT’S CUSTOM TRADITION THAT WHOEVER WINS THE BOUQUET TOSS IS THE NEXT TO GIT ENGAGED, AT LEAST THAT’S WHAT MY GRANDMAMAW SAID AT MY COUSINS WEDDING.
Random heckler: Was it your cousin marrying your other cousin?
( Laughter breaks out in the conference room. )
Venom: UM EXCUSE ME THAT WILL NOT BE TOLERATED, I AM THE MC AND YOU WILL RESPECT ME AS SUCH! SECURITY, GET HIM OUT OF HERE! GO ON GIT!
( Security approaches the heckler, who turns out to be none other than Chris Elite. Chris is taken by both arms, and a scuffle is started between Big Mike and the security. The commotion continues as the group of men are all escorted out of the room. )
Venom: ANYWAYS, I WOULD LIKE THE FLOWER GIRL TO PRESENT THE BOUQUET! COME ON IN LIL MISS FLOWER GIRL!
( Mr. DEDEDE’s niece, Veena Adams, walks in as the flower girl with a brace still around her neck from when Xavier Williams snapped her neck in January of 2017. )
Venom: AWRIGHT LIL MISS VEENA, GO AHEAD AND TOSS THEM FLOWERS!
( “Stadium Rave (Jellyfish Jam)” from the Spongebob Squarepants OST plays on the sound system. Veena prepares herself for the flower toss, as the girls wait in anticipation… Veena tosses the flowers back…. and the Empire roster immediately start throwing punches and shoves as the bouquet is in midair……. however it lands into a set of hands. )
???: I GOT IT!
( Constance Blevins is the one to catch the bouquet of flowers, while the other girls have to be separated upon being hit with and throwing blows. )
Constance Blevins: (clutching the bouquet) This must mean I’m going to find a good, hard-working, God-fearing man to start a family with!
Venom: (slurs words) AYY CONGRATUNATIONS! But I forgot one stipulamation in this here flower toss, the winner of the flower toss has to get engaged you your good ol’ boy, VENOM! Whaddayasay, will you (slurs words even worse) make me the happiest man by being my wife to be? 😀
Constance: …. here you go.
( Constance hands the bouquet to Serena Bennett and walks away. )
Venom: You’d be a perfect bride babygurl, not sure how meemaw will feel about me bringing home a “colored” girl but my love knows no racial stereotypes! 😀
( Camera transitions elsewhere to the wedding festivities, where Consuela Rose Ava is sitting at a bar texting on her phone. Just then, a mistletoe is placed over her head by Clara Lovelace, who hovers over her from behind the bar. )
Clara: Tis the season am I right?
Consuela: I’m not kissing you Clara.
Clara: Oh gosh no, It’s not ME you have to kiss silly 😉
( Clara motions her head into the direction, and Consuela turns to Drake King, who happens to be sitting next to her holding a shot glass and completely minding his own business before looking up at the mistletoe. Drake and Consuela share an awkward moment. )
Clara: Go on! Every kiss begins with “OK” 😉 At least that’s what a little Birdie told me.
Drake King: Um… hi?
Consuela: Yeah Clara, I think you’ve had a bit too much to drink. -_-
( CAMERA TRANSITIONS ELSEWHERE: It opens up in a different location backstage, The Score dressing room in particular, where all three men are dressed in their usual ring gear but Ryan Wilson is preparing himself for the match ahead by doing stretches. Jason McCormick sits nearby with an exasperated look on his face. )
Jason McKormick: You guys have no idea man. I’m not built for this kind of crap, I’m not made to put up with the kind of politics surrounding this place. Times like this really test me, they really, really do.
Shaker Jones: Buddy take it easy, man.
Jason: NO – I don’t know how you do it, I don’t know how you and Ryan can stay so calm, so collected, because I’m being driven to the brink of fucking insanity. So let me get this straight, the referee stops the match in the most BOGUS fashion ever, because APOCALYPSE wouldn’t stop punching me, like I was knocked the fuck out or something. Then —
Ryan Wilson: Then Starr Stan makes you sit out for the next week. I get it. Trust me brother, I feel your pain.
Jason: It’s like management is ASKING for his roster to behave like the scoundrels who make running this place so difficult. Yet we get the harshest sanctions, when we take action into our own hands we get the most shit for it.
Ryan: Don’t even let it shake you dude. You know damn well what you’re fighting for, and that’s all that matters. I know it sucks having to sit out for any period of time, I know you want to take matters into your own hands and right all of the wrongs taking place on Dynasty… (Wilson picks up one of the wedding decor flowers) and look at this freaking place, there’s A LOT wrong with it. (Wilson tosses it aside) But your support out there is going to go a long way not for me but for all of us.
Shaker: That’s exactly it. My resolve is what keeps me so calm and collected my friend, I know the endgame and I see it every step of the way. When WIlson takes down Donovan Cross, another phase will have been completed. It’s just important that we don’t get overzealous and remember to always remain focused on the long game.
Jason: Fair enough…
Ryan: Tonight’s big man, tonight The Monster loses the pair of eyes he has watching his back. I’ve done my homework on Donovan Cross, he has a weakness, I just need to exploit it and as long as you guys have got my back out there I won’t have to look over my shoulder for a 7 foot monster to “sneak up” on me again.
