(EAW intro plays.)
(Dynasty fades into a highlight video that recaps last week’s action packed episode!)
(Osamu Arcichida pinned Mike Gambino to win a fatal fourway match that kicked off Dynasty. The Iconic Cup tournament semi-finals took place. Unified Tag Team Champion, Constance Blevins defeated Joy Cassidy to book her place in the finals. Later on in the show, Minerva would join her sister and tag team partner in the winner’s circle by defeating Kensingten Calhoun-Astor. The King of Elite tournament second round took place as well and when the night was done, The Visual Prophet and NvL found themselves with a chance to represent Dynasty in the finals. Tensions continued to rise between the Specialists Champion, Darcy May Morgan, and newcomer, Sierra Bradford. The previous Dynasty had seen Darcy steal a win for TLA and herself over Drake and Sierra by holding onto Sierra’s tights. The latest to happen between the two women is Sierra getting a clean pinfall over Darcy in yet another tag team bout. The situation between Cage, Raven, Sienna, and Impact got even more personal. Sienna ended up disqualified from her match against Cage, and would make her presence felt later on when she would help Impact attack Raven before the main event. The couple would beat down the Universal Women’s Champion, and when Cage came to make the save, he would eat a set of ringsteps to the face. Impact and Sienna would continue to batter and humiliate both Raven and Cage and the show would end with them kissing while Raven and Cage were unconscious.)
(The highlight video fades out and Dynasty cuts a live shot inside the László Papp Budapest Sports Arena in Budapest, Hungary. The Dynasty theme song is blasting throughout the building and the Hungarian fans seem really excited for the show tonight. The camera continues to pan around the building before settling on the trio down at ringside who will be calling tonight’s show. Jake Mercer, Flannery McCoy, and Stew-O smile into the camera.)
Stew-O: Welcome to Friday Night Dynasty and what a show we have for you tonight! The World Heavyweight Championship will be defended when TLA takes on former National Elite Champion, Osamu Arcichida!
Jake Mercer: :blessed: The Dropkick Darling is in action too! Things didn’t go Darcy May Morgan’s way last week when she teamed with Kassidy Heart to take on Sierra Bradford and Lethal Consequences. Darcy found herself on the receiving end of a loss as Sierra picked up her first victory here in EAW, and makes a case for why she should challenge Darcy for the Specialists Championship,
Flannery McCoy: Darcy takes on Drake King tonight in a rematch of sorts, and with Sierra at ringside anything is bound to happen.
Stew-O: The New Breed Champion, Justin Windgate, will face off against Ronan Malosi, and we also have a tag team match taking place that I find really interesting.
Flannery McCoy: SKA and NvL will team up to take on Spencer Bradley and Angel de Plata Jr. and after the confrontation between Spencer and SKA last week, I’m really excited to see the two of them get into the ring and go against one another.
Jake Mercer: It’s also going to be interesting to hear what Lethal Consequences and Kassidy Heart have to say about their National Elite Championship match coming up at King of Elite. Stew-O will be sitting down with both of them later.
Stew-O: We have a lot of stuff happening tonight, guys, so stick around. We’ll be right back after the break.
(The Dynasty trio grin as the show fades into the first commercial break for the night.)
(Commercial break for McDonald’s featuring Xander Payne. Nom. Nom. Nom.)
(Dynasty returns from break and fades into the backstage area. Michael Belfort is standing by and he has a special guest with him.)
Michael Belfort: Last week, two King of Elite second round matches took place. NvL defeated SKA to book his place in the semi-finals, and the other match featured The Visual Prophet taking on Angel de Plata Jr. Joining me right now is the man who won that second match, The Visual Prophet. Welcome, Viz.
(The camera shot widens to show Viz standing beside Michael. He lowers his trademark sunglasses, looks Michael Belfort up and down, and lets out a sassy sigh.)
The Visual Prophet: The pleasure is all yours.
Michael Belfort: I’m sure a lot of people expected to see you face NvL tonight, but when the Dynasty card was released last week, the semi-final match on the Dynasty side for King of Elite was noticeably absent from the card. NvL finds himself in a tag team match, which is coming up next, by the way, while you’re not in action. Can you shed some light on why the Dynasty semi-finals aren’t happening tonight?
The Visual Prophet: I think it’s fairly obvious why the semi-finals aren’t happening tonight and quite frankly it’s because I don’t want them too.
Michael Belfort: Do you care to elaborate on that?
(Another sassy, rather put out sigh escapes from Viz’s perfect lips.)
The Visual Prophet: I mean, it’s pretty much a foregone conclusion that I’m going to win King of Elite but we may as well add some suspense to this tournament, right? I can be rather charitable when I want to be. No need to rush to crown me king either because it’s a little fun for me to know that next week Charles Marr and either Jamie O’Hara or Cameron Ella Ava will be sitting around watching what I do to NvL as a little tune up. I’m sure whomever I end up facing will be sitting around and biting their fingernails, and just hoping that something akin to the 1980 Miracle on Ice repeats itself. That simply won’t be the case next week on Dynasty because it will take a recipe of more ingredients than even I can list for Nathan von Liebert to defeat me.
Michael Belfort: Stranger things have happened. Just last year Dynasty was represented by Jason McKormick in the finals…
The Visual Prophet: How dare you besmirch that good man’s name. I am sure Jason McKormick went to King of Elite last year and gave it all he’s got.
(Viz can’t even keep a straight face as he says that last sentence.)
The Visual Prophet: Clearly last year was a complete travesty. Malcolm Jones all but had a free path to the crown last year. The RIP Daddy, POP, and McKormick certainly made for rather lackluster competition. It’s a shame, really, because King of Elite is supposed to be a prestigious tournament. The winner is basically a future world champion. Luckily I’m here this time to give it much needed star power and once I win, my coronation is going be the biggest party this world has ever seen. King Vizzy, all hail. The future World Heavyweight Champion. My 2019 might not have rewarded the fruits of my labor, but know that Viewy P. Newton is going to make sure that 2020 is the year of the Prophet.
???: You’re making a lot of assumptions for a man who refused to fight this week.
(NvL walks into the scene and looks up at Viz. He shakes his head in disgust at his future opponent.)
The Visual Prophet: Hi. You must be Nathan.
(Viz extends his hand in greeting but NvL is not in the mood to play around with Viz. He slaps Viz’s hand away much to Viz’s chagrin.)
The Visual Prophet: You’re a rude little thing, now aren’t you?
NvL: What I am is a competitor and someone who’s ready, willing, and capable of knocking you out next week. You already crowning yourself ‘King’ is arrogant, especially when you haven’t a clue of what I’m capable of.
The Visual Prophet: Let me stop you right there, sweetheart. I’m fully aware of what you’re capable of, it’s just that I KNOW that whatever punch you’re packing in that vanilla midget body of yours isn’t going to be enough to knock down an actual god of a man like myself. I shit on men like you; delusional souls who find themselves in situations they have no business being in. The furthest you will ever go here is the King of Elite semi-finals. Keep in mind, I don’t say these things to be cruel. I’m being honest with you, that way when I resoundly beat you next week, there won’t be any surprises. I know that all eyes will be on me next week. This is what everyone has been waiting for. This is The Visual Prophet’s chance to finally put all the demons to bed and the naysayers to rest. No more coming up short when everything I want is right there in front of me. You are just a casualty.
(NvL clenches his fists to his sides and his steely, determined eyes remained focused on Viz’s.)
NvL: Underestimating your opponents will continue to be your downfall, I’m afraid. There’s a reason you haven’t won a big-time match yet and it’s because you remain fixated on this fantasy of your greatness that just simply doesn’t exist. You continue to think you have our match in the bag and continue to picture yourself in a crown, when reality hits you next week as you stare up at the sky, you are going to realize that the real definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. Sooner or later you’ll learn that. I’m more than happy to teach that lesson to you and to headline King of Elite myself. Don’t you think I’m chomping at the bits to get my hands on Marr, and people like Ava and O’Hara? This is my chance to announce my arrival and put all of EAW on notice that there’s someone else they need to fear. The same names continue to dominate the headlines, and after awhile that becomes redundant. I’m going to beat you next week, Viz, and there’s nothing you can do to stop that from happening. My win will be considered an upset, but I know better than that.
(Viz gives NvL a pitying look and just shakes his head.)
The Visual Prophet: Whatever helps you sleep at night between now and then, Nathan.
(Viz smiles sweetly and once again extends his hand.)
The Visual Prophet: Good luck in this opening contest tonight.
(Once again NvL slaps Viz’s hand away and with one final determined look, he walks off.)
(Dynasty fades to the ringside area.)
(Baden Baden ft Maitre Gims by SCH hits, as the crowd erupts into boos. Out steps SKA, as he has a mean look on his face)
Stephie Love: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a tag team match set for!!
Crowd: ONE FALL!!
Stephie Love: That’s right! And first, making his way to the ring, from Paris France, weighing in at 256lbs!!! SKAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
Stew-O: And here is SKA! Tonight he is put into a weird task, as he is set to team up with the man who eliminated him from the King of Elite tournament last week, as he takes on another man who seemed to get under his skin last week!
Flannery McCoy: Teaming up with Nathan Von Liebert tonight may not be easy for him, but if he can manage to put their differences aside, they have a good shot at winning this!
(“Redshift” by Audio Machine hits, as Nathan Von Liebert steps out onto the stage and makes his way down to the ring. The crowd showers him with boos the entire time)
Stephie Love: And his tag team partner!! From Richmond, Virginia, weighing in a 215lbs!!!!! NATHAN VONNNNNN LIEBERRRRRRRTTTT!!!!!!!!
Jake Mercer: Another one of the remaining survivors in the King of Elite tournament. Nathan Von Liebert has been nothing but excellent since his debut here in EAW. Tonight he has the chance to continue showing why he may be the next big thing here on Friday Nights!
(Me Muero by La 5a Estaćion hits, as the entire crowd gets up to their feet and cheers on Angel De Plata Jr.)
Stephie Love: And their opponent, from Mexico City, Mexico.. Weighing in at 205lbs!!!! ANGELLLLLLLL DE PLATTTAAAAA JRRRRRRR!!!!!
Flannery McCoy: Can you hear this crowd right now? They are going absolutely crazy for De Plata Jr! Last week he lost a tough one against The Vizual Prophet in the King of Elite tournament, and the fans are still cheering him on. Angel is warrior, and I don’t think that loss last week will hold him back. He’ll just continue to rise.
(“Life is Beautiful” by Lil Peep hits, as Spencer Bradley makes his way down the ramp)
Stephie Love: And his tag team partner, from Adelaide Australia, weighing in at 215lbs!!!!! SPENCERRRR BRADLEYYYYY!!!!
Stew-Or: Now Spencer and SKA had quite the confrontation last week. Spencer Bradley believes that he is the top rising star in EAW. A victory tonight will help back up his words. Especially against Nathan Von Liebert and SKA!!
(SKA has a mean stare at Spencer Bradley. It looks as if he wants to rip Spencer’s head off. The back and forth argument from last week definitely has SKA in different mindset mentally.)
(DING! DING! DING!)
Stew-O: And this tag team match up is rolling as Angel De Plata and Nathan Von Liebert start off for their teams. Angel and Nathan circle around the ring before locking up. NVL gets the quick advantage as he knees Angel in the stomach as Angel’s grip on NVL loosens up! NVL quickly shoves Angel back, the connects with a quick European uppercut that stuns Angel! Angel staggers back, as NVL charges at him with a running forearm smash!
Flannery McCoy: But Angel manages to duck underneath it, as NVL turns around! Superkick! Angel connects with the powerful superkick, as NVL falls back and leans against the ring ropes! Angel quickly runs up to Nathan Von Liebert, grabs him by the arm and whips him all the way across the ring with tremendous force!! NVL runs to the far ropes, rebounds fast, as he runs right into a quick dropkick by De Plata Jr! Nathan Von Liebert quickly gets right up, but is kicked directly at the side of the head by Angel De Plata Jr! Nathan stands groggy, as he stumbles a bit on his feet! Angel turns around and runs to the ropes behind him. He rebounds off the ropes, and leaps at Nathan Von Liebert! TILT A WHIRL HEADSCISSORS BY ANGEL DE PLATA JR!!! That quick offense by Angel De Plata Jr! Angel quickly gets up and makes his way to his corner.
