( EAW Intro plays )
( Camera opens up to the Moda Center in Portland Oregon, scanning the audience who are all on their feet — many of them holding up signs and jumping up and down in excitement. )
Stew-O: WE ARE SOLD OUT TONIGHT HERE IN PORTLAND, OREGON WITH OVER 20,000 MEMBERS OF THE EAW UNIVERSE IN ATTENDANCE! WELCOME EVERYONE TO FRIDAY NIGHT DYNASTY!
Talib Bari: WHERE WE FIGHT ON FRIDAY NIGHTS!
“ILLEST MUTHAFUCKA ALIVE!!!!!”
( “Illest Motherfucker Alive” by Jay Z and Kanye West hits and the crowd comes unglued as the familiar golden glow lights shine off of every LED board and light fixture in the arena. Mr. DEDEDE is the first to come strolling out to the stage, and Jack Ripley and Theron Nikolas follow suit with Theron proudly sporting the Answers World Championship over his shoulder. The three are all dressed in 1% tracksuits, with DDD and Ripley wearing dark shades while the gold lights of the arena illuminate the beautiful blue eyes of the Answers World Champion. Theron wears a devious smirk on his face, while DDD has a sense of exuberance. )
Stephie Love: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN PLEASE WELCOME AT THIS TIME: MR. DEDEDE, JACK RIPLEY AND THE ANSWERS WORLD CHAMPION THERON NIKOLAS, THE OOOOOOOOOONEEEEEEE PEERRRCEEEEEEEEEEENTTTT!!!!!
Talib: What a way to start your friday night! Bask in the glow, bask in the presence of the most powerful force in EAW today, and possibly Stew the most powerful force in the history of this company, The 1%!
Stew: They all seem to be in good spirits Bari, and perhaps I’d be happy for them if it weren’t coming off the heels of this buffoonery — take a look.
( RECAP: We get a view of last week’s Dynasty where Mr. DEDEDE is in the ring performing love songs to Carmen Ava, who is in a wheelchair at ringside smiling from ear to ear. After performing his final song, DDD would go down to ringside and pull out a black box and drop to one knee in order to propose to Carmen and ask for her hand in marriage. Carmen immediately answered “yes”, and she and DDD shared in a long and passionate kiss much to the disgust of the crowd. )
( Return to the ring, and a joyous Mr. DEDEDE taunts to the fans with a double corna while Theron holds up his AWC while standing on the top rope and Ripley stands on the middle ropes demanding the crowd to honor and worship him. )
Talib: I don’t see why you wouldn’t be happy for that man Mr. DEDEDE Stew! That’s your boss for crying out loud, and he just got engaged to the woman of his dreams!
Stew: Bari it’s a little too early for your damn sarcasm, you know as well as I do that this is another disgusting ploy to get into the head of Cameron Ella Ava, and the only reason DDD looks so happy right now is because he gets to come out here for yet ANOTHER week and play these abhorrent manipulation tactics. Don’t become ignorant of that all of a sudden just because you’re impressed by the glitz and the glamour.
Talib: Damn Stew, I see you spicy tonight huh? Anyways let’s take it up to the 1% who have the floor right now!
( The music dies down and Mr. DEDEDE has a microphone in hand. He’s jumping in place, filled with excitement. )
Mr. DEDEDE: PORTLAND PORTLAND IT’S FRIDAY NIGHT!!! THE 1% IS HERE! JACK RIPLEY IS HERE! THE ANSWERS WORLD CHAMPION IS HERE! MAKE SOME NOOOOOIIIIISEE!!!!
( The crowd gives off an ENORMOUS mixed reaction. Many giving off thunderous boos, but some fans are competing with the energy level by giving their all into cheers. )
DDD: Normally when the three of us come out here it’s the champ, Theron Nikolas who presides over this whole operation, but these are such important times for me lately and I’m filled with too much joy — so much joy that I can hardly contain myself. Cause I’mmm
♪ GOING TO THE CHAPEL AND I’M GOOOONNA GET MAAARRRIED ♪
♪ GOING TO THE CHAPEL AND I’M GOOOONNA GET MAAA-AAAA–AAAARRIED ♪
♪ GEEEEE I REALLY LUV MY CARMEN, WE’RE GONNNNA GET MAAARRRIED ♪
♪ GOING TO THE (completely butchers the note) CHAPPELLLL OF LOOOOVE! ♪
( The entire audience boos the hell out of him, and DDD laughs his head off while Theron and Ripley clap their hands in the background and encourage their comrade. )
DDD: Quiet as kept I could have been a vocalist or lead singer in a band, but it’s alright I spent my whole career being a fucking rockstar. (turns to Theron and Jack) By the way you guys, I want to thank the two of you for all of the amazing, amazing advice you’ve given me lately as I embark on the most amazing journey of my life with the most beautiful woman I have ever met. (to the crowd) You guys wouldn’t believe it but Jack is like a God with the ladies man, he knows exactly what the females want and that’s why they go so crazy over him everywhere we go. And Theron, your mind is like a bottomless well full of creativity — your concepts and knowledge of architecture, decor, fashion and the like has gone a long way in my wedding planning.
Stew (in the background): Is this really what we’re wasting precious air time on?! Seriously?!
( Talib shushes Stew. )
DDD: I’ve been taking this wedding incredibly seriously and I’ve had this entire vision planned and mapped out from the moment I first laid eyes and held hands with my beautiful, gorgeous, sexy fiance. Wow, can’t believe I’m even saying this, can’t believe I have a woman to myself who I can call my “fiance”. God knows my previous babys mothers were never deserving of bearing such a title as the next Mrs. Ryan Adams. The only woman who has ever come close to that before was Amber Keys, until she manipulated me and broke my heart.
( Stew scoffs so hard he nearly falls over and dies. )
DDD: Carmen is truly the most important person in my life, she has fixed me in so many ways in such a short time. I know that I’ll become a better human being as her lawfully wedded husband than I could have ever dreamed of becoming by myself, and that’s why I wanted this — I NEEDED this — to happen as quickly as it’s happening. Which is why ladies and gentlemen you are all invited to the OFFICIAL wedding ceremony: Ryan Montgomery Adams and Carmen Estefanía Mercedes Ava officially become one, NEXT WEEK!
( Crowd boos. )
Stew: Are you serious??
Talib: WOW!!! THE WEDDING HAPPENS NEXT WEEK!!! THIS IS GOING TO BE THE MOST ANTICIPATED WEDDING OF THE SZN, EVEN BETTER THAN JUELZ SANTANA AND KIMBELLA!
DDD: Mark your calendars, set your dates, because December the 7th, 2018 will be a day that goes down in history. I have also made sure that it is a MANDATORY event, with all hands on deck as Dynasty, Showdown, Voltage and Empire active talent and staff are all required to attend. The catering is going to be beautiful, the vibes are going to be festive, it’ll be cultured, it’ll have sazón I promise.
Now of course a wedding isn’t a wedding unless the groom has his best man, and the bride has her maid of honor in attendance. I know it’s traditional for a groom to pick one of his lifelong best buds to be the best man at his wedding, and of course I considered that. I considered making my Liquid Swords partner, Impact the best man at my wedding but I ultimately decided against it. I of course considered making Theron and Jack my best men but I ruled it out by process of elimination as well. I wanted to go the unconventional route in the selection of my best man, and I made sure that my baby Carmen was okay with my decision and that my decision would be copacetic with her, so to speak.
That being said I wanted to bring out a man right now who is the reason for all of us being here in the first place. He is a man who I took the effort to reach out to a little while ago, and quite honestly he’s somebody that I wouldn’t have ever dreamed of having so much in common with until I actually got a chance to meet him and speak to him in person. We have so many similarities, we are both alpha males, we both share that same dragon energy if you will. Despite his checkered history, I genuinely believe he is a decent, respectable human being who is misunderstood and deserves a chance to be heard. I’m proud to call this man my friend and I believe him being the best man at this wedding will heal a lot of wounds in many different ways. So without any further adieu, put your hands together for THE FATHER OF THREE EAW ELITISTS, THE BABYS DADDY TO THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, AND A CERTIFIED ALPHA MALE……. HENRIQUE FERNANDEZ!!!!
Stew: You can’t be serious–
( Henrique Fernandez walks out to the ring waving to the audience with a big smile on his face. The audience gives thunderous boos. )
Talib: Uh, who?
Stew: … That’s Cameron Ella Ava’s father.
Stew: It’s pretty well documented that this man was a deadbeat, sad excuse for a father and life partner. He abandoned his little girls in their formative years and he has made no real attempt at connecting with them at all, but here he comes as the best man for this tyrant’s mock-wedding. You’re looking at a real life Frank Gallagher, this makes me sick.
( Henrique shakes hands with Theron, Jack, and he shares a bro hug with Mr. DEDEDE. )
Mr. DEDEDE: Go ahead Henrique please, the floor is yours papi.