Jason: I’d love for him to show his face, I have a hell of a receipt waiting for his ass. With coupons and everything.
Ryan: Good shit boys, then let’s get to work.
( Shaker and McKormick nod and stand up. The three of them exit the dressing room together and the camera fades to black. )
( COMMERCIAL BREAK — Including a commercial advertising tomorrow’s episode of Showdown, featuring Heart Break Boy and Chris Elite teaming up to face Ahren Fournier and Cody Marshall! See four participants in the EAW Championship Extreme Elimination Chamber battle it out, LIVE at 8pm, 7 central! )
(The camera cuts back open to Stephie Love in the ring.)
Stephie Love: The following contest is scheduled for one fall!!!
(“I Want it All” by Queen hits)
Stephie Love: Introducing first being accompanied by Jason McKormick and Shaker Jones… he is RYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAN WILLLLLLLLLLLLLSON!!!
(The Score makes their way to the ring as Ryan Wilson enters the ring and his partners wait outside of it. Wilson is shown furiously posting on his social feed inside the ring as he awaits the arrival of his opponent.)
Talib: Damn his followers gonna be lit tonight.
Stew: Social Feed is too high tech my taste. Bring back EAW Feed!
(“Communion of the Cursed” by Ice Nine Kills hits)
Stephie Love: And his opponent being accompanied by Soothsayer Hamasa weighing in at 198 pounds he is “The Portland Psychopath” DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONOVAN CRRRRRRRRRRRROSSS!!!!
Stew: Donovan Cross seems to believe that The Score has made a mistake messing with him and APOCALYPSE!
Talib: In my opinion The Score has summoned the wrath of a monster and they’ve been trifling with the devil, and that is never a good idea Stew!
(DING! DING! DING!)
Stew: We are underway as both men lock up in the ring… the ever ambitious Ryan Wilson shoves Cross off him and then yanks his hair hard sending him into the ropes. Cross falls back into the corner as Wilson slams his head hard into the turnbuckle and then begins kicking him hard with strikes! No wait! Cross reversed it slamming the head of Wilson into the corner! Wilson falls down into the corner as Cross stomps away repeatedly! And now repeated knee strikes to the head! Wilson trying to escape but Cross just drives his knee into the neck of Wilson! Wilson rolls to the outside now trying to escape as he takes a breather with his Score buddies.
Talib: Come on bro get back in there! Cross can’t wait as he rolls to the outside but Wilson is hiding behind his opponents! Wilson dodges around McKormick as he slides back into the ring. Cross follows but is distracted by the other members of the Score following him up to the apron! And Wilson takes advantage with a hard shoulder thrust to Cross as he enters the ring! Wilson grabs the head of Cross and drags him back in through the middle rope… DDT connects with the assist of the ropes! The cover!!!
Ref: OOOOOOOOOONEE!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Stew: Kickout by Cross! Wilson grabs the head of Cross from the front wrenching the neck back in a painful looking manner. Cross slowly tries to get back to his feet but Wilson just goes in with a series of knee strikes to the face dropping him down to the mat! Wilson lunges down shoving his face and neck into the mat as he continues to apply the headlock! Cross again tries to get up but this time tries to punch hard into the gut of Wilson! Wilson immediately takes the head and neck of Cross and slams him face first down into the mat and then connects with a rolling knee drop for good measure! Cross on hands and knees as Wilson grabs him by the hair and drags him up before lifting him up over his head! Body Slam connects!
Talib: No! Cross falls down behind Wilson applying a Sleeper Hold from behind! Cross remaining up on the back of Wilson for added pressure! But Wilson charges backwards slamming Cross hard into the turnbuckle padding and breaking the hold! Cross falls over as Wilson rolls out of the ring grabbing the leg. Wilson rams the leg of Cross into the ring post! No! Cross kicked her off! Cross kicks Wilson off as he is sent back right into his Score teammates! Wait Soothsayer Hamasa now in the ring behind the referee’s back as she undoes a turnbuckle padding! Wilson back into the ring but Cross immediately takes him down with a Superkick! Cross picks up Wilson who begins to fight back! Right and left hands sending Cross back up against the ropes! Whip across the ring! No! Cross ducked underneath! Wilson charges in with a Clothesline but Cross with a Flapjack! Cross drives Wilson head first into the exposed turnbuckle with that Flapjack! JESUS CHRIST DID YOU HEAR THE WAY RYAN HIT HIS HEAD?
Stew: Oh my lord..
Talib: This entire crowd is completely stunned by that! Wilson just went dropping temple first into the exposed steel, and he’s gotta be out cold from that! Donovan Cross with the cover!
Ref: OOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(DING! DING! DING!)
Stephie Love: Here is your winner… DONOVAN CRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROSS!!!
(Soothsayer Hamasa enters the ring and raises up Donovan Cross’ arm in victory as Ryan Wilson is helped out of the ring by The Score.)
Talib: Well it may have been two on one tonight but it looks like Donovan Cross picked up the win!
Stew: With an assist from Soothsayer Hamasa of course! What a truly vile woman! An absolutely disgusting person! You can understand the frustration of The Score when they have to deal with injustice like this on, seemingly, a weekly basis! At some point something has got to give!