Jake Mercer: And here’s the newcomer Spencer Bradley! Spencer goes over to the downed Nathan Von Liebert and stomps down on his right forearm! Nathan instantly clutches at his forearm in pain as Spencer Bradley stomps down onto his abdomen! Nathan Von Liebert pops up in a sitting position, as Spencer Bradley grabs Nathan Von Liebert and brings him up into a standing position! Spencer then connects with a powerful knife edge chop! And another! And then a third knife edge chop that has Nathan Von Liebert clutching at his chest in pain!
Stew-O: Spencer Bradley then kicks Nathan Von Liebert in the stomach! No! Nathan Von Liebert catches the leg and throws it to the mat the hard, causing Spencer to stumble! Nathan kicks Spencer in the gut and grabs his head for the swinging neckbreaker! Spencer is holding the back of his head after that move by Nathan Von Liebert, and slowly gets up to his hands and knees. Nathan Von Liebert walks over to Spencer Bradley, and wraps his arms around his waist! GUTWRENCH POWERBOMB!!! It connects! Nathan Von Liebert goes for the pin!
Stew-O: But Spencer Bradley is able to kick out! Nathan Von Liebert gets up and makes his way over to the corner! He’s climbing up to the top turnbuckle, as Spencer Bradley slowly makes it to his hands and knees. Nathan Von Liebert is now up on the top turnbuckle in a squatting position, but Spencer Bradley quickly charges at him, as he hops up onto the middle rope and connects with a hard hook to the side of the face of Nathan Von Liebert! That shot got him, but Nathan Von Liebert doesn’t fall off of the top turnbuckle! Spencer then goes for another punch! But Nathan Von Liebert blocks it then connects with a jab of his own as Spencer Bradley almost falls back into the ring before grabbing hold of the top rope! But Nathan Von Liebert kicks Spencer Bradley directly in the chest as he falls from the middle rope then lands flat onto the mat! Nathan Von Liebert now stands all the way up. He leaps into the air! DIVING HEADBUTT ONTO SPENCER BRADLEY!!!! It connects!!! Nathan Von Liebert covers!
Jake Mercer: But Spencer Bradley kicks out! Nathan Von Liebert gets back up to his feet. He grabs Spencer Bradley by the hair, and brings him up to his feet. Nathan Von Liebert then steps in and headbutts Spencer Bradley. Nathan Von Liebert is bringing it to Spencer Bradley right now! Spencer Bradley steps back as he is stunned by the headbutt. Nathan Von Liebert charges at Spencer Bradley with a running clothesline! But Spencer Bradley ducks it as Nathan Von Liebert almost runs into his teams turnbuckle! Nathan Von Liebert turns around, as he waits for Spencer Bradley to turn around to face him!
Flannery McCoy: SKA just tagged himself in! And look! Nathan Von Liebert isn’t taking this too well!!
Nathan Von Liebert (Off-Mic): What are you doing!?!?
SKA (Off-Mic): Can’t let you have all the fun. Now let me make this dude eat his words for what he said to me last week.
Flannery McCoy: And look at this! Spencer Bradley kicks both Nathan Von Liebert and SKA in the gut! He pulls them both in and hooks their heads! DDT!!! DDT ONTO BOTH MEN BY SPENCER BRADLEY!! WHAT A MOVE AS BOTH OF HIS OPPONENTS ARE LAID OUT ON THE MAT! Spencer Bradley gets up to his feet. He grabs SKA and brings him up to his feet before grabbing his arm and whipping him to his teams corner! SKA crashes hard up against the turnbuckle, as Spencer quickly charges at SKA and connects with a hard running dropkick to his chest!! SKA bounces out of the corner from the impact of that move, as Spencer Bradley makes his way over to Angel!
Stew-O: And Angel De Plata Jr. is back in this, as he grabs the top rope from the apron, and slingshots himself in the air!! Hurricanrana by Angel De Plata Jr. onto SKA!! It connects!!! Angel De Plata Jr. quickly gets up, as SKA landed in a seated position. Angel runs to the near ropes, bounces back and dropkicks SKA right in the chest as SKA slams straight back to mat! Angel De Plata quickly goes for the pin!
Jake Mercer: But SKA kicks out at two and a half! Angel De Plata gets back up to his feet! He goes through the ropes and makes it onto the ring apron. He pulls on the rope, leaps up, and springs off of the rope before connecting with a Splash! SKA takes the full impact there! Angel gets back up, as SKA rolls to his side. Angel De Plata Jr. steps back, as kicks SKA directly at the center of his back, as SKA screams in pain! Angel De Plata does it again! And again! Angel now runs over to the corner, as he climbs up to the top rope! SKA slowly gets back up to his feet, as Angel De Plata leaps into the air with a DIVING CROSSBODY!!!!
Flannery McCoy: No!!! SKA catches Angel De Plata Jr, and slams him back down to the mat!! SKA gets up to his hands and knees, and begins to crawl over to his corner. He slowly makes it up to his feet, as he walks over and extends his hand to Nathan Von Liebert for the tag!
Stew-O: But Nathan Von Liebert rejects it! What is going on!!!
Nathan Von Liebert (Off-Mic): I’ll tag myself in when I want to go in just like you.. You can continue on..
Jake Mercer: SKA looks at Nathan Von Liebert with anger in his eyes, as he turns around and grabs Angel De Plata Jr!! FOREWARD RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP BY SKA ONTO ANGEL DE PLATA JR!! SKA now back up to his feet, as he stomps down onto the back of Angel! SKA then grabs Angel by the mask and gets him up to his feet. SKA then kicks Angel in the stomach!! SKA CUT!!!! SKA CUT!!! IT CONNECTS!!!!!
Flannery McCoy: And SKA walks over to Nathan Von Liebert and slaps him in the face!! That’s considered a tag!!
Stew-O: Nathan Von Liebert is the legal man, as he enters the ring and shoves SKA back! The two of them definitely haven’t gotten along at all this entire time, and now I think SKA pushed it too far with Nathan Von Liebert!
Jake Mercer: SKA goes to charge at Nathan Von Liebert! DROPKICK BY SPENCER BRADLEY THAT SENDS SKA THROUGH THE MIDDLE ROPES, DOWN TO THE RINGSIDE FLOOR!!!! Spencer Bradley just entered the ring and dropkicked SKA out of it!
Flannery McCoy: AND LOOK!! IT’S ANGEL DE PLATA GRABBING NATHAN VON LIEBERT WHO WAS DISTRACTED BY SKA AND SPENCER BRADLEY!! CRANIOTOMY!!!!!! IT CONNECTS!!!!!!! ANGEL GOES FOR THE PIN!!!!!
(DING! DING! DING!)
(Me Muero by La 5a Estaćion hits, as the crowd erupts into cheers. Spencer Bradley and Angel De Plata Jr. get their hands raised by the referee, as they celebrate a hard fought victory)
Stephie Love: Here are your winners!!!!! ANGEL DE PLATA JRRRRRRRRR!!!!!! AND SPENCERRRR BRADLEYYYYYYYY!!!!!!
Stew-O: What a match! Unfortunately for Nathan Von Liebert, SKA wouldn’t hold his emotions back against Spencer Bradley. SKA really seemed like he wanted to get a piece of Spencer Bradley here tonight, and his determination to make that happen may have cost him and his team this victory.
Flannery McCoy: However, the winners seemed to click well tonight, as Angel De Plata and Spencer Bradley continue to shine here on Friday!
(Commercial for Viagra featuring everyone who competed at PFP 1.)
(Dynasty returns and focuses in on the commentary desk. Stew-O turns to the side and faces towards the camera.)
Stew-O: Hello. My name is Stew-O. You probably know that due to my fame and recognition as a respected wrestling journalist over all these years.
Jake Mercer: Or because your name’s been said on the episode already.
Flannery McCoy: :tea:
Stew-O: And here tonight I am hoping to uncover more in the ongoing saga between Lethal Consequences and his next challenger for the National Elite Championship, Kassidy Heart.
Jake Mercer (Now wearing a MAGA hat): ITS NATIONAL EXTREME!
(The camera then splits three ways to show Stew in the middle with Kassidy Heart on the left in a backstage chair, her personal makeup artist applying one last stroke of a brush across her face. To the right is Lethal Consequences, standing at a podium with the National Elite Championship over his shoulder and a gathering of the Lethal Coalition behind him. They have various signs such as “Women Belong In Kitchens”, “Melt The Snowflakes”, and “Find Me On ChristianMingle.Com.”)
Stew-O: LC, Kassidy, thank you both for joining me tonight.
Kassidy Heart: The pleasure is all yours, Stew. I’m not exactly thrilled to share a screen with the local grand wizard of the klan.
Lethal Consequences: Fuck you mean, bitch? You should be privileged. I ain’t even wanna do this shit. I got champion things to worry about. Then StarrStan wanna call me talkin bout “oh you do the interview or I strip you of the title” so fuck it I’m here with the coalition. And I am here to represent the true KKK. The Kunt Korrection Klan. Because you ain’t shit. And when you get your Equal Opportunity Initiative Title Shot, I’ll smack you so hard you feel honored to make my fucking dinner.
Kassidy Heart: I can’t wait to get my hands on you and teach you exactly how wrong you are. You’re nothing more than a washed up company lifer who only has the belt because they felt sad for you. How long was it between title reigns for you? Eight years? Enjoy your pity reign while it lasts. You’re going to beg me for mercy when this said and done.
Lethal Consequences: You gon’ beg for this dick, hoe.
Stew-O: WHOA! Okay. Okay. So we’re right into the thick of it I guess.
Lethal Consequences: It’s very thick, correct.
Kassidy Heart (facepalm): Oh my gawd…
Stew-O: LC, since you won the belt, you’ve been very insistent that everyone refer to it as the National Extreme Championship. Why is that?
(The group behind LC begins to boo.)
Lethal Consequences: Man, Stew. Fuck is wrong with you? Ain’t I said it enough? The people behind me get it. And you of all people should get it. How long you been here? You old as shit, memory losing, SJW promoting fuck.
Lethal Consequences: Y’all so warped by this “Elite” nonsense that some anime henty—hentay— whatever the fuck that cartoon tentacle porn shits called motherfuckers pushed on us. This ain’t Elite Answers Wrestling. Extreme Answers Wrestling is the truth. And I present the truth to you. This was the National Extreme Championship. This is the National Extreme Championship. This will be the National Extreme Championship. And ain’t one of y’all gonna tell me otherwise. DEDEDE’s private cum rag can say whatever she likes, despite that fact she should shut her female mouth unless it’s accepting a man’s phallus, but she can’t change the truth. She can’t change history. And when I bend her over my knee and spank her ass like the misbehaving woman she is, she’ll know who the champion is and she will bow down to a real man, a real leader.
(The Lethal Coalition cheers for their leader. They begin to chant “SPANK HER ASS! SPANK HER ASS! SPANK HER ASS!”)
Stew-O: Well… that’s just… okay then. And Kassidy. You’ve never been afraid to share your feelings about LC. What are your thoughts on the champion and what he’s had to say?
Kassidy Heart: Fucking typical. It’s the same thing I hear from any of these old heads who are to busy beating their own meat to actually see the world around them. In an era where only two active champions aren’t women, Lethal talks about me being a woman, even talking about my husband. And you know why that is? Because if he talks about me as a competitor, as someone who gets in that ring for a match, he knows he can’t say shit. He knows he can’t touch my talent. No one can. I’ve already beaten him on Dynasty, a fact he likes to ignore. So when King of Elite comes, his little pity reign comes to an end and I become the triple crown champion that I told everyone I would be.
Lethal Consequences: You can get triple fucked. Pussy. Ass. Mouth. You gon’ bow to this dick. You gon’ bow to a real man. What you even talkin bout, woman? A TV match on Dynasty? I’m supposed to give a fuck about some throwaway bullshit? I ain’t even paying attention until we getting that FPV paycheck. Miss me with that shit. Y’all wanna be like “ooh I care about every match” like why? So everyone will love you? Only shit that matters is the bright lights. But nah. Y’all wanna pander like the snowflakes you are so the other snowflakes will cry tears for you. That’s why I’m the National Extreme Champion. You ain’t got what it takes to hold this belt. No woman can touch me, no woman is ever gon’ show how to put the Extreme back in a title like LC.
Stew-O: Well, I think—
Kassidy Heart: Do you even know who you’re talking to? I am the definition of extreme in this company! I come from ultra violence. And I spill more blood than anyone in EAW. When the Mauler awakens, no one is safe. I’m going to show you what Extreme truly means.
(LC holds his fingers up to make a cross, the entire coalition follows suit.)