( The crowd begins to drown Henrique out with boos, and Henrique waits before he can begin speaking. )
Henrique Fernandez: Gracias gracias, you are one hundred percent correct mijo, we both share the “DRAGON ENERGY”. You and me? We have been able to bond like brothers, and you are like the son I have always wanted, the son I never had. I am grateful for all of the efforts you have made at repairing my damaged relationship with the mother of my children, and —
( “The Sky Is A Neighborhood” by Foo Fighters plays. )
Stew: OH THANK GOD! THANK GOD IN HEAVEN!
( The crowd erupts as Devan Dubian walks out to the stage with a disgusted look on his face. He is dressed in his ring gear and ‘Soul of a Fox’ t-shirt, and has a microphone in hand. Dub’s music dies down, and all he can do is shake his head. )
Devan Dubian: Lord have mercy, what in the bloody hell has Dynasty become? Theron, I thought Friday Night Dynasty was supposed to be your kingdom? This is supposed to be your domain, is it not? So why is it that the predominant narrative of this show as of late has been about two near-geriatric individuals professing their supposed “love” for each other? Even The Score has had more of a resounding impact on this show as of late than its own Answers World Champion. Meanwhile you and Jack Ripley there are forced to stand around like a couple of blithering idiots, and remain the sycophantic yes men that you are. Factions form, alliances grow stronger, while The 1% continues to decay.
( Theron snatches the microphone out of DDD’s hand, prompting DDD to side-eye Theron while the AWC explodes out of anger. )
Devan: You know I’m telling the truth–
Theron Nikolas: OH SHUT UP already Dub, just shut the hell up, shut your mouth. I unequivocally run this show, and that is just an axiomatic fact that will never change until somebody takes this belt off of me; and you already had your chance to do that at Wicked Games Devan, but we all know what exactly became of that. Maybe you should take the step down and talk reckless to somebody that you can actually beat, because you aren’t even in the league to speak to me, kid.
Devan: OK….DEDEDE? How about you? After all I defeated you last week, are you the ‘step down’ that Theron is referring to? Don’t be delusional, I’m inferior to no man, especially not any of the three of you in that ring. It’s just bothersome watching a show that prides itself on the thrill of the “fight” become soiled by the shenanigans of the likes of you. I propose you lot stop wasting these people’s’ time and hard earned money, and give Portland the fight that they came to see!
( Crowd cheers. )
DDD: Fine then, you want a fight so bad? You’re gonna get one Dub… find yourself somebody who’s willing to jump into the lion’s den with you, and you can take on the PRESENT and the FUTURE of this company, Theron Nikolas and Jack Ripley, right here and RIGHT NOW!
( DDD drops the mic, and he, Theron and Ripley talk amongst themselves. Devan walks down the ramp while continuing to speak. )
Devan: I’m way ahead of you DEDEDE. I’ve come to good terms recently with another like minded individual who is just one of the MANY people looking to give The 1% the humbling that they deserve.
( “Indestructible” by Disturbed plays, and the crowd gives a large ovation as Erebus Jennings walks out to the stage with the EAW PURE Championship around his waist, with a game face on. )
Stew: Erebus Jennings answering the call! Theron does not look happy about this at all, he’s going to have to go up against two men who have qualified to compete in the Extreme Elimination Chamber just three weeks from tomorrow at Road to Redemption!
Theron: It looks like this match is gonna be official Stew! Don’t you dare touch that remote, Friday Night Dynasty kicks off with a blockbuster opening match, and it happens NEXT!
( COMMERCIAL BREAK — including a recap of last week’s edition of Empire, coming off the heels of Bloodletter where Madison Kaline retained her Women’s World Championship and Raven Roberts put away Remi Skyfire seemingly for good! Replays of the Bloodletter fallout show can be viewed on Hulu, watch any time on any device courtesy of the Illuminati-ran Hulu! )
Stew: We are back to Friday Night Dynasty where Theron and Jack, two members of the One Percent are facing off with Erebus and Devan Dubian, two individuals who have caused them great problems here on Dynasty as of late. We can’t forget that Mr. DEDEDE is present at ringside. Devan now pushes Jack up against the ropes and throws him across the ring. JACK BOUNCES OFF THE ROPES AND DUBIAN TAKES HIM DOWN WITH A CLOTHESLINE!
Talib: Dubian picks up Jack and he grabs his arm and applies pressure. He twists it and knees Jack directly into the ribs. He now slides behind Jack… HE GRABS HIM FOR A GERMAN SUPLEX! JACK TRIES TO FIGHT HIS WAY OUT OF IT WITH A BARRAGE OF ELBOWS! HE STUNS DUBIAN! Dubian grabs his jaw as he staggers back several feet! Jack runs into him as he forces Dubian into the corner! Jack steps back… DROP KICK! HE DELIVERS A DROP KICK AS DUBIAN IS SLUMPED IN THE CORNER! HE’S EXTREMELY VULNERABLE! JACK RUNS FOR A RUNNING CLOTHESLINE ONTO DUBIAN!
Stew: DEVAN DUCKS AT THE LAST MOMENT AS JACK ALMOST CRASHES INTO THE TURNBUCKLES! Devan Dubian now goes to his corner and tags in Erebus Jennings! Erebus enters this match with Jack Ripley. These two men faced off for the Pure Championship just a few weeks ago here on Dynasty where Erebus emerged victorious. Jack has to be dying for revenge here. Jack charges for Erebus, but Erebus catches him with a forearm smash! Jack stumbles but he fires back with a forearm smash of his own! HE FIRES ANOTHER ONE! NOW HE ROCKS EREBUS WITH A EUROPEAN UPPERCUT! HE NOW GRABS EREBUS AND DROPS HIM FOR A VICIOUS DDT!
Talib: Jack now gets to his feet as he now looks to his corner. He tags in his partner, Theron. The Answers World Champion and the Pure Champion now face off in the ring. Theron now begins to pick up Erebus. He delivers a punch directly to the jaw of Erebus. Theron steps back… AND CHARGES AT EREBUS FOR A BICYCLE KNEE! EREBUS COLLAPSES AGAINST THE ROPES BUT THERON DOESN’T LET HIM FALL! HE NOW LIFTS UP EREBUS FOR A SUPLEX! BUT EREBUS FIGHTS BACK! HE PUSHES THERON OFF! THERON COMES BACK FOR A RUNNING CLOTHESLINE BUT EREBUS DUCKS! EREBUS NOW SEES AN OPENING AND DELIVERS A CHOP BLOCK TO KNOCK THERON DOWN!
Stew: Theron falls but manages to partially catch himself with the ropes. Erebus now comes in behind him… HE GRIPS THE WAIST! THERON TRIES TO HANG ONTO THE ROPES BUT EREBUS TEARS HIM FREE… GERMAN SUPLEX! IT CONNECTS AND THERON GOES DOWN! Erebus now quickly approaches the legs of the champion… AND I BET HE HAS THE SCORPION DEATH LOCK IN MIND! HE QUICKLY TRIES TO APPLY IT BUT THERON WANTS NO PART OF IT! HE KICKS EREBUS AWAY AND ROLLS OUT OF THE RING!
Talib: Theron now enters the ring as he stays weary of Erebus. Erebus now turns to Devan Dubian and they make the tag! Theron sees Dubian come in and charges! DUBIAN CATCHES HIM WITH A RIGHT HOOK! HE NOW LIFTS UP THERON FOR A INVERTED SIT OUT SUPLEX SLAM! HE CONNECTS WITH IT AND MAKES THE COVER!
Talib: No use! Theron continues to fight as he seeks to win this match. Theron pulls himself up and Dubian… GOES FOR THE BLEEDING EDGE! BUT THERON PUSHES HIM OFF! SHINING WIZARD! HE CATCHES DUBIAN WITH A SHINING WIZARD! THERON NOW TAGS IN JACK RIPLEY! Jack is in the match as he immediately scales the turnbuckles to get to the top rope! HE LEAPS… DUBIAN IS STILL DOWN AND JACK RIPLEY CONNECTS WITH A MOON SAULT OFF OF THE TOP ROPE! HE LANDS AND MAKES THE IMMEDIATE PIN!
Stew: AND DUBIAN KICKS OUT! Jack sits up and drags Dubian up to his feet! He grabs Dubian by the waist but Dubian quickly backs Jack into the corner to break the hold! He grabs Jack… SNAP DDT! HE QUICKLY EXECUTES THAT DDT TO TAKE DOWN JACK RIPLEY! Dubian now walks around Jack as he pulls himself up. He approaches him from behind… HE NOW ATTEMPTS THE OLYMPIC SLAM! BUT JACK FIGHTS OUT OF IT AND CATCHES DUBIAN WITH AN ENZUIGIRI!
Talib: Both men temporarily go down! Jack makes his way to his feet first and approaches Dubian! HE CHARGES AT HIM FOR THE DAYLIGHT SLAYING TIME! THE RUNNING KNEE TO THE HEAD… BUT DUBIAN DUCKS! HE GETS BEHIND JACK AND LIFTS HIM UP… OLYMPIC SLAM! IT CONNECTS THIS TIME AROUND! Dubian now crawls to his corner where he tags in Erebus! Mr. DEDEDE is shouting at Jack Ripley from ringside to do the same as Theron is ready! Erebus slides into the ring but Jack manages to tag in his own partner as well!