Talib: I’m more concerned right now about Wilson’s health, he was just knocked completely out cold by that steel across the temple meaning on top of the bruised ribs he’s been dealing with, he may very well be suffering from head trauma. We’ll try to keep the intel up on the condition of Ryan Wilson as developments play out.
( Camera heads backstage to the Dynasty interview area, where Michael Belfort is standing by with the Answers World Champion, Theron Nikolas. Theron is dressed in a 1% t-shirt and proudly holds his Answers World Title belt over his shoulder, but his face shows a look of indignation. )
Michael Belfort: Theron, coming up after the break you take on the returning EAW Hall of Famer and former Answers World Champion, Hades the Hellraiser in our main event match on Dynasty, but before you go out there I wanted to get into your head a little bit about some of the talk happening as of late.
Theron Nikolas: I’m following.
Belfort: Well aside from some of your opponents in the Elimination Chamber, there’s a belief out there that essentially you may not have the sort of “hold” over Dynasty as a brand as you may claim.
Theron: I’m aware.
Belfort: What lends credence to belief, in some people’s’ eyes at least, is the focus of the show which has been placed more on the likes of The Score, DEDEDE and Cam, or even the other participants in the Elimination Chamber such as Erebus or APO-
Theron: Okay chief let me stop you while you’re ahead. Don’t mistake this as a muddy the well tactic, but let me just ask, who are the people saying these things?
Theron: Let me rephrase that question: are ANY of these critics the Answers World Champion?
Theron: Have any of these critics beaten me in the middle of that ring?
Belfort: Not likely.
Theron: That’s the difference. There are much, much more tangible things that involve holding the Answers World Championship than how many words you get to say on television each week. I would expect nothing less from the pundits and these armchair Elitists like the smarkity smart marks here in Chicago to hold such shitty opinions —
( Theron is cut off by the MASSIVE boos from the crowd. )
Theron: But outside of the internet, outside of social media, in the real world where things actually matter, Theron Nikolas is making Answers World Championship money, he’s doing Answers World Championship press, he’s bringing in Answers World Championship ratings and is carving away a Hall of Fame resume that will blow every other Hall of Famers out of the fucking water. See that’s the difference between myself and you dumbasses, you see what you want to see, and I see reality for what it truly is. No one has been able to touch me all year long, but yet you’re all still prisoners of the narrative that lying underachieving douchebags like Devan Dubian and Hades the Hellraiser espouse so that they can feel better about themselves.
I have run this show from the moment I was traded here, and I am the captain of the most elite and dominant force in Elite Answers Wrestling. I retired the founder of this freaking place, I became the King of this freaking place, and I dominated everybody and everything that ever stepped up to me in this freaking place! I won the biggest battle royal in the history of EAW and everything that I just referenced happened ALL WITHIN THE SPAN OF 365 DAYS. Yet even when I walk around with the crown jewel of this brand around my waist, it’s still not enough for you. That’s because nothing will ever be enough for them Michael, nothing that I accomplish will ever be enough because my accomplishments magnify their insecurities.
Belfort: Do you believe something needs to be done about this narrative hanging over your head?
Theron: I’d like to think that simply being great would be more than enough to get the job done, but it’s evident that’s not going to be enough for people heading into 2019. My only recourse is going to have to be removing all reasonable doubt as why I am the number one wrestler in the world, unequivocally, and emphatically. Get at good look at this face, because you’re looking at the face of Friday Night Dynasty, the forever King of EAW, and God-Emperor to all of you ungrateful cretins. Now sit back and watch as I go out and force Hades to kiss the motherfucking ring.
( Theron walks off set, and the camera fades to commercial. )
( COMMERCIAL BREAK — featuring an advertisement for this Sunday’s Voltage, hyping up the reunion of Generation Genesis as Impact teams up with Lethal Consequences to challenge MarrKade for the EAW Unified Tag Team Championships! )
( We get a shot of the Chicago skyline, showing the bustling city from a birds eye view. We then see the outside of the Allstate Arena, advertising tonight’s Dynasty. )
Stew: We are live from, arguably, the pro-wrestling capital of the world in Chicago, Illinois as 18,500 passionate members of the EAW faithful bring their passion and their energy to tonight’s Dynasty!
Talib: Ain’t no town like Chi-town, Stew! This place always feels like “bizarro world” because these folks are about as self-aware as a unified mass of people at a sporting event can be, but the love of wrestling is what unites this diverse cultural audience. And we’re about to get some more wrestling, because our main event match is on its way, right now!
( Camera opens up to the packed inside of the arena. )
“ILLEST MUTHAFUCKA ALIVE!!!!!”
( “Illest Motherfucker Alive” by Jay Z and Kanye West plays as Theron Nikolas walks out to the stage dressed to compete with the Answers World Championship around his waist and a 1% short sleeve t-shirt on. )
( DING! DING! DING! )
Stephie Love: This upcoming match is an Extreme Elimination Chamber Preview and it’s scheduled for ONE FALL—
Crowd: ONE FALL!!
Stephie Love: Introducing first, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, weighing 210 POUNDS… HE IS THE REIGNING ANSWERS HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WOOOORLD, THEROOOOOOOOOOON NIKOLAAAAAAAAAAS!!!!