Lethal Consequences: This girl talking like she possessed or some shit. “When the Mauler awakens” like she got Eclipse up inside her. Split personality, or some shit, right? More SJW nonsense from you. Pandering to everyone crying about mental health and allat. Sounding like these weak ass children talking about ADHD and shit. We didn’t have all these designer diseases when I was a kid. These doctors now just making new shit up to try and make everyone feel all special. “I’m not dumb. I have a learning disability.” Nah, bitch. You dumb. I ain’t falling for none of that “sometimes I’m a cannibal” bullshit. You just be wanting that attention and the Coalition ain’t with it.
Stew-O: Well, LC, mental illness is actually a very serious issue…
Kassidy Heart: The only serious issue I see is that this bum has gold while I don’t. And the more he tries to press my buttons, the more he seals his own fate. He’s nothing but a ghost of a past long gone.
Stew-O: Kassidy, you have a long history of making noise in this company and overcoming the odds. Are you prepared for King of Elite?
Kassidy Heart: The fact you have to ask that is insulting. Of course I am. I’m going to pick Lethal apart and put his miserable career to an end. This isn’t overcoming the odds. This is a match I should simply win. The company tried to ignore me for so long but they can’t anymore. And they won’t ever again. I’ll win the National Elite Championship, and LC will fade away, just like he always does.
Lethal Consequences: “Of Course I Am” that ain’t no way to talk to a man. We gon’ teach you the meaning of “Yes sir” and “no sir” because clearly DEDEDE ain’t been doing his job with you. Man too busy getting busted by Fat Bastard from Austin Powers. But where the Chairman fails, Lethal Consequences will succeed. We gon’ teach you to behave right, little girl. :dave:
Kassidy Heart: I think we’re done here.
(Kassidy rips the lapel mic off her top and her all’s off screen.)
Lethal Consequences: Yeah. Walk off. Just like a woman. Can’t handle the truth. Just gon’ be a bitc—
(Stew-O presses a button at the desk and cuts the feed from LC and Kassidy’s areas.)
Stew-O: That one was pretty much doomed from the start.
(Stew looks over at Jake with his MAGA hat. Stew knocks the hat off his head, looking annoyed. Jake simply reaches down beside him and grabs another red hat that reads “Make EAW Extreme Again.”)
Stephie Love – The following contest is scheduled for…
Fans – ONE FALL!!!!
( ‘Go Off’ by Lil Uzi Vert, Quavo, and Travis Scott is heard over the PA system and instantly the crowd cheers as the Champion makes his way towards the ring. )
Stephie Love: Introducing first, from Detroit Michigan, weighing in at 225 pounds he is The NEW Breed ClassIC! JUSTIIN WINDGAAAAATE!!
Jake Mercer: Here comes The New Breed Classic! Or should I say New Breed Stoner?
Flannery McCoy: Have a little more respect for the Champion Jake please!
Jake Mercer: He seems to have recovered well from the vicious assault he suffered against Sturgis and Simmons. Let’s see if there is anything left of that attack against the Cape Town Crippler.
( ‘The Devil Inside’ by Charlie Harper plays over the PA system, instantly the crowd enters into a chorus of boos! )
Stephie Love: Annnnd his opponent, accompanied to the ring by Sylas Sandars from Cape Town, South Africa, weighing in at 275 pounds: RONAAAN MALOSIIIIIII!!!!
Jake Mercer: Another great challenge awaits the Cape Town Crippler as this weeks he faces the New Breed Champion!
Flannery McCoy: His loss against Visual Prophet in the King of Elite tournament behind him, Malosi has a change to show off his skills against yet another top tier talent on Dynasty!
( Ding Ding Ding! )
Stew-O: And Here We GO!
Both men are staring holes into one another at each other with Ronan firmly planted in the center of the ring. He glares at Windgate while smacking himself in the face to psyche himself up! Justin watches him wondering what he is doing AND THROWS IN A SLAP OF HIS OWN!
Stew-O: WINDGATE JUST BITCH SLAPPED THE CAPE TOWN CRIPPLER!! The crowd goes crazy and Ronan is getting mad as he lounges forth to try and grab the New Breed Champion who ducks and then throws a few well aimed jabs to Malosi’s face! Once! Twice! Thrice and then a fourth time which sends Malosi railing and Justin is only beginning! He goes for a clothesline but Ronan is getting up! A second clothesline thrown by Windgate but his opponent gets up again followed by a third clothesline from the New Breed Champion!! Malosi goes down again! Justin grabs an arm and puts it into an armbar as his opponent gets vertical and wait a minute, Justin is moving to a corner and climbs on top of it! He walks on the ropes! What agility! He is at the center of the ropes before he jumps and slams onto Ronan!
Jake Mercer: WOW!
Flannery McCoy: What agility and athleticism!!
Stew-O: Ronan on his part is slowly getting back up but is collected by a dropkick from Windgate!! Malosi once more is on his back but the XTreme Classic doesn’t stop there! He wraps an arm around Ronan’s head for a headlock followed by an arm bar and a few other MMA inspired ground moves keeping the big man off his feet! Windgate goes for a sleeperhold trying to finish this match quickly this does not bode well for the African born Malosi who is slowly fading away! The referee is checking Ronan lifting an arm in the air and letting drop!
Stew-O: The referee repeats the manoeuver, same result the arm drops limp!
Stew-O: Wait a second Malosi is suddenly having a surge of energy even before the official grabbed his arm a third time and quickly gets to his feet having held onto Windgate’s legs propping him up! ELECTRIC CHAIR BACKDROP!!! The Champion falls back first hard onto the mat with force! Now both men are down writhing in pain! It doesn’t take too long however since this is still early in the match for the two of them to get back on their knees and they stare each other down! Justin throws in a punch and Ronan matches it with one of his own! They go one after the other throwing haymakers at one another while even standing up to their feet and Ronan seems to strike harder which has Justin to buckle, it’s what Malosi needs to irish whip Windgate into the ropes! Justin is reeling near the ropes and Ronan scopes him out! Charging forth he is gunning for a spear charging in like a freight train but WOAH!!
Stew-O: JUSTIN DODGES LIKE A TOREADOR AND RONAN SPEARS HIS WAY THROUGH THE ROPES CRASHING FACE FIRST INTO THE MAT ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE RING!! This looks like it will hurt like hell! Justin looks down seeing that Ronan is writing in pain on the floor he is slowly getting up while the referee initiates the 10 count! The Champion moves to the ropes bouncing off them and runs then WOAH RUNNING SENTON OVER THE TOP ROPES AND DOWN COLLIDING WITH MALOSI!! BOTH MEN ARE NOT ON THE GROUND!!
Jake Mercer: WHAT ATHLETICISM BY JUSTIN SACRIFICING HIS BODY TO BRING PAIN UPON HIS OPPONENT!!
Flannery McCoy: He will always impress me this one!
Stew-O: The action continues as Justin is now atop of Ronan delivering a series of hard punches to the face! Windgate goes back in the ring stopping the official that had started the 10 count but Justin lets go of his opponent and goes back in before the ref could make it to five and awaits for Malosi to begin climbing the apron so he can go for a baseball slide which Malosi evades! Justin telegraphed this one but WOAH THIS IS UNSEEN MALOSI SWINGS A FOOT STRIKING DOWN ON A PRONE WINDGATE! BICYCLE KICK ON JUSTIN SENDING HIM TO THE MAT HARD! Malosi picks up Justin by the face and APRON CHOKESLAM ON THE APRON!! Justin is in a world of pain but Malosi isn’t done! Moving him to his feel Justin is irish whipped with force against a corner post before getting tossed over the railing by Malosi! The battle continues through the crowd as the referee initiates the 10 count during which time Ronan has the upper hand the whole time before he brought Justin back to ringside. Justin gets on the apron followed by Ronan but Windgate throws in a knee to the midsection AND GOES FOR A DDT!!! He rolls Malosi in and goes for the cover!!
Referee: OOOONNEEE!!! TWOOOOOO!!! THR…
Jake Mercer: RONAN KICKS OUT!!!!
Flannery McCoy: Close one for Malosi! But he survives!
Stew-O: Justin wants to keep the offense going and decides to go for a submission manoeuver!! Ronan is screaming in pain! The referee is asking Malosi if he wants to give up and he yells a resounding NOO!!
Crowd – QUIT RONAN QUIT!!! QUIT RONAN QUIT!!! QUIT RONAN QUIT!!! QUIT RONAN QUIT!!! QUIT RONAN QUIT!!!
Jake Mercer: Oh god dammit again with those stupid chants!!
Flannery McCoy giggles way too amused by this to say anything else.
Stew-O: The chants of the crowd seems to light a fire under the Cape Town Crippler who muscles up and moves actually reversing the hold now putting the pressure on the New Breed Champion!!! Justin screams in pain not wanting to give up and slowly squirms to then grab hold of the ropes so that Malosi breaks the hold! Justin is hanging onto the ropes while Ronin goes outside of the ring and slaps Windgate for humiliation! A few punches extra are thrown in followed by WOAH A DDT FROM THE APRON TO THE FLOOR!!! Justin looks to be out! Ronan rolls him in the ring for the COVER!!
Referee: OOOONNEEE!!! TWOOOOOO!!! THR…
Jake Mercer: JUSTIN KICKS OUT!!!!
Flannery McCoy: I was beginning to worry that we might have an upset here!
Jake Mercer: It will take more than that to take down the New Breed Champion! But these attacks must have taken a tool on the Xtreme Classic!
Stew-O: Ronan goes to a corner dragging Justin along and then goes to run back and forth for a Running Splash into Windgate! This is followed by a series of elbows to the midsection and then a series of MMA style body punches! Ronan is relentless! He then goes for a boot to the throat choking Justin until the referee begins to count before grabbing onto his opponent and THROW HIM OVER HIS HEAD WITH A BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX!! Justin goes down hard and Ronan goes to lift him again! Irish whip with an attempted big boot but Justin counters WITH A SUPERKICK!! The Champion is taunting his opponent to get up and goes for a swinging neckbreaker! He then goes as Malosi is on his knees for a series of strong style kicks to the chest! The fans count them but while they do Silas is distracting the official which allows his proteger to LOW BLOW WINDGATE!!! He grabs him and sets him up for THE SLINGSHOT POWERBOMB!! COVER!!!
Referee: OOOONNEEE!!! TWOOOOOO!!! THR…
Jake Mercer: JUSTIN KICKS OUT!!!!
Flannery McCoy: Ronan is getting mad!
Stew-O: What will he need to do to put the New Breed Classic away? He then goes for THE JACKHAMMER!
Referee: OOOONNEEE!!! TWOOOOOO!!! THR…
Jake Mercer: JUSTIN KICKS OUT AGAIN!!!!
Flannery McCoy: Look at Malosi! He is fuming!!
Stew-O: He calls for another move! He calls for the Widowmaker! He props Justin over his shoulders and spins BUT WINDGATE TURNS IT INTO A DDT!!!!!! BOTH MEN ARE DOWN!!!
Crowd: This Is Awesome!! This Is Awesome!! This Is Awesome!! This Is Awesome!!
Stew-O: Silas is screaming at his client to get back up and the two of them in the ring are throwing each other slugs of punches! Then get up and goes into the ropes before running towards each other.
Stew-O: … THERE IT IS! THE RUN IT UP!! SLICED BREAD NUMBER TWO CONNECTS AND MALOSI GOES DOWN HARD!! Sylas at ringside is screaming at his protégé urging him to get up but he doesn’t! Justin looks up the nearest corner and … HE DOES He calls for the X-Factor! Climbing to the top rope with ease he measures his opponent and then goes flying! X-FACTOR ON RONAN!!!! MALOSI IS DOWN!! WINDGATE WITH THE COVER!!!
Referee: OOOONNEEE!!! TWOOOOOO!!! THREEEEEEEE!!!!
( Ding Ding Ding! )
Stephie Love: The Winner Of This Bout … The New Breed Classic! JUSTIIIN WINDGAAAAAAATE!!!!
Flannery McCoy: The New Breed Champion keeps the momentum rolling tonight against a tough competitor in Ronan, I’m sure the message was heard loud and clear from Zak Simmons and Sturgis. He has a lot of work cut out for him but based on this performance tonight I think he’s ready!
Jake Mercer: He better be! They have been bringing the pressure to him but he doesn’t seem to be backing down, is his confidence justified? I guess we’ll find out soon. Coming up next we have a contract signing between two of the biggest names in modern day EAW, Raven Roberts and Sienna Jade as they put the pen to the pad and make this match at Clash of Kingdoms official, stay tuned!