Stew: BOTH MEN ENTER THE RING! THERON QUICKLY GOES FOR THAT BICYCLE KNEE ONCE AGAIN! THIS TIME EREBUS SEES IT COMING AND SIDE STEPS IT! EREBUS NOW CONNECTS WITH A DISCUS FOREARM SMASH WHICH KNOCKS THERON INTO HIS CORNER! EREBUS NOW STEPS BACK AND CONNECTS WITH A STINGER SPLASH! HE NOW PULLS IN THERON… BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX! NO! THERON HEAD BUTTS EREBUS AND ESCAPES THE HOLD! HE NOW SLIDES BEHIND HIM… CANADIAN SUPELX! HIS OWN VARIATION OF THE GERMAN SUPLEX CONNECTS!
Talib: Erebus now begins to pull himself up! THERON IS READY… EREBUS IS UP! SUPER KICK! THERON FIRES AWAY WITH THAT SUPER KICK! NO! EREBUS DUCKS! HE QUICKLY SLIDES BEHIND THERON… PITCH BLACK! HE HITS IT! AS SOON AS HE DUCKED THAT SUPER KICK HE GOT BEHIND THERON IN PERFECT POSITION AND HITS THE PITCH BLACK!
Stew: WAIT A MINUTE! WHAT THE HELL!!! IT’S JACK RIPLEY BACK IN THE RING WITH A CHAIR! HE’S JUST BLASTED EREBUS OVER THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH A CHAIR!!!
( The referee yells at Jack Ripley, but Ripley completely ignores him and stands over Erebus holding the chair while snarling. )
Stew: RIPLEY WITH ANOTHER SHOT OVER THE SPINE OF EREBUS NOW, AS EREBUS WRITHES ON THE MAT IN PAIN! THE OFFICIAL OF COURSE GONNA HAVE TO CALL FOR THE BELL!
( DING! DING! DING! )
Talib: Ripley seems like he’s in a trance! He’s purposely throwing this match away just to even the score, and IN COMES DEVAN DUBIAN KNOCKING THE CHAIR OUT OF RIPLEY’S HANDS! Devan Dubian lighting up Ripley with shots to the face! Ripley can barely defend himself, he’s backed into the corner, and he takes Ripley out of the corner and FLATTENS HIM WITH A SHORT-ARMED LARIAT! Ripley hits the deck and is right back up holding the small of his neck — AND HE’S TAKEN OVER WITH A QUICK SNAP SCOOP SLAM! DUB’S LOOKING CHARGED UP, HE’S WAITING AND STALKING FOR RIPLEY TO GET BACK UP ONCE AGAIN… AND JUST AS RIPLEY RECOVERS, DUB DELIVERS!!! BLEEDING EDGE!!!!!
Stew: RIPLEY SHOVES DUB AWAY FROM BEHIND — INTO A SPEAR!!!!!! SPEAR FROM MR.DEDEDE!!!! AND NOW EREBUS IS AT THE CORNER TRYING TO RECOVER, AND DDD FIRES AWAY AT EREBUS DELIVERING THE RAPTURE!!!! HELLUVA KICK TO THE CORNERED PURE CHAMPION, AND RIPLEY BLASTS EREBUS OVER THE JAW WITH THE YOU’LL FLOAT TOO, RIGHT TO THE JAW! SUPERKICK BLASTS HIM, AND EREBUS IS DESPERATELY HUNG OVER THE MIDDLE ROPE!
Talib: DDD and Jack putting the boots right to Erebus now, it’s becoming an all out assault, and Theron Nikolas as dazed and hurt as he is right now has still found a way to come to, and he’s mounted over Erebus just delivering brutal closed fist shots over the skull! Theron trying to bust Devan open with everything he’s got! Ripley is using the ring ropes to strangle Erebus now, and DDD is outside of the ring….OH NO……..
( DDD lifts up the ring apron skirt and pulls out… )
Stew: THE EQUALIZER. MR. DEDEDE HAS THAT BARBAROUS WEAPON IN HIS HANDS, THE GUITAR STUFFED WITH THUMBTACKS, NAILS AND SHARDS OF GLASS THAT HAS PUT OUT NUMEROUS MEMBERS OF THE DYNASTY ROSTER OVER THE COURSE OF THE SEASON! AND DDD ENTERS THE RING WITH A MURDEROUS LOOK IN HIS EYES, RIPLEY IS OFFERING EREBUS UP AS THE NEXT SACRIFICE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HOW MANY PEOPLE IS DYNASTY GOING TO LOSE??? HOW MANY TIMES ARE WE GOING TO HAVE TO SEE SOMEONE FALL VICTIM TO THIS? HE’S OUR PURE CHAMPION FOR GOD’S SAKES!
Talib: DDD COCKS BACK!!!!!!! READY TO DESTROY EREBUS ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!!!!!!
( The lights go out. )
( The crowd reacts in bewilderment, and for a moment complete and utter darkness befalls the arena… soon after this, the lights come back on, and joining the men in the ring is none other than: )
Stew: HADES THE HELLRAISER!!!!!!!!
( The arena becomes completely unglued, while DDD and Ripley stand there stunned, and Theron sits at the corner completely in shock. )
Talib: HE’S BAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!
Stew: HADES THE HELLRAISER IS ON FRIDAY NIGHT DYNASTY, WE HAVEN’T SEEN THIS MAN IN OVER TWO YEARS! AND THE BIG DEVIL HAS A LOOK OF COMPLETE DISDAIN IN HIS EYES! JACK RIPLEY IMMEDIATELY DROPS EREBUS AND WALKS RIGHT UP TO HADES — HADES GRABS RIPLEY BY THE THROAT! CHOKESLAM!!!!!!! DDD GOES RIGHT AFTER HIS FORMER PROTEGE NOW, AND HADES SWIPES THE EQUALIZER FROM OUT OF HIS HANDS, SLAPS THE CLAW AROUND HIS THROAT, AND HOISTS HIM HIGH!!!! ANOTHER CHOKESLAM!!!!!!!!!!
( DDD and Ripley roll out of the ring, dropping to the ringside floor in pain. Theron meanwhile has a hold of his Answers World Championship. )
Talib: IT LOOKS LIKE THERON IS GOING TO SNEAK UP ON HADES FROM BEHIND WITH A SHOT TO THE SKULL WITH THE ANSWERS WORLD TITLE — BUT HADES QUICKLY PICKS UP THE EQUALIZER, AND BLASTS IT OVER THERON’S HEAD!!!!!!!!
Stew: NOT SO FAST, THERON DUCKS UNDERNEATH THE EQUALIZER SHOT, AND RUSHES THROUGH THE ROPES OUT OF THE RING FOR DEAR LIFE! THERON NEARLY MET HIS END JUST NOW, AT THE HANDS OF THE BIG DEVIL! THIS IS THE BEST HADES HAS LOOKED IN HALF A DECADE!!!!
( “Wanted Man” by Rev Theory plays on the sound system, and The 1% recuperates at the bottom of the ramp while Erebus and Devan Dubian recover in the ring with Hades standing tall, giving the throat-slice motion. )
Talib: This whole building is pumped, and so am I! I got to admit Stew, this return hit me like a freaking meteor! EAW’s Vintage Hellraiser is back!
Stew: And he’s back to raise hell on Friday Night Dynasty, and The 1%!
( The 1% continue to retreat up the ramp while Hades stands tall. )
( COMMERCIAL BREAK — Including an advertisement promoting the MASSIVE triple threat main event scheduled for Showdown featuring Ahren Fournier, Heart Break Boy and Chris Elite! Which of these three megastars will walk into Road to Redemption with more momentum than their Extreme Elimination Chamber-mates? Find out tomorrow night at 8pm, 7 central! )
( Camera opens up backstage, where Hades the Hellraiser is walking alone near the backstage loading dock, on his way back to his tour bus. His bus can be seen in the distance, however Hades is approached by Kathy Kush who has a microphone in hand and would like a word. )
Kathy Kush: Hades! Just a second of your time?
( Hades stops. )
Kathy: The EAW Universe has been buzzing about your appearance just minutes ago, and you are already the number 1 trend on twitter worldwide! Please enlighten us, what brings you back here?
Hades the Hellraiser: I watch the product, and I watched everything that transpired since my departure from in-ring competition two years ago. I felt I had left the mark I wanted to leave on this company and explored other pastures, however there’s a man I respect here on Dynasty who goes by the name of Erebus Jennings. He and I have been opponents before, we’ve even faced each other on the grandest stage of this industry, Pain for Pride. And I watched my former rival and fellow colleague fight the good fight for weeks here on Friday Night Dynasty, and most importantly I watched The 1% run roughshod over this company and abuse their power left and right. It just so happened that the stars have aligned, and the one night where I decided to make my presence felt was the same night I was needed the most.