Talib: The Answers World Champion is coming into this night with a massive chip on his shoulder. It’s only so many times a man can be doubted and discredited before that flip begins to switch in his head, and you can tell just by the look in his eyes Stew that this is a motivated and fired up Theron.
Stew: Well it’s hard to pity a man who has gone out of his way to earn the reputation he’s garnered. Theron just now wants to be seen as a fighting champion after throwing his weight, and his numbers, and his advantages around. Perhaps if Theron manages to be victorious tonight, he can begin to promote a much more dignified narrative for himself.
( Wanted Man” by Rev Theory hits on the sound system, prompting the Chicago crowd to give a massive ovation. Soon after, Hades the Hellraiser rides out on his custom made Harley-Davidson motorcycle. )
Stephie Love: And his opponent, residing in Austin, Texas weighing in tonight at 325 POUNDS… HAAADEEEEEEEEEES THEEEEEEEEEEE HELLRAISEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!!!
Talib: What a reaction for Big Hades!
Stew: He is one of the more popular and respected individuals to compete in an EAW ring, his presence commands a sort of reverence almost! Our Answers World Champion could learn a little bit from Hades about this.
Talib: Last week Hades made his return at the expense of The 1% just as they were getting ready to put Erebus Jennings away with a shot over the head with The Equalizer, and Hades nearly turned the tables and took out the Answers World Champion Theron with that very same weapon! Thank God that he wasn’t successful!
Stew: Well to Theron’s credit he did not let that moment go, and he personally requested to have this match tonight hoping to prove himself against the intimidating Big Devil here tonight in front of a sold out Allstate Arena!
( DING! DING! DING! )
Stew: This Dynasty Main event is underway and it features two of the best EAW has to offer. The Answers World Champion, Theron Nikolas, taking on EAW Hall of Famer, Hades the Hellraiser. Theron approaches Hades. He seems a bit reluctant here at first as Hades is as formidable as ever. THERON CHARGES! HADES CLOCKS HIM WITH A RIGHT STRIKE! Theron is knocked back and Hades goes to work with an absolute flurry of rights and lefts. Theron desperately tries to defend himself by throwing his arms up but Hades quickly switches to body strikes, connects with shots to the ribs and midsection of Theron.
Talib: Hades now pushes Theron into the corner where he delivers a running clothesline! HADES STEPS BACK AND REPEATS THE ACTION! Theron falls forward and Hades lifts him up on to his shoulders. HE RUNS FOR A SLAM BUT THERON SLIDES OFF HIS SHOULDERS! THERON NOW PUSHES HADES INTO THE CORNER! HE GETS BEHIND HIM AND TRIES A GERMAN SUPLEX… BUT HE CAN’T! HADES OVERPOWERS HIM WITH HIS SUPERIOR SIZE AND STATURE! HE ELBOWS THERON AND THERON RELEASES THE HOLD! DISCUS ELBOW SMASH! HADES DELIVERS THAT MOVE AND IT SENDS THERON DOWN TO THE MAT BELOW! Hades now picks Theron up off the ground!
Stew: He throws him on his shoulders once more as he steps back… HE RUNS FORWARD AND CONNECTS WITH A RUNNING POWER SLAM! WHAT A DISPLAY OF STRENGTH BY HADES! HE NOW STEPS BACK AND GOES FOR A LEG DROP! HADES COMES DOWN… BUT THERON ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY! He quickly gets to his feet and strikes before Hades can get back up… SHINING WIZARD! HADES GOES DOWN! Theron Nikolas finally gets some offense going in this match! Hades is proving to be quite the fearsome foe as even defeated Mr. DEDEDE last week.
Talib: Hades begins to get up even though he was nailed by a Shining Wizard. Theron thought that would buy him more time but he quickly focuses back on Hades. HE GETS HIM FROM BEHIND WHILE HE’S STILL ON HIS KNEES… DEADLIFT GERMAN SUPLEX! THAT’S OVER 300 POUNDS! THERON WITH A HUGE DISPLAY OF POWER HERE! HADES IS DOWN AFTER THAT SUPLEX! Theron now quickly proceeds to cover Hades!
Stew: HADES KICKS OUT! Theron quickly jumps back on him with a flurry of rights and lefts! HADES IN VULNERABLE! Theron brings his fist back as he prepares to fire another shot… BUT HADES CONNECTS WITH A STRIKE OF HIS OWN! THE ANSWERS WORLD CHAMPION JUMPS UP! Hades now brings himself up as he wants to gain control of his match! THERON RUSHES IN WITH A RUNNING BOOT TO HADES! HE STEPS BACK GROGGY FROM THAT! THERON NOW RUNS AGAIN AND CLOTHESLINE HADES… AND BOTH MEN GO TUMBLING OVER THE TOP ROPE TO RINGSIDE!
Talib: Hades and Theron are both knocked down here at ringside. But neither wastes time trying to get to their feet. Theron manages to do so first as he’s being extremely aggressive here! HE COMES UP FROM BEHIND HADES AND TRIES TO SHOVE HIM FACE FIRST INTO THE RING POST! HADES STOPS BY GRABBING THE RING POST BEFORE HE’S SHOVED INTO IT! HE SPINS AROUND AND THERON THROWS A STRIKE BUT HADES CATCHES IT! HADES NOW DELIVERS A HEADBUTT THAT KNOCKS THERON BACK! He now approaches Theron and delivers an uppercut directly to his jaw. HE GRABS THERON AND LAUNCHES HIM TOWARDS THE ANNOUNCE TABLE! THERON GOES FLYING OVER IT AS THE SPANISH ANNOUNCERS SCRAMBLE!