(Commercial for melatonin featuring Kassidy Heart)
(Dynasty comes back on air as StarrStan is shown in the ring that is covered with a carpet. The table with the contract on it and three chairs are also in the ring, outside of the ring and up the ramp are a gang of security guards hired by Starr to stop things from spiraling into violence.)
StarrStan: For the past several weeks, a rivalry has been renewed between two of the top female competitors this division has to offer and as each week has passed, things have just gotten worse and worse. It’s clear as day that these women want nothing more than to rip one anothers heads off and while I’m sure you would all love to see that, we can’t have that happening on weekly programming prior to the actual match because that puts it in jeopardy. With that being said, I have hired this security team to make sure that this signing does not spiral out of control and that these two young ladies get this done in a peaceful manner and go about their business.
(Camera pans around the ring showing the several security officers surrounding it as well as some inside of the ring as the crowd boos them)
StarrStan: I’m paying you guys good money to make sure nothing bad happens, and you’re already aware that if these women manage to still cause havoc, you aren’t getting paid. So put those muscles to work fellas! Now without further ado I would like to bring out the chall–
(“Unfuckwithable” by Deez Nutz hits to huge boos as Sienna Jade makes her way out through the curtain in casual clothing, denim jeans, boots, and a leather jacket over her signature “Unfuckwithable” shirt. She makes her way down the ramp giving the accompanying security guards disgusted looks and even shoots off one of them who tried to hold the ropes open for her by berating him. She enters the ring as the music dies down.)
Sienna Jade: You got some nerve Stan.
StarrStan: Excuse me?
Sienna Jade: You heard me you bald bitch. First of all, one of the best female competitors this division has to offer is soooo backhanded. You fucking idiot this division only HAS females in it. And another thing, I am not just the best female this division has to offer, I am the best female this company in general has to offer regardless of what other females are around who are holding a male dominated championship. My worth isn’t based around only feeling worthy enough if the championship I have was once held by men. That’s called being insecure, and if half of these bitches who feel that way actually cared about equality for women’s rights.. they wouldn’t look at being in a division with fellow women as a downgrade or insult. But that’s fine, more money for me to make, more titles for me to win, and more Pain for Pride’s for me to headline. All of that in spite of you and your biased ways Starr. You never promote me as a marquee name, you don’t know you have a future Hall of Famer standing right in front of you, and you don’t value what I bring to the table. I mean let’s be honest, your hardon for Serena Bennett was so obvious and it blew up in your face, she dropped the ball as the leader of your stupid war games team and then I ended her career, you as a talent scout sucks almost as bad as you did in the ring when my baby Impact wasn’t carrying you to relevance!
StarrStan: Okay enough Sienna. I don’t know where this animosity stems from but I don’t have anything negative to say about you, I am simply trying to get this done in a peaceful manner to protect both parties involved prior to their big match.
Sienna Jade: Yeah whatever, if you were smart you’d want me to soften her up prior to our match. You’d want that title to actually be back on Dynasty because it makes you look better as a GM when an interbranded title is held by someone on a brand you run but you’re a dumb little baldheaded bitch who is shortsighted so of course you don’t see the big picture.
StarrStan: I am the GM but that doesn’t mean I need to conspire against other brands competitors, it doesn’t work like that. If I wasn’t confident in you then you wouldn’t be in this position.
Sienna Jade: Yeah whatever, enough of you. For the past several weeks I have gone at it with this clown bitch and I’m ready to make this thing official so let’s get it over with.
(‘Mark My Words’ by Doll Skin hits to a big pop as Raven Roberts storms her way down the ramp not taking an eye off of Sienna Jade, as soon as she enters the ring so does a few security guards to form a barrier between the two ladies, making sure that they don’t come into physical contact with one another.)
Raven Roberts: You should be thanking Starr if anything Sienna. He got you all of this protection knowing that if these rent-a-cops weren’t here I’d be kicking your ass like I do every time you don’t have somebody out there to help you.
Sienna Jade: Wait, I need… help… to beat YOU? (Sienna bursts out laughing)
Raven Roberts: It’s as clear as day, you couldn’t beat me without Kassidy Heart before and now you’re strutting around with your boyfriend having him help you fight your battles because you’re too weak to handle it on your own. Your fat ass boyfriend is so busy sticking his fupa into the business of anybody who you have beef with that he forgets he has a damn match against Cage. You look ridiculous week after week coming out here being coddled and protected by everybody from your boyfriend to your general manager and everything in between. Then you have the nerve to still talk shit when you know you can’t back it up on your own. You may have main evented back to back Pain for Pride’s but let’s not forget this one key fact to go with it, you LOST both of those matches. You didn’t just lose, you lost to two women who wouldn’t even be here by the conclusion of the year.
Sienna Jade: Yeah I lost those matches and I also kicked your ass at one Pain for Pride and while you were too busy bitching about being in a Cash in the Vault match that you should have been grateful to have even had an opportunity to compete in given that it made you relevant, I was holding a world championship high and proud, something that I actually won straight up. You’re right, I lost matches and the women I lost to flamed out, except you forget the fact that I am the reason Serena flamed out. Nobody gets one over on me and then moves on to have a flourishing career with any type of longevity or a legacy that doesn’t end up disgraced. THAT’S the common denominator here. Even in a loss I come out on top and history is in my favor. I won’t have to worry about that with you though Ravie, because we all know if there’s anything you can’t do in your career.. It’s beat me. You are my own personal punching bag who I smack around whenever I feel like it. That’s your legacy… my bitch. And because you do such a great job at being my bitch, it will be because of you that I go onto become the first and only woman to ever hold the Freeweight, Unified, and Universal Womens Championships. It’s almost like being a woman and winning women oriented championships are actually lucrative who woulda thought?
Raven Roberts: Are you done? You are a master at spinning the narrative and maybe if this was 2018 when I was a rookie who wasn’t as sharp you’d have me, but time has passed you up. You peaked two years ago and even when you were in your prime you still took several shortcuts to get where you were. Your resume is more inflated than those silicon bags on your chest. You’ve gotten by thanks to Kassidy Heart carry-jobs and preferential treatment but that’s fine. We are here now and it’s just me and you, no Impact because he literally can’t put his hands on a female in Qatar, no Kassidy because she doesn’t care about you anymore and has been ducking me ever since I cashed in. For the first time in your career you’re going to be put to the test where you have to show if you can actually hang with me, or have you been nothing but a beneficiary of circumstance.
Sienna Jade: bEnEfiCiArY oF cIrCuMsTaNce… that’s a pretty fancy way for saying “you are my superior”. Listen you bland unflavored bitch, I am superior to you in every sense of the word from fighting all the way to using my brain and outsmarting you. I never needed any help defeating you so please don’t flatter yourself. You’d be trotting your bitch ass boyfriend out here too if he wasn’t too busy already fighting your OTHER battle, not to mention the fact that Impact already has his number and he knows better. So don’t act like you’re too above that. This is your problem Raven, all you ever do is make excuses and place the blame on others for what you have failed to do. It was the story of your life when we were on Empire. You could never sit there and admit when there was a better woman so instead you would blame the powers that be, you have been in my shadow and jealous of me my whole career, you have never been able to beat a Jaded Heart in a straight up situation and you never will be able to and that isn’t something that any general manager or anybody else has control over. It’s just the way life goes for you. So you hold that tight and close and keep it warm and you count down the days left that you have as the champion because it’s coming to an end for you whether you like it or not.
(Sienna Jade takes the pen off of the table and aggressively signs her name before throwing the contract at Ravens chest. Raven gets mad and stands up but the security rushes to get in between before she settles down.)
Raven Roberts: You know what Sienna, all of the absolute bullshit you talk, all of the silly antics and everything else in between I’m going to just chalk up to you being you. Just remember, none of this will be around to protect you in three weeks. From the security, to this table that separates us, unless of course I decide to send you crashing through one. So you do what you gotta do and say whatever it is that you need in order to give yourself the confidence to drag your ass to Clash of Kingdoms, I welcome the ignorance and false bravado. That’s just going to make it that much satisfying when I finish you off once and for all and break this little streak you have over me. It’s funny how over on Showdown I have to deal with two teenage minded cowards who get off by being edgelords and then here on Dynasty I pretty much have the female version of that. So I’m used to dealing with people like you Sienna, and I have absolutely no problem putting you in your place on my way to becoming a double champion in this company and leaving you in the dust, in the past where you belong.
(Raven Roberts signs the contract and hands it over to StarrStan as Sienna begins talking again.)
Sienna Jade: Past, present, future… it doesn’t fucking matter. One thing that will never change is Sienna Jade standing on top of Raven Roberts in the totem pole. Whether it be REVOLT, EAW, or whatever other company you decide to fuck off to after I kick your ass and cause you to rage quit like so many others have in the past after I beat them, I will always be your superior in so many ways. I will always be the better wrestler, I will always have the better resume, I will always be a bigger draw who people gravitate more towards whether they love or hate me. I bring flavor to this company, actual personality and charisma.. something you ATTEMPT to do in your cringeworthy videos about your stupid tragic personal life that nobody cares about. I run the womens division with an iron fist and it’s been that way for the past two years, I’ll be damned if I let up now and let one of my own damn sons pass me up. So Clash of Kingdoms you better believe I’ll be there in all of my glory and I’m going to give you the reminder of a lifetime. Me myself and I, no Impact, no Kassidy, nobody else you can possibly think of to blame and deflect from me simply being better than you. And you know what I’m going to do? I’m going to show you exactly why Sienna Jade always has been and still is…. Unfuckwithable.
Raven Roberts: Yeah yeah yeah we get it what else do you have to bring to the table outside of “you’re boring and I’m unfuckwithable!”? Your problem is you’re a surface level talent who doesn’t know how to evolve and thinks that using comedy and mean girl tactics as a crutch can mask her lack of substance.. it doesn’t. Your glaring flaws and lack of ability to keep up with me will be prevalent when those bright lights come on. I just hope you’re ready for it, this is a far cry from Madison Kaline, Astraea Jordan, a washed up Cleopatra, or Lexi Sheckler, but you’ll find that out soon enough. What you did to me last week was grounds for me to turn this whole contract signing upside down and wreak havoc in this ring, and perhaps in a different time I would have done that. But consider yourself lucky that I am more than confident enough in myself to wait a few more weeks to really get my hands on you in the way that I want, where you can’t escape or use any tricks. You should have just let Serena face you straight up where she would have kicked your ass, because now the one accomplishment you have to your name of being undefeated against me goes completely down the drain. I hope it was worth it.
(“Mark My Words” picks back up as Raven stands up and holds the championship high in the air, an unbothered Sienna pays her no mind as she brushes her off and pretends to be filing her nails.)
Stew-O: Raven gets the last word tonight but will she be getting the last laugh when it is all said and done? It will be interesting to see, this will be quite possibly her biggest defense yet and Sienna has just as much incentive to win this match as Raven!
Flannery McCoy: It will be a war out there that’s for sure. Speaking of wars and womens wrestling, the Specialists Champion Darcy May Morgan has made an unlikely enemy in Sierra Bradford, Drake’s rumored girlfriend or something like that I don’t freaking know.. but what I do know is coming up next Drake fights for her honor in a match against Darcy and boy is this going to be a great one!
Jake Mercer: Indeed it is, Drake and Darcy are always putting together great matches and this should be no different.
(A recap of the brewing drama between Sierra Bradford and Darcy May Morgan plays before Dynasty comes back to ringside)
Stephie Love: Ladies and gentlemen… The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL!
Crowd: ONE FALL!!!!
Stephie Love: Introducing first!…
(‘Ready For War’ by Adelitas Way hits and the crowd initially begins booing heavily as Drake King walks out to the stage, but the reaction slowly becomes more mixed as Sierra Bradford walks out as well, joining Drake side by side. The two both have smiles on their faces looking at one another, before they both begin making their way down the ramp and to the ring.)
Stephie Love: Making his way to the ring… Accompanied by Sierra Bradford… Residing in Charlotte, North Carolina… Weighing in at 220 pounds…. THE PARAGON, DRRRAAAAAAKKKKEEE KKIIIIIIIIING!!!!
Stew-O: The number one contender to the World Heavyweight Championship, and the self proclaimed best wrestler in the world! Tonight he has to once again prove whether or not his claim is true, and he has to do that by going up against someone he’s faced, and defeated, in the past, in the Specialists Champion, Darcy May Morgan.