Kathy: Well despite your retirement, it is well documented that you remained with the company on a “legends deal”, and now I’ve just been informed that you are being ‘summoned’ to meet Mr. DEDEDE in the main event of tonight’s Dynasty in an Extreme Elimination Chamber qualifying match! Will you accept this match?
Hades: I know DEDEDE better than anybody else on Dynasty. The fact that he would challenge me is almost as hilarious as the idea of him thinking he can ‘summon’ me to do anything. I don’t do a damned thing in this world unless it’s in my own volition. That being said, if DDD thought I was a tough bastard when I was whooping his ass nearly five years ago, wait until he experiences what The 4th Horseman has become in my time of absence.
Kathy: Do you feel you are prepared for such a challenge under short notice?
Hades: I’ll put it to you like this, if you think Big Hades hasn’t been undergoing his own style of combat training through bar brawls, street fights and cage matches, you would be dead wrong. I’m not just prepared Kathy, I’ve been waiting for this since that snake showed his true colors at Pain for Pride 11, and tonight I’m going to shed the skin the scales off of that snake.
( Hades walks off, leaving behind an impressed Kathy Kush. )
( Camera opens up back in the ring where “DUST” is playing over the sound system and Kevin Hunter is pacing around. )
Talib: DDD VS HADES IN THE MAIN EVENT OF TONIGHT’S DYNASTY! CAN YOU BELIEVE WE’RE SEEING THIS STEW?
Stew: A Marquee Event headlining quality match being given away tonight from out of nowhere, with Extreme Elimination Chamber implications as well!
Talib: Tonight’s Dynasty keeps getting bigger and bigger, as we now take it over to Stephie Love who is in the ring!
( DING! DING! DING! )
Stephie Love: The following match is scheduled for ONE FALL! Introducing first, from Brooklyn, New York, weighing 235 POUNDS… KEVIIIIIIIINNN HUNNTEEEEEEEEEEEEERRR!!!!
( Kevin Hunter demands Stephie Love hands her her microphone. Stephie complies, and Kevin calls for the music to die down. It soon fades away, leaving nothing but a scowling Kevin Hunter and an arena full of booing fans. )
Kevin Hunter: If you couldn’t already tell, I’m in a real shitty mood tonight, and it’s not just because I’m in the beta junkie shitheap capital of the world, Portland Oregon–
( THUNDEROUS BOOS. )
Kevin: It’s not just because of that, although to all of your credit it sure as hell is a contributing factor. It’s also because I’m being hit in the face with an agenda. It’s an agenda that keeps popping up over and over everywhere I turn my head, and it keeps hitting me in the damn face every time I see it! That agenda is this antiseptic, political correctness, intersectional CRAP filling EAW to the gills these days!
I have to fight just to even get air time on EAW television, yet every time I sit down and force myself to watch EAW television I keep getting “Thursday Night Empire!” “Thursday Night Empire!” rammed down my fucking throat! “Empire on Fox!” “Empire on Fox!” “Hey guys look they’re women who wrestle, please watch Empire every Thursday nights on Fox!” I even see it when I’m trying to watch my New England Patriots every Sunday, and I have to see Ghetto Jordans, Jaded Bimbos and Cumslut Avas pretend they’re good at wrestling!
Stew: Uncalled for.
Talib: I know right? The guy’s from New York but roots for the Patriots. That’s low.
Kevin: Contrary to popular belief I ain’t somebody who hates on something just for the sake of hating it. I tried, I desperately tried to give this crap a chance. I even tuned into Bloodletter last Saturday to see what the damn fuss is all about, and I tell ya, womens wrestling is nothing more than the world’s biggest inside joke! I mean what the hell WAS that blood and guts crap?! Is dumpster trash electricity, fire, blood and guts and the breaking of necks the only way women’s wrestling can get these Fox sponsorships?! Or do you have to go to Japan to be relevant and poach other company’s talent to have them go “I CHOPPA YOU” “YOU CHOPPA ME!” All women’s wrestling is is what The Force Awakens is to Star Wars — a female dominated, lesser quality offshoot of the real thing, aka the mens version! And it’s only so long before Empire FLOPS just like the Star Wars franchise, the Ghostbusters franchise, and whatever other franchise decides to replace their alpha males with chicks!
( The crowd gives Kevin a ton of heat. )
Kevin: Don’t get me wrong, I treat the women in my life like the princess and queens they are! Women are the backbone of our civilization, but what good is a backbone if it’s being put through the backbreaking labour of being a professional athlete?! There’s the reason why I am called The Alpha King, and that is because I embody masculinity! I play my role in this world so that the woman can play her role that she was built for, the role that muh wife plays: being barefoot and pregnant, and fixin’ up some supper!
I find it sad that masculinity has to be turned into a dirty word, but I’m here to bring some BALLS back to this profession, and it starts by knocking off the number one perpetrator for this fake female empowerment romanticized crap! CAMERON. ELLA. AVA. Come on out Cammy, time for the humbling you should have gotten a loooong time ago!
( Kevin Hunter drops the mic and soaks in all of the heat from the crowd. )
(“ULTRAnumb” by Blue Stahli. Hearing that familiar music causes the crowd to erupt in cheers, and when Cameron Ella Ava steps out from the back, the ovation for her nearly tears the roof off of the place.)
Stephie Love: AND HIS OPPONENT… FROM LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA… WEIGHING IN AT 130 POUNDS… SHE IS THE GODDESS… CCCCCAAAAAAAMMMMMMEEEEERRRRROOOONNNN EEEEELLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAA AAAAAAAVVVVVVAAAAAA!!!!!
(Cam’s smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes tonight, but with everything going on in her life it’s to be expected. As she gets into the ring, she does give Kevin Hunter a look of pure disgust. He rolls his eyes in response.)
Talib: Welp, Kevin Hunter has declared war on women’s wrestling and what better person to bring the fight to him than our Friday Night Goddess, Cameron Ella Ava?
Stew: Kevin Hunter could actually end up getting the upset tonight because he’s catching Cameron at a very tumultuous time in her life. All the stuff that is going on with DDD and Carmen has got to be weighing heavily on Cam’s mind. I mean for the love of God Bari, her own mother is marrying the arch nemesis of her life in just one week from now, and her deadbeat father is the best man for it!
Talib: It’s a messed up situation, but Cameron has never been the one to back down from any fight, Stew. No matter what this woman goes through in her life, she always comes to the ring prepared to throw hands and make a statement!
Stew: That’s true. I can’t remember Cameron Ella Ava ever backing down from a challenge.
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Talib: Cameron offers to lock up with Hunter in an attempt to get this match underway but the Alpha King has other plans! He takes a cheap shot at Cam and kicks her right in the vag!
Kevin Hunter: Git back in the kitchen where you belong!!! Fuck your career and fuck women’s wrestling!!!
Stew: That was unnecessary but alright. Kevin Hunter lets out a mighty roar, drives his shoulder into Cameron’s midsection and forces her back into the corner! Two former Openweight Champions doing battle in the corner now; Hunter is relentless with those shoulder thrusts and the Goddess finds herself immediately at a disadvantage in this match! Hunter grabs a handful of Cam’s hair and forces her head back, while screaming obscenities in her face. Cameron does not take kindly to this and she drives her knee up into Hunter’s midsection! That forces him to release the grip on her hair, and that frees Cameron up to push herself off the turnbuckles and start laying into Hunter with those forearm shots! Hunter finds himself on the receiving end of a few stiff rights and lefts, and Cameron springs forward looking to hit her running enziguri finisher, the Goddess’ Touch!
Talib: Hunter manages to duck Cam’s finisher and as the momentum from the missed shot sends Cam into the ropes, Hunter grabs a handful of tights and rolls her up for a quick pin!!!!
Stew: CAM KICKS OUT!!!!
Talib: The former Openweight Champion seems pretty pissed about that fact and he clubs Cameron in the back a few times! Kevin Hunter gets back to his feet and stomps on Cam multiple times before pulling her by the hair and sending her into the corner with a huge European style uppercut! He charges… looking to hit the Superman punch!
Stew: IT CONNECTS WITH CAMERON ELLA AVA’S JAW! KEVIN HUNTER GRABS HER, SUPLEXES HER TO THE MAT, AND PULLS HER INTO POSITION FOR THE GTS!!!!
Talib: DESPITE BEING DAZED FROM THAT SUPERMAN PUNCH, CAMERON MANAGES TO BLOCK HUNTER’S FINISHER ATTEMPT, AND PUSH AWAY FROM HIM! KEVIN HUNTER IS ABSOLUTELY SEETHING THAT HE WAS UNABLE TO FINISH CAMERON ELLA AVA OFF RIGHT THEN AND THERE BUT IT’S GOING TO TAKE SO MUCH MORE TO PUT AWAY THIS HALL OF FAME TALENT!!!!
Stew: Cam fights with a lot of distraction and a lot of emotions these days. Do you think DDD and Carmen are somewhere watching this match together?
Talib: Probably. Do you think Cam is gunna have to call DDD ‘daddy’ once he marries her mom?