Stew: HADES ABSOLUTELY SENT HIM FLYING OVER IT! Hades now walks around the table and picks up Theron… AND THROWS HIM OVER IT ONCE MORE! HADES IS THROWING HIM AROUND LIKE A RAG DOLL! HADES NOW APPROACHES THERON ONCE MORE… AND THERON CATCHES HIM WITH A BICYCLE KNEE! HADES IS KNOCKED BACK AS THAT HIT HIM RIGHT IN THE JAW! THERON NOW QUICKLY GOES INTO THE RING AS THE REFEREE REACHES A COUNT OF SEVEN! HADES STUMBLES FORWARD AND INTO THE RING SO HE DOESN’T GET COUNTED OUT!
Talib: Hades rolls under the bottom rope to enter the ring and Theron pounces as he begins delivering multiple stomps! Hades is trying to get to his feet as Theron is trying to keep him down! HADES GETS TO A KNEE AND PUSHES THERON AWAY! THERON COMES BACK AT HIM BUT HADES CATCHES HIM WITH A FLYING LARIAT! THERON NIKOLAS IS DOWN ONCE MORE AS THE HELLRAISER CLAIMS CONTROL OF THE MATCH! Theron pulls himself up with assistance from the ropes as Hades approaches! HADES CHARGES FOR A BIG BOOT BUT THERON DUCKS AND GETS BEHIND HADES! HADES TURNS AROUND AND HIS MET WITH A SUPER KICK! HADES FALLS BACK INTO THE CORNER AS IT CONNECTED WITH HIS JAW!
Stew: THERON STEPS BACK CHARGES STRAIGHT AT HIM! HE CONNECTS WITH A RUNNING DROP KICK TO THE CORNER! Hades walks forward from the corner as he stumbles around. Theron steps back as he has his sights set… AND HE DELIVERS A HESITATION DROPKICK DIRECTLY TO THE JAW OF HADES AS HE GOES DOWN! THERON STEPS BACK AND HE SEEKS TO END THIS NOW! HE PULLS HADES UP AND PULLS HIM IN! HE TRIES TO LIFT HIM! HE GETS HIM PARTIALLY UP BUT HADES BREAKS FREE! THERON QUICKLY DELIVERS A EUROPEAN UPPERCUT BEFORE HADES CAN TAKE ADVANTAGE! HADES FALLS BACK.. BUT HE QUICKLY RECOVERS AS HE GRABS THE THROAT OF THERON! THERON TRIES TO ESCAPE BUT HADES LIFTS HIM UP! HE LIFTS THERON UP.. BUT THERON ESCAPES! HE SLIDES BEHIND HADES AND CATCHES HADES WITH ANOTHER VICIOUS SUPER KICK!
Talib: HADES GOES DOWN AND THERON PROCEEDS TO MAKE THE COVER AS HE MAY HAVE JUST SEALED THE VICTORY!
Talib: HADES KICKS OUT! Theron sits up frustrated as he wants to put an end to this match. Hades is extremely dangerous and the longer this match goes, the higher the risk is of Hades delivering a devastating blow. Theron approaches Hades and begins to slowly pull him up. Hades is on his knees as Theron tries to pull him up… AND HADES DELIVERS A HEAD BUTT! HE NOW GRABS THERON BY THE ARM AS HE BACKS UP TOWARDS THE CORNER! HE CLIMBS TO THE TOP ROPE AND IS WALKING ON IT! HE LEAPS OFF… DEATH FROM ABOVE! IT CONNECTS! HADES NOW PICKS UP THERON AND THROWS HIM ON HIS SHOULDERS… HE’S SETTING UP THE BRIM STONE PILE DRIVER! THERON MANAGES TO SLIDE OFF HIS SHOULDERS AND HADES TRIES TO CATCH HIM… BICYCLE KNEE! NO! HADES SIDE STEPS IT AND HE CATCHES THERON WITH BOTH HANDS ON HIS THROAT! HE PICKS HIM UP FOR AN ELEVATED DOUBLE ARM CHOKE SLAM! THERON COMES CRASHING DOWN AS HADES MAKES THE COVER!
Stew: NO! THERON KICKS OUT! Hades begins to stand up and he sits Theron up! HADES STEPS BACK AND GOES FOR A RUNNING BIG BOOT! BUT IT MISSES! THERON DUCKS DOWN AND HE NOW QUICKLY GETS TO HIS FEET! HADES COMES BACK AT HIM BUT THERON EXECUTES THE ENZUIGIRI! HADES ALMOST GOES DOWN… BUT HE REMAINS ON HIS FEET! HE NOW CHARGES AND CATCHES THERON WITH A RUNNING BIG BOOT! HE NOW GRABS THERON BEFORE HE GOES DOWN! HE PICKS HIM UP ON HIS SHOULDER! HE CHARGES TOWARDS THE CORNER… SNAKE EYES! NO! THERON SLIDES OFF AND PUSHES HADES INTO THE CORNER AS HADES BOUNCES OFF OF THE CORNER!