Jake Mercer: To be honest, I think this is a match Drake won’t win. Drake has done nothing but underestimate Darcy from the start. The last match these two competed in together, Darcy won pinning the woman in Drake’s corner tonight. Now, I think she’s about to pin the “Paragon” himself. And man, what a statement that would be.
Flannery McCoy: It’d be a huge statement, but don’t just brush Drake’s talents aside like that. If anything, this’ll be a difficult match for both competitors involved. I’d say, we need to just wait and see what happens.
(‘Spotlight Savior’ by Iggy Azalea follows, and the crowd goes right back to being completely full of boos as Darcy May Morgan makes her way out to the stage. Darcy has the Specialists Championship around her waist as well as a confident look as she makes her way down to the ring, while in the meantime Sierra and Drake are talking to each other, making sure not to look away from the Champion.)
Stephie Love: And his opponent… Billed from Kent, United Kingdom… Weighing in at 130 pounds… SHE IS THE EAW SPECIALISTS CHAMPION, DAAAAAARRCY MAAAYYY MOOOORRGANNN!!!!
Jake Mercer: The Dropkick Darling! :blessed:
Stew-O: Darcy May Morgan has been on an absolute tear during her run as Specialists Champion, but one thing Jake that you forgot to mention is that just LAST week she was actually pinned by Sierra Bradford. While she’s not facing Sierra tonight, I’m sure she’s gonna want to prove herself, and send a message to Sierra for the future.
Flannery McCoy: Speaking of Sierra, who’s to say she won’t get involved? To be honest, the idea of her being here at all has got to provide an advantage for Drake.
Jake Mercer: Eh, I doubt it. Let’s just start this match.
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Stew-O: That’s the bell, and now both competitors immediately begin to lock up! Drake King and Darcy May Morgan battling for control, and it’s Drake using his strength advantage over Darcy to power her into the corner! The referee counting to five before separating the two- AND THERE’S A SLAP TO THE FACE OF DARCY BY DRAKE! Drake walking away with a cheap grin on his face- BUT NOW DARCY GOES RIGHT AFTER DRAKE! Darcy with a headlock takedown right out of nowhere, and right now it’s the Specialists Champion in control! Drake struggling to get out of that headlock, and of course Darcy has no intentions on letting go!
Jake Mercer: Drake is able to get back on one knee despite Darcy having that headlock applied, what’s he gonna do? Drake, managing to push Darcy into the ropes, and that causes Darcy to let go of the headlock! Drake jumping over Darcy as she bounces into the opposite side of the ropes, AND THERE’S AN ENZUIRIG- NO! DARCY DUCKED IT, AND THERE’S A SCHOOL BOY ROLL UP!
Jake Mercer: Drake kicks out, and the two both get up at the same time, looking right at each other!
Flannery McCoy: These two have been in the ring with each other quite a few times now so this should definitely make this match a bit more interesting! At the same time, these two have grown a lot as singles competitors since their last match, although that just adds to the excitement! Both competitors going for the lock up again, but this time it’s Drake that puts Darcy in a standing headlock! Darcy is clearly struggling, and as of right now I’m wondering, will Sierra Bradford be a factor in this match? Her being at ringside for this, I doubt things will end smoothly.
Stew-O: Well, there’s not much Sierra can do without the referee getting involved I imagine- WAIT WAIT! DARCY MANAGING TO POWER DRAKE UP FOR A BACK SUPLEX- BUT DRAKE LANDS ON HIS FEET! Drake attempting a lariat as soon as Darcy turned around, but Darcy ducked it! DON’T DISS DARC- NO! DRAKE MANAGED TO GRAB DARCY’S LEG BEFORE SHE COULD CONNECT WITH THE BICYCLE KNEE! Drake holding Darcy by the leg- BUT HE WAITED TOO LONG TO MAKE A MOVE AS DARCY HITS DRAKE WITH AN ENZUIGIRI! Drake is stunned, and now Darcy runs the ropes- BEFORE HITTING A BEAUTIFUL DROPKICK, CAUSING DRAKE TO ROLL OUT OF THE RING!
Jake Mercer: Can’t expect anything less from the Dropkick Darling! Sierra making sure Drake is okay, and he seems to be just fine, BUT LOOK AT DARCY, RUNNING THE ROPES! WRECKING BALL DROPKIC- NO! BOTH SIERRA AND DRAKE MOVED OUT OF THE WAY, AND THERE’S A HUGE BICYCLE KICK BY DRAKE! If that dropkick by Darcy connected, it would’ve for sure sent both Sierra and Drake crashing into the barricade! Drake sending Darcy back into the ring before climbing onto the apron, and now he waits for her to get up!
Flannery McCoy: THE PARAGON WITH A SPRINGBOARD KNEE- NO! DARCY MOVED OUT OF THE WAY, BUT DRAKE MANAGES TO ROLL ONTO HIS FEET! DARCY RUNNING OVER TO DRAKE AND GRABBING HIM IN A FRONT HEADLOCK BEFORE RUNNING UP THE TURNBUCKLES, AND THERE’S A TORNADO DDT BY DARCY! That was possibly the first big move of the match to connect by either Drake or Darcy, and now the Specialists Champion is once again going for the pin, trying to put Drake away quickly!
Flannery McCoy: DRAKE KICKS OUT! Drake grabbing onto the ropes, trying to get back up- BUT THERE’S A PUNT KICK TO DRAKE’S MIDSECTION BY THE LEADING LADY!
Stew-O: Drake holding his midsection in pain, and that allows Darcy to grab Drake and put him in a rear chinlock! Drake seems to be struggling, right now it looks like Darcy was more than prepared for this match! Drake attempting a back elbow- BUT DARCY GRABS HIS ARM BEFORE GRABBING HIS OTHER ARM AS WELL! DRAGON SUPLEX BY DARCY! RIGHT NOW THIS MATCH IS ALL DARCY, AND AT THIS RATE SHE MAY PUT AWAY THE NUMBER ONE CONTENDER TO THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!
Jake Mercer: Drake is pulling himself up with the turnbuckles, and now Darcy charges in right as he gets back up- BUT SHE RUNS RIGHT INTO A BOOT TO THE FACE! DRAKE PULLING HIMSELF UP TO THE SECOND ROPE, AND THERE’S A DIVING BLOCKBUSTER BY THE PARAGON! DRAKE LOOKS PUMPED UP AS DARCY GETS BACK UP, AND NOW HE RUNS THE ROPES! SLINGBLADE BY DRAKE! DARCY PULLING HERSELF UP WITH THE TURNBUCKLES, BUT NOW IT’S DRAKE CHARGING IN- BUT DARCY MOVES OUT OF THE WAY! DARCY TRIES TO CAPITALIZE BUT DRAKE QUICKLY HITS A SPINNING KICK YO THE MIDSECTION, AND NOW HE PULLS HER IN FOR A REVERSE STO INTO THE TURNBUCKLES!
Flannery McCoy: Drake is coming back into this one! Drake backing into the corner and he’s stomping his feet, clearly waiting for Darcy to get up! Darcy slowly getting onto a knee, AND NOW DRAKE CHARGES IN! FALLEN KINGDOM- NO! DARCY MOVES OUT OF THE WAY! DARCY ROLLING BACK TO HER FEET AS DRAKE TURNS TOWARDS HER! DON’T DISS DARCY- NO! DRAKE MOVES OUT OF THE WAY THIS TIME, AND DARCY REBOUNDS OFF THE ROPES LOOKING TO CAPITALIZE- BUT OH MY GOD! STIGMATA, THE STIGMATA CONNECTS BY DRAKE KING, AND NOW THERE’S THE COVER!
Stew-O: DARCY MANAGES TO KICK OUT! That was an impressive move by Drake, I don’t think he’s ever actually used that one before, but it wasn’t enough to get the job done just yet! Drake realizing this as he picks Darcy up, AND IT LOOKS LIKE HE’S SETTING UP FOR THE WASTELAND- DARCY LANDS ON HER FEET! ENCORE- NO! DRAKE CATCHES HER! ROLLING CUTTER- NO, NOW IT’S DARCY WITH THE COUNTER! REVERSE DDT BY THE SPECIALISTS CHAMP! IMPRESSIVE EXCHANGE OF MOVES BY BOTH COMPETITORS HERE AND NOW IT’S DARCY LOOKING TO TAKE ADVANTAGE AS SHE GOES FOR THE COVER!
Jake Mercer: DRAKE KICKS OUT! Darcy grabbing onto the ropes in order to pull herself up, after all, not too long ago she was just in a similar position to Drake after getting hit with stigmata! Darcy now pulling Drake up to a knee, AND NOW SHE RUNS THE ROPES AS HE’S SLOUCHED OVER, CURB STOMP- NO! DRAKE ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY, QUICKLY GETTING TO HIS FEET AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, AND IT LOOKED LIKE DARCY ATTEMPTED TO USE HIS OWN FINISHER AGAINST HIM! DARCY CHARGING TOWARDS DRAKE- BUT DRAKE SENDS HER OVER THE TOP ROPE!
Flannery McCoy: DRAKE IMMEDIATELY RUNNING THE ROPES AS DARCY MIRACULOUSLY MANAGED TO LAND ON HER FEET, AND THERE’S A SUICIDE DIVE! DRAKE RUNNING BACK INTO THE RING AND IT LOOKS LIKE ONCE AGAIN HE’S PUMPED UP AS DARCY SLOWLY GETS BACK UP! DRAKE RUNNING THE ROPES ONCE MORE, AND THERE’S ANOTHER SUICIDE DIVE! DRAKE RUNNING BACK INTO THE RING, AND IT LOOKS LIKE HE’S SETTING UP FOR ONE MORE! SIERRA IS GETTING THE CROWD FIRED UP, AND HERE COMES DRAKE! THIRD SUICIDE DIVE- FACE ACHE!! OH MY GOD, WHAT A SUPERKICK BY DARCY, RIGHT OUT OF THE AIR!!
Stew-O: DARCY ROLLING DRAKE BACK INTO THE RING, AND NOW SHE’S PULLING UP THE DEFENSELESS DRAKE! TALK TO YOU NEVER! DARCY JUST HIT DRAKE WITH THAT KNOCKOUT PUNCH, AND NOW SHE’S GOING FOR THE COVER, BUT LOOK! DARCY IS PUTTING HER LEGS ONTO THE ROPES FOR EXTRA LEVERAGE! THE REFEREE DOESN’T NOTICE IT DUE TO HIS POSITIONING, DARCY IS GONNA STEAL IT!
Stew-O: WAIT, NO! SIERRA MANAGED TO GET THE REFEREE’S ATTENTION!! THE REFEREE NOTICED IT AND STOPPED THE PIN! DARCY IS FURIOUS, SHE THOUGHT SHE HAD THE MATCH WON BUT AT THE VERY LAST MOMENT THE REF NOTICED HER FEET ON THE ROPES THANKS TO SIERRA BRADFORD!
Jake Mercer: Darcy rolling out of the ring, and it looks like she’s giving Sierra a piece of her mind! I can’t exactly make out what she’s saying, but to be honest I can see why Darcy is angry! Sure it wasn’t exactly the right way to do it, but Darcy had Drake beat! Darcy would’ve won if it wasn’t for Sierra!
Flannery McCoy: Darcy needs to focus on the match. Her and Sierra right now are just going back and forth- and finally it looks like they’re finished. Darcy getting back into the ring and- SUPERKICK BY DRAKE!! DRAKE ALMOST ON SPAGHETTI LEGS, BARELY EVEN ABLE TO STAND BUT NOW HE GRABS DARCY FROM BEHIND, AND THERE’S A RIPCORD KNEE STRIKE! DRAKE HANGING ONTO THE ROPES TO EVEN STAY ON HIS FEET RIGHT NOW, BUT HE’S GOT DARCY IN PRIME POSITION! DRAKE BACKING UP TOWARDS THE PAIR OF ROPES OPPOSITE FROM DARCY, AND HE’S YELLING FOR HER TO GET UP! DARCY SLOWLY DOING SO, AND DRAKE LOOKS ABOUT READY TO FINISH THIS! DRAKE CHARGING IN, AND THERE’S THE GUILLOTI- NO!