Talib: Cam and Kevin circle one another, and finally we get our first actual collar and elbow tie up in the match. The two go back and forth, each one looking for the advantage over the other, and it’s Cam who finally pushes Kevin away and sends him into the corner. Kevin Hunter looks a little surprised by Cam’s strength because apparently women wrestlers aren’t supposed to possess that kind of thing due to their vaginas, and he slowly picks himself back up.
Cameron Ella Ava: Lets go! You wanted a war!
Stew: Cameron motions for Kevin to come at her and he does just that! The Alpha King fakes a lock up and slams his forearm right into Cam’s jaw! Cam hits the ground and Kevin Hunter takes a hold of her arm and stomps down on her hand! Cam cries out in pain, and Hunter smirks. He drops down, grabs the arm, and pulls it behind Cam’s back. She tries to reverse the move, but Hunter drives his knee into the small of her back effectively pinning her to the mat. He slaps Cam in the back of the head a few times before getting up and bringing her up with him. Hunter looks to keep up that pressure on Cam’s arm, but the Goddess fires back with a forearm shot of her own. That causes The Alpha King to loosen his grip, which allows Cam to grab his wrist, twist his arm, and level him with a huge chop to the chest!!!!!
Talib: Cam fires off another… and another! Kevin Hunter grits his teeth! He attempts to hit her back, but she keeps that pressure applied to his wrist, fires off another chop, and whips him into the ropes! She tries for the clothesline, but Hunter ducks, however his momentum brings him right back towards Cam! She drives her knee into his stomach and plants him into the mat with a nice snap suplex! Cam quicky tries for the Ava Lock, but Hunter is able to roll through the move and get back to his feet. Cameron is also back up to her feet. Kevin Hunter flies towards Cameron, and she brings him down a beautiful drop toe hold! Cameron jumps on Kevin’s back and wraps her arms around his neck. She has that sleeper locked in pretty tightly, but Kevin Hunter’s raw power forces them both back up. Cameron wraps her legs around his waist for support but Kevin Hunter uses his in-ring awareness to drive her back into the corner! Cam slumps to the ground while Hunter is forced to shake off the effects of the sleeper!
Stew: Hunter charges towards the corner but Cameron gets her feet up! Hunter staggers back and Cameron climbs the ropes! She springs off the middle rope and hits Kevin Hunter with a huge forearm smash! KNOCK BITCHES OUT!!! That sends the Devil Incarnate down to the mat! Cameron screams at him to get up!!!!
Talib: BITCH CAMP! SNAPMARE FACEBUSTER! CAMERON WITH THE COVER!!!!
Stew: KEVIN HUNTER KICKS OUT!!!!!
Talib: Cameron pulls Kevin up by the hair and lights his chest up with another chop! AND AGAIN! AGAIN! AGAIN! The Alpha King remains on his knees and Cameron starts lighting him up with those precisely placed kicks! Kevin grips his arm and Cameron immediately grabs it and begins working it over. She slams it down into the mat and begins stomping away, and when Hunter tries to roll out of the way, Cameron slams her foot into the side of his head! She finally pulls Hunter to his feet and whips him into the corner. Cam charges and drives her shoulder into his midsection! She does it several more times before backing up and rushing towards him one final time!
Stew: HUNTER MOVES!!!!
Talib: Cameron crashes shoulder first into the turnbuckle!!!
Stew: Kevin Hunter looks to capitalize but Cameron moves out of the way and Kevin crashes chest first into the turnbuckle! Cameron unleashes a flurry of clubbing blows to his back before she has to back off due to her shoulder! Cameron tries to shake it off but she is favoring her arm. Nonetheless she forces Kevin Hunter onto the top rope and into a sitting position. She is looking for a superplex off that second rope, but Hunter pounds away at the hurt arm. Cameron is forced to drop down, but that doesn’t stop her from taking a few shots to his face and going back to that second rope!
Talib: Cameron is determined to hit this superplex on Kevin Hunter and if she manages to do it, this match could swing in her favor.
Stew: Hunter once again pushes Cameron off of him and he attempts to regain his footing! Cameron rushes towards him and manages to body slam him off the top rope! Kevin Hunter gets to his feet and charges at Cam but she is easily able to lift him up and plant him into the mat with a spinebuster!!!! Instead of going for the cover, Cameron goes for the Ava Lock and Kevin Hunter finds himself in a world of trouble!
Talib: Cameron has that inverted STF locked in as tightly as possible, but Hunter is using his strength to crawl towards the ropes! Cameron is unable to keep him in place and Kevin Hunter gets his fingertips on the ropes! Cameron breaks the submission at the last possible second and she gets back to her feet! She stomps away on Kevin Hunter before pulling him up and sending him into the corner! She places her foot on his throat and begins choking him! The referee begins to administer the count once again and Cameron breaks right before the five count. She begins kicking away at him again and Hunter is unable to defend himself. He eats kicks to his midsection, chest, and sides. Cameron slams her knee into the face of Kevin Hunter, grabs him by the hair, and sends him down to the mat with a bulldog! She takes a step back, screams at Kevin Hunter to get up, and once the staggers to his feet, she signals for the end!
Stew: GODDESS’ TOUCH!!! RUNNING ENZIGURI! CAMERON HITS IT THIS TIME AND SHE PULLS KEVIN HUNTER TOWARDS THE CENTER OF THE RING FOR A COVER!!!!!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
(“ULTRAnumb” begins to play as Cameron climbs to her feet. The referee raises her hand and the crowd erupts into cheers.)
Stephie Love: LADIES AND GENTLEMAN… HERE IS YOUR WINNER… CCCCAAAAAMMMMEEERRRROOOONNNNN EEEEEELLLLLAAAA AAAAAVVVVAAAAAA!!!!!
Talib: Hard earned victory from The Goddess, but it doesn’t quite look like she’s enjoying any of it.
Stew: I think Cam values this victory the same way she would value any other, but knowing what she’s going through I doubt she’s going to go out for a couple of drinks to celebrate the win. She’s more focused on the stability of her family, which as of now has been severely compromised thanks to her rival Mr. DEDEDE.
Talib: Understatement of the year there Stew, the Ava family is in shambles, and there may not be a thing she can do about it.
( Camera opens up backstage in a location that seems beyond space and time. The only thing illuminating the shadowy location is a crystal ball that sits over a clothed table. From the shadows, APOCALYPSE, Donovan Cross and Soothsayer Hamasa emerge and surround the crystal ball. )
Soothsayer Hamasa: And you are certain of this request?
APOCALYPSE: You goddamn right I am.
Donovan Cross: You won’t completely devour all of the fresh meat out there will you? I’m salivating over the taste of their flesh.
APOCALYPSE: I have plans for all three of those gnats, especially that little insect Jason McKormick.
???: And that makes two of us buddy!
( Lucas Johnson emerges from the shadows with a shit-eating grin on his face. )
Lucas: Oh looking for Hitchman? He had to take a quick smoke break, you know how managers are right?
( Lucas puts his hand on Cross’ shoulder. )
( Lucas removes his hand from Cross’ shoulder. He focuses on APOCALYPSE. )
Lucas: Anyways, I wanted to talk to you big man! I know last week was kind of contentious for all of us, sometimes we get caught up in the moment, sometimes we say and do things that we don’t really mean.
Lucas: (nervously) Right, so I figured since you and I have sort of a connection going on — you noticed that by the way right? We’ve got this “chemistry” together that I think might be part of the divine stuff in Hamasa’s crystal ball that she talks about.
Lucas: Anyways, since you and I are teammates tonight, and Extreme Elimination Chamber-mates at Road to Redemption, I’m willing to let bygones be bygones for what you did to me last week and I’ll be happy to move on! And I overheard you saying you wanna maybe leave the other two *cough*deadweights*cough* behind and fly out there with me and The Hitch! Well we’d love to have you as a part of the family! The Hitch has even put together a game plan that will virtually guarantee us a flawless victory.
( APOCALYPSE gets into Lucas’ face. Lucas shrinks out of fear. )
APOCALYPSE: You tell Hitchman….that if he gets in my way ONCE…EVEN ONCE… I will send his head off of his shoulders so fast, it will be caught in the Earth’s orbit.
Lucas: ….yes sir….
APOCALYPSE: And if YOU get in my way, the Extreme Elimination Chamber will be valhalla in comparison to the hell I put you through tonight.
( APOCALYPSE turns around and walks through the shadows into the seemingly void abyss. Donovan Cross chuckles in laughter and follows APOCALYPSE into the abyss. Soothsayer Hamasa follows Donovan Cross out of the frame, leaving behind a shook Lucas Johnson. )
Lucas: Glad we could come to an agreement! 🙂
( Camera transitions to The Score dressing room, where Ryan Wilson is seated on a nearby bench with heavily taped up ribs. Shaker Jones and Jason McKormick are standing up, doing basic arm and neck stretches and preparing themselves for the match ahead. )
Ryan Wilson: I couldn’t get it done against that Boxer dog last week, but today is a new day.