Talib: HADES STUMBLES BACK TOWARDS THERON WHO CATCHES HIM WITH ANOTHER SUPER KICK! BUT HADES DOESN’T FALL! THERON STEPS BACK AGAIN! A SECOND SUPER KICK! MY GOD! BUT HADES REMAINS STANDING! THERON FIRES ONCE MORE! ANOTHER SUPER KICK! HADES FINALLY BEGINS TO FALL AND THERON CATCHES HIM… CHAOS THEORY! IT CONNECTS! THE SWINGING REVERSE STO AFTER IT TOOK THREE SUPERKICKS TO FINALLY BEGIN TO KNOCK HADES DOWN! THERON QUICKLY MAKES THE COVER!
ONEEE! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
( DING! DING! DING! )
( “Illest Motherfucker Alive” by Jay Z and Kanye West hits, and Theron Nikolas sits up completely exhausted. )
Stephie Love: Here is your winner, THEROOOOOOOOON NIKOLAAAAAAAAAAS!!!!
Talib: APOLOGIZE STEW!
Stew: Oh come on.
Talib: NOPE! You were the one talking the most sideways about our Answers World Champ, and now he just landed a pinfall victory over a man damn near twice his size who happens to be a member of the EAW Hall of Fame!
Stew: Without question this is a momentous victory for our Answers World Champion, there is no underselling how big it is to be able to knock off the likes of Hades the Hellraiser after a competitive match up. However Bari, the dynamics of the Extreme Elimination Chamber are 100% different than an exhibition main event match on Dynasty, and Theron had better remember that he’s not anywhere near close to being out of the woods yet.
( Theron holds up both fists in celebration and he snatches his AWC out of the hands of the official before taking his leave. )
Talib: Don’t be a hater Stew, because Big Based Theron’s is making his haters eat their ding dong diddly words!
( Graphic shows up on the screen, promoting The wedding of Ryan Montgomery Adams and Carmen Estefanía Mercedes Ava! )
Talib: OH BOY OH BOY! BRACE YOURSELF STEW, BECAUSE THE MOMENT THAT WE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR IS ALMOST HERE!
Stew: Here we go..
Talib: WE ARE JUST MINUTES AWAY FROM WITNESSING TWO MADLY IN LOVE SOULMATES UNITE IN HOLY MATRIMONY, AND IT ALL GOES DOWN NEXT LIVE ON DYNASTY!!!
( FINAL COMMERCIAL BREAK — including an advertisement promoting Road to Redemption 12, which will feature Madison Kaline defending her Women’s World Championship against the New Breed Champion, Raven Roberts. Witness two of the most dangerous Elitists in recent EAW history do battle as RTR takes place LIVE from the Montreal Olympic Stadium on December 22nd, exclusively on the EAW Network! )
( The show opens up to arena, where the wedding decor from the stage and sides of the stage have spread out to the ramp, ringside and in specifically in the ring. A bespectacled priest stands by with a bible in his hand, and the ring ropes/turnbuckles are removed allowing more room for flowers and beautiful decor. A harp player is in the ring performing beautiful music for the crowd. Surrounding the ring, on the stage and lining up both sides of the ramp are EAW Elitists, personnel and personal friends and family from both DEDEDE and Carmen’s side who are seated closest to the ring. Some notable appearances include Jack Ripley and Theron Nikolas, DEDEDE’s longtime best friend Regulator, Impact and Sienna Jade, DEDEDE’s ‘daughter’ Astraea Jordan, and of course Cameron and Consuela Ava. Clearly some of these people don’t look happy to be sitting there, as many are forcibly sitting next to people they have beef with. In the ring, Candice Ava stands by the priest as she is the maid of honor, and Henrique Fernandez stands on the other side as the best man. )
Minister Barry: Good tidings to all. We are all gathered here today to witness the plan of our Lord, Jehovah Jireh, come to fruition during this time of festivities and great blessings. I am Minister Barry, the presiding ordained minister, and I have been called to serve our Lord’s plan as we witness two beautiful souls join each other in holy matrimony. It is now time for us to commence with the wedding ceremony, as we now call upon the groom, Mr. Ryan Montgomery Adams, out to the altar.
“ILLEST MUTHAFUCKA ALIVE!!!!”
( “Illest Motherfucker Alive” by Jay Z and Kanye West hits, and Mr. DEDEDE walks out dressed in his all white wedding suit, hair perfectly combed, and pearly blue eyes sparkling off the reflection of the golden and white lights. DEDEDE walks down the aisle with a big smile on his face, almost starry-eyed at the decor, and he soon enters the ring to give a nod to Candice Ava who politely nods back, and embraces Henrique Fernandez with a big hug. The EAW roster and fans look primarily disgusted, but Theron, Ripley and Impact are the only three who stand up and applaud their friend on his special day. )
( “Illest Motherfucker Alive” dies down. DEDEDE is met with a chorus of boos from the Chicago crowd. )
( The organ player at the side of the ramp plays in conjunction with the violinist and harp player, as they perform a rendition of “Here Comes The Bride”. DEDEDE faces the stage, waiting for the love of his life to walk out. Carmen Ava walks out to the stage with a big smile on her face in a gallant white wedding dress. )
Talib: Wow… what a beautiful, beautiful woman. Just look at DEDEDE Stew, he looks like the happiest man in the world.