Stew-O: DARCY MANAGES TO AVOID IT AT THE LAST POSSIBLE MOMENT, AND THAT WOULD’VE CAUSED DRAKE TO GO FLYING RIGHT OUT OF THE RING THROUGH THE MIDDLE ROPE, BUT DRAKE JUST BARELY MANAGED TO GRAB THE TOP ROPE! DRAKE PULLING HIMSELF UP ONTO THE APRON, BUT NOW DARCY RUNS THE ROPES! SUICIDE SPEAR- WAIT, NO! DRAKE MOVED OUT OF THE WAY JUST BEFORE DARCY COULD DIVE, AND THERE’S A RUNNING KNEE RIGHT INTO HER FACE, LEAVING HER HUNG ONTO THE MIDDLE ROPE! DARCY LOOKS ABSOLUTELY OUT OF IT, AND NOW DRAKE MAY BE LOOKING TO CAPITALIZE AS HE DROPS OFF THE APRON AND GRABS DARCY BY THE HEAD!
Jake Mercer: DRAKE HAS DARCY IN A FRONT HEADLOCK AS HE SLOWLY LIFTS HER FULLY OUT OF THE RING, AND HE HAS HER IN A SUPLEX POSITION! OH MY GOD, WASTELAND!! WASTELAND OUTSIDE OF THE RING, AND I CAN ONLY IMAGINE JUST HOW MUCH DAMAGE THAT MUST’VE DONE! DARCY IS LEFT SQUIRMING AROUND IN PAIN AFTER BEING SLAMMED ONTO THE FLOOR OUTSIDE OF THE RING LIKE THAT, AND NOW DRAKE ROLLS HER BACK INTO THE RING! DRAKE ISN’T GOING FOR THE COVER OR ANYTHING THOUGH! INSTEAD, HE’S CLIMBING UP TO THE TOP ROPE! DRAKE SAID HE WASN’T JUST GONNA HAND THE WIN OVER TO DARCY AND THAT’S WHAT WE’RE SEEING RIGHT NOW, PHOENIX SPLASH!!! THE COVER BY DRAKE!!
Flannery McCoy: OH WOW! DARCY MAY MORGAN GETS THE SHOULDER UP!! DRAKE IS IN ABSOLUTE SHOCK AS THE WASTELAND AND PHOENIX SPLASH WEREN’T ENOUGH TO FINISH DARCY MAY MORGAN! SOMEHOW DARCY IS STILL IN THIS, AND I THINK DARCY WAS RIGHT! DRAKE HAD SPENT THE WEEK UNDERESTIMATING HER, AND NOW HIS WORDS MAY BE COMING BACK TO HAUNT HIM HERE! Drake slowly dragging Darcy up by her hair, looking almost disgusted- AND NOW THERE’S A SLEEPER HOLD!!
Stew-O: DRAKE HAS DARCY IN A STANDING SLEEPER HOLD! DARCY IS FLAILING HER ARMS TRYING TO GET OUT OF THE SUBMISSION, BUT CLEARLY SHE’S NOT EXACTLY SUCCEEDING RIGHT NOW! DRAKE HAS THAT SLEEPER HOLD APPLIED TIGHTLY- WAIT, LOOK! DARCY MANAGING TO RUN UP THE TURNBUCKLES, AND SHE MANAGES TO FLIP OUT OF THE SUBMISSION! DARCY CHARGING IN- BUT DRAKE MANAGES TO SLIP BEHIND HER! DRAKE WITH THE RIPCORD, DRAWN BY BLOOD- NO! DARCY WITH ANOTHER ROLL UP, AND THIS TIME SHE’S GOT A HANDFUL OF TIGHTS, AND SHE BEAT SIERRA BRADFORD THIS EXACT SAME WAY JUST TWO WEEKS AGO!
Jake Mercer: THE PARAGON KICKS OUT! DARCY CHARGES AT DRAKE ONCE MORE, BUT THERE’S ANOTHER STIGMA- NO! THE STIGMATA DOESN’T CONNECT! JUST AS DRAKE ALMOST CONNECTED WITH THE SIT OUT POWERBOMB, DARCY MANAGED TO HIT A HURRICANRANA! DRAKE STUMBLING BACK TO HIS FEET, AND NOW DARCY RUNS IN! DARCY SETTING UP FOR ANOTHER TORNADO DDT, BUT DRAKE MANAGES TO HOLD DARCY UP! THE STRENGTH OF DRAKE COMING INTO PLAY HERE AS HE MANAGES TO HOLD DARCY UP- BUT IT DOESN’T MATTER AS DARCY FINALLY MANAGES TO DROP DRAKE WITH THE DDT!
Flannery McCoy: Darcy taking deep breaths, and it’s clear to see just how difficult this match has been for both competitors. This just may be their most back and forth match yet, and that of course includes both of the tag matches they’ve competed in together. Both of the competitors here have been giving this match there all, and I think we could be reaching the closing moments soon! Darcy slowly picking Drake up, AND SHE MANAGES TO LIFT HIM ON HER SHOULDERS! CURTAIN CALL- NO! DRAKE MANAGED TO BLOCK THE KNEE! DRAWN BY BLOOD- DARCY PUSHES DRAKE AWAY! DARCY CHARGING IN, DON’T DISS DARCY- DRAKE SIDE STEPS HER, AND THERE’S A SUPERKICK TO THE BACK OF HER HEAD!
Stew-O: Drake lifting Darcy up, AND THERE’S A BUCKLE BOMB! DRAKE BACKING INTO THE OPPOSITE CORNER, AND HE WAITS AS DARCY SLOWLY USES WHATEVER ENERGY SHE HAS LEFT IN ORDER TO GET BACK TO HER FEET! DRAKE NOW CHARGING IN, GUILLOTINE- NO! COME ON!! DARCY MAY MORGAN JUST PULLED THE REFEREE INTO HER WAY! DRAKE JUST NEARLY KICKED THE REFEREE’S HEAD RIGHT OFF HIS SHOULDERS! THE REF WAS JUST TAKEN OUT BY DRAKE, AND NOW THERE’S THE FACE ACHE BY DARCY!! THE REF IS DOWN, DRAKE KING IS DOWN, AND DARCY HAS A SMILE ON HER FACE!
Jake Mercer: Darcy slowly walking out of the ring as she grabs her Specialists Championship, and- OH MY GOD! JUST AS SHE TURNED AROUND SIERRA BRADFORD JUST CRASHED INTO HER WITH WHAT LOOKED LIKE THE SEEKING MISSILE! SIERRA HAS A FRUSTRATED LOOK ON HER FACE, AND NOW SHE’S PICKING DARCY UP, MISERY BUSINESS!!! ALL THROUGHOUT THE MATCH DARCY WAS TRYING TO DO WHATEVER SHE COULD IN ORDER TO WIN, AND JUST NOW LOOKED TO BE NO EXCEPTION AS SHE PURPOSEFULLY GOT THE REFEREE TAKEN OUT OF THE EQUATION, BUT NOW IT’S ALL BACKFIRED! WE ALL SAW THE INTERACTION SIERRA AND DARCY HAD EARLIER, AS WELL AS THE PAST FEW WEEKS, AND IT LOOKS LIKE THINGS HAVE BOILED OVER AS SIERRA MAY HAVE JUST COST DARCY THE MATCH!
Flannery McCoy: SIERRA ROLLING DARCY BACK INTO THE RING AND SHE’S YELLING FOR DRAKE TO FINISH IT! DRAKE IS SLOWLY GETTING BACK UP, AND HE’S VOICED HOW MUCH HE HATES WINNING IN A NON-CLEAN WAY, BUT THE OPPORTUNITY IS THERE AND HE’S GOT TO TAKE IT! DRAKE USING HIS LAST EFFORTS TO QUICKLY GET BACK UP AND GRAB DARCY, DRAWN BY BLOOD!!! THE DRAWN BY BLOOD CONNECTS, AND NOW DRAKE LAYS ON TOP OF DARCY AS SIERRA GETS THE REFEREE BACK UP! THE REFEREE SLOWLY COUNTING!!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
Stephie Love: HERE IS YOUR WINNER…. DRAAAAAAAAAKKKEEEE KKIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNGG!!!!!!
Stew-O: And the Paragon adds another win to his record! Drake did exactly what he said he’d do and that’s defeat Darcy May Morgan for a second time, but in the end I think even he’d agree credit there goes to Sierra Bradford! Who knows what Darcy could’ve done once she grabbed that Specialists Championship while the ref was out, but as soon as she turned around Sierra Bradford was there, and she wasted no time taking Darcy out of this match! Honestly, I could only imagine what Darcy is feeling right now!
Jake Mercer: Wow. That’s just. Wow. I like Drake King. I remember him competing back in 1991 in one of the best deathmatches I’ve seen at the time back at LSW, but this? This can’t stand! The Dropkick Darling should not have lost like this! It’s just outrageous! The referee needs to fix this! StarrStan needs to fix this! Someone needs to restart this match and give this the ending these two deserve!
Flannery McCoy: I have to say, it’s kinda ironic. Drake and Darcy have went back and Drake has been purely against going against the rules to win meanwhile Darcy has been all for it. Now Drake won going against what he believes in, meanwhile Darcy just experienced a taste of her own medicine. It’ll be interesting seeing where we go from here, but congratulations on another win, Drake King!
(‘Ready For War’ by Adelitas Way hits and Sierra helps Drake back to his feet. Drake initially had both a frustrated and unhappy look on his face, but slowly starts laughing to himself as he has his hand raised, as he looks directly towards the camera. Meanwhile Sierra is still looking directly at Darcy, who has rolled out of the ring, both in pain and frustration over the match ending how it did.)
(HP laptop commercial featuring Rex McAllister)
(Sienna Jade stars in a PSA commercial for Child Protective Services)
(Dynasty returns and the camera cuts to inside the ring. “Smells Like Teen Spirit” by Nirvana is playing and Cage is already in the ring. The crowd is electric, which is nothing unusual. Cage is by far one of the most popular Elitists ever, and the crowd is reacting as such. The former world champ paces around the ring and motions for his music to cut.)
Cage: I don’t wanna waste any time so I’m going to cut straight to the point. This pussy Impact, this dip-shit who’s been unable to keep my name out of his mouth, has always been a dick. I know this. You know this. The whole fucking world knows this. But do you really know how much of a dick Impact really is? I’m sure you can guess but tonight Imma really put that man on blast. I got some people here tonight that got some personal stories they wanna share, and now seems like a good time to do that. So my first guest is the man who ran Impact’s first ever promotion, The Wrestling Lounge… Shane101!
(A generic sounding instrumental theme song begins to play and a gentleman walks down to the ring. Forever wrestling fans will know that this man really is Shane101 and as he gets into the ring, Cage hands him a spare microphone he’s pulled from his jeans’ pocket.)
Shane101: Thank you for having me tonight.
Cage: So how big of a fucktard was Impact during the beginning of his career?
Shane101: I’m not sure if ‘fucktard’ is the right word, but Karlisle was a bit of a ‘diva.’ The talent was obvious, and even as a rookie, Karlisle knew he was destined to become one of the greatest. His attitude and demeanor rubbed a lot of our competitors the wrong way because we took ourselves very seriously at TLW. We prided ourselves on being real wrestlers, traditional wrestlers-
Cage (Interrupting): Boring shit. Keep going.
Shane101: A lot of our competitors didn’t like what Karlisle was selling, not to mention they found his ego and attitude unearned and undeserved. He often made demands that he expected to be met, including the one time when he demanded that we fly in a barista from the original Starbucks store in Seattle so she could personally handcraft his skinny vanilla latte in front of him. Apparently he only wanted a certain amount of vanilla and absolutely no foam. Of course we flat out refused because that’s absurd, and that’s when Karlisle decided to take his ball and go elsewhere.
Cage: :wow: So the man just left you high and dry?
Shane101: Right after we had already invested a ton of money into marketing him as professional wrestling’s next big thing, the future GOAT. When no one else would take a chance on the kid, we did.
Cage: Sounds about right. From what I understand, Impact has a history of looking a gift horse in the mouth and kicking it square between the teeth. Dude also got no problem using and abusing his friendships, and treating people he’s supposed to care about like shit. So let’s go ahead and bring out another blast from the past. Demon of Death Valley, come on down!
(The instrumental theme music kicks up again and one of the Impact’s former best friends, DoDV makes his way to the ring. Cage produces another spare microphone and hands it over.)
Cage: So you two ran a promotion together called TTOW, right?
DoDV: Yes and I considered Impact one of my closest friends. He was my day one. We was tight.
Cage: But of course it fell apart.
DoDV: That relationship did and despite the fact I was the innocent party in all of the bullshit, Impact is the one who doesn’t even acknowledge me.