Jason McKormick: (while taping his fists) That’s right brother, like Shake and I told you a few times now, what happened last week was not on you. If it were up to damn near every medical professional–
Ryan: I know I know, if it were up to them I wouldn’t have competed.
Shaker Jones: It’s perfectly reasonable, your fighting spirit is bigger than any physical setbacks, but we can’t ignore physics. You’ve taken initiative from the beginning, you’ve shown qualities of leadership that are absent from a lot of these other groups out there.
Jason: You’re the conscience of The Score, but you’re not immortal.
Ryan: (stands up, with a smirk on his face) Sounds like you guys are trying to leave me behind. :eyes:
Shaker: Of course not, we want you out there. Just take care of yourself, you’re dealing with bruised ribs, by no means would any other profession even let you in the vicinity of ringside.
Ryan: Sure, but this ain’t any other profession Shake & Bake, this is pro-wrestling. The greatest profession on this planet. Call me stubborn, call me stupid, call me crazy, but I don’t let things go that easily. I have a long memory, and I have a hit-list that’s even longer. It starts with that chihuahua Lucas Johnson, it includes Monster & The Devil, and it ends with that con artist Jack Ripley.
( Ryan pats his partners on the arms. )
Ryan: We all have a vision of what we want Dynasty to become right? Let’s make the vision happen.
( Ryan exits from the room. Shaker and Jason nod at each other and follow him out as well. )
( COMMERCIAL BREAK — including an advertisement for tomorrow’s episode of Sunday Night Voltage! Witness the Voltage return of former New Breed Champion, Xander Payne, who will address his future. Also the Quintessential Champion, Impact, meets Charlie Marr in the main event of Voltage to fight for the coveted final placement in the Extreme Elimination Chamber! Who will skyrocket their own odds to success? Find out tomorrow night, on TNT! )
( RETURN TO DYNASTY: the camera cuts to Stephie Love in the ring.)
( DING! DING! DING! )
Stephie Love: The following contest is a tag team match and it is scheduled for one fall!!!
(“I Want it All” by Queen hits to cheers from the crowd)
Stephie Love: Introducing first being accompanied by Ryan Wilson they are the tag team of Jason McKormick and Shaker Jones… THE SCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!!!
(The Score makes their way to the ring as they await the arrival of their opponents. Shaker looks especially amped up as he yells up the ramp for his opponents to bring it on!)
Talib: I admit I am offended by Ryan Wilson’s comments calling Dynasty a weak brand. It almost makes me wish that he were in this match just so that APOCALYPSE could teach him a lesson, but sadly he will have to sit there from the sidelines.
Stew: The Score looking to even the odds and win this thing fairly. That might be a good choice morally but we will have to see how it plays out logically. They have really tough competition this week and could use any advantage they could get!
(“Young and Bitter” by Hot Tag Media hits to boos from the crowd.)
Stephie Love: And their opponents introducing first from Atlanta, Georgia weighing in at 205 pounds he is “The Wrestling Machine” LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCAS JOHNSON!!!
(Lucas Johnson comes out to the ring initially accompanied by his manager Albert Hitchman who he sends backstage while yelling at The Score that he doesn’t need backup to beat them either!)
Talib: Lucas Johnson taking shots at The Score’s attempt to insult him by getting rid of their extra man!
Stew: Yeah….I have a feeling that was done simply to appease his monstrous tag team partner.
(“Sound of Silence” by Necroblaspheme hits as the crowd goes silent…)
Stephie Love: And his tag team partner from the Louisiana State Penitentiary… APOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCALYPSE!!!
(Apocalypse walks down to the ring slowly not even acknowledging the crowd or his partner as he takes his place on the apron apparently allowing Lucas Johnson to start the match.)
Stew: I’ve got to admit I become absolutely terrified every time I see this man. I don’t get why EAW hires people like this. This man should be in jail serving a life sentence!!
Talib: Wow Stew you really shouldn’t judge ex-felons like that. He made some mistakes and tried to kill a few people but really who hasn’t? That was a long time ago man!
Stew: I hope you’re not incriminating yourself there Bari.
Talib: Relax buddy I’m not Bobby Shmurda, I was only kidding.
(DING! DING! DING!)
Talib: We are underway as Shaker Jones and Lucas Johnson are starting things off in the ring. You can certainly recall some of their confrontations in the past. Last month they competed against each other down in New Zealand but I am sure there is even more of a history there if you go back and watch the archives. But that was then and this is now and now Shaker and Lucas are locking up in the ring looking to throw down!
Stew: Shaker dodges a right hand from Lucas as he jabs him hard in the face! Shaker now lighting Lucas up in that ring with a series of quick jabs that Lucas can’t even see coming! Shaker staggers Lucas back with a hard elbow strike to the top of the head! And now the back chops from Shaker as Lucas falls back into the corner and continues to take punishment to his chest from those vicious Shaker chops! Lucas falls over but Shaker grabs him and flips him down to the mat with a Snapmare. Shaker grabs the legs of Lucas as he drives his knee down hard into the thigh of Lucas! Shaker locks in an Ankle Lock on Lucas as The Wrestling Machine struggles to make it to the ropes!!!
Talib: He makes it! But Shaker immediately drops a knee onto the leg of Lucas preventing him from crawling to his corner to tag in APOCALYPSE! Shaker pulls Lucas back up as Lucas fights back with a hard back chop of his own! But Shaker grabs Lucas in a headlock… and Lucas shoves him off! Shaker runs across the ring and comes back with a Clothesline! But Lucas moves out of the way! Lucas with a Rollup from behind!!!
Talib: Shaker kicks out and immediately Lucas grabs onto the skull of Shaker going for a headlock of some sort but Shaker breaks free! Shaker back up as he drops Lucas with a hard clothesline! Lucas rolls back up to his feet and charges in… Shaker lifts Lucas up and tosses him up and over himself with a Back Body Drop! Lucas back up yet again but Shaker is rolling now with a Dropkick taking him down! Lucas pulls himself up in the corner but Shaker charges in with a hard Shoulder Thrust! And another! And another! Shaker makes the tag now to Jason McKormick as his opponent climbs into the ring!
Stew: Shaker lifts Lucas up over his shoulders as he tosses him the air… and Jason catches Lucas taking him down with a Cutter! The Cut-O-Matic connects! The cover by Jason McKormick!!!
Talib: Kickout by Lucas Johnson! Both men up as Lucas tries to shove Jason off him but Jason stops before he hits the corner and turns around with a Clothesline! Ducked by Lucas who wrestles Jason into a snug n’ tight headlock taking his opponent down to his knee! Jason tries to claw at the face of Lucas and shove him off but Lucas just wrenches it in harder. Jason struggles into the corner as he has Lucas trapped now… and he breaks free! Enzuigiri connects out of nowhere! Lucas now trapped in the corner as Jason keeps kicking as him with hard stomps! Jason backs up before he charges in… BASEBALL SLIDE into the corner connects!!! Jason grabs Lucas pulling him back up into the ring, and he takes him down with a BIG TIME BURNING HAMMER!!! The cover!
Stew: Kickout now by Lucas Johnson! Jason pulls Lucas back up who immediately fires back with a hard right hand! I don’t know how he’s able to respond with these attacks so quickly! Lucas battling back with a series of right and left strikes before whipping his opponent across the ring… he grabs him and connects with a Belly to Belly Suplex! And a Running Elbow Drop connects to Jason McKormick on the ground! Lucas now makes his way over to his corner as he tags in APOCALYPSE! OH BOY!!!1
Talib: APOCALYPSE ENTERS THE RING AS HE GRABS JASON MCKORMICK BY THE THROAT! CHOKESLAM CONNECTS!!!! THE COVER!!!
Talib: Jason McKormick kicks out! That might not have been a smart move! APOCALYPSE grabs Jason around the throat with both hands easily lifting his opponent back up and tosses him into the corner. APOCALYPSE NOW CHOKING OUT JASON IN THE CORNER! HE IS SQUEEZING ALL THE LIFE OUT OF HIM! STOP THIS BEFORE SOMEONE DIES!!!
Stew: The referee demanding that APOCALYPSE backs off Jason McKormick and he eventually does… but now he is attacking him with hard strikes instead! APOCALYPSE destroying Jason with clubbing blows to every part of his body! Jason looks like he might have just been knocked out cold by a hard blow to his head! APOCALYPSE with a meteor barrage of punches to his cornered opponent! Jason McKormick looks like he is bleeding from the face from where he is being destroyed! Stop this ref! Get him off the man!
Stew: The referee now finally counting as APOCALYPSE continues to destroy Jason without remorse in the corner.
Ref: ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Talib: But APOCALYPSE ISN’T EVEN ACKNOWLEDGING THE REFEREE! LOOK AT JASON’S HEAD! IT’S BOUNCING AROUND COURTESY OF THOSE FISTS!
Stew: Get him the hell off! Ref what the hell are you doing?!?!
(DING! DING! DING!)
Stephie Love: Here are your winners by disqualification… THE SCORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE!!!!