Stew: Well it’s nice to see that Carmen is able to walk again.
Talib: Just in time for her wedding day… do you believe in miracles Stew? Because I believe we are truly seeing a miracle right now.
( DEDEDE bites his lip and shakes his head, looking her up and down with lust as she walks down the ramp. Carmen can’t help but shed some tears, as she is just filled with joy at this moment. As she walks by her daughters at the front of the ramp, Consuela takes Carmen by the hand and squeezes it real tight. Candice Ava steps down from the ring and takes her mom by the hand to help her walk up the pearly white staircase and step into the ring with her husband to be. )
( “Here Comes The Bride” comes to an end, as DEDEDE and Carmen stand before the priest hand in hand. )
Minister Barry: As we unite these two souls under the watch of our almighty Heavenly Father, Ryan and Carmen will now proclaim their everlasting love and undying commitment to one another. Does the best man possess the rings?
( Henrique Fernandez walks up to DDD and Carmen and pulls out a box containing two wedding rings, and he hands them to DDD. )
Minister Barry: Very well. Ryan, you may be the first to place the ring on Carmen’s finger, and declare your vow.
( DDD takes up a microphone and holds up Carmen’s hand before placing the ring on her ring finger. He holds Carmen’s ring-donned hand, and looks her in the eyes before speaking. )
DDD: Carmen, it brings me so much joy to find new ways of expressing my love for you. Whether it be through the things I say, or the songs I sing for you, or the gifts that I buy, my love for you is so strong and so powerful that every single day I am inspired to express my love in ways I didn’t even know existed. You make me feel things that I’ve never felt in my 38 years on this earth… and I’d be a fool to let these feelings go away. You are the most important person in my life, in my world, you are my source of warmth and light. My love for you is my religion, it truly is, and your body is a temple that I will protect and provide for from now until my dying breath. Carmen Estefania Mercedes Ava, you complete me. You fill every hole….pause… and crevice that is inside me, with endless joy and love. So long as you are mine, I’ll be yours forever and ever baby, I promise.
( Carmen can hardly stop herself from crying, and DDD presses his forehead into her forehead before showering her with kisses. )
Minister Barry: Carmen, you may now place the ring on Ryan’s finger and proceed with your vows.
( Carmen wipes tears away from her eyes and picks up a ring to place on DDD’s finger. DDD hands her the microphone, and Carmen collects herself before speaking. )
Carmen Ava: Baby you have such a way with words, you truly know how to enter a woman’s soul. Ryan I just want to tell you that you are simply amazing. You are the most amazing man the world has ever seen, and you are the man that I have dreamed of since I was a little girl. Every day has felt like paradise from the day we first met, I did not believe that there would be such a thing as a heaven until I came to know you. You have made me fall in love with life all over again, and I don’t want to know of a life unless it’s a life with you mi amor. Ryan I…
( Carmen starts crying again, and DDD holds her close and embraces her, causing even some of the fans to change their tune. )
Carmen: I just love you so much. I love you so, so much. My heart belongs to you, always and forever.
( DDD and Carmen stand side by side, hand in hand. )
Minister Barry: Beautiful, just beautiful. Before we proceed, are there any within the vicinity who feel that these two should not be united in holy matrimony?
( The commotion in the crowd becomes even louder, and DDD looks around while Carmen wipes away tears from her eyes. DDD stares daggers at Cameron Ella Ava, but after seeing her mom cry like that Cameron sits there with her arms crossed unable to will herself to even stand. )
Minister Barry: Speak now, or forever hold your peace.
Stew: WAIT A MINUTE!!! LOOK WHO’S JUMPING OVER THE BARRICADE!!! IT’S CAMILLE!!!! CAMILLE AVA IS BOLTING FOR THE RING WITH A KENDO STICK!!!!
( Security INSTANTLY swoops in and surrounds Camille Ava, forcefully dragging her away from the scene before she can attack. Carmen looks disturbed by this, and DDD watches security haul her away before he attempts to divert Carmen’s attention away from the commotion. )
Talib: Why in the world would Camille attempt to sabotage her mothers’ wedding like this?!
Stew: If you’re looking for outrage you’re not going to get it from me.
( DDD talks to Carmen, reminding her that this is their special day, and assuring her that nothing bad is going to happen to Camille. Meanwhile Ms. Extreme is being dragged out of the arena kicking and screaming, while Cameron and Consuela look on with Cam seeming sorrowful and Consuela seeming judgmental. )
Minister Barry: Very well, if nobody objects, then by the power vested in me…. by God our father and his son Jesus Christ…. I pronounce you, Ryan Montgomery Adams, and you, Carmen Estefania Mercedes Ava — soon to be Adams, to be husband and wife!
( The crowd boos intensely. )
Minister Barry: Mr. Adams, you may now kiss your bride!
( DDD passionately holds Carmen in his arms, and french kisses her much to the disgust of the crowd and pretty much…everybody. The kiss goes on for what feels like 30 seconds, and DDD finally pulls back with drool dripping down his lips and Carmen’s lipstick staining his mouth. DDD picks up the microphone again, and Minster Barry exits the ring. )
DDD: Baby, my heart is jumping for joy right now, I feel like it’s in my throat and is going to jump out. I just ask one thing of you before we begin our Honeymoon…. may I have this last dance?