Cage: So what happened?
DoDV: I forget the town, but we were getting ready for a show. Imp was main eventing that night, and I guess he needed to let off some steam. He disappeared from a production meeting and we couldn’t find this dude nowhere. The show was starting and things were getting frantic and finally I just washed my hands of it. I headed back to my lockerroom and as I got closer to the door, I heard some noises coming from inside. How about I open the door and this dude is riding my fucking wife like she’s some kind of stallion!
(Cage stares at DoDV.)
Cage: Say what now?
DoDV: That whore was crawling across the floor while Imp rode her like a horse. It was the most bizarre shit I ever seen in my life and he acted so nonchalant about it. He invited me to join but I just got the fuck out of there and shut the damn door. Pretty sure he fucked her after the fact since she turned up pregnant about eight weeks later. The kid isn’t mine but I’m still raising him.
Cage: Well that’s just fucking fantastic. So we can add deadbeat dad to the list of things Impact really is because he damn sure won’t make my list of wrestling greats. You aren’t the only so-called best friend that Impact fucked over though, DoDV. I got another former friend of Impact’s here tonight to share his story. Ladies and gents… REGULATOR!
(Regulator comes out to that same generic theme that Shane101 and DoDV walked out too. He’s also given a microphone.)
Cage: You never forgiven Imp for helping destroy XWF have you?
(A sour look crosses Regulator’s face.)
Regulator: That sneaky, conniving sonofabitch pulled the wool over our eyes that’s for damn sure. Nobody’s going to deny how dirty Impact is, and the history of XWF and EAW is pretty well known. The two companies never got along despite various wrestlers competing for both. It came down to Impact having to make a choice and he picked EAW. It was a slap in the face because in my opinion, XWF made Impact into the household name that he is today. But even beyond that, the two of us were partners. We were buddies. Just the way the whole thing went down never really settled well with me, and yeah, I’m mad about it. Time doesn’t necessarily heal all wounds.
Cage: The dude took food off your table.
Regulator: He fucked over everyone who depended on XWF for their survival. His actions are unforgivable, and it makes me sick to see he’s still thriving.
(Cage looks at Regulator and shakes his head. He almost looks sympathetic for all these people who have been victimized by Impact and his ego. He looks out at the crowd, a crowd that has been hanging on every single word that’s been said so far, and chuckles to himself.)
Cage: Wow. What can I really say? Impact is garbage, not that we didn’t already know that. But hey. I got one more guest.
Flannery McCoy: ONE MORE?! Who in the world could it be?
Jake Mercer: Well… there was a rumor floating around today that H-
Stew-O: NO. There’s no way. There is no possible way she will be here.
(The crowd holds their breath and waits for Cage to bring out his final guest.)
Cage: :mjgrin: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the first woman to ever hold a male world championship, the true Vixen of the Decade, and EAW icon… THE HEART BREAK GAL!!!
Stew-O, Flannery McCoy, and Jake Mercer: …
(“Square Hammer” by Ghost begins to blast across the PA system and the fans inside the arena react in pure shock.)
Jake Mercer: HOLY SHIT! HBG LOOKS FANTASTIC! OF COURSE SHE WOULD MAKE HER EAW RETURN IN A COUNTRY CALLED HUNGARY! ?
Flannery McCoy: Oh good god.
(An older and extremely overweight Asian woman steps onto the stage dressed in a kimono. Sweet and sour sauce is smeared all over her face and she carries a replica of the EAW World Championship.)
Jake Mercer: I think she’s kinda living the past though… that’s not her belt anymore.
Flannery McCoy: It never should have been her belt to begin with but when your whole career is based off of lies, favoritism, and the fact someone else scripted your words for you, what can you really say?
(Ever the gentlemen, Cage holds open the ropes for ‘HBG’ and after she stumbles into the ring, Cage gets a spare microphone for her. ‘HBG’ looks around the arena, nodding at the reaction, and she opens her kimono a little…)
Cage: WHOA! Hold on now. Impact ain’t out here and none of us want to see that.
‘HBG’: Relax. I’m just trying to get the fried rice out of my bra.
(‘HBG’ adjusts her saggy boobs and a ton of rice falls and hits the ring. Cage is doing his best to control his laughter. Finally ‘HBG’ is ready to talk.)
Cage: Well I don’t think anyone ever expected to see you back here.
‘HBG’: Well Impact is one of my favorite subjects to talk about. Despite the fact he’s a piece of shit, he’s really the only reason why I’m relevant.
Cage: Is he? Or did he make you feel that way because he’s a manipulative asshole? It might be fair to say that you know Impact better than anyone else in this ring.
‘HBG’: Okay. Robbie is who made me relevant, let’s be honest. I never should have won this EAW World Championship that I still carry so proudly. But Impact did leave quite the impression on me.
Cage: Tell us about that, HBG.
‘HBG’: There was a heavy physical attraction between the two of us. I’ve always found Karlisle extremely handsome and we had chemistry. The second the two of us hooked up it was explosive. I’ve always had these fantasies where I was an older woman and was dating a much younger man. He allowed me to act these out and whenever it came time for us to have sex, one look at his little penis reassured me that I was definitely going to get the experience of what it was like to fool around with a prepubescent white man. Impact’s no ‘White Mamba’ if you get my drift. It’s barely the size of my pinky finger. He knew how to give me that dick though and I pretended to choke on that baby dick because he totally had this fetish where he liked me throwing up on it.
Cage: I see. I see.
‘HBG’: Eventually our relationship came to an end and Imp didn’t handle that very well. He assaulted me despite the fact we had a ton of success together in and out of the ring. He did whatever he could to keep me under his thumb but one thing he didn’t know is I had my true love on the side all the time. Robbie has always been a real man, and after fucking a child who constantly abused me and got to smart for me, it was nice to finally be with someone on my level out in the open.
Cage: So what you’re saying is that while you were with Impact, you were with that other bitch?
‘HBG’: Absolutely! It’s a theme with Impact and his relationships though. Pretty sure Sienna still fantasizes over that DDDick…
(“Can I Live” by Jay-Z begins to blast across the PA system.)
Jake Mercer: LOOK AT HBG!!! SHE JUST DROPPED HER KIMONO!!!
(Sure enough, inside the ring, ‘HBG’ has dropped her kimono and is standing in the ring wearing lingerie. She holds up the fake EAW World Championship and once Impact steps in the ring, she raises her microphone.)
‘HBG’: Hey baby. Remember when I beat you at Pain for Pr-
(‘HBG’ never finishes that sentence.)
Flannery McCoy: ‘FIST OF FURY’!!! THE RIGHT-HANDED KNOCK OUT PUNCH JUST SENT THAT OLD WOMAN TO THE GROUND!
Jake Mercer: HBG JUST MADE THE GROUND SHAKE!
(Cage has rolled out of the ring, but Impact bends down and grabs the microphone ‘HBG’ had been talking into.)
Impact: This might be one of the most pathetic scenes I have ever seen in my life. Look at all you motherfuckers standing in this ring, attempting to piggyback off of my success and get your fifteen minutes of fame. I’ve been painted as the villain my entire career; typecast and forced to play a certain role to fit everyone else’s narratives. It’s all good though because there’s a reason I’m known as the greatest of all time and that’s because what doesn’t kill me, only makes me stronger. None of this shit any of you are saying has a lick of truth to it except for the fact I did help destroy XWF, and I would gladly do it again.
(Regulator and Impact stand face to face. The staredown between the two former backstage partners is heated, but eventually Impact turns away and towards DoDV.)
Impact: We both know that I never fucked your bitch, which means I’m not the father of her bastard. You fucked your own marriage up by sleeping with your wife’s sister. It’s pointless to come out here and lie, just to get another fleeting moment in the spotlight. All of you need to let the past go, and that includes you, Shane. I was always going to look for greener pastures eventually, and that’s something you had to know. I’m a once in a life-time type of talent. That old folk’s home you ran back then could never keep me around or give me the opportunities I wanted. Sure, I have the same bullshit cliche story that everyone else does about ‘humble beginnings’, but unlike the majority of the wrestling world, I went and made the most of my talent. This has got to be the dumbest fucking shit I have ever stood around in my life and listened too, and that includes everytime I had to act like I gave a shit about what HBG was sayin’. All of you need to get the fuck out my face, and out of this ring.
Regulator (Off Mic): Or what?
Flannery McCoy: IMPACT JUST SLAMMED THE MICROPHONE INTO REGULATOR’S FACE! SHANE101 AND DODV JUMP IMPACT BUT HE FIGHTS THEM OFF! HE SENDS SHANE101 INTO THE CORNER AND GRABS DEMON OF DEATH VALLEY BY THE WRIST! HE WHIPS HIM INTO SHANE 101 AND NAILS THEM WITH A RUNNING SPLASH! BOTH MEN SLUMP TO THE GROUND AND IMPACT DRIVES HIS KNEE INTO DODV’S FACE! IMP GRABS DODV UP AND THROWS HIM OUT OF THE RING!
Jake Mercer: HE IS PUTTING THE BOOTS TO SHANE101 NOW! REGULATOR IS BACK UP AND CLUBS IMPACT FROM BEHIND! IMPACT WHIPS AROUND AND CONNECTS WITH A SPINNING HEEL KICK TO REGULATOR! REGULATOR IS DOWN AND IMPACT PICKS UP SHANE101!!! EVISCERATION! IMPACT TOSSES SHANE101 OUT OF THE RING AND HE PICKS UP REGULATOR! REGULATOR TRIES TO FIGHT BACK BUT IMPACT HAS HIM IN THE POWERBOMB POSITION! HE SLAMS REGULATOR INTO THE TOP TURNBUCKLE, HANGS ON, AND THROWS HIM RIGHT OUT OF THE RING!
Stew-O: IMPACT IS LOOKING AT ALL THE CARNAGE HE HAS CAUSED BUT HE DOESN’T SEE THAT CAGE HAS SLIPPED INTO THE RING!
Jake Mercer: WHAT’S THAT IN CAGE’S HANDS??
Flannery McCoy: THAT’S A TASER! CAGE JUST SHOCKED IMPACT AND IMP IS DOWN! CAGE KICKS IMPACT OVER AND TAKES THE TASER TO IMPACT’S NUTS! HE IS ZAPPING THE HELL OUT OF THE WHITE MAMBA!!!!! CAGE TAKES THE TASER AND BASHES IT INTO IMPACT’S HEAD!
Stew-O: CAGE MOUNTS IMP AND HERE WE FUCKING GO! RIGHT HAND AFTER RIGHT HAND CONNECTS TO IMP’S FACE AND HEAD! IMPACT IS BUSTED OPEN AND CAGE GRABS HIM BY THE HAIR AND THROWS HIM OUT OF THE RING! CAGE IS ON THE GROUND NOW AND HE IS PULLING APART THE STAIRS! CAGE GRABS IMPACT BY THE HAIR AND BEGINS TO BASH IMPACT’S FACE INTO THE STEEL! IMPACT’S FACE IS A CRIMSON MASK RIGHT NOW!
(Security comes rushing down to the ring.)
Jake Mercer: CAGE IS OUT OF HIS MIND RIGHT NOW! HE IS TAKING OUT SECURITY! IMPACT IS ATTEMPTING TO MAKE HIS WAY UP THE RAMP BUT CAGE KNOCKS HIM DOWN FROM BEHIND! HE SLAMS IMPACT’S FACE INTO THE RAMP AND GRABS HIM BY THE HAIR… PULLING HIM TO THE STAGE! HE DRAGS IMPACT ALL THE WAY TO THE EDGE AND JERKS HIM UP!
Flannery McCoy: MURDER.DEATH.KILL!!!! THE SHORT ARM LARIAT JUST SENT IMPACT OFF THE STAGE AND CRASHING INTO A PILE OF TABLES AND UNUSED EQUIPMENT!!!
Crowd: HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
(The camera zooms in on Impact who is broken and bloodied.)
Stew-O: Jesus Christ…
Crowd: HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
(“Smells Like Teen Spirit” begins to blast across the PA system and Cage is seen on camera grinning down at the fallen body of Impact. Dynasty fades to break as the crowd continues to chant.)
(Commercial break for Rolex featuring The Woogieman, because Woogie sets the standard for perpetual excellence.)
(Dynasty comes back on air and the camera cuts to Stephie Love in the middle of the ring)
Stephie Love: Ladies and gentlemen the following contest is scheduled for…
Crowd: ONE FALL!!!