Talib: Jesus Mary & Joseph APOCALYPSE is relentless! Someone needs to stop this monster!
Stew: Here comes Lucas Johnson maybe he can calm the big man down.
Talib: UH STEW, SOMEONE NEEDS TO CALM LUCAS DOWN, HE IS FUMING OVER WHAT JUST TRANSPIRED! HIS ENTIRE FACE IS BEET RED KNOWING THAT HE LOST TO THE SCORE!
Lucas Johnson: You dumb son of a bitch! You cost us the match! What the hell is wrong with you?!? You are the worst tag team partner of all time! Complete trash! You dare to disrespect the Wrestling Machine like this? Ooooh you think you are so scary with your lame ass criminal history! Look at me! I use capital letters in my name! Be afraid of me! Eclipse Diemos was literally scarier than you. You waste of space! I wish I had an actual competent partner for once!
Talib: WAIT APOCALYPSE JUST TURNED ON LUCAS JOHNSON!!!!!!
Lucas: Don’t you turn on me! I am a Wrestling God! I’m the best in the wo–
Stew: BUT APOCALYPSE JUST LIFTS LUCAS UP ONTO HIS SHOULDERS…
Talib: HELIX NEBULA CONNECTS! GOOD LORD THE ENTIRE RING JUST BOUNCED UP AND DOWN!!! LUCAS JOHNSON JUST GOT FREAKING WASTED!!!!!!!
( Shaker Jones is tending to Jason McKormick, and Ryan Wilson seems almost amused by what he just saw. )
Stew: APOCALYPSE laying waste here tonight as he leaves the ring. He may have lost the match but he won the war! Shaker Jones in the ring now checking on Jason McKormick to see if his partner is ok.
Talib: Well congratulations to The Score on this victory even if it is bittersweet. I think Jason will be alright just get this man a Z-Pak and he will be ready to hop back in the ring for Monday night’s Dynasty house show.
(The camera cuts to footage of the protest outside the arena where failed EAW World Heavyweight Champion Lucian Black is shown to have chained himself to the door until he can speak with the wrestling “gods”. 2018 EAW fans are shown entering the arena wondering who he even is.)
(Camera returns back to the announce table, where Stew-O and Talib Bari are facing the camera.)
Stew: Well switching gears now, of course the dominant ‘storyline’ if you will here on Friday Night Dynasty has been the so-called relationship between Mr. DEDEDE and Carmen Ava as of late. Safe to say it has been a tumultuous week for the Ava family, including and especially for Carmen’s four daughters — Cameron, Consuela, Camille and her youngest daughter, Candice Blair. Earlier this week our broadcast colleague Molly Waters got a chance to meet with the four sisters to get familial insight on their mother’s upcoming wedding.
( The broadcast transitions to a different location. )
TIME: 11/27/18, 2 PM PST
LOCATION: CAMERON ELLA AVA’S HOUSE, LOS ANGELES
( We open up to a dining room filled with natural lighting coming through the windows. Sitting around the table is Molly Waters, surrounded by Avas — with Cameron sitting next to her twin sister Consuela, Camille sitting across from them, and Candice sitting the most distant. All five ladies have tea being served to them by a personal butler. The sisters are in the middle of conversation, and Molly simply looks on. )
Ms. Extreme/Camille: I cannot even believe what I’m hearing right now.
Consuela: Oh come on guys I’m not making an unreasonable point here.
Candice: I’m trying to hear you out ‘Suela, I really am, but…
Consuela: Look all I’m saying is, I think we should all be open to the idea of Ryan being our father. :shrug:
Candice: I don’t quite know all of the details regarding this whole thing with you guys and Mr. DEDEDE, I’ve been all over the place trying to make a name for myself in the indies, but isn’t DDD supposed to be a bad guy?
Camille: HE PROMISED DEATH, DESTRUCTION AND RAPE ON US.
Consuela: You said that a million times Camille but I’m just trying to be objective here, it’s wrestling! People say the craziest stuff in promos all the time! Hell DDD used to speak in third person, does that mean that’s the way he truly is? Of course not, it’s just expression.
Molly Waters: If I can interject here, it is true that in wrestling people say some pretty jarring stuff to each other in order to get the psychological advantage, but to Camille’s point it’s been a lot more than just a war of words hasn’t it?
Camille: EXACTLY MOLLY. Thank you for having some sense, if only my idiot sister could say the same.
Consuela: Big sister, by the way. :nail_care:
Camille: Big dumbass is more like it. Excuse her Molly Consuela is just being a blonde again —
Camille: I hope you understand Consuela that that’s the same asswhole who ganged up on me at Operation: Doomsday with his geriatric butt buddy Impact and literally tried to end my career! Do you know how many tests and brain scans I have to run every single week just to find ONE doctor that’ll clear me?
Consuela: Yeah but again, you were in a wrestling match. Besides it’s not my fault you decided to be “Ms. Extreme” all of these years and take all kinds of unprotected weapon shots over the head.
Camille: Okay totally not my fucking point at all.
Molly: Candice, coming from the outside looking in, disregarding the EAW element of this relationship. How do you feel about your mother engaging in marriage again?
Candice: I know I’m the youngest so I haven’t seen as much as maybe Cam or Consuela did, but personally I rarely ever got to see a dad. I don’t know what it’s like to have a “father figure” in my life and I feel like I turned out relatively fine. But I can say that I saw my mom suffer a lot in her life and she has always been the strongest person that I knew, and I have to admit this is the happiest I’ve seen her in a really long time.
Consuela: I agree!
Camille: Come on Candice of course mom looks happy she’s being told everything she wants to hear and being given everything she could ask for! I know it was hard not having a father and trust me, you’re better off not knowing that piece of shit than having to be around him — but what do you expect DDD to take you out to DisneyLand or throw the football around with you? Get real!
Consuela: Camille you seriously need to stop making this around you, I had to be around dad — I mean Henrique too, but he and DDD are two separate people.
Molly: But what about some of the stuff DEDEDE has said about women? Do you believe he’ll do a 180 and act differently from the way he talks?
Consuela: I’m not gonna pretend DDD isn’t an asshole, but love changes people —
Camille: OH COME ON!
Consuela: Can I finish? Like I said, love makes people act very differently, maybe Camille would know what that feels like if she represented herself better as a woman and didn’t attract guys like Hurricane Hawk.
Camille: Watch your mouth bitch I will fuck you up.
Consuela: I’m sure everyone here can agree that mommy is happier now than she’s ever been. Secondly, she’s a grown woman! We need to stop treating her like a child who can’t do anything for herself. Don’t you respect our mother’s intuition enough to know when a guy is right or wrong for her? She raised four successful girls on her own without the help of a man, she learned from her mistakes and taught us traditional values that SOME OF US — basically myself — choose to uphold. Why should we lose faith in mommys judgment now?
Camille: I can’t with you….
Cameron: The problem with that, Consuela, is that DDD is a lying, cheating manipulator.
Consuela: Okay but-
Cameron: I’M TALKING CONSUELA.
( The room gets silent. )
Cameron: I have had to deal with that piece of shit for the last nine months, I can tell you from first hand experience that this fucking jerk will go out of his way and literally will change whatever he needs to about himself in order to get what he wants. He literally put on an act for months at every event, every autograph signing, every house show, every FPV to convince the world — including me — that he was some open and honest transparent person. All for him to show his true colors and screw everyone, including me, over at Pain for Pride and the EAW Draft.
Consuela: Okay and what is your point?
Cameron: (sternly) My point, Consuela, is that I am telling you from first hand experience that he does NOT love our mother, because a demon is incapable of ‘love’. Not for any woman, and especially not for her daughters. (Cam starts getting emotional.) I have tried everything I possibly could to get her away from that monster, but fuck, he knows where she fucking lives now and she’s so lost in the illusion of love that nothing can shake her out of that trance. You have no idea how much I am hurting inside, maybe you don’t care Consuela but mom is literally my hero and I feel like nothing that I do to try to save her even matters.
Consuela: *sigh* I just feel like you guys keep making this about yourselves, I swear sometimes it feels like I’m the only logical one in this family.
Molly: Consuela regardless of how your sisters feel, your mother has obviously made up her mind about this ordeal considering she is officially engaged to Ryan Adams. As your new step-father, are there at least any expectations that you have for DDD going forward?
Consuela: Of course I do, I want him to protect and provide for our mother, that’s a man’s job. I’m seeing exactly what my mom is seeing, because for the first time in mommy’s life a man is actually trying to fulfill his role, and besides, if Ryan fucks it all up then guess what! Carmen gets access to half of everything he owns! Why in the world would DDD put himself in that kind of position just to screw with us? It wouldn’t make any sense.
Candice: She kind of has a point.
Camille: No. NO. We are not doing this, we are not rationalizing that piece of shit marrying our mother, I’m not going to fucking let it happen!
( Camille stands up. )
Consuela: Where are you going 🙄
Camille: Don’t fucking worry about it, all I know is that DDD isn’t going to get what he wants, not a damn chance, even if I have to kill the motherfucker!
Consuela: Camille just calm down.
Camille: DON’T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN! You want to sit there and let that jackoff have his way with our family? You do that, but I’m not sitting for this, over my dead fucking body!
( Camille storms off. Cam sits there with a grim look on her face, with eyes that look ready to kill. The rest of the ladies sit there in an awkward silence. )
Cameron: Couldn’t agree with her anymore.
Molly: What is she going to do?
Consuela: Probably something stupid. If you’ll excuse me I’m gonna get some fresh air — the little bit of it that still exists in Los Angeles.
( Consuela stands up, takes her pocketbook and takes her leave. The awkward silence returns. Candice Ava presses a button on her phone, setting off the ringtone. )
Candice: Ooop, sorry, it’s probably Ohio calling again, gotta take this.
( Candice stands up and exits through a third path, leaving Molly and Cameron sitting there with a stoic look still on Cam’s face. Cam’s arms are folded and she appears to be deep in thought. )
Molly: So..what’s on your mind?
Cameron: A lot of things Molly. A lot of things.
( Camera fades away to commercial. )
( FINAL COMMERCIAL BREAK — including an advertisement promoting Road to Redemption 12! LIVE from Olympic Stadium in Montreal, Quebec, Canada! Witness EAW’s most historic annual event EXCLUSIVELY on the EAW Network! )
( “Revolution” by The Score plays over the sound system, and we get a match card on the screen hyping up next week’s match up featuring Lucas Johnson vs. APOCALYPSE, one on one. )
Stew: Hang on to your hats ladies and gentlemen, because just recently announced by Dynasty General Manager — next week we will see LUCAS JOHNSON go one on one against THE MONSTROUS MAN, APOCALYPSE! And the punishment doesn’t stop everybody, because this match will not only be an Extreme Elimination Chamber preview match, but it will take place INSIDE A FIFTEEN FOOT HIGH STEEL CAGE!
Talib: I’d wish Lucas Johnson lots of luck, but let’s face it, he is in for a fate worse than death next week! I wish it were Albert Hitchman in Lucas’ place, but I guess the wrestling Gods are granting me with the next best thing!
Stew: And as for tonight it is main event time here in the record breaking crowd in the Moda Center here in Portland, Oregon, where we find out the 6TH and FINAL entrant into the EXTREME ELIMINATION CHAMBER!!!!
( Camera returns to the gorgeous Stephie Love who is in the ring with a microphone in hand and a big smile on her face. )
Stephie: Ladies and Gentlemen the following contest is your MAIN EVENT OF THE EVENING, SCHEDULED FORRRRRR–
Crowd: ONE FALL!
Stephie: Where the winner will earn a place in the Extreme Elimination Chamber for the Answers World Championship!
(“Wanted Man” by Rev Theory just as the crowd goes wild to see Hades the Hellraiser make his entrance)
Stephie: Introducing first, making his way to the ring from Devil Town, North Carolina by way of Austin, Texas, weighing in at 325 pounds… EAW Hall of Famer… HAAADDDEEEEEEESSS THE HELLLLLLLLLRRRAAAIISSERRRRR!!!!
Stew: Hades the Hellraiser making his return to EAW and he is a part of Dynasty! Ladies and gentlemen watching at home, you’re about to see something very special!
Talib: Something special indeed, not only has he returned, he has a chance to qualify for the Extreme Elimination Chamber at Road to Redemption and potentially become the Answers World Champion again! But first he must take on a man who he has a lot of history with, a man who was once considered his protege, and the dastardly Chairman of EAW!
“ILLEST MUTHAFUCKA ALIVE!!!!!”
(“Illest Motherfucker Alive” by Kanye and Jay-Z blasts through the arena as Mr. DEDEDE walks out and makes his entrance, looking annoyed)
Stephie: And his opponent, making his way to the ring from the Ryan Adams Estate in Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic, weighing in at 235 pounds… MISSSTEERRRRR DEEEEEDEEEEEEDEEEEE!!!
Talib: Mr. DEDEDE looks none-too-pleased after Hades got involved with the 1% earlier by stopping them from possibly ending the careers of Devan Dubian and Erebus Jennings.
Stew: Well thankfully Hades was nearby. We’ve lost too many elitists to that kind of end lately. But the chairman will be looking to take his frustrations out on the man that caused them right here in this match!
Talib: We know DDD is just one week away from being a married man, but hopefully he has enough focus to really concentrate and perform well enough in this match, otherwise it’s a possibility he doesn’t even make it to his own wedding next Friday!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Stew: DEDEDE already moving in and looking to take control! Hades is one of the few men that the chairman gives up a physical advantage to but I don’t think that deters him as he moves in and immediately goes to drive a knee into Hades’s stomach… BUT HADES BLOCKS! And DEDEDE just looks at him as if “how dare you block me” but Hades looks defiantly back at the Chairman. DEDEDE JUST SLAPPED HADES ACROSS THE FACE!!! BUT HADES NOW GRABS DEDEDE BY THE THROAT AND LOOKS FOR THE CHOKESLAM TO HELL!!! But DEDEDE kicks him square in the sternum and frees himself!
Talib: DEDEDE is angry but he’s gonna have to calm down! Hades isn’t a guy you take while working on the fly! Now DEDEDE unloading shots back and forth between Hades’s stomach and his chin! Trying to wear the big bastard out! DEDEDE now bounds back to the ropes and looks to hit a spear!!!!! BUT HADES SIDE STEPS AND RUNS DEDEDE SHOULDER FIRST INTO A POST! We are off the races early in this match, folks!
Stew: Hades now grabs the Chairman from behind and pulls him outta the post.. feeds a hand through… PUMPHANDLE SLAM! Hades goes for an early cover!!
But DEDEDE kicks out! Not gonna be near enough but DEDEDE only looks even more agitated now! He rolls out of the ring! He’s now looking around under the ring… HE PULLS OUT A LEAD PIPE!!! DEDEDE looking to brutalize Hades! He doesn’t give a damn about the match!
Talib: Oh! But the referee is brave! He stops DEDEDE as he rolls into the ring! DEDEDE looks at the ref who tells him to put the weapon down. DEDEDE just nods and breathes. He looks like he’s calming down! And now he smiles as he looks at the ref and places a hand on the ref’s shoulder.
Mr. DEDEDE (off-mic): You’re right. Thank you. This would’ve cost me the match. I apologize. And as the chairman, let me just say how much I appreciate an employee who—
Stew: DEDEDE JUST THREW THE REFEREE OVER THE TOP ROPE! That poor man was just doing his job and it looks like he hit his head as he landed! DEDEDE turns his attention now to Hades who stands ready with DEDEDE in his sights! Hades tried to move in and take the pipe!!! OH! BUT THE CHAIRMAN CRACKS IT ACROSS HIS STOMACH! And now over his back! And now the Chairman is gonna go golfing as he stands over Hades!
Mr. DEDEDE (off-mic): FOUR!!!!
Talib: DEAR GAWD! THE CHAIRMAN JUST SWUNG THAT PIPE LIKE A GOLF CLUB ACROSS HADES’S JAW!!!! And now the Chairman has a massive smile on his face as Hades has to be out cold! DEDEDE drops down to a knee over Hades and slaps him back and forth over and over again! Just toying with an unconscious man! DEDEDE has a sadistic smile on his face as he looks out to the crowd and laughs as they boo! DEDEDE holds up the double birds and drops down into a pin over Hades!
Crowd: ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!
Stew: But the referee is still down on the outside!!!! DEDEDE looks up even more pissed off than before! He climbs to the outside and grabs the referee! He shakes him until the man stirs! Now yelling at him to get back in the ring before grabbing him by the back of the neck and rolling him in! The referee tries to get to his feet but stumbles back down to his knees with his head to the mat! DEDEDE is climbing back into the ring….
Talib: HADES JUST SWUNG THE PIPE ACROSS THE BACK OF DEDEDE’S HEAD!!!! The referee didn’t see it as he’s only now getting his head up! DEDEDE is out on his feet as Hades scoops him up! BRIMSTONE PILEDRIVER!!! The tombstone puts the chairman’s injured head straight into the mat! And Hades makes the cover!!!
ONEEEEEEE! TWOOOOOOOO! THREEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Stephie: Here is your winner by pinfall… HADES!!!!!!!!
(“Wanted Man” blares as Hades has his hand raised while clutching at his jaw)
Talib: What in the hell?!? Why is Hades allowed to get away with doing that to the Chairman?!? What is going on here?!?
Stew: The Chairman did the same to him! Turnabout’s fair play! Mr. DEDEDE came in blinded by rage and Hades took advantage of it at the end of the day! And now Hades looks to Road to Redemption and hopes to get his hands on the Answers World Championship!
Talib: I can’t believe we’re going to have the chamber without Mr. DEDEDE! This is a travesty!
Stew: For my inconsolable partner, I’m Stew-O! We will see you next week for another edition of Friday Night Dynasty!
( The final shot shows Hades celebrating his victory until the camera eventually fades to black. )
( EAW logo buzzes )