( Carmen smiles and nods, and the lights begin to focus on the two newlyweds while Henrique and Candice stand in the background proudly. “Heaven” by Bryan Adams begins to play, and DEDEDE and Carmen hold each other close and begin to dance while gazing lovingly in each others eyes. )
♫Oh thinkin’ about all our younger years
There was only you and me
We were young and wild and free♫
( We see Cameron sitting in the front row seeming almost moved by what she’s witnessing, merely seconds away from buying in to the true love between her mother and Mr. DEDEDE. )
♫Now nothin’ can take you away from me
We’ve been down that road before
But that’s over now
You keep me comin’ back for more♫
( The repaired steel cage begins to descend back around the ring, while DDD and Carmen continue their dance underneath a blue spotlight. )
♫Baby, you’re all that I want
When you’re lyin’ here in my arms
I’m findin’ it hard to believe
We’re in heaven♫
♫And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart
It isn’t too hard to see
We’re in heaven♫
( Henrique Fernandez sucker-punches his own daughter, Candice Ava. )
Stew: WHAT THE HELL??????
( The music abruptly stops, and the lights only somewhat come back to normal. Carmen turns around and sees his daughter laying on the floor, while Henrique stands there with an uncaring look on his face. Carmen walks up to Henrique and shoves him, and she’s taken from behind — )
Talib: WAIT A MINUTE WHAT?!
Stew: THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!! THAT SON OF A BITCH DEDEDE HAS HIS HANDS ON CARMEN!!!! HE HAS HER BY THE HAIR! STOP THIS!!!!
( DEDEDE takes Carmen by the hair and runs her head first into the walls of the steel cage. Carmen’s goes bouncing against the cage, and she’s knocked to the ground completely stunned by what just happened. )
Stew: CAMERON AND CONSUELA RUSH TOWARDS THE RING, AS DO SOME OF CARMEN’S FAMILY MEMBERS, AND THEY’RE BEING HELD BACK BY SECURITY! THEY’RE BEING FUCKING HELD BACK BY SECURITY!
( DDD drags Carmen up from the floor, and she has blood running down from her nose after being thrown into the cage. )
Carmen: (sobbing) Ryan please… baby why… baby what did I do….
DDD: UGLY NASTY FAT FUCKING HOG!!!!! YOU THINK I WOULD EVER LOVE A FUCKING THING LIKE YOU?????
Carmen: Please Ryan I’m…I’m sorry okay…I’m sorry–
Stew: DEDEDE RUNS ACROSS THE RING WITH CARMEN AND SENDS HER SMASHING FACE FIRST INTO THE STEEL CAGE AGAIN!!!! THIS FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!!!
( DDD and Henrique Fernandez give each other dap, and then do a jumping chest bump. The two men start cackling, and Henrique drags Carmen up from the floor. )
Henrique: Take this big ass bitch down ese!
( DEDEDE prepares for the spear… )
Stew: CANDICE AVA, THE YOUNGEST OF THE AVA SISTERS JUMPS ONTO DDD’S BACK AND STARTS WAILING ON HIM WITH EVERYTHING SHE HAS! BUT NOW HENIQUE DRAGS CANDICE OFF OF HIM, RIPPING HIS OWN DAUGHTER OFF OF THIS BASTARD BY HER HAIR, AND AS CANDICE RECOVERS — DEDEDE RIPS THROUGH CANDICE WITH A SPEAR!!!! THIS SICK PIECE OF SHIT! THIS DISGUSTING PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT HAS NO SCRUPLES!
Talib: There are no words….
( Carmen Ava is sobbing, her face busted up, and she’s calling out to her daughter for help, but security is dragging Cameron and Consuela away screaming and they’re preventing anyone else in the vicinity from coming near the cage. )
DDD: Kareem Hunt the bitch papi!
( Henrique Fernandez backs up and runs across the ring, delivering a LOUD punt kick that echoes across the entire arena. )
DDD: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLL!!!! ARRIBA!!!!
( Carmen is on all fours, red drool dripping from her mouth, and DDD stomps on Carmen’s head and presses his foot on her neck while Carmen kicks her legs squealing and crying out with blood-curdling yells. We see footage from the Chicago crowd, with some people being brought to tears in disgust, others are walking out of the arena unable to witness anymore of this. )
Chicago crowd: FUCK YOU ASSHOLES! :clap: FUCK YOU ASSHOLES! :clap: FUCK YOU ASSHOLES! :clap: FUCK YOU ASSHOLES! :clap: FUCK YOU ASSHOLES! :clap:
( DDD and Henrique do another jumping hi-five, and they both take turns kicking the hell out of Carmen Ava until she is no longer conscious and able to defend herself. )
( DDD drops down to a knee. )
DDD: LIFE LESSON BITCH. WHEN THE DEVIL TELLS YOU HE’S THE FUCKING DEVIL, BELIEVE HIM.
( DDD smears Carmen’s blood on his hand and smudges it across his face, and he shows off to the crowd while a bloodied, battered and unconscious Carmen Ava lays there. Her ex-husband, Henrique Fernandez does a celebratory jig, and the closed captioning comes on the screen before the show eventually fades to black and comes to an end. )
( EAW logo buzzes )