Stephie Love: And it is for… THE EAW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!!!!!!!!!!
(‘Sensei’ by Datsik plays up as Osamu Arcichida makes his way out. He has a face of determination on as he spreads his arms out before making his way to the ring)
Stephie Love: Introducing first, the challenger… from Osaka, Japan… weighing in at 235 pounds… THE ORCHESTRATOR… OSAMU ARCICHIDA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stew-O: Osamu has a lot of pressure mounted on him today. In possibly what could be the biggest match of his career up to this point.
Flannery McCoy: It is a world championship match, but one thing I know is that Osamu strives not to disappoint, and I’m sure he won’t, he’s shown that multiple times in the past.
(Osamu enters the ring and goes to the top rope looking around before giving a smirk as he jumps off and begins to get ready as ‘Sensei’ fades out. ‘Ambitionz az a Ridah’ by Tupac then plays up to cheers as TLA comes out on his signature lowrider surrounded by poons acting as valets. He stands on the hood of the lowrider and raises the EAW World Heavyweight Championship in the air before hopping off and making his way to the ring)
Stephie Love: And his opponent… residing in The Poon Palace in Miami, Florida… weighing in at 210 pounds… He is the EAW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION… LA PANTERA SEXUAL… TLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Deadprez: TLA comes into this match with a lot of motivation. Starting off with not wanting to lose his championship.
Flannery McCoy: Imagine losing it before he defends it at King of Elite, I’m sure Drake King would be seriously disappointed. But who knows, we might be seeing a match and title change tonight, not taking anything away from TLA. His championship reign is starting off with a bang and is going to keep going, it’s highly unlikely he wants to let it go this early.
Jake Mercer: Look at our American hero coming to defeat Osama for the 5th time :salute:
(TLA enters the ring and goes to the top rope raising the EAW World Heavyweight Championship high in the air before eyeing Osamu and jumping off the top rope. He gives the championship to the Ref who raises it up in the air as ‘Ambitionz az a Ridah’ fades out. Each competitor prepares as the Ref signals for the bell)
(DING! DING! DING!)
Stew-O: Here we go as this title match is underway! TLA and Osamu quickly locking up as both of them begin to slowly jockey for position with intensity boiling through both of them. TLA managing to push Osamu to the ropes as the Ref runs over calling for a rope break. OSAMU SLAPPING TLA SQUARE IN THE FACE! TLA stumbles back grabbing his cheek as it looks like he’s giving a nod of acceptance to Osamu. TLA swinging at Osamu but Osamu quickly ducks under as he runs to the ropes! Osamu with a running crossbody but TLA managing to catch him in mid air! TLA looking to ram Osamu into a corner but Osamu slips out just in time! TLA quickly turns as he bounces out of the corner running at Osamu. OSAMU WITH A BIG DROPKICK RIGHT TO THE HEAD OF TLA TAKING HIM DOWN!
Flannery McCoy: Osamu quickly bringing TLA up as he grabs him by the arm and sends him to the corner. Osamu running at TLA as TLA just realizing the predicament! CORNER SPLASH RIGHT TO TLA CRUSHING HIM! TLA falling down into a sitting position in the corner as Osamu runs back. KNEE! NO! TLA manages to roll out of harm’s way. Osamu grabbing his leg as he hops out of the corner TLA waiting for him as he turns. TIGER SUPLEX LAUNCHES OSAMU ACROSS THE RING! Osamu stumbles out as he still runs at TLA attempting a clothesline as TLA ducks and grabs him by the trunks pulling him in. JUMPING REVERSE BULLDOG TAKES OSAMU DOWN!
Jake Mercer: Osamu had the advantage in the early going but TLA quickly turned it around before Osamu could meet succession. Osamu trying to stomp down on TLA but TLA quickly rolling away and pulling himself up using the ropes. Osamu running towards TLA but TLA pulling the ropes down as Osamu goes onto the apron! TLA walking over to Osamu grabbing him. BUT OSAMU WITH A ROPE ASSISTED ENZIGURI! TLA stumbles back as Osamu climbs up to the top rope he’s looking to fly! CROSSBODY! NO! TLA catches him again! TLA WITH A BACKBREAKER!
Stew-O: Osamu rolling around in pain but TLA isn’t waiting as he brings him up. BODYSLAM TO OSAMU! Osamu hurt again as TLA brings him up looking for another. But Osamu reversing it as he lifts TLA up! OSAMU SLAMMING TLA DOWN TO THE GROUND WITH A POWERSLAM! TLA sits up in pain as Osamu grabs him in a headlock position and brings him up to his feet. Osamu attempting a suplex but TLA dropping his weight as Osamu struggles to keep him up and brings him down! TLA LIFTING OSAMU UP HIS HEAD AND DOWN TO THE GROUND! Osamu sitting up as he tries to react quickly! TLA WITH A DROPKICK RIGHT TO OSAMU’S FACE TAKING HIM BACK DOWN!
Flannery McCoy: But Osamu still getting up to his feet as he swings at TLA but TLA manages to duck! TLA TACKLES OSAMU TO THE GROUND! TLA with a ground and pound now landing vicious punches right to Osamu’s skull leaving no room to breath! Osamu managing to push away though as TLA rolls up to his feet and runs up to Osamu. OSAMU WITH A BASEMENT DROPKICK RIGHT TO THE KNEES OF TLA AS HE FALLS FACE FIRST! TLA rolling to his back as he brings himself up as Osamu waits for him. GERMAN SUPLEX! NO! TLA manages to land on his feet! TLA going for a kick but Osamu ducks under and props his leg on his shoulder! OSAMU FLIPPING TLA IN THE AIR AS HE LANDS BACK ON HIS FACE!
Jake Mercer: Osamu preparing for something big as TLA brings himself up to his feet. OSAMU WITH A DROPKICK! TLA stumbles into the ropes but quickly runs at Osamu. OSAMU WITH ANOTHER DROPKICK! TLA still not faltering as he closes in on Osamu quickly. OSAMU WITH ONE MORE! NO! TLA managing to grab the leg of Osamu as Osamu lands backfirst to the ground as TLA spins the leg spinning Osamu to the side of TLA. TLA WITH A DOUBLE FOOT STOMP! NO! Osamu managing to roll away! BUT TLA CATCHING OSAMU OFF GUARD WITH A STANDING MOONSAULT RIGHT TO HIS GUT!
Stew-O: Osamu trying to roll away but TLA quickly grabbing him and grabbing him by the head. SWAG SHOT! Osamu sent right to the knee as the slap stunned him big time. TLA bringing him up as he sets him up. ANOTHER SWAG SHOT! NO! Osamu managed to block it as he goes under what is he thinking?! THE BEST NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX IN THE BUSINESS! TLA TAKEN DOWN AS OSAMU QUICKLY GOES FOR A BRIDGING PIN ATTEMPT FOR THE CHAMPIONSHIP!
Flannery McCoy: TLA KICKS OUT! Osamu sitting up as he shakes his head in frustration. Osamu getting up as he grabs onto the top rope for leverage as TLA also gets up in pain. TLA running at Osamu once more but Osamu sending him draped over the middle rope with a drop toe hold. Osamu running to the ropes as TLA is stunned. But TLA quickly moving out of the way and throwing Osamu into the middle ropes as he wastes no time bursting into full sprint to the opposite side of the ring and back. 305! TIGER FEINT KICK RIGHT TO THE HEAD OF OSAMU! Osamu stumbles down to the center of the ring as TLA climbs up to the top rope. FROG SPLASH!
Jake Mercer: NO! Osamu managed to get his knees up! TLA holding his gut in pain as he retreats away from Osamu. TLA up to his feet as Osamu grabs him and pushes him into the corner by his hair. Osamu ramming his shoulder right into the gut of TLA as TLA hurls forward in pain! TLA starting to punch down at Osamu as he begins to loosen his grip on TLA! TLA finally managing to push away Osamu but that doesn’t stop him from running at TLA who is still propped in the corner. CLOTHESLINE! NO! TLA barely managing to move out of the way as Osamu bounces off the corner once more. TLA waiting for him from behind as Osamu falls right into him! ROLLUP! TLA ROLLING UP OSAMU ABRUPTLY AS HE QUICKLY GOES FOR THE PIN!
Stew-O: OSAMU KICKS OUT! Osamu stumbles away as he turns around and abruptly runs at TLA. CLOTHESLINE! NO! TLA ducks under as he sets Osamu up! CARTEL KICK! NO! Osamu barely avoids the pele kick! TLA falls to his knees as Osamu lands a clubbing blow right to the back of his head making sure he stays down! TLA still managing to get up though as TLA pushes Osamu right into the ropes! TLA beckoning Osamu as he wants more. Osamu going for a strike but TLA ducks under as he quickly grabs Osamu from behind! GERMAN SUPLEX AS OSAMU LANDS RIGHT ON HIS NECK!
Flannery McCoy: Osamu still managing to roll up onto his knees. He looks up as TLA runs towards him. TLA WITH A KNEE RIGHT TO HIS NOSE KNOCKING HIM RIGHT DOWN TO THE GROUND! Osamu still pushing as he grabs a hold of the bottom rope and pulls himself up not giving up for a moment. TLA with a chop right to the chest of Osamu as it echoes across the arena! Osamu moves back but he quickly sends a chop back to TLA! TLA falls back as Osamu sets him up nailing him right in the face with a punch! TLA attempting to swing back. BUT OSAMU!
Jake Mercer: OSAMU LOCK! INVERTED ROLLING KNEE-BAR OUT OF NOWHERE SENDS TLA DOWN TO THE GROUND! TLA giving a scream of pain as he’s wasting no time trying to reach out to the ropes for mercy! We might be seeing a new champion here as Osamu does not look to let go! But TLA is so close to the ropes will he make it?! TLA IS A FINGERTIP AWAY BUT OSAMU DOESN’T KNOW IT! TLA! TLA HAS THE ROPES! ROPEBREAK FORCED AS OSAMU IS LEFT IN SHOCK AT WHAT HAPPENED!
Stew-O: Osamu was sure that he was going to get the win but TLA has the heart of a champion remember that. Osamu with a face of anger as he’s bringing TLA up! MUSCLE BUSTER! NO! TLA REVERSES AND PUSHES OSAMU AWAY! Osamu running at TLA but TLA quickly kicking him in the gut as he pulls him in big move incoming! MEXICAN DESTROYER! MEXICAN DESTROYER CONNECTS BUT TLA ISN’T DONE! TLA climbing up to the top rope he’s about to finish this for good!
Flannery McCoy: BURNOUT! CORKSCREW 360 SENTON CONNECTS! TLA is seemingly miles away from Osamu as he pulls himself over! TLA PUT A ARM OVER OSAMU! PIN ATTEMPT COMMENCES AS THE REF STARTS THE COUNT!
(DING! DING! DING!)
(‘Ambitionz az a Ridah’ plays up to loud cheers as the Ref helps TLA up to his feet. He hands TLA the World Heavyweight Championship as he musters up the strength to raise it up high in the air as the crowd’s cheers grow louder)
Stephie Love: Ladies and gentlemen here is your winner, AND STILL EAW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!!!!! TLA!!!!!!!!!!
Jake Mercer: Tremendous match we just saw today, 5 stars, 5 stars :mjcry:
Stew-O: Osamu put up an extraordinary fight tonight but in the end it took 2 finishers to take him down! I’m excited to see what seems to be next for Osamu and if he keeps this intensity up I’m sure we’ll see him hold championship gold soon.
Flannery McCoy: As for TLA I’m sure he’s excited that he just retained. He now moves on to King of Elite- OH MY GOD! DRAKE KING! DRAKE KING HAS JUMPED THE BARRICADE AND ATTACKED TLA!!!
Jake Mercer: DRAKE KING PUMMELLING DOWN ON TLA AS TLA IS HELPLESS IN THIS SEEMINGLY ACT OF WARNING BY DRAKE KING! TLA crawling up as he’s still trying to pull himself up Drake looks ready to end it for him!
Drake King (Off-Mic): Don’t quit your day job TLA.
Stew-O: FALLEN KINGDOM! CURB STOMP CONNECTS ON TLA SLAMMING HIM FACE DOWN ON THE EAW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!
(Drake King basks in the boos as he kicks TLA away and looks at the EAW World Heavyweight Championship and slowly picks it up with a grin beginning to show on his face. The last shot is of Drake King holding up the EAW World Heavyweight Championship putting a foot on TLA as the camera fades out)
(EAW logo buzzes